D2R Update & Class Spread

Diablo 2 getting DLC 25 years after the fact is not something I was expecting any time soon. More interestingly was the class they decided to add; the Warlock. While I haven't played it myself (given that Blizzard has lost basically all good will), I think the general design of the class is interesting as it really does attempt to fit into an archetype not present in base Diablo 2. But how true is that, really? This got me thinking about "Classes" in games, the fantasies of playing these characters, and the "spread" of fantasy archetypes and fiction each class can possibly represent.

Art @Blizzard

Diablo 2 LOD is already pretty hard to beat in a full spread of all classic fantasy archetypes. Not just from the base classes; but with their expansive possibilities within their skill trees. The Barbarian is probably one of the least "open" of all the archetypes, but does a good job representing the classic barbarian. Notably absent from the lineup is the standard fantasy fighter; which is kinda soaked up by Barb, Paladin (who covers the heavily armored Knight archetype), and Amazon. Amazons are probably stretched the most thin; trying to cover the dex fighter, archer, gladiator, and "lancer" type characters. The Assassin kinda covers the Rogue archetype, as well as Monk with martial arts, and even crosses into Artificer a bit with the traps; but that's more of a support or setting feature with its focus on finding magical gear and the Hoardric cube kinda making everyone the "magic crafter artifact hunting" guy.

As for magic; Sorcerer covers the basic blaster and elementalist Mage, the Druid is just a druid but does a good job of covering the beastmaster hunter type, nature magic, and shapeshifting types all in one. Necro is interesting is as he covers the classic Necromancer with minions fantasy (rare before this game in my memory; and not outdone often since!) but also has curses, poison, cold, and "bone" magic making a nice witch-like kind of archetype to go with it. My own extremely small nitpick? I thought it was interesting has Diablo 3 kind of intentionally got rid of the Necro in exchange for a more flavorful and specific Witch Doctor "voodoo shaman" type archetype; still having the minion summoning, curses, and offensive magic especially playing with corpses. Then they went and added Necro to Diablo 3 anyway as DLC for nostalgia bucks. Oh well.

While somewhat broad, this spread of classes is really solid. It covers pretty much all of the fantasy archetypes you could want in a game or world to explore; while a few obvious omissions exist like the classic arcane magic Wizard, that's folded into some other archetypes (Sorceress, Paladin) and no we aren't saying the Sorc represents a Sorcerer and Wizard is distinctly different; I hate that shit. As said above, it also is missing a bit of the classic fantasy sneak-thief Rogue type, but is mostly covered by Amazon and Assassin.

Naturally in a game like Diablo; a demonologist is a bit of a dark class and not usually something you'd think of as being playable. I distinctly remember thinking how mature and dark Diablo 2 was letting you PLAY a Necro in the first place, always feeling a sort of rebellious glee playing on instead of the more noble Paladin or other classes. However; the Warlock's skill trees do fill a sort of role the other classes don't. The more "occult" and arcane magic caster compared to the elemental Sorc, the conjuration/summoner archetype independent of necromancy or beast summoning, AND it covers the "melee fighter using magic to enhance their attacks" bit you see in high fantasy from time to time. Battlemages or the Pathfinger Magus is an interesting though niche archetype not really present in Diablo 2; minus Enchant on Sorc and maybe Amazon or Paladin with their buffs, but that's a bit different then a guy levitating a sword. Interestingly; the blasting magic is still more fire or poison related; not non-elemental just "magic" damage, which is think is one of the few archetypes still not well served by a single class but instead splashed around in a spattering of all the classes.

But speaking of which; I had the thought to include a bunch of fantasy archetypes and classes and wanted to see what's missing from Diablo 2. I'm sure there's ten thousand pages on all the possible fantasy archetypes you could do; I'm just gonna go with my gut for this one and try to hit the high notes and say if I'd add them or not to D2R as some kind of armchair setting-agnostic game designer. If they want to make Diablo 2 a updated live service "forever game" then here are some possible additions.

Classes already in Diablo franchise; 

Witch-Doctor- Gonna be a "no" from me. As above, already overlaps strongly with the Necromancer, now even moreso with the Warlock inclusion covering both ends of the dark magic spectrum.

Demon Hunter- I'm honestly surprised this wasn't the new class added to D2R if they were going to add anything. I'm not familiar with how they work really; but I know they're a sort of Van Helsing monster-hunter type character. Depending on the implementation and skill trees; this could be a big yes from me and probably the thematically strongest class you could add that doesn't step on the others too much. Closest parallels are Amazon (which you could honestly sidestep a lot by just making the Witch Hunter a male), Paladin (who is more holy magic then monster hunter with silver bullets and witcher sword-oils), and Barb as a generalist non-magic fighter. I'd actually really like this class but if they go with the "default" look being the two crossbows thing it might be a little bit too "Renaissancey" and steampunky for Diablo 2. Mostly I think another kinda-sorta Ranger themed class with a bunch of monster hunting skills, maybe powerful single target marks/curses and some alchemy & traps as a support tree would be a good fit that doesn't overlap with the other classes too much.

Monk- Gonna be a "no" again, once again, overlaps with Assassin. I want to quickly note that there's a tradeoff here thematically: Diablo 2 especially gives me a sort of medieval fantasy D&D-esque vibe that the newer games lack, but it's also a very multicultural sort of "globe trotting" type of game; where you go to the desert where all the paladin holy knight brown people are from, and you have the Asian-esque Assassin ladies. It's not unthinkable to imagining a Wushu monk chi fighter type; but at the same time including it takes away somewhat from the sort of sword and sorcery kind of vibe. Also I think Diablo especially (ARPG hack & slash loot grinding gmae) doesn't gel with an unarmed combat master type. You either have to give them fist weapons or have some alternate forms of advancement to make the gearing meaningful and interesting; which is something the Assassin already solves. Hence, a No.

Rogue- Diablo 4 and 1 both had one, just D2 skipped it. This one I'm more on the fence about. I said above we really don't have one in the game that's covered by the other classes; but it's also thematically weaker then the classes that pick up its slack (Assassin, Amazon, maybe Witch-Hunter if that gets added in our hypothetical example) so I'll give a cautious maybe.

Crusader/Wizard- Gonna be a no, just different names for already present classes in D2.

Blood Knight/Tempest- As much as I want to just totally ignore and write off the Diablo Immortal classes; Blood Knight is extremely thematically cool, but too similar to its opposite (Paladin) and Necro in my opinion; and especially overlapped now with the Warlock. Very close to a good class though. I don't even know what a "Tempest" is and I don't care.

Spiritborn- Lol no. Even if it was retyped as a Shaman; it's thematically too similar to a Druid just in aesthetics to make the cut. If it's too weapon and combat focused, then it's a lot like a Barb, and too occult then it's too much like a Witch-Doctor and overlaps the Necromancer and/or Druid again. Even Amazon could cover this class if you focus more on the gifted natural huntress/dex warrior type of thing. Pass on this one.

Now, let's talk about possible archetypes missing from Diablo 2.

Ranger- Bit of a rough start. Rangers I think are really thematically cool; especially given the possibility of an animal companion summon which they can only get one of but keep throughout their journey; perhaps a bit like an Iron golem (but they enslave a beast? the same way a warlock enslaves a demon?) and once again we lack a lot of bow-focused classes imho. But the problem is the Amazon. The Amazon really thematically overlaps with the Ranger in most ways; the huntress, a little magical but not really, and a dex-based fighter kind of look. The only thing missing is the animal companion which is an unfortunate sacrifice, but it'll be a no from me.

Scout/Hunter/Archer/Elf etc.- I'm adding this here to not make the Ranger paragraph too long. Basically Rangers are weird; you have the sort of archetype of Aragon (with his cloak up only), a bit of nature magic, a bit of the WoW Hunter, and the animal thing. These archetypes I feel are too similar to the Amazon once again, it's just a gendered version of these. I do think adding an Elf & Dwarf class like we're playing OD&D after 25 years of Diablo's worldbuilding would be extremely funny however.

Witch- I really like a good witch. PoE's Witch is a decent enough version of this type of class, but kinda only works in that game's schema with its three pure/three hybrid stat system. The problem is the overlap with Necromancer (curses & dark magic), Warlock (even more dark magic) and Sorceress (for all other kinds of magic). Even trying to got the more Satanic Wicker-Man type magic user now you start stepping on the Druid. It's also harder to squeeze given its gendered name; if Diablo 2's Sorc was a generic male fantasy Wizard, I think you could maybe stomach this, but as its stands it just has too much overlap unfortunately.

Rogue/Thief/Acrobat- Same issues as the Rogue labelled above. Really thematically cool, and kinda missing from the D2 Roster, but we have overlap with the Amazon, the Assassin, and the Demon Hunter/Witch Hunter if we decide to add that too. Keep it as an easter-egg continuation of one of the Diablo 1 classes fallen from heroism, one of the legendary "proto-classes", but not one of this game's slightly more flavorful but not too culturally specific so it has wide appeal sort of archetypes.

Artificer/Gunslinger- As stated above; Artificer is an in-between and possible support class that kinda falls flat when it comes to this setting. Given everyone uses and has magic items, everyone sockets their own runes and makes their own potions and the like, and the Horadric cube is a thing, this class kinda isn't as thematically interesting. While you could justify this class having any role or using any spell with magitech; I think it doesn't fit well with Diablo's gothic fantasy artstyle and vibe. While it doesn't overlap with any other classes in a bad way other then maybe Sorceress (high fantasy wizard) and Warlock (dark occult wizard); I don't like this here for personal taste and we have a better one just below. Assassin traps are about as far as we should go down the magitech line, so no steampunk or magic guns either.

Alchemist- This is one of the big ones. Alchemist is a hugely thematic class that doesn't fit any of the other archetypes. If the Warlock wasn't in Diablo 2 now as the arcane/occult magic user; I would say it's even stronger as a sort of general "magic" class that doesn't rely on Elemental magic, dark magic, or nature magic; even more thematically unique if Trap-Assassin didn't exist. The only issue with this class, the large amount of potions present in the game already as standard healing and plot-relevant items; could easily be smoothed over by simply naming these types of potions as something else. The Alchemist just makes short term "concoctions" and "tonics" instead of regular "Potions" anyone can pick up and use and make in the Horadric cube. You even have some possibility for group wide buffs NOT from a Paladin's aura here, which I think would be extremely cool as a secondary sort of "support" class. If Necro didn't have golems they would also be a shoe-in for a summon tree here too; Iron Golem is like a perfect Alchemist theme'd summon. Otherwise I think a class who maybe has a meta element (like consuming gems or runes for powerful temporary buffs) would be unique, and can specialize in those otherwise useless throwing potions people use in Act 1 normal before they have a build that does anything would also be cool.

Adventurer/Grave Robber- This is where we're getting really close to something viable. A sort of low to non-magical fighting generic "adventuring" jack of all trades class, but not as thematically potent or specific as the Amazon. Lacks setting-specific elements so can kinda insert your own ideas and personality into the fantasy, but has wide enough gameplay implications to be made into a whole class. It's just ever-so slightly beaten out by a slightly more thematic barb (being the "Fighter" version), and our ever-reliable Amazon. We also have a slight bit of a disadvantage making this class unique given Diablo 2 kinda already relegated the role of a scrappy resourceful class that "finds extra items" to the Barbarians scavenging abilities (find potion, find item, etc.) so we kinda have to surrender this one. But we're getting close.

Bard/Jester- Now THIS is a new archetype. Follows the sort of dex fighter/rogueish thing we don't have much of in Diablo 2, but with a magical twist. Similar to our alchemist idea above; could be an interesting secondary support class to expand that role from the Paladin. Musical spells that grant short term but strong buffs are interesting, though essentially the same thing as battle cries. Maybe they could have an instrument off-hand weapon that appears on their back. Character wise I think this would be really cool but am in two minds about it. On the one hand; a good aligned, happy-go-lucky wise cracking bard type would be really unique for Diablo 2 as most of the characters there are really serious and dour. The whole setting has a dark fantasy/gothic sort of tone, so you'd have to use the bard's humor or whimsy sparingly. On the flip side, theming this more as a slightly crazy quiet masked Jester type is almost exactly in line for Diablo's setting; but this starts to creep into the Assassin's zone if you focus too much on the illusions, stealthy assassination, or lethal attacker type archetypes. Bards do have some overlap with the other classes mechanically; specifically Paladin & Barb for support, Amazon for general weapons or ranged/dexterity focus, and Assassin for some possible skill inspiration, but I think a generalist "adventurer" type class flavored as a bard could really pop. I'd give it a unique class identity by giving him a town portal & identify spell you can get early on, meaning you can clear up inventory space for charms which I think thematically fits for a Bard. However one issue you have with these types of classes is without an obvious source of minions to summon to support, supportive or aura builds seem kind of pointless outside of multiplayer. As a fix and another unique class feature; maybe let this be the class that can have two mercenaries instead of one. I know that's a huge change that probably wouldn't fly given everything else, but given Diablo 2 being a bit more "oldschool" in game design and experimental, allowing these things to put forth the class fantasy, I think it'd be a really interesting gimmick to try and design around as essentially being the most charismatic and "personal" summoner class; the summoner just getting two hirelings instead of one.

Cleric/Priest/Oracle- Don't write this one off immediately. While it's easy to say "yeah that's a Paladin" there is a few small differences between them that could be interesting. More caster focused maybe even with holy minions; but now we get into the inherent issues with Diablo's worldbuilding and tone where being able to summon Angels who always seemed to be the most powerful, coolest, and untouchable NPCs would likely ruin their mystique a bit. Plus Paladin does most of the supportive roles that a Cleric could have; but a White Mage type holy magic or spiritual healer does have some potential; it just overlaps a little bit too much with the Paladin, Druid, and other classes. Diablo does kinda let you play classes as multiple archetypes on a spectrum; so your Paladin can be more of a Cleric wizard/fighter hybrid with magic or pure fighting prowess. If we have the Bard idea included above, then this one is surely dead in the water as all its possible outlets are covered. 

Wizard/Magus/Battlemage/Illusionist/Enchanter- Covered by Sorceresses, Paladin, Amazon to an extent, and Bard if we include it. I would say there is a small potential here before; but once again with the inclusion of the Warlock, we kinda have our battle magic caster. Most dark wizard types besides Necromancer we already have covered well. Specifically for illusionists; while enchanting/mind controlling magic in this regard is somewhat unique, it's a bit too limited for a full class with multiple skill trees and once again overtaken by Sorceress and Warlock (and Bard). Magic archer is also straight out with Amazon.

Ronin/Samurai/Duelist- Unfortunately overlapped too much; at least in gameplay. While a serious katana wielding fighter from a far away land is kinda open in this class setup; it's gameplay of highly mobile dex fighter is covered by Amazon and the eastern influence is covered by Assassin. Barb covers the more traditional Fighter role. This one is unfortunate because be kinda don't have a light sword wielding archetype; besides Paladin with shield. Obviously multiple classes can use swords, but it's more sword & shield with European style longswords less katanas parrying and slashing through enemies with precision. We're going to have to just leave this archetype behind imo

Knight/Juggernaut/Pure Tank- Regrettably, a heavy armored warrior is already covered both Paladin & Barbarian in both directions. It's pure fighter again; but this time its more of an artstyle thing. One of my favorite things about classic Diablo 2 in this regard is how it did the graphics for classes as you equipped heavier and heavier armor. So a Sorceress remains kinda sleek and magical-y despite wearing super heavy plate mail. This is also because of the game's own individual eccentricities; with so many pieces of equipment not being class locked means you really can just use swords or the best armor on any character you want, even characters usually locked behind class restrictions. As such, this archetype is more of an aesthetic one and not belonging as a class.

Abomination/Beast/Monster Race Class- Another regrettable one; the possibility behind a "good" demon being playable is interesting but I think would sabotage the overall vibe of human heroes overcoming the forces of Hell which is so core to Diablo's theme. Plus the gameplay of raging warrior is covered by Barbarian, the Druid's shapeshifting form, and thematically by Necro & Warlock being the "bad guys fighting for good". I do think if we included the Alchemist in the above example I'd wanna give them a "turn into a Gargantuan" shapeshifting form like a Druid; not only gives some fun possible class overlap but thematically hits the beat of inhuman monster that's not an animal. I also really like Gargantuans as they are one of Diablo's "weird" monsters, like Quill rats, that are very memorable and setting specific. So this one gets a pass too, with some caveats.

Conclusion
With the Rise of the Warlock DLC, there is an opportunity for Diablo 2 to get more classes and possibly cover all the big and popular fantasy class archetypes missing from its lineup. But how many of these archetypes are actually missing? Only a few; and even those are nitpicks. Still, I think in a perfect world, we'd only get a few more that are thematically very distinct from the others, and preferably keeping the number odd so the Barbarian can stay in the middle right above the campfire. It's tradition at this point.

So my dream classes added to D2R in the future? Just the Warlock and then the Bard. These would be the strongest ideals that don't overlap with the class-fantasy of the existing classes too much while being distinct and having the most gameplay opportunities and make the classes a nice solid 9 as an odd number. If we absolutely had to make it ten, throw on the Alchemist. Any more then that and we've gone too far and will start to dilute the other classes too much. This is just my opinion, and who knows what Blizzard will do. My only prediction is they will continue to charge 25 dollars for each lmao

[Vagueposting] Wugs are my new favorite

So recently I did something I normally don't do; and that is look at indie RPGs coming out. Lands of Eem was one such game. Personally, I don't really vibe with the overly nice, colorful, or "cute" type of games like this based on art style and approach, but I think the design of some of the creatures and races are cute. Nothing too remarkable; UNTIL I got to the Wug.

I fucking love Wugs. Just the name is perfect for what it is. But there is another reason. Archetypal fantasy races tend to fall into categories. Elder Scrolls Elves and Tolkien Elves are very different from each other but still feel "elvish" due to a similar overlap of commonalities and cultural traits. Same goes for Dwarves, Gnomes, and a few others. But what about "that" creature?

I don't think it's at all the creator's intention; but to me the "Wug" is kinda the perfect, archetypal name for this "kind" of fantasy creature. The intelligent, usually good natured race of kinda dumb, big, kinda animal person that isn't a furry but isn't an enkidu-type hairy beast man creature. It's that final last category you really see on the "Big Five" table of races; the "gentle giant" types who oust the human as the tallest and strongest race, but tend to not be as capable of agility or spellcasting type of things. Sometimes Half-Orcs fill this role too, but it kinda has its own specific baggage.

It's hard to describe, hence why this is a Vaguepost. I'm also going to be excusing myself at crediting the artists, because there are just so many pieces of commissioned artwork and AI shit I have to sift through to find what I'm talking about; sorry.

This archetypal role is often named something else, but the names never fit perfectly. Sometimes they're Bugbears but I hate that name, both for the weirdness of being goblins but big(?) but not being green??? And they aren't part bear or bug at all??? I know fantasy games have tons of folklore names turned into species which don't make sense but for some reason I just do not like this for "bugbears" at all.
Sometimes people call them troll/ogres but that's usually a monster. And if you make them dumb and lovable it takes away a lot of the mystic wilderness that a big scary troll (that's smart and can talk but just lives under a bridge and eats people instead of working a job and paying taxes).
Sometimes they are firbolgs, but firbolgs have their weird different mythological connotation and doesn't really roll off the tongue as well.  Plus you got that one weirdo who is like "firbolgs aren't cow people they're scottish giants!!!" as if a single fucking person EVER had the specific intention to use a "firbolg" in place of a generic giant encounter in their game ever in the history of D&D other then because it had more hit points.
Sometimes they're Goliaths but Goliaths are weird D&D invention and usually more humanoid.

We need a name for them. The issue with making up new weird fantasy names is they have no cultural background. That's why it's easier to make your own elves and orcs and goblins, but if you make yours too weird they cease to be that fantasy archetype and fall into the scrimblo-bimblo worldbuilding discourse. It's not that you're not allowed to do that but nobody else will want to interact with it on face value because they have zero cultural overlap with your vision. But this "kind" of creature I feel is just right for the cultural overlap zone; just iconic enough with enough examples and relevance it could be codified into a "thing", like when kobolds went from little men sprites to yappy doggish things into little dragon-minions and before they became a sex thing; they went from this vague soup of "have your own interpretation" into "everyone draws them like this now". Critical Roll tried with its Firbolgs but I don't think it was super successful.

Now I want to make it clear I'm not delusional enough that my own ideas for Wugs, nor do I think "Eem", have the cultural staying power or memetic potential to overhaul this entire fantasy archetype the same way kobolds did. But I feel like there is something to this archetype that is still in its larval stages; All Elves are Legolas, all Dwarves are Gimli, all Wugs(?) are... Torbek?

The hairy, tusked, big-man who is not an orc and is connected to nature but is not a troll or giant or god forbid a satyr; perfect to fill the spot of "human but stronger" without being an off-shoot orc or stepping on the toes of dragonborn with their dragon and elemental aspects or orcs and their "dark mirror to humanity" aspect or gnolls and their savage beastfolk aspect which is also not a furry but has elf ears and shows up all the time in fanart as some weird thing? 

What is this stupid fucking kind of creature called!??!? It's a WUG! It's PERFECT!

10 Low-Fantasy Bandit Gangs

Art @Ben Bauchau

[1] The Dog-Faced Bandits
Group of bandits who wear cloth masks, stitched to resemble dog faces. Most of them aren't actually that ugly. Mostly deal in capturing people and ransoming them back to their families- they target nobles and the children of wealthy merchants; low born captives are simply killed instead. Most of them carry a mancatcher as their main "weapon", otherwise, they are armed with cudgels or short bits of chain used to flog disobedient captures- they are in the business of kidnapping, not killing.

Their leader is an insanely tall, skinny middle aged man. He's like 7 feet tall- +1 to Attack, Damage, AC, and HP. Paranoid- keeps his own tent and private treasure hoard boobytrapped. The big scar on his face from one of his own boobytraps. He's proud of this- because he claims that nobody else could have given it to him.

[2] The Savages
These bandits dress up tribal garb, feathers, and untanned animal skins over their armor and other gear. Often wearing face-paint, they go into battle hollering and screaming. Good tracking and survival skills- but mostly subsist on attacking travelers and caravans moving through the patch of forest they call home. Don't use bows- but are quite skilled at throwing javelins. Very superstitious around magic or signs- only attack groups that they deem auspicious.

Their leader is a androgynous child which they claim to be their God. They bring all their tribute before them and consider any they touch to be special and put aside. This is all a farce. The true leader of the gang is a nearby wealthy merchant who pays this gang to pretend to be a bunch of jungle savages and worship a kid, an ex-pickpocket from the city, all as performance to throw off his involvement- these "savages" very conveniently always let their captives go and never seem to find any "omens" telling them to attack the merchant leader's trade goods on route- it wouldn't take much to put two and two together, but the local authority is definitely fooled.

[3] The Dreadful Skeans
Terrible reputation. Group of murderers and cutthroats that wear all black, use knives, and are known to torture now and then when it suits them. They will kill literally anyone for money- children, women, holy men, doesn't matter- if you pay, they'll end them. Their calling card is leaving a bunch of body parts out in a public place or on the doorstep of the closest family member of their next victim. Most of the recruits from this gang were extremely desperate; but stay after being able to live out their most evil of desires on their hapless victims.

Their leader is an absolute psychopath. While once being at least mildly respected assassin-for-hire has lowered their standards (and prices) just to kill more people that he's becoming a nuisance to the local criminal underworld. After betraying a recent contract-owner and killing him for criticizing his methods- nobody wants to work with the leader any more and high bounties are being put on their capture or destruction of this terrible gang.

[4] The Sunshiners
Mostly known as a bunch of drunks. They rarely actually do the whole "bandit" thing. So named because of their special brew- a local honey mead recipe with a bright golden color- is what they spend all day making and drinking. Most of them are overweight and fight with big wooden quarterstaves and mallets- prefering nonlethal options. Most people who get robbed by them report it as being a pretty pleasant experience- they'll take your stuff but leave you with a great story.

The leader of this gang is a golden-haired fat man with a musical laugh. He really regrets the life he's begun here and wants the gang to go straight- just a little land with enough space for an apiary and brewery is all he would need. Most surprisingly- they actually would go straight if offered the chance.

[5] The Longhairs
Group of rebels and ne'er-do-wells who just so happened to all have long hair when they got together. Originally they were going to call themselves "the destroyers" but this name stuck, now it's kinda become their identity. They use standard weapons and light armor to mostly not get in their way of their quick smash-and-grab style of robbery. At least one nobleman's daughter is hiding out among them pretending to be a man so she can have a taste of freedom- though now finding herself trapped among a bunch of killers in way over her head. Only reason they've survived this long as a group is because a bunch of bounty hunters kept chopping off women's hair and presenting the locks to the local authority to try and collect the bounty money- now they're requiring heads with the hair still on them.

The leader of this gang is an ugly little man who keeps his hair in a top knot. Has a spear taller then he is that's painted yellow and has killed five boars, or so he claims. He wants to learn how to breathe underwater or at least through his ears- will keep any wizards or sorcerers he captures alive and will let them go if they teach him the trick.

[6] The Hand
Bandits without a face or calling-card; they act more as a secret society that terrorizes the local populace. Essentially, they trade favors for favors. If you do something for them, they'll make something happen for you. Many men have delivered packages or stolen objects, left them hidden in hollow logs, and just a day or two later the husband of the women they fancy is suddenly found dead. Actually finding out who is organizing this group is extremely difficult- everything is kept as secret as possible and many locals are involved in some way, getting blackmailed into secrecy else their own participation will be revealed.

This gang has no actual leader; it's only a group of people who trade favors for favors. If you send in a letter requesting something be stolen; you'll get a letter back from someone who would be willing to steal it, but only if you do this for them, and so on. All it would take is one request not getting fulfilled to make the whole organization come crashing down.

[7] The Great Riders
Group of raiders who go after small towns and wealthy farmers. Probably the most dangerous and effective out of all of these bandits, simply because they ride horses. Not too good at shooting on horseback- mostly prefer to throw burning torches on your roof and run away if you don't give them everything you own. They're lucky enough to have found a hidden mountain valley with good pastureland and drinking water for their beasts not too far from here.

Their leader is a knight. Like, with armor and a title and everything. His lands were beset by banditry and then hit with a bad famine- decimating his serfs and putting him deep into debt without any taxes to collect. The only person well-off was the current bandit leader- so he decided to just become the bandit leader instead.

[8] The Iron-Knuckles
This gang of "bandits" mostly just stick to the city and the back-streets. They punch each other in the head all day and have become unreasonably strong- granting them all a bonus of +1 AC, but are quite poorly trained with actual weapons since they usually just go unarmed- meaning they have -1 to Attack rolls if they're using weapons. Otherwise, stat them as a group of lvl 1 Monks. Despite how troublesome they are and how many people they robbed, the fact they haven't killed anyone has really slowed any progress in bringing them to justice.

Their leader is a woman- who wants to prove she is as strong as any man. She also cheats like an absolute bitch. She has iron rings under her hand bandges, iron splits under her clothes for protection, will throw dirt in your eye, etc. If you manage to beat her in a fair fight she'll step down as the leader and let you become the new one if you want- or disband the group under your order. Despite their rough nature; this group is still held by some standard of honor.

[9] The Nine Black Hooks
Known for their symbol- which is any piece of fabric with nine black hooks drawn on it. The leaders never came up with an exact order or pattern for these; so all the bandits just kind of have random hooks drawn all over their banners. They have a fortress in the hills with high walls- and all around the base of the fortress are sentries who are captured men from their raids. These men have a collar around their neck that's tied to the posts along the wall of the fortress, meaning they can't leave, and each is armed with a spear and is ordered to stab anyone who comes close; else they'll pull the rope and choke them to death. Because of their human shields- nobody has taken a serious attempt to siege or destroy them yet.

The leader of this gang is a self proclaimed sorcerer, though his powers are questionable. He takes a drop of blood of everyone he captures and dips it in his tea to alter the taste; this lets him know what to do with the captives he takes. Some are killed, some are added to the defense, and some are ransomed. Every once in a while he'll take a sip of the tea, start choking and screaming, and demanding the prisoner be let go at once.

[10] The Drakes & Cockles
Group of sailors and pirate scum joined by a loose federation and secret code phrases. The most common way to identify one is if they have a tattoo of a duck somewhere on their body. Strangely, this band robs pirates and mercenary vessels more then honest folks; they have a system of slowly joining and infiltrating pirate crews and eventually starting a mutiny to take the ships for their group. They've caused every dishonest soul along the coast to become extremely paranoid about recruitment.

The leader of this gang is the unassuming first-mate of the most notorious pirate captain of the ocean- the captain has no idea who this guy really is. This is the gang's biggest scheme and it's over ten years running- he's just waiting for the captain to show any sign of weakness to take over and become the next terror of the seas.

10 Fantasy Sharks

[1] Hater Shark
Kinda small for a shark, big attitude. It's hate you and everything you stand for. It's a ball of rage. If a fishermen snags a fish it was hunting; the shark will ram his boat over and over until it sinks. This shark has a magic resistance value of 50%, meaning it avoids, ignores, or straight up refuses to acknowledge half the spells you might throw at it. Its leather is highly valued for thieves and assassins, as not only does it make some cool red leather, but because the gloves carry on some of the shark's antimagic properties- meaning your hands are less likely to trigger volatile wards or magical traps. Also if you use speak to animals on this shark and try to talk or barter with it, it will call you a racial slur and attack you anyway.

[2] Lemon Shark
Piss yellow medium sized shark. Stats as shark. Not too scary, but social and tends to come in packs or in a feeding freenzy. The first time it is struck in combat or hits someone else; all of the water in 40 feet in all directions turns bright yellow with a strong fresh smell. The lemon-juice is mildly acidic, stinging your eyes and causing disadvantage on all checks to see or attack underwater if you don't have acidic resistance. On the up side, any wooden boots that pass through this cloud will have a beautiful citrus finish.

[3] Oblivion Shark
Dark black, big, but lazy and kinda slow. This shark is said to have an orb of annihilation in place of where its stomach should be; notable as it can eat anything that fits down its throat- including fully armored submersible warriors. If pierced, the shark bleeds black nothing. This shark is most infamous for the fact that any being with a soul consumed by it seemingly does not appear in any afterlife nor can be raised from the dead- giving the theory that this shark also digests and consumes souls. For this reason, a great bounty and project of eradication has been begun by religious orders to end this threat to the immortal souls; while others protect these sharks in an attempt to give those most damned a chance to escape their punishment.

[4] Gentleshark
Looks like a Great White, except with even bigger teeth. Happens to actually be sentient. While not capable of speech; is extremely empathetic towards other intelligent beings, and is commonly found rescuing or helping lost marooned sailors or shipwrecked humanoids. Most commonly known for its bow- which it will close its eyes and nod its head downwards in a show of respect. Most people are still scared of them and will attack them on sight before knowing their true, helpful intentions; and as such these sharks have learned to help people sight unseen. The Merpeople ride these into battle.

[5] Backwards Shark
It's a shark that swims backwards. It kills its prey by slapping them with its tail until they die, then opens its mouth and sucks in the pulp and bloody water left behind. Chainmail or other forms of armor don't do anything- as this shark deals blunt damage. Con artists often sell its teeth as a "warrior's charm"- if you wear a necklace made of this shark's teeth you get -1 to attack rolls. Wearing its tail, however, will give you a bonus of +1 damage with any blunt weapon. The tail will unfortunately rot away after about a month, losing any magical properties.

[6] Pirate Shark
This shark likes to attack boats to steal its treasure and hoard it in the shallows. Its incredible sense of smell is tuned in to gold and silver; can even smell it through the hull of ships. Coordinates with other sharks to attack boats to get at the treasure- sinking the vessel isn't its main goal. Will ignore anyone in the water unless if they have gold in their pockets or pouches- then it will attack them to get at it. God help you if you have a golden tooth. Not actually intelligent- its more like an oceanic lesser-dragon fish. Inexplicably prone to losing one eye in battle.

[7] Finger-Biter Shark
Incredible small shark; only about the size of a housecat. Looks cute with a big eye and small mouth. Tends to "hunt" by lunging at incredible speeds at larger creatures and biting off small parts of them; the tips of fins, fingers dipped in the water, octopus tentacles, and so on and then dashing away to eat it in peace half a mile away in open water. Can reach absolutely ludicrous speeds with enough space to build up momentum; this is a common sight in aquariums or private collections- a small glass tank or bowl makes this fish absolutely harmless and it will simply nibble on your fingers cutely after rocketing off from the far corner of the tank.

[8] Gringori Shark
White shark with black highlights around its eyes and face. This shark emits a constant low hum- comparable to a church hymn or sacred mantra. The "ohm" is both a threat that this shark is coming, but also a sound of healing that revitalizes the shark after battles with its rivals. As long as you aren't bleeding, you can swim right besides this shark and enjoy its healing noise vibrating through the water without fear of being attacked. If you spend an afternoon swimming around with this shark in peaceful waters- either restore 1 extra Hit-Point OR get an extra saving throw on a disease you are suffering from, whichever the swimmer wants to recover from more.

[9] Bespoke Shark
These sharks aren't natural and are instead made. In order to make them, you have to find a leathery shark egg while its still in development and bring it to your own body of water with a pinch of magic dust. If you put it in a castle's moat, the shark will become long and grayscale like a knight. If you put it in a koi pond, it gains splotchy colors like a koi and stays at a small size. If you put it in a cauldron, it grows hair and becomes a witch shark. You can customize the colors by spilling ink into the water, and the shark will prefer prey with the same kind of blood as any you pour into the water which it now lives in. These sharks are fashionable pets- but they are all still wild animals. They don't view their "owners" any different then they'd view some other random creature in the water.

[10] Apple Shark
The worlds only vegetarian shark. It exclusively feeds on fruit carried away by ocean currents and can survive for several days in brackish waters- often swimming upriver to gather food for its young. It's not named for its color in any way; the shark has mouth-pouches used to carry food over long ocean voyages. As such, the first time one of these was speared and caught, it had a mouth full of apples. It's teeth is specially designed to cut through vegetation; attack with advantage against defenders with wooden shields. Also deals double damage against treants, dryads, woodwives, and all other manner of plant-based creatures. It's just unfortunate they aren't exactly very common in the ocean.

12 Reasons why you need to hit the Quest Giver with the magic weapon you just recovered

[1] They believe a strong elemental or magical strike will reset their body's flow of energy and help cure them of a malady. There is a 50/50 chance this is true and it actually works!

[2] It hit in the right time and in the right way, will put them in a 'death like state' that they can be woken up from with a special process. They will use this to fake their own death to (1d6);

1. Get away from the nagging wife and kids. They'll come back in a couple weeks.
   
2. See how people get along when they're gone and see if anyone even cares
   
3. Tax benefits- They're about to come into some wealth- best to collect when deceased.
4. Become a martyr for a religion they aren't really super serious about following
5. See what's on the other side
   
6. Avoid an assassin or bounty hunter trying to kill them for real. (This one is stolen from Oblivion)

[3] The weapon is cursed and fated to take the life of their whole bloodline. If they can get you to hit them with a healer nearby or make sure you do it softly, eventually it will do enough points of damage to kill them all- but survivable. That will wiggle out of the curse on a loophole, right?

[4] The weapon's magic effects actually grants a boon to anyone who "is struck by this weapon and lives to tell the tale". Having a nice, safe way to get that benefit is worth the trouble- just don't let any of your enemies live after getting hit by this!

[5] The quest giver has magic blood which actually extinguishes magic items. They don't think anyone should have this one; even if you kill them afterwards for lying to you you'll still just have a normal hunk of metal instead of some earth shattering cool magic sword. It's for the best.

[6] They're writing a novel and really want to understand what a +2 Vorpal Flaming Mace of Shattering feels like for their character. They need that authenticity.

[7] They're a Cleric or a Whitemage and need to test out a new healing spell.

[8] They're an Alchemist and prepared a secret "blade lotion" to protect themselves against this weapon and want you to hit them in public to advertise it. 1 in 4 chance the lotion doesn't work.

[9] The blood or wound from the blow will make a cool portal that leads to a demon's realm- the same demon who has been haunting them. They didn't tell you this to begin with; because now if you don't go into that portal and kill that demon it will get out and attack everybody.

[10] Need to talk to an deceased ancestor whose soul is trapped in the blade or in an afterlife where only people killed with X weapon go to. As for how to get back? They didn't think that far ahead.

[11] Made a stupid bet with another blowhard they know on who is tougher. This magic item is +1 stronger then the one their rival already survived getting hit with.

[12] They're honestly just straight up done with life.

Ori is a good example of High Fantasy Nature

In many fantasy settings, "nature" exists as a secondary or wholly existent form of order separate from the intelligent races or humanity in that world. Of course, people use their real world experience with the natural world to define it; the natural world of fantasy has wolves and bison- but rarely do they have wholly supernatural creatures. Nature and nature magic may exist in some ways, but rarely is it a fully fictionalized source that goes beyond the real world conception of "natural". 

Some may took an example from Princess Mononoke and intelligent animal spirits rule their peoples- maybe you'll get nature spirits and faerie glens. But what other elements can we add to make a more "high fantasy" version of nature?

I've been playing Ori and the Blind Forest recently; and that game has in my opinion a very good depiction of what a "high fantasy" nature might look like. It should be noted that it isn't a chaotic, wild and untamed version of nature, but nature as a form of order. The "Spirit Tree" is the game world's God or central being, to which the life and plenty of nature relies on. Once the tree loses its light, nature begins to weaken. The corruption brought by Kuro's theft of the light is natural too, but represents a sick or corrupted form of nature- something like a fantasy blight or darklands.

If you play the game; various levels are made up of natural places and areas with high amounts of growth. Magical glowing plants provide both restoration to your life, jump pads, various folding/unfolding platforms, plants that shoot energy blasts, and so on. The locals have also used this energy to various effects, in the form of machines or laser beams that are used as weapons. One could consider this magitech, but these technologies exist because of the natural energy, and is not shown to be directly damaging to it; much of it is built by the Gumon or the race that Naru comes from- and they still live in caves despite building lasers. Even without these features, I'd like to imagine something like "spirit wells" still exist in the world; they are just concentrated points of natural energy.

Ori herself can absorb and use power- her primary source of energy is the "light" that is sourced from the great tree. Whenever she uses one of the shrines, she gains a new power- this power is always a physical ability or enhancement. The power to dash, double jump, climb walls, and so on. From this, we can say that the direct blessings and power of nature is all about improving the innate aspects of a creature- if a party explores or finds magical blessings or power sources in nature; it fits here more then a dusty stone dungeon built by humans to gain a permanent bonus to a stat or maximum health.

Another aspect of nature being magical or something aligned with order is the temples and dungeons that actually control the world. At the beginning of the game, the land of Nibel is shown to be in chaos because it is missing its three elements; the Waters, the Winds, and the Warmth. These elements are directly tied to physical places in the world; dungeons formed or built by nature itself. With the source of these elements corrupted or blocked off, the world itself is wrong and nature is corrupt. This is another high fantasyization of nature; rain is a magical entity that is caused by a specific thing, not the water cycle. If a tower that controlled the rains existed in your setting; people going up there to steal it away and gain control over all the kingdoms by controlling their rains and crops would be a high fantasy plot- something only possible in a world that operates under fantastical rules.

Cool Dragon Design + Random Dragon Thought

Art @Antiono Stappaerts

So I saw this random dragon design by an artist (does youtube drawing tutorials) and I thought this design was really cool. I like the skinny dragon concept that still looks distinctly "dragon". Also the implied size of this dragon is right in the sweet spot- it looks to me like a really big airborne crocodile moreso then a massive behemoth, which is a more agreeable power level for dragons. I also really like the wings, fixes the "issue" of dragons with having wings too small; and you can imagine how they'd fold up at the sides without having to rely on a 4 limbed dragon design.

But while randomly thinking about this cool dragon I had a second thought; things that fly like to use thermals to fly right, and dragons have hot-breath. Has seriously nobody talked about this before? I can't think of any examples off the top of my head- though I'm sure somebody has somewhere.

The reason why dragons have such long, skinny necks may not be immediately obvious to a casual observer, but dragonologists know. The closest thing to a dragon in terms of ecological niche is something like a large predatory reptile- crocodiles, komodo dragons, etc. These creatures do not have long, snake like necks. The reason dragons have them is because one, they are more intelligent and being able to look around to speak or groom another dragon is valuable, and two, because it lets them blast heat underneath their wings in flight. Dragons who need a boost can just look backwards and puff- and I imagine dragons can do that cool growl thing that just shoots out hot, oven-like air instead of actual fire if they want.

Dragons having fire breath is a evolutionary advantage for many, many reasons. As a flying predator, burning forests down not only lets you see prey animals more clearly, but it also creates massive thermal updrafts used for your dragon antics. Maybe its a mating display thing too; big fire = big dragon lungs = big dragon sex.

This is also the reason dragons sleep for a long time. They're not resting for fun or because they're especially lazy, they're resting to let forests grow back. Dragons slumber for ~a hundred years or so, enough time for a forest to regrow and wildlife to come to its lair. In a fantasy world; dragons are the natural embodiment of fire; and are the balancing force that keeps the old trees and magical woodland spirits and such from getting too gigantic and overgrown. They come out, burn down forests and gobble up everything that comes out, go to sleep for a hundred years and do it again.

Dragon's Lair is a pretty cool dungeon

Dragon's Lair was an arcade game which made use of full cartoon animation where the player was required to make inputs at the right time to overcome multiple obstacles. It's most notable for being a classic arcade game that doesn't use pixel graphics, having art and animation by Don Bluth, and being very fantasy inspired. I'm assuming this game had quite a bit of D&D inspiration, considering that it came out in 1983, but that was a decade before I was even born, so who knows.

The game itself is a bit of an obscure relic, but since its basically just a cartoon with button prompts you can watch the whole thing on Youtube. Watching it now, you can still enjoy the charming animations and all the death scenes, which are pretty fun. (There's a lot).

However, why am I telling you this? Because the actual dungeon presenting in Dragons' Lair is pretty cool. I decided to stat it up a bit.

Purple Eyestalk Water Monster (3 HD, +3 to hit, constriction)
This monsters lives in water, and attacks prey above. It sees through green eyeballs at the end of each of its many eyestalks- which double as its tentacles. It doesn't attack except through dragging prey underwater. For each "hit", count it as having wrapped a tentacle around you, which gives you a -1 to your Strength modifier for all rolls or challenges to break free.

Drink Me
The infamous magic potion. It doesn't do anything cool like shrink you down, Dirk just like flashes green when he drinks it and explodes into dust. Kinda lame. Still- cursed magic potion, drink it is an instant death. Perhaps you could interpret the sign as a sort of magical persuasion- save to avoid drinking the deathly potion.

Snake (Stats as Giant Snake)
While generic giant snakes are nothing new, I would like to say I like the coloration here. They seem to be a combination of the very venomous coral snake (red touch yellow) and the nonvenemous scarlet king snake (red touch black) based on its coloration; but they only kill Dirk by constriction in the death scene. I also like how they come out of the bricks to attack; that's a fun combat element to spice up an otherwise unremarkable encounter.

Slime Claptrap (2+1 HD, Big-Bite at 1d8, trapping tongue, surprise)
This creature can appear from slime or ooze that is spilled or found in a random room or area. As such, it's body is very misleading. The claptrap opens its mouth very wide when it appears, also making it hard to tell exactly if something is about to attack you when it does appear. For both these reasons, you must roll for surprise whenever you encounter it.

The claptrap's mouth is very big and can slam down with great force; but it's slow. You can step away or attack its body before it can slam shut. In order to help it trap prey, it has a prehensile, sticky tongue that requires a save to avoid- if the tongue hits you you can't move back and must attack or be eaten by the creature. But because this creature is made of slime, it can be broken apart in a single strong attack; any blow that deals 6 damage or more knocks the creature back into slime.

Big Yellow Smoke-Electric Monster (3 HD, +2 To-Hit, casts Shocking Grasp to attack, smoke)
This monster is made of smoke and seems electrically charged. It attacks by using Shocking Grasp, which is an at-will ability it possesses. Technically Dirk kills this in a single hit, but he does that for everything and when he "defeats" it in Dragon's Lair it actually just shoves it back into the cauldron it came from with the heavy metal lid back on; perhaps this monster is quite a bit tougher but can be locked away back in its cauldron by covering it. Good puzzle-monster.

Hazards
I don't want to try to create stats or anything for these, since there are a lot of them. Some interesting ideas here though- the castle crumbles behind Dirk as he explores. Now in an actual game, exploring a dungeon that is slowly falling apart is a fun idea, but probably should be on the timescale or days, or at the very least hours, as to give the party plenty of time to react and send out expeditions.

One example in particular I do like from Dragon's Lair is the boat section, which includes "Ye Boulders, Ye Rapids, and Ye Whirlpools". I like the idea of a boat or paddling based saving throw you might have to make in a game, probably just a generic saving throw by modified by Strength. I think this is fun because the vast majority of "movement" related checks or evasion is based on Dexteirty, but in this case it's how hard you can paddle.

Giant Balls
This trap are several large perpetual motion machines along a long U shaped corridor. When someone enters one side, they will be chased by a giant black ball. The balls have to be run past at the right time, but fast enough to avoid getting crushed by the giant black ball. This would probably be a simple saving throw, or a dexterity challenge. Perhaps any character could accomplish it- unless if they're over encumbered. I'd say getting crushed by the giant ball is a sure death, but these small balls just deal significant damage but knock you to the floor which makes it harder to escape from the large ball.

Spinning Sticks + Spike-Pit Trap
These are pretty simple. Just sticks that spin around and knock you into pit traps. In Dragon's Lair its a matter of timing, I like to think that in a tabletop game you could replicate this by giving the player a choice- they can rush through and get a hard save, wait a round to watch the pattern and get an easier save, or wait 2 turns and/or be unencumbered to not have to save at all. Having them be pelted by ranged enemies and spells during this time would make it much more interesting. If you fall in you'd probably just die as by OSR styling, or take like 4d6 or something big like that.

Much more interesting then the trap itself is the enemy at the end of it.

Red Death (4+2 HD, +2 To-Hit & AC, Undead, Scythe of Disintegration 1d8+2, Flying, Enchanted)
The Red Death is a wraith. While it is clearly a ghostly spirit it isn't ethereal (because Dirk can hit it with his normal sword), but it's floating around and stuff, so I'd say its "body" is probably its signature red cloak.

Also, this creature uses a magic Scythe that destroys Dirk in one hit. Dirk dies to everything in one hit in this game, so I'd imagine is probably first level and has 1 Hit Point (unlucky roll on his first hit die, probably!) I'd say this Scythe is a minor +2 magic weapon; capable of killing any creature it hits in a single hit if that creature has 2 HD or less; otherwise, it just deals 1d8+2 damage. Additionally, when this creature is slain, it advances the Black Briars enchantment one stage.

Black Briars
It's not easy to tell if these are related to the Red Death creature in some way, or perhaps just a dungeon trap or hazard. I like to think that the Red Death is its own entity but has been enchanted in some way to control the black briars that make up the pits in its chamber.

When Dirk enters they appear simply as spike pits, but once he crosses the gap from the spinning sticks they start to close in behind him. I like to think this is some kind of enchantment spell that is somehow combined with or controlled by the Red Death. Perhaps the dungeon's creator wanted the black briars as a pit trap as they are inescapable once you fall in, coiling around anyone who touches them, but if not controlled they would quickly spread through the whole dungeon and try to strangle everything.

The Black Briars become more animate and aggressive the longer a victim is around them. They start at the first stage and advance one stage every combat round, unless a creature nearby is containing them. Slaying the creature releases the control.

First Stage: The Briars are dormant.
Second Stage: Briars move lazily towards any living thing. Can be jumped over or slashed, but you must make a save to do so during combat.
Third Stage: The Briars gain some amount of intelligence and will move to cut off escape routes. They move faster, you must now sacrifice a turn to avoid.
Fourth Stage: The Briars now make attacks every round, at +1, counting as magic. On a hit, you are entangled and are slowly squeezed and fed upon; 2d6 damage per round until death.

Enchanted Workshop
The workshop is enchanted and has several animate objects (weapons, anvil, statue) that attack Dirk. Not really much to say here- except for the glowing green fire. At a certain point, Dirk goes to it and puts his sword in it, gaining a flaming sword for a short fight with the animate statue. I like the idea of immersing mundane weapons in dungeon elements like this to make them magical or gain an extra power for an attack/few rounds/turns. Also the fire square on the ground is cool too, preventing you from moving, but not much to say about it either.

Whirlwind Room
You're introduced to this room by a whirlwind, which sucks you inside of it. Then within the room, there is a tornado inside with random objects. There isn't many mechanics, here, the only noticeable thing here is the glowing diamond which is a trap. Perhaps the diamond itself is a cursed item that creates the wind.

Stone of Storms - Cursed Treasure
This large gemstone is worth a fortune- at least 30,000c to a standard buyer, and closer to 40,000c for a wise man who recognizes its unique properties. However, it is cursed and there is significant risk to acquiring the gemstone.

The gemstone creates storms around itself, controlling the element of air. Air-based magical spells fail around it and gas or dust is blown apart easily. These storms become more dangerous the larger an area the gem is exposed to- if left outside it will quickly create an endless tornado, with itself in the center of its eye, rooted to one spot. Indoors, or in a bag or chest, the air only swirls around mildly- but even in a small room it causes objects to fly and tumble around. In a room with furniture or weapons, save or be struck by the flying objects. Your movement is halved.

The gem within this dungeon is particular is set in a trap- the recess it is set in has an opening in the floor that will fling whoever tries to reach for it out into a great pit, falling to their death. Similar tricks can be used by those who wish to keep the gemstone from thieves.

Flying Steed
The Flying Steed is a magitech construct of a horse. It levitates through the air once activated. It is not alive and therefore cannot be killed; stats as a warhorse but can only be stropped by true destruction. It can also fly and is very fast, never tires out or drops a rider out of fear, etc.

However, it is also extremely hard to control, bucking and flying wildly through the air. At the speed it travels, it can easily dash its rider against a wall or even the ground. Only a Cavalier of 6th level or higher, or a Fighter of 9th level, can control the horse enough to slow it down, dismount normally, etc. Otherwise its practical a rocket.

If you're riding the steed and are unable to control it, you are safe in a straight line. Make a saving throw to avoid smashing into something if you need to turn, stop, or get off the horse. On failure, you are flung at breakneck speeds and are killed or take serious injury; depending on where you crash.

Cool Electric Black-Knight Dude (3 HD, +4 AC, +2 To-Hit, 1d6+1 Magic Sword, Electric Hazards at a range)
This guy fucks. By stabbing the ground, he can create electric fields that move away from him slowly. These fields deal 2d6 lightning damage to anyone who steps on them, but can be avoided by careful and slow movement. For each round you move towards him, you must either move at 1/3rd of your normal speed or make a save to run without getting shocked. If your character has -1 Agility modifier or worse, you cannot make the jumps required to accomplish this.

Various Undeads
There are several varieties of undead that inhabit this place; from tiny giggling skulls to huge skeletal hands to invisible wraiths that appear before attacking. All of them can be harmed by Dirks sword so we assume they are all some manner of corporeal undead. Isn't much to say for these; other then the skull shape. It could just be artistic license, but the protruding jaws of the skulls give a distinctly monkey-ish impression, as though these are the remnants of some other alien fantasy race that once lived or built the ruins atop the Dragon's Lair.

However I want to make special attention to these wraiths. Their method of killing Dirk in this scene is grabbing him and burying him alive in one of the heavy stone sarcophagi around the room- quite brutal.

Bat Lord (1+2 HD, +1 To-Hit, 1d4+1 bite, bat swarm)
Seemingly connected to or in control of a swarm of bats that try to knock Dirk into pits, this roughly man-sized creature has a loud roar. It may also be a vampire bate, given how it wraps Dirk up while biting him for its death scene.

Magnetic Urn
While not a literal creature, the magnetic urn seems to be a magical or cursed item that inhabits this dungeon. It is filled with golden coins and runs away from the hero- but it also magnetically attracts his sword to it, leaving him briefly defenseless. Interestingly, it isn't clear if the urn itself is magnetic and that explains how it flies around, or if its magnetic ability is an additional thing that helps it disarm invaders to the dungeon.

For this; if you try to make an attack roll while it is adjacent to you with any ferrous metallic weapon (most metal weapons), then make a save or it slips from your hand. Even if you succeed the save, you'll still miss your attack from the strong attractive force.

Lizard King (2+1 HD, -1 To-Hit, +1 AC, 1d6 Scepter Attack)
It's interesting that a creature like this got so much screentime- he doesn't have any magic or special abilities, or is really that threatening to an adventurer, but yet you have to avoid him for a long time while Dirk doesn't have his sword; and he attacks merely by slamming his scepter at you, while giggling. I like his design quite a bit. I also found that picture by searching online his name, instead of just taking a picture from a youtube longplay like I did for the rest of these. It's quite a nice piece.

Even though Dragon's Lair is just a QTE movie-game, Dirk fills up his little backpack with gold from that magnetic urn after beating the Lizard King, which feels like a very OSR/DnD thing to do. I could almost see it as a checkpoint or time when the hero could leave the dungeon with his mission unaccomplished in case he was too wounded or out of torches and the like to keep exploring. It feels very similar to defeating an important monster in a dungeon and then looting their lair afterwards.

Magnetic Crystal Ball
Yet another magnetic & electrical trap. This time, it has the strength to drag in both Dirk's helmet and sword, and begins to fill the room with electrical energy; moving as a zone on the ground that fills up the room. The eye on the top of the throne also fires out electrical energy, perhaps as a method to finish off anyone who just flies over the zone on the floor. I also really like the aesthetics of this room; I'd pay for an animation cel of that background by itself.

For this hazard; a simply saving throw is needed to avoid the trap, with the eye performing an attack roll at +2 against anything that simply levitates over the floor.

Magma Hulks (Stats as Troll- Immune to Fire but no regeneration)
These large creatures are born from the primordial lava and bubbling underground sludge deep underneath the castle dungeon. They are born in an environment filled with fire, so are immune to it, and are big and strong. I'd stat them as slightly modified trolls to keep it simple.

Black Knight (6 HD, +6 AC, +4 To-Hit, 1d6+1 Magic Sword, some spells)
This black knight is a powerful warrior and combatant and also appears to be able to cast some magical spells as well. He seals up Dirk's sword at the beginning of his fight, indicating this magical ability. If you were into more modern D&D edition, I would even argue this guy has Cackle- making his curse last longer each combat round with a laugh as he rides in.

Dragon's Lair
You're in the home stretch. This is the Dragon's Lair itself. It's a large cavernous room with treasure everywhere; the treasure itself is the only real threat here- as if it cascades and makes noise it will wake up the dragon. This is also where the Princess is held; potentially any captive or important NPC could be held there, but in this game it's Princess Daphne. This sphere is inescapable and requires a key to be unlocked. This is also the location of a Magic Sword.

Magic Sword
This is a generic magic sword. It doesn't shoot energy blasts or anything but seems very strong and good at slaying dragons. It can also absorb fire breath- perhaps the sword grants protection against fire or just breath weapons/magic blasts in general.

For stats, I'd make it a +2 Magic Sword- deals 1d8+2 damage and can absorb breath weapons.

Singe (8 HD, +8 To-Hit, +8 AC, Fire Breath)
I like him. Singe is a fairly generic dragon. He's a bit on the small side, but fitting for this type of setting, very oldschool in design. It's hard to pin down exactly how strong he SHOULD be, since he is killed in one hit (as with anything in this game), but kills you with one hit too. You actually spend more time fighting the lizard king dude then the dragon at the end of Dragon's Lair. While more intelligent then an animal, he doesn't seem to talk or cast spells, seeming to be more of an uncannily intelligent predator-type of dragon. His breath weapon is fire and he doesn't have wings so he can't fly.

Anyway, that's the whole game. This took a while to make and was a bit sloppy, but I found it fun to stat up this old cheesy cartoon.