God-Theologians of the Cyberweb

Rarely, except when RPG nerds indulge in system arguments, do we see the spectacle of the Gods themselves debating the theology of their secondary creations.

Theologians debate the nature of the afterlife. The self-styled Gods debate the nature of the Aftergame, for the mere mortal players who strut within their glass worlds. Who is saved and who is damned when the game session becomes mere memories? Is it the one who had facile, mindless fun? The one who gained Dark Insights from a touch with the abyss? The one who wrestled with an inconvenient system only to feel the character-building grace of the Rules-As-Written? Is salvation for the elect, or also for the mass-market - the 12 year old, the soccer mom? The philosophers' problem, the ultimate meaning of life, looms large inside the bottle city.

But never mind the immortal player-soul. The nature and construction of the world is also grounds for debate. These being gods, we are treated not to ignorant ideas about how the world is, but omniscient talk about how to make a world. Not "does," but "should," existence precede essence? That is,does my game say "I spend a Wealth Resource making a Power Move to open a Hierarchy Opportunity" and let the image of a sack of faceless coins thudding into the greasy lap of a functionary proceed from that? Or should the game build large concepts from a base of material grit?

Ontological debates among the gods ask not about the structure of matter but of action - is resolution by a unitary system or multiple ones? Is the monad a d6, a d20, a d10 or is there no monad at all? Should improbable but awesome events be facilitated? What are the relative contributions of fate (GM), chance (dice) and will (player)? Should heroes get a break?

It is the world-building and world-defining nature of these questions that makes geek discourse so impassioned, so theological. Almost by definition, to be a geek is to become immersed in a sub-world, whether by expanding to imagine a totally different universe of reality, or by shrinking the boundaries of obsession to cover a computer operating system. If the dialogue in roleplaying is particularly heated, pompous, intractable or obtuse, that is just the consequence of a theological argument conducted by the gods themselves.

Saints, Gods and Pretty Pictures

Thought I'd share a long-standing illustration I've been using to introduce players to the canon of saints and holy days in my original campaign world (well, original in the sense that it's yet another way to present Is-Europe-Is-Not-Europe) ...

Click, enlarge

This approach leads me to think how else illustrations could be repurposed by a world creator in need of a quick and dirty pantheon. For example, Sidney Sime's illustrations could illustrate an exotic, Tekumel-like religion ...

Not the god of square dealing

But a surprisingly good resource is the Marvel universe, in particular marvel.wikia.com searched under "gods." Thor over the years had dealt with many other pantheons, and the more obscure of these make great god-fodder for an original campaign ....

And if you can stand this level of comic-bookery then maybe you could just cut out the middleman and have your world worship one of the more obscure groups of superheroes. Like for example, I dunno, the Young Gods:

In fact, names like "Highnote" and "Splice" are just begging to be filed off, and I'm not sure how even as actual superheroes, these people can face the modern world they never made each morning. She's the sun goddess Zos, he's the moon god Elu, together they fight crime. Much better.

My Eight Favorite Petty Gods

Miraculously yanked back to life from the Plane of Vaporware due to the efforts of Gorgonmilk's Greg and a cast of dozens, the Petty Gods volume is now available for download. My own homage to Children of the Corn and The Wicker Man is by no means the principal reason to get it. Here is an Ogdoad of the most excellent, from which I had to leave aside many worthies, and some ideas for their use.

Best Dungeon Trope God: Jhillenneth, Mother of Horrors (Matt Fischer). She can provide for a whole magical-naturalist monster zoo, and stand as the end boss, to boot.

Best God for a Campaign: Azwa, God of Stone Heads (Garrett Weinstein). The perfect ominous artifacts to scatter around your hexcrawl.

Most Oddly Compelling Worshippers: Lord Downall, God of Drains (Joel Sparks). Just the cultists to fund an expedition down ... down ...

Best Comedic God: Manidono, the petty god of slackers, half-assed effort, and loose change (Erin Palette). Put him in a medallion and pop him out when some party member or another proves worthy of his tutelage.

Best Idea: The Man in the Moon, a petty god who manifests via pareidolia - the perception of faces in random objects (Barry Blatt). Best introduced through a found manuscript proclaiming his existence and usefulness.

Most Astoundingly Obscure God: Mespilus, god of the Medlar Fruit (Chris Wellings). The what? Yes, the medlar fruit. Narrowly beat out Qurgan Quagnar, god of Three-Legged Toads. The punchline to "I believe this artifact has the power ... to summon the very gods!"

Creepiest God: Nazarash the Shatterer (Blair Fitzpatrick). A human skin stretched around a rough assemblage of broken glass. Creepier still: his one and only known mortal worshipper.

Best God Mechanics: Ochlos Volgos, the god of angry mobs (Eric Jones), whose powers snowball as a result of their increasing size and more desperate actions. Surely he has a human believer and instigator, a good catch for investigators or bounty hunters.

Best Folklore God: Whisper Will, Lord of the Crossroads (Dale Cameron). Who knows that crucial piece of information? Only this guy. Now,how to coax it out of him ..

Pantheon World: Table of Priesthoods

This Pantheon is based on the conceit of a pagan Middle Ages that still honors the Olympians of Greek myth, who should be familiar or at least easier to research. Some of these Olympians, in particular Athena and Apollo, also show signs of pseudo-Christianity, for those who cannot live without churches and holy knights. Various chthonic deities are also presented to round out the bunch.

Bonus for Apollo priests: that hat.

APHRODITE - Goddess of love, desire, beauty
Chaotic Good - Weapons: Staff - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All White, All Gold, 1 Green

APOLLO - God of the sun, light, healing, music
Lawful Good - Weapons: Bow and arrows, dagger - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Gold, All Orange, 1 White

ARES - God of war, the din of battle, turmoil
Chaotic Evil - Weapons: Sword - Armor: Chain or plate
Spells known/level: All Black, 1 Red

ARTEMIS - Goddess of the moon, hunting, maidens
Chaotic Good - Weapons: Bow and arrows, dagger - Armor: Leather
Spells known/level: All Brown, All Gold, 1 Purple

ATHENA - Goddess of reason, civilization, strategy
Lawful Good - Weapons: Spear, shield - Armor: Chain or plate
Spells known/level: All White, All Orange

DIONYSUS - God of wine, festivities
Chaotic - Weapons: mace (thyrsus), staff - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Brown, All Yellow

HADES - God of the dead, underworld, riches
Lawful Evil - Weapons: battle axe - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Black, 1 Purple, 1 Green

HECATE - Goddess of witches and crossroads
Evil - Weapons: staff, dagger - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Black, All Green

HERA- Goddess of marriage and women
Lawful (female) - Weapons: staff - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Gold, All Orange, 1 Yellow

HERMES - God of Trickery, Trade, Thieves
Chaotic - Weapons: Dagger, short sword - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Orange, 1 Purple, 1 Silver

PAN - God of wilderness, beasts
Chaotic - Weapons: Staff, sling - Armor: Leather
Spells known/level: All Brown, 1 Green, 1 Yellow

POSEIDON - God of the sea, horses
Unaligned - Weapons: Trident - Armor: Leather
Spells known/level: All Brown, 1 Yellow, 1 Blue

ZEUS - God of thunder, heaven, father of gods
Lawful (male) - Weapons: Mace (rod) - Armor: None
Spells known/level: All Orange, 1 White (Lawful Evil beings are not counted as unholy), 1 Red (energy is lightning)