Fans are mental, aren\u2019t they? Those people who name themselves after bands (the most impressive being the bloke who changed his name by deed poll to \u201cStatus Quo\u201d because once you\u2019ve done that there is nowhere to go, nicknamewise. You can\u2019t call yourself \u2018State\u2019 or \u2018Tuss\u2019, can you? I suppose \u2018Quo\u2019 is a good nickname but it would be confusing at Quo gigs. \u201cHave you seen Quo?\u201d \u201cAbout 17 times, yeah.\u201d Anyway). Those people who have album sleeves tattooed on their arms or chests (don\u2019t, whatever you do, have the cover of the Manic Street Preachers\u2019 Generation Terrorists <\/i>tattooed on your arm or chest, because it is a picture of an arm and a chest, and you\u2019ll look like one of those drawings of two-armed two-chested men on old maps). Those people who painstakingly copy band logos onto their pencil cases like medieval monks tasked with illuminating old X Ray Spex T-shirts. Fans who rifle through their idols\u2019 bins (nowadays we call this \u201cthe heritage market\u201d). Fans who marry their idols. And fans who painstakingly collect each and every release by their favourite band, no matter how the same it is to all the other releases.<\/p>\n
I first realised I wasn\u2019t a record collector in the way proper collectors are record collectors when I was in a second-hand record shop and two people came in and asked for a Spanish pressing of an Abba single. I forget the exact song. It wasn\u2019t one of the songs Abba had re-recorded in Spanish \u2013 it wasn\u2019t even one with a Spanish name \u2013 it was just a regular Abba single with, I presume, an album-track B-side. I remember thinking, what for? It\u2019s the same song. It might be a slightly different mix but I BET NOT. I went home, played some Abba on my iTunes and ruminated. After I\u2019d done that, I felt much better and decided to think about things instead.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t want everything by your favourite act, are you a true fan? If you don\u2019t see every gig, or buy every magazine with them in (that\u2019s a lot easier now), or write their name on your face (or their face on your name), are you a real devotee?I know that many readers of this magazine collect records and memorabilia because they love vinyl, or posters, or the sheer thrill of owning part of popular music history (and I confess to owning a bootleg vinyl copy of The Beatles\u2019 Yesterday And Today <\/i>album because you know, it\u2019s a butcher sleeve even if it\u2019s fake \u2013 it\u2019s on red vinyl, though, which is just wrong) but some people collect every record and artefact by one band just because they love the band.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t. I sold my Pet Shop Boys vinyl collection when everything they did came out on compilations. I love The Beatles but I can\u2019t really tell my 70s mass market vinyl albums from my mono box sets. And I don\u2019t play my Roxy Music bootleg LP any more because everything on it (and more) can be found on YouTube. I\u2019ve lost most of my Manic Street Preachers memorabilia and the only rock clothing I have a glut of is Pop Will Eat Itself sportswear, because every time I saw their PR I demanded some stuff as my due for naming them (but this just means I am a 56-year-old man with a pair of PWEI cycling shorts that are so low in the gusset that there\u2019s room in them for at least six more scrotums).<\/p>\n
A true fan is someone who, unable to be the artist or star they love, surrounds themselves with all the appurtenances (no idea, you look it up) of that artist\u2019s career. They are probably not stalkers or nutters, but their attraction to the artist\u2019s work is so strong that they have to surround themselves with it). A collector, I suppose, feels the need for completeness \u2013 the nagging doubt that somewhere out there is a Zimbabwean EP, shared with Spandau Ballet, accidentally containing an unreleased remix of the debut single.<\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t for me. I am destined to be a disinterested claw on the ocean floor or whatever it is, picking up the odd song here, the occasional album there. I have nothing rare and very little an educated burglar would want, and I\u2019m (mostly) happy that way.<\/p>\n
Then again, thinking about it, I\u2019m still sad that my complete run of Dexys singles, from Dance Stance in a picture sleeve to the This Is What She\u2019s Like double single, was ruined in a house flood. I\u2019ve always been a huge (literally) Pogues fan, and I still have my three 7\u201d singles of Streets Of London by Pogue Mahone\/The Pogues even though they sound exactly the same. But one has a white label with a sticker and one has a different name and…<\/p>\n
Maybe there\u2019s hope for me yet.<\/p>\n
\n
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Fans are mental, aren\u2019t they? Those people who name themselves after bands (the most impressive being the bloke who changed his name by deed poll to \u201cStatus Quo\u201d because once you\u2019ve done that there is nowhere to go, nicknamewise. You can\u2019t call yourself \u2018State\u2019 or \u2018Tuss\u2019, can you? I suppose \u2018Quo\u2019 is a good nickname but it woul\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8023,"featured_media":191736,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"issue":[10093],"class_list":["post-193548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","issue-january-2018"],"apple_news_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n