International Journal of Education and Psychological Research (IJEPR) Volume 4, Issue 4, December 2015

Attachment: The Roots of Love

Vidushi Dixit[1]
[2]
Arun Kumar

Abstract:
The present study was planned to review the literature and explore the relationship between attachment and love. On the basis of
the literature it was found that attachment lies at the roots of love. Basically four patterns of attachment were found namely
secure, avoidant, ambivalent and disorganized attachment. The securely attached children grow into healthy, socially adept
adults whereas remaining three type of attachments lead to behavioral and relationship problems. Through researches on love
and attachment psychologists have learned about the cultivation and re-cultivation of love as love is a combination of emotions,
cognitions and behaviors that often play a crucial role in intimate relationships. The theoretical approach of love describes love
as Passionate love and Compassionate love whereas the Triangular theory of love describes eight types of love namely Non-
Love, liking, infatuation, empty love, romantic love, compassionate love, fatuous love and consummate love. It was also found in
the studies that re-cultivation of love among adults help people to reassure and bind together in secure relationships. Therefore it
can be concluded that attachment and love are like two rail track lines on which the train of healthy life runs swiftly and
smoothly.
Key words: attachment, love, relationships.

I. INTRODUCTION
Attachment is a reciprocal, enduring emotional tie between such as greeted their mothers brightly when she returned but
an infant and a caregiver that probably starts during the first then turned away or approached without looking at her,
moment of an infant’s life. It is the emotional link that forms seemed confused and afraid. This might be the least secure
between a child and a caregiver each of whom contributes to pattern and was most likely to occur in babies whose mothers
the quality of the relationship and it physically binds people were insensitive, intrusive or abusive (Carlson, 1998).
together over time (Ainsworth, Bell & Stayton, 1992). The The key to attachment lies in the interplay between the quality
child’s tie to its caregiver is called the “attachment” and the of the relationship with the caregiver and the infant’s
caregiver’s reciprocal tie is called the “care-giving bond”. As emotional makeup. Supportive and affectionate mothers
the caregiver affects the infant, the child also affects the beget securely attached children. Critical and rejecting
caregiver. Attachment is also viewed as central to the capacity mothers produce avoidant or ambivalent infants. Depressed
of emotion regulation. The most important tenet of mothers may be emotionally unavailable to the child
attachment theory is that a young child needs to develop a resulting in an avoidant child (Lowenstein & Field).
relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and
emotional development to occur normally (Rao & Security of attachment seems to affect emotional, social and
Madan,2013). cognitive competence (Van Ijzendoorn & Sagi, 1997). Secure
attachment provides the safe environment in which children
Mary Ainsworth first studied attachment in the early 1950s can take chances, engage in learning activities, initiate new
with John Bowlby. Ainsworth devised the Strange Situation relationships and grow into healthy, socially adept adults.
technique to assess attachment patterns between an infant and Insecurely attached infants, by contrast, often have later
an adult. It consisted of a sequence of eight episodes and problems such as inhibitions, negative emotions in
observed 1-year olds in the strange situation and at home. toddlerhood, hostility toward other children at age 5, and
They found three main patterns of attachment: Secure, dependency during the school years. Those with disorganized
Avoidant and Ambivalent or Resistant. Securely Attached attachment tend to have behavioral problems at all levels of
children showed the pattern of seeking and maintaining schooling & psychiatric disorders at age 17 (Carlson, 1998).
contact with their mother. Avoidant Children did not cry Children with insecure attachment styles are seen to have
when their mother left and either ignored her or turned away elevated levels of anxiety symptoms and increased levels of
upon her return. Ambivalent Children cried when their worry (Muris et al, 2000; Rao & Madan, 2013).
mother left but were not comforted when she returned
(Ainsworth, Beehar, Waters & Wall, 1978). Personal perspectives on attachment are carried through
childhood and adolescence into the stages of adulthood in the
Other research (Main & Solomon, 1986) identified a fourth form of an internal working model of self & others (Bowlby,
pattern, Disorganized disoriented attachment. These babies 1 9 8 8 ; S h a v e r , H a z a n & B r a d s h a w, 1 9 8 8 ) .
often demonstrated inconsistent, contradictory behaviors,
[1]
Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology, Banasthali Vidyapith, Rajasthan, India
[2]
JRF, Defence Institute of Psychological Research, DRDO, Delhi, India

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International Journal of Education and Psychological Research (IJEPR) Volume 4, Issue 4, December 2015

Early in their development, children integrate perceptions of differences between childhood attachment and adult
their social competence, appeal and loyability (the self attachment. The first is that childhood attachments are
model) with their expectations regarding accessibility, asymmetrical, meaning that the relationship is usually
responsiveness and consistency of caregivers (the other complimentary than reciprocal. Second, there is almost
model). The model is a “conscious mindful state” of always a sexual component involved in adult attachment.
generalized expectations and preferences regarding
relationship intimacy that guide participants information The formation of meaningful peer relationship is one of the
processing of relationship experiences as well as their developmental tasks of adolescents, which could possibly be
behavioral response patterns (Lopez, 2003). If people carry the strongest theoretical links to attachment behavior. Peer
forward a secure mindful state, they see the world as safe and relationships increase markedly in intensity during
others as reliable. People who see the social world as adolescence and in some cases may in themselves become
unpredictable and other people as unreliable have difficulty attachment relationships.
overcoming their desires to keep others at a distance. Weiss (1973, 1989) believed secure adolescents attached
Numerous theorists have extended attachment theory across high importance to both attachment and affiliation goals in
the life span into other adults as well as to the children for friendship, anxious-ambivalent adolescence overemphasize
whom they will serve as caregivers. Mary Main and attachment goals, and avoidant adolescence gave low
Colleagues (George, Kaplan & Main, 1985; Main & importance to the two types of goals. In addition, whereas
Goldwyn, 1984, 1998) developed the Adult Attachment secure adolescents were responsive to affiliation and
Interview (AAI) that asks adults to recall and interpret attachment contexts, insecure adolescents showed less
feelings and experiences related to their childhood responsiveness to these contexts and there habitual working
attachments. They found that adult attachment could best be models guided their responses (Marrio et al, 2001; Rao &
described by a four category system comprising Madan, 2013).
secure/autonomous, dismissing, preoccupied & unresolved / Is there no Hope for those of who had an insecure attachment
disorganized. An analysis of eighteen studies using the AAI style? Through researches on love and attachment,
found that the clarity, coherence and consistency with which psychologists have learned something about the cultivation
these early attachments are remembered and interpreted & re-cultivation of love among adults. Emotionally focused
reliably predicts the security with which the respondent’s couples therapy is a well validated approach for troubled
own child will be attached to him/her (Van Izendoorn, 1995). couples, which is based on attachment theory and teaches a
Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver (1987) studied attachment in more flexible approach to expression and satisfaction of
the context of adult romantic relationship and found that the needs (S.M. Johnson, 1996; S.M. Johnson, Hunsley,
three category of Secure, Avoidant and Anxious effectively Greenberg & Schlinde, 1999). Partners learn to comfort, to
described the nature of adult attachment to a significant other. reassure, to support one another, in short to open the doors to
Barthelomew and Herowitz (1991) expanded the three new emotional experiences, those that bind people together in
categories of adult attachment to four categories by secure relationships.
differentiating two types of avoidant attachment, dismissive
and fearful. Brennan et al (1998) considered Bartholomew II. LOVE: THE COLOR OF LIFE
and Horowitz’s system from a different perspective. They
conceptualized attachment on the two dimensions of Love in all its manifestations, whether for children, parents,
attachment, attachment-related avoidance and attachment- friends or romantic partners, gives depth to human
related anxiety. relationships. Love is definitely something more than a close
friendship and something different from merely being
There are several important similarities and differences romantically or sexually interested in another person. Robert
between attachments that occur in childhood and adulthood. J. Sternberg (1995) said that love is a story, lovers are its
Shaver and Hazan (1989) point out six similarities between authors, and the kind of story they make up reflects their
childhood and adult (and adolescent) attachments. First, is personalities and their feelings about their relationships.
that the quality of the attachment is dependent upon the According to Baron and Byrne, love is a combination of
reciprocation, sensitivity and responsiveness of the emotions, cognitions and behaviors that often play a crucial
attachment figure/ caregiver. Second, securely attached role in intimate relationships.
individuals (infants/adults) are generally happier and more
adaptive than insecurely attached individuals. Third, the There are casualties of love in the form of heartbreak and
attachment mechanism of maintaining proximity to the divorce, in the abuse of spouses and the neglect of children.
attachment figure is displayed in both adult and infant Though not diagnostically labeled, loneliness lies near the
attachment. Fourth, separation from an attachment figure center of such disorders as anxiety, depression,
causes extreme distress (separation distress), and the schizophrenia, and substance abuse (Booth, 1983;
initiation of attachment behavior is an attempt to regain McWhirter, 1990). When asked to describe bad events or
contact with the attachment figure. Fifth, in both adults and things that have gone wrong in life, majority of people
infants there is an “intense sensitivity” when displaying recounted relationships conflict or losses (Veroff, Douvan &
discoveries and achievements to the attachment figure for Kukla, 1981). One of the ways that researchers legitimized
approval. And lastly, both attachments entail a certain degree the study of love was to highlight the problems ensuing from
of baby talk or motherese type communication. Whereas its absence and to identify factors helpful to avoid them. The
Feeney et al (1999) note that there are two important capacity to love and to be loved is viewed by contemporary
theorists as an inherently human tendency with powerful

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International Journal of Education and Psychological Research (IJEPR) Volume 4, Issue 4, December 2015

effects on Well-Being from infancy through old age. Harris hormone-like substance oxytocin, which is released in the
Reis and Shelly Gable (2003) conclude that good relations brain in response to social contact, especially skin-to-skin
with others may be the single most important source of life touch (Insel, 1997). It has been called the cuddle hormone and
satisfaction and emotional well-being, across different ages it has been linked to the creation of a loving bond between
and cultures (Berscheid & Reis, 1998; Klinger, 1977). Aron two individuals and perhaps even to monogamy (Carter,
and Aron (1956) were of the view that falling in love provides 1998; Porges, 1998; Young, Wang & Insel, 1998). Oxytocin
a sense of very rapid expansion of the boundaries of self and increases during pregnancy and its presence facilitates the
is therefore, a very pleasurable state of being. production of milk and “maternal behavior”. The oxytocin
levels of a father also rise as well during pregnancy of his
III. EVOLUTIONARY SIGNIFICANCE spouse and to the degree that he spends time with his infant,
his oxytocin level continue to increase. Oxytocin is
The prolonged helplessness of infants requires love to be associated with the neurotransmitter ‘dopamine’ which is
built deep within them and caregivers to ensure survival broadly responsible for reinforcement and pleasure. Neuro
(Mellen, 1981). The ancestors needed not only the means to imaging studies of individuals show that their brains work
attract a mate for the purpose of procreation but also to create differently when they are looking at a picture of their true love
the bond between mates to guarantee that the child would be versus picture of good friends of the same age & gender
protected and raised. Survival required a high degree of infant (Bartels & Zeki, 2000). Researchers found that when mothers
nurturance and protection against predators. An emotional look at a picture of their own children, brain regions
bond between breeding pairs of males and females might responsible for negative emotions and social comparison are
have enhanced offspring survival at least slightly. It was an deactivated (Bartels & Zeki, 2004). The focus is that love is
advantage if they liked and trusted one another and if they also biology and the fact that the biological bodies are
could divide up tasks such as hunting and child care. Thus, the designed to draw people to one another is a strong argument
link of primitive emotional bonding to differential survival that social relationships are neither arbitrary nor merely
rates was the beginning of the evolution of love. According to convenient ways to other things that matter like food, sex,
Bowlby (1969, 1973, 1980) Attachment enhances survival by power etc. According to Maslow love is one of the four basic
regulating an infant’s relationship and proximity to his/her human needs (physiological, safety, love and esteem). The
caregiver. The child continuously monitors the caregiver’s love need must be satisfied before a person can act
whereabouts and plays contendly as long as they are nearby. unselfishly. Maslow called these needs “deficiency needs”.
If the distance between them becomes too great the child will As long as one is motivated to satisfy these cravings, he
be upset and redirect his attention and effort toward re- would move toward growth and self-actualization. Maslow
establishing proximity. Irving Singer (194a, 1984b, 1987) saw the satisfaction of needs as healthy (Gwynne, 1997;
distinguished four traditions of love, denoted by Greek terms- Sailor, 2013).
Eros, the search for the beautiful, it approaches love in terms
of desire. Philia, the affection in friendship, it refers to love as Now the question arises that is infant attached to his/her
friendship. Nomos, submission and obedience to the divine, it mother because she feeds him/her? Or is social attachment
refers submission to God’s will or obedience to the desire of a significant in its own right? Harry Harlow (1974) conducted
loved one. And agape, or the bestowal of love by the divine, it an experiment and found that infants are predisposed to form
is the selfless love that approaches the divine. attachments with objects that are easy to cuddle, like the terry
models and concluded that the need for love and affection
Within western civilization, ideas about love have changed exists strongly. In an important study, Johnson, Dziurawiec,
radically over centuries. In ancient Greece, homosexual love Ellis and Morton (1991) showed that within first hour
was prized above heterosexual relationships. In King following birth, infants are more likely to track with their
Arthur’s court loved involved a non sexual chivalry rather eyes a moving stimulus that looks like a face than they are to
than intimacy. In Victorian England love was viewed as noble track similar but non-face like stimuli. It shows that the
motion but sex was considered a necessary evil, required only newborn is predisposed by evolution to attend to the most
for producing children. A more modern view is of loving a important aspects of the environment, the parent and the
person for who he or she is. parent’s attention in turn is drawn to responsiveness of the
An ongoing historical debate is whether romantic love even infant, forming the base for attachment.
existed prior to the last few centuries (Simpson, Campbell & Equity theory suggests that close relationships, friendships or
Berscheid, 1986). Marriage based on romantic love is a romances persist to the degree that both people involved
relatively modern intervention, dating only to the 18th believe that what they are getting out of the relationship is
century in the western world, and it is still not common in proportional to what they are putting into it (Walster, Walster
many parts of the world (Gadlin, 1977; Murstein, 1974). In & Berschied, 1978). However equity theory has been
much of the world, especially those with collectivist cultures, challenged from various quarters. A relationship that is
arranged marriages are the norm. Evidences show that strictly a mutual exchange can only be thought of as a
marriages can be quite satisfying for the partners (Myers, business deal. To prevent this, individuals in friendship or
Madathiles & Tingle, 2005). Peterson & Seligman are of the romance must sacrifice some of their own rewards for the
view that after all, arrange marriages are created by family good of their partners. Then the relationship can be
members so, these may also be “love marriages” although the interpreted as genuine. Equity theory fails most profoundly
love is between parents and their children. because it ignores the feelings that people bring to their
On the basis of biology, special attention has been given to the relationships. People do not have friends and spouses because

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International Journal of Education and Psychological Research (IJEPR) Volume 4, Issue 4, December 2015

they “think” their friends and spouse will benefit them. 2. Liking- There is closeness, understanding, emotional
People have them because they love them. According to Erich support, affection, bondedness and warmth.
Fromm (1956), immature love says, "I Love you because I 3. Infatuation- “Love at first sight”, can flare up suddenly
need you.” whereas mature love says “I need you because I and die just as fast or given certain circumstances, can
Love you.” sometimes last for a long time.
The theoretical approaches to romantic love classify love in 4. Empty Love- Often found in long term relationships that
following ways. According to the classical distinction, love have lost both intimacy & passion, or in arranged
was termed as passionate love and compassionate love. marriages.
Passionate or romantic love was defined as a state of intense
passionate absorption of two lovers with each other in which 5. Romantic Love- Romantic lovers are drawn to each other
emotion is primary and there is likely to be anguish and physically and bonded emotionally. They are not,
ecstasy both in the relationship. Compassionate love is however committed to each other.
defined as simply the unshakable affection felt for each other 6. Compassionate Love- Long-term committed friendship,
by two people whose lives are deeply interwined. Passionate often occurring in marriages in which physical attraction
love involves an intense and often unrealistic emotional has died down but in which the partners feel close to each
reaction to another person. It usually begins as instant, other and have made the decision to stay together.
overwhelming surging, all consuming positive reaction to 7. Fatuous Love- Kind of love that leads to a whirlwind
another person, a reaction that feels as if it’s beyond one’s courtship, in which a couple makes a commitment on the
control. The implication is that love relationships begin in the basis of passion without allowing themselves the time to
heat of passionate love, but because they are based on strong develop intimacy. This kind of love usually does not last
emotion that cannot endure, over time passion cools into the despite the initial intent to commit.
quiet glow of compassionate love. Unlike passionate love,
8. Consummate Love- “Complete love” which many people
compassionate love is based on an extremely close friendship
strive for, especially in a romantic relationship. It is easier
in which two people are attracted to each other, have a great
to achieve than to hold onto it. It consists of all three
deal in common, care about each other’s well-being and
components (passion, intimacy, commitment) at high
express mutual liking and respect (Caspi & Herbener, 1990).
levels and in balance across both partners.
It is not exactly as exciting as passionate love but it is able to
sustain a satisfying and lasting relationship. These two forms Sternberg linked his theory to other theories and discussed
of love can occur simultaneously or intermittently rather than how the three primary love components might change over
sequentially (from passionate to compassionate). Hatfield time within a relationship and between different
(1988) noted that most people “hope to combine the delights relationships. Some of the researchers have focused on the
of passionate love with the security of compassionate love in predictive value of these three ingredients of love. In a study
their intimate relationships.” Likewise Walster and Walster of 104 couples, both husbands’ & wives’ intimacy, followed
(1978) noted that most passionate love affairs end in by passion, predicted marital satisfaction (Silberman, 1995).
termination of the affairs. But if one is lucky, a passionate Research on adults’ views about their relationships found that
relationship can ripen into compassionate love. Couple who commitment was the best predictor of relationship
began as passionate lovers can evolve into good friends. satisfaction, especially for the long-term partnerships, (Acker
Hendrick and Hendrick (1993) found that friendship type & Davis, 1992)
love was the most frequently mentioned account theme. In Although love seems to be virtually universal (Goleman,
another study they found that nearly half of the college 1992), its meaning and expression vary across time and
students named their romantic partners as their closest space. According to Anne E. Beall and Robert Sternberg
friends. Noller (1996) concluded that “this combination of (1995), people in different cultures define love differently
passionate and compassionate love is likely to be related to and the way they think about love affects what they feel.
the love that supports marriage and family.” Love, is a social construction, a concept people create out of
On the other hand, Sternberg (1986) proposed a triangular their culturally influenced perceptions of reality. This
model of love. This formulation suggests that each love concept influences what is considered normal, acceptable, or
relationship is made up of three basic components that are ideal. Culture influences not only the definition of love, but
present in varying degrees in different couples (Aron & the features considered desirable in choosing a beloved, the
Westbay, 1996). feelings & thoughts expected to accompany love and how
lovers act toward each other. Social approval and support
1. Intimacy - The closeness two people feel and the strength
from family and friends reinforce satisfaction with and
of the bond that holds them together.
commitment to a relationship.
2. Passion - Based on romance, physical attraction and
According to Chan et al, in independent cultures, couples are
sexual drives.
expected to have the final say in marriage. In contrast, in
3. Commitment (decision) - A decision to initiate and sustain Asian Indian and other collectivistic cultures, arranged
a relationship. marriages are standard. Family approval and satisfaction are
The various possibilities of combination of the three vital to marriages in Indian culture. Therefore, the emphasis
components yield eight types of relationships including “Non on others’ opinions leads Indians in arranged marriages to be
Love” in which all the three components are absent. more prone to higher attachment anxiety levels. Furthermore,
1. Non Love- describes most interpersonal relationship couples may need to restrain their personal wants and needs
which is simply casual interaction. in order to appease the family, which can contribute to higher

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International Journal of Education and Psychological Research (IJEPR) Volume 4, Issue 4, December 2015

levels of attachment avoidance. The findings suggest that Berscheid, E., &Walster, E. (1978). Interpersonal
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