BROS

Written by
Billy Eichner & Nicholas Stoller

© 2022 UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

1 INT. BOBBY’S PODCASTING STUDIO - DAY 1

BOBBY LEIBER records his podcast. He’s surrounded by photos

with celebrities and media personalities, plus copies of his
book GAY LINCOLN and LGBTQ history books he’s written. He
livestreams to Instagram so Bobby talks straight TO CAMERA.

BOBBY
Hi everyone and welcome to
Bobbyland, the podcast where I,
your host Bobby Leiber, take you on
a journey through LGBTQ history
and, much more importantly, my own
problems and whatever I feel like
talking about. As always, Bobbyland
is brought to you by Bagel Drone.
And this is a big day because as of
today Bobbyland is available
exclusively on PODIFY and today wew
are celebrating one million
subscribers! First caller!

FIRST CALLER
Hi Bobby! Any plans for more
children’s books?

BOBBY
Not at the moment. As some of you
know, I wrote a children’s book to
help parents teach kids about gay
history, which no one bought. Turns
out four year olds don’t want to
hear a bedtime story about Martina
Navratilova.

SECOND CALLER
Bobby! Will we see you on TV again
soon? Love when you’re on MSNBC!

BOBBY
Yes! I’ll be all over promoting my
latest book, GAY LINCOLN, so tune
in - and don’t worry I won’t just
be talking about gay stuff, I’ll be
covering a wide variety of topics.

SMASH CUT: Bobby shouting on various cable news shows.

2 MSNBC: 2

BOBBY
ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS GAY!
 2.

3 CNN: 3

BOBBY
LEONARDO DiVINCI WAS GAY!

4 POD SAVE AMERICA: 4

BOBBY
JAMES DEAN WAS GAY!

A5 TODAY SHOW WITH HODA KOTB A5

BOBBY
INSPECTOR GADGET WAS GAY! Inspector
Gadget was a toxic, cis white gay
man. And, quite frankly, yet
another example of how for decades
Hollywood has glamorized law
enforcement!

5 BACK TO THE PODCAST... 5

THIRD CALLER
Bobby, I love you but I was
wondering if you had any thoughts
about the negative reaction to your
docuseries? It’s currently rotten
on Rotten Tomatoes.

BOBBY
Can I be honest? I don’t give a
shit about Rotten Tomatoes. I’ll
have the folks at Rotten Tomatoes
know that that Bobbyland will soon
be the first podcast to ever be
released on vinyl! And I finally
got the footage from my Queer Eye
audition! Check it out exclusively
on the Bobbyland app!

6 SMASH CUT: BOBBY’S QUEER EYE AUDITION. 6

A large bearded Southern straight guy stifles tears as he

looks in a mirror. The Queer Eye guys are all crying. Bobby
does not cry.

BOBBY
I’m sorry but I’m not sad. This is
just not sad. You gave him a
haircut and a pair of pants.
 3.

The Queer Eye guys shoot Bobby a dirty look. Bobby scrunches
his face and tries to cry, to no avail. He shrugs.

7 BACK TO THE PODCAST... 7

FINAL CALLER
Hi Bobby, this is Sarah. Whatever
happened with that movie you wrote?

BOBBY
Oh right. The movie.

8 CUT TO: Bobby pitching to THREE STRAIGHT EXECS - TWO MALE, 8

ONE FEMALE - WHO ARE NODDING ALONG, BUT CLEARLY GETTING MORE
AND MORE FREAKED OUT.

9 BACK TO THE PODCAST 9

BOBBY
These big movie producers came to
me and said “we want you to write a
rom com about a gay couple. But
something for everyone, something a
straight guy might even like and
watch with his girlfriend!” And I
said “Something a straight guy
might like?” Like what exactly? Am
I gonna be in the middle of some
high speed chase and then all of a
sudden fall in love with Ice Cube?
Am I gonna get buttfucked by the
Rock while we're both, I don’t
know, dealing with a volcano?” And
they said “We just want a movie
that shows the world straight and
gay relationships are the same.
Love is love is love.” And I said
“Love is love is love? No it’s not!
That’s bullshit! And I left.

FINAL CALLER
Why did you do that?

BOBBY
Because I don’t trust them. You
can’t trust these people. Honestly
it’s for the best. I’m not the
right person to write a rom com
anyway.
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 4.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
In exciting news, I remain very
horny and I’m being honored as the
Cis White Gay Man of the Year at
the LGBTQ Pride Awards tonight!

10 INT. - THE LGBTQ PRIDE AWARDS - STAGE 10

An NFL player is on stage accepting his award. It says OUT *

LGBTQ Athlete of the Year on the screen behind him. *

NFL PLAYER *
Being in the NFL I never thought I *
could come out. For years I had to *
suffer as a hot, ripped gay person *
living my life in private. But this *
last year has really shown me how *
amazing life can be when you are *
finally, publicly hot. *

The audience applauds. *

ANNOUNCER (V.O.) *
And now please welcome Emmy and *
Tony winner Kristin Chenoweth! *

Kristin Chenoweth walks onstage. *

KRISTIN CHENOWETH *
Good evening. What an honor for me *
to be here tonight. On my head *
tonight is a hat depicting the *
Stonewall Riots, where thanks to *
butch lesbians, trans women and *
especially trans women of color, *
the Queer Liberation movement *
began. And now, the award for Cis *
White Gay Man of the Year. Now, *
please welcome the winner of this *
year’s Cis White Gay Man of the *
Year Award, LGBTQ author, *
historian, and not just a podcast *
host but a self proclaimed “pod- *
cactivist” Bobby Leiber! *

Ancient hieroglyphics of two Egyptian men touching noses

appear on a screen behind her. An actual historic image.

BOBBY
Meet Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum,
the Bert and Ernie of Ancient
Egypt. Many scholars believe they
are the first recorded same-sex
couple in history!
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 4A.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Here we see them touching noses,
which represents kissing, the most
intimate physical contact allowed
in hieroglyphics. They were even
buried in the same tomb! Yet to
this day, there are historians who
refuse to accept these men were
lovers and insist they were
brothers instead.
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 5.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
They say we don’t have enough proof
they were in love and they focus on
their doubts. Thus began five
thousand years of gay love stories
erased from history! No history of
gay love affairs to teach us about
love and how to love each other. No
LGBTQ wing in the Natural History
Museum or the Smithsonian. No LGBTQ
wing in the Smithsonian but they
have Archie Bunker’s couch? Well,
this erasure ends today. I’m
thrilled to announce we are opening
the first National LGBTQ History
Museum!

11 INT. GOLD’S GYM 11

Bobby’s on a treadmill next to a hot, ripped guy named JOEL.

BOBBY (V.O.)
Because these Egyptian men weren’t
lovers! No! They were brothers!

JOEL
Whatcha listening to?

Bobby looks at his phone. It’s a Barbra Streisand song.

BOBBY
The Weeknd.

Bobby lies. He’s clearly not as confident as he puts on.

BOBBY (V.O.)
These two men weren’t boyfriends!
Of course not! They were just BROS!

PUSH IN ON THE HIEROGLYPHIC of the TWO MEN TOUCHING NOSES.

TITLES UP: BROS

Bobby works out in trendy new fitness classes:

12 A CROSSFIT CLASS - Bobby’s in ok shape but can’t keep up with 12

the other buff gay guys there.

13 TREADMILL CLASS - They run on treadmills. A buzzer goes off 13

and you have to run across the room and start chopping wood.

14 DON LEMON FITNESS CLASS - Bobby and DON LEMON wrestle each 14*
other to the ground.
 6.

15 OMIT SCENE 15

16 POGOTON CLASS - Bobby and a bunch of guys all jump around on 16

pogo sticks with touch TV screens attached to them. CODY
RIGSBY instructs.

17 WORLD WAR I CARDIO - Bobby and his best friend HENRY are both 17
in this class. Bobby runs down a trench, has to grab someone
who’s pretending he’s been shot, sling him over his shoulder
and run across “no man’s land.” Bobby falls, dropping the
guy. He watches as another guy, AARON SHEPARD, a handsome,
very built dude passes him and very quickly scales a large
rock climbing wall. Bobby rolls his eyes and mutters.

BOBBY
Climbing a mountain. What a useful
skill in Manhattan.

Henry is fixated on a very ripped hot shirtless guy with a

“perfect” body.

18 INT. BOBBY’S APT - LATER THAT AFTERNOON 18

Bobby scrolls through Grindr. He gets a message from a guy.

They text in the fake-jock/bro tone gay guys sometimes use
when texting on sex or dating apps to sound more masculine.

GRINDR GUY
HEY WHATS UP

BOBBY
HEY WHATS UP

GRINDR GUY
LOOKING? INTO?

Bobby types “Bottom” but deletes it and types “I’m

versatile.”

19 INT. GRINDR GUY'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 19

Bobby walks in. The guy takes off his clothes. Bobby takes
off his. No one speaks. The guy starts making out with Bobby
intensely. He pushes Bobby into bed and starts jerking off.
The guy leans over to finish on Bobby. Bobby grimaces. The
guy hands him “Frozen”-themed birthday napkins to wipe off.

BOBBY
Why do you have Frozen themed
napkins with Olaf on them?
 7.

GRINDR GUY
Oh, they’re left over from my
niece’s birthday party. Sorry.

Bobby wipes his crotch off with the napkin.

BOBBY
Oh. Well, poor Olaf is just covered
in cum. Sorry Olaf. I gotta go.

Bobby rushes to get dressed in silence and walks out.

MUSIC CUE: “OUR LOVE IS HERE TO STAY” by NAT KING COLE

20 EXT. STREET 20

Bobby awkwardly tries to throw the sticky napkin into a

garbage can on the street. He walks around the city. INTERCUT
with doing his podcast.

21 INT. PODCASTING STUDIO 21

BOBBY
For me, the cold and awkward Grindr
hookup is often followed by a walk
around the city by myself. Even
though it was odd and unsatisfying
and you didn’t even know the
person, you’re still feeling this
kind of post-sex warmth and
wistfulness, only there’s no one
there to share that feeling with,
because you leave their apartment
immediately because they’re always
weird and you’re a normal person.
And maybe I’ll text or call one of
my friends. And between the weird
sex with strangers you don’t like
and conversations with friends you
love that you don’t have sex with,
you cobble together a version of a
romantic, single life. And it’s
fine. It’s a lot more than what a
lot of other people have in this
world. And you try to remember
that.

22 EXT. THE LGBTQ MUSEUM 22

Bobby’s on Instagram Live outside a construction site.

 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 8.

BOBBY
I’m coming to you today from the
future LGBTQ museum! Today the
board is deciding which exhibit
belongs in the final wing. We have
people on the board from all across
the LGBTQ community - everyone is
really excited and totally getting
along!

23 INT. LGBT MUSEUM BOARDROOM - DAY 23

A tense, panicky room. No one’s getting along. Everyone is *

snapping at each other. *

BOBBY
Ok people! It’s getting late! We *
still need a donor to fund the *
exhibit in the final wing. And no *
one wants to donate until they know *
what the exhibit is. As you all *
know, Pier One Imports was supposed *
to make a big donation but they *
went bankrupt and have been bought *
by the Taliban. So now that the *
Taliban owns Pier One Imports we *
are short 5 million dollars. We’ve *
already pushed our opening twice *
and we’re running out of time. We *
need to figure out which exhibit *
belongs in the final wing. We need *
new ideas and we need them now. *

CHERRY, an angry, cranky lesbian academic stands up.

CHERRY
We need to be bold! You know that
blue whale hanging in the Museum of
Natural History?

She shows a slide of the blue whale.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
What about that but instead of a
blue whale it’s a lesbian?

Cherry shows a slide of the blue whale having been replaced

by a huge sculpture of JODIE FOSTER dangling in the air with
open arms as if she’s welcoming people to the exhibit.

ROBERT
I like the idea of a sculpture but
why a lesbian and not a bisexual?
(MORE)
 9.

ROBERT (CONT'D)
Can’t it be some sort of big,
dangling bisexual?

ANGELA
What about a transgender woman from
an Indigenous nation?

CHERRY
Oh goddammit Angela, what about the
400 lesbians who fought in the
Civil War?

BOBBY
Well, they weren’t lesbians
necessarily, some were trans men,
some were women who dressed as men
so they could fight.

ROBERT
Stop. This building is a rare
chance to legitimize and validate
the history of bisexuals.

BOBBY
Oh here we go.

ROBERT
We say LGBTQ but we always skip
over the B. People don’t even
believe we exist! This is a chance
to change that. I want a Hall of
Bisexuals. Like Disney’s Hall of
Presidents. The most important
bisexuals throughout history. I
want a stage full of animatronic,
talking bisexuals. Talking and
moving and gesturing bisexuals.
Bisexual holograms. Bisexuals
soaring above you, everywhere you
look, everywhere you turn!

BOBBY
We get it, Robert.

ROBERT
Please don’t interrupt me.
Everyone’s always attacking me!

WANDA
Robert, I want you to know that I
hear you and I love you.

Angela rolls her eyes.

 10.

TAMARA
Well, I actually kind of like that
cause it is so funny. I mean, we’re
funny, creative people! The museum
should reflect that.

BOBBY
I mean sure to a certain degree but
this isn’t the Museum of the Wacky
Gay Neighbor. Let’s not turn
ourselves into a joke. I think we
should just expand the AIDS
Memorial and end on that. And,
again, respectfully Tamara, you’re
just here to document this for
social media so please leave the
brainstorming to us.

TAMARA
Well my mother is Cuban and I will
not be silenced.

BOBBY
Your mother is Cuban? My mother is
dead! I mean talk about someone who
currently has very limited
opportunities!

TAMARA
Well I have feelings and thoughts
and ideas and they are valid and
I’ll be sharing each and every
single one of them.

ANGELA
Well this may be controversial but,
I don’t think the AIDS Memorial
needs to be 4 rooms.

BOBBY
Excuse me?

ANGELA
I’m just saying, I don’t want this
place to be all pain and heartache.
I see it as more of a victory lap!

BOBBY
You don’t want a proper AIDS
Memorial? This city should have an
entire AIDS Museum! We have a
museum dedicated exclusively to
trains!
 10A.

ROBERT
But does it need to be the final
exhibit? The message we leave
people with?

ANGELA
It is a little unseemly to have the
AIDS Memorial drop you off in the
gift shop.

CHERRY
A lesbian wrote America the
Beautiful! Where’s her exhibit?
Katharine Lee Bates, a lesbian in
1893 - she scrawled the lyrics on a
napkin! You can go to her house in
Virginia - they have the napkin!

TAMARA
I’ve got it. What if the museum
ends with a recreation of a queer
wedding? A happy ending!

EVERYONE BUT BOBBY

Oh I love that!/That’s so sweet!/
My parents would love that!

BOBBY
And people can get engaged and
register for wedding gifts here!

WANDA
Oh that’s gorgeous!

BOBBY
No! I’m joking. That’s terrible.
It’s too conventional and
sentimental. We need people to
rethink history through a queer
prism - show them the history we’ve
been denied for thousands of years -
not comfort them with another gay
wedding. It’s a museum, it’s not
Schitt’s Creek.

EVERYONE
Oh I love Schitt’s Creek!/I miss
that show!/My parents love Schitt’s
Creek!

BOBBY
Ok enough.
 11.

ANGELA
I just want it to be about love. So
much of the museum is about
suffering. I think a wedding might
make people happy.

BOBBY
But a wedding’s not everyone’s idea
of a happy ending! It’s old
fashioned, heteronormative
bullshit! I don’t live in Schitt’s
Creek ok? I live in Manhattan. The
exhibit shouldn’t be about settling
down, it should be about freedom!

ROBERT
Well, here’s an idea for an exhibit
- what about a huge sculpture of
two eyes rolling at the thought of
my entire existence?!

Robert storms out.

24 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT 24

Bobby runs in late to dinner to meet his friends: TINA and

her husband EDGAR, his married friends PETER and PAUL, their
new friend MARTY and married couple TOM and LUCAS.

BOBBY
Hi, hi, sorry.

PAUL
Is everything ok?

BOBBY
Everyone at the Museum hates me, I
don’t know what to do. I’m going to
be the least welcome member of the
gay community since Jeffrey Dahmer.

TINA
Oh Bobby, you’ll love this - last
week we went to a bar mitzvah - the
theme was RuPaul’s Drag Race.

EDGAR
The invitation said “At the
ceremony he’ll become a man and at
the party he’ll become a woman.” We
had the best time!
 11A.

BOBBY
Amazing. How are you guys, Lucas?

LUCAS
Well, our surrogate just hit three
months. And... not only that...
 12.

TOM
We’re having TRIPLETS!!!!!

EVERYONE
AHHHH!/Congratulations!/Amazing!!

BOBBY
Triplets? Oh my god. Why?

TOM
We didn’t really have a choice!

TINA
Oh my god this is amazing. We’ll
give you all our baby clothes.

PETER
And we’re around whenever you need
us.

They all turn to look at Bobby. Then, awkwardly:

BOBBY
When they are older... I will get
them tickets to things.

MARTY
Guys, I’m so sorry, I have to run -
night shift at the bar. Great
seeing you guys! Congrats boys!

Marty squeezes Peter and Paul’s shoulders oddly and leaves.

BOBBY
Wait, didn’t you have an
announcement too? Did I miss it?

PETER
No! We waited for you. Ok. So, I
totally know this is a little weird
and unexpected but, ok so, the
reason we’ve been hanging around
with Marty so much is that we
are...kind of... dating him.

BOBBY
What do you mean?

PETER
I mean, we’re dating him. Together.
Like, as a couple. We’re seeing
him. I guess it’s kind of like a...
thrupple situation.
 13.

BOBBY
Like, you’re having threesomes?

PAUL
Well, we met him at a party and we
got drunk and yeah we hooked up.
But then we started to hang out a
lot and we realized it was more
than just sex. We just really like
each other’s company.

PETER
I know it sounds crazy but it’s
weirdly normal. He’s very chill.

BOBBY
Well it sounds so chill! I mean,
just hearing about it, I feel so
relaxed. Oh my God - you’re Peter,
Paul and Marty.

PAUL
We knew you’d like that.

EDGAR
How long has this been going on?

PAUL
Like, six months?

BOBBY
SIX MONTHS??? It’s been going on
six months and you didn’t tell me??

PAUL
Well, we didn’t know how serious it
would get.

BOBBY
Serious? You didn’t know how
serious it would get? How serious
can it be? I mean, what are you
gonna do next? Tell your
grandmother?

SMASH CUT:

25 INT. COUNTRY HOUSE, GEORGIA 25

The PHONE RINGS in a country house in Georgia. A CHARMING OLD

LADY, PAUL’S GRANDMA, answers the phone.
 14.

PAUL’S GRANDMA
Hello?

PAUL
Hi Grandma!

PAUL’S GRANDMA
Oh hi sweetie!

PAUL
Gram, Peter and I have some news.

PAUL’S GRANDMA
Yes?

PAUL
Well, this is something I’ve
dreamed of telling you for a long
time but... Peter and I are jointly
fucking a third person!!!

Paul’s grandma screams in joy!!

PAUL’S GRANDMA
Oh my goodness!!! Oh honey,
congratulations! Joe, it’s Paul! He
and Paul are jointly fucking
someone else!

PAUL’S GRANDPA
Oh how wonderful! It’s a throuple!

26 CUT BACK TO THE DINNER: 26

PETER
Look, Paul and I are always the
priority. Marty knows he’s just a
special guest and that nothing is
going to change that.

BOBBY
A special guest? You’re fucking him
- it’s not Bob Newhart doing 3
episodes of The Big Bang Theory.

PAUL
We’ll be fine. We trust each other
enough to do this.

BOBBY
Wow. I don’t think I could ever
trust anyone that much.
 15.

PAUL
That’s sad.

BOBBY
It’s sad? That I don’t want to be
in a thrupple? I don’t even want to
be in a couple! Just be careful.
You’re my friends and I love you
and it’s a slippery slope. We’re
men. Men dating men. Love is not
love. We are selfish and horny and
stupid. I am too! Someone called
into my show the other day and
asked me why I’m still single. You
wanna know why? Because I’ve been
gay my whole life and I don’t trust
these gay motherfuckers.

PETER
Well you might want to see a
therapist because that’s fucked up.

BOBBY
Wait, why do I need to see a
therapist? Because I don’t need to
be in a relationship? Oh because
you guys think that means I have
some deep rooted issues or
something - but I don’t. I’m fine!
I am perfectly fine! Maybe you’re
the ones with issues. Ohhh - ever
think about that?

PAUL
Bobby -

BOBBY
Maybe you’re the ones who are
judgmental about me and my life!
With your triplets and your
thrupples! Well great, maybe now
all the thrupples can babysit all
the triplets!

PETER
Bobby, I didn’t mean -

BOBBY
You think you’re so progressive?
Let me tell you something - with
your open marriages and your babies
and your thrupples - I think maybe
the most progressive thing you can
be is alone! That’s radical!
(MORE)
 16.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You want me to support your
marriages, fine! But then you have
to support me - a happily single,
not co-dependent, basically
celibate person on Twitter!

TINA
And are you happy?

BOBBY
I am happy. I am a very happy
person.

A teenage girl approaches.

TEENAGE GIRL
Mr. Leiber, I’m sorry, I love your
podcast, can I get a selfie?

BOBBY
Sure!

Bobby switches on a scary over the top smile for the selfie.
He looks insane. The girl snaps her pic and walks away.
Bobby’s face switches back to a despondent expression.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Shit I’m late. I told Henry I’d
meet him at this party. I wanted to
run home and change first. Fuck.

TINA
Aren’t you just going to take your
shirts off anyway?

BOBBY
No! This is not 2003. You have a
very cliched view of what gay men
do at a party.

27 INT. DANCE CLUB - NIGHT 27

The dance floor at the club is filled with shirtless men.

Bobby stands in his turtleneck with his best friend HENRY.

BOBBY
So what app is this for again?

HENRY
It’s a new hookup app my company is
launching. We’ve had Grindr, we’ve
had Tinder, and now we have
Zellweger.
(MORE)
 17.

HENRY (CONT'D)
It’s for gay guys who want to
obsess about actresses and then
jerk each other off. Can you
believe Grindr has been around for
13 years?

BOBBY
Wow. Grindr, the 9/11 of romance.
Time flies when you’re pretending
it’s fun.

HENRY
Bobby I had sex with a 60 year old.

BOBBY
60??

HENRY
I didn’t know! He didn’t have an
age on his profile! He was nice -
great body. And he had this big
grey beard. I felt like Mrs. Claus!

ANGLE ON THE DANCE FLOOR where everyone stares down at their

phones, swiping. In a sea of heads all looking down, Aaron
Shepard looks up at Bobby. It’s brief but their eyes connect.

HENRY (CONT'D)
There’s that guy Aaron.

BOBBY
I don’t know who that is.

HENRY
He’s at the gym sometimes. He’s
so hot but so boring.

BOBBY
Well, what else is new?

HENRY
Oh my god - that’s the 60 year old!

They watch the 60 year old with the long grey beard dance.

BOBBY
That body. My god. He’s ripped.

HENRY
I know! It's like if someone
injected steroids into Dumbledore.
 18.

Suddenly, Aaron appears next to Bobby. He is SHIRTLESS and in

jeans, with a ripped body and a baseball cap. He initiates
conversation but he is quiet and seems shy.

AARON
Hey. What’s up.

BOBBY
Hey. What’s up.

HENRY
Oh hey. Aaron, this is Bobby. Want
a drink? I’m getting a ShitRocket.

BOBBY
A Shitrocket? What’s that?

HENRY
It’s like a Redbull but stronger.

BOBBY
Oh. Terrible name.

HENRY
Yeah. They’re sponsoring the party.

BOBBY
Oh. Shitrocket and vodka I guess.

Henry dances off. Aaron stands there hiding under a baseball

cap, nodding subtly to the beat.

AARON
Not a club guy?

BOBBY
No, I like clubs.

Beat. They stare out at guys dancing on the dance floor.

AARON
You look angry.

BOBBY
I do? I’m not. That’s just how I
look. People always tell me I look
angry but I’m not. I’m not angry.

AARON
I think I saw you fall down at
World War I cardio.
 19.

BOBBY
Ah. Yes. Thanks for reminding me.
It’s a beautiful legacy. We’re all
just very proud.

Beat.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I hear you’re extremely boring.

AARON
What? Who said that? I’m not boring.

BOBBY
I don’t know. A lot of people.

AARON
Oh. That sucks.

BOBBY
No, I’m just kidding. Sorry I’m
really bad at flirting. And I’m
also the type of person who tells
you I’m flirting, which is so sexy.

AARON
Oh, that’s ok. Why are you flirting?

BOBBY
Why am I flirting? Um... I don’t
know. I do not know.

AARON
Well I’m not that boring. I’m just
shy sometimes.

BOBBY
Ohhh yeah, you look really shy.

AARON
Why do you assume you know about
me?

BOBBY
You came up to me and said I look
angry! Look it’s fine. If you’re a
basic bitch, be a basic bitch.
You’re certainly not alone here and
if I looked like you, I’d probably
be a basic bitch too.

AARON
You’re really bad at flirting.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 20.

BOBBY
I’m not flirting anymore.

AARON
I think you are.

BOBBY
Oh God. Anyway...what do you do?

AARON
Like, for work? I’m an estate
planner. I write people’s wills.

BOBBY
Oh, interesting. Do you like that?

AARON
Yeah, sure. When I was a kid,
whenever I would meet someone the
first thing I would think is who’s
this person gonna leave their shit
to when they die. I really wanted
to be part of the legal logistics
of that.

Bobby laughs.

BOBBY
Actually the head of The LGBTQ *
Senior Center called me and was *
looking for someone with your
skills to do some pro bono work for
them.

AARON
What’s that? *

BOBBY
It’s the community center for LGBTQ
senior citizens. We’ve never had as
many openly gay seniors as we do
right now. And there are some very
specific issues that pop up around
LGBTQ death!

AARON
Sounds really fun.

Bobby points to someone on the dance floor.

BOBBY
Wow, that man will just not stop
vogue-ing. He’s been vogue-ing since
we got here. Several hours now.
 21.

They both laugh. Aaron notices a ripped go-go boy dressed as

a baseball player dancing on top of a small stage.

AARON
That guy’s hot.

BOBBY
He is.

AARON
I’m supposed to fuck him and his
boyfriend later.

BOBBY
Oh. Cool. That must be hard for
such a shy person. My god look at
your abs. You’re like a tortoise.

AARON
I’m like a tortoise?

BOBBY
Yeah. And that’s your pretty,
protective shell that everyone
likes and that you can hide in when
you’re feeling scared and shy.

AARON
Harsh.

BOBBY
Are you on steroids?

AARON
Ha. No.

Bobby looks at Aaron’s body. He can’t help but be attracted

to him. Similarly, even though Bobby is a bit of a dick,
Aaron is amused and drawn to his directness.

AARON (CONT'D)
You having fun?

BOBBY
I mean, I guess. I’m 42. If I was
straight I’d be home right now,
getting fat on my couch, dealing
with kids or, I don’t know, doing
whatever straight white people do.
I think they sit at home watching
things with Jason Bateman.

Aaron laughs. Bobby laughs too. They clink Shitrockets.

 22.

AARON
I listen to your podcast.

BOBBY
Ohhhh. So is that why you’re
talking to me? Cause I’m famous?

AARON
You’re not really that famous.

Aaron winks at him. Bobby is offended. He looks at the dance

floor. And when he turns back around, Aaron’s gone.

BOBBY
Where did he go? (he looks around,
doesn’t see Aaron). Oh my god.

Henry returns.

HENRY
Where’d he go?

BOBBY
I don’t know! I hate these people.
(Bobby starts singing) “I hate
these people! I hate everyone here!
I mean I love them as a community!
But I hate them individually!”

28 JUMP CUT TO LATER: 28

Bobby’s at the bar. Aaron appears.

BOBBY
Hey. Where’d you go?

AARON
I don’t know. Nowhere.

BOBBY
Who you here with?

AARON
My usual crew.

Aaron points out a group of bro-y buff dudes, most shirtless.

BOBBY
Oh all your boring friends!

AARON
You’re an asshole. They all do
really well actually.
(MORE)
 23.

AARON (CONT'D)
The one doing poppers is the global
head of marketing for Ralph Lauren.

BOBBY
Oh! Well if anyone deserves to blow
off some steam!

They watch a guy in a leather harness dancing with a fan.

AARON
Gay guys are so stupid.

BOBBY
Oh my God, I know! I. know! Gay
guys are usually the absolute
smartest or, like, the dumbest
people I’ve ever met. But we’ve
been smart enough to brand
ourselves as being smart and
clever.

AARON
Yup. I’ve hooked up with guys and
then after I’ll make a joke or say
something sarcastic and the guy
does not understand that I am
making a joke. Literally does. not.
understand. satire.

BOBBY
I love you. I’ve never been in love
with anyone in my life but you’re
the first one.

AARON
Can I be honest? I think we’re
moving too slowly!

Bobby tries to kiss Aaron. Aaron turns to avoid it. Suddenly

the lights strobe. Aaron is gone.

29 INT. DANCE FLOOR 29

HENRY
What were you and Aaron talking
about for so long?

BOBBY
Oh just about how a lot of gay guys
are secretly really stupid!

HENRY
Oh! How fabulous!
 24.

HARNESS GUY WITH A FAN

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bobby’s face gets hit repeatedly by the harness guy’s fan.

Bobby
Hey! Can you watch it with your
enormous fan? (to Henry) He keeps
ghosting me. We’re having a good
time and then he disappears.

Suddenly Aaron passes by. Bobby makes a move towards him.

HENRY
Bobby, let it go. He’s a dick.

BOBBY
No! I will not let it go! I do not
let things go.

The harness guy dances up to Bobby again.

HARNESS GUY WITH FAN

(to Bobby)
Why aren’t you dancing???

BOBBY
Would you leave me alone? I’m
dancing ok? What do you want me to
do, the fucking Nutcracker Suite?

Bobby bounds towards Aaron, who’s with the baseball player guy.

AARON
Hey. What’s up?

BOBBY
What’s up? I tried to kiss you and
you wouldn’t kiss me back. Is
what’s up.

AARON
I’m sorry. I told you I’m shy.

BOBBY
Oh please. You’re not shy. What are
you into? Some boring, ripped dude
with no opinions?

AARON
No I like someone who’s physically
very frail and won’t stop talking.
 25.

Bobby goes for the kiss. After a slight hesitation, Aaron

leans into it and kisses him back. It’s an intense kiss.

BOBBY
Come home with me.

AARON
I can’t.

BOBBY
Why? Cause you have fuck the fake
baseball player and his husband?

AARON
I don’t know what to tell you.

Bobby’s fed up and turns to leave. Aaron calls after him.

AARON (CONT'D)
Hey! Take my number.

BOBBY
Absolutely not.

AARON
Why?

BOBBY
Why? Because I’m one of the smart
ones, asshole. What a shock -
you’re an emotionally unavailable
gay man. Join the club. No one’s
more emotionally unavailable than
me! No one! I pride myself on that.
Here’s my number if you wanna hang.
Or not. As Humphrey Bogart said to
Ingrid Bergman at the end of
Casablanca, “sext me when you’re
drunk!”

Bobby turns to leave and is caught in a group of intense

vogue dancers who refuse to stop vogue-ing in his face.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Oh god, they cannot stop vogue-ing!
They cannot stop vogue-ing! Excuse
me, I’m sorry, I know you’re vogue-
ing but can I please go home?!

Bobby busts through the dancers and runs out of the club.
 26.

30 INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT 30

Bobby swipes through Grindr and texts with a new guy. You’ve
Got Mail plays on basic cable in the background.

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

WHATS UP?

BOBBY TEXT
NOT MUCH. U?

Bobby gets bored of the same texting routine.

BOBBY TEXT (CONT'D)

US TEXTING EACH OTHER ANONYMOUSLY.
IT’S JUST LIKE YOU’VE GOT MAIL!

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

HAHA. LOL. DICK PIC?

BOBBY TEXT
LOL. SORRY, NO. THINK ABOUT YOU’VE
GOT MAIL - MEG RYAN WOULD NEVER
SEND U A PICTURE OF HER GENITALIA.

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

HAHA. LOLOL. CAN I SEE UR ASS?

BOBBY TEXT
DON’T HAVE ASS PIC, SORRY.

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

NEED TO SEE ASS PIC THO!

BOBBY TEXT
DON’T HAVE ASS PIC!!!

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

NOT GONNA MEET UNLESS U SEND ASS
PIC! MUST SEE PIC OF ASS!

31 INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 31

In a panic, Bobby takes a series of ass photos in the mirror.

He looks at the pics. His ass looks blown out and flat.

BOBBY
It’s too fucking flat!

He stretches his arm as far as possible while bending over to

find a better angle. He falls over while taking it. Bobby
then furiously shaves his butt with an electric razor. He
cuts his ass cheek - now he’s bleeding.
 27.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
MY FUCKING ASS IS BLEEDING? NO! HOW
AM I GONNA SHIT NOW? NO FUCKING or
SHITTING?! I CAN’T FUCK! I CAN’T
SHIT! I’M NOT A PERSON! GODDAMMIT!

Bobby frantically shaves a hairy shoulder. He only shaves one

shoulder to save time. He poses seductively and takes a pic.

32 INT - BOBBY’S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MOMENTS LATER 32

BOBBY TEXT
TOOK THIS JUST FOR YOU, BRO.

Beat. Bobby has been blocked.

BOBBY
HE BLOCKED ME???

Bobby sinks into the couch, totally defeated. There’s a

“Christmas in June” Hallheart holiday movie marathon on TV.

HALLHEART ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

Hallheart proudly presents our
first bisexual holiday film, the
award winning “Christmas With
Either,” part of our holiday movie
marathon.

Bobby crawls into a fetal position and watches it.

33 INT. AARON'S OFFICE - NEXT MORNING 33

Aaron sits across from a new client MELVIN FUNK, a wealthy,

very blunt, older gay man with a chip on his shoulder.

AARON
How can I help you today, Mr. Funk?

MELVIN
I need to adjust my will. I will no
longer be giving any money to my
sister.

AARON
Alright. May I ask why?

MELVIN
Because I hate her. She’s a
terrible person. And I hate her
husband too. Also can’t stand my
niece. 7 years old. Hateful.
(MORE)
 28.

MELVIN (CONT'D)
Also, I’m dying. I have pancreatic
cancer.

AARON
I’m so sorry to hear that.

MELVIN FUNK
So I need to figure out where my
money goes.

AARON
Any spouse or child? Family member
or friend you’re close with?

MELVIN FUNK
No, no and no.

AARON
Well, sometimes it helps to close
your eyes and think of who really
means the most to you.

MELVIN closes his eyes for 3 seconds and opens them.

AARON (CONT'D)
Who is it?

MELVIN FUNK
Honestly? Cher.

AARON
Oh. Ok. So...you want to leave
$100,000 dollars to.. Cher?

AARON’S RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Shepard, I’m sorry to
interrupt. Mrs. Bailey passed away.

MELVIN FUNK
God, this is so depressing.

AARON
I’m sorry, Melvin, I can’t imagine
what you’re going through.

MELVIN FUNK
I mean your job. What a downer.

34 INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT MORNING 34

Bobby wakes up suddenly. His phone buzzes.

 29.

AARON TEXT
HEY WHATS UP.

Bobby doesn’t recognize the number. Another text...

AARON TEXT (CONT'D)

IT’S AARON. HOW’S GRINDR?

BOBBY TEXT
A DREAM. I SPENT 45 MINUTES TAKING
A PICTURE OF MY OWN ASS.

35 INT. AARON'S OFFICE - INTERCUT 35

AARON TEXT
DID U HOOK UP?

Bobby thinks about his reply and lies.

BOBBY TEXT
YUP.

AARON TEXT
NICE BRO. YOU MUST HAVE A HOT ASS.

BOBBY TEXT
YES I MUST. HOW R U? HOW WAS GROUP
SEX WITH THAT FAUX-CHICAGO CUB?

AARON TEXT
IT WAS FUN. THEY INVITED ME BACK
TOMORROW. THEIR SURROGATE IS
PREGNANT AND THEY’RE HAVING A
GENDER REVEAL ORGY. U SHOULD JOIN.

BOBBY
A GENDER REVEAL ORGY. JAMES BALDWIN
WOULD BE SO PROUD.

AARON
LOL. I WOKE UP LAUGHING ABOUT U SO
RUDELY CALLING ME OUT ON MY SHIT.

BOBBY TEXT
YOU DESERVED IT, BITCH. HONESTLY
I’M IMPRESSED - YOU MIGHT BE MORE
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE THAN I AM!

AARON TEXT
WELL MAYBE WE CAN BE EMOTIONALLY
UNAVAILABLE TOGETHER...
 30.

BOBBY TEXT
“MAYBE WE CAN BE EMOTIONALLY
UNAVAILABLE TOGETHER?” WHO’S
WRITING YOUR TEXTS? MAROON 5?

AARON
FUCK OFF.

BOBBY
JK! IF U WANNA HANG OUT, LET’S HANG
OUT. WERE U ASKING ME TO HANG OUT?

AARON
I’M DOWN FOR WHATEVER.

BOBBY
OK. SAME.

AARON
COOL.

BOBBY
SOUNDS GOOD.

AARON
SO...TOMORROW? OR I CAN DO
WHENEVER.

BOBBY
YEAH I’M GOOD FOR WHENEVER. AND WE
CAN DO WHATEVER.

AARON
YEAH I DON’T CARE WHAT WE DO.

BOBBY
YEAH ME NEITHER.

AARON
SO... TOMORROW? AND HONESTLY WE CAN
DO WHATEVER.

BOBBY
YEAH. I CAN DO WHATEVER AND I CAN
DO IT WHENEVER. THAT WORK FOR YOU?

AARON
YEAH DEFINITELY THAT WORKS.

BOBBY
TEXT IN THE MORNING AND SEE HOW WE
FEEL?
 31.

AARON
COOL. AND IF TOMORROW DOESN’T WORK
WE CAN DO IT ANOTHER TIME.

BOBBY
YEAH ANOTHER TIME DEFINITELY WORKS
FOR ME.

AARON
YEAH ME TOO.

BOBBY
SOUNDS GOOD.

Aaron and Bobby both stare at their phones utterly confused.

36 EXT. CHURCH - AFTERNOON 36

Bobby and Aaron walk by a church with stained glass windows.

AARON
Those windows are pretty.

BOBBY
Which? Oh. Wow, I have walked by
here like 9000 times in my life and
I have never noticed those.

AARON
Really? What else are you missing?

BOBBY
Churches creep me out.

AARON
The windows are pretty though.

BOBBY
Yeah, I have a hard time
forgetting about the other stuff.
You think stained glass windows
have ever included gay couples?

AARON
I’m gonna say no.

BOBBY
Exactly. History has erased gay
love stories so we don't grow up
learning how to love each other. I
did a whole Ted Talk about it.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 32-33.

AARON
I’m sure you did. I had an idea for a
show called The Masked Ted Talk. It’s
a combination of the Masked Singer
and a Ted Talk, so like you’d have a
person giving a speech about female
empowerment but they’re dressed like
a giant caterpillar.

BOBBY
You’re, like, secretly very funny.

AARON
Thanks. I usually keep those things
to myself but I thought you might
appreciate it.

A37 OMITTED A37*

 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 34.

B37 EXT. STREET - LATER THAT DAY B37

Bobby & Aaron walk and talk.

AARON
You grew up here, right? Your
parents still in the city?

BOBBY
No, my parents both passed away
actually.

AARON
Oh I’m sorry.

BOBBY
Yeah, thanks. It wasn’t recent. My
mom died when I was in college and
my dad died like 7 years ago- A BEE
A BEE A BEE A BEE A BEE A BEE!

Suddenly a bee is flying very close to Bobby’s face and lands

on him. He panics. He’s flailing and trying to swat it.

AARON
Stop swatting - you’ll kill it!

BOBBY
That’s what I want to do!

AARON
The bees are dying. Don’t you read?

BOBBY
Yes, about gay stuff and movies!

Bobby freezes in a very awkward position. Aaron gently

removes the bee from the back of his neck and sets it free.
 35.

AARON
See? No reason to kill it.

BOBBY
Well, I’m sure you’re very turned
on now watching me flail around
like the one white dancer in In the
Heights.

AARON
Sorry, I’m a big animal person.

BOBBY
So, what should we do now? Movie?

AARON
Sure. What’s your favorite movie of
all time?

BOBBY
My favorite movie of all time? I
don’t have a favorite movie. What
am I, twelve years old? Why, what’s
your favorite movie?

AARON
I don’t know. Maybe...The Hangover?

BOBBY
The Hangover?! The Hangover is your
favorite movie of all time? How
many movies have you seen? One?

AARON
It’s a funny movie!

BOBBY
Kinda! And do you remember one of
the first lines in that movie?

BOBBY (CONT'D) AARON

“Paging Dr. Faggot!” “Paging Dr. Faggot!”

BOBBY (CONT'D)
That’s right. “Paging Dr. Faggot”
is the first line of the highest
grossing comedy of 2009. And no one
ever talks about it! We’re just
supposed to laugh it off. That
whole era of weird bro comedies was
so fucked up.
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 36.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
And they say “well that’s how guys
like that talked.” And I’m like, oh
yeah, you know why people liked The
Hangover? Historical Accuracy. But
then I’m lame if I complain about
it!

AARON
You’re very intense.

BOBBY
Yes.

AARON
Life’s too short to take it that
seriously.

BOBBY
Really? I think life’s too short
not to take it that seriously.

Bobby notices the movie poster for The Treasure Inside.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Oh, The Treasure Inside. It’s
supposed to be really good. (TBD
Prestigious Actor) and Nick play *
closeted frontiersmen in Jonas the *
California Gold Rush of 1849. Of
course it has to be two straight
guys. Straight guys are always
allowed to play gay and gay men are
hardly ever allowed to play
straight. They’re worried the
audience won’t believe it. And I’m
like - look at the shit people
believe! Star Wars, Transformers,
Spider Man - people won’t believe a
gay man can play straight but they
believe in fucking Chewbacca?

AARON
So do you want to see it or not?

BOBBY
Of course! I’m dying to!

37 INT. MOVIE THEATER - MOMENTS LATER 37*

Bobby and Aaron watch trailer for an animated movie A *

DIFFERENT DANNY. *

THEN LATER-- *
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 36A.

*
ANGLE ON TBD our two Prestigious Actors in the back of a *
barn. Actor 2 draws water from a well, wiping his face with *
his shirt.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 37.

Actor 1 reaches behind Actor 2 and helps him pump the water. *
It gradually becomes subtly sexual.

ACTOR 1 *
What brings ya to Treasure, Oregon?

ACTOR 2 *
I’m here with the traveling opera.

ACTOR 1 *
I don’t care much for op-er-a.

ACTOR 2 *
Neither did I at first.

Suddenly Actor 2 pulls away. *

ACTOR 2 (CONT'D) *
What are you doing?

ACTOR 1 *
I don’t know.

They kiss and fall to the ground, about to have anal sex.

BOBBY
No lube?

AARON
I don’t think they had lube in 1849.
They didn’t even have, like, highways.

BOBBY
I’m going to call it. As soon as
penetration happens the camera is
going to sensitively drift away.

Actor 1 is about to penetrate Actor 2. Actor 2 screams in *

pain/ecstasy and the camera sensitively drifts away.

AARON
Shit! You called it!

An older straight woman turns around and shushes them.

STRAIGHT OLDER WOMAN

Shhh!!! How rude!

BOBBY
Oh, you know what lady? We only get
one movie about gay people a year.
The least you can do is let me rip
it to shreds!
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 38.

ANGLE ON THE SCREEN: Actor 2 enters Actor 1’s barn. *

TBD PRESTIGIOUS ACTOR

Git. Git out. Just git. Git.
MUSIC CUE: “Che Gelida Manina” from La Bohème. Actor 1 runs *
away, tears in his eyes, through a field.
Bobby and Aaron tear up, but hide it from each other. The
lights come up.

STRAIGHT OLDER WOMAN

That was brilliant. Just brilliant.

38 INT. MOVIE THEATER LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER - NIGHT 38

BOBBY
Well, it got me in the end.

AARON
Yeah. But why does it always have
to be so tragic?

BOBBY
I don’t know. Philadelphia,
Moonlight, Milk, Brokeback - happy
endings don’t win Oscars. People
love seeing us miserable.

JOSH EVANS, a handsome, very bro-y dude, and a WOMAN approach.

JOSH
Wait - Aaron Shepard?!

AARON
Josh Evans?? Holy shit! Sup, dude?
Haven’t seen you in forfuckingever!

JOSH
Aaron and I played hockey in high
school! This is my fiancé Samantha.

SAMANTHA
Hey!

AARON
Nice to meet you. This is Bobby.

BOBBY
Nice to meet you. We just saw The
Treasure Inside. Which if you do
not want to see gay sex I highly
recommend.
 39.

JOSH
Oh. Ok. Nice.

AARON
Just some dumb movie.

SAMANTHA
Oh wait - I wanna see that! Gay
guys are my jam.
Bobby grimaces at that.

AARON
What’re you doing here?

JOSH
Just on a little trip! First time
in NY actually. This city is sick!

BOBBY
This is your first time in New York
and you’re going to a movie?

JOSH
Yeah. Deadpool 7 just opened!

BOBBY
Deadpool 7? Weren’t there only 2?

JOSH
Yeah! They skipped right to 7! Ryan
Reynolds is fucking crazy like that!

SAMANTHA
Ryan Reynolds is such a badass.

BOBBY
He really is.

AARON
Sounds awesome! Good seeing ya bro!

JOSH
You too bro. Nice meeting you, Bob.

BOBBY
Bob?

Josh and Samantha head off.

AARON
Jesus. That’s so crazy. I never run
into anyone from home.
 40.

BOBBY
Totally, bro. Just some dumb movie, bro.

AARON
He’s a dude from my tiny high
school who I played hockey with 800
years ago. I wasn’t about to get
into a dissertation on gay cinema.

BOBBY
No, I get it. No I thought he was
sick, I thought he was just
extremely sick. They were both very
lovely, very sick people.

AARON
God I had the biggest crush on him
in high school.

BOBBY
Of course you did! Dumb, bro-y,
straight acting men! Like I said!

39 EXT. BOBBY’S BUILDING - LATER 39

They approach Bobby’s building. Bobby gestures to it.

BOBBY
Well, like the bearded lady in the
Greatest Showman, this is me.
They look at each other. As Bobby goes in for a kiss, Aaron
points out Bobby’s doorman.

AARON
Dude. Your doorman.

BOBBY
C’mon, let’s not be the guys in the
movie who only kiss in the bottom
of a mine in what is now Oregon.
Aaron gets a text. It’s a hot pic of the faux-baseball player
and his husband. He shows Bobby the pic.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
The faux Chicago Cub?

AARON
Yeah, his husband just sent this.

BOBBY
Whoa. They are really hot.
 41.

AARON
Yeah. Mike and Doug. They’re just
these big, rugged, roided out
meatheads. Not the brightest but...
sweet guys. You wanna go over there?

BOBBY
Now? Wait - are you ditching me
again to fuck the baseball
cosplayer and his husband?

AARON
I’m not ditching you, I’m inviting
you! They want us to come over. You
should come!

BOBBY
What? No. I thought you were gonna
come upstairs.

AARON
Look, I don’t do the one on one
relationship thing very well. If I
come upstairs, it becomes a whole
thing. You should just come with me.
Seriously, it would be fun!

BOBBY
What? No. Are you crazy? See this
is why I don’t get involved -
because you people are insane. I
thought this was a date and then
we’d - anyway, whatever. I
appreciate the invite but I can’t.

AARON
Ok. Maybe another time.

BOBBY
Ok. Well... have fun! Goodnight!
Aaron turns and walks away. He looks down at the pic of the
hot couple and then turns around and shouts back at Bobby.

AARON
Bobby! Wait!

40 INT. - AN APT. 40

MUSIC CUE: “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. Tight on Bobby and Aaron

making out tenderly. They talk sweetly, almost whispering.
 42.

BOBBY
Hey, I had a really nice time today.

AARON
Me too.

BOBBY
I never go on dates but it was fun.

AARON
Yeah. I had a great time too.
We hear light slurping sounds and pull out to reveal the
baseball player and his husband on their knees sucking Aaron
off. Bobby sits there naked and uncomfortable right next to
them, with his hands folded covering his privates.

BOBBY
(whispering, to Aaron)
Hey, I’m gonna go.

AARON
Is everything ok? Is this weird?

BOBBY
Oh no, no, totally fine, I’m just
gonna go.

Bobby puts on his clothes and leaves.

41 INT. TINA AND EDGAR’S HOUSE - DAY 41

TINA
Thanks for coming. We’re convinced
Brian is gay and I think it’s good for
him to have his gay uncle around.

BOBBY
Of course! I will always be here to
be a good guncle to my g’nephew.

BRIAN and his sister HANNAH run in, ages 8 and 5.

BRIAN
Uncle Bobby, will you read my
report? It’s about Freddie Mercury.

TINA
He’s obsessed with Bohemian Rhapsody.
 43.

BOBBY
Wow. And like that movie does your
report take a story about one of
the great gay icons and make it
about that one time he maybe slept
with a woman?

TINA
Bobby. He’s eight. Plus I thought
Freddie Mercury was bi.

Bobby rolls his eyes. He keeps checking his phone.

TINA (CONT'D)
What are those gifs of Liam
Hemsworth?

BOBBY
This guy I went out with won’t stop
bothering me.

TINA
A guy? Really? A Grindr guy?

BOBBY
Nope. I met him in real life.

TINA
Bobby! That’s fantastic. So when
are you seeing him again?

BOBBY
Probably never. He’s like this
wannabe “bro”, you know? He’s smart
but it’s like he never got over
wanting to be this dude. And I see
the guys he looks at. They’re all
like him. And that’s not me.

EDGAR
Is he a top or a bottom?

HANNAH
Bottom! Bottom!

Hannah starts doing a dance where she shakes her bottom.

TINA
Oooh bottom dance!

BOBBY
Oh God. Gay sex was more fun when
straight people were uncomfortable
with it. Fuckin’ Schitt’s Creek.
(MORE)
 44.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Maybe we should stop talking about
anal sex in front of your children.

TINA
Oh please, it’s a natural part of
life! Bobby - ask him out again! You
never like anyone - give it a shot!

BOBBY
I do need a plus one for this work thing.

EDGAR
A work thing? With lots of
celebrities and fancy people? You
gonna peacock to impress him?

BOBBY
No, it’s just a fundraiser for the
museuem and I need to bring
someone.

TINA
Are you gonna be on stage?

BOBBY
No, I am not going to be on stage.
Who do you think I am? Some sort of
narcissistic sociopath?

42 INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - NIGHT 42

Bobby is on stage hosting a fundraising party for the Museum.
Aaron sits in the crowd, a bit shy and uncomfortable but
clearly mesmerized by Bobby and the event.

BOBBY
Ok, let’s hear it once more for
John Legend and Chrissy Teigen,
who insisted on coming and
performing tonight without even
being asked! They literally just
showed up and refused to leave!
Everyone, there are rock paintings
in Zimbabwe that date back to the
year 8000 BCE which depict
homosexuality. If only the men on
those paintings could’ve lived
10,000 years to see a character
come out on It’s Always Sunny in
Philadelphia. Please give
generously so the Museum can tell
all the stories in between that
have never been told. Goodnight!
 45.

ANGLE ON: Aaron who sits at a table with other board members.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Hey - are you ok? Sorry I left you
alone. You wanna see the Museum?

AARON
Are you sure? We can stay.

BOBBY
No, let’s just go. Before Andy
Cohen tries to steal you away from
me. He has a four year old - you
don’t need that baggage.

43 INT. MUSEUM LOBBY - CONTINUED. 43

AARON
Dude, you were awesome. I could
never do that. Speak in front of
all those people? You run in some
fancy circles, I didn’t realize.

BOBBY
It’s not always that glamorous. You
should see the fights we have. I’m
dreading tomorrow. I’m pitching my
Lincoln exhibit for the final wing.
How’s work for you?

AARON
Fine. Dealing with a very sad rich
man, Melvin Funk. He’s dying. And
he has no idea who to leave his
money to cause he’s totally alone.

BOBBY
God, that’s so sad.

AARON
Yep. So that’s what I do.

BOBBY
Maybe you should do something else.

AARON
Nah. It’s fine.

BOBBY
Yeah it’s fine if you wanna hate
your life and be miserable. Oh
wait, let’s go this way.
 46.

44 INT. FUTURE LGBTQ MUSEUM - THE AIDS MEMORIAL 44

Bobby walks Aaron into a room with a gigantic electronic wall

dedicated to those who have died of AIDS.

45 INT. LGBT MUSEUM - THE LEGENDS PAVILION 45

They walk through beautiful displays of photos and artifacts.

BOBBY
This is the Legends Pavilion.
Unsung heroes from LGBTQ history.
This is We’wha, a revered
transgender Native American “two-
spirit” from the Zuni tribe in the
1800’s. She was accused of
witchcraft and sent to prison.
(moving on)
Magnus Hirschfeld was a doctor who
founded the Sex Institute of Berlin
in the 1930s, which carried out the
first advocacy for LGBTQ rights. It
was burned to the ground and
destroyed by the Nazis.
(moving on)
This is Bayard Rustin, a close
adviser to Dr. Martin Luther King
and chief organizer of the March on
Washington. Rustin was openly gay,
even in the face of some homophobes
in the Civil Rights Movement, who
at one point set up a committee to
determine whether it was worth
keeping him around. What do you
think? Incredible, right?

AARON
It’s like all AIDS and Nazis and
homophobia. It’s a bit of a downer.

BOBBY
Well it’s a painful history. People
need to experience it.

AARON
I’m just giving you my reaction.

BOBBY
Well what did you think it was going
to be, “A Night at the Gay Museum?”
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 47.

AARON
You laugh, but every one of my
relatives loves that movie. You
should maybe do something like that
where the things talk at you.

BOBBY
Where the things talk at you? Like
what? A hologram of Kenan Thompson *
as James Baldwin? Seth Meyers as *
Harvey Milk? Amy Schumer as Eleanor *
Roosevelt? *

AARON
Honestly people would love that shit!

BOBBY
No offense but that’s the dumbest
thing I’ve ever heard.

Wanda and Angela run into the hall.

WANDA
Bobby! We have Debra Messing’s
agent on Zoom. It’s urgent. Debra’s
worried she’s on the verge of
getting cancelled. She said in an
interview that she was “the Viola
Davis of Tufts” and people are mad.
He said she may want to make a big
donation to the Museum to save
face. And she’s loaded.

BOBBY
Oh my God! Ok I’m coming. Aaron,
I’ll be back in 5!
Bobby leaves. Aaron sees himself reflected in the glass of an
empty display, seeing himself in the context of history and
all these icons. In his mind’s eye the display’s blank plaque
changes to: “POPULAR ON GRINDR. HATED HIS JOB. WORKED OUT A
LOT.” WIDE SHOT of Aaron alone in this beautiful exhibit
surrounded by heroes. He feels small and lost in comparison.

46 INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - THE LEGENDS PAVILION 46

Bobby runs back in to find Aaron. Aaron is gone.

BOBBY
Aaron? Where are you?

Bobby looks at his phone.

 48.

AARON TEXT
SORRY. HAD TO GO. C U.

BOBBY TEXT
EVERYTHING OK?
Aaron doesn’t reply. Bobby calls him. Aaron doesn’t pick up.

BOBBY
Fuck!!!

47 INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM BOARDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING 47

A distracted Bobby sits with the board before his Lincoln pitch.
The board waits impatiently as he texts Aaron again. We see his
phone as he scrolls through multiple unanswered texts.

WANDA
Bobby! Whenever you’re ready.

BOBBY
Oh. Ok great. Um -

Bobby sits up and pulls it together to begin his pitch.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
People wonder if America is ready
for its first gay President - I say
we already had one. For the final
wing, please consider The Lincoln
Letters: A Gay American Love Story.
For years, historians have
speculated about Lincoln’s
sexuality. He shared a bed and
exchanged romantic letters with two
different men, Joshua Speed and
David Derrickson, Speed for many
years-

ROBERT
I’m stopping you. It won’t work,
Bobby. You can’t say Lincoln was
gay.

WANDA
Well, I think it’s interesting. And
why not be a little controversial?

ROBERT
Because there’s not enough
evidence.
 48A.

BOBBY
Well there you have it - no
evidence of love! Of course we
don’t have enough evidence Robert -
we weren’t allowed to exist!

ROBERT
Lincoln was married to a woman and
had three children. He wasn’t gay,
Bobby - at most he was bi!
 49.

ANGELA
Well if you ask me, Lincoln is just
another cis white man.

CHERRY
Just another cis white man? He’s
Abraham Lincoln!

ANGELA
Not according to @wokecunt.

BOBBY
Who the hell is @wokecunt?

ROBERT
A hugely popular TikTok historian.

WANDA
Gigantic influencer.

TAMARA
@wokecunt is my hero.

BOBBY
Well, with all due respect to Woke
Cunt, she’s not on the board of
this Museum.

ANGELA
But it’s not even accurate. We all
know James Buchanan came before
Lincoln and he was the first gay
President. He was hooking up with
Senator and future Vice President
William Rufus King. You just don’t
want to mention that Bobby because
Buchanan was a Conservative prick.

ROBERT
And Hitler was gay too!

BOBBY
Ok we’re not talking about that!

WANDA
People! Enough! Let’s vote on it.
Everyone writes down which exhibit they want and slips it to
Wanda. Bobby looks at his phone. Still no text from Aaron.

WANDA (CONT'D)
Ok. We have two votes for Great
Bisexuals of the World...
 49A.

Robert smiles and flips off Bobby.

WANDA (CONT'D)
And three votes for The Lincoln
Letters. Lincoln wins.

BOBBY
YES!!!
Robert looks pissed. A RECEPTIONIST knocks urgently. Everyone
looks toward the door. The receptionist pokes their head in.

RECEPTIONIST
Debra Messing is in the building!

Bobby checks his phone again. Still no text.

 50.

BOBBY
Goddammit!

WANDA
Are you ok?

BOBBY
Yes. I’m fine. I am totally fine.

48 INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER 48

A frazzled Bobby rushes towards Debra Messing.

BOBBY
Hi there, Ms. Messing --

DEBRA MESSING
Please call me Debra. I love this
space! How did you find it?

BOBBY
What? Oh. Yeah. I don’t know.

DEBRA MESSING
Are you OK, dear? You seem a little
flustered. Trust me, I know I’m
Debra Messing but I’m only human.

BOBBY
Oh. I’m sorry Debra. Boy problems.

DEBRA MESSING
Ohhhhh.

BOBBY
He was actually here last night. I
brought him with me to the
fundraiser and then out of nowhere
he just left. And I keep texting
him and he won’t get back to me. I
don’t know what’s happening.

DEBRA MESSING
Well, I’m so excited for this tour -

BOBBY
I mean, what do you think that is?
If I may ask. Is he just not
interested in me? Or did something
really come up? And why the hell am
I even thinking about it? Because I
am never distracted like this. This
is not who I am!
(MORE)
 51.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
And I’m like do I keep texting him?
Do I call him? Do I go over to his
house?? What do I do?

Debra’s smile is now frozen.

DEBRA MESSING
I have spent the last twenty-five
years listening to every gay guy on
Earth complain to me. I am not my
fucking character. I’m not every
gay man’s best friend. I’m just out
in the world thinking I was going
to get a tour of a museum. But no.
Instead I get a bunch of tedious
complaints I’ve heard eight
thousand times before. Did I waltz
in here and lay all my shit on you?
I’m a divorced single mother -- you
want to hear what that’s like?

BOBBY
No, I mean, I’m so sorry --

Wanda, Cherry and Angela rush in.

CHERRY
What’s going on here?

DEBRA MESSING
Do you have some personal shit you
want to complain about to me?

CHERRY
No --

DEBRA MESSING
Of course not. Because lesbians
have their shit together! I gotta
go. I lose my sitter in an hour.

Debra Messing exits.

WANDA
Bobby, what is going on with you?
We’re down to the wire. If Debra
doesn’t donate we’re almost out of
options. Figure this out, Bobby!!
 52.

49 INT. NEW WORKOUT CLASS - “XXXTREME BALLPIT” 49

Bobby, Henry, Tina, Tom and Lucas wade through a colorful
ball pit lifting weights above their heads in the new class
XXXTREME BALLPIT.

TINA
What do you mean he just left?

BOBBY
I mean one minute he was in the
museum and the next he was gone.
Like Casper that Fucked Up Ghost.
This asshole has somehow gotten
into my head and he has me acting
like a crazy person! And now we
don’t know if Debra Messing will
donate! And if she doesn’t, we’re
fucked! This is not who I am! I
don’t know what’s happening to me!

HENRY
Aaron doesn’t have his shit
together. You deserve better.

Suddenly, Tom and Lucas start squealing in delight.

TOM
Wait! Our surrogate texted us this
new sonogram! Look at our babies!!!

Tina and Henry race towards Tom and Lucas in the ballpit.

LUCAS
Bobby, look!

TOM
Look - one almost has toes!

BOBBY
Quite an accomplishment. Sorry I
was actually going through
something...

TOM
Oh stop moping about your one night
stand. What did you expect?

BOBBY
What did I expect? Well I didn’t
expect him to just ditch me like
that. What I did expect was that
you two would adopt!
 53.

LUCAS
Excuse me?

BOBBY
No it’s wonderful. I’m just saying
at one point you said you would
only adopt.

LUCAS
Tom decided he wanted his own kids.

BOBBY
Well ok but you said your
grandfather was a racist and an
anti-semite so what’s so great
about your DNA that you so
desperately had to spread it
around?

Bobby laughs at his own joke but the others don’t.

LUCAS
Gee Bobby, it’s just so hard to
figure out why you would’ve scared
Aaron away.

TINA
Ok settle down various gays. Look,
maybe Aaron’s not the one but you
liked going out with him, right?
Maybe it’s a sign you should go on
some dates!

BOBBY
I don’t know. I’m not a going-on-
dates person, you know that. I’m
better off alone - all these guys
are full of shit! You can’t trust
them! And here’s the worst part -
no one ever looks like their
pictures! You meet them on some app
and then you meet them in person
and they’re always exactly 30%
uglier than how they looked in
their photos. It’s not fair!

50 INT. BOBBY’S APT - LATER THAT DAY 50

Bobby scrolls through Tinder. We see a brief MONTAGE of Bobby

matching with guys and then meeting them in person.
 54.

When he meets them, WE SEE THEIR FACES MORPH from their

perfect Tinder selfie into the real face sitting across from
Bobby on a date, which is always 30% less attractive.
Finally, he matches with SAM, a cute guy... and the face is
accurate!

51 EXT. CAFE - DAY 51

Bobby and Sam drink beers. They’re laughing and having fun.

SAM
So, have you ever had sex with a
woman?

BOBBY
As a matter of fact I have.
(joking) Do you know someone by the
name of... Kate Winslet?

SAM
I don’t.

BOBBY
Oh. Ok. I didn’t have sex with her.
She’s an actress. Really you don’t
know her? Titanic?

SAM
Never saw it.
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55.

SAM (CONT'D)
Not a big movie guy. *
But I read a lot! *

BOBBY *
Oh cool. I read a lot too. I *
actually just finished that new *
Walt Whitman biography. Have you *
read it? Ok, this is crazy. Did you *
know Walt Whitman, America’s *
greatest poet of the 19th century, *
published a magazine about men’s *
physique under a pseudonym? It was *
called “MANLY HEALTH” - it was a 13 *
part series basically teaching men *
how to build muscle and look hot. *
Walt Whitman did this! *

SAM *
No way. *

BOBBY *
Yeah! “America’s poet.” Meanwhile *
if he were alive today, he wouldn’t *
have time to write “Leaves of *
Grass”, he’d probably just be Chris *
Pratt’s trainer. Personal trainers *
are the new poets! *

SAM *
I feel like he’d probably be some *
kinky jock-sniffing leather queen *
with his cock in a cage. *

BOBBY *
Exactly! *

SAM *
Have you ever worn one of those? *

BOBBY *
A cock cage? *

SAM *
Yeah one of those little metal *
cages that trap your penis so you *
can’t get hard until your master *
unlocks it? *

BOBBY *
No, but I’ve seen them - *
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55A.

SAM *
So my boyfriend put me in one, real *
hot, but then I broke up with him, *
and he was so angry, he wouldn’t *
give me the key. And then my *
grandpa died. *

BOBBY *
Oh my god. *

SAM *
Yeah. And I had to go back to *
Michigan for the funeral. But there *
was no way I was getting through *
airport security with that thing *
on. So I rent a car, drive nine *
hours to Ann Arbor, nonstop, then I *
have to sit through my grandpa’s *
funeral in a cock cage. *

BOBBY *
That is very strange. *

SAM *
Yeah. But it was also kinda hot. *
Like my dick still belonged to *
Ethan. *

BOBBY *
Wow. (beat). And you’ve done all *
that but you’ve never seen Titanic? *

52 INT. SAM’S APT. - BEDROOM 52

Sam and Bobby are shirtless, making out on Sam’s bed.

SAM
You’re really hot.

BOBBY
You too.

SAM
You like your nips played with?

BOBBY
Um, sure.

Sam pinches one of Bobby’s nipples. Bobby lets out a quiet

“ouch” sound. Mildly painful but Bobby doesn’t mind.

SAM
You like that?
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55B.

BOBBY
I think so.

Sam pinches one nipple a little harder. Then the other.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Ow. Ow.

Then Sam pinches the other one. Then the first one again.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Ow. (beat) Ow. Ow.

SAM
You like that? Have you ever tried
these?

Sam leans over to his night table and pulls out what look
like 2 small, soft black rubber knobs from the drawer.

SAM (CONT'D)
They’re called nipple plumpers.
 56.

BOBBY
They’re called what?

SAM
They suction on to your nipples.
They make ‘em really swollen and
sensitive.

BOBBY
Oh. OK. (as Sam puts them on) Ow.
Ow.

Sam puts the nipple plumpers on Bobby’s nipples. Sam is now

alternating between Bobby’s nipples, pinching them one by
one, slowly pinching harder and harder, with Bobby saying
“ow! ow!” every time but enjoying it. This escalates. Sam’s
now really going after Bobby’s nipples, sometimes one by one,
sometimes both at the same time, handling them as if Bobby’s
nipples are the console in some intense video game. This
builds to where Sam has both his fists yanking both nipples
at the same time, shaking Bobby’s entire body that way. Bobby
is flailing and convulsing in ecstasy as Sam shakes him
intensely, rocking him back and forth.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Oy oy oy oy oy oy oyyyyy!

Sam goes for one more really intense pinch with both hands.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Ahhh!! Ok, ok that’s enough. I need
a break. Let’s take them off.

SAM
Oh, ok sure. God that was hot.

Sam tries to take them off. But they’re not coming off.

SAM (CONT'D)
They’re really suctioned on there.

He pulls them again.

BOBBY
Ow. Ow.

Sam goes for it and pulls harder. Bobby screams “OW!!! OW!!!”
but they’re still stuck.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
What the fuck??

SAM
I’m sorry - they’re stuck!
 57.

BOBBY
YA THINK? Just let me do it.

Bobby grabs at them himself, pulling hard, to the point where

he rocks himself into a fetal position trying to get them off
- but they won’t come off.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Fuck! What am I gonna do? Why did
you put these on me?

SAM
I’m sorry! This doesn’t usually
happen - hold on let me pour some
lube on there and they’ll slip off.

Sam gets his lube bottle and pours it on Bobby’s chest, then
sets the bottle aside. It falls off the bed and drips on to
the floor. Bobby starts to gently massage the lube into the
suction cups on his very sore chest, which turns Sam on.

SAM (CONT'D)
God you look hot right now.

BOBBY
Are you jerking off?

SAM
I’m sorry! You’re so hot!

BOBBY
Stop it! Oh my god what am I gonna
do? They won’t come off! They won’t
come off! I’m panicking!

Bobby shoves Sam aside. He jumps up from the bed. As his feet
hit the floor, Bobby slips on the lube and falls down.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
OW!!! I SLIPPED ON THE LUBE!

SAM
Oh my god are you ok?

Sam jumps off the bed to help him and Sam slips on the lube
too. Bobby gets himself up, slipping and sliding on the lube
as he yanks his clothes on.

SAM (CONT'D)
I’m so sorry, I really am. I had a
really good time tonight.
 58.

BOBBY
I DIDN’T!!! THIS IS WHY I DON’T DO
THIS!

Bobby leaves and slams the door.

53 INT. - AARON’S OFFICE 53

Aaron is in his office on Facetime with his mom, ANNE.

ANNE
Your brother is here. Say hi!
Anne pans over to JASON SHEPARD, 42, playing a video game.

JASON
Sup.

AARON
Sup.

ANNE
Never get divorced, Aaron.

JASON
Never get married.

AARON
Ok mom, I’m at work so-

ANNE
Oh wait - I almost forgot to tell
you! You remember Josh Evans?

AARON
From high school? Yeah. I just ran
into him and his fiancé here.

ANNE
Well, they just broke up. And you
wanna know why? Because he’s gay.

AARON
Wait - what? Josh Evans? No.

ANNE
Yes! People are shocked! But I’m
happy for him! Anyway he’s moving
to NY soon so I gave his mom your
number so you guys can hang out
and, I don’t know, be gay I guess.
 59.

54 CUT TO LATER: AARON WATCHES JOSH EVANS’S HEARTFELT COMING OUT 54

IG STORY. JOSH IS SUPER BRO-Y, VERY DIFFERENT THAN BOBBY.

JOSH EVANS
I’m so nervous. Geez. Well here
goes. I’m definitely embarrassed by
how long this took me but I’m told
everyone does this in their own
time. And I’m sorry this took me 35
years but I’ve been empowered by my
heroes, Colton Underwood and Carl
Nassib, to say that, as it turns
out, I’m gay.

AARON
Holy shit.
Aaron looks at old FB photos of him and Josh on the hockey
team. At the prom with girlfriends. Dressed in hunting gear.

55 INT. PETER AND PAUL’S APT - BEDROOM - NEXT MORNING 55

Peter, Paul and Marty are all cuddling in bed together. As

they wake up, each one very sweetly says good morning to the
two others individually so we hear “good morning” nine
separate times.

PETER/PAUL/MARTY
Good morning...good morning...good
morning...good morning...good
morning...

PETER
Wait Bobby’s calling me.

Peter picks up and puts Bobby on speaker.

BOBBY
Hey. Did you guys get my long
voicemail about Aaron?

PAUL
Oh so now you want our opinion?

BOBBY
Oh stop it c’mon you know I love
you, I want your advice.

PETER
Do you want us to be honest?

PAUL
He sounds like a total basket case.
 60.

MARTY
I’d move on.

BOBBY
Who is that? Is that fucking Marty?

PETER
Yeah. Marty’s here.

BOBBY
Thanks for chiming in, Marty.

56 INT. BOBBY’S APT. - THAT NIGHT 56

Bobby’s at home, making dinner, singing to himself while

periodically glancing over at his phone.

BOBBY
(singing)
“Don’t call him, don’t call him, do
not caaaaall himmm”

Bobby stares at his phone. Then, he grabs it and calls Aaron.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Hey. It’s me. Call me if you’re around.

DING. A text.

AARON TEXT
HEY WHATS UP?
Bobby calls Aaron again. It goes to voicemail again.

BOBBY TEXT
WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER UR PHONE?

AARON TEXT
WHO TALKS ON THE PHONE?

BOBBY TEXT
HAHA. WHAT’S UP?

AARON
SORRY I HAVEN’T REPLIED. JUST BUSY.

BOBBY
NO WORRIES. SAME. WANNA HANG SAT?
Dots appear and then disappear 3 times. Bobby squirms.

AARON TEXT
SURE.
 61.

57 EXT. CENTRAL PARK MEADOW - DAY 57

BOBBY
You sure you don’t want to join me
on this gigantic blanket?

AARON
Nah, I’m good.
CUT TO A WIDE OVERHEAD SHOT. Aaron lies on the grass, next to
Bobby’s very large blanket which has plenty of room.

BOBBY
So, what’s up? I haven’t heard from you
in a bit. Which is fine I guess but-

AARON
Wait sorry - you’ll love this. I
just got crazy news. That old high
school buddy of mine we ran into -

BOBBY
The sick one?

AARON
Yeah. He just came out. Broke up
with his fiancé. I had no clue!

BOBBY
Wow. Well, good for him I guess.
When did you come out?

AARON
In college. To my brother.

58 EXT. MONTANA WOODS - FLASHBACK - DAY 58

Aaron and his brother Jason are on a hunting trip in Montana.
Aaron is 20 and Jason is 22. They are in heavy hunting gear.
It is quiet.

AARON
I need to tell you something.

JASON
What’s up?

AARON
I’m gay.

JASON
Ha. Yeah right. You fucking with
me?
 62.

AARON
Nope.

Jason takes this in and then fires off a ton of loud gun
shots. It’s very jarring. Aaron flinches at the shots.

BOBBY (V.O.)
You came out to your brother while
you were hunting bighorn sheep?

AARON (V.O.)
Yup. How about you?

59 INT. YOUNG BOBBY’S PARENT’S LIVING ROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK) 59

SPLIT SCREEN between the hunting trip and young, 12 year old
Bobby in his parents’ living room belting “Maybe” from Annie
while Bobby’s proud parents watch and beam.

BOBBY (V.O.)
It was pretty similar to yours.
As young Bobby sings on one side of the screen, Jason fires a
loud round of gun shots on the other side which overlap with
Bobby’s song. Jason yells -

DANNY BOBBY’S PARENTS

Got ‘er! Bravo!!! BRAVO!!!

Bobby’s very supportive parents give him a standing ovation.

60 EXT. CENTRAL PARK MEADOW - AS BEFORE 60

AARON
You were a confident little gay boy.

BOBBY
I guess so, yeah. Are things ok
with your brother now?

AARON
We’re fine. I mean, I don’t talk to
him about guys or anything. But
it’s fine.
Bobby clocks Aaron staring at some hot frat boys playing football.

BOBBY
Look, I need you to be honest. You’re
not into me, right? I’m not your type?
It’s fine, I can handle it. I just
need to know.
(MORE)
 63.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Because I don’t do this very often -
and this is why - so please just tell
me so I don’t waste my time.

AARON
Bobby, it’s not that. You’re a
handsome guy.

BOBBY
Then why are you being so weird and
passive aggressive?

AARON
Look, you’re just... you’re just very
intense and you have very high
expectations for people.

BOBBY
So what’s wrong with that?
Aaron turns away.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You like dumb guys.

AARON
What?

BOBBY
You heard me. You like these big,
dumb, basic, conventional idiots.
Why? I don’t get it. You’re smart.

AARON
I don’t know. I told you I like to
keep things simple. It’s just how I
am. It’s just easier. Not everyone
is looking to be challenged ok?

BOBBY
I don’t have to challenge you! I
can be simple! I can be chill! I’ll
be chill like your boys! Look,
Aaron! Look how chill I am!

Bobby sprawls out on the blanket, attempting very awkwardly

to look relaxed. Aaron laughs then looks back at the football
players roughhousing, clearly fixated on them. Suddenly,
Bobby shoves Aaron hard.

AARON
Hey! What are you doing?
 64.

BOBBY
I’m pushing you! I’m pushing you! I
can be tough! Don’t stereotype me!

Bobby shoves him hard again.

AARON
Stop it!

BOBBY
No! I’m just giving you what you
want! You want aggression, tough
guy? You want a fucking fight?
Bobby pushes Aaron. Aaron pushes Bobby back. It escalates. The
guys wrestle on the lawn. The football players rush over.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS
Hey calm down! Let’s cool it boys!
Suddenly, Aaron and Bobby are passionately making out. Not
knowing what to do, the football bros slowly back away.

AARON
My place is near here.

BOBBY
Let’s go the fuck home.

MUSIC CUE: “It Might Be You” from Tootsie

61 INT. AARON’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY 61

Aaron and Bobby are making out and wrestling on the bed,
playfully slapping, punching, shoving each other and pulling
each other’s hair. Things get increasingly kinky, all set to
the song IT MIGHT BE YOU. They each do hits of poppers and go
crazy on each other, they get lube out and start using it,
they consensually choke each other, they spit on each other,
Aaron sticks his whole hand in Bobby’s mouth, Bobby licks
Aaron’s biceps, maybe Aaron gives Bobby a rim job if there’s
a way to film that, etc etc. Eventually this turns into sex.
Aaron’s on top. Air gets stuck in Bobby’s butt as Aaron
thrusts, creating fart noises.

BOBBY
(with each fart noise)
Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry.

AARON
It’s ok. Just relax.
 65.

Aaron smiles. Bobby smiles too. They connect. Bobby takes a

deep breath and lets go. No more fighting. It’s intimate.

62 INT. AARON’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 62

Aaron and Bobby lay in bed. Aaron’s looking at his body.

BOBBY
That was fun.

AARON
It was. I love how your chest goes
in like that.

BOBBY
Yes it’s called a concave chest.
One of my many asymmetries. Thanks
for pointing it out.

AARON
I think it’s cool! I love how hairy
you are. You’re like Austin Powers!

BOBBY
Never thought I’d date someone who
knows Austin Powers but not Debra
Messing. Where did I go wrong?

AARON
Date someone? Um, are we dating?

BOBBY
Um, no. We’re not dating. I like to
think of it less as dating and more
as punching each other followed by
you listing off all my physical
deformities. We’re not dating. We
don’t date people, remember?

AARON
Oh I remember.

Bobby cuddles next to Aaron. They both look slightly

terrified. Bobby closes his eyes and allows himself to put
his weight on Aaron. Aaron starts petting his hair gently. We
watch the guys let go and relax into each other.

BOBBY
It’s so annoying how good a warm
body feels laying on another warm
body.
 66.

AARON
Yeah.

BOBBY
You are really good at sex. Like,
really good!

AARON
Ha, thanks. I guess everyone has
something they do well.

BOBBY
What are you talking about? You’re
good at your job.

AARON
I am. Except I hate it. It’s
stressful and it’s depressing and
it’s so fucking boring. I hate it.

Aaron dwells on this. Suddenly, he sits up abruptly, forcing

Bobby to do the same. He looks at Bobby very intensely.

AARON (CONT'D)
Ok I need to tell you something.

BOBBY
Oh no. Ok...

AARON
There was something I wanted to do.
When I was younger.

BOBBY
Oh. Cool. What was it?

AARON
I...I wanted to make little
chocolates.

Bobby stares at him completely dumbfounded.

BOBBY
You wanted to make little
chocolates?

AARON
Yeah. I was obsessed with chocolate
as a kid. I would look up all the
different chocolate brands in the
encyclopedia and see how they were
made.
(MORE)
 67.

AARON (CONT'D)
And I don’t mean just like M&Ms, I
mean like Ferrero Rocher and Amadei
in Tuscany and all these fancy
European chocolates. I used to tell
my parents I was going to the
arcade at the mall and then sneak
off to the Godiva. I loved how all
the chocolates were wrapped and I
thought about how I would design
them. And I knew my shit, I was
really serious about it. But what
was I gonna do with that? What was
I gonna be?

BOBBY
A chocolatier!

AARON
I’ve never told anyone that.

BOBBY
Why’d you tell me?

AARON
I don’t know. You have this big,
exciting life. I didn’t come from
one of those families where you
were encouraged to “find your
passion” or turn your hobby into a
career or whatever. I was just
supposed to get a good job that
paid well. My parents wanted me to
go to law school, so I did. Got a
good job, made good money. I did
what I thought I was supposed to
do.

BOBBY
But why don’t you just quit? Do
something else. Life is short. You
don’t need to stay in your
miserable job. You could be out in
the world, I don’t know, making
fudge! A hot gay chocolatier? Are
you kidding? You’d be huge!

AARON
Stop. I’m not quitting my job. You
make it sound so easy.

BOBBY
Well no, it’s not easy. It’s never
easy. You know what I have to do
this weekend?
(MORE)
 68.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I have to drag my deformed body up
to Provincetown and beg donors for
money. We need 5 million dollars or
we won’t make our opening. And it’s
Pride up there so the Museum has a
float in the parade but we can’t
just have any float cause the board
wants to do something special
so...ya know... nothing’s easy.

AARON
Oh. Well, maybe I could come?

BOBBY
To P-town?

AARON
Yeah. Could be fun. I mean it’s no
big deal if you don’t want me to.

BOBBY
No, I mean...sure...could be fun.

AARON
No big deal. Either way.

BOBBY
Ok. Yeah. Sure. Let’s do it.

Bobby leans back and they both look nervously up at the

ceiling. What are they getting themselves into?

63 EXT. GUEST HOUSE - PROVINCETOWN, MA. 63

Aaron and Bobby turn down a picturesque back lane and drive
up to a guest house. LOUIS, a gay man (60s) answers the door.

LOUIS
Welcome, welcome. I’m Louis. Let me
show you to your room.

64 INT. GUEST HOUSE - CONTINUOUS 64

Louis walks Bobby and Aaron down the hallway of his house.

BOBBY
This house is so beautiful. How
long have you had this place?

LOUIS
Well I’ve been coming to P-town
since 1976.
 69.

Aaron and Bobby notice the walls decorated with photos of a

group of young men from the late 70s.

AARON
Who are those guys?

LOUIS
That one’s me!

BOBBY
Whoa! Amazing! Look at you! You
were so hot!

Louis gives Bobby a withering glance.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I mean, you’re still so hot.

Louis look at them and raises his eyebrows really high up.

AARON
Wow your eyebrows go really high
up.

He raises them even higher.

AARON (CONT'D)
Now they’re even higher up.

BOBBY
Do any of these other guys still
come up here?

LOUIS
Oh no. By 1996 I think six of the
seven were gone. And I lost track
of the other one. Then I bought the
house in ‘99 when I realized that,
miraculously, I might actually
survive!

AARON
Wow. I’m so sorry.

LOUIS
What? Oh, thank you. What’re you
boys up to today?

BOBBY
I have a work thing this afternoon.

AARON
Then we’re just gonna take it easy.
 70.

LOUIS
Take it easy? You’re in P-town! Go
out. Have fun! You’ll be dead soon.
Here’s your room.

Louis opens a door to their room. It has a gorgeous view of

the bay.

65 INT. GUEST HOUSE BATHROOM - LATER 65

With the shower on, Aaron injects his butt with a small
syringe. Bobby knocks fast, walks in, sees it and runs out.

BOBBY
Oh shit - sorry! I thought you
were in the shower!

AARON
Why are you just walking in here?

Aaron sighs and looks in the mirror. Bobby knows he saw

something he shouldn’t.

AARON (CONT'D)
It’s just testosterone.

BOBBY
Isn’t that dangerous? Like for your
liver and balls and stuff?

AARON
Nah. Half the guys I know use it.

BOBBY
Yeah but half the guys you know are
roided out morons.

AARON
You don’t seem to mind when you’re
obsessing over my body.

BOBBY
Well... Ok. Um, I need to shower.

Aaron walks out and sits on the bed, embarrassed. Suddenly,

he hears Bobby in the shower singing “She’s Like the Wind”
along to the radio.

66 EXT. MODERN OCEANSIDE HOUSE - DAY 66

Bobby and Aaron approach a lovely beachside house.

 71.

AARON
You have a really nice voice.

BOBBY
What?

AARON
I heard you singing in the shower.

BOBBY
Well, that’s mortifying.

AARON
Wait, so, you’re asking this guy to
donate the remaining 5 million?

BOBBY
No way. If I can get one million
out of him I’ll take it. You don’t
want to scare anyone off by seeming
too needy. Kind of like with you!

AARON
Who’s Lawrence Grape again?

BOBBY
Biggest gay TV producer on the
planet. Gay and groundbreaking.

AARON
Did he do Modern Family?

BOBBY
No he did not do Modern Family.

AARON
My mom loves Modern Family. It made
her ok with me being gay.

BOBBY
Oh god.

The door flies open to reveal LAWRENCE GRAPE, TV MOGUL. He is

ageless and wearing what must be a $20,000 sweat suit that
says “SOLANGE WAS HERE?” on it.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
You must be with the museum. Come
in!

67 INT. LAWRENCE GRAPE’S HOUSE - DAY 67

Bobby sits across from Lawrence. Aaron sits next to Bobby.

 72.

BOBBY
Mr. Grape, we’re thinking the final
wing will be about Lincoln.

Lawrence is distracted as he excitedly dresses his two

puppies in ridiculous pride outifts for the parade. One is an
adorable small dog, the other is a very large greyhound.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
Love it, love Lincoln.

BOBBY
Few people realize our greatest
president was also --

Lawrence continues to futz with the costumes and the puppies.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
President. First gay president. Wow
look at those outfits.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
I had these made! And several
fittings later, here we are! (to
the dog) Who’s a proud puppy? Who’s
the proudest puppy? So this is a
Lincoln museum?

Lawrence struggles to put some sort of pride hat and little

pride shoes on the dogs.

BOBBY
No. It’s an LGBTQ museum, the
world’s first, we spoke last year -

LAWRENCE GRAPE
That damn bush.

Lawrence looks past Bobby and Aaron out the window. Bobby and
Aaron look behind them at a bush that’s growing outside.

LAWRENCE GRAPE (CONT'D)

My neighbor planted that fucking
bush and it blocks my view. Can you
believe that?

Lawrence abruptly leaves. In the BG we see him walk outside,

start to yank on the bush and argue with his neighbor.

BOBBY
This is a nightmare. He only cares
about putting pride outfits on his
dogs.
 73.

AARON
Ok, from my experience at my job,
weird rich people like to be
listened to. Maybe ask him what
he’s interested in.

BOBBY
But I don’t care what he’s
interested in! Fuck! Listening. Ok,
I’ll try it.

Lawrence returns.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
Boys, I have to get going -

Beat. Aaron nods at Bobby.

BOBBY
Lawrence, tell me - what do you
think should go in the museum? It
could be anything, anything at all.

Lawrence thinks. Bobby is about to speak, Aaron stops him.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
The final wing of the museum should
be a haunted house of gay trauma.

BOBBY
What?

LAWRENCE GRAPE
You get in a cart on a track and
you hear some muted 1950s music,
like Richie Valens or something --

BOBBY
So this is a ride?

Aaron puts his hand on Bobby’s arm.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
Yeah it’s a fucking ride. Unless
you think a ride is too much --

BOBBY
No, not at all. Tell me more.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
We find ourselves in an intimate
little bar with some young
animatronic men.
(MORE)
 74.

LAWRENCE GRAPE (CONT'D)

And the men turn to dance with each
other when suddenly BOOM! A cop car
smashes through the wall and police
show up and there’s sirens and
batons and voices screaming and the
cart takes off roller coaster style
and then there’s blood everywhere
and a monster with Reagan’s face
chases the cart backwards down the
hallway Pirates of the Caribbean
style and then boom we shoot out
into the light and...it ends happy
on like a rainbow or something.
Point is we gotta shove people’s
faces in our trauma. Force them to
confront it: this is what it was
like being a gay man in the 20th
century.

Bobby doesn’t know what to say.

BOBBY
A gay trauma-coaster. Very
provocative! But I’m not sure we
can afford that.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
Ok. Well, it was lovely meeting you-

AARON
Mr. Grape - I’m not a creative guy
but I am a money guy. And I can
tell you to accomplish what you
want, we’d need more than a little
donation. We need five million
dollars. And you won’t just get
your gay trauma-coaster. You get
the Lincoln exhibit, you get all of
it. You rewrite history for the
entire LGBTQ community. You’re a
storyteller, Lawrence. And this is
the ultimate story.

LAWRENCE GRAPE
But you already pushed the opening
twice. Is this really happening?

BOBBY
It’s happening! I promise!

LAWRENCE GRAPE
Five million seems like a low
number to rewrite history. I’m in!
 75.

BOBBY
Oh my god, really??? Thank you!!

LAWRENCE GRAPE
Congrats on my money. Happy Pride!

68 EXT. LAWRENCE GRAPE'S HOUSE 68

Bobby and Aaron step out of the house.

BOBBY
OH MY GOD AARON! YOU’RE A GENIUS!
“You’re a storyteller?” Where the
hell did that come from?

AARON
I told you - I’m good at talking to
weird rich folks. It’s the only
thing I know how to do. I could
tell he had more money to spend.

BOBBY
Aaron! This is crazy! I don’t even
know what to say! Thank you! Shit,
I’m late! I’ve gotta get on the
float. See you after?

Bobby kisses Aaron quickly. As Bobby runs off:

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I kissed you! Are we kissing each
other now? I don’t know! Bye!

69 EXT. COMMERCIAL STREET IN PROVINCETOWN - THE PRIDE PARADE 69

We’re in the middle of the Pride Parade. All 6 Museum board

members are on a float to promote the LGBTQ Museum. They are
dressed in skin tight, spandex modern dance costumes - full
body stockings which cover their heads so only their faces
stick out. They begin doing an absurd modern dance on the
float as a tribute to black LGBTQ icon Alvin Ailey, which
they clearly choreographed themselves.

The small float just ahead of theirs is filled with fabulous

drag queens in colorful outfits blasting club music and
dancing. The float just behind theirs is the Gay Bear float,
filled with shirtless, plus-sized gay bears guzzling beers,
eating, dancing and getting rowdy as they blast Classic Rock.
 76.

While doing a particularly feminine looking dance step, Bobby

looks down at the crowd and locks eyes with Aaron, who’s now
tipsy and watching the parade with his friends. Bobby is
mortified wearing this deeply unsexy costume.

Next to Aaron are 3 young, drunk, Gen Z queer friends, all in

costume dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West, complete
with green faces etc, all holding phones. They notice Bobby
on the float. Aaron overhears them as they snicker.

WITCH #1
Ugh, why does Bobby Leiber get to
run the gay museum? I can’t stand
him.

WITCH #2
I know. He’s so loud and obnoxious.
He is way too much. And he’s not
even cute!

WITCH #3
He has no style. If you’re gonna be
that irritating at least wear cool
shoes or a fun sock.

WITCH #1
Oh my god you have to tweet that!

WITCH #3
No one likes him except for
straight people and old queens.

WITCH #2
Plus he looks like when Shrek turns
back into a human.

Witch #2 shows them a pic of human Shrek on his phone. It

does look like Bobby. They all snicker and cackle. As the
witches cackle and laugh, a drunk Aaron butts in.

AARON
Hey who the fuck are you guys?

WITCH #1
Excuse me? We’re the Gay Twitter
Witches. Everyone knows us and
everyone wants to be us. We have
126,000 followers.

WITCH #2
And we’re not afraid to tell it
like it is while selling makeup.
 77.

AARON
Do you even know Bobby? He’s
actually a good person and he works
his ass off.

WITCH #1
Well he must’ve worked his ass off
cause it’s totally flat! And who
the fuck are you, you fucking
roided out pretty boy?

WITCH #3
Oh my god an old white muscle queen
who thinks he’s still relevant? Is
it 1998? Am I watching Third Rock
from the Sun?!

WITCH #2
You’re old!

A drunk Witch #2 shoves Aaron.

AARON
Hey! Don’t do that.

He shoves Aaron again.

AARON (CONT'D)
I’m warning you -

WITCH #3
Bring it on, you do nothing, old,
capitalist, cis gay bro-bot!

Aaron shoves him back. BOBBY AND WANDA ARE now at the front
of their float, giving a speech to the crowd.

BOBBY
Pride Week is so important, because
it’s not just a party, it’s about
solidarity -

The Gay Twitter Witch shoves Aaron. Aaron shoves him back.

WANDA
Today is a day about self-love and
about loving and respecting our
community -

The Gay Twitter Witch SLAPS Aaron. Aaron tries to slap back
but misses.
 78.

BOBBY
We may have a long way to go but
we’ve also made so much progress -

THE GAY TWITTER WITCHES ARE NOW KICKING AARON IN THE SHINS. A
SMALL BRAWL BREAKS OUT IN THE CROWD. One of the gay twitter
witches calls after security.

GAY TWITTER WITCH

Officer please - someone from Gen X
just touched me!

ANGLE ON THE BEAR FLOAT where a bunch of bears eat and grill
burgers, hot dogs and ribs.

SUDDENLY, A BEAR ON THE BEAR FLOAT NOTICES THE FIGHT

WANDA
Most of all we want to say we love
you and we’ve never been so proud!

ROWDY BEAR
PRIDE FIGHT!!!!!

The rowdy drunk bear throws food at Aaron and the gay
witches. The drag queens get hit.

ANGLE ON THE DRAQ QUEEN FLOAT

DRAG QUEEN
Oh we never get to do this. I am so
ready for this.

ANGLE ON A GROUP OF LESBIANS

LESBIANS
Oh let’s do this. It. Is. On.

ANGLE ON A GROUP OF GUYS DRESSED AS CUB SCOUTS

CUB SCOUT GUY

You heard the bear!

EVERYONE
Ahhhhhhh!

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE AT THE PRIDE PARADE! Some of the bears
are fighting, some of the bears are scared and crying. The
bears and drag queens jump off their floats and start
fighting in the crowd.

ANGLE ON DRAG QUEEN and a BEAR holding each other and sort of
fighting awkwardly with one hand while both are filming each
other with the other hand.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 79.

BEAR
I need approval before you post
that.

DRAG QUEEN
I need approval before you post
that!

The drag queen float stops short and one of the drag queens
throws up on an adorable grandma below her chanting “I Love
My Gay Son!” (ALT: Chanting “Love is love is love!”)

ANGLE ON A STRAIGHT FAMILY

STRAIGHT LIBERAL MOM

I support you! I support you all!

PAULA, a lesbian, punches the straight mom. *

PAULA *
We don’t need your support!

STRAIGHT LIBERAL DAD

Please don’t hurt us! We never
watched POSE but wew’ve supported
Billy Porter from afar!

ANGLE ON A GROUP OF BORED GAYS standing right next to the

fighting but completely blase and unfazed.

BORED GAY
This is so boring.

SECOND BORED GAY

There are not hot guys here.

BORED GAY
Shoud we just do our drugs now?

Drag queens, lesbians and bears all push, shove and throw
punches. The bored gays lean in.

BORED GAY (CONT'D)

Do you know where the house party
is? (they ignore him. He leans in
again but just as unfazed.) Do you
know guys know where the house
party is?(he gives up) I’ll text
Garrettt.

SECOND BORED GAY

Should we just do our drugs now?

ANGLE ON LOUIS AND HIS FRIEND, an OLDER GAY

 80.

OLDER GAY
I don’t understands why these
children are fighting. The fight is
over - we won!

LOUIS
Exactly. Pete Buttigieg proved that
gay men can be exactly what gay men
have always wanted to be -
Secretary of Transportation.

Bobby and Wanda look down at the crowd and see Aaron in the
middle of the fight.

BOBBY
Oh my god.

ROBERT sneaks up on Bobby.

ROBERT
Well, well, well...looks like your
little boyfriend RUINED PRIDE.

Wanda’s still at the mic talking to the crowd.

WANDA
We hope to see you all at the LGBTQ
Museum! REPRESENTATION MATTERS!

Cut back to all the queers in the crowd fighting. Bobby jumps
off the float, heads into the crowd and drags Aaron away.

AARON
They were making fun of you!

BOBBY
Aaron you can’t hit people!

AARON
Those gay twitter witches hit me
first! I was defending you!

BOBBY
You were?

AARON
Yeah!

Bobby looks at Aaron, surprised and touched by this.

BOBBY
Well, physical violence is never
the answer but...thank you.
 81.

Bobby touches Aaron’s face softly.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Is your head okay?

Aaron nods.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
C’mon. Let’s go. Fucking Pride.

The bored gays walk past them.

SECOND BORED GAY

Should we just do our drugs now?

70 EXT. GUEST HOUSE, PRIVATE BEACH - SUNSET 70

Aaron comes out of the water. He looks insanely hot. Bobby

sits on the beach admiring Aaron as Aaron walks over to him.

BOBBY
I still can’t believe what you did
with Lawrence. That was amazing.

Aaron shrugs.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
It’s not too late, you know? You
could quit your job. You could do
anything! Open a chocolate shop!

AARON
I’m not quitting my job to open a
chocolate shop. I don’t have your
confidence.

BOBBY
I’m not that confident.

AARON
You’re literally the most confident
person I’ve ever met. Like, to a
fault. It’s actually scary.

BOBBY
Trust me - it’s all an act. You
think I sing well now? I was even
better when I was a kid. Had
American Idol existed then I
would’ve been the gay guy with an
amazing voice who comes in second.

Aaron laughs.
 82.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
So then I started taking acting
classes and in college my musical
theater teacher told me I had a
"gay walk" and a "flamboyant
quality" which would “limit my
options.” Then for grad school I
went to one of the best journalism
schools in the country, and a
professor - this closeted queen who
was married to a woman - pulled me
aside and thought he was doing me a
favor when he told me that I should
stick to writing because my voice
was too gay to do the news on TV.
My gay history books? Every single
publisher I met with told me there
wasn't enough of an audience for
it. I was always "too gay" or "too
niche" or I made people
uncomfortable. And if you hear all
of that for years, no matter who
you are, you start to worry that
maybe it's true. But what else was
I going to do? That's who I am! So
I just put my head down and I did
the work and I just hoped that,
somehow, against all odds, all
those other people were somehow
wrong.
(beat)
And they were. Which is why you
can’t trust anybody.

Beat.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
TMI?

Aaron doesn’t respond right away. Then:

AARON
Want another beer?

BOBBY
Sure.

Aaron pops open two beers and sits down next to Bobby.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Did I weird you out? Was that too
much?

Aaron grabs Bobby and kisses him passionately.

 83.

MUSIC CUE: “Love and Affection” by Joan Armatrading

BOBBY (CONT'D)
God I love this song.

Bobby gets up, closes his eyes and starts doing a strange,
stiff dance, only swaying his head while his body is still.

AARON
That’s an interesting dance.

BOBBY
Excuse me? At least I dance!

AARON
I can dance.

BOBBY
Oh really? I’ve never seen it.

Aaron stands close to Bobby. He then starts spastically but

passionately flailing his arms and legs to the music, like
doing little jabs with them. He is rhythmless but his passion
is adorable. Bobby starts to crack up. Aaron’s movements get
bigger and wilder as he spastically dances around Bobby.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
And you don’t think you have
confidence?

WIDE SHOT of Bobby doing his weird stiff dance while Aaron
does his flailing dance around the beach as the sun sets.

A71 INT. GUEST HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT A71

Bobby and Aaron make sweet love. Aaron is on top. Then

suddenly he flips over.

AARON
Fuck me.

BOBBY
Um, are you sure? When was the last
time you did that?

AARON
It’s been a while. But I want to.

Bobby flips him over and tops him for the first time. In the
throws of passion, Bobby starts singing along to the song we
hear underscoring the scene - “SHE’S LIKE THE WIND.”
 84.

AARON (CONT'D)
I love your voice but could you
maybe not sing during sex?

They laugh and collapse on each other.

71 OMITTED 71
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 85.

72 EXT. GUEST HOUSE - AFTERNOON 72

Aaron and Bobby drive back to NYC.
MUSIC CUE: Bette Midler’s cover of “Beast of Burden”

73 INT. WORLD WAR I CARDIO CLASS 73

Aaron and Bobby now take the class together. We can tell by
the changing colors on the leaves in the park that its now
fall. Bobby’s the “hurt soldier.” Aaron carries him through
the class.

74 INT. BOBBY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 74

Bobby works at his desk. Aaron starts kissing his shoulder.

BOBBY
Hon, I can’t now. I’m working.

Aaron walks off. Then, from the corner of frame, a soft penis
and balls appear and rest gently on Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby
turns, startled. Aaron scoops Bobby up romantically.

A 75 EXT. STREET - DAY A 75*

Bobby, Aaron, Tina, Edgar and Hannah all trick or treat in *

Minions costumes. Brian is dressed as Freddie Mercury. *

75 INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - THANKSGIVING NIGHT 75

It’s a big Thanksgiving dinner. Bobby’s friend group, along
with Aaron, eat a big holiday meal. The friends love Aaron.

76 EXT. STREET - A CHRISTMAS TREE LOT 76

Aaron and Bobby struggle carrying a large Christmas tree.

77 EXT. STREET 77

Aaron and Bobby struggle to carry a HUGE 6 ft tall menorah.

A78 INT. THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - MANHATTAN A78

Bobby and Aaron walk through a lovely sweets shop that’s

decorated for the holidays. They’re buying treats for Bobby’s
holiday party.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 85A.

We see chocolate Santas, Rudolphs, snowmen etc. Aaron points

out little chocolates he likes and passionately describes
them to Bobby.
 86.

78 INT. BOBBY’S APARTMENT 78

A big holiday party. A crew of handsome gays spill in,
including Josh Evans. Aaron and Bobby mingle separately.

JOSH
Holy shit! Aaron! What’s up man? I
was wondering when I’d run into you!

AARON
How’s it going man? Wow. Congrats
on everything.

JOSH
Yeah, it’s crazy. I met these guys
at the gym and they invited me.

AARON
Awesome. Glad you’re here. What
have you been up to?

JOSH
I got a new tat today. Just to
like, remember this moment. It’s
the Empire State Building but
instead of King Kong, that’s me.
And in my hand, instead of that
lady, I’m holding a smaller me.

Josh lifts his shirt to show Aaron. Bobby watches from across
the room. Josh is ripped. Aaron looks impressed and flexes
his bicep to show Aaron his tattoo. Bobby clocks all of this.

79 INT. BOBBY’S APT. - LATER THAT NIGHT 79

Everyone is super drunk now and things are getting rowdy. Two
large Santas are making out with each other. Aaron is standing
with Josh, waving some mistletoe. He calls Bobby over.

AARON
Bobby, come over here.
A drunk Bobby walks over. Aaron grabs him and they make out.

AARON (CONT'D)
Josh wants to kiss you too. Don’t
blame him. It’s the mistletoe!!!

Bobby looks at Josh, who seems like he’s into it. Bobby and
Josh make out. Then Aaron makes out with Josh. A very short
muscular man walks up to them.
 87.

STEVE
Hi, I’m Steve.

AARON JOSH
Hi Steve! Hi Steve!
Bobby is not as thrilled about Steve.

80 INT. BOBBY’S BEDROOM 80

A four-way ensues. Aaron is making out with Josh on the bed.
Bobby and Steve are awkwardly staring at each other.

STEVE
Hey I’ll give you a massage if you
give me a massage.

BOBBY
Uh ok.

Bobby starts massaging Steve.

STEVE
Lower. Lower. Higher. Right there!
I got real tight ham strings.

Bobby finds himself giving Steve an intense sports massage,

kneading his thighs like dough.

STEVE (CONT'D)
Harder please.

BOBBY
I am not a professional masseur.

Bobby looks over and Aaron is now really going at it with

Josh.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Aaron. Aaron. I think we’re done
here!
All of a sudden, Henry bursts in.

HENRY
Ignore me! I think my scarf is in
here. I cannot lose another scarf!

BOBBY
Oh my God!
All four guys scramble to get under the sheets to hide their naked
bodies. Henry looks at Aaron and Bobby in bed and they crack up.
 88.

81 INT. BOBBY’S APT - THE NEXT MORNING 81

Bobby and Aaron are hungover and cuddle on the couch. Aaron
gets a text from his mom.

AARON
Ugh sorry my mom won’t stop texting
me.

BOBBY
When do your folks get here again?

AARON
The 21st. She wants to do the whole
“magical Christmas in NY” thing.
They love sightseeing.

BOBBY
Well, if you need me I’ll be home
alone hate-watching Hallheart
Christmas movies. Though if I’m
being honest sometimes I’m not sure
I’m hate-watching them. I may just
be...watching them. I’m only human.

AARON
(hesitant)
Well... would you wanna spend
Christmas with me? And...my folks?

BOBBY
Really? Are you sure? Cause I’m
totally fine alone.

AARON
No! You shouldn’t be alone. That’s
crazy.

BOBBY
I don’t know... Are you sure?

AARON
Yeah.

BOBBY
Well...ok! Yeah, that would be fun!
You’re sure?

AARON
Yeah. Just don’t mention my whole
job thing. They’re very proud I’m a
lawyer.
 89.

BOBBY
Of course. And no one knows this
city better than me! I will plan
the ultimate New York Christmas.

AARON
Amazing. Just keep in mind my
parents are quiet folks from a
small town upstate. They’re sweet
but, you know, just be chill.

BOBBY
I can be chill!

Aaron gives him a look.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I promise I won’t embarrass you.

82 EXT. STREET IN NYC - NIGHT 82

Bobby shows Aaron’s parents and his brother holiday windows.

BOBBY
And Mrs. Shepard, those are the
first holiday windows to ever
feature genderless puppets telling
the story of A Christmas Carol.
Which is so important. There were
never LGBTQ characters in the
stories we read as kids. There’s
no gay Cinderella. There’s no
lesbian Rapunzel. There’s no non-
binary Ebenezer Scrooge.

AARON
I think they get it.

ANNE
New York is so fun. I’ve always
wanted to bring my students here!

BOBBY
Jason next time you should bring
your kids!

ANNE
They were supposed to come but they
wanted to stay home with their mom.

JASON
Yeah. It’s OK.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 90.

Aaron can tell Jason is upset. He makes eye contact with

Jason. Jason looks back at him but no one says anything.

ANNE
Boys, we have to go! I told Josh
Evans we’d meet him at the
Hallheart Christmas Movie Pop Up
Village!

AARON
We’re seeing Josh Evans?

BOBBY
THERE’S A HALLHEART CHRISTMAS MOVIE
POP UP VILLAGE???

83 EXT. HALLHEART CHRISTMAS VILLAGE - LATER 83

A pop up “holiday village” in Bryant Park. *

ANNE
This is so beautiful!

Josh enters wearing shorts in winter like a total psychopath.

ANNE (CONT'D)
Oh, there’s Josh!

JOSH
Hey fellas! How’s Hallheart Village
treatin’ ya? You see that gay movie
they did? That was kinda dope.

BOBBY
Yeah. For years they ignored us.
Now their audience has gotten 10%
less homophobic so we’re a new
demographic they can sell shit to.
I mean, look at these movies.

Bobby points at a display with all the Hallheart movie

posters.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
“Have Yourself A Heteronormative
Little Christmas.” “Homosexual
Atheists in Toyland.” “It’s A
Wonderful Life But With Gay Guys.”
“Home Alone But With Sarah
Paulson.” “Have Yourself A Merry
Little Nas Xmas.” And “How the
Grinch Stole Chris!” It’s pathetic.
 91.

AARON
I assumed you’d think it was
progress?

BOBBY
Well I don’t.

AARON’S MOM
Josh! Come get skates! I want you
and Aaron on the ice for old time’s
sake! Bobby, Aaron and Josh played
hockey together in high school!

Josh heads towards her.

AARON
Can’t you take it down a notch?

BOBBY
What’re you talking about?

AARON
We’ve only been with my parents two
hours and you’ve already mentioned
transgender mannequins, HIV
prevention and you pointed out the
route for the 1976 Dyke March.

BOBBY
They’re fine. What is your problem?

AARON
I’m nervous ok? I’ve never
introduced them to anyone. I don’t
want them to get weirded out. I
just wanna have like a chill,
normal time.

BOBBY
I’m just being myself.

AARON
Well can you maybe be a little bit
less of yourself? Just for like 3
hours? I want them to like you.

BOBBY
(hurt but covering)
Oh. Ok. Sure. I’ll just...be quiet.

PETER
BOBBY!!! Oh my god, hi!!!
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 92.

Suddenly they all turn around and PETER, PAUL, AND MARTY are
walking towards them holding hands. *

AARON
(under his breath)
Oh Jesus Christ.

BOBBY
We should go. We have a
reservation.

AARON
Where’s dinner again?

84 INT. THEME RESTAURANT - NIGHT 84

A very flamboyant singing waiter is finishing up belting out

“I’M FLYING” from Peter Pan either on a small stage or in
between the tables at a restaurant where the servers
sometimes break out into song.

SINGING WAITER
(singing to a track)
“I’m flying...look at me, way up
high, suddenly here I am, I’m
flyyyyinggggg!”

The diners including Aaron’s family applauds.

AARON
How’re the Polar Bears doing, dad?
(to Bobby)
That’s the team Josh and I were on.

Bobby smiles and nods. He doesn’t seem like himself. He’s

clearly trying hard to seem quiet and not say much.

BRUCE
Haven’t won all year. I told Josh
they need you boys to come back!

They all laugh. Bobby puts on the weird “polite” smile again
and nods without making sound.

ANNE
Bobby, you seem quiet tonight. Is
everything alright?

BOBBY
Me? Oh yes I’m fine. I’m sorry, I
hope I didn’t talk too much today.
This is actually how I usually am.
I’m very quiet.
(MORE)
 93.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Very quiet and just very, very
normal. Most people think I’m
straight.

Aaron sighs. His parents are confused but laugh politely.

ANNE
Well, thank you again for planning
such a lovely day. It was perfect.

BOBBY
You’re so welcome, Mrs. Shepard.

ANNE
But you have to stop calling me
Mrs. Shepard. You sound like one of
my students! Call me Anne.

BOBBY
Ok I will!

AARON
Mom’s been teaching 2nd grade for
almost 40 years now.

BOBBY
That’s so great. Good teachers are
so important, now more than ever.

ANNE
Thank you, I agree! And Aaron says
you’re working in an American
History Museum?

BOBBY
Well...yes. Yes it is. It’s an
American History Museum.

Bobby takes a sip of his drink.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Well, specifically, it’s an LGBTQ
History Museum. It’s actually the
first major queer history museum in
America. Do you teach your students
any gay history? I know in a few
states they’re finally teaching it.

ANNE
Well I teach 2nd grade so, no.

BOBBY
Ah. Right. I see.
 94.

Bobby takes a sip of his drink.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Out of curiosity, why not?

ANNE
Well, second grade - I think
they’re a little young for that.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m sure that
history is fascinating, I just
think that’s a little young.

BOBBY
Right, right. I understand.
(beat)
I don’t think so though.

AARON
Bobby.

BOBBY
If I may disagree. Respectfully.
Honestly that’s the best time to
teach them - when they’re young.
That way they have an appreciation
for LGBT people before they start
bullying each other or hating
themselves if they’re gay.

ANNE
Well, maybe you’re right.

Anne takes a sip of her drink.

ANNE (CONT'D)
Feels a little young though.

BOBBY
Oh totally. I get it.

Bobby takes a sip of his drink.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
It’s not though. You should think
about it. Illinois passed a law
that mandates LGBT history be
taught in elementary schools. So
did New Jersey.

ANNE
Oh I know, dear. It just - it just
feels a little young.
 95.

BOBBY
I understand. I’ll drop it! Agree
to disagree!

ANNE
Cheers to that!

They all laugh and clink glasses.

BOBBY
It’s not really that young though.
It’s not that young.

AARON
Can you please drop this?

BOBBY
Well no I can’t. We’re talking
about gay kids here, it’s
important. Look at the things we
teach kids all the time. We keep
gay people a secret to 5 year olds
but they literally know everything
about mermaids??

AARON
Oh my God.

BOBBY
I’m telling you - one of the things
that saved me is that my parents
exposed me to gay stories when I
was young. When I was 12 years old
we saw a Broadway play called “Love
and Compassion” about gay men
spending a summer on Fire Island.
And all of a sudden the curtain
goes up and there are 7 completely
naked gay men on stage. There I am
at age 12 - sitting in between my
mom and dad - looking at 7 soft
penises. And it. was. wonderful.
And then two men start kissing. And
then they start talking dirty. At
one point one of them yelled out
“Pound my prostate! Pound my
prostate!” - Anne, I swear I didn’t
even know what that was! But it was
amazing. It had a profound effect
on me. To know that I could sit
there with my parents and see seven
soft penises - seven penises, Anne -
I was 12 - and to know my parents
were ok with that?
(MORE)
 96.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
My point is, we need to remove the
stigma from all of this so gay kids
can feel good about themselves. I
mean, look at Aaron and how much he
hates his life-

AARON
Bobby -

BOBBY
I’m just saying, there is a direct
correlation between how unhappy you
are and what you didn’t learn about
your potential as a child -

AARON
Bobby. What is wrong with you? He’s
just performing. This is what he
does.

BOBBY
Performing? This is the truth about
gay kids, some of whom are in your
class, Anne. We’re all accountable!

AARON
Enough. Seriously. I will kill you.

ANNE (V.O.)
(with real worry and
concern)
Aaron - you hate your life?

Suddenly waiters start to sing the “RAMA LAMA LAMA” bridge

from “We Go Together” from Grease while they dance joyously
around the table, circling the family.

85 EXT. THEME RESTAURANT - NIGHT. 85

Bobby and Aaron wave goodbye as the parents drive off.

BOBBY
Well your brother’s a real
chatterbox.

Aaron remains silent. He hails a cab.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Hey. Are you mad?
 97.

AARON
(clearly mad)
Me? Nah. I’m great. Josh is texting
me. I’m gonna go to this bar.

BOBBY
I think we should talk about this.

AARON
Oh you wanna talk more?

BOBBY
I think it’s more important than
going to party with Josh the Self
Loathing Giant who took 35 years to
come out.

AARON
Not everyone’s you, Bobby.

BOBBY
Ok but 35 years? My god, J.R.R.
Tolkien took less time with his
journey.

AARON
God, you are fucking relentless.

Aaron gets in a cab and slams the door as it drives off.

BOBBY
Fuck!!!

Bobby paces. He jumps in a cab and follows Aaron.

86 INT. GAY BAR 86

Bobby walks through the bar but can’t find Aaron.

87 EXT. GAY BAR ALLEY 87

Josh and Aaron are in an alley outside the bar. They’re drunk
and kinda flirty. Josh tries to kiss him. Aaron pulls away.

AARON
Whoa whoa whoa -

Josh tries again. This time Aaron lets it happen.

 98.

88 EXT. GAY BAR ALLEY - CONTINUOUS 88

Bobby walks outside and sees Aaron and Josh making out.

BOBBY
Aaron! What the fuck are you doing?

Aaron pulls away from Josh.

AARON
Oh shit. Bobby it’s nothing, we
were just playing around.

BOBBY
You were just playing around? What
the fuck is wrong with you??

JOSH
This is my fault. I’m sorry man. I
kissed him. It’s not his -

BOBBY
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

Josh stumbles away.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
What the hell are you doing?

AARON
Bobby, calm down.

BOBBY
My God I was so fucking stupid! I
knew it from the beginning and I
tried to tell myself it wasn’t
true! Cause I see the guys you look
at Aaron! All these wannabe
straight fucking bros, at the club,
in the park. Everywhere we go.
Josh? Fucking Josh??

AARON
That’s not true-

BOBBY
Then just go be with them Aaron! If
that’s what you want. But I will
not let you drag me into this any
further and I will not let you
break my heart. I am too smart for
that.
 99.

AARON
Bobby! God! Let me speak! You think
you’re so perfect? You think you
never do anything wrong? Why did
you say that shit about me in front
of my parents? I begged you not to
embarrass me. But you couldn’t help
yourself! What is wrong with you?

BOBBY
Oh don’t turn this around on me.
This is all on you. “Tone it down,
Bobby.” “Take it down a notch,
Bobby.” “Can’t you just be a little
bit less of yourself?” Fuck you.
How dare you. You don’t think I
know what that means? You don’t
think I know what that’s code for?
You don’t think I’ve heard that my
whole fucking life? I didn’t come
this far just to have a self-
loathing sad aging frat boy tell me
I’m embarrassing. All of a sudden I
embarrass you? I will not apologize
for who I am. I will leave that to
you.

AARON
Oh my God Bobby I am so sick of
this whole self-righteous act. Stop
being so fucking dramatic. I wasn’t
asking you to “change who you are.”
I was just asking you to be
sensitive about my insecurities in
front of my parents. And yes I know
that’s pathetic for a 38 year old
man but I’m a fucking human ok? And
I just wanted you to be a little
understanding. But no - you had to
turn it into The Bobby Show and
make it about you like you always
do. Who does that? I got drunk and
kissed an old friend behind a bar.
I’m not saying it was right. And
I’m sorry. But don’t act so
virtuous because you’re just a
selfish mess like the rest of us.

BOBBY
But what exactly were you so
embarrassed by today? Huh? That’s
what I want to know. That I talked
about what I do? That I sound the
way I sound?
(MORE)
 100.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
That I couldn’t keep up with you
and Josh during your little hockey
game? Or that no matter how much
you like me I am still not as hot
to you as a real man? Isn’t that
right Aaron? Just fucking say it
because I already know.

Aaron doesn’t respond. Bobby is devastated.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I can’t believe I trusted you.
Simple men. With bad taste. Never
trust them.

AARON
You can trust me -

BOBBY
It’s fine. I’m fine. But you are
who you are, Aaron. You like what
you like. And I know how this ends.
And it does not end well for me.
And we don’t have to put each other
through this. Isn’t that the great
thing about being guys like you and
me? Because I have never needed
this. Until now. And I am mad at
you for making me want it.

Bobby starts to walk off.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Look, maybe we’re just not
relationship people. I guess we
knew that. It’s ok. We tried.

Bobby starts to walk away, fighting back tears. As he does a

man approaches with a clipboard.

PRODUCER
Bobby, I’m so sorry but do you mind
signing this release?

BOBBY
Wait, what? Release for what?

PRODUCER
There are cameras here. We’re
filming a new Netflix series.
(MORE)
 101.

PRODUCER (CONT'D)
It’s called “Dude, Where’s My
Dude?” It’s like “Dude Where’s My
Car” but instead of looking for a
car we follow these hot, recently
out male athletes looking for love
with other hot recently out male
athletes. We’re following Josh
Evans in this episode.

BOBBY
Are you fucking kidding me? Get the
fuck out of here!! You’re filming
Josh Evans? You think it’s hard to
be gay for 6 weeks? Try being gay
for 40 fucking years!!!

A camera crew rushes up to Bobby. He pushes them away and

storms off.

89 INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - NEW YEAR’S EVE 89

A sad, disheveled Bobby is curled up watching TV. The apt is

a mess. Empty pizza boxes, whiskey, and candles from a
menorah melted on to a copy of GAY LINCOLN.

HALLHEART TV ANNOUNCER
“And now, Hallheart proudly
presents our first polyamorous
holiday film, “A Holly, Poly
Christmas.”

On TV, 7 lovers stand on a pretty, Christmas-y street.

POLYAMOROUS MAN
Look! It’s snowing! It’s snowing on
all 7 of us!!!

The 7 lovers on TV all embrace. Bobby tears up. He switches

to watching a Queer Eye makeover and now sobs uncontrollably.

BOBBY
What is happening to me???

But Queer Eye gives him an idea...

90 EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY 90

Bobby FaceTimes with Henry.

BOBBY
I want steroids.
 102.

HENRY
What? No you don't. You’re insane.

BOBBY
I just want to try it!

HENRY
Bobby -

BOBBY
I keep working out but I don’t get
bigger! I wanna be big.

HENRY
But how big do you wanna be?

BOBBY
I wanna be big like The Rock. I
wanna be so big people think I’m
headed back to Jumanji. I wanna be
fucking HUGE.

HENRY
You know steroids don’t make you
big on their own, right? You still
have to work out and you can’t miss
the window.

BOBBY
I know! Let’s do it!!!

91 INT. BOBBY’S BATHROOM - DAY 91

Bobby's nervous to give himself the steroid injection. He

closes his eyes and jabs the needle in. It hurts.

92 INT. CRUNCH GYM - LATER THAT DAY 92

Bobby sees Joel about to bench press. He walks over to

introduce himself but loses his confidence. In SLO-MO, Bobby
turns his baseball cap around to look more like a BRO. Bobby
changes his personality and does a fake, deep, bro-y voice.

JOEL
Sup.

BOBBY
Sup.

There are two 45 lb plates on the bar. Joel loads up six more
plates, way more than Bobby could possibly help him with.
 103.

JOEL
Can you spot me bro?

Joel lies down under the bar and starts to strain on the bar.

JOEL (CONT'D)
Gonna need some help here, bro.

Bobby strains, turning red, as he attempts to lift the bar.

BOBBY
Yeah bro. I got it, bro.

This is rapidly turning into a slow motion emergency, where

NEITHER Bobby nor Joel can lift the bar.

JOEL
Gonna need some help bro.

BOBBY
(to a passive stranger)
Gonna need some help here, bro.

No one stops. Then, using all possible strength, Joel

verrrrrrrry slowly lifts the bar up onto the rack while Bobby
grunts along with him. They both catch their breath, then:

JOEL
So... hope you don’t mind me asking
this but...you wanna get a juice?

BOBBY
Fuck yeah bro. Love juice.

93 INT. JOEL’S APARTMENT - LATER 93

PAN FROM half empty juices to Bobby and Joel hooking up.
Joel’s apt is full of Rangers memorabilia. They finish.

JOEL
Would you, uh, wanna hang out
sometime? Maybe watch a game?

Bobby accidentally drops the bro voice and speaks normally.

BOBBY
Um, oh yeah, sure, I’ll give you my
number.

JOEL
Whoa. What the fuck happened to
your voice?
 104.

BOBBY
Oh shit. So, um, I’m sorry, I know
this is really weird. When I walked
up to you, I just kinda did this
voice. To see what you would think.
But it’s not my real voice. I’m so
sorry, I know that’s really weird.

JOEL
Holy Shit. Dude are you a serial
killer? Are you gonna fucking kill
a bro right now?

BOBBY
No, no, I’m not killing a bro, I’m
sorry, I’m really sorry, I’ll just
get my clothes and go, so sorry.

JOEL
You need to leave right now.

Bobby starts frantically putting on clothes.

BOBBY
Ok. But one question. If I had used
my real voice, when I came up to
you, would you have been attracted
to me?

JOEL
Wow. That’s really sad. But yeah. I
think so. Always thought you were
cute in the locker room.

As he walks out, Bobby walks past a Barbra Streisand poster.

BOBBY
Streisand?

JOEL
Of course. I love her. Streisand
fucking rules.

BOBBY
Oh. Ok. I’m so sorry. Goodbye.

94 INT. BOBBY’S APARTMENT - DAY 94

Bobby gives himself another steroid shot. Again, he screams.

He gets a text: EMERGENCY MEETING. LINCOLN EXHIBIT DEAD.
 105.

95 INT. MUSEUM, LINCOLN EXHIBIT - DAY 95

A manic Bobby charges into a chaotic meeting where the board

and other museum employees are discussing replacing the
Lincoln exhibit. Movers are carrying out a Lincoln statue.

BOBBY
What are you doing? NO! STOP!!!

WANDA
Bobby! The Lincoln exhibit is
cancelled. People are threatening a
boycott. They’re pulling donations.
There's simply not enough proof!

BOBBY
You wanna put Lincoln back in the
closet? FINE! I'll put him back in
the fucking closet!

Bobby wrestles the statue away from the movers and throws
Abraham Lincoln in a closet. He slams the closet shut.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Are you happy now? Abraham Lincoln
is back in the closet where you
want him to be! I'm on steroids!

CHERRY
Get a hold of yourself, Bobby!

TAMARA
Bobby, calm down and let's move on.
Angela and I have proposed that the
final exhibit be called Post-Gay.

BOBBY
Post-Gay???

ANGELA
Just being "gay" is old news.

TAMARA
Exactly! This will be a tribute to
bisexuals, non-binary people,
intersex people, asexuals,
aromantics, polyamorous couples and
open marriages. No boring,
heteronormative gay people. All the
possibilities. It’s so exciting!
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 106.

BOBBY
What? So now I’m too gay for Aaron
but I’m too straight for you? What
do you want? Should I just be some
big flaming queen you can laugh at
and not take seriously? Or maybe I
should just pretend I’m straight so
guys will want to fuck me? SOMEBODY
PLEASE TELL ME EXACTLY HOW GAY I’M
SUPPOSED TO BE! I mean, you won’t
even let poor Abraham Lincoln be
gay now??

WANDA
Because he wasn't gay, Bobby!

ROBERT
HE WAS BI!

BOBBY
Ok ENOUGH! You need Lincoln to be
straight! You need Lincoln to be
bi! Why can't he just be gay? You
wanna know why? Because you don't
want to be gay, Robert! You're
trying to hold on to some bullshit
shred of masculinity!

ROBERT *
(hurt) *
Are you serious? *

WANDA *
Once again our love stories are
being erased from the record! Which
is one of the reasons we're so
fucked up when it comes to love! If
you can't see it, you can't be it!
You know who said that?

CHERRY
Buddha?

BOBBY
No! Gayle King! You wanna get rid
of our stories, fine! Let's get rid
of them! I have roid rage!

In a swift move, Bobby grabs a gay pride flag and flips the
flagpole over like a weapon. Next to him is a bust of Pete
Buttigieg. He raises the flagpole as if he's about to
demolish the statue.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 106A.

ANGELA
Bobby, NO!

Angela and Cherry grab the gay pride flag. They fight over it *
in the world's gayest tug of war. Angela yanks it hard, it
rips in two, sending Bobby tumbling to the ground.

WANDA
Angela and the lesbians, HOLD HIM
DOWN!

Angela and the lesbians run and pin Bobby to the ground.
 107.

CHERRY
You're on steroids?

ANGELA
You can't tell.

BOBBY
You’re all fired!

WANDA
You can’t fire us. It’s a
nonprofit!

ANGELA
You know what? I don’t need this
shit!

CHERRY
Me neither! Lesbians, disperse!

ANGELA
You think kids are gonna wanna come
here? No one likes museums! They’re
boring as shit! Why would I go to a
fucking museum when I can sit in my
living room, put on my VR goggles
and instantly be living in Tokyo?
So as long as we’re all airing our
grievances can I be honest? I hate
the museum and I really fucking
hate storytelling!

There are GASPS in the crowd when Angela says she hates
storytelling. And maybe whispers amongst the crowd of “She
said she hates storytelling! and “She doesn’t like telling
stories!”

ANGELA (CONT'D)
We have too many goddamn stories!
All we do is tell stories! Read
stories, watch stories! Watch
documentaries about the making of a
story! History turns into a story
which turns into some exhausting
thinkpiece about the story which
gets read more than the actual
story itself! I’m sick of it! I’m
sick of it all! I’m sick of reading
things and I’m sick watching
things! Maybe the final wing should
be a big empty room where people
can go to just shut the fuck up! I
don’t want to tell stories!
(MORE)
 107A.

ANGELA (CONT'D)
I just want to live! DOESN’T
ANYBODY JUST WANT TO LIVE?!

Angela storms out.

WANDA/CHERRY/TAMARA/ROBERT
Yeah! I quit!/Me too!/Enough is
enough!

They all leave.

BOBBY
Good! LEAVE! All of you! I don’t
need anyone! I’ll open this place
alone if I have to! I’ll do it all
alone!!! Shit! My window! My
workout window!

96 INT. FITNESS CLASS - “CANDLELIGHT CROSSFIT.” - DAY 96

Bobby runs to meet his friends at a late night Crossfit class

lit by candlelight. He is a broken man.

HENRY
Oh my God - are you okay?

BOBBY
No, Henry. No I’m not. I lost it
all. The board quit which means
we’re not going to make our opening
which means donors are going to
pull their funding which means the
entire museum is going to fall
apart. All because I tried to be a
bro and I have roid rage.

HENRY
Roid rage? You only did steroids
twice.
 108.

BOBBY
Henry, you don't understand.
(Bobby starts crying)
I have roid rage.

HENRY
Bobby, people with roid rage aren't
openly weeping. Sweetheart, Aaron
broke your heart so you’re falling
apart.

BOBBY
That’s not it. My heart is fine.
I’m fine. I’m like you. I don’t
need a relationship and I tried to
have one and it didn’t work because
I’m not a relationship person and
I’m better on my own.

HENRY
No Bobby, you’re not like me at all
because I’m happy right now and
you’re miserable.

BOBBY
I wasn’t until I met Aaron!

PETER
You were unhappy then too. That’s
why you judge people so harshly.
Like you judged us. You try to act
like you don’t need anyone but
clearly you do. It’s ok. You’re
human. Technically.

PAUL
Of course the board walked out.
Because you don’t trust anyone
else’s point of view. You don’t
think about where they’re coming
from. Maybe they just got scared.
Maybe, just maybe, not everything
is a personal attack on you.

BOBBY
Oh my God. Maybe you’re right.
Maybe...you’re right and...I’m
wrong? Is that even possible?

MARTY
Of course they’re right. That’s why
I love them.
 109.

HENRY
If I were you, I’d go back to the
board, apologize profusely and
really listen to what they have to
say. Before something else you love
passes you by.

BOBBY
I love you boys. Thank you.

They hug. Then all of their phones ding. They look down.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
OH MY GOD THE BABIES! WE GOTTA GO,
WE GOTTA GO!

97 INT. HOSPITAL MATERNITY WARD - DAY 97

CUE SONG: "Love is Simple" by KD LANG. Bobby watches from the

sidelines as everyone takes turns holding the adorable
triplets. He misses Aaron. He’s the only one who feels alone.

98 INT. HOSPITAL CHAPEL - DAY 98

Bobby walks by a hospital chapel with stained glass windows.

He gets an idea.

99 INT. MUSEUM BOARDROOM - THE NEXT DAY 99

BOBBY
I brought cookies from Levain. And
brownies that are vegan. And
crudités for the diabetics among
us.

CHERRY ROBERT
Get to it. The clock is ticking.

WANDA
Now in the interest of empathy, I
said we’d hear him out. But I do
have a hard out in twenty, Bobby.

BOBBY
Look, I know I’ve been a very
angry, judgmental person. Now,
anger can be good sometimes. For
years it was the fuel I needed to
keep going -
 110.

CHERRY
I’m bored.

BOBBY
When I was starting out, I’d get
upset when I saw another gay man
succeed, not because I didn’t think
they were worthy, but because I
thought it meant there wouldn’t be
room for me. It wasn’t that long
ago the straight world didn’t allow
for that many of us to really
succeed in a big way -

TAMARA
Oh my god, remember straight
people?

ANGELA
Yeah. That was a cute moment.

BOBBY
So I decided I’d be the most
determined, the strongest, the
loudest, the least penetrable and I
would just steamroll over everyone,
and, over time, that turned me into
this self-centered, angry, control
freak. But the truth is, this is
the only community that I love
being a part of. You’re my people -
and we fight like crazy and we
always have - but you’re my people,
and I’m very sorry I was so rude
and that I talked down to you. I
should’ve shown you more respect.
There is no group of people I love
and respect more. That’s the truth.
And I’m just very embarrassed and
I’m so, so sorry.

ROBERT
Man, that shit you said about me -

BOBBY
Especially to you, Robert. Here’s
the thing - when I was growing up,
sometimes guys said they were bi to
avoid admitting they were gay. It
was a way of hiding, a way of
holding on to their masculinity in
order to save face or something.
(MORE)
 111.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I don’t want young gay boys to
think they can’t just be gay, if
that’s what they really are. I just
want them to know that’s ok. That’s
all I’ve ever wanted.

ROBERT
I understand that, and of course I
want that too! But times have
changed, man. Things don’t have to
be black and white. Life is short,
Bobby. I’m not going to deprive
myself of love just to fit into
your limited understanding of the
world. And that’s not me hiding,
I’m not ashamed, this is just who I
am. And it hurts when someone tries
to tell me who the fuck I am.
Especially someone who is supposed
to be on my side.

BOBBY
You’re right. And I’m so sorry. And
you shouldn’t have had to explain
all of that. But I appreciate it.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry to all of you.

Wanda stands up. Gives Bobby a good hard look.

WANDA
Bobby, I want you to know that I
hear you. And... I forgive you.

BOBBY
You do?

Wanda looks at Cherry.

CHERRY
Yeah, me too. You can be a self
centered prick but I guess we
should give you a chance to redeem
yourself.

TAMARA
I was never that upset with you to
begin with. It’s been fun watching
you melt down actually!
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 112.

Everyone looks at Robert for his response.

ROBERT
Well, I give you credit for owning
up to your hypocritical bullshit.
Most people are too proud to do
that. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still
angry. But if we just keep fighting
that’s all we’re ever doing. And I
insist on progress. Not just for
our LGBTQ heroes but for our LGBTQ
assholes too. Like you. So... I
forgive you Bobby.

BOBBY
Thank you so much, Robert. I know I
don’t deserve this. Thank you.

CHERRY
How about you Angela? You still
hate museums? Are you still gonna
quit this place to go out and live
your life?

ANGELA
Well, I realized that in order to
live my life, I need health
insurance. So yeah, I’ll come back. *

WANDA
Well then, we should probably
discuss the final exhibit. And may
I remind you we open in two weeks!

BOBBY
I had a thought actually.

ROBERT
Oh here we go.

CHERRY
That didn’t take long!

BOBBY
No. It’s not my idea. It’s actually
inspired by what you all said. It’s
about love and hope and freedom and
history but mostly it’s about...
(Bobby looks at Tamara) all the
possibilities.

Tamara takes out her airpods. Reveal she’s been listening to *

music. *
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 112A.

TAMARA *
Sorry, what? *

BOBBY *
Consider this just the beginning of *
the conversation.

Bobby rolls out presentation materials. They smile at them.

ANGELA
I have some ideas too!

BOBBY
Yes please! Bring it on. Let’s
bring all the ideas on.

100 INT. GAY CLUB - NIGHT 100

Aaron and Josh hang at a club. Aaron shouts over the music.
 113.

AARON
Did you read that Atlantic article
about the gender binary being a
relatively new construct?

JOSH EVANS
Nah. Dude there are so many guys
here I can’t focus. Wanna dance?

AARON
No, I’m good. Not much of a dancer.
But you go have fun.

Josh dances off. Aaron is alone. He looks around and realizes

it’s not the same without Bobby. He opens Instagram and sees
that Bobby’s at the same club.

Aaron confronts Bobby.

AARON (CONT'D)
Hey. Can we talk?

101 EXT. GAY CLUB - NIGHT 101

Bobby sits down on a bike in a row of stationary Citibikes.

Aaron sits down on one across from him.

BOBBY
What’s up?

AARON
Bobby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,
Bobby. I was angry and I got caught
up in the moment. It wasn’t right.
And I should’ve never asked you not
to be yourself. That was awful. I
just panicked.

BOBBY
Are you still hanging out with him?
You must’ve hooked up with him.

AARON
No. Not at all. He’s really sweet
but... he’s really stupid. Gay guys
can be really stupid remember?

BOBBY
How could I forget?

AARON
I miss you so much. I know I fucked
up. But this is new for me too.
(MORE)
 114.

AARON (CONT'D)
And you blew up in front of my
parents and I was embarrassed. And
angry. And, to be honest, it felt
like you were doing it on purpose.

BOBBY
I was. And I’m sorry, that wasn’t
fair. I shouldn’t have handled it
like that. But that doesn’t change
the fact that you are infatuated
with a certain type of guy - and
that isn’t me.

AARON
Look, you’re right - I always
pictured myself with a guy like -

BOBBY
Like Josh.

AARON
Yes. A guy like Josh.

BOBBY
He’s hot. Very symmetrical.

AARON
He is hot. And yes, very
symmetrical. Too symmetrical.
Simple. Conventional. Basic as
hell. Not someone that actually
makes me happy. My whole life I’ve
always done what I thought I should
do, never what I want to do. Never
what really made me happy. And you -
you are very different for me.
You’re not afraid to take up space
in the world - and you challenge me
- which at the beginning freaked me
out because who the hell wants to
be challenged? - but I love it.
You’re what’s been missing. I know
I fucked up but please accept my
apology and give me another chance.
Please. I miss you so much.

BOBBY
I miss you too. A lot. I didn’t
realize until after we broke up
that there were actually a few
months there where I was - what do
they call it - ”in a good mood?”
 115.

Aaron smiles and puts his hand on Bobby’s knee. Bobby puts
his hand on Aaron’s hand gently.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
But no. I can’t. I’m sorry. My
whole life I’ve prided myself on
being self-aware and self-
reliant and self-possessed. And
it didn’t matter. Because at the
end of the day, I just ended up
in the street looking at you and
Josh and thinking “I’m not
enough for him.” That is not who
I am.

AARON
Bobby, I’m sorry. I feel awful. But
don’t throw this away because of
one mistake! That’s crazy!

BOBBY
I don’t know what to tell you.

AARON
Say you’ll give me another chance!

BOBBY
I can’t.

AARON
Why not?

BOBBY
Because I don’t trust you.

AARON
I love you.

BOBBY
I love you too. You made me realize
that maybe I am just another basic
bitch who wants some love in his
life. As much as I hate to admit
it.

AARON
I know! And I’m here. You’re gonna
ignore that and punish us forever?
I mean, what are we gonna do?

BOBBY
I don’t know. Go back to our lives
I guess?
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 116.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I have to go open “America’s first
gay history museum” remember? The
board decided the final wing should
be above love. The one subject I
don’t know a goddamn thing about.

MUSIC CUE: “Love and Affection” by Joan Armatrading.

They sit in silence on their stationary Citibikes as we get a

wide shot of them against the dark city sky. Bobby gets up.
He looks back at Aaron. Aaron stares back. Bobby walks away.

AARON
Hey!

Bobby looks back at him. Aaron has tears in his eyes.

AARON (CONT'D)
If you don’t trust me, that’s fine.
But if for some reason, under all
that strength and all that
confidence, you still don’t trust
that you’re lovable enough, I’m
here to tell you I am living proof
that you’re wrong.

Bobby takes that in, a bit taken aback by how much Aaron
understands him. But he turns and walks away.

A102 INT. THE LGBTQ SENIOR CENTER - MANHATTAN - DAY A102*

A common room at a community center for LGBTQ senior

citizens. A group of 3 elderly adorable old queens sit around
on chairs and gossip. Aaron walks in arm in arm with Melvin
Funk, who clearly doesn’t want to be there.

MELVIN FUNK
I’m not leaving my money to these
old queens.

AARON
I told you that’s not why we’re
here.

MELVIN FUNK
Then why are we here?

AARON
Because, Mr Funk, it’s never too
late to make friends.

MELVIN FUNK
Oh, take me home!
 117.

Just then, Melvin and Aaron walk past the three old queens
and listen to them gossiping.

ROGER
Well if they ever do the movie
version of the Sunset Blvd musical,
it has to be Glenn Close!

JERRY
Well Glenn would commit suicide if
it wasn’t her but I’d rather see
Cher.

MAX
I think Meryl would be good.

Melvin can’t help himself and chimes in.

MELVIN FUNK
No, no, no, you’re all wrong. Two
words: Diana. Ross.

ROGER/JERRY/MAX
Oh I love that!/That’s brilliant!/
That’s genius!

Melvin yanks himself away from Aaron, pulls up a chair and

starts gossiping with the queens. Suddenly, an even older
queer person who’s sitting in a chair nearby calls after
Aaron.

COLMAN
Son, what’s your name?

AARON
I’m Aaron.

COLMAN
Hi Aaron. I’m Colman Yiddlesworth.

AARON
Hello Mr. Yiddlesworth.

COLMAN
Can I ask you a question Aaron?
Will you hold my hand? You’re very
cute.

AARON
I’m not sure I’m allowed to do that
sir.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 118.

COLMAN
Oh do an old faggot a favor and
hold my hand! You’ve got your whole
life ahead of you! I’m fading fast!
We only go around once, sugarbutt.

Aaron smiles and reaches out his hand. Colman takes it and
squeezes it gently. After a beat, Colman playfully slaps
Aaron’s butt.

AARON
Now Mr. Yiddlesworth that isn’t
appropriate.

COLMAN
I’m a 92 year old non-binary
pansexual. Cancel me.

Aaron laughs and sit down next to Colman. They sit there in
silence holding hands. It’s sweet and a little sad.

AB102 INT. AARON’S BEDROOM AB102*

Aaron sit in his bed, scrolling through photos of his phone *

of him and Bobby. He eats chocolates out of a box. After *
looking through some photos, he looks down at the chocolates *
and has a realization. *

B102 INT. AARON’S OFFICE B102

Aaron sits across from his assistant ready to have a heart to

heart.

AARON
Hey. So, I’m sorry to spring this
on you out of nowhere but I’ve
decided to quit. The truth is, I
need to follow my passion. Life is
short and if I don’t do it now,
I’ll never do it. So I need to try,
no matter how scary that is. I hope
you understand.

ASSISTANT
Ok. Honestly I’ve worked here for 3
weeks so this really won’t have
much of an impact on me. I’m not
even sure I’m the one you’re
supposed to tell?

AARON
Ok. Well, thanks.
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 118A.

102 INT. BOBBY’S APT - NEXT DAY 102

Bobby looks at guys on GRINDR. He gets a text from Aaron.

AARON TEXT
GUESS WHO QUIT HIS JOB TODAY?
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 119.

Bobby starts to write back but stops himself. He throws his

remaining steroids and syringes away. ‘

A103 INT. AARON’S APT. - DAY A103

Aaron’s in his kitchen experimenting with making little

chocolates. The kitchen is covered in chocolate, ribbon,
bows, string and that sort of thing.

103 EXT THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - DAY 103

Aaron walks into the small chocolate shop he and Bobby

visited together at Christmas.

104 INT. THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - DAY 104

Aaron is talking to the OWNER of the shop and pitching him an

idea. Aaron seems very passionate as he pitches his vision.

A105 INT. THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - LATER A105

Aaron has been given a small corner of the Chocolate Shoppe

to sell his uniquely designed chocolates and treats. The
display is in honor of the LGBTQ Museum opening soon. Aaron
has created little chocolates and treats as a tribute to
various LGBTQ cultural icons, including a chocolate Billie
Jean King and cookies with very serious looking faces on them
made out of frosting including Rachel Maddow, Larry Kramer,
Frank Ocean, Laverne Cox, Kristin Stewart, Megan Rapinoe,
Wanda Sykes, Jim Parsons and a gingerbread Elliot Page. He
takes a selfie in front of the display and texts it to Bobby.

Aaron films a video on his phone to show Bobby his chocolate *

display. *

AARON *
Hey Bobby. So, I wanted you to be *
the first person to see this! *
Welcome to Aaron Shepard’s *
Chocolate Factory. I made some *
little chocolates. And these are *
some special treats I made to *
celebrate the opening of the *
Museum! These are Harvey Milk Duds; *
this is the first brick thrown at *
Stonewall made out of red velvet *
cake; *
(MORE)
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 119A.

AARON (CONT'D)
instead of a Valentine’s Day heart *
filled with chocolates we have this *
Pink “Silence equals death” *
Triangle filled with chocolates. *
Plus we have cookies featuring *
LGBTQ icons, a gingerbread Eliot *
Page, and a tribute to my favorite *
gay character from TV, TiramaSusan *
from Friends. Ok bye. *

105 INT. BOBBY’S APT. - SAME DAY 105

Bobby gets Aaron’s text. He is shocked but puts the phone

down and doesn’t reply.

106 INT. AARON'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 106

Aaron and Jason play a duck hunting video game together in

silence. Aaron is clearly upset but not saying much.

JASON
Dude thanks for letting me crash
here. I know Mom forced you to
invite me but...it’s cool of you.
 120.

AARON
Yeah. Sure.

JASON
You ok, bro? Aaron? Yo!

AARON
What? Yeah. Fine. Happy as fuck.

They play silently until a bottled up Aaron needs to talk.

AARON (CONT'D)
I mean, there was that guy but
whatever. It’s over. I’m fine.

Jason’s surprised Aaron’s bringing this up but plays it cool.

JASON
Oh. Yeah. Totally. Dude, these
ducks drive me fucking nuts!

AARON
That’s all you’re going to say?

JASON
What do you want me to say?

AARON
How about “Hey Aaron, how you
holding up? Have you seen him? Have
you spoken to him?” Or any of the
other questions normal people ask
when you’ve been dumped.

JASON
I’m sorry dude! We don’t talk about
this shit! I’m crashing here cause
I’m in the middle of a divorce and
you haven’t asked me about it once!

AARON
Yeah. You’re right. Sorry.
(then, awkwardly)
So... how are you doing with your
divorce?

JASON
It’s torn my entire life apart. If
you want to know the truth. So...
what happened with you?

AARON
Well, when mom and dad came I just
asked him to... tone it down a bit.
 121.

JASON
Tone what down?

AARON
You know, just to be a little
...less...you know...gay.

JASON
But...you are gay.

AARON
No, I know! I just - look, I fucked
up! I panicked! I just wanted mom
and dad to like him!

JASON
They do! Mom said she liked his
passion! Dad said he was smart! I
thought he was fucking hilarious.

AARON
That’s all they said?

JASON
That’s all they said! And of course
the guy’s pissed - you told him not
to be himself in front of us.

AARON
I know, I know! Fuck!

JASON
Did you try to get him back?

AARON
I’ve been texting him like crazy.
He won’t respond. Bobby’s the best
but he’s a stubborn son of a bitch.

JASON
And do you love that stubborn
little bitch?

Aaron thinks about this and then nods.

AARON
But it’s too late. It’s over.
Bobby’s so strong. He doesn’t need
me. He doesn’t need anyone.

107 EXT. LGTBQ MUSEUM - OPENING NIGHT 107

Celebrities and politicians mob the opening. It’s huge.

 122.

INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - OPENING NIGHT

108 ANGLE ON: Debra Messing posing in front of THE DEBRA MESSING108
HALL OF ALLIES. Two guests walks out of the exhibit.

PARTY GUEST #1
There are so many allies in there!

PARTY GUEST #2
I’ve never seen so many allies!

109 ANGLE ON: A roller coaster cart coming out of THE LAWRENCE 109
GRAPE HAUNTED HOUSE OF GAY TRAUMA.

TINA
That was absolutely terrifying!

BRIAN
I want to go again!!!

110 ANGLE ON ROBERT AND HIS GIRLFRIEND watching an animatronic 110

Leonardo Da Vinci in THE GREAT HALL OF BISEXUALS.

ANIMATRONIC LEONARDO DA VINCI

Hi! I’m Leonardo Da Vinci! I
changed the world with my work as
an inventor, scientist, artist and
mathematician but most importantly,
I may have been bi!

111 ANGLE ON BOBBY TALKING TO TAMARA in THE PARTY AREA. A person111

whose face we don’t see comes up to TAMARA.

MYSTERIOUS PERSON
I just want to say... I approve.

The person drifts off. TAMARA starts to cry.

BOBBY
Who was that?

TAMARA
That was @wokecunt. They say never
meet your heroes but whoever said
that never met @wokecunt.

Bobby and Tamara hug.

 123.

A112 ANGLE ON ANGELA TAKING A SELFIE OF HERSELF WITH WANDA AND A112
BOBBY IN FRONT OF THE ENTRANCE TO AN EXHIBIT CALLED THE
GALLERY OF GENDER NON-CONFORMING ICONS 10,000 BCE-2022.

We see a monitor at the entrance with a video welcoming

people to it. The video is a fast succession of 4-5 still
photos of genderfluid/GNC people each with a chyron with
their name and the era/location they lived in. This short
montage is followed by the title THE GALLERY OF GENDER NON-
CONFORMING ICONS, which is followed by the words POWERED BY
SHITROCKET which appear with some very aggro Redbull style
energy drink lightning bolt graphics. ANGELA posts to IG.

ANGELA
I swear those VR goggles are still
listening to me! Instagram won’t
stop showing me ads for this guy
selling LGBTQ themed chocolates and
deserts! One of them had a little
chocolate ice cream version of
Billie Jean King served inside a
waffle cone!

Bobby realizes that must be Aaron she’s referring to. Tina

approaches Bobby.

TINA
Bobby, seriously, this place is
incredible! Are you happy?

BOBBY
Yeah. I think so. It’s weird. This
was my dream and it actually
happened, so why do I still not
know the answer to that question?

Bobby holds up his phone and shows Tina Aaron’s text with
photos.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I think he quit his job and started
making little chocolates. Plus this
gingerbread Elliot Page. Can you
believe it?

TINA
OK can I say one thing? I know what
he did was wrong. But you didn’t
have to argue with his parents.

BOBBY
I did though! And I apologized.
 124.

TINA
And he apologized too. You both
fucked up! I know you think there’s
no one you can really trust in the
world. And I understand that. But I
also know that this is supposed to
be the biggest night of your life
and you look miserable. Is there no
part of you that wants to give him
a second chance?

BOBBY
I don’t know. You know what it
really is? I don’t want to want
someone else this much.

TINA
But you do! Bobby, it doesn’t make
you look weak to love someone.
Vulnerability is NOT a boner
killer! Were you happier with him
or without him? That’s really all
that matters.

Bobby thinks about that but doesn’t answer.

BOBBY
Let’s just drop it ok?

TINA
Ok. Fine. I’ve just never seen you
that happy. And I loved seeing it.

She looks at Bobby tenderly. Edgar and the kids run up and
pull Tina to the dance floor. Bobby watches alone from the
sidelines as his friends and all the board members dance. We
see a MONTAGE of images playing in his head from his time
with Aaron. He looks down at the photo of Aaron in the
chocolate shop, struggling with whether or not to text him.
Finally, he decides to. But he can’t decide what to write. He
starts feverishly writing a long winded text about his
feelings - then he deletes it. He starts writing something
funny and snarky - then he deletes that too. He finds a
TREASURE INSIDE meme and almost sends that but changes his
mind. Finally, he settles on what to text and chooses these
IMMORTAL WORDS:

BOBBY TEXT
HEY. WHAT’S UP?

112 INT. AARON’S APARTMENT 112

Aaron and Jason play Duck Hunter. Then, Aaron gets the text!
 125.

AARON
HOLY SHIT! HE TEXTED ME! BOBBY
TEXTED ME!!!

JASON
What’d he say???

AARON
He said “Hey What’s Up”!!!!

JASON
AHHHHH! “HEY WHAT’S UP!!!” FUCK
YEAH, BRO!!!!

They both start cheering.

AARON
Ok, ok! I’m gonna wait to text him
back. I have to play it cool. Oh
shit, I’ve got the gym. I gotta go.

JASON
Aaron, what the fuck is it with you
and Crossfit every day? What
exactly are all you people training
for? Are you going to war? Bro,
you’ve been running in place on a
treadmill every goddamn day for
years. Stop playing it so fucking
cool! You’re both so proud, you’re
gonna ruin your lives forever. Go
tell him how you feel!

AARON
What about your divorce? What about
never getting married and keeping
it young and fun?

JASON
Whatever! Straight people are so
weird and fucked up - we’re so set
in our ways. You gay guys - you’re
all so smart! You’ll figure it out!
My story is not your story. So go
make your own damn story. GO! NOW!

113 EXT. MANHATTAN - NIGHT 113

Aaron jogs through the city. He jogs past a wall of FYC

posters for The Treasure Inside. He sees a fleet of cabs with
taxi top ads for the LGBTQ MUSEUM. He stares at them. Then,
he starts running as fast as he can. Music Cue: “Che Gelida
Manina” from La Bohème (and The Treasure Inside).
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 126.

114 INT. MUSEUM OPENING NIGHT PARTY 114

WANDA
Bobby, it’s time for the toast!

Bobby looks down at his phone. No response from Aaron. He’s

disappointed. Meanwhile outside...

115 OMITTED 115*

116 INT. MUSEUM - STAGE 116

Bobby and the board stand on stage. He addresses the crowd.

BOBBY
One of the hardest parts of putting
the museum together was figuring
out what the final exhibit would
be, the message we want to leave
people with about who we are. But
the truth is, we are not one thing.
We are not a monolithic group. We
are still angry and we are so
strong and we are selfish and we
are sad and we are lonely and we
are totally fine and we are all of
it. We are the smartest, most self-
reliant people you’ve ever met and
we are so stupid and we are a total
mess and we are great.
(MORE)
 127.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
We’ve been around since the
beginning of time and yet it feels
like we’re still at the beginning
of being able to tell our own
stories. Isn’t that strange? In
many ways, I think we’re still
getting to know each other really.
So much of our history has been
denied and second guessed for so
long that, believing it, especially
love stories which we often don’t
have enough evidence to prove true -
it requires a leap of faith. It
requires choosing not to focus on
doubt, but to focus on the love
that you know in your heart had to
be there.

Bobby sees Aaron in the crowd. They make eye contact. Bobby
smiles. So happy to see him.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Now, I’m just a boring old cis
white gay, but one thing I’ve
learned from my trans and bi and
non-binary family is that happiness
for all of us comes from staying
fluid, staying open to change, open
to evolution, to being more than
one thing, more than what you
thought you were, or thought you
had to be. You can allow yourself
to just be happy and not question
everything and not torture yourself
all the time. That one’s tough for
me but I’m working on it. We
finally did agree on a theme for
the final wing: ALL THE
POSSIBILITIES. So, this is a toast
to all of us. We’ve come a long
way. (Bobby looks at the board).
And there are a lot of people who
deserved to live long enough to see
this. And we are here. And they are
not. And we are very lucky. We are
very lucky. I have no complaints.

Bobby runs off stage, through the crowd, to meet Aaron.

Suddenly, Debra Messing runs up to Bobby.

DEBRA MESSING
Bobby! I just want to tell you --
 128.

BOBBY
In all my years I’d never thought
I’d say this but: Debra Messing,
it’ll have to wait.

He passes Debra and walks up to Aaron with tears in his eyes.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
I want you to know that I don’t
need you.

AARON
Well I don’t need you, either!

BOBBY
Good! But I really love you.
Dammit!

Bobby grabs Aaron and kisses him passionately.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
You’ve been working so hard trying
to be a bro on the outside but I
realized that, even though I’m like
the gayest person in the world,
inside I’ve been trying too hard to
be strong and impenetrable too. You
were trying to be a bro on the
outside. But I was trying to be a
bro on the inside. And I don’t want
to be that way anymore. So...

Bobby gets down on one knee in front of Aaron. At this point

all the friends are gathered around them on the dance floor.

AARON
Wait - what are you doing?

BOBBY
Just let me do this! Oh shit, I
don’t have a ring!

Bobby turns to Tamara, who’s wearing a huge, bejeweled ring.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Tamara, can I borrow that?

Tamara gives it to Bobby and he gets down on his knee again.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
Aaron Shepard - I know we’re not
relationship people but - will you
date me for 3 months and then we’ll
reassess?
 129.

Aaron cracks up laughing.

AARON
Yes, Bobby Leiber. Yes I will date
you for 3 months and then we’ll
reassess.

All of Bobby’s friends start crying and cheering.

TINA’S DAUGHTER
Mommy, what’s happening?

TINA
(through happy tears)
It’s a miracle! Uncle Bobby’s gonna
date someone for 3 months!

Bobby slips Tamara’s huge ring on Aaron, who shows it off to

the crowd, and everyone cheers again. Bobby dips Aaron and
they have a big movie kiss. Suddenly, we hear:

GAY TWITTER WITCH #1

YUCK!

Bobby and Aaron turn around. It’s the GAY TWITTER WITCHES!

BOBBY
Oh no! The gay Twitter Witches!
What are you doing here?

GAY TWITTER WITCH #2

Of course we’re here. We’re
everywhere.

GAY TWITTER WITCH #3

What happened Bobby? I thought you
said you were happy being alone? I
thought you said on your podcast
you didn’t need anyone?

BOBBY
Oh don’t believe any of the
bullshit I say on there!

GAY TWITTER WITCH #1

Aaron Shepard in love with Bobby
Leiber? Seems a little far fetched!

Tina’s 8 year-old, Brian, walks up to the witches in awe.

BRIAN
Excuse me. Are you guys Gen Z?
 Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 130.

GAY TWITTER WITCH #2

That’s right, sweetie.

BRIAN
Wowww. What’s it like being so old?

The witches realize they are the old ones compared to Brian.
They shriek in horror and literally START TO MELT LIKE THE
WICKED WITCH, their outstretched hands holding their phones
being the last part to melt into the ground.

BOBBY
Wait, Aaron - the final wing!

117 MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS 117

Bobby takes Aaron by the hand and they run towards the last
exhibit. A sign above the room says ALL THE POSSIBILITIES.
Just as they’re about to walk in, they’re interrupted by a
hologram of BEN STILLER dressed up as a museum guard.

BEN STILLER
Hey everyone! I’m the museum guard
here. Just gonna do some dusting...

Ben dusts a bust of Eleanor Roosevelt. Suddenly a hologram of

Eleanor Roosevelt (played by Amy Schumer) COMES ALIVE. *

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
Hello! What’re you doing dusting
me? I’m lesbian first lady Eleanor
Roosevelt!

HARVEY MILK
(played by Seth Meyers) *
I’m Harvey Milk!

JAMES BALDWIN
(played by Kenan Thompson) *
I’m James Baldwin!

BEN STILLER
It’s a Night at the Gay Museum!

AARON
You ended up doing this? You told
me you hated it!

BOBBY
I did at first. But Tamara grew up
with those movies and loved them.
(MORE)
 131.

BOBBY (CONT'D)
She said it would help make the
museum not - and I quote - “as
depressing as a dick.”

118 INT. MUSEEUM - CONTINUOUS 118

Bobby opens the door and leads Aaron into the exhibit, a
gorgeous installation of stained glass windows like the ones
they saw on their first date - but this time featuring
diverse LGBTQ couples and families. It shimmers.

MUSIC CUE: HEARTBREAKER by Mariah Carey

AARON
Do we have to dance?

BOBBY
I’m afraid so.

They run to the dance floor. Bobby starts doing his stiff
dance where he barely moves. In response, Aaron starts doing
his awkward dance from the sail boat, jumping and flailing
spastically all over the dance floor.

Tom and Lucas dance holding their triplets, Henry dances with
Lawrence Grape, Tina and Edgar dance with their kids. We pan
over to see Peter, Paul and Marty locked in a deep, three-way
kiss right next to them.

The camera sails around the room. We see portraits of real

LGBTQ people from past time periods - not icons, just real
people, looking down over everyone, ending on the Egyptian
hieroglyphic of a gay couple from the start of the film.

Bobby and Aaron kiss beneath them.

ANGLE ON the GAY TWITTER WITCHES, now alive again and vogue-
ing on the dance floor.

GAY TWITTER WITCH #1

Imagine thinking we would ever die.

GAY TWITTER WITCH #2

Oh my god, you have to tweet that!

They all cackle and dance.

FADE TO BLACK. THE END.

Over End Credits:

 132.

119 INT. MUSEUM - CHYRON: 3 MONTHS LATER 119

Bobby and Aaron look up at the stained glass exhibit. Then,

Aaron’s mom, followed by her second grade class, walks in on
a tour led by Wanda. The kids look up at the windows in awe.

AARON’S MOM
Bobby!

Bobby and Aaron’s mom hug.

AARON’S MOM (CONT'D)

My god Bobby this is spectacular!
And the kids are loving it!

BOBBY
Thank you! I’m so glad you’re here.
It means so much to me that you’d
make it part of your trip.

AARON’S MOM
Of course! I’ll admit, when you
first mentioned it, I wasn’t sure
about bringing the kids. But you
were right. Of course they should
see this! It’s their history too!

A precocious, judge-y second grade boy - looking and sounding

a lot like a young Bobby Leiber - pipes up.

JUDGE-Y YOUNG BOY

I don’t know. It looks nice but
it’s so sentimental.

Bobby laughs, looks down and whispers to the kid.

BOBBY
Honestly, I said the same thing.
Not everyone is on our level.

JUDGE-Y YOUNG BOY

Well, what else is new?

Bobby looks back up at the windows, taking them in.

BOBBY
They are pretty though.

120 EXT. OUTSIDE THE MUSEUM 120

Bobby and Aaron wave goodbye from the museum steps as Aaron’s
mom puts the kids on the school bus.
 133.

AARON
You know we just hit 3 months. How
do you think it’s going?

Bobby looks at Aaron and smiles.

BOBBY
I think it’s going really well.

AARON
I think it’s going really well too.

A beat as they watch the last of the kids hop on the bus.

AARON (CONT'D)
You want kids someday right?

Bobby is horrified.

BOBBY
Oh no.

AARON
Bobby...

BOBBY
Oh absolutely not -

AARON
C’mon...

BOBBY
No! No!!!!

Bobby runs down the steps, jokingly running away from Aaron.

AARON
Wait! Where are you going?

Aaron chases after Bobby. He catches up to him and they

laugh. As they walk off, Bobby throws his arm around Aaron.
Then Aaron throws his arm around Bobby. They walk off as Marc
Shaiman’s Love Theme from BROS plays us out...