"Why does everyone think we are gay?" sighed Pucci as he lay on DIO's lap. They were just going over their physics lesson as Pucci goofed off and started looking at Deviantart, which was odd because it was the 80's. Pucci twirled his fingers around Jonathan's deadass nipples. They were technically DIO's now, but DIO couldn't actually feel stimulation due to Jonathan's hamon energy still being stored in his nipples. It was the last piece of Jonathan that truly remained, but that is besides the point. "Nothing in the canon explicitly ever stated us as being homosexual. We are just flamboyant. You are a s l u t for women."

DIO heterosexually rubbed Pucci's collarbones, "HO HO! Express yourself as much as you like!" He deeply dug his strong vampiric fingers into Pucci's shoulders, rubbing out a knot "I can tell you are stressed. Have you been worried about gravity? It is ok to believe in it," DIO picked Pucci up and laid him out on the velvet couch. "Araki is retconning my character in Stone Ocean to seem more nuanced, you shouldn't let the memes of the fandom tell you who you are! That is weakness! Unlike these stubborn knots you have, Pucci-baby," DIO pushed his palms into Pucci's lower back.

Pucci let out a deep sigh, "I know, it's just like, can't we be a couple of boys just being dudes?" said Pucci in a very straight manner as he wiggled out of his priest robes. "I j-just, I am going to have to deal with the only female Joestar, and if she is coming into that fight thinking I'm gay, well that is really marketable, really progressive y-ya, ohhh yeah, right there, thats-- thats the spot DIO ooohhhh," Pucci lost his train of thought thinking about baseball and naked girls with, like, huge badonkers. Really straight stuff, because he is not canonically gay. DIO picked up Pucci like a bride on wedding night, but not like in a romantic way, in a chill cool bro way, and carried him up the dimly lit stairs.

"It doesn't matter what they say, my sweet-bro Pucci, it only matters how we see each other," DIO said softly into Pucci's ear as he laid him into onto his bed. He grabbed a glass of warm milk and left it by the bedside in case he got thirsty. "Vanilla Ice, now that guy is aggressively gay, almost obsessed, I think he'd chop off his own head if I asked him to," sighed DIO as he sat at the end of the bed rubbing Pucci's heteronormative feet through the covers, which tickled him in a not gay way. "I don't even invite him over... he just shows up."

"B-but I don't weird you out, right DIO-Sama? I just wanna be your bro and faithful servant, in not gay way," DIO kissed Pucci on the forehead and tucked his homie in. DIO walked towards the door, "you could show up at my door naked, and I wouldn't be bothered, that is how much we are bros Pucci, bros that stand above all," DIO started to close the door behind him. A smile crossed his wicked straight face. "Hey Pucci..."

"Y-yes DIO-Sama..." called out Pucci, snuggly from bed. "Tell the whole Za Warudo we are bros," said DIO proudly. "We're bros," whispered Pucci, DIO only being able to hear it thanks to his non-consistent vampire powers. "Why did you whisper, bro?" Inquired DIO. "Because you are my Warudo, bro.." said Pucci returning a smile on his face. "Bro...." DIO gasped as he closed the door behind him, leaving on Pucci's favorite bible themed nightlight.