Assault

Assault on Precinct 13 may not be my first pick for best John Carpenter film, but it does have his most compelling soundtrack work. Carpenter's minimalist compositions, dated synths, and general creepiness would sit quite comfortably alongside these new-fangled electro-hipster bands. Get this now before it is repackaged as the cool new Gatekeeper release.

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Seven Doors

Melting people, a mysterious book, a gateway to hell, a blind ghost girl, spiders, zombies, and a happy ending. I don't know, sometimes I feel The Beyond is overrated (now you're mad,) but Fabio Frizzi's seedy soundtrack never seems so.

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Warriors Come Out and Plaaaaay

The Warriors is a Xenophonic epic set against rough and ruinous late 1970s New York, a nocturnal necropolis inhabited by stylized thematic gangs. The soundtrack evokes all the tension, angst, and afros of the film. As Cleon, Swan, Ajax, Vermin, Cochise, Fox, Rembrandt, Snow, and Cowboy encounter one peril after the next in their quest to return to their home in Coney Island, you are treated to some pulsating, funky city songs from the likes of Mandrill, Joe Walsh, and Desmond Child, among others. Put this on your iPod for a late night stroll through the city of your choice, and feel the Turnbull A.C.'s hot on your heels, or relive the moment when the Baseball Furies dropped the ball, but remember what you get when you fuck with The Orphans.

Come Out and Play

Sea of Joy

In 1970, the Australian band Tully, was comissioned to provide music for Paul Wistig's surf documentary Sea of Joy. The surfing magazine, Tracks, reviewed the film by saying "It is a world of puppy dogs and slow motion pony rides, of fish eye gnomes and laughing faces. The grown ups are very kind and every day is a holiday." That aptly describes the vibe of this album as well, a surreal Summer in the Southern hemisphere seventies. Stoney.

Joy

Mr. Show

Mr. Show was one of the greatest television shows of all time and it lasted only three seasons n the early '90s. Proof of it's genius can be seen in how many of its sketches premises have actually come to pass (blowing up the moon, goth-themed fast food restaurant..) It also launched the careers of Brian Posehn, Sarah Silverman, Paul F. Thomkins, and of course it's hosts, David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Here's a collection of musical numbers from the show.

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Kuman!

You couldn't possibly resist that custom rape van fantasy art cover, and then you see the text declaring this to be some sort of "Rock Opera," and right about now you are hoping that it is indeed a Mexican rock opera about a Tarzan-like character named Kuman, with music composed and performed by the premier Mexico City AOR/Heavy Metal/Prog band, Cristal y Acero (Crystal and Steel for our readers that failed Spanish 1.) Well, buddy, it is just that, and it is every bit as awesome as you had hoped. Cristal y Acero was the concern of the Carrion brothers, Ricardo and Eduardo JR., who happen to be the sons of Eduardo Carrion, a member of the immensely popular group Los Hermanos Carrion, the Mexican Everly Brothers. Maybe having a famous padre helped, but Kuman actually came to fruition as play, and enjoyed great success in 1984. Don't believe me? Check out this YouTube clip, it's like that episode of Get A Life when Chris stars in Zoo Animals on Wheels. Now as unappealing as that clip makes Kuman seem, I gotta say, this album has given me much pleasure, and not all of it ironic. Like any rock opera worth a glance, it's a grandiose, inflated work that melds a myriad of styles with little restraint or care for good taste, and I love it. The experience isn't even hampered by the fact that I failed Spanish 1, all the glory of Kuman's epic adventures are evident anyways.

KUMAN!!!

Der Todesking

Selbstmord für alle

Tetsuo

Shinya Tsukamoto's 1989 film Tetsuo: The Iron Man is a brilliant, fast-paced mindfuck of a Japanese cyberpunk love story. It brings a rather trite story of boy meets girl into a post-apocalyptic world of sex, violence, and machinery. Violent robotic bully ramming, power-drill penises, an amazing score of Skinny Puppy/Laibach/Jim Thirwell-esque menace by Chu Ishikawa solidify Tetsuo as absolutely genre-defining and aesthetically thorough. This rare CD compiles the best of Ishikawa's work from the original and the less captivating sequel Tetsuo II: Body Hammer. Essential.

ロボット性

Symphonic Holocaust

This phenomenal 1998 album was the result of members of Swedish neo-prog bands, Anekdoten and Landberk coming together to pay respects to the great soundtracks of horror and exploitation cinema of the '60s and '70s. Symphonic Holocaust by Morte Macabre contains mostly very loyal covers from such classics as Rosemary's Baby, City Of The Living Dead, The Beyond, and Cannibal Holocaust, and culminates in the sprawling original composition bearing the album's title. Brilliantly executed and slathered in mellotron, this will appeal to anyone interested in dark and evocative music or film score.

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I Want You To Piss Your Pants

This was originally ripped and posted by my friend Mike Desert over at his great Blog The Jerk spot, but it was too good to resist. "Last House On The Left" was 1972's most brutally ugly movie, it inspired a score of copycats (Last House At The End of The Street, The Night Train Murders, and even a douchey remake earlier this year.) Nothing can top the sheer grit and sleaziness of the original, certainly not some CGI and a new song by Mudvayne, but Hollywood can't leave well enough alone. In the legitimate LHOTL, actor David Hess is in his creepy, rapey best as Krug Stillo, a ruthless asshat hell bent on fucking up the rich people's party. On top of being the very essence of unchecked, oily sadism, David Hess also composed and sang many of the songs on the film's delicious score, even creepier. Thanks again, Mike.

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The Wicker Man

One of my all time favorite films, one of my all time favorite soundtracks. The Wicker Man pits paganism against piety, old timey religion against even old timier religion. When a stodgy protestant detective touches down on a tiny Scottish island inhabited by a community still immersed in heathen tradition, ideologies clash and ultimately faith is tested. Amazing performances from both Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee, and a smoking hot Britt Ekland. The soundtrack contains eerie folk, ribald sing-a-longs, and plenty of witchy pagan vibes that evoke the mists of Summerisle and it's strange inhabitants. Come, it is time to keep your appointment with the Wicker Man.

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Who Saw Her Die?

Starring one-time James Bond actor, George Lazenby, Who Saw Her Die? chronicles the anguish of sculptor Franco and his estranged wife Elizabeth as they unravel the secrets surrounding the death of their daughter. They uncover a shadowy world of old timey withcraft, twisted Catholicism and a host of bizarre characters. Who Saw Her Die? has a depth of emotion and characterization not generally seen in most gialli. The choice of Venice as a location is beautiful and creates a damp and claustrophobic atmosphere. Add a most unnerving using a children's choir from the master, Ennio Morricone, and you have one of the best non-Argento gialli ever made. Highly recommended. Now get the soundtrack.

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Today I Am Dirty...

Jörg Buttgereit's 1994 film, Schramm, follows the final days of Lothar Schramm, Germany's notorious "Lipstick Killer." While Lothar lies dying in a pool of his own blood he revisits his life through a series of flashbacks. He recalls his crimes and his secret obsession with his neighbor, a prostitute played by the beautiful Monika M. Despite its unflinching violence, it is a touching and sad portrait of a lonely man. Once again, Buttgereit's work is accompanied by an equally unsettling score that I wish to share with you. Today I am dirty, but tomorrow I'll be just dirt.

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Ichi The Killer

Film critic TC Candler called Ichi The Killer "A Dreadful Film Made for the Lowest Common Denominator." Well, he also lists Counting Crows as one of his favorite bands so, as you can guess, Mr. Candler is a tool. Ichi The Killer is a blood red parable about a retarded killing machine and the well-dressed masochistic yakuza who desires only to be destroyed by him. What's not to love about that? Counting Crows didn't do the soundtrack, but The Boredoms did, and here it is...

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Deep Red

Profondo Rosso was Argento's return to the giallo after a brief hiatus from the genre. Many believe it is his best film. It also marks Argento's first collaboration with Goblin. It is definitely Goblin's finest moment. Their tense and turgid death funk adds an inscrutable dimension to some of the most twisted and stylish murder scenes ever shot.

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Stunt Rock

"The Stunts! The Rock!" read the tagline for Brian Trenchard-Smith's epic 1978 film Stunt Rock. He enlisted the talents of a young LA band called Sorcery to play themselves. The plot is rambling and incoherent and is only there at all to bring rock and stunt together. I guess what happens is a stuntman moonlights as a member/pyrotechnician for Sorcery and has some trippy flashbacks about stunts and, um, rock or some shit. Though their official website claims "their stage show made people like KISS jealous!" and "some of the BEST '70s hard rock that ever came out of that era," I find this to be in the category of bad/good. Corny and dated, the kind of stupid idea that could only come about in the '70s. Stunts, Rock, Stuntrock!

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Ahhh, fuck it. Here's the trailer, but I'm only including it because of that awesome wizard.

Tenebre

Tenebre, another Dario Argento horror classic. Like most Argento work, it marries a great soundtrack to amazing visuals and buckets of gooey red sangre. I found Tenebre to be a bit confusing and unclear about who the murderer is, but who fucking cares when you get flawless cinematography, beautiful interiors and more than a few stunning Italian babes. Oh, and that funky, creepy accompaniment of Goblin conspirators Simonetti, Morante, Pignatelli. Let's not forget about that, it's why we're here.

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Suspiria

Dario Argento's most notorious work, Suspiria, isn't so much a horror movie as it is a kinetic painting slathered in blood reds, ghostly blues and nauseating greens. Every frame, every shot is a work of fine art worthy of any museum. The sets, the lighting, and of course the blood are candy for the eye. Add Goblin's funky, tense, and flat-out unnerving score and it becomes a feast for the senses, at least two of them anyways. It's enough to make you not care that the plot is a little trite and the acting is a bit stiff, and bear in mind, I am talking about one of my all-time favorite films. I'm sure most of you already know of Suspiria's many merits and few shortcomings, and are more than familiar with the absolutely psychotic soundtrack, but let's just assume for a minute that there are some people out there that have either just been born in the last couple of weeks, or have lived their whole lives with their heads in their asses.

Witch!

The Name Is Plissken

John Carpenter once claimed that he did his own soundtracks to save money. Well, fortunately for us, Carpenter's frugality makes for highly entertaining musical accompaniment for highly entertaining movies. And let's face it, if you are going to make an a post-apocalyptic epic with Kurt Russell, Isaac Hayes, Ernest Borgnine, Adrienne Barbeau, Harry Dean Stanton, Donald Pleasencene, and Lee Van Cleef, you can't entrust any bargain basement John Williams to handle the score. With Escape From New York, Carpenter's minimalist synthesizer noodlings compliment his future-of-the-'80s vision perfectly. John Carpenter prophesized that in 1997 New York would be a maximum security prison and that music would sound like the demo mode on a 1980 casio keyboard. Chilling how spot on he was.

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Cannibal Holocaust

Like any one who has seen it, I have a love/hate relationship with Ruggero Deodato's exploitation film Cannibal Holocaust. Yeah, it's unecessarily brutal, it's mean-spirited, it's despicable, it's poorly acted, it's racist, and it's cruel to the little critters, but most importantly it's mesmerizing in it's sheer ugliness. Love it or hate it, no movie has ever been more polarizing, making it an important part of film history, whether you fucking like it or not. Riz Ortolani's amazing soundtrack still fills me with the same kind of dread it did when I first saw the movie back in the '80s. Here it is to give you the willies.

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