Female Masturbation

There are many definitions of what masturbation is. Many of these make it sound terrible ('self
abuse' 'defile oneself sexually'), while others give restrictive definitions, usually involving hands,
that have confused the issue for many. A working definition of masturbation that gets over the
general meaning in a neutral way could be:
'Stimulating ones genitals, or other erogenous zones, so as to give ones self pleasure'.
Note that no mention of 'how' or exactly 'where' is made and, importantly, orgasm is not seen as
being a defining element of the act.
So masturbation can be rubbing your vulva with your fingers so as to have an orgasm or it can just
as validly be stroking your nipples, squeezing your thighs together or sitting on top of a working
washing machine. What it comes down to is more what is in your mind than what you are
physically doing. In fact the range of activities that are really masturbation is very wide indeed and
we will cover a range of them on this site. Enough to say that if you deliberately do anything that
involves pampering or stimulating your body's erogenous zones, directly or indirectly then yep
that's masturbation. (But if the word is a turn off then feel free to think of what you are doing as
something else).
Who does it....
As masturbation is a private activity no one really knows who does it. All we have to go on are
reported findings from surveys conducted by renowned sexologists over the last 30 to 40 years.
What these findings tell us is interesting and, for those that thought they were alone, surprising.
Summarized they tell us:
1. From early surveys a figure of around 60% of females of 'sexually active ages' were reported to
masturbate at some time or other.
2. More recent reports put the figure at over 80%. This may be due to changes in attitudes about
admitting to doing it or it may really show that it is becoming more common.
3. Girls aged 2 and under have been known to deliberately masturbate themselves to orgasm.
4. Women in their eighties have admitted to being active masturbators. Modern hormone
replacement therapy extends a woman's active sex life/desire and so more older women are
masturbating now than in the past.
5. The commonest time for a girl to discover masturbation is during her early teens though a
significant number discover it later in life. As few give up after discovering it, more older women
masturbate than do younger ones.
6. Among those that masturbate the frequency range is great. Some are several times each day
participators while others only masturbate on rare occasions. There is no obvious link to show why
some are one way and others the other.
7. Females both in and out of steady sexual relationships masturbate. It is not an indication of a
failure in a relationship if a woman feels the need to continue masturbating. It just shows that she
enjoys masturbating.

Benefits

So far we have dealt with the 'who' and the 'how' but now we turn to the 'why'. Why do girls
masturbate? The simple answer, which is good enough for many, is that it is pleasurable, but that
excludes many of the recognised and claimed benefits. Below is a short list of the more significant
of these:
1. Its pleasurable - it had to be number one!
2. It helps you relax - safer than tranquillisers, cheaper than alcohol and no side effects
3. It helps you get to sleep if you are suffering from insomnia
4. It can make you feel 'energised' and focused, making study or concentration related tasks easier
5. It gives a degree of relief from the physical discomforts many feel during periods
6. It allows you to find out what you like so that you can share your needs with a partner and have
better sex
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7. It is always available when sexual tensions need releasing - not always true of partner sex
8. It allows you to have as much gratification as you want, when you want it and at your speed -
partner sex cannot compete
9. It takes the pressure off your partner as he/she is not the only source of your orgasms
10. It is the one form of sex with no risk of disease, pregnancy or emotional upset
11. It fits in with your life - unlike partner sex
12. It often results in more powerful and longer orgasms than other forms of sex.
13. It allows you to fantasise and act as you want - please yourself not your partner
14. No partner/audience (usually) means you can be less inhibited in your use of toys and any
other item you may personally find erotic
15. You can do it at your pace and can spread it out as long as you want. Longer periods of
pre-orgasmic arousal can often result in better and more satisfying orgasms.
16. It saves time when you need an orgasm - no need to find a partner - and less risk of getting
involved with a jerk just because you are desperate.
17. It's free!
18. Masturbation to the point of orgasm appears to put less strain on the heart as measured by an
increase in heart rate than does partner activity that results in orgasm.
Finally, the female experience of self-pleasure!
YES, IT'S TRUE -- females masturbate, too. Although we may not feel the same physical urgency to
masturbate as guys (at least not as often as guys), girls definitely experience sexual arousal,
particularly during puberty. It is often not only a physical experience but an emotional one as well.
Remember all of those screaming, crying girls at the Beatles' concerts? That was a heavily
hormone-influenced response.
Many women, whether they have masturbated or not, feel embarrassed or ashamed about
masturbation. It is not usually a subject shared with your girlfriends. Some girls, anxious to please
their boyfriend or to try expressing their own sexuality, will have sexual intercourse long before
they are ready to deal with the emotional impact that goes with it. Masturbation is a healthy way
for females to satisfy their sexual feelings and learn about their own sexual response. It is
particularly important for a woman to understand her own body and sexual response, because it is
not something that will be learned from a male lover -- another mistake many of us make. (Okay,
before I get nasty e-mail from guys reading this page, let me say that I'm sure there have been
some men out there who have enlightened their female lovers, but I think most women would be
safer not to depend on it.) For this reason, it is not surprising that many women have been sexually
active for years with male lovers but have NEVER EXPERIENCED AN ORGASM. This is a tragedy --
and it definitely reinforces the importance of a woman being in touch with her own body and sexual
response.
The Basics Of Female Masturbation
Time, mood, place.
One of the most important things to realize when masturbating is that you need to be relaxed and
undistracted in order to really enjoy the experience. Think of this as your time. Take the phone off
the hook, lock the door and spend some quality time with yourself. I'm aware that this is not
always easy as it sounds, especially if like me you have kids and a Hubby, but I really can't stress
enough how important it is to try to find time. Women fill so many different roles, are many things
to many people, that it's easy to forget that you are also a person. Taking time for yourself is not
being selfish and is not something you should feel guilty about. Everyone needs to take some time
away from the rigors of the outside world once in a while.
How you find this time is up to you. One of the ways I do it is to go to the one safe haven in our
house, the bathroom. It has a lock; it has a shower and a nice long tub for me to lie in. I can light
candles or leave the main light on, I can read a book in peace and I have a very good masturbation
tool in the showerhead as well as a pair of hands at my disposal. [One word of warning here if you
normally masturbate with a vibrator, please make sure it's waterproof before using it in the bathtub
or shower, especially if you normally use an electric one!! I'm told that electrocution is not a
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pleasant experience!! ]
Another option is of course the bedroom. You may want to consider putting a lock on the door, so
you can completely relax without fear of intrusion. Again you have a ready-made multitude of tools
at your disposal here to aid your experience if you so wish. Most bedrooms contain a mirror, in
many cases a full length one. All contain pillows that can help with positions; most have a cabinet
for stashing lubricant, sex toys and erotic books.
Both of the above are great options for settings and you can always dress them up for the occasion.
I'm not talking party balloons and hats dressing up here, I'm talking mood setters. By this I mean
change the bed linen to your favorite, have some music playing in the background, light some
candles, basically find an environment that you can really relax and be comfortable in. The truth is
the more time you put into the preparation the more you'll get out of the experience. I find it also
makes me look forward to what's to come more; the anticipation of spending time alone with
myself is sometimes half the fun.
So your room is set, your candles lit and now you're wondering what the hell to do next...
For the purpose of this section I'm going to use the bedroom as my setting as it's where most
women choose to masturbate.
Although many of the techniques listed in this section of Clitical are tried and tested, it's important
to remember that none of them are guaranteed. Just because something works for one women
doesn't mean it will work for another. The secret here is to really lie back take the time to really get
in touch with your own body. Many women are uncomfortable with the sight of their own naked
bodies. One way in which you can begin to feel more comfortable about your own body is to stop
comparing it with others. Remember that each of us is individual and our bodies are a simple
reflection of that individuality. Getting comfortable with your own body is an important first step to
a better sex life and masturbation can aid in this.
If you're one of the many women who feel uncomfortable about taking your clothes off and seeing
yourself naked there are a few simple steps you can take in the comfort of your own bedroom to
help overcome this. Remember that mirror I mentioned earlier, now is a good time to go and stand
in front of it. Slowly begin to undress and watch each part of your own body as it's revealed to you.
Once your completely undressed, begin to stoke your body, maybe caress your neck, still watching
yourself in the mirror, now slowly beginning to move your hands down your body towards your
breasts, still watching. Keep doing this and take it slowly, step by step and you will find that you
will become more comfortable with not only the look of your own body but also the feel of it. You
may even discover erogenous zones you didn't even know you had!!
Once you're naked, pull up a chair and sit on it's edge with your legs open and take a good look at
your genitals in the mirror. See all those folds and curls? They are what make you as unique as the
shape of your nose or the color of your eyes. No two vulvas are the same and taking the time to
get familiar with yours is time well spent. In order to feel comfortable masturbating, you need to
understand your anatomy, what it does and how it can make you feel. Try pulling your labia gently
apart and examining your clitoris and vaginal opening. Try gently stroking your clitoris and watch
what happens in the mirror. Insert your finger into your vagina and see how it feels, some women
enjoy the sensations but many don't, just remember there are no wrongs here! Just gentle
exploration and getting to know yourself a little better. This is your time and no one else, so there
is no pressure and no reason to wonder if what you are doing is right. If it feels good to you then
you're doing it right is the general rule of thumb when it comes to self-love.
Below I've described some basic techniques you might like to try as you explore your body a little
more:
Place your thumb and forefinger on either side of your clitoris and gently roll it between your
fingers. Start slowly and gently and explore until you find the speed that works for you. A variation
of this technique is to use both hands and roll your outer lips between the fingers. If your clitoris is
sensitive to the touch this can be a great technique to try.
With two fingers placed directly on your clitoris move them in a circular motion. As always try
varying the speed and position of your fingers.
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Try drawing circles around your clitoris with your middle finger. Again a great technique if you have
a sensitive clitoris like many women do.
Trace the alphabet on your clitoris with your index finger. Another great way to discover how
certain stokes may affect the sensations your body can produce.
You may like to try placing a finger inside yourself and thrusting it back and forth. A little lubricant
can be useful here. Then take your fingers and tap them gently against your clitoris. Vary the
speed and intensity of each tap, if you're playing music listen to it's beat and try to develop a
rhythm.
Try changing positions. You'll most likely be surprised just how different the sensations of all the
above techniques change as you change position. Try sitting, standing, squatting or laying on your
belly as well as your back.
The key here is to have fun and become comfortable with your own body and the feelings it can
produce as you explore it. This is a way of learning to communicate with yourself, get in touch with
your sexual side without fear of rejection or getting it wrong because remember there's no wrongs
here.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this section there are as many ways to masturbate as there are
women masturbating. Being comfortable with your own body is the first and most important step
you will take on this journey of sexual discovery.

Moral Things

The list of benefits given earlier suggests that masturbation is wonderful and that it has no down
side at all. Well it is pretty wonderful but there are some real problems and difficulties that have to
be considered against the positives. It would be unfair if we did not publish these here too, as they
are essential if you are to get the whole picture about masturbation.
1. Religion is a real problem for many girls that discover masturbation. The Bible and other holy
books apparently forbid masturbation and label it a sin. But if you look at the texts in question they
are all, or at least the ones I have seen or had quoted to me, directed at males. There is no parallel
for a girl to the male act of 'spilling ones seed on the ground'. Female masturbation is purely a
pleasure act, it does not cause us to release gametes and has no direct relation to the reproductive
process at all. Taken literally then there is no ban on us masturbating. Males that say otherwise are
just jealous that we are free to play while the religiously observant male has to stick to intercourse
for sexual release. That's how we see it and so we have no conflict between our masturbation and
our religious beliefs. We hope you can agree with this, if religion is important in your life, but if you
can't then perhaps its down to choosing between masturbation and your faith - no advice given on
this one as its entirely up to you.
2. Just because you may be happy that its OK to masturbate does not mean others will feel the
same about you doing it. In fact masturbation is still a taboo subject for many. This means that you
have to keep your activity secret by hiding any items you may use, ensure privacy when
masturbating and not leaving obvious clues around. You also have to take care in deciding who, if
anyone, you will tell about your pass-time as not only may they react badly to the information but
they could betray your secret to others.
3. Don't ever think you can do another girl a favor by introducing her to masturbation as the risks
to your friendship etc, as well as the risk of being ridiculed by her and others, is great.
4. There is no medical risk to simple masturbation (refer to the dangers pages on more exotic
practices issues) but if it becomes an obsession that disrupts normal social and work life then you
need to take stock of the situation and maybe seek professional medical help. (So the stories of
going blind, causing cancer, etc are all rubbish)
5. There is no age limit on masturbation, no one is too young and no one is too old. There are
minimum age restraints, however, on the purchase of many specialist masturbation items that you
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may be interested in, especially if you have read our techniques section or if you have surfed the
Net a bit and heard of things like vibrators etc. Don't risk getting yourself into trouble by lying
about your age or trying to order through the mail. The Law is the Law, whether we like it or not.
6. Masturbation in private is fine but in any place that can be defined as being public, including
public toilets, in cars, in the open country etc. it can be regarded as an indecent act and may leave
you liable to prosecution.
7. Its quite possible to masturbate while driving a car (especially if its an automatic gear shift
type!) but it is foolish and illegal to try. You will be driving without care and attention, especially
when you orgasm, and would you be able to live with yourself if your attempt at a moments
pleasure caused an accident or a death?
8. Virginity has gone a bit out of fashion but you have to consider the impact masturbation may
have on your virginity status if its an issue for you. Technically no amount of masturbation can take
your virginity as its intercourse with a male that does that, but any act of self penetration could
stretch or tear your hymen, giving the same physical appearance as lost virginity.
Techniques

Sooner or later the majority of us learn to achieve an orgasm from masturbatory activity of some
sort or another. Once we find a way of 'getting off' it can be the easy option to stick with that
method all the time. Though that may be fine if all you want is a surefire orgasm, 'variety is the
spice of life', and a few alternative techniques may just add something to your fun. In this section
we have recorded a whole range of techniques that we have tried or which we have heard of and
think sound practical and fun. Feel free to try any or all of them, add to them if you want and, of
course, let us have details of your special ways of getting off.
The simple truth is there are as many different masturbation techniques as there are women
masturbating, and that's more than you might think!! If you've never tried to masturbate before
then I suggest you begin by using what you have at your fingertips, umm, your fingertips, before
moving onto more advance techniques and spending your hard cash on sex toys.
Toys are great but I personally think there is no better way to explore yourself than with your own
fingers, after all you expect your partner to!
Fingers
Most girls probably first discover masturbation by innocently touching their genitals with their
fingers. Its therefore probably not surprising that hand and finger stimulation of the vulva and
clitoris is reported to be the most common method of masturbation among women. It is also the
easiest as nothing extra is needed for a satisfying session. So how to best do it. Nothing is ever as
simple as 'one best way for all' so some real life examples picked up from various sources is
possibly the best way of illustrating what is involved:
Lying on the bed facing up with legs together and ankles crossed. Index finger slipped between the
labia majora so that it presses along the length of the clitoris. Gentle but firm wrist movements to
make the inserted finger rub the clitoris in up and down, side to side and circular motions. Speed
and strength of movement increased as excitement builds. Sensations increased by squeezing thigh
muscles together at same time as finger rubbing clitoris.
Lying on back with legs drawn up and knees allowed to flop apart. Palm of hand placed on pubic
mound and fingers allowed to rest on open vulva. Movement of hand to stimulate clitoris in side to
side, up and down, circular and gentle pinching movements.
Lying face down on bed with both hands underneath and between legs. Fingers pressed against
vulva and clitoris. Pelvic thrusts to move the genitals up and down against the fingers.
Sitting in a comfortable chair with legs well spread. Taking clitoris between the tips of both index
fingers, rolling it around and pulling back on its hood to get maximum stimulation.
Water Play.
Who would have thought that two chemicals, namely hydrogen and oxygen,could be used to give
you as a female pleasure, but it's true there are more ways to masturbate in water than you might
think. Think bath tub here, think shower and think Jacuzzi/hot tub. All three can be used to great
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effect in the wonderful world magic kingdom of clitorial massage.
Shower
Let's look at the most common technique which involves the use of that neat little tool, the shower
head. The hand held kind are especially useful for this approach. The first thing you want to do is
adjust the temperature so that it is not too hot for the sensitive area of the vagina. You can always
turn up the heat once you are accustomed to the temperature. Then find a comfortable position -
either sitting on a seat within the shower, or lying down in the tub. Shower stalls can be a bit
confining for this form of masturbation, but there is usually enough room to sit on the floor with
your legs bent. I suggest for the first time that you do this that you not stand. I've found that when
I'm nearing climax that my legs tend to weaken, and we don't want any unnecessary trips to the
emergency room when you accidentally slip and fall.
Now, take the shower head and let the water spray over your body, feel the tingling sensations as
it sprays against your breasts. Imagine the sensations are being created by the hands of your lover
and spray where you want to feel the touch. Slowly make your way down your torso to your vaginal
area. Spreading your legs, let the water reach up and down the insides of your thighs, and when
your ready for advancing, move it closer to your clit. Remember that direct contact with your clit
may be overpowering, so try moving the water stream back and forth. Try bringing it closer, and
moving it farther away to cover a larger area.
You also might note that shower massagers come with many different settings to adjust the
streams of the water - everything from mist to pulse. Experiment, try them all! Start with the
lightest amount of pressure and work your way up. If you are sitting, you can always operate the
water with one hand, and use the fingers on the other hand to either stimulate your breasts and
nipples, or you can insert a finger or two and see how that feels.
The main point is to relax and let your body feel all that is happening to it. If it feels good, keep
doing it. If it's not right, try sitting in a different position, change the water temperature, try a
different pulse setting anything that makes if feel better.
Bath Tub
Now we can move onto the bathtub. Like the shower head the bathtub holds many ways to excite
and masturbate. Many women, myself included, enjoy lying on their backs in their bathtub and
allowing the water from the faucet to wash over their vagina. This isn't always the easiest of
positions to achieve but it can be great fun.
Fill the tub with water about halfway. Lie on your back, and bring your buttocks up so they are
against or almost against the end of the tub with the faucet. Position your vagina as directly below
the faucet as possible. Adjust the temperature and pressure of the water flow to your liking; you
might have to tilt up your pelvis to bring your vagina closer to the water flow of the faucet. It might
help to use one or both hands to spread open your labia (vagina "lips") so the water can flow
directly onto your clitoris. Just one word of warning here, make sure the water isn't too hot! There
is nothing worse that scolding your pussy and it certainly isn't pleasurable. Once you have found
the right position, lie back, relax, fantasize, and enjoy!
"Occasionally I bring myself to orgasm in the bathtub. First I excite myself with fingers, and then I
let the water on and get into an acrobatic position so my vagina is directly under the faucet. I start
with the water warm or cool and at a low pressure on my clitoris. When I have gotten excited I run
the water harder and lift myself closer to the water and let it pound into my vagina and then I
come and it's the most fantastic feeling."
Another technique that can be fun involves filling an empty detergent bottle (one with a nozzle) or
shampoo bottle with warm water. Sit in a full bath tub, ensuring your vulva is at least a couple of
inches under water. Put the nozzle of the bottle as close as you like to your clitoris and squeeze.
After each squeeze the bottle will spring back into shape, sucking in more water so there will be no
need to stop for a refill.
Jacuzzi/Hot Tub
If your lucky enough to own a hot tub/Jacuzzi,then the chances are you're already aware of the
wonderful effects that the water that flows from it's jets can have on your body. I like to begin by
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simply relaxing in the tub and allowing the water to wash over me. At this point I'll open my mind
and begin to fantasize, sometimes touching my breasts, other times just lying back and relaxing.
Once my mind is aroused, I'll turn towards the water jets and position my vagina clitoris so it's
directly in the path of the flowing water. A word of caution here: Never position yourself to close to
the jet, as the flow of water is normally very strong from these jets. Begin by placing a fair amount
of distance between yourself and the water jet and then move closer until you discover a spot that
places just the right amount of pressure on your clitoris. Once you've found the right position, relax
and enjoy the soothing sensation of the water as it washes over your body.
Vibrator Play
For those of us that take rather a long time to reach orgasm, continued manual stimulation
becomes quite tiring and wrist fatigue has probably prematurely ended countless masturbation
sessions for many women. If this is the case then the answer could well be to make the very small
investment required to buy a vibrator.
When it comes to vibrators there are basicaly two types. Those operated by batteries and those
that require mains electric. Whichever type you choose it's important to realise that both types are
powerful although in general the mains electric ones more so.
It's a good idea not to use a vibrator directly on your clitoris the first time you ever try one because
of this. You might well find that the stimulation they afford is too intense, so I'd suggest that you
first try placing it on your labia or your mons. You may even want to try using it whilst you have
your panties on as this can produce a different more subtle sensation than direct clitoral contact.
Don't be afraid to try new things, they aren't called sex toys for nothing. The idea is to have fun
and find what works for you personally.
One thing that is often over looked when people first try vibrators is lubricants. Just simply adding
a small amount of lubricant on your choosen toy before you begin playing can greatly enhance your
experience. Just be sure that the lubricant is sutiable for use with the vibrator of your choice. For
more information on Vibrators and their use I suggest you visit the Adult Toy Section here at
Clitical.
Apart from commercially shop brought vibrators there are other vibrating devices that you could
press into service for fun. For example, the back of the head of an electric tooth brush is great fun.
The fact that it is really narrow allows it to be kept on the clitoris even if you like to squeeze your
legs while you play. Automatic washing machines during spin cycle - if you can sit on it - are great.
Electric shavers can be fun too, but you have to cover the cutting head. (I used this method as a
girl at home several years ago. I would remove the cutting screen and would use sticking plasters
to wrap the cutting head to make a padded surface with which to stimulate myself.) - Look around,
you will find loads of things that vibrate in kitchens, bathrooms and garages and many can be used
to masturbate, provided there are no sharp or moving parts that could hurt you.
Thigh squeezing
Some women can achieve sexual pleasure -- even orgasm -- by simply squeezing or rubbing their
thighs together, thus indirectly stimulating the clitoris. This technique can even be used in public!
Without risk as there is nothing to show what you are doing and you can remain fully dressed! Long
bus ride? Boring desk job or classroom? No problem!
Suggestions for getting started: When masturbating at home, make it a habit to press together
your thighs when you orgasm. After that becomes second-nature, press your thighs when you can't
stop yourself from having an orgasm (but haven't yet), and then pull your hands away -- leave it
up to your legs to ride yourself over the top. You're bound to have a few frustrating flameouts, but
the practice is worth it. Eventually, with the help of fantasy and association, you'll be able to
proceed using only your thighs from earlier and earlier in the masturbation process.
Some women seem to prefer "riding the seam" of jeans; others like the greater closeness of hose
or bare legs under a skirt or dress. Experiment to find what works for you.
Risk

The Internet is full of masturbation ideas and techniques for girls and women to try out for
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themselves. Unfortunately many of these ideas are probably little more than male fantasies, put up
by males for their own entertainment, rather than for our enlightenment. This would not be a
problem if the ideas put on the net were all safe but this is not the case and there has to be a real
danger that someone is going to hurt themselves if they try to test out some of the things they
read. For this reason we are providing some advice, not on does and don’ts, as its up to you what
you do, but more on the risks and safeguards you should know about before indulging in some of
the suggested activities.
The information given is not complete. Someone somewhere will have put up details of a practice
we don’t yet know about and so by definition we can’t write about its risks. If you read about any
unusual and potentially risky practices please let us know and we will do our best to hunt out and
post any relevant information for you.
Water Play
The average tub, shower, and Jacuzzi, and yes, even the bidet, can be transformed in a place of
masturbation bliss! Many sources describe the pleasure to be had from directing water jets from
showerheads, faucet, Jacuzzis jets, etc at the genitals. The attraction is that the speed and stream
style of the water can be controlled, which adds to making the experience more exciting. Provided
the jet is directed onto the vulva and not into the vagina, the water temperature is not too hot or
too cold, and if the water pressure is kept at a comfortable pressure, the practice is safe and fun.
The risks come if these guidelines are not followed. Water play into which the jets are directed into
the vagina can potentially cause damage and in some instances can result in a condition called an
embolism, which is often fatal. If the water gets too hot, as can happen on many showers because
someone else turns on a faucet else where in the house, puts you ate risk for a scalding burn. Lying
under the facet can also add, but again be aware of the potential water changes in temperature.
"Using the water massager from the shower, I can control my orgasm by varying the water
pressure on my clit."
"The water spilling out of the faucet directly on my clit relaxes me and eventually my orgasm
comes in incredible waves."
"I love the feel of the water streaming from the showerhead onto my balls as I stroke my cock. I
cum harder and faster."
Sex Toys
Whether you buy your toys from a reliable source, or create some of your own from things found
around the house, sex toys need to be kept clean and hygienic to prevent infection. Non-rubber
toys can be cleaned in a very weak solution of ordinary household bleach and water, warm soapy
water, or you could use the baby feeding bottle sterilizing solutions that are available on the
market. Do not ever soak electrical or battery operated items but instead wipe them with a cloth
saturated with the disinfecting solution. Rubber items, including dildos, gloves, sleeves off vibrators
and even rubber clothing can harbor bacteria, but chlorine based disinfectants should NOT be used
on them as the rubber can be damaged. Soap solutions that contain bacteria fighting agents can be
used safely. Remember to rinse after cleaning and dry the item completely before putting away.
(Washing up after masturbating may not sound like fun but it will ensure your toys are safe and
ready for the next time).
Mirror
Masturbation! One of my very favorite things! I've been reading about other women's experiences
and thought I'd add some of my own. Just the idea that other women will be reading this is a big
turn-on. A couple of days ago I read a post on the discussion board about using a mirror when you
masturbate and I decided to share some of my experiences. If any other girls would like to share
e-mail's about masturbation, I'd really love to hear from you.
Watching myself in a mirror, including holding a hand-mirror between my legs, while I masturbate
is a big turn-on for me. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist anyway and doing it in front of a mirror and
fantasizing that the girl in the mirror is doing it right along with me and watching is something I
just love to do. I have a chair in just the right position near the full-length mirror in the bedroom
and I have made good use of it on many occasions. I also love looking at my cunt while holding a
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hand-mirror and seeing all the changes.
When I was going through puberty I used a mirror almost every day to examine my cunt, noting
the changes as I developed and my pubes were growing in. From simply "examining" it was just a
short step to watching myself masturbate, using either a hand mirror or standing in front of a
full-length mirror. When I did it in front of the full-length mirror I would fantasize that someone
(usually a girlfriend, but sometimes a group of guys) was standing on the other side of the mirror
watching me and that fantasy always brought me to orgasm in a matter of just a few minutes.
I now have a two-sided hand-mirror and the mirror on one side magnifies. It's absolutely awesome
to see my inner lips go from a real pale pink to a much darker shade and get all swollen, along with
my labia that get really "puffy" and to see my wetness increase as I continue to stimulate myself
with either my fingers or my favorite toy, an electric massager. It's hard for me to keep my eyes
open and focused at the moment of orgasm and when I can afford it I'm going to get a camcorder
to record myself masturbating and having an orgasm...or many orgasms.
I love having sex in front of a mirror and watching myself and my partner; another big turn-on.
I've used my magnifying mirror several times so I could get a really good view of his cock sliding in
and out of me and that's another big turn-on.
I very much like being watched masturbating by my boyfriend (and watching him, too) and have
had this experience (watching and being watched) with several guys, the first time when I was
about 14. Guys seem to really get turned-on watching a girl masturbate and they also get off by
jacking-off in front of a girl, at least in my experience.
One of my major fantasies (but, so far, it hasn't happened in real life) is to masturbate with
another girl and very often I will fantasize while I'm masturbating that some girl I know is there
with me, both of us masturbating and watching each other. Another fantasy is that I'm lying on the
floor, naked and masturbating, and a group of about 6-8 people, both guys and chicks, are
kneeling around me, all of them naked and masturbating, too. We pace ourselves and all cum at
the same time, the guys shooting on my boobs (something else I like a lot).
I think that I've been really curious about masturbation since I first learned how when I was 10. I
talked with my girlfriends about how how good it felt and some of them were just totally grossed
out but I know that at least some of them, and probably all (but they wouldn't admit it) tried it out
and liked it as much as I did.
I learned about masturbating and orgasms both by just experimenting, like I suppose most girls
do, touching myself "down there" and liking the feelings and also from reading. When I was young
I read all the time (and still do, which probably explains my being a journalism/lit major in
college). My parents had a small (but to me very interesting) collection of sex books in their
bedroom. They didn't really hide them and I discovered them about the same time I discovered the
wonderful world of masturbating. I learned that what I was doing was called masturbation and the
feeling I got was an orgasm. I learned a lot more, too, and was very eager to try out a lot of things.
One of the books was "The Joy of Sex" (if you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it). The
explicit drawings are just incredibly erotic and I think that ever since I became sexually active at 14
I've probably tried all the positions and activities at least once with more than a few partners,
including mutual masturbation.
I've tried a lot of different methods, including inserting various things in my vagina when I was
younger. This wasn't all that much of a sexual turn-on, other than it being kind of "naughty" and,
other than my fingers, I very seldom use anything inside me when I masturbate. I've tried
"humping" and when I was younger that was somewhat of a turn-on and I could make myself cum
that way, but it took awhile. The shower massager definitely works for me, as do the water jets in a
swimming pool. I've experimented with a few other methods - leaning up against the corner of a
washing machine during the spin cycle (hey, it works!), rubbing against the arm of a sofa, electric
toothbrush (that works pretty good, too).
I discovered toys about the same time I discovered my parents' library of sex books. My mother
had a vibrator hidden under some stuff in her bedstand and it knew immediately what it was for. I
remember that my reactions to this discovery were mixed...I felt guilty about snooping, aroused
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and, at the same time, I had a reaction of "ewwwww." I mean I knew that my parents had sex.
They were pretty open about sex and on occasion I would hear them doing it - there was really no
doubt about what the noises meant. But the idea of my mother masturbating and having a
vibrator...well, that was a revelation. Yes, I did try it out (her vibrator) and it was just incredible.
At the same time, I felt really weird about using it - I mean, it was my mother's! But that didn't
stop me and I "borrowed" it on many occasions and couldn't wait to get my own.
When I was 16 I had an 18 year old boyfriend for awhile and he was only too happy to go into a
sex store and get me my first vibrator. It was the same kind my mother had - the bullet-shaped
battery-operated type - and I put it to good use. At the same time I was looking for something that
was "stronger" and I was still 16 when I discovered what I consider to be the best toy of all, an
electric massager (I now have two different ones).
This discovery came about when I was baby-sitting for a couple in their 30s who I thought were
pretty hot and did a little snooping (OK, I know, that probably sounds really terrible and I guess it
is, but I'll bet there are a lot of other people who have done it, too). I actually found it in their
bathroom - it was called a "muscle relaxer." Well, of course I had to plug it in and when I started it,
holding it against my hand, I knew instantly that I absolutely must see what it was like in other
places (like my clit). At first I just held it against my cunt through my jeans and that was just
intense enough to make me want to find out what this thing could really do.
Well, as you can probably imagine, it took me about 2 secs to get my jeans and panties off and
when I touched the massager to my clit I about went through the roof. I had never felt anything so
intense in my entire life. By this time I had been sexually active for a couple of years (longer than
that if you don't count just intercourse) and had experienced fingers, tongues, cocks and, of
course, my vibrator. None of them even came close to the intensity of the sensations I felt with
that massager. I came not once or twice but what seemed like innumerable times, one after
another, until I couldn't cum any more.
The massager was a "Magic Wand" and it is truly awesome. The only thing is that it was a little bit
noisy and kind of big to be able to hide easily. I wanted one of my own so badly, but there was just
no way I could figure out how to get one and keep it hidden. If my mom had found it I would've
died of embarrassment. But I babysat for this same couple on the average of once a week and the
massager got a good workout every time. There was also a hand-mirror there that I could use and
many times I used it along with the wand and the experience was fantastic. Part of the thrill was
doing something so "naughty" - using another woman's sex toy - and I definitely enjoyed myself.
OK, back to the mirror thing for a minute...I've made use of mirrors in several different places.
Dressing rooms in stores for one, especially those that have a bench you can sit on facing the
mirror. Usually I'll only do it if the dressing room has a door, not a curtain like in a lot of places.
Once I took the chance with a curtain and almost got caught...a woman walked by and I could see
her feet as she stopped for a few seconds outside the dressing room I was in and I suddenly
realized that she could probably see me reflected in the mirror. I was tempted to just go ahead and
finish (I've had a lot of fantasies about being caught and whoever it was that caught me joining in)
but I chickened out and was dressed and out of there in about 2 minutes.
I've masturbated in many other places, and on two occasions that I can remember, more to be just
a little wild more than anything else, I've used a makeup mirror - in a ladies room once and once in
a secluded area in a park. I was sitting with my back against a tree, wearing jogging shorts and
just started feeling horny. So I took my mirror out of my purse and pulled my shorts aside and
went for it.
Other places? A lot, really. In front of the full-length mirror in my dorm room last year (I was a
freshman and had to live on campus), but that was always kinda risky because my roomie might
walk in any minute.
I don't want to give the impression that the only times or ways I masturbate is when I can watch
myself. Actually, that's only a really small percentage of the time. I usually masturbate at least
once a day, pretty often more than that. I have a boyfriend and we do it in front of each other a lot,
too. One of these days I hope that I can experience my fantasy of doing it with another girl. In the
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meantime, the "other girl" will be in the mirror, doing it right along with me.
First Time
I had recently broken up with my fiancé of three years because we simply drifted apart. There was
not much to communicate and it seemed that we no longer had something new to talk about our
selves and our likes in the bedroom.
As a sad result, the excitement in the bedroom had become none. We were no longer attracted to
each other.
At first, I noticed on how easily aroused I became by many simple things by merely rephrasing
statements made by my friends in normal conversation. Then by seeing other guys in the prime of
their lives walking around the college campus.
I don’t know how I managed, but I kept to myself while out in public. However, when I got home, I
found that I became interested in porn sites.
What had gotten over me? A year ago, I would have not been interested at all since I knew that I
had a partner for that special satisfaction.
The nights passed, and I ended up laying awake in my bed with my thoughts on other matters.
Eventually they became bits and pieces of a more elaborate and very personal fantasy.
One night I reached my breaking point and had an orgasm just by thinking about it.
A few nights after this happened repeatedly, I felt that I needed more and did not pay attention to
what my hands were doing until I arched up unexpectedly as I reached another orgasm.
It turned out that my hand had only gently rubbed against my soft cotton bikini underwear but
never actually touched skin.
Luckily I was fairly comfortable with myself and did not feel ashamed, but rather fascinated on how
far a little stimulation could go.
As more nights passed, I wanted more and actually used my fingers to give myself pleasure.
After a single orgasm I would ease back, tired and content and had a relaxing nights sleep.
When it was that time of the month, I didn’t dare touch myself because I didn’t want to deal with
the mess. So I resorted to go back to have the fantasies run through my mind, but I still wanted to
be truly satisfied.
When that agonizing week was over and after a long warm bath, my mind was still on the same
thing. I was beginning to wonder if this is what guys felt at their sexual peak. It was just driving
me crazy!
The feelings and the basic urge stayed with me as I dressed for bed and I once again laid there
thinking.
First, I tried to take it slow. There must be a reason to why I was feeling like this.
With the fantasies racing though my mind and no orgasm, I tried my fingers but that only
succeeded in teasing me and making me want something deep inside me.
But I was out of luck, I had no toys so I spent some time thinking about what I should use. I
thought about using a handle to a brush, but I didn’t want to be reminded of what I had done the
next day when I had to brush my hair to go to class, so I was left with nothing but disappointment.
I did not have a good night’s sleep that night and when I came back home, I found that I could not
work on my homework assignments. Especially since it was from one class that I had that was the
study of human sexuality.
As I read through my textbook, it said that when a female masturbates, it will have the added
bonus of ‘cleaning’ out her vagina with her orgasms, provided that the area is carefully cleaned
immediately after.
That did not help much as those same thoughts became over whelming. Finally I put my books
away and looked around my room to try to find an object that I could use that would help me out,
but for the same reason as the hairbrush handle, I could not find one that was suitable.
Then an idea dawned on me.
Instead of looking up porn for women on the internet, I looked up sex toys and read up on it. I
decided that I would like to try a vibe rather than a dildo because if I found that I didn’t like the
vibrations, I could always turn it off and simply use it as a dildo. Also, as I did more homework on
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the subject, I figured that a waterproof toy would be the best choice since it would make cleaning it
much easier. I was not to excited over the slim and sleek models so I wanted mine to be realistic in
shape and texture, but color could be whatever that was available.
Then it came down to figuring out what size I wanted. I was so hot, that I was thinking about
having a massive toy like one of those called the Emperor that was about 10 inches long and
almost 3 inches thick! But I had to be more reasonable since just about every FAQ on the subject
clearly stated that beginners should start out with a toy that was a modest size.
That was the last thing that I wanted! I didn’t want to be stuck with a toy that was only 4 inches!
As these facts, thoughts, and needs swirled around my head, I finally gave in and got the money
together to buy one.
I had a budget of 50 dollars and I looked carefully at the selections on various websites.
I found one that I thought that would be suitable. Something that was about 7 inches and life like
in shape, but it was blue in color. I filled out the form but opted to change my mind before I clicked
on the submit button. (It was not about the security of using a credit card number on the net since
I have had a job in web design, and had more faith in security. I was the one paid to deliberately
hack into systems to test the security so I had an understanding on how it worked.)
Was I sure that this was what I wanted? I didn’t know.
So I leaned back into my chair frustrated. What was I going to do?
I had lost track of the time, but nether-the-less I glanced at it and saw that it was only 7 PM.
I had another idea, and picked up a phone book and found a number to an adult store that had
advertisements on TV (They said that they were an adult factory outlet … I have no idea on how
they managed to get air time during prime time, but hey, gotta love cable TV.)
Trying to keep my voice calm as I could, I called them up to simply ask them about their hours. I
was in luck, they were open until 2 AM. I then asked for directions and learned that I would have to
drive to the other side of town.
I turned off my computer and grabbed my purse and keys and walked out the door, telling my
roommates that I was going to one of my hangout spots for a while (the Barnes and Noble
bookstore) to find a new book on programming and that I would be there for a while.
I was just about shaking with nerves driving across town. I have never thought about doing
something like this before. What was I getting into?
I figured that I still had one last chance to turn back and it was to stop to get some gas and have
something else to think about for a few minutes, but that did not deter me. I was back on the road
en route to this place that says that they had the biggest selection in Central Florida.
When I made it to the parking lot, my hands were shaking a lot. I finally told myself that the worst
thing that could happen was that I would just walk around, look like some under-aged idiot, buy
nothing and go home.
Right. There was no harm in just looking.
By the front door, I was immediately greeted by a fat man who was disgusting looking and gave
me one of the sleaziest smiles that I have ever seen. I just nodded back and was quickly distracted
by a young man who asked for my ID.
So I showed him. He studied it carefully. My ID said that I was 22, but I looked younger. A lot
younger with all of the neon lights in the streets.
Finally he nodded and told me to have a nice evening, and I walked inside.
The front of the store looked rather innocent with nothing but greeting cards, batteries, store
catalogs and two registers, but I could see the massive room in the back.
I took my time browsing through the cards. Some of them were rather funny and worth coming
back to get gag gifts later. I had almost forgotten why I had driven across town to get to this store
until I saw two ladies come up to a register to pay for their purchases.
I had never felt like such a kid at that moment as one of them who was about in their mid 30’s
noticed that I was watching them.
I casually broke eye contact and made my way to large two-story room in the back.
I must have drawn a lot of attention as an older man looked up from the video selection shelf and
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look at me. Then returned to what he was doing.
I guess that I must have stuck out, considering that I was a ‘young girl’ all by herself in a place like
this.
The bottom floor had items mainly for men and I made my way up to the second floor.
There were other women there, looking at the selection, and strangely, that made me feel a bit
more at ease. They must have been look for the same thing that I was looking for too.
I saw one that struck an image in my memory, the one item that was called ‘The Emperor’. I looked
at it and it didn’t take long for me to realize that it was bigger than what I was used to. (All of my
previous partners in the past … uh, three to honest, were about 5 inches or less, but I loved the
foreplay that made up for it)
I looked at the selection, there was so many to choose from, and they were about 40 bucks! I had
to choose carefully, I wanted to make sure that I was satisfied with my purchase.
As I stood there, I recalled the criteria that I had in mind for what I wanted: life-like in shape and
texture, and a water-proof vibe, to make things simple. So I started to carefully look at that
selection and noticed that there were two women who were interested a particular model and had
managed to open it just enough to slip their fingers into the package to feel the material.
When they moved on to another section, I looked at what they were looking at a few moments
before and like them, slid my fingers inside the package expecting to feel a hard rigid material but
was surprised on how soft it was but yet firm. It was made of silicone and transparent that covered
a metal inner casing for the vibe itself. It was also water-proof. The size was something more
realistic for me. It was about 7 inches by my guess and had just about right thickness.
I made a mental note of it and continued to browse. There were some anal toys that perked my
interest but I had to make those wait for another time.
I must have spent 45 minutes browsing, while taking breaks to look at the bondage and lingerie
items that didn’t seem to interest me.
When I decided that I had seen enough, I went back to what I had found so far and looked further
back on the shelf to find an unopened package. I also had the luxury to choose a purple one.
(Purple is my favorite color) I also grabbed a small package of water-based lubricant to try out.
Timidly, I walked up to the register and as casually as I could, place the items down to check out. I
could remember the piercing eyes on one black woman who had just waked in and the items had
caught her eye. Man, did that make me feel uncomfortable.
I tuned it out and she walked away but I got a good look at the guy at the register. Damn, he was
so attractive! It was a pleasant reminder about why I wanted to go through with this.
Before he rang up my item, he took the vibe out of the package and inserted some batteries in it to
test it out because they have a strict ‘no returns’ policy.
The vibe obediently came to life and he asked me if it was okay, I nodded. He turned it off,
removed the batteries and asked if I wanted to buy some. I again nodded and used my card to
complete the transaction.
When he mentioned about the returns policy, I said that it was a gag gift and probably would not
be used anyway.
He gave me an unsurprised look. He must have heard that excuse too many times already.
Especially by the way he exaggerated the word ‘gag’ when he responded to my comment.
It was a quick card transaction and I was back out side with my purchases.
The sleazy fat man was engrossed in a conversation with the other man who checked my ID earlier
so I walked pass them unnoticed and retreated to my car.
As quickly (and safely) as I could, I got out of there and did not think about what I had done as if it
was a very bad thing.
Before I walked into the house, I stuffed my purchases into my backpack and walked into the living
room where I was asked by one of my roommates how did it go.
I made up a quick lie off the top of my head saying that the only books there (at the book store
that I told them that I was going to) that were really useful were over 60 bucks so I didn’t get one.
Two long hours passed before I retired to my room and had a nice long bath.
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Carefully, I pulled out the vibe out of the package and held it in my hand. Just by holding it, and
feeling the soft texture and the life-like shape aroused me. Yet, this time, it was going to be
different.
Putting the pieces together, I turned it on and it hummed quietly in my hands.
I pretty much looked at it at every possible angle, and it was like I was back in my fantasy.
I finished putting the rest of the packaging away and turned off the lights under the pretense that I
was going to bed.
Well, kinda.
First, I tried to adjust the speed and it once again obediently obeyed my command. I set it on high
and placed it on my chest.
That alone was arousing so I rubbed it over other parts of my body, carefully avoiding where it was
supposed to go. I liked being teased and this was doing a good job of it!
It finally came to rest on my crouch over my underwear and it made me gasp in surprise.
I had never felt anything like it, and I wanted more!
It made its way under my panties and it rest itself against my opening.
It teased me like never before and I slipped my underwear onto the floor and added a little
lubrication on the toy.
It slid around on the surface, but slowly burring itself inside of me. I had to moan into a pillow just
to keep quiet.
Slowly it kept going deeper and deeper inside until it could go no farther.
It all happened so suddenly, as I found myself arched into the air and my body spasmed in
incredible waves of pleasure. It was the best that I’ve had in a long time!
As the feeling subsided, I turned the vibe off, but left it there for a few minutes.
Now that it was over, I got up to clean myself and my toy off before putting it away in its new
home in my drawer and I drifted off in one of the best night’s sleep that I’ve had in a while.
It has not even been a month since I got my new item and I have the credit card receipt to prove it
too (I got it on the 4th and today is the 27th of the same month). I have already lost count on how
many times I have used it already, but I still can’t believe on how all of what I had to go through to
prove that maybe, I was right all along in needing something like this and really didn’t need to feel
embarrassed or intimidated to own one. I’m actually thinking about getting another to add some
variety
Relationship ?
Many people begin exploring their bodies at an early age, leading to masturbation. It seems that
the stereotype is that only teenagers or those not in a relationship masturbate. However, did you
know many people in relationships continue to masturbate? In fact, masturbation within marriage
or committed relationships is common, and is no cause for alarm. Around 97 percent of men and
68 percent of women masturbate on a regular basis. Results from the 1993 Janus Report on Sexual
Behavior showed that this number is slightly less common among married people, but about half of
married men and women reported that they masturbate. Nonetheless, to some people, it comes as
quite a shock to discover their spouse or partner has a secret sex life that they were unaware of.
There are a lot of common questions we’ve seen on Clitical regarding this very subject. Below are
answers to some of these questions.
Why does my partner feel they need to masturbate? Am I not sexy enough/giving them enough
sex?
There are many reasons people masturbate while in a sexual relationship. It may be as simple as
they’re horny when their partner is at work or busy with something else. They may feel the need to
have an orgasm, but may not feel they have the time or energy to pay attention to their partner,
and therefore don’t want to initiate sex. Their partner may be tired, sick, asleep, having their
period, or stressed, and not interested in having sex. Others have said masturbation helps them fall
asleep easier, or it simply feels good, so they do it. Studies have shown masturbation among
married females actually has a positive effect on their sex lives by helping them to understand their
bodies better. Another benefit of masturbation is it can promote a feeling of being in control of
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one’s sexual satisfaction without always having to rely on one’s partner for orgasm.
Sex and masturbation are not necessarily mutually exclusive. A person can have a healthy,
satisfying sex life and still masturbate. The fact that your partner masturbates does not mean that
they aren’t satisfied with your lovemaking capabilities. It also does not, as some people believe,
indicate that your partner is having (or considering having) an affair. If you still have doubts, the
answer again lies in your partner. To find out why they specifically masturbate, you’ll have to ask
them.
This brings up the issue of pornography. Many ladies feel if their partner has magazines or movies,
that there is something wrong with the way they look. Remember, men respond to visual stimuli. A
man can enjoy looking at women in movies or magazines, but can still appreciate the truly unique
beauty of their partner. I have actually found that looking at magazines with my husband can be a
wonderful way to gain insight into his thoughts. By discussing what he finds attractive in certain
photos, I not only have gained an understanding of what he finds attractive in women, but also the
qualities I possess that attracted him to me.
If you have just found out that your partner masturbates, the idea may take awhile to get used to.
You are in the process of reevaluating what you know about your partner. You may feel like you
have been mislead or lied to. Remember that many people feel that masturbation is a private
matter that should not be discussed. Your partner may have been embarrassed to admit they
masturbate, or afraid you would be angry if they told you. They may also feel guilty that they’re
continuing to masturbate, even while in a sexual relationship. Keep these things in mind when
discussing masturbation with your partner, especially if this is information you’ve recently learned.
How do I know if my partner masturbates?
There’s only one sure way. Ask them. Two things you’ll want to remember. The first is that as a
general rule, discussions about sex should take place in a non sexual situation where you are not
likely to be interrupted. Asking your partner while you’re making out probably is not the best plan.
Likewise, striking up a conversation when your partner is trying to study for an exam, has to be to
work in ten minutes, or when your children are due home from school any moment will not allow
you time for a serious discussion. Secondly, make an effort to phrase your question so it does not
seem like an accusation. Your partner is more likely to be on the defensive if you ask something
along the lines of , “Have you been masturbating while I’m not home?” Compare that to opening
the conversation with a general statement such as, “I was reading an article that said many people
in sexual relationships continue to masturbate. Do you think that’s true?” By starting the
conversation in a non-personal situation and then bringing it around to how the subject applies to
your own relationship, both parties can feel free to have an honest conversation in a
non-threatening environment.
My partner isn’t aware I masturbate and I would like to tell them. How do I go about doing this?
As mentioned above, timing and wording are everything. If you are not sure your partner will be
receptive, you will want a discussion setting like the one mentioned above. That is, when you will
not be interrupted and you are not in a sexual situation. Again, it may seem less threatening if you
start the conversation off with a general, non-personal comment and then bring the subject around
to your own relationship. If you think your partner will be receptive, you can try touching yourself
during foreplay and see how they react. For ladies, leaving a visual clue, such as a toy in plain sight
may not only open the conversation, but be a huge turnon for your partner.
How do I get my partner to masturbate in front of me/ watch me masturbate?
Many men and women fantasize about watching their partner masturbate. Rarely are those
fortunate enough to have this fantasy come true disappointed. One discussion board poster
reports: I love watching my boyfriend masturbate; I think it's incredibly sexy and arousing.
(Heather, 2. So how do you make this a reality?To be honest, you can’t unless your partner is
willing. You can express a desire that they do so, but that doesn’t guarantee your partner will be
comfortable with the idea. Remember, even in a committed relationship, no means no. There is
nothing wrong with expressing a desire to share masturbation with your partner. However, just as
you are entitled to express your wishes, your partner is entitled to say no to anything they don’t
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feel comfortable doing. If your partner doesn’t seem comfortable with the idea, the worst possible
thing you can do is keep bringing it up. If your partner says no, your best reply would be
something accepting and open-ended such as, “I understand you aren’t comfortable with the idea,
but please think about it. If you change your mind, let me know, I’ll still be interested.” Along these
lines, many men ask on the discussion boards how to get their female partners to use toys while
masturbating. This is very much a case where the matter should be discussed before the toy is
introduced. Most women who have not masturbated or used toys would be completely intimidated
if their partner whipped out a 7 inch vibrator in the middle of a sex session. The first step is to
make sure your partner is willing to try a toy. The second is to start with a smaller, less
intimidating toy such as the Fukouko or a bullet toy. The third is to allow your partner time to try
out the toy in private before incorporating it into your time together. Let her find out how the toy
works, what feels good, etc. before she has to worry about the toy and an audience.
My partner and I would like to incorporate mutual masturbation into our sex lives. How is the best
way to go about this?
Make sure both parties are relaxed. A good way to accomplish this is a bubble bath or shower,
followed by a glass of wine... but only one glass. The purpose of this is not to get your partner
drunk. You are trying to make sure your partner is not tense about trying this. By being freshly
bathed or showered, your partner is less likely to be self conscious about their body. Make sure you
have plenty of uninterrupted time to spend together. For the first time, dim lights or candlelight will
seem less intimidating. Some couples may wish to incorporate magazines or movies into the
session, that’s up to the discretion of you and your partner. As a precursor, some couples may
enjoy picking out a magazine or renting a movie together. Couples may also consider using sex
toys during sessions. When using a toy, it is best if the toy has been used in solo play previously,
so the person using it is familiar with what feels good and how the toy works. Laying side by side
rather than sitting across the room or bed from each other may also be less intimidating to
beginners, as this feels more intimate and less like a performance.
How do I get my partner to stop masturbating?
To be honest, this probably won’t happen. Your partner will likely only change their habits so they
only masturbate when you aren’t at home. Making your partner feel as though they’re doing
something shameful that you won’t tolerate may lead to resentment. Leaving the door open to
communication is probably more beneficial to your relationship, even if the idea takes some getting
used to. A previously married poster on the discussion board writes: I decided when I became
single again that I would make it clear to my partners that I do masturbate and that if they don't
like it, it is their problem, not mine. Unfortunately, my present significant other does not approve
of me (or him) masturbating, but he is slowly coming around to the idea. I have flat out told him
that I don't plan to stop, especially since we are in a Long Distance Relationship and get to see
each other only about 4 times yearly. Some day I hope he will want to watch me masturbate, and I
certainly would love to watch him, if I can ever get him to try it. (Blueswede, 56) If you’re honestly
uncomfortable with the subject, you can tell your partner you don’t want to discuss it. You can
control what they tell you, but trying for control over someone else’s body is a little more tricky and
probably not practical.
Whether masturbation is kept private or shared between partners it is a common practice among
those in committed relationships. Those who choose to continue to masturbate while in a
relationship should know they are not alone, and this does not indicate any sort of problem in their
relationship. As in any relationship, the rights and wishes of both parties should be respected.
Whether you choose to share the act of masturbation with your partner or not, keeping an open
mind and an open line of communication about the subject will be beneficial to your relationship.
Twice the Fun
Mutual masturbation is fun and you might actually learn a thing or two in the bargain as well as.
Although many people think of masturbation as a solo activity, adding your partner into the mix
can lead to some great fun and games and give the whole masturbation experience a new
dimension.
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The key words here are communication and openness. Many people still feel that masturbation is
something that should only be done in private and this is especially true when it comes to us girls.
It's just the way many of us were brought up, and over coming that can take a lot of will power.

So, encourage us guys. Tell us how good it makes you feel to watch us as we share our most
intimate act. Set the mood and take your time, this is not a race and is something that should be
taken slowly and gently. Take baby steps at first if you are both unsure until your confidence
grows.
What stops many couples indulging in mutual masturbation is generally fear. Fear of how their
partner will react. Fear of feeling stupid and self-conscious are all reasons that are often sited as
reasons why people prefer not to participate. In some ways you are putting on a show for your
partner, just as you would if you were to do a strip tease. Trust me, I know how you feel. The first
time I ever did this for a partner I felt awkward, stupid, and self-conscious for about two seconds.
It was once I looked at his face and realized just how much he was enjoying watching me enjoy
myself that I no longer felt self-conscious and began to let go and indulge.
There are several ways you can add masturbation into your normal [I hate that word arggh] love
life and below are a few ideas to help you do just that:
Show and Tell.
This is an ideal technique for couples that are not ready to make love yet for whatever reason and
is probably one of the safest forms of foreplay known to mammals as it involves only touching
yourself and not your partner. This does require a level of confidence and trust between both
parties though, as you need to let your guard down, to some extent, to really appreciate the entire
experience.
Some people prefer to sit across the room from each other while others prefer to lie on the bed and
diddle at the same time. It really is a case of what you are both comfortable with. Being able to sit
back and watch your partner pleasure themselves can be extremely erotic as this couple discovered
a while back:
"My b/f likes to get me really turned on, he works me up into a frenzy, and then he'll take my hand
and place it between my legs, letting me know he wants to watch. The first time he did it, I felt a
little odd about it, but the way it turned him on was reward enough to make me lose all sense of
inhibition. He got off big time while watching me masturbate and the orgasm I had was definitely
powerful! "
Toying Around
This can be a fun way to introduce toys into your sex play. Again you have choices here and you
can either simply use the toy on yourself as your lover watches or you could ask them to place their
hand over yours and help guide it to the spots where it gives the most pleasure. If you choose to
share toys then it's a good idea to place a condom over them and change it before you go from
yourself to your partner.
“I have a couple of toys that I like to use with my partner. Sometimes we both pick out one that we
like, lie side by side, and just enjoy the sights and sounds of each other getting more and more
turned on.”
Teach me
Mutual masturbation is an ideal way to teach your partner how best to please you. You can even
add to this scenario by dressing for the part and role-playing if you feel so inclined. Your partner is
your teacher and your mission is to educate them to best pleasure you using only your hands. You
begin by showing them what type of stroke works for you or perhaps a simple biology lesson where
you point to the more pleasurable parts of your body and take it from there...
“I felt a bit weird about doing it at first, but then I realized how much he was learning by watching
me touch myself that I figured it was only going to benefit me in the end, so I went with it.”
Double the Pleasure
Here you can both please each other, teasing each other and practice the techniques you've
learned through the above techniques. Find a position where you can both comfortably reach each
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other’s genitals and begin masturbating each other. You can also do this separately where one
party will masturbate the other and then visa versa. Both of these techniques are fun to try and
again a great way to learn how your partner ticks.
Bath time Fun
No one says you have to keep mutual masturbation confined to the bedroom. It can be fun to take
into the bathtub, shower or hot tub if you own one. It can be an extremely relaxing experience and
one that I often indulge in with Hubby.
“Sometimes my boyfriend likes to watch me in the shower. I have a hand-held shower head, so I’ll
stand in the shower with the curtain open and maneuver the water to pleasure myself while he sits
on the stool and masturbates while watching me.”
Drive Me Wild
A great way to masturbate mutually is during a long car ride. If one of you is driving the other one
can masturbate and then you change over or stop and dive into the back seat, whichever seems
the best option at the time -)) Please don't masturbate and drive it's really not safe and even a
good orgasm is not worth dying for.
“There’s something about masturbating in a car that makes it exciting. I don’t know if it’s just the
fact that it’s someplace different, or if it’s the possibility of being seen by someone else, of if it’s the
fact that my partner is almost helpless because he’s driving and can’t do much about what I’m
doing that turns me on.”

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