Just when we got used to the clock...

So, then the salesman informs us there's been a mix up and the car alarm won't be installed into our 2010 Nissan Note until next week.

"I suppose we'll just have to mind it until then," I say. So off we go, pushing occasional buttons and trying to get the windshield wipers to stop working.

At SuperValu, Herself goes in to buy some groceries while I mind the car from the passenger seat. I'm checking both side mirrors and the reflection in the passenger side window. It's a busy car park. A car drives right at me before swerving at the last minute into a space. I lower the window and start howling:

"Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo!"

Yer man from the car looks at me kind of funny.

"Sorry!" I say cheerfully. "Sensitive car alarm!"

The man walks off towards the shop, shaking his head. Herself appears at the shop door.

"Is everything alright?" she asks.

"Oh yes," I say. "Everything's fine. You carry on."

She goes back inside. I go: "Cheep! Cheep!" and return to my vigil.

A few seconds later, I'm off again:

"Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...!"

"What now?" Herself says. "I've lost my place in the queue!"

"Bit of a breeze came up. Rocked the car a little."

She goes back inside and I go: "Cheep! Cheep!"

Shortly, it's "Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...!" again.

Herself appears with a half-packed grocery bag.

"Well?"

"Woman looking at me funny."

"Okay."

"Cheep! Cheep!"

And then:

"Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo...! Ahhh-rooo..."

"Yes?"

"I'm lonely.... Cheep! Cheep!"

It turns out to be cold and frosty after dark and we decide we'll risk the car on just the immobiliser for the night.

I couldn't find my thermos flask anyway.

Mitsy in the sky...

My Aunt Kay's toy poodle is galloping across the sky this evening, scut tail and all.

It's a good day for pictures in the sky. We saw a bunny rabbit with big floppy ears, a man in a periwig, and Jabba the Hut wearing sun glasses.

Through the glass

"I've got you!"
"No, I've got you!"
"I have your ear!"
"I have your leg!"
"I'll pin you down!"
"I'll spring over you!"
"I'll stand on you!"
"I'll stand on you first!"
"I'll run!"
"I'll catch you!"
"I'll jump up!"
"I'll jump higher!"
"I'll roll over on you!"
"I'll grab your leg again!"
"I'm ignoring my owner now!"
"So am I!"
"It's good to be a dog, isn't it?"
"Yes, it's great...!"
"I've got you!"
"No, I've got you!"

Cake

Out of the mouths of babes

I finally blew up the hover mower. But the reprieve didn't last long as Herself hounded me out the door yesterday to B&Q to buy a new one.

We loaded up the trolley with new mower, plant food, an edger, rubble sacks and a gas regulator for the barbeque, paid for it all and trundled out.

There was our grandson, aged two-and-a-half, in the child seat of a shopping cart, on his way into the store being pushed by Daddy.

"Oh-ho! Oh-ho! Oh-ho!" says I.

The grandson looks around and sees Herself and I, grinning at him.

"Look, D," says his Daddy. "Who's that?"

"Santa Claus!" says D.

Willie_W at Second Life

Made up an avatar of myself for fun in Second Life. Those who know me, see what you think.

Night Night

Escaped traffic lights recaptured

A herd of traffic lights which had made a sensational escape from a depot of South Dublin County Council overnight were recaptured and corralled in Firhouse this morning.

Under cover of darkness, the eight-feet high lights had sneaked out a hole in a fence and scattered across parkland into nearby estates.

Local resident, Eilish Okimbawano, told our reporter: "I came out to pick up the milk and there was one standing in my garden, eating the top off my Clematis campaniflora.

"I got it in Woodies in the 50% off sale," she added.

This is not the first time there has been a problem in South Dublin with roadside structures. In 2005, one-hundred directional signs disappeared along the M50. It is thought they migrated to Southern Italy for the winter.

The escaped traffic lights were rounded up by Roads Department staff on overtime this morning and corralled in a temporary compound off the Firhouse Road. A spokesman said:

"We think we got them all back, but it's hard to tell. They're pretty frightened at the moment and will probably just mill about for a few hours before settling down. Once they get used to the new surroundings they should all start pointing the same way."

Reports this afternoon from the Dodder Valley Park area of sightings of two more traffic lights hiding in shrubbery near Firhouse Weir are being investigated.

In the meantime, member of the public are asked to be vigilant and to report any suspicious traffic lights to their local Garda station.

Arcade Fire - Neon Bible

A vial of hope and a vial of pain,
In the light they both looked the same.
Poured them out on into the world,
On every boy and every girl.

It's in the Neon Bible, the Neon Bible
Not much chance for survival,
If the Neon Bible is right.

Take the poison of your age,
Don’t lick your fingers when you turn the page,
What I know is what you know is right,
In the city it's the only light.

It's the Neon Bible, the Neon Bible
Not much chance for survival,
If the Neon Bible is right.

Oh God! well look at you now!
Oh! you lost it, but you don’t know how!
In the light of a golden calf,
Oh God! I had to laugh!

Take the poison of your age,
Don’t lick your fingers when you turn the page,
It was wrong but you said it was right,
In the future I will read at night.

In the Neon Bible, the Neon Bible
Not much chance for survival,
If the Neon Bible is true.

I couldn't have won €16,185,749 anyway

"You never play Lotto," Herself tells me, as if I hadn't noticed not throwing away €312 a year.
"No, I don't."
"You should play it today."
"Why's that then?"
"It's over sixteen million Euro. We could win."
"You have a ticket don't you?"
"Yes. But I'm not lucky with things like that. You are."
"How do you figure that one?"
"Well, because you don't play, you'd probably win."

I think this over. She says:
"You could walk up to the shop now and buy a Quick Pick."
"How much is it to play?"
"€3."
"Naw. I can't really afford three Euro."
"But it's sixteen million Euro! Look! I'll drive you up. It'll only take a minute."
"No, you're all right."

The Lotto grand prize has apparently rolled over -- not been won -- eleven times in a row, making it a record-breaking €16,185,749 prize tonight. The news reported that two million people bought tickets for tonight's draw. A single ticket in the south of the country was the one with the winning numbers.

The best I could have won would have only been €8,092,874 anyway.

Not really tempting, is it?

When your week at work has reduced you...

... to a drooling wreck, there is only really one link to add to your collection:

http://www.threebrain.com/dailies2.php?daily=476

New recipes for Spam, Part 3

Lots of spam. Not too many amusing combinations this time. Except for:

• it's Kristen Or abalone
• Get Ink from MyInks and save The job you want
• tell me whether you like it Weird, isn't it
• Beware of fake pills. Pay only for shipping.

Swearotron

We need one of these in our office.... More fun from the folks at the Lair of the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom. If easily offended by bad language, do not visit.

Youth may be "wasted on the young..."

...but what fun to find this video of two fine ladies who rocked the 80s. Watch their original 1980s video here.

New recipes for Spam, Part 2

Not much quality in the titles of spam messages received by email this week, but a small few amusing combinations of titles:

• it's Kristen Or abalone
• Get Ink from MyInks and save The job you want
• tell me whether you like it Weird, isn't it

New recipes for spam, Part 1

I've decided that rather than deleting my unsolicited emails, I'm going to combine some of the titles and see if any of them can be unintentionally entertaining. Today, the great oracle of spam tells me:

• 5 inches in not enough download Photoshop CS3 Extended
• Impotence meds at best prices! Be leaner and slimmer by next week
• Why be an average guy any longer This Mothers Day give Mom music
• Best Russian brides end the obesity now
• Forget Vista, speed up your XP system we have a huge list of pharmacies
• Will it be the one on truly
• an athletic you by macrame is hazardous
• Home Depot Voucher Inside cheap OS Shirley

Grease

Click here. That's all.

Montel show "I Love You" doggy

Danny Boy

Five legs good! Two legs bad!

A colleague ended up -- by a convoluted path -- owning one brand new telescope and two brand new tripods, so I (naturally) bought one of the tripods from her.

"Sure, that screw-in yoke will fit my camera. No bother," I said, as she handed the box to me in the job car park.

I wonder what the security people made of it all. A plain white package emerges from the boot of car and is passed to the fat guy with the ponytail who waltzes nonchalantly back into the building with it turcked under one arm. I'm sure someone was electronically marking the security videos for future reference.

Anyway, the tripod is about six feet tall extended. My camera is about a first-class stamp in size, all ready for action. But the screw-in bit DOES fit, so I'm happy.

When out in the garden yesterday afternoon (see this post), I figured I'd use the tripod to capture old Hover Boots in action. So I unwrapped it from its canvas satchel, unclipped its upper leg lock clamps and extended its telescopic legs. Then I unclipped the lower leg lock clamps and extended the telescopic legs of the telescopic legs. I unclipped the camera plate and screwed it into the base of the camera. I fitted the camera plate back into its groove on the tripod head and locked it in place. Then I loosened the tilt nut and using the pan handle I angled the camera until it was roughly horizontal. Then I tightened the leg lock clamps, which I should have done before anything else. I grabbed a classy, white plastic garden chair and sat down on it. Then I was ready. For anything. I thought.

The subject was hovering about twelve inches from the camera. I could see him flitting back and forth in the viewfinder. Not having many manual controls on the focus, I started tapping at the autofocus until he appeared momentarily in the middle of the viewfinder.

Click.

"Bugger!"

He had buzzed off to the right. I grabbed the pan handle, loosened the lock and panned slightly to the right. A blurr of wings hovered in the middle of the viewfinder. I tightened the pan lock and tapped on the autofocus.

Click.

"Feck!"

I peered over the camera at the hover fly. It stuck out an insect tongue at me and went on hovering.

I picked up the tripod and moved it forward a couple of inches. I looked through the viewfinder. Nothing except green leaves.

I craned my neck around to the right. No sign of the fly.

"He'll be back."

A couple of minutes later, he pinged into view in the middle of the LCD screen.

"Focus... focus-focus-focus-focus-focus-focus focusfocusfocus... Feck!"

The tripod and I marched back and forth across the garden for half an hour until both me and the fly sat panting and wasted.

"Okay," I said. "You don't like formal shots? I'll try informal then..."

I grabbed the camera off the tripod and started stalking about the bushes. In ten minutes more I had 50 or so shots, two of which were really good, the rest useable. My neighbour and his family took turns at looking at me through the back bedroom window. No doubt ehy'll say a little prayer for me on Sunday.

None of the shots taken with the tripod were any good. There were a couple of blurry smudges in the middle of each photo which could have been anything.

The tripod is presently resting back in its satchel. I may take it out for a walk another day.