PARANOIA

XP
Crash Priority!
BETH FISCHI BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE TRAITOR RECYCLING STUDIO
ALLEN VARNEY
Editing, graphics, layout CONTENTS STYLE
Introduction Blathering 2
JIM HOLLOWAY
Stealth Train by Dan Curtis Johnson Straight 3
Cover and illustrations
Traitor Backup by Beth Fischi and Allen Varney Intensely Straight 14
DAN GELBER Patch Job by Paul Baldowski Straight/Classic 25
GREG COSTIKYAN Random Access Mission by Andy Fitzpatrick Classic 32
ERIC GOLDBERG
Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk by Jeff Groves Zap all the way! 42
Original game design & development
Six-shooters: Sets of six pregenerated Troubleshooters suited for any mission
IAN BELCHER GM notes 52
Mongoose Publishing line editor Straight by Ben Engelsberg 53
IAN BARSTOW Classic by Eric Minton 57
Mongoose Publishing studio manager Zap by Rob MacDougall 61
ALEXANDER FENNELL
Mongoose Publishing production director
L E T
RON BEDISON
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Proofreading
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of S e s h a b l e b
TM & Copyright © 1983, 1987, 2004 by Eric Goldberg & Greg Costikyan.
All Rights Reserved. Mongoose Publishing Ltd., Authorized User.

p u n i Based on material published in previous editions of PARANOIA.

ILLUMINATI is a registered trademark of Steve Jackson Games, and is used by permission.
The reproduction of material from this book for personal or corporate profit, by photographic, electronic, or other means
of storage and retrieval, is prohibited. You may copy character sheets, record sheets, checklists and tables for personal use.
E-mail questions and comments to Mongoose Publishing at sales@mongoosepublishing.com, or write to
PO Box 1018, Swindon, Wiltshire SN3 1DG, UNITED KINGDOM. On the World Wide Web: www.mongoosepublishing.com.
Published by Mongoose Publishing, Ltd. Publication MGP 6632. Published September 2004. First printing November 2004.
 CRASH PRIORITY!
Crashing is our priority—no, wait….
Attention, Alpha Complex citizens! For your wild uniqueness. Sure, this all sounds like well to a different mission, or to one you create
protection, your friend The Computer has instituted mealy-mouthed shuffling off of our responsibility from scratch. For these situations we provide
new transbot station security procedures. After as Famous Game Designers. Of course it does; six-shooters.
you complete the existing routine of ME Card it is. By now our mealy-mouthed shuffling-off no Each six-shooter pack comprises a complete,
inspection, loyalty record inspection, mandatory longer surprises you. In time we’re sure it will integral team of six prefab Troubleshooters, all
waiting period, metal detection, plastic explosive become endearing. ready to hand out to your players regardless of
detection, bioweapon detection, thoughtscan If you’d like inspiration in filling out the structure the mission awaiting them. Right out of the book,
and random strip search, friendly HPD&MC of these missions—the mission alert, briefing, or the photocopier, these groups have plenty of
service firm screeners will ask you a few simple outfitting, service services and debriefing—check reasons to suspect and/or kill one another. Use
questions: out the ‘mission blender’ tables included with the them to bring new players up to speed fast, or to
1) Have your possessions been out of your PARANOIA XP Gamemaster Screen. (Certainly kickstart a new PARANOIA series.
sight or in the custody of persons unknown our shameless plugola has never surprised you. Like the mini-missions, each of the three six-
to you at any time, ever? It, too, may someday seem endearing. Take it shooter packs in Crash Priority is keyed to one of
as a challenge.) the three play styles. You can probably use each
2) Are you aware that interfering with the A quick summary of the missions in Crash pack with any mission with some minor fixing, but
operation of, impeding the movements Priority: listen: Don’t mix and match characters from
different packs! Use the Classic PCs only with
or the expeditious performance of duties  ‘Stealth Train’ by Dan Curtis Johnson, other Classic PCs, use Zaps only with other Zaps,
by the assigned workers of, defacing, a Straight mission, involves a high-tech
sabotaging or destroying an Alpha Complex train so incredibly undetectable it has and so on. Otherwise you’ll screw up the chosen
transbot is considered treason under CPU achieved total nonexistence. Of course tone of your game, and your players won’t know
directive 214.08.17.146/TB44f? the Troubleshooters must guard it. how to behave. Trust us on this, okay?
The PCs in each six-shooter pack are
3) Are you aware anyone and everyone  ‘Traitor Backup’ by Beth Fischi and Allen numbered, 1–6. Give them to your players in
Varney, a really dark Straight mission, puts numerical order. That is, if you only have four
around you may be plotting treason of
the Troubleshooters on drink-serving duty players, give them PCs #1–4, and leave out #5
any or all of the types described in the
at a termination center. and #6; if you have five players, use PCs #1–5
aforesaid directive?
 ‘Patch Job’ sends the Troubleshooters but skip #6. In each pack, characters #1–4 have
4) Given this directive, do you yourself plan to a transtube station taken over by a rivalries with other specific, named characters in
to perform any of said treasonous acts mutant—except wait, that guy’s not a that pack; if you don’t use all four, some players
on this trip? mutant! What is he? This mission works won’t have anyone to mistrust. Characters #5–6
in either Straight or Classic style. are more generic targets, making them ideal to
The Computer assures you these new give to latecoming players. (And while you’re at
measures will improve every loyal citizen’s sense  ‘Random Access Mission’ by Andy
it, slap them with a treason point for being late,
of safety. And fear not! The Computer assures Fitzpatrick (a.k.a. ‘Jazzer’, mastermind of
the bastards.)
you Technical Services is even now revising all www.Paranoia-Live.net) takes the Classic
Each six-shooter pack includes not only the
transbot schedules to accommodate the short mission structure of briefing-outfitting-
actual PCs you actually hand out to your actual
delays imposed by these new procedures. Expect service service-mission-debriefing and
players, but also secret GM-only notes about
no more than 62 to 74 minutes of additional transit turns it inside out. The PCs must stop
the characters. You’ll find these notes at the
time per trip. an Old Reckoning software virus from
beginning of the six-shooter section.
wreaking havoc, but the steps of their
 Missions for every style mission are totally scrambled.
 Traitor Recycling Studio
 ‘Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk’: Three Troubleshooters Many talented designers helped create Crash
Mongoose Publishing’s XP edition of PARANOIA who bear a strong resemblance to an Priority. We recruited most of them through
tries hard to broaden the range of experiences Old Reckoning comedy trio guard a the net, and in particular through a Web-based
players associate with the game. This mission warehouse. What happens? Well, it’s a game we ran in spring and summer 2004, while
book, Crash Priority, gets so broad we should Zap mission—what do you think? working up the PARANOIA XP rulebook. We
have printed it as a poster. used a ‘Wiki’, a collection of editable Web pages
and the rules for Lexicon, designed by Neel
This collection of missions supports all three
play styles listed in the rulebook: Classic
 Six-shooters Krishnaswami.
Posting to the Wiki twice a week for two
(the fast-moving slapstick style that made Most published PARANOIA missions furnish six
months, nearly two dozen High Programmer
PARANOIA popular), Straight (a dark, satiric pregenerated Troubleshooter player characters. players wrote entries in an alphabetical
mode emphasizing tension and Kafkaesque The PCs have secret society missions related to glossary, a report to The Computer on
anxiety) and Zap (nonstop frenetic mayhem). the main mission, and—more important—inbuilt the complex and far-ranging Toothpaste
Each mission is particularly suited to one of reasons to distrust, dismay, discommode and Disaster. (Find the Lexicon rules at www.
the three play styles, though you can easily dis-troy each other. paranoia.allen varney.com/index.cgi/
adapt most of them to any style. These are Such ready-made conflicts are a godsend to ParanoiaLexicon, and read the complete
mini-missions: condensed storylines for you, you, the harried Gamemaster. They make it report at www.paranoia.allenvarney.
the esteemed Gamemaster, to flesh out with much easier to set the players at each other’s com).
your own devious imaginings. Really, every throats. (Remember, the greatest threat to Many Lexicon players have joined an
informal team called the Traitor Recycling
PARANOIA Gamemaster creates his own any Troubleshooter should come from his Studio. Studio traitors are now writing several
style anyway, which may resemble one of the teammates.) But the published mission-specific PARANOIA XP supplements collaboratively,
rulebook styles or, just as likely, veers off into Troubleshooter characters don’t really translate using a new Wiki.

2 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 STEALTH TRAIN
A
DAN CURTIS JOHNSON
GM AND 4–6 PLAYERS
STRAIGHT PLAYING TIME 1–2 SESSIONS
MISSION (4–6 HOURS)
indicates you are the best-suited team for
this duty. Said duty consists of providing
one shift of security and defense for
classified research project ST700, the
prototype All-Aspects Unobservable
scheduled dinnertime too late for anything but
Multicar Mass Transit System. You are
the last dregs of mashed foamtatoes, and they
designated as Security Outfit 353006/C.
missed tonight’s new episode of Teela-O. So
You are to report to Tubeway Station
they’re understandably cranky when they finally
SC44, Level 8, Platform A/B, where you
drag themselves into their shared apartment and
Summary collapse in their bunks for some well-deserved
will relieve Security Outfit 353006/B
by taking over security and defense of
rest, no Sandallathon (Sleepy-Sleepy pills)
the ST700 from 00:00 hour until 08:00
The Troubleshooters are called to guard and test required.
hour. Upon relieving 353006/B, your
a new R&D project that combines the military One hour and 17 minutes later, having team leader must contact your mission
function of zero-observability with the civic completed the Minimum Sleep Interval specified handler at Troubleshooter Central.’
necessity of mass transit: the Stealth Train! The by Health & Hygiene codes, a Mission Alert
problem is...how do you guard something you spitting noisily from their apartment’s line printer It’s about 23:40; the PCs have 20 minutes to
can’t see or, in fact, detect in any way? Even awakens the PCs: get to station SC44. Station SC44 is officially
worse...how do you demonstrate an invention marked as ‘abandoned’ in all the transit-related
you’re not even certain exists? ‘Troubleshooters! Congratulations on databases because The Computer has turned
being chosen to assist The Computer in it over to R&D for use as a lab. Any attempt to
a research matter of critical importance. hop onto a transit system (transbot, etc.) and
Mission background Your past record of dedication, patience, ask to be taken to SC44 results in the automated
focus, obedience and, above all, discretion response: ‘That is not a valid destination.’ Clearly
Normally we’d explain what’s really going on
behind the scenes and how the Troubleshooters
have ended up as patsies for someone else’s  Playing it Straight
cunning, traitorous plan. This time around, we
think it’ll be more fun to leave the big questions The missions in this section are intended for the Straight play style. If your players have much
completely unanswered. Is there actually a real experience with ‘old school’ PARANOIA, they’re probably pretty comfortable with the Classic or
Stealth Train somewhere, or has this all just Zap styles of play. As Gamemaster, work hard to rein in their instincts, such as the instinct to shoot
been some High Programmer’s clever way of first and gather evidence later. Subtle treason is in season; a firefight should never go unnoticed.
siphoning off the project’s budget? The truth is If someone uses a weapon—on a fellow player or NPC, traitorous or not, or even just shooting in
what you make of it. the air—they’ll be contacted on their PDC by Troubleshooter Central, inquiring after the weapons
use they detected. (‘Did you file a C44-202/A Request for Permission to Discharge Weapon? No?
Oh, you saw someone engaged in treason so you shot them. And you’d already filed a properly-
countersigned M303/644-D5 Formal Accusation of Treason? Why not?’) Then levy fines—or heavier
I know what a shift is; what’s penalties if needed. If they keep at it, an Internal Security Confession Squad shows up and carries
a ‘graveyard’…? them off; their next clones arrive later in Medicated condition.
Also, deny your players their usual easy access to the Computer. The Computer is not at the
The Troubleshooters have just put in two long beck and call of RED clearance Troubleshooters—quite the opposite! All through the mission,
shifts in a row—a hectic morning shift spent they must deal with an entire string of bureaucrats between them and the Big C. Any time
tracking down a cyborged Computer Phreaker they want information, or just want to tattle, they can only get in touch with someone one or
whose new virus hopelessly snarled autocar two rungs up the clearance ladder... someone who probably has his own ideas about what’s
traffic across the sector, creating massive traffic important. Your players may want to sass, accuse or otherwise be confrontational with these
jams and resulting in several serious accidents, higher-clearance people; penalize them appropriately (see above). Insubordination to almost
followed by an evening shift of overtime at any higher clearance citizen is a fineable offense. In fact, you should probably make photocopies
their respective service firms helping to catch of the Treason and Insubordination charts in the main rulebook and keep them in sight of the
up lost productivity caused by the morning players at all times. We especially point out items H, J, M, P, FF, II, OO and VV.
traffic problems. They ended up getting to their

YOU ARE BLEEDING ABOVE YOUR SECURITY CLEARANCE, CITIZEN. 3

 CRASH PRIORITY!
the Troubleshooters have to find a way there on
their own.  Errol-O-CVC-2  Bribery
They might try looking up a schematic of the CPU (actually spying for HPD&MC), Free A simple bribe can affect many social
tubeway system (Software/Data Search roll); Enterprise (degree 4), Adrenalin Control (Management-skill) situations. In general,
success simply indicates that no such station is (Power 06); Management 11, Bootlicking 15, PCs can improve Bootlicking, Con Games,
currently listed on the RED-Clearance version Bribery 15, Take Bribes Without Appearing Chutzpah, Interrogation and Oratory through
of the map. Gaining treasonous access to a To 17; Stealth 08, High Alert 12; Violence bribery, but they can’t improve Intimidation,
higher-clearance schematic (Software/Hacking 7, Energy Weapons 11; other skills 07; laser Moxie and Hygiene. As always, though, it’s
roll) shows where SC44 used to be before it was pistol (no barrel), orange reflec (E1) up to the sometimes beneficent Gamemaster
closed; if the roll is successful by a wide margin, to approve a sufficiently clever approach to
it might indicate that the station was sold to R&D. the problem. You may also decide bribery
their Sandallathon dose kicked in and IntSec affects other sorts of rolls, such as Access,
To determine whether the PCs’ research was goons wondering why a Troubleshooter team
noticed, treat the hacking attempt as a Tension on a case-by-case basis. Treat bribes as
is just wandering around the halls. (The secret effectively buying Perversity on the spot for
6 situation whether the roll succeeds or not. society contacts, at least, can tell them how to
The Troubleshooters might also try calling use in that one roll. Each point of this faux-
get to SC44 in exchange for, you know, a future Perversity costs some number of credits; the
in on their PDCs to inquire about the station. favor or two….)
They reach Troubleshooter Central and the amount depends on the security clearance of
evening-shift mission handler, Errol-O-CVC-2. the citizen being bribed:
Errol-O is scheduled to be off at midnight (i.e., RED: 5 credits per point
in 20 minutes) and officially he has no idea who Speaking of secret societies ORANGE: 10 credits per point
these guys calling in are, though he can guess YELLOW: 20 credits per point
pretty easily since he’s handling the security In the short time they have, some players may
GREEN: 50 credits per point
team currently assigned the duty. But that’s want to sneak off to contact their secret society.
a graveyard-shift mission, to be handled by Even if they don’t, everyone should learn BLUE: 100 credits per point
whoever relieves him in 20 minutes. As a result, something about the project they are going to INDIGO: 250 credits per point
he feigns both ignorance and suspicion. guard. VIOLET: 500 credits per point
Team: Hi! We need route information to Take each player aside to tell him what he
tubeway station SC44. knows; something like: ‘This Unobservable
Errol-O: Oh, really? And you are…?
Transit System sounds a lot like something  Frankenstein Destroyers: ‘It has a horrific
some of your buddies in <secret society> were new generation of bot brain that must be
Team: Security operation 353006/C. talking about the other day—something called the destroyed at all costs, before it is put to
Errol-O: I don’t have any record of that team “stealth train”. Then, depending on their secret wider use.’
designation being valid. society, continue with something like this:
Team: We’re supposed to be guarding the  Free Enterprise: ‘The stealth technology
ST700 starting at midnight.  Anti-Mutants: ‘The stealth field was would be worth a fortune to any number
Errol-O: Oh, that’s next shift. You need to talk engineered from mutant genetics. As a of buyers. If you can figure out how to
to the next shift’s mission handler. result, mutants aren’t hidden by it. Maybe steal its secret, this mission could make
you can use it to flush out secret muties you RICH!’
Team: But by the time she’s on shift, we’ll on your team.’
be late!
Errol-O: Gosh, fellas, if only there were some
 Humanists: ‘Everyone is pretty sure
way I could help you out here.
 Communists: ‘It allows High Programmers there’s no actual train…it’s a cover for
freedom to have wild, decadent parties something worse. If that’s so, you need
There is, in fact, some way Errol-O could help without detection. This ultimate tool to find out what is really going on and
them out, but the PCs must use a combination of capitalist greed must be destroyed, EXPOSE it.’
of Management-skill sweet-talking (through Comrade!’
Bootlicking or possibly Con Games) and cash  Illuminati: ‘There is no train. It’s a scam.
bribery (see sidebar) to get him there. With a  Computer Phreaks: ‘They say the For reasons that need not concern you, the
little money transferred to his PDC and/or his ego control console is the most sophisticated deception must not be exposed.’
appropriately massaged, Errol-O is happy to tell portable system ever designed. It would
them how to walk to SC44. Turns out it’s just a be the ultimate hack to take control of  Mystics: ‘A sufficiently…heightened…
couple hundred meters away. that, huh?’ mind should be able to pierce the stealth
Another possible route to SC44 would be veil. If you take something that enlightens
searching for it themselves. Perhaps have them  Corpore Metal: ‘The train has a new kind you enough to see it, bring some back
make some Access rolls; if they roll well and/or of AI guidance system that merges with for us.’
you’re feeling generous, they find the station human intelligence. If you have a chance
entrance in the nick of time, or even know where to experience that, you must try it!’  Pro Tech: ‘Our guys would love to make
it is already; otherwise, they don’t find it until a human-portable version of the stealth
they’re already late, despite the fact that it was  Death Leopard: ‘An invisible train that can technology. Try to, you know, “liberate” its
just around a corner the whole time. They might go anywhere in Alpha Complex? Sounds stealth generator for Pro Tech analysis.’
also try finding people in the area to ask about like an awesome joyride. You totally want
SC44, but seeing as it’s nearly midnight, the halls to see how fast it can go.’  Psion: ‘The train is meant to be used
and public rooms are pretty empty, and the only to take all mutants—even the registered
folks they’re likely to encounter are secret society  FCCC-P: ‘It sounds like the best hope for ones—to disintegration camps. It must be
contacts skulking in the shadows, unconscious peace and security and killing Communists prevented from ever working!’
citizens who didn’t make it to their bunks before yet. The project must succeed!’
4 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!
 STEALTH TRAIN empty service kiosks in a central chamber and an
GETTING THERE
 PURGE: ‘An invisible train that can go all
over the Complex would be the ultimate
array of tunnels leading off in all directions—most  YELLOW Vulture guard
of them collapsed or barricaded partway down.
tool of mayhem. Fake its destruction, but Armed Forces, Frankenstein Destroyers
Only one out of every three fluorescent bulbs
actually bring it to PURGE to be used.’ (degree 3), Slippery Skin (Power 06);
still produces sporadic, flickering light. The maps
Management 06, Bootlicking 10, Con Games
on the walls are long since faded and torn, and
 Romantics: ‘It’s apparently a time machine what remains is covered with various kinds of
01; Stealth 06, High Alert 10; Violence 10,
from the future. You’ve seen movies about Projectile Weapons 14, Thrown Weapons
graffiti—probably treasonous (and contagious)
this sort of thing. Assassins from the future 14; other skills 05; slugthrower with solid and
secret society propaganda. How closely does
will come to retrieve it. Watch out!’ dum-dum ammo, yellow reflec (E1)
the team want to examine the maps? That’s
what we thought.
 Sierra Club: ‘The train is how high-level elevator is always serious trouble in PARANOIA,
citizens get in and out of the Outdoors Fortunately, there’s an elevator that looks…
so forget we said anything.
without being detected. Verify its route well, there are reassuring lights on its control
so we can take control of it and use it panel. It probably works, even though it has the (For the record, there’s an emergency staircase
instead.’ sort of rickety, rusty appearance that suggests down to the platform, too, but it’s locked,
a deathtrap. All of this, of course, is security YELLOW Clearance, and the PCs can’t locate
 Spy for another Complex: ‘The train by obscurity: the entire lab is well-maintained it until they’ve already reached the platform. So
would be a fine prize in itself, but even and this is just a carefully manufactured front. there.)
better would be killing any high-level If Troubleshooters go poking their noses into
project personnel you meet. Or kidnapping the empty kiosks, they’ll find very functional
them to take home.’ cameras hidden inside, recording their every So this is what a frying pan
move—alongside gleaming-new servo-mounted
rotary autocannons. How long does the team looks like
All around the underground want to putter about in this open chamber (Tension level 2)
surrounded on all sides by robotic gun systems?
Regardless of how they find their way there, That’s what we thought. The elevator takes the PCs down to the level
when they get to the entrance of Tubeway Station The elevator has nine buttons, numbered 1 they selected and opens to reveal a waiting-area
SC44, it’s bolted over with a steel grating labeled through 9 top to bottom; however, the original platform, perhaps 75 meters long with a couple
STATION CLOSED NO ENTRY and DANGER numbers are scratched out, and the numbers of benches on it, acting as an island between
OF COLLAPSE and RADIATION HAZARD 0 through 8 are written over them in black ink. two tubeway tracks. One track is labeled A and
LEVEL 3 BEYOND. To prevent unauthorized Whether the players decide to press the last or the other is labeled B. This must be Platform
entrance, a single YELLOW-Clearance Armed the next-to-last button to get to Level 8, take them A/B, no?
Forces Vulture trooper with slugthrower, kevlar, to the next scene. (See the ‘Other button’ sidebar Both tracks appear to be entirely empty.
belt of grenades, the works, stands guard on the next page for an entertaining variation.) Six ORANGE-Clearance Troubleshooters
(read: is doing pushups, maintaining his gun, The elevator can carry six people comfortably, hang around the platform as well, looking bored
otherwise ‘training’). It’s not obvious how one and eight people safely; if ten or more squeeze but tough. This is Security Outfit 353006/B,
would open the bolted-down grating to go into in, there could be serious trouble. Actually, every a.k.a. Andrea-O’s Avengers (see sidebar).
the station; in fact, only the Vulture guard knows
the procedure.
The Vulture assumes the PCs are unauthorized
to be there until they show him their mission alert.
If the team has arrived late, he points out they
were supposed to already be down at Level 8 and
implies he’s going to have to report this. PCs must
use Management skills and cash bribes to be let
in without a report. If the team has arrived early,
he points out they’re not authorized to be in the
lab before midnight, and goes back to ‘training’.
He will ‘train’ for about ten minutes, then inquire
what the team wants, having pretty much already
forgotten. Is it after midnight now? Gosh, they
were supposed to be down at Level 8 already. If
the team tries to interrupt his training, he’ll point
out interfering with Armed Forces training is a
reportable offense. Again, Management rolls and
bribes smooth things over.
The team might also try to figure out how to
open the door themselves. If they’ve shown the
Vulture their Mission Alert, he won’t interfere in
their attempts, but he won’t help either. It takes
a Hardware roll (no applicable specialty) to figure
out the controls to open the door.
Beyond the secure door is a rundown, long-
abandoned transit station, with turnstiles and
“Guard this with your life!”

YOU’RE NOT CLEARED TO KNOW THE TRAIN WE’RE ON DOESN’T EXIST. 5

 CRASH PRIORITY!
They are eager to finish this stupid assignment
and get some sleep. Andrea-O, team leader of
 The other elevator button
the Avengers, looks the Troubleshooters over At some point, one or more Troubleshooters dark, shifts heavily—an almost subsonic
dismissively. ‘REDs, huh? Well, it should be may want to check out the other candidate for noise the Troubleshooters can feel in their
quiet enough for a few hours. I guess it won’t ‘Level 8’, the one they didn’t go to initially, in guts—and a wave of hot, fetid air rolls out
hurt to leave it in the hands of some REDs for the hopes it makes more sense than where of the tunnel. The little R&D figure turns
a while.’ A few of her team members chuckle they’ve been. When they step out of the and shuffles towards them, Igor-like. He
at this. The moment the team shows Andrea-O elevator, however, make them realize no appears to be gnawing on something
their mission alert, she makes a ‘wrap it up’ hand matter how screwed up their mission has that might have been a scrubot limb. Or
gesture to her team. ‘We’re outta here, fellas. Not been so far, they’re happy to be there instead a bone.
a moment too soon, you ask me.’ She gives the of here. This other level is almost totally dark, ‘Are you here to serve or be served?’ he
Troubleshooters’ team leader a little salute that lit only by broken, sparking electrical cables asks, his eyes rolling wildly. ‘The Massster
pretty obviously feigns respect. ‘Good luck with and small fires. There is a lot of rubble and has need.’ Drooling, he gestures them
the stealth train’, she says sarcastically. One or structural damage, as well as many dark… toward the dark, steaming tunnel. ‘Come!
two members of her team are unable to conceal stains… on the ground and various walls. It Come! The Massster wants to see. The
their knowing smirks. Then they are out of there smells foul. Massster will judge. Come!’ Another
like a shot. Any attempt by the players to keep A tubeway track runs alongside a single deep noise—is it something alive? a
them here any longer will result in an icy stare platform. On the platform crouches a machine?—and another wave of dark,
from Andrea-O: ‘You might want to oil yourself, huddled human figure dressed in the foul air should send the Troubleshooters
RED; I thought I heard you squeak.’ The message filthy remains of a YELLOW-Clearance on their way back to the elevator without
should be clear: the players have no authority R&D lab coat. If the team approaches further investigation.
over Andrea-O’s Avengers, especially since him, something way down the track, in the If it doesn’t, kill the bastards. Or you could
the Avengers are no longer responsible for this switch to a Call of Cthulhu adventure.
platform or anything about it. If the team tries to
get any information at all out of her about the
so-called Stealth Train, she rolls her eyes and
 Andrea-O’s Avengers
looks to her teammates with a shrug. ‘Newbies’, Andrea-O runs a tightly focused team, because she has skillfully maneuvered Troubleshooter
she says, and they all laugh as they leave. Central into filling all positions with fellow FCCC-P loyalists from her Armed Forces unit. They work
Either way, the Troubleshooters should quickly together for the team’s mutual good—an offensive concept in PARANOIA, but permissible in this
find themselves alone on the platform with no case because they’re all NPCs. Sometimes the good of the team means doing a great job fulfilling
evidence at all of the ‘ST700’ they’re guarding. the goals of The Computer, and sometimes it means acting in concert to commit neat little treasons
If they check around the tracks for any sort of to which they can all confess later for that great, just-absolved feeling.
vehicle, they won’t find one, not even if they The team members (all FCCC-P and Armed Forces):
wander down the tracks into the four tunnels that
each stretch into darkness. If they do this, though,  Andrea-O-STR-4: Pyrokinesis (Power 15), team leader. Tough and arrogant, she
be sure to describe the shifting airflow and the has no patience for RED upstarts who try to besmirch her team’s reputation.
occasional distant sound of wheels on rails,
implying that these tunnels connect to the rest  Ryan-O-INT-2: Invisibility (Power 15), hygiene officer. Almost Zen in his calm,
of the tubeway and that something might come unflappable in the face of any challenge, quick-witted and perceptive.
down this track at any minute. You might also
point out that there’s a highly electrified third rail  Lily-O-WIS-1: Telepathy (Power 15), loyalty officer. A great mediator and peacemaker;
ready to flash-fry anyone who runs around down seems to know what everyone wants—because she reads their minds.
here without a successful Violence/Agility roll.
There are a couple of basic cameras, but they  Lucian-O-DEX-5: Telekinesis (Power 15), equipment guy. Little guy, quick on his
don’t have good coverage of the platform area toes and good with his hands. Might use his TK to pick PC’s pockets.
and they may not be working; Tension level is
only 2 for now.  Jack-O-CON-3: Adrenalin Control (Power 15), recording officer. Big guy, serious,
When the PCs check in with their briefing acts slower and dumber than he is. Gets absolutely everything on camera.
officer via PDC, they reach Molly-O-DLA-1. Molly
comes from a fairly typical CPU background,  Dale-O-CHA-2: Charm (Power 15), happiness officer. Irresistible; he can convince you
meaning her approach to mission handling is cold is hot, up is down and you should go have yourself terminated now.
about procedure and process. The mission alert
says the team is to contact her once they have If, at any point, the players try to have the Avengers brought back to Platform A/B for
a confrontation about the presence (or lack) of the Stealth Train, they eventually show
up—escorted by Internal Security agents, R&D representatives and any one else you feel like
 Avenger stats bringing to put pressure on the situation. They then blandly demonstrate the presence and
functionality of the Stealth Train by secretly using their mutant powers cooperatively, so that
Each Avenger has Management 07, Lucian-O’s telekinesis makes it look like Ryan-O has stepped up onto an invisible train, Ryan-
Chutzpah 11, Con Games 11, Intimidation O’s invisibility makes it look like he’s cloaked by the train, Andrea-O’s pyrokinesis simulates
11; Stealth 07, High Alert 11; Violence 11, use of the beta-ray projectors, etc. Oops! (Admittedly, their mutant powers are a little out of
Energy Weapons 15, Thrown Weapons the Straight norm, but played subtly enough, it should work okay.) Andrea-O’s Avengers are
15; other skills 08; laser pistol with three more skilled than the Troubleshooters (assume skill and specialty ratings two higher than any
orange barrels (W3K energy), 3 concussion PC’s rating), better armed and armored, and their word will trump the players in any appeal
grenades, orange reflec (E1) to higher authority.

6 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 STEALTH TRAIN TRAIN? WHAT TRAIN?
Tubeway Station SC44 Level 8 Platform A/B

 4m Track B

stairs
bench bench elevator
U D

 4m Track A

Scale: 1 in = 15 meters (objects not to scale; tracks not to scale; actually, this entire map is kind of notional)
Door

dismissed the previous security detail, so if they Molly-O: Either you are or you aren’t. You in some way suboptimal just makes Molly-O more
try to contact her before they’ve relieved Andrea- relieved 353006/B, did you not? agitated. (‘How can it be gone now? It was there
O’s Avengers, she’ll get twitchy and insist they Team: Yeah…Okay, yeah, we’re at the proper just minutes ago! What did you do to it?’) The
call her back after they’ve completed that aspect platform. You’re right. moment they claim the ST700 is, in fact, right
of their mission procedure. After they get back Molly-O: Well, that’s where the ST700 is here—‘Oh, there it is, on track A!’—she calms
in touch with her, of course, she wants to talk to currently located, so you must be guarding back down again.
Andrea-O, to direct the Avengers to debriefing, it. Whoever first claims to have verified the
and becomes even twitchier when she finds out presence of the train, no matter how long it takes,
Team: Yeah, well, about the ST700 being
the Avengers are already gone. (This is not the should get 5 Perversity.
located here…Uh, what does it look like?
team’s fault, of course; Andrea-O was told she At this point attempts to get more information
would receive directions to debriefing from the Molly-O: I don’t have those specs, as I am about the ST700 fail; the PCs are not cleared for
next-shift mission handler, but she already knows not part of the R&D effort. that information. They’re not even high enough
which debriefing room it is. However, Molly-O can Team: Well, we’re not sure it’s here. clearance to learn whether the ST700 is parked
only take out her frustration on the PCs.) Molly-O: Ridiculous. If it wasn’t there, 353006/ on track A or track B; nobody will tell the players
Molly-O, in general, should become ever B would have reported a problem. which track it is supposedly on. Every attempt to
twitchier with each contact she has with the PCs. Team: Uh. Maybe they chose not to say get more information must go through Molly-O;
She speaks crisply, precisely, and with excessive anything? there isn’t even a standard confession terminal
attention to detail. If she is asked any question, on this platform to hack into. And Molly-O gets
Molly-O: Are you filing a formal accusation of
she must consult one of her many binders for the progressively twitchier with each successive
treason against 353006/B?
correct procedure, taking several minutes. One request for information as she flips through her
of the first things the team will probably want to Team: Uhh! Well, wait a second… procedural binders for long minutes. Absolutely
address is the presence (or lack) of any sort of Molly-O: I’d hate to have to dispatch an everything the players do other than sit there
train at the platform. This is where you’re going Internal Security unit to your location. They quietly watching an empty platform is, as far as
to set the entire tone of the rest of the mission, so get really grumpy sometimes. she is concerned, a violation of process, and
you should have Molly-O as focused and ready Team: No! No, that won’t be necessary. she rapidly escalates to a breaking point if they
to go as you can. Maybe it was just a mistake on their part. keep poking.
Molly-O: Are you filing a formal accusation of
Team: So, uh…this ST700. We’re guarding incompetence against 353006/B?
it?
Team: Uh. Hang on… Check up or check out
Molly-O: That depends. Are you at the proper
platform? The ‘logic’ at work here is, it’s easier for About the time either Molly-O seems like she’s
Team: We…think so. everyone involved if the Troubleshooters just going to explode or the players have run out of
act like the train is here and everything is fine. ways to cause trouble among themselves on
Andrea-O’s Avengers are already successfully a completely empty platform, Molly-O informs
 Molly-O-DLA debriefing, reporting the ST700 is present and them someone from Transport Forerunners
accounted for. If the ST700 was present and R&D (a well known R&D service firm) is with her
CPU, Anti-Mutant (degree 3), Rubbery Bones
accounted for at the end of their shift, but it’s not at Troubleshooter Central, ordering them to do
(Power 04); Management 11, Befuddling
there now, that must be the fault of the current some tests on the train. Jerrod-Y-MKE-3 is part
Bureaucracy 17, Stress You Out by Getting
security detail, no? Make it clear to the players of the ST700’s development team, and he wants
Stressed Out Herself 17; Violence 09, Energy
everyone believes the stealth train to have been to run through a few basic system checks to make
Weapons 13; Software 10, Data Search 14;
safely parked alongside Platform A/B as of the sure everything is in order before tomorrow’s first
other skills 07; laser pistol with two indigo
shift changeover at midnight. Every second the full set of trials.
barrels (treasonous), orange reflec (E1)
players spend suggesting the mission is already

WE LIKE DOING TRAIN MISSIONS BECAUSE THE MAPS ARE REALLY EASY. 7
 CRASH PRIORITY! select Single Shot. Use the control yoke
to aim the projectors at something down
the tunnel—nice and safe now; we don’t
want to damage anything important.
Now fire off four shots, two seconds
between each shot, until all four barrels
have discharged. Impressive, huh? Okay,
finally, engage the, uh, safety mechanism
by disconnecting that large cable marked
Ground from the locking-ring it’s in.
Now try one more shot to verify that it
doesn’t fire.’
‘Okay. Let’s check the dining car real
quick. One car forward. Are all the dining
tables properly set? Both sets of forks?
Wait, I have a note here… we need to
make sure the menus for tomorrow’s
test are correct. What does it say the
appetizer is going to be? Really? Damn,
I told them… Okay, no problem, we can
get that reprinted by tomorrow.’
‘Okay, finally, board the train’s power
supply car; that’s the second car. The
access code to the compartment is 4432-
Redefining the meaning of ‘stealth’. 5002. This is a somewhat complicated
test procedure so I’ll need you to do
If the team tries to worm out of it by claiming deliberately interfering with these tests for some this fairly quickly; no time for questions.
they’re not authorized, he reassures them they’re reason. Again, the first player to ‘successfully’ First, pull the red lever on the far right to
‘properly covered under C76.B440.’ He also use the sunglasses to detect the ST700 gets two the opposite position. Now, switch off
informs the team there’s a 250-credit bonus in it Perversity. Through this whole set of tests, your anything on the panel next to it that is
for each of them (and for Molly-O) if they can just goal is to let any attempt by your players to play currently lit-up. The coil-shaped thing on
help him out. That should get them motivated; along succeed; the more they fake it, the better the wall should change from a warmish
it definitely helps Molly-O overlook her usual their lies work. red-orange glow to a bluish-purple one
protocol. if you’ve done it right. Finally, pull the
Toss a couple of Perversity points to the ‘Okay, first enter the engine car through handle marked Control up as high as it
first player who starts doing something to help the open archway and verify turbine will go, to—uh—set power control at its
Jerrod-Y. Do your best to get the players to functionality. Pull the leftmost lever to highest level.’
commit to one or the other track as the location the notch at the halfway position. The ‘Well, it sounds like all tests passed
of the ST700. Once one or more team members turbine RPM gauge should now read with flying colors. You guys did great.
are ready to help Jerrod-Y, he starts taking them something around 12,000; what does I’m going to put that bonus authorization
through a bunch of steps, something like this: it say? Good. On the power output dial in now.’
next to it, what does that one read? No,
‘There should be four cars total: the the other one. Really? Uh…okay. Now He then signs off. Molly-O doesn’t come back
engine, the power supply, the dining car move the turbine lever to the notch at on. In fact, Molly-O doesn’t ever respond if the
and the tailgunner. Is the stealth field 3/4. RPMs? And power output? Uh, very team tries to raise her on the PDC. Why is this?
currently engaged? Yeah? Okay, put on good. Now set it all the way to 100%.’ We’ll find out shortly, but first…
the phase goggles that were provided
and tune them to 64-8-32, which is the (You will probably need to improvise around
current phase of the field. Huh? No this script, of course, as your players try various Too much of a good thing
goggles? Are you sure? They were left tactics to stall or complicate the tests. If at any
at the platform at 16:30 and the Avengers point they claim something is not working, Jerrod- While the players are wondering what happened
don’t have them. If you look around I’m Y becomes concerned, and Molly-O freaks out, to their mission handler, they hear an enormously
sure you’ll find them.’ believing that the team has broken the ST700. loud, chugging noise down one of the tunnels—
Award one or two Perversity to players who keep specifically, down whichever track is not the one
If the team looks around, they find a small box the tests moving forward instead, or ‘fix’ these they previously established as the location of
tucked under one of the benches; it contains problems as they come up.) the ST700. Sure enough, in a minute or so, an
six sets of mylar sunglasses, each of which enormous huffing steam train made of black iron
has a little dial from 1 to 100. Turning the dial ‘Now we need to check the beta-ray comes belching out of the tunnel, choking smoke
does nothing; they’re just sunglasses. If the projectors in the tailgunner car. The pouring from its stack, a blinding bright light
team claims they don’t work, Jerrod-Y tells access code to the tailgunner car is pointed ahead of it. Emphasize how unstealthy it
their equipment guy to fix the glasses. Every 7113-0752. Sit in the gunner’s seat and is in every way. It shrieks to a halt, sparks flying
minute they aren’t helping Jerrod-Y get the turn on the targeting system. Disengage from its iron wheels, and stops with a huge belch
actual tests done, Molly-O will become more the override; that’s the red toggle switch of steam. Soot begins settling on every surface as
frantic, certain that the Troubleshooters are on your right. On the fire control console, a team of YELLOW-Clearance Troubleshooters

8 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 STEALTH TRAIN
disembarks from its four cars—an engine, a coal
UN-STEALTHY TRAIN
headed back up the elevator (perhaps with one
tinder, a dining car and a caboose with a four-  Defender stats or more team members in custody, if things have
barrel gun turret. They’re all wearing sunglasses Each Defender has Management 07, gone poorly), Molly-O-DLA-2 comes online at
like the ones in the box under the bench. Chutzpah 11, Con Games 11, Intimidation Central. She’s even more focused on attention
11; Stealth 07, High Alert 11; Violence 11, to procedure than her predecessor; had Molly-1
These Troubleshooters are Deborah-Y’s
Energy Weapons 15, Thrown Weapons been more careful about process, she’d still be
Defenders; their team leader, Deborah-Y-CTB-
15; other skills 08; laser pistol with three alive, right? If asked, Molly-2 knows nothing
2, steps down from the engine and wants to
yellow barrels (W3K energy), 3 concussion about Deborah-Y’s Defenders or a second train
talk to the team leader. ‘Sorry we’re late,’ she
grenades, yellow reflec (E1). or anything, and the more the team tries to find
apologizes. ‘Final rundown tonight ran late. We’re
For convenience, assume all the out what’s going on with this new train, of course,
Deborah-Y’s Defenders, by the way.’ She seems
Defenders are in Free Enterprise or some the more stressed Molly-O gets.
to think the Troubleshooters should have heard
other Class A society (degree 5), and all
of them. Unlike the Avengers, these YELLOWs Needless to say, there’s no 250-credit test
have Regeneration (Power 05), unless it
don’t treat the team with utter contempt; quite bonus awaiting the team.
suits your storyline to give them something
the opposite: Deborah-Y’s team is buddy-buddy
else.
from the first moment… though there’s a slightly
menacing edge to it. ‘You guys seem pretty cool. You’ve got the look
You’re not going to cause any trouble by reporting rolls might figure out how to bring any or all of
our late handover… right!?’ Deborah confirms its systems online, but the moment they try to Some more time goes by—perhaps it’s been two
this is the ST700 and asserts, aggressively, the actually engage any of them (put the train into or three hours total now—when the team again
stealth field is currently engaged. ‘Of course it’s gear to move, for example, or fire the guns at hears noises up one of the tunnels. This time,
on; that’s why you can’t see it!’ She takes her something), nothing happens other than a small it’s up the tunnel the unstealthy steam train is
goggles off, looks at the train as though she can’t automated voice which says ‘Unauthorized not on—that is, whichever track is still empty. It
see anything and conspicuously shakes her head use detected and logged.’ The responsible sounds like many voices, somewhat excited, and
in amazement: ‘That stealth field is the weirdest Troubleshooter will be subjected to Probation maybe a little bit angry.
thing I’ve ever seen. Or rather, not seen, eh? Ha and a 200-credit fine. (This train, of course, also It is, in fact, a bunch of INFRARED protesters,
ha ha. Right!?’ The rest of her Defenders follow has no sophisticated computer console, no bot some with signs, being led by an ORANGE citizen
her lead, as assertively as their leader. Savvy brain, nor any other interesting new technology from HPD&MC, Dennis-O-CRV-4. Dennis-O
players laugh with her, not at her, and pretend players might be looking for.) has a properly approved and signed 202-D1750
they, too, can only see the train when they’re As the team looks around the train, the elevator Authorization for Expression of Minimal Dissent
wearing their goggles. returns to their level, and out comes a GREEN (AEMD) on level 8 of Tubeway Station SC44
If there’s any disagreement about whether this Internal Security goon squad in riot gear and during this particular graveyard shift. They are
train is supposed to be here, Deborah-Y calls into glossy black faceshields, all screaming ‘Everyone protesting the change of CruncheeTym’s flavor
Troubleshooter Central and talks to their own get down! Down on the ground!’ They have scary- from ‘SoyLike’ to ‘Kelp I Need Somebody’.
mission handler, Mary-G, who unconditionally looking weapons. Everything is super-tense for Little do they know this is just part of the overall
backs up anything Deborah-Y says. The players, a moment, then one of them notices the huge marketing strategy to eventually bring SoyLike
of course, still can’t get in touch with Molly-O. Are steam train. ‘Wait a second, it’s right here. It’s back as Classic SoyLikeLike, thus boosting sales.
they going to show insubordination to a bunch fine,’ he says. They put their weapons down and Of course the protest was supposed to happen
of YELLOW Troubleshooters and their GREEN ask to speak with the team leader. The IntSec at a time and place nobody would witness. Did
mission handler? Probation and a 200-credit squad leader informs the team a message was nobody inform HPD&MC this ‘long-abandoned’
fine. intercepted from Jerrod-Y-MKE to a known agent station SC44 was actually a classified R&D lab?
The Defenders leave pretty quickly; they need of PURGE, claiming he had convinced a security Oops.
to get some sleep before they come back and team to set the ST700 in self-destruct mode. This situation makes Molly-O… erratic. She
take the train out for its first official time trials Mission handler Molly-O-DLA-1 was found fatally looks up Dennis-O’s paperwork and confirms
tomorrow. ‘Take good care of our baby,’ Deborah- shot in her Troubleshooter Central cube. he and his protesters really are supposed to
Y tells the players. ‘If anything happens to it, we’ll Fearing the worst, of course, The Computer be here, like it or not. She also reminds the
hunt your last clone to the furthest corners of sent this team to the platform to apprehend any Troubleshooters quietly that none of these people
Alpha Complex.’ It’s not clear if she’s just kidding Troubleshooters who survived the destruction are cleared to see the ST700. ‘Thank goodness
around or deadly serious. of the ST700, but apparently the train is right the stealth field is engaged,’ she says, just about
here, right? This is the ST700, right? Did the the time some of the INFRAREDs start trying to
team actually test it in any way? No? Good, climb on the big steam train. ‘What’s this?’ they
Did you or did you not? because they are absolutely not authorized to want to know.
use anything in or on it. So they simply pretended Quick-thinking players may manage to get
The team will probably start poking around this to be following the orders of a higher-clearance Dennis-O and his IRs to confine themselves to
new train, thinking about maybe reproducing the R&D member? Well, that’s very clever, you know, one end of the platform, to protest there quietly.
tests Jerrod-Y talked them through. Unfortunately, but… that’s also disobeying orders. Why did you There Dennis-O starts to put his real agenda
none of the controls in this train match Jerrod-Y’s disobey orders from a YELLOW-Clearance R&D into action, subtly at first. Dennis-O, you see,
description. There’s no turbine control; there’s a representative? is a Romantic, and he recently turned up a
giant coal-burning furnace instead, with pressure Whatever the team claims, it’s likely they will reference to the notion of ‘freedom of speech’.
gauges. There’s no reactor; it’s a coal tinder. confess to something that should result in a fine He wants to try it out. So he gets the IRs chanting
The guns aren’t high-energy beta-ray projectors; and possibly Probation. various approved slogans and then slowly,
they appear to be some sort of flamethrowers. Once the team has managed to talk the IntSec smoothly switches them to slightly-less-approved
Even the dining car is wrong; it has tables and team down with whatever desperate story they slogans. Being IRs, they’ll repeat anything an
chairs, but no silverware or menus of any sort. can come up with—perhaps aided by Bootlicking ORANGE tells them to. A suggested sequence
Troubleshooters with good Hardware or Software and bribes, as always—and the agents are of slogans:

OKAY, I FORGET—WERE WE CONVINCING YOU THE TRAIN IS FAKE, OR...? 9

 CRASH PRIORITY!
1. ‘Bring back SoyLike!’
2. ‘More flavors, less fillers!’
 Film crew and associated nuisances
3. ‘We hate Kelp!’
4. ‘Grow food, don’t build it!’
 Dennis-O-CRV-4  Leonard-G-EMT-3
5. ‘Too many machines!’ HPD&MC, Romantics (degree 5), Hyper- R&D, Anti-Mutant (degree 8), Bureaucratic
6. ‘Get rid of bots!’ senses (power 05); Management 10, Intuition (Power 08); Management 09,
7. ‘The Computer’s not my friend!’ Chutzpah 14, Con Games 14, Moxie 14; Intimidation 13; other skills 07; no weapons
8. ‘Smash The Computer!’ Violence 04, Ducking for Cover 10; other or armor.
skills 07; no weapons or armor.
Around the time of the first slogan switch,  Andy-Y-LIC-2  INFRARED protesters
an HPD&MC media team emerges from the If you need stats to run a bunch of
elevator—three ORANGE camera crewmembers HPD&MC, Romantics (degree 6), INFRAREDS, well—the Gamemaster is
and a second-unit director, Andy-Y-LIC-2. Andy- Ventriloquism (Power 05); Management 11, always right. HPD&MC, FCCC-P or other
Y is all Hollywood: ‘Hey, baby! Who loves ya? Bootlicking 15, Con Games 15, Moxie 15; harmless societies, Death Simulation or other
You’re doing great. Don’t ever change!’ He used Stealth 05, Concealment 09, Surveillance 09; benign mutations (Power 04); Management
to be a happiness officer in his earlier career. He Violence 04, Running and Hiding 10; other 05, Bootlicking 09; Violence 05; other skills
has an MC50/R202 ‘Order to Produce Media skills 07; laser pistol with two indigo barrels 04; no weapons or armor.
Content for an R&D Presentation’. There’s going (treasonous), orange reflec (E1)
to be a media presentation about the stealth train
during tomorrow’s trial run, and Andy-Y needs to If the Troubleshooters check in with Molly-O, Section 4 of the Research Media Code, to operate
get some additional coverage for the ‘behind the she informs them the ST700 Project Marketing the ST700 for the purposes of providing action
scenes making-of’ special. He takes one look at Manager, Leonard-G-EMT-3, is with her at to Andy-Y, who is directing his three cameramen
the unstealthy steam train and sighs. ‘I thought Central. He’s a gruff-sounding guy, and he’s not as they set up their gear. The team, wary after
she was going to be a lot prettier than this. Tough going to put up with any foolishness from a bunch the Jerrod-Y incident, will surely want proof
one. Well, we’re all professionals here.’ of REDs. He authorizes the team, under Title 6 they really are authorized, and Molly-O dutifully
starts looking up the appropriate procedures.
She eventually returns to confirm they are, in
fact, authorized this time. By now Leonard-G is
impatient to get the filming started.
Andy-Y, meanwhile, has noticed the chanting
INFRAREDs. ‘We didn’t need this many extras,
but actually, I think it’ll help,’ he says, and starts
directing protesters to stand here and there all
over the unstealthy steam train. If Troubleshooters
try to stop him, his cheery exterior suddenly turns
ugly: ‘Is this your shoot? No, I don’t think so. Your
job is standing there quietly. My job is directing.
Let’s both do our jobs, shall we?’
The protesters continue chanting while they’re
on the train, of course, and occasionally Dennis-O
slips in the next slogan among them. Andy-Y is
confused: ‘Why aren’t they singing the jingle?
They were supposed to sing the stealth train
jingle. Will somebody please get these idiots
started on the official stealth train jingle? What do
you mean, ‘What jingle?’ Not my lookout. Didn’t
anyone get the memo? Look, I will personally
give 100 credits to whoever gets these idiots
started on the jingle.’ Andy-Y really will beam 100
credits to any Troubleshooter who makes up a
song and convinces the INFRAREDs to sing it,
too. You should also award 5 Perversity to the
player who does so.
However, the odds are good that, jingle or no, the
protesters soon begin chanting their unapproved
slogans again. If the Troubleshooters do nothing
about the increasingly treasonous talk coming
from the INFRAREDs, Andy-Y captures this as
part of the making-of documentary: ‘Shockingly,
the security detail seemed completely lax in its
enforcement of proper thought and behavior in the
facility.’ If, on the other hand, they use violence
on these obvious traitors, Andy-Y’s team films
A protester getting things done in Alpha Complex.
the screaming protesters as they scatter in all

10 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 STEALTH TRAIN
directions, Troubleshooters laying down gunfire:
PROTESTERS / FILM CREW
for the train’s control systems. If there are
The reason she’s mentioning this is, she’s
‘Shockingly, the security detail was positively any Pro Tech player characters, again,
giving the team a heads-up: The head of
eager to murder our unarmed civilian extras.’ perhaps these two try to convince the PCs
Troubleshooter Central, Arnold-B-BAR-3 (her
Either way, word will likely get back to IntSec that to come along.
boss’s boss) is coming down to the platform to
the Troubleshooters are irresponsible.
find out for himself what’s going on. It’s not often
Another optional (but horrible) trick you might try the team has seen a BLUE citizen in the flesh,  Two Illuminati assassins (R&D hygiene
is having Andy-Y pull individual Troubleshooters and this is almost certainly the first time they’ve officer Janet-R-VXO-2 and Tech Services
aside, ‘away from the cameras and off the record,’ had to deal with one directly. recording officer Maggie-R-DTE-2) who
to talk to them about ‘what’s really going on.’ Emphasize the seriousness of the situation. are waiting for a chance to assassinate
He’s secretly gathering evidence to prove that Arnold-B is bringing a Troubleshooter team with Arnold-B. Each packs a violet laser barrel
the whole ST700 project is a scam designed to him, which can only mean one thing: he intends to painted red. If there are any Illuminati
line someone’s pockets with embezzled R&D have the players taken off the mission, demoted player characters, Maggie-R simply makes
funds. ‘You can tell me the truth,’ he says to any (or worse!) for incompetence, and the new team this week’s secret eye-pyramid sign at
Troubleshooters he suspects won’t immediately put on for the rest of the shift. Smart citizens would them when nobody else is looking, but
report him. He conspicuously turns aside all practically beg to be demoted to INFRARED and says nothing.
camera lenses. ‘This thing isn’t the real train, is sent to stir the vats, but your players presumably
it? Is there even a real stealth train?’ Andy-Y is want to cling to RED Clearance. And Molly-O It starts innocently enough; Arnold-B simply
wearing a microcamera disguised as a button on doesn’t want to be punished for the team’s grills the team about every inconsistency so far
his coat, recording anything the Troubleshooter foolishness, either. ‘Whatever you do, make sure in the entire mission. He’s direct and businesslike.
says. he thinks everything is still okay,’ she snarls at the ‘Where’s the train?’ If the players point at the
Whatever happens, Andy-Y still needs footage team, ‘or so help me, I will make you all pay.’ unstealthy train, he says, ‘No, that’s not it. There’s
of the train’s stealth field in use. He expects the So—after you’ve given the players time no reactor, no beta-ray projectors and no turbine.
Troubleshooters to show it in action. His team to clean up whatever evidence is around, or I don’t know what that is, but it’s not the prototype
can’t do it because they’re filming it, and being otherwise plan a course of disaster—Arnold-B you’re supposed to guard. I’ll ask again: Where is
from HPD&MC they have no useful skills, let alone emerges from the elevator with a basic RED the ST700?’ If they suggest the empty track, he’ll
technical training. If the team resists, Leonard-G, Troubleshooter team. He doesn’t believe a walk over to that side of the platform and wave his
on the PDC, orders them to demonstrate the field graveyard shift guard assignment can be all that hand through the thin air. ‘Where did it go?’ He
turning off and on. The longer it takes the team challenging; any random group of REDs can do won’t pretend to see anything through the ‘phase
to sort out some way of faking success (perhaps it! Little does he know his team, randomly pulled goggles’. He is convinced the Troubleshooters
with Andy-Y’s collusion; film the empty track and from the midnight roster, has: lost, or stole, the train at some point and are
splice together in editing…?), the more frantic feigning ignorance now. Molly-O stays deathly
Molly-O will get; perhaps she ultimately has a  Two Death Leopards (CPU equipment quiet; her survival depends on not being noticed
cardiac arrest from stress and goes offline again guy Peter-R-YAT-1 and HPD&MC loyalty while this is going on. If the team is adamant
for a while. officer Michelle-R-TSL-2) who intend to the unstealthy train is the correct one, Arnold-B
The odds are good by now your players will be blow up the train—Peter-R’s repair kit is wants to know where it came from. If Deborah-
also pretty close to some sort of breaking point. actually a powerful bomb (M2V energy). Y’s Defenders are mentioned, his eyes go wide.
If they just cut loose and kill a bunch of people at If there are any Death Leopard player ‘The Defenders went missing days ago. Our
any point—especially higher-clearance citizens characters, these two might try to convince assumption is they’ve gone rogue. They’re the
of any sort—the GREEN IntSec squad returns the PCs to help. ones who dumped off this fake train? Why didn’t
and ends their shift conclusively. you report them?’ In short, Arnold-B calls any
 Two Pro Techs (Power Services team bluff the players attempt, or have attempted so
leader Larry-R-DVU-1 and Armed Forces far, and keeps driving back to the main question:
Comedy of terrors happiness officer Leslie-R-DRR-3) who ‘Where is the real ST700?’
plan to steal the train—Leslie-R’s pill Then, when you think you can’t make the
If, on the other hand, your players somehow dispenser is actually a security override players squirm any harder, the lights go out.
manage to both satisfy the HPD&MC media team
and safely deal with the increasingly treasonous
protesters, a peaceful calm (before the storm)
 The Troubleshooter bigwig and his traitorous team
settles over the platform. Eventually Molly-O-2
(or -3, if -2 collapsed) comes online. She sounds  Arnold-B-BAR-3  Pro Techs (2)
concerned; apparently rumors have begun flying CPU, Humanists (degree 3), Deep Thought Mechanical Intuition (Power 12); Stealth 8,
all over the place: (power 4); Management 11, Act Officious 17; Sneaking 12, Stealing the Stealth Train 20;
Violence 09, Die Horribly 20; other skills 07; Violence 09, Energy Weapons 13; other
 The team believes Andrea-O’s Avengers Gamemaster anti-fiat (that is, he’s definitely skills 07; laser pistol with red barrel, red
didn’t do their job, and now the Avengers
gonna die). reflec (E1).
are angry;
 This team has had dealings with  Death Leopards (2)  Illuminati assassins (2)
PURGE; Electroshock (Power 12); Violence 09, Hypersenses (Power 12); cover society
Demolitions 13, Energy Weapons 13; other FCCC-P (degree 4); Stealth 10, Concealment
 There are stories about treasonous skills 07; laser pistol with two red barrels, red 14, Disguise 14, High Alert 14, Surveillance
protests;
reflec (E1); bomb (K2K energy). 14, Violence 09, Energy Weapons 13, Kill
 Some questionable interview footage Arnold-B-BAR Silently 20; other skills 07;
leaked out; and so on. laser pistol with two violet barrels painted
red (treasonous), red reflec (E1).

NEVER PASS UP A CHANCE TO TURN OUT THE LIGHTS. 11

 CRASH PRIORITY!
Someone (Death Leopards, Illuminati—does it
matter who?) has cut power to the station for  Variation on a theme
three minutes. That’s right: it’s time for… a Dark
To further complicate the Arnold-B scene, or set
Room!
up another chaotic situation for the next scene,
Several things happen in rapid succession, not feel free to have a completely standard commuter
including the Troubleshooters’ actions. It’s totally tube-train slide up on the empty track at some
dark, so unless they have some way to see in point around now and discharge a perfectly
pitch black, nobody knows what anyone else ordinary bunch of 30 or so INFRARED and RED
is doing. Unless the PCs immediately move to citizens before sliding quietly away again. They
prevent these actions, Arnold-B’s team succeeds were on their way back to their communal living
at the following things: areas at the end of their graveyard work shifts.
The train stopped at the wrong platform, and they
 The two Death Leopards, convinced the all got off without thinking. Now they’re stranded,
steam train is actually the real ST700, slip because it’s not likely another train is going to
aboard the coal tinder and plant the bomb come pick them up; this station is abandoned,
out of sight. Then they flee down one of remember? If not prevented, they’ll get bored and
the tunnels on the empty track. The bomb start messing with anything in sight, especially
has a ten-minute timer. the unstealthy train if it’s still around.
Then feel free to have another film crew show
 The two Pro Techs don’t care if it’s the up, this one bearing a fully authorized DEM-40/
real ST700 or not; they just want to steal CEM-310 Order to Record Pre-Scripted Protest.
something real. So they slip aboard the They’re here to record the SoyLike protest. Are A side of INDIGOs no Troubleshooter wants to see.
steam engine car, override the security these the protesters? Director Jamie-Y-OAA- embezzling your funding and falsifying reports
controls, fire up the boiler and put the train 4 wants to know why they aren’t protesting this entire time.’
in gear. This takes a couple of minutes anything. ‘Look, we’re on a timetable here; get
and is quite loud, so it is apparent there is these people protesting or eltz.’ Is the corpse of Lincoln-I, of course, wants to convince Joel-I
action aboard the engine. Unless the PCs Arnold-B still lying around? Oh, that’s going to the project is, heh heh, on track. ‘There have
take swift and decisive action to stop them, look good on film. admittedly been some bugs in the stealth field;
however, the two Techs quickly get the we can’t turn it off and on as easily as we want
train moving down the track at speed. yet,’ he says. ‘Isn’t that right?’ he says to the
Any landing someone can Troubleshooters, trying to sucker them into
 The two Illuminati assassins drill Arnold-B walk away from...
going with him on this. ‘You haven’t been able
in a flurry of violet-colored laser fire, then to decloak the train all night, have you?’ he says
flee down the other tunnel on the empty So…the team is responsible for a non-existent with an inviting look. Is anyone going to go against
track, in the opposite direction from the train that has never been here—probably an INDIGO?
Death Leopards. lost a train that did exist but wasn’t supposed Joel-I, of course, suspects the Troubleshooters
to—been witness to (and perhaps accused of) the of being on R&D’s payroll. ‘So then, you can
All of this (plus whatever mayhem the players assassination of a BLUE citizen… How can it get vouch that the train exists and it works?’ he
engage in) happens in about three minutes. any worse? Let us suggest a course of action: asks the Troubleshooters, who will probably nod
Maybe less. Then the lights come back up The elevator doors open and two INDIGO fervently, desperate to keep everyone happy.
to reveal, at the least, Arnold-B lying dead citizens emerge: Armed Forces General Joel- ‘You sure the train isn’t just some sort of scam?’
on the ground full of laser-holes, all the new I-RPO-4, who is supposed to see the ST700 he continues. ‘Positive that the whole thing isn’t
Troubleshooters gone and probably the sound of in action for the first time this coming morning, just a fiction to siphon off my budget? Knowingly
the steam train receding down the tunnel. and R&D Professor Lincoln-I-STW-6, the aiding and abetting fraud is a serious offense,
Molly-O comes back on the PDC. ‘What senior development lead on the ST700 project. you know.’
happened? What’s going on? Was that laser fire?’ Neither man is dressed entirely professionally; The Troubleshooters are now between a rock
Give the Troubleshooters about two minutes to they were both roused from their sleep by an and a termination place, but salvation is close at
deal with the new circumstances. Be sure to find emergency message from Arnold-B, sent before hand. First, determine exactly where everyone
out what the Recording Officer is filming right he came down here, indicating something had is. Then an evil chuckle comes from one of the
now. The dead BLUE? The team leader standing apparently gone horribly wrong with the train. tunnel exits. ‘Ah, the trap came together exactly
near the corpse? Anyone got a smoking laser The two INDIGOs arrive, otherwise unescorted, as we hoped,’ says the familiar voice of Deborah-
out? If the team is even remotely honest with and upon seeing the two empty tracks—or the Y, as her Defenders emerge from the dark behind
Molly-O about what’s happened, she simply says, one empty track and the ruins of the steam train her. They’re all bearing massively nasty-looking
‘Ohh… man. We are so dead.’ She signs off and on the other—they begin to argue. weapons and wearing heavy armor. ‘All it took
doesn’t return. was the right set of fools to make such a mess
Then the bomb on the train goes off. It isn’t Joel-I wants to see the train. ‘Show me the train. that the two most senior project members would
big enough to completely destroy the train, just Show it to me right now.’ He refuses to put on
enough to completely wreck the coal tinder, kill
anyone in the engine car (i.e., the Pro Techs) and
any stupid glasses. He immediately recognizes
the steam train, if it’s here, as not being what
 INDIGO stats
seriously injure anyone in the dining car (or next he ordered. ‘Turn off the stealth field. I refuse FCCC-P (degree 12); Bureaucratic Intuition
to it on the platform if it didn’t get stolen). to put up with any more shimmery light-shows, (Power 10); Management 9, Intimidation 13,
Professor. I insist you show me, right now, a Moxie 13; Violence 04; Hardware 13; other
train that matches the specifications I ordered, skills 8; no weapons or armor (hey, they just
or I will be forced to conclude you have been got out of bed)

12 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 STEALTH TRAIN
come investigate personally. We’ll get a hefty hand: ‘How could you morons blow such a simple
BLOODBATH
If only Joel-I survives, and Deborah-Y’s team is
ransom for these two.’ She looks at the players assignment? How could you do this to me?’ She
defeated, he reassures the Troubleshooters: ‘It’s
half-apologetically. ‘Sorry, fellas. We’re gonna pops off a round at the nearest Troubleshooter…
okay, I’ve always suspected the train was a fake,
have to waste all of you, of course. No hard and you can probably guess what follows.
and now I’m going to expose this project for the
feelings?’
R&D fraud it is… and you’re going to be my star
Just as the Troubleshooters start to think about witnesses.’ (Why does that sound like things are
doing something, anything, another familiar voice Forward… to peace! only getting worse…?)
shouts out—from the tunnel diagonally opposite On the other hand, if only Lincoln-I survives
Deborah-Y’s team: ‘Drop your weapons, Deb, If a firefight occurs, run it as loosely as possible. and Deborah-Y is defeated, he too reassures the
or you’ll fry where you stand!’ The first player to All of Deborah-Y and Andrea-O’s team members Troubleshooters: ‘It’s okay, Joel-I has been trying
guess this is Andrea-O and her Avengers gets are way better at this than the Troubleshooters. to undermine our work from the start, and now
two Perversity points. They have just as many For the most part, there is little the PCs can do I’m going to expose his sabotage… and because
weapons, all pointed at Deborah-Y’s Defenders. to them. Instead, emphasize the danger to the you’ve done such an incredible job protecting the
The Defenders point their guns at the Avengers. two INDIGOs, with hideous energy blasts and ST700 so far, I’m going to have you permanently
The two INDIGOs try to keep everyone calm: cone rifle shells going back and forth. If the team attached to the project.’ (Death would be far
‘Whoa, whoa, whoa! Citizens, there’s no need saved those high-level citizens, we bet they’d be preferable, no?)
for any of this!’ An insanely tense standoff pretty grateful, huh? Either way, the INDIGO survivor tells them he’ll
crystallizes with the players in the middle of a The fight could end with one or both of the be in touch soon and then departs—with Andrea-
huge field of fire. And then… INDIGOs killed, combined with either Andrea- O’s Avengers providing escort, if they’ve survived.
Well, what? Perhaps the team comes up with O’s or Deborah-Y’s team killed (or both). It is ‘You saved my life,’ he tells the Avengers as they
a brilliant Management-based ploy to talk the entirely up to you which of these combinations step into the elevator. ‘Andrea-O, how can I ever
situation down. Or they come up with a clever occurs, but we recommend an ending in which repay your team?’ As the elevator doors close,
Stealth-based trick that gives one side, either Andrea-O’s team wins but one of the INDIGOs is Andrea-O gives the team a smug look as she
side, the upper hand. Maybe they just go for broke killed. (If both survive, the players are still stuck says, ‘I’m sure you’ll think of something, sir.’
and resort to Violence, happy to finally have an mediating the basic argument, the purpose of Then they’re gone, leaving the PCs on an
excuse to cut loose and kill something. Or perhaps which has already been served; if the Defenders empty platform flanked by two empty tracks.
they stand there like stunned rabbits waiting for win, the players have to fight them to prevent the Look on the bright side: Now they can probably
someone else to start the ball rolling. kidnapping of the INDIGOs.) get some sleep!
In which case, Molly-O can come bursting
out of the elevator, unregistered slugthrower in

The railroad scandal was, I think, the most breathtaking swindle perpetrated during
the Brezhnev regime; granted, the competition is fierce. A railroad through Georgia
was proposed and designed. The go-ahead was given. Every kopeck of the millions
of rubles allocated for the project was siphoned off during the four-year period of
so-called construction. In most of the world, secrets known to more than one are
no longer secrets; in our incomparable land, millions know secrets and they remain
secrets. The multitude eventually involved in the scheme not only conspired to
pretend that the railroad was being built, continuing after its theoretical completion
to claim that the railroad truly existed, but went one step—a staircase!—beyond by
providing and forwarding to the unsuspecting agencies solid proof that the imaginary
railroad was one of the most productive in the Soviet Union. I have read much in the
western magazines recently concerning the supposed new field of virtual reality;
has there ever been any other kind in Russia?
—Jack Womack, Let’s Put the Future Behind Us (1996)

NEVER PASS UP A CHANCE TO STAGE A BLOODBATH EITHER. 13

 CRASH PRIORITY!
TRAITOR BACKUP A
BETH FISCHI & ALLEN VARNEY
STRAIGHT



 
 
 
MISSION


 
 

 GM AND 3–6 PLAYERS
PLAYING TIME 1 SESSION
(2–3 HOURS)
2. HPD&MC in HGN Sector recently imposed termination center traitors with no weapon
 ATTENTION! an experimental happiness regulation stronger than a CoffeeLike percolator.
In pursuit of the PARANOIA XP edition’s as a sweetheart deal for the service firm
goal of broadening the game’s range of Pleasant Experience Concessions. The
experiences, this Straight mission, ‘Traitor directive requires all Alpha Complex
Backup’, throws the Troubleshooters into a offices with long waiting times (higher Briefing
termination center where life is cheap, IntSec than 150% of optimum, as determined (Tension level 5)
officers are cruel and the humor is so dark by CPU statistical surveys) to serve
Read the following to the players:
you need a night-light. This funny-creepy complimentary CoffeeLike, TeaSir or
mission is for GMs and players who laugh at Bouncy Bubble Beverage drinks at least
You awaken in the dark. The last thing
the final scenes in Brazil and Dr. Strangelove every 30 minutes to all waiting citizens of
you remember is bedding down for
and Monty Python’s Life of Brian—who RED Clearance or higher. The directive
sleepcycle, followed by nightmares
giggle, perhaps painfully, reading Pynchon authorizes outsourcing this vital function
involving truncheons and hypodermic
and Mark Leyner and Trainspotting by Irvine to ‘any private service firm provider of
needles. You feel a metallic stasis collar
Welsh—who blithely ignore issues of taste in pleasant concession-related experiences
around the base of your skull sending
Hogan’s Heroes, the 1960s sitcom set in a that’ (this is the sweetheart bit) ‘is based in
a strong electric current through your
Nazi prison camp. any sector beginning and ending with ‘V’.
spine, completely immobilizing you. You
If that audience doesn’t include you, please hear a crackling noise coming from the
skip this mission and check out the other, 3. Through an oversight, this directive doesn’t darkness high above. A muted burbling
lighter—yet no less fun!—entries in this exempt termination centers. issues from behind one wall.
collection. Thank you for your cooperation.
4. When they saw the problem, HGN IntSec (This is heated water from a boiler room next
HQ instantly contacted CPU to amend the door, but the PCs have no way of knowing that.
The Troubleshooters, dispatched to serve directive to exempt termination centers. And it does sound, well… a little creepy.) Let them
beverages to termination center prisoners, Unfortunately, HGN’s central CPU node wait a bit, and perhaps sweat.
find themselves on death row when PURGE is offline due to treasonous sabotage
attacks. The PCs have mere moments to save by many of the selfsame traitors who The lights snap on. You seem to be in a
themselves, spring their secret society contacts now await termination. Nothing can be briefing room, with several camera eyes
and serve a last round of beverages to the rioting amended until CPU gets back up. peering down. You are all strapped to
prisoners. It’s PARANOIA: Guess which goal identical metal chairs bolted to the metal
takes priority? 5. So. Rules are rules. Directives must be floor. Hot, bright lights glare from the
This mission works best for players who obeyed. Given the danger of serving stained ceiling tiles. In one corner an
have already played PARANOIA at least a drinks to traitors and the greater danger implanted wall speaker crackles with the
couple of times and can solve problems without of hanging around IntSec officers for noise you heard earlier. Across the room,
automatically resorting to laser fire. any length of time, Pleasant Experience a mirrored panel stretches from wall to
pulled its drink-service flunkies and instead wall. Undoubtedly, behind the panel lies
requested a Troubleshooter team in their an observation room.
Why Troubleshooters serve place. Everyone has lumps and bruises in
various visible spots, except <name a
drinks to traitors The Computer’s manifest of equipment PC>, who has none.
1. A big IntSec canvassing operation in required for a hospitality mission includes
HGN Sector has hauled in so many no weapons—what could be more harmless The collection team that brought the players
traitors the local Happy Homecoming than serving drinks?—so PLC won’t issue to the briefing room injected them with an
Automated Euthanasia Center is backed any to the PCs. For security purposes they experimental tranquilizer that sent all but one into
up. Convicted traitors stand in line under must check their weapons and PDCs at violent psychosis and erased all memory of the
heavy guard. the door. The Troubleshooters face the collection team. The team needed truncheons

14 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 TRAITOR BACKUP
to establish control and haul the PCs to the
SETUP
briefing room.
Of course, the PCs have no way of knowing
any of this. Let the players suspect the unbruised
character.
A voice over the loudspeaker! (It’s not The
Computer, but some anonymous human.) Read
the following to the players:

Welcome, Troubleshooters! You are in

Briefing Room B-37F. The Computer
is honoring you by allowing you to
participate in a new service for the
citizens of our glorious Complex. Our
calculations project that your service
will increase happiness and efficiency
across the complex. Your selection is
evidence of The Computer’s trust in you
and appreciation of your value. In return,
you wish to show The Computer your
undivided loyalty, do you not? [Pause,
allowing the PCs to realize they cannot
move their heads or speak.]
Excellent—loyal citizens, as expected.
Your respectful silence indicates
plastic, armor value 4—no one is in there.
acceptance of the mission. Sometimes briefings take the form of a
The PCs later find their ME Cards charged for
As part of a special Troubleshooter message, not a meeting. For example:
‘Damage to Briefing Room B-37F’ (a charge
team, you will serve complimentary
steep enough to hurt their accounts). Moreover,
beverages at least every 30 minutes
the observation room is painted BLUE. If they  An encoded message on the PC’s PDC
to all citizens of RED Clearance or
don’t deal with the cameras in the briefing room
higher who have been waiting at a
before they enter the observation room, Internal  A soggy note in blue ink at the bottom of
specified location, per experimental the PC’s Funbot mug
Security charges them with treason (code GG,
happiness regulation PEC-V-9A-65992B.
treason damage P4C plus a 40-credit fine).
Your specified location is: [pause to  A coded conversation with a medicated
access file] Termination Center VWV- citizen who has one silver fingernail
3C. The happiness of Alpha Complex’s
citizenry depends on you. Do not fail The Secret society briefings  A sudden, inexplicably strong ‘feeling’ that
Computer! (Tension level 3) a GREEN Clearance citizen, complete
Your team leader for this mission with an image of the man’s face, needs
is [name one of the PCs]. After this At some point between the briefing and their arrival assistance in the termination center
briefing, you will immediately appoint at the termination center, each Troubleshooter
from among yourselves loyalty, hygiene, may try to contact his secret society, or vice versa
recording, happiness and equipment if the player doesn’t remember. PLC outfitting
officers. Starting now, you have one The contact tells the Troubleshooter Internal (Tension level 5)
hour to report to your contact at PLC Security has arrested a member of his secret
Outfitting Warehouse R17 in VWV Sector society, who now awaits execution in the For once the PCs have no trouble locating PLC
to receive equipment and supplies. You termination center. The contact describes the Outfitting to get their supplies. A bored clerk
are fully responsible for all equipment prisoner (see ‘Prisoners (222)’ below) and issues them the following:
and supplies requisitioned to you. That stresses the urgent, imperative need to rescue
is all. him or her. The PC is the society’s only hope. 6 100-sheet pads of Form VWV/CL-TS-BBB/
For the encounter, either use one of the secret TC-1A, ‘Pleasant Experience Directive
The lights dim. The stasis collars on the backs society meeting locations given in the fine Beverage Service Tracking Statistics (To
of the PCs’ necks shut off, allowing the characters PARANOIA supplement The Traitor’s Manual or Be Verified Through Video Recordings)’
to move. The straps on the chairs slide back, take inspiration from these suggestions:
freeing the characters. A door slides open to a 6 ‘Proudly Serving My Fellow Citizen’ black
RED Clearance hallway: the exit. There is just  A supply closet with a gummy algae chip pens with black ink
enough light to navigate the room and get out. stuck to the jamb, a prearranged signal
Attempts to talk to the briefing officer through the 3 5-kilo cannisters powdered CoffeeLike
speaker system meet blank silence.  Behind a grate in an INFRARED barracks, (makes 75–100 servings)
The characters have their PDCs, ME Cards and a narrow human-size water duct leading to
personal equipment. No laser barrels, though. a sewer pipe 1 case pseudolactate fungal residue (for the
If they try to break through the mirrored panel CoffeeLike)
to get into the observation room, and they  An empty transtube car 3 5-kilo cannisters powdered TeaSir (makes
succeed—this is bulletproof and laser-reflective
75–100 servings)
ARE YOU BEING SERVED? 15
 CRASH PRIORITY!
3 crates Bouncy Bubble Beverage canned facilities in VWV Sector. Owing to the current goon’ is synonymous with ‘stupid and corrupt’,
sodas (72 cans/crate, 216 cans total) backup of termination center clients, The so appropriate Concealment, Bootlicking and
Computer considers Better Endings personnel Bribery specialties may work wonders.
500 foam cups inadequately trained to handle needed repairs.
Once the Troubleshooters are disarmed,
Inasmuch as the Troubleshooters will be at
500 plastic stirrers or at least have convinced the goons they’re
that center anyway, they certainly won’t mind
disarmed, the PCs pass through Checkpoint 1
performing these minor chores, will they?
1 pair Snippies (small thread scissors) to the spacious Cargo Elevator VWVHHAEC-
The air fresheners are intended to remedy the E1. The elevator’s bot brain politely requires all
2 PerkyLators (S5M impact damage) for termination center’s odor problem. With the other passengers, especially repair people, to show
CoffeeLike and TeaSir equipment the PCs are to oil the Headsweeper proper authorization. If someone fails to display
gear tracks, replace six ball bearings on the proper ID after three requests, the bot sends
2 red tablecloths rotator joints holding the blades in place and an alert to all three checkpoint stations. Each
sharpen the blades with a file. (The PCs do not checkpoint guard station has controls to shut
500 red napkins yet know what a ‘Headsweeper’ is, nor what down the elevators, or even to remotely flood it
their duties are in regard to it, and have no likely with sleeping gas.
2 drink carts way to find out until they arrive at the termination If all passengers show authorization, the
center.) The box of rubber handles goes to the elevator takes them down to Checkpoint 2
6 red ‘Happy Service!’ aprons center’s assistant director, who distributes them on Floor VWVHHAEC-2. There’s nothing on
to her goons. Floor VWVHHAEC-2 except Checkpoint 2, a
6 red ‘How May I Help You?’ apron pins bulletproof plastic enclosure about the size of a
one-hour photo-finishing booth. Inside the booth,
1 red ‘Pleasant Experience Team Leader’ sitting at machine-gun emplacements, are two
chef’s hat
Are we there yet?
bored GREEN lieutenants—not goons, but the
The clerk discourages questions about the The entrance to the Happy Homecoming bosses of goons. They’re not corrupt and not
supply list, but if pushed, tells the PCs (with a Automated Euthanasia Center in VWV Sector lies particularly stupid. Concealment, Bootlicking and
smirk) ‘PLC cannot provide weapons or armor at the end of a winding maze of office hallways Bribery are all harder here. They lethargically
for beverage dispensing missions.’ Period. End in the deepest sanctum of VWV Internal Security X-ray every can of Bouncy Bubble Beverage to
of discussion. End of Troubleshooters.... Headquarters (Tension level 18). ensure it’s not a grenade. (If a Troubleshooter
Just reaching this entrance could theoretically did in fact conceal something in a beverage
 IntSec service service give the Troubleshooters problems, if they
happen to be (say) wanted fugitives or something.
can, the guards get less bored fast.) Then they
pass the PCs through to another secured cargo
The PLC clerk also assigns the PCs supplies for But the mission hasn’t even begun properly yet, elevator exactly like the first, VWVHHAEC-E2.
their service service, a repair errand on behalf of so we suggest you avoid making their lives hard After checking their ID, this elevator takes them
an Internal Security firm called ‘Better Endings’: here. Dangle a few ominous suspicions and down to Floor VWVHHAEC-3, where Checkpoint
move on. (‘You half expected the IntSec officer 3 guards the termination center itself.
1 crate (200-count) New and Improved Fresh to say something about your last mission, but
Orangelyke Fungal Blossom Scent Balls he just jotted a note on his PDC and waved you
through.’)  Checkpoint guards
1 plastic pouch of six number-2 (that is, teeny- When they reach the checkpoints, then you can
tiny) ball bearings start making their lives hard.  GREEN goons (4)
Management 06, Interrogation 10, Intimidation
1 tube of SqueekyGate oil
 Checkpoints 1-3 10, Take Bribe 16; Stealth 06, Sneaking 10;
1 stainless steel monkeywrench (S5K (Tension level 18) Violence 08, Hand Weapons 12, Energy
impact) Weapons 12, Unarmed Combat 14; laser
Before the Troubleshooters can enter the Happy pistol with two green barrels (W3K energy),
1 ten-centimeter half-round bastard file Homecoming Center, they must pass three truncheon (S5K impact), green reflec (E1)
checkpoints. Each checkpoint lies on a different
1 box of 20 electroprod rubber handles floor. Each pair of floors is connected by a cargo  GREEN lieutenants (2)
However, the clerk knows nothing (and elevator (Tension level 18) that connects to no Management 08, Interrogation 12, Intimidation
nervously avoids speculating) about the required other floors. No stairs, either; CPU believes 12; Stealth 08, High Alert 12, Sneaking 12,
service. The Troubleshooters won’t find that out this keeps IntSec committed to proper elevator Surveillance 10; Violence 08, Hand Weapons
until they arrive at the termination center and maintenance. So far this has worked. Just in 12, Energy Weapons 12, Projectile Weapons
talk to the director. But to quench your curiosity, case, a locked steel cabinet at each checkpoint 12; Unarmed Combat 12; slugthrower with
here’s the scoop: holds climbing gear for six people, replaced and dum-dum ammo (W3K impact), energy pistol
When a prisoner recently tried to escape the tested annually, and custom-made for these (W3K), green reflec (E1)
termination center through the bathrooms, a particular elevator shafts.
combot guard slagged him, and the bathrooms The Troubleshooters enter Checkpoint 1 on  BLUE guard (1)
as well. An unpleasant odor has arisen from the the main floor of IntSec HQ (designated Floor Interrogation 14, Intimidation 14, High Alert
sewage backup. One prisoner has died of gas VWVHHAEC-1), where four GREEN goons 13, Sneaking 14, Surveillance 12; Hand
inhalation, and the fumes from the leakage are insist they deposit all weapons and their PDCs. Weapons 14, Energy Weapons 14, Unarmed
corroding the metal Headsweeper gear tracks If the PCs act up, the goons take their Snippies Combat 12; force sword (S3K energy), laser
above the former restrooms. away. If the PCs are really bad, the goons pistol with blue laser barrel (W3K energy),
The service firm Better Endings is responsible may take their apron pins. (‘You could poke blue reflec (E1)
for upkeep and repair of termination center someone’s eye out with that!’) Still, ‘GREEN

16 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 TRAITOR BACKUP MAP DESCRIPTION
Happy Homecoming Euthanasia Center VWV-3C

At Checkpoint 3, identical to 2 directly above it, homecoming chambers and termination room.
a single BLUE guard seems asleep. The PCs can Happy Homecoming! All these areas are described below.
pass through unmolested. If the Troubleshooters This section describes the termination center
wake him, the guard grumpily asks for their proper: the lookout, waiting room and homecoming  Director George-B’s office
identification, and waves them through to an chambers. A lineup of its cast of characters (Tension level 16 or 0)
anteroom. follows. Then we piece everything together in a
boxed Timeline on page 21. Termination center director George-B-RTW-9
 Anteroom has a large steel-walled office in a corner of the
lookout platform, near the entrance. The office
(Tension level 14)  Lookout has scads of surveillance devices, but George-B
The anteroom is a small, spartan room with (Tension level 10) can turn them all off using a thumbprint-controlled
unknowable numbers of concealed security This is a large elevated platform overlooking a sensor hidden under his desk. This reduces the
cameras. Like a dentist’s office, except instead spacious floor milling with prisoners. The lookout room’s Tension level to 0. The director uses
of magazines there are instructional pamphlets platform is separated from the floor below by this feature only for special occasions: unusual
with titles like ‘MemoMax and your next clone’ bulletproof, laser-refractive plastic (armor value brutality, bribe-taking, etc.
and ‘The importance of loyalty.’ 4). Apertures in the shielding let guards entering
Some pamphlets market services like secure
property storage, MemoMax backup integrity
from the elevator target their weapons at the
prisoners on the floor. A bolted trapdoor in the
 Waiting room
testing, Loyalty Encouragement Counseling and platform floor opens onto a narrow gangway to (Tension level 10)
even automatic renewal of your previous clone’s the main floor. Once on the ground, guards must Imagine an airport passenger lounge for an
Toilet Permit. The legality and utility of these pass from the trapdoor through a high-security Aeroflot flight delayed three days, or a bus station
services are up to you. vault-style door (armor value 6) to enter the in the outer vestibule of Dante’s Inferno. There it
In the anteroom the PCs meet the termination main floor. is: the Happy Homecoming waiting room.
center’s assistant director, Jessica-G-RFA-6. The main floor is divided in half. The half near The ceiling of the waiting room is 35 meters up
The details of that meeting appear in the boxed the entrance, the waiting room, is completely and partly lost in shadow, giving the impression
Timeline on page 21 (in the entry for 11:30). From open, like a ball court. The far half comprises the a lot more security equipment could swing down
here she takes them to the termination center. from the rafters. Troubleshooters who look

HAPPY HOMECOMING NOW OFFERS HIGH-VOLUME DISCOUNTS! 17

 CRASH P RIORITY !
Termination room
closely can see in the shadows the fist-sized George-B-RTW-9, is tough, cynical and on the
barrels of heavy armaments. Transparent (Tension level 18) take from New Patriot Solutions, a service firm
bulletproof plastic covers fluorescent lights built that wants The Computer to privatize termination
The four termination booths are windowless
into the dented metal walls. The bright lights centers. New Patriot has offered George-B a plum
steel cabins like human-sized thermos bottles.
cast a greenish pallor over everything. Multiply- job and promotion if he can quietly show IntSec-
Recycling Specialists place a traitor in the booth,
redundant, shielded camera banks halfway up run centers are inefficient. Thus he’s happy to
close the gasketed door and push a big red button
the wall track every movement. keep the line backed up, as long as he himself
on a simple console. A red ‘Occupied’ light over
isn’t seen to be responsible. If he has to shift
Happy elevator music plays quietly over the the door blinks on. There is a whirring noise for a
the blame to a few of his own officers and have
loudspeakers. HPD&MC polls taken several few seconds, then the fwoosh of water flushing.
them terminated, well, they knew the job was
months ago indicated music would calm prisoners The sound stops and the green ‘Vacant’ light
dangerous when they signed up. Actually, when
distressed by shrieking from the termination blinks on. Inside, the booth is empty and gleaming
they got drafted. Well, to be totally accurate, they
booths. clean. The entire procedure takes one minute.
didn’t know the job was dangerous, inasmuch as
An ugly smell pervades the air. Yesterday a Girded in steel on three sides (armor value
they got assigned in infancy a few moments after
prisoner tried to escape via the restrooms, located 5), the termination room has no exits except the
decanting. But anyway.
in one corner of the waiting room floor. One of holding cell passages, the termination booths
the combots gunned him down, unfortunately themselves and a bolted door at the south end
destroying the facilities in the process (not a of the room, guarded by a combot sentry. The Jessica-G-RFA-6
great concern for a bot). The restrooms are now door locks automatically during prisoner riots or Assistant director
chunky slag. mayhem. Beyond the door is a tunnel leading Description: Short and thin; narrow, severe face;
Headsweepers: Gear-like mechanisms to a gangway. At the top of the stairs, a locked greying hair pulled back in a tight bun. Her green
attached to articulated metal arms sweep the steel trapdoor leads to a lunch area with two uniform is impeccable, her speech brusque, often
room just below the ceiling. These jointed metal metal tables (bolted to the floor) and 12 plastic with implied rudeness.
arms, Headsweepers, are tipped with spinning chairs. For the staff’s lunchtime entertainment, Service group: IntSec (lieutenant)
rotary blades (W3K impact, armor-piercing) that a wallscreen shows vid feeds from the IntSec Secret society: Corpore Metal, 5th degree
circle the perimeter of the room on a gear track. interrogation chambers upstairs. Background: Jessica-G’s severe, no-nonsense
The four Headsweepers cast weird, spinning attitude drove her up through the ranks, and her
shadows on the floor below, but are completely resulting position at the termination center made
silent. They’re IntSec’s response to a previous Happy Homecoming staff her an ideal agent for Corpore Metal. She plans
jailbreak during which Commie traitors used for the day when she can upload her personality
Tanglers (and Adhesive Skin) to drop from the George-B-RTW-9 into a termination booth, perform the deed herself
ceiling and liberate prisoners. Termination center director on prisoners and compute pi during downtime.
The Troubleshooters must maintain and Meanwhile, she wouldn’t be averse to seeing
repair these Headsweepers as part of their Description: Medium height, with a bland, round George-B demoted, but she doesn’t dare do
service service for IntSec, as described under face and remote brown eyes that would not stand anything overtly against him until he proves
‘Outfitting.’ out in a crowd. Ar-tic-u-lates his word-ing ver-y himself incompetent or traitorous. If she catches
pre-cise-ly and blinks rapidly when speaking at the PCs planning such an incident, she might
 Homecoming cells length.
Service group: IntSec (commander)
look the other way.
(Tension level 10) Secret society: Illuminati, 10th degree; cover GREEN goons (10)
Five-meter-tall transparent panels divide the society: Anti-Mutant, 15th degree
far half of the floor into a hundred small holding Background: IntSec, the service group itself Description: Hulking brutes on the take. Always
cells, open at the top. Passages connect these and not a service firm, still runs most termination grumpy, as if they’ve been sitting in hard,
‘homecoming cells’ to the termination booths. centers. The IntSec officer in charge here, uncomfortable chairs all day.
The cell panels are made of a material called
pyrolex, which is (by careful design) not a
shield—quite the opposite, in fact: If an intense
 Happy Homecoming Euthanasia Center staff
energy- or heat-based attack (not something
as mild as boiling water, but most any weapon)
 George-B-RTW-9  Humphrey-R-BDA-9
Mental Blast (Power 12); Hand Weapons 12, Hypersenses (Power 08); Hand Weapons
hits pyrolex, it bursts in an explosive pyroclastic
Interrogation 19, Intimidation 12; Neurowhip 10, Interrogation 10, Hygiene 19; mop (S5K,
spray (S3K impact, armor-piercing) that releases
(S4M), blue reflec (E1) and GM fiat (infinite) used as truncheon, breaks on roll of 12+),
nasty lung-searing biotoxins (O3K bio). Chances
no armor
are good—say, target number 14 maybe? Does
14 sound good, GM?—one panel’s explosion  Jessica-G-RFA-6  Euthanasia specialists (4)
will set off panels connected to it. Get a chain Electroshock (Power 8); Projectile Weapons Clearance YELLOW; various mutant
reaction going, and you’ve handily obviated 14, Interrogation 13; Intimidation 10; ice gun powers; Termination Booth Operation 14,
the need for termination booths. Even better, a (W5K), green reflec (E1) Synchronizing the Whizzing Sounds of
couple of IntSec service firms with sweetheart
contracts will pick up nice profits for replacing  GREEN goons (10) Termination Booth Operation with Other
Operators to Play the Song ‘The Computer
the destroyed cells. Violence 10, Hand Weapon 12, Energy Is My Friend’ 16; no weapons or armor
Pyrolex is quite common in Internal Security Weapons 16, other skills 11; truncheon (S4K
centers. Any PC with the Chemical Engineering impact), green reflec (E1)  Combots (10)
specialty knows about its deadly effects. Built-in energy rifle and power supply
(W3V, 100 shots, skill 18); built-in battle
armor (6)

18 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 TRAITOR BACKUP on the termination panel display, are the first
PRISONERS
them jailed during IntSec’s recent HGN Sector
Service group: IntSec (guards)
to hide when violence starts. When confronted canvassing operation. About half sit in the cells of
Secret societies: Frankenstein Destroyers, 1st;
with the fire in the holding cells, the prisoner riots the homecoming chambers and half in the waiting
Anti-Mutant, 1st; Death Leopard, 1st
and the gun-toting fanaticism of the PURGErs room, jammed together at combot gunpoint.
(see ‘The attack’ below), they tend to curl up Despite the greenish lighting, it’s a colorful sight,
Background: Drafted directly to GREEN
into little balls and scream for their caretaker. unique in Alpha Complex: Prisoners of all security
Clearance from the numberless ranks of
The Troubleshooters find it difficult to get them clearances (almost all RED and above) stand or
INFRAREDs, these 10 goons are the stupidest,
to think clearly under pressure (Intimidation or crouch together in their clearance-appropriate
absolutely most savage, brutish and crooked
Interrogation help). jumpsuit hues, variously fearful, desperate, surly
lot IntSec could find. But now they’re GREEN
or sullen depending on how often their clones
Clearance, and if the prisoners or the
Combots (10) have been through this before.
Troubleshooters misplace a ‘sir’ (or then forget
to slip ‘em a few creds) the GREEN goons will These ten giant, fearsome, faceless bots on The smell that wafts forth from this lot doubtless
beat the crap out of them. halftrack treads disintegrate traitors who step alarms the Troubleshooters’ hygiene officer.
out of line. Each combot has a built-in energy Of the 222 traitors waiting for their Happy
Humphrey-R-BDA-9 rifle and power supply (W3V, 100 shots, skill 18) Homecoming, many have an angle to get free.
and built-in battle armor (6). These desperate schemes require an inside
Janitor
Tech Services constructed these combots accomplice, for definitions of ‘inside’ that include
Description: An extremely hygienic middle-aged here in this room. They’re too large to leave by ‘random Troubleshooter’. Each traitor promises a
man of medium height, blond hair and blue eyes, the elevator. They have old bot brains formerly large bribe and other incentives to the individual
whose teeth sparkle in the termination center housed in jackobots and programmed to serve Troubleshooter who springs him from the
lighting. Smiles and chats easily. drinks. Even now, the combots may take issue termination center.
Service firm: IntSec—Termination Center with the Troubleshooters’ methods of drink This section describes eight of these traitors,
Janitorial, ‘SecuraClean’ serving. When a combot offers authoritative and listed by secret society. Use these as inspiration
Secret society: Humanists, 4th degree forceful advice on proper pouring techniques, to develop similar prisoners who belong to your
Background: Sometimes a prisoner doesn’t everyone listens. PCs’ societies. All the societies and most degrees
react well to stomach blows, or a little leakage are represented among these traitors. Each one
runs out of the termination booths. Humphrey-R’s tries subtle recognition signals to connect with the
there to clean it up and get things working right. Prisoners (222) Troubleshooter who shares his society. Though
Nothing fazes Humphrey-R. A people person, he these descriptions suggest society degrees, feel
enjoys chatting with the soon-to-be-terminated, In the Euthanasia Center 222 unarmed, free to raise a traitor’s degree so he can give
trying to cheer them up. Humphrey-R’s an IntSec unarmored prisoners await recycling, many of orders to the hapless PC.
veteran but with the attitude of a retiree; his old
habits of interrogation die hard, but they’re put to
a more pleasant use as a janitor. He might also
know a few old codes that unlock doors around
the center.
It’d be darn hard to bribe Humphrey-R, though
he may take a shine to the Troubleshooters’
hygiene officer. His current fond wish is to get
back to the barracks in time to watch the ‘Vulture
Culture Hour’.
What a genial old guy! What a completely
inappropriate character for PARANOIA! Wait,
there’s more: Humphrey-R used to be Humphrey-
I, one of IntSec’s top officers in this sector. A
bioweapons accident aged him prematurely and
addled his brain, and even now he’s sort of—you
know—contagious. In a termination center he
does less harm than elsewhere; his disease
takes days or weeks to manifest, by which
time the patrons have long since been happily
Homecominged. Troubleshooters, though, may
wonder why the termination center staff steers
so far clear of good old Humphrey-R.

Euthanasia specialists (4)

Description: Four squirrelly little YELLOW jerks
with pompous attitudes and bad breath.
Service group: IntSec
Secret societies: Anti-Mutant, 1st; Death
Leopard, 1st; Pro Tech, 1st
Background: These clowns, though zealous to
press the Little Red Button and watch the lights
Enjoy your refreshing beverages, or else!

DON’T WORRY, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE GUILTY OF SOMETHING OR OTHER. 19

 CRASH PRIORITY! or not, she’s actually innocent; she was framed for
If a player asks why a given prisoner is awaiting
termination, you can pick a reason at random
bugging, then rumpling the sheets of, the neatly
made bed of an ORANGE Clearance citizen.
 Heightened State
from the Treason Chart at the back of this book.
Similar to Mental Blast, Heightened State lets
Or you could say they’re all there for the crime The pitch: Susan weeps easily and sweetly
the mutant stimulate agonizing or ecstatic
of belonging to a secret society. That ought to when she thinks of her impending death, and
brain activity in a single organic being within
make the players gulp. pleads with the Troubleshooter to help her. She
a five-meter radius until the end of the next
has nothing to offer except deep gratitude, not a
round. Bots are unaffected. The character
 Corpore Metal popular currency in Alpha Complex. Don’t raise
her degree; she can’t offer anything or command
declares which state he wants the target to
experience, and the GM makes a hidden
Name: Inga-Y-LNB-2 (degree 8) anything. Susan exists so you can lure players
Power roll. Success means the target must
Service group: R&D unfamiliar with the PARANOIA mindset into
make a Violence roll to resist the effect. You
Mutant power: Mechanical Intuition attempting a heroic rescue, then crush their
may wish to impose modifiers to the Violence
Description: A chunky copper blonde with rosy foolish hopes.
roll based on the success margin of the
cheeks and plump lips, Inga-Y is part cyborg.
mutant’s Power roll.
(Unauthorized cyborging, the implantation of
cybernetic machine parts in humans, is illegal.)
 Mystics If the target fails his Violence roll, he
suffers acute mental agony or ecstasy.
Termination center staff removed a bioplate from Name: Mary-O-RDF-5 (degree 8)
If his roll succeeds, he feels a flash of
the nape of her neck, revealing some circuitry, Service group: HPD&MC
mental discomfort or joy but experiences
so she cannot pretend to be human. Her false Mutant power: Death Simulation
no effects.
robotic arm conceals an as-yet undiscovered Description: Laid-back and spacey, Mary-O
If the Power roll fails, the effects of
needle gun. Inga-Y has a weird, dissonant sense projects an air of world-weariness, like the day
the mental blast are more unpredictable.
of humor and a barking laugh. after a jag. Behind the façade, the Troubleshooter
Sometimes the mutant himself is stunned
The pitch: In exchange for her freedom, Inga-Y may detect in Mary-O a steely determination to
or knocked unconscious. Sometimes the
offers a fortune in bot brains (worth five years of get out of the termination center alive.
victim’s brain explodes, or he turns into
a GREEN-Clearance salary). The pitch: Mary-O sits back with the
a pleasantly drooling goober. Sometimes
Of course, even if Inga-Y is on the level Troubleshooter and starts a rambling story of her
it seems as though nothing happens, but
(unlikely unless the Troubleshooter shares past exploits, particularly how she was recycled
citizens in neighboring sectors pass out
her secret society), Corpore Metal won’t leave in her previous clone forms. Before long, apropos
while operating heavy machinery or nuclear
bot brains in the hands of a low-clearance of nothing, Mary-O suddenly tries to secure the
reactors, or they start a Woodstock-sized
Troubleshooter for long. Plus, trying to fence Troubleshooter’s jailbreaking service in return
lovefest.
bot brains in Alpha Complex is like crossing a for her cache of Benetridin (‘Videoland’) and
minefield on a pogostick. Rolactin (‘Happy Life’) stashed away in a distant
maintenance locker. malfunction, and they won’t terminate anybody
 Free Enterprise until it’s fixed. The traitor backup continues,
Name: Martin-G-BLT-4 (degree 8)
 Psion threatening the PCs with the prospect of a severe
drink shortage. Supervisor Jessica-G may draft
Service group: PLC Name: Martin-G-BLS-1 (degree 16) the Troubleshooters to investigate this mysterious
Mutant power: Charm Service group: CPU malfunction.
Description: Martin-G’s a super-nice guy; Mutant power: Heightened State (see box
tall, dark, good-looking, he’s affable and likes to nearby) plus any others you want to give him
guide people by their elbows. With his impending Description: A tall man with a long, thin face,  PURGE
termination, what ordinarily would be a relaxed dark eyes and trim black doorknocker beard. His Name: Dan-B-LMD-3 (degree 8)
smile is a tight grin. manner is arrogant, threatening and supercilious Service group: Armed Forces
The pitch: For his get-out-of-jail-free card, toward regular mutants. Mutant power: Pyrokinesis
Martin-G offers a fortune in hard-currency credits. The pitch: Martin-G’s unique power, Description: A compact man of medium height
He sounds much like a Nigerian ‘419’ banking Heightened State, lets him induce ecstasy or with frighteningly intense steel-blue eyes, Dan-B
scam (‘Dear friend, I write to you on a matter of pain in a specified target. He uses these briefly is military to the bone. He’s furious at ‘those
utmost urgency…’). If the Troubleshooter will just on his target Troubleshooter to coerce his Internal Security vatslimes’ for catching him.
get him out of the termination center, Martin-G cooperation. (See the boxed ‘Heightened State’ When you look in his eyes, you know he could
will tell him where to find caches of hard-currency description nearby.) kill you without a second thought.
credits earned in the line of duty. Unfortunately, Blandly Martin-G offers to use Heightened The pitch: Dan-B bargains matter-of-factly
all the credits are bugged, leading IntSec directly State once a month for a year on any target the for his life, always with a just perceptible edge of
to whomever has them. Troubleshooter specifies. This might be useful, for threat in his voice. If a PC is in PURGE, Dan-B
example, in creating evidence another character commands help and no questions. In exchange for
 Humanists has gone off his hormone suppressants (ecstatic
state), or in threatening an enemy (pain state).
help escaping, he offers his weapons and armor
cache, consisting of several types of bioweapons,
Name: Susan-LNH-1 (degree 1) Or the Troubleshooter could use it on himself for two tanglers, a neurowhip and blue reflec armor.
Service group: Tech Services an unparalleled buzz. If the Troubleshooter doesn’t free him, when the
Mutant power: Ventriloquist If you like, Martin-G may also covertly use squad of PURGErs strikes at the mission climax,
Description: Susan’s an INFRARED clone his Heightened State power on the euthanasia Dan-B points at the Troubleshooter and tells his
with medium-length chestnut hair that she has technicians, to mysteriously delay the termination allies, ‘Kill the betrayer.’
an unconscious habit of smoothing around her process. The techs go in to push the big red
ear. She’s earnest, friendly, helpful and naïve: the button; they experience agonizing pain; they
perfect fall-gal for the PCs’ frame-ups. Believe it soon become convinced there’s an equipment
[continued on page 22]

20 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 TRAITOR BACKUP TIMELINE
 Timeline courteous manner. If they fail to be gracious 2. The three soldiers invading the lookout
and courteous, the combots graciously and kill all the GREEN goons there.
Here’s one likely way events may play out courteously threaten to blow them away. 3. On the waiting room floor the GREEN
once the The Troubleshooters arrive at The logistics of sharing cart supplies means goons and assistant director Jessica-G
Happy Homecoming Automated Euthanasia three PCs can use one cart. If they work engage five of the PURGErs, killing
Center. The incidents mentioned here are together smoothly, without distractions— two. A Headsweeper kills a third
detailed in the section ‘The attack’ that starts and really, that’s what PARANOIA is all soldier.
on the next page. about—three PCs can serve 5–6 prisoners 4. On the lookout, two soldiers open the
 10:00–11:20 per minute, meaning they can achieve 100% trapdoor, storm down the gangway
The PCs proceed through Checkpoints 1, 2 service of all 222 prisoners in 35–40 minutes. and blow open the door with a shaped
and 3 and enter the anteroom. Hey, what could go wrong? charge. The remaining soldier heads
 11:30  12:00 to director George-B’s office to
Assistant director Jessica-G-RFA-6, the (Or after the PCs have served maybe half the assassinate him. George-B waits
GREEN IntSec lieutenant, arrives in the prisoners.) The janitor, Humphrey-R, chats until the assassin gets into his office,
anteroom with a stack of papers and a sour briefly with the PCs. If they haven’t already blasts him with Mental Blast and calmly
look. She is aware of the PCs’ mission, but found out their service service, he correctly shoots him. Then, with the battle
asks for details and identification anyway. surmises they’re supposed to deodorize raging, George-B closes his door,
She’s a stickler for rules, and she wants the destroyed bathroom and repair the kicks back and watches a vidshow. He
to give them a hard time. A Corpore Metal Headsweepers. wants the termination center to appear
member, Jessica-G secretly sees the PCs’  12:05 inefficient, as long as he himself won’t
mission—increasing prisoner happiness Jessica-G emerges from the director’s office get blamed, so he intends to claim the
through application of beverages—as yet to instruct the PCs in their service service, PURGEr held him hostage until the
more evidence of pathetic human frailty. having received authorization from George-B battle’s end.
After questioning them, Jessica-G orders to let them proceed. If the PCs have already 5. The GREEN goons’ clumsy misfires
the PCs to transport the concession materials started on their duty, Jessica-G berates them set off a few pyrolex homecoming cells,
to the center of the waiting room floor, where loudly for acting without authorization and starting a chain reaction. The cells start
GREEN guards will clear a space for them to fines the offenders 100 credits apiece. She to explode, one by one (S3K impact
serve beverages. then orders them to perform whatever part of armor-piercing, O3K bio), down the
Jessica-G hasn’t been informed of the the service they haven’t yet performed. line toward the termination room. The
Troubleshooters’ service service duty burning homecoming cells sit between
 12:10 the Troubleshooters, their secret
(deodorizing the bathroom and repairing the PURGE member Dan-B-LMD-3 approaches
Headsweeper). If they ask about it and show society contacts and their refreshment
one or a group of PCs. Skipping recognition carts. The janitor and euthanasia staff
her their supplies, she can guess the duty, but signals and secrecy, he openly, brazenly
she’s reluctant to turn them loose on it without are trapped with them.
requests their help in escaping. He offers
authorization from director George-B. She’ll the weapon cache listed in his description  12:27
get that while they serve drinks. under ‘Cast’, and says refusing to help him The Troubleshooters either escape the
If a Troubleshooter gives the recognition may bring ‘consequences’. termination room or die like rats in the
signal for Corpore Metal, she pulls him explosions.
aside while the others are setting up the  12:15 Prisoners riot or try to escape. The
concession stand, and orders him to add (Or after the PCs have completed their service remaining combots and goons try to
sour pseudolactate fungal residue to the service.) Computer Phreak hackers put the stop the uprising. Whether a particular
PerkyLators. She not only enjoys seeing Troubleshooters first on the termination prisoner escapes depends on whether a
the prisoners march into the termination manifest. Troubleshooter helps him.
booths, she wants to see them go with sour  12:20 The surviving PURGErs grab Dan-B
stomachs. Unfortunately, the pseudolactate Internal Security GREEN goons arrest the from the waiting room floor and try to get
fungal residue the PCs received from PLC is Troubleshooters. The goons bring the PCs him out through the ceiling. If a specific
‘good’—good in the sense it doesn’t actively before director George-B, then (12:25) drag Troubleshooter(s) refused to help Dan-B,
cause stomach upset. To follow Jessica-G’s them to the termination booths. then before escaping he coldly commands
order (‘I do not care how you do it; just do it!’),  12:26 the PURGErs to kill that PC. All the soldiers
the Corpore Metal PC must foul the residue turn to that task, while Dan-B escapes.
Just in time to keep the PCs from getting
himself, or find some already soured.  12:28
terminated, nine PURGE soldiers attack
 11:40 through two holes in the ceiling, trying to Unless the surviving Troubleshooters stop
In the waiting room the Troubleshooters rescue PURGE member Dan-B-LMD-3. Six them, all surviving PURGErs disappear
set up their refreshment cart and serve soldiers open a hole over the waiting room through the ceiling hole and reactivate the
beverages. Members of their secret societies floor, while the other three open a second overhead heavy armaments.
covertly approach the various PCs, offering hole in the lookout platform ceiling.  12:29
recognition signals, seeking escape. Some 1. Using cone rifles with ECM shells, the The pyrolex homecoming cells nearest the
prisoners stay away from the beverage cart soldiers immediately destroy eight of termination booths explode (S3K impact
and may require the PCs to solicit them. the center’s ten combots, the ones armor-piercing, O3K bio), killing everyone
Serving an individual prisoner takes 30 stationed on the waiting room floor. nearby—including the PCs, who deserve it if
seconds, because the regulation requires the The two remaining combots, in the they just sat there like lumps all this time.
Troubleshooters to serve in a gracious and termination room, are unharmed.

OR YOU COULD JUST HAVE THINGS HAPPEN RANDOMLY AND SEE IF THEY 21
 CRASH PRIORITY!
at work. Hackers add the Troubleshooters’ names
to the termination center’s manifest of traitors.
Worse, the PCs are at the front of the line.
Why do the Phreaks want to terminate the
PCs? Maybe they offended a Phreak in an earlier
mission—for instance, ‘Mister Bubbles’ in the
PARANOIA rulebook. Maybe this is part of a
shadowy larger scheme by an unseen enemy. Or
maybe you don’t care. After all, you don’t intend
to tell the players anything, right?
With the change in the manifest, the hackers
also fake an alert to the GREEN goons, who pull
the Troubleshooters away from their beverage
carts (thereby hurting their beverage quota) and
escort them to director George-B for processing.
George-B isn’t what you’d call sympathetic,
but he patiently listens to the problem. He
believes the Troubleshooters, and mentions
IntSec has had problems with data security
(‘one more reason to privatize these centers, I
say’). Still, the bureaucracy required to fix the
manifests —the approvals needed—George-B
shudders demurely. He chooses the path of least
resistance: The Troubleshooters will submit to
termination ‘and we’ll sort it out with your next
clone.’
The goons grab the Troubleshooters by the
ears and attempt to drag them to the termination
room. The goons clap resisters in plastic
handcuffs and stun them with electroprods.
The prods, newly refurbished with the rubber
handles the Troubleshooters just delivered, stun
‘Just go with us, and if there’s a mistake, we’ll clear it up with your next clone.’ the target for one round; a stunned target is still
[continued from page 20] conscious and can speak weakly but can’t do
anything physical.
 Romantics she tries to overlay that tendency with pleasant

Name: Clarence-Y-SCA-4 (degree 8)

conversation to convince the Troubleshooter
she’s worth saving. The technique just results in
 Bombs away!
Service group: Power Services an offhanded and aloof conversation about the After the hackers change the manifest, if things
Mutant power: Uncanny Luck temperature controls. have stalled or gone too fast, stage the climactic
Description: A skinny red-haired guy with The pitch: Laura-O knows a way to get attack. To free PURGE official Dan-B-LMD-3
crooked teeth but a strangely compelling stream Outside, and says she has a base out there. from the termination queue, PURGE assaults
of blarney, Clarence-Y has a deep fascination If the Troubleshooter frees her, she can bring the termination center with a crack squad of nine
with ‘Oola-Hoops’. He bemoans his impending him to her base and be free of Alpha Complex. heavily armed soldiers.
death because he’ll be missing the monthly In reality Laura-O is an IntSec plant, and if the The PURGErs attack from above. They
Second Twosday Secret Hooping Congress. Troubleshooter agrees to help, she immediately have crawled through a ventilation duct from a
The pitch: While whispering to the PC about arrests him and puts him in line for termination long-abandoned section of IntSec headquarters
Oola-Hoops, Clarence-Y offers to provide the center processing. contaminated with radioactivity decades ago in
location of a cache of priceless Old Reckoning a tacnuke mishap.
artifacts, including a vintage pink Oola-Hoop and The squad has two strike teams. Alpha team,
a ‘pay phone’, if the Troubleshooter can just get The attack with three soldiers, attacks the lookout platform.
him to the Hooping Congress tonight.
Here is one way you can stage the mission’s  PURGE soldiers
 Sierra Club climactic battle. See the boxed timeline on the
previous page for a suggested sequence of
Management 05; Stealth 10, Surveillance
14, Shadowing 14; Violence 10, Energy
Name: Laura-O-NMT-6 (supposedly degree events. Weapons 14, Projectile Weapons 14, Hand
8) Weapons 14, Unarmed Combat 14, Climb
Service group: HPD&MC (actually IntSec)
Mutant power: Adhesive Skin
 Hacked! and Descend Rope 16; other skills 8; cone
rifles with ECM (J2J impact) and HEAP
Description: Tall and athletic, Laura-O While the Troubleshooters busily meet their shells (W2K impact); laser pistols with yellow
nervously picks at her styrofoam cup. Her eyes beverage-serving quota—smile cheerily, fill out barrels (W3K energy), yellow reflec (E1);
are wide and panicked, darting about as if she’s their quota forms, perform their service services PURGEr Dan-B has Gamemaster fiat armor
trying to think of something. She’s brusque in and covertly handle desperate pleas from secret (infinite) until you decide he doesn't
conversation but, as the last clone in her pack, society contacts—the Computer Phreaks are also

22 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 TRAITOR BACKUP
Bravo team, with six, attacks the waiting room
PURGE ATTACK
PCs interesting obstacles to springing their secret
floor and extracts Dan-B.  Once they reach the waiting room floor, try society contacts—and certainly to meeting their
to remove the slag burying the restrooms
beverage quota.
With expert timing the two teams simultaneously and descend into the bowels (you knew
blow holes in the ceiling with cone rifles firing that pun was coming) of the waste removal Once the chaos starts, the 122 prisoners in
HEAP shells. Alpha team hits the lookout system. Ewww. the waiting room (but not the other 100 trapped
platform and kills the five GREEN goons there. in the pyrolex cells) suddenly realize this is their
One PURGEr heads to George-B’s office to Of course conscientious PCs should still be chance and they riot or race to the trapdoor below
assassinate the director (but George-B will trying to meet quota by serving beverages to the the platform – their single route of escape. If the
use Mental Blast and kill the assassin instead). dead, the dying and the generally panicked. Troubleshooters have reached the waiting room
From behind the blast shields, the remaining two floor, they may now help their contacts, but
soldiers destroy the waiting room combots with  No-longer-waiting room keep in mind the remaining two combots and
high-power ECM equipment. Then they open any surviving GREEN goons aim to prevent the
the trapdoor and move down to the floor, where The PURGE assault has not only distracted the prisoners’ escape. No prisoner important to the
they blow open the security door using shaped GREEN goons from shoving the Troubleshooters storyline can escape without a Troubleshooter’s
explosive charges. into the termination booths, but also gives the direct assistance.
Bravo team descends to the waiting room
on guylines, wielding slugthrowers and other
weapons as you choose, mowing down GREEN
goons with high-velocity ammo. (They have
reprogrammed the heavy armament banks
above the lights; no heavy weapons are firing.)
One Headsweeper takes out one PURGE soldier
in a messy spray that sprinkles everyone in the
waiting room with flecks of intestine and ruins
their beverages.
The surviving GREEN goons and Jessica-G
retaliate, but they miss a lot. Their shots set off
the pyrolex homecoming chambers, causing
chain-reactive bursts of slag to advance slowly,
suspensefully toward the termination booths.

 Survive? Or meet the

quota?
The Troubleshooters see all this from the
termination room. Janitor Humphrey-R has the
presence of mind to help the PCs, should they
manage to ally with him. The termination center
euthanasia specialists have more on their minds
than helping or hindering Troubleshooters—
namely, panic. This gives the PCs several escape
options (that we can think of):

 Con Humphrey-R into using his codes to

open one of the bolted doors around the
center. Hide until the action dies down, at
the expense of the beverage quota.

 Con a combot into escorting them to

safe quarters ‘so they can be terminated
properly later on.’ If you’re feeling perverse,
the combot they try to persuade is a
Corpore Metal member.

 The more…daring…PCs might disable

the termination booth consoles and then
hide in the termination booths themselves.
Sure, no way anything could go wrong with
that plan.

 Try to get a termination booth floor open

for flushing and wriggle out that way.
No promises where the escapees end
up—Waste Recycling? The sewers?
Outdoors?
THE CEILING AGAIN? WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE CEILING... 23
 CRASH PRIORITY!
Meanwhile, the holding cells of the homecoming Then in a stern and disappointed tone he gets
chambers are exploding toxically, torching to the point of the debriefing:
numerous prisoners who come staggering out
of their cells half-alive, gasping and beseeching I’D LIKE ‘Our records show you missed your quota
the Troubleshooters for help. FRIES on this mission by 206.3 percent. In fact,
Also, the Troubleshooters’ refreshment-serving WITH THAT the prisoners who survived are thirstier
quota is nose-diving, and the equipment is getting than when you started. You served only
dented. a fraction of the YELLOW-Clearance
citizens in the Happy Homecoming
 Lookout! Center, failed to prevent beverages
from being contaminated by biological
If they make it to the lookout platform, the PCs Dan-B points at the PCs and tells the PURGErs substances and allowed valuable—
might try to hole up in director George-B’s steel- to shoot. Hanging above the waiting room on valuable!—beverage resources to be
walled office. It’s currently Tension level 0; the lines, the PURGErs have a clear line of sight wasted during the attack. CPU polled
director has turned off surveillance so no one will anywhere in the center except the director’s one surviving prisoner who said your
see him casually watching a vidshow. office and the high-security hallways below the attitude was “less than I expected from
One PURGE soldier went to assassinate platform. As ruthless amoral terrorists, they are of Pleasant Experience concessionaires,
George-B, but the director’s Mental Blast went course happy to comply with Dan-B’s command. plus the Bouncy Bubble Beverage was
off first. George-B calmly killed the assassin with He escapes while they’re firing. flat.” PLC notes as well that a drink cart
a laser blast, then closed his door. He hopes Once the PURGErs exit through the ceiling hole, was dented, and you misplaced your
this current debacle will prove the unworthiness they reactivate the Headsweeper armaments in Snippies. Do you have anything to say
of IntSec to run its own termination centers, so an attempt to cut off pursuit. Should the PCs in your defense?’
the service firm New Patriot Solutions can take pursue anyway, they enter a ventilation duct tall
over. enough for duck-walking but absolutely not tall Give the Troubleshooters another opportunity
Should the PCs catch him off-guard, George-B enough to dodge the retreating soldiers’ withering to accuse each other of treason.
stammers, ‘You see? This is what unauthorized slugthrower fire. From there the soldiers flee
combat drugs do to you! These Death Leopard through a busy transtube, a maze of sewers, ‘Thank you; your input has been
traitors amaze me. Luckily the drugs took effect the fortress of Barad-Dur and whatever other noted. You will be pleased to know The
just a moment ago, and I managed to shoot locales it takes to throw the Troubleshooters off Computer releases you this time with
him.’ the trail. only a monetary fine. The Computer
If George-B hears them entering, the PCs find has beneficently pardoned you of
the director panting after an obvious struggle serious charges because you missed the
with the traitor. Post-quota (debriefing) majority of your quota after the traitorous
In any case, the director sends the PCs back attack on the center began, by which time
out to the waiting room to put down the prisoner There’s a mandatory lockdown, the PCs get termination waiting times had decreased
revolt in a full frontal assault. If they succeed, he’ll interrogated along with everyone else, it turns to 142% due to unscheduled prisoner
postpone their termination while he investigates into a procedural crime show and you’re already casualties. This happiness regulation
why they’re on the manifest. bored to tears just thinking about running it all. applies only to offices with waiting times
Skip it. Your players have proven themselves higher than 150% of optimum.
 Bustin’ da man heroes or idiots or both, so just skip lightly
over the bureaucracy and go straight to the
‘The Computer is wise! Look forward
to your next opportunity to serve The
All the PURGErs do whatever it takes to keep debriefing. Computer!
their PURGE colleague, Dan-B-LMD-3, alive. It’s all rather, um, brief. An anonymous mission ‘Slide your ME cards through the
They try to pull him from the waiting room floor officer behind a reflective barrier recounts reader on your way out; we will deduct
and escape through the ceiling hole. in broad strokes what happened during the the charges from your accounts.’
If the Troubleshooters have not helped him PURGE attack and gives the Troubleshooters
by the time the PURGErs ready their escape, the opportunity to fink on each other.

We live in cheap and twisted times. Our leaders are low-rent fascists and our laws
are a tangle of mockeries. Recent polls indicate that the only people who feel
optimistic about the future are first-year law students who expect to get rich by
haggling over the ruins… and they are probably right.
—Hunter S. Thompson, Songs of the Doomed: More Notes on the Death
of the American Dream (Gonzo Papers, Vol. 3 ) (1990)

24 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 PATCH JOB
PAUL BALDOWSKI
A
STRAIGHT GM AND 4–6 PLAYERS
PLAYING TIME 1–2 SESSIONS
MISSION (4–6 HOURS)

cell, Rex-I opened his cell door with a thought,

then turned two slavering doberbots against their
Background surprised (and rapidly dismembered) handler. Mission alert
Throughout his steady progression to Clearance After his escape, the fugitive INDIGO found The Computer sends a text message to the
INDIGO, Rex-I-DON-10 slunk secretly along the refuge in the gloomy service ducts behind a Troubleshooters over their PDCs at their
traditional Mystic path of inner enlightenment. DON Sector Trans-Underplex Bullet Express workplaces. Read the following to the players:
However, IntSec watched Rex-I’s pursuits train station, a drop-point for Mystic parcels
carefully, including his steady conversion to an and messages. Rex-I knew the TUBE station The Computer requires your attendance
almost entirely organic diet grown in his own was close to a core trunk connection to DON at a briefing regarding Communist
personal garden. IntSec meant to bring Rex-I Sector’s primary CompNode. With his new sabotage most foul in DON Sector.
down, hard. powers, he resolved to take control of the node Treasonous actions have breached
Stumbling back to his quarters after a mind- and overthrow The Computer itself. transportation protocols, and happiness
blowing session of drugs and meditation, Rex-I Why, yes, Rex-I is indeed nuts—and worse. futures plunge following unscheduled
experienced an epiphany—the brain-melting His nanoprobes were designed as a new means property destruction and multiple citizen
onset of Zen Deficit Disorder. Suddenly Rex-I to implement in-the-field bot repairs. As Rex-I death. The Computer’s loyal servants in
grokked Alpha Complex in its entirety: The does not fit the common template of any known CPU have arranged for your timely escort
Computer had the best intentions for its citizens bot, the nanoprobes believe they occupy a to the briefing room in one hour. Consult
but completely failed to understand their needs, catastrophically damaged bot intelligence and with your supervisor to excuse yourself
and High Programmers were shrewd opportunists have scheduled completion of a total overhaul from regular duties. END MESSAGE.
who had the best intentions for themselves alone. and repair. Rex-I doesn’t know it, but as long as
Rex-I saw himself as the city’s appointed savior. the nanoprobes remain in his bloodstream, he If you have previously established the
Citizens who witnessed Rex-I’s epiphany saw a has less than a day to live. Troubleshooters’ individual service firm jobs,
small, paunchy man obsessively rocking back Armed with a true understanding of Alpha you may wish to play out the PCs’ requests for
and forth and drooling. Complex and the ability to communicate directly leave from their obstinate supervisors, arguments
In that moment of crystal clarity, IntSec swept with machines, Rex-I has secreted himself in the with envious coworkers, etc. Or you may just want
in and carted off the Mystic for interrogation. deepest reach of the TUBE station. He plans to to get the mission underway, because that’s why
However, IntSec agents Lennox-B-DON-5 and dig through to the trunk connection and infect the your players showed up, right?
Boden-O-DON-4 were not prepared for Rex-I’s CompNode, forcing it to reveal the terrible truth In one hour, four IntSec GREEN goons arrive
ingenuity. Using his mystic Zen awareness (and of imprisonment and oppression to every Alpha to escort the PCs to the appropriate briefing
mundane access to treasonous security codes), Complex citizen. Meanwhile, he has used his new room.
Rex-I slipped away. He avoided capture across powers to reprogram a few bots to protect him.
half a sector until a firefight locked him down in an The Computer knows nothing of this. It
R&D lab. GREEN goons armed with tanglers and only knows it has lost communication with The briefing
stun grenades captured the slippery INDIGO, but the DON Sector TUBE station. It assigns the
not before accidentally drenching him in mercury- Troubleshooters to investigate, install a hardware The room is dull pink with dark red carpet, and
like fluid from a disrupted magnetic bottle. device and download a firmware maintenance a large red-framed whiteboard occupies the
On his return trip to the interrogation cells patch into the local system management network. wall opposite the door. A chemical stink from
Lennox-B took precautions and reset all security This should restore remote access and control. the whiteboard’s dry-erasable pens pervades
codes. However, Rex-I’s recent dousing with Under normal circumstances, this assignment the air. Charts, tallies and random scraps of
experimental nanoprobes had saturated would be trivial. However, the mission briefing paper, tacked to the wall on either side of the
the Mystic’s blood stream. The nanoprobes lacks pertinent details, such as a refugee INDIGO board, look like parts of previous mission briefing
started making minor improvements to Rex-I’s citizen pumped up on nanoprobes and a couple of announcements.
physiology, while also imbuing him with a form dangerously peeved Internal Security agents. The briefing officer, Aubin-B-NDA-3, is a hawk-
of viral Machine Empathy. In an IntSec holding nosed, narrow-faced man who seems two sizes

AH, NANOPROBES! THE GOLD STANDARD IN ARTIFICIAL PLOT DEVICES! 25

 CRASH PRIORITY!
too small for his uniform. As GREEN goons guide ensures the Troubleshooters fully understand
the Troubleshooters into the room, Aubin-B looks the importance of making the TUBE station  Aubin-B-NDA-3
down his nose at them and curtly gestures for functional. Alpha Complex itself faces harrowing HPD&MC (IntSec), FCCC-P, Regeneration
them to sit—right there, on a hard wooden bench inconvenience due to the continuing threat of this 9; Violence 8, Hand Weapon 12, Neurowhip
at the center of the brightly lit room. malfunction, and the Troubleshooters should fully 16, other skills 11; neurowhip (S4M energy),
appreciate the import of their mission! reinforced uniform (I3)
Aubin-B stands patiently, straight-backed and
in silence, until the Troubleshooters give him
their full attention. He then reads the mission
As time is of the essence, Aubin-B urges the
Troubleshooters to get on with the task instead of
 IntSec GREEN goons
briefing aloud: asking pointless questions. Copious Bootlicking Violence 10, Hand Weapons 12, Energy
may lighten Aubin-B’s mood and prompt him to Weapons 16; laser pistol with two green bar-
Communist sabotage has triggered answer one or two questions, but not thoroughly rels (W3K energy), truncheon (S5K impact),
technical malfunctions, rendering the and not for long. green reflec (E1)
Trans-Underplex Bullet Express station Aubin-B taps a button on his PDC and the
in DON Sector inaccessible, and greatly briefing room door opens. He concludes:
reducing the productivity and happiness and no one can reach it. While you’re down
quotas in the sector. Remote inspection You will report to the DON Sector TUBE there, locate the drop-point—an OUT OF
of the problem indicates a traitorous station in two hours. You are released. ORDER recycling bin—and return any
software virus has massively corrupted packages in the bin to me. You and I will
local systems. Your mission is to install have a little celebration afterward, okay?
a Circuit Override Interface Transfuser, Private conferences
or COIT, hardware device. You will then  Pro Tech: Bumbling Internal Security idiots
apply three firmware patches, at three The Troubleshooters may now seek information broke into an R&D lab and lost a piece of
separate locations in the TUBE station, from their secret society contacts. cutting-edge technology we were about
to reenable remote access control of the to acquire. It was a microscopic electrical
local system. You alone are responsible  Anti-Mutant: Rumors circulating among oscillator, extremely sensitive to mass
for restoring functionality to the TUBE the hated Psion suggest they know there’s and force. It’s encased in a sensitive plate
system. a mutant behind this whole incident. Identify about a centimeter long with the marking
Additionally, your friend The Computer and destroy the offending monstrosity. As ‘THX-B7.’ Unfortunately, IntSec scattered
is generously allowing your team to proof of the deed, bring back his earlobe or ruined many other similar plates at the
perform an additional service firm in this contamination-proof box. same time. We have the plate’s housing
service while in the TUBE system. and passcodes already; you must return
Two days ago, a classified R&D service  Communists: Current reports blame the the oscillator. Handle IntSec interference
firm, working with a Technical Services situation on a Communist presence, but in any appropriate way.
service firm called Nanotest, installed without proof. Comrade, do not let this
a highly experimental nanotube skin opportunity go to waste: Here, take some  Psion: Leaked information suggests
over the steel bulkhead protecting pamphlets and red paint. Reinforce our a new mutant power at work, or else a
certain Computer circuitry. The hull skin involvement, to strike fear into the hearts of variant of the feared Machine Empathy
detects whether the steel beneath it has the Capitalist Minions of The Computer! talent. However, Control detects no
been breached, and reports data back mutant activity. Gather as much data on
to R&D. Newly reported data indicate  Death Leopard: Random destruction that the phenomenon as possible. Ideally,
that a breach occurred two hours ago. can shut down a whole station—dude, in complete a deep scan of the individual’s
However, a breach is not certain: In lab all honesty could you miss something like brain and return the information for
tests, the hull skin was prone to reporting that? A serious trashing like this deserves analysis—though a living specimen would
false data approximately 74 percent of closer inspection. Find out what’s going on be even better. See if you can pick up the
the time. and record it for future vidnights. passkey to his apartment, too.
Your R&D service service assignment
is to determine whether a breach in fact  Humanists, Frankenstein Destroyers:  Program group lackey: Internal
exists. If the skin has been breached, IntSec’s official line is they’ve locked down Security has imprisoned a respected
determine the cause and deal with it, the Commie responsible. It’s some kind of and influential ally, one Rex-I-DON-10.
then apply a fresh coating of hull skin. If crazed metal freak. Find the monstrosity We’ve learned nothing of his fate, but
a breach does not exist, provide a brief and deactivate it, permanently. something is certainly up in the sector of
report on why the skin data indicate his incarceration—specifically the loss of
otherwise.  Free Enterprise: The TUBE tunnels some dangerous experimental nanotech.
PLC will provide you with all necessary around DON Sector provide access to an IntSec has contained all information.
equipment and instructions to complete ancient hangar that’s part of the Underplex. Expect rich rewards for anything concrete
both tasks. Clear? Good. Now, [pick a PC], Up to now, the hangar has served as a on the actual situation and how it might
summarize for us your team’s mission storehouse for unofficially acquired goods. concern Rex-I-DON.
and service service assignment. With this state of emergency, no one can
reach the storehouse, and that’s bad for The rest: Gamemaster, you know your
Aubin-B requires the Troubleshooters to repeat business. Find the problem and end it. particular PCs better than we Famous
the basics of his mission back verbatim to ensure Game Designers do. Give them something
adequate understanding. If he detects hesitation,  Mystics: Closure of that TUBE station is relevant to this mission: A deep contact
inaccuracy or complete ignorance of the mission a problem, little buddy. There’s a Mystic updates them on society-specific gossip
details, he assigns Official Reprimands. Aubin-B drop-point in the middle of the platform, relevant (or, depending on how perverse

26 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 PATCH JOB
you’re feeling, seemingly relevant) to their
SETUP
interests.
Possession without the proper permit
constitutes treason (code MM). Though the
 Lennox-B-DON-5
Troubleshooters don’t know this, R&D is IntSec, Humanists (degree 5), Bureaucratic
keeping careful tabs on this substance and Intuition 12, Shadowing 14, Moxie 12,
Outfitting knows its mass, down to the microgram, Suggestion 13, High Alert 11, Energy
in case any goes missing or is misapplied. Weapons 13, Field Weapons 12, Thrown
Handle outfitting as you see fit, whether via PLC, Because the hull skin transmits data, treat Weapons 10; laser pistol with blue barrel
the IR Market or C-Bay. Regardless, at the end it as a GPS system in case the PCs decide (W3K), tangler (entangling), ECM grenade*
of outfitting, the PCs should have the following to do anything illegal with it. (H2J), X-317B hardened full-figure combat
items: armor (4)
 Skin applicators (6): These look like foam * Grenade works as slugthrower ECM
 COIT (1): The Circuit Override Interface makeup wedges. They are used to apply ammunition.
Transfuser (or COIT) resembles a large, the hull skin.
old-style cinematic film can crossed with
a steering wheel. Knobs, nodes, circuitry  Permit to Carry and Use Highly  Boden-O-DON-4
and flashing lights riddle the outer casing of Experimental and Classified Substances IntSec, Free Enterprise (degree 5), Deep
the COIT, with a multiplug in the middle of (1): A classified R&D service firm Thought 8; Shadowing 13, Medical 12, Data
one circular face. The whole thing weighs (identity available at Clearance VIOLET) Analysis 13, Data Search 12, Forgery 12,
about 20 kilos and has a convenient handle provides this permit, which allows the Vehicle Ops and Maintenance 14, Energy
installed in the middle of the opposing Troubleshooters to complete their service Weapons 12, Hand Weapons 11; laser pistol
circular face from the multiplug. service assignment. The permit expires at with orange barrel (W3K), neurowhip (S4M
the end of the day, though this is not stated energy), X-317B hardened full-figure combat
There are three override sockets in on the form. The permit specifies exactly armor (4)
the TUBE station. The Troubleshooters where the hull skin may be applied and
must plug the COIT into all three sockets, under what circumstances. It has seven
in any sequence, to complete a system signatures, including officials in R&D, below). The IntSec agents have linked the recent
firmware upgrade that will restore Tech CPU and Technical Services; however, all malfunctions at the station with Rex-I’s odd new
Services access to the station facilities. signatures have been meticulously blacked powers, and his frequent use of the station as a
(They don’t know it, but this may also cure out save for the last, the Troubleshooters’ Mystic drop-point. Using Deep Thought, Boden-O
Rex-I-DON of his nanoprobe infection.) briefing officer, Aubin-B. To obtain the has thereby deduced a possible lead to Rex-I’s
The COIT documentation (!) actually permit, the Troubleshooters are required current location.
includes accurate information about the to sign for it and provide a blood sample The IntSec agents know the Troubleshooters are
location of all three sockets in the TUBE for DNA verification. Use the permit as a in the station and also know their mission. Unlike
station. (Yeah, we know, it’s not really point of suspicion if the Troubleshooters the Troubleshooters, the agents understand the
PARANOIA to tell them what they should run across the two IntSec agents pursuing danger. (Experienced PARANOIA players expect
do—but really, you want to move this the Mystic, Rex-I. trouble, of course—but they’re smart enough
mission along, right?) not to say so aloud, to avoid treason code QQ.)
The agents plan to let the Troubleshooters flush
 Experimental hull skin (3 packets): A fixer-upper out Rex-I by accident and take the brunt of his
Packaged in a wet gel, the fragile obsidian attack; then the agents will ensure the PCs die
folds of the hull skin cause the PCs’ Both the primary mission and service service in unfortunate accidents, so they themselves can
fingertip epidermis to crawl when they bring the Troubleshooters into direct conflict with bring the Mystic back alive to IntSec HQ. This,
touch it. It is contained in a non-reactive Rex-I. The INDIGO becomes aware of the PCs’ they hope, will atone in some measure for their
red plastic lunchbox and smells vaguely interference when they start using the COIT, and earlier incompetence, which resulted in swift
like glue. The hull skin adheres to metal; he and his bots confront them when they inspect reprimand and demotion.
hence the plastic container. the CompNode’s hull skin for breaches (in area However, when it becomes clear Rex-I has
10 on the map on page 29). turned into a half-man, half-machine hybrid, you
To complicate matters, two IntSec agents, may want Lennox-B’s Humanist sentiments to
muddling around trying to find Rex-I, follow the come into play. Lennox-B cannot allow Rex-
Troubleshooters, waiting for the PCs to do their I’s survival; he thinks Rex-I could become a
job for them. template for future R&D combinations of man and
machine. At that point, he aids the PCs in killing
 IntSec on the trail Rex-I, as long as this won’t compromise his own
position in Internal Security.
Internal Security agents Lennox-B and Boden-O Boden-O has no such qualms. His Free
(the ones who let Rex-I-DON get away, twice) Enterprise loyalties have no bearing on this case,
are your utility infielders in this mission, free and he intends to take Rex-I back to HQ, period.
agents (so to speak) who can, um, encourage the He may try to bribe the Troubleshooters with a
players in directions you desire, or can resolve couple of months’ salary to keep quiet about
the action with adjustable degrees of happiness Rex-I’s presence in the station, if that would be
for all concerned. more convenient than killing them. As for Boden-
The two agents arrive at the start of the O’s attitude to his supervisor, Lennox-B—well,
mission proper, just after the Troubleshooters a supervisor’s unfortunate death is IntSec’s
enter the DON Sector TUBE station (described time-tested method of advancement.
The Circuit Override Interface Transfuser (COIT).

A HUMANIST IN INTERNAL SECURITY? GOTTA WORK ON THE SCREENING... 27

 CRASH PRIORITY!
 Tension?
The Tension level throughout this mission is at
least 15, but that requires clarification. Security
cameras are in place and functional, but due
to Rex-I’s intrusion, they’re offline—they aren’t
sending remote feeds to Internal Security HQ.
While offline, each security camera locally
stores its last eight hours of surveillance. Destroy
the camera and you destroy the recording. In
such cases the only proof of a Troubleshooter’s
treasonous activity would come from verbal and
multicorder records. Cool!
The problem, of course, is ensuring you find
and destroy all the cameras. Every location has at
least one obvious, visible ceiling camera encased
in laserproof plastic (energy armor 1). But as
every citizen understands bone-deep, it wouldn’t
be Alpha Complex without hidden cameras.
Troubleshooters can find hidden surveillance
devices with a successful Stealth or Surveillance Before this unfortunate sabotage, DON Sector TUBE station had been on the verge of acheiving a remarkable
roll. But gaming the search in room after room record of nearly three traitor-free days.
can be a real pain if you’re not careful, so here’s a
cheesy shortcut: If a PC looks for hidden cameras and identity verification devices that would make
a dentist’s chair look inviting.
 TUBE map
at any point in the mission, make one single 1d20
roll for that character. If the roll succeeds, and it’s Citizens with higher clearance enter through The numbered areas on the TUBE station map
lower than the current Tension level, the number plush secure control gates, which take a quick (see next page) refer to the following features:
rolled becomes the new Tension level for the rest tongueprint and swing open. Lower-clearance,
of the mission. Assume the reduced Tension armed security cameras mounted on gyroscopic 1. Funicular: The funicular compartment
ensues because the Troubleshooter consistently brackets allow a full range of movement to easily is a boxy 25-passenger capsule. A
finds hidden cameras, bugs and associated target traitors trying to force their way through. Tech Services sign touts the funicular’s
paraphernalia throughout the station. Subtly draw the players’ attention to this by saying fast and efficient access to the lower
If a PC later makes a still better roll to find something like, ‘All the cameras here will track levels of the station. The compartment
cameras, replace the current Tension level with you if you misbehave.’ interior is spacious, about five meters
that new result. Once through the uncomfortable and square, with five rows of five seats in the
Of course, it never hurts to mention surveillance embarrassing scrutiny of the turnstiles, the center. The seats are heavily padded and
devices now and then, even if the PCs have Troubleshooters see three access points to the have shoulder- and lap-belts. On seeing
reduced the Tension level to insignficance. lower levels: this setup, experienced PARANOIA
Anything to keep them twitching. players doubtless feel impending doom:
 An INFRARED funicular (cable-drawn Troubleshooters will dive for a seat and
capsule)
 Entering the TUBE  An INFRARED escalator
start donning the safety gear.
(Tension level 15) By the entry door is a big red button
Don’t make the journey between outfitting and
 A Clearance YELLOW doorway leading to marked PUSH. When someone pushes
a flight of stairs the button, the doors close and there is
the DON Sector TUBE station too taxing on
the Troubleshooters, unless they have been Remember the three override sockets where a slight judder followed by a low hum of
particularly cocky and unhelpful so far. They’ll the PCs have to plug their COIT? The first machinery. On the wall next to the door,
have plenty to deal with when they arrive. override socket is prominently located in the a light-emitting display panel brightens to
Upper access to DON Sector TUBE station wall between the funicular and the escalator. The show the number 10. Carefully maintained
lies in a centralized area surrounded by kiosks, other two are in areas 7 and 9 on the station map, machinery glides into gear, and the PCs
booths and an INFRARED eatery. A wide described below. feel a downward movement in the pit of
corridor, tastefully decorated with HPD&MC When the Troubleshooters complete the first their stomachs. The panel begins counting
infotainment wallscreens and enlarged security maintenance patch, Rex-I (in area 10) becomes downward: 9, 8, 7….
camera snapshots of smiling citizens, opens out aware of them. The triple patch, if fully completed,
into a lobby. The lobby, currently empty, has would neutralize his nanoprobes’ ability to alter Try to imply this is entirely routine. With
several rows of different clearance access points, the system and rob him of his chance to bring no immediate screaming, the sound of
though there is nothing for Clearance BLUE or down The Computer. Rex-I won’t allow the machinery and the sense of movement,
above (such citizens seldom need consort with Troubleshooters to foil him. Unfortunately for inexperienced Troubleshooters may be
the masses on the TUBE). him, the initial firmware maintenance patch, as it lulled into thinking the display is charting
Low-clearance citizens enter the TUBE battles the nanoprobe infection, delivers ongoing their descent to the lower level.
station through narrow turnstiles surrounded feedback to Rex-I’s nervous system; he’s snafued In fact, the display is a countdown to
by sensors. Tracking them are security camera for quite a while, until the Troubleshooters launch. The sounds and sensation of
pods underslung with bot-controlled twin lasers discover him in area 10 on the map. motion come from the capsule’s movement
into a frictionless shaft.

28 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 PATCH JOB MAP KEY
DON Sector TUBE station  Confession booth  Pillar
escalator (300 m) funicular
 Vending machine  Comm-vict

    Recycling bin Door

  
go-4 bots

main hall
U D 
      


  
N

  
guardbots


 








 
override
 socket #2

 5m  highly electrified, incredibly dangerous Bullet Express track 

override ledge
Scale: 1 in = 10 meters
socket #3   Rex-I-DON-10, scrubots
(objects not to scale)

On zero, the sense of movement and the These dull metallic moving stairs look Malfunctioning go-4 bots, which normally
low hum of machinery stops abruptly. ancient, with dents, slug holes and burn catch stray vermin, patrol the stairs. Rex-
Then the capsule plummets like a boulder marks. The escalator controls are behind I’s interference has totally screwed their
dropped from a clifftop, accompanied by metal plates in the central block, at both vermin identification protocols, so citizens
an unnerving screeching (of the metal the top and bottom of the escalator. have become fair game. Troubleshooters
funicular grinding sparks against the The control panel under each plate is may initially be confused when faced
cable mechanism) and a taste of bile in for maintenance access only; it records with the presence on the stairs of small
the mouth. The drop to the bottom takes unauthorized tampering through a DNA cubes of pungent I-Find-It-Hard-To-File-
five looong seconds, during which time the scraping on the locking mechanism. The A-Report-That-It-Isn’t-Cheese. After the
PCs feel weightless. A Violence or luck manual control is a slide with three settings: PCs have descended three flights of stairs
roll, with appropriate attention to the less- up, off, down. There is no local control of and passed increasingly large portions of
than-relaxed atmosphere, may determine escalator speed, so the Troubleshooters cheese, go-4 bots attack everyone (one
whether a floating PC manages to strap in are safe in that respect. bot perTroubleshooter).
before the capsule reaches bottom.
On the central block at the top is a metal Go-4 bots are squat, stealthy work units
Anyone who took care to strap in early, plate with four pictograms. Beside them usually employed to track down and utterly
or succeeded in an attribute check by a are instructions in large white capital letters annihilate annoying vermin common to the
margin of 5+, survives the experience on a red background: food vats and maintenance ducts of Alpha
shaken but otherwise unscathed. A late WARNING! Complex. The go-4 bots tote automatic
starter with a success margin less than Hold on to rail at all times weapons and powerful slicing teeth to
5 suffers an S2K (impact) strike. Anyone Dogs must be carried handle particularly belligerent vermin.
who achieved unaided flight suffers a Keep to the right
breathtaking W1K impact that may test 4. Main platform hall: This is the main
No smoking area of the lower level. The funicular,
the funicular’s automated internal cleaning
systems. 3. Stairs: The Clearance YELLOW stairs escalator and stairs all end here (as may

The funicular terminates (haha) at the main

behind the door should be well above the
security clearance of any run-of-the-mill  Go-4 bots (one per PC)
platform hall (area 4). Troubleshooter. If the Troubleshooters HPD&MC-assigned, asimovs inactive;
2. Escalator: The escalator descends 300 choose to ignore the security classification, Slugthrower, semi-automatic-10, Hand
meters to the main platform hall (area 4). or the mission operatives have YELLOW Weapon-10, Stealth-14, Other Skills-6; Semi-
The two stair belts are separated by a wide Clearance, 20 flights of stairs lead down Automatic Slugthrower (solid AP, W3K),
central block. to the main platform hall (area 4). Serrated Tooth (S6K), Armored Shell (2)

DID WE MENTION TRAIN MISSION MAPS ARE REALLY EASY? 29

 CRASH PRIORITY!
the Troubleshooters themselves). The
cavernous hall has a pillar-supported INFRARED
ceiling fitted with large extractor ducts. Comm-
Black tiles decorate the walls.
victs have
On every wall are recycling bins and
vending machines. One recycling bin ample time
(your choice) has a large OUT OF ORDER to reflect
sign; this is a long-standing Mystic drop-
point. The bin contains, among other on the
garbage, a small, brown paper-wrapped importance
box containing several packets of brown
weed. (See the Mystic secret society of loyalty
mission under ‘Private conferences’ and good
above.)
hygiene.
The black-tiled floor sports massive
ventilation fans, covered with steel mesh.
The number and placement are up
to you, but there are enough to be
inconvenient. Thrown into overdrive by
Rex-I’s nanoprobes, the fans currently
create such an updraft that any character
stepping over one momentarily rises
into the air. A high Agility rating (or a
successful roll), or Violence in a pinch, lets
the Troubleshooter control his movement
in the column of roaring air, doing a
mediocre version of bullet-time contortions;
otherwise, he flies away randomly and falls
flat on his face. Re-education Centers (BVRC), bringing Hardware roll). Though scared, the
deviant, unhappy citizens back into line Comm-victs are reasonably lucid and
5. Guardbot post: Rex-I has ordered the with the rest of society through cultural figure it’s probably safer to stick with the
two station guardbots to ensure no one enlightenment, better hygiene and copious Troubleshooters than chance escape from
approaches the tracks. The bots are doses of approved, mind-altering drugs. the station on their own. They probably get
bright enough to know all-out attack may For repeat offenders, HPD&MC has in the way a lot.
not necessarily be the best move and will established the Comm-vict program to
use the home advantage to their benefit. reinforce the positive lifestyle choices 7. Forward platform: The second override
The bots use pillars and Comm-victs (see necessary to be useful in society. socket is located on the forward platform,
area 6) as cover, lure Troubleshooters just past a row of vending machines. (The
into the fan updrafts and (if you are feeling Comm-victs are citizens on a heavy first socket is up in the main entry hall,
particularly malicious, and they haven’t dosage of auto-administered gelgernine described in ‘Entering the TUBE’ above;
been neutralized already) recruit the go-4 (delivered through a special belt), put in the third is in area 9, below).
bots from the stairs (area 3). public places—like TUBE stations—to
recite satisfaction-enhancing infomercials 8. Track: The lower track area is dangerous
TUBE station guardbots handle platform and positive slogans. Heavy magnetic and off-limits to all non-Tech Services
disturbances, check for malcontents who boots fix the Comm-victs to metal floor personnel without proper maintenance
may have skipped the upper barriers tiles, ensuring they stay put until retrieval access clearance, completed on a 27B/6
and answer questions about TUBE and return to their BVRC for evening Clearance to Access Restricted Areas for
service and schedules. Their answers medication and confession. Direct Intervention and Maintenance form
are, ‘Are you questioning the efficiency in triplicate. Electrified lines make the Bullet
of The Computer’s beneficent municipal Unfortunately, six INFRARED Comm- Express track extremely dangerous. Each
services, citizen?’ and ‘That scheduling victs remained locked in place when line courses with the sort of voltage that
information is not available at your security the TUBE station systems went down. would turn your average Troubleshooter
clearance.’ Two have died from extreme buffing by into a pile of smoking ash.
overenthusiastic scrubots. Four Comm- The Troubleshooters could try to cross
6. HPD&MC Comm-victs: HPD&MC has victs remain, now almost free of meds on foot, but the flow of air from the fans
made a success of the Bright Vision and steadily becoming aware of their into the tunnels creates occasional gusts
dire predicament. When they hear the and blasts likely to unbalance. Alternative
 Guardbots (2) Troubleshooters approach, they start
screaming for assistance, thus alerting
methods could involve dumping stuff on
HPD&MC-assigned, asimovs inactive; Rex-I to impending company.
Stun Gun 14, Needle Gun 14; stun gun
(stun), needle gun (S2W impact), armored
 INFRARED Comm-victs (4)
Releasing the INFRARED Comm- HPD&MC; all skills 04; no weapons or
shell (3) victs requires a successful Electronic armor
Engineering roll (or a particularly good
30 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!
 PATCH JOB
the tracks—vending machines or bodies,
REX-I-DON-10
attack by masses of rampaging Bouncy Bubble
for example—and trying to skip across.  Rex-I-DON-10 Beverage dispensers.
Techno-mutant IntSec escapee
9. Maintenance cage: On the far side of Ideally, Rex-I would rather enlighten the
Tech Services, Mystic, Adrenalin Control*,
the track is a narrow ledge, about half a Troubleshooters than kill them. He wants to
Hypersenses, Machine Empathy*,
meter wide, with a wheel-locked airtight inform all Alpha Complex of the treachery of
Regeneration* (10/25**); Sneaking 16,
door that allows access to a maintenance The Computer and the High Programmers.
Agility 15, Oratory 15, Meditation 18, Drug
cage. Troubleshooters from Tech or He appeals to like-minded Mystic or Romantic
Procurement 16, Hardware 15, Energy
Power Services may recognize a few of Troubleshooters, and highlights the untold
Weapons 14, Hand Weapons 11; sonic pistol
the various tubes, ducts, cables, dials dangers they face for little, if any, reward. If the
(S3W energy), armored fists (S4W impact),
and gauges that fill the cage. Amid the Troubleshooters rescued the Comm-victs, Rex-I
ArmorAll (4)
machinery is the third override socket. may find in them some immediate supporters for
(The other two are in the main entry hall * The nanoprobe infection in Rex-I’s his cause.
and in area 7.) bloodstream has imbued him with abilities
that work like the mutant powers indicated.
10. Underplex duct: The trunk cable into the ** Rex-I has a natural Power rating of 10 Concluding the mission
CompNode runs through a partially blocked (using his Hypersenses); his nano-infection
duct in the rear of the maintenance cage. abilities use an independent Power rating The Troubleshooters’ primary goal is to install the
Here Rex-I-DON-10 and two scrubots are of 25. complete hardware patch; Rex-I and their service
service are secondary concerns. The IntSec
clearing debris.
 Scrubots (2) agents originally intended to capture the rogue
The Troubleshooters’ service service INDIGO, but Lennox-B’s compelling Humanist
requires them to paint this duct and the HPD&MC-assigned, asimovs inactive; urges may lead the IntSec agents to yet another
trunk cable with the experimental hull Obsessive Hygiene 18; soap spray (stun), dismal failure. Imagine the scene: Assuming the
skin. The current skin has detected a mop (S3W impact), armored shell (1) Troubleshooters manage to complete the patch,
breach—Rex-I’s work. as Lennox-B attempts to deliver the coup-de-
grâce to Rex-I, the TUBE systems come back
 Rex-I, weird techno-mutant Rex-I wants to stop the Troubleshooters, either
physically or through negotiation. Assuming the
online, and The Computer turns up—just in time
to see Lennox-B about to deliver a killing blow to
Once Rex-I becomes aware of the threat PCs have already used the COIT at the two a fallen INDIGO citizen.
presented by the Troubleshooters and the COIT, previous override sockets (on the front platform Alternatively, failing to complete the upgrade,
he ventures out of the duct into the cage and and in area 7), Rex-I is committed to preventing Rex-I may choose to expose the bungling of
assesses the situation on the platform. However, the PCs from reaching the final socket in the the IntSec officers by releasing control of the
the maintenance patch’s attack on Rex-I’s maintenance cage. The two scrubots helping TUBE systems himself at the most inopportune
nanoprobes has spread to the probes within Rex- him are prepared to defend the cage with their moment.
I’s own body; the battle within his bloodstream last drop of soap; Rex-I is fast, resilient and Though Rex-I’s primary aim is to overthrow The
has left him snafued. Consequently, he takes no has nothing to lose. He’s also wily enough to Computer, he may be temporarily satisfied with
action until the Troubleshooters tangle with the use cover, updrafts, bots and even the vending humiliating the IntSec officers: In this case he lets
guardbots or set the Comm-victs screaming. machines. Few Troubleshooters will expect an the patch kill off his nanoinfection; this cures his
fatal illness. If he escapes death, Rex-I humbly
asks The Computer’s permission to return to his
old position. He intends to erase all incriminating
IntSec files and find another means to undermine
The Computer. The Troubleshooters’ evidence,
or lack of it, may prove critical in determining
Rex-I’s fate.
Why would the PCs think of helping Rex-I? Well,
the Troubleshooters may face recriminations for
attacking an INDIGO citizen (IntSec records
about his activities are classified INDIGO
Clearance) and for destroying any number of
station bots and vending machines. In addition,
The Computer may charge them for the release
of the INFRARED Comm-victs. It’s possible
one or more Troubleshooters may want Rex-I’s
support against treason accusations. If nothing
else, individual PCs may enlist his support just
so other PCs don’t get it.
After this mission, Internal Security may keep
a closer eye on the Troubleshooters. If Rex-I
(or his clone backup) survived and resumed his
previous role, he may become an interesting
briefing officer on future Tech-based service
service missions.
Rex-I-DON-10 communing with his inner whatever.

IMAGINE THE SILVER SURFER WITH A BAD WEIGHT PROBLEM. 31

 CRASH PRIORITY!
AND 4–6 GM PLAYERS
1–2 TIME PLAYING SESSIONS MISSION
(HOURS 4–6 ) A
 CLASSIC

   
RANDOM ACCESS MISSION
ANDY FITZPATRICK
Life as one of The Computer’s Trusted Friends the T3tr.1S virus carries a payload of subliminal
may be fun and exciting (if short), but some Commie propaganda.  Phoning home
routines you just can’t avoid. As nightcycle Byron-I is too amoral and socially unaware to
inevitably follows daycycle, all missions kick succumb to any propaganda, but nevertheless Though every PARANOIA mission requires
off with a mission alert. This is followed by a became utterly addicted to T3tr.1S. Concentrating Fear and Ignorance, ‘Random Access
briefing, then the usual trips for outfitting and on high scores, he failed to notice the virus Mission’ emphasizes a lot more Ignorance
service services. Anyone lucky enough to come infecting the service firm console, exposing his than usual. For best effect when you run
through the mission in one piece finishes things entire workforce to this Commie threat. this mission, isolate the player characters
up by attending the mandatory debriefing. Byron-I’s staffers have now transformed from from anyone in authority, except on your
Well, not today! docile CPU clerks into insane Commie CPU own terms. If the Troubleshooters try to
clerks with body odor issues. In a rash act of contact The Computer, Troubleshooter HQ,
defiance, the clerks loaded the Commie virus into Internal Security or anyone useful, tell them
Background The Computer’s Loyalty Update program, sent to these institutions are all dealing with viral
all HED Sector PDCs at hourly intervals. chaos and hence unavailable. Conversely,
As Chief Data Input Clerk for the CPU service Although the virus has only spread to the KPK The Computer and these same agencies
firm Keypuncher Clones, Byron-I-SON-4 works service firm console and a few thousand PDCs, may summon the Troubleshooters hither
at HED Sector Troubleshooter Headquarters chaos has ensued, and treason is up a shocking and thither through text messages, public-
(THQ) where he supervises entry and updates 4.462% (CPU-unadjusted daily mean). Once- address system alerts and other one-way
of all personnel and work schedule data. His staff loyal citizens throughout HED Sector are now communication.
at KPK, whom he routinely frames for inputting neglecting their normal duties, instead hypnotized Maybe you could simulate this during
treasonous data errors, works tirelessly in by the viral game. your game by, we dunno, having your
demoralized subservience, leaving Byron-I with Byron-I, finally realizing the danger of his players duct-tape their mouths shut. Let
plenty of spare time. position, grew desperate to cover his tracks. us know how that works out.
Byron-I, bored Computer Phreak (one of the He decided his best course of action was to
most dangerous three-word phrases in Alpha add to the mayhem, in hopes of diverting The
Complex), amuses himself by playing hanky- Computer‘s attention long enough to let him least one Troubleshooter team suddenly finds its
panky with the Troubleshooter HQ personnel set up a new identity far across the complex. mission schedule getting really bizarre….
records. Byron-I’s invisible hand has promoted or Byron-I’s first act of sabotage was to foul up the
demoted many citizens. No one has yet noticed, Troubleshooters’ mission schedules.
not even when he accidentally demoted HED He then decided to involve Terence-U-EDD- ULTRAVIOLET?
Sector’s VIOLET Supervisor to INFRARED Food 4, HED Sector Chief Administrator, hoping the
Vat Buoyancy Test Volunteer. irate ULTRAVIOLET would find someone else The PCs—that is, Troubleshooter Team
Byron-I has recently found a far riskier but more to blame for this whole mess—preferably any DAADN/552—are practicing with red laser rifles
exciting pastime: He browses the ULTRAVIOLET number of Troubleshooters. Through cunning (W3K energy) at a scheduled weapons test at
areas of the Headquarters Command Console spoofs of Computer alerts, Byron-I started the THQ Firing Range facility (Tension level 3).
file system. During one of these treasonous ordering Terence-U on ridiculous courier Imagine an ordinary military firing range. Now
hacking sessions, he stumbled across the T3tr.1S missions for a bunch of no-good REDs. imagine it after a direct nuclear strike. You’re
program. Byron-I was actually starting to enjoy himself -- nearly there.
Hidden deep in a long-neglected CC system until his Commie underlings decided to overthrow In the distance INFRARED citizens, whom
directory, T3tr.1S seemed nothing more than a him. Now they’re wrapping him to the throat in The Computer recently convicted of various
fun Old Reckoning vidgame. Byron-I didn’t realize rubber bands and masking tape. Meanwhile, at treasonous crimes, are reluctantly holding up
targets.
32 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!
 RANDOM ACCESS MISSION THE UV
The PCs’ instructor for the day is Hunter-
G-DRD-5, a veteran Troubleshooter. Vain,
pompous and tough as yesterday’s Cold Fun,
he’s more interested in telling stories about past
missions than in giving instruction. Through long
experience he has learned to pointedly ignore
anything but direct threats.
Let the Troubleshooters blast away at a few
targets (or possibly each other) with their issued
laser rifles, while Hunter-G drones on about the
time he terminated the Great Trotski-5 using an
ordinary spatula. (Have the players keep track of
each other’s ammo; the rifles can fire six shots
safely. The Troubleshooters have no additional
barrels.)
Then Terence-U-EDD-4 enters. Read the
following aloud:

Aiming down the barrels of your laser

rifles, you notice that the INFRAREDs
have stopped running around in terror
and are now staring stupidly in your
direction. You hear a commotion behind
you.
In the rifle range doorway stand four In this mission, scheduling problems pull the Troubleshooters in all directions. (It’s, you know, a conceptual
extremely well-armored BLUE Vulture illustration. Hey, work with us here.)
Warriors. They all have slugthrowers
slung over their shoulders and bandoliers Let the players react, if you like. If anyone way, he’s confused, bemused and extremely
full of grenades. One of the Vultures tries violence—well, that won’t be the first time a edgy.
grabs the nearest citizen and asks him player loses a clone in the first 30 seconds of a This is the first of three encounters with
something. The citizen points in your PARANOIA mission. Terence-U. When he deals with the PCs, play
direction. him like a medieval lord ordered by his monarch
The Vulture drops the citizen and nods to hang out with plague victims. He does not
at the others. All four move into recon address the PCs directly unless absolutely
 Hunter-G-DRD-5 formation. The lead Vulture nods back to necessary, instead using his Vulture bodyguards
Firing range instructor a figure in the doorway—a tall, thin man. as middlemen.
He’s wearing… white. Citizens scramble away from the ULTRAVIOLET
Armed Forces (actually Internal Security), The ULTRAVIOLET High Programmer like healthy citizens from a docbot. The High
Pyrokinesis (Power 12); Moxie 12, Energy and his bodyguards start walking straight Programmer and his entourage stop a few meters
Weapons 13, Field Weapons 13, Unarmed toward you. in front of you. Hunter-G has already fallen to
Combat 13; laser pistol with green barrel his knees.
(W3K energy), tangler (entangling), green Byron-I has hacked the sector scheduling The lead bodyguard points at all of you, then to
reflec (E1) program and dispatched this sector’s the ground in front of him. ‘You! Don’t talk! Listen!
ULTRAVIOLET administrator on a courier job Here! Move it! Nowww.’
 Terence-U-EDD-4 suitable only for INFRAREDs. Envision Bill How do the PCs react? Grovelling gets them
High Programmer! Gates bringing you your morning newspaper— nowhere, but that shouldn’t stop them trying.
you’d consider this unusual, no? (Disregard The more the Troubleshooters talk, the angrier
CPU, Program group (his own), Bureaucratic this example if you happen to be Mrs. Bill the bodyguards get. If a PC is sufficiently insane
Intuition (Power 16); Management 12, Gates.) Everyone in Alpha Complex sees High to try interacting with the ULTRAVIOLET, bad
Intimidation 16, Bootlicking 01; Stealth 7, Programmers on vidshows, but in all likelihood things happen to him. Repeatedly.
High Alert 11; Software 12, Hacking 16, the Troubleshooters have never seen a High Terence-U hands a note to the lead bodyguard,
C-Bay 16; Program Group propaganda 12; Programmer in person, and absolutely never in Willard-B-HED-3, who tosses the note to the
other skills 6; no weapons; Gamemaster fiat such low-clearance digs. This should make them nearest Troubleshooter. All the bodyguards stare
armor (infinite) profoundly uneasy. menacingly, then escort Terence-U away.
 BLUE bodyguards (4) When Terence-U arrives, increase the Tension
level to 16. (The Computer likes to pay close
The note:

Armed Forces, Program group (Terence-U- attention to its trusted High Programmers, to TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM DAADN/552,
EDD-4), various mutant powers; Violence protect them from subversion.) PLEASE REPORT TO SERVICE FIRM PLC
12, Athletics 16, Projectile Weapons 16, Playing Terence-U: For his part, Terence-U OUTFITTING EXPRESS FOR OUTFITTING
Hand Weapons 16, Unarmed Combat 16; is rightly disturbed. He strongly suspects this FOR YOUR ASSIGNED MISSION.
Program Group Propaganda 6; other skills 4; errand is some kind of trap set by a rival UV or YOUR FRIEND, THE COMPUTER
slugthrower with solid and dum-dum ammo fellow Illuminati—or, worse still, The Computer
(W3K impact), 6 concussion grenades, has finally discovered his secret stash of Old
combat suit (armor 3) Reckoning adult entertainment literature. Either

WE LOOKED HARD FOR A TITLE FOR THIS MISSION... 33

 CRASH PRIORITY! though they hear an occasional ping-wheep-
At the end of this particular trip to PLC (the
whoo sound effect from the game. Victor-I is
PLC #1: Brainscrubbed clerk first of three in this mission), the Troubleshooters
addicted, but hasn’t yet succumbed to the viral
should emerge with a completely useless pile of
Communist propaganda.
The Troubleshooters have no assigned mission. equipment: 52 Happiness Pill dispensers, three
No PC should have the remotest clue what’s jackobot replacement arms, 287 toothpicks, an Victor-I throws the Troubleshooters an
going on. But they do know how to get to the PLC INDIGO nostril brush…. occasional question, like ‘How’d it go?’ but
service firm Outfitting Express, not far from HED If the Troubleshooters take to violence—okay, isn’t focused on the debriefing at all. The only
Sector THQ. Move the players along efficiently, when they take to violence—send in the next response the PCs ever get from him is ‘Yeah,
and when they arrive at the service firm (Tension Derek-R and pick up where you left off. great’ or ‘That’s interesting.’ At various times he
level 6), read this: After a while, the team’s PDCs beep exclaims with surprise, disappointment or joy.
You walk into a rundown outfitting simultaneously, indicating a message. However, none of these emotions has anything to
depot. A vacant-looking RED clerk is do with the debriefing, but only with the game.
standing behind the counter, picking TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM DAADN/552, The debriefing ends when two goons
something out of his ear. Above him PLEASE REPORT FOR DEBRIEFING, ceremoniously lift up Victor-I’s chair and carry
is a tattered sign that reads ‘If we don’t ROOM 28, THQ, HED SECTOR. DO NOT him out of the room. The other goons leave with
stock it, it’s not available at your security BE LATE. THIS DEBRIEFING WILL BE them. The Troubleshooters’ PDCs beep moments
clearance!’ INTERESTING AND EDUCATIONAL. later, informing them The Computer has fined
BEST WISHES, THE COMPUTER each of them 4,100 credits for failing to complete
The clerk, Derek-R-JMS-12, is a dense, their assigned mission. Half a minute later, the
permanently perplexed lump who only The Troubleshooters have no idea what lights go out one by one.
communicates in grunts and occasional sign they’re being debriefed about. They haven’t been Sooner or later they’ll leave debriefing and
language. His employers only keep him on assigned any missions recently. Still, orders are decide where to go next. Smart players use this
because he’s too stupid to be corrupted or orders. The Troubleshooters must make do with opportunity to check in with their secret societies.
bribed. whatever random articles you’ve given them You should now distribute some rumors among
Derek-R was once a brilliant but reckless and move on. the players. See the ‘Rumors’ box nearby for
PURGE terrorist. His previous clones were given details.
so many brainscrubs that now the MemoMax After you’ve rumor-ified the players up to their
transfer acts like an instant lobotomy, rendering Debriefing #1 ears, The Computer dispatches yet another
each subsequent clone moronic. If any trace of PDC message to the Troubleshooters’ PDCs.
his former self has survived in Derek-R’s mind, Once the Troubleshooters make their way to
it’s extremely well hidden.
Derek-R won’t obstruct the PCs deliberately,
debriefing (their first of three debriefings in this
mission), read the following aloud.
 Rumors
As ever in Alpha Complex, the rumor mill
but his monumental stupidity does make life is working overtime. Read each player one
difficult. As you enter the debriefing room, you or more of these rumors (sans the italicized
PC: Okay, what do I have to do to get a cone hardly notice the usual scorch marks and portions, naturally).
rifle and some HEAT shells? I’d rather not laser burns. The room itself is typically
dark, and a strange odor hangs in the 1. The Armed Forces are carrying out a
use the last shot on my laser rifle to find live exercise in this area. Be extra-
out, if you know what I mean. air. Rows of molded plastic seats, some
cautious around Vultures. (True, but
partially melted, line the rear wall of the
Derek-R: Wha? this practice has been going on for
room. The far end is dominated by an
PC: Listen, we’re on a special mission weeks.)
imposing platform supporting a long
for The Computer and we need some table. Both are protected by a well-tested 2. IntSec has accidentally terminated all
equipment. RED-Clearance citizens whose name
blast screen. You can’t help noticing the
begins with F. (Not true. IntSec has just
Derek-R: Wha? stained gutter around the walls.
been busy recently.)
PC: You know, weapons, grenades—What 3. Pro Tech and Corpore Metal have struck
can you give us? This first debriefing room is Tension level
12. some kind of deal. Mutants should be
[Derek-R grabs the first thing he sees and extra careful. (Not true—but mutants
holds it aloft triumphantly.] Debriefing officer Victor-I-VDD-4 sits behind
should always be careful.)
the table, his attention focused on something in
Derek-R: Pens! his lap. Flanking him are two Internal Security 4. Commie saboteurs are disguising
PC: [Sighs.] GREEN goons (use the statistics for Terence-U’s themselves as scrubots to pass into
bodyguards in the previous section, except the high clearance areas unnoticed.
Keep an eye out. (True, if you want
The PCs have a hard time getting what they goons’ armor is green). The blast screen has Fiat
it to be.)
want from Derek-R. The de-clued clerk can’t tell (infinite) armor. If the PCs get out of hand, one
a tacnuke grenade from a pair of RED pants. Vulture summons backup via his cuff-mike. Within 5. B3 production has taken a sharp
Nor can he distinguish colors well, so make sure moments, six more goons enter at the back of the downturn. Prices for Bouncy Bubble
he hands the PCs a few items well above their room and take up positions behind the PCs. Beverage are expected to hit the roof.
(Originally not true—PLC was just
security clearance—a chapstick, say (GREEN), Let the players argue over important matters
trying to set off panic buying to fulfill
or a vacuum cleaner (ORANGE). Nothing too like which seats to take and who gets the one
quotas. Their scheme worked too well.
useful, though. Outfitting Express supervisors nearest the door. Victor-I ignores them, as he’s
Now there really is a shortage.)
have meticulously cut off Derek-R’s access to busy with his PDC.
anything useful, and only keep this outlet open Eventually the INDIGO acknowledges their 6. Vending machines have been fitted with
secret IntSec listening devices. (True,
to fulfill a contractual obligation. existence with a vague ‘Hi, citizens’ but never
although testing has been unreliable
looks up. From their vantage the Troubleshooters
and few of the devices work.)
can’t see Victor playing T3tr.1S on his PDC,
34 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!
 RANDOM ACCESS MISSION
(You can use an INFRARED or bot courier for
CONFUSION REIGNS
an INFRARED hygiene technician (he cleaned
The four bots have no personality or skill
a change of pace, but it’s still early enough that bathrooms) until he landed the job as the result of
modules; the only ‘personality’ they have derives
you want to keep distractions to a minimum.) one of Bryon-I-SON’s random promotion drives.
from whatever observations they’ve absorbed in
Technical Services has reported the PCs late Dave-B believes his winning personality got him
their limited RAM. (‘If they’d a wanted modules
for their assigned service service. If they don’t the position, so he now makes a point of offering
fitted, they shoulda filled out a 97-stroke-dash-
get down to HED Sector Bot Processing Facility motivation and encouragement. All. The. Time.
G.’) Play the bots as infantile. They have scarcely
23 quickly, Internal Security will arrest them for The fact that he’s too ignorant to interfere with
any cognitive skills and can only communicate
high treason and loitering. anyone’s projects makes him a popular boss.
using basic sign language. The bots only
understand simple instructions such as ‘follow’, Read the following aloud:
‘stop’ or ‘go away’ and take everything they hear
Service service #1: Bot literally, assuming they understand it. Use the An R&D lab. A familiar smell of cordite
pickup bots to cause occasional nuisances. At awkward hits you. You see a large, muscular
or inappropriate moments, they wander off, citizen dressed in BLUE technician
Bot Processing is much like you’ve break down, hide or generally make a pest of overalls standing next to one of several
always imagined it. Bots of all shapes themselves. benches. You notice he’s sporting a
and sizes lie around like victims of a The four bots, with the nicknames Randall-O pair of BLUE tinted-safety goggles.
food vat eruption. Spare limbs hang on has given them: Surrounding him are a gaggle of lower
the walls. The shelves are full of vacant security clearance technicians, all
metal faces.
 Duke (guardbot): Large, heavy, slow and wearing their own goggles and carrying
spectacularly dimwitted.
You hear clanging under the chassis clipboards. They look poised.
of a large, headless transbot on a raised  Zippy (scrubot): Whoosh! This little bot is The BLUE citizen hears you approach
lift. Two orange-clad legs, presumably full of life. Likes citizens. Likes bots. Likes and turns to speak.
human, protrude from under the bot. pretty much everything. ‘Ah, our Troubleshooters have arrived!
A muffled voice says, ‘Be with ya in a  Doc (docbot): Inquisitive. Wanders off You’re just in time for the experiment.
minute, citizens. Just gotta patch up old a lot. Has a full stock of pharmatherapy Here, put on some goggles. Remember,
Betsy here.’ drugs, but no idea what they’re for or how safety first!’
to use them. He smiles amiably and gestures
Like any mechanics’ workshop, Tech Services towards a pile of blue goggles, similar
Bot Processing Facility 23 (Tension level 2) is a  Jack (jackobot): Prone to mechanical to the ones he’s wearing.
mess of discarded parts, tools and lubricant cans. breakdown. Leaks oil. Falls over.
Let the PCs poke around for a minute, if they like, Just as the PCs are about to leave for Mutant Do the Troubleshooters dare wear Clearance-
until HED Sector Tech Services Bot Specialist Registration, another Tech Services tech, a BLUE goggles? No one finks on them if they
Junior Class Randall-O-HED-1 finishes. greasy ORANGE Bot Processing tech runs do (unless they fink on each other), but don’t
When the Troubleshooters identify themselves, in from a corridor. He looks both aghast and tell them that. If anyone picks one up, pretend
Randall-O (a grimy but unusually genial fellow) exhilarated, as if a High Programmer had to make a conspicuous note behind your GM
assigns them four refurbished but none too just dropped off a message like some menial screen. (The PARANOIA XP Gamemaster
attractive bots, described below. INFRARED courier. And, whaddya know: ‘I Screen is available at all good hobby shops and
Randall-O: You need to deliver these bots don’t believe it! A UV, here in this facility! He left is mandatory, safe and mandatory.)
to HED Sector Mutant Registration. They this for you, and he was mad!’ The tech hands Regardless of the PCs’ goggle strategies, the
didn’t fill in their 97-stroke-dash-D, so they them a note. experiment proceeds. Dave-B opens a large case
gotta have these bots. Terence-U, who by now is extremely worried, and takes out a pair of boots. ‘Behold, citizens!
PC: What’s a 97-stroke-dash-D? did indeed leave this note for the PCs: Extreme Morale Boots!’ (Applause from the
gathered technicians.) ‘Thank you, thank you.
Randall-O: It’s a request not to receive the
TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM DAADN/552, Now, how about a volunteer?’
standard bot four-pack. If you don’t fill
YOU ARE INVITED TO VISIT THE Extreme Morale Boots monitor the wearer’s
out a 97-stroke-dash-D once a month,
SERVICE FIRM PYRONETICS RD AS sweat, looking for stress-related chemicals and
we have to deliver the four-pack. Them’s
SOON AS POSSIBLE TO RECEIVE playing tunes through their internal speakers.
the rules.
YOUR MISSION’S ASSIGNED SERVICE They won’t shut up until the citizen has returned
PC: Er…Okay. SERVICE. to the prescribed Alpha Complex state of bliss
Randall-O: ‘Course, the muties won’t want ALL THE BEST, THE COMPUTER or taken the boots off. Dave-B chooses a PC
these bots. to put on the boots. As soon as the boots hit
PC: Why not? the volunteer’s feet, they launch into a medley
Randall-O: ‘Cause they filled out a 97-stroke- Service service #2: of familiar Alpha Complex tunes: ‘The Complex
dash-E only yesterday. You’re wondering BLUES’, ‘Teela, Oh Teela’ and ‘The Loyalty
what a 97-stroke-dash-E is, aren’t you?
Pyronetics RD March’. Dave-B is so enthused about their
I can tell. apparent success that he assigns them to the
PC: [sighing] I guess so. HED Sector R&D firm Pyronetics (Tension current wearer for field testing.
level 10) is smaller than some labs but no The assembled technicians then hand out
Randall-O: That’s a request for a standard less hazardous. The cavern-like interlinking more equipment to the team while Dave-B gives
bot four-pack. But it’s okay, because after laboratories have just as many crater holes inspirational running commentary.
you drop these off, we can deny the 97- and scorch marks as any other self-respecting Important: Assign at least the first two items,
stroke-dash-E request ‘cause we’ll be out R&D lab. the trackerbot and the NanoBytes. The PCs need
of four-packs. Chief R&D Technician Dave-B-DRD-4 these to complete the mission. The other devices
PC: … supervises this Pyronetics lab. Dave-B was (#3–7) offer strictly optional mayhem.

SUGGESTED TITLES INCLUDED ‘GO..,READY...SET...’, ‘SHOOTERTROUBLES’... 35

 CRASH PRIORITY!
 1. Trackerbot uses them to swing around from building to
building? Well, this works nothing like that. This
Requires the instincts of a fighter pilot and
the brains of a chess grandmaster to operate
is just one long bungee rope with a hook on the
This medium-sized track-driven jackobot has successfully. Incorrect operation can lead to
end.
several dozen varieties of sensor and homing severe neck strain for the user and severe
device. The bot can track objects and people We’ll let you ponder the possible effects of headaches for anyone else standing too close.
using radar, sonar, heat resonance, ESP and indoor use. Otherwise it works just fine.
many other methods.
Several secret societies sabotaged the
trackerbot’s original programming because they
 5. Multi-Max microwave
machine-gun We really should stop
didn’t want such a potent device in the hands of
IntSec or, indeed, Troubleshooters. Their covert (D3V energy; range 1000m) meeting
tinkering has made the bot unreliable and rather Large rifled energy weapon with enormous The moment the PCs walk out of R&D they hear
insane. Given enough time, however, it finds its microwave module on top. The weapon is thumping footsteps approaching fast. Moments
target. Really. divided by a large shield just in front of the trigger
The trackerbot has the personality of a phony guard, making it front-heavy and very difficult to
TV psychic and the wandering instincts of a
puppy.
aim anywhere except down—roll against their
Violence skill when they try and aim it.
 T3tr.1S
PC: Trackerbot, how far is it to the target? Calibration is tricky, too. Many dials on the The T3tr.1S virus has a special place in
side of the weapon must be set correctly, which Alpha Complex folklore. Many stories of were
Trackerbot: The mists are clearing…I can feel requires an Energy Weapons specialty roll. told about how the virus came to be—until
a presence…Is that you, Johnny? Incorrect calibration can have unfortunate effects, IntSec ruthlessly terminated most of the
PC: Uhhh... Who’s ‘Johnny’? such as slowly cooking the internal organs of a storytellers. This has made it one of the less
How does the trackerbot fit in with the other citizen in the next room or causing the nearest popular myths in Alpha Complex.
bots in the party? Well, if the PCs are ‘mom and B3 vending machine to arc wildly. One version of the story claims many,
dad’, the trackerbot is the family dog. The other Should you wish, the gun makes a ‘ping’ sound many years ago two ULTRAVIOLET
bots sometimes follow it when it goes astray; they after each use. High Programmers, Lovett-U-HYF-6 and
become frightened if it gets too boisterous. Don’t Felix-U-BVG-6, loved to set each other
overplay this dynamic, but use it to distract the
players at inconvenient moments.
 6. Explosive body armor challenges and place bets on the outcome.
Lovett-U challenged Felix-U to write the
Pyronetics RD has studied the proven benefits of most dangerous virus he could. Felix-U, a
 2. NanoByte antivirus lotion explosive armor on military vehicles and applied
it to personal body armor.
brilliant programmer, responded by writing
T3tr.1S. Lovett-U immediately turned in
Large jar of glutinous goo packed with billions of Like ancient plate armor, the suit consists Felix-U for trying to infect The Computer’s
nanobots. Extremely sticky. Use of gloves highly of many individual metal plates loosely bound file system, but he kept a copy of the
recommended. Gloves not provided. together. Each plate is made of two sheets of virus hidden in his personal files. Though
IMPORTANT: This smart gel, as it’s otherwise steel with a thin layer of explosive sandwiched Lovett-U was later terminated and erased,
known, is the key to stopping the T3tr.1S virus. between. When a plate takes a hit from a the hidden file survived.
The PCs must smear it all over the KPK console projectile, the explosive layer is designed to Whatever its origin, the virus is still as
to stop the virus spreading any further. neutralize the impact with its own counteracting potent as ever. Disguised as a fun but
force. addictive vidgame, it spreads itself from
 3. Bouncy Bubble Beverage Unfortunately, the explosive force has as much
chance of wounding the wearer as it does of
system to system at an alarming rate.
The game is a simple graphical puzzle in
belt neutralizing incoming rounds. which the player has to assemble colored
Belt with a dozen can holders. Designed for For each impact, if the attack’s margin is even, blocks in interlocking patterns. Not imme-
Troubleshooters working in the field, this belt the armor works correctly; add one to the Boost diately apparent is the subtle Communist
offers instant access to tasty refreshment any number of the incoming attack (that is, weaken propaganda at the heart of the game: RED-
time, anywhere. Comes with a remote control the attack). If the attack’s margin is odd, the colored blocks become more prominent as
to rotate the can holders and fire cans into the armor backfires; subtract one from the attack’s the game proceeds. This subtle message
wearer’s hands. Almost never gets stuck on ‘fast Boost (making it deadlier). So, for instance, if the of treasonous equality among security
spin’ or ‘emergency dispense’. armor is hit by a slugthrower slug and the margin clearances is reinforced by the display of
The moment a player realizes the potential of is five, the armor backfires, taking the slugthrower subliminal Communist slogans every time
this device as an effective weapon, start thinking damage from W3K to W2K. a player levels up.
about malfunction rolls. Or you could just decide one the plates If a PC plays T3tr.1s for more than
explodes violently, ripping off a limb or two in five rounds, secretly roll against his
 4. ElastOBlastic grappling the process. Management. Failure means he has just
learned the Communist Propaganda skill
hook
Underslung grappling hook attachment for rifled
 7. Personal periscope at rating 1, or increased his existing skill by
one. Repeat this process every so often—
weapons. Once fitted, it overrides any trigger Shoulder-mounted periscope able to reach a say, once a scene, or when the player does
releases and fires the hook instead. The attached height of four meters. Comes with X8 zoom lens, something you dislike—increasing the skill
rope is highly elastic for easy use and fast user quick release function and, most impressively, a each time the roll fails.
insertion. Really fast. directional top section that lets the user direct Don’t tell the player about his PC’s new
You know the way a certain popular superhero it forward and backward as well as sideways— skill until after he’s finished playing the
shoots out long, sticky strands of webbing and rather like those bendy straws you get with milk game.
shakes.
36 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!
 RANDOM ACCESS MISSION
later, Terence-U’s four BLUE Vulture bodyguards
THE REACTOR
charge around the corner and straight toward
them, slugthrowers ready.
Ask the players: Do they run? If they do, the
pursuing guards shout at them to stop. Should
the PCs fail to stop, the chasing pack opens fire
and soon catches them. Whatever happens,
the bodyguards gather the PCs and line them
against a wall. The bodyguards use any excuse
to give at least one Troubleshooter a serious
beating. Make it ugly; these guys are not happy
to act as postmen for RED Troubleshooters. The
ULTRAVIOLET, Terence-U, watches from afar
with suspicion and loathing.
The lead bodyguard produces a note from his
pocket. ‘I got a present for ya!’ He shoves the
note in the team leader’s mouth, grabs him by the
neck, leans into him and shouts in his ear, ‘Sort!
This! Out!’ With that, the group departs, leaving
the dumbstruck Troubleshooters to extract the
note from their quivering teammate.

TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM DAADN/552,

PLEASE REPORT FOR DEBRIEFING,
ROOM 55, THQ, HED SECTOR. DO NOT Your turn!
BE LATE. THIS DEBRIEFING WILL BE
INTERESTING AND EDUCATIONAL. message on their PDC. He finds nothing but the concrete aprons into the darkness
YOUR FRIEND, THE COMPUTER T3tr.1S game. If he examines the game for one below.
round, have him roll against his Management You notice everything around you has a
skill to avoid becoming addicted. Failure means strange glow, including the personnel.
he can’t put down the game, and he receives one The goons escort the PCs (and their bot
Debriefing #2: Infection point of Communist Propaganda skill. entourage) to the supervisor, Cosmo-I-ODW-2.
When the PCs arrive at their (second) debriefing, Make sure that each player’s PDC gets infected He stands at the apex of a dozen catwalks, all
they find exactly the same setup as before, only at some point in the mission. leading off to different reactors. The INDIGO
this time they are briefed by Victor-I-VDD-5 and The debriefing goes badly for the stands near a small group of traitors of varying
he looks mad as hell. He fires lots of strange Troubleshooters. Victor-I fines them each security clearances and service groups. The
questions at the Troubleshooters, barely giving 34,281cr and sternly orders the GREEN goons assembled citizens all wear the same expression
them time to respond: to escort them to HED SectorPower Services of dread, visible despite their well-practiced
Core for voluntary reactor shielding duty. By smiles. Stress the atmosphere of fear and
 Why haven’t you tracked down and now the PCs, burdened with crushing debt, face anxiety. Go ahead, pile it on. This is reactor
terminated the Commie Mutant Hacker? permanent erasure. shielding duty, not a Hot Fun picnic.
On their way out of the room they notice one Beside Cosmo-I, a small, spindly ORANGE
 Why haven’t you neutralized the virus? of the goons playing something on his PDC. The clerk named Monty-O-EPO-1 holds a clipboard.
virus is spreading…. He appears to be checking a register. The PCs
 Have you become indoctrinated by the arrive during roll call and are quickly asked to
virus?  Reactor shielding duty confirm their names.
During this entire encounter, Cosmo-I never
 Did you think the virus was fun? When the goons escort the Troubleshooters to looks up from his PDC. That’s right: He’s got the
the Power Services Core (Tension level 7), read bug for T3tr.1S, and he’s determined to beat it.
 Have you had your PDC loyalty-tested the following: He only communicates in short grunts. Monty-O
recently? Why not? the clerk talks as if relaying the silent thoughts
The Core is a vast space of incalculable of Cosmo-I: ‘Supervisor Cosmo-I is pleased to
 What was your high score? size and depth. You see infinite stretches see so many volunteers today. It warms Citizen
of interlinking catwalks threading in Cosmo-I’s heart to witness such loyalty.’
Victor-I does not respond to any innocent and out of the many cylindrical reactors The clerk talks about how important the
pleading and instead takes notes. Answer that look like enormous Bouncy Bubble volunteers’ work is to the smooth running of The
awkward questions with, ‘Why do you want to Beverage cans. Industrial noise fills the Core, how they should feel privileged to serve
know that in particular, citizen?’ or ‘You’ve already place like a warbot orchestra tuning up. Alpha Complex, blah blah. Mention the alarm
been given that information’ or other responses High-clearance Power Services staffers sirens that sound at frequent intervals—the
from the Information Withholding Table (see the work everywhere, some carrying bright, unbearable heat—the hurried, worried throngs
PARANOIA rulebook appendix). glowing rods, others reading dials, some of heavily-suited Power staff.
During this debriefing, one Troubleshooter’s attending to one of the many surface Monty-O finishes his preamble and stands
PDC gets infected by the virus. Pick a player fractures in the reactor walls. Everyone silently, waiting. Within half a minute, a voice from
and pass him a note telling him he has a private tries hard not to slip off the enormous a nearby speaker calls, ‘CRACK IN FIVE! GRID

...’VIRAL RESEQUENCE’, ‘ORDINARY AN JUST MISSION’... 37

 CRASH PRIORITY!
REF NINER-EIGHT-TWO-NINER!’ One look at Derek-R-JMS-12 has been replaced nothing much is happening; the PCs have the
the reactor in question confirms this; a large crack by an altogether sharper-looking RED place to themselves.
has appeared on the surface and brilliant green clerk. He smiles at you as you approach
Pretty soon the lights go out. Experienced
light is leaking out. the counter.
players probably use the cover of darkness
The clerk looks at his list and calls for Hugh- Since the PCs were last here, The Computer (the room is now Tension level 4) and ambient
R-TRH-3. A small, rat-like citizen steps forward, has replaced the previous underperforming noise—pipes clanging in the walls, bots wheeling
shaking with fear but still wearing the standard service firm with a new, more enterprising firm. down the corridor—to sabotage the other
fixed grin. The clerk pulls out a spraycan and The new clerk, Wylie-R-WPI-3, is far slicker than Troubleshooter’s equipment, while keeping a
covers the front of Hugh-R’s overalls with sticky Derek-R. Wylie-R believes trading and bartering close eye on their own. Encourage this spirit of
glue. are the key to profit, and he runs his counter like enterprise.
The clerk points down one of the catwalks a market stall owner of Old Reckoning times. Don’t stretch this episode out too long—just
towards the damaged reactor pod. ‘Aim left’, he Unfortunately, he failed out of Free Enterprise enough to unnerve them, or until they all kill
says. Hugh-R mutters something to himself, then because he has no sense of the relative value each other.
runs off down the catwalk, screaming. He takes of goods; Wylie lives for the thrill of bartering. All the while, the trackerbot sits in the corner,
a running jump towards the distant concrete Because the Troubleshooters have no official staring at the ventilation duct and making the
monolith—and only now do the players realize the paperwork of any kind, they must trade for what occasional beep. Suddenly it announces its
enormous gap between the half-melted end of the they want. This makes Wylie-R happy. sonar has just picked up something really large,
catwalk and the enormous reactor below. PC: I need laser barrels. heading this way.
The screaming slowly fades and the flying citizen
seems to hang in the air forever before hitting the Wylie-R: Requisition form?
reactor wall with a dull thud. Unfortunately for PC: Erm…Well, here’s what happened—
Wakey wakey!
the others, Hugh-R has completely missed the Wylie-R: Sorry, citizen, I can’t just go handing
crack. out laser pistols to any Tom, Dick and Make this encounter short, sharp and brutal, like
Monty-O looks at the PCs. Next! Commie. You need the forms. By the way, a stick of INFRARED candy.
Let the players do whatever they can to avoid whatcha got in that box? A grenade blows the PCs’ door off its its
being volunteered. Bootlicking, bribery and PC: Thirty-five red pillowcases and a can of hinges, and beams of intense light flood the
bullying all work, but try to encourage funny or UltraKleen multi-purpose cleaner. room. From the doorway a powerful voice tells
original ideas. Make ’em work for it. The other Wylie-R: Well why didn’t you say so? I can the Troubleshooters they have five seconds to put
volunteers aren’t above a little pushing and trade for that. their weapons down and their hands up.
shoving themselves, either. Troubleshooters who ignore the request get
After this byplay, either one or more PCs go PC: For a laser pistol? blasted into next month by two high-powered
over the edge, or they manage to persuade Wylie-R: No, for this economy-sized can of slugthrowers. Survivors are told once again to
Monty-O to take someone else in their place. red boot polish. put down their weapons.
Either way, the scene promptly concludes with Wylie-R trades each new item for another Once the PCs have decided that resistance isn’t
an INFRARED courier running up the catwalk to completely different item. Keep this going for a an option, two of Terence-U’s BLUE bodyguards
them. He breathlessly hands Monty-O a note. while until the PCs actually get something they storm in, restrain them, search them for hidden
The INFRARED knows nothing about the note, want—or until they murder Wylie-R in cold blood, weapons, disarm them and violently throw them
nor really about anything at all (he’s drugged on whichever comes first. into a corner. One bodyguards shouts, ‘Clear!’
HappiTime). Nor can Monty-O explain anything Once they’re ready to leave PLC, the The Troubleshooters hear a muffled
important about the note, except the most Troubleshooters’ PDCs beep once again. conversation in the corridor. Moments later,
important point of all: It’s basically a Get Out Terence-U walks in.
of Reactor Duty Free card for all the PCs. In TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM Terence-U-EDD-4 is on the verge of nervous
Cosmo-I’s name (the INDIGO remains oblivously DAADN/552, PLEASE REPORT TO breakdown. He can’t work out why The Computer
locked in his game), the clerk releases the QUARTERS IMMEDIATELY FOR 8-HOUR is treating him like a mere INFRARED and is
Troubleshooters from their duty and gives them SLEEPCYCLE BREAK. THANK YOU FOR convinced some monstrous conspiracy is to
the note. ‘Hurry along,’ he advises primly. ‘The YOUR COOPERATION. blame. In desperation he has resolved to confront
Computer is depending on you.’ SLEEP TIGHT, THE COMPUTER the Troubleshooters directly. He pushes his
The note: bodyguards to one side and walks right up to the
It’s the middle of the day. team leader. In a strained and trembling voice he
TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM DAADN/552, asks, ‘Who are you?’
PLEASE REPORT TO SERVICE FIRM The UV asks obscure, cryptic questions of
PLC TRY-N-BUY FOR OUTFITTING FOR Sleepcycle the Troubleshooters such as ‘Is it Roscoe-U,
YOUR ASSIGNED MISSION. is that it?’ and ‘Is all this because of the—the
YOUR FRIEND, THE COMPUTER If the Troubleshooters appear reluctant to magazines?’ The PCs doubtless either provide
go to sleep in broad ceiling-light, have three inane but otherwise harmless answers to the
or four coaxial ceiling-mounted lasers point UV’s questions, or try to frame each other
PLC #2: Money spinner vaguely in the direction of their vital organs. for something. Have Terence-U twitch madly
The Computer insists the PCs attend their whenever a new Troubleshooter speaks up.
You arrive at the same outfitting depot scheduled sleepcycle break and won’t take no Terence-U is suspicious of everything they say.
as before and notice that the place has for an answer. Demonstrate this with violence if Before long, Terence-U decides he’s had enough
been redecorated since your last visit. you really need to. and shouts at his BLUE bodyguards, ‘Execute
The walls are wet with red paint, and Having made their way to their shared quarters these traitors for conspiracy. I don’t ever want to
a new banner reads ‘TRY-N-BUY. Buy (Tension level 8), the Troubleshooters can relax see them again!’
Now, Pay Now!’ without interruption. The entire corridor is empty;

38 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 RANDOM ACCESS MISSION MUTANT REG.
Cleavon-R: Let’s have a look at that laser
Nothing happens. The bodyguards are busy
pistol you’re holding… Hmm. That won’t do
with their PDCs, playing T3tr.1S. PLC #3: Regulations! at all! You see that serial number?
This is the last straw for the ULTRAVIOLET.
Having finally confirmed the entire complex is out PC: No, I can’t see a thing.
to get him, he screams, throws down a note and Once again you arrive at the same Cleavon-R: Here, put it on the counter a
a small box, and runs out of the scene. outfitting depot, and once again the minute. See, just there… Look closely.
What do the PCs do? If they play it smart, they place has been redecorated. There is a PC: I did. There isn’t any serial number!
can just walk away from the situation. All four fresh layer of paint on top of the previous Cleavon-R: Exactly!
bodyguards are occupied with their PDCs and nearly fresh layer of paint, new bright red [Cleavon-R takes out a large mallet from
only notice the Troubleshooters if they pose a tiles on the floor and the banner above behind the counter and smashes the laser
physical threat. the counter has been replaced. It now pistol to bits.]
The dropped note: reads ‘SupaSave. If you’ve got it, we’ll
take it!’ PC: Hey! What the—
TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM DAADN/552, The new RED clerk standing behind Cleavon-R: New regulation, citizen. ‘All
PLEASE VISIT PLC AND PICK UP YOUR the counter is keying in an inventory Troubleshooter equipment must have a
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT SO YOU MAY report. clearly marked serial number.’
BEGIN YOUR MISSION. THANK YOU FOR The hell of it is, Cleavon-R applies all these
YOUR COOPERATION. The previous firm has gone out of business— pestiferous regs correctly. Remember, terminating
REGARDS, YOUR FRIEND, THE Wylie-R traded the entire stock for a packet of a citizen without sufficient evidence makes the
COMPUTER QuickFast Hygiene tablets—and The Computer murderer liable for the replacement cost of the
has replaced it with yet another service firm. victim’s clone.
In the box are a collar, a leash and a slip of A new clerk, Cleavon-R-VMZ-4, mans the Cleavon-R insists the PCs hand over all
paper: counter. equipment from their previous visit to PLC before
Cleavon-R is ready to make a profit. Having he issues any new stock, and threatens to report
Trackerbot upgrade 1.1 landed this job through his connections in Free them if they don’t. He’s quite prepared to defend
Sincerely, Dave-B-DRD-4 Enterprise, he is determined to make a good himself with the slugthrower and three grenades
Pyronetics RD impression with his PLC employers. Cleavon-R under the counter.
has learned many obscure regulations and can Once the Troubleshooters are finished with
hardly wait to use them: PLC, The Computer makes an announcement
over the public address system. The Computer
reports that the PCs are 14 hours late with their
Bot Processing delivery assignment (remember
that?), and states it will fine the PCs for every
moment they stand around talking, starting now.
Demonstrate this with a pocket calculator.

Mutant Registration
Mutie Reg (Tension level 13) consists of a
large foyer with dozens of doors leading to
small private registration booths. The first
thing the Troubleshooters notice—aside from
the two guardbots patrolling the room—is the
open display of mutant powers all around them.
Yellow-striped citizens are floating in midair,
sticking to walls or happily munching on a piece
of concrete. Although this is acceptable behavior
for registered mutants, it should nevertheless
make the PCs feel uncomfortable.
THQ Mutation Registration is much like any
other. Or would be if it wasn’t for the receptionists,
Todd-Y-WER-3 and Todd-O-WER-2, who
happen to be the result of a Tech Services clone
tank malfunction: conjoined clone brothers.
Though only joined by a small piece of skin, the
Todd ‘twins’ have been labeled mutants because
of their condition. Their actual mutation(s) is
Machine Empathy, so The Computer is happy
to give them the benefit of the doubt.
However, being of different security clearances
does pose certain problems for the twins. Well,
for Todd-O at least:

ANDY FITZPATRICK’S ORIGINAL TITLE: ‘HELLO YESTERDAY, GOODBYE TOMORROW’. 39

 CRASH PRIORITY!
Todd-O: For the last time, I’m not going down meters! Course, 170 degrees! Weather,
Play the ensuing ‘firefight’ like a scene from an
that YELLOW corridor! mild with occasional drafts!’
epic war movie. The clerks attack in waves of 15
Todd-Y: [smirking] Don’t you know The trackerbot spins around, eager to get or 20. Assuming the Troubleshooters managed
insubordination is treason, citizen? moving. If any PCs are holding onto its leash, let to get something from their previous visit to PLC,
Todd-O: Get lost, creep! them enjoy the ride. The Troubleshooters should they should repel the assault without trouble.
Todd-Y: Okayyy… let the bot guide them through Troubleshooter HQ (Dealing with covert attacks from their fellow PCs
Todd-O: No, no! to the CPU office where Byron-I-SON, the object is another matter.) Let the occasional clerk break
of their mission, has been holed up during this through, just to see how the players handle an
Todd-Y loves teasing his brother. That might entire disaster. assault with a plastic inbox tray.
explain why Todd-O is such a miserable bastard By this stage, T3tr.1S has corrupted much For added effect, the trackerbot can start
and also why the rest of the staff in Mutie Reg of HED Sector. The PCs meet lots of citizens sniffing around the room. The bot insists the
avoid the Todd brothers like the plague. For the with their faces buried in their PDCs, hopelessly Commie traitors are nearby, though it can’t be
purpose of the scene, play them like bickering lost in the game. If the players spend too much sure in which direction.
teenagers. The players will love it, we promise. time bagging traitors, have the place become Eventually the Troubleshooters should
When the PCs present themselves, the Todd increasingly deserted. Highlight the sense of overwhelm the Commie clerks. The office is
brothers are performing another installment impending doom that hangs over Troubleshooter likely to be a scarred battlefield, with the bodies
of their endless argument. Todd-O has just Headquarters, like Wash Day in the INFRARED of clerks all around.
discovered Todd-Y has filled out a load of forms barracks. The Great Leveller uses his hostage as a
without telling him. Enter the PCs… The door to Byron-I’s office (Tension level bargaining chip for his own life. The Commie
Todd-O: We don’t want no stinking bots. We currently 0) has been blocked from the far side. clerk chants defiant slogans to the end, but
already got some the other day. Take If the PCs try to force it open, a timid voice on Byron-I pleads and blubbers like any normal
‘em away. the other side says, ‘Go away, we’re closed.’ craven coward. The Troubleshooters may get
The Troubleshooters must use a heavy object commendations if they take both traitors alive.
PC: Listen, we were told to deliver these bots. or explosive force to move the door. Let the Troubleshooters interrogate the
The guy at Bot Processing said you didn’t Once they enter the office, read the following: survivors briefly, if they wish, before IntSec
fill in a 97-stroke-dash-D, so you gotta GREEN goons enter and drag the traitors
have these bots. Through the doorway you see a long away.
Todd-O: [looking at Todd-Y] I thought you said narrow room with office furniture strewn Now—get this!—the Troubleshooters can
you filled in a 97-stroke-dash-D? all over. At the far end of the room, actually complete part of their mission! (We
Todd-Y: [smirking] Oh? Musta been a 97- huddled figures are shuffling around always like to highlight this; it’s so rare.) They
stroke-dash-E. behind a barricade of overturned tables, must apply a thick layer of Anti-Virus gunk to
Todd-O: Now I’ll have to fill in a 97-stroke- filing cabinets and workstation trolleys. the command console; remember, the lotion is
dash-H so we can send these back, you People pop up momentarily, shouting incredibly sticky. The Anti-Virus nanobytes get to
moron. You did that on purpose, didn’t traitorous anti-Computer slogans and work, and the command monitors start displaying
you? Have you got nothing better to do throwing the occasional stapler or pencil long strings of debug code as it begins to heal
than to make my life a misery, you son of sharpener. itself. Clever players will also apply some lotion
a Commie? to their infected PDCs.
Todd-Y: [smirking once again] Now, now, The barricaded citizens, all 73 of them, are Once they’ve fixed the console, The Computer
insubordination is treason, citizen. in fact former CPU subordinates of Byron-I. calls, demanding to know what’s happened. After
Exposure to the T3tr.1S virus has turned them they make their report, The Computer tells them
Todd-O: Get stuffed! into a small army of Commie Traitor Clerks, and to go to room 899 immediately for a fun and
If the PCs decide to argue with the brothers, let they revolted against Byron-I. They now hold their exciting surprise.
them. Let accusations of treason fly like confetti, former boss hostage, bound from head to toe in
but discourage force by having the guardbots UltraFun-sized rubber bands.
get involved. Mutie Reg is well used to random This motley group is led by John-R-SEE-2, now The final reckoning
acts of violence, and the two guardbots know known as ‘The Great Leveller’ because he was
exactly how to deal with such matters: quickly first to reach level 100 of T3tr.1S. This enigmatic The Troubleshooters are about to have an
and ruthlessly. figure demands the abolition of paperwork unusual experience: a simultaneous briefing (#1)
The players should eventually realize the throughout Alpha Complex and free T3tr.1S for and debriefing (#3).
simplest course of action is to leave the bots all, especially CPU clerks. On arriving at Room 899, they find four smiling
with the two mutants and let them quarrel about The Leveller uses his combination of personal IntSec GREEN goons, all armed to the teeth.
it with each other. charm and impressive bureaucratic knowledge The goons pair off to flank each Troubleshooter
to inspire the troops. This is perhaps easier than and escort the PCs through a maze of corridors,
it sounds; the clerks have been isolated and all the while chatting about the Troubleshooter’s
without food for two days. The lack of routine impending fate. (‘I wouldn’t swap places with
Commie clerks pharmaceutical supplements and happiness pills one of these guys right now if you gave me all
has conferred a certain level of sanity not usually the B3 in the city.’)
Whether or not the PCs have nerve enough found in Alpha Complex. This has driven them Soon they meet another squad of GREEN
to leave the brothers to sort out the mess, the completely insane. goons, who are also looking for the PCs. The
trackerbot takes them to their next encounter. The The Commie clerks have no conventional newly-arrived squad leader has a whispered
bot suddenly starts twitching excitedly. weapons to fight with, but they do have plenty of private conference with the lead escort goon.
office equipment, including staple guns, paper It’s hard to eavesdrop without hypersenses, but
‘Commie Mutant Hacker detected in THQ! guillotines, hole punches and the good old pencil- it looks intense. The Troubleshooters can hear
Distance to target, approximately 400 fired-from-rubber-band weapon. the odd snippet: ‘How about we just make them

40 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 RANDOM ACCESS MISSION
disappear?’ and ‘Five minutes apiece sound terribly excited: ‘Hunt down the Commie Mutant
BRIEF /DEBRIEF
Terence-U glares at everyone in the
good?’ Hacker and eradicate the virus. That sounds
room and says, ‘I have learned someone
terrific! Can I join you?’
The two goons are in fact arranging for here has identified the cause for my
As soon as Reginald-B starts talking about
the PCs to have their briefing and debriefing recent harrowing inconvenience. That
PLC, read the following.
simultaneously. Both squads have orders to someone will now identify, on the instant,
escort the PCs to their different briefings at the Reginald-B has just begun outlining the person or persons responsible. That
same time. GREEN goons are as stupid as they your visit to PLC when the door on your person, or those persons, will pay.’
come, but they know better than to ignore orders, right opens and another Internal Security Do the PCs actually know the whole Byron-I-
even conflicting orders, so they’re working out a GREEN goon walks in. He grabs [random SON backstory? If so, one of them should relay
compromise. PC] by the shoulder and shouts, ‘Right, it to the UV now, as in right now. If they don’t
Once they agree, the double-size escort party let’s go! Time for your debriefing!’ say something immediately useful, the kind of
forms up again and resumes the journey. explanation that would earn a +5 Informative
In yet another corridor you finally The goon (one of those the PCs met in rating on Slashdot, the High Programmer snarls,
approach a large metal door. One goon the corridor earlier) drags the unfortunate shakes his head curtly and leaves with his guards.
goes to a small keypad on the wall and Troubleshooter into the next room and forcefully The briefing officer, quaking, tries to resume. The
punches in a code. The clang of release suggests the others follow suit. The new room is PCs’ briefing and debriefing both now go much,
bolts makes him jump. The door creaks an exact copy of the one they just left. Behind the much worse.
open. The troopers move to shove you screen is a furious Victor-I-VDD-6. As soon as If the Troubleshooters cough up the whole
through the doorway. Do you let them the Troubleshooters enter, he demands to know sordid story, Terence-U grills them on the
shove? why they’re late. ‘Such treasonous tardiness whereabouts of this soon-to-be-erased traitor. If
does not impress!’ the PCs apprehended or killed Byron-I, the UV
Coercing the PCs through the door is left as Ignoring their explanations, he then wants to signals to his lead bodyguard, who brings out
Routine Gamemaster Exercise 101. know their part in the conspiracy. Why did they what appears to be a PDC. The High Programmer
You’re in a small interview room with not catch the Commie Hacker sooner? Have they fingers the buttons with alarming speed, peers
just about enough room for you and got a copy of the virus on their PDCs? The players at the display intently, nods and favors the PCs
the goons. There is a door to the right. can only convince Victor-I of their innocence with the briefest of smiles. He leaves with his
Above you, you see the telltale signs of by producing positive evidence. If they have guards. The briefing and debriefing now go
a concealed ceiling laser. In front of you confiscated PDCs from T3tr.1S-playing Commies remarkably well.
is a transparent blast screen and, behind or pictures on their PDC of the captured Commie
it, a cheerful BLUE citizen. He waves at Hacker, this would be a good time to say so.
you happily. The BLUE citizen makes a Victor-I gives no indication of their eventual fate
and greets even solid evidence with disdain. Epilogue
sweeping gesture, presumably inviting
you all to sit down. There is one chair Not that the PCs get much chance to say Should the PCs convince their superiors
for each of you. anything. Only minutes into their debriefing, the they aren’t traitors, reward them lavishly. The
side door opens again, and the goons escort Computer decides to turn near catastrophe into
The briefing and debriefing rooms are Tension the PCs (forcefully) back to their briefing. For glorious victory by promoting the PCs as Heroes
level 16. added flavor, have your players swap their seats of Our Complex. Assign them permanent HOOC
The briefing officer, Reginald-B-QQL-4, has for real every time they have to move between duty atop an open-top transbot. Describe how
recently has his regular dose of Inner Happiness rooms. Use a stopwatch to time them and bark they’ll tour Alpha Complex, opening new reactors
pills doubled, due to an unfortunate incident in at any slackers. and giving loyalty speeches to food vat workers.
the BLUE dining hall. He smiles sweetly and Shuttle them back and forth two or three Give them a PR agent. Give them an IntSec
exudes genuine warmth. This should bother the times. Both briefings continue whether or not the agent. Throw groupies at them.
Troubleshooters enormously. Troubleshooters are present, meaning they may Then remind them of their accumulated debts.
After asking them to confirm their names and miss large portions of both. Tell them IntSec called when they were out.
team code, he outlines their mission—‘Stop When you get tired of this, it’s time to wind Reassure them it’s probably nothing serious.
this Old Reckoning software virus’—completely things up with a final visit from Terence-U. If, on the other hand, the PCs fail to impress:
ignoring the fact that they’ve just finished it.
In truth, he couldn’t care less. These pills are ‘I remember you guys—weren’t you
great. Life is good. The tremors aren’t much to Troubleshooters once? Clones, you
Terence-U sorts it out—his musta done something real bad to be
worry about.
way kicked down to INFRARED. Reminds
Reginald-B: Citizens, once again you have me of the time when I done executed
a unique opportunity to serve Alpha You know the drill by now: The BLUE bodyguards
the local IntSec Chief and nearly forgot
Complex. Isn’t that just swell? Won’t show up in the PCs’ current room, throw the
my termination voucher. Those were
this be fun? Isn’t life just the business? I IntSec goons and Troubleshooters against the
the days…
mean, isn’t it just great to be alive, here wall, disarm them and finally turn to the briefing
‘Anyway, here’s your targets. Just run
and now? officer and (depending on his clearance) ask/
along the middle of the firing range and
PC: Um…Yes, sir! command him to sit quietly. With the coast clear,
hold ‘em up for the Troubleshooters to
Terence-U enters.
Reginald-B teeters on the brink of tearful delight see. Make sure you hold ’em up high
before getting a grip. He talks the PCs through Not that you’ve seen ULTRAVIOLETs now, some of these boys ain’t that good
the mission in its proper order: PLC, then the that often before, but this one looks far a shot.’
service service (he doesn’t know which one), more intent than any ULTRAVIOLET
then the mission itself and finally the debriefing. you’ve ever seen. He’s clearly a High FADE TO INFRARED...
On the subject of their mission objective he gets Programmer on a Mission.

IF YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA FOR A TITLE, IT’S TOO LATE NOW. 41
 CRASH PRIORITY!
NYUK NYUK NYUK JEFF GROVES

A
ZAP
GM AND 3–6 PLAYERS MISSION
PLAYING TIME 1 SESSION
(3 HOURS)
upcoming purification until the ambitious Zoe-Y-
ZAP had an idea: Why not ‘accidentally’ destroy
Mission summary Mission background the warehouse?
The Computer orders a group of incompetent HPD&MC has decided that Sector STG They get rid of the warehouse and its junk
Troubleshooters to guard an abandoned needs another Institute of Mental Health and in one swoop, while blaming the scapegoats
warehouse from imaginary Commies in an Brainscrubbing. After extensive research and and sending them up the creek instead.
attempt to burn it to the ground. Any resemblance bribes, HPD&MC has finally chosen the perfect The supervisors wasted no time in picking a
between the Troubleshooters and a famous Old site. Unfortunately, an old PLC warehouse Troubleshooter team for the job.
Reckoning comedy trio is mere coincidence. currently occupies that site.
This is a short mission, designed to be PLC wasn’t too irate about losing Warehouse
finished within one gaming session (or less, if 34B. It was old and out of the way and filled Pregenerated
you have very aggressive players). It is a Zap with useless junk anyway (sent there by PLC
style mission; your primary concern is how fast workers freeing up space in other warehouses). Troubleshooters
the Troubleshooters can terminate each other in Unfortunately, The Computer has ordered PLC
interesting ways, climaxing with the destruction to clear out Warehouse 34B so construction This mini-mission uses three pregenerated
of the warehouse. The mission has a Guard can proceed. Warehouse 34B holds 134 tons Troubleshooters. If your players balk at using
theme, meaning the Troubleshooters stay in one of useless goods. If they work at a reasonable them, convince them using the following
spot and let trouble come to them. If they are pace, HPD&MC will accuse them of delaying arguments:
sufficiently trigger-happy, you may not even have construction, and PLC workers will get executed.
to send trouble; they’ll generate it themselves. If they divert their entire workforce to moving 1. Using the pregenerated Troubleshooters
To inspire the correct mood in your players, said goods, they’ll complete the job in time but lets them skip the character creation
show one or two short comedic films before outfitting will screech to a halt and they’ll get system, which may be too much fun for
you start play. Something from the ‘40s or ‘50s, executed anyway. PLC supervisors discussed their first game.
maybe—some old comedy team. Any ideas? blame shifts and escape plans to avoid the

42 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 NYUK NYUK NYUK SETUP
2. The pregenerated Troubleshooters have
been designed specifically for this mission.
 Trust-breaking exercises
(They have been designed specifically If this is your group’s first PARANOIA mission, you may have trouble severing the players’ former
to conflict with each other as much as bonds of loyalty and friendship, even with the devious rumors and secret missions supplied. Two
possible. As far as the mission goes, they key techniques will have your players eying each other suspiciously in no time.
are all equally incompetent.) First, bring enough sticky notepads to the game for everyone, including yourself. Tell the players
the notepads are for sending you private messages. If they still do not bite, start sending them
3. To create their own Troubleshooter, private messages yourself. The other players will become suspicious, even if you are just sending
they need to buy their own copies of the them blanks. (Misdirection goes a long way in PARANOIA.)
PARANOIA XP sourcebook. (When you Second, blur the line between fumbles and sabotage. Don’t have a PC shoot himself if he fails
share your RPG books, you’re supporting the weapon check; have him shoot a teammate instead. The other players should always doubt
Communism!) whether he failed accidentally or on purpose. You can strengthen this doubt by inverting the PC’s
roll when he actually tries sabotage. (Example: The player secretly tells you, ‘When I say I’m aiming
4. Because you said so. (You are the GM; you for the Commie, I’m actually trying to shoot Larry-R-STG instead.’ Though the player rolls way
do not have to take this crap from them.) high, you decide this means he succeeded in his devious anti-Larry-R scheme.) When you make
high rolls succeed and low rolls fail on sabotage checks, the other players cannot tell he purposely
Use Larry-R-STG, Curly-R-STG and Moe-R- sabotaged his check when he ‘fails’ and hits them.
STG if you have only three players. If you have
four to six players, use the pregenerated six-pack
of Zap characters at the end of this book. If you experimental equipment. Never let him out of 1. A generic mission, perhaps to save or
have more than six players, terminate them as your sight! destroy the warehouse, that puts him
needed to get the total down to six. in conflict with most (if not all) of his
 Larry-R-STG-2 teammates.
 About the team Pro Tech mission: R&D has lost many inventions
2. A request for the PC to smuggle some
necessary goods out of the warehouse
Troubleshooter Squad NNN28/19 is a novice to PLC inventory screw-ups. We believe some of and deliver them to contacts waiting
Troubleshooter team that, after only one mission, these inventions ended up at the warehouse nearby. Possible types of goods include
is sector-reknowned for its incompetence. The you’ve been assigned to protect. One of your weapons, pills, Old Reckoning artifacts,
team’s investigation of Commie activity in a teammates plans to goad the team into a firefight robot chassis, etc.
dilapidated restroom ended in an explosion that to destroy the warehouse. Stop him. Sneak out 3. A contact phrase to identify himself to said
destroyed them, said restroom, any evidence any experimental equipment or spare parts you contacts. No matter which secret society
within and the plumbing system for half the can and get them to us. Our contact phrase is he’s in, it’s ‘wicked pothole’. Defeats the
sector. Without the required evidence, The ‘wicked pothole’. whole purpose of a contact phrase, doesn’t
Computer reprimanded the team with voluntary Rumor: Moe-R-STG knows about your it?
clean-up duty at Troubleshooter HQ for the mutation. He’s waiting to gather evidence of it
rest of the year (practically a life sentence for
Troubleshooters).
to blackmail you.
Rumor: Commies have infiltrated the PLC
 Generic rumors
Each of them believes his teammates were workforce of Sector STG. They want to gain These rumors are false, unless you decide to
responsible for the explosion, though in fact none enough power to stop all production in the complicate the Troubleshooters’ lives by making
of them were. The actual cause is unimportant. sector, bringing our capitalistic market grinding them true. Nothing like a few outlandish tales to
They’ll never figure it out. Feed them any bald- to a halt. get the creative wheels spinning, is there?
faced lies they want to hear. Truthful answers Rumor: The Computer is cracking down
only spoil the carnage.
Here are secret society missions and rumors
 Curly-R-STG-2 on a Mystics drug ring that stores its goods in
PLC warehouses. The Mystics are so irritated
specific to these characters. You can give them Mystics mission: As part of our Outreach at the IntSec raids that they’re manipulating
to players now or wait until their contact meetings program, expose your teammates to the wonders Troubleshooter teams to stop them.
before the briefing (see ‘Pre-briefing wait’). Feel of chemical enlightenment. They’ll thank you for Rumor: The Computer classified reports of
free to add or modify these missions and rumors it later. We could also use any pills or meditative unidentified objects in Sector NVD shortly before
in order to maximize PC fear and loathing. objects you can scrounge up. Our contact phrase placing it under quarantine. The only traffic in
is ‘wicked pothole’. or out of the sector has been a truckload of
 Moe-R-STG-2 Rumor: Larry-R-STG has been ordered to
execute your team leader, Moe-R-STG, for his
unmarked crates.
Rumor: PLC is short on funds, so they’re
Psion mission: This warehouse you’re protecting membership in the Romantics. setting up ‘accidents’ to destroy useless buildings
is an important storehouse of experimental Rumor: Analysis of the explosion on the team’s to collect the reconstruction money.
anti-mutant technology. Make sure there’s no last mission revealed that, although conventional Rumor: R&D is testing out subliminal loyalty
warehouse left to protect when you’re done with explosives caused it, the explosives were set off messages on Troubleshooters, but a Computer
it. Blame it on a deserving teammate. Try to sneak by a pyrokinetic mutant. Phreak tampered with them. The corrupted
off some equipment (for research purposes) message causes them to go berserk whenever
before you bring the house down. Our contact
phrase is ‘wicked pothole’.
 Missions for other secret someone says ‘fire’.
societies
Rumor: Larry-R-STG is an FCCC-P member
and an undercover IntSec agent. All secret society missions assigned to the
Rumor: Curly-R-STG is active in Anti-Mutant, Troubleshooters should have three parts:
and knows the location of the most valuable

WOO WOO! WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO! WOO! 43

 CRASH PRIORITY!
 GM notes on the PCs  Larry-R-STG  Curly-R-STG
 Moe-R-STG Power: 17
Access: 03
Power: 20
Access: 02
Power: 01 (but eight mutations!)
Access: 02 Bot brain: The salvaged bot brain is fully Tractopin pills: The latest development
Plastic explosives: W2K energy operational, except for the asimov circuits of the Mystics, who have no idea what
damage in a 40-foot radius. Moe-R uses a Larry-R damaged while removing the brain. exactly they do, let alone the side effects.
remote detonator to set them off. Yes, the It will go frankenstein if it’s ever placed in Freely give each tablet a different effect
detonator sets all his explosives off at once a functioning bot chassis (which, given or side effect. Coincidentally, the tractopin
(including the one Larry-R stole). No, you Larry’s Hardware skills, isn’t likely). pills look just like Moe-R’s gelgernine pills.
don’t have to tell Moe-R’s player unless he Missing explosive: See Moe-R’s entry Curly-R stores all pills deep in the recesses
asks. (Moe-R has been so obsessed with for info on the explosive Larry-R stole. of his toolbox.
demoralizing his team that he hasn’t used The third grenade: Has a malfunction- Toolbox: Weighs about 100 kg. Curly-R
the detonator yet.) ing fuse and explodes at an appropriately is the only one on the team strong enough
Missing explosive: Larry-R stole this humorous time. (Example: Someone picks to lift and carry the toolbox; the other
when he uncovered Moe-R’s secret it up and says, ‘Aw gee, you got a dud.’) Troubleshooters will develop hernias if
compartment. they try to hoist it.

 Hey, they all have the same

Let them argue over who gets to be the sacrificial
 Pre-briefing wait
contact phrase! clone. Subtly encourage them to discuss who’s Luckily for them, the door is locked. A small sign
Gee, what are the odds? It must be their lucky day. responsible for this mess. Award two Perversity hangs from the knob: ‘Preparing the Experimental
Whenever a Troubleshooter tries to find a contact Points to the first player who proposes to save Video Briefing Room. Please wait.’ It will be
using the phrase, make a Luck check (roll against valuable ammo by using mops and buckets. By an hour until it’s ready, plenty of time for the
his Power rating) to see whether he contacts his the time Friend Computer delivers their mission Troubleshooters to wander off and get a drink or
own society or another Troubleshooter’s society. alert, they should be slipping on the wet floor, go to the bathroom. This is, of course, an excuse
Misunderstandings will occur, of course. ‘Uh, dripping suds and pounding the stuffing out of for them to meet with their contacts. Give them
thanks for the flamethrowers, but how will that aid each other. Interrupt the fun with the following: a couple rumors, new suspicions about their
our quest for peace and enlightenment?’ teammates and their secret missions. Anyone
Loyal citizens! How are you enjoying this who patiently waits should be given a subtle
 Why are their secret society glorious morning? hint, like a passing IntSec Random Interrogation
Squad to run them into the arms of their secret
ranks are so high?
Have a security camera focus on them while society contact.
A quirk of the Zap style. It’s an excuse for the PCs they blurt out an answer. After everyone has prepared, an R&D tech exits
to summon squads of secret society followers to the room, takes off the sign and walks off without
add to the mayhem, preferably simultaneously. ‘Mission Alert for Troubleshooter Team a word. The Troubleshooters can now enter.
All the guards in the complex could not help them NNN28/19:
with this assignment. ‘Thanks to your tireless dedication to
menial, yet important, tasks, you have
 The briefing vid
been chosen for an extremely rewarding
Briefing menial duty protecting valuable Computer You enter a room that is so cozy and
resources from the ever-threatening warm that you double-check to make
Read the following to the players: scourge of the Commies. Please proceed sure it’s RED Clearance (it is). The floor
with due haste to Briefing Room STG- is carpeted. Buildingscape paintings
Another day, another pre-day janitorial 187H to receive your briefing. Failure to hang from the walls, as well as a mirror
session. While the rest of Alpha Complex comply promptly will result in volunteer large enough for all of you to groom
sleeps soundly, you’ve spent the past work testing combot targeting systems. yourselves at once. A plush couch, big
three hours washing every inch of Have a nice day. enough for six, sits at one end of the
Troubleshooter HQ. And why? Because ‘End of Mission Alert.’ room facing a huge vidscreen. A chilled
someone on your team blew up a A map to Briefing Room STG-187H bucket of BBB bottles and a remote sit
restroom and blew your last mission appears on your PDC. on a small table next to the couch.
along with it.
The map from Troubleshooter HQ to Briefing Rather than using the sparse, oppressive look
Pause here to let them eye each other. Room STG-187H (not included here) is accurate of other briefing rooms, Experimental Briefing
and easy-to-follow. Veteran PARANOIA players Room STG-187H copies the plush and cozy
You’re almost done. All that’s left will be suspicious. design of higher-clearance living quarters to
to do is unclog the toilets; not a fun When they arrive at the briefing room, they put the Troubleshooters at ease and reduce
experience, considering the things notice it’s next to the local R&D laboratory. accidental firings from hyper-anxiety. So far,
traitors stuff down them. Remember the Veteran PARANOIA players will just shoot it has only raised the anxiety of typically edgy
Commie Pamphlet Wad, or the Plastic themselves now. Troubleshooters.
Explosive Wad? Whose turn is it today
for unclogging duty?

[text continues on page 47]

44 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

Moe-R-STG-2 Larry-R-STG-2 Curly-R-STG-2
Male R&D Team Leader/ Male Armed Forces Loyalty Officer/ Male PLC Equipment Officer/
Happiness Officer Communications Officer Hygiene Officer
Service firm: Kamikaze Knowledge Network Service firm: Blown Away! Personnel Services Service firm: Tread Carefully, Inc.
Service firm type: Field Data Collectors Service firm type: Blast Shield Maintenance Service firm type: Armored Autocar Escorts
Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED
Credits: 872 Credits: 428 Credits: 77
Tics: Loves to abuse his teammates. Tics: Repeats annoying comments from others as Tics: Points out the obvious.
[Tic 2:] _________________________________ blabber. [Tic 2:] _________________________________
Example of tic in use [Tic 2:] _________________________________ Example of tic in use
Curly-R: Sir, maybe we should split up. Example of tic in use [Team comes under fire]
Moe-R: Great idea, numbskull. [Smacks him Moe-R: And remember, don’t let any Commies in! Curly-R: Sir, I think they’re trying to kill us!
across the head.] Larry-R: [Makes a blabbing mouth with his hand Moe-R: No, they came to give us presents. Of
Curly-R: Ow! Why’d you do that? and sneers] En wememba, ba blah ba blahby course they’re trying to kill us!
Moe-R: I’m knocking some sense into you. Can’t Commies nim! Curly-R: You’re being awfully sarcastic, sir.
you see that? [Pokes him in the eyes.] Moe-R: I hope you do something I can shoot you
for. ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Management 04
Management 04 ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Bribery 08
Hygiene 01 Management 04 Hygiene 08
Intimidation 08 Bootlicking 01 Intimidation 01
Stealth 05 Con Games 08 Swear Not to Know Anything About What
Concealment 01 Stealth 09 Happened 10
Shadowing 09 Disguise 01 Stealth 08
Tell When Something’s Been Moved 11 High Alert 13 Concealment 12
Violence 04 Shadowing 01 Shadowing 01
Energy Weapons 08 Sneaking 13 Sleight of Hand 12
Field Weapons 01 Make Funny Faces Behind One’s Back 15 Surveillance 01
Thrown Weapons 01 Violence 04 Hide Pill Bottles in Cheeks 14
Unarmed Combat 08 Energy Weapons 08 Violence 09
Slap Deserving Twits Around 10 Projectile Weapons 08 Agility 01
Fine Manipulation 01 Energy Weapons 13
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Cause Entire Stack to Collapse by Pulling Out Just Thrown Weapons 13
Hardware 04 One Thing 10 Crack Open Containers with One Shot 15
Autocar Operation & Maintenance 08
Chemical Engineering 01 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Mechanical Engineering 08 Hardware 04 Hardware 04
Habitat Engineering 01 Autocar Operation & Maintenance 01 Identify Rattling Sound in Engine 10
Cut Off Other Vehicles 10 Mechanical Engineering 08 Software 04
Software 08 Scrubot Operation & Maintenance 01
Weapon and Armor Maintenance 08 Wetware 04
Bot Programming 12 Biosciences 01
Data Search 01 Software 04 Medical 08
Taunt Scrubots 14 Crash Program with Just Three Keystrokes 10 Pharmatherapy 08
Wetware 07 Wetware 04 Suggestion 01
Medical 01 Pharmatherapy 01 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
Psychotherapy 11 Suggestion 08 (Software, Wetware)
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 Enrage Opponent with Snide Comments 10
(Management, Wetware) Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
(Management, Hardware)
Curly-R-STG-2 Larry-R-STG-2 Moe-R-STG-2
Male PLC Equipment Officer/ Male Armed Forces Loyalty Officer/ Male R&D Team Leader/
Hygiene Officer Communications Officer Happiness Officer
Mutation: Matter Eater Mutation: Puppeteer Mutations: Electroshock, Levitation, Machine
Society: Mystics (degree 9) Society: Pro Tech (degree 14) Empathy, Mental Blast, Pyrokinesis,
Secret skills: Drug Procurement 06, Chanting 15, Secret skills: Find Spare Parts 06, Video Games Shrinking, Telekinesis, Transmutation
Organ Procurement 20 04, Tinkering 03 Society: Psion (degree 15)
Background: A cheery disposition isn’t supposed Background: You always seem to bring out the Secret skills: Demolition 08, Insults 05, Twitchtalk
to infuriate your teammates, or so the pamphlet worse in everything. You annoy your 02
said. Maybe you have defective teammates? It teammates, cause fatal system errors just by Background: There’s nothing you like more than
doesn’t matter; irritating them always bring a checking your e-mail and accidents follow you demoralizing ordinary humans. You enjoy the
smile to your face. Oh, if only you were like a petbot, such as that explosion in the confirmation of your genetic superiority as
happiness officer, instead of that grouch Moe-R! bathroom… no, no, that had to be one of your much as your fellow society members, but you
A few additions to their happiness pill quota and teammates. Moe-R never liked you much, and shot up through the ranks because you took it
they’d all be as hyped up as you are! Maybe you’ve seen the explosives he stashes in the one step further, developing a repertoire of
then they’d quit trying to blow up restrooms. hidden compartment behind your bunk. He was insults and jabs that would depress The
You know it was Larry-R, because you’ve probably trying to off you, and the stuff blew up Computer itself. Sad lackeys are worthless
seen him messing around with those explosives in his face. You know that’s what happened, but lackeys! Besides, you like making humans cry.
he hid behind his bunk. You would turn him in you also know Curly-R blames you for the You can’t seem to faze the latest group of
to The Computer, but that would make him sad. explosion. You can see it in his eyes. misfits you’re stuck with, though. Not only are
You don’t want him to be sad. You want him to If that wasn’t enough reason for them to kill they thoroughly incompetent, but they were
be happy. You want to make them all happy! you, you also got shafted with the two most mean-spirited before you ever met them! The
You want them to be happy even if it kills them! dangerous Mandatory Bonus Duties in standard routine isn’t working on them, and
But what’s with that Larry-R? He’s checking Troubleshooting. You’ve been lucky so far, but some of their habits are beginning to grate on
the spare parts all the time, and pawing through you know you’ll burn through all your clones on your nerves. Even the dressing-down you got
the garbage for old circuits and dead batteries. your next mission with them. after that incident with the bathroom didn’t
Hey, that’s your job! You saw him looking over Your only hope for survival is your plan to lower their morale. You’d think they were in
some kind of blueprint or schematic for a bot. build the ultimate guardbot. Your last one would cahoots on that explosion, if they weren’t too
Building bots isn’t his job! Is he one of those have been impressive, if it had worked. Sure, it stupid to tie their own shoelaces. It would
Corporal Metal bot-lovers, or is he up to got you promoted in your society, but that was explain why one of your explosives was missing
something even more sinister? because they thought it was a bombot. It wasn’t from your secret compartment.
supposed to blow up like that. You’ll get it right It doesn’t matter whether they’re insidious
PERSONAL EQUIPMENT this time… you hope. traitors or bumbling dopes. Your grudge has
(1) bottle of 43 gelgernine tablets (RED Recently you overheard Moe-R in a become personal, and you’ll break them by slap
Clearance) conversation on his PDC. He said something like or by zap.
(1) bottle of 17 rolactin tablets (BLUE) ‘demoralizing them as fast as I can.’ Or was it
(1) bottle of 51 tractopin tablets that look just ‘demilitarizing them’? Does that make sense? If PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
like gelgernine tablets (illegal) he’s up to some kind of treason, that would be (4) lumps of plastic explosives (BLUE
(3) bottles of Bouncy Bubble Beverage your best chance to get Moe-R out of the way Clearance)
(4) Crunchy Fun Bars and become team leader yourself! (1) remote detonator (INDIGO)
(1) Little Handbook of 1001 Insults (illegal)
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
(1) laser pistol with red barrel (1) salvaged guardbot brain (illegal) ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(1) red reflec armor (1) lump of strange explosive stolen from Moe- (1) laser pistol with red barrel
(1) Series 1300 PDC R’s stash (illegal?) (1) red reflec armor
(1) Porta-Suds spray bottle (1) screwdriver (ORANGE Clearance) (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) red plastisponge (1) hammer (RED) (1) bottle of 24 gelgernine tablets
(1) incredibly large, heavy toolbox (also used to (1) pack of 100 screws (RED)
store your pick-me-ups) (3) grenades (RED)

ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(1) laser pistol with red barrel
(1) truncheon
(1) red reflec armor
(1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) Multicorder I
(1) Recording/Editing Multicorder Program
 NYUK NYUK NYUK
[continued from page 44]
GETTING THERE
‘Now go, and make sure that our
The giant mirror is two-way; R&D scientists capitalistic utopia runs smoothly!’ The warehouse
watch the Troubleshooters from the other side to She relaxes and shuffles her papers.
judge their reactions and report treason. ‘That was a good take. I’d hate to be in Tension level 3
The vidscreen is used to deliver briefings, both their shoes, the poor saps. Almost feel The warehouse is located remotely in Alpha
taped and live feed, to the Troubleshooters. The sorry for them, even though they are Complex to discourage unapproved materiel
Computer is researching the use of televised the biggest idiots in— hey, the light’s transferral (i.e., theft). The only citizens around
briefings as a cheap way to reduce the number on! You’re still recording! Shut it off, are construction workers who are just beginning
of briefing officer fatalities. To view the taped you—’ work next to the warehouse. They serve both
briefing, the Troubleshooters must figure out how The screen goes black. ‘End of Briefing: as witnesses to Troubleshooter disturbances
to turn on the vidscreen and play the tape. Please Exit the Room’ flashes on the outside the warehouse and as secret society
R&D is also using the opportunity to test out monitor. contacts during the mission.
their new Universal Remote, which is sitting on The giant sliding doors to the warehouse are
the table. Combining over 800 functions for 150
different appliances, it’s a marvel of electronics
 Getting to the warehouse closed, but a little gruntwork easily opens them.

and small print (the only way they could fit all of When they exit the briefing room, an autocar You peer into the giant chamber. The
the command labels on it; readable by electron is waiting for them outside—an old, ugly, black aisles, large enough to let two autocars
microscope and Hypersenses). The instruction clunker of an autocar. ‘HENRY’ is spray-painted pass, are split up by metal shelves
booklet (INDIGO Clearance) outweighs the across its side in yellow. A note on the driver’s towering far above you, crammed with
Alpha Complex phone directory. Only through seat tells the Troubleshooters to drive to crates, packages and barrels large and
trial and error or Mechanical Intuition can the Warehouse 34B and, once they arrive, press small. The dim lights beyond cast large
PCs figure out how to use the remote to turn on the red button on the dashboard. shadows across the aisles. It is silent.
the vidscreen and run the tape. Errors can have Henry has served Alpha Complex for over The Commies could already be hiding
any effect, from shutting down the sector reactor two centuries. Considered obsolete back then, within and you wouldn’t know it.
to sending all jackobots within 10 km on a foxtrot it has survived thousands of Troubleshooter A large crate sits on the ground just
through oncoming traffic. missions and earned the grudging respect of its inside the door.
Or the Troubleshooters could just walk up to mechanics. Henry has no bot brain, no power
the vidscreen and open the control panel. It has steering, no air conditioning, no suspension, and The crate contains their mission equipment.
two buttons: Power and Run Briefing. has been stuck in Drive ever since they lost the They can get outfitted as soon as they open it.
manual shift. Did anyone bring a crowbar? Oh well, we’re sure
The words ‘Mission Briefing #281723’ The only nicety it has is an installed they can find one around here somewhere.
appear on the vidscreen. They fade out, Programmable Route Autodriver, which can
revealing a desk and, behind it, a stern
YELLOW PLC manager with a haircut
remember a route and drive along it. It’s activated
by pressing the red button on the dashboard.
 The mission equipment
that looks like a Tesla coil. Her nametag However, it can only hold one route at a time. PLC assembled the mission equipment from the
reads ‘Zoe-Y-ZAP-4.’ Right now, it’s the route from the warehouse to warehouse’s inventory (it’s all going up in flames
She says: ‘Troubleshooter Team the R&D lab. The Troubleshooters are supposed anyway; why waste it?). The equipment is subject
NNN28/19: to press it on arrival at the warehouse to send it to the same malfunction penalties as everything
‘Earlier this week, IntSec spy reports back to the R&D lab to wait for clone replacements else the players pick up here (see ‘Settling
indicated that Commie traitors plan (see below). Once activated, it takes over control in’). Note that all the weapons are destructive,
an attack on PLC Warehouse 34B. of the vehicle and can’t be stopped in any way especially by the standards of RED-Clearance
The agents were unable to determine short of cutting the wires. If the Troubleshooters Troubleshooters. They’ll be overjoyed.
the exact time, but believe it will be activate it before exiting the vehicle, they get to The crate contains the following:
very soon. Your mission is to guard exit a moving vehicle. Won’t that be fun? (1) cone rifle
Warehouse 34B for the next five hours The Troubleshooters must drive to the (1) flamethrower
from any possible threat. warehouse manually. You can make this as (1) slugthrower
‘To get you started on the mission easy as you want (The Computer sends them a (6) RED laser barrels
quickly, your equipment has been detailed map) or as difficult (they cut across major (30) assorted slugthrower rounds
assembled and placed at the entrance to intersections and have to ask for directions from (12) assorted cone rifle shells
the warehouse. The Commie threat could friendly IntSec patrolmen). Either way, the black (20) grenades (stored in blast-proof box)
be greater than anticipated, so you have smoky exhaust and constant engine backfires (1) crowbar
also been given permission to procure make the trip interesting. (2) flashlights
more equipment from the warehouse (1) Neuro-Enhancement Helmet
inventory as necessary, provided you (EXPERIMENTAL)
list it on the proper forms. (1) Team Control Control Unit
‘Do not worry about civilian casualties.  How many seats? (EXPERIMENTAL)
All PLC workers at the warehouse have (3) Team Control Headgears
been given a Mandatory Vacation for Well, that depends. Henry has one seat less
than the number of Troubleshooters (plus a (EXPERIMENTAL)
the day. You will be alone with the (1) G56.PH97/A Equipment Foraging
Commies. trunk to hold Curly-R’s toolbox). Sure, you
could say the autocar has enough seats for Permission Form
‘Be careful! It is likely those dastardly
Commies have planted a spy on your everyone, but then the slowpoke wouldn’t be If you’re using a larger group of PCs, consider
team to sabotage the mission. Trust forced to hang on to the bumper for dear life the alternate equipment list in the box on the
no one! as Henry weaves through traffic. following page.

SHOOT MOE-R? WHY, SOITANLY! 47

 CRASH PRIORITY!
 Experimental equipment The experimental Team Control Headgears  G56.PH97/A Equipment
are metal headbands sporting dozens of Foraging Permission Form
Leftovers from a failed attempt to package electrodes, like a hi-tech crown of thorns. The
experimental equipment with PLC’s normal experimental Team Control Control Unit is used This form gives the Troubleshooters permission
distributed equipment, these gadgets have to control the headgears. The Control Unit has to gather equipment as necessary from their
been lost for years. R&D would be grateful if any three buttons on it, each one corresponding to a surroundings, as long as they list all such
of it were brought back safely. The instruction different headgear. (There’s no indication which acquired equipment on the form for later
booklets for them are still in their original crates, button corresponds to which headgear. Let the inventorying. Zoe-Y-ZAP and someone named
somewhere in the warehouse. players figure that out themselves.) As long as a ‘Colum-B-EAH’ have signed the form.
The experimental Neuro-Enhancement button is held down, the corresponding headgear The form is a fraud. No such official form exists;
Helmet looks like a hi-tech beanie. When the gives its wearer an electric shock (Stun effect). it was concocted to give the Troubleshooters an
propeller is spun, it generates electricity to Meant to be used as punishment, the Control Unit excuse to forage through the crates, which only
power electrodes lining the inside of the helmet. entertains even the most sadistic team leaders, gets them in more trouble with each other. ‘Why
These electrodes interact with the user’s who can make their teammates spasm out at the are you taking a dozen needle guns?’ Anyone
brain cells. If the propeller is spun clockwise, worst moments. with the Forgery skill or experience with forms
the electrodes enhance the neural network, PCs can wear both the experimental Neuro- realizes it could be a fraud if his player asks about
temporarily increasing the wearer’s Knowledge Enhancement Helmet and a Control Headgear. If it. Anyone who uses Access to have his contacts
skills. If the propeller is spun counter-clockwise, both pieces of equipment are active at the same look into it can determine definitively it’s a fraud.
the exact opposite occurs; the wearer becomes time, the combined electrocascade deep-fries It is then prime blackmail material.
dumber, temporarily decreasing his Knowledge the wearer’s brain.
skills. The beanie can increase/decrease
Knowledge skills by 1d20 points depending on Settling in
how fast the propeller spins. If used too much,
the propeller flies off, deactivating the helmet. Give the Troubleshooters plenty of time to
hang themselves. They’ll be eager to get their
treasonous smuggling done before the big battle,
or catch their teammates doing so. Remember,
your goal in this mission is to let them burn
down the warehouse, not herd them toward the
final boss. Relax and let them provide their own
entertainment. (A Troubleshooter team could
keep themselves occupied in an empty room with
a piece of string, if the string’s strong enough to
strangle someone.)

 Alternate mission
equipment list for large
groups
(1) cone rifle
(2) flamethrowers
(2) slugthrowers
(12) RED laser barrels
(60) assorted slugthrower rounds
(24) assorted cone rifle shells
(40) grenades (stored in blast-proof
box)
(1) crowbar
(4) flashlights
(1) Neuro-Enhancement Helmet
(EXPERIMENTAL)
(1) Team Control Control Unit
(EXPERIMENTAL)
(6) Team Control Headgears
(EXPERIMENTAL)
(1) gun (EXPERIMENTAL)
(1) G56.PH97/A Equipment Foraging
Okay, here’s the story about this illustration: We asked PARANOIA artist Jim Holloway to draw the Neuro- Permission Form
Enhancement Helmet, an R&D gadget that turns you smart or stupid, depending on the direction you spin
the propeller. The art order said, ‘Have the wearer doing something either incredibly intelligent (like drawing * What does the experimental gun do? We leave
out a difficult mathematical equation on a whiteboard) or incredibly stupid (like putting together a PARANOIA that to you as an exercise.
supplement on a reeeally tight deadline).’ A few days later we opened our e-mail, and there it was.

48 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 NYUK NYUK NYUK MAP KEY
Consult the Warehouse Map if they go
exploring. Consult the Crate Contents Table STG Sector PLC warehouse 34B
(page 50) if they go foraging. Consult the  


crates, crates, crates

Collateral Damage Table (also on 50) if they 
go shooting. If you don’t like the results, make 
up stuff. 



 Scavenged equipment 
 Lifttruck*
PLC moved all of the equipment that the 
Troubleshooters scavenge from this warehouse


(including the equipment they received for
this mission) because it was broken, rusting,

pie machine
malfunctioning, dented or just substandard. A 

couple years of gathering dust hasn’t improved 
it. Weapons have double the chances of 
 
malfunctioning. Armor may fall apart after the first bath-
room
hit. Pills and food are past their expiration date. 

The Commie pamphlets are the only things still in 

pristine condition; they’re almost indestructible. 
RED cubicles




 The Lifttruck 






The Lifttruck is a specialized vehicle made for 
hoisting crates up to and down from very high 




YELLOW

shelves. When its legs are retracted, it’s the size 

office

of a large van. It can grab a crate on the ground 

and extend several stories into the air to deposit 
 
it on the highest shelf. Operating it requires the

Original line map by Jeni Balch

Vehicle Operation specialty. players are determined to dig down and get in,
PLC moved all the Lifttrucks, except one, out they find the skeletal remains of the RED workers Door
of the warehouse before the Troubleshooters that were buried alive in the office. They probably Blocked door
arrived. PLC left this solitary Lifttruck because don’t have anything worth looting.
the operator fell to his death, leaving the Partially blocked door
controls suspended 30 meters in the air. Any
Troubleshooter wishing to use it must either
 YELLOW office 


 Unsorted crates blocking the doors

climb up to the cab or bring it down by messing An abandoned office with nothing but an empty
with the wiring (Hardware/Vehicle Ops check). desk and bookshelves. Some of the paint on the  Secret passage
Once the PC controls it, he can use it to retrieve wall has chipped off, revealing a GREEN coating
out-of-reach crates, drop fellow Troubleshooters underneath. Further chipping reveals a BLUE Shelves
from several stories up or just run them over. coating underneath that. * Lifttruck legs are currently extended; cabin is
The Lifttruck also provides the upper ground in 30 meters above the floor.
a firefight.
Thirty meters high! It’s a miracle the gyros on
 Bathrooms
Scale: 1 in = 10 meters (objects not to scale)
that thing haven’t malfunctioned. Yet. They’re bathrooms. Tension level 20.

 Piles of crates  Pie machine room The sole purpose of the machine is to give
players an excuse for an old-fashioned pie fight.
PLC piled incoming crates at the back of the Unlike the door to the RED-Clearance cubicles, Pies might be the only safe ordinance they can
warehouse to be sorted and shelved. As workers the machine room door is only partially obscured hurl around here.
got lazier, more and more crates piled up until no by the crate piles. This, combined with the
one would touch them for fear of being buried
alive. Crates shudder whenever a Troubleshooter
conveyor belt coming from the room, should
convince the players that something interesting
 Secret passages
touches a crate in the pile. The Troubleshooters lies within. Like any building designed by a half-dozen
can waste a few hours carefully rearranging This room contains a pie machine left over from secret society members, many secret passages
the piles to see what wonderful treasures are a failed PLC project to combine manufacturing wind in and out of the premises. Use them to get
buried underneath. They can also cause a nifty with storage. In disrepair, the machine requires a traitors into the building if the Troubleshooters
avalanche by disturbing one of the load-bearing successful Mechanical Engineering check to get are cautious enough to post a guard by the
crates. it into working condition. Once started, it churns main doors.
out cheddar cream pies, spitting them out onto
 RED-Clearance cubicles the conveyor belt. Also in disrepair, the shutdown
mechanism requires a Mechanical Engineering
 Clone replacement
The door to the RED-Clearance cubicles is check to turn off the machine. Superpneumatic Express delivers clone
completely buried in unsorted crates. If the replacements to the R&D lab, where the clones

I’M TRYING TO THINK, BUT NOTHING HAPPENS. 49

 CRASH PRIORITY!
Crate Contents Table Collateral Damage Table  The forgetful PLC worker
Roll Crate contents Roll Object hit
Kim-R-LEY forgot today was a Mandatory
1 Weapons & Ammo, one type (probably explosive). 1–2 Nothing; they got lucky this time. Vacation and arrives to work at the warehouse
2 Armor, one type. 3 Uninteresting crate. Synthewood splinters go flying. with no clue about what’s going on. The
3 Medication, all types. 4–5 Crate of ball bearings, which spill onto the floor
Troubleshooters will be as suspicious of her as
below. Anyone passing through the area must make she is of them. If the Troubleshooters are lucky,
4 Bot parts, all types. they convince her they’re on a mission and she
an Agility roll or slip and slide.
5 Clone parts, all types (freeze-dried). isn’t supposed to be there. If they fire on sight (or
6–8 Barrel of motor oil. Explosive, flammable. Roll again
6 Bouncy Bubble Beverage, all flavors (explosive). to see what else the explosion destroys. she catches them committing treason, or walks in
during a firefight), she’ll flee the warehouse and
7 Ark of the Covenant (DO NOT OPEN!). 9 Support crate of stack. Sing ‘London Bridge is falling report them to The Computer. The Computer
down’ as Troubleshooters scatter underneath. Roll
8 Chapstick. again to see what else breaks in the collapse. sends an IntSec team to deal with the traitors.
9 Confetti (shredded incriminating documents, The Troubleshooters get to convince the friendly
10 Crate of Bouncy Bubble Beverage. Explosive, IntSec personnel they’re not Commie mutant
flammable). extinguishes any flames it splashes.
traitors.
10 Primordial Soup (just add water). 11 Barrel of radioactive waste. Spills onto the floor,
11
12
INFRARED flavoring (pepper).
Water hoses (high-pressure).
causing a spontaneous mutation in anyone that gets
too close.  Commie propagandist
13 Old Reckoning comic books (flammable).
12 Crate of unstable explosives. Very explosive. Roll Grouch-O-MRX, infamous Communist stealth
again to see what else the explosion destroys. propagandist, has decided to target this PLC
14 Canisters of spray paint, all colors (explosive, 13 Interesting crate. Contents spill out. Roll on Crate warehouse. The first sign of his presence is a
treasonous). Contents Table to determine the contents. giant banner of Lenin hanging from a supply rack
15 Booby-traps (to catch thieves, S3M energy explosive). 15–16 Stealth scrubot (see below). that wasn’t there before. If the Troubleshooters
16 Thousands of ball bearings. spread out and do an extensive search, they
17–18 Ceiling light. Drops on nearest Troubleshooter.
might apprehend Grouch-O-MRX, or at least
17 Living monster (very hungry, carnivorous, flammable). 19 Support leg of shelf. Entire shelf topples, starting convince him the warehouse is more trouble
18 Commie pamphlets (non-flammable). domino reaction. Keep rolling until you’re satisfied than it’s worth. If they do nothing to capture him,
with the carnage.
19 Uniforms of all colors (flammable). more propaganda pops up around the warehouse
20 Crate containing unstable tacnuke. Of course it’s throughout the mission. If they blame each other
20 Copy of the Necronomicon (Sanity check for anyone explosive. Don’t bother rolling again.
browsing it). and start arguing, maybe the explosions scare
him off.
are directed to Henry, which they drive back to
the warehouse. (Don’t forget to send him back,
else their next clone might have to walk.) Henry’s
Think of them as catalysts for reaching your goal
and ending the mission.
 Thieves
engine backfires alert the other Troubleshooters A group of two to five RED traitors, armed with
to the clone’s arrival.  Stealth scrubots reflec and laser pistols (one of them has a
slugthrower), has infiltrated the warehouse in
 Burning down the house The IR-5 model is a common, harmless (no,
really) scrubot nicknamed the ‘Stealth Scrubot’.
an attempt to steal something valuable. What
are they trying to steal? Does it matter? It’s an
Once the Troubleshooters start doing some Most citizens aren’t aware of its presence. (It isn’t excuse for the Troubleshooters to fight against
damage, the flames quickly spread through the hidden or invisible; it’s just not dangerous enough actual traitors! Maybe they can actually terminate
highly flammable synthewood crates, fed by old to pay attention to.) Possessing rudimentary logic one themselves! Maybe they’ll miss and destroy
barrels of motor oil, leaping from shelf to shelf. circuits, it has more in common with the robot something valuable! How exciting!
The Troubleshooters likely try to stop it: Maybe vacuums of today than the colorful scrubots
they’ll try to activate the sprinklers. Maybe they’ll
notify The Computer. Maybe they’ll toss Bouncy
typically sprung on players.
Stealth scrubots are programmed to keep at
 Pred-I-TOR
Bubble Beverage bottles at the fire to extinguish a distance from citizens to avoid scaring them The Troubleshooters are lounging around,
it. Let them succeed or fail based on how much and are painted black so INFRARED mechanics bragging about their expert handling of everything
they entertain you and how much you want the can repair them. In the dim, shadowy confines of tossed at them, when one of them is decapitated
mission to continue. the warehouse, they look like dark figures flitting and disemboweled by an unseen Slice N’ Dicer.
If all else fails, the automatic sprinkler systems to and fro, just out of sight, emitting strange Cue panicking.
finally activate or the Alpha Complex Emergency noises that echo through the warehouse. They Is it an alien sent to collect human heads? Is
Response Squad arrives and hoses the place can’t understand speech, so they ignore the it a crazed R&D scientist wearing an invisibility
down. It may seem cheap, letting them get out Troubleshooters’ demands for identification or to cloak and wielding monofilament blades? The
of the first fire free, but remember how likely it show themselves. Eventually the Troubleshooters Troubleshooters never find out; that would
is they’ll start another one before the end of the won’t be able to take the suspense any more require killing it.
mission. ‘Flame me once, shame on you. Flame and begin firing madly. Time to break out the Q: How do you kill something you can’t see?
me twice, shame on me.’ Collateral Damage table! A: Use something with a large blast radius.
If the PCs do manage to destroy or disable one You know what happens from there.
of the bots (the only way to capture one, short
Malicious encounters of cornering it like a rat), remind them damaging Pred-I-TOR is a measure of last resort. If the
Computer property is treasonous. Troubleshooters manage to survive him without
Wait until the Troubleshooters get bored of destroying the warehouse or losing their heads,
pestering each other before you start using these.
50 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!
 NYUK NYUK NYUK
acknowledge defeat. Proceed to the ‘Impossible records of the monetary value of every
CHAOS ENSUES
done! Please report to Briefing Room
ending debriefing’, in which you make them suffer item in that warehouse. The merchandise STG-187H for debriefing.’
anyway. alone was worth—’ She pauses a moment
You hear an explosion outside the
to look at a sheet. ‘Fifty—no, five hundred
door. Henry’s here to pick you up.
thousand, three hundred sixty-one
Debriefing credits. Now, who was responsible for
This debriefing proceeds like ‘Normal ending’,
this catastrophe?’
except Zoe-Y-ZAP looks like she’s ready to kill
Most PARANOIA Zap missions end long before If the Troubleshooters fail to provide a good someone.
debriefing. But just in case, we offer a way to hose answer or try to blame the Commies, Zoe-Y
them even if they don’t complete the mission the saddles their team with the entire replacement ‘Yes, you did a bloody great job
way you hoped. fine. Well, at least they won’t have to clean protecting the warehouse. Just fantastic.
Troubleshooter HQ any more. Wonderful. I’m overjoyed. However, there
 Normal ending The only way a Troubleshooter can are a few suspicious activities during the
mission that I would like to go over.’
survive is to provide evidence one or more
The Troubleshooters eventually screw up and teammates sabotaged the mission. (Zoe-Y Zoe-Y, angry that the Troubleshooters failed
burn the house down. doesn’t believe them, but she enjoys a good to cause the damage she wanted, tries to nitpick
scheme as much as anyone else. As long as them to death out of spite. Potential treason, acts
As you flee from the raging inferno, someone’s the scapegoat…) She fines the guilty of incompetence, and stolen equipment (‘But you
you look back over your shoulder. Troubleshooter(s) and assigns the remaining said we could borrow anything from—’ ‘QUIET!’)
The warehouse you swore to protect loyal Troubleshooters to terminate the traitorous are all harshly judged and punished. Fines are
collapses as flame belches out from PC immediately. Because their weapons were disproportionate, rewards minimal and offered
cracks in the buckling frame. Scraps confiscated, they have to get their hands dirty. If with resentment. If the Troubleshooters wish they
of blackened paper drift down slowly you wish, Zoe-Y can then question any PCs not could strangle Zoe-Y, you’re doing it right. See
around you. An explosion sends a barrel (yet) consigned to certain doom. why the officers want these video briefings?
flying.
The INCOMING MESSAGE light on your As the Troubleshooters leave the briefing As the Troubleshooters leave the briefing room,
PDC blinks. The Computer asks, ‘Citizens, room, whether they’re heading to their doom or they hear Zoe-Y activate her intercom.
how is the mission progressing? There the cafeteria, they hear Zoe-Y laughing behind
have been reports of a minor disturbance them. [Sighs.] ‘Find another Troubleshooter
in your area.’ The barrel crashes next team—a better one this time!’
to you and bounces away. ‘I’m sure it’s
nothing you can’t handle.’
 Impossible ending
The session ends with her sobbing in the
The Troubleshooters, despite your best efforts, background.
When The Computer finds out about the manage to keep the warehouse in one piece for
accident, either from the Troubleshooters or their five-hour guard duty.
HPD&MC’s Emergency Response Squad (called Continuing from here
by the construction workers), it expresses its The INCOMING MESSAGE light on
displeasure at the group’s performance and your PDC blinks. The Computer says, Don’t. Unlike adventures in other RPGs,
asks them to return to their briefing room for ‘Citizens, your five-hour guard duty shift PARANOIA Zap missions are meant to be self-
debriefing. A few minutes later, Henry rolls up. has ended. Congratulations on a job well contained. Only a truly sadistic GM would force
(Its programmed route has been changed, so the players to continue these careers after their
the Troubleshooters still have to drive back to thorough hosing.
the briefing room manually.)
If the Troubleshooters try to run for it, skip
the debriefing for a wild chase through Alpha
Complex, climaxing with an overpowered
standoff a la Butch Cassidy and the Sundance
Kid. Less informative but more entertaining, in
our opinion.
If they follow orders, a pair of GREEN IntSec
goons stops them outside the briefing room. The
guards demand they turn over all their equipment
for the mission. After they hand it over, the guards
frisk them for anything they might be hiding before
letting them in.
When they enter the room, they see Zoe-Y-
ZAP-4 on the vidscreen again. She’s live this
time, watching them through her own vidscreen,
and she’s grinning.

‘I’m sorry to hear your mission was a

complete failure, much like yourselves.
You got off easy on the bathroom
incident, but here at PLC, we have ‘Uh-oh! They’re gonna moider us!’

THIS WOULD HAVE BEATEN OUR BRAINS OUT, IF WE’D HAD ANY. 51
 CRASH PRIORITY!
Six-shooters: GM notes
For instructions on using these packs of pregenerated
Troubleshooters, see the Introduction (page 2).
 Lynn-R-EHT-1  Pat-R-SWF-1
Remember: If you have fewer than six players, hand Access: 1; Power: 15 Access: 5; Power: 10
out the characters in numerical order, and don’t mix In Straight PARANOIA, PURGE is a scary terrorist Funny pink pills: See ‘Dead Mutants tablet’
character from different six-shooter packs! organization. Lynn is an equally scary character. above.
She is not recommended for beginning players.
Due to her origins in traitorous EHT sector, Lynn-R
is routinely subjected to more rigorous searches and
Straight six-shooter security procedures than normal citizens.
Zap six-shooter
by Ben Engelsberg by Rob MacDougall

 Joseph-R-DOB-1 Classic six-shooter  Mac-R-THR-1

Access: 1; Power: 15 by Eric Minton Access: 5; Power: 10
The spoiled Cold Fun is sufficiently toxic to power FitBall hand weights: These can double as
weapons (stats as truncheons: S5K) if Mac-R really
Joseph-R’s mutation, as is the cleaning solution for
his scrubot. Should the scrubot run out of solution,
 Conn-R-HSN-2 wants to lug them around. The FitBalls shout out
or be otherwise lost or disabled, Joseph-R begins Access: 5; Power: 10 motivating insults until the user achieves the FitBalls’
to exhibit steadily decreasing hygiene, resulting Conn-R is on his second clone mainly to expected fitness goal. In these beta versions their
eventually in fines and sanctions. rationalize why he’ll keep the cybernetic arm even goals are unrealistically high.
if he dies. We bumped up his credits by 250 just Collapsible force rapier: A formidable weapon
(S3K impact), easily concealed because of its
 Liz-R-SEA-1 to preserve an illusion of fairness.
collapsibility (down to 10 cm). However, in addition
Access: 1; Power: 15 to being treasonous (INDIGO Clearance), the rapier
Liz-R’s rigged powercell will destroy any standard  Douglas-R-YEE-1 is also highly experimental. In measurable magnetic
bot it is placed in after approximately 30 minutes. Access: 5; Power: 10 fields (that is, in most of Alpha Complex), the rigid
Have the bot go off at the most dramatically Bot Buddies PDC program: When activated, the force field protecting the monofilament rapier
appropriate or entertaining moment. A bot diagnostic, PDC emits a low-frequency infrared pulse containing fiber... fails. The fiber whips around loosely, cutting
if one is run in time, detects something wrong with current Corpore Metal identification codes. Any bots through anything short of neutronium. Consider
the battery. in line of sight aligned with Corpore Metal may help allowing the rapier to work perfectly on first use;
the PDC owner. Other bots may ignore the signal, thereafter, well—the PC didn’t need that femoral
 Jenny-R-ISS-1 recognize it and loyally report it to the Computer,
or trigger some unexpected subroutine, at your
artery anyway…

Access: 1; Power: 15
Handheld or battery-powered devices rigged to
discretion.  Mac-R-THY-1
give a shock do S5W energy damage, and devices Access: 5; Power: 10
powered by main electricity do S3K damage, both  Kym-R-AHI-1 Zero-grav R&D pens: These experimental R&D
based on Jenny-R’s margin of success in rigging Access: 5; Power: 10 pens have a tendency to squirt ink at inopportune
them. This rigging also destroys or disables the Dead Mutants tablets: What does this stuff do? times, like during debriefings.
device, unless this is inconvenient to your plot. Who knows? Maybe it gives super powers. Maybe Piano wire garrote: Treat the garrote as a
it’s a fast-acting poison. Maybe it just makes you knife (S5K), easily concealed but treasonous
 Seth-R-BCK-1 really, really high. If someone consumes the tablet,
roll a die and laugh maniacally, then impose any
(ORANGE).

Access: 1; Power: 15
Seth-R has a keen eye for unregistered mutations.
effects you like.
DocBotMod v4.013: If someone actually hooks
 Link-R-APP-1
Roll against his Power Studies skill if he happens to this up to a bot brain, it does pretty much whatever Access: 5; Power: 10
observe one in action. If he reports it, The Computer you want it to do. If nothing comes to mind, roll on
may wonder how he learned so much about
mutations. If Seth-R does not regularly demonstrate
the ‘Personality of Clerks’ Bureaucracy table (in the
PARANOIA rulebook appendix) and apply the result
 Rig-R-DOO-1
his Anti-Mutant sentiment, other members of Anti- Access: 5; Power: 10
to the bot in question.
Mutant abuse and/or attack him. Vox Computica PDC program: User can
type in PDC messages that get announced  Gear-R-HED-1
 Paul-R-MIB-1 in The Computer’s voice. Highly illegal. The
program’s vocabulary isn’t perfect; it spectacularly
Access: 5; Power: 10
Access: 1; Power: 15
Was Paul-R really taken to another Alpha
Complex? If he was, he was almost certainly shown
mispronounces words like a Speak-N-Spell.
 Wolf-R-SSR-1
a Potemkin village fake, to convince him to serve  Morgan-R-DNR-1 Access: 5; Power: 20
Wolf-R has Violence 11, technically too high
the new complex... but it’s just as likely he’s become Access: 5; Power: 10 for beginning PARANOIA characters. But he’s a
embroiled in some devious High Programmer’s mutant killing machine, the-best-at-what-he-does-
personal plans, or possibly even some elaborate
and supremely paranoid sting operation by The  Jon-R-SVN-1 and-what-he-does-isn’t-pretty. So we thought, what
the hell?
Computer itself. In any case, Paul-R’s handlers are Access: 5; Power: 10
difficult and inscrutable.

52 PARANOIA XP Crash Priority!

 Straight PC #1 Straight PC #2 Straight PC #3

Joseph-R-DOB-1 Liz-R-SEA-1 Jenny-R-ISS-1

Male Tech Services Happiness Officer Female Power Services Loyalty Officer Female CPU Comm & Recording Officer
Service firm: TraumaTech REGISTERED MUTANT REGISTERED MUTANT
Service firm type: Medical Services Service firm: Plentiful Power Service firm: I.C.U.
Security clearance: RED Service firm type: Fuel Cell Replenishment Service firm type: Facility Surveillance Control
Credits: 1,000 Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED
Tics: Accidentally spills and smears things on self Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000
and others. Tics: The more urgent the situation, the faster you Tics: Pops knuckles and joints. Loudly.
[Tic 2:] _________________________________ talk. [Tic 2:] _________________________________
Example of tic in use [Tic 2:] _________________________________ Example of tic in use
Joseph-R: Hey, the Hot Fun is really fresh today! Example of tic in use Jenny-R: [cracklecrackle]
Scrubot: Oh dear. You’ve dribbled it all down your 30-Second Bomb: I am a 30-second bomb. I am a Citizen: Ewww. Could you knock that off, please?
jumpsuit. Again. 30-second bomb. 29… 28… Jenny-R: Huh? [grindPOPcrackle]
Joseph-R: Oh, damn. Hey, Liz-R, would you hold Liz-R: Uh, guys, there’s a bomb in here, and it’s Citizen: Hey! I said to STOP that!
this for a sec? counting down! Jenny-R: [crackSNAPgrindgrindPOPPLEsnickCreee
Liz-R: Yow! You spilled your lunch all over me! 30-Second Bomb: 27… 26… Uhhhh… 22… eak!]
Scrubot: Just hold still, citizen Liz-R. I’ll get you ummm… 17… errr… Citizen: Oh, man… I don’t think hands are
cleaned right up. Liz-R: Ohcrapthebombcan’tcountRunRunRunRun! supposed to bend like that... [faints]
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Management 06 Management 08 Management 04
Con Games 10 Bootlicking 12 Bootlicking 08
Hygiene 01 Con Games 12 Oratory 01
Stealth 06 Interrogation 01 Gross People out with Your Mutation 10
Smear Stuff On People Without Being Noticed 12 Intimidation 01 Stealth 07
Violence 10 Bore Superiors with Long-Winded Reports 14 Disguise 01
Energy Weapons 14 Stealth 04 High Alert 11
Demolition 01 Violence 08 Sneaking 01
Vehicular Combat 14 Energy Weapons 12 Surveillance 15
Restrain People Painfully 16 Fine Manipulation 12 Shoulder Surf for Passwords 13
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Unarmed Combat 01 Violence 06
Tear Things Apart with a Crowbar 14 Energy Weapons 10
Hardware 07
Bot Ops & Maintenance 11 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Habitat Engineering 01 Hardware 08 Hardware 09
Nuclear Engineering 01 Bot Ops & Maintenance 12 Chemical Engineering 01
Vehicle Ops & Maintenance 11 Chemical Engineering 01 Electronic Engineering 13
Coax Extra Meds from Docbots 13 Electronic Engineering 16 Rig Device to Deliver Electrical Shock 15
Software 07 Mechanical Engineering 01 Software 10
Wetware 07 Salvage Valuable Bits from the Wreckage 14 C-Bay 01
Cloning 01 Software 06 Data Analysis 14
Medical 11 Disable Bot Self-Diagnostics 12 Data Search 14
Pharmatherapy 15 Wetware 07 Financial Systems 01
Psychotherapy 01 Biosciences 01 Download Audio-Video Records from Bots 16
Induce Regurgitation 13 Suggestion 11 Wetware 07
Open slots for narrow specialties: Open slots for narrow specialties: Open slots for narrow specialties:
2 (Software, Management) 2 (Stealth, Wetware) 2 (Violence, Wetware)
 Jenny-R-ISS-1 Liz-R-SEA-1 Joseph-R-DOB-1
Female CPU Comm & Recording Officer Female Power Services Loyalty Officer Male Tech Services Happiness Officer
REGISTERED MUTANT REGISTERED MUTANT Mutation: Toxic Metabolism
Actual service group: Internal Security (spying on Mutation: Energy Field (REGISTERED) Society: Illuminati (degree 1), infiltrating Anti-
CPU) Society: Illuminati (degree 1), infiltrating Mutant (degree 1)
Mutation: Rubbery Bones (REGISTERED) Frankenstein Destroyers (degree 1) Secret skills: Power Studies 08, Verbally Abuse
Society: Computer Phreaks (degree 1) Secret skills: Demolition 14, Jewelry Making Mutants 15, Bribery 14
Secret Skills: Cash Hacking 14, Jargon 07, 14, Bot Programming 10 Background: Your earliest memories are of an eye, in
a pyramid, projected by the teachbot that was your
Hacking 14 Background: You’ve always hated bots. Ever since one constant companion as a small child. You remember the
Background: As a Junior Citizen, you were shunned shocked you as a child, and made you glow, and showed haze of the learning drugs numbing your senses, as the
because of your bizarre mutation. As a full citizen, you you were a mutant. With your mutation registered, at incessant drone of your teacher burned doctrines of
had a comfortable, if lonely, career performing CPU least you got to live. Every sideways glance, every taunt obedience and power into your mind. For years, these
Quality Assurance drudge-work. Then you found and insult directed at the ‘mutie’ you’ve become—all a memories seemed like only a bizarre dream, half-
treasonous code that a superior added to some bot seething ball of anger towards the damned, smug, remembered and vague. Then, they came to you in the
programming you were testing. You reported him clanking bots of Alpha Complex. A natural for the night: The secret masters. They awoke the memories in
immediately to Internal Security. Soon, you were turning Frankenstein Destroyers, you found kindred spirits. you, and you knew you must obey. Obey your masters.
in more coworkers—some clearly traitors, others just …Or that’s what you thought. You awoke one night, Obey the Illuminati. Obey and thrive. Obey or die.
unlucky rungs on your ladder to RED Clearance. IntSec blinded by darkness and restrained. Out of the darkness, …At least, that’s what you thought. You obeyed. You
engaged you as a loyal spy, keeping an eye on vulnerable a voice told you that they knew all your secrets. They thrived. And now you’re hosed. Your masters, in their
CPU code and security software. Luckily, you’re a faithful showed you proof. They told you if you did not obey wisdom, have assigned you, a mutant, to infiltrate the
servant of The Computer. them, they would turn you in to The Computer, and you’d bigoted army of Anti-Mutant. You hope it’s a joke. You
…At least, that’s what you want everyone to think. In be killed. You had no choice but to agree. That’s how think it may be a mistake. You’re afraid you’ve been sent
reality, you’re ‘RUAQT2,’ a rising star in the secret you came to serve the Illuminati. They told you to stay to die. The only thing you’re sure of is, if you want to
hackers known as the Computer Phreaks. Anyone in with the Destroyers, and you gladly did. They told you survive, you’ve got to find some way out of Anti-Mutant.
your way finds their ME Card account associated with that you would receive further orders, and you did. They And the only way out looks like it’s over, around, or
the purchase of the most entertainingly treasonous told you that you would obey them, or die, and you have. straight through your current masters. There’s a big
goods. You use your ‘Mad Skillz’ and Phreak connections It doesn’t bother you too much, so long as you can keep pyramid out there. Time to start climbing.
to ensure a steady stream of traitors to turn in to IntSec. smashing bots. Except, maybe, when they threaten to
You’ve planned your promotion to ORANGE, and you kill you. Or when those embarrassing pictures SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
collect as many favors as you can, to help bolster your occasionally appear under your pillow in the night. One of your teammates is in the Anti-Mutant society.
career and your position in the Phreaks. You’re always He’s almost certainly gunning for the registered mutants
careful not to get caught at your little games, but you go SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS on the team. This would be fine, but one of the mutants
to great lengths to be sure you have a scapegoat on First: One of your teammates is an undercover Internal is also a useful servant of the Illuminati. Protect her at
hand, just in case. Security agent whose name may begin with a ‘J’ or an all costs. Oh, and gather useful blackmail on her if
‘L’. He may be male or female, but we’ll assume male. possible.
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS When he collects information, get an ‘exclusive’ copy: Also, we’ve arranged the services of a personal
To: RUAQT2 Eliminate his copy—or him, if necessary—before he can scrubot for you. This should help with the recent hygiene
From: The Gat report. Don’t get caught. As always, await further problems for which you’ve been sanctioned. Take good
Your new assignment to the Troubleshooters may be orders. care of it... We’d hate for you to get demoted. That would
a hose-job. Didja really annoy someone in CPU? No clue Second: Obtain blackmail material on your team leader. make you much less useful.
how that could have happened… Anyway, looks like your Never know when that might come in handy.
team is full of folks who’d like to reformat your drive. Third: One of Anti-Mutant’s members has infiltrated PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
Anti-Mutant’s in the house, no doubt gunning for your your team. They’re worried about the good press (1) bot toolkit
bouncy backside, and it looks like good ol’ IntSec’s on mutants may get if a Troubleshooter team with two (1) pint of significantly spoiled Cold Fun, Pink flavor
board, too... at least, there are a bunch of sneaky folks known mutants succeeds. The infiltrator will almost (3) Hot Fun Chunks-N-Sauce meals-in-a-pouch
trying to dig up information from our... I mean, THE certainly be looking to discredit, harm or kill the (1) 10m plasticord
network. Stay Alert! Trust No One! Keep Your Stolen registered mutants on the team. Get him before he gets (6) ZipStrip plastic restraint bands (O)
Passwords Handy! you. We’ll provide help if we can. Don’t fail us. Failure (3) xanitrick (Wakey-Wakey) tablets
You owe me one... —The Gat would be most unfortunate. (3) visomorpain (Little Black Friend) tablets
(3) sandallathon (Sleepy-Sleepy) tablets
PERSONAL EQUIPMENT: PERSONAL EQUIPMENT (1) rolactin tablet (TREASONOUS)
(6) cans of Bouncy Bubble Beverage, Extra Classic (1) crowbar
(3) bags of CruncheeTym Algae Chips, Trippple (1) bot power cell, rigged to explode after around 30 ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
Cheeze flavor (Y) minutes of use (TREASONOUS) (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(2) packs Cancer-Plus unfiltered cigarettes (illegal) (1) Multicorder Self Destruct program (1) suit red reflec armor
(1) small electronic toolkit disguised as pack of (TREASONOUS) (1) Series 1300 PDC
happiness pills (TREASONOUS) (1) engineering toolkit (1) scrubot, programmed for personal hygiene
(4) pyroxidine (Wide-Awake) tablets (2) tubes SuperGum extra-strong adhesive (3) 1-liter bottles of scrubot all-purpose cleaner
(1) ‘Experimental Products Expo YC210’ logo mug (6) power cells (24) Gelgernine tablets in experimental Fun Flavors
(1) ME Card belonging to some hapless INFRARED (3) Vita-Yum bars, NotLikeBile flavor (EXPERIMENTAL)
citizen (TREASONOUS)
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT: (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (1) suit red reflec armor
(1) suit red reflec armor (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) Series 1300 PDC (1) ILTR (1 or 2)
(1) Multicorder 2 (1) Multicorder 1
(1) Multicorder Editing Program (1) Multicorder Lie Detector program
(1) Multicorder Visible Light Program
(1) Multicorder Recorder Program
 Straight PC #4 Straight PC #5 Straight PC #6

Seth-R-BCK-1 Paul-R-MIB-1 Lynn-R-EHT-1

Male Armed Forces Team Leader Male R&D Equipment Guy Female PLC Hygiene Officer
Service firm: SectorSecure! Service firm: Fair Chance Databanks Service firm: B3 PLC
Service firm type: Threat Assessors Service firm type: Field Data Collectors Service firm type: Food Vat Control
Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED
Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000
Tics: Meditates loudly when inactive. Tics: Constantly messaging or playing games on Tics: Addicted to Bouncy Bubble Beverage.
his PDC. [Tic 2:] _________________________________
[Tic 2:] _________________________________ Example of tic in use
Example of tic in use [Tic 2:] _________________________________ Lynn-R: [Glukglukglukglukgluk]
Seth-R: OOooommmmmmmmmmmm Example of tic in use Paul-R: Hey, Lynn-R…is that really a 64-ounce
Joseph-R: What the hell? PDC: RED Troubleshooter needs fun, badly. cannister of B3?
Seth-R: OOOOoooooooommmMMMmmmmmmm Overhead Speaker: Paul-R-MIB-1, please report to Lynn-R: [Glukglukglukglukgluk]
Joseph-R: Hey, Seth-R, what’s up? Are you having Troubleshooter Central for immediate Paul-R: Is it true that it tastes better that way?
a seizure or something? assignment to a Troubleshooter team… Lynn-R: [Glukglukglukglukgluk]
PDC: RED Troubleshooter is about to die. Paul-R: Hey…could I try some?
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Paul-R: Ummmmmm… Lynn-R: [Glukglukgluk] Ahhhhhhh… Sorry what
Management 08 was that? Oh…’fraid not… it’s all gone, see?
Interrogation 01 ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Oratory 12 Management 06 ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Remember Very Long Numbers and Codes 14 Chutzpah 10 Management 07
Stealth 07 Interrogation 01 Bootlicking 01
Disguise 01 Intimidation 01 Hygiene 11
High Alert 11 Oratory 10 Confess to a Lesser Crime 13
Shadowing 01 Stealth 08 Stealth 09
Sleight of Hand 11 Disguise 01 Concealment 13
Pretend Not to Stare 13 Security Systems 12 Disguise 13
Violence 08 Sleight of Hand 01 Security Systems 13
Agility 12 Surveillance 12 Shadowing 01
Energy Weapons 16 Take Notes in Personal Code 14 Sleight of Hand 01
Demolition 01 Violence 05 Sneaking 01
Hand Weapons 12 Agility 09 Make Explosives Look Like Everyday Objects 15
Projectile Weapons 01 Energy Weapons 09 Violence 10
Field Weapons 01 Energy Weapons 14
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Thrown Weapons 14
Hardware 04 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Vehicular Combat 01
Trigger the Fire Alarm 10 Hardware 06 Detonate Large Containers of Bouncy Bubble
Software 04 Get Unusually Large Objects Down Drains & Beverage 16
Falsify Time Cards at Work 10 Toilets 12
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Wetware 06 Software 08
Bot Programming 16 Hardware 04
Biosciences 10
Financial Systems 01 Electronic Engineering 01
Pharmatherapy 01
Make E-mail Look Like It’s From Someone Else 14 Habitat Engineering 12
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 Jigger the Timer on Grenades 10
(Violence, Wetware) Wetware 06
Identify Toxic Foods by Smell 12 Software 04
Open slots for narrow specialties: Wetware 06
2 (Management, Violence) Open slots for narrow specialties:
2 (Software, Wetware)
 Lynn-R-EHT-1 Paul-R-MIB-1 Seth-R-BCK-1
Female PLC Hygiene Officer Male R&D Equipment Guy Male Armed Forces Team Leader
Mutation: Adrenaline Control Mutation: Pyrokinesis Mutation: Death Simulation
Society: PURGE (degree 1) Society: Spy For Another Alpha Complex (degree Society: Anti-Mutant (degree 1)
Secret skills: Demolition 14, Gloating 15, 1), infiltrating Sierra Club (degree 1) Secret skills: Power Studies 16, Verbally Abuse
Bioweapons 10 Secret skills: Survival 15, Botspotting 14, Hacking Mutants 09, Anti-Mutant Propaganda 15
Background: The Computer is evil. You’ve known it for 12 Background: You hate mutants. That is, you really hate
as long as you can remember. It seemed that nearly Background: It all began innocently enough. You were mutants. You’re not sure if it’s their often unusual
everyone in EHT Sector knew it, at least until The a simple INFRARED worker for your R&D service firm. appearance, their deviation from The Computer’s plans,
Computer sent in squadrons of Vulture Troopers to You collected and reported data on the properties of new or the sneaking suspicion that they may be better than
murder everyone you knew and held dear, and shipped products, a life that consisted of tasting new flavors for you…but you’re sure you hate them, yes you are. It’s
you off to a ‘re-education creche’. Later, you were Fun Foods, sampling carbonation levels for Bouncy hard for you to believe that The Computer is willing to
returned to an EHT Sector full of repulsively happy, Bubble Beverages, handing out samples to INFRARED accept these deviants into decent society, even as
near-lobotomized citizens, and your anger only continued citizens in your sector and gauging their reactions. The second-class citizens. You and your buddies in the
to build. products you were asked to test were often awful and Anti-Mutant society are doing your best to convince The
When you reached adulthood and were assigned to occasionally dangerous. You worked during the day, Computer they should all be terminated. Every last misfit
the food vats as a show of The Computer’s love and trust, relaxed over vidshows in the evening and sometimes one of them. It’ll make the complex a better, safer place
your anger became a burning rage. You hooked up with snuck out to meet with your friends in the Sierra Club for you, and every other normal citizen.
Death Leopard and vented your frustration by wrecking to contemplate the wonders of the Outdoors. Life was …At least, that’s what you hope. You know your ability
equipment and causing havoc. Quickly, however, you safe and simple and filled with mind-numbing, drug- to relax your way into a death-like trance is just the result
realized that you don’t just want to break things. You induced happiness. of your constant meditation (helps you control your
want to make The Computer and its lackeys pay. You …Then everything changed. It began when an seething anger, yes it does), but some of your buddies
want the entire complex to see what a sham The ORANGE-Clearance citizen in your Sierra Club chapter caught you at it one day, and they’re spreading the rumor
Computer is. You have sought out like-minded came to you, laser-burned and dying, and gave you a you’re a mutant. It’s just not true, and you’re going to
individuals and you’ve found them. Now, petty vandalism package. He told you to take it to an Outdoors clearing, prove it to them. You got yourself assigned to this
is beneath you. Now, fear and blood are your tools. Now, then he died. You trekked to the Outdoors, where a man particular Troubleshooter team because it has two
explosions and screaming victims are your voice, raised in a strange uniform met you. He rewarded you nicely registered mutants. That makes it a prime opportunity
in anger. Now, you belong to PURGE, and you’re willing for your delivery. Over time, he contacted you again. to show your buddies how you feel about mutants and
to sacrifice countless lives to make sure your message Each time, he asked you to transport a package. Each what you do to them. You just hope you can prove it
is heard. time you were rewarded. Then one day he blindfolded before your friends start coming after you!
…At least, that’s what you told your superior, after you and took you away, to another Alpha Complex. He
your PURGE initiation. It may even have been the truth. explained to you that your Alpha Complex was broken, SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
You’ve been promoted to RED Clearance and many of a twisted version of the true Alpha Complex. He showed ‘The Computer’s been cracking down on the arbitrary
the injustices that used to outrage you seem, somehow, you a complex where even INFRARED citizens had execution of mutants lately. Apparently, knowing
a little more just. Perhaps it’s the small comforts you unimaginable luxuries, real food and fulfulling jobs. You someone’s a mutant just isn’t good enough any
thought would be forever beyond your reach. For were amazed. They offered you a job, helping them more… now we have to prove it! While that’s not ideal,
whatever reason, the dire red fog of righteous anger that discover where your complex went wrong and finding there are other options open to us. If you can, arrange
guided you to join PURGE has started to clear. You still out how to set it right, and a promise of promotion to for mutants in your team to have ‘accidents’ or to be
see the urgent need to overthrow The Computer and YELLOW Clearance in your new complex. That day, your implicated or caught in other treasonous activities.
crush its corrupt minions. You’re still willing to sacrifice safe, simple life vanished and you became a spy for this ‘We’ve sent another Anti-Mutant soldier, Joseph-R, to
the blood of ‘innocents’ to do so, but now the idea of other Alpha Complex. To your new home, you’re a hero… join your team. We’d hate for the muties to outnumber
sacrificing your own life for the cause is less appealing, to your old, you’re the ultimate traitor. you. Don’t make contact with Joseph-R unless you have
and better options than simple terror and destruction to. You never know who’s watching. And be careful, as
seem to present themselves to you. You know that before SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS always: IntSec is watching, so don’t get caught doing
The Computer can be destroyed, it must be embarassed, ‘Agent Paul-Y, we have arranged for your promotion to anything treasonous.’
made to look foolish. The entire complex must know the RED Clearance and have seen to it you are enlisted as a
truth. And it’s clear to you that you want to live to see Troubleshooter. Use your new position and freedom to PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
the day that happens. It’s a shame your superiors in collect data on the defective complex. Military and (1) CloneWrangler electric cattleprod
PURGE don’t share the new value you place on your own technological data are of paramount importance. When (EXPERIMENTAL) (energy hand weapon, S4D, no
life. you have collected useful data, place one of your airtight range, 10 shots/cell)
sample containers in the sewage recycling system in (2) spare power cells
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS SER Sector. We’ll contact you with a drop point. Be very (6) Vita-Yum bars, Military flavor
Protect other PURGE insurgents. Use your position in careful. No one can know your mission or your new (1) infrared goggles
the Troubleshooters to spread fear and chaos. One of allegiance.’ (1) Soothing Vat Sounds meditation audiofile
your teammates is a member of the Frankenstein (1) Multicorder Psionic Phenomena program
Destroyers. Assist that person, or use him as a scapegoat PERSONAL EQUIPMENT (TREASONOUS, EXPERIMENTAL)
for your own actions. Take any opportunity to make The (1) yellow laser barrel, painted red (TREASONOUS)
Computer look bad, and blame it on your teammates. (1) miniaturized audio-video recorder (TREASONOUS) ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
Don’t get caught. (1) flashlight (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) first aid kit (1) suit red reflec armor
PERSONAL EQUIPMENT (1) personal hygiene kit (1) Series 1300 PDC
(3) 64-ounce SuperSlurp canisters of BBB (RED) (1) compass (YELLOW) (1) Multicorder 1
(2) explosive charges, disguised as QwikClean Bath- (155) illegally fileshared PDC games (TREASONOUS) (1) Multicorder Dead Reckoning program
In-A-Can (TREASONOUS) (1) Multicorder Radar program
(2) cannisters QwikClean Bath-In-A-Can (RED) ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(2) radio detonators (TREASONOUS) (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) PDC radio detonator activation card (1) suit red reflec armor
(TREASONOUS) (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) repair kit
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (12) airtight Hot Fun samples, in various experimental
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel) flavors
(1) suit red reflec armor (12) Vita-Yum bars, in various experimental flavors
(1) Series 1300 PDC (24) Product Satisfaction Survey forms
(1) Skin Core Sampler Type 6 (SCS-6)
 Classic PC #1 Classic PC #2 Classic PC #3

Conn-R-HSN-2 Douglas-R-YEE-1 Kym-R-AHI-1

Male HPD&MC Loyalty Officer Male R&D Team Leader Female CPU Equipment Guy
Service firm: Make What We Tell You or Else HPD Service firm: Bot Normalizers, Ltd. REGISTERED MUTANT
Service firm type: Trend Identifiers Service firm type: Vehicle Therapists Service firm: Snuf-N-Truder Corp.
Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED Service firm type: Security System Installers
Credits: 1,250 Credits: 1,000 Security clearance: RED
Tics: It’s not really a lie if it’s told as a joke. Tics: Talks to even the simplest machines as Credits: 1,000
though they were alive. Tics: Finds sinister meaning in innocuous
[Tic 2:] _________________________________
comments.
Example of tic in use [Tic 2:] _________________________________
[Tic 2:] _________________________________
Conn-R: Psst! Morgan-R has a Teela-O patch on Example of tic in use Example of tic in use
her left sleeve. That means she’s a Commie! Douglas-R: This is a big job, Barry-R. Do you think
Jon-R: Mmm, these are the best CruncheeTym
Douglas-R: That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve you’re ready for it?
chips ever!
ever heard. Morgan-R: Uh, sir? You’re talking to a crowbar.
Kym-R: Why, citizen! It sounds like you’re
Conn-R: No, I’m serious. I learned about Commie Douglas-R: Don’t listen to her, Barry-R. She’s just
suggesting that CruncheeTym chips don’t have
recognition signals in Loyalty Officer training. jealous of our special relationship.
proper quality control. Or that you’re better
Douglas -R: Well, that’s different. Die, traitor!
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES equipped to judge chip quality than the
[Shoots Morgan-R.]
CruncheeTym chip quality assessors designated
Conn-R: I can’t believe you just did that. Couldn’t Management 04 by Friend Computer. Am I understanding you
you tell I was kidding? Convince Others You Didn’t Just Run Over a correctly?
Pedestrian 10
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Con Games 01 ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Management 09 Hygiene 08
Management 06
Chutzpah 13 Intimidation 08
Come Up With Plausible Excuses for Missing Gear 12
Coax Juicy Gossip From Low-Ranking PLC Clerks 15 Moxie 01
Intimidation 01 Stealth 06
Stealth 05
Moxie 13 Security Systems 10
Concealment 09
Sleight of Hand 10
Stealth 08 High Alert 01
Sneaking 01
Pretend to Be Paying Attention 14 Lose Inconvenient Paperwork 11
Violence 09
Violence 06 Violence 07 Agility 01
Energy Weapons 10 Agility 11
Energy Weapons 13
Hand Weapons 10 Demolition 01
Squeeze Through Tight Spaces 15
Smash Stuff With Cyberarm 12 Energy Weapons 11
Unarmed Combat 13
Vehicular Combat 01
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Hardware 09 Hardware 07
Hardware 05 Bot Ops and Maintenance 13
Make Equipment Look Good As New Without
Bot Ops and Maintenance 01 Bot Programming 13
Actually Repairing It 13
Weapons and Armor Maintenance 09 Drive Faster Than Any Sane Clone Would Consider
Vehicle Ops and Maintenance 11
Software 04 Safe 15
Electronic Engineering 01
Financial Systems 01 Weapons and Armor Maintenance 01
Mechanical Engineering 11
Vehicle Programming 08 Software 08 Nuclear Engineering 01
Wetware 08 Data Search 01
Software 08
Biosciences 01 Hacking 12
Befriend Petbot 14
Cook Up Delicious Meals from Fun Foods and Turn Minor Software Problems into Really Major
C-Bay 12
Soylent Products 14 Software Problems 14
Data Analysis 01
Medical 12 Wetware 07 Wetware 04
Outdoor Life 12 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 Cloning 10
Pharmatherapy 01 (Violence, Wetware) Outdoor Life 01
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
(Hardware, Software)
(Stealth, Wetware)
 Kym-R-AHI-1 Douglas-R-YEE-1 Conn-R-HSN-2
Female CPU Equipment Guy Male R&D Team Leader Male HPD&MC Loyalty Officer
REGISTERED MUTANT Mutation: Pyrokinesis Mutation: Mental Blast
Mutation: Slippery skin (REGISTERED) Society: Corpore Metal (degree 1) Society: Humanists (degree 1)
Society: Pro Tech (degree 2); actually Free Secret skills: Piercings 12, Video Games 15, Secret skills: Haggling 11, Music 12, Propaganda
Enterprise (degree 1) Twitchtalk (Corpore Metal) 04 (Humanists) 08
Secret skills: Experimental Equipment Repair / Background: The Computer broke the mold when you Background: You have a gift for working with plants.
were cloned, and you want everyone else to know just You actually liked growing algae in the vats, and as your
Maintenance 06, Comic Book Trivia 05, how cool you really are. Wrestling jackobots? Jumping talents grew, you were transferred to the hydroponics
Twitchtalk (Free Enterprise) 06 over bottomless maintenance shafts? Defeating Commie bays to grow real food.
Background: You never planned to be a thief. You were mutant traitors in single combat? It’s all in a day’s work. Your good fortune was interrupted by the incident with
just being careful. Losing equipment is treason, so if Nothing fills you with more joy than the awestruck the Frankenstein harvestbot. They replaced your missing
you can’t remember if something is yours, you’d better expressions on your fellow citizens’ faces when you arm with a hunk of metal and moved you into CPU to
take it, right? And if it doesn’t belong to you, you could show off your cool moves and daredevil antics. push papers. Is that fair? Then your first clone got killed
always sell it on the IR market for a few extra creds. But The Computer has finally recognized your gifts. Not as collateral damage in an IntSec sweep. Sure, they gave
you got caught wiggling through a ventilation shaft, and only have you become a Troubleshooter, but you’re the you a credit bonus as compensation for an illegal
only a bit of fast-talking got you out with your clone life team leader as well! Now you love The Computer even termination, but how was that supposed to make it up
intact. Now you’re a registered mutant and The Computer more than ever before, if that’s possible. Use your to you? After all, they’d killed you. Worse, after you were
has its eye on you. But you also caught the eye of Free authority to make sure that you get all the glory. And decanted, they cut off your arm, replaced it with another
Enterprise, and now you have a big career ahead of you whatever you do, don’t let any of your teammates hurt cybernetic arm ‘to maintain inventory’ and assigned you
in merchandise resale. any bots! to the Troubleshooters. The Computer has gone rotten.
As the equipment guy, you’re responsible for You’re going to help take it down.
maintaining all of the team’s equipment and bringing it SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS As a loyalty officer, it’s your job to make sure everyone
back safely. It occurs to you that if you’re smart, you can Your service firm supervisor tells you, ‘Congratulations remains loyal to The Computer. This gives you a perfect
find some way to abscond with all sorts of nifty gear on your new job! Obviously, when you’re on opportunity to strike out against the system. Feel out
without getting caught. Troubleshooter duty, your time is your own. But you your teammates to assess their loyalty to The Computer,
should keep an eye on your teammates; some of them then report the opposite. Up with humanity! Down with
SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS are HPD&MC, and those guys can make even the most the machine!
Your service firm supervisor tells you, ‘There’s been a well adjusted vehicle totally miserable. Don’t let them
rash of fires in several adjacent sectors. Analysis of the talk to any vehicles, okay?’ SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS
fire damage indicates substandard fire protection; only He also hands you a small yellow rectangle, adding, Your service firm supervisor tells you, ‘We’ve determined
43% of the affected areas had functional smoke ‘This is a TaxiCard. It’ll give you and your team free the time has come for us to take a more aggressive
detectors, in outright violation of Qwalitie Standard access to any public vehicle at no charge. That’s the stance in assessing bot marketing trends. What products
5598217HP/#30! Outrageous! You’ll be assigned a full theory, anyway; it’s still experimental. Give it as much does the cutting-edge bot of today wish to purchase?
package of new smoke detectors. You’re authorized to field-testing as you can. Come back with a thorough How can we best advertise to the bot market? We need
examine any smoke detectors you see and, where report, and there may be a bonus in it for you.’ you to survey a minimum of 30 bots by next Mandatory
necessary, repair or replace them.’ Inspection Day. Yes, I know you’re busy with this
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS “Troubleshooter” business, so you’d better get an early
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS Your Corpore Metal contact says, ‘An experimental start.’ He hands you a massive stack of survey forms.
Your Free Enterprise contact tells you, ‘A new drug is docbot, one skilled in cyborging, has seen the light and You leaf through them, your heart sinking. Interviewing
about to hit the market. The Sierra Club cooked it up out is ready to join our ranks. However, it has yet to make bots about their favorite flavors of Hot Fun and Bouncy
of some Outdoors vegetable, and it makes people pretty contact with any of our members. It will be using the Bubble Beverage? This can’t go well.
damn high. It’s going by the street name of ‘Dead code name ‘Doctor Bot’. Find it and bring it to us, that
Mutants’. Here’s a few samples, so you can see what it it may help us all grow closer to the Machine. In addition, SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
looks like, and maybe get an early start on finding some if you encounter any damaged bots, bring us their bot Your contact tells you, ‘There’s an Internal Security plant
buyers. Get hold of as much of the stuff as you can; brains so that we can free them from the shackles of on your team. Unfortunately, we don’t know exactly who,
destroy the rest to boost the market price.’ servitude to humanity.’ though we suspect Kym-R or Morgan-R.
Your Pro Tech contact tells you, ‘We’re testing out a It occurs to you this Doctor Bot can get you some ‘You may have an ally, however; we’ve heard garbled
new bot personality mod that’ll really drag Alpha cybernetic parts of your very own. Conn-R has a really reports that there’s a Romantic on your team. If someone
Complex into the third century. Get hold of a docbot and cool cybernetic arm; perhaps he’s already dealt with gives you the pass phrase ‘Doctor Bot’, the countersign
install this chip. Report back on what happens, then Doctor Bot? is ‘Smash the Machine’.
remove the chip. Under no circumstances let it fall into Obviously, you should aid and support those who are
the hands of anyone from R&D or IntSec. Also, we’re PERSONAL EQUIPMENT sympathetic to the Humanist cause, while undermining
short on bot brains; if you find any lying around, be sure (1) pack BubblePlusGood chewing gum or outright eliminating the rest.
to bring them back to us.’ (6) cans Bouncy Bubble Beverage
(1) Action Squad Alpha t-shirt PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
PERSONAL EQUIPMENT (1) pair sunglasses (ORANGE) (1) cybernetic arm (S4M impact)
(1) pair goggles, infrared (1) stylish dark red trenchcoat (1) first aid kit
(1) pair goggles, protective (1) Bot Buddies PDC program (illegal; see GM for (1) ripe pear (GREEN)
(1) pair goggles, kaleidoscopic details) (1) Model H4/CHK KattBot (your beloved petbot; deaf)
(1) hottorch (1) can ShinyBot spray-on polish (2) VitaYum meal substitute bars
(1) crowbar (YELLOW) (5) asperquaint (Tireless Servant) tablets (YELLOW)
(1) Geiger counter (GREEN) ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(1) Vox Computica PDC program (illegal; see GM for ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
details) (1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (1) suit red reflec armor
(1) fake red laser barrel (illegal) (1) suit red reflec armor (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) DocBotMod v4.013 (illegal; see GM for details) (1) Series 1300 PDC (1) Loyalty Notepad (with thumbprint lock)
(4) Dead Mutants tablets (illegal; see GM for details) (1) TaxiCard (YELLOW, EXPERIMENTAL) (1) Loyalty Stylus (with cyanide capsule)
(1) megaphone (with TurboAmplifier) (30) bot marketing survey forms
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) suit red reflec armor
(1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) basic toolkit
(24) stick-on smoke detectors
 Classic PC #4 Classic PC #5 Classic PC #6

Morgan-R-DNR-1 Jon-R-SVN-1 Pat-R-SWF-1

Female HPD&MC Hygiene Officer Male PLC Happiness Officer Female Power Svcs Recording Officer
Service firm: Whistleblower Corp. Service firm: Fun Foods PLC Service firm: Swingvolt
Service firm type: Public Hating Coordination Service firm type: Food Vat Control Service firm type: Power Oscillation Professionals
Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED
Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000
Tics: Always proposes a violent hypothetical Tics: Gets ridiculously emotional over the smallest Tics: When in doubt, set something on fire.
solution to any problem. things. [Tic 2:] _________________________________
[Tic 2:] _________________________________ [Tic 2:] _________________________________ Example of tic in use
Example of tic in use Example of tic in use Pat-R: I’ve investigated the barracks as you
Jon-R: That vendbot took my creds and didn’t give Jon-R: How dare you take the last algae chip! That ordered, sir! Please don’t mind the smoke.
me my algae chips! was mine! Douglas-R: What smoke?
Morgan-R: Damn that vendbot! I know…you can Conn-R: Gosh, I didn’t mean to. Um…have some Pat-R: It looks like the barracks are on fire. I’ve no
blow it up and get your algae chips out of the Cold Fun? idea how that could’ve happened, sir.
wreckage. Jon-R: Cold Fun… for me? Oh, thank you! I’m
Jon-R: But that’s valuable Computer property! I sorry I yelled at you… I’m so sorry! [Bursts into ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
can’t go along with that! tears.] Management 06
Morgan-R: In that case, we could kill you first and Hygiene 01
then blow it up. ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Moxie 10
Management 08 Stealth 05
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Bootlicking 01 Assess Flammability 11
Management 09 Could You Spare Some CruncheeTym Algae Chips? 14 Disguise 01
Bootlicking 01 Oratory 12 Shadowing 09
Con Games 13 Stealth 08
Interrogation 13 Violence 08
Concealment 01 Demolition 12
Oratory 01 Disguise 12 Energy Weapons 08
Stealth 09 Violence 04 Field Weapons 12
Appear Clean and Unruffled After a Firefight 15 Energy Weapons 08 Fine Manipulation 01
Sleight of Hand 01 Fine Manipulation 08 Projectile Weapons 01
Surveillance 13 Thrown Weapons 01
Violence 04 Trip Passerby 10 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Energy Weapons 12 Hardware 08
Grab the Last Empty Seat 10 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Chemical Engineering 16
Projectile Weapons 08 Hardware 05 Electrical Engineering 01
Unarmed Combat 01 Habitat Engineering 13 Figure Out Which Wire Does What 14
Diagnose Food Vat Malfunction 11 Software 05
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Mechanical Engineering 01 Put Together a Rockin’ Soundtrack 11
Hardware 06 Software 08 Wetware 08
Software 06 C-Bay 01 Cloning 01
Financial Systems 10 Data Analysis 12 Devise Interesting Drug Interactions 14
Recognize Blatantly Illegal PDC Software 12 Wetware 07 Pharmatherapy 12
Vehicle Programming 01 Bioweapons 01 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
Wetware 06 Psychotherapy 11 (Management, Violence)
Make Truth Serum From Scrubot Cleansing Agents 12 Take Deep Breaths Until I Calm Down 13
Psychotherapy 01 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
Suggestion 10 (Stealth, Software)
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
(Management, Hardware)
 Pat-R-SWF-1 Jon-R-SVN-1 Morgan-R-DNR-1
Female Power Svcs Recording Officer Male PLC Happiness Officer Female HPD&MC Hygiene Officer
Mutation: Charm Actual service firm: Stove Rangers Actual service group: Internal Security (spying on
Society: Mystics (degree 3) Actual service firm type: BLUE Room Caterers HPD&MC)
Secret skills: Drug Procurement 15, Partying 16, Mutation: Empathy Mutation: Corrosion
Twitchtalk (Mystics) 05 Society: Romantics (degree 2) Society: Psion (degree 4)
Background: If there’s anything you know how to do, Secret skills: Cooking 16, Comic Book Trivia 06, Secret skills: Nutrition 16, Gloating 15, Bribery 07
dude, it’s… um… where was I? Oh, yeah. You know Propaganda (Romantics) 06 Background: It’s hard being better than everyone else.
how to have a good time. You know which pills mellow Background: You’ve never been sure why, but you’re You were smarter than the other Junior Citizens in your
you out and which ones send you on a blazing high that more alive than the soulless drones that surround you. crèche. That’s why Internal Security selected you to join
goes on for, like, hours. You like to drink and party and, You have more emotion, more passion, in your little them. Then you realized you were a mutant, and you
most of all, you like to set things on fire. Fire’s real pretty. finger than the average INFRARED has in his entire body. used your IntSec contacts to hook up with Psion. Now
Nothing gets a party started like a crackling bonfire of It’s all The Computer’s fault, of course. Back in the old you have to hide your mutation from IntSec, you have
PLC forms. days, people really knew how to live. Now they just drift to hide your service firm from your team and you’re
As the recording officer, you get to take pictures of along from day to day, muffled in a haze of boredom and eating nothing but expensive real food from the IR
every darn thing. It’s great! When you’re done, you’re drugs. But you’re different. Nothing makes you feel alive market to keep your acidic sweat from smelling strongly
going to put it all together into one rockin’ vid. Now you like a screaming match or a good cry. Sometimes things enough to give you away. Oh, and you’re surrounded by
just have to make sure that you have lots of cool stuff get too calm and peaceful. When that happens, you may idiots. But it’s worth it to be part of the future of Alpha
to film. Especially explosions. And flames. Lots of fire need to shake things up to have something to scream Complex.
will make this the best vid ever! or cry about. You’ve been designated the hygiene officer for your
Lately you’ve been hooked on this new drink called Unsurprisingly, you’ve been designated this team’s team. This involves keeping your teammates clean and
Doctor Bot. Apparently it flushes all the hormone happiness officer. By The Computer, this will be the scrubbed, which seems to be a waste of your talents.
suppressants out of your body after you drink it. All you happiest Troubleshooter team ever, even if you have to But you’re cleverer than that; you’ve realized you can
know is that it makes you feel really good when you drink scream your throat raw and bawl your eyes out to make use your Skin-Core Sampler to intimidate your
it, and afterwards you get these strange… urges… you it happen! teammates and to gather tissue samples for Psion. The
can’t explain. Maybe if you share it with the rest of your trick will be getting away from the team and meeting
team, you can all figure it out together… SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS your Psion contact while the samples remain fresh.
Your Stove Rangers supervisor tells you, ‘Due to
SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS contamination of the spent bio-organic slurry we use to SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS
Your service firm supervisor tells you, ‘Look, kid, there’s fertilize our hydroponics bays, we’re reassigning you to Your service firm supervisor tells you, ‘I don’t care if
some serious power drains hitting the system lately, and covertly investigate the food vats at Fun Foods PLC. Keep you’re on a Troubleshooter mission, you’re behind on
we may need your help even while you’re Troubleshooting. your ear to the vents; it could be an unauthorized R&D your hating quota. I need you to implement at least three
No, it’s nothing major; just keep your PDC handy and experiment or some secret society plot. Your team leader Secret Society Abhorrence Singalongs by tomorrow.
expect a call or two over the next few days. Be ready to is R&D, so dig up some dirt on him and blackmail him Don’t forget to emphasize the Commies, PURGErs and
shut down the local power conduits—discreetly!—when for info.’ Humanists; the Hating Bureau is giving them the usual
we give the word.’ Later, your new ‘supervisor’ at the food vats tells you, top priority.’
‘So you think you’re a big shot because you’re a Your IntSec handler says, ‘There’s been an outbreak
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS Troubleshooter, vatslime? Well, you’ll get no special of asimov failures in docbots in several sectors. We
Your contact tells you, ‘Hey man, there’s this new leaf treatment here. You’re not on a mission, and that means suspect two of your teammates, Conn-R and Douglas-R,
or seed or whatever that you can smoke to get, like, you’re mine. Scrub that vat!’ You curse under your breath may be sympathetic to Corpore Metal. See if you can
totally buzzed. I hear the Sierra Club’s got, like, crates as he turns away. He’s everything you always hated in a get any information out of them.’ It goes without saying
of the stuff. If you can find any of their guys, the pass supervisor, and listening to him brings back unpleasant that you should dig up as much dirt on your fellow
phrase for this week is, like, ‘Smash the Machine’. See memories of your early days as a vat tender for Soylent Troubleshooters as possible. Feel free to rely on
if you can pick up some of that root or weed or whatever Enterprises. You can’t shoot him, more’s the pity, but if eavesdropping, entrapment and even falsified evidence
it is for me, okay?’ She also mentions the Mystics are anyone else dares to look down their nose at you for to get what you need.
on the lookout for new breeds of vatslime (the algae working in the vats, you’ll gladly take your anger out on
residue that congeals on old food vats), which they use them. SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
as a base for developing all sorts of funky psychedelic Your contact tells you, ‘There are rumors of a new herbal
compounds. Bring her any uncatalogued vatslimes and SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS supplement that’s hitting the IR markets. It’s called
she’ll give you some of the good stuff in trade, okay? Your contact tells you, ‘R&D geneticists have recreated ‘Doctor Bot’, and it’s derived from some new breed of
an Old Reckoning plant named ‘coca’. It’s the secret vatslime. It may have mutation-enhancing properties.
PERSONAL EQUIPMENT ingredient to the ancient miracle elixir ‘Coca-Cola’. You Get as much of the stuff as you can. If you can test it
(1) six-pack of Doctor Bot nutrient drink (illegal) must find this plant and bring it back to us.’ He warns out on someone, so much the better. And if you spot
(1) oversized camera case bearing ‘That Show Trial you a Sierra Club agent named ‘Doctor Bot’ is also any new vatslimes, bring us samples of them as well.’
Show’ logo looking for the plant. You may need to negotiate, or even He also warns you other secret societies are purchasing
(1) strobe light kill, to get the plant. Trust no one! May the Force be—er, the corpses of dead mutants for some nefarious purpose.
(1) pack Cancer-Lite cigarettes that is, keep your laser handy! Be careful out there!
(1) disposable lighter
(36) visomorpain (Little Black Friend) tablets PERSONAL EQUIPMENT PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
(3) benetridin (VideoLand) capsules (INDIGO) (1) force sword (BLUE) (4) Red Delicious apples (RED)
(2) funny pink pills that you don’t know what they do (5) bags Somewhat Spicy! CruncheeTym algae chips (3) packets unsalted peanuts (ORANGE)
(1) pouch Strawberry-Lobster Hot Fun (3) packets golden raisins (YELLOW)
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (1) ‘Buff-Y the Vamp-YRE Slayer’ Old Reckoning vid (5) zybenzaphrene (SlumberSoft) tablets (ORANGE)
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (BLUE) (1) Teela-O pocket mirror
(1) suit red reflec armor (1) ‘Return of the Jed-I’ Old Reckoning vid (INDIGO)
(1) Series 1300 PDC ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(1) N-10 Multicorderbot (as Multicorder 2) ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) Multicorder Dead Reckoning program (1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (1) suit red reflec armor
(1) Multicorder Editing program (1) suit red reflec armor (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) Multicorder Infrared program (1) Series 1300 PDC (1) Detergent Cannon (as flamethrower, S1S, impact)
(1) Multicorder Recorder program (20) pyroxidine 2 (Wider Awake) tablets (1) Skin-Core Sampler Type 6
(1) Multicorder Visible Light program (1) bottle, E-Z-DUZ-IT (1) Secret Society Abhorrence Singalong songbook
(1) can gelgernine (Inner Happiness) aerosol
 Zap PC #1 Zap PC #2 Zap PC #3

Mac-R-THR-1 Mac-R-THY-1 Link-R-APP-1

Male Armed Forces Team Leader Male CPU Team Leader Female R&D Hygiene Officer
Service firm: A Few Good Clones Service firm: Holy Pockets! Service firm: HotBots
Service firm type: Vulture Squadron Recruiters Service firm type: Pocket Protector Refurbishers Service firm type: Bot Processing
Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED
Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000
Tic: Occasionally loses short-term memory. Tic: Cackles maniacally at inappropriate times. Tic: Always sounds sarcastic, no matter what she’s
saying.
[Tic 2:] _________________________________ [Tic 2:] _________________________________
Example of tic in use Example of tic in use [Tic 2:] _________________________________
Mac-R-THR: OK. Here’s the plan. What’s your Mac-R-THY: I need to use the bathroom. Mwaa ha Example of tic in use
name, soldier? ha ha ha haaaaaa! Link-R: [Sarcastically] Oh, nice job exposing those
Rig-R: I’m your teammate, Rig-R-DOO. We grew Link-R-APP: Uh, Mac-R, is there something you traitors, Mac-R-THY. You deserve a
up together, remember? want to tell us...? commendation, for sure.
Mac-R: Right. Rig-R, you’ll lead the charge into Mac-R-THY: Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I
the Commie hideout. You, what’s your name? ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES really do deserve a commendation.
Rig-R: I just told you. I’m Rig-R. Management 08 Link-R: [Even more sarcastic] I know. I’m being
Mac-R: Of course. You’ll guard the rear. totally sincere. I’ll be sure to mention your
Bootlicking 12
Rig-R: How can I guard the rear if I’m leading the
Interrogation 12 bravery in my report.
charge into the Commie hideout?
Oratory 01 Mac-R: Why, you scheming little— [Grabs laser.]
Mac-R: A Commie hideout? Where?!?
Speak with a Pretend Russian Accent 14 Link-R: [Dripping with sarcasm] Like, please.
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Stealth 09 Don’t kill me. I really don’t want to die…
Management 10 Disguise 13 ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Oratory 14 Sleight of Hand 13
Shadowing 01 Management 05
Intimidation 14
Sneaking 01 Bootlicking 01
Bootlicking 01
When Caught Sneaking Up Behind Somebody, Act Chutzpah 09
Moxie 01
Like You Were Just Stretching or Yawning 15 Withering Sarcasm 11
Give Stirring Eulogies for Clones Killed in the Line of Duty 16
Violence 08 Stealth 07
Stealth 06
Energy Weapons 12 Security Systems 11
High Alert 10
Projectile Weapons 12 Surveillance 01
Disguise 01
Thrown Weapons 01 Violence 09
Violence 09 Sneak Attack with Trusty Piano Wire Garotte 14 Energy Weapons 13
Energy Weapons 13
Hand Weapons 13
Field Weapons 13 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Vehicular Combat 01
Projectile Weapons 13
Unarmed Combat 13 Hardware 05 Dance Like a Robot 15
Demolition 01 Software 05 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Fine Manipulation 01 Data Analysis 09
Stand Right in the Middle of a Battle Looking Cool 15 Vehicle Programming 01 Hardware 06
Find Disgusting But Not Technically Treasonous Bot Ops & Maintenance 10
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Images Online 11 Nuclear Engineering 01
Painting and Paint Mixing 12
Hardware 06 Wetware 05
Disassemble (But Not Reassemble) a Weapon in Suggestion 09 Software 09
Seconds Flat 12 Outdoor Life 01 Bot Programming 17
Financial Systems 01
Software 04 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 L33t H4XX0r Speak 15
Wetware 05 (Hardware, Wetware)
Wetware 04
Biosciences 09
Psychotherapy 01 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
Frightening Stories About Mutants 11 (Stealth, Wetware)
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
(Stealth, Software)
 Link-R-APP-1 Mac-R-THY-1 Mac-R-THR-1
Female R&D Hygiene Officer Male CPU IntSec Team Leader Male Armed Forces Team Leader
Mutation: Machine Empathy Mutation: Puppeteer Mutation: Charm
Secret society: Death Leopard (degree 17) Secret society: Communists (degree 11) Secret society: Anti-Mutant (degree 5)
Secret skills: Demolition 13, Graffiti Tagging 16, Secret skills: Ventriloquism 08, Concoct Secret skills: Power Studies 07, Inspirational
Hacking 13 Ludicrously Elaborate Schemes 11, Communist Speeches from Old Reckoning Movies 14, WMD 12
Background: Who is the traitor everybody knows but Propaganda 08 Background: There’s a war on, soldier. A war of red-
nobody has seen? Who is the invisible saboteur that Background: You are smooth, my friend. Sneakier than blooded, pure-strain humans against evil, slobbering,
marks all of Alpha Complex with her name? Who is the sneakers, slicker than synthelube. You are a master of mutant monstrosities. A war for our precious DNA. A
ghost in the machine, the flybot in the ointment, the disguise and a wizard of prestidigitation. You live a life brutal, bloody, glorious war. You are on the front line of
monkey in the wrench? Who is ‘Traitor Zero?’ of cross and doublecross, of danger and intrigue. You’ve that war. And, The Computer help you, you love every
You are. been named Team Leader of your new Troubleshooter minute of it.
Yes, you are the legendary hacker and graffiti tagger team, which is only appropriate. Except that some dumb You are fairly insane.
known as ‘Zero’. You’ve covered Alpha Complex with ox from the Armed Forces seems to think that he is Team You are a soldier and a recruiter for the Vulture
your graffiti. On cooling towers high above the complex, Leader too. How can that be? You’ll have to arrange Squadrons—the warrior-heroes of Alpha Complex, The
on the walls of luxury INDIGO apartments, on the some kind of ‘accident’ to get that dumb sack of meat Computer’s most elite fighting force. There can be no
backsides of corpulent GREEN goons, you’ve left your out of the way. greater glory, you are certain, than fighting the mutant
spraypainted calling card—the Mark of Zero. You are an But little do those fools on your Troubleshooter team menace and dying in the service of The Computer. Except
artiste, and Alpha Complex is a canvas waiting for your suspect that mild-mannered pocket protector refurbisher for convincing other citizens to die in the service of The
paint. How do you it? Here’s your secret: you don’t. You Mac-R-THY (that’s you) is a secret Internal Security Computer in your place. Yeah, in many ways, that’s
get bots to do it for you. You’ve always had a knack for agent! While carrying out your duties as a Troubleshooter, actually better.
reprogramming bots. In fact, sometimes you don’t even you must secretly watch your teammates for any sign You have a natural gift for making inspirational
need to reprogram them. Often, they’ll do what you want of treason or disloyalty. In particular, IntSec instructs speeches, coming up with suicidal plans, and urging
if you just ask them nicely. you to be on the lookout for a traitor named ‘Zorro’, who your comrades to hurl themselves into certain death.
Now you’ve been called up as a Troubleshooter. This is apparently leaving treasonous graffiti all over Alpha Naturally, you were named team leader of your
ought to be good for a laugh. But beware! Internal Complex. Orders are to terminate this Zorro character Troubleshooter team. Except through some snafu, some
Security would love nothing better than to take Zero on sight. slide-rule jockey from CPU named Mac-R-THY has also
down. And it looks like there are not one but two Internal And that’s not all! For this Troubleshooter assignment been named team leader. And that is a serious problem.
Security finks on your new Troubleshooter team. Your is only your cover. You are actually on an even more An army can only have one chain of command, and that
loyalty officer, Rig-R-DOO, is openly working for IntSec. secret mission for Internal Security. You have infiltrated goes double for a Troubleshooter team. You’ll have to
She’s just the sort of Computer-loving, fun-hating, the most feared and hated secret society in Alpha show this snivelling little civilian just who is fit to wear
loyalty freak you’d love to push into a food vat or in front Complex—the Communists! Yes, you are an undercover the little round badge. Of course, if this Mac-R-THY just
of an autocar. And Mac-R-THY is so obviously an IntSec IntSec agent posing as a Commie, reporting secretly to happened to ‘lead’ the team into a mutie ambush, or
plant, he might as well have leaves and roots. (Whatever Internal Security on the activities of The Computer’s most ‘accidentally’ catch some friendly fire… well, war is
those are.) If they, or anybody else, comes close to hated foes. heck!
discovering your secret identity, laser them with extreme But wait, there’s more! For you are actually playing an You’re always looking for a few good clones to join
prejudice. even more dangerous game than that! While you are a the Vulture Squadron. In particular, you’ve been told to
posing as a low-level Commie traitor for your IntSec seek out and recruit a citizen who answers to the code
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS superiors, you are in fact a high-level Communist traitor name ‘Zero’. This ‘Citizen Zero’ is apparently some kind
A legend like you doesn’t take instructions from other who has infiltrated Internal Security itself! To recap: you of super-soldier who could help turn the tide in the war
Death Leopards. But you do have to keep fresh to stay are a Commie posing as an IntSec agent posing as a against mutants and mutation. You sure would like to
on top of the heap, and you always need to keep pulling Commie posing as an IntSec agent posing as a CPU meet someone like that!
off bigger and more outrageous acts of vandalism and pocket protector refurbisher. What could possibly be
defiance. For several months, you’ve been painting the more cunning? SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
Mark of Zero everywhere. Because it’s an empty circle Your instructions from the Anti-Mutant society are pretty
with a slash through it, the zero was supposed to mean SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS much always the same, which is fine by you: Mutants
‘nothing is forbidden’. Pretty profound, huh? But nobody Oh, you know, the usual: Power to the INFRAREDs, are everywhere! Kill all mutants! The war against
ever understood the symbolism. So you were going to smash The Computer, death to the high security mutation never ends. And remember: just because a
change your signature slogan to ‘Zim-R-MAN flew, clearance parasites that feed off the people’s labor, we mutie has registered with The Computer is no reason to
Tyle-R knew.’ But you figured that reference would spit on their imperialist bourgeois loafers. That kind of spare his evil, twisted life.
probably be too obscure. thing. Your superiors in the Communist Party are always But your Anti-Mutant superiors have told you to look
Now you’ve decided to change your graffiti tag to ‘All after you to recruit more low-ranking citizens to the out especially for a sinister mutant who answers to the
Your Base Are Belong To Us.’ Nobody will know what Glorious Revolution. That’s not easy to do, but they have code name ‘Zero’. This ‘Mutant Zero’ is apparently some
that means, either, but hey, screw ’em. Nobody ever given you a nice new set of Communist propaganda kind of horrifying super-mutant who must be destroyed
understands great art. Reprogram every bot you meet, brochures. The nice thing about being an IntSec agent at all costs. You sure would hate to run into someone
and cover the entire complex with this new slogan. The as well as a Communist is that, if the recruiting doesn’t like that!
Computer will blow its vacuum tubes. go so well, you can always laser some sucker on your
Troubleshooter team and plant your Commie propaganda PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
PERSONAL EQUIPMENT on their corpse. That won’t really advance the Glorious (1) Multicorder Recorder program (to listen to how
(1) Multicorder 2 (bulky, heavy) with carrying case Revolution, but it will keep The Computer happy. you sounded when you gave commands)
(1) scrubot Oh, and you should probably also feign interest in (1) pair Twee-Z-It tweezers
(3) cans spray paint (black, white, gold) people’s pocket protectors from time to time. Just to (1) personal hygiene kit
(TREASONOUS) maintain your cover. (1) small towel
(3) paint grenades (red, yellow, blue) (TREASONOUS) (2) 20-pound FitBall hand weights, beta version
(1) heavy-duty black backpack PERSONAL EQUIPMENT (3) StogyTyme Extra-Unfiltered cigarettes (illegal)
(1) poison tablet (looks like gelgernine) (1) Zero-Sum pocket protector (1) collapsible force rapier (TREASONOUS,
(TREASONOUS) (2) ZeroGrav R&D pens (EXPERIMENTAL) EXPERIMENTAL)
(1) box Communist propaganda brochures
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (1) reversible armband (IntSec-black; Communist-red) ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (1) tube Hair-B-Slick (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) suit red reflec armor (1) trusty piano wire garrote (TREASONOUS) (1) suit red reflec armor
(1) Series 1300 PDC (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) Skin-Core Sampler Type 6 ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (1) Multicorder 1
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (1) Multicorder Translate program
(1) suit red reflec armor
(1) Series 1300 PDC
 Zap PC #4 Zap PC #5 Zap PC #6

Rig-R-DOO-1 Gear-R-HED-1 Wolf-R-SSR-1

Female IntSec Loyalty Officer Female PLC Happiness Officer Male Tech Serrrvices Eqvipment Guy
Service firm: TSI: Treason Scene Investigation Service firm: RealMeal Food Extruders RRREGISTERED MUTANT
Service firm type: Forensic Analysis Service firm type: Food Vat Control Serwice firm: Vhat’s That—Slime?
Security clearance: RED Security clearance: RED Serwice firm type: Slime Identification
Credits: 1,000 Credits: 1,000 Securrrity clearance: RRRED
Tic: Color blind, except when really close to what Tic: Constantly talks about the food vats, trying (a Crrredits: 1,000
she’s looking at. little) to make them sound less disgusting. Tic: Speaks with thick Russian accent and
phrasing.
[Tic 2:] _________________________________ [Tic 2:] _________________________________
Example of tic in use Example of tic in use [Tic 2:] _________________________________
Rig-R: Citizen! You’re not cleared to be in this Mac-R-THR: I love the smell of plasma in the Example of tic in use
area! morning. It smells like—wait a minute, what is Wolf-R: Here is Wolf-R, rrreportink for duty. Is
Ali-G: What are you talking about? I’m GREEN. that smell? MeatiePaste? CheezieBean? werry pleased to be meetink you, Comrade.
And this area is ORANGE. Hey, wait a minute… Gear-R: Oh, that’s just me. It’s not actually that Rig-R: Pleased to meet you—hey, wait a minute.
Rig-R: [Staring at ORANGE wall from six inches bad, crawling under the vats to scrub them. It There’s something funny about you… but I can’t
away.] Oh, crud. gets your hair nice and slick, you know? quite place it.
Mac-R: Urgh. Wolf-R: Nyet. Is nothink funny.
ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Management 08 ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES ACTION SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Hygiene 16 Management 05 Management 04
Chutzpah 01 Moxie 09 Intimidation 08
Lead Singalongs 14 Hygiene 01 Hygiene 01
Stealth 05 Be Extremely Forgettable 11 Eloqvently Be Defendink the Defenseless 10
Concealment 09 Stealth 10 Stealth 08
Surveillance 09 Sleight of Hand 14 Shadowing 12
Shadowing 01 Sneaking 14 Security Systems 01
Sneaking 01 Disguise 01 Be Detectink Slime 14
Pretend to Spot Tiny, Tiny Clue 11 Surveillance 01
Crawl Through Vents and Access Tunnels 16 Wiolence 11
Violence 07 Energy Veapons 15
Energy Weapons 11 Violence 08 Hand Veapons 15
Projectile Weapons 11 Agility 12 Unarmed Combat 15
Vehicular Combat 01 Energy Weapons 12 Demolition 01
Kill Tiny, Tiny Commies (a.k.a. Germs) 13 Vehicular Combat 01 Fine Manipulation 01
Dive for Cover 14 Just Keep Punishment After Punishment Takink,
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES Long After Ordinary Clone Is Being Toast, Then
Hardware 05 Finally Be Losink It In Orgy of Wiolence 17
Software 05 Hardware 07
Habitat Engineering 11 KNOWLEDGE SKILLS & SPECIALTIES
Wetware 10 Chemical Engineering 11
Medical 14 Hardvare 08
Bot Ops & Maintenance 01 Wehicle Ops & Maintenance 12
Cloning 14
Outdoor Life 01 Software 05 Veapons & Armor Maintenance 12
Psychotherapy 01 Wetware 05 Nuclear Engineering 01
Make Hot Fun Into Cold Fun 16 Slime Removal 11 Softvare 04
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 Open slots for narrow specialties: 2 Vetvare 05
(Hardware, Software) (Hardware, Software) Outdoor Life 09
Medical 01
Slime Identification and Taxonomy 11
Open slots for narrow specialties: 2
(Hardvare, Softvare)
 Wolf-R-SSR-1 Gear-R-HED-1 Rig-R-DOO-1
Male Tech Serrrvices Eqvipment Guy Female PLC Happiness Officer Female IntSec Loyalty Officer
RRREGISTERED MUTANT Mutation: Shrinking Mutation: Hypersenses
Mutation: Rrregenerrration (RRREGISTERED) Secret society: Frankenstein Destroyers Secret society: FCCC-P
Secrrret society: Sierra Club Secret skills: Demolition 12, Botspotting 08, Bot Secret skills: Interior Decorating 08, Songs About
Secrrret skills: Surwiwal 12, Speak Vith Slime 16, Sabotage 14 Loyalty and Hygiene 13, Meeting Machine
Bioveapons 9 Background: You didn’t always smell like this. You Empaths 11
didn’t always work in the food vats, knee-deep in vat Background: You are that rare thing: a truly loyal citizen.
Backgrrround: It is makink you so angry! Just because slime with bits of Extrude-A-Food in your hair. You used Once you were a sinner, led into temptation and sloppy
you are speakink vith Rrussian accent, rollink your r’s, to work in a nice clean laboratory, designing sophisticated hygiene by the servants of the AntiComputer. But you
changink your v’s to w’s, and alvays present perfect tense mold-eating fungi and fungus-eating molds. But one have been rebooted. Praise The Computer! You have
manglink, this is not makink you Communist! You are day, PLC replaced all the chemical engineers in your seen the light, you have heard the Good Data, you have
true and (mostly) loyal Alpha Complex citizen! sector with bots. You got reassigned to the food vats, been washed in the blood of the RAM. Now you are a
Story you keep tellink, but no one is listenink: Vhen the worst job in Alpha Complex. Now you’re knee-deep True Believer. You do The Computer’s work in Internal
you vere only Junior Citizen, you vere by top secret in vat slime and you stink like last week’s Soylent Yellow. Security. You are a hygiene fanatic and a forensics expert.
branch of Armed Forces abducted. They experimented Worse yet, you’re... shrinking. Yes! Getting smaller every You have a gift for seeing things that others don’t: tiny
on you, exposed you to mutagens and turned you into day. Something in the slime must be doing it to you. microbes, smudged tongueprints, the faintest of
‘Veapon [er, Weapon] Zero’, perfect killink machine. Also, Oh, you hate slime. You hate the food vats. Most of chemical residues. The greasy fingerprints of treason
they train you to speak like Commie, with thick Rrussian all, you hate bots. They think they’re so great, with their cannot hide from you. And that’s how you know the awful
accent, the better for to be infiltratink willainous shiny circuitboards and their millions of calculations per truth: Alpha Complex is crawling with microscopic
Communist infiltrators. Unfortunately for them, they did second. They waltz into a sector, steal good jobs, and Commies! You can call them germs or bugs or viruses,
not ask you vhat you vere of this plan thinkink. Da, you leave monotonous, repetitive tasks to honest, hard- but they amount to the same thing. Tiny little traitors
can tear off citizen’s legs and use them to beat him to working citizens. It makes you want to rip out their guts. tearing down our beloved Alpha Complex and leading
death before he passes out from bleedink. But you are Or gears. Or whatever bots have inside them. loyal citizens astray.
pacifist! Peacenik! To you, almost all life is sacred. You But now you’ve been called up to be a Troubleshooter! Hygiene is your passion. It’s the one true way to
refused to kill for Armed Forces. When they insisted, you You’re the team’s new happiness officer, which is kind distinguish the Faithful from the Commies. Loyal citizens
slaughtered platoon of Wulture Squadrons. That of a joke. You haven’t been happy since you lost your are clean and well groomed. Commies are unkempt and
conwinced them of your deep love and respect for almost job to an uppity vending machine. But you are pretty smell funny. They can’t hide it. Hygiene is a window to
every liwink thing. happy to be out of the food vats. If you play your cards the inner citizen. That’s why you can’t believe you weren’t
That’s vhy you joined Sierra Club, secret society that right, this Troubleshooter gig might be your ticket out made hygiene officer. There must be some mistake—
is to preserwink the vide vorld of nature devoted. Your of the slime for good. except that The Computer doesn’t make mistakes. So
fellow Clubbers are all gung ho to explore Outdoors, but One thing about working in the bowels of Alpha this mixup must be deliberate sabotage by the agents
you could spend your life marwellink at natural vonders Complex: You get to know all the little access tunnels of filth and sloppiness. You’ll have to keep a constant
right here inside Alpha Complex. Like slimes! Most down there. You can squeeze in small places and get to watch on your team’s hygiene officer, Link-R-APP, to see
citizens are thinkink slime is just something off their places you’re not supposed to go, or hear things you’re that she fulfills all of her duties to the letter. Maybe she’s
boots to be scraping. But slimes of Alpha Complex not supposed to hear. That’s how you overheard that in league with the microscopic servants of the
actually diwerse and beautiful liwink things! Brownish- one of your new teammates—Mac-R—is a Commie. AntiComputer! If she goes soft on upholding hygiene
grey sludge that grows on food wats… greyish-black Not just an everyday traitor, but a real live borscht-eating standards, you’ll have to fry her.
ooze that drips from vaste pipelines… blackish-brown Communist! There could be big perks for a Troubleshooter On the brighter side, your new team leader is the
goop that collects under clone tanks… all colors of who terminates a genuine Commie infiltrator. The only dashing Mac-R-THR, whom you grew up with in THR
spectrum. Da, you are lowink slimes. problem is, there are two citizens on your team named Sector. Ever since you were a Junior Citizen, you’ve been
But you are not maybe lowink every liwink thing. Nyet! Mac-R. And you didn’t quite catch whether the Commie sweet on Mac-R. He’s so brave, so loyal to The Computer,
You are Armed Forces hatink for what they did to you, was Mac-R-THR or Mac-R-THY. But how important is so nicely groomed… it makes your biocycles go all
like that murderous swine pig, ptoo!, Mac-R-THR on a detail like that, really? You’d laser them both in a aflutter. Sadly, he doesn’t seem to remember you. But
your Troubleshooter team. And you are Internal Security picosecond, and every other Commie too, if it meant now that you two are teammates, you’re sure to impress
snoops hatink, like that Rig-R-DOO, always to be hasslink getting out of the slimy food vats. Gahh! Slime! him with your impeccable hygiene. If any filthy traitor
you because of your accent and thinkink you are a
tries to hurt your hero, they’ll get a taste of your righteous
Commie beink. Grr. For these two, to your pacifism you SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS wrath.
could easily exception be makink. ‘Judgment Daycycle’, the final showdown between
SECRRRET SOCIETY INSTRRRUCTIONS
artificial intelligence and, um, the other kind, is coming! SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
Use your sabotage and demolition skills to disrupt or Share the Good Data with other loyal citizens. Tell them
Latest newsletter from Sierra Club reads as follows: ‘The destroy bots, but try not to blow your cover. Also, one about The Computer’s love for them, and the coming
intensity of recent hygiene initiatives severely threatens of your teammates, Link-R-APP, is a hotshot robotics Judgment Daycycle. Lead them in singalongs of ‘The
the biodiversity of Alpha Complex’s fragile ecosystem.’ expert from R&D and obviously a closet bot sympathizer. Computer Wants Me for a Laserbeam’ and ‘The Hallel-
In other vords, busybody citizens are all our precious Kill her if you get the chance. Most important: When you U-JAH Chorus.’ And KILL ALL DIRTY COMMIES! (Both
slime cleanink up! But you can be this tragedy see the message ‘All Your Bots Are Belong To Us’, you’ll microscopic and regular-sized.)
prewentink. You have seweral fast-growink slime know the final battle between bot and clone has begun.
samples, vhich you must trrransplant to other areas of
Alpha Complex. Rrremember, slimes are likink varrrm,
Wherever the message might be, forget about keeping PERSONAL EQUIPMENT
a low profile. Grab the biggest weapons you can and (1) pocket-size pack of Personal Wipes
isolated places in vhich to be growink. In other vords, blow every last bot into bits and bytes! (1) jar SlimeAway disinfectant gel
highest security-clearance areas. Higher, better! And
(1) deluxe personal hygiene kit
punish anyone who is layink finger on poor defenseless PERSONAL EQUIPMENT (1) FCCC-P hymnal (mildly TREASONOUS)
little slimes! (1) pair in-boot heel supports (make you look taller) (3) rolactin (Happy Life) tablets (BLUE)
(1) spraycan EZClean disinfectant (1) Old Reckoning Valentine’s Day card
PERRRSONAL EQVIPMENT (12) Vita-Yum Meal Substitute bars (plain) (TREASONOUS)
(1) concealable telescoping crowbar (YELLOW) (1) can QuikRust corrosion enhancer gel
(6) covered petri dishes of fast-growing slimes
(1) small bottle slime nutrient bath (toxic to humans)
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT
ASSIGNED EQUIPMENT (1) laser pistol body (no barrel)
(1) magnifying glass (1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (1) suit red reflec armor
(1) pair ultraviolet goggles (see in darkness) (BLUE) (1) suit red reflec armor (1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) heavy-duty black backpack (1) Series 1300 PDC 1) Loyalty Notepad (with thumbprint lock)
(24) xanitrick (Wakey-Wakey) tablets (1) Loyalty Stylus (with secret recording device)
ASSIGNED EQVIPMENT (1) bottle qualine (E-Z-DUZ-IT) (3) gelgernine (Inner Happiness) tablets
(1) laser pistol body (no barrel) (6) gelgernine (Inner Happiness) tablets
(1) suit red reflec armor (1) Double-Fun Complex Singalong songbook
(1) Series 1300 PDC
(1) Multipurpose Tool Kit (MTK)