Macumba Love (1960) 

Somewhere along the South American coast, likely just a grid square or two from Blood Island, lives milquetoast myth-buster J. Peter Wells. He’s played by Walter Reed, not to be confused with yellow fever pioneer Dr. Walter Reed. (The latter’s name adorns hospitals, schools and other renowned institutions; the former was in Superman and the Mole-Men and comes off like a sub-John Saxon struggling to stifle an oncoming IBS incident.)

Peter’s writing a book on voodoo. He couldn’t have picked a better spot, what with all the thick-of-night rituals involving voodoo dolls, snakes, dead goats, dancing in circles, drums aplenty and topless villagers for sacrifice.

This is the world of Macumba Love. According to Google my crack investigating skills, “macumba” refers to a type of Afro-Brazilian folk religion. And the “love”? Well, it could be the staid Peter making time with local hottie Venus de Viasa (Ziva Rodann, The Private Lives of Adam & Eve).

Or Peter’s honeymooning daughter (visibly buoyant June Wilkinson, The Bellboy and the Playgirls) showing up with hubby Warren (William Wellman Jr., Winter a-Go-Go), whom Peter greets with the cringe-inducing “My replacement!”

Or Venus flirting with Warren so aggressively and openly on the dance floor, she may as well be grinding her mons pubis against his leg.

But let’s go with my love — for this kind of crass, garish jungle picture. Horror-adventure travelogue trash is a lost art, and this one offers cut-rate thrills ’n’ chills wrapped in a quasi-whodunit.

While Peter and Venus frolic in the ocean, a corpse surfaces (hi, Bob!) in a well-done jump scare. Pulling a poisoned hatpin from the dead man’s tummy, Peter suspects the work of Mama Rata-loi (Ruth de Souza), the voodoo lady shakin’ that stick and drivin’ them crazy — a solid guess, seeing as how skulls surround her dockside shack’s doorframe. He pops by Mama Rata-loi’s unannounced and says he’s heard enough about “the serpent of revenge and the rest of your voodoo trappings.” Speak for yourself, Peter!

The only film directed by character actor Douglas Fowley, whose CV ranges from Singin’ in the Rain to Cat-Women of the Moon, Macumba Love benefits greatly from the scenery — both Wilkinson, then still a teenager, and outdoor Brazil. Without Mother Nature, production value might be as primitive as the natives participating in the rituals bookending the movie.

As with many B pictures of the day, the threadbare script is padded by several diegetic songs. Personally, I could do with less Calypso, but then, what would Wilkinson have to dance to? —Rod Lott

Smash-Up on Interstate 5 (1976)

Turns out ol’ Buddy Ebsen can’t follow a road that isn’t paved in gold bricks. Perhaps encumbered by his unruly eyebrow hair while cruising down the freeway, Ebsen veers out of his lane, causing a catastrophic traffic crisis one might call a Smash-Up on Interstate 5. This made-for-TV disaster movie sure did.

As California Highway Patrol cop Robert Conrad (Palm Springs Weekend) narrates, the July 4 holiday mishap involves 39 vehicles, forcing 14 people to declare independence from the surly bonds of earth. After the crash, Smash-Up jumps back in time two days in an attempt to invest viewers in the various drivers’ and passengers’ lives before the fickle hand of fate did its due diligence.

The soapy story threads include Vera Miles (Psycho) navigating L.A. single life despite looking like Nancy Reagan; a biker gang with Lolita herself (Sue Lyon) just one pair of leather pants away from passing as a PTA mom; and a young couple on the lam after knocking over a grocery store. As one of Conrad’s fellow officers, future U.S. Marshal Tommy Lee Jones turns in what may be his finest acting ever since the role requires smiling.

You know people tuned in to ABC’s Smash-Up on Interstate 5 just to see the titular demolition derby. Hopefully they didn’t switch channels after those initial minutes, because that’s a mere preview of the full, fucked-up mishap awaiting at film’s end. Cars and trucks collide, flip, fly, go willy nilly and so on, as do stuntmen’s rag-dolled bodies.

Director John Llewellyn Moxey (Circus of Fear) is no Hal Needham — see the latter’s Death Car on the Freeway for a superior primetime fender-bender — yet Smash-Up is excitingly shot and skillfully edited where it counts, with a stunningly affecting mix of slow motion and pauses. Buckle up! —Rod Lott

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Narco Shark (2023)

When he’s not practicing black magick, the “perfectly oiled killing machine” Ricky Valente fights the Mexican yakuza. They’re a cult of red-robed ninjas who deal coke and worship a shark god. Ergo, Narco Shark.

Lest ye think Gerardo Preciado’s $10K epic is yet another lazy exercise in microcinema’s put-on-a-shark-on-it obsession, the ocean predator is incidental, even removable. The flick would work just as well without it, being a gleeful genre parody informed by a lifetime’s consumption of direct-to-video Mexitrash action, half-assed kung-fu tapes, Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead II, Paul Verhoeven’s RoboCop and David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. And yeah, probably something with a shark.

Valente’s gift is neither his mullet nor his fanny pack, but his hypnotic pull on others by playing “the sexy sax.” Just witness the boiling horniness of his fully naked wife as he blows the instrument an inch from her Barbie-smooth ladyparts. (She’s played by a department-store mannequin.) Her brother, Tico Suave, desperately wants Ricky to teach him how to be cool instead of a bucktoothed, bespectacled, friend-free weirdo who, I suspect, collects orders from area grammar schools establishing acceptable radii. Ricky eventually relents; the lesson involves breakdancing.

Presented as a VHS cassette from 1989, Narco Shark opens with a (fake) note that Suave died during the film’s making, so Preciado has used all the tools at his disposal — alt takes, doubles, mo-cap recreations and other Furious 7-sounding tricks — to allow for completion. A title card promises, “You will not be able to tell the difference,” which of course sets up a running joke that never tires.

That goes for the movie’s whole as well. Usually these spoofs with few resources have one joke to tell and stretch it past a breaking point, often by the 10-minute mark. Remarkably, Preciado knows just when to quickly pivot to something else, whether cutting to commercial or even fast-forwarding itself.

No matter how lo the fi, Preciado isn’t dicking around; this is at least a couple levels up from that. So boneheaded and yet sharp-witted, it earns a spot in the same league as similarly minded ’80s pastiches Dude Bro Party Massacre III and Lethal Force. Narco Shark’s faux FBI warning orders in part, “Do not see this film by yourself. It is meant to be seen by a party of at least 4 people.” Although I endorse that thinking, I had a blast watching all by my lonesome. —Rod Lott

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Santo vs. the Riders of Terror (1970)

Maybe I’m wired differently, but hypothetically speaking, if I were sheriff of a wee town in the late 1800s, and six lepers escaped our local hospital, I doubt I’d ever arrive at the solution of “I know how to find this dirty half-dozen and keep their gnarly disease from spreading. If only I could locate a masked wrestler who rides horseback while wearing white pants.”

But who am I to question the great René Cardona? Basically the Roger Corman of Mexploitation cinema, he’s at the helm of Santo vs. the Riders of Terror, one of the silver-masked superhero’s scant few Westerns.

As word of the free-ranging lepers leaks, the townspeople rile each other up with the fearmongering fury of a thousand Infowars broadcasts. Despite the sheriff (Armando Silvestre, Cardona’s The Batwoman) pleading for compassion, even his best gal (Mary Montiel, Santo in the Vengeance of the Mummy) buys into the mob mentality by wrongly assuming those goddamn lepers are to blame for the fatal gunshot in her papi’s back.

Fresh from donating a match’s winnings to some nuns, Santo (Santo) finally shows up to render aid to the sheriff — and presumably to Riders of Terror. But instead of leaping into action, Santo goes full Science Corner by visiting the doctor (Carlos Agostí, Cardona Jr.’s Guns and Guts) for a sit-down lesson on leprosy. Per Cardona’s typical peso-pinching ways, the lepers’ sores look like each actor fell asleep into a plate of room-temperature ground round.

The issue with Santo vs. the Riders of Terror isn’t Santo’s anti-violence stance nor Santo’s unexplained existence in a prior century. It’s that the movie is as dull as the dirt beneath the horses’ collective clopping feet. End to end, it’s among the least engaging outings I’ve seen from the genre-hopping film series. If you do watch it, go for the longer version.

You read that correctly: longer. Because it adds three recently unearthed sex scenes. Similar to the magical switcheroo of Cardona’s Santo in the Treasure of Dracula into the NSFW El Vampiro y el Sexo via Russ Meyer-ian mammaries, a spicy version of Santo vs. the Riders of Terror exists under the unappetizing title of Los Leprosos y el Sexo. However, it mines a level or two of explicitness deeper than Treasure, especially in a fully nude makeout session ’round second base between the physically gifted Montiel and a lottery-lucky Silvestre. —Rod Lott

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The Big Switch (1968)

After a decade of directing such saucy shorts as For Men Only, Pete Walker finally cracked the hourlong barrier with the Carnaby Street crime caper The Big Switch.

One night, professional ad exec and unprofessional blue-eyed fuckboy John Carter (Sebastian Breaks, The Night Digger) leaves a London discotheque with a lovely bird (Erika Raffael, Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush). They head to her pad for a proper shagging. Whilst Carter first goes ’round the corner to grab some cigs for post-coital smoking, she’s shot dead by a hitman hiding in her shower. Talk about a case of the blue balls, mate — when Carter finds her body, no wonder he touches the gun left behind and vamooses without phoning the authorities.

Which is exactly what local gangster/club owner Mendez (Derek Alyward, Walker’s School for Sex) counts on. He blackmails Carter into a secret assignment with a beautiful model named Karen (Virginia Wetherell, Walker’s Man of Violence). Neither Karen nor Carter have a clue what they’re in for — and I ain’t telling, either — but they hope it doesn’t involve their deaths.

This sleek, quick pic is a real fanny-slapper, like a men’s pulp paperback come to life. On cheap paper, those hard-charging, easy-bedding heroes could trot through formulaic exploits dozens upon dozens of times. The Carter character could have fronted an equal amount of adventures, yet went no further.

I enjoyed Walker’s first true feature from start to its photo finish, a marvelously fun sequence that places its climactic chase and shootout within a boardwalk arcade and ghost train attraction. After the baddies are dispatched or discombobulated, the po-po show up and invite Karen and Cater to the station for a cuppa tea.

“Sounds groovy,” Karen says earlier in the film, to which Carter coldly replies, “It is.” They may as well be talking up The Big Switch. —Rod Lott

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