Good news! Demon-Bone Sarcophagus is finally stumbling to a close. Files are away to the printers (though there will likely be feedback on those) and PDF editor, fees have been paid and though there may be delays with fulfilment which stop shipping until October, the book will actually definitely be made.

Bad News - I am utterly fuuuuuuucked financially.

Blame Putin. 

Also my own financial and organisational failings, VotE going out of print, our map-maker disappearing for several months without any contact, general slowness and the book being roughly eight months over my assumed timetable leading to print costs rising 40% between our first quote and our final one.

Tis truly a glorious disaster in every respect other than that the book will actually exist.

Yet the spice must flow and the end of one book means only the beginning of another. As one book is born another is already conceived, so I shall tell you now about my plans for 'Speak, False Machine', a substantial tome which will hopefully not bankrupt me (more).

SPEAK, FALSE MACHINE

test print only

Is essentially a (near) complete record of the first ten years of the False Machine blog.

"Near" because I removed anything I thought was pretty bad and anything that appeared in a different form in other books, or that is expected to appear in future books. So much of the development posts for things like FotVH and VotE won't be there.

Still its... substantial, at least in its test print version. A crown-quarto hardback with around 650 pages and half a million words.

space marine for scale

Know peace because it is not simply a chronological cut and paste with every post in order. Instead they are arranged by subject;

History of the Blog - "event" posts, these are actually arranged chronologically.

On Games; I do (or did) occasionally write about game design, broken down into 'Adventures', 'Characters', 'Gaming Culture', 'Making Adventures', 'Play', 'Time', 'Tools', and 'Worlds'.

False Readings; fiction and short stories, there were a handful of these.

Uncertain Worlds; more on the side of world building rather than just world design, 'Chivalric Encounters', 'Cryogenic Rats', 'Knights of Mars', 'Modern Heroes/Modern Monsters' and  'Fantastic Lands'.

I Read a Book; I write about the books I read, 'Culture', 'Comics', 'Fiction', 'Games', 'History' and 'Nature'.

Cryptoculture; my cultural ramblings, broken down into 'Film', 'Marvel', 'Miscellanea', 'Star Trek', 'Television', 'Warhammer' and 'Weebery'.

And finally 'Kleinplastik' where I talk about sculpture largely through the lens of minis.

ART

I am aiming for a black and white print to keep costs down. 

There are three main kinds of art in the book. The first is made up of diagrams and small illustrations which illuminate descriptions or just fill odd spaces. There are about 50 of these.

There are extensive images in the 'Kleinplastik' section, this is the only part here I worry about not having colour as many of the arguments interrelate more with colour. I was half-thinking about having a central 'photographic' section like you used to see in old books, depending on the cost.

And finally there are eight 'title pages' which I have left blank. My hope is that through the Kickstarter I can maybe get B&W images from actually-famous artists. I was hoping for Ian Miller, Killian Eng, maybe Adrian Smith? We will see I suppose.

LAYOUT

Promises to be _less_ of a nightmare than most D&D books as, compared to a gaming book, a normie book is easy mode, but still quite hard due to the sheer volume of text. 

THE EDIT

I am leaving the blog posts as they were written partly for authenticity, partly because of the huge difficulty of editing the actual contents and partly because even if I did "even them out" with spelling and layout a lot of the life and particularity of some of the more odd posts would be lost.

HOWEVER - I do want an index for the book, and considering the capacious range and strangeness of the contents that looks to be a very difficult project.

SO;

I will need;

- A layout person.

- An editor willing to take on the insane requirements of the Index.

- Someone to do black and white diagrams and small illustrations.

If anyone wants to volunteer hit me up in the comments or my email pjamesstuart at thecompanyweallknowmail.com. Work would be paid for via Kickstarter, which won't run till late in this year, depending on when DBS can ship out. Experience and a proven record of not being a flake is important as I can't live through the utter chaos of my last project again. Considering who I am immunity or indifference to being cancelled may be useful.

Peace!

Ten Years of False Machine

 Yes, at 14:50 (UK time) tonight, it will be ten years exactly since I started the False Machine Blog with this Vampire Table.

I should probably do something for the anniversary, I was thinking maybe a 'clip show' of old posts or something. 

Anyone have any ideas or desires?

The Fall of Ir

Ir! A world I made up with a bunch of other people, the details of which are described in this initial post.

What happened to it? You may ask, well, in a move typical for me, I invested a large amount of effort into it, enough to get people excited, then the workload got too much, the Kickstarter and Corona happened, and I then flaked, leaving it unfinished.

Yet we did quite a lot in that time, and if you read to the end of this post ye shall receive a link to a great PDF of the history of Ir, in 1st person no less.

Ir as a whole

(thanks to Richard G)

Irs Oceans

 Actually those are quite hard to see on a blog so here are some cut-down versions.

Central Ir

Here is the Optimate, the ancient magical empire which ruled Ir with super-magic, keeping all the nations seperate and limiting development and growth.

I had hoped that the collapse of the Optimate would create a power vacuum which would bring the different nations into contact.

Above the Opitmate is

Xingando;

"Cerberus Or "rules" and directs the current gold-hungry mercantile regime

Most power is in the alchemist-mafia Rapitauri family, who may not actually have discovered turning lead into gold but have certainly developed some other weird processes. The people not involved in the gold frenzy seem relatively normal but few of them are in charge of anything. "

Western Ir

Cut off from the eastern continent by the Reach are;

Highvern;

"Highvern is a land of perpetual winter. Notable for its continent spanning mountain ranges and mushroom forests. The Ice Queen Setra rules from the Crystal City, which sits atop the highest peak of Mount Dashantra at the heart of Highvern. A country of great decadence, built upon the backs of the goblins that mine the copper, iron, gold, and diamonds that provide its people their wealth."

The Mourgelands;

"The living may not enter the Morguelands.  Long-forgotten plague and war between its sacred cities silenced its fertile valleys forever.  Now it belongs to Zarazant, the high necromancer - and if he really still rules in Cradle after a thousand years, he must be as dead as his subjects.

The Morguelands export food.  Though much of the country is desert, when the rivers flood they leave rich farmland behind.  And they hardly have use for it, after all.

The Morguelands import corpses.  Great barges piled high with the dead are a common sight along the coast or at the mouths of rivers, piloted by grey-skinned dead halflings whose eyes glow with the same dull embers of their pipes.  The bodies of the poor are stacked like cordwood - these the Morguelands pay for.  The bodies of the rich lie in state in silver sarcophagi.  These are devotees of ancient faiths who pay dearly to be entombed in the shadow of holy monuments, that their souls might flow to paradise."

Twelve;

"Wax arks hunt for whale on the open sea. The vespid-men that people these floating cities work with uniform efficiency. They speak in clicking monotone, "We are Luminous Eleven Leg," they say. They never trade the spoils of their hunt, but carry holds of gold, teak, and acid-patterned steel, to exchange for supplies and tchotchkes.

"We are of Twelve," they say. "We are not queen. Holy Three Hand are queen." They all make buzzy sighs at once. A sign of exasperation? It is hard to read eye-rolls in their massive compound eyes.

+

There are human refugees from Twelve. Whole towns worth. Some sort of slave revolt, three months past. Most are maimed in some way. All bear cuneiform brands. Some had golden collars -- melted down to affirm their new-found freedom. "We were their herd," the refugees say, spitting. "The mistresses, Exalted Five Eye. They will come for us, and kill us all. Eat us. They will eat you, too."

The Mourgelands and Highvern both curve around the Circle Sea, separated at the top by the Pillars of Delusion.

Eastern Ir

Here in the east of the eastern continent is the beating political heart machivellian fuckstorm of Ir.

Illmora;

"The smiling green fields of Ilmora are the world’s breadbasket, and its merry flower farms provide color and fragrance, food for the spirit even in far bleak Highvern. The lucky citizens of Ilmora are led by the Merchant Princes, those three at any given time who have won for themselves the greatest riches in the land through their own ingenuity and toil. They are advised by the ageless Father-Mother, pontiff of the nation’s fertility cult. The foundation of their wise diplomacy is the expansion of mutually beneficial trade on terms of friendly peace to the whole world. They wish only to provide you the bountiful objects of your obscure longings on generous terms!

The Verdant Fleet is their navy. It serves only to maintain just defense of their merchant vessels, holding open all routes on the sea, which can belong to no nation or people, but must remain free for the visitors and guests traveling to far flung lands."

The Slug Isle;

"The Wormcourt of the Slug Isle hereby announces the coronation of Crown Ysbryda Holyworm following the voluntary abdication and tragic death of King Cerate Holyworm IV. Crown Ysbryda celebrates their ascension to the throne with an immediate and permanent end to the "Slugfood Doctrine" of summarily liquefying and repatriating all ambassadors, couriers, traders, wayward fishers, and various other kinds of foreigners, as well as indefinitely suspending the freebooter-enforced taxes on all ships in historical Slug Isle waters. Furthermore, Crown Ysbryda is pleased to announce that all couriers and diplomatic representatives are once again welcome in the halls of the Wormcourt."

Kanibalo;

"Sleek metal longships have been seen off the coasts Ulukaa and the Gronnate. The sailors, if one can call them that, for their ships have no identifiable rigging, appear to be large, black serpentine creatures with four spindly arms. Their heads are eyeless and triangular, with a wide mouth filled with several rows of small, shark-like teeth. Despite their alarming appearance, they are polite and friendly, inviting the captains of other ships to, “Pop over for a bite, dumpling. We simply have to have you for dinner.” For some reason, no one has taken them up on this yet. "

These creatures call themselves the Kanibalo, which the small-minded have bastardized as the offensive “Cannibal.”

The Great Glorious Gronnate;

"ANNOUNCING A MISSIVE FROM GRON MAXIMAL OF GREAT AND GLORIOUS GRONNATE:

[the following bellowed through a still-bleeding goat's head]

THE GRON MAXIMAL GREETS YOU WITH A HARDY CLAP AND A SMELLY KISS! THOUGH YOU ARE FEEBLE AND FAR AWAY, YOU ARE IN HIS PRESENCE, SO DO NOT BE NAUGHTY

YOU ARE BAFFLED?? ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE GRONNATE A SCREAMING GOATS HEAD??? NO, YOU FOOL, WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SHOUTING INTO IT AND THROUGH IT IN A CLEVER TRICK!

YOU ARE FRIGHTENED BY OUR BELLOWING. THIS IS NATURAL! TO ASSUAGE YOUR FRIGHT THE REST OF THIS MISSIVE SHALL BE DELIVERED BY AN ELOQUENT AND MANNERED (BUT STILL INTIMIDATING) SCHOLAR OF GRON

[an oddly-shaped man emerges from behind the head]

Hello and Thank You, I am scholar of Gron. Please contain your intimidation, it is not needed, thank you. Since time immemorial Gronnate has been greatest and best most powerful country, and in this missive I will tell you about it.

Okay I will tell you about Gronnate now: we are ruled by almighty Gron Maximal, whom you have met, via Goat's head. Gron Maximal is great and powerful, very good man, he protects us with his great army and awesome legs. Wow.

I am a Gronnite, but look out for my logic: all Gronnites are not me!! Thank you, we are in many colours not sometimes the same as yours. There are "White" Gronnite, "Seafoam" Gronnite, "Azure" Gronnite, and "Violet" Gronnite, in all kinds of gradation, aspect, and terror.

Gronnate is great military power, but we are also very philosophy, also Fine Art. In this new Age of openness and inquiring, we are send this scholar (that's me) to learn widely and teach widelier (about Gronnate) for enriching the cultural and brain potency in all our lands, and certainly not starting wars!!

In conclusion, We thank you for your time and consideration and hope you will be amenable to enriching non-military exchanges.

Love,

[screaming again] GRON MAXIMAL (via Scholar)"

Ulukaa;

"Ulukaa is a tangle of jungles and swamp. Its people are hairless, haughty, and prone to thinking they’re being insulted. Their tattoos tell their life stories and they never travel without an entourage – at least a pet lizard-man and a masked confessor priest.

The Pontiff Queen, “All Eyes,” never leaves the capital in the deepest swamp. Any Ulukans you meet are called Ambassador, their priest is called Priest, their lizard-man is called using a trill in the language of lizard-men. They offer foods, medicines, drugs and perfumes, and are fascinated by machines and clockworks."

The Unknown Dutchy never entered the political life of Ir, here the magical veil of the Optimate never quite fell and so it remained isolated from all other lands.

The Chronicle of Ir

Being a list of those events of a large scale, noticeable to all, which took place upon the known continents and seas of Ir, date by date, from the first month of the Fall of the Optimate, Oct 2019.
 
To be dispersed to the Rulers of Ir, with a delay of one or two months.

For the records from Oct 2019 to the middle of Dec -

seek our previous post!

 Our tale picks up in the middle of Dec

 
16th Dec - ASSASSINATION!
 
Ir reels in shock as Ice Queen Setra claims to have foiled an attempted assassination. Surely, she claims, the mind behind this atrocity can only be the High Zarazant. If he will stoop to such measures, the Highverners claim, what else is he capable of?
 
The Crystal City itself breaks out in spontaneous demonstrations of loyalty to the Queen. The High Zarazant is burnt in effigy. Anti-foreigner pogroms and ghost hunts are powerfully supressed.
 
 
 
  
18th Dec - The Battle for Fantibah!
 
Ir has watched in shock as the 'Rough Gut Boys' of Xingando have carved their way through northern Illmora, crushing all opposition and, allegedly, eating any that remains. Of the Great Father-Mother, leader of the Illmoran Culturefaith, nothing has been seen.
 
Now the Rough Gut boys besiege Fantibah itself and, to the shock of all, the Father-Mother emerges from their strange meditations.
 
Magic meets steel in the streets of Fantibah! The future of Illmora hangs in the balance!
 
 
 
 
19th Dec - Retreat of the Rough Gut Boys
 
Illmorans everywhere take heart as Kazlmanns Rough Gut Boys retreat from Fanibah in disarray!
 Descriptions of the magical battle are meagre, but rumours say the Father-Mother was driven to consume the Eternally Pregnant Pomegranate, a rare relic, and by sacrificing this power, cast upon the Rough Gut boys, magics so horrific that even their Steel Hearts were unable to bear them.
 
The claim is that Kazlmann has been driven mad and now seeks vengeance on the civilians of Illmora.
 
 
 
22nd Dec - Revolution! (or Subversion?)
 
The Southerly Illmoran states of Pergyrinia and Throria claim independence and effectively enter the Ulukaan sphere of influence.
 
The reasons for this betrayal are unknown. Perhaps the refusal of the Great Father-Mother to come forth in her nations hour of need? Ulukaan trickery is suspected. Statements from Pergyrinia and Throria will only say that they now follow SHE WHO'S VOICE DROWNS OUT ALL OTHERS.
 
 
 
25th Dec - DISASTER!
 
No-one is certain of its origin, but all over Ir Thaumaturgists of every stripe insist some powerful event has taken place.
 
"The land glass, the green things now of unknown metals, the stone as obsidian or as a great jewel, and no people of any kind, yet only skeletons of men, birds, animals and even the shells of insects transmuted into dark lead, lying like abandoned sculptures amidst pools of bright and shining quicksilver."
 
Reports from the eastern coast of the Northern island of the former optimate report some kind of zone of death around a formerly hidden fortress of Xingando.
 
 
 
31^st Dec - Tadaitzol Invades the Northern Mourgelands!
 
After Setras total humiliation in early Dec, all eyes passed from the northern part of the Hot Cold war between Highvern and the Mourgelands.
 
Perhaps Setra herself was counting on this, for news now emerges that, in an unprecedented example of intra-service co-operation, the Highvern Army and Navy have moved move a significant force, not directly across the Pillars, but landing somewhere in the Northern Mourgelands.
 
This army is not huge but is said to be commanded by Tadaitzol the Hegemon, wielder of the Sword of Motherfucking Destiny!

 
 

The God Jan – Year 2020

 
1^st Jan – Tadaitzols Terror March
 
Tadaitzol, the Hegemon, wielder of the sword of motherfucking destiny, begins his Terror march south into the Northern Mourgelands. No armies go forth to prevent him but the forces of the Zarazant burn all foodstuff before his march, Tadaitzol marches into a land of dead ash.
 
^2nd Jan – Gorianders Seige Engines
 
Goriander, general of Highvern boasts of his construction of vast engines of death on the Mourgelands western border and claims he will pull down the Zarazants Wall with his bar hands.
 
3^rd Jan – The Zarazants Great Wall
 
The Wall built by the Zarazants legions across the Southern isthmus is said to scrape the sky.
 
3^rd Jan – Gron School of Harbour Opens!
 
The Great Glorious Gronnate announces (via Scribe Doot who transcribes the Great Grons bellowed words) that the Gron U School of Harbour is under-construction next to their Gron Capital! Soon ships from all of Ir will be able to visit and learn ship stuff!
 
 
4^th Jan – The Mountain Witch
 
The mountain people of Highvern tell stories of a Mountain Witch who flies from mountaintop to mountaintop.
 
6^th Jan – Kurdahar the Ruthless Enters Throria
 
The Treasure Fleet of Illmora under Kurdahar the Ruthless enters the city of Throria, formerly the capital of the Illmoran province of Throria. With the province itself fallen to Ulukaan influence and the loyalties of the City split, Kurdahar must not like what he finds, he leaves within a few days, heading north.
 
8^th Jan – Cybes the Beautiful encounters Something in the Pass of Indecision
 
The Illmoran Treasure Fleet of Cybes the Beautiful encounters something inexplicable and terrible in the Pass of Indecision, a reach of ocean controlled by Illmora until a month ago.
 
What they meet, and what results is either unspeakable or incomprehensible. Tales of psychic war and cyclopean forms are told, Cybes labels the Pass ‘fallen to unearthly power’ and after a fruitless combat, retreats West.
 
9^th Jan – Kanibalo navy Meets the Gronnate
 
The extremely friendly navy of Kanibalo visit the Gron U School of Harbour – its first visitors!
 
11^th Jan – Gronnate research force enters the Optimate
 
A mighty legion of research academics and undergraduates, under former general Snavros of Gron, enters the southern Optimate on its border with the Gronnate.
 
15^th Jan – Strange Ships in the Ocean of Alien Dreams
 
Unknown vessels are seen surging through the Ocean of Alien Dreams heading east under full-sail.
 
17^th of Jan Onwards – Ulukaan Building Schemes
 
The Ulukaan government brings attention to its massive programme of building, development and ‘cultural renewal’ in the recently acquired provinces of Pergyriania and Throria, and the joy its new subjects take in the reformed worship of the Mother.
 
19^th of Jan – City of Pergyania plans to Join Ulukaa
 
The rulers of the City of Chergera, main capital of Pergyriania announce that laws currently moving through their legislature will bring them into ‘closer beneficial strategic alignment with Ulukaa’, and recommend the wonderful new Ulukaan product ‘Akhwei’, soon to be on sale all over Ir.
 
The Council of Throria, city of that province, admit that similar laws are ‘under consideration’ due to ‘matters of circumstance’.
 
20^th Jan – Tadaitzol the Hegemon Reaches the Norther Isthmus
 
Tadaitzols forces cross the Mourgelnds northern isthmus, though his troops are said to be suffering badly from dehydration and hunger.
 
21^st -Kanibalos Visit Eejisfor
 
The Friendly navy of Kanbalo visits the Ulukaan capital.
 
22^nd Jan – Kazlmann vs the Green General Round Two
 
In northern Illmora, Captain Kazlmann and his Rough Gut Boys, moving wildly and randomly since their defeat at the gates of Fanibah, meet once again with the Illmoran Citizen Levies under the Green General. Despite Kazlmanns rumoured worsening mental state, the same result reoccurs and the Illmoran levies are driven off in disorder, though the Green General again survives to fight another day
 
25^th Jan – Return of the Gronnate Optimate Research Team
 
Snavros and his undergraduates return to the Gronnate claiming they have unearthed some ‘startling findings’ and opened new frontiers into research of the Optimate.
 
There do seem to be less of them coming back than went out. Perhaps they are on sabbatical?
 
30^th Jan – Gron School of Perfumery, Pest Control and Warfare opens in Eejisfor.
 
Dr Zbagnor Azure of Gron Phd, noted perfumer and Alternate History Historical Novelist, announces the opening of the Gron School of Perfumery, Pest Control and Warfare in Eejisfor, the Capital of Ulukaa. The Great Glorious Gron bellows that this is a fine example of international co-operation in the field of perfumery and strategic studies. Dr Zbagnor appeals for students after the initial class of undergraduates mysteriously disappear.
 
31^st Jan – The Battle of the Ocean of Alien Dreams
 
Perhaps the greatest sea-battle in Irs history to date takes place south of the Moureglands fortified Isthmus.
 
While the generals of the Mouregelands are able to observe from atop the great walls most southerly tower, Admiral Eraluessa of Highvern attempts to land forces in a daring amphious assault. However, she encounters once again, her old enemy, the Zarazants Abyssal Navy, and is driven back into the sea.
 

The Gods Feb & Mar - 2020 (Unedited)

It was during the month of Feb in the year 2020 that I, the Herald of Ir, was myself captured by unknown forces.

As such, they were able to alter and amend my Chronicle to their own nefarious desires. 

What follows no is the original, unaltered Chronicle for those months.

 
6^th of Feb – Eraluessas Last Gambit
 
In a socially brave and lucky assault, Admiral Eraluessa evades the abyssal navy in the Ocean of Alien Dreams and lunges for the Mouregelands coast. She successfully lands major forces only 100 miles south of Cradle, its capital. All over Ir many believe the Zarazants days are numbered.
 
 
 
Feb 12^th – I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED!!
 
A huge Battle begin somewhere south of Cradle, capital of the Mourgelands. Settras Legions against the Skeletons of the Zarazant.
 
Twelve refuses the armies of Tadaitzol the Hegemon entry to their lands.
 
THE HERALD OF IR IS KIDNAPPED BY AGENTS OF THE GREAT GLORUOUS GRONNATE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!
 
 
Feb 13^th – They are still fighting!
 
The massive battle in the southern Mourgleands continues for a second day. Many heroic acts take place.
 
Tadaitzol marches south to join the other Legions of Highvern.
 
 
Mid-Feb – Things cool down in Illmora
 
The Illmoran theatre of war seems quiet. Troops cluster around Fanibah and the deadly killers of Xingando under the mad captain Kazlmann, seem to have retreated or fallen back.
 
 
Late Feb
 
Metal Ships meet Huge Sea-Worms in the waters around the mythical Slug Isle.
 
 
Feb 20th
 
The Legions of Highvern, apparently still fighting make a heroic last stand within sight of Cradles walls!
 
Feb 24^th
 
Details are unclear but Tadaitzol the Hegemon and Vauphiria Donkor, chief general of the Moureglands, meet in earth-shattering single combat. The magical powers unleashed are so MASSIVE that thaumaturges all over Ir wake dreaming of them. Ultimately, both parties suffer permanent loss. The Sword of Motherfucking Destiny shatters the spirit trap of Donkor and is itself shattered. Tadaitzol is dragged from the field and his army retreats north. Pursued by the Mourgelands tireless hordes.

Mar 1st
 
ASSASSINATION!!!! AGAIN!
 
Deadly assassins strike once again at Settra, Ice Queen of Highvern!
 
Settra survives and presumably seeks revenge though who sent this particular set of assassins is something she keeps to herself.
 
 
Mar 5th
 
A great academic GRONFERENCE begins in the Great Glorious Gronnate
 
Individuals from all over Ir attend.
 
 
Mar 7th
 
Tadiatizols army, reaches the coast of the Circle Sea and finds the equally-shattered navy of Admiral Erulessa arriving from the north to pull them off.
 
But Donkors massive legions still trudges after Tadaitzol from the South and Eraluessa herself is pursued by the Abyssal Navy of the Zarazant.
 
 
Mar 9th
 
A strange single metal craft arrives in the ports of Highvern, claiming to be an emissary from the King of Kanibalo on the other side of the world.
 
 
Mar 16th
 
The GRONFERENCE continues, it seems likely that the combined forces of Ir intend some expedition to the Optimate. Rumours suggest some great doom is prophesied at the GRONFERENCE.
 
 

The Gods Feb and Mar – Year 2020 - EDITED
 

And here are the disturbing alterations which my captors were able to make to my Chronicle for those months. (I was able to introduce a very subtle secret code into these communication without their knowledge, see if you can spot it.)

Feb 12^th – War is still happening!

 
A huge Battle begin somewhere south of Cradle, capital of the Morguelands. Settra’s Legions against the Skeletons of the Zarazant.
 
The Twelve, a notorious hermit kingdom, has been besieged by both sides for their allegiance. Thus far, they have kept their silence. There are whispers that they do indeed have an alliance but with whom remains unclear.
 

Feb 13^th – They are still fighting!
 
The massive battle in the southern Morguelands continues for a second day. Many heroic acts by the Morguelands take place.
 
Tadaitzol marches south to join the other Legions of Highvern. A noticeable chill runs through their army. It seems like they may be losing faith that they can defeat the Morguelandish hordes.
 

Mid-Feb – Things cool down in Illmora
 
The Illmoran theatre of war seems quiet. Troops cluster around Fantibah and the deadly killers of Xingando under the mad captain Kazlmann, seem to have retreated or fallen back.
 
Something quickens in the Optimate.
 
H

Late Feb
 
The Metal Ships of Kannibalo meet Huge Sea-Worms in the waters around the mythical Slug Isle. Reports have come from across Ir that the Kannibalo have been visiting each nation and requesting to “sample the local flavour of the populace”. Do the rumours that the origin of the Kannibalo name have merit?
 
AV

 
Feb 20th 
 
The Legions of Highvern, apparently still fighting make a last stand within sight of Cradle’s walls! Their army is noticeably smaller and fatigued. Settra may have overplayed her hand!
 
E

 
Feb 24^th
 
Details are unclear but Tadaitzol the Hegemon and Vauphiria Donkor, chief general of the Morguelands, meet in earth-shattering single combat. The magical powers unleashed are so MASSIVE that thaumaturges all over Ir wake dreaming of them. Ultimately, Tadaitzol the Hegemon suffers permanent loss. The Sword of Motherfucking Destiny shatters! Tadaitzol is dragged from the field and the remains of his army retreats north. All the while pursued by the Morgueland’s tireless hordes. The populace of Highvern, hearing of this new defeat, begin to question their current leadership. Settra’s days may be numbered!
 
Reports from the North of the Gronnate hear tell of Gron flying through the sky. How they are capable of this is unclear, though there are rumours of the Gronnate meeting “Sky People” in the Optimate who have taught them the secret of flight.
 
BE

 
Mar 1st
 
ASSASSINATION!!!! AGAIN!
 
Deadly assassins strike once again at Settra, Ice Queen of Highvern!
 
Settra survives and presumably seeks revenge though who sent this particular set of assassins is something she keeps to herself, though rumours abound that this may have been a coup from within her own army!
 
EN

 
Mar 5th
 
A great academic GRONFERENCE begins in the Great Glorious Gronnate
 
Individuals from all over Ir attend.
 
The revelry and gambling are unmatched in all of Ir and the Gods weep for all who miss this occasion.
 
KI
 
Mar 7th
 
 
Tadiatizols army, reaches the coast of the Circle Sea and finds the equally-shattered navy of Admiral Erulessa arriving from the north to pull them off.
 
But Donkors massive legions still trudges after Tadaitzol from the South and Eraluessa herself is pursued by the Abyssal Navy of the Zarazant.
 
The Gronnate school of army performs a great number of terrifying military rituals across the country in unprecedented numbers.
 
DN
 

Mar 9th 
 
A strange single metal craft arrives in the ports of Highvern, claiming to be an emissary from the King of Kanibalo on the other side of the world. Rumours continue to swirl regarding the Kanibalo’s dietary preferences.
 
SHOCKING RUMOURS FROM ULUUKA. A crazed lizardman has washed ashore on Slug Isle and tells tale of terrifying blob people that rule Uluuka through mind control. Their true motives are unclear. The lizardman shortly therafter died from unknown causes.
AP

Mar 16th
 
The GRONFERENCE continues, it seems likely that the combined forces of Ir intend some expedition to the Optimate. Rumours suggest some great doom is prophesied at the GRONFERENCe.
 
PE
 

Mar 20^th
The GRONFERENCE concludes with the formation of a four-way mutual defense pact and a resolution to stop the impending destruction of all of Ir.
 
D!

The Last Chronicle (gronicle?)

Thankfully the subtle minds of  the rulers of Ir were able to decipher my cryptic code and in the final records of the world of Ir, three vital events took place;

My rescue from the Black Hood Gang on the Island of Calder.

The GRONFERENCE, a great meeting of the finest minds of Ir which would set the strategy for their perhaps final investigation of the Optimate.

And the perhaps-final battle between the forces of Setra and the Zarazant.

More on those may be included in later posts (as this one was getting pretty long)

However, for those of a more academic bent, we are now able to present a FULL RECORD of all letters and communications sent back and forth between the rulers of Ir and their various armed forces and other groups;

(Its 112 pages of PDF)

Shintobox - a failed idea?

This is a post about a concept I was developing for 'Soft D&D'.

Intro /
Char Gen /
Crappy 1st attempt at Shinto /
Shinto in Cumbria /
A World Without Violence /
Monster Brainstorm /
Goose-Gold & Goblins /

Looking for a Mechanic 

It’s an idea which I have found does not quite pan-out. I couldn't bring it to a reasonable conclusion. Right now I'm not sure if I couldn't get it right because I'm tired and out of ideas or if just the idea itself is bad.

WHAT I INTENDED TO DO HERE

Ok so my intention with this is to help create a world in which SOFT D&D can be played.

Specifically -

- to create a world of spirits and natural forces.
- to make that method of creation a GENERATOR
- to make it modular so the parts can be swapped out for different cultures.
- to be easy to understand.
- to be scalable, so you can create the potentials behind the whole world, and narrow those down to how they effect one particular place and social situation, but also if you then go on to explore the world in greater detail - it will expand and still work.

My central concept here is a combination of the Theology of Glorantha, vague memories of Ghibli films and the personified word-aspects of The Faerie Queene (you will probably have a general sense of the 'Renaissance Fictionverse from Gaimans 'Sandman').

We imagine the powers that rule the world as personified beings, or at least potentially personified - they have a name, a coherent personality and they can appear in a form with which you can communicate. So it’s an animist world in a sense, but like Glorantha - everything is somebodies child.

This sounds more complex than it is.

Basic idea - natural things are made up of families and these families sometimes fight, and sometimes co-operate and have complex relationships with each other.

So - when you get down to the level at which I imagine the game to be played. The local woods, the local stream, those both have 'personalities', and 'parents' and those families interrelate in some way.

THE IMPORTANCE OF A LACK OF INFORMATION

Not everyone in the imagined world knows this stuff. Many know a little, or have incorrect facts which they deeply believe. Not all of it CAN be known. Different branches have different opinions on what is true and what things mean. Not all of this is meant to be discovered by the PCs, the game is not necessarily about finding these things out.

This structure exists - to provide structure, to provide the context for a world that CAN be investigated and that CAN be understood, at least partially so that investigation, and growing understanding of the game world - actually work in a real way. Not just - generating new information when someone passes an investigate roll.

As the PCs gradually build up knowledge of the world, this knowledge actually pans out and helps them decide what to do. So when new characters and new elements are introduced or discovered, they 'make sense' - they are integrated into the world structure in a way that is coherent.

Maybe you can call this a 'spiritual sandbox' or a 'theological sandbox' or a 'shintobox' - probably that last one





A SIMPLIFIED SHINTOBOX - THE TWIN TREES METHOD

I'm imagining this as being drawn on a page, say an A4 page because almost everyone has a blank A4 page handy.

Instead of 'family trees' going *down* the page, they will go *up* because I feel like this makes more intuitive sense and is simpler to develop. This way, you can say - there are two magical families which shape the local area and the base of each tree is a particular marriage of these magical beings.

As the trees grow - the branches of the families meet - interact, and have relationships with each other sometimes they are friends, sometimes they stay apart and sometimes they really hate each other.

The players village is held in the branches of these trees, right near the top, or in the middle - where the most branches mesh.

(In fact the measurable parts of these trees for now would be those branches that 'go towards each other' and meet and interact).

EXPANDING THIS FOR LATER DEVELOPMENT

These 'trees' can be expanded in any direction.

The current 'map' is only meant to show those elements and aspects which are closest to the immediate human lifeworld, easiest to understand, most likely to be encountered and have the greatest influences on the starting village.

EXPANDING 'DOWN' 

In concept this means going back in time, to the creation of the world, the 'trunks' or 'roots are actually just branches of deeper older trees.

EXPANDING 'OUT'

You can add more trees as you go on, either from side to side or at the tops and bottoms of the page and then draw 'larger scale' maps of how they interrelate.

EXPANDING 'UP' 

Ok this is some weird shit, but maybe this would mean going into much deeper detail about particular places?
Granularity, like this particular nymph of this particular pond etc etc.

RULES

When 'branches' meet - a few things can happen. they can 'marry' and produce offspring, they can touch, meaning they know each other, maybe they are friends or even don't like each other, but whatever they are doing its not producing offspring. or they can fight - or be in conflict - they are actively trying to stop each other. (or if you want to get tiered, they can produce offspring and also be in conflict).

This sounds insane but maybe it might work [future Patrick here from the end of this process - it did not].

Also - MODUALRITY

Assuming we are beginning with the 'imagine an environment' deal we can include descriptions, pictures and keywords for many different global environments. So you can start with the classic pseudo-western 'fantasy' environment, basically a pastiche of pretend middle-ages with land life and seasons more like north America.

But people from any environment and legendarium can create their own 'patches' or 'zines' for their own seasons, environment, cultures and likely legendary beings etc

Way this is meant to work is a three-pronged combination into a hex map or drawn map.




ONE - The Village - as much a social matrix as a physical one. Human-level interactions.

TWO - The Shintobox - the relations of natural forces and elements.

THREE - The Map - shouldn't be too hard to fill in from the Shintobox.

OK BUT CAN I ACTUALLY MAKE A SIMPLIFIED EXAMPLE SHINTOBOX THOUGH??

How the fuck do I do this?

do I use two trees or three?

ok lets keep it simple -  do two trees

FIRST - Imagine a place and an environment

like a land, somewhere you are familiar with, or that you can imagine deeply, created or real. Somewhere where you can imagine the plants, wind, animals, people, rivers, smells, sounds. What it feels like to be there.

THEN - imagine the two, biggest, oldest strongest and most important influences on that place.

So right now I'm imagining the coast of Cumbria, where I grew up. That one is pretty simple. It's a flat, narrow fertile plain. On one side are the fells, the mountains of Cumbria, steep, grey ,scree-sided, covered with heather and sheep, with tarns and narrow tracks and slices of mountain and black lakes hidden.

On the other side is the Irish Sea- shifting in colours like the sky, rippling with like a bed of jewels in summer, black and heavy as wet slate in winter. Where storms come from.

In that part of Cumbria - all the trees lean to one side, like letter Z s. The wind has blown them all since they started to grow and now they grow in the direction of the wind from the sea even when that wind is not there.

So - to cut it short. The two most important things in that area are the Mountains and the Sea.

Those are the roots of our two trees. The oldest strongest things - King Stone and Queen Sea.

WHAT DO I DO NEXT?

Think I need to make a list of all the natural elements  which will make up the immediate play space.

The rivers
the beach
Individual mountains
smaller hills
individual forests
moors
streams
caves
deer
owls
cows
tarns
lakes
rain
storms
the sun
fish
mines
birds

So the dominant (biggest, oldest, most singular) of these seems to be;

Rain - creator of rivers.
Scafell - the tallest mountain.
Fish.
Birds.
Caves.


>>>> after some time fucking about with a sheet of A4 and some coloured pens

>>>> and completely losing track of what I was doing and how it might work

I DON'T THINK I CAN REALLY

Or not a simple systematisable one

I think maybe the best way it to approach it from the 'other end' and to start with the village and work out from there?

Sometimes I look again at these things and I realise there’s a simple way.

TRAITORS!

Lets be honest, you're all garbage people incapable of useful or concerted action or decision unless being simultaneously terrified of, and enthralled by, a manically deluded magus-figure on whom you can focus the black energy of your churning resentment and desire.

It’s been a while since you've been screamed at by a narcissistic loon and I am, once again, out of ideas, so its TIME FOR A WITCHUNT. THE ORDO HERETICUS HAS MADE PLANETFALL.

I know full well that ALL OF YOU are Traitors, one way or another. I look aside only for a moment, and return back to discover that a 2d6 Apocalypse World roll is "essentially the same" as the holy d20, that fundamentally, what were all engaged in is "telling stories".... that system matters.


WHAT WASTE HAVE YE MADE OF THIS HOLY COUNTRY AND WHAT CORRUPTION STIRS IN YE?

... NO SEA MAY HOLD MY TEARS, NO SHORE ENCOMPASS MY SORROWS AND NO STONE GUARD AGAINST MY WRATH

Now is the time brethren, for the End Times are upon us all. Speak now or forever be confined to Discord.

HOW HAVE YOU BETRAYED THE OSR!??

FOR YE MUST KNOW IN YOUR HEART, THAT SURELY, YE HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN FROM THE TRUE WAY

Was it actually playing 4E? Are ye a delver in the corpse of that ancient and defeated God? KEIL .. WHY???

Are you hanging with Storygamers now, maybe dabbling with narrative control? RAM I KNOW IT WAS YOU, I KNOW IT WAS YOU AND IT BREAKS MY HEART.

Are you shopping like you believe in yourself on Itchio? ITS JUST BLOG POSTS YOU PAY FOR YOU FOOLS!

Are you staggering through incalculably-long threads on RPG.NET like a man who crawls through thorns, both teared by and tearing at that which restrains you? OH YE SUPPLICANTS TO THE PURPLE CITY, KNOW YE NOT THAT IN THE LAST DAYS EVEN YE SHALL BE CAST DOWN?

Have you been starting shit on Twitter and hoping against hope that a Cop or a Fascist turns up so ye may cast the bitter ashes of your heart upon them? (Actually that is pretty classically OSR, ye are forgiven for that).

Now is the time my rebellious Kine. Ye may confess your sins and face the fire, at least with a shrived soul.

(You can name yourselves Traitor but anyone naming others Traitor proves themself to *be* a Traitor Most Foul and will be deleted.)