SMALL MOUTH SOUNDS

by Bess Wohl

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 AUTHOR’S NOTE

This play was inspired by a silent spiritual retreat I participated in at the Omega Institute in
upstate New York. Like that retreat, much of the action of the play happens without words.

Because of that, I have provided extensive character descriptions. This is to help the actors and
director navigate the play and to provide texture and depth to what they do.

Much of what is in these descriptions will obviously remain a mystery to the audience — that’s
okay by me. The audience should always be able to follow the main story lines but should also
have a little bit of room to make — and revise — their own assumptions about who the
characters are.

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 CHARACTERS

Note: Everyone in this play is in some kind of agony. In this way, they are not unlike the rest of
us. They have come to this retreat in the hope of finding some kind of relief. This desire should
feel very immediate and present throughout the action of the play.

The TEACHER is played by a disembodied, androgynous voice with a strange, slightly

accented way of talking. The androgynous tone might be the result of some kind of sickness, or
might just be just the way the teacher sounds. Either way, it sounds throaty and scratchy. The
accent is somewhere between affected and foreign. The voice is amplified through a
microphone. And. Pauses a lot at. Odd moments.

JOAN, late forties, wears a lot of clothes and jewelry from India. She is a therapist and sex
educator in colleges, high schools. and in private practice with couples. She likes to focus on
pleasure rather than on fear or “don’ts.” For example, she asks her teenagers, “Okay, I know
you are having sex, now how can we make it more fun?” She meets with her private clients in a
sunny office full of framed photos of her dog, Small Fry, and a small ceramic dish of Werther’s
Originals on her coffee table. She really loves Werther’s Originals. She has a roll of them in her
pocket right now. It’s about pleasure, people.
She is also incredibly, mind-bendingly, soul-crushingly angry and she has been since
about the age of six, when her parents for divorced and her mother told her, “Daddy doesn’t love
us enough.” She first discovered she was pretty in college, and then promptly got raped by a frat
boy. She became bulimic. Now, she meditates and does yoga.
At times, her rage still bubbles to the surface in little ways, in spite of her efforts to
breathe through it. She might compliment you on a haircut when you know it’s terrible. She
might say you look healthy and well-rested when you know you’ve gained weight. She might
spend five minutes brushing her teeth. She might write a really mean anonymous comment on a
blog. She might become obsessed with hating a stranger. She might leave, just when you need
her the most.

JUDY, maybe fifty, is Joan’s partner. She works at O magazine as a top editor in the art
department — a few times a year, she finds herself in the same room with Oprah. She’s the kind
of person who only needs four hours of sleep per night. She gets a lot of email. She wakes up
and walks on the treadmill while watching Fox News. She finds that building up a healthy rage in
the morning helps her greet the day.
She likes control. She likes to be in control of her image. Her wardrobe is all big silver
jewelry and Eileen Fisher in neutral tones, although for this particular weekend she has brought
mostly Lululemon. She makes a good living. She eats a lot of grilled fish. She’s direct. She grew
up with three brothers. She always felt she had to prove herself equal to the boys. She has had
a recent diagnosis of ovarian cancer, and, as the doctor said, she “will not have a good
outcome.” This is a serious problem for her sense of control.
Her soft spot is Joan. She and Joan met at a Buddhist lecture series in Manhattan. Judy
had thought about exploring spirituality because she had an intermittent eye tic doctors told her
could be stress related. It was embarrassing. People on the subway thought she was winking.
She and Joan went out for green juice — she’d never had green juice before — and she never
looked back. Now, she’s not really that into spirituality anymore, knows she should meditate,
never has time, but she’s here because, simply put, she loves Joan madly. She loves hoe Joan
eats. She loves how Joan smells. She loves the heat Joan gives off when she sleeps. She is
very afraid Joan will leave, just when she needs Joan the most.

ALICIA, is around thirty-ish, strawberry-blonde (sometimes more strawberry, sometimes more

blonde) from Southern California. She is the kind of person who manages to make a lot of noise
even when she’s “in silence.” She has zippers on her clothes and bag. She has wrappers that
must be unwrapped. She has bracelets that jangle. She sips loudly. She breathes loudly. She

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has shoes with heels that click. She shakes out her hair and scratches her head and adjusts her
bra and it’s an entire three-act play. It’s because she likes being watched.
She was a child actor and beauty pageant star. Born in Arizona, her parents moved her
to L.A. when she started getting commercials. She was on a few episodes of Party of Five as a
friend of Lacey Chabert’s characters. That was pretty much the high point. Most recently, she
was in a commercial for a nationwide wireless company, where her role was to act really
surprised and say, “Gotcha!” Sometimes people recognize her from that, which she both kind of
hates and kind of loves. These days, Alicia gets her performance fix by doing karaoke alone.
She belts out “Someone Like You” with an intensity that would rival Adele’s.
She didn’t used to do this kind of pathetic embarrassing thing. Up ’til a few months ago,
she was with Fred. Fred was a hedge fund guy who liked Alicia because she seemed unmoored
enough to bend to his will. She was, and things worked for a very long time. But then Fred got
bored of being with somebody who would bend to his will. (Alicia believes that Fred had
undiagnosed ADHD.) There was a situation with a hooker. Alicia still didn’t move out. This face,
among several others, still makes her burn with shame. Finally, Fred kicked her out. (She had
started, out of unexpressed rage, brushing her hair and leaving the hairballs around the
apartment, like a cat peeing on the walls.) The day she moved out, she gave Fred one last blow
job upstairs while the U-Haul waited outside. (More shame.) She had to move in with her cousin
who lives in Long Island City, where she discovered Fred had given her chlamydia. It was
around then that a therapist she’d started seeing suggested she develop a spiritual practice.
She doesn’t have a lot of experience with any of this. But she needs something, anything,
actually, to take away the pain of living without Fred, whom she still loves desperately, achingly,
utterly. (Shame.)
She still spends a lot of time online stalking Fred. Texting Fred. Texting with her friends
about Fred. Checking Fred’s Instagram feed. Checking his Facebook page. Her heart is fucking
destroyed over Fred. If what was happening on the inside was happening on the outside,
instead of being a very attractive thirty-two-year-old (people think she’s twenty-eight), she’d be a
fucking quadriplegic. She’s looking for something — or somebody — to make her feel okay
again.

NED, somewhere in his forties, has had a severe run of bad luck worse than the worst country-
western song. Here’s what happened. First, Ned, ever the outdoor enthusiast, went rock
climbing to try to clear his head, and he ended up falling and cracking his skull in eight places.
(You can still see the scars. It’s why he wears the hat.) He spent two years in and out of the
hospital, during which time his identity was stolen, his house burned down due to electrical
problems, and his wife, Dawn, got a tattoo. The tattoo was, in a way, the most upsetting part,
because Dawn is not the tattoo type. She lost the baby weight. She got highlights in her hair.
She started reading the newspaper and having opinions. Suffice it to say, this was all evidence
of what should be blatantly obvious — Dawn had started fucking around — specifically with
Ned’s younger brother, Charlie. Charlie, who was always the fuck-up. Charlie, a failed musician
with a past heroin addiction who now sings in a band called Seedlings at kiddie music classes
and birthday parties. Pretty soon, Dawn and Charlie had fixed up the house, kicked Ned out of
it, and were living together with the kids.
Then things got worse. Ned’s parents died. Then he started drinking. He tried to stop by
joining AA. Then his sponsor, Elijah, went off his meds and walked into traffic on the Long Island
Expressway. Soon after that, Ned’s dog was hit by a car too.
You know when things are just so unfair that you feel like you might just have to grab a
pitcher of kerosene and burn down the house a second time in order to make things right again?
That’s what Ned was feeling. So he bought a pitcher of kerosene and was about to burn down
Charlie and Dawn’s house, when something stopped him. A little voice inside. It told him there
was another path. And led him to study a variety of meditation, self-helpy, new agey books,
which helped him avoid committing homicide. And now, for the very first time, he has saved up
enough money to go on a retreat — this particular retreat, with this particular teacher, whom he

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greatly admires. This year, Charlie and Dawn are expecting a kid. Ned is contemplating
homicide again.

RODNEY, mid-thirties, ageless, fit, gorgeous, grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and teaches
yoga in New York and the Hamptons (in the summer). He is married to a woman named Nadine
who also teaches yoga. Rodney and Nadine have had articles about them in various local yoga
magazines and are designing a line of vegan bags, wallets, and jewelry together, made of a
substance that looks exactly like real leather. Rodney wears a lot of man-jewelry but he is
pulling it off.
Rodney met Nadine because she was his student. The truth is, Rodney has had sex with
a bunch of his students over the years — both before and after being married to Nadine.
(Eighteen. But who’s counting. Certainly not Rodney.) In fact, he started his own yoga practice
after being kicked out of one in the Bay Area due to sexual harassment. He pursues these
women in part because once he has something, he never wants it anymore. He thought Nadine
was different because she was extra gorgeous and had that rich-person inaccessible thing that
really got under his skin. Also, she had a trust fund which financed his East Coast yoga studio.
Now he and Nadine have not had sex in three years.
When they try to talk about it, Nadine just bursts into tears and runs out of the room.
Rodney thinks Nadine probably has some history of abuse in her past, which he is totally not
responsible for and which, according to his therapist and his inner north star, he cannot take on.
He has convinced himself that the kindest thing is to stay with Nadine, who is fragile, and satisfy
his sexual urges on the side.
The truth is, all of the sex with young nubile yogis is really about his panicky fear of
aging and death. Nadine makes him feel trapped, and this reminds him that he’s going to get old
and die. His man jewelry does not a wedding ring.

JAN, fifty-ish, is from a small town in Finland. He is pale and sweet, with a wide-eyed,
continually curious air about him, like a little sprite or a woodland creature. He is a pastor at a
small Lutheran church back in Finland, and his church as sent him on a one-year sabbatical to
explore religious life around the world and figure out a way to appeal to more of the Finnish
people, who have become increasingly secular. He always wears a small backpack, in which he
carries a bottle of water, trail mix, sunblock, and other necessities. He does exercises in the
morning for his health. Jan likes to be prepared.
He came to religion later in life, after a personal tragedy — a son who died after a
prolonged and terrible illness at the age of six. Jan’s wife then moved to South America to study
Argentinian tango. Jan, who had been working in advertising, went back to school to study
religion and philosophy, hoping that it might help him understand why things happen the way
they do. It didn’t explain much, but it did give him a new community. And a sense of purpose, to
help others. Still, sometimes at night, when he starts to suspect he really can do nothing to help
people, he wakes up seized with a sense of panic that freezes him like a solid wood board. He
waits all night for the sun to come up, too scared to move a muscle. Then he takes a lot, lot, lot
of pharmaceuticals and tries not to fall asleep in the middle of his sermon the next day.
He misses his son. He is hoping maybe this retreat will have an answer for him, where
more traditional religious experiences have failed. He also greatly overestimated his familiarity
with the English language.

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Life is suffering.
— The Buddha

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DAY ONE

The sound of pounding, torrential rain. A great hall begins to fill up with people.

Six folding chairs in a row. Jan sits on one of them. He reads through a packet that contains a
schedule, a map, a flyer, an introductory letter, etc.

Rodney enters, takes off his shoes, sits on the floor in front of his folding chair, and begins to
meditate. Jan watches Rodney, then takes off his shoes as well.

Ned enters. He surveys the room and tries to decide where to sit based on the configuration, on
his immediate feelings about Jan and Rodney, and on where he expects the teacher will be.

Joan and Judy enter.

JOAN
… I said, very clearly, left at the second stop sign.

JUDY
I did not hear you say that.

JOAN
Well, how is that my fault // if I said something and you didn’t hear it…

JUDY
I’m not talking about fault, I’m just saying I don’t think you said what you think you said.

JOAN
What do you think I said?

JUDY
I wasn’t taking notes. Joan. I think we’re supposed to take off our shoes.

JOAN
What do you think I said?

JUDY
I remember at least two stop signs going by with you saying nothing at all about a left. You were
looking at the — birds or something —

JOAN
That was a hawk. You didn’t even look up —

JUDY
I was trying to figure out where we were going.

JOAN
Fine, next time I’ll just shut up and you can follow the GPS lady —

JUDY
(sitting) These chairs look terrible. Can I see that packet?

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Ned realizes he should have taken his shoes off and awkwardly goes back to the door to do so.
Joan hands Judy a packet and Judy starts to look through it. Joan is distracted by staring at
Rodney — we’re not sure why. She sits next to Judy. Points at Rodney.

JUDY
What?

Joan shakes her head, “Nothing.”

What.

JOAN
(whispers) He does the…

Rodney looks over.

(to Rodney) We love your videos.

(off Judy) The yoga videos.

Judy smiles to Rodney.

Rodney does a “namaste.”

JUDY
The food here is vegan.

Joan smiles and squeezes Judy’s arm, as if to say thank you. Judy nods and keeps looking
through her packet.

The sound of a microphone setting up. The sound of somebody’s throat clearing. Some strange
breathing. Some small mouth sounds. Everyone finishes taking their seats. When the teacher
speaks, it is as a disembodied voice, amplified from somewhere in front of them. [Note: The
actors should imagine they are looking straight ahead at someone who is sitting or standing,
holding or wearing a microphone, unseen by the audience because of the fourth wall.]

VOICE OF TEACHER
If it is all right with everyone. I would like. To begin. With a story.

Everyone nods, “Please, yes, go ahead.” The sound of wet lips gently smacking into the
microphone, which is a little too close to the teacher’s mouth. Everyone settles in. Ned may get
out a tattered notebook to take some notes.

VOICE OF TEACHER
There once was a little, green frog. … And this little frog lived in a well. One day, he was visited
by another frog who had been out traveling for a very long time. The traveling frog said — these
are talking frogs mind you, in stories they are always very gifted frogs.

Everyone laughs at that, maybe a little too hard.

VOICE OF TEACHER
So, yes, the traveling frog said. To the frog in the well, “Your well is very nice. But you should
see what I have seen. There is something out there called… (with drama) The ocean.”

A pause for that to land.

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 VOICE OF TEACHER
“What is it like?” asked the well frog. The traveling frog told him, “It is very. Big.”

The well frog crinkled his little frog nose: “Is it as big as one quarter of my well?” “Bigger,” said
the traveling frog. “Is it as big as half of my well?” “Even bigger,” the traveling frog said. “You
really must see it for yourself.”

So the two frogs traveled together, across the land. They became friends. They shared things.
The way you do. When you are traveling with a fellow frog. They were really. Quite close.

Finally they approached the ocean. The traveling frog told the well frog to close his eyes. And he
guided the well frog all the way to the shore. The waves lapped. Their little frog legs. “Now,” the
traveling frog said, “open your eyes…” the well frog opened his eyes. He saw the vast ocean…

Everyone sees the ocean, in his or her own way.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And he died on the spot.

A pause. Joan looks perturbed. Rodney looks like he knew it all along. Judy looks like she
actually thought that was quite fitting and deep.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Now, I’m not suggesting you will die during our five days together. Although we all have to go
sometime…

The teacher laughs a small, snotty laugh into the microphone. The class reacts.

VOICE OF TEACHER
What I am suggesting is that when you see the ocean…You may not be able to return. To the
well.

The various reactions on what that might mean — good and bad. Ned makes a little “Mmm”
sound. He tries to take a note in his notebook, but realizes his pen is broken. He looks around
for help. There is none.

NED
(whispers) Crap.

VOICE OF TEACHER
In the meantime…For our time together. A few. Simple. Ground rules. These rules are intended
to create an environment of mutual respect with other groups and retreats currently underway at
the Institute.

Remember. We are not alone. On this campus.

Smoking is not permitted. Open flame, incense, and scented candles are not permitted. Alcohol
consumption is not permitted.

Cell phones are not permitted, except in the parking lot. Inside your vehicle. With all doors and
windows completely closed.

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 Food consumption is permitted only in the kitchen and dining areas. Please do not bring your
food back to your room. This is for your own safety. There are many wild animals in the area.
Including bears.

Joan yelps involuntarily. Everyone else looks a little unnerved — except Rodney. A snorty laugh
from the teacher.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Clothing is optional. At the lake. But required in all other locations. All nudity must be in the spirit
of respect, community, and adventure.

A series of awkward glances amongst the students. Rodney looks around enthusiastically. Jan
sees Rodney smiling and smiles as well. Ned looks slightly horrified. Rodney’s gaze lands on
Judy, much to her amusement and to Joan’s chagrin.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Room assignments are in your welcome packets. Plus a schedule of lectures and optional
question and answer sessions in the evening, indicated as “Q and A.” Please, if you do ask a
question, try to ask it simply, succinctly, and refrain from telling me your entire life story. (sighs)
Other than what is on the schedule, you are free. To explore. Maps are provided.

Everyone shuffles around, looking through their packets. Ned puts on his nametag. He half-
raises his hand to ask a question. The teacher ignores him.

VOICE OF TEACHER
In the event that you leave early or are for any reason dissatisfied or incapable of continuing.
There are no refunds. No exceptions —

Alicia enters, running late, wearing headphones. She is drenched and holding a little wet paper
map that is falling apart in her hands. Everything about her communicates that she has had a
rough evening and she would really like everyone to know that. She sits. Starts to take off her
many, many layers. Gets out her journal, some pens, a book, her thermos, etc. Stops. Looks
around. Everyone is watching her. This may be because something like Natalie Merchant’s
“These Are Days” is playing from her earphones.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Timeliness is important.

Alicia gives a little wave, does a little namaste-style bow and mouths — or says — the words,
“I’m so sorry.” Ned notices her and stops trying to ask his question. Alicia notices him noticing
her. Or maybe he’s coveting her five multicolored pens. Or, most likely, trying to tell her that her
music is still on. Alicia quickly turns it off, then enters a deep shame spiral.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Think of this retreat as a vacation from your habits. Your routines. Yourself. It is the best kind. Of
vacation. Because after this. You don’t ever have to go back. To who you were.

This is both exciting and upsetting.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And in this spirit. For the length of this retreat. Unless otherwise specified. We shall be
observing. Silence.

A gong rings. The sound of the microphone switching off. The sound of pounding rain.

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NIGHT ONE

The lodgings for the students are rows of tiny connected cabins in the woods. They are each
identical, and each contain two mats. The following Night One scenes happen concurrently:

Joan and Judy’s Room

Judy and Joan enter their cabin, lugging their things. Judy has packed as if it’s a business trip.
Joan has an old duffel from college.

They begin to silently go about unpacking and setting up their things. As Joan puts her bags
down, a bag of Werther’s Originals spills out on the floor. She cleans them up with a shrug and
offers one to Judy. Judy shakes her head, not wanting to move. Joan unwraps the Werther’s.
Offers it to Judy again. Judy still doesn’t want it.

Judy gets out her computer. Checks it and starts typing.

Joan sees Judy on the computer and looks very disappointed in Judy.

JUDY
(whispers, defensive) I’m just setting up my “Out of Office.”

Now Joan looks even more annoyed because Judy just broke the talking rule. Judy finishes and
puts away her computer.

Judy starts to pull her mat over next to Joan, but she’s a little weak. Joan takes care of it, putting
the mats together into a “double bed.”

Judy gets out her pills, takes one. Joan starts reading again, trying not to watch. At last, they
both lie next to each other whispering.

Judy says something that makes Joan laugh.

Whispering and giggling.

Rodney and Ned’s Room

Rodney and Ned enter together. Both are trying to be exceedingly polite about who gets what
space for their mat. Ned has a hard time unrolling his mat.

Finally, Rodney unrolls his mat and sits on it, calmly watching Ned. He stares at Ned for a very
long time. Ned tries to be okay with the eye contact, but it makes him distinctly uncomfortable.
At last, Ned gets up and goes into the bathroom.

Rodney lights some incense. Ned comes back in and sees it, tries to silently explain to Rodney
that it is against the rules. Ned becomes more and more upset at this violation. Rodney nods
calmly but does nothing.

Ned’s rage is growing. Rodney begins to OM. Rodney is really agitating him. The incense is
really agitating him.

Finally, he goes into the bathroom for a cup of water. He comes back and quietly drops
Rodney’s incense sticks in the water.

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Ned spills the water accidentally. Then he gets a towel and cleans everything up.

Rodney cracks his eyes. Looks at Ned for a very, very long time. Then just smiles and goes
back to meditating.

Ned sits on his bed, reading his packet. After a moment. Rodney pauses in his meditating to
turn out the light, without asking Ned. Ned sits on his mat, fully clothed and furious.

Alicia and Jan’s Room

Jan enters first and starts to neatly arrange his things. After a moment, Alicia enters with an
enormous amount of luggage. (And a very large bag of snacks from Zabar’s.)

She stares at Jan. He is a man. She is a woman. He does not seem bothered by this. She
checks the room assignment in her packet. Then she looks at the room assignment in his
packet. She tries to convey to him that there must be a mistake but then gives up because fixing
this issue would require talking.

She goes outside and dials her phone.

During this time, Jan puts away his things and undresses. He sets up his things including a
small framed photograph. Then he sets up Alicia’s things for her.

ALICIA
(into phone, quietly) Is this the front desk? Well, can I leave a message? No, I just want to leave
a message. (a pause, now speaking to someone new) Hi, I know, I’d like to leave a message. I
don’t know, just a message about — (a long pause) Yes, hi, I’m trying to leave a message. A
message? A message? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Fine. No. Forget it.

Frustrated, she hands up and goes back into the room, where Jan now has his shirt off. He is
utterly unselfconscious. She is the opposite.

Jan kisses the photograph gently and props it up by his mat. Alicia doesn’t see because she is
hiding under her covers in her coat and all of her clothes, sort of like a homeless person. Jan
tries to give her a friendly good-night wave and turns the lights out.

In All Rooms

Now everyone’s lights are out and there is darkness, except for the light from Alicia’s iPhone,
which casts a small glow from under her blankets.

She is texting and eating chips. She’s trying to be quiet, but the harder she tries, the more they
make a loud crunch. Jan stirs. Finally, she stops.

The sound of the drip. The sound of a rustling in the woods. The sound of somebody — it’s
Joan, although that may not be obvious — softly crying.

At last, the sun comes up. One by one, the students awake. Rodney does a yoga pose. Ned
packs his things. Alicia checks her phone. They all head to the next lecture.

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DAY TWO

Everyone sits again in the great hall.

The rain has stopped but there is still some dripping. The sounds of birds coming out, happy
about the sunlight.

Ned has found a way to sit next to Alicia, who is furiously writing down her dream from the night
before. He has a notebook, but no pen.

Joan and Judy are sitting together, sipping form identical thermoses. Joan reads one of the
meditation books she brought.

Rodney is doing a morning meditation. Jan sees a bug on Rodney and smacks him. Rodney
has no idea what to make of that, but from now on, he does not like Jan.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Good morning.

NED
Good morning.

Everyone looks at him. He enters a horrible shame spiral.

VOICE OF TEACHER
What a. Beautiful day. How did everyone sleep?

Everyone looks pretty sore from sleeping on the mats, actually. Are they supposed to answer?
Does someone give a thumbs-up? Does Alicia want to complain about the roommate situation
but can’t? A snorty laugh into the microphone.

VOICE OF TEACHER
I had the strangest dream. About a — what are those called — they cut grass? A lawnmower?
Yes. I dreamt that a lawnmower was… (long pause) Mowing a lawn. How did I get on to that? (a
snorty laugh) Where was I? I must admit to you now that…I have no plan. I have no idea.
What’s going to happen here. Perhaps you are the teacher. And I am the student. You see?

You think you have come here to listen to me. But really you have only come here to meet.
Yourself.

Not your “story.” Not your “biography.” But your true self.

Your brilliance, your juiciness, your spiciness, your grudges, your resentment, your
enlightenment. It is all right here. Already. All you have to do is. Listen.

The sound of the teacher’s throat clearing. The sound of a sip of tea.

VOICE OF TEACHER
That is the point of…This silence. In case you were wondering —

A massive SNEEZE into the microphone. It sounds like a terrible explosion. Everyone is
terrified.

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 VOICE OF TEACHER
I have to apologize. I seem to be battling a bit of. A cold.

Sniffling into the microphone. Judy tries not to laugh. Joan gives her a dirty look, which only
makes Judy’s laughing worse.

VOICE OF TEACHER
In you. There is everything you need. To be fully human.

Alicia writes down “FULLY HUMAN” in huge letters.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Are these just words?

Rodney shakes his head, anticipating the answer.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Yes.

Rodney is embarrassed to have gotten that wrong. Ned smirks triumphantly.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Just stories. Fantasies. Of your own mind.

What is the story you have invented? About what is around you, or in you, right now?

You will hear people tell their story: “My divorce made me stronger.” Or, “It was only when I lost
everything that I found myself.” Or, “I did not know who I was until I got cancer.”

Suddenly Joan bursts into tears. Everyone notices.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Feelings come. And go. They go. They pass. As all things. Always. Do.

Joan cries more. Judy looks embarrassed. Clearly there is something going on between these
two. Everyone is intrigued. Ned passes a packet of tissues to Joan, who rejects them. The
tissues travel back to Ned, who passes them back toward Joan again. This continues for some
time.

Finally, Rodney takes the tissues and puts the under his seat.

VOICE OF TEACHER
They pass.

So. As I was saying…To begin.

We shall each set our intention for the week. This is a mantra. Your private wish. A hope for
yourself.

It may be a desire, “May all beings be free of fear and suffering.” It may be a reminder,
“Embrace what is.” It may be a kind of prayer, “May I be free of suffering.” Or it may. Simply be.
A color. “Green.”

Joan cries. Judy laughs. Jan falls over in his sleep.

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 VOICE OF TEACHER
And so, if you would each take. The blank piece of paper from your packet. Hopefully you have
brought. Something to write with. Remember? Pencil and paper? Now everyone has these —
what are they called? Pads. Pods. Computers. Do you know, computers? Yes. The buzzing and
beeping. It’s so. Strange. I recently obtained. Email. It is very. Convenient.

Joan nods like, “Yes it is.” Ned has no pen. He ties to raise his hand. He is ignored.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Now. Go ahead. Write your intention.

Everyone else rifles through their bags to find their packets, their papers, their pencils. They
each think and write. Their intentions are all different in length. Jan can’t understand what he is
supposed to be writing about, but he starts to write anyway. Alicia scribbles very loudly with ten
exclamation points and all-caps and then is done. She gobbles a few pieces of gum. The
students who are finished silently repeat their intentions, some mouthing the words.

VOICE OF TEACHER
When you are finished. Repeat it—silently—to yourself.

Repeat it in silence. Don’t move your mouth. In your mind.

They stop moving their mouths.

VOICE OF TEACHER
That’s it. You should all be finished by now. Please. Stop writing.

Everyone stops writing except for Jan. Judy touches Jan’s arm. He nods, smiles, and keeps
writing. At last, she gently stops him by putting her hand on his. He takes her hand back and
now they’re holding hands. He tries to hold Rodney’s, and Rodney shakes his head, annoyed.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Now close your eyes. And return. To the stillness. Of who you are.

They all try to do this. Some peeking.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And breathing in. Breathing out. Breathing in. Breathing out.

15
IN THE WOODS: Jan/Joan/Judy

Jan is sitting, working on his intention. He is very bothered by the mosquitos.

Joan and Judy walk together, trying to find the lake. Joan sees another hawk and tries to show
Judy. Judy tries to look interested but really couldn’t care less. She waves “hey” to Jan. He
waves back.

Suddenly Joan and Judy realize they are lost. They silently disagree about which way to go.

Finally, Joan realizes this communication is probably breaking the rules and takes a deep
breath. She puts away her map, makes a decision, and heads off in a certain direction that she
senses intuitively is probably right.

Judy, about to follow, glances back at Jan with a look that says, “Women.” He smiles, shakes
his head, and swats a mosquito, with a look that says, “Mosquitos.” He might even make some
gesture for, “Aggravated!”

Judy laughs. She checks to see if she can loan him bug spray from her bag but she doesn’t
have it.

Judy walks off, a bit stiffly. Jan watches her go, his face registering concern.

AT THE LAKE: Ned/Rodney/Alicia

Alicia is waving her phone around, trying to find a signal. Finally, she does, and she sits,
furiously texting, making adjustments to her intention, and snacking. Ned enters, looking at his
blank piece of paper. After a moment, Ned gets up his courage to non-verbally ask her for a
pen. She thinks he wants snacks. He clarifies. She obliges. She has a lot of options to choose
from.

Ned picks one.

He thinks and writes his intention as she watches him. Then she realizes she’s prying and looks
away. Then he says, “No it’s okay,” and shows it to her. She is very moved by it. He non-verbally
tells her she has beautiful eyes.

She laughs. He feels embarrassed, but also happy to have made her laugh. They stare into
each other’s eyes for a long moment. Then Rodney comes in. Ned is not happy about this and
waves, like, “You can keep walking, dude.”

Rodney thinks Ned is suggesting they swim. He enthusiastically undresses completely. Alicia,
excited by the idea, undresses down to her underwear.

They both run off to jump in the lake, shrieking at the freezing water.

Ned is alone. He agonizes over what to do, pacing furiously. Finally, he decides to follow. He
self-consciously undresses down to his briefs, careful not to remove his hat.

He heads off to the lake. As soon as he hits the water, Rodney and Alicia get out. Alicia begins
to towel off. Rodney follows.

16
Alicia spots something in the woods that could be a bear. Terrified, she points frantically in its
direction, making gestures that mean “bear.” Rodney looks where she’s pointing. Ned gets out
of the water and also looks.

Alicia backs away and quickly runs off.

RODNEY
(yells in direction of “bear,” trying to make himself larger) NOOOOOOOOOO!

After a moment, Joan and Judy come out of the woods, where everyone thought the “bear” was.
They have found the lake. They have also found Rodney and Ned. Joan laughs and runs off to
swim in the lake, putting down her bag.

Ned runs off, very embarrassed. Utterly unselfconscious, Rodney slowly picks up all of his
things, item by item, dropping them several times. Judy helps him.

At last, he goes.

Judy watches Joan swim. After a moment, she picks up Joan’s things to follow. Joan’s intention
accidentally falls out on the ground. Judy picks it up and reads it. Her face changes. She sits on
the ground.

17
NIGHT TWO: Question and Answer

Ned stands in the great hall. He clears his throat a little.

NED
Hello. Thank you for taking my question. First I want to thank my fellow — retreaters — for the
great questions everyone’s brought up so far. I know it’s only been a few days, but my mind is
like — (Makes a gesture for “blown”) So…

He clears his throat again. Laughs self-consciously. Nobody else does.

NED
On that note, I can’t really stand here without acknowledging…Wow. You’ve changed my life. I
just, I love your books and podcasts, and, and it’s an honor to be standing here. In front of you. I
basically think you’re a total rock star, so…I kind of wanted to put that out there.

Um…So, where to begin.

My question is sort of…Big. It’s, well, you know how — there’s the planet. Earth. And then
there’s — okay, you know what, let me back up for a second here — I promise not to give you
my life story. But…Just to give you a tiny little bit about where I’m coming from — I’ve always
been an outdoor enthusiast? Then — quick sidebar — about four and a half years ago, I fell
while rock climbing and shattered my skull in eight places. I just have, you know, it looks…
(gestures to his head) Without the hat, you can tell.

I survived — obviously — which was pretty much a miracle, truly, although I still have trouble
remembering certain things. Like the day of the week sometimes — which I think is pretty
common right? And how I like my coffee — which can be more, you know, not that it’s a big
deal. That’s generally, like, an easy process of trial and error.

Anyway, cutting to the chase, I was in the hospital for about two years, on and off, during which I
lost my job at a major marketing firm — and also my wife started sleeping with my little brother,
although of course I wasn’t aware of it at the time. Then the week I got out of the hospital I was
the victim of an armed robbery in which they took you know, my wallet, credit cards, social
security card, which led to my identity being stolen, even though I wasn’t aware of that at the
time either, but later, after my house burned down — um, long story — I became aware that I
have bad credit due to the identity theft and also some loans that I look out for my brother who
is a recovering heroin addict and also a “musician”. I gave him the money before I knew he was
sleeping with my wife, obviously. (A moment to recover)

So yeah, I got divorced. Then both of my parents died, six months apart. I started drinking. I had
thoughts of suicide that were, well pretty much constant? Then, another miracle, I got in the
program, got sober, stopped wanting to kill myself — but after that, ironically, my sponsor killed
himself — by walking into traffic on the Long Island Expressway. That was last year. The same
thing actually happened to my dog. Hit by a car, I mean. That was a month later. I don’t mean to
equate the two. I just think it’s weird, the, like, synchronicities and patterns and stuff that are
everywhere, you know, if you look for them.

I have my health. Except for the intermittent short-term memory loss. Which, given everything,
may actually be a blessing.

And, right, as I was saying, I got a new job — well, it’s volunteer, for now — at this place
Earthwatch, it’s an environmental — and it’s just that, at Earthwatch it’s just like, become very
clear that…With what’s happening…With the planet.

18
 It’s not good.

I mean, everyone knows, like, about the ice in the Arctic.

And water levels, hello.

And the Great Barrier Reef is like, the coral, so many species — in some places they’re already
pretty much gone.

And they just confirmed another species — the first mammal — it’s a, like, just a rodent — but
still — it’s gone. And pretty soon? With the flooding and the droughts? And these crazy new
superstorms? And fires and mass starvation and dislocation…We’re all going to be gone. And
that’s if we don’t kill each other first with, you know — wars and guns and I mean, my point is …
It really is the end of the world. At least as we know it.

So much suffering is in store. It just is. And the truth is, it may be too late — I mean, it probably
already is too late to do anything about it.

So, anyway, my intention is just to breathe and find peace with all of this? But I mean, I keep
thinking that maybe we shouldn’t be at peace…because to be at peace in a world that’s…at
war…just seems…wrong?

Sorry.

Or like…This is probably just my ego talking. If I could just stay present and, you know, wake up
to enlightenment…Maybe I would understand that…That…None of this matters, but…

I think I’m not really. I think I’m…I think I’m…Wondering…Given everything…You know,
everything…

He suddenly looks very lost.

NED
What was my question?

Under his breath, but the microphone just barely picks it up:

NED
Shit.

19
DAY THREE

The students rush in with mats and sit on the floor. By now they’re starting to look a little bit
dazed. Something is clearly very wrong between Joan and Judy, but Joan has no idea what it is.
Jan is extremely itchy and tired.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Did we not hear about the room change? Hurry up. Come on please. (To someone next to him)
What was that? Yes. (Back to the students) IT WAS IN THE PACKET.

They all feel very strongly that it was not in the packet, but nobody says so.

VOICE OF TEACHER
There you go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

An exhale, deciding to rise above.

VOICE OF TEACHER
How is everyone? I am feeling much better, thank you. They gave me this…cold and sinus
medicine. I think it is called — what is it called?

They have no idea. Nor do they give a shit.

VOICE OF TEACHER
A little blue one? It’s a little…Blue…

They still have no idea.

VOICE OF TEACHER
At any rate. It is. Miraculous. Perhaps the key to. Enlightenment. (A snorty laugh) Is cold
medicine.

More laughing. The teacher thinks this is hilarious. The laugh turns into a cough.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Excuse me. We are. In a different room.

They all look around. Yes, this is true.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And so. The next step. Is. Aligning our intention with…Our actions. We have our intention. Did
everyone bring. Their intention.

They all did, except for Joan, who searches for hers. Alicia checks her phone, sends an angry
text, puts it away. Joan cannot find her intention. A long silence, during which Jan curls up into a
fetal position.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Hmmm. As we say in my tradition…”Oh well.”

Joan laughs, happy to be singles out and in on the joke. After a moment, Judy silently passes
Joan’s intention to her. Joan is immediately horrified that Judy found and read whatever she
wrote. Judy passive-aggressively stares straight ahead as if nothing is happening, unwilling to
meet Joan’s eyes.

20
 VOICE OF TEACHER
Perhaps now is the time to say a few words about pain. Mmmm. You have come here because
you hope I can help with that, no? When we feel pain, we take our PAIN KILLERS. I will KILL my
PAIN. My pain will be dead. And I will live “pain free.”

If this is what you want, I can do nothing to help you. If you want to avoid pain. It is impossible.

Joan gets up and leaves.

VOICE OF TEACHER
In Tibet, my teacher used to make us meditate in what they called a…Charnel Ground. It is a
burial land above ground — limbs, and eyeballs and intestines everywhere. Because that is a
metaphor for… Life. A charnel ground. It is what it is. Not that we would like it to be.

Through the microphone, the teacher’s phone rings.

VOICE OF TEACHER
I’m so sorry. I — I have to take this.

Nobody quite knows what to do for a while. Jan stands up to go — but Judy lets him know it’s
not over. Alicia starts to journal and silently cry. Ned passes her a small pack of tissues. She
looks at him with immense gratitude and blows her nose, tries to return the used tissue. He tells
her to keep it. At last, the teacher returns.

VOICE OF TEACHER
I greatly apologize…I would never normally have a telephone — I don’t even own one of these
things, this belongs to my assistant. I’m — having an issue — believe me if it were not an
extremely unusual circumstance, an extreme circumstance, I would never — (his phone rings
again) Oh god. I’m so very sorry…This is…It’s…I’m sorry.

The microphone clicks off again. Everybody looks perturbed.

Joan and Judy’s Room:

Judy is packing a bag of things. After a moment, Joan comes in.

JOAN
I just really —

Could we —

Could you —

Please —

Just.

Judy stops. Looks at her. Not saying a word.

What are you doing? We’re not leaving — come on. This is so — stupid.

Joan searches for words. Judy waits.

21
 I didn’t write that for you to see it — it’s a stupid — it’s not even real — it’s not what I meant —
It’s that I want to be free of YOU, I just … (a pause)

I went for a walk, I cleared my head. I feel so much better. I think I was just, it’s been so hard for
so long. Since even before — you got sick —

It’s hard on me too. At home, it’s, you know, and then I go to work and I mean, I sit there all day,
like, absorbing my clients —

Listening to their fucking problems and I have no way to —

I am up to my eyeballs. I am — you are not the only one this is happening to.

And sometimes…I just want to tell everyone to go FUCK THEMSELVES.

Joan exhales. Judy says nothing.

Okay, you’re right, let’s go — let’s go — check into a hotel. There’s got to be a cute B&B in town.
Order some room service, bottle of wine, see what’s On Demand…

Who needs enlightenment, let’s have merlot.

Joan tries to laugh. Judy does not.

Please. I can’t stand this, I can’t —

Judy walks to Joan. She hands her the packed bag. And the car keys. And it’s suddenly clear
that Judy was packing a bag for Joan. And kicking her out.

(Quietly) I can’t stand this.

Joan turns and leaves. Judy sits on her mat. Numb. Stunned. Alone, she opens her mouth and
makes a small sound, just testing the walls. Another one. Another. It sounds sort of like, “Ahhh.
Ahhh. Ahhh.” She stays there, continuing to make sounds as the time passes and day becomes
night.

22
NIGHT THREE

Judy’s Room

Judy is still making her small mouth sounds. “Aaaaah. Aaaaah. Aaaaah.”

At last, she remembers her secret stash of medicinal marijuana. Smokes. There is a knock a the
door. She starts to wave the smoke away, worried she’ll get caught by somebody. Then the door
opens on its own. Jan is standing there. He offers her some food he smuggled out of the dining
hall.

He comes in and sits on Joan’s mat.

They look at each other. Jan shows her all of his bug bites. He’s almost crying about it. She
hands him her pipe.

He looks at the pipe and takes a very long hit.

Jan takes off his shoes. Takes the small framed photograph out of his backpack and shows it to
Judy. Judy looks at the photo.

JUDY
Cute. How old is he?

Jan nods in a way that makes it clear that the child in the photograph is no longer with us. Judy
seems to understand.

Oh. I’m sorry.

JAN
Shhh.
(Then, to the photograph) Shhh.

For a moment, the silence is nice because there’s nothing really to say. She takes her pills. He
lies down on his bed. She lies down on hers. Somebody exhales, and it sounds much louder
than you might expect.

Ned and Rodney’s Room

Alicia stands just outside the door, holding the pack of tissues from Ned. She coughs, hoping
Ned will hear. Inside, Ned is asleep. He rolls over in bed.

NED
(sleep-talking) … Ask Charlies to come fold the laundry …

Alicia coughs again. At last, Rodney comes outside. He offers to give the tissues back to Ned,
but she stops him. Needing something. Clearly on the edge of despair. He helps her breathe,
adjusting her shoulders, ribs, and diaphragm. Slowly their yogic breathing becomes sexual,
building towards a mutual understanding.

They kiss. Look around for a place to have sex. Having sex in front of the cabin seems like a
terrible idea. Rodney leads her off into the woods.

The sounds of sex from the woods.

23
After a moment, Ned wakes up and comes outside. He hears the sound of rustling and grunting
from the woods. He’s afraid it’s a bear again. But then he realizes it’s Rodney and Alicia. He
listens to them have sex. He can’t help it.

The sounds of the night. Stranger and stranger. Sex. Woods. An exhale. Jan’s light, soft
snoring.

From somewhere, the hungry growl of a bear.

Ned considers whether to warn Rodney and Alicia, then runs back inside.

The sex and bear sounds reach a climax.

24
DAY FOUR

Ned, Judy, and Jan sit. Ned is feeling destroyed and disgusted with himself. He’s looking around
for Alicia, who is nowhere to be found. Jan and Judy look a little bit stoned. They are eating
snacks. The teacher’s voice has faded to a whisper.

VOICE OF TEACHER
… When we reach our limit. When we come to the edge of the unknown. When we stand on the
shore of the vast ocean. When we meet our match in the form of a rain dog, or a lion, or a bear.
When we meet our self, and we see that we are not at all the way we thought… We can either
freeze in fear. We can die, like the well frog. Or we can run away, back to our comfort zone, take
drugs, have sex, eat food, watch television, drink alcohol. Or we can stay.

And to answer the question of the young man in the hat —

Rodney comes in.

VOICE OF TEACHER
(Clearly a bit irked) Yes please, come in. Sit down. I was just speaking about how to stay —

Alicia comes in.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Come in, sit down, it’s all right.

Joan comes in, clearly having spent the night somewhere else but resolved to finish out the
workshop. She looks refreshed. She’s showered, is wearing lipstick, and holding the New York
Post and a coffee from Starbucks. Everyone looks envious.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Can I just ask — no I’m sorry — I have to ask this… Why are you people… Late?

I have to acknowledge the fact that it’s… It’s extremely disrespectful. I’m not up here talking for
my — I’m not up here just, you know, I don’t exactly love the feeling that I’m, you know, pissing
into the wind up here.

They all stare.

Oh god. I’m so very sorry. I’m so sorry. That was. Uncalled for. I’ve been having a bit of a…
Hard time myself I suppose.

I don’t normally carry a “cell phone.”

I don’t generally allow interruptions.

I try… I try to, how you do say it, “Practice and preach.” Talk the talk. Walk the walk. Oh… It’s
just that… I have to share with you. I must pause to tell you…

My father. Is dying.

I can… I must sit with that.

A pause. He breathes.

25
 He’s already not there anymore. And all I can think about now. Is all of the things I wish I had
said to him.

The silence. Ha.

And then I come here, and it’s just the same as every time I do one of these retreats, or lectures
or workshops. I have this feeling. That people…

You people. Come here. And listen. And take notes. And maybe a few of you actually even
observe. Silence.

And then you go back to your regular lives. Exactly. As you were. And that is. You can imagine.
That is… EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING.

A long beat. The teacher seems to be going through something very intense. The sound of
some kind of heavy breathing, perhaps a sob or two, and then a recovery — sniffling — into the
microphone. Everyone looks freaked out. Not the teacher is in a self-pity spiral.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Because then what am I doing? I’m wasting my time… I’m just up here talking and talking and it
all means nothing…

(Another recovery) So I ask you. No I beg you… Change. Somebody. Please. Change.

They all look at him, not sure how to take up that challenge. Rodney finds his wedding ring
where it was hanging amidst a necklace of charms. He puts it on his finger. Alicia sees this and
is disgusted. She throws her thermos of water in his face. Rodney, acting on impulse, violently
lunges at her. Everyone backs ups in fear, except for Ned, who heroically grabs Rodney and
holds him back. Joan tries to stand protectively un front of Judy, but Judy brushes Joan off and
heads out. Jan follows. After a moment, Joan exhales and goes too. Ned stays, holding Rodney,
as Rodney falls apart in his arms.

26
NIGHT FOUR

Outside and Inside

Alicia sits at the only spot in the woods with good cell reception, texting. Something especially
enraging comes through on her phone. She looks up. Looks at the woods. The stars. Finally,
she takes a breath… And DIALS. The phone rings. She gets the voicemail.

VOICEMAIL
(from phone) Hey, this is Fred. You know what to do.

A BEEP. Alicia says nothing, because she doesn’t know what to say. After a moment, a recorded
voice comes on.

RECORDED VOICE
(from phone) If you are satisfied with your message, press one. To erase and re-record, press
two —

Alicia presses two.

VOICEMAIL
(from phone) Hey, this is Fred. You know what to do.

Alicia opens her mouth as if to speak. Maybe she makes a small sound, or maybe she just
takes a breath. She changes her mind. Presses two.

VOICEMAIL
(from phone) Hey, this is Fred. You know what to do.

Alicia breaks down. It may or may not involve a non-verbal, guttural scream of rage — or a
silent scream — into her phone.

RECORDED VOICE
(from phone) If you are satisfied with your message, press one. To erase and re-record, press—

She presses two.

VOICEMAIL
(from phone) Hey, this is Fred. You know what to do.

She simply holds up her phone to capture the sounds of the night, which are becoming louder
and louder.

RECORDED VOICE
(from phone) If you are satisfied with your message, press one. To erase and re-record, press
two. To return to the main menu, press three. Sorry you’re having trouble. Please try again later.
Goodbye.

ALICIA
(thinks, then whispers) Goodbye.

She sits quietly, looking at the stars.

27
Joan and Judy’s Room

Judy is brushing her teeth and flossing carefully. Joan comes back in, holding the card keys and
the overnight bag she had packed.

JOAN
I—

JUDY
Shhh.

Joan makes a decision not to speak, because there’s nothing to say. They look at each other for
a long time. Judy silently invites Joan back inside. Joan unpacks her things.

Ned and Rodney’s Room

Rodney is recovering from his meltdown — doing some yoga or meditating. Ned comes in, not
wanting to make a big deal of what happened earlier. Rodney wants to apologize and thank
Ned, but he also does not want to interfere with Ned’s silence. Ned unpacks his backpack,
water bottle, etc. and notices something left between the pages of one of his books. One of
Rodney’s bracelets. A gift, left there by Rodney.

He looks at it. Thinks. And puts it on. Rodney watches, a little smile forming on his lips. They go
about their business.

Jan and Alicia’s Room

Jan is standing in the middle of the ransacked room, looking completely bewildered. Alicia
comes in. Jan can’t understand what has happened, since he didn’t understand the bear
warning in the welcome lecture. Alicia silently explains to him that it was a bear.

And now we see: Ned and Rodney coexisting peacefully, Judy and Joan sleeping. Alicia and
Jan are quietly cleaning.

A moment of complete, suspended silence. Nothing is happening. Until…

It starts to rain again. The sound of the rain is very loud and startlingly beautiful.

The students slowly begin to pack up their things in unison and quietly leave the stage, as the
voice of the teacher comes out of the rain…

VOICE OF TEACHER
This is the story of life. You are born. You are placed on a boat. And you sail out, into the middle
of the vast and beautiful ocean. And then…

The boat sinks.

Oh well.

If you can accept this truth, if you can stay with it. You may soon realize that in this complete
disaster, this charnel ground, this sinking ship…

You are not alone.

28
 And if you don’t believe me, well, (a small smile) you are not alone.

If you are scared of what’s to come, you are not alone.

If you are hungry, you are not alone. Deeply hungry. Or just wanting a bag of peanuts.

If you are full of regret, or hope, or desire. If you are homesick. If you miss your mother or father.
If you are in pain, in your hip, or your back, or your heart, or your bones.

You are not alone.

And if, after all this, all this, after accepting and sitting with this, you still feel alone? Well, I’m
sorry but… (a small, sly laugh)

You are not alone.

By now the stage is empty.

And… Breathing in. Breathing out.

29
DAY FIVE

The great hall. The students all sit in their chairs. They look much softer and more broken-in
than before.

VOICE OF TEACHER
…And so…As we come. To our last day…

A small. Ritual.

The element of fire touches what is eternal. May this be a reminder to touch the eternal in
ourselves as we find moments of silence. Of stillness. Of presence.

Now. If one of you would approach…

They all look a little bit scared. They look at each other to determine who it should be.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Sometime this year. I do have. A plane to catch.

Finally, they silently nominate Ned. He goes. He comes back with a brass bowl and some long
matches.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And now, begin. I shall accompany you. With one of my original. Compositions.

The teacher starts to play some kind of flute. Ned has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He’s
slightly worried that he’s supposed to set himself on fire. He tries to perform some kind of made-
up ritual, possibly involving some bowing or dancing. The music stops.

VOICE OF TEACHER
(slightly irritated) LIGHT THE MATCH.

Ned does, but now has no idea what’s next.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And now. Your hope. Your plan. Your fear. Your deepest prayer. Your. Intention.

Ned awkwardly finds his intention, still holding the match.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Shall be. Transmuted. By the eternal fire…

Ned at last understands he’s supposed to burn his intention in the bowl. He lights it.

VOICE OF TEACHER
And vanish from this earth…
A new thought.

VOICE OF TEACHER
As shall. We all. (Quietly, with sadness) As shall. We all.

Softly, the music begins again. One by one, each of the students approaches the fire and burns
their intention. Joan is there, but can’t bring herself to burn her intention. At the end, they stand,

30
holding hands and listening to the music. Without letting go, Jan raises his hands in celebration,
and they all follow suit.

VOICE OF TEACHER
Thank. You.

The microphone shuts off. Was that it? Can they speak? They are not sure. They all seem
extremely dazed. Like new babies. They are quiet for a very long time. Then Ned clears his
throat.

NED
Is everyone — does anyone know, like, what time we’re supposed to be out of here?

A pause.

RODNEY
I think after lunch. I think there’s one more lunch.

ALICIA
There’s no more lunch.

Alicia gathers her things.

JUDY
(walks up to Jan) I just wanted to say…

She pauses, no idea how to express what she feels.

It was nice — meeting you. And… Here’s my card, in case, if you want to — if you wanted to —
stay in touch.

Just hands him the card. Jan looks at it. He shakes his head.

JAN
No… English.

JUDY
What?

JAN
No English. So sorry.

He laughs about it a little.

She does not.

JAN
Ei Englantia.

JUDY
Oh.

JAN
Olen pahoillani.

31
 JUDY
Oh. Oh. Ohhhh.

With no way to ever speak with Jan, Judy is suddenly devastated for reasons she doesn’t fully
understand. Jan feels terrible, but he’s not entirely sure what to do.

Joan goes up to Judy. Puts a hand on her back.

JOAN
Come on.

Everyone watches as slowly, Judy and Joan go out together. Ned starts to go as well.

NED
Okay. So. Bye.

ALICIA
(to Ned) Hey. Um…You. Hat guy.

NED
Ned.

ALICIA
Ned? Okay. Do you have a car?

NED
Oh, um, actually, I took the bus?

ALICIA
Yeah? Me too.

NED
Really?

ALICIA
Yeah.

Alicia snaps a quick photo of the bowl with her phone. They start to walk off together.

ALICIA
Where are you heading?

NED
Oh, um. Long Island City?

ALICIA
No way. My cousin’s out there. I’m staying with him actually — he’s taking care of my stuff and
my cat —

NED
What kind of cat do you have?

32
 ALICIA
He’s just, like, a rescue — he has leukemia actually.

NED
I’m so sorry.

ALICIA
Yeah. It’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But, you know.

NED
I have birds.

ALICIA
Birds, like, that fly around kind of birds?

NED
(laughs) Yeah. My ex got the house and the kids, I got the birds —

They laugh together as they go off.

ALICIA
That seems fair.

NED
Yeah, yeah, exactly…

And they’re gone. The sound of their voices fades away. Rodney looks around. There is nobody
left except for Jan, who smiles. Rodney awkwardly smiles back, wanting a fresh start.

RODNEY
How’s it going?

Jan nods.

RODNEY
Cool.

Rodney thinks, not sure what to say.

RODNEY
Well… Take care, man…

Rodney starts to go. Jan stops him.

JAN
Please. Oh?

RODNEY
Oh what?

JAN
Oh? … Oh?

RODNEY
(getting it) Yes. It’s o-ver. You should pack up and get out of here. O-ver.

33
 JAN
Oh. Ohhhh.

Jan is still holding on to Rodney.

RODNEY
O-ver. Over. No more. Yes. So, good luck. I got — my wife’s waiting to pick me up, in the
parking lot. So, yeah, I have to… I have to go.

At last, Rodney goes. Jan sits alone, contemplating the universe. A silence.

JAN
Oh. Oh. O… shhhun.

A great, painful realization.

JAN
Ocean. Ocean.

He silently waits for the next lecture to begin.

34