The Way She Speaks: Maternal Conversation Style and

Children’s Developing Autobiographical Memory and

Sense of Self
Insights for parents, teachers, and educators from research by Dr. Qi Wang, Associate
Professor in the Department of Human Development, Cornell University
Stacey Doan

R
esearch in Dr. Qi Wang’s laboratory
at Cornell University focuses on how
culture affects maternal interaction style
of memory sharing, which, in turn, influences
children’s developing understanding of self
and autobiographical memory (Wang, 2001,
2006; Wang, Leichtman, & Davies, 2000). In
the context of discussion, memories take on
personal meaning for the self as past events are
re-interpreted and re-evaluated. This process leads
to an understanding of the self in relation to the
physical and social world (Fivush, 2007). From
a socio-cultural perspective, Dr. Wang’s research
has identified cultural differences in the way that
mothers narrate and discuss past events with
their children. These differences have been linked
to cultural variations in children’s self-concept
and autobiographical memory. Specifically,
European mothers have been found to use a more Shared conversations of the past
elaborative child-centered approach which leads help children understand the socially
to more detailed autobiographical narratives, and accepted ways of narrating and
independent self concept, while Chinese mothers’
tend to use a more didactic, mother-centered evaluating one’s past experiences
approach, focusing on appropriate behaviors,
rules, and social obligations. culture, which essentially provides individuals
with certain frameworks that influence how the
The Socio-cultural Perspective individual is seen in relation to others. Based on
Vygotsky (1978), one of the most prominent this perspective, in discussion of past events with
psychologists of the century, argued that their children, mothers from different cultures
children’s development is embedded in the may have different goals regarding the purpose
everyday interactions between parent and of remembering, and these goals further influence
child. Social interaction, particularly language, the way in which they speak to their children.
is an important mechanism by which children For example, European American mothers’ use
learn to understand themselves. Furthermore, of high-elaborative conversation style has been
the socio-cultural perspective emphasizes the shown to be associated with their values regarding
idea that these interactions are influenced by an autonomous, individual identity (Wang, 2007).
Development of Children’s Ability to Participate in of the conversation and the talk surrounded the child’s
Reminiscing interests, preferences, opinions, and personal attributes
The process of sharing memories between mother and (Wang, 2001; Wang et al. 2000). In contrast, Korean
child begins early in development. As soon as children (Mullen & Yi, 1995) and Chinese (Wang, 2001; Wang et
become capable of using language to express themselves al. 2000) mothers often took a mother-centered approach,
they begin to participate in discussing past events with where the mothers set the direction for the conversation
caregivers. At about 18–20 months children can refer to and emphasized interpersonal relations, moral rules,
the immediate past, but at this stage they actually make and behavioral expectations. Child-centered approaches,
very few spontaneous, in-depth references to past events. where mothers scaffold, interact with the child, and
At about 20–36 months, children can provide simple elaborate on past events have been associated with a
responses to parents’ questions about the past. It is not variety of social emotional outcomes, including more
until about 3–5 years of age that children are able to detailed memories and coherent sense of an individual
engage in more detailed conversations about the past. self.
However, even at this age they rely on adults to scaffold,
or provide most of the structure and content. By the Effects of Maternal Reminiscing Style on Autobiographical
time children are about 5–6 years of age, they are able to Memory
independently provide increasingly rich narratives about The stylistic and content differences in mother–child
their past. memory sharing can have direct consequences for
children’s autobiographical memory operations. Shared
Cultural Differences in Maternal Reminiscing Style conversations of the past help children understand
Research of mother–child memory sharing has identified the socially accepted ways of narrating and evaluating
two distinct conversational styles (Fivush & Fromhoff, one’s past experiences as well as how to incorporate
1988; Fivush, Haden, & Reese, 2006). Mothers past experiences into one’s personal life story (Nelson
who engage their children in a “high-elaborative” & Fivush, 2004). High elaborative mothers in essence
conversational style frequently ask wh-questions (i.e., scaffold their children’s narrative abilities through the
where, when, what, who, how, why), provide feedback type of questions they ask and the information they
and encouragement, and supplement information provide. In addition, through evaluations and feedback,
whenever the child fails to respond. In contrast, mothers highly elaborative mothers indicate valuing their
who engage their children in a “low-elaborative” children’s participation. Finally, a child-centered approach
conversational style often repeat their pointed questions emphasizes the importance of individual experience;
without providing embellishment or feedback. While specifically the function of reminiscing becomes
these different conversational styles can vary within intertwined with the conceptualization of the self (Wang,
a single culture, cross-cultural studies have shown 2006, 2008).
that European American mothers are generally more
elaborative than Korean, Chinese, and Japanese mothers. Studies by Wang and colleagues have rendered
For instance, in studies of memory conversations between empirical support to these cross-cultural differences in
American and Chinese mothers and their 3-year-old autobiographical memory. When asked to recount their
children, Wang and colleagues (Wang, 2001, 2006; past experiences, European American preschool and
Wang, Leichtman, & Davies, 2000) found that American grade school children often provided more elaborate and
mothers often used a high-elaborative conversational detailed memory accounts than did Chinese and Korean
style, where they talked at length with their children children (Han, Leichtman, & Wang, 1998; Wang, 2004).
about the past event, supplemented children’s responses The American children also recollected more about
with rich and embellished information, and provided specific past events than the two groups of Asian children,
immediate feedback to encourage children’s participation. who recollected more about daily routines. Furthermore,
In contrast, Chinese mothers tended to use a low- American children referred more frequently to their
elaborative conversational style, where they directed the own roles, preferences, and emotions than did Chinese
conversations by posing and repeating factual questions, children, who talked more about other people rather
provided little detail and embellishment, and often carried than themselves in their memory narratives. Collectively,
out the conservation in didactic style. these findings suggest that the style that mothers use
and content that mothers focus on during memory
Furthermore, American mothers often took a child- conversations with their children may have enduring
centered approach, where the child was the focal point effects on children’s own memory operations.

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Interestingly, these cultural differences in children’s specific to the self. On the other hand, an interdependent
memory appear to extend to adulthood. In a study where self-construal constituted primarily by social roles
college-aged students were asked to report their earliest and obligations may place precedence on retaining
childhood memory, Wang (2001) found that Americans information important for maintaining social harmony
reported lengthy and specific accounts of memories that and understanding one’s relations to others (Mullen,
are self-focused and emotionally elaborated. Chinese, 1994; Wang, 2001; Wang, 2004).
on the other hand, reported brief accounts of memories
that are centered on general routines, are collective- Mothers in conversation with children emphasize
focused and emotionally neutral. In another study, Wang different components of the past. In socializing an
and Conway (2004) examined the autobiographical independent self-construal, Western mothers are more
memory of middle-aged adults who were each asked to likely to focus on the child’s internal states. Specifically,
recall 20 memories from any period of their lives. Not the child is encouraged to talk about and reflect on
surprisingly, Americans provided more memories of how they felt in a past event. Mothers ask about and
individual experiences and unique, one-time events that encourage children to express their opinions and
focused on their own roles and emotions, while Chinese concerns. Later on when children are able to speak about
provided more memories of social and historical events their own memories, they similarly have a self-focus,
that focused on social interactions and significant others. discussing their own internal states, preferences, and
Collectively, these findings suggest that cross-cultural feelings. Chinese mothers, on the other hand, are more
differences in autobiographical memory are evident early likely to focus on children’s behaviors, frequently discuss
in life and last through life. how their actions may influence other people, and bring
up social events rather than events personal to the child.
Self Development
In addition to autobiographical memory, mothers’ Tips for Parents and Child Educators
conversational style may influence a child’s self-concept. • Consider your goals before starting a discussion with
Autobiographical memory has been referred to as the your child. What aspects of the event do you think is
“extended self” or the “remembered self,” and is believed important for your child to remember? To what extent
to be closely intertwined with the self-concept (Conway do you think you should focus on the child’s thoughts,
& Pleydell-Pearce, 2000). While our self-concept shapes feelings, and desires or how their behavior has an
how we remember our experiences, our memories in turn influence on others?
help to define who we are. Importantly, the way that an
• Set aside a quiet time to discuss past events with your
individual comes to understand him- or herself is deeply
child. For younger children, events where both parent
rooted in the culturally prevailing views of selfhood. The
and child were present will allow parents to do more
promotion of individuality, self-expression, and personal
scaffolding and structuring of the conversation.
agency attributes that are prized in Western cultures, often
facilitates the development of an independently oriented • Consider the type of events you wish to discuss with
self that is well-bounded, separate, and distinct from your child and their implications. Selecting social
other people. In contrast, the promotion of communality, events would allow you to reflect on your child in
interpersonal harmony, and personal humility attributes relation with others, social norms, and behavioral
that are valued in East Asian cultures, often encourages expectations. Choosing a personal event would allow
the development of an interdependently oriented self that you to focus on your child’s experiences, thoughts, and
is fused within a complex web of relationships and social feelings relating to the event, and how this event may
networks. (Markus & Kitayama, 1991). influence the child’s perception about him/herself.
Cultural differences in the conceptions of self have • Discuss one-time, relatively novel events, rather than
long been documented to influence a wide array of daily repeated activities. Children sometimes have
psychological processes (Markus & Kitayama, 1991). difficulty teasing apart events that occur on a daily
Pertaining to the current analysis, differences in the basis.
cultural conceptions of self hold important implications
for memory. An independent self-construal, how the self • Ask a lot of “wh” questions (e.g., who, what, where,
is represented, focuses on the self as a unique entity with when, why). Provide answers when the child does not
particular qualities and attributes that would facilitate remember. Avoid repeating questions, or “looking” for
attention to and encoding of relevant information that is a right answer. Try not to create a test-like atmosphere.

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• You can choose to focus on the child’s thoughts Mullen, M., & Yi, S. (1995). The cultural context of
and feelings, by asking what they particularly liked, talk about the past: Implications for the development of
how they felt, and drawing out their thoughts. This autobiographical memory. Cognitive Development, 10,
type of conversational focus instills children with 407–419.
an autonomous, independent sense of self, and
elaborative autobiographical memory. Alternatively, Nelson, K., & Fivush, R. (2004). The Emergence
if your concern is for your child to understand of Autobiographical Memory: A Social Cultural
behavioral norms and social rules, focus on their Developmental Theory, Psychological Review, 111, 486–
specific behaviors, how their behaviors might have 511.
affected others, and what they would do differently or
Vygotsky, L. (1978). Interaction between Learning and
similarly. Conclude with “lessons learned.” This type
Development (pp. 79–91 in Mind in Society, M. Cole
of conversation aids children in focusing on the self in
trans.). Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press.
relation to others, and encourages an interdependent
self-concept. Wang, Q. (2001). “Did you have fun?” American and
Chinese mother–child conversations about shared
• Provide positive feedback when your child participates
emotional experiences. Cognitive Development, 16(2),
and be responsive to their contribution to the
693–715.
conversation.
Wang, Q. (2006). Relations of maternal style and child
• Most importantly, have fun and engaging
self-concept to autobiographical memories in Chinese,
conversations. Demonstrate to your child that you are
Chinese immigrant, and European American 3-year-olds.
invested and interested in their life!
Child Development, 77(6), 1794–1809.
Resources
Wang, Q. (2007). “Remember when you got the big, big
Dr. Qi Wang’s Social Cognition Website (http://www.
bulldozer?” Mother–child reminiscing over time and
human.cornell.edu/hd/socialcognition/index.cfm)
across cultures. Social Cognition, 25(4), 455–471.
References
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Fivush, R., & Fromhoff, F. A. (1988). Style and structure
Wang, Q., & Conway, M. A. (2004). The stories we keep:
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Development of this publication was supported by Smith Lever funds
Mullen, M. (1994). Earliest recollections of childhood: A
from the Cooperative State Research, Education, and Extension Service,
demographic analysis. Cognition, 52, 55–79.
U.S. Department of Agriculture. Any opinions, findings, conclusions, or
recommendations expressed here are those of the author(s) and do not
necessarily reflect the view of the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

For more information, visit the Human Development Outreach & Extension website where additional copies of this article and
many other resources are available: http://www.human.cornell.edu/hd/Outreach_extension/index.cfm
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