Overview

Communication Skills
Nonverbal communication Oral communication Written communication

Interpersonal Applications Business Applications

Why Study Communication?

The Only Completely Portable Skill
You will use it in every relationship You will need it regardless of your career path

The Information Age

The history of civilization is the history of information Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of information and knowledge through time and space

Why Study Communication?

Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication People Overestimate Their Own Communication Skills

We Want Others to Change

What Is Communication?
Transfer of MeaningNo Influence of Mental MapsYes Redundant Visual Auditory Kinesthestic Energetic

What Is Communication?
Conscious and Intentional Nonverbal Verbal Unconscious and Unintentional Nonverbal Verbal

Unconscious Processing
Conscious Processing = 72/Second Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec. Short-term Memory Long-term Memory Habits Physical Mental

Habits
Learned Behavior Established Over Time Practice Self-talk Change

Learning
Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence Mastery

External Reality
The Map is Not the Territory
We delete information We distort information We generalize We assign meaning

Models of the World

Sensory Data
The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience
What we see What we hear What we touch, taste, and smell

The Four-tuple Meanings and Memories

Filtering Experience
Primary Mediation Secondary Mediation
Genetic predisposition Conditioning Personal profiles of behavioral type Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors Physical and mental state

Perception Can Be Tricky

The Communication Process

Message

Sensory Data

Filters
Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State

Sensory Data

DecisionMaking

Filters
Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State

DecisionMaking

Encoding Channel

Encoding

Sender

Receiver

The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003

Metaphor: The Language of Perception

Metaphors and Similes
My love is a flower. My love is like a flower.

Core Metaphors
Argument is war Business is war Business is a sport or a game Business is a building

Core Metaphors
Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies Perceptual Filters Common Operational Metaphors
Time is Learning is Men/Women are Success is... Life is

Experience, Language, and Meaning

Language Meaning

Mental Maps
Sensory Data Experience

Symbol Systems
Language
Words and sentences Meaning and labels

Mathematics Money

History of Communication
Nonverbal: Oral: Written:

150,000 years 55,000 years 6,000 years

Early writing: 4000 BC Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC Book printing in China: 600 BC Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD

Communicating Meaning
Physiology and Appearance: Paralanguage: Language: 55 percent 38 percent 7 percent

Sensory Data and Mental Maps

Bridge Between Internal and External Internal and External Processing Internal Processing Posture and breathing Language and paralanguage Eye accessing cues

Sensory Modalities
Visual Auditory Kinesthetic
Touch Taste Smell Emotional responses (feelings)

Preferred Sensory Modalities

People Use All Their Available Senses Some Prefer Visual Some Prefer Auditory Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster
Senses of touch, taste, and smell Associated emotional responses

Some Prefer Digital Processing

Visuals
Vocabulary
I see what you mean. It looks good to me. Lets stay focused on the problem. She has a bright future. Hes always in a fog.

Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage

Auditories
Vocabulary
I hear what you are saying. It sounds good to me. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Thats music to my ears. Hes always blowing his own horn.

Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage

Kinesthetics (Kinos)
Vocabulary
I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. It smells fishy to me. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Shes still rough around the edges. Hes a smooth operator.

Physiology and Appearance Paralanguage

Eye Accessing Cues

Vc Ac K

Vr
Ar Ai

Exercise: Observing Eye Movements

Ask questions that require internal processing. Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Taste or smell Touch Emotions

Exercise: Flexibility
Determine your preferred system. What are you doing when you think? Speak for two minutes using predicates from one sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two. Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

Rapport
Finding Commonalities
Values Vocabulary and paralanguage Physiology and appearance

Matching and Mirroring Cross-over Matching

People who are like each other, like each other.

Developing Rapport
Nonverbal (what you see and do)
Physiology Appearance Congruence

Verbal (what you hear and say)

Sense-based predicates Values, beliefs, and criteria Voice tone and rate of speech

Reading Nonverbal Messages

Sensory Acuity Agree and Disagree Posture and Movement
Associated or dissociated Bodily response

Exercises: Rapport
Matching and Mirroring Observing others Practicing Calibration Like/dislike Yes/no

Congruence
Physiology
Left/right body Left/right brain

Nonverbal and Verbal Messages Parts Groups

Strategies
The Structure of Subjective Experience
Four-tuples Syntax

Learned Behavior
TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit) Habits Skills

Common Strategies
Spelling
Auditory (spell phonics phonetically) Visual

Making Decisions Communicating

Listening and speaking Writing

Decision-making Strategies
Purchasing
An inexpensive product Dinner in a nice restaurant An expensive product or service

Relationships Career Choices

Communication Strategy, 1 & 2

Pace
Match (nonverbally and verbally) Meet expectations

Lead
Set direction Maintain interest Maintain rapport

Communication Strategy, 3 & 4

Blend Outcomes
Understand objectives and desires Create win-win solutions

Motivate
Clarify who does what next Future-pace possibilities Presuppose positive results

Exercise: Eliciting Strategies

Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant Learning Something New Teaching Something for the First Time

Personal Profiles
Achiever Communicator Specialist Perfectionist

Profile Characteristics
Achiever
Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win. Sees life as a competition.

Communicator
Likes to achieve results by working with and through people. Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results.

Specialist
Likes to plan work and relationships. Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.

Perfectionist
Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail. Complies with authority and tries to provide the right answer.

Metaprograms
Action Direction Source Conduct Initiate or Respond Toward or Away From Internal or External Rule Follower or Breaker

More Metaprograms
Response Scope Cognitive Style Confirmation Match or Mismatch Global or Specific Thinking or Feeling VAK and Times

Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms

Metaprograms are revealed by Nonverbal messages Language Question s What do you mean? How do you know? Whats important to you about that?

Changing Behavior
Patterns and Pattern Interrupts Anchors and Anchoring
Stimulus-response conditioning Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors

Advanced Language Patterns

The Metamodel The Milton Model

Exercise: Anchoring
Setting Anchors Kinesthetic Visual Auditory Stacking Anchors Collapsing Anchors Using Sliding Anchors

The Structure of Subjective Experience

Sorting for Time
Past, present, and future Timelines

Sorting for Like and Dislike Creating and Changing Meaning

Modalities and Submodalities

Visual Submodalities
Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view Color or black & white, moving or still

Auditory Submodalities
Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)

Kinesthetic Submodalities
Location, strength, duration, movement Quality (warm, cold, tingly, etc.)

Exercise: Changing Submodalities

Select something, someone, or an activity you want to like better. Elicit submodalities for Things you like. Things you dislike. Change the submodalities with which you represent the thing, person, or activity.

Belief Systems
Cultural Parental Group Individual Global (Identity) Cause-effect
If X, then Y If I study, then I will...

Rules
Can/cant Must/must not Should/should not

Values
A Type of Belief Hierarchical Either Positive or Negative
Something desired Something to avoid

Congruent or Incongruent

Core Questions
Remain Out of Conscious Awareness Focus Attention Influence Interpretation of Events Influence Psychological State Influence the Range of Possibilities

Exercise: Belief and Disbelief

Elicit the submodalities of something you believe absolutely. Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt. Elicit the submodalities of something you disbelieve. Select a limiting belief and change its submodalities.

Frames and Reframes

The Filters That Determine Meaning Influence State and Behavior Creating and Changing Frames Anchoring Reframing Context Reframing Content

Reframing Context
Key Questions
Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful? When would the characteristic or behavior be useful? What would have to be true for this to be useful?

Common Context Reframes

Rudolphs red nose Oil Procrastination

Reframing Content
Key Questions
What else could this mean (or be)? What am I missing here? How can he or she believe that? How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?

Common Content Reframes

The ugly duckling Plastic or sawdust Failure

The Metamodel
Used to Understand Anothers Mental Maps Used to Recover Lost Information Used to Help Correct Distortions Universal Metamodel Questions
What, who, or how specifically? What do you mean? How do you know? What would happen if you did (or didnt)?

Metamodel Violations
Unspecified Nouns
Abstract nouns (a student, teachers) Nominalizations (freedom, justice)

Unspecified or Missing Pronouns

Someone you know. . . . Its wrong to think that.

Metamodel Violations
Unspecified Verbs
You have to learn this. You will solve your problems.

Unwarranted Generalizations
You never want to do anything. Politicians are crooks.

Metamodel Violations
Unwarranted Comparisons
Brand X gives you more. Sally is the best.

Unwarranted Rules
You cant do that on television. Clean your plate. No pain, no gain.

The Milton Model

Used to Change Anothers Mental Maps Used to Create New Possibilities Used to Influence

Milton Model Techniques

Metamodel Violations Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs. Generalizations Comparisons Shifts in referential index

More Milton Model Techniques

Presuppositions Embedded Questions Embedded Commands Negative Commands Metaphors Quotes Ambiguities

Basic Language Skills

My automobile prefers to warm up slowly. The organization is in excellent shape. For example, the record profits last year. The company has decided to purchase new furniture. While busy working at the computer all day was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.

More Basic Language Skills

Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior to his boss, but also to the company president. The data is from Service Is the Key, by Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of Customer Relations.

Language Skills for Case 1

As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my responsibility to set up our companies annual convention. I am writing this letter to inquire about your hotels accommodations. How many people can your hotel accommodate at one time?

More Language Skills for Case 1

Does your hotel have banquet facilities? How many conference rooms does your hotel have with audio/visual equipment? I must have your answer by July 10th so that I can make a decision. Thank you in advance for sending this and other helpful information.

Block Format and Mixed Punctuation

Date goes on left margin
5 January 2004 January 5, 2004 NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004

Inside address includes the following:

Name of the individual with courtesy title Professional title and/or office or department Organization plus mail stop information City, state, and ZIP code information

Block Format and Mixed PunctuationPart 2

Salutation
Dear Ms. Goldman: Dear Director: Ladies and Gentlemen:

The signature block includes the following:

An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely, Cordially, Best Wishes) The signature of the person who wrote the letter The typed/printed name of the writer

Message Structure for Case 1

Ask the most important question.
What is the make-or-break question? Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms? Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?

Explain your needs.

What does she need to know to help you? What does she not need to know? What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?

More Structure for Case 1

Ask your secondary questions.
What is implied by the numbered list? How do you ensure that the information you receive will help you make a decision?

Set and justify an end-date.

Is it possible that she can help you in ways you havent asked about? Why do you need a time index to justify a specific enddate?