Why him? Why her?

Brain chemicals that divide us into four personality

groups are the key to finding perfect love…
By Louse Atkinson
22 Feb 2011

Who knows why Brad Pitt chose Angelina Jolie over Jennifer Aniston or why Helena
Bonham-Carter prefers to live in a separate house to her long-term partner Tim
Burton?
The course of true love is a complex combination of personality, circumstance,
upbringing and timing, but an eminent U.S. anthropologist claims to have uncovered
a key secret to why some relationships work and others prove to be a little more
tricky.
After 30 years of studying the science of romantic love, Dr Helen Fisher is convinced
that attraction is closely linked to the chemistry of your personality type and how it
matches — or clashes — with that of your chosen partner.

Dr Fisher’s research indicates we can be divided into four very different personality
types — explorers, builders, directors and negotiators — based on the way our body
produces and reacts to the brain chemicals dopamine and serotonin, and the
hormones testosterone and oestrogen.
If dopamine tends to dominate your personality, she believes you will have a
tendency to seek novelty. People in this group are termed explorers.
When serotonin dominates, the guiding personality traits tend to be calmness,
loyalty, a fondness of rules and facts, and order. Because this group tend to be
skilled at building social networks, she calls this group builders.
 Those with high levels of testosterone (whether male or female) fall into a section
called directors because they are direct, decisive, tough-minded, exacting and good
at strategic thinking.
Finally, personalities dominated by the hormone oestrogen (again, this affects men
and women) are dubbed negotiators because they are highly imaginative and
empathetic, with great verbal and social skills as well as being adept at connecting
disparate facts.
Dr Fisher believes we are all a combination of two personality types, but one will
dominate, influencing our behaviour — including our choice of mate.

She says the success or failure of any relationship will depend to a great extent on
how our dominating personality traits match, meet or clash with those of our
partner.
‘There will always be magic to love, but knowledge is power,’ says Dr Fisher. ‘If you
know who you are, what you seek and how you and others love, you can capture
that magic, find and keep real love, and make your dreams come true.’

Find your personality type...

Use Dr Fisher’s quiz to identify your two dominant personality traits, determine who
is your best match and why your relationships do — or don’t — work...
Read the statements and give them marks depending on whether you strongly
disagree (zero), disagree (one), agree (two), or strongly agree (three).
Then add up your total score for each section. The two top scores indicate your
primary and secondary personality types.

EXPLORER
1. I like unpredictable situations.
2. I act on the spur of the moment.
3. I get bored with familiar things.
4. I have a wide range of interests.
5. I am more optimistic than most.
6. I am more creative than most.
7. I am always looking for new experiences.
8. I am always doing new things.
9. I am very enthusiastic.
10. I am willing to take risks.
BUILDER
1. I like consistent routines.
2. I respect authority.
3. I consider every option thoroughly before making a plan.
4. I enjoy planning a long way ahead.
5. I follow rules.
6. Taking care of my possessions is a high priority for me.
7. My friends and family would say I have traditional values.
8. I am meticulous in my duties.
9. I tend to be cautious.
10. People should behave in ways that are morally correct.
 DIRECTOR
1. I understand complex machines.
2. I enjoy competitive conversations.
3. I am intrigued by rules that govern systems.
4. I am analytical and logical.
5. I pursue intellectual topics.
6. I solve problems without emotion.
7. I like figuring out how things work.
8. I am tough-minded.
9. I enjoy a strong debate.
10. I've no trouble making choices.
NEGOTIATOR
1. I like to know my friends’ feelings.
2. I highly value emotional intimacy.
3. I listen to my heart on decisions.
4. I frequently daydream.
5. I can change my mind easily.
6. After watching an emotional film, I feel moved by it hours later.
7. I have a vivid imagination.
8. I am very empathetic.
9. I get lost in my thoughts.
10. I feel emotions very deeply.

EXPLORERS
GOOD TRAITS: Explorers are flexible and generous with money, time and ideas.
They are willing to take risks to enjoy new, intense and exhilarating adventures, and
can be impulsive and uninhibited.
BAD TRAITS: Their desire for adventure can lead to philandering.They tend to
divorce more regularly than others.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Use your creativity to bond with a negotiator, be patient
with a builder, ignore competitive comments from a director and if you meet
another explorer, revel in the excitement of finding a true playmate.
BUILDERS
GOOD TRAITS: Builders are pillars of society. Loyal and conscientious, they are
conventional with a high sense of duty, respectability and proper moral conduct.
BAD TRAITS: They feel they have a ‘right’ way of doing things, which can appear
stubborn.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: With an explorer, contain your questions. Ignore a
director’s tendency to make quick decisions. Talk about yourself with a negotiator.
Another builder will appreciate you for who you are.
DIRECTORS
GOOD TRAITS: Directors are tough-minded and independent. They seek
‘intelligence’ in a mate.
BAD TRAITS: They can be outspoken and blunt, and are not particularly sociable.
They can shun emotional connections with their love ones.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Enjoy exploring ideas with an explorer. Let a negotiator
examine all the angles of a discussion. Answer the builder’s questions. And if you’re
with another director, don’t neglect love.
NEGOTIATORS
GOOD TRAITS: Negotiators are unassuming, agreeable and intuitive. They love
people and want to be liked. They are considerate, forgiving and diplomatic.
 BAD TRAITS: They may be susceptible to depression. When betrayed, a negotiator
can be unforgiving.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: If you’re dating an explorer, don’t take their charm
seriously until you’re sure they’re interested in you. Remember that a builder is not
asking you questions in order to criticise you. If you’re with a director, get to the
point. If you’re dating another negotiator, avoid endless analysis of the relationship.
SO ARE YOU TRULY COMPATIBLE?
In a study of nearly 30,000 people, Dr Helen Fisher has confirmed her belief that
serendipity has nothing to do with love — it is our biological temperament that
steers us towards a particular personality type as a romantic partner. Her study
found:
 Explorers are most likely to pick other explorers and least likely to choose directors.
 Builders are most likely to opt for other builders and least likely to settle with
negotiators.
 Directors are most likely to choose negotiators and least likely to fall for builders.
 Negotiators are most likely to choose directors. Female negotiators are least likely
to choose explorers. Male negotiators are least likely to choose builders.
 Statistically, explorers often have a tough time long-term with other explorers
(these sensation-seekers are more likely to divorce).
 The safe, loyal builder/builder combination is probably responsible for most of the
world’s 50-year marriages.
 Directors are tough-minded, direct, decisive, focused,
technically skilled and competitive — all traits many negotiators need. On the other
hand, negotiators are socially skilled, talented with words, mentally flexible and
compassionate — traits many directors need.
‘There is no bad match,’ says Dr Fisher. ‘Each type of partnership has different
strengths and weaknesses — and a different combination of essential traits.’