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The Deep End

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100% found this document useful (4 votes)

19K views228 pages

The Deep End

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Foundation

We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.

Available Formats

Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

PUFFIN BOOKS

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID

2
THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES
1 Diar y of a Wimpy Kid 6 Cabin Fever 11 Double Down
THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES
21 Rodric k Rules 76 The Third Wheel 12
11 The Getaway
Diar y of a Wimpy Kid Cabin Fever Double Down
3 The Last Straw 8 Hard Luck 13 The Meltdown
2 Rodric k Rules 7 The Third Wheel 12 The Getaway
4 Dog Days 9 The Long Haul 14 Wrecking Ball
3 The Last Straw 8 Hard Luck 13 The Meltdown
5 The Ugly Truth 10 Old School 15 The Deep End
4 Dog Days 9 The Long Haul 14 Wrecking Ball
5 The Ugly Truth 10 Old School 15 The Deep End
MORE FROM THE WIMPY WORLD
The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book
MORE FROM THE WIMPY WORLD
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diar y
The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diar y: The Next Chapter
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diar y
Diar y of an Awesome Friendly Kid: Rowley Jefferson’s Journal
The Wimpy Kid Movie Diar y: The Next Chapter
Rowley Jeffer son’s Awesome Friendly Adventure
Diar y of an Awesome Friendly Kid: Rowley Jefferson’s Journal
Rowley Jeffer son’s Awesome Friendly Adventure

3
4
PUFFIN BOOKS

www.penguin.co.uk www.puffin.co.uk www.ladybird.co.uk

First published in the English language in the USA

by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS, 2020
First published
Original in the
English title: DiarEnglish language
y of a Wimpy Kid:in theDeep
The USAEnd
by Amulet
(All rights reservedBooks,
in all an imprint by
countries of Harry
ABRAMS, 2020 Inc .)
N. Abrams,
Original
Published English title: Diar
simultaneously in Gry of
eata Britain
Wimpy byKid:Puffin
The Deep End2020
Books
(All rights reserved in all countries by Harry N. Abrams, Inc .)
Published simultaneously in Great Britain by Puffin Books 2020

Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © Wimpy Kid, Inc ., 2020
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™
Wimpyand
Kidthe
text and illustrations
design of the book’cop yrightar©
s cover Wimpy Kid,and
e trademarks Inc ., 2020
DIARY OF Atrade
WIMPY KID®,
dress WIMPYKid,
of Wimpy KID™, and
Inc . All the Greg
rights Heffley design™
reserved.
and the design of the book’s cover are trademarks and
trade dressBook
of Wimpy
designKid,
byInc
Jeff. All rights
Kinne y reserved.
Cover design by Jeff Kinney and Marcie Lawrence
Book design by Jeff Kinney
Coverright
The moral design
of bthe
y Jeff Kinney and Marhas
author/illustrator cie Lawrence
been asserted

The moral right of the author/illustrator has been asserted

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978–0–241–39697–1
ISBN
: 978–0–241–39697–1

All correspondence to:

Puffin Books, Penguin Random House Children’s
All correspondence
One Embassy Gardens, to:London SW11 7BW
8 Viaduct Gardens,
Puffin Books, Penguin Random House Children’s
One Embassy Gardens, 8 Viaduct Gardens, London SW11 7BW

5
tO RYAN

tO RYAN

6
7
AUGUST
Thursday
I love my family andAall,UGUS butTI don’t need to
spend
Thursdaytwenty-four hours a day with them, seven
days
I lovea my
week. Andand
family all, EX
that’s butAI
CTL Y the
don’t needway
to it’s
been
spendaround here lately.
twenty-four hours a day with them, seven
days a week. And that’s EX ACTLY the way it’s
It’s not justhere
been around MElawho’s
tely. getting tired of this,
either. We’re ALL going a little nuts, and if
things
It’s not don’t ME who’s
justchange soongetting
I thinktired
we’reofgonna
this, go
either. deep ALL
off the We’re end. going a little nuts, and if
things don’t change soon I think we’re gonna go
off the deep end.

Mom says we’ve been cooped up for too long and

we just need a holiday. But what we really need
is a holiday
Mom frombeen
says we’ve OTHER
eachcooped up .for too long and
we just need a holiday. But what we really need
is a holiday from each OTHER. 1

8
That’s not gonna happen anytime soon, though,
because we don’t have any MONEY. And the
reason
That’s we
notdon’t
gonnais happen
kind of anytime
a long story.
soon, though,
because we don’t have any MONEY. And the
reason we don’t is kind of a long story.

We’ve been living in Gramma’s basement for two

months, and I don’t know how much longer we
can keep
We’ve beengoing
livinglike this. Mombasement
in Gramma’s says thatforonetwo
day we’ ll and
months, look Iback on know
don’t this time
how and
muchsmile,
longerbutwe
she’skeep
can not going
the one likewho hasMom
this. to share a futon
says that one with
RODRICK
day we’ ll lookevery
backnight.
on this time and smile, but
she’s not the one who has to share a futon with
2RODRICK every night.

9
The crazy thing is, Gramma’s got plenty of room
in her house, so I don’t understand why our
whole familything
The crazy has to
is, stay in hergot
Gramma’s basement. When
plenty of room
we her
in firsthouse,
got here,
so I I called
don’t dibs on the
understand whyguest
our
room, family
whole but Gramma
has to said
stayitinwas
heralready taken.
basement. When
we first got here, I called dibs on the guest
room, but Gramma said it was already taken.

I don’t think Gramma’s too thrilled we’re living

with her, because whenever her friends come over
shedon’t
I asks think
us to Gramma’s
stay out of
toosight.
thrilled we’re living
with her, because whenever her friends come over
she asks us to stay out of sight. 3

10
And that’s kind of inconvenient since there isn’t a
bathroom in the basement, and her friends always
stay F
And OREVER
that’s kind .of inconvenient since there isn’t a
bathroom in the basement, and her friends always
stay FOREVER.

We can’t use the kitchen when Gramma’s got

guests, which means we can’t eat dinner until after
they’re
We can’tgone. Butkitchen
use the last night
whenIGramma’s
guess Rodrick
got got
sick of waiting,
guests, so heweheated
which means up some
can’t eat leftover
dinner until after
pizza in gone.
they’re Gramma’s
But dryer.
last night I guess Rodrick got
sick of waiting, so he heated up some leftover
pizza in Gramma’s dryer.

11
There’s no TV in Gramma’s basement, so the only
thing we’ve got to entertain ourselves with is each
OTHERno
There’s TV inbelieve
. And, me, that’s
Gramma’s not
basement, enough.
so the only
thing we’ve got to entertain ourselves with is each
OTHER. And, believe me, that’s not enough.

Mom says being bored is good, because it makes

you use your imagination. But whenever I try it
I
Momalways
says end
beingupbored
imagining the because
is good, exact same thing.
it makes
you use your imagination. But whenever I try it
I always end up imagining the exact same thing.

12
Something that’s making the situation a lot
harder is that Dad is working from home this
summer, which
Something means
that’s he’s the
making always around.a And
situation lot
whenever
harder is Dad
that has
Dada ismeeting,
workingthe
fromrest of this
home us have
to pretend
summer, we’re
which not he’s
means there.
always around. And
whenever Dad has a meeting, the rest of us have
But that’s not
to pretend we’realways easy to do, especially when
not there.
you’ve got a three-year-old in the family.
But that’s not always easy to do, especially when
you’ve got a three-year-old in the family.

Most of the time I just try to keep myself

busy. Gramma’s got stacks of puzzles down in the
basement,
Most andtime
of the I’veI done a fewtoofkeep
just try themmyself
by myself.
But Mom
busy. always got
Gramma’s lets stacks
Mannyofput in thedown
puzzles last piece
in theto
make him feel
basement, andimportant.
I’ve done a few of them by myself.
But Mom always lets Manny put in the last piece to
6
make him feel important.

13
If you ask me, I don’t think Mom’s doing Manny
any favours by BABYING him. And it’s got a lot
worse
If yousince
ask we
me,started
I don’tliving
thinkat Mom’s
Gramma’s.
doing Manny
any favours by BABYING him. And it’s got a lot
Sometimes, after
worse since we dinner,
started livingwe’at
ll play a board game
Gramma’s.
as a family. But Manny can’t handle complicated
rules, so weafter
Sometimes, alwaysdinner,
end upwe’ playing
ll play aa game
boardthat
game
doesn’t
as require
a family. Butany SKILL
Manny . handle complicated
can’t
rules, so we always end up playing a game that
doesn’t require any SKILL.

14
We have to go to bed before it’s even dark
outside, because we’re all on MANNY’ S schedule.
We have to go to bed before it’s even dark
outside, because we’re all on MANNY’ S schedule.

These days, Manny’s favourite bedtime story is a

Noah’s Ark picture book. It’s about this guy who
hears it’s
These gonna
days, rain for
Manny’s a reallybedtime
favourite long time,
storyso ishea
builds a Ark
Noah’s giantpicture
boat to rideIt’s
book. out the
aboutstorm
this with
guy whoa
bunch it’s
hears of animals.
gonna rain for a really long time, so he
builds a giant boat to ride out the storm with a
bunch of animals.

15
The illustrations in Manny’s book are all cartoons,
and they make it look like a f lood that wiped out
half illustrations
The the Earth was in Manny’s FUNare
kind of book . all cartoons,
and they make it look like a f lood that wiped out
half the Earth was kind of FUN.

But I guess if the drawings were more realistic,

parents wouldn’t buy it for their pre-schoolers.
But I guess if the drawings were more realistic,
parents wouldn’t buy it for their pre-schoolers.

16
I’ve got some questions about the Noah’s Ark
story, though. For starters, I wanna know why
Noahgot
I’ve let some
venomou s creatures
questions about like
the snakes
Noah’s and
Ark
scorpi
stor y,ontshoug
on h.
board. was ME
Because, ifIitwanna
For starters, , I why
know
would’ve
Noah letused venthe
omouopportunity to leave
s creatures like a few
snakes andof
those
sc orpion s onBEHIND
guys .
board. Because, if it was ME, I
would’ve used the opportunity to leave a few of
those guys BEHIND.

And then I would’ve used the extra space for

more of the GOOD animals, like puppies and
hedgehogs
And then Iandwould’ve
those pygmy
used thehippopotamuses.
extra space for
more of the GOOD animals, like puppies and
hedgehogs and those pygmy hippopotamuses.

17
Luckily, Noah didn’t have to make room on board
for whales and fish, because they would’ve taken up
a TON of
Luckily, space.
Noah Andhave
didn’t theytoprobably
make roomdidn’t even
on board
know the fand
for whales loodfish,
was because
happening
theytowould’ve
begin with.
taken up
a TON of space. And they probably didn’t even
know the f lood was happening to begin with.

But it doesn’t make a lot of sense that Noah

let BIRDS on the ark, si nce they could’ve just
F LOit
But W doesn’t
N . Andmake
I bet he of
a lot regretted thatNoah
sense that decision
let BIRDS
right away. on the ark, si nce they could’ve just
FLOW N . And I bet he regretted that decision
right away.

18
You only hear about the animals that SURVIVED
the f lood. But sometimes I wonder if there were
someonly
You cool hear
animals theDIDN
that
about animals make SUR
’ T that it onVIVED
to the
boat.
the f lood. But sometimes I wonder if there were
some cool animals that DIDN’ T make it on to the
boat.

The way the story goes, after it rained for forty

days and forty nights, it took 150 days for the
f loodwater
The way thetostory
go back down.
goes, That
after means for
it rained Noah
forty
was stuck
days on thenights,
and forty boat with a bunch
it took 150 of animals,
days for the
fplus his wifetoand
loodwater go three sons. That means Noah
back down.
was stuck on the boat with a bunch of animals,
And whenever
plus his I three
wife and feel sorry
sons.for myself living in
Gramma’s basement with my family, I think about
Noah and it makes
And whenever mesorry
I feel feel afor
little better.
myself living in
Gramma’s basement with my family, I think about
12
Noah and it makes me feel a little better.

19
Mom keeps saying she’s glad we’re all together
right now, because she feels like time has slowed
down.keeps
Mom I’ve saying
noticedshe’s
that,glad
too, but all
we’re ME it’s not
fortogether
GOOD
aright now,thing.
because she feels like time has slowed
down. I’ve noticed that, too, but for ME it’s not
a GOOD thing.

20
Something that’s making this summer feel really
long is that I can’t go to my friend Rowley’s
house. Andthat’s
Something that’smaking
becausethis
he’s summer
off on feel
somereally
big
European
lo ng is thatholiday with
I can’t go his
to family.
my friend Rowley’s
house. And that’s because he’s off on some big
When Rowley
European firstwith
holiday toldhismefamily.
about his family’s
plans, I tried to see if his parents might let me
tag along.
When Butfirst
Rowley I guess
told meMr about
and Mrs Jefferson
his family’s
aren’t
plans, as
I sharp
tried toas see
I thought they were,
if his parents might because
let me
they never But
tag along. picked
I up on Mr
guess anyand
of my
Mrshints.
Jefferson
aren’t as sharp as I thought they were, because
they never picked up on any of my hints.

So now Rowley’s probably off having the time of

his life while I’m doing five-hundred-piece puzzles
in my
So nowgrandmother’s basement.
Rowley’s probably off having the time of
his life while I’m doing five-hundred-piece puzzles
14
in my grandmother’s basement.

21
I think Mom feels bad we can’t afford to do
something special this summer, so she’s been trying
to think
I make up forfeels
Mom it. bad we can’t afford to do
something special this summer, so she’s been trying
She says up
to make we for
can it.
go anywhere we want if we just
use our imaginations. But, to be honest, that’s
not really
She says wedoing it for
can go me anywemore.
anywhere want if we just
use our imaginations. But, to be honest, that’s
not really doing it for me any more.

I think Mom’s finally had enough, too, because last

night she called a “family meeting” after dinner to
brainstorm
I ideasfinally
think Mom’s for holidays that we
had enough, canbecause
too, afford.last
But the
night sheproblem
called ais,“family
everyone’s afterOW
got their
meeting” N idea
dinner to
of a good time.
brainstorm ideas for holidays that we can afford.
But the problem is, everyone’s got their OWN idea
of a good time. 15

22
Dad wants to drive around and visit a bunch of
Civil War battlefields and take part in a
re-enactment.
Dad wants to But
drivenobody
around else
andwas
visitcrazy about
a bunch of
putting
Civil Waronbattlefields
wool underwear in the
and take middle
part in aof August.
re-enactment. But nobody else was crazy about
putting on wool underwear in the middle of August.

Manny wants to go to the Animal Safari, which

we used to visit a lot when I was little. But the
animals wants
Manny in thattoplace
go toalways SAD, especially
seem soSafari,
the Animal which
the donkey
we used theya painted
to visit lot whentoIlook
waslike a zebra.
little. But the
animals in that place always seem so SAD, especially
the donkey they painted to look like a zebra.

23
Mom said we could save money by staying close to
home and visiting places in our own community. But
I’ve gone
Mom on could
said we enough
saveschool
moneyfield
by trips to close
staying feel like
to
I know
home andthis townplaces
visiting inside inand
ourout.
own community. But
I’ve gone on enough school field trips to feel like
I know this town inside and out.

The only ones who could agree on what we should

do were me and Rodrick. We both voted to go to
the Thrills
The andwho
only ones Spills amusement
could agree onpark,
what which would
we should
be CHEAP
do were me since Gramma We
and Rodrick. got both
half-price
voted coupons
to go toin
the mail.
Thrills and Spills amusement park, which would
be CHEAP since Gramma got half-price coupons in
the mail.

24
Plus, they just opened a new roller coaster called
Trackjumper that’s supposed to be totally INSANE.
Plus, they just opened a new roller coaster called
Trackjumper that’s supposed to be totally INSANE.

Mom said the rides at Thrills and Spills are too

scary for Manny, so she suggested we go to
Storybook
Mom Village,
said the rides which has rides
at Thrills for allare
and Spills ages.
too
But meforand
scary Rodrick
Manny, so have had enough
she suggested weofgoLittle
to
Miss Muffet’s
Storybook Mild which
Village, Ride for
hasone lifetime.
rides for all ages.
But me and Rodrick have had enough of Little
Miss Muffet’s Mild Ride for one lifetime.

25
Since my family couldn’t settle on anything, I
suggested we all go on our OWN holidays and do
aSince
slideshow of everyone’s
my family trips on
couldn’t settle when we get back.
anything, I
suggested we all go on our OWN holidays and do
a slideshow of everyone’s trips when we get back.

Mom said the whole point of being on a family

holiday is to do things TOGETHER. She says
that one day
Mom said the us kidspoint
whole are gonna go on
of being ouraseparate
family
ways, and
holiday time’s
is to runningTout
do things OGETHER
to make .happy
She says
memories
that daya famil
one as us kids y . gonna go our separate
are
ways, and time’s running out to make happy
memories as a family.

But, believe me, for THIS family to make happy

memories together, it’s gonna take a MIRACLE.
But, believe me, for THIS family to make happy
memories together, it’s gonna take a MIRACLE.19

26
Monday
We finally figured out a way we could afford to go
on a family holiday this summer.
Monday
We finally figured out a way we could afford to go
On
on aSaturday night this
family holiday my great
summer.grandmother Gammie
called Dad and asked if he could get rid of Uncle
Gary’s
On campernight
Saturday van, which has grandmother
my great been parked in her
Gammie
driveway
called Dadforand
theasked
past iftwo
he years.
could get rid of Uncle
Gary’s camper van, which has been parked in her
driveway for the past two years.

Apparently, Uncle Gary ran off to work as a

rodeo clown, and she doesn’t think he’s coming
back anytime Uncle
Apparently, soon. Gary ran off to work as a
rodeo clown, and she doesn’t think he’s coming
At
backfirst was MAD, because he’s always
Dad soon.
anytime
cleaning up Uncle Gary’s messes. But Mom said the
camper
At firstvan
Dad theMAD
waswas solution to ourhe’s
, because holiday
alwaysproblems.
cleaning up Uncle Gary’s messes. But Mom said the
20
camper van was the solution to our holiday problems.

27
Mom said the reason holidays are so expensive
is because staying in hotels and eating at
restaurants
Mom said thecost a lotholidays
reason of money.are She said the
so expensive
camper
is vanstaying
because would take of BO
care and
in hotels TH those
eating at
things.
restaurants cost a lot of money. She said the
camper van would take care of BOTH those
things.DAD started getting excited. He said we
Then
could hit the open road and stop for the night
Then DADwestarted
whenever FELT like it, and
getting we could
excited. cookwefor
He said
ourselves, too.open road and stop for the night
could hit the
whenever we FELT like it, and we could cook for
ourselves, too.

All I know is me and my brothers were so happy

for the ch ance to g et out o f Gramma’s basement
thatIweknow
All probably
is me would’my
and ve ag ANYTHING
reed to were
brothers so happy.
for the ch ance to g et out o f Gramma’s basement
that we probably would’ve agreed to ANYTHING21.

28
Mom says we’ ll have a lot of adventures along the
way, and now I’ M getting kind of excited about
this
Mom trip, too.ll have a lot of adventures along the
says we’
way, and now I’ M getting kind of excited about
this trip, too.

In fact, I’m actually starting to feel a little

bad for ROWLEY. Because, while he’s stuck in a
boring
In fact,museum on the other
I’m actually sidetooffeel
starting thea world,
little I’m
gonnfaorbeRof
bad OfWLEY
doing. something WILD
really he’s
Because, while . k in a
stuc
boring museum on the other side of the world, I’m
gonna be off doing something really WILD.

29
For the past two days, we’ve been getting ready
for our holiday. And I’m a little worried that
Mom’the
For s hoping
past to turn
two thiswe’ve
days, into an
beeneducational trip.
getting ready
for our holiday. And I’m a little worried that
Mom’s hoping to turn this into an educational trip.

But, believe me, the LAST thing I’m planning

on doing is any LEARNING.
But, believe me, the LAST thing I’m planning
on doing is any LEARNING.

30
Wednesday
This morning we went to the grocery store and
stocked up on food for the trip. Then we went to
Wednesday
the camping
This morningsuperstore
we went totothe
getgrocery storeELSE
everything and
we’re gonna
stocked need.
up on food for the trip. Then we went to
the camping superstore to get everything ELSE
I wasgonna
we’re pretty excited, because we’ve never actually
need.
BOUGHT anything at the camping store before.
Dad
I wasused to take
pretty me and
excited, Rodrick
because we’vethere
neverwhen we
actually
BOUGH T anything
were little, but that at
wasthe
just to kill store
camping time on a
before.
Saturday
Dad used morning.
to take me and Rodrick there when we
were little, but that was just to kill time on a
Saturday morning.

31
When we got to the store today, Dad went
around and picked up some basic supplies, like
lanterns
When we and
got flasks
to theand camping
store today,chairs.
Dad went
around and picked up some basic supplies, like
But I went
lanterns and straight to camping
flasks and the section of the store
chairs.
with the high-end gear. Because I figure if we’re
reallyIdoing
But went this thingtoI’m
straight thegonna want
section to bestore
of the
COMFOR
with TA BLE. gear. Because I figure if we’re
the high-end
really doing this thing I’m gonna want to be
COMFORTA BLE.

I picked out an inf latable pull-out sofa and hiking

boots with little fans built into the heels, plus
a solar-powered
I picked out an blender that
inf latable can make
pull-out sofaaand
cherry
hiking
slushie with
boots in thirty
little seconds.
fans built into the heels, plus
a solar-powered blender that can make a cherry
slushie in thirty seconds. 25

32
Dad said those things weren’t for SERIOUS
campers, though, and made me put them back.
Dad said those things weren’t for SERIOUS
campers, though, and made me put them back.

Dad said we’re gonna “live off the land” as much

as possible on this trip, and he picked out a few
fishing
Dad saidrods.
we’reWell,
gonna I “live
don’toff
knowtheabout
land”anyone
as much
else,
as but the
possible on only fish I’and
this trip, ll eat
he comes
pickedinout
thea shape
few
of a STICK
fishing rods. .Well, I don’t know about anyone
else, but the only fish I’ ll eat comes in the shape
of a STICK.

Manny and Rodrick got really excited about the

idea of catching our own food, so they went off to
find
Manny andOWN
their gear.
Rodrick got really excited about the
idea of catching our own food, so they went off to
find their OWN gear.
26

33
But Mom stopped them before they could get too
carried away.
But Mom stopped them before they could get too
carried away.

Rodrick was pretty disappointed. I guess he was

planning on doing some trophy hunting while we
were on our
Rodrick was trip, anddisappointed.
pretty was hoping to I decorate the
guess he was
kitchen when
planning our house
on doing is finished.
some trophy hunting while we
were on our trip, and was hoping to decorate the
kitchen when our house is finished.

34
After Dad was done shopping, he was ready to
check out. But I think Mom was nervous that we
weren’tDad
After getting the right
was done kind of
shopping, he equipment, so
was ready to
she asked
check out. aBut
salesperson
I think to lookwasover
Mom our stuff
nervous thatandwe
see if wegetting
weren’t had everything
the rightwekind
needed.
of equipment, so
she asked a salesperson to look over our stuff and
see if we had everything we needed.

Well, this guy must’ve been a wilderness survival

expert or something, because he had a LOT to
say.
Well,And
this none of it made
guy must’ve beenmea wilderness
feel confident about
survival
going
expertonor asomething,
camping trip.because he had a LOT to
say. And none of it made me feel confident about
The
goingsalesman said the
on a camping number-one thing we needed
trip.
to worry about was BEARS, because there are
aThe
tonsalesman
of themsaid
in the
the places we were
number-one going.
thing we But
needed
he said there
to worry wasa BEARS
aboutwere few things we could
, because do to
there are
protect
a ton ofourselves, justplaces
them in the in case.
we were going. But
he said there were a few things we could do to
28
protect ourselves, just in case.

35
The salesman said the first thing we needed to
remember was to always tie up our trash and hang
it in salesman
The a tree sosaid it would be out
the first of reach
thing for bears.
we needed to
Then he said
remember REALL
was iftowealways tie Yupwanted to be
our trash andsafe
hangwe
should
it in a buy
treea sojugit of wolfbeurine
would out and sprayfor
of reach it around
bears.
our
Thencamp
he said we REALL
everyif night, Y wanted
because it scarestobears off.we
be safe
should buy a jug of wolf urine and spray it around
our camp every night, because it scares bears off.

I tried to imagine whose job it is to COLLECT

wolf urine, and I promised myself I’d start
getting
I tried better grades
to imagine in school
whose job it so COLLEend
it doesn’t
is to CT
up being
wolf ME
urine, . I promised myself I’d start
and
getting better grades in school so it doesn’t end
up being ME.

36
The salesman said the other thing we had to
worry about was bugs like mosquitoes and ticks,
so wesalesman
The should always putother
said the on plenty
thing of
we bug
hadspray.
to
worry about was bugs like mosquitoes and ticks,
I
so was totallyalways
we should on board
put with THATofidea,
on plenty bug because
spray.
one time Albert Sandy told everyone at our lunch
table
I wasabout thisonkid
totally who with
board THAToutside
fell asleep and got
idea, because
one timeDRY
sucked by aSandy
Albert mosquito.
told And thatatsoun
everyone ourdslunch
like a
pretty bad this
table about way tokidgo tofell
who me.asleep outside and got
sucked DRY by a mosquito. And that sounds like a
pretty bad way to go to me.

I was starting to get a little nervous when the

salesman told us everything ELSE we needed. He
said
I waswe starting
had to have a first-aid
to get kit in case
a little nervous whensomeone
the
got injured,
salesman told and waterproofELSE
us everything matches
we inneeded.
case our
He
gear gothad
said we wet.
to have a first-aid kit in case someone
got injured, and waterproof matches in case our
30
gear got wet.

37
Plus, we needed a compass if we got lost, a
snakebite kit if someone got bitten, and a f lare
gun ifwethings
Plus, REALL
needed Y gotif bad.
a compass we got lost, a
snakebite kit if someone got bitten, and a f lare
gun if things REALLY got bad.

By the time we paid, I was a little shook up.

And, I have to admit, Gramma’s basement didn’t
seemthe
By terrible
so time we paid, any more.
I was a little shook up.
And, I have to admit, Gramma’s basement didn’t
seem so terrible any more. 31

38
I think the guy at the camping store stressed
Dad out, because after we paid for all the stuff
we think
I kind oftherushed
guy atoutthe
of camping
there. And
storewestressed
were
halfway
Dad out,home before
because realizing
after we paidRodrick
for all was
the missing,
stuff
andkind
we we had to go BA
of rushed outCKof .there. And we were
halfway home before realizing Rodrick was missing,
and we had to go BACK.

After that, we drove to Gammie’s house to pick

up Uncle Gary’s camper van. I guess Dad had
thoughtthat,
After it was
wepretty
drove tomuch ready house
Gammie’s to go,tobut it
pick
wasUncle
up a total MESS
Gary’s inside.
camper van. I guess Dad had
thought it was pretty much ready to go, but it
I a total MESS
wasremember Dad telling
inside.me that when Uncle Gary
got his first car he used to keep a bunch of
garbage
I inside
remember Dadso telling
no one me thatSTEA
would whenLUncle
it. Well,
Gary
I
gotthink UnclecarGary
his first had to
he used thekeep
samea idea when
bunch of it
came to his
garbage camper
inside one would STEAL it. Well,
so novan.
I think Uncle Gary had the same idea when it
32
came to his camper van.

39
We spent the whole afternoon cleaning it out, and
I wouldn’t have been too surprised if we’d actually
found
We Uncle
spent theGary buried
whole somewhere
afternoon underneath
cleaning all
it out, and
that
I trash.have been too surprised if we’d actually
wouldn’t
found Uncle Gary buried somewhere underneath all
that trash.

40
Once we got the junk out of there, we were
finally able to take a good look around the camper
van. Iwecould
Once see how
got the junkUncle
out ofGary was we
there, ablewere
to live
in thereable
finally fortotwo years,
take a goodbecause
look it had ever
around theythi ng
camper
a person
van. I could NEED
couldsee how .Uncle Gary was able to live
in there for two years, because it had everything
There
a person wascould NEED
a stove, a .sink, a kitchen table and
a little refrigerator. Plus, there was a bathroom
wi th a was
There shower in it, aand
a stove, somea extra
sink, kitchenspace
tableabove
and the
acabin
littleforrefrigerator.
sleeping. Plus, there was a bathroom
with a shower in it, and some extra space above the
cabin for sleeping.

We scrubbed everything down, but each time

we thought we were finished cleaning we’d find
something
We elseeverything
scrubbed Uncle Gary had but
down, left each
behind.
time
we thought we were finished cleaning we’d find
34
something else Uncle Gary had left behind.

41
And I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but
I seriously hope Uncle Gary has bought new
underwear
And sincemean
I don’t he moved out. or anything, but
to be rude
I seriously hope Uncle Gary has bought new
underwear since he moved out.

After Gammie gave us some sandwiches to take

with us, we hit the road.
After Gammie gave us some sandwiches to take
with us, we hit the road.

42
When we started off, Dad was SUPER excited
about the camper van. He said since he could work
anywhere
When he wanted
we started off,now,
Dadwewas SUPER
could live onexcited
the
road
aboutuntil
the our house
camper van.wasHefinished, and
said since hemaybe even
could work
LONGERhe
anywhere . wanted now, we could live on the
road until our house was finished, and maybe even
LONGER
Then Mom . chimed in. She said we could travel
around the country and record our adventures,
then become
Then one ofin.those
Mom chimed families
She said we who
couldgets famous
travel
on the the
around Internet.
country and record our adventures,
then become one of those families who gets famous
on the Internet.

I was actually starting to get into the whole

camper lifestyle, too.
I was actually starting to get into the whole
36
camper lifestyle, too.

43
Mostly I just thought it was cool that I could
use the toilet while we were cruising down the
highway.I just thought it was cool that I could
Mostly
use the toilet while we were cruising down the
highway.

The only thing I didn’t like about Uncle Gary’s

camper van was that it didn’t have seat belts in
the living
The area, I
only thing which waslike
didn’t a problem whenever
about Uncle Dad
Gary’s
hit the van
camper brakes.
was that it didn’t have seat belts in
the living area, which was a problem whenever Dad
hit the brakes.

44
When traffic slowed down, Mom let Manny sit
in the front seat so he could feel like he was
“driving”.
When But slowed
traffic I think she Mom
down, realized
let itManny
was a sit
mistake
in when seat
the front he started layingfeel
so he could intolike
thehehorn.
was
“driving”. But I think she realized it was a
mistake when he started laying into the horn.

It was cool being out on the open road and all,

but after a while everything started to kind of
look was
It the cool
same. So me
being outand Rodrick
on the open went
road on
andourall,
gadgets
but aftertoa pass
while the time. started to kind of
everything
look the same. So me and Rodrick went on our
After
gadgetsantohourpassorthe
so, time.
Mom said we’d had enough
screen time for the day and we needed to be off
our electronics.
After an hour or so, Mom said we’d had enough
screen time for the day and we needed to be off
38
our electronics.

45
Usually when Mom tells us we’ve had enough screen
time, we’ ll take a break. But as soon as she stops
paying attention
Usually when Mom we’ ll get
tells righthad
us we’ve back on.
enou ghAndscreen
after we’
time, a while she’allbreak.
ll take get tired
But ofas fighting
soon as susheand
stops
just giveattention
paying up, whichwe’isll what we thought
get right back on.would
And
happena today.
after while she’ ll get tired of fighting us and
just give up, which is what we thought would
happen today.

It turned out Mom wasn’t messing around on this

trip. When we got back on our devices, she put
themturned
It in a clear
out plastic box that
Mom wasn’t had around
messing a timer on
on this
top.
trip. When we got back on our devices, she put
them in a clear plastic box that had a timer on top.

46
The second I saw that thing I knew what it
was, because I’d seen the ads in one of Mom’s
parenting
The secondmagazines.
I saw that thing I knew what it
was, because I’d seen the ads in one of Mom’s
parenting magazines.

Mom set the timer for two hours, then went back
to her seat in the front. Whoever made that
thing
Mo m seknew
t thewhat
timerthey
for were doing,then
two hours, because
wentmeback
andheRodr
to r seaick
t incouldn’t
the figureWhoever
front. out howmade
to crack
that it.
thing knew what they were doing, because me
40
and Rodrick couldn’t figure out how to crack it.

47
Mom handed us some activities she’d created for the
trip and said they should keep us busy for a while.
But
Mom ithanded
wasn’t usthat
somemuch fun playing
activities Wildlife for
she’d created Bingo
the
whenand
trip we couldn’t
said theyeven identify
should keep half the for
us busy animals we
a while.
saw along
But the that
it wasn’t side of thefun
much road.
playing Wildlife Bingo
when we couldn’t even identify half the animals we
saw along the side of the road.

After another hour or two of driving, Mom and

Dad started looking for places to stop.
After another hour or two of driving, Mom and
Dad started looking for places to stop. 41

48
There were some signs for “scenic attractions”,
so Dad pulled over at the exit for a place called
Culpepper’s
There Ravine.
were some signs for “scenic attractions”,
so Dad pulled over at the exit for a place called
Mom got all Ravine.
Culpepper’s excited because she said we were like
explorers who were about to see something new.
But unfortunately
Mom got all excitedsome OTHER
because explorers
she said beatlike
we were us
to it.
explorers who were about to see something new.
But unfortunately some OTHER explorers beat us
to it.

We couldn’t find any parking, so we had to move

along. And it was the exact same story for the
nextcouldn’t
We three places we parking,
find any tried to stop.
so we had to move
along. And it was the exact same story for the
42
next three places we tried to stop.

49
I know I should feel lucky to be alive at a time
when there’s modern medicine and smartwatches
andknow
I peanut-butter-filled
I should feel luckypretzels. But sometimes
to be alive at a time
I wishthere’s
when I wasmodern little SOONER
born amedicine so I had a
and smartwatches
chance to actually DISCOpretzels.
and peanut-butter-filled VER something.
But sometimes
I wish I was born a little SOONER so I had a
Because
chance towhen DISC
you find
actually OVER something.
something new they NAME
it after you.
Because when you find something new they NAME
it after you.

But by now everything worth finding has already

been discovered.
But by now everything worth finding has already
been discovered. 43

50
And you wouldn’t really want your name on any of
the stuff that’s left over.
And you wouldn’t really want your name on any of
the stuff that’s left over.

One time the planetarium in our town had a

fundraiser, and if you paid ten bucks you’d get
a cert
One ificat
time e th
the at said a planet
planetarium in some
in our town hadfaraway
a
galaxy
fu ndraiswas
er, named
and if after you.ten
you paid So bucks
Mom paid
you’dthe
getten
abucks,ifan
cert d eIthstat
icat ill said
have athe certificate
planet in some hanging
faraway on
the wallwas
galaxy in named
my bedroom.
after you. So Mom paid the ten
bucks, and I still have the certificate hanging on
the wall in my bedroom.

51
But when Mom filled out the form I wish she’d
put my first AND last name on it. Because now
some random
But when MomGreg
filledcould
out get
the to my Iplanet
form before
wish she’d
I
putdomyand sayAND
first it’s HIS
last. name on it. Because now
some random Greg could get to my planet before
I do and say it’s HIS.

Dad said our mistake was that we were going

to places everyone knew about, and if we got
off the
Dad saidmain
our road we was
mistake might findwesomething
that were going
SPE CIALeveryone
to places . knew about, and if we got
off the main road we might find something
SPE CIAL
So we took. a detour and kept our eyes peeled
for anything that looked like it was worth
stopping
So we tookfor.
a detour and kept our eyes peeled
for anything that looked like it was worth
stopping for. 45

52
And, sure enough, after we took a few more
turns, we found a crystal-clear lake with nobody
And, SIGHT
else in sure .
enough, after we took a few more
turns, we found a crystal-clear lake with nobody
else in SIGHT.

The air-conditioning in Uncle Gary’s camper van

wasn’t working, and everyone was ready to cool
off. So
The we got into our
air-conditioning swimming
in Uncle gear
Gary’s and took
camper van a
dip in the
wasn’t lake. and everyone was ready to cool
working,
off. So we got into our swimming gear and took a
dip in the lake.

53
It took a second before I realized something
wasn’t RIGHT. I noticed a million shimmering
objects
It tookjust beneath
a second the I
before surface, and
realized my mind
something
wasn’t RIGHT
went right to .PIRANHA
I noticedSa. million
I’m pretty sure
shimmering
everyone ELSE
objects just ’ S did,thetoo.
beneath surface, and my mind
went right to PIRANHAS. I’m pretty sure
everyone ELSE’ S did, too.

I was almost at the shore when I felt a bunch

of tiny mouths NIBBLING me.
I was almost at the shore when I felt a bunch
of tiny mouths NIBBLING me.

54
I thought I was being eaten ALIVE. And
by the time I made it out of the water I was
surprised
I thoughtto Ibewasin one eaten ALIVE. And
piece.
being
by the time I made it out of the water I was
Or ALMOtoSTbeininone
surprised onepiece.
piece.I had a scab on my
knee when I got into the water, but by the time
Or ALMO
I got out SitTwas totally
in one piece.picked
I hadCLEAN
a scab .on my
knee when I got into the water, but by the time
I got out it was totally picked CLEAN.

Just then a truck pulled up, and the two guys

inside looked angry.
Just then a truck pulled up, and the two guys
inside looked angry.

55
That’s when we found out the lake we were
swimming in was a FISH HATCHERY.
That’s when we found out the lake we were
swimming in was a FISH HATCHERY.

I think those guys were about to call the cops

on us for TRESPASSING, and we didn’t wanna
stick
I thinkaround to guys
those find were
out. So we to
about piled
callinto
thethe
cops
camper
on vanTRE
us for andSP ASSING
Dad stepped on the
, and gas. wanna
we didn’t
stick around to find out. So we piled into the
camper van and Dad stepped on the gas.

56
The next time Mom makes fish for dinner, I’m
definitely gonna check the package to see where
they next
The came time
fromMom
first.
makes fish for dinner, I’m
definitely gonna check the package to see where
The
they crazy thingfirst.
came from is, the fish hatchery wasn’t the
LAST place we got chased away from today. We
tried parking
The crazy theis,camper
thing vanhatchery
the fish in a meadow so we
wasn’t the
LAS
couldTget outwe
place andgotenjoy theaway
chased view from
while today.
we ate,We
but
it turned
tried out to
parking thebecamper van inFARM
somebody’s .
a meadow so we
could get out and enjoy the view while we ate, but
it turned out to be somebody’s FARM.

We finally found a field that didn’t look like it

belonged to anyone, so that’s where we stopped
for finally
We the night.
found a field that didn’t look like it
belonged to anyone, so that’s where we stopped
50
for the night.

57
The sleeping situation wasn’t great. The kitchen
table converted into a BED, which is where Mom
and
The Dad slept.
sleeping situation wasn’t great. The kitchen
table converted into a BED, which is where Mom
and Dad slept.

I wasn’t crazy about the idea of eating breakfast

off the spot where Dad slept in his boxer shorts.
I wasn’t crazy about the idea of eating breakfast
I
offhad
thetospotshare theDad
where loft slept
above inthe
hiscabin
boxerwith
shorts.
Rodrick, which wasn’t much of an improvement on
ourhad
I dealtoin share
Gramma’s basement.
the loft above the cabin with
Rodrick, which wasn’t much of an improvement on
our deal in Gramma’s basement.

58
The only person who had any space to himself was
Manny. He’d turned one of the cabinets in the
kitchenette
The into awho
only person little
hadapartment,
any space and his set-up
to himself was
was actually
Mann turned SWEET
y. He’d pretty . cabinets in the
one of the
kitchenette into a little apartment, and his set-up
was actually pretty SWEET.

While Mom and Dad were getting ready for bed,

I found out a m ajor downside of the camper van.
The bathroom
While Mom andwallsDad werewere paper thin,
getting andfor
ready with
bed,
thefound
I engineoutoffa m
you
ajorcould hear EVER
downside of theYTHING
camper van.
happening
The bathroomin there. And,paper
walls were trustthin,
me, noandkidwith
wants
to hear
the his off
engine mother’s hear EVER
bathroom
you could noises.YTHING
happening in there. And, trust me, no kid wants
to hear his mother’s bathroom noises.

59
Thursday
It turns out the place we stopped for the night
was a public park. Little League practice started
Thursday
firstturns
It thingoutin the place
morning, and we were
we stopped parked
for the night
righta over
was publicthe pitcher’s
park. Little mound.
League practice started
first thing in the morning, and we were parked
right over the pitcher’s mound.

Luckily, we were able to take off before some kid

broke a tail light with a direct hit.
Luckily, we were able to take off before some kid
Mom
brokesaid shelight
a tail didn’t
withwant a repeat
a direct hit. of yesterday
and asked everyone to think of something we could
do that
Mom saidwas didn’t wantFUN
she guaranteed . Andofthat’s
a repeat when
yesterday
I
andremembered a billboard
asked everyone I saw
to think the day before.
of something we could
do that was guaranteed FUN. And that’s when
I remembered a billboard I saw the day before. 53

60
The billboard was for this place called the Family
Adventure Centre. Usually, whenever the word
“family”
The is part
billboard wasoffor
something,
this placeit’scalled
a warning
the Fato
mily
stay away. But
Adventure the pictures
Centre. Usually, on the signthe
whenever made me
word
think this
“family” place of
is part could be DIFFERENT
something, .
it’s a warning to
stay away. But the pictures on the sign made me
think this place could be DIFFERENT.

We had to backtrack about two hours to find the

adventure centre, but it didn’t really matter since
we
We weren’t
had to really headed
backtrack anywhere
about to begin
two hours with.
to find the
adventure centre, but it didn’t really matter since
I
we have to really
weren’t say, this placeanywhere
headed was pretty cool. with.
to begin There
were a million activities, and I wanted to do them
ALhave
I L. to say, this place was pretty cool. There
were a million activities, and I wanted to do them
ALL.
54

61
But everything had an age and height requirement,
and Manny wasn’t tall enough to do any GOOD
activities.
But everything had an age and height requirement,
and Manny wasn’t tall enough to do any GOOD
activities.

The only activity Manny was big enough for was

the Fun Float, where you drifted down the river in
inneronly
The tubes. So that’s
activity Mannywhat
was Mom signed
big enou gh fus
or up
wasfor.
the Fun Float, where you drifted down the river in
inner tubes. So that’s what Mom signed us up for.

62
I really wanted to do something more exciting,
like rock climbing, but Mom was dead set on us all
doing
I something
really wanted as
to adofamily.
something more exciting,
like rock climbing, but Mom was dead set on us all
Mom
doingsaid the FunasFloat
something would be RELAXING,
a family.
and after we put on our life jackets we grabbed
the cooler
Mom andFun
said the a few other
Float would be RELAXING
things from the ,
camper
and vanwetoput
after takeonwith us on
our life the river.
jackets we grabbed
the cooler and a few other things from the
camper van to take with us on the river.

After our experience with the fish farm yesterday,

I wasn’t crazy about getting into the water
again. But
After there werewith
our experience a bunch
the of
fishother
farmpeople
yesterday,
doing
I the crazy
wasn’t Fun Float,
abouttoo, and into
getting I figured if there
the water
were
ag ain.any
Butpiranhas in the
there were river they’d
a bunch of other for THEM
go people
before
doing thethey’d
Fungo for ME
Float, too,. and I figured if there
were any piranhas in the river they’d go for THEM
before they’d go for ME.
56

63
I have to admit that once we got going it
WAS kind of relaxing. Maybe even a little TOO
relaxing.
I have toRodrick fell asleep,
admit that once wewhile
got Dad
goinganswered
it
WA
workS emails
kind ofandrelaxing.
Mom checked
Maybe ineven little TOO
witha Manny’s
doctor.
relaxing. Rodrick fell asleep, while Dad answered
work emails and Mom checked in with Manny’s
doctor.

64
So no one was really paying attention when we
hit a shallow part in the river and came to a
So no oneSTOP
complete . We paying
was really had to attention
take our tubes
when out
we
of
hit the water,part
a shallow and in
it wasn’t funand
the river walking
came across
to a a
bunch
completeof STOP
sharp rocks in our
. We had to bare
takefeet.
our tubes out
of the water, and it wasn’t fun walking across a
bunch of sharp rocks in our bare feet.

65
I thought the trip was gonna take twenty
minutes, but it had already been two HOURS,
with no end the
I thought in sight. Andgonna
trip was we really
takeslowed
twentydown
when we got
minutes, but stuck
it hadbehind
alreadya big two HOURS
beengroup of people,
jamming up the
with no end river. And we really slowed down
in sight.
when we got stuck behind a big group of people
jamming up the river.

I hit a warm spot in the water, and I’ve been in

enough baby pools to know what THAT meant. So
when
I hitthe river spot
a warm got wider
in theIwater,
paddledand
myI’ve
tubebeen
around
in
those guys
enough babytopools
try to
to know
get out of THA
what theirTwake.
meant. So
when the river got wider I paddled my tube around
those guys to try to get out of their wake.

66
Unfortunately, I went a little too far and ended
up in a part of the river where the water was
really rough. IAnd
Unfortunately, a few
went seconds
a little laterand
too far I ended
got
tossed
up in a from
part my
of inner tube.where the water was
the river
really rough. And a few seconds later I got
tossed from my inner tube.

It was actually pretty SCARY. The water was

moving fast, so I pointed my feet downstream to
makewas
It sure I didn’t
actually crackSCAR
pretty Y. The
my head open on awas
water rock.
moving fast, so I pointed my feet downstream to
make sure I didn’t crack my head open on a rock.

I called out for HELP, but the people around me

had their music up too loud to even notice.
I called out for HELP, but the people around me
60
had their music up too loud to even notice.

67
My family tried to save me, but it turns out
they’re totally useless in an emergency.
My family tried to save me, but it turns out
they’re totally useless in an emergency.

68
Up ahead, people were pulling their inner tubes
out of the river in the landing area, so I tried
to paddle
Up ahead,myself
peopleover
werethere.
pulling their inner tubes
out of the river in the landing area, so I tried
to paddle myself over there.

But the water was moving too fast, and I was

getting pulled downstream. My family got out
of the
But theriver,
waterand
wasDad was too
moving yelling andand
fast, pointing
I was
at something
getting pullednear me. That’s
downstream. Mywhen I got
family saw out
a
big the
of branch hanging
river, out was
and Dad overyelling
the water, and I
and pointing
grabbed
at it. near me. That’s when I saw a
something
big branch hanging out over the water, and I
grabbed it.

69
For a second I thought everything was going to be
OK. Then I noticed something drifting away from
me
Forand realized
a second I it swimming
was myeverything
thought shorts
was going to be.
OK. Then I noticed something drifting away from
me and realized it was my swimming shorts.

A lifeguard from the adventure centre started

wading out towards me with a float. And I knew
if I
A just kept
lifeguard fromhanging on to that
the adventure branch
centre she’d
started
RESCUE
wading out me.
towards me with a float. And I knew
if I just kept hanging on to that branch she’d
RESCUE me.

But all I could think of were the people in the

landing area who were about to see me without
my swimming
But shorts.
all I could thinkAnd Rodrick
of were the was already
people in the
recordingarea
landing me who
with were
his phone.
about to see me without
my swimming shorts. And Rodrick was already
recording me with his phone. 63

70
So I decided the best move was to let GO and
take my chances.
So I decided the best move was to let GO and
take my chances.

Luckily, the water wasn’t as rocky downstream,

but it was still moving fast. By the time I was
able to drag
Luckily, myself wasn’t
the water on to astherocky
shore, I must’ve
downstream,
beenita was
but quarter
still of a milefast.
moving fromBythethe
landing area.
time I was
And to
able I drag
nevermyself
did find
on my
to swimming
the shore,shorts, but
I must’ve
thankfully I found
been a quarter of a the COOLER
mile from .
the landing area.
And I never did find my swimming shorts, but
thankfully I found the COOLER.

71
Friday
Last night everyone in my family agreed that our
trip was off to a pretty terrible start. But we
Friday
couldn’t
Last decide
night what to
everyone do NEXT
in my family .agreed that our
trip was off to a pretty terrible start. But we
I thought
couldn’t we what
decide shouldtojust NEXTthis
do admit . trip was a
MISTAKE and go back to Gramma’s. But Dad
said we couldn’t
I thought turn round
we should now because
just admit we was
this trip hadn’t
a
MIS
doneTany
AKEactual CAMPING
and go yet.
back to Gramma’s. But Dad
said we couldn’t turn round now because we hadn’t
Dad
done said
any there CAMPING
actual was a nationalyet.
forest a few hours
away, and if we camped there we could stay in one
place said
Dad for there
the rest
was ofa national
the trip forest
and relax
a fewforhours
a
change.
away, and if we camped there we could stay in one
place for the rest of the trip and relax for a
change.

72
I wasn’t crazy about going off on our own, but I
knew how the rest of the summer was gonna play
outwasn’t
I if we went
crazy back
abouttogoing
Gramma’s
off onbasement
our own,now.
but I
knew how the rest of the summer was gonna play
out if we went back to Gramma’s basement now.

I didn’t feel great about camping in the wilderness,

but Dad said, if we got into any trouble, there
were
I rangers
didn’t feel who
greatcould help
about us out.inAnd
camping the that
wildermade
ness,
me
but feel
Dada said,
little ifbetter.
we got into any trouble, there
were rangers who could help us out. And that made
So we spent
me feel a littlethe night in the car park of the
better.
adventure centre, and first thing in the morning
we headed
So we spentforthe thenight
national forest.
in the car park of the
adventure centre, and first thing in the morning
66
we headed for the national forest.

73
The ranger at the entrance told us it hadn’t
rained in a few weeks, so the risk of fire was really
high.ranger
The Then at shethe
gaveentrance
Dad a map
told and
us ita hadn’t
pamphlet
with
rainedtips
in aonfew
howweeks,
to camp responsibly.
so the risk of fire was really
high. Then she gave Dad a map and a pamphlet
with tips on how to camp responsibly.

The forest was big, so it took a while for us to

get to our pitch. And we didn’t see a single human
beingforest
The on ourwas
waybig,
in. so it took a while for us to
get to our pitch. And we didn’t see a single human
The
beingpitch
on ourwasway
actually
in. really nice. There was a
lot of space for the camper van, and we were
rightpitch
The next was
to aactually
little stream. After
really nice. we set
There wasupa our
hamm
lot ofocspace
k andfor chaithe
rs, camper
we kicked back
van, andand
weenjoyed
were
being out
right nextin to
naaturlittle
e. stream. After we set up our
hammock and chairs, we kicked back and enjoyed
being out in nature. 67

74
At least MOST of us did. After a few minutes,
Mom asked what our “plan” was, and Dad said this
WAS
At theMOS
least plan.T of us did. After a few minutes,
Mom asked what our “plan” was, and Dad said this
WAS the plan.

Mom said we couldn’t just sit around all day, and

we needed to do something ACTIVE like go on a
nature
Mom said hike
we orcouldn’t
something.
just sit around all day, and
we needed to do something ACTIVE like go on a
But that
nature sounded
hike like a lot of work to us guys,
or something.
especially after a long drive. So Mom said if we
were that
But all gonna
soundedlazelike
around
a lotshe
of was
workgonna
to us put
guys,our
electronicsafter
especially in thea long
Vault drive.
for theSo rest
Mom of theif trip.
said we
And that
were all was enough
gonna to get
laze around sheuswas
moving.
gonna put our
electronics in the Vault for the rest of the trip.
68
And that was enough to get us moving.

75
Mom pulled out the map and found a trail that
was nearby. And before we headed off on the
hike, pulled
Mom she told
out everyone
the map toandfillfound
up oura trail
flasksthat
and
put nearby.
was on bug spray. But Iwewas
And before a lot off
headed moreonworried
the
hike, BEARS
about she than bugs.
told everyone to fill up our flasks and
put on bug spray. But I was a lot more worried
I
about BEARS that
remembered than the guy at the camping store
bugs.
said if you saw a bear out in nature the best thing
you could do was
I remembered make
that thenoise
guyto atscare it away. store
the camping
said if you saw a bear out in nature the best thing
Luckily,
you could Uncle
do wasGary
makeleft some
noise to pots
scare and pans
it away.
under the sink in the camper van. But I wasn’t
gonna wait
Luckily, until
Uncle we SPO
Gary left TTED
some pots a bear
and to
pansstart
making
under thea racket.
sink in the camper van. But I wasn’t
gonna wait until we SPOTTED a bear to start
making a racket.

76
Everyone got annoyed with me pretty quick, and
Mom told me I needed to take the cookware back
to the camper
Everyone van.
got annoyed with me pretty quick, and
Mom told me I needed to take the cookware back
to the camper van.

She said I could catch up with them further down

the trail, and I was actually fine with that,
because
She saidthat stuffcatch
I could was pretty
up withheavy, anyway.down
them further Plus,
I watrai
the s star
l, ating
nd Itowas wonder if the
actually fine noise
with might
that,
because ATTRA
actuallythat stuffCTwasbears,
prettybecause
heavy,whenever
anyway. IPlus,
hear
I wapots
s starand
tingpans if the DINNER
I’m thinking
to wonder .
noise might
actually ATTRACT bears, because whenever I
After I put
hear pots and the
panscookware back inDINNER
I’m thinking the camper
.
van, I turned round and got back on the trail.
I thought
After I putif the
I hurried it might
cookware back intake
the me ten
camper
minutes
van, I to reconnect
turned round with everyone.
and got back onButthe
then I
trail.
I into a PR
ranthought if OBLEM
I hurried. it might take me ten
minutes to reconnect with everyone. But then I
ran into a PROBLEM.
70

77
The trail SPLIT, and I didn’t know which way
my family went.
The trail SPLIT, and I didn’t know which way
my family went.

I figured the odds were 50-50, so I headed

LEFT. But I walked for a long time without
finding
I figured themtheand figured
odds I must’vesopicked
were 50-50, the
I headed
LEFT
wrong .path.
But ISowalked
I went forback to the
a long time place where
without
the forkthem
finding in the
andtrail was,Iand
figured that’spicked
must’ve wherethe
I hit
ANOTpath.
wrong HER snag.
So I went back to the place where
the fork in the trail was, and that’s where I hit
ANO
I wasTHERall turned
snag.round and couldn’t remember
which path was the one I hadn’t taken yet and
which
I wasone led backround
all turned to theandcamper van.
couldn’t And I
remember
couldn’tpath
which tell was
whichthewas
onewhich because,
I hadn’t to me,
taken yet every
and
tree
whichand
one rock looked
led back the Scamper
to the AME. van. And I
couldn’t tell which was which because, to me, every
tree and rock looked the SAME. 71

78
That’s when I started to get WORRIED. I
remembered the guy at the camping store saying
that sometimes
That’s when I bears
startedwilltouseget WORRIED
human trails because
.I
it’s easier than
remembered the walking through
guy at the the store
camping brush.saying
So I
really sometimes
that didn’t feelbears
goodwill
about
use hanging
human trailsout inbecause
the
middle
it’s of an
easier INTERSE
than CTION.the brush. So I
walking through
really didn’t feel good about hanging out in the
I’ve
middleread INTERSE
that
of an CTION
a bear’s sense of .smell is a thousand
times better than a human’s. So, when I pulled
I’ve readcontainer
out the that a bear’s
of lip sense
balm I of had
smellinismy
a thousand
pocket,
I practically
times started
better than hyperventilating.
a human’s. So, when I pulled
out the container of lip balm I had in my pocket,
I practically started hyperventilating.

I decided to get off the trail, which turned out

to be a dumb move. Because once I was off the
path
I I couldn’t
decided to getfind
off my
theway BAwhich
trail, CK. turned out
to be a dumb move. Because once I was off the
My
pathmind started find
I couldn’t racing, and BA
my way I CK
thought
. about
what would happen if I was lost for GOOD.
My mind started racing, and I thought about
what would happen if I was lost for GOOD.
72

79
I’ve read stories about human beings who got cut
off from civilization and were raised by WOLVES.
I didn’t
I’ve read know
storiesif about
there human
were any wolves
beings whoingot
thiscut
forest,
off frombut there were
civilization and plenty
were raised by WOLVES..
of squirrels
I didn’t know if there were any wolves in this
forest, but there were plenty of squirrels.

Luckily, my family found me before things could

get too crazy. Because in another hour or two I
might’ve my
Luckily, beenfamily
too far gone.
found me before things could
get too crazy. Because in another hour or two I
might’ve been too far gone.

80
When we got back to camp, Mom asked Rodrick to
check me for ticks, since I’d been off the trail.
He looked
When me over
we got back and told me
to camp, I asked
Mom HUGE to
had a Rodrick
tick
checkright in the
me for middle
ticks, sinceofI’d
mybeen
back.off the trail.
He looked me over and told me I had a HUGE
tick right in the middle of my back.

Rodrick said the tick must’ve been on me for

a while, because it looked like it was about to
BURST
Rodrick .said
AndtheI tick
almost passed
must’ve outonwhen
been he
me for
while, me
ashowed the picture
because he like
it looked tookiton
washisabout
phone.to
BURST. And I almost passed out when he
showed me the picture he took on his phone.

81
It turns out it was just a JOKE, and the
picture was something Rodrick found online. But,
eventurns
It I KNEW
afterout it was just a JOKE
it was a joke, I still
, and the felt
like something
picture was in the
was something middlefound
Rodrick of myonline.
back for
But,
the rest
even KNEW
afterofIthe day. it was a joke, I still felt
like something was in the middle of my back for
Mom said of
the rest everyone
the day.should take a shower, since it
had been two days and we were starting to stink.
Rodrick
Mom saidwent first,should
everyone and he wasa inshower,
take there for
sinceatit
leastbeen
had half two
an hour. So, when
days and we wereit was my turn,
starting to stink.
there waswent
Rodrick no hot water
first, and left.
he was in there for at
least half an hour. So, when it was my turn,
there was no hot water left.

Dad checked the propane tank and said it was

empty, which meant it was cold showers from
now on.
Dad No one
checked thewas happytank
propane aboutand
that,
said especially
it was
MOM
empty,. which meant it was cold showers from
now on. No one was happy about that, especially
MOM. 75

82
I noticed it was really starting to SMELL in
the bathroom, so I told Dad. He said the reason
it stank
I noticedwas because
it was westarting
really to SMELL
hadn’t emptied out the
in
sewage tank yet.
the bathroom, so I told Dad. He said the reason
it stank was because we hadn’t emptied out the
sewage tank yet.

To be honest with you, I didn’t even THINK

about what happened to our waste in there.
To be honest with you, I didn’t even THINK
Back
about home, when you fto
what happened lushourthe toilet,
waste everything
in there.
gets magically whisked away to some faraway
place.home,
Back But inwhen
a cayou
mperf lush
van theyou’re actually
toilet, carrying
everything
that magically
gets stuff around WITH
whisked awayyou.to some faraway
place. But in a camper van you’re actually carrying
If
thatIstuff
had known WITH
around that beforehand,
you. I’m not sure
I would’ve agreed to go on this trip.
If I had known that beforehand, I’m not sure
76
I would’ve agreed to go on this trip.

83
Now I was starting to worry about what
happened if the tank OVERFLOWED. So today,
whenever
Now I wassomeone looked
starting like they
to worry needed
about whatto go
number two,
happened I’d tank
if the try toOVERFL OWED
talk them into .taking it
So today,
ELSE. looked like they needed to go
somewheresomeone
whenever
number two, I’d try to talk them into taking it
somewhere ELSE.

84
I guess I should be grateful we live in a time
when toilets even EXIST. Rodrick told me that
the guy who
I guess invented
I should the f lushing
be grateful we livetoilet
in a was
time
named Thomas
when toilets even EXISTAnd
Crapper. I don’t
. Rodrick toldknow if
me that
that’s
the guytrue
whoorinvented
if it’s another one oftoilet
the f lushing his jokes.
was
named Thomas Crapper. And I don’t know if
If
that’s TRUE
it’s true or ,if Iit’shope that one
another guyofmade a ton of
his jokes.
money. Because I wouldn’t want a body function
named
If TRUE
it’s after ME,I . hope that guy made a ton of
money. Because I wouldn’t want a body function
named after ME.

Dad got a fire going and cooked some beef stew.

He was gonna serve baked beans to go with it,
but Rodrick
Dad leftgoing
got a fire the can
and too closesome
cooked to the
beeffire,
stew.
andwas
He that was the
gonna serveend of THA
baked T.to go with it,
beans
but Rodrick left the can too close to the fire,
and that was the end of THAT.
78

85
After dinner, we tied up our trash and hoisted it
in a tree with a rope, like the guy at the camping
store told
After dinner,us to.
we Itied
figured
up ourif trash
any bear
and was smartit
hoisted
enough
in a treetowith
get aatrope,
our trash,
like thethen
guy they deserved
at the camping
to have
store toldit. us to. I figured if any bear was smart
enough to get at our trash, then they deserved
to have it.

86
By now it was dark out, and Mom said we should
turn in for the night. But Dad said the best part
of camping
By wasdark
now it was sitting
out,round the campfire
and Mom under
said we should
the stars.
turn in for the night. But Dad said the best part
of camping was sitting round the campfire under
That got Mom all EXCITED and she tried to get
the stars.
us to join in on a song that she said she learned
at summer
That camp all
got Mom EXCITED
when she was and
a kid.
sheBut thetorest
tried get
of us aren’t
us to join in real
on abig on that
song sing-alongs,
she saidsoshe
welearned
just
waited
at for camp
summer Mom to wrap
when sheitwas
up.a kid. But the rest
of us aren’t real big on sing-alongs, so we just
waited for Mom to wrap it up.

After that, Dad brought out some marshmallows,

and we found some long sticks.
After that, Dad brought out some marshmallows,
80
and we found some long sticks.

87
While we were roasting our marshmallows over the
fire, Dad got all serious. He told us that a long
time ago
While he went
we were camping
roasting our with his dad, over
marshmallows and the
they’dDad
fire, metgot
a crusty old ranger
all serious. He toldwho
us told
that them
a longa
crazyago
time story.
he went camping with his dad, and
they’d met a crusty old ranger who told them a
crazy story.

The ranger said he used to have a beagle named

Matilda, and she’d follow him wherever he’d go.
But then
The rangerthis
saidonehenight thehave
used to ranger made named
a beagle a
FIRE, and
Matilda, andheshe’d
saw follow
a weirdhimcreature with
wherever glowing
he’d go.
red
But eyes
thenprowling
this one around the ranger
night the edge ofmade
the camp.
a
FIRE, and he saw a weird creature with glowing
red eyes prowling around the edge of the camp.

88
Matilda chased after the creature, and the ranger
tracked her deep into the woods. But the only
trace of chased
Matilda the dogafter
was the
her creature,
broken collar
and lying on the
the ranger
ground. her deep into the woods. But the only
tracked
trace of the dog was her broken collar lying on the
ground.

Dad said that every night the ranger would sleep

in his cabin alone, hoping Matilda would find her
way back
Dad to him.
said that Andnight
every on nights just like
the ranger tonight,
would sleep
when
in his there was a crescent
cabin alone, moon, he’d
hoping Matilda wouldhear
findthe
her
howl back
way of a to
beagle
him. deep
And inonthe woods.
nights just like tonight,
when there was a crescent moon, he’d hear the
howl of a beagle deep in the woods.

89
Mom wasn’t happy with Dad for telling that story
because Manny seemed really shook up. And, to be
honest,
Mom I was
wasn’t a little
happy withspooked,
Dad fortoo.
telling that story
because Manny seemed really shook up. And, to be
Then II
honest, heard soundspooked,
was a little coming from
too. deep in the
woods that made my heart STOP.
Then I heard a sound coming from deep in the
woods that made my heart STOP.

For a split second I thought it was the ghost of

Matilda. But then I realized Rodrick was missing,
and athe
For whole
split thing
second was one big
I thought joketheDad
it was andof
ghost
Rodrick were
Matilda. playing
But then on the rest
I realized of us.
Rodrick was missing,
and the whole thing was one big joke Dad and
Rodrick were playing on the rest of us. 83

90
But it kind of BACKFIRED. Because, when
Rodrick howled, Manny JUMPED. And that’s
how Dad
But it kind of BA
ended up CKFIRED
with a f lam.ing marshmallow
Because, when
stuck
Rodrick his knee.Manny JUMPED. And that’s
to howled,
how Dad ended up with a f laming marshmallow
stuck to his knee.

I think Dad was about to dive in the stream to

put out the fire, but luckily Rodrick remembered
wher
I e we Dad
think keptwas
theabout
fire extinguisher.
to dive in the stream to
put out the fire, but luckily Rodrick remembered
where we kept the fire extinguisher.

91
Mom started giving Dad a lecture about why you
should never scare people, but she got cut off by
weird started
Mom noises coming
givingfrom
Dad the forest.about
a lecture At first I
why you
thoughtnever
should it might
scare be
people, butJOKE
another she got, but
cut the
off look
by
in Dad’s
weird andcoming
noises Rodrick’s
fromeyes
the told me it
forest. AtWfirst
ASNI ’ T.
thought it might be another JOKE, but the look
in Dad’s and Rodrick’s eyes told me it WASN’ T.

Whatever was out there sounded BIG and was

coming our way. So we piled into the camper van
and lockedwas
Whatever theout
door behind
there us. BIG and was
sounded
coming our way. So we piled into the camper van
and locked the door behind us.

92
Sure enough, it was a BEAR. But it wasn’t after
our trash, it was after the BAKED BEANS.
Sure enough, it was a BEAR. But it wasn’t after
our trash, it was after the BAKED BEANS.

Once the bear was done licking the beans off the
camper van, it wanted MORE. And I wish I
could
Once say
the we
bearstayed calm,licking
was done but I’d
thebebeans
lying.off the
camper van, it wanted MORE. And I wish I
could say we stayed calm, but I’d be lying.

93
Dad climbed into the driver’s seat to get us OUT
of there, but the keys were by the fire. And
when climbed
Dad the bearinto
started rockingseat
the driver’s the to
camper OUT
van,
get us I
thought
of there,itbut OVER
wasthe keys for
wereus.by the fire. And
when the bear started rocking the camper van, I
I
thought it was O
guess Manny VER
did, too,forbecause
us. he managed to
scramble out of a window and get up on the ROOF.
And he took
I guess Manny thedid,
f lare
too, WITHhehim.
gunbecause managed to
scramble out of a window and get up on the ROOF.
And he took the f lare gun WITH him.

94
Saturday
Last night, the l ight from the f lare scared off
the bear, so when the ranger arrived at our
Saturday
pitch,night,
Last we didn’t
the really need to
l ight from RESCUED
thebef lare scared off
any more. so
the bear, Bywhen
then,theourranger
biggestarrived
problemat was
our the
marshmallow burnreally
pitch, we didn’t on Dad’s to be RESCUED
need knee.
any more. By then, our biggest problem was the
marshmallow burn on Dad’s knee.

The ranger said it was totally reckless for us to

shoot off that f lare, because it could’ve started a
forest
The fire. Then
ranger said itshe
wassaid we were
totally gonna
reckless for have
us to to
leave
shoot the
off park
that ffirst
lare,thing in it
because thecould’ve
morning.
started a
forest fire. Then she said we were gonna have to
Well, thatpark
leave the was first thingME
fine with in .the
We morning.
lasted one night
in the wilderness, and I didn’t think we could
ANO
survivethat
Well, was fine. with ME. We lasted one night
THER
in the wilderness, and I didn’t think we could
survive ANOTHER.
88

95
When we left the park this morning, I was really
looking forward to getting back to Gramma’s
basemewe
When nt.left
I kntheew park
we’d have plenty ofIhot
this morning, waswater
really
BEARS.to getting back to Gramma’s
and no forward
looking
basement. I knew we’d have plenty of hot water
But MomBEARS
and no wasn’t. ready to go back home just yet.
She said the reason we had a bad time camping
was because
But we were
Mom wasn’t tootoISOLA
ready go back TED , and
home justif yet.
we
went to athe
She said place where
reason wethere
had awere bad other PEOPLE
time camping
we’d have more
was because fun. too ISOLATED, and if we
we were
went to a place where there were other PEOPLE
Mom told more
we’d have us she’d
fun.heard of these campsites where
they have all sorts of activities for families, and
everything
Mom told usyou need
she’d is in ofonethese
heard place.campsites where
they have all sorts of activities for families, and
everything you need is in one place. 89

96
Then she started looking up nearby campsites and
found one that had potential.
Then she started looking up nearby campsites and
found one that had potential.

What caught my eye was the word “luxury”. After

getting a taste of “real” camping, I was ready for
something
What a little
caught my eye UPmarket
morewas .
the word “luxury”. After
getting a taste of “real” camping, I was ready for
something a little more UPmarket.
90

97
I knew from Sunday school that “Eden” was
another word for paradise, so that sounded
promising.
I knew from Sunday school that “Eden” was
another word for paradise, so that sounded
The way I remember it, Adam and Eve got kicked
promising.
out of the Garden of Eden because one of them
was tempted
The to eat anit,apple
way I remember Adamfrom
anda Eve
forbidden tree.
got kicked
out of the Garden of Eden because one of them
If
was it was MEto, eat
tempted I wouldn’t
an applehave
fromgiven up paradise
a forbidden tree.
for a piece of fruit. It would’ve had to have been
for it
If was ME,GOOD
something , like cake
I wouldn’t . up paradise
have given
for a piece of fruit. It would’ve had to have been
for something GOOD, like cake.

98
It took us most of the day to get to Campers’
Eden. But, when we crossed the bridge and got
our first
It took look at the
us most place,
of the dayItocould
get see why they
to Campers’
named itBut,
Eden. the when
way they did. the bridge and got
we crossed
our first look at the place, I could see why they
named it the way they did.

99
We pulled up to the lodge and went inside, where
a member of staff told us about all the awesome
stuffpulled
We theyuphadto at
thethe campsite,
lodge like inside,
and went a gameswhere
room
aand a poolofand
member sandpits,
staff told us plus
abouta lake
all thewith canoes
awesome
and kayaks.
stuff they had at the campsite, like a games room
and a pool and sandpits, plus a lake with canoes
and kayaks.

There was also a shower block where you could

take a hot shower, which was the thing MOM
was
There most
wasexcited
also a about.
shower block where you could
take a hot shower, which was the thing MOM
What
was mostI liked wasabout.
excited that each pitch had its own
sewer hook-up. The inside of our camper van was
starting
What I to
likedsmell
waslike a monkey
that house,
each pitch hadand
its I
ownwas
really hook-up.
sewer looking forward to our
The inside sewage
of our tankvan
camper getting
was
f lushed out.
starting to smell like a monkey house, and I was
really looking forward to our sewage tank getting
f lushed out. 93

100
Mom told the member of staff we’d like a pitch
with a lake view. But the woman told Mom that
peopletold
Mom booked those Wof
the member AYstaff
aheadwe’d
of time,
like a and
pitchthat
the
with only spots
a lake view.left
Butwere
theinwoman
the economy
told Mom lot.that
people booked those WAY ahead of time, and that
the only spots left were in the economy lot.

I guess Mom was focused on that hot shower,

so she said we’d take whatever they HAD. And,
after we Mom
I guess paid was
up for the week,
focused on thatwe drove our
hot shower,
camper
so van we’d
she said downtake
the whatever our Hpitch.
hill to findthey AD. And,
after we paid up for the week, we drove our
The further
camper downthe
van down thehillhilltowefind
went,
our the smaller
pitch.
the pitches got. And when we found our spot
Dad further
The could barely
downfitthethehillcamper van the
we went, on to the
smaller
concrete
the pad.got. And when we found our spot
pitches
Dad could barely fit the camper van on to the
94
concrete pad.

101
After we parked, Mom unloaded the camping
chairs while Dad tried to figure out how to f lush
the sewage
After tank. IMom
we parked, wanted to bethe
unloaded as camping
far away as
possiblewhile
chairs whenDad triedTHA
he got T process
to figure how to ,f lush
out started so
I
thetold Momtank.
sewage and Dad I was to
I wanted gonna
be asgofar
offaway
and as
explore
possible the he got THAT process started, so
whencampsite.
I told Mom and Dad I was gonna go off and
explore the campsite.

102
I wanted to check out the games room, so that’s
where I went first. There were a few arcade
machines
I wantedintothere,
checkbut
outnothing I was
the games really
room, so that’s
interested
where in playing.
I went first. There were a few arcade
machines in there, but nothing I was really
interested in playing.

They had a pool table, but from what I could tell

it didn’t have any actual BALLS.
They had a pool table, but from what I could tell
it didn’t have any actual BALLS.

103
I checked out the swimming pool next, and that
was kind of a disappointment, too. It was full of
little
I kids, out
checked and the
theirswimming
parentspool
weren’t
next,even
andkeeping
that
an eye
was kindonofthem.
a disappointment, too. It was full of
little kids, and their parents weren’t even keeping
an eye on them.

Nowadays, kids wear these f loaty vests, so they

don’t even have to learn how to swim. It’s not
like when Ikids
Nowadays, was wear
growing up,f loaty
these when vests,
you hadso to
they
don’t evenHARD
learn the have toway.
learn how to swim. It’s not
like when I was growing up, when you had to
learn the HARD way.

104
Some of the little kids drifted out into the deep
end, which was a problem because people were doing
cannonballs
Some of theoff thekids
little highdrifted
board.out into the deep
end, which was a problem because people were doing
cannonballs off the high board.

105
There was no lifeguard on duty, so everyone was
pretty much doing whatever they WANTED.
There was no lifeguard on duty, so everyone was
pretty much doing whatever they WANTED.

I didn’t really feel safe going in the pool, so I

decided to relax in the hot tub instead. But that’s
when
I I found
didn’t really out
feelthat
safe this
goingplace wasn’t
in the pool,joking
so I
around about
decided thein“pet-friendly”
to relax thing. But that’s
the hot tub instead.
when I found out that this place wasn’t joking
around about the “pet-friendly” thing.

106
There was a snack shack in the pool area, and the
laundrette and shower block were close by.
There was a snack shack in the pool area, and the
I wanted to
laundrette andkillshower
a littleblock
morewere
timeclose
before
by. I went
back to our camper van in case Dad wasn’t done
emptying
I wantedout
to the
kill asewage tank.time
little more So I explored
before some
I went
of thetoother
back pitchesvan
our camper to inseecase
whatDadthey weredone
wasn’t like.
emptying out the sewage tank. So I explored some
The nicest
of the ones
other were to
pitches theseedeluxe
whatpitches thatlike.
they were
overlooked the stream. Those people had satellite
dishesnicest
The and fancy BBQthe
ones were s, and they
deluxe had actual
pitches that
LA WNS that
overlooked the they took
stream. care people
Those of. had satellite
dishes and fancy BBQ s, and they had actual
LAWNS that they took care of.

100

107
I could tell the deluxe campsite people didn’t like
us economy guys hanging around their properties,
thou
I gh, tell
could so Ithe
didn’t stick
deluxe aroundpeople
campsite long. didn’t like
us economy guys hanging around their properties,
though, so I didn’t stick around long.

The spots further down the hill weren’t as

nice, but each row was kind of like its own little
neighbourhood.
The spots further down the hill weren’t as
nice, but each row was kind of like its own little
One of the rows had a bunch of older people
neighbourhood.
in it, so I’m guessing that was the area for
retirees.
One A few
of the rowsrows
had down wereof families
a bunch with
older people
little
in it, kids.
so I’m guessing that was the area for
retirees. A few rows down were families with
little kids. 101

101

108
Some of the rows had THEMES, and people went
kind of crazy with the decorations.
Some of the rows had THEMES, and people went
kind of crazy with the decorations.

A few people didn’t have full-sized camper vans,

and I felt grateful that Uncle Gary hadn’t left
us few
A one of THOSE
people didn’tinstead.
have full-sized camper vans,
and I felt grateful that Uncle Gary hadn’t left
us one of THOSE instead.

102

109
Some other people didn’t have camper vans at
ALL. There was one area that looked like it had
aSome
full other
motorcycle
peoplegang in it,
didn’t haveand I was
camper gladatwe
vans
ALL
didn’t. There
end upwas
as neighbours
one area that THOSE
withlooked like guys.
it had
a full motorcycle gang in it, and I was glad we
didn’t end up as neighbours with THOSE guys.

But it might’ve been even WORSE if we’d ended

up in the pet-friendly row. Because that area was
a total
But ZOO. been even WORSE if we’d ended
it might’ve
up in the pet-friendly row. Because that area was
a total ZOO.

103

110
I could tell when I was getting closer to the
economy row because the pitches were packed a
whole
I could TIGHTER,
lottell when I wasand peoplecloser
getting had toto make
the the
most of their
economy space.
row beca use the pitches were packed a
whole lot TIGHTER, and people had to make the
most of their space.

When I got back to our pitch, Dad was cooking

hot dogs on the BBQ. I wanted to ask him if he
washed
When Ihisgot
hands
backafter
to ourdoing theDad
pitch, sewage
was hook-up,
cooking
butI
hot thought
dogs on theheBBQ
might
. I get annoyed
wanted with
to ask himmeif. he
washed his hands after doing the sewage hook-up,
104
but I thought he might get annoyed with me.

104

111
Mom was trying to get to know some of our
neighbours, but they seemed like the type of
peoplewas
Mom whotrying
liked to keep to know
get to themselves.
some of our
neighbours, but they seemed like the type of
people who liked to keep to themselves.

Once Dad was done cooking, we sat down at our

picnic table to eat. But the people on the other
side ofDad
Once us were playing
was done beanbag
cooking, we toss on their
sat down roof,
at our
and somebody
picnic table to up there
eat. But had
the apeople
lousy on
aim.the other
side of us were playing beanbag toss on their roof,
and somebody up there had a lousy aim.

105

112
While we were cleaning up the mess, I told Mom
and Dad I thought coming here might’ve been a
MISTwe
While AKE . But
were Mom said
cleaning sometimes
up the it’stohard
mess, I ld Mom
getting
and Dadused to a new
I thought place,here
coming andmight’ve
I justbeen
neededa
MIS TAKE
to give it a. chance.
But Mom said sometimes it’s hard
getting used to a new place, and I just needed
Then
to giveshe
it reminded
a chance. me that we hadn’t even visited
the lake yet, which should be the best part. I
was
Thenabout to say something
she reminded me that else, when even
we hadn’t I got visited
interrupted
the lake yet,bywhich
a noise coming
should be from the part.
the best directionI
of
wasthe maintolodge.
about say something else, when I got
interrupted by a noise coming from the direction
of the main lodge.

It sounded like one of those air-raid sirens you

hear in a war movie when enemy bombers are
approaching,
It andone
sounded like it put me totally
of those on sirens
air-raid edge. you
hear in a war movie when enemy bombers are
106
approaching, and it put me totally on edge.

106

113
Our next-door neighbours seemed nervous, too,
and they gathered up their stuff to take inside
theirnext-door
Our camper van.
neighbours seemed nervous, too,
and they gathered up their stuff to take inside
their camper van.

When Dad asked what the siren was for, our

neighbour said it meant there was a SKUNK on
the
Whenproperty,
Dad asked andwhat
everyone needed
the siren wastofor,
getour
inside
in a hurry.said it meant there was a SKUNK on
neighbour
the property, and everyone needed to get inside
in a hurry.

107

114
Well, that was enough to get US moving. We
shut our door and peeked out of the window while
we waited.
Well, that Sure enough,toa few
was enough US moving.
get minutes later We
a
skunk came
shut our doosniffing aroundout
r and peeked ourofpitch.
the window while
we waited. Sure enough, a few minutes later a
skunk came sniffing around our pitch.

It got up on the picnic table, and when it

started eating our hot dogs there was nothing we
couldgot
It butonWATCH
do up . table, and when it
the picnic
started eating our hot dogs there was nothing we
could do but WATCH.

108

115
Once the skunk was done eating, it LEFT. After
a while, the siren stopped and everyone came
back outside.
Once the skunk And,
was even
donethough it LEFT
eating,the skunk. was
After
GONE
a while,, the
the siren
wholestopped
pitch smelled TERRIBLE
and everyone came .
back outside. And, even though the skunk was
GONE, the whole pitch smelled TERRIBLE.

Dad said the reason it smelled so bad was because

there’s some sort of chemical in a skunk’s glands
that said
Dad people
thecan smell it
reason from a milesoaway.
smelled bad wasAndbecause
he said
if you got
there’s someSPsort
RAYED by a skunk
of chemical it wouldglands
in a skunk’s be a
thousand
that people can W
times ORSE
smell from. a mile away. And he said
if you got SPRAYED by a skunk it would be a
He said the
thousand bestWthing
times ORSEyou . could do if you ran into
a skunk was to back away slowly, because a skunk
will said
He only the
spray a person
best thing you if itcould
feelsdolike
if it’s
you cornered
ran into
or threatened.
a skunk was to back away slowly, because a skunk
will only spray a person if it feels like it’s cornered
or threatened. 109

109

116
Then he said you know you’re about to be sprayed
if a skunk stands on its front legs and wiggles its
butt. he
Then Butsaid
by you
thenknow
it’s probably LATE
too to
you’re about .
be sprayed
if a skunk stands on its front legs and wiggles its
butt. But by then it’s probably too LATE.

Rodrick said that a skunk’s spray doesn’t just

smell bad, it’s FLAMMABLE, too. I don’t know
if that’s said
Rodrick truethat
or if ait’s just another
skunk’s one ofjust
spray doesn’t his lies.
smell it’s FLAM
IS true,
If itbad, then M ABLE
once skunks figure
, too. out how
I don’t knowto
light matches,
if that’s true orus ifhuman beings
it’s just BIGoftrouble.
are inone
another his lies.
If it IS true, then once skunks figure out how to
light matches, us human beings are in BIG trouble.

110

117
When God created the animals, he gave them all
cool stuff to defend themselves with, like shells and
talons God
When and created
claws. the animals, he gave them all
cool stuff to defend themselves with, like shells and
talons and claws.

But then when the time came to create PEOPLE,

all the GOOD ideas were used up.
But then when the time came to create PEOPLE,
all the GOOD ideas were used up.

111

118
I guess God made up for it by giving us big
BRAINS. But, if it was up to me, I probably
would’ve
I guess gone with QUILLS
God made up for it .by giving us big
BRAINS. But, if it was up to me, I probably
would’ve gone with QUILLS.

I figure if something as small as a skunk could

scare off predators by smelling bad, then maybe it
could
I workif for
figure ME. And
something that’s
as small as when I decided
a skunk could
I’m
scarenot
off gonna shower
predators until I bad,
by smelling finishthen
highmaybe
school.it
could work for ME. And that’s when I decided
I’m not gonna shower until I finish high school.

112

119
I probably shouldn’t have told MOM my plan,
though, because all it did was remind her that
skipped taking
I probably a shower
shouldn’t have told MOM
today. So my
nowplan,
she’s
making
though,mebecause
take one
all itfirst
did thing tomorrow
was remind morning.
her that
I skipped taking a shower today. So now she’s
making me take one first thing tomorrow morning.

Luckily, we had a few extra hot dogs in the

camper van, and Dad cooked them over the fire.
But I kept
Luckily, thinking
we had a few about
extra that skunk.
hot dogs So I
in the
was already
camper van, aand
little
Dadjumpy when
cooked all over
them of a the
sudden
fire.we
But S
got IPkept
R AYEthinking
D. about that skunk. So I
was already a little jumpy when all of a sudden we
got S P R AYED.

113

120
But it wasn’t a SKUNK that sprayed us. It was
one of our NEIGH BOuRS. Apparently, 9:00 is
“lights
But it wasn’t SKUNand
out” ata camp, K that
I guess people
sprayed us. around
It was
here
one oftake NEIGH
our that BOuRS
pretty seriously.
. Apparently, 9:00 is
“lights out” at camp, and I guess people around
here take that pretty seriously.

So we turned in for the night, but I didn’t

really SLEEP. Because, like I said before, those
economy pitches
So we turned in were packed
for the but I TIGHT
together
night, didn’t .
really SLEEP. Because, like I said before, those
economy pitches were packed together TIGHT.

114

121
Sunday
It turned out the whole camp was early to bed,
early to rise. We didn’t even need to set our
Sunday
alarmturned
It clocksout
because our neighbours
the whole camp was let us to
early know
bed,
when it
early to was
rise.time
We to get even
didn’t up. need to set our
alarm clocks because our neighbours let us know
Believe
when ititwasor not,
time some
to get guyup.was doing WOOD
CARVINGS on his pitch. I wanted to give him a
piece
Believeofitmyor mind, but when
not, some I saw
guy was theWOOD
doing chainsaw I
CA RVINGS
figured maybe on I his
couldpitch.
let itIslide this to
wanted onegive
time.
him a
piece of my mind, but when I saw the chainsaw I
figured maybe I could let it slide this one time.

115

122
After Dad got out of bed, he started cooking
pancakes and eggs on the griddle. Mom was just
gettingDad
After backgot
from
outthe shower
of bed, heblock andcooking
started she gave
me the scoop
pancakes and on howonthings
eggs workedMom
the griddle. up there.
was just
getting back from the shower block and she gave
She saidscoop
me the you had to pay
on how forworked
things the shower with
up there.
coins, and gave me a few. Then she told me that
I nesaid
She ededyou
to had
stop to
by pay
the for
laundrette and move
the shower with our
clothes fromgave
coins, and theme
washer
a few.toThen
the dryer.
she told me that
I needed to stop by the laundrette and move our
clothes from the washer to the dryer.

I really didn’t like the idea of taking a shower

in a public building. When you live in a house with
yourreally
I family, thelike
didn’t bathroom
the ideais of
thetaking
only place you
a shower
cana get
in publicany PRIVACY
building. When. So, whenin I’m
you live a hoin
usethere,
with
I’m
your infamily,
my own thelittle world.is the only place you
bathroom
can get any PRIVACY. So, when I’m in there,
116
I’m in my own little world.

116

123
And, once that door’s locked, I can do anything
I WANT.
And, once that door’s locked, I can do anything
I WANT.

But sometimes I get myself in TROU BLE in the

bathroom. Once, I almost broke my ribs when I
was pretending
But sometimes Itoget
be myself in TRin
Spider-Man OU BLE
the shower.
in the
bathroom. Once, I almost broke my ribs when I
was pretending to be Spider-Man in the shower.

117

124
When I arrived at the shower block, the line was
already wrapped round the building. And I got
to know
When I my fellowatcampers
arrived a little
the shower better
block, the than I
line was
WANTED
already to. round the building. And I got
wrapped
to know my fellow campers a little better than I
WANTED to.

I figured the line would split at the entrance,

and guys would go one way and girls would go the
other.
I But the
figured it turns out this
line would splitplace didn’t
at the have those
entrance,
kindsguys
and of boundaries.
would go one way and girls would go the
other. But it turns out this place didn’t have those
kinds of boundaries.

118

125
I found out the reason the wait was so long was
because there were only three shower stalls inside.
When
I it was
found out finally my turn,
the reason I put
the wait wastwenty-five
so long was
cents inthere
because the coin
wereslot
onlyonthree
the stall door,
shower andinside.
stalls that
got thite was
When shower going.
finally my turn, I put twenty-five
cents in the coin slot on the stall door, and that
The hote shower
got th water felt GOOD, especially since I
going.
hadn’t had a hot shower in a few days.
The hot water felt GOOD, especially since I
hadn’t had a hot shower in a few days.

But I couldn’t really enjoy it since the stalls only

went so high.
But I couldn’t really enjoy it since the stalls only
went so high.

119

126
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was by
myself. But that was kind of hard to do when the
person
I closedin my
theeyes
nextand
stall started
tried gettingICHA
to pretend wasTTY
by .
myself. But that was kind of hard to do when the
person in the next stall started getting CHATTY.

I decided to wrap things up and get out of

there. But the shower stopped before I had a
chance
I to rinse
decided the things
to wrap shampoo
up out
andofget
myout
hair.
of
there. But the shower stopped before I had a
chance to rinse the shampoo out of my hair.

120

127
It turns out twenty-five cents only paid for
three minutes of hot water. I tried to hand the
nextturns
It personout
in twenty-five
line a coin to cents
put in only
the slot,
paid fbut
or I
couldn’tminutes
three get hisofattention.
hot water. I tried to hand the
next person in line a coin to put in the slot, but I
couldn’t get his attention.

So I stepped out of the shower to put the coin

in MYSELF. But I guess that was just the
opportunity
So I steppedthis
outguy the W
of was AITING
shower for.the coin
to put
in MYSELF. But I guess that was just the
opportunity this guy was WAITING for.

121

128
And what REALLY stunk was when he started
using my SHAM POO.
And what REALLY stunk was when he started
using my SHAM POO.

I didn’t feel like getting into an argument with

a naked guy, so I LEFT. But some soapsuds got
in
I my eye,feel
didn’t andlike
I getting
could barely
into see where I was
an argument with
naked guy, so I LEFT. But some soapsuds got
agoing.
in my eye, and I could barely see where I was
going.

122

129
Luckily, I found my way to the laundrette,
where there was a sink. And that water was
FREE. I found my way to the laundrette,
Luckily,
where there was a sink. And that water was
FREE.

Once I finished rinsing the shampoo out of my

hair, I started looking for our clothes. But
someone
Once I had taken
finished them the
rinsing out shampoo
of the washing
out of my
machine
hair, I and dumped
started themfor
looking on our
theclothes.
f loor soBut
they
someone THEIR
could puthad takenclothes in. of the washing
them out
machine and dumped them on the f loor so they
could put THEIR clothes in.

123

130
After I put our clothes in the dryer, I decided
I was gonna stick around the washing machines
and find
After I out
put who dumped inourthe
our clothes stuff on, the
dryer f loor
I decided
when
I wasthey came
gonna backaround
stick to gettheTHEIRS
washing. machines
and find out who dumped our stuff on the f loor
when they came back to get THEIRS.

But, when I saw who it WAS, I thought maybe

I could let things slide one more time.
But, when I saw who it WAS, I thought maybe
I could let things slide one more time.

124

131
When I got back to our pitch, all I wanted to
do was crawl back into bed. But Mom said we were
all going
When downback
I got to the lakepitch,
to our and Iallneeded to put
I wanted to
on was
do my swimming shorts.
crawl back into bed. But Mom said we were
all going down to the lake and I needed to put
I
on reminded her that
my swimming shorts. I didn’t HAV E swimming
shorts any more, and I was hoping that would
getreminded
I me off the
her hook.
that I Mom Hsaid
Butdidn’t AV ERodrick had a
swimming
SP AREany
shorts pair, and,
more, andeven though
I was I’mthat
hoping not awould
fan of
wearing someone
get me off else’s But
the hook. clothes,
Mom I knew
said therehad
Rodrick wasa
SP
no ARE
point pair,
in debating
and, evenher though
about it.I’m not a fan of
wearing someone else’s clothes, I knew there was
no point in debating her about it.

I figured if we splashed around the lake for a

few minutes and acted like we were having a good
time,
I Mom ifwould
figured be satisfied
we splashed and the
around let us
lakegofor
backa
to camp.
few Butand
minutes sheacted
took like
her we
camera
were with
havingher, and
a good
that always
time, complicates
Mom would things.
be satisfied and let us go back
to camp. But she took her camera with her, and
that always complicates things. 125

125

132
This summer Mom’s been spending a lot of time on
social media. And, whenever she sees how perfect
her friends’
This summer families look,spending
Mom’s been lotJEAL
it makes aher OUS
of time on.
social media. And, whenever she sees how perfect
her friends’ families look, it makes her JEALOUS.

So Mom always puts us in these awkward poses

to make it look like WE’ RE having a good time,
too. Butalways
So Mom there puts
must usbe insomething wrong with
these awkward posesmy
family,
to makebecause
it look we WE
likecan ’ RE get
never our aact
having together.
good time,
too. But there must be something wrong with my
family, because we can never get our act together.

126

133
The lake looked calm and peaceful when we first
saw it from the bridge. But today it was a whole
different
The scene. calm and peaceful when we first
lake looked
saw it from the bridge. But today it was a whole
different scene.

I was expecting the lake to be clear, like the one

at the fish hatchery, but it looked DIRTY to me.
And
I wasthat’s probably
expecting the because
lake to people weren’t
be clear, justone
like the
using
at theit fish SWIMMING
for hatchery, but. it looked DIRTY to me.
And that’s probably because people weren’t just
using it for SWIMMING.

127

134
I thought people were acting kind of nuts at the
POOL yesterday, but at the lake it was at a
whole different
I thought LEwere
people VEL.acting kind of nuts at the
POOL yesterday, but at the lake it was at a
There was a ropeLEswing
whole different VEL.attached to a big tree
that went out over the water. But I wasn’t
planning
There wasona using that thing
rope swing to ita RAINed
unless
attached big tree
for
thata went
few days first.the water. But I wasn’t
out over
planning on using that thing unless it RAINed
for a few days first.

There were some rafts f loating in the middle of

the lake, and I thought about grabbing one. But
I changed
There were my
somemind when
rafts I sawinhow
f loating the people
middle were
of
usinglake,
the them.
and I thought about grabbing one. But
I changed my mind when I saw how people were
128
using them.

128

135
There was a ramp at the bottom of a big hill by
the lake, and I couldn’t tell what it was for. But
my question
There was agot answered
ramp at the when
bottomsome
of kid launched
a big hill by
himself
the intoand
lake, theIwater inside
couldn’t tell awhat
tractor tyre.
it was for. But
my question got answered when some kid launched
himself into the water inside a tractor tyre.

129

136
Mom wanted us all to swim, but I was still pretty
scarred from my LAST experience in a lake. Plus, I
don’t trust any
Mom wanted us water
all to I can’tbutseeIthrough.
swim, was still pretty
scarred from my LAST experience in a lake. Plus, I
There was something
don’t trust any waterweird sticking
I can’t up in the middle
see through.
of the lake, and I pointed it out to Dad. He said
it was was
There probably just aweird
something branch, but up
sticking it didn’t
in the look
middle
likethe
of a branch to ME
lake, and I .pointed
And, whenit outyou
to can
Dad.only
He see
said
ait part of something,
was probably could bebutANYTHING
just a itbranch, .
it didn’t look
like a branch to ME. And, when you can only see
a part of something, it could be ANYTHING.

130

137
Nobody else was in the mood to swim, either, so we
put our stuff down on the ground. But it turned out
a lake shore
Nobody else isn’
wast in
thethe
same as atoBEA
mood CHeither,
swim, shore, soand
we
within
put ourastuff
few seconds
down onwethewere sinking
ground. Butinitthe muck.out
turned
a lake shore isn’t the same as a BEACH shore, and
within a few seconds we were sinking in the muck.

Mom said we weren’t going back to our pitch

until we did something FU N. There was a canoe
tied
Mom upsaidtowethe dock, going
weren’t and she
backsaid
to we
ourshould
pitch take
it outweondid
until water. IFU
thesomething wasN.fine withwas
There being on
a canoe
top
tied of
up the water,
to the so and
dock, longshe
as said
we didn’t have take
we should to
it IN on
go out it. the water. I was fine with being on
top of the water, so long as we didn’t have to
go IN
We tookit.turns getting into the canoe, which wasn’t
as easy as I thought it would be.
We took turns getting into the canoe, which wasn’t
as easy as I thought it would be. 131

131

138
I stayed low, just like Dad told me to. Rodrick
DIDN’ T, tho ugh, and we almost capsized while we
were still tied
I stayed low,tojust
thelike
dock.
Dad told me to. Rodrick
DIDN’ T, tho ugh, and we almost capsized while we
were still tied to the dock.

After we were all in the canoe, we put on life

jackets and paddled out on the water. But some
people we
After swimming
were allnearby
in theseemed
canoe,like
we they were
put on lifein a
hurry toand
jackets getpaddled
out of ourout W
onAY . water. But some
the
people swimming nearby seemed like they were in a
hurry to get out of our WAY.

132

139
Then we found out WH Y. As soon as we got to
the middle of the lake, something BIG landed
right we
Then nextfound
to our WH YAnd
outcanoe. . As asoon
second later
as we gotthere
to
the ANO
was middleTHER lake, something BIG landed
of thesplash.
right next to our canoe. And a second later there
was ANOTHER splash.

Some teenagers up on the hill had turned a

hammock into a giant SLINGSHOT, and they were
using us for TARGET
Some teenagers practice.
up on the hill had turned a
hammock into a giant SLINGSHOT, and they were
using us for TARGET practice.

133

140
I guess that explained why no one was using the
canoe. We tried to paddle back to the dock, but
theguess
I guys that
on the hill werewhy
explained getting
no onemore
was and
usingmore
the
accurateWewith
canoe. each
tried to shot.
paddle back to the dock, but
the guys on the hill were getting more and more
accurate with each shot.

I guess Rodrick didn’t wanna get hit, so he decided

to abandon ship. And that was a problem for the
REguess
I ST ofRodrick
us, because
didn’tnow we were
wanna unbalanced.
get hit, so he decided
to abandon ship. And that was a problem for the
REST of us, because now we were unbalanced.

134

141
Our canoe capsized, and somehow me and Dad
ended up UNDERNEATH it. At first I thought
it
Ourwas a GOOD
canoe thing,
capsized, and since we were
somehow protected
me and Dad
from up UNDERNEA
endedthose watermelons.TH it. At first I thought
it was a GOOD thing, since we were protected
from those watermelons.

But I changed my mind when we took a direct

hit, because it was like being on the inside of a
DRUI
But M.changed my mind when we took a direct
hit, because it was like being on the inside of a
DRU M.

135

142
Me and Dad ditched the canoe and swam for the
dock. And we had to move FAST, because now we
were
Me andoutDad
of range,
ditchedsothe
thecanoe
guys and
on the hillfor
swam were
the
SKIPPING
dock. And wetheir to move FAST, because now we
had shots.
were out of range, so the guys on the hill were
SKIPPING their shots.

We pulled ourselves on to the dock, where we

were safe. Mom was upset because her camera was
ruined,
We butourselves
pulled I didn’tonreally
to thewant my where
dock, picturewetaken
rightsaf
were ate.that
Mommoment,
was upsetanyway.
because her camera was
ruined, but I didn’t really want my picture taken
right at that moment, anyway.

136

143
Monday
I think Mom realized we’d had a little too much
family time yesterday, because this morning she
Monday
saidthink
I everyon
Mome corealized
uld go do
we’dtheir
had own thing.
a little too Imuch
was plan
family ning
time on relaxing
yesterday, for once,
because but Momshe
this morning had
OTHER
said ideas.
everyon e could go do their own thing. I
was planning on relaxing for once, but Mom had
O THER
She said this
ideas.camp was full of kids my age, and
this was the perfect opportunity to branch out
and make
She said this FRIENDS
newcamp was full. of kids my age, and
this was the perfect opportunity to branch out
and make new FRIENDS.

I told Mom I wasn’t really in the mood for

socializing, and there wasn’t any point in trying
to told
I makeMom
new Ifriends
wasn’tsince I’din never
really SEE
evenfor
the mood
any of theseand
socializing, people
thereagain.
wasn’t any point in trying
to make new friends since I’d never even SEE
any of these people again. 137

137

144
But Mom said some of her best friends to this
day are people she met at summer camp when she
But MY
was Momage.
said some of her best friends to this
day are people she met at summer camp when she
was MY age.

I told Mom it’s DIFFERENT from when she was

growing up, and it’s a lot harder to make friends
with
I strangers
told DIFFERENT
Mom it’snowadays. But Mom
fromsaid
whensheshe
could
was
help me with
growing that.
up, and it’s a lot harder to make friends
with strangers nowadays. But Mom said she could
I
helpwasmehoping Mom would just drop it. But ten
with that.
minutes later a group of boys passed by our camper
vanwas
I carrying
hopingfishing rods. just
Mom would And,drop
before I could
it. But ten
STOP her,
minutes laterMom started
a group withpassed
of boys the introductions.
by our camper
van carrying fishing rods. And, before I could
STOP her, Mom started with the introductions.
138

138

145
Luckily, these kids didn’t beat me up the second
Mom stepped away. They said they were going
down to these
Luckily, their kids
fishing spot,
didn’t andmeIupcould
beat the come
secondwith
them
Mo if I wanted.
m stepped away. They said they were going
down to their fishing spot, and I could come with
I’m
themnot
if Ireally big on fishing, but I figured I’d
wanted.
just go along with these guys to make Mom happy.
I’m not really big on fishing, but I figured I’d
I
justrecognized
go along awith
fewthese
of them
guysfrom the pool,
to make and
Mom happy.
on our way down to the stream I learned their
names.
I recognized a few of them from the pool, and
on our way down to the stream I learned their
names. 139

139

146
Everyone was calling the smallest kid Ju i cebox, and
he seemed to be the one in charge. The kid with
the inner tube
Everyone was BigtheMarcus,
was calling kidIJucouldn’t
smallestand i cebox, and
tell if he was
he seemed wearing
to be the onethat thing for
in charge. funkid
The or with
if he
couldn’t
the inneractually
tube was OUT
getBig of it.and I couldn’t
Marcus,
tell if he was wearing that thing for fun or if he
couldn’t actually get OUT of it.

The tall skinny kid was Weevil, and the boy with
the shaved head was called DooDoo. I don’t
wannatallbe skinny
The mean orkidanything, but and
was Weevil, thatthe
boyboy
reawith
lly
lived shaved
the up to his nickname.
head was called DooDoo. I don’t
wanna be mean or anything, but that boy really
lived up to his nickname.

140

147
A few other kids joined us, and THEY all had
nicknames, too. So I guess that’s a thing around
few other kids joined us, and THEY all had
here.
A
nicknames, too. So I guess that’s a thing around
here.

Ju i cebox asked me MY name, and I figured since

everyone ELSE was using made-up names, I might
J
asu iwell, asked me MY name, and I figured since
cebox too.
everyone ELSE was using made-up names, I might
as well, too.

141

148
The stream was pretty shallow in this spot, so I
didn’t see how these guys were gonna catch any
fish.
Th e stBut
reamI was
found out the
pretty real inreason
shallow they came
this spot, so I
here wasn’t
didn’t see howto these
fish, it
guys to T
waswere ALK.catch
gonna And any
they
argued
fish. But about EVERout
I found YTHING
the real . reason they came
here wasn’t to fish, it was to TALK. And they
The
arguedfirst topic
about EVER YTHING
was which superhero
. would win in a
fight, and that turned into a conversation about
which superpower
The first topic was waswhich
best.superhero
And somehowwould that
win in a
turned
fight, andinto that
a debate about
turned intowhat kind of animal
a conversation about
you’d
which choose to fight
superpower was ifbest.
you And
were somehow
sentencedthat
to
death.
turned into a debate about what kind of animal
you’d choose to fight if you were sentenced to
death.

142

149
Then they got into an argument about whether it
would be better to fight a person with the head
of a shark
Then or a into
they got sharkan with the head
argument aboutofwhether
a person.it
And the
would guys were
be better to split
fightdown the middle
a person on that
with the head
one.
of a shark or a shark with the head of a person.
And the guys were split down the middle on that
one.

The conversation got pretty heated, and then it

got PHYSICAL. I didn’t wanna get hurt, so I
tried to stay out got
The conversation of the way.heated, and then it
pretty
got PHYSICAL. I didn’t wanna get hurt, so I
tried to stay out of the way.

143

150
But just like that it was OVER, and everyone
acted like nothing happened.
But just like that it was OVER, and everyone
I waslike
acted starting to happened.
nothing get nervous hanging around
a bunch of guys who liked to settle things with
I wasFIST
their S, and
starting I told
to get themhanging
nervous maybe Iaround
should
be heading
a bunch back. who
of guys Jui cebox
Butliked said that,
to settle thingssince
with I
was the
their FIST
NEWS, and
kid I
around
told here, it was I
them maybe their job
should
to show me back.
be heading But JAnd
the ropes. I said
ui cebox decided to go
that, along
since I
with
was the NEW kbecause
it, mostly I didn’t
id around here, want
it wasDooDoo
their job
putting
to show me inthea ropes.
headlock.
And I decided to go along
with it, mostly because I didn’t want DooDoo
putting me in a headlock.

It turns out these guys have been coming here

for years, so they knew all the ins and outs of
the turns
It place. out
They knewguys
these howhave
to get
beena coming
free bag of
here
pretzels
for years,from the vending
so they knew allmachine
the insatand
theouts
lodge,
of
exact time
the place. Theythe delivery
knew how totruck
get came
a freetobag
resupply
of
the campfrom
pretzels store,
theand wheremachine
vending you needed to be
at the when
lodge,
they threwtime
the exact outthe
thedelivery
day-oldtruck
doughnuts.
came to resupply
the camp store, and where you needed to be when
144
they threw out the day-old doughnuts.

144

151
Plus, they knew where all the cute girls in camp
were staying and when they each ate lunch.
Plus, they knew where all the cute girls in camp
were staying and when they each ate lunch.

145

152
These guys were big pranksters, too. Weevil found
a half-filled bottle of shampoo on the ground, and
These guysJwere
that gave u i cebox
bigan IDEA. He too.
pranksters, tookWuseeround
vil founthe
d
back of the shower
a half-filled bottle block to the on
of shampoo wallthe
on gthe
rounother
d, and
side theJshower
thatofgave an IDEA. He took us round the
u i cebox stalls.
back of the shower block to the wall on the other
As
side soon as shower
of the the person stalls.near the window finished
rinsing the soapsuds out of his hair, Ju i cebox
squirted
As soon more
as theshampoo
person on nearhisthe
scalp.
window finished
rinsing the soapsuds out of his hair, Ju i cebox
squirted more shampoo on his scalp.

The guy lathered up his hair AGAIN, and once

he finished rinsing it Ju i cebox was there with
an
Theothe
guyr sq uirt. After
lathered up his hair AGAIN
a couple more rounds
, andofonce
this,
thefinished
he guy started gett
rinsing Jgu i ceb
it in angry
ox was .there with
another squirt. After a couple more rounds of this,
the guy started getting angry.
146

146

153
But when he heard Cutter laugh we were
BUSTED. And it was the LAST guy we should’ve
been messing
But when he with,
heard too.
Cutter laugh we were
BUSTED. And it was the LAST guy we should’ve
been messing with, too.

147

154
Luckily, Juicebox and his gang knew all the good
hiding spots on the campsite, so we lay low behind
the snackJuicebox
Luckily, shack until thegang
and his coastknew
was clear.
all the good
hiding spots on the campsite, so we lay low behind
the snack shack until the coast was clear.

148
But these guys had their OWN idea of fun.

148

155
And most of their games involved someone getting
hit by a ball or getting tackled, and sometimes
both most
And at the
of same
theirtime.
games involved someone getting
hit by a ball or getting tackled, and sometimes
both at the same time.

149

156
The last game we played was Red Rover, where
everyone makes a human chain and tries to keep
one person
The fromwegetting
last game played through. But Bigwhere
was Red Rover, Marcus
was unstoppable,
everyone makes a and we chain
human got pretty banged
and tries up.
to keep
one person from getting through. But Big Marcus
was unstoppable, and we got pretty banged up.

It seemed like everyone was ready to wrap things

up for the day, but that’s when something fell
It the SKY
fromseemed like. everyone was ready to wrap things
up for the day, but that’s when something fell
from the SKY.

150

157
It was those teenagers on the hill, launching
watermelons from their hammock. We ran for
coverwas
It underneath the shedonwhere
those teenagers theylaunching
the hill, kept the
kayaks. Andfrom
watermelons that’s where
their Ju i ceboxWetold
hammock. ranme
forwhat
was
covergoing on.
underneath the shed where they kept the
kayaks. And that’s where Ju i cebox told me what
He
wassaid that
going on.every time him and his gang played
in that field the teenagers bombarded them with
watermelons.
He said that And
everyItime
really
himwished
and his someone had
gang played
mentioned
in that
that field me BEFObombarded
thetoteenagers RE I agreed themtowith
go
down there. And I really wished someone had
watermelons.
mentioned that to me BEFO RE I agreed to go
down there.

But Ju i cebox said that today him and his guys

were ready to strike BACK.
But Ju i cebox said that today him and his guys
were ready to strike BACK. 151

151

158
They’d stashed a bunch of water guns in one
of the kayaks, and they had some serious
firepowestashed
They’d r in there. Everyone
a bunch chose
of water gunsa weapon
in one for
them
of selvkayaks,
the es, but and
sincethey
I was
hadthe newserious
some guy I picked
LAS
fire T. r in there. Everyone chose a weapon for
powe
themselves, but since I was the new guy I picked
LAST.

I wasn’t crazy about picking a fight with a bunch

of teenagers anyway, so I told the guys I really
need
I ed to crazy
wasn’t be getting
about back to amyfight
picking family.
with a bunch
of teenagers anyway, so I told the guys I really
needed to be getting back to my family.

152

159
But Juicebox said I was one of THEM now, and
we were all in this fight TOGETHER. I probably
But Juicebox
should’ve walkedsaidaway then,
I was of THEM
one but I didn’tnow,wann a let
and
these
we wereguys this fight TOGETHER. I probably
down.
all in
should’ve walked away then, but I didn’t wanna let
We gathered
these guys down. around Ju i cebox, and he showed us
his plan. He said somebody needed to volunteer to
be the
We decoy on
gathered around Ju i cebox,
the lake so the and
restheof showed
us couldus
sneak
his up on
plan. He the
said teenagers
somebody from
neededbehind.
to volunteer to
be the decoy on the lake so the rest of us could
sneak up on the teenagers from behind.

Nobody wanted to volunteer, so we took a vote,

and that’s how Big Marcus got chosen. And that
was goodwanted
Nobody news for
to me, becausesoIwe
volunteer, gottook
his awater
vote,
gun.
and that’s how Big Marcus got chosen. And that
was good news for me, because I got his water
gun. 153

153

160
Big Marcus paddled out to the middle of the lake
and, sure enough, the teenagers opened fire as
soonMarcus
Big as theypaddled
saw him.
out to the middle of the lake
and, sure enough, the teenagers opened fire as
soon as they saw him.

And that’s when the rest of us made our MOVE.

154

161
We let loose with everything we had, and by the
time our water guns were empty those teenagers
We loose DRENCHED
werelettotally . we
with everything had, and by the
time our water guns were empty those teenagers
were totally DRENCHED.

But I wish Ju i cebox had put a little more thought

into the NEXT step of his plan, because all we
reallyIdid
But wasJumake
wish i ceboxthose guysa M
had put AD. more thought
little
into the NEXT step of his plan, because all we
really did was make those guys MAD.

162
They chased us past the main lodge, and we turned
the corner at the laundrette. I thought they were
gonnachased
They catch us for
pastsure,
the but
mainBig Marcus
lodge, and picked the
we turned
PERcorner
the FECTat time
thetolaundrette.
rejoin the I
team.
thought they were
gonna catch us for sure, but Big Marcus picked the
PERFECT time to rejoin the team.

That bought the rest of us extra TIME, and we

used it to reload our water guns from the soda
dispenser
That at the
bought the snack us extra TIME, and we
shack.
rest of
used it to reload our water guns from the soda
dispenser at the snack shack.

156

163
Cutter grabbed a few squeezy bottles of ketchup
and mustard for some extra firepower. So, when
the teenagers
Cutter grabbedarrived,
a few squeezy READY
we werebottles of for them.
ketchup
and mustard for some extra firepower. So, when
the teenagers arrived, we were READY for them.

And I don’t know if it was the soda or the

ketchup that did it, but a few seconds later the
snackIshack
And don’twas fullifofit BEES
know . soda or the
was the
ketchup that did it, but a few seconds later the
snack shack was full of BEES.

157

164
We ran to the hiding spot we used earlier in the
day and took a minute to catch our breath.
We ran to the hiding spot we used earlier in the
Everyone was in
day and took the mood
a minute to to celebrate,
catch but Ju i cebox
our breath.
seemed WO RRIED. He said those teenagers would
be coming was
Everyone for us, andmood
in the thattothe but Ju iwas
camp director
celebrate, cebox
gonna be
seemed WO RRIED
mad we made
. Hea said
messthose
at the snack shack.
teenagers would
be coming for us, and that the camp director was
gonna be mad we made a mess at the snack shack.

Cutter said we should make a PACT that if one of

us got caught, nobody would rat anyone else out.
And everyone
Cutter said weseemed
should to PACT
likea that
make idea.
that if one of
us got caught, nobody would rat anyone else out.
But
And iteveryone
got complicated
seemed towhen
like we started
that idea. talking
about what the penalty was for BREAKING the
pact,
But it because everyone when
got complicated had awediff erent idtalking
started ea of
what that
about what should be. was for BREAKING the
the penalty
pact, because everyone had a different idea of
158
what that should be.

158

165
Big Marcus said that if you broke the pact, then
you had to go through the Pool Noodle Gauntlet,
whichMarcus
Big sounded that ifHARSH
saidpretty to me.
you broke the pact, then
you had to go through the Pool Noodle Gauntlet,
which sounded pretty HARSH to me.

Regular Marcus said that if one of us snitched,

that person needed to wear his underwear on his
head forMarcus
Regular a wholesaid
day.that if one of us snitched,
that person needed to wear his underwear on his
head for a whole day.

159

166
Some people wanted to take it even FURTHER.
Fivehead said it had to be your DAD’ S underwear,
and you
Some had wanted
people to walktopast even FUgirls’
theit pretty
take RTHER pitches
.
at said it had to be your DAD’ S underwear,
lunchtime.
Fivehead
and you had to walk past the pretty girls’ pitches
at lunchtime.

Then the guys got into an argument about

whether the underwear should be clean or dirty,
and things
Then got got
the guys physical
into again. But I about
an argument was actually
GLAD, because
whether it gave should
the underwear me thebeopportunity I
clean or dirty,
needed to slip
and things gotaway.
physical again. But I was actually
GLAD, because it gave me the opportunity I
needed to slip away.

167
Tuesday
Thankfully, Mom didn’t have any big plans for us
today. Because after everything that happened
Tuesday
yesterday, IMom
Thankfully, really justhave
didn’t wanted
any to
biglieplans
low for
for the
us
rest of Because
today. the trip.
after everything that happened
yesterday, I really just wanted to lie low for the
Mom went
rest of thetotrip.
the camp store to pick up some
groceries for dinner, and when she came back she
was
Momallwent
excited about
to the a fstore
camp lyer she’d picked
to pick up at the
up some
main lodge.
groceries for dinner, and when she came back she
was all excited about a f lyer she’d picked up at the
main lodge.

161

168
Nobody else was crazy about going to a pool
party, but Mom said this could be just the thing
to turn our
Nobody else trip around.about going to a pool
was crazy
party, but Mom said this could be just the thing
to turn our trip around.

We all knew that once Mom gets an idea in her

head there’s no talking her out of it. Plus, it had
beenallreally
We knewsticky
that and
once hot
Momallgets
day,ansoidea
I figured
in her it
would there’s
head be nice no
to talking
cool off her
for out
a few
of hours.
it. Plus, it had
been really sticky and hot all day, so I figured it
Mom
would forgot
be nice to
to get
coolplastic
off forutensils at the store,
a few hours.
so she sent me up there with some money. I was
a little
Mom nervous
forgot one of
to get thoseutensils
plastic teenagers might
at the spot
store,
me on the
so she sentway,
me up so there
I wanted
with to
somegetmoney.
thereIand
was
back as nervous
a little quick asone
I could.
of those teenagers might spot
me on the way, so I wanted to get there and
But
back Ias stopped
quick as when Regular Marcus called out to
I could.
me when I passed by the place we hid yesterday.
But I stopped when Regular Marcus called out to
162
me when I passed by the place we hid yesterday.

162

169
Regular Marcus told me that this morning these
posters started appearing all over camp, and he
showed me
Regular one hetold
Marcus took
me from
that the
thislaundrette.
morning these
posters started appearing all over camp, and he
showed me one he took from the laundrette.

163

170
The second I saw the poster, I knew it was a
trick. I told Regular Marcus that the people
who
The run thisIplace
second saw were just trying
the poster, to catch
I knew it wasthe
a
trick
kids who. trashed the snack
I told Regular shack,that
Marcus andthe
theypeople
were
who runusing ice place
this as BAIT
creamwere . I told
just trying tohim
catchnotthe
to
fall
kids for
whoit,trashed
and tothe the Oshack,
tell snack THER andguysthey
not to,
were using ice cream as BAIT. I told him not to
either.
fall for it, and to tell the OTHER guys not to,
either.

But he said it was already too LATE. Because, when

the first posters went up, Ju icebox and the other
guyshe
But hadsaidheaded
it wasstraight for LA
already too TElodge
the with their
. Because, when
water
the posters went up, Ju icebox and the other
guns.
first
guys had headed straight for the lodge with their
water guns.

164

171
Regular Marcus said he would’ve been WITH them,
but he had to go back to his camper van to grab
his squirtMarcus
Regular gun. And
said by
he the time been
would’ve WITH
he got to the
them,
lodge
but hethe
haddoors
to gowere to his lcamper
backalready ocked van. to grab
his squirt gun. And by the time he got to the
lodge the doors were already locked.

So Regular Marcus climbed up on to a recycling

bin to look through the window and see what was
going
So on. And
Regular whatclimbed
Marcus on to pre
he sawupwasn’t tty.
a recycling
bin to look through the window and see what was
going on. And what he saw wasn’t pretty.

165

172
It turns out there was no ice cream at ALL. The
camp director told the guys they were gonna have
to scrub
It turnsevery inch ofwas
out there thenosnack ALL. The
shackattomorrow
ice cream
morning,
camp direcand use Tthe
tor told OOguys
TH BR USHwere
they ES to do it.
gonna have
to scrub every inch of the snack shack tomorrow
morning, and use TOOTH BRUSHES to do it.

I guess Jui cebox didn’t like the sound of that, so

he told the camp director the whole thing was a
bigguess
I Jui cebox didn’t
MISUNDERS TANDlike
INGthe
. sound of that, so
he told the camp director the whole thing was a
big MISUNDERSTANDING.

166

173
He said him and the other guys got roped into the
fight, and the guy that started it all was still on
thesaid
He loose.
himAnd
andwhen the camp
the other guysdirector
got roped asked
intohimthe
the name
fight, andofthe
theguy
“ringleader”, Ju i cebox
that started it all threw
was stilltheon
new guy under
the loose. And the
whenbus.
the camp director asked him
the name of the “ringleader”, Ju i cebox threw the
new guy under the bus.

But I guess the camp director wasn’t convinced.

Because after he let the other guys go, he made
Ju icebox
But walk the
I guess doorcamp
to door with him
director to find
wasn’t this
convinced.
Jimmy
BecauseDogfish character.
after he let the other guys go, he made
Ju icebox walk door to door with him to find this
I really
Jimmy didn’t character.
Dogfish wanna be there when they reached
MY camper van. So, when I got back to our
pitch,
I reallyI didn’t
told everyone
wanna bewethere
needed to they
when eat quick so
reached
MY
we could getvan.
camper to that pool party.
So, when I got back to our
pitch, I told everyone we needed to eat quick so
we could get to that pool party. 167

167

174
I figured the pool might be the one place on the
campsite where I was actually SAFE. But once we
got there I
I figured therealized I was
pool might be wrong
the oneabout
placethat.
on the
campsite where I was actually SAFE. But once we
got there I realized I was wrong about that.

It seemed like the combination of loud music and

night-time was making people a little extra crazy.
And it wasn’t
It seemed like just
the the kids thisoftime,
combination loud it wasand
music the
grown-ups, too.making people a little extra crazy.
night-time was
And it wasn’t just the kids this time, it was the
A bunch of too.
grown-ups, dads had turned the shallow end into
a giant WHIRLPOOL.
A bunch of dads had turned the shallow end into
a giant WHIRLPOOL.
168

168

175
And somebody had greased the slide, so people
were coming off that thing at a hundred miles an
hour. somebody had greased the slide, so people
And
were coming off that thing at a hundred miles an
hour.

169

176
There was a movie playing on a screen at the
deep end of the pool, and whoever chose the film
probably
There wasshould’ve
a movie picked
playingsomething that
on a screen at was
the a
little end
deep moreoffamily-friendly.
the pool, and whoever chose the film
probably should’ve picked something that was a
little more family-friendly.

Mom wasn’t even paying attention to what was

going on in the pool. There were a bunch of
activities
Mom in the
wasn’t evengrassy
payingarea, and she
attention wanted
to what wasus to
going on in intheEVER
participate pool.YTHING . a bunch of
There were
activities in the grassy area, and she wanted us to
participate in EVERYTHING.
170

170

177
We entered the balloon-popping relay as a family,
but we came in last place since Manny didn’t have
enough
We body the
entered weight to burst therelay
balloon-popping first asballoon.
a family,
but we came in last place since Manny didn’t have
enough body weight to burst the first balloon.

Mom made Dad enter the beer belly contest, but

he didn’t even make it past the first round.
Mom made Dad enter the beer belly contest, but
he didn’t even make it past the first round.

171

178
Manny entered a hot dog eating contest on his
own, and I had no IDEA that boy could pack so
much
Mannyfood away.a hot dog eating contest on his
entered
own, and I had no IDEA that boy could pack so
much food away.

Me and Rodrick competed in a dizzy stick relay race,

where you had to spin round a baseball bat five
times,
Me andthen tag competed
Rodrick the next inperson onstick
a dizzy your relay
team.race,
But weyou
where werehad
playing against
to spin roundtwo guys who
a baseball bathad
fivejust
finishedthen
times, the tag
hot the
dog next
eating contest,
person so things
on your team. got
But we M
a little ESS
were Y.
playing against two guys who had just
finished the hot dog eating contest, so things got
a little M ESSY.

172

179
Mom tried to get me to enter a mother-son dance
contest with her, but there wasn’t enough money
in thetried
Mom worldtotoget
getmemetotoenter to THAT. dance
agreea mother-son
contest with her, but there wasn’t enough money
in the world to get me to agree to THAT.

I entered the pie eating contest, because I

thought I might actually WIN. But they held it
at the samethe
I entered time
pieaseating
the belly f lop because
contest, contest,I and
my seat was
thought the one
I might actually WIN
closest to .the
Butpool.
they held it
at the same time as the belly f lop contest, and
my seat was the one closest to the pool.

173

180
Speaking of the belly f lop contest, too many
contestants got on the diving board at the same
time, and of
Speaking it wasn’t builtf lop
the belly to carry thattoomuch
contest, weight.
many
contestants got on the diving board at the same
time, and it wasn’t built to carry that much weight.

After the party activities wrapped up, Mom

talked us all into getting in the water for a quick
family swim.
After the party activities wrapped up, Mom
talked us all into getting in the water for a quick
174
family swim.

174

181
The pool was crowded and nobody was really doing
any swimming, anyway. It seemed like the only
people
The having
pool any fun and
was crowded werenobody
the ones RAFdoing
wasonreally TS.
any swimming, anyway. It seemed like the only
But thehaving
people rafts any
werefun
all were
taken,
theand
onesit on RAFlook
didn’t TS.
like anybody was willing to give one up.
But the rafts were all taken, and it didn’t look
like anybody was willing to give one up.

175

182
The tyre was so huge it was almost impossible to
get into. But, with a little teamwork, we finally
did it.
The tyre was so huge it was almost impossible to
get into. But, with a little teamwork, we finally
did it.

Once we all got on, we found out why that thing

was empty to BEGIN with.
Once we all got on, we found out why that thing
was empty to BEGIN with.

176

183
After we got tossed from the giant inner tube,
Mom was done with the pool party. And I felt
bad because
After we gotI tossed
knew how
frommuch
the she wanted
giant inner tonight
tube,
to bewas
Mom special.
done with the pool party. And I felt
bad because I knew how much she wanted tonight
A
to lot of other people were starting to clear
be special.
out, too, but there were still a few stragglers
coming
A into
lot of the people
other party. were
And starting
some of them looked
to clear
F
ouAMILIAR
t, too, but. there were still a few stragglers
coming into the party. And some of them looked
FAMILIAR.

The rest of my family got out of the pool, but

I decided to stay put. I didn’t know if those
teenagers
The rest ofwould recognize
my family got me
outorofnot,
the but
pool,I but
wasn’t
willing
I to take
decided to stay CHANCES
any put. I didn’t. know if those
teenagers would recognize me or not, but I wasn’t
willing to take any CHANCES. 177

177

184
There were still a lot of people in the pool, so it
wasn’t that hard to stay hidden. But when those
guys stepped
There in athe
were still lotwater, it got
of people harder
in the pool,forso me
it
to staythat
wasn’t out of
hardsight.
to stay hidden. But when those
guys stepped in the water, it got harder for me
to stay out of sight.

And my situation got a whole lot WORSE when

the next two people showed up at the party.
And my situation got a whole lot WORSE when
the next two people showed up at the party.

178

185
I knew the camp director was looking for ME.
So I decided to go in the only direction I could,
which
I DOWN
wasthe
knew camp .director was looking for ME.
So I decided to go in the only direction I could,
which was DOWN.

I went to the bottom of the pool and sat there.

And I planned on STAYING down there as long
as it took.
I went to the bottom of the pool and sat there.
And I planned on STAYING down there as long
as it took.

179

186
I was actually starting to run out of oxygen
when something WEIRD happened. There was
aIfwas
lash actually
of light,starting
like someone taking
to run out aofpicture
oxygen
underwater.
when something And WEIRD
then everyone started
happened. getting
There was
out of the
a f lash pool. like someone taking a picture
of light,
underwater. And then everyone started getting
out of the pool.

Ten seconds later it was empty except for ME.

And that’s when I came to the surface.
Ten seconds later it was empty except for ME.
And that’s when I came to the surface.

180

187
The first thing I noticed was the RAIN, which
was really coming down. Then LIGHTNING
f lashed
The firstacross
thingthe
I sky, andwas
noticed that RAIN, why
theexplained which
everyone
was reallywas in such
coming ThentoLIGHTNING
a hurry
down. get out of the pool.
f lashed across the sky, and that explained why
everyone was in such a hurry to get out of the pool.

The teenagers and Juicebox were long gone, and

so was my FAMILY. I really didn’t wanna get
electrocuted,
The teenagerssoand JuiceboxI’d
I figured werebetter get out
long gone, andof
there,
so too.FAMILY. I really didn’t wanna get
was my
electrocuted, so I figured I’d better get out of
I left too.
there, the pool area and headed for the camper
van. But in the dark and the rain it was hard to
see where
I left theIpool
wasarea
going.
and headed for the camper
van. But in the dark and the rain it was hard to
see where I was going. 181

181

188
There was a HUGE crash of lightning, and it
sounded like it might’ve hit something nearby.
There was a HUGE crash of lightning, and it
sounded like it might’ve hit something nearby.

Then the air-raid siren at the lodge cranked up,

which made everything even more STRESSFUL.
Then the air-raid siren at the lodge cranked up,
which made everything even more STRESSFUL.

182

189
I realized that if I stayed outside much longer I
was gonna get burned to a CRISP. But nobody in
any of the that
I realized deluxeifcamper vansoutside
I stayed would much
let melonger
inside.I
was gonna get burned to a CRISP. But nobody in
any of the deluxe camper vans would let me inside.

I finally made it to our camper van. And when I

opened the door my whole family was already there.
I finally made it to our camper van. And when I
opened the door my whole family was already there.

183

190
Mom said she thought I’d run ahead to the
camper van when the rain started, and it was a
MIRA
Mo CLE
m said was OKI’d
sheIthought . run ahead to the
camper van when the rain started, and it was a
MIRA
To be CLE
honestIwith OK.I felt the same way.
was you,

That
To be storm
honestcame
withatyou,
theIperfect moment,
felt the and I
same way.
almost felt like it was the work of a higher power.
That storm came at the perfect moment, and I
Or maybe
almost feltitlike
wasitjust
was one
the big
work of a JOKE
cosmic higher .power.

Because
Or maybeif itthere’s one one
was just thing
bigIcosmic JOKE
learned tonight,
.
it’s that God has a sense of HUMOuR.
Because if there’s one thing I learned tonight,
it’s that God has a sense of HUMOuR.

184

191
Wednesday
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be
sprayed by a skunk, I can tell you from first-
Wednesday
handyou’ve
If experience. It feels what
ever wondered like you’ve to BLIND
gone
it’s like be ,
and yourbyeyes
sprayed sting like
a skunk, CRAZY
I can . from first-
tell you
hand experience. It feels like you’ve gone BLIND,
and your eyes sting like CRAZY.

So you have to f lush them with water, if you’re

lucky enough to have any nearby.
So you have to f lush them with water, if you’re
lucky enough to have any nearby.

185

192
Once your vision improves, you start to notice
the SMELL, which is like a mix of rotten eggs
an d royour
Once adkillvision
. Andimproves,
you don’tyou SMELL
juststart it, you
to notice
TASSMELL
the TE it. But, trust
, which me, athe
is like mixbest thing iseggs
of rotten to
not
and get
roadsprayed
kill. Andinyou FIRSjust
thedon’t SMELL it, you
T place.
TASTE it. But, trust me, the best thing is to
One of the
not get sprayed FIRST
booksinwethebought at place.
the camping store
had a chapter on what you should do if you got
sprayed
One of theby abooks
skunk.weBut it wasn’t
bought at thethatcahelpful,
mping store
since
had awechapter
couldn’tonget anyyou
what of should
the ingredients until
do if you go t
the storebyopened
sprayed a skunk.in the
But morning.
it wasn’t that helpful,
since we couldn’t get any of the ingredients until
the store opened in the morning.

186

193
We knew we couldn’t go to sleep smelling like
skunk, so we tried to find something to cover up
the knew
We odour.we couldn’t go to sleep smelling like
skunk, so we tried to find something to cover up
Luckily, there were a bunch of ketchup and
the odour.
mustard packets in one of the drawers, and we
rubbed the
Luckily, condiments
there all over
were a bunch of ourselves.
ketchup andManny
found a bottle
mustard packetsofinUncle Gary’s
one of cologne between
the drawers, and we
the seatthe
rubbed cushions, but all
condiments that stuff
over smelledManny
ourselves. almost as
bad as athe
found SKUNK
bottle . Gary’s cologne between
of Uncle
the seat cushions, but that stuff smelled almost as
bad as the SKUNK.

We all had a terrible night’s sleep, and when we

woke in the morning we realized it wasn’t just
US all
We that
hadstank. It was
a terrible everything
night’s inside
sleep, and thewe
when
camper
woke in van, too.
the morning we realized it wasn’t just
US that stank. It was everything inside the
camper van, too. 187

187

194
So we emptied the whole thing out. And it was
pretty clear we were gonna have to throw almost
everything
So away,
we emptied theespecially our FOOD
whole thing . it was
out. And
pretty clear we were gonna have to throw almost
everything away, especially our FOOD.

Mom gave me money and sent me up to the camp

store to get the deskunking supplies and some
groceries.
Mom gave But on myand
me money waysent
up there
me upItocould
the tell
camp
something
store to get the RIGHT
wasn’t . supplies and some
deskunking
groceries. But on my way up there I could tell
something wasn’t RIGHT.

188

195
By the time I got to the store, all the food was
GONE, and the shelves were practically bare. I
was
By theluckytime
there was to
I got stillthe
some hydrogen
store, all theperoxide
food was
GONE
and baking, andsoda
the left, because
shelves were if I’d got bare.
practically thereI
awas
fewlucky
minutes
therelater
was somebody
still some probably
hydrogenwould’ve
peroxide
scooped
and bakingthemsoda
up,left,
too. because if I’d got there
a few minutes later somebody probably would’ve
scooped them up, too.

I tried to ask someone what was happening, but I

guess the ketchup and mustard weren’t doing their
job of covering
I tried to ask up the skunk
someone what smell.
was happening, but I
guess the ketchup and mustard weren’t doing their
job of covering up the skunk smell.

189

196
After I paid for my stuff and left, I ran into
DooDoo, who didn’t seem to even NOTICE the
way
AfterII smelled.
paid for my stuff and left, I ran into
DooDoo, who didn’t seem to even NOTICE the
He
waytold me the reason people were acting crazy
I smelled.
was because last night a bolt of lightning struck
thetold
He bridge
me leading to the
the reason campsite,
people and oncrazy
were acting e
section
was of the
because lastbridge
night was totally
a bolt DESTRstruck
of lightning OYED.
the bridge leading to the campsite, and one
section of the bridge was totally DESTROYED.

He said the truck that brings supplies couldn’t get

on to the property, which explained why everyone
wassaid
He snapping up everything
the truck at supplies
that brings the store.
couldn’t get
on to the property, which explained why everyone
190
was snapping up everything at the store.

190

197
But now I was the one who was panicking. Because
if nobody could get INto camp, that meant
nobody
But nowcould
I was OUT
getthe one, who
either.
was panicking. Because
if nobody could get INto camp, that meant
I ran back
nobody could to OUT
gettell Mom and Dad what was going
, either.
on. But by then our neighbours had woken up,
andran
I apparently theyMom
back to tell weren’t crazywhat
and Dad aboutwas
thegoing
skunk
on. Butsmell.
by then our neighbours had woken up,
and apparently they weren’t crazy about the
skunk smell.

I filled Mom and Dad in on the bridge situation.

Mom said the most important thing was that we
I filledPANIC
didn’t , because
Mom and Dad inthat neverbridge
on the helps.situation.
And she
said
Mom that whatmost
said the we should be focused
important on right
thing was that now
we
was
didn’t PANIC
getting rid odoUr
of this that
, because . helps. And she
never
said that what we should be focused on right now
was getting rid of this odoUr. 191

191

198
The deskunking instructions said to pour the baking
soda and hydrogen peroxide in a hot bath, but it’s
not like
The there were
deskunking a bunch of
instructions saidbathtubs
to pour on
thethe
baking
campsite.
soda So we usedperoxide
and hydrogen the next in best
a hotthing.
bath,And
but it
it’s
turnslike
not outthere
dogswere
don’ta like theofsmell
bunch of skunk,
bathtubs either.
on the
campsite. So we used the next best thing. And it
turns out dogs don’t like the smell of skunk, either.

We must’ve soaked in the hot tub for an hour. But

in the time it took to scrub our bodies and our
clothes
We clean,
must’ve things
soaked at camp
in the hot tub goneanThour.
had for OTALL ButY
off thetime
in the rails.it took to scrub our bodies and our
clothes clean, things at camp had gone TOTALLY
It rails.with the WATER. When the camp
started
off the
store ran out of water bottles, people used the
tap started
It by the main the W
with lodge toATER
fill up. When
their containers.
the camp
store ran out of water bottles, people used the
192
tap by the main lodge to fill up their containers.

192

199
Some people took more than they needed, though,
and the well ran DRY.
Some people took more than they needed, though,
and the well ran DRY.

So then people got water from wherever they

could FIND it.
So then people got water from wherever they
could FIND it.

Things got REALLY ugly when people ran out of

the coins they needed to operate the showers.
Things got REALLY ugly when people ran out of
the coins they needed to operate the showers. 193

193

200
So now quarters were like GOLD, and I heard
about a woman who sold her wedding ring for
seventy-five
So now quarters were like GOLD, and I
cents. heard
about a woman who sold her wedding ring for
seventy-five cents.

Some people got frustrated they couldn’t get their

hands on any coins, so they raided the ARCADE.
Some people got frustrated they couldn’t get their
hands on any coins, so they raided the ARCADE.

194

201
People hit the laundrette next. And I knew this
whole place was gonna stink after everybody ran
out of hit
People cleantheclothes.
laundrette next. And I knew this
whole place was gonna stink after everybody ran
out of clean clothes.

Eventually someone got the bright idea to get

the water directly from the plastic tank above
the shower someone
Eventually block. got the bright idea to get
the water directly from the plastic tank above
the shower block.

195

202
The tank fell off the roof and rolled down the
hill, where it leaked out half the water before
coming
The to afellstop
tank off at
theoneroof
of and
the sandpits.
rolled downThen
the the
OTHER
hill, wherehalf emptiedoutouthalf
it leaked intothe
thewater
sand.before
coming to a stop at one of the sandpits. Then the
OTHER half emptied out into the sand.

Now people were REALLY freaking out and tried

to save what they could. But the sandpit turned
Now people were REALL
into QUICKSAND , andYa freaking
few people
outactually
and tried
had to be
to save RESCUED
what . But the sandpit turned
they could.
into QUICKSAND, and a few people actually
had to be RESCUED.

196

203
Around dinnertime, everyone started getting
HUNGRY. Some people had enough food to last
them a few
Around days, but
dinnertime, everyone
everyone else was
started counting
getting
HUNG RY. their
on getting Some groceries
people hadfrom the camp
enough store.
food to last
them a few days, but everyone else was counting
So things started
on getting to get afrom
their groceries CRAZY
littlethe .A
camp store.
bunch of people raided the snack shack, and
onethings
So personstarted
stole a to
giant
getbag CRAZY
of food
a little from. the
A
pet-friendly area.
bunch of people raided the snack shack, and
one person stole a giant bag of food from the
pet-friendly area.

The animals must’ve got the sense that things

were getting out of control, so they banded
TOGETHER
The .
animals must’ve got the sense that things
were getting out of control, so they banded
TOGETHER. 197

197

204
And when one of our neighbours fired up their
BBQ to cook some hamburgers, a pack of dogs
made its move.
And when one of our neighbours fired up their
BBQ to cook some hamburgers, a pack of dogs
made its move.

A few people ate the leftover hot dogs from

the pool party, and the teenagers from the hill
salvaged
A some ate
few people of their slingshothot
the leftover ammunition down
dogs from
at the
the poolfield.
party, and the teenagers from the hill
salvaged some of their slingshot ammunition down
at the field.

198

205
I was more nervous than hungry. People do
crazy things when they’re desperate, and I had
no was
I how ner
idea more vous would
bad things than get. So I
hungry. kept
Peop le dmy
o
shirt
crazy off to show
things wheneveryone that I didn’t
they’re desperate, and have
I had a
no of MEA
lot idea howTbadon things
me. would get. So I kept my
shirt off to show everyone that I didn’t have a
lot of MEAT on me.

The other thing I was worried about was the

WEATHER. Dad’s phone said another storm was
coming tonight,
The other thing and thatworried
I was was the LAS
about T thing
was the
WEA THER
this place needed.
. Dad’s phone said another storm was
coming tonight, and that was the LAST thing
this place needed.

199

206
Mom said everyone was OVERREACTING, and
that by morning someone would repair the bridge
and everything
Mom wasgoOVERREA
would
said everyone CTING, and
back to normal.
that by morning someone would repair the bridge
But when nightwould
and everything fell things
go backattothe campsite got
normal.
a whole lot worse. And when one of the
deluxe
But when camper vans
night fellgot tipped
things at over by peoplegot
the campsite who
athought
whole lot wo
they rsehoarding
were . And whencanned
onefood and
of the
toilet paper
deluxe camperinside, Momtipped
vans got finallyover
admitted things
by people who
were SERIOUS
thought they were. hoarding canned food and
toilet paper inside, Mom finally admitted things
were SERIOUS.

Now we ALL wanted to get out of this place,

but nobody could figure out HOW. And that’s
Now I ALL
when we thought of the
wanted ST REAM
to get out of .this place,
but nobody could figure out HOW. And that’s
when I thought of the ST REAM.
200

200

207
I remembered there was one part that was
really SHALLOW, and I said we might be able
to drive the camper
I remembered there van
was over the rocks
one part that and
was get
to theSHALL
really OW, and I said we might be able
other side.
to drive the camper van over the rocks and get
to the other side.

I thought everyone would say my idea was stupid,

but when a camper van two doors down got tipped
overthought
I we wereeveryone
ready to would
try just
say about ANYTHING
my idea was stupid,.
but when a camper van two doors down got tipped
over we were ready to try just about ANYTHING.

201

208
We didn’t wanna call a lot of attention to
ourselves by turning on the engine, so we pushed
the didn’t
We camperwanna
van off
callthe padofand
a lot down the
attention to hill.
And, oncebyweturning
ourselves got it on
going, the camper
the engine, so wevan really
pushed
started
the camperMOvan
VING
off. the pad and down the hill.
And, once we got it going, the camper van really
started MOVING.

The only problem was we forgot to detach the

sewer pipe before we got rolling, and it made a
giant MESS
The only on our
problem wassite.
we forgot to detach the
sewer pipe before we got rolling, and it made a
giant MESS on our site.

202

209
But there was no going back now, and when the
camper van started picking up speed we all climbed
on board.
But there was no going back now, and when the
camper van started picking up speed we all climbed
on board.

We coasted to the bottom of the hill, where the

lake emptied into the stream. And when we were
far coasted
We enough away
to thefrom everyone
bottom else,
of the hill,it where
seemedthe
safe
to
lakestart the into
emptied engine.
the stream. And when we were
far enough away from everyone else, it seemed safe
We kept the engine.
to start headlights off because we didn’t want
anyone to SEE us. But that made it tricky to
find the shallow
We kept spot in the
the headlights stream. we didn’t want
off because
anyone to SEE us. But that made it tricky to
find the shallow spot in the stream. 203

203

210
By now it had started to RAIN, and it was
coming down pretty hard. But when we turned
the now
By headitligh
had back on,toIRAIN
ts started finally, found
and it the
was place
where
coming the
downstream
prettywashard.
shallow.
But when we turned
the headlights back on, I finally found the place
where the stream was shallow.

Dad put his foot on the accelerator. We edged

out slowly, and for a minute it looked like we were
gonnaput
Dad be his
ablefoot
to make it accelerator.
on the all the way across.
We edged
out slowly, and for a minute it looked like we were
gonna be able to make it all the way across.

204

211
But once we got to the middle of the stream
there was an awful sound, and the camper van
ground
But oncetowea halt.
got to the middle of the stream
there was an awful sound, and the camper van
ground to a halt.

We were stuck on a giant ROCK, and something got

knocked loose from the bottom of the camper van.
I’mwere
We not stuck
an expert
on a giant ROCK
on cars or anything, but, got
, and something
whateverloose
knocked thatfrom
thing
thewas, it looked
bottom of thelike it wasvan.
camper
notIMPOR
pretty
I’m TANonT.cars or anything, but,
an expert
whatever that thing was, it looked like it was
pretty IMPORTANT.

205

212
But it turned out that was the LEAST of our
problems. The rain was getting a lot H EAVIER,
and all
But of a sudden
it turned the was
out that stream LEASso
thewasn’t T of our
SHALL OW
problems. Theany was getting a lot H EAVIER,
more.
rain
and all of a sudden the stream wasn’t so
SHALL
Now ourOW sewage more. was UNDERWATER,
any hook-up
and it didn’t take long for the system to back up.
Now our sewage hook-up was UNDERWATER,
and it didn’t take long for the system to back up.

The mess in the bathroom overf lowed into the

main living area, and we scrambled to keep off
the fmess
The loor.inWetheknew we couldn’t
bathroom stay into
overf lowed insidethe
the
camper
main van,area,
living so weand
tried
we to get O UT
scrambled to. keep
But byoffnow
the water
f loor. in
Wethe stream
knew was moving
we couldn’t staysoinside
fast the
it
wasn’t SAFE
camper tried to get O UT. But by now
van, sotoweleave.
the water in the stream was moving so fast it
wasn’t SAFE to leave.
206

206

213
The camper van was filling up with water, and we
had to climb even HIGHER. Rodrick pulled himself
on
Thetocamper
the roof
vanfirst, and then
was filling helped
up with RESwe
the and
water, T
of ustoupclimb
had even HIGHER. Rodrick pulled himself
to safety.
on to the roof first, and then helped the REST
of us up to safety.

207

214
But once we were all on the roof the camper van
started to tu rn.
But once we were all on the roof the camper van
started to tu rn.

By now the stream was overflowing, and the camper

van lifted free from the rock it was stuck on. Five
seconds
By laterstream
now the we were
wasdrifting downstream.
overflowing , and the camper
van lifted free from the rock it was stuck on. Five
seconds later we were drifting downstream.

208

215
We were headed right for that BRIDGE. And, if
we had stayed where we were on the roof, that
thinwere
We g would have right
headed takenfor
our that BRIDGE
HEADS off. . And, if
we had stayed where we were on the roof, that
thing would have taken our HEADS off.

That’s when I noticed that some of the seat

cushions from the kitchen had f loated outside
the sidewhen
That’s door.IInoticed
jumpedthat
first, andofeveryone
some the seatelse
followed my lead.
cushions from the kitchen had f loated outside
the side door. I jumped first, and everyone else
followed my lead.

209

216
The only person who didn’t jump was MANNY. He
had climbed back down into the camper van and was
sitting
The the DRIVER
in person
only who didn’t jump was MANNY. He
’ S seat.
had climbed back down into the camper van and was
The rest
sitting theusDRIVER
in of ’ S seat.
were freaking out, because the
camper van was about to hit the BRIDGE.
The rest of us were freaking out, because the
camper van was about to hit the BRIDGE.

But at the last second Manny pulled the wheel

hard to the right, and the camper van started
to TU
But at RN
the. last
Andsecond
when itManny
reached the the
pulled bridge the
wheel
camper
hard tovan
thesnapped intothe
right, and place like avan
camper puzzle piece.
started
to TURN. And when it reached the bridge the
210
camper van snapped into place like a puzzle piece.

210

217
Manny wasn’t finished, though. He grabbed
something out of the glove compartment, then he
shot offwasn’t
Manny finished,
the flare gun for the secondHe
though. time this trip.
grabbed
something out of the glove compartment, then he
Even though
shot off it was
the flare gunstill
forraining hard,time
the second thethis
f laretrip.
lit
up the sky. A few minutes later we saw headlights
comingthough
Even our way. At first
it was I thought
still raining hard,people werelit
the f lare
coming
up skyRESCUE
the to us. Butlater
. A few minutes when
wethey got to
saw headlights
the bridge
coming they At
our way. keptIGO
justfirst ING. people were
thought
coming to RESCUE us. But when they got to
the bridge they just kept GOING. 211

211

218
It took a full HOUR for all the vehicles to cross
to the other side.
It took a full HOUR for all the vehicles to cross
212
to the other side.

212

219
And when the very last motorcyle drove over the
bridge, the only thing we could hear was the rain.
And when the very last motorcyle drove over the
bridge, the only thing we could hear was the rain. 213

213

220
Saturday
After the campsite emptied out, we were the only
ones LEFT. With all the people gone, we were
Saturday
finally able campsite
After the to enjoy emptied
ourselves. And,
out, for once,
we were the only
ones LEFT
Campers’ Eden livedallup
. With its NAME
thetopeople gone,. we were
finally able to enjoy ourselves. And, for once,
Campers’ Eden lived up to its NAME.

So all it took for this place to turn into paradise

was for everyone else to LEAVE.
So all it took for this place to turn into paradise
Two dayseveryone
was for after the to LEA
elsestorm, VEdelivery
the . truck came
back to supply the camp store. And that night
we ate
Two days KINGS
likeafter the. storm, the delivery truck came
back to supply the camp store. And that night
we ate like KINGS.
214

214

221
We had the whole lake to ourselves, too. And,
since the water was nice and deep, we actually had
FUN
We . the whole lake to ourselves, too. And,
had
since the water was nice and deep, we actually had
FUN.

215

222
I don’t wanna be corny or anything, but we
actually did make a few happy memories during
our stay.wanna be corny or anything, but we
I don’t
actually did make a few happy memories during
our stay.

But I just wanna point out that I was right,

because it took a miracle for it to happen.
But I just wanna point out that I was right,
I’m notitsure
because tookwea needed
miracle toforgoit through all that
to happen.
DRAMA, though. So maybe the next time we do
something
I’m not sureas awefamily,
neededwetocan go st ick withallsom
through ething
that
DRAMA
boring, ,though.
like minigSoolf.
maybe the next time we do
something as a family, we can stick with something
boring, like minigolf.
216

216

223
I’m really looking forward to telling Rowley about
my holiday when I get back. But I’ ll probably
leavereally
I’m out the partsforward
looking that weren’t so great.
to telling Rowley about
my holiday when I get back. But I’ ll probably
And
leave I
outmight change
the parts a few
that othersodetails
weren’t great.here and
there, because you should never let the truth get
in theIway
And of achange
might good story.
a few other details here and
there, because you should never let the truth get
in the way of a good story.

217

224
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks to all theAfans CKNO who WLEDGEMENTS

ha ve made m y dream of becoming a
cartoonist a reality. Thanks to my wife, Julie, and to my whole family
Thanks to allme
for cheering the
onfans who deadlines.
through ha ve made m y dream of becoming a
cartoonist a reality. Thanks to my wife, Julie, and to my whole family
for cheering
Thanks me on K
to Charlie throchman
ough deadlines.
for being m y par tner in crime for all
these years, and for your dedication to making great books. Thanks
Thanks
to ev erto
yoneCharlie K ochman
at Abrams, for being
including m y par
Michael tner inAndr
Jacobs, crime
ew for all
Smith,
these years,
Hallie and for
Patterson, your dedication
Melanie Chang, KimtoLauber making, Mar
great books. Thanks
y O’Mara, Alison
to ev
Ger er yone
vais at Abrams,
and Elisa Gonzalez.including
ThanksMichael
also to Jacobs,
Susan V Andr ew Smith,
an Metre and
Hallie Patterson,
Steve Roman. Melanie Chang, Kim Lauber , Mar y O’Mara, Alison
Ger vais and Elisa Gonzalez. Thanks also to Susan Van Metre and
Steve Roman.
Thanks to the Wimpy Kid team (Shae’Vana!): Shaelyn Germain,
Vanessa Jedrej and Anna Cesary. Thanks to Deb Sundin, Kym Havens,
Thanks
and to the Wimpy
the incredible team atKid
An team
Unlikely(Shae’V
Storyana!):
. Shaelyn Germain,
Vanessa Jedrej and Anna Cesary. Thanks to Deb Sundin, Kym Havens,
and the to
Thanks incredible
Rich Carr team
andat An Unlik
Andrea Luceelyy Stor y. outstanding support.
for your
Thanks to Paul Sennott for your expert advice. Thanks to Sylvie
Thanks toand
Rabineau RichKCarr and Andrea
eith Fleer for everLuce y foryou
ything yourdo outstanding support.
for me. Thanks to
Thanks P
Roland tooindexter
Paul Sennott
, RalphforMillero
your, exper
Vanessa t advice . Thanks
Morrison andtoMichael
Sylvie
Rabineau and Keith Fleer for ever ything you do
Musgrave for bringing fresh excitement to the Wimpy World. for me . Thanks to
Roland Poindexter, Ralph Millero, Vanessa Morrison and Michael
Musgra
As alwave
ys,for bringing
thanks fresh
to Jess excitement
Brallier for your tofriendship
the Wimpyand World.
support.

As always, thanks to Jess Brallier for your friendship and support.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeff Kinney is a #1 ABOUT New York TimesTHEbestselling

AUTHOR author and a six-time
Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award winner for Favourite Book. Jeff has
Jeff Kinne
been namedy is one
a #1ofNew TimeYork Times bestselling
magazine’ s 100 Mostauthor and aPeople
Inf luential six-time
in
NickW
the elodeon
orld. HeKids’ Choice
is also the Acrward
eatorwinner foropica,
of Poptr Favourite
whichBook.
was Jeff has
named
been of
one named
Time’one
s 50ofBest TimeWmagazine’ s 100
ebsites. He Mosthis
spent Infchildhood
luential People in
in the
the W orld. He is also the creator of Poptr opica, which
Washington, D.C., area and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives was named
one of
with his Time
wife’s and
50 tw Best Websites.
o sons He spent hiswher
in Massachusetts, childhood in thea
e they own
Washington,AnD.C
bookstore, ., arely
Unlik ea and
Stormoved
y. to New England in 1995. Jeff lives
with his wife and two sons in Massachusetts, where they own a
bookstore, An Unlikely Story.

225
wimpykidclub.co.uk

226
227
Table of Contents
The Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series 3
Title Page 4
Copyright 5
Dedication 6
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Deep End 8
Acknowledgements 225
About the Author 225

228

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The Deep End

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The Deep End

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PUFFIN BOOKS

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID

www.penguin.co.uk www.puffin.co.uk www.ladybird.co.uk

First published in the English language in the USA

The moral right of the author/illustrator has been asserted

All correspondence to:

Mom says we’ve been cooped up for too long and

We’ve been living in Gramma’s basement for two

I don’t think Gramma’s too thrilled we’re living

We can’t use the kitchen when Gramma’s got

Mom says being bored is good, because it makes

Most of the time I just try to keep myself

These days, Manny’s favourite bedtime story is a

But I guess if the drawings were more realistic,

And then I would’ve used the extra space for

But it doesn’t make a lot of sense that Noah

The way the story goes, after it rained for forty

So now Rowley’s probably off having the time of

I think Mom’s finally had enough, too, because last

Manny wants to go to the Animal Safari, which

The only ones who could agree on what we should

Mom said the rides at Thrills and Spills are too

Mom said the whole point of being on a family

But, believe me, for THIS family to make happy

Apparently, Uncle Gary ran off to work as a

All I know is me and my brothers were so happy

In fact, I’m actually starting to feel a little

But, believe me, the LAST thing I’m planning

I picked out an inf latable pull-out sofa and hiking

Dad said we’re gonna “live off the land” as much

Manny and Rodrick got really excited about the

Rodrick was pretty disappointed. I guess he was

Well, this guy must’ve been a wilderness survival

I tried to imagine whose job it is to COLLECT

I was starting to get a little nervous when the

By the time we paid, I was a little shook up.

After that, we drove to Gammie’s house to pick

We scrubbed everything down, but each time

After Gammie gave us some sandwiches to take

I was actually starting to get into the whole

The only thing I didn’t like about Uncle Gary’s

It was cool being out on the open road and all,

It turned out Mom wasn’t messing around on this

After another hour or two of driving, Mom and

We couldn’t find any parking, so we had to move

But by now everything worth finding has already

One time the planetarium in our town had a

Dad said our mistake was that we were going

The air-conditioning in Uncle Gary’s camper van

I was almost at the shore when I felt a bunch

Just then a truck pulled up, and the two guys

I think those guys were about to call the cops

We finally found a field that didn’t look like it

I wasn’t crazy about the idea of eating breakfast

While Mom and Dad were getting ready for bed,

Luckily, we were able to take off before some kid

We had to backtrack about two hours to find the

The only activity Manny was big enough for was

After our experience with the fish farm yesterday,

Once the river got deeper, we put the tubes

I hit a warm spot in the water, and I’ve been in

It was actually pretty SCARY. The water was

I called out for HELP, but the people around me

But the water was moving too fast, and I was

A lifeguard from the adventure centre started

But all I could think of were the people in the

Luckily, the water wasn’t as rocky downstream,

I didn’t feel great about camping in the wilderness,

The forest was big, so it took a while for us to

Mom said we couldn’t just sit around all day, and

She said I could catch up with them further down

I figured the odds were 50-50, so I headed

I decided to get off the trail, which turned out

Luckily, my family found me before things could

Rodrick said the tick must’ve been on me for