Reader question: How to keep a silent scene with long description from being too hard to read?

I've got two questions that pretty much tread the same ground, and what's more, it's ground I've mostly covered before. As such, I'll present both questions today:

Ceinwen asks:

I was wondering about your opinion on action direction/big print. I try to keep mine as minimal as possible while still giving the reader a good idea of what should be happening visually, but I'm currently writing an action/horror which I feel requires me to write more than I usually would. How much is too much, and how much would turn off people of interest?


The only rule is always keep it easy to read. "Too much" is a subjective term. Look at Wall-E. Over half that film is "silent" so one presumes there's a lot of description there. The trick is making sure that your writing flows. Scripts like Wall-E and Alien are know for their tight prose style - a lot of one-paragraph sentences and a lot of short succinct sentence fragments.

Since I'm always looking for an excuse to link to Scott over at Go Into The Story, I'm happy to offer this relatively recent article from him, which discusses the issue in great depth.

Long paragraphs tend to be hard on the eyes since they're single spaced. A good trick is breaking things up... as my next reader's question discusses...

Beaten by Quakers asks:

Screenwriting analysts tend to advise first-timers not to make your screenplay, and especially your first ten pages, not look like a novel structurally i.e. leave a lot of white space. However, my latest script has a dialog-free and relatively lengthy first scene.

What'd be your suggestion in making sure the description and scene action doesn't pile up into novel-like paragraphs?

I've heard everything from simply breaking up descriptive passages to make it appear more spacey to including a note on the query letting the reader know the first scene is silent.


I wouldn't include a note on the query. Let the first scene speak for itself.

As far as your larger question - always break up descriptive passages as much as you can. Use short phrases and be visual. Even if those sentences were grouped together into large paragraphs, they shouldn't "read" like something cribbed from a novel. The grammar of a screenplay and the grammar of a novel are very different, so make sure you're writing in the proper style.

Here's a key trick someone told me a while back: start a new paragraph with each new action. It really works to help pace out the beats of the scene. It's a subliminal little trick and it prevents skimming on the part of the reader. You'll find that most of the time, this will keep your paragraphs to under three lines. If you find you're still writing a lot of long paragraphs, you might want to reassess your writing style and make sure you're writing visual description that conveys what you're trying to do with a minimum of words.

For more on writing action paragraphs, check out these posts:

Choreographing fight scenes
Reader question - vertical writing

Reader question: Vertical writing

Mary Hart (presumably not the Entertainment Tonight host) asks:

Wondering what your opinion is on a vertical writing style (Alien, Wall-E) for a spec script vs. the traditional paragraph format. As a reader, do you prefer one over the other?

This is somewhat timely because a few weeks ago I had to cover two scripts that were not only not written vertically, but had really long paragraphs and were both at 119 pages. It certainly left the impression that the writers were trying hard to squeeze everything into under 120 pages. Rather than actually cut down some of their writing, they opted to squeeze as much of it as they could to get the page count down.

Bad move. That trick makes the script hard to read. The harder the script is to read, the harder it is to get a Consider.

First Commandment of Screenwriting: Thou shalt not make it hard on the reader.

Second Commandment of Screenwriting: Thou shalt leave more white space than text on the page.

Vertical writing ensures both of these rules will be followed.

I've talked a little bit about Vertical Writing before, but I didn't specifically label it that. The old adage is, "screenplays are read down, not across." The ugly truth is that readers skim. A lot. Most of us are speed readers and that's made a heck of a lot easier when the page is written vertically, as opposed to having large blocks of descriptive text.

Let me see if I can give you an example. This is description written horizontally:

JAMES BARTON (22) enters his apartment carrying a bundle of mail. He sets it on the table, including a small brown package. He hesitates. Carefully he pulls out a knife and cuts open the packing tape. Reaching inside he pulls out a silver ID bracelet with the name “Carrie” inscribed on it. He impassively stares at it, then tosses it across the room. Moving, he closes all the blinds in the living room. One by one. Without looking, he plucks a particular magazine from the shelf. Playboy. He sits down on the sofa – the magazine in his left hand while his right hand disappears towards his belt, below frame…

Obviously, since Blogger is going to make the page even narrower than a screenplay page, this isn't a perfect example, but I think you get the idea. That's a lot of description to wade through and it's probably going to be hard to skim that easily. But look at what happens when we add a lot of line breaks in order to make the scene read "vertically."

JAMES BARTON (22) enters his apartment carrying a bundle of mail.

He sets it on the table, including a small brown package.

He hesitates.

Carefully he pulls out a knife and cuts open the packing tape.

Reaching inside he pulls out a silver ID bracelet

The name “Carrie” inscribed on it.

He impassively stares at it, then tosses it across the room.

Moving, he closes all the blinds in the living room. One by one.

Without looking, he plucks a particular magazine from the shelf.

Playboy.

He sits down on the sofa – the magazine in his left hand while his right hand disappears towards his belt, below frame…

Did that read better? It certainly looks better on the page, and it’s a lot easier to skim.

This also means that it takes up more space, so writing this way is a great way to force oneself to be sparing in their descriptions.

As a reader, I like the vertical writing style. I don't think there's anything wrong when a paragraph has to be two or three lines, but vertical writing is a helluva lot easier to read quickly and still retain everything.

So to answer your question, Mary, yes, I absolutely prefer vertical writing.