🎬 Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Snitch: Quidditch Mayhem with Snape & Co.
Setting: Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch. Blustery wind. Questionable flying. High sarcasm levels.
[Scene opens. The crowd roars. Snape oozes bitterness at the commentary booth.] Professor Snape
(grumbling): "Due to an unfortunate shortage of competence, I am assigned to narrate today’s airborne
farce. Gryffindor, in a bold act of chaos, sends in their youngest Seeker—Mr. Potter. May the sky forgive
him."
Oliver Wood (pre-game pep talk): "Harry—catch the Snitch, don’t die, make Gryffindor proud. Oh, and
scream if you're falling."
Harry (thinking): “No big deal. Just chasing a cursed marble through hurricane chaos while everyone
yells my name.”
Fred (to George): "If he crashes, I'm scavenging broom parts for a Weasley invention. Toast-launcher,
maybe."
🧇 Harry zips into the air like a nervous toast waffle. Harry (thinking): “Okay broom, we’ve been through
this. No loop-de-loops unless we’re being dramatic.”
Snape (dryly): "And Potter takes off. Surprisingly upright. Must be divine intervention."
Angelina Johnson (yelling): "Left, Harry—LEFT! That’s Flint, not a tree!"
💚 Harry swerves past Flint with all the grace of a hiccupping Hippogriff. His broom wobbles like it’s
reconsidering life choices. Harry (thinking): “Is that Flint or did troll begin getting detentions too?”
Snape: "A thrilling demonstration of midair flailing. He flies as if he’s being chased by overdue
homework."
Harry (thinking): “This is not flying, this is accidental aerial yoga.”
🟡 The Snitch zips into view like a caffeinated lightning bug.
Harry (thinking): “You tiny little golden menace. Come here and embrace your destiny.”
Snape: "And here it comes. A golden nuisance that has ruined more lives than Polyjuice accidents."
Oliver Wood (absolutely losing it): "HE’S IN SEEKER MODE! I REPEAT—SEEKER MODE HAS BEEN
ACTIVATED! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"
Harry locks in and dives dramatically—Malfoy glides behind him, hair somehow windproof. Harry
(thinking): “How is his hair windproof? What shampoo—never mind. Focus.”
Malfoy (smirking): "Careful, Potter. That Snitch looks faster than your homework habits."
Snape: "And Potter lunges, probably thinking heroic thoughts, but looking like a skydiving spoon." Harry
(thinking): “This is it. My dramatic moment. Hope I don’t eat grass again.”
💥 Harry catches the Snitch with a glorious faceplant—complete with dirt, victory, and zero elegance.
Harry (thinking): “Victory achieved! Face sacrificed! Dirt—absorbed!”
🏆 The stands go feral. A Gryffindor banner bursts into magical song. Someone throws glitter. Someone
else becomes glitter.
Oliver Wood (ecstatic): "YES! HE DID IT! MY SEEKER! I TAUGHT HIM THAT! Sort of! Okay, maybe not at
all!"
Snape (final sigh): "Gryffindor wins. Excuse me while I weep into my potion ingredients."
Ron and Hermione sprint over. Hermione: "He looked like he was wrestling an invisible duck, but he did
it!" Ron (proudly): "Mate, you fly like someone who’s only read about flying. Still, legendary!"
