mortui vivos docent

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/43142887.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: Gen
Fandom: Dream SMP
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Technoblade
& TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade,
Ranboo & TommyInnit, Niki | Nihachu & Technoblade
Characters: Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF),
Wilbur Soot, Niki | Nihachu, Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Phil
Watson | Philza, Toby Smith | Tubbo
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting,
Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade
(Video Blogging RPF), Vampires, Secret Identity, Crack Treated
Seriously, Hurt/Comfort, Blood, it's a fic about vampires there will be
blood, techno is not a vampire, he can lie about it tho!, THESE ARE
NOT DARK VAMPIRES, Technoblade is So Done (Video Blogging
RPF), TommyInnit is Bad at Feelings (Video Blogging RPF), like even
worse than techno, no beta we die like everyone in the dsmp finale,
Vampires but like FUNNY, McFlurries, (this is important), Bedrock
Bros, Kidnapping, lying, Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Niki
Nihachu has the ONE braincell in this story (love her), Vampire
TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Human Technoblade (Video
Blogging RPF), Vampire Wilbur Soot, Vampire Everyone But Techno,
AND I AM DONE TAGGING GOODBYE AND GOODNIGHT
Language: English
Series: Part 12 of I Should Sleep, Instead I Write About Blockmen
Collections: sbi fics i will reread, Completed stories I've read, Angel's Comfort Fics,
Like really good one shots, Leídos ^^, Very Good DSMP fics, Non-
Human MCYT, cuboid, Found family to make me feel something, Fics I
enjoy, Finished Works Me Have Read, Good Works Me Have Read,
Ash's Favorite Completed MCYT Fics, Very fluff mostly SBI, Altes’
“Cream of the Crop” top rated DSMP fics, Wonderful DSMP Fanfics
that are Worth the Reread, plantie’s favs, dsmp fics i really like, Gih
MCYT Collection
Stats: Published: 2022-12-04 Words: 23,766 Chapters: 1/1
 mortui vivos docent
by ellis (ellabellachicketychella)

Summary

Techno really, really just wanted some book recommendations. He wanted to enjoy his day,
do some late-night reading and stay with his little editing job that he enjoyed. Maybe get a
dog. Then he had to go and get himself involved with vampires.

---

Techno is not a vampire.

Alright? He is pale, that's because he doesn't go outside much. He wears dark clothes
because he thinks he looks good in them. And he’s right.

But that does not explain, at all, why he is sitting at a table, surrounded by people that he
thinks are actual vampires.

---

or, techno lies his way through being a vampire because he wants book recommendations. it
goes well. and then it doesn't

Notes

the title 'mortui vivos docent' translates to 'the dead teaches the living', or something close
enough to that. i've wanted to name a fic that for a while but there just wasn't a time. BUT
NOW IS THE TIME BABYYYYYY

This is a gift for TAYLOR, the beloved provider of Bean images, and someone who is a lot of
fun to talk to literally always. I don't do many long sappy messages because that's not
reallyyyyy my style and how i roll, which you might know already (you probably do), but
Taylor TaylorWrites, as I dub your full name, the times we do talk, are highlights of my days
and you genuinely bring light into every conversation you enter, you're like oddly kind to the
point i'd think you're a character or something. so thanks for being my friend!

i now offer u vampires.

and bedrock bros.

 Warnings: blood (with graphic detail, they talk about medical components AND blood clots
and it’s a bit gross), religious mentionings, light kidnapping, needles (fairly brief)

See the end of the work for more notes

Techno is not a vampire.

Alright? He is pale, that's because he doesn't go outside much. He wears dark clothes because
he thinks he looks good in them. And he’s right, he looks fucking great in dark clothes.

He has red contacts because if he needs glasses, he might as well commit to the aesthetic and
get red contacts.

No. He is not a vampire.

He has a strong liking for cranberry juice and various other red and pink drinks, and the only
reason he has that poet's shirt is that he went to a fancy dress party a few years back, and it's
one of the only good shirts he has.

No, he is not a vampire.

But that does not explain, at all, why he is sitting at a table, surrounded by people that he
thinks are actual vampires.

He's… not sure…

He was told this is a book club, but looking around he thinks there's some sort of ritual going
on.

There's a lot of candles lit, and he thinks that's animal blood drawing some sort of pattern on
the middle of the table.

And they're chanting something in Latin and Techno hasn't been to a lot of book clubs but
most of them he's been to don't have Latin chanting.
He was introduced to all of these people before. And they all seem nice enough.

There's five other members of this "book club" which is seemingly alarmingly more like a
vampire coven the more that he looks into it.

There's Wilbur, whose defining character trait is that he has curly brown hair and thin-
rimmed, round glasses. He's also very friendly and seems to be rather affectionate because he
keeps punching people in the arm or trying to be near them.

Then there's Niki, with short blonde hair and a nose piercing. She's the only one dressed like
a modern human person the rest are dressed like Victorian-era stereotypes of a vampire, and
she has the habit of twisting the hair tie around her wrist.

Perhaps the funniest member is Ranboo, they look like a young adult, but vampires— that
makes it harder to guess an accurate age. He has split black and white hair that falls into their
eyes and they're quite quiet throughout the entire thing.

Then there's Phil. He has some sort of wisdom because everything turns to look at him like he
has the answers to the world. He has blond hair that's tied into a short ponytail at the back of
his head. Over his shoulders is a green shawl, which has a heart on one side of it.

And there is… Tommy.

Who Techno thinks is Phil's son, just because of how similar they look. Even the face
structure is similar.

He's loud. Blond. Seems like the youngest, and he seems to make his existence everyone
else's problem.
"Technoblade?" Someone asks, and Techno breaks out of his internal monologue about
everyone around this table. "Did you have anything you wanted to add to your rite?"

'Yeah, I'm not a vampire. I just wanted to read cool Sci-Fi novels and I'm not sure if this is a
cult or if vampires are real.'

That is what he does not say. Despite the urge to. If these are vampires, he's pretty sure they'd
rip his throat out.

Now, that is not something Techno fancies too much.

"No, thank you," Techno says and that gets a few weird looks.

"Well with that," Phil says, "I conclude this meeting of the coven—" he glances at Techno,
"And guests."

Right.

Okay.

Techno is going to run away from this and never return, he thinks that's a solid answer.

"Oh," Wilbur asks, "Before the next meeting I want everyone to read 'A Man Called Ove' it is
so good and I need someone to talk about it with."

"I can't read," Tommy deadpans.

"Then learn," Wilbur snaps, giving Tommy a glare and Tommy just sticks his tongue out in
return. "Everyone read that before the next moon cycle."
"Month?" Techno suggests slowly.

All of them look at him.

"Look," Tommy says, "Are you a new vampire or something, you don't seem to know
anything about being a vampire."

Panic.

Panic.

Techno has no clue what his vampire cover story is, he isn't a vampire. He's consumed a
normal amount of vampire media and what if that's not the same—

Instead, Techno decides he can go for the whole mysterious vibe. Telling nothing of his past.

He glares at Tommy, "Has no one told you not to ask about people's past?" His tone manages
almost to be dangerous.

Woah, he is amazing at being a pretend vampire.

Tommy shrinks away a little, and Techno almost feels bad about it. However, he shakes his
head and ignores it.

"When was the last time you ate?" Niki asks, "You look incredibly pale, are you feeling
alright?"
A vampire is telling him that he's pale.

Maybe he should go to the doctor, get some sun sometimes, and actually leave his apartment.
That would be good.

"Yeah," Techno says. "I'm fine."

He stands up, brushing his hands against his pants and looking at the other people around the
table.

"Well," Techno says, "I'm off."

"Let me see you out," Tommy says brightly and Techno resists the urge to aggressively sigh
at the younger boy.

Techno has no plans of coming back here.

So he nods, turns around and walks towards the door. Tommy seems to jump into action and
chases after him.

Techno walks out of this room, it's a room at the first story of… someone's house, it might be
Phil's.

It's basically a mansion though.

"So," Tommy says, and Techno might actually attack him. "Do you have a coven?"

"No."
"You're like Ran then!" Tommy says brightly, "They didn't have one for a very long time, and
then I met him, and the rest is history."

Techno shoots Tommy a look. "Not in the market for a coven."

Tommy's face screws up. "Look, covens mean you have people, you have a group. Being a
vampire is lonely—"

"Only if you don't know how to make friends."

He opens one of the door, before going down the stairs.

Tommy just looks sad, "Not having a coven sucks. Especially if you're newly turned, it's
confusing, there are all these rules that you don't even know you have to stick to."

Techno sighs.

"Tommy. I'm fine," he says, "I'll figure it out."

Tommy frowns at that. "I don't believe you," he says easily, “Just— please come to us if you
need anything.”

Techno just stares at him.

“Please,” Tommy says, and there is urgency and concern laced there.

And… Techno can’t help but wonder if Tommy has lost a vampire friend to their own issues
before, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t really… have a way of knowing. So instead Techno nods,
moved by the sincerity of this kid.

Techno doesn’t know if this is really a kid.

But he looks like a kid, sounds like a kid and acts like one… and Techno supposes that’s
enough for him.

“Okay,” Techno says quietly.

And he leaves out the front door.

With the intention of seeing none of these people again, and returning to his… nice, normal
life with nice normal things. Such as probably some vitamin D supplements and his nice
comfortable editing job that he can do from home and—

Yeah, things can go back to normal now.

Then Techno reads the book, that the vampire, Wilbur, recommended.

‘A Man Called Ove’

It is… one of the best things Techno has read in years.

He sits at his computer late into the morning, ignoring the fact that there’s a manuscript he
needs to return notes on, and the fact that he really needs to go out and buy more groceries,
he doesn’t have a lack of money, just a lack of energy.
For hours, he sits at his computer, reading the ebook version.

The ending ruins him, in the best way possible.

And— Techno gets why Wilbur wanted to talk about it with someone, it’s stunningly
beautiful and well written and—

Techno sighs.

He knows the place.

It’s almost been a month.

There’s another meeting in a few days.

No— no, he is not going to go to a vampire meeting to talk about this book that he adored
more than anything—

He finds himself standing at the front door, of the house that he believes belongs to Phil, in
complete darkness. He decided to dress a little more vampirey today.

He has a long black coat on, which he found in his cupboard at the back of the thing, the top
half of his hair is pulled out of his face while the other half hangs down across his shoulders,
and the rest of his clothes are completely black.
Black jeans, a black t-shirt because he didn’t own anything else fancy enough to wear, but he
does have this golden earring thing that… well he thinks he stole it, but it looks nice enough
so Techno wears it.

The door opens before he has the chance to knock.

Now, Techno has done some intense Googling, some searching on the deep web (Reddit,
Reddit has answers to everything and is also a cess pit but has the answers that Techno
needed.) And he’s basically a pro at being a vampire.

In theory.

Look, he just wants to get good book recommendations. If he has to dress up like someone
who never exited their emo phase and like… not walk through doors or eat pizza around
people, then that’s fine, Techno can handle that.

“Oh.”

It’s Niki blinking down at him.

She was the most normally dressed out of all of them last time, and that applies now, she’s
wearing cactus pyjama pants and a black hoodie, and she also has fuzzy pink socks to set it
all off. She’s dressed like a normal person.

“Hi,” Techno says with a wave of his hand, “Can I come in?”

“You may,” Niki stays, stepping aside and Techno steps in.

He is amazing at this.
“Here for the ritual?” Niki asks amusement clearly in her voice.

“Uh—” Techno pauses, “Can I be honest?”

“I mean you can, don’t have to be though,” she responds evenly.

“I want more Wilbur book recommendations…” Techno says quietly, “I read the book he
suggested and cried.”

Niki’s face lights up, “Wilbur!” She calls out, “Oi, Wilbur! Someone actually read the book
you suggested—”

There’s a noise similar to a large giraffe galavanting as something runs down the upstairs
hallway, and then basically launches itself off the stairs, the thumping being turns the corner
and is revealed to be Wilbur.

Wilbur is dressed not very era appropriately, wearing a slightly ugly red waistcoat, along with
a scarf-looking thing that’s tucked into the top of the waist coat, along with that he wears a
white button-up and grey dress pants. He adjusts the thin-rimmed glasses that rest on his
nose.

They both stare at each other for a long moment.

“Techno!” Wilbur says excitedly, “You read ‘A Man Called Ove’?”

Techno nods.

“Did you read the Swedish version or the English version?” Wilbur races forwards, grabbing
Techno by the arm, “Sorry, I forget that you probably have not had a chance to familiarise
yourself with other languages yet, I wouldn’t recommend you learn Swedish first regardless,
but the English version misses out on a lot of specific words that are difficult to translate to
English—”

He drags Techno through a long winding hallway, that ends them up in an old-fashioned
kitchen.

It looks like it is rarely used.

Wilbur opens the fridge.

It is… filled with blood bags.

Nice.

Techno is going to move straight on from that—

“Oh,” Wilbur laughs, slightly awkwardly, “How rude, would you like one?”

“I’ll pass.”

“Very well,” Wilbur says brightly, turning around and grabbing one for himself. He looks
around for a straw for a bit, “Don’t worry, it’s only from the hospital, it’s only plasma rather
than everything, plasma lasts for about a year, and this is all the stuff about to be thrown out.”

Techno could very well throw up.

“Vampires only need the plasma bit anyway,” Wilbur adds absent-mindedly, “I’m unsure if
you have been made aware of that, but now you have been, the other parts are simply just
bonuses.”
“Why do you speak like that?” Techno blurts out before he can stop himself.

Wilbur laughs, “It is hard to drop the habits from when you were brought up, I am getting
better though, no thanks to Tommy, so did you like the book?”

“Y’know, I never thought I’d cry over iPads,” Techno says calmly, “ Or a drawing labelled
Granddad or over a Saab, or someone called Jimmy yet here I am.”

“It was so good,” Wilbur mutters, leaning down and placing his head against the counter like
it’s an everyday thing that he does. It probably is, Techno is learning that Wilbur seems to
have a flair for the dramatic. “And the wallet with all the photos—”

“And the rubber band,” Techno adds, slapping a hand against his forehead, “And Ove and
Paraneh are my favourite father, daughter duo perhaps forever—”

“The story is just so charming and filled with life and—” Wilbur bounces up and down on his
heels. “Even more fantastic, the author has more novels, I am currently ordering them from
uh— what is its name?”

“Uh… Amazon?”

“That is the one!” Wilbur says, “Modern technology is a miracle. And I say this as someone
who watched the TV become invented.”

“When the fuck were you born?”

“1832, you?”

Techno blinks at him for a few moments. “Uh— 1997.”

“Oh, you’re the same age I was when I got turned,” Wilbur says excitedly, “I am going to go
tell everyone we are twins now.”

“That’s not how twins work—”

“Goodbye Technoblade.”

“That’s not even my name, where did Phil even get that idea from—”

And Wilbur runs off again.

Techno sighs.

He looks at the still-open fridge with the refrigerated plasma.

Techno hates to be dramatic (a lie) but it could be the worst thing he’s ever had to see with
his own two eyes.

He closes the fridge door.

With a sigh he enters through the archway that Wilbur ran through, and he finds himself in
what appears to be the living area. As Techno expected, all the windows have blinds drawn
over them, and the room surprisingly doesn’t smell of dust.

The living room is nice, with rich reds and deep brown wood, there’s also a lining of gold on
the fireplace which flickers warmly. Techno is pretty sure that fire like super kills vampires,
and he is curious as to how the fire was lit.
Tommy and Ranboo are sitting on one of the lounges which looks like they cost more than
Techno’s entire apartment. Ranboo has their shoes on it, like some complete menace, and
Tommy is seemingly focusing on a video game on the TV.

Techno blinks at it.

He’s… playing Animal Crossing with the intensity of someone trying to do the Asgore fight
in Undertale. Tommy has his tongue pointed out and everything as he focuses on the TV with
unmatched concentration.

“Tommy, when were you born?” Techno asks.

Tommy looks up from his controller, scowling at Techno, “Bit personal ain’t it?”

“Tommy,” Wilbur chides.

He has set himself at… a grand piano.

Why do they have a grand fucking piano?

Oh yeah. Rich vampires.

Cool.

“1823,” Tommy sighs, “I was fourteen when Victoria was crowned and sixteen when I was
turned, is that the answer you wanted?”

“You’re older than Wilbur?” Techno says.

“Mhm.”

“Ranboo?” Wilbur asks, “When were you born?”

“Uh—” Ranboo blinks a few things, “1915, seventeen when I was turned.”

“You’ve lived through two world wars?” Techno blinks a few times.

Now… when the fuck did Techno become so chill with this concept? It’s been like one
meeting, and now he’s just accepting and chill with the fact that he is currently talking to
someone who had lived through two world wars.

He was also talking to people who saw the first plane fly.

Well… they probably didn’t see it, but Wilbur and Tommy probably at least heard of it.

Holy shit, these people are old.

“What about Phil—”

Phil laughs, and Techno jumps, whirling around and Phil’s standing in the doorway.

Oh. Right.

Vampires can just choose not to have footsteps if they feel like it.
That’s gonna be a bit difficult for Techno to pull off he will be honest. He can do it, if anyone
can learn to mask his footsteps it is Techno.

“How… old are you?” Techno says.

Phil just smiles and pats Techno on the shoulder.

“What does that mean—” he turns around to look at Wilbur, who is scowling at the piano like
it wronged him, he tries to play a note again and fails, because Wilbur is apparently just a
little bitch who can’t play the piano. “Wilbur, what does that mean?”

“Phil is ancient!” Ranboo pipes up, “I am… not even joking.”

Techno turns to Phil, “Younger or older than the Late Bronze Age?”

Phil just smiles.

“That’s not specific at all!”

“Not trying to be.”

“I know there’s a goddess in ancient Egypt who is described similarly to what a modern
vampire today is described as— are you from about 1500BCE?”

Phil smiles again, “Don’t worry about it mate,” and then he walks out.

Techno stares at him. “That’s… that’s like weird right, like he’s old, even for a vampire?”
“Dude,” Tommy says, “I’m old for a vampire. Phil is like a fucking dinosaur.”

“Did dinosaurs exist when you two were younger?” Ranboo says thoughtfully.

Everyone in the room turns to look at Ranboo.

Techno can feel the shame in the room.

“Dinosaurs have existed since— I dunno the date,” Tommy says, “They didn’t just start
existing when Richard Owen used the word dinosaur to explain them in 1841.”

“Why do you know that off the top of your head?” Wilbur asks.

“It’s a cool fact to say,” Tommy says.

And Techno, despite the fact that he’s surrounded by people who would totally rip his throat
out given the chance (well he doesn’t know that, but vampires don’t tend to be kind to
humans in the movies he watched to study.) He feels safe, he feels welcome.

Even if these people seem to steal from hospitals.

Tommy thinks that Techno is extraordinarily odd, and that comes from a boy vampire, one
that has no more thoughts apart from copious, and frequent screaming, Techno is an oddity,
and that is a nice way to put it.

He enjoys Techno being around, Techno is chill. He’s quiet but buys more games for Tommy
to enjoy on the various game consoles that he’s amassed over the years, and this even
includes the discontinued ones that Tommy plans to sell for a bunch of money.
It’s cool.

Techno is cool.

He fits right into the weird little group they’ve made for themselves.

There’s Phil, the old person with almost infinite wisdom. (Apart from the time he set those
biscuits on fire and no one was able to put them out because if they touch fire they basically
explode). Who might be a littleeeee bit like a father but Tommy will not admit that on his
metaphorical deathbed.

And Wilbur. Ugh. Wilbur. His brother his partner in crime his… whatever, Wilbur’s boring
and also a bitch boy and Tommy can skip over him from his internal sorting through all of his
found family.

Ranboo… a complete and utter idiot in the best way possible, sometimes Tommy thinks
Ranboo might be the only person who really understands him, with endless patience and
matching sarcastic comments they can throw at Tommy like nothing. Ranboo is pretty close
to a sibling.

Last, but not least, (because Niki is the fucking coolest) is Niki!

Although Tommy has already said her name so maybe that whole starting introduction bit
was not necessary. Niki is one of those people who when Tommy met, just knew they’d click.
And he was right, if he needs to think of a more loyal, yet stern friend then he can’t think of
one than Niki. Everyone else in this god-forsaken coven would sell Tommy’s nonexistent
soul for a single corn chip. Niki? She’s a real one, loyal and brave and she can also use a
sword and a gun (Tommy has seen both, it was super cool.)

Niki’s the best.

And somehow, within this little family tree that they’ve created for themselves, Techno finds
his place like it was where he was always meant to be. He finds no struggle at all, it seems.

He talks with Wilbur about books and discusses… complicated things that Tommy tunes out
with Ranboo because it sounds incredibly boring. World history with Phil, who delights too
much in recounting the few historical events he was actually there for. Talks about… mostly
maiming people with Niki, however, they do also talk about cooking and baking and Techno
gets very excited talking about bread.

And…

Tommy doesn’t really, have something like that with Techno.

They talk to each other, yeah, and Tommy enjoys their chats, but often they’re not something
deeper than that. Not like the hushed conversations Tommy can’t quite hear Wilbur and
Techno have, or Niki and Techno.

And… it’s not that Tommy is jealous.

Okay.

He is totally jealous.

Jealousy is something ugly that grows in his gut, and he hates it more than anything. He’s
seen raspberry bushes grow before—

Yes, this is an odd metaphor, stick by him.

But raspberry bushes are mean, and they tend to overgrow everything, grow one and you’re
growing a thousand of them, and they’re taking over the garden and you can’t do anything
about it and—
Tommy is jealous.

He finds himself in the backyard a lot, a large thing considering that they’re in some gothic
townhouse in London. It stretches out for the rest of the block, and on the other side is the
road on the other side of the block, that’s a main road though.

The night is nice for laying outside.

Vampires don’t really get cold.

So he can lay in the dew and sometimes even the frost that’s formed itself on the ground late
at night and early in the morning. He can feel the coldness against his skin, but he can’t feel
the impact of it.

Sometimes when he does come inside shivering, Phil reminds him that it’s simply his human
brain that’s decided to speak to him, his human brain that wants him to be cold, that wants
him to be alive.

Tommy misses being alive.

He misses breathing having relief, and eating good food and—

He just kinda… misses it all.

Instead, he sits in front of the closed flowers, they close when the sun closes, and Tommy
isn’t sure what they look like when opened, he knows when to plant them and when to water
them, but he hasn’t seen a flower he’s planted unfurl in a long time.
There are footsteps, and Tommy looks up, only one of them doesn’t know how to cover up
their footsteps yet.

“Hi,” Techno says quietly.

“Good day,” Tommy responds, before turning back to face his furled-up flowers. “Do you
reckon there’s a way to reverse being a vampire?”

Techno pauses for a few moments before chuckling, “Maybe a human bites you.”

“Ha. Ha.” Tommy deadpans.

“Look vampires are vampires because they’ve lost their soul right? So they need blood and
stuff to keep their physical body alive, so find the soul, put it inside the vampire, probably
pump them full with blood.”

“Ew.”

“And boom, you have yourself a fully formed human.”

Tommy just gives him a flat look.

Techno laughs, before sitting down next to Tommy. “Do you not get cold?”

“Vampires don’t get cold,” Tommy returns easily, giving Techno an odd look, “If you’re cold
it’s probably your brain trying to trick you into thinking how you’re alive. Like how
breathing doesn’t give any relief.”

“It doesn’t?” Techno says slowly.

“Nope,” Tommy sighs, “You realise that when you’ve been a vampire for a while. One day
you hold your breath and your brain fights and fights for you to release your breath but you
can fight it and— nothing happens.”

“Nothing?”

“Well Ranboo passed out the first time he tried that,” Tommy laughs, “It was a little bit funny
actually, but eventually your brain catches up to the fact you don’t need to do human things
anymore, it’s a bit relieving.”

Techno pauses for a few long moments, before grabbing a bottle off the ground and drinking
more out of it.

“What’s that?”

“Coconut water,” Techno says, “Alternative for blood.”

“Hey,” Tommy says, “At least you don’t have to figure out how to strain blood clots through
your teeth.”

“I am going to throw up.”

Tommy just grins.

“Well now we can separate all the blood bits into the bits vampires need and don’t,” Tommy
looks at the coconut water. “Does that really work?”

“It’s used as emergency blood transfusions sometimes.”

“Back in my day,” Tommy drawls, smiling slightly, “We’d just have to murder someone or an
animal to get our blood. We couldn’t just go steal from a blood bank and have the best time
of our lives.”

“Well, thank heaven I’m not old.”

“You’re not all religiousy?” Tommy asks, “Some vampires swear off saying anything that
might invoke holy wrath or whatever they believe.”

“Nah,” Techno says quietly, “I can be struck down by some religious figure if they want to, I
don’t mind too much, they can do it. Anyway— I’m basically a vegan vampire, which seems
like a crime against any sorta deity anyway.”

Tommy pauses for a moment, “What do you know about flowers Technoblade?”

“That’s— that’s not my name.”

Tommy shrugs, turning away to hide the smile on his face, “You probably saw an unfurled
flower more recently than I did… what’s it like, what are flowers like, are they are charming
as I remember them?”

Techno pauses, a small smile playing on his face as he looks at Tommy. The smile is almost
missed, but Tommy knows enough about people to see the small flicker of a smile.

“They are,” Techno says.

He leans back against the grass, and Tommy lays down on the grass.
Perhaps, deep down in his heart of hearts he’s glad he can see the night sky, the satellite and
the moon and the clouds and whatever stars fight through the light pollution that has existed
since Tommy has lived in London.

The night is beautiful, but Tommy thinks he’d give almost anything to see the sun again. Just
a sunset, maybe, he doesn’t ask for much. Just… the oranges and purples and pinks and— he
missed the daylight.

“Flowers are— well it depends, they’re being bred now, and they’re even brighter, and some
are bigger… the colour of some— you know that waistcoat that Wilbur has, the red one with
the kinda floral pattern.”

Tommy nods, closing his eyes and letting Techno paint the image in his mind.

“Some of them are that colour, and they are so bright, they open up and you just stare at
them, they look like the flowers you know, with the petals and they just swirl around each
other.”

“You’re talking about a rose,” Tommy says.

“I am,” Techno confirms, “Do you remember what they’re like?”

“Enough.”

Techno pauses, “I’ll find you a rose.”

Tommy’s eyes open and he jolts upwards, before looking at Techno, mouth slightly open.
“How are you gonna—”

“I pass some on the way here,” Techno responds gently, “I’ll get you a rose… I think they
only have yellow ones.”
“I don’t mind,” Tommy says quietly.

And Techno smiles at that.

Tommy hesitates a few moments, before deciding that he’s a centuries-old vampire at this
point, and he has nothing to be scared of. He leans his head against Techno’s shoulder, and
Techno is surprisingly warm for a vampire.

“Why are you warm?” Tommy murmurs.

Techno pauses for a few moments, “I’m built different.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It’s a twenty-first-century thing.”

Tommy huffs at that, but he doesn’t argue.

Surprisingly, stealing a flower from his neighbour’s yard did not go as well as expected, and
he might be in a little bit of trouble. But even the yelling doesn’t match the feeling of the
flower on his hand, it still has thorns, which Techno knows how to take off.

“Sorry Mister,” Techno says, British people like manners, and Techno can pretend to be
polite for a little bit. “It’s for my— little brother,” he decides on, whether for sympathy points
or something else, he’s not sure. “He’s been quite sick recently, just the flu— and he’s a bit
upset he hasn’t seen a flower in a while. He adores them.”
Why the fuck is he talking like Wilbur?

He spends too much time with that bastard.

The man blinks at him.

Techno takes this as a chance to turn around and basically sprint up into his flat.

His flat is a pretty small one, but it fits him nicely. He has a nice desk area, which could be a
dining area if Techno moved some of the things to the side, and a pretty nice kitchen, and the
Wifi connection is good.

It’s pretty good here.

Across his table has a bunch of half-edited manuscripts, funnily enough when you spend
about half of your time with vampires… that is a sentence he is just… saying outloud and
accepting it. Cool, moving on.

Spending half your time with vampires means that you don’t have a lot of time to do your
work. Techno’s… sleep schedule is a mess, he normally gets home around 5 in the morning,
he passes out shortly after then wakes up from noon to about one in the morning.

Then from there, he has until about eight at night to live his own life, Groceries, editing
manuscripts, watching shitty TV shows, going on walks, making food for when he gets back
because he just does not eat while he’s at Phil’s.

He still needs to figure out if vampires can eat, and they all hate fun and simply choose not
to.

Anyway, unfinished manuscripts aside, and a pressing email he should probably respond to,
he sits down at his desk, brushing something out of the way. Then he grabs the rose, and he
starts breaking off the thorns.

He does it with his thumbs, being careful not to prick himself then snaps it to the side. He
could cut them off, but that affects how long they’ll live in a vase, and then he goes searching
around for a vase.

It’s one from ages ago, a moving-in present from his social worker from… well when he
aged out of the system, but he knows this is going to go to a much better person, so he
doesn’t mind as he puts water in the bottom of it.

He glances outside, it’s dark out now, and he starts his walk to Phil’s.

It’s actually kinda a long walk, about half an hour, give or take. Since he’s not an actual
vampire he can’t turn into a bat— well he still hasn’t asked if that’s a thing vampires can do,
or if he’s just been lied to.

He has no clue.

He should ask Niki to turn into a bat, she wouldn’t lie to him. (She totally would, and she’d
take great joy in it.) He would ask Ranboo but they would just laugh, stick his tongue out at
Techno before sprinting off to… who fucking knows where.

So he has to walk.

About forty minutes.

Eventually, he gets to Phil’s and knocks on the door, the way that he always does.

He hears scampering within the house, and Tommy flings open the door. “Techno, it’s ritual
night!”
“Oh…” Techno says.

In the six months he’s been visiting regularly he’s managed to avoid just about every ritual
night since then. He just… doesn’t like them, it feels like he’s interacting with more than he
should be interacting with.

It’s one thing to trick them into thinking he’s a vampire and just being in Phil’s home, it’s
another to intrude on what must be… something sacred.

“Do I— have to do them?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Tommy asks, eyes narrowing.

Techno can see behind his eyes something is starting to flick, as if he’s searching back
through every book he’s ever read, trying to find details he thought he forgot. Techno watches
as Tommy tries to think.

“I mean— you don’t— you don’t have to,” his gaze darts down to Techno’s wrist, and
Techno has no clue why. “Just— I dunno, might be… not fun, but community bonding, coven
bonding, whatever you want to call it.”

“I don’t have a coven, Tommy,” Techno says.

“Do you need to eat?” Tommy says, “Phil’s stocked up on coconut water because Niki told
him to, and we just want you to be okay—”

“Tommy,” Techno says, “I am okay.”

Tommy nods slowly, closing his eyes before his eyes flick down to Techno’s wrist again.
Weird.

“I got you something,” Techno says, holding the vase out in front of him and Tommy’s face
lights up completely like there’s actual sunlight in his eyes as he holds the vase, and stares at
the yellow rose. “It’s childproofed.”

“I love it! I love it!” Tommy jumps up and down, and he looks… alive. Or as alive as a
vampire child who has been a vampire child for a bit less than two hundred years. He squeals
and starts running around the house. “Techno got me a flower, Techno got me a flower— he
got me a yellow rose, do you know what that means?”

He gets grumbled responses.

“Jokes on you, I learnt Victorian flower language and then modern flower language and I also
learnt Greek flower language— it means friendship! Techno and I are friends, besties if you
will.”

Techno smiles to himself as Tommy runs around the townhouse, although it doesn’t make the
guilt from lying go away, and that still settles in his gut. He’s able to enjoy it, at least a little
bit, as Phil matches his energy.

Niki pulls him aside and asks how he got it before it furled up in the night.

Techno just smiles and tells her not to concern herself with it.

She frowns but seems to know to let it rest, there’s something more knowing in her eye as she
walks off, and Techno tries to figure out what that means.

He fails.
Shocker.

“Can vampires eat regular food?” Techno asks one day, they’re all sitting in the sitting room,
as it is apparently actually called, rather than a lounge room or living room.

Wilbur is reading a book, showing Techno passages he likes.

Tommy is messing around on his phone, using a stylus because the phone doesn’t recognise
his fingers, so he clicks on his phone with his little stylus.

Niki has her eyes closed and is curled up in an armchair.

Ranboo is laying on his back staring up at the ceiling, doing nothing in particular, but they
seem to be enjoying themselves.

Phil is also reading some book in a text that none of them can read, although Techno thinks it
might be Linear B, which is— incredibly concerning and impressive. How old is Phil, is the
real question he doesn’t know the answer to.

Everyone seems to straighten up. Even Niki.

“What did you eat?” Wilbur says, eyes deadly serious.

What did Techno last eat?

“Eggs…”
“Techno,” Phil sighs, “You’re—”

“It’s fine,” Tommy says with a shrug, “They’re gonna be little bitches about it, because of
course they are. But as long as it didn’t have garlic or salt in it, it should be fine. And even
garlic and salt you can gain immunity to, it’s more like an allergy.”

“It’s an allergy that can explode you,” Ranboo adds, ever helpfully.

“Lots of severe allergies can explode you,” Niki adds.

“Back in my day,” Tommy says, and everyone groans collectively. “We used to not have
allergies—”

“Allergies have always existed, Tommy,” Phil says, finally looking up from his book. “It’s
just that in your childhood people would pass away from unknown causes, or maybe some
religious things, it depended.”

Tommy scowls.

“And, aversion to garlic and salt is not simply just an allergy ,” Phil says, giving Tommy a
look that makes Tommy look a little bit guilty about. “While you can gain resistance, it can
be incredibly dangerous. Food is simply absorbed into the bloodstream, it might mean you
need more sustenance afterwards, but you can eat food.”

Techno pauses, “Wait… does that mean we can get McFlurries?”

“Huh?” Phil says, “What’s a McFlurry—”

Tommy squints at his phone, “It looks like a McDonald’s ice cream, introduced in 1997… I
don’t think we won’t be able to eat it.”
“Read out the ingredients,” Phil says.

“Milk, sugar, cream, corn syrup,” Tommy squints at his phone, before handing it to Techno.
“Big words are not my strong point.”

Techno zooms in on the ingredients because wow his eyes must suck. “Natural flavour, mono
and diglycerides, cellulose gum, guar gum— I do not even know what half of these things are
— carrageenan and vitamin A palmitate.”

Niki gives him an odd look.

Phil pauses for a moment, “I think that’s fine.”

“So we’re not sure—” Ranboo says.

A long moment of silence.

They all look at each other.

“You only live once!” Tommy shouts, “Let’s go get a McFlurry, who here can drive—”

Techno raises his hand.

No one else does.

Actually— maybe that’s a good thing.

“Tommy, find out the closest McDonald’s, Wilbur— I dunno, you do what you wanna do,
Niki find a blanket so you can nap in the car and Ranboo?”

Ranboo hums from their spot on the floor.

“Keep doing what you’re doing king.”

Ranboo nods, before rolling towards the door.

It takes a bit, but they manage to get everyone into the car, which is a very nice, fixed-up old-
fashioned car, and Techno would not be surprised if Phil’s had it since then. It’s nice to drive
as well.

What is not nice is the way that Tommy tries to direct people around, he assumes that all the
streets of London are the same, which is a nice idea but is just… painfully inaccurate in so
many ways.

“I can’t turn that way, Tommy— there’s no turning that way, I’ll run into oncoming traffic.
We’ll have to go around the block and come back the other way.”

“Turn that way, you loafer,” Tommy says, accent becoming a bit stronger, the mess of an
English accent that he owns, combining multiple eras and areas into whatever mess his
accent has become. “You fuckin’ floozer—”

“What does that even mean—” Ranboo says.

Niki just laughs, apparently, her quest of trying to have a nap being unfulfilled, and they drive
through the streets, Wilbur laughing hysterically as Techno explains that he has to do things
like… follow road rules.
They end up doing the block around and end up in the carpark.

“Alright children,” Techno deadpans, clearly not overly impressed with the way that this
entire thing is going. “All of you get outta the fuckin’ car, and we’re going to get a McFlurry
for everyone, do not order anything else, it has salt, it will kill you.”

“Don’t they have apple slices?” Ranboo says.

“Again, refer back to my previous statement, McFlurries are the only thing we got the all-
clear from Phil for. All of you need to be human and normal or at least pretend to be, Wilbur,
do not start reciting poetry.”

“It would be amusing.”

“I will eat your McFlurry,” Techno promises.

That gets all of them to get in line, for lack of a better word, and follow after Techno into the
McDonald’s, one after the other in a single file line. Techno finds a place that will sit them all
and points at it.

The rest of them walk off to that, heads down.

Techno walks up to the counter, waiting in line for a bit before he gets to order his five
McFlurries.

He glances over to the table.

Wilbur is cry-laughing over something.

Techno sighs, pretending that if he ignores it, it will go away. The foster care system did that
to him, and he turned out just fine, anyone who says otherwise is simply wrong and also a liar
— and why does he talk like Tommy now?

Eventually, he gets his five McFlurries and returns to the table, squeezing onto Tommy and
Ranboo’s side, across from Wilbur and Niki. He slides them all across the table to one of the
vampires.

“Can not believe you haven’t had an Oreo McFlurry,” Techno says, taking a scoop out of his
and eating, it’s a textural nightmare, so he starts stirring it together. “Now, the only correct
way to eat an Oreo McFlurry is to mix all the bits together so you get perhaps the most
hideous lump of goo that could be consumed.”

No one seems impressed.

“Trust me on this,” Techno says.

It seems that they all trust him on this.

They all stir their McFlurries at a remarkably low speed, seriously, a sloth would be
impressed with their ability to just… not be able to stir a McFlurry together. However,
Techno is a bit of an expert, he ate a lot of these throughout uni.

“So,” Wilbur says, still trying to get an even spreading of Oreo crumble to ice cream, “What
occupation did you have before you were turned?”

“Hmm?” Techno asks, scooping another bite into his mouth.

“To make money. We’re fortunate that Phil runs a biomedical waste—”

“Should I think about that critically?”

A moment of silence.

“We only take the plasma,” Tommy murmurs.

Techno sighs, running a hand down his face, “Sure— fine, moving past that. I’m an editor,
for books and film scripts mostly, I tell people when things are flowing weird, or weirdly
worded and I get paid for it.”

“Script supervisor,” Ranboo says thoughtfully, “That sounds much nicer than being an
editor.”

“I like being an editor,” Techno says, “Allows me to stay at home and go on— four-thirty am
adventures to get McFlurries with you guys. Wait until I figure out if we can eat Indian food,
then I’m going to have the best time of my life.”

“I miss Italian,” Niki sighs, thoughtfully, “But asking for no salt or no garlic on Italian food is
like asking it not to be itself. Pizza dough has salt, most kinds of pasta have salt.”

“You could try to make your own,” Ranboo says, “I’m sure there are salt-free pasta dishes
somewhere, we could serve it at the banquet.”

“The what?” Techno says.

The four real vampires around the table all exchange eye contact, and Wilbur smiles brightly,
showing sharp teeth that Techno had almost managed to forget about. “Don’t worry your pink
little head about it—”

“Are you gonna like eat a vampire or something?” Techno asks, “Because from my
perspective that is what it feels like—”
“No, no, no,” Niki says, shaking her head, like the thought of it disgusts her, “Vampires have
no flesh anyway, it would be like eating cardboard. No, no— and not humans either, we don’t
mess around with humans or they mess around with us. The banquet is just a thing that Phil
does, and now his coven does, where all the other vampires and covens in the Greater
London Area, all come together and just— have fun for a night.”

Techno blinks at her. “That sounds too easy.”

“Oh it is not,” Ranboo says, “Organising it is the worst, the invitations and the outfits— the
fucking outfits , why are they the most annoying part? You know how hard that is to figure
out— like what do you even wear?”

“Ranboo. You have been going to these events for almost ninety years,” Tommy deadpans,
“Just wear that like— grey jacket and the black shirt you wore for that event we had a couple
of years back. Slam on the mask for good measure, and boom, you have the mysterious vibes
you want.”

“Am I invited?” Techno asks slowly, blinking between his friends, “If I’m not that’s fine— I
just gotta know if I need to find something to wear.”

“Phil let Tommy go,” Wilbur points out, “Before he was in a coven.”

“Techno’s a new vampire though, he might not be protected under the wards—”

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?”

“You’re not in a coven,” Tommy says, clearly unhappy about that fact— or something around
it? Techno doesn’t really know, “That you’ve told us, anyway,” he grumbles. “And— well
vampires tend to be able to tell that stuff.”

Okay, cool, they won’t be able to tell since Techno isn’t a vampire.
Unless they can tell Techno isn’t a vampire.

Wait…

That could… be a mild problem, he believes.

“Oh?” Techno says.

Tommy gives him a side-eyed expression, “Yeah, it’s a thing. Then you might be like…
fuckin’ attacked because you have no coven and people might want people to join yours. And
you don’t have any ward protections.”

“Isn’t that magic?”

“It’s part of why we do the rituals,” Ranboo adds, finally tucking into their ice cream, “To
keep up the protective wards, it means that while vampires are in our house they can’t use
any of their funky powers.”

“Vampires have powers?”

“Some of them,” Niki says, “Like ‘Twilight’—”

“No shot ‘Twilight’ is an accurate depiction of vampires,” Techno deadpans, “You’re kidding
me—”

“Some can read minds, others might have prophecy abilities, some can apparently shapeshift,
I haven’t seen it but Tommy and Phil say that’s a thing, so I trust them. Some can understand
languages without having learnt them… Wilbur has that.”
Wilbur grins.

Techno sighs, “So can Wilbur not use his powers in the ward?”

“No, no,” Niki shakes her head, “He can, you have to be assigned to the coven that the ward
is protecting. So— you might have some neat vampirey power, but might just not know it
because of all the time you spend at Phil’s.”

Techno gives her a look, “I really doubt that—”

“Excuse me,” someone says and all of them jump up. “I was just wondering what exactly you
were talking about—”

Standing in front of them is a kid who looks about Tommy’s age, (Tommy’s visual age, not
his actual age.) The kid has brown hair, but the roots appear to be blond, he’s wearing a large
bomber jacket with fluff around the hood, with what looks like a nuke sewn onto the right
sleeve.

“DnD campaign,” Techno blurts out before he can stop himself, and he’s glad that he doesn’t
even try to stop himself. “We’re doing a vampire campaign,” he says easily. “We’re
discussing the wards and stuff on the main play space, and if my character wants to do any
combat there well he’s limited.”

“Oh, nice! I’m Tubbo— no clue why I’m introducing myself we will probably never see each
other again, I use he/him pronouns and— yeah that’s about it.”

“Oi, Tubbo,” someone yells and Tubbo looks over his shoulder.

“Nice to meet you, uh— have fun with your campaign!”

He basically runs out of McDonald’s.

They all wait for him to leave.

“What the fuck is a DnD?” Tommy asks.

“You’d love it,” Techno says, “It’s like a roleplaying game, with races and lots of long and
kinda boring combat, I will be honest. With relationships and— Wilbur would also probably
love it, I will be honest, Ranboo too, you’re all story-telling nerds.”

“It’s fun,” Niki says, “I played it a bit before and after I got turned, I will warn you, no matter
what you do, DnD tends to become gay, it just— happens every time, no matter how much
you fight it.”

“It is the nature of humanity,” Ranboo mutters, “Be in a fantasy world, be gay and probably
get high or something.”

Techno snorts at that, before clearing out the rest of the McFlurry, and hearing the plastic
spoon scrape against the cardboard which has to be one of his least favourite sounds in the
fucking world, but it’s worth it for McFlurry.

He should ask about humans.

This entire time he’s been pointedly avoiding the question.

How do vampires feel about humans?

It’s been a question in the back of his mind for a long time, and Techno needs to know if
there’s a ‘Twilight’ approach or something, rather than… a more violent approach, because
Techno might need to… subtly dip.
Techno looks down at his empty McFlurry container. “Uh— I have a question.”

Tommy looks up, “Go for it.”

“How do vampires normally— feel about humans?”

A moment of silence and Techno can feel the blood draining from his face, he’s not sure how
he’s going to explain that, because vampires don’t really… have blood that drains from their
face and then they go super pale.

Vampires just are pale.

“Uh…” Ranboo says.

“Not any super strong opinions,” Niki responds, “We just don’t… really interact with humans
much, which might be obvious— we don’t hate them or anything we just—”

“Don’t trust them,” Tommy says, his tone clipped. “That’s it.”

This feels like what Techno imagines a stake to the chest feels like, considering the way that
Techno’s stomach drops and his hands seem to start tingling.

They… don’t trust humans.

“Of course,” Wilbur says, “You need not listen to what we do, our— views have simply been
shaped by our experiences, let your own stories shape your own experiences, Technoblade.”
“Not my name—” Techno murmurs.

He stays quiet for the rest of the time, Tommy and he are both quiet as Wilbur, Niki and
Ranboo talk. A few times Techno tries to catch his eyes, to ask him what’s wrong but Tommy
doesn’t honour him with an answer.

It feels odd.

The vampires all announce that McFlurries are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and
Ranboo, Wilbur and Tommy were all there for the invention of sliced bread.

“Wait until we experience a sundae,” Techno says, “Fudge sundaes are the best.”

“Ooo,” Ranboo says happily, “That sounds like fun.”

“They’re excellent,” Techno says, collecting the various cardboard containers and taking
them all to the bin, “We need the all-clear from Phil though, because if you all burst into dust
in a McDonald’s I don’t want to have to explain it.”

“Would be rather unbecoming,” Wilbur says absent-mindedly.

“Dude, drop the poshness,” Tommy says, “You were a street rat—”

“I was not .”

“I found you freezing on the side of a road.”

Wilbur glares at Tommy, and Techno sighs, approaching the table again. He puts both of his
hands on the table, getting everyone’s attention. “Okay, okay, we gotta go home… sun will be
up soon.”

“How soon?” Tommy says, eyes shooting up to Techno’s straight away.

Niki glances at her phone, “Half an hour— that’ll be plenty, it was only a fifteen minute drive
here.”

So they all clamber into the car.

The traffic is bad, bad enough that Tommy and Wilbur start getting ansty, eyes darting
towards the skyline and then Tommy will look back at his phone with his little stylus and
look back at the skyline.

“If I burn to death in a car,” Tommy says, “I will never forgive you.”

Techno turns into the first street that starts the twisting maze of streets that eventually leads to
Phil’s house.

“We’re fine,” Techno says, “We’re like two minutes away—”

The car splutters.

Techno pauses for a few moments.

The car comes to a stop.

Techno tries the ignition again.

Nothing.

No shot the car broke down about— maybe a kilometre away from Phil’s house, and now
they have to run through the twisting streets so they don’t get fucking burnt into vampire
bacon.

“Hey guys,” Techno says.

“Yeah?” Ranboo says.

Techno flings open the door. “We gotta run.”

“Pardon?” Wilbur yells, also opening the door.

“Car’s broke—” Techno says, watching as everyone scrambles out of the car, making sure no
one is left behind. “We’re running.”

And no one seems to have too many qualms about that plan.

Techno makes sure to lock the car at least, despite Tommy screaming at him to start
running… look, Techno isn’t in danger of actually burning to death in the sunlight. And the
car seems pretty expensive.

Then he breaks out into a run, as Tommy grabs his arm and they run.

It must be an odd sight for anyone who is awake.

Five people in odd clothes, sprinting down the street like their lives depend on it.
And while Techno’s life doesn’t depend on it, the rest of theirs do.

So Techno runs like his life depends on it.

Tommy half drags him down the street, Techno does not have the speed that the other
vampires do, he can’t just barrel down the street at an incredible speed, he very much runs
like a human, with slightly flailing arms.

Look… he’s never said he’s good at running, he’s not even gonna pretend that he is.

So he sprints, breath coming short as Tommy drags him down the street. Ranboo also seems
to realise Techno is significantly slower than the rest of them, and Ranboo grabs Techno’s
other arm.

Then he’s being properly dragged down the street, and Techno can only hope he clears his
legs high enough that he doesn’t fall on his face. He’s not really running anymore, but he is
trying to keep his legs out of the way.

Techno is wheezing for breath as they turn the corners to Phil’s.

He is not fit enough for this—

He doesn’t think many humans are fit enough to run a kilometre at a sprint speed.

Techno wheezes, hands on his knees as people look at Phil’s house.

The door is firmly shut.

“What’s up with him?” Niki says, side-eyeing the wheezing Techno.

“Human instincts are still working,” Tommy explains, “Fucker things that his lungs need air
because of how fast he ran,” he pats Techno on the shoulder, “He’ll be fine in a bit, human
instincts are wild.”

“Sure,” Niki says, eyes still on Techno.

“Door,” Techno rasps out, unable to breathe.

He moves towards the door, flinging it open.

Ranboo shrieks, and grabs his arm, yanking Techno back towards the other side that isn’t the
door. “Techno!” He yells, “You can’t just— you can’t just go running in through doors, you’ll
burn.”

Oh.

Yes.

Techno is…

A vampire.

Mhm… that is… something he is.

Yup. Vampire.
Or pretending to be a vampire, and a vampire can not run inside without being asked. “It’s
Phil’s house!” Techno hisses, he slams his hand against the archway, “Phil! Let us in!”

He’s still a bit short of breath, but Techno would say that adrenaline has kicked in at this
point, and nothing else matters apart from making sure that Techno gets everyone inside, or
under cover at least, before the sun comes up.

The sky is far brighter now, and the sun isn’t sneaking up over the horizon yet, Techno can’t
see it, but it’s dangerously close, and all of his friends are about to burn unless he is smart
about this. He looks around.

“What counts as a doorway?” Techno asks, an idea already starting to form in his mind.

“An entrance with a door,” Niki replies quickly, “Archways don’t count for some reason, but
gates do— gotta be invited in—”

Techno pauses for a second, and he looks around for a few seconds, unable to breathe— let
alone fucking think. Holy fuck, his lung capacity is shit. Then he looks down.

There’s a rock on the ground.

A pretty large one.

And a nice big sun window.

They can’t go near it in the day but—

Techno does not even hesitate, he picks up the rock and throws it at the window with as much
force as he has. That creates a rock-sized hole in the window.
Wilbur gasps at him, “The window!”

“Look!” Techno snaps, “Either the window gets broken or you all fucking burn to death, look
at the sky, the sun is going to rise over that street in a moment, and I’d rather not see all my
friends become ash.”

He takes off his hoodie, wrapping it around his fist so it won’t hurt when he slams his hand
into the window.

Sure enough, he punches the window, with his shonky boxing glove, the hand-wrap thing
that’s going on. The window shatters even more, and glass falls into the other side of the
building.

A moment of hesitation, and Tommy runs up to help him. He also has his jumper wrapped
around his hand and they punch the window in together. Driven by nothing but pure
adrenaline and panic as the sky gets lighter and lighter and the sun starts to rise.

Techno ends up basically grabbing Tommy, and throwing him through the window.

Everyone seems to take that as a sign and runs towards the window. Because the foundation
is all old and gothic, it’s slightly too high off of the ground, and Techno has to help throw all
of his friends through the window.

He boosts Ranboo up next, deciding that the younger seeming ones should probably get
priority.

Ranboo manages to also get hauled up by Tommy, scrambling up, despite the fact they could
probably just take a really big step to get up there.

Panic does strange things.

Niki goes next, and she’s far easier to boost up than Ranboo, and she’s caught by both of the
younger two and dragged onto her feet much easier.

Wilbur stares at Techno, before looking over his shoulder. “Techno, you go—”

Techno grabs Wilbur by the collar of his stupid trenchcoat, before dragging him to the side of
the window. “I’ll be fine,” Techno promises, “You, however…. will not.”

“How will you be—”

Techno manages to boost Wilbur up, despite his yelling, and the three who are already up off
the ground, grab him and drag him up onto his feet. Techno looks over his shoulder, the sun
is starting to rise properly.

The first few rays peek over the buildings.

Techno will be fine, he quite enjoys the sun, since he’s been hanging out with vampires it’s
become a lot more annoying to… well go outside, because if one of them sees him, then he’s
in deep water.

Also, he’s fucked up his sleep schedule.

That doesn’t really help either.

“Techno!” Someone calls at him, and Techno looks up.

“I’m fine,” Techno says.

“The sun’s rising!” Tommy yells back at him, “You’re about to become the whole ashes-to-
ashes thing— fucking literally!”

Techno snorts at that, before taking a few steps backwards and sighing.

He runs towards the side of the house, apparently, both his speed and strength have gotten
better while pretending to be a vampire.

He manages to scramble onto the ledge and drag himself up.

Ranboo and Tommy grab both of his arms and drag him through the rest of the remaining
way.

For a moment Techno lays there on his stomach, breathing heavily.

Then he feels a spot of sun on his leg.

That is surprisingly nice.

Maybe he should go on a walk soon, he sleeps from about 7 in the morning to about four in
the afternoon, it’s going into winter, but he still has enough light hours that he could like…
go out and be a productive member of society.

Go walk to the supermarket—

“Techno!” Niki screams, grabbing him by the arms and pulling him out of the way of the sun.

Techno really needs to get out more.

He means it this time.

“Are you burnt?” Ranboo asks, crouching down, wary of the sunlight that streams in through
the open window. Often second-hand light just stings a lot but can be handled, but direct
sunlight seems to kill.

Tommy grabs Techno, yanking him further out of the way. “Lift your pant leg up—”

“Tommy, I’m okay—”

“Techno,” Tommy says, his voice with a surprising amount of strength, and his eyes have a
lot of sincerity in them, and Techno… well he just isn’t used to Tommy looking at anyone
like that, let alone him. “Please.”

Techno does so, the alleged ‘burn’ wouldn’t be too high, on his lower calf.

Tommy examines it like how Techno did precalculus questions in high school. He was really
bad at pre-calculus… he was okay at proper calculus, but maybe that was just because he
stopped caring and asked for help.

Tommy nods, taking a step back. “You’re good,” he says quietly, before looking up at
everyone else surrounding them. “He’s fine— he’s— he’s okay. Might be because it was
covered or a new vampire thing or—”

Everyone seems to sigh a breath of relief.

Techno tries not to feel too guilty, if someone asked him outright he’d say… he’s just… lying
by omission, which is only slightly better than regular lying, but it’s at least a little bit better.
Maybe not much.

But Techno ignores the guilt, mostly for his own good.

A few footsteps stagger down the stairs, and Phil stands in the doorway of the foyer.

He looks at the broken window, with sunlight streaming in.

Then at Techno sitting on the ground.

Then at Wilbur, Niki, Ranboo and Tommy who are all standing around him.

Phil blinks a few times. “Do I get an explanation or—”

“Broken windows don’t count,” Techno says, leaning against the wall, closing his eyes, “As
doorways, you don’t have to invite us in. It’s a loophole.”

“And a damn clever one at that,” Wilbur adds.

Techno gives him a thumbs up and Wilbur snorts at that, turning around to suppress his
laughter, which he inevitably fails at.

Phil sighs. “Techno—”

“Look, either you’d get some vampire bacon outside your house, or a broken window. I
weighed the odds and chose the broken window,” Techno stands up, dragging himself up off
the floor and rubbing at his eyes. “I even locked the car for you— I’m going the fuck to bed.”
And with that, he turns and stomps up the stairs, to the guest bedroom that he’s claimed as his
own.

Once again, he tries to ignore the guilt.

He thinks he fails.

When Tommy was sixteen… actually sixteen, not whatever age he is now, he was actually
the son of a minor Lord. Yes… he is that old, and no, he is not happy about it, even in the
slightest.

Victorian-era England, the peak of the vampires— well that’s a bit strong, vampires have
never really had a peak, it always sucks being a vampire. The lack of garlic, holy shit he
wants some garlic bread , the lack of salt, as well.

They really do not want him to have any fun while merely existing.

Being unable to see your reflection kinda sucks, because you don’t know when you look
terrible, and not being able to wear silver also sucks, because it goes with the whole vampire
vibe a lot better than gold.

But Tommy does what he can.

He’s the… second oldest of all the vampires, which is extremely mind-boggling to think
about. Ranboo was turned in the 1930s, due to some sickness from malnutrition in the great
depression, or just influenza. Tommy’s not great on the details.

Niki was turned in the 70s… Tommy forgot why. He doesn’t want to ask again, the whole
thing of being turned tends to be rather personal to vampires, and that is for a reason. So— if
Tommy can’t remember the reason, he sure as fuck isn’t asking again.

Wilbur… he got turned only slightly after Tommy, and by that Tommy means about twenty
years after Tommy got turned. Tommy got turned at the start of Victoria’s reign, and Wilbur
got turned… well not towards the end because she ruled for a really long time but towards
the middle.

Both of them saw out Victoria’s reign.

And they both got to see the invention of the teddy bear.

Which is clearly the more supreme thing to be noted there.

For a while, it was just Wilbur and Tommy. Tommy being the slightly more experienced
vampire, he knows the streets to avoid, the location of all the churches in filthy, dirty London,
which ways to avoid, and how to not pass out from the smell of the Thames.

Those years were… not tough, but they weren’t comfortable by any means. There’s only so
long you can work in a pub before people get confused as to why you’re not aging right,
there’s only so long you can stay somewhere.

Honestly, it used to be a lot easier.

Back in the 19th century, Tommy could roll up to some shoddy bar, say his name was… John
Smith or Alexander Doe, and then no one would give a single shit. Now you need identities
and passports and—

That is why Tommy has super-rich, millionaire Phil, as the head of his coven.

Sure… Phil is fatherly and welcoming and nice and super kind and perhaps one of the nicest
people Tommy has ever met and understanding of why Tommy didn't want to be tied to a
coven to begin with, despite Wilbur’s willingness to throw himself into any coven that would
take him first.

Thankfully it was Phil’s.

Well… it wasn’t really a coven at that point, it was just Phil and two homeless-looking
vampires. Which was fair, because they were homeless.

Then badabing, badaboom. Coven.

And no, Tommy does not have a tragic past involving the person who turned him in a
moment of panic and despair.

Nope.

That is simply something he does not have.

Even if he can still hear the sickening noise of the silver knife driving into his friend and the
choked sound and the struggling, bated breath and the sound of the soulless body, as all
vampires are supposed to be— soulless, hitting the ground with a sickening thump before
rotting away into ash and dust and—

No.

Tommy is fine.

Okay?

He is fine and okay and—

Okay, Techno might remind him a bit of Deo.

It’s the general demeanour and the general care, and not letting Tommy worry about him
despite the circumstances, and even the way he laughs is eerily familiar and Tommy wants to
ask Phil if reincarnation is real because their laughs sound too similar in his head.

He can ignore it though.

Sure. If he keeps sticking to Techno’s side, and watching him with concerned eyes, and
making sure that he’s alright at every step, then that’s fine. And sure, if Techno sometimes
laughs a bit hard, throwing his head back and rubbing his hands together—

Look. It’s complicated, to befriend someone who reminds you of an old friend.

To wonder if you want to befriend them because they are… them, or if there’s something else
beyond that. Something that you try to ignore and—

“Tommy?” Techno asks.

Tommy jumps, in all honestly, he slams his head into the wall.

It doesn’t hurt.

Vampires don’t really have pain receptors, that’s not something Tommy has to deal with
anymore.

(Emotional pain is another story.)

“Techno!” Tommy says brightly, “Hi— hi, how are— yeah hi.”

“Hi,” Techno returns, voice as blank as ever.

(He’s not like Deo in that way, Deo used to talk with the same enthusiasm that Tommy
picked up from him, and that meant Tommy could start ranting, dropping the fancy speech
that he held so close to himself.)

“How are you?” Tommy returns, “The vegan vampire arc going?”

Techno just gestures up with the coconut water.

“Y’know,” Tommy deadpans, “I was doing some reading—”

“I didn’t know you could read—”

He elects to ignore Techno this time, “And the whole thing about coconut water being able to
be used in a blood transfusion? Yeah, that’s mostly a myth, the acidity rate is too high, and
there is way too much potassium.”

“Really?” Techno deadpans.

“It can be used in an emergency, but it shouldn’t be relied on,” Tommy says, gesturing at the
drink in Techno’s hand. “That’s gonna kill you.”

Techno opens his mouth and closes it again.

Tommy knows how people act, he’s been surrounded by them for far longer than he cares to
admit, he knows when things are tells, when they reach up and scratch their noses, or when
they scowl and—

“You’re lying to me,” Tommy says, quietly, thoughtfully.

Techno’s eyes go wide. “Heh?”

“You… you’re lying about something,” Tommy says carefully, skirting around the wall on his
way to the door. “I dunno what, but you’re lying about something Technoblade, I can see it,
you’re holding some sort of guilt around you.”

“Can’t a man just have some guilt?” Techno responds cooly, “You must regret some things.”

“This is different,” Tommy says, shaking his head and he takes steps backwards.

He’s shaking like a leaf, he didn’t even know that vampires could do that. He doesn’t know if
the shaking is him or a leftover side effect from when he was human.

The ugly thing growing in his gut is a combination of both. It seems to prickle, “What are
you lying about, Techno?”

Techno pauses for a moment, “Gonna have to be more specific than that Tommy.”

Tommy shakes his head, turning around and walking out of the room.

Techno follows after him, “You can’t just accuse me of lying for no reason and then not even
attempt to back yourself up, Tommy— you need something more to give me to go off, I’m
lying about a lot of things.”
The ugly feeling in Tommy’s gut keeps growing, like a rose with more thorns than flowers,
those thorns seem to stab him in the gut, seem to make him unable to think, let alone clearly,
and he rushes down the stairs.

“Tommy— can we just talk this out like mature adults—”

Tommy twists around, breathing heavily. “You have a coven, don’t you?” Tommy snaps.

Techno blinks at him. “Huh?”

“Not us,” Tommy says quickly, his words tangling over each other into one big ugly mess.
“No, no, not us. It’s someone else, because of course it is, vampires aren’t supposed to drink
blood around other covens, you can but it’s frowned upon so that… stuff is supposed to make
you last until you can go to your real coven— are you spying on us— what do you want with
us?”

“Tommy— I don’t have a coven.”

“Prove it,” Tommy snarls.

Techno pauses for a few moments, “I— I don’t know how to prove that, Tommy. I’m new to
this whole thing.”

“Show me your arm.” Tommy says, tone clipped.

Techno doesn’t have any hesitation, and Tommy grabs his arm pulling up the sleeve of it to
look at Techno’s wrist. There’s no markings, none of the two puncture wounds that Tommy is
familiar with.

It’s just… nothing,

Tommy grabs Techno’s other wrist. Normally it’s the right one with the marking but each
coven is different. And… nothing. Not even a tattoo, or something like that, that people get
while still breathing and living.

Just… nothing.

“You’re not—”

“No,” Techno says quietly, gently. “I’m not in another coven, Tommy.”

Tommy stares at him, “Then why are you— so weird ?”

Techno just gives him a smile, it borders on a little sad, and Tommy has no clue why.

It doesn’t make sense, none of this fucking makes sense— ever, none of it makes sense and
Tommy is just left to be confused out of his mind.

He still keeps the slightly sad expression on his face. “Guess I’m just new to this whole
thing,” he shrugs, before turning around and walking off, “See ya tomorrow, Tommy.”

Tommy can’t find any words, it feels like his throat is filled with something, that strangles the
words and stops anything from coming out apart from a strange, choked sound that he can’t
get rid of.

And Techno leaves.

And… Tommy decides he hates to see him go.

It feels too familiar.

Instead of crying, or exploding, or some secret other third thing, Tommy swallows his pride
and moves on. Looking away, and over to Wilbur, who is sitting at the grand piano,
pretending he hasn’t seen any of this.

Wilbur and him look at each other for a moment.

“You alright Toms?” Wilbur asks, his tone gentle with Tommy, Wilbur has never been
anything but gentle with Tommy. When he raises his voice Tommy knows he won’t get hurt.

“I thought he was in a coven,” Tommy whispers, and he can feel the dread in his stomach
twist and tangle into something really different. “He’s not…”

“Oh, Tommy,” Wilbur says, in a gentle and slightly broken voice, “It’s alright bud—”

Techno…

Well, he’s never felt really human in the sense of the word.

He was raised by his aunt, he likes to think that his parents cared for him more than anything,
but he was never told if they cared or not, and Techno likes he can think up his own little
narrative for this, rather than have yet another dream crushed by his aunt.

His aunt was not overly kind to him, seeing him as nothing more than a reminder of her
brother, who apparently she hated with a passion or something because there was no reason
for this middle-aged woman to have that much beef with a child.
So Techno didn’t really get a lot of positive affirmations or interactions as a kid, then he went
to school and he was a bit socially stunted because… of course he was, part of raising a kid
was supposed to get them outside. Techno would just be plopped in front of the TV while his
aunt worked.

She wasn’t… abusive, just neglectful.

He’s never really been close to many people, he had two close friends in high school but their
friendship was one of necessity rather than want, and they only occasionally text now, one of
them is having a kid.

And at the age of eighteen, with amazing scores and nothing but a hunch and the desire to get
away, he moved to England for university and he didn’t regret it at all.

He is a human… he just didn’t really know what that meant until a while ago.

To laugh with friends, funnily enough, seems to be the answer.

Maybe there’s no ‘higher purpose’ or ‘life goal’ or ‘greater meaning’ that all the poems and
stories try to talk about, but being human is just… enjoying yourself, there is little humanity
in suffering and for so long Techno thought the two were intertwined.

And yes.

He knows the irony of five vampires teaching him to be human, for a lack of a better word.

Yes, he knows it’s stupid and dumb and it’s so on brand that it’s almost funny and Techno
wants to laugh forever about it.

The undead… they’re not living, but they’re still alive.

And that difference is worth everything.

He makes up with Tommy, there was never a doubt in his mind that he wouldn’t, the kid—
(well he’s not really a kid, but Techno sees him as one) has a big heart and cares so much for
the people around him.

“You look fine,” Tommy says, slapping at Techno’s attempt to readjust his shirt for what feels
like the fifth time in about four seconds, “Stop fiddling with the necklaces—”

“They look weird.”

“ You look weird, but the necklaces do not— they’re heirlooms of Phil’s, you can’t be mean
to his necklaces.”

“You’ll find that I can, and that I will—”

“Look I know you can’t see your reflection—” Tommy mutters, “But you look fine.” He
turns around.

Techno takes a step forwards so he can actually see himself in the mirror, while Tommy isn’t
looking.

His hair is in a braid that starts towards the top of his head and trails down his back, Wilbur
had muttered something about “French braids— they’re not even fuckin’ French.” And then
went back to… whatever Wilbur did.

So Techno’s going to say it’s a French braid.

Tommy has insisted on weaving daisies into it, and that is what he has been doing for the past
— however long it’s been, some of them are closed up, but some of them are open and
Tommy seems ecstatic about that.

Anyway, he’s been ushered up here because Niki had taken one look at the state of him in his
hoodie and shorts that aren’t hemmed right, and she had let out a bunch of curse words…
only some of them were English.

Then Tommy had laughed a lot and decided that he would make Techno into a real vampire.

So now Techno is staring at himself in the mirror.

He looks… well like a vampire, he supposes.

He’s wearing a black poet’s shirt, and black pants that aren’t jeans and he’s upset about that,
with some boots that are only a little bit too big for him. They look like good stomping boots,
not that Techno has any stomping plans.

But if he did have stomping plans, these would be good stomping boots.

And because Tommy had decided that was simply not good enough, he had looked around
for a bit, before finding a couple of necklaces (gold, not silver) and he had found the
signature piece of the outfit.

A dark red coat.

It’s a bit longer than his knees, and it’s a bit too big for him, but Techno thinks that adds
something to his look. Between the bright pink hair and the dark red coat, he thinks he has
something going for him.
He steps out of the way of the mirror, luckily the mirror is tucked in the corner, and Tommy
is reacting to it like it’s not even there, and to him it probably isn’t. Techno is just…
hyperaware and terrified of Tommy seeing him.

He looks like a vampire stereotype, which is what he wants.

If there are going to be about fifty other vampires scurrying around the house, then Techno
does not want to draw attention to himself. Especially since he’s… human, and doesn’t really
fancy being vampire snack food.

Techno sighs, “Well, Vampire Thomas.”

“Stop using vampire as if it’s a title—”

“Vampire Thomas,” Techno continues, voice as even as ever, before putting on his worst
British accent in the entire world, “Do you suppose we should join the festivities?”

“That’s barely even passable as a British accent.”

“I think Wilbur and I sound identical,” Techno deadpans, as Tommy grabs the back of his
coat and drags him out into the big wide world, where all the vampires are.

They go down the stairs, which is surprisingly difficult when being dragged down the stairs.

Niki is the first one to see him, and she gasps, “Techno you look incredible.”

“Look vampirey enough?” Techno asks, amusement on his face.

Niki nods, before walking around Techno and looking at the braid, and the flowers that have
been woven into it a bit haphazardly. She gasps again, clapping her hands together, “You look
incredible, through the door is the hall—”

Techno knows the hall, Tommy and him once slid in their socks on the massive ballroom
floor.

“Tommy, I expect you to give Techno the brief of who to avoid.”

Tommy nods.

Niki looks at Techno once again, this time sighing, “Don’t do anything dumb, most of these
people value manners and politeness, no sliding around in socks.”

“I would never,” Techno deadpans.

Niki rolls her eyes, before turning around and walking back towards the kitchen, where
Techno can spy Ranboo doing… something. He thinks that Ranboo is butchering something,
but he doesn’t want to think about it too hard.

Tommy leads him into the grand hall.

It looks similar to how it always looks, however they’ve decided to really go for the dark and
gloomy aspect for… no reason in particular, and the chandelier has been turned red, meaning
red light is what illuminates everything.

Techno snickers, “I did not expect so many stereotypes to just— be correct.”

Tommy gives him a deadpan expression, seemingly unimpressed with him. “Alright,”
Tommy says, “Avoid Bad and Skeppy— they have a weird… egg thing going on, do not let
yourself get into the coven that they have going on. Couple others around, most of them are
chill, I would recommend you try to stick to me or Wilbur because I know everyone can tell
you don’t have a coven… is that the kid from McDonald’s?”

Techno turns around, over to where Tommy is looking.

Sure enough, that’s the kid from McDonald’s, he’s not wearing an overly vampirey outfit, in
fact he’s wearing the same bomber jacket with patches on it, Tommy looks at Techno, then
at… Tubbo.

Tommy takes a few steps towards Tubbo, still making eye contact with Techno. “Don’t die,
I’m gonna go talk to… him, I got a couple of questions to say the least.”

Techno rolls his eyes, before turning around, there are plenty of people about, talking and
sipping what is almost certainly blood of of what looks like champagne glasses, and Techno
tries not to feel too sick about it.

It’s probably just plasma that… Phil stole from his biomedical waste company— which
Techno still has no clue how he feels about, just from an ethical standpoint, it still seems a
little bit dubious.

Better than killing a human, Techno supposes.

He sees Wilbur, which thank fuck, despite being a fake vampire Techno still hates speaking to
people, and all that not good stuff.

Wilbur is talking to someone, probably with the weird sort of charisma he has and convincing
them to sell their non-existent soul to whatever he’s decided on today.

Techno walks over, and Wilbur spies him.

“Oh, this is Technoblade,” Wilbur says brightly, grabbing him by the arm, “He’s a newly
turned vampire ya see, still getting the hang of the entire affair.”

“Ah,” the person Wilbur’s talking to responds with an odd, “Not old like us then?”

“He is not,” Wilbur says with a smile, “Although, one might consider us twins.”

“Don’t start this again—”

“We were both the same age when we were turned,” Wilbur explains.

Techno looks at who Wilbur is talking to.

And Techno has a feeling in his stomach, one that is pretty close to dread. He looks at them,
squinting slightly.

Wilbur looks slightly panicked about that.

Techno squints at them, “What time era are you from?” Techno asks.

“Uh— Victorian,” one of them stammer out.

Techno raises an eyebrow. “Okay,” he says slowly, “Sure.”

“Are you implying I’m a liar?” They accuse.

Techno just huffs, “Did you happen to go to Queen Mary’s University about— six years
ago?”

They pale slightly.

Vampires don’t pale, not like that.

But at the same time, Techno doesn’t want to call this poor soul out, in case they do have a
coven, in case they do have people they care about. Techno can see the signs of a human
because— well he is one.

Techno just gives a short smile, “Glad to see vampires getting educations after all these years,
hope you enjoyed the classes.”

They walk off, shaking slightly and Techno watches them leave.

Wilbur gives him a look. “Techno,” he hisses, “Do not keep scaring our guests.”

“Shouldn’t be so easily scared,” Techno responds, watching them run off, “So what do you
even do at one of these?”

“Mostly walk around,” Wilbur says, “Engage in small talk, ask about— the new cat, or
something of the sort, not a lot changes in a year for a vampire, you should get used to that,
the monotony of it all.”

“Seems pretty eventful to me,” Techno mutters, “I mean you almost died like two weeks ago,
on a quest for McFlurries— you fell off the table trying to grab me a few days ago and you
fell through the piano—”

“I do not want to be reminded of the piano, Technoblade.” Wilbur mutters, “Luckily Phil has
the means to buy another antique one.”
Techno snorts, and Wilbur turns around, seemingly spying his next small talk victim, or
someone he’s going to talk about hyper-specific topics with, because Wilbur is just kinda like
that.

Wilbur gives Techno an apologetic smiles, “Sorry, an old friend.”

“An actual friend or—”

“We have been close for many years,” Wilbur responds easily, with a smile on his face that
means Techno knows he’s telling the truth. “I would invite you over, but you would most
likely attempt to scare them off as well.”

Techno opens his mouth to argue.

Then he realises that Wilbur is probably right.

Wilbur smiles knowingly, before turning around and walking off, the odd cape thing he’s
wearing swishing behind him as he moves through the group of people in order to find his
friend.

Right.

Techno needs another emotional support extrovert.

Tommy and Ranboo are now talking to the kid from McDonald’s, it seems that they’re
having a very animated conversation that Techno finds himself smiling at a little, as he
approaches the group.

His arm is grabbed by someone, and Techno jumps.

He does not know this person, is the first thing he notes.

The second thing is that they’re looking down at Techno’s wrist—

Right. Coven things.

“Thought you acted funny,” they say, and Techno rips his arm out of their grip.

“Now… who are you?” Techno asks.

“Bad,” he responds easily and— Techno is pretty sure that’s just a straight up demon standing
in front of him, rather than a vampire, or like… a really, really, old vampire, but Phil does not
look like that— last Techno checked. “You have been quite the discussion of the banquet.”

“I try to be entertainin’,” Techno responds, looking over his shoulder.

No one is coming to get him out of this, it appears.

Techno sighs, of course.

“What coven are you?” Bad asks.

Techno just gives his best deadpanned expression, trying to remove all the emotion from his
face, “I don’t see why it’s any of your business, you vampires are so focused on everyone
else that you don’t wonder what’s happenin’ to you.”

Okay.
He is bluffing.

How the fuck do you bluff?

“Pardon?” Bad says.

Techno smiles, and tries to let it be a knowing smile. “Don’t worry about it,” he takes on a
similar tone to Wilbur does when he’s being condescending, and he’s more than grateful for
it, it’s just… such an easy character to play. “Do you know where Skeppy is?”

Bad blinks at him, seemingly rendered speechless. “Pardon?”

“Where’s Skeppy?” Techno says, looking around, he has no clue what Skeppy looks like, but
no one stands out. “I can’t see him, can you?”

Bad turns around.

And Techno takes a few steps back, towards the door.

Before turning around and basically sprinting out of there—

He is not good at talking to people.

He is two for two on people he’s threatened that he’s talked to at this point, and he probably
shouldn’t have threatened an actual vampire because he’s probably started some inter-coven
war, knowing his luck.
Turning around the corner, he runs into Niki.

They both stare at each other for a moment.

“What are you doing?”

“I have threatened both of the people I have talked to who aren’t Tommy or Wilbur,” Techno
manages, looking over his shoulder, “Have I just started a vampire war?”

“Uh—” Niki watches over his shoulder, for any movement inside the room that seems out of
the sorts, it appears she can’t find any. “I don’t think so? You would know by now, they’re
probably more concerned you’ve started a vampire war.”

“I am a rather terrifying individual,” Techno deadpans, “With my noodle arms.”

“You’re still strong though,” Niki returns, grabbing Techno’s arm and dragging them both out
of the view of the door, “And you’re a mysterious vampire wearing ancient necklaces and
have bright red eyes.”

“Can I let you in on something?” Techno asks.

Niki drags him into the lounge room, “Sure,” she says.

Techno sits on his favourite armchair, crossing his legs underneath him. “They’re not my
actual eye colour,” he stage-whispers, “My eyes are actually brown. These are just contacts
because I need glasses.”

“I suspected as much,” Niki responds, sitting down across from Techno.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Techno asks, face screwing up.

Does she know?

It feels like she knows.

That’s not great if she knows, Niki is loyal and would totally kill him for lying to everyone—

Niki just shrugs, “Very few vampires have actually red eyes, normally you have to do some
sorta ritual for it, or be bitten by a vampire of a super high ranking.”

“There’s vampire rankings?”

Niki snorts at that, throwing her head back, “Yes, there are vampire ranks, you have to go to
the international coven meetings though, and Phil apparently gave that up a long time ago,
got sick of the rules.”

“Sounds unlike him.”

“Mhmm, Phil is a complete stickler for the rules,” Niki returns his sarcasm with ease.

“I reckon.”

A moment of silence, it’s neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, with Niki it just… is, things
tend to be much simpler with her, Techno never feels like he’s lying as much. Which makes
no sense at all, but he finds that he doesn’t care too much about that.

Niki sighs, adjusting herself so she’s more slumped in the chair. She sighs up at the ceiling.
“How were you turned?” She asks.
Her gaze flickers down, like she’s watching for a reaction.

Alright.

Techno gives her an odd look, “None of you have ever had any interest in how I got turned
before now.”

“Oh, we’ve always had interest, we just know it can be a mildly traumatic event to bring up.
Normally you tell someone once and never again, how did you get turned?”

Techno looks at her for a moment, “I really thought Tommy would be the one pushing on
this, not you. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Niki gives him a long expression, “Alright…”

Techno sighs, also slouching down in his chair so he’s looking up at the roof. “I think my
aunt hated me,” Techno says quietly, and that seems to get a reaction out of Niki and she sits
up a bit taller. “She’s the one who raised me— and she was pretty young and like… I just
think she hated me for the fact she had to derail her life for mine.”

Niki pauses for a moment, “That wasn’t your fault Techno.”

“Oh, I know that,” Techno says, and he means it, “I blame her for it, and I know I’m allowed
to do it— had a councellor in university and they helped me figure out some stuff, it’s just…”
Techno shrugs.

Niki gives him a sympathetic smile, “I think that’s the most personal information someone
has ever gotten out of you.”
“You all know plenty.”

“Like… what university you went to, not the deepest darkest secrets.”

“I have no secrets.”

“None?” Niki asks.

“… I have some, I’m getting around to those though, I’ll figure those out and— let you guys
know more about me, but I’m pretty comfortable with the way things are for now.”

Niki nods understandingly. “Techno, I know that—”

Tommy comes barrelling into the room.

Techno looks up.

“Techno!” Tommy says brightly, “Wilbur’s playing guitar! C’mon, c’mon, he’s really good at
guitar, we can dance or you can sing.”

“I am not capable of singing Tommy—”

“You can play piano though!” Tommy says brightly, “Come on, get on the piano—”

“I’m not—”
“Just watch then,” Tommy says, grabbing Techno’s arm and dragging him off the couch and
through the hallway. “You can come back to talking to Niki later, because she’s trying to
avoid people in the party.”

Techno snorts at that, “So was I.”

“That’s why you two get along so well, recluses the both of you.”

“I just think people are lame.”

Tommy rolls his eyes, dragging Techno into the room, where sure enough, Wilbur is playing
the guitar. It’s a hearty tune, and Techno would expect to hear it in some sorta fantasy novel
because of how upbeat it sounds.

People are dancing around each other.

Tommy grins at Techno, and Techno rolls his eyes.

Then Tommy does his best little jig-type thing.

“You do not know how to jig.”

“That is correct!” Tommy says brightly, continuing to do his poor imitation of a jig. “But I do
know how to do the ‘Rasputin’ Just Dance, even the bit where like you get on the ground.”

“You do not .” Techno laughs with disbelief.

Tommy seems to take this as a personal slight, because sure enough, he starts doing the start
of the ‘Rasputin’ Just Dance, something that Techno hasn’t even seen in years and years. But
he feels like once someone sees it, they can’t forget it.

The little jumps from foot to foot.

Techno remembers these terrifyingly well, along with the clapping.

Sure enough, Tommy pulls off a small section of the dance perfectly, with music that does not
fit in the background in a way that is hilarious and earnest and somehow makes Techno
double over with laughter.

Tommy grins, doing the violin bit, and Techno laughs even harder.

Techno actually has to grab onto Tommy because he’s laughing so hard from Tommy’s dumb
‘Rasputin’ dance, with the almost fantasy RPG music playing in the background from
Wilbur’s guitar.

“It’s just the same moves over and over,” Tommy says, continuing to do one of the
movements with the expertise that Techno thinks he might have been the motion capture for
the actual game because what the fuck—

Techno barks with laughter as Tommy slowly lowers himself towards the ground, before
doing the bit where you use your arm and jump from foot to foot and—

Techno laughs even harder as Tommy does it.

They get some odd looks because of it.

But neither of them seem to care at all, because they’re just— laughing and this is the
dumbest thing in the world and it’s so amazing, and fitting for the both of them, because yeah
—
“Y’know,” Tommy says, continuing to do the dance, not even slightly out of breath, “I was
alive when Rasputin was.”

“I am aware, that’s how maths works.”

Tommy snickers, before deciding it is enough of the ‘Rasputin’ Just Dance attempt, and
Techno is grateful for that because yeah that’s enough of that.

Then Tommy grins again, and Techno knows there is evil intent in those eyes.

“You know that Ranboo, Wilbur, Niki and I can also do the One Direction ‘What Makes You
Beautiful’ Just Dance off by heart.”

“How would I know that?”

“It’s important knowledge—”

Wilbur stops playing the guitar.

It appears they are at the end of the song.

Tommy frowns. “I’m gonna go pester him, you come with me.”

“Sure,” Techno deadpans.

He is fully aware he does not have a choice in this entire affair and even pretending he does
would be a disgrace on everything he is and has ever been.
Tommy drags him through the crowd of people who are talking, before reaching the front of
the room where Wilbur is.

Wilbur looks horrified that Tommy’s walked up to him. “What do you want?” He asks,
looking at Tommy with the signature look siblings give each other, then his eyes dart to
Techno. “What do you two want?”

“No clue,” Techno says, “Tommy just said I’d have to come with him.”

“Now what if I brought a speaker in here and started playing ‘What Makes You Beautiful’?”

Horror.

That is the word that describes the expression on Wilbur’s face.

“You would not,” Wilbur whispers, the threat clearly in his tone, “Techno, tell him to not.”

“Don’t.” Techno deadpans, before leaning towards Tommy. “Totally do it,” he stage-whispers
and Wilbur’s mouth falls open.

“You traitor!” Wilbur yells, “Technoblade, my twin.”

“We’re really not twins—”

“My partner in annoying Tommy, like really annoying the fuck outta him.”
“That is true,” Techno considers for a moment, looking at Tommy who looks like he’s going
to do severe amounts of crimes, or something else of the sort, “Tommy… as Wilbur is
perhaps the one person in the world who can annoy you to the level that he does, I’m going to
have to spare him from your nefarious acts.”

Tommy’s mouth falls open in betrayal, “Techno!”

“Sorry Tommy,” Techno sighs, “This is merely the way it has to be.”

“Now you’re talking like him!”

“That I am.”

“Stop talking like Wilbur!”

“Nah.”

“Okay, that’s good,” Tommy sighs, “Wilbur would never—”

“Nah,” Wilbur says.

“It sounds so wrong when you say it!”

“It does a lil’,” Techno agrees.

Wilbur just sighs, rolling his eyes, “Alright Mister Innes.”

“You are the bane of my existence.”

“Like… Batman?” Techno asks.

Both of them look at each other, before sighing.

Techno shrugs.

Wilbur rolls his eyes, a gesture that looks very funny because of how prim and proper Wilbur
appears to be. They all know that he’s a mess of a human, but it’s still funny to think about
just how much of a mess he is compared to how he looks.

Tommy frowns, “Well, since I’ve been betrayed by everyone in my life ever.”

“Ah, yes.”

“I am going to dramatically stomp off.”

“Go for it bud,” Techno responds.

Wilbur just grins at Tommy, the same fake smile he tends to put on while talking “I wish you
luck on your endeavours.”

Tommy stomps his foot, before walking off.

Wilbur watches him go for a few seconds, before looking back at Techno. “Now, was Tommy
the one attempting to do the ‘Rasputin’ Just Dance?”
“Yup,” Techno says, “That was… him.”

Wilbur smiles, a pretty balanced mixture of horrified and impressed, “I remember when he
learnt that, he did it around Phil’s house for like a day straight, which is mildly horrifying
when you think about it. We were only sitting in the living area and then Tommy would
arrive doing the Rasputin dance.”

“It was rather impressive.”

“Very, very true,” Wilbur relents, putting the guitar down against one of the stand things, and
turning around, walking off in another direction.

Techno also turns around.

He’s staring back at his reflection in a mirror.

Why are there mirrors here?

Didn’t vampires cover up mirrors—

What the fuck—

“Hey, Techno—” Wilbur turns around to look back at him.

And…

Well Techno’s a bit of a dumbass.

He throws himself out of the way, landing against the floor with a loud crash as he moves out
of the way of the mirror.

Clearly the better option.

Being on the floor.

Wilbur looks down at him, puzzled expression on his face. “Why?”

“Uh…” Techno looks down at the floor, “I was admirin’ the tiling.”

“You are so peculiar,” Wilbur says, giving Techno a long look, “Get up from the floor you
blundering idiot, you make me ashamed to be your twin.”

“We’re not twins,” Techno says.

He stands up, very, very careful that he’s not seen in the mirror by anyone. “Can we uh— get
that covered up?” He gestures with one hand at the mirror.

Wilbur looks at him for a moment, “What’s wrong with the— oh! You’re not used to not
seeing yourself, yes, that is fair enough , you will not get used to it for a while I suppose, yes,
we can get that covered up. Come with me.”

And Techno does that, because he’s a pretty weak person, and he wants to get out of the way
of the mirror as quickly as possible.

“There is a curtain in the sideroom,” Wilbur explains, “So I’ll grab some cloth from there and
put it over the mirror, will that be alright?”
“Yes.”

“You will get used to it, you know?” Wilbur says quietly, something more solemn in his
voice. “The whole— not being able to see yourself, that’s why newer vampires tend to cover
mirrors, or when they’re hiding from humans, we have no reason to hide.”

“I guess.”

“It is confronting,” Wilbur confesses, his voice is much quieter than it normally is, “And it
may take decades for you to get used to, but you will adjust. And— honestly, sometimes it is
better, no more worrying about your hair.”

Techno snorts.

“I know that Tommy will tell me if my hair looks completely appalling.”

“Do vampires hair still grow?”

“Somehow, yes,” Wilbur says, “You will have to talk to Phil if you want details, but yes, hair
still grows, it does make going to a hairdresser’s much more difficult, so most vampires learn
how to cut hair.”

“Can Tommy cut hair?”

“He is basically an expert at it,” Wilbur says, they reach a side room and Wilbur swings the
door open like it’s no trouble and walks through.

Techno catches the door and struggles to push it back open.

He forgets just how strong vampires are most of the time.

Wilbur pauses for a few moments, looking around, and trying to find the fabric.

The sideroom is mostly shelving with different things piled up on them, from a car tyre
stuffed in the corner of the room, to clothes from what look like different eras piled up on
shelfing, it is extremely clear that this is a vampire’s equivalent of a garage, or a shed.

There’s more bits and bobs around, left over plastic, old TVs on the ground, a box of what
looks like CDs, and another box of what look like records, there are also things that seem like
Victorian-era top hats and things of the sort.

Techno reaches out for one of the top hats.

Wilbur slaps him on the wrist, “Don’t— Phil’s waiting until a museum wants half of the
stuff.”

“What?”

“Apparently that’s how he made a lot of his original fortune, selling Celtic coins and things
of the sort.”

“Celtic?”

“Yes,” Wilbur laughs, “Phil is very old, we think from at least the Late Bronze Age, but he
neither confirms nor denies any of our theories, Tommy suspects he was actually the first
vampire, but Phil denies that one.”

Techno snorts, “Sure,” he says slowly.

Wilbur gives him a short smile, before walking past and out the door, Techno follows after
him, struggling with the door again, because he does not have as much strength as he would
like to have.

They walk back towards the mirror.

Wilbur drapes the cloth over it, before stepping back for a few moments and making sure that
gravity doesn’t make it fall.

Techno sighs, cool, his human identity will not be revealed today.

He hopes…

He hopes a lot.

He does plan to get around to it at some point, hopefully when they’re all sitting down and
it’s nearly daylight so Techno can just run outside if everything goes wrong. There is the risk
they’ll hunt him down, but none of them know where he lives.

It’s fine…

Maybe.

He thinks.

Yeah, it’ll be fine.

Wilbur sighs dramatically, “Techno, please save me the agony of small talk.”
“Then do big talk.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means,” Techno replies easily, expression as blank as possible, “You ask about the big
things, opinions on— politics, I dunno, how they got turned.”

“You never ask a vampire how they got turned,” Wilbur says.

“Niki asked me,” Techno says, shrugging.

Wilbur looks at him with shock. “Niki? She asked you?”

“Yeah,” Techno looks down at the floor and prays he isn’t about to get Niki into too much
trouble. “It was chill though, I just said I didn’t wanna talk about it, and she seemed to
respect that.”

Wilbur pauses for a few moments, “I’ll talk to her about it.”

“Do other big talk,” Techno shrugs, “Talk about aspirations or friends or— I dunno, or try
sneak a random word into it… like… goggles or pug into each conversation, give yourself
something to do.”

“Technoblade—”

“Not my name.”
“You are a genius,” Wilbur says, “What should my first word be?”

“Uh— capybara.”

“Splendid!” Wilbur grins, “Now I will go annoy Tommy—”

“Where is Tommy?” Techno asks, turning around on his heel and looking around. “I can’t…
see him.”

That is odd because it’s Tommy and Tommy tends to try and be the centre of attention not
matter what.

Wilbur looks up from the drink he’s serving himself and glances at Techno, before his eyes
dart around the room. “Uh… well he spoke to us, then I think he went off in that Tubbo kid’s
direction—”

Techno starts looking around as well, what he does see is that Tubbo kid standing in front of
Ranboo, arms crossed and clearly saying something with mild aggression. Ranboo looks
incredibly amused though.

Techno heads towards them, boots clicking against the ground in a way that is more than
satisfying.

“Is that right?” Ranboo deadpans.

“It is right!” Tubbo says, “Just because you’re old and don’t understand modern media, I’m
telling you, it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen.”

“I lived through the golden age of cinema and you’re telling me the best movie in the world
is an animated superhero movie?”
“Yes!” Tubbo says, “The animation style and characters and the plot itself, and you can tell
the heart it was done with, and I think you’re dumb and also—”

“Where’s Tommy?” Techno says.

Tubbo looks away from what seems like the start of a rant, and one probably filled with a lot
of swearing, like, a lot of swearing that Techno doesn’t care to be around for. He pulls a face,
before glancing back at Ranboo.

“Uh… haven’t seen him since Wilbur played guitar,” Tubbo says quietly, “Is he not in the
hall?”

“No,” Techno says, before looking at Ranboo, “Have you seen him?”

“No,” Ranboo mutters, “Uh— yeah I haven’t seen him in a while, he might have gone into
the kitchen? I think Phil’s taken over making sure there’s enough of everything, he might
have gotten overwhelmed.”

Sure.

Makes enough sense.

Techno sighs, running a hand down his face before turning around, heading towards the main
door.

He swings that open, with a lot of effort, because the door is fucking heavy, and is met with
the cold air of Winter starting to form on everything, it is surprisingly warm in the hall,
considering Techno knows that vampires don’t produce body heat.
Still, Techno has a certain vampire child to find.

Walking down the hallway, his footsteps are muffled by the old carpet.

There doesn’t appear to be anyone in the kitchen.

What Techno does notice, however, is the stuff that is just everywhere, things have been
knocked off shelves, glasses and cups and the fridge has even been kicked closer towards the
wall.

The door is swung wide open, letting in even more cold air.

And on the door are fingermarks, dents physically in the doorframe, like someone was—
dragged out of here kicking and screaming.

Where’s Phil?

Where the fuck is Tommy?

He knows Wilbur, Ranboo and Niki are alright.

Where the everloving fuck are Phil and Tommy?

Techno pauses for a second, looking at the fingermarks in the door, he thinks they’re
Tommy’s. He doesn’t really know for sure, it might be Phil’s, but Techno thinks that Phil is
the type to use his talons in the doorframe rather than Tommy.

“Techno!” Phil gasps, “I’ve been looking for you, I thought—”

“Where’s Tommy?” Techno says.

Phil doesn’t pale, he’s a vampire, they don’t really pale, not enough blood to drain out of their
faces. But Phil’s eyes go wide and his jaw goes slack.

Techno barely hesitates, flinging the door even more open and running out into the backyard,
it’s still a big backyard, and Techno is looking for any sign of where they took him. Any sign
of— anything.

Tommy has to be alright.

He walks around a bit, before spying what seems like a few dislodged boards at the back,
next to the observatory, and Techno swings those towards the side and steps through.

Okay. He’s on the main road now.

Where would they take Tommy?

How would they take Tommy, and what the fuck is their plan with him? Kill him? Draw in
the other vampires so they can kill all of them at once. Is this the work of another coven or
humans and what can Techno even do about it?

Techno pauses, taking a deep breath.

Right.

He needs to think like a human trying to capture a vampire.

He wouldn’t take them too far, because Techno knows that after a certain distance it’s just too
hard to track and there are too many possibilities, and if they’re trying to draw them in, that’s
just too difficult

It has to be close by.

And public.

… he sees a ruined house, just a bit down towards the end of the street, he knows that no one
would be living there, and he knows that it might be the perfect place to hold a vampire and
—

Techno does not hesitate before running up to it.

The house is a decrepit old townhouse, with vines running up the side of it, and ivy starting to
completely take over one wall. Techno has the feeling that it’s going to be sold as a ‘flipper
upper’ at some point.

Today is not that point.

Techno walks down the small path, kicking stray stones out of the way as he goes up towards
the front door.

He presses his ear against the door, hoping to hear anything, any sound or movement, hoping
to figure out even slightly what is happening. He can hear footsteps, but nothing else.

Alright. Could just be a homeless person, and Techno thinks that they deserve privacy, rather
than him snooping around trying to find his little brother.

Techno turns around, walking back towards the path.

Then he hears a shriek.

It’s mostly muffled by the walls, but Techno knows it’s Tommy, something deep in his gut
tells him that.

Techno doesn’t hesitate to sprint back up the stairs and fling the door open, stepping in
without even caring if he gets hurt or injured. He is not a vampire, at least, so the vampire
things won’t injure him at all, he thinks.

As soon as he steps in, something is thrown at him, powder of some type.

Techno throws his arm up to protect his eyes from… whatever this is, he’s not really sure
what it is.

Is that… fucking garlic powder?

God, Techno’s missed even the smell.

Techno removes his arm from covering his eyes.

In front of him are three… people. Two of them look like they’re in their late teens, and the
older one is the person from earlier, the person that Techno used to have a class with. The one
Techno knew was human and snuck in.

Right.

One has a water gun, and the other is holding a crucifix.

“Oh,” Techno says quietly, “I have terrible news for you.”

One of them fire the water at him.

Techno is mildly offended that they got his hair wet, it looked great and now it’s going to go
all curly.

“Why isn’t it working?” The one with the water gun yells.

Techno sighs, running a hand down his face.

“The power of Christ compels you—”

“Guys, I’m not a—”

He gets salt thrown at him.

Something flinches in the corner, and Techno’s gaze immediately snaps over there. Sure
enough, it’s Tommy, he has an injury on the side of his head, it’s… bleeding as much as
Techno would expect.

He knows vampires can still bleed, he also knows that they can die from blood loss, and they
need blood in the same way that humans do. To keep their brain functioning mostly. And
Tommy seems to be bleeding a bit more than Techno is comfortable with.

Also, he’s crying blood.

That… makes sense, but is also a bit horrifying.

He seems to be… in a salt circle, of some kind.

Rage builds up inside Techno, his breathing sharpens and he looks at Tommy in the corner,
who is staring up at him with wide, terrified eyes, with blood tear tracks still on his cheeks.

“The power of Christ compels you!” The same one, with the crucifix, yells again.

Tommy flinches at that, even though it’s not directed at him.

Techno takes a deep breath, “You can do that all you want, it’s not going to do anything.”

“It’s a demon!” Water-gun screams, “Demons are real.”

Techno groans, looking up at the roof.

He has garlic powder on his jacket, salt in his hair and his hair has been slightly ruined by the
water sprayed at him, which is probably Holy water, now that he thinks about it.

These fucking idiots.

“I’m a human,” Techno snaps, “Like you fuckers, I’m a human, I breathe and eat and I am
about to beat the shit out of you.”

“Wait, what?”

Techno does not even hesitate, picking up the first thing to his side.
It’s a bible.

He throws it at Crucifix Boy, and it makes a very satisfying sound as it hits, and Crucifix Boy
staggers backwards, holding a cut on the side of his head. Techno doesn’t hesitate for even
longer, ducking under Water-Gun and punching him in the stomach with all the force he can
manage.

Techno has nothing to rely on apart from pure adrenaline, and the desire to protect Tommy.

He faces his old uni buddy, and by that Techno only recognises them because they were a
dickhead to the professor, and Techno wanted to fight them most days of the week, apart
from Fridays.

Techno just smiles.

Then he grabs something also on his side, which is a whole-ass display table, one that people
normally chuck their keys and phones on, maybe has a nice little lolly bowl.

He picks up the entire table, throwing it.

It hits Uni Friend, who was not a friend at all, but Techno is now dubbing them Uni Friend,
because it is amusing to him, and there has to be something more amusing than the fight that
these three are putting up.

Techno picks up the bible again, before whacking Uni Friend across the face with it, they
stagger backwards and Techno looks at the three of them again.

Where’s Water-Gun?

“Techno,” Tommy rasps out.

Water-Gun has… the water gun against Tommy’s head, holding onto Tommy’s hand with
their other hand, and Techno does not even try to ignore the panic that immediately rises
within him.

That will kill Tommy.

Techno pauses almost completely.

Tommy looks fucking terrified.

“Alright,” Techno says, “Don’t— don’t do anything to him, he’s just a kid.”

“Fucker is probably centuries old.”

Techno hates when people he wants to hit with a book are right.

Where’s the bible?

“Look, you want the other vampires here, right?” Techno asks, “The entire coven— not just
one measly kid.”

“Techno,” Tommy mutters weakly, if he had much more energy Techno would assume there’s
anger in his voice.

“Look, he’s not the leader of any coven,” Techno continues with a surprising amount of ease,
all things considered. He manages to keep his voice surprisingly calm, despite the almost
paralysing fear he’s in. “His greatest use, one human to another is to draw the other ones in.”
This gets everyone to hesitate.

Techno uses this hesitation as a chance, he lunges at Water-Gun, knocking the gun onto the
ground, then stomping on it, as the small amount of water starts spreading and Tommy
flinches despite it being not all that close to him.

Techno whacks Water-Gun in the face, before grabbing the front of their shirt and throwing
them to the side.

Then Techno stands in front of Tommy, becoming the human shield in front of him.

If they try a stake, or a silver knife, or any of that bullshit, Techno is going to be the one
injured. “If you kill me, that is a crime,” Techno says evenly, “Now what you’re going to do,
is let me and Tommy—”

“He has a name?”

“Most things have a name,” Techno snaps, “Even your pea-sized brain is still named a brain.
Now… what you’re going to do, is let me get up, I’m going to brush away this salt circle and
then I’m grabbing Tommy and leaving.”

A moment of silence.

“Got it?”

He gets nods in response.

Techno doesn’t hesitate to start sweeping the salt ring away with his foot, to either side until
the path is almost completely clear of any salt. He keeps his eyes on the three motherfuckers
who have really ruined his day.
Eventually, he looks at Tommy, half-watching the three wannabe vampire hunters standing
across from them.

Techno holds out his hand.

“You’re a human—” Tommy rasps out, “You lied .”

“Look, this is a very reasonable thing to call me out on,” Techno says, glancing back up at the
wannabe vampire hunters once again, “But could we save this until you weren’t surrounded
by people who had items and intent to kill you to fulfil their feelings of belonging and
worth?”

Tommy shakes his head, “You lied—” he barks out, “You lied to me—”

More blood tears.

Which is… fucking terrifying, still.

Techno takes a deep breath, before looking at Tommy again, “Tommy, I know I have no right
to ask this, but I need you to trust me because you are losing a dangerous amount of blood,
and I know you need blood to keep you alive.”

“Not alive,” he returns, looking at Techno with a mixture of fury and just… nope, that’s
complete fury, rather than anything else fun. “You fucker.”

Techno huffs, before grabbing Tommy by the arm and yanking him up onto his feet, Tommy
tries to break his arm free, but he’s lost strength from the head injury and the number of tears.
“Let me go,” Tommy murmurs.
And Techno decides that he won’t be doing that, and Tommy is a complete and utter idiot,
and he basically picks up Tommy, trying to both keep him safe from the wanna-be vampire
hunters and from hurting himself more if he passes out.

“You’re okay,” Techno says gently, flipping off the wanna-be vampire hunters, “Alright?
You’re okay kid— I’ll be sending people for you lot later,” Techno promises, “And I will not
tell them to not kill you.”

That’s a lie.

But Techno can pretend it isn’t.

He manages to manhandle Tommy down the stairs, who is murmuring something underneath
his breath. It sounds like ‘liar’ but Techno isn’t exactly going to go asking about that,
because he knows it’s true.

Tommy manages a few steps, before his legs give out underneath him.

Techno makes a noise, catching Tommy’s weight, he’s surprisingly light… and walking
across the road.

“Tommy, wake the fuck up,” Techno says, looking at Tommy.

The blood from his head injury is dripping down the entire right side of his face, staining his
clothes and neck and the way that his head is flopped to the side, like he has no control over
it—

Techno suddenly cares far less about the structure of Phil’s fence, and he starts kicking it.

Old rotting wooden planks come off the fence, as Techno makes a bigger hole in the fence so
he can get himself and Tommy through.
He manages that.

Then manages to get himself through the fence, still having a hold on Tommy, and managing
to manipulate his limbs through the hole in the fence he just caused.

“You’re alright kid,” Techno promises, “You’re okay— I can help I have blood— so much of
it, you’re gonna be okay.”

He manages to drag Tommy past the observatory, but Techno’s arms waiver at the force of it
all. He’s not as strong as he’s given himself credit for, and the adrenaline is wearing off.

He needs to get Tommy inside.

“Tommy? Techno?” A voice says.

Techno looks up.

His lord and saviour Philza.

Techno staggers a few more steps, managing to get Tommy up the back stairs without too
many issues and he holds Tommy close.

“What happened?” Phil asks.

Techno steps through the doorway, dragging Tommy with him, Phil seems confused that
Techno steps through the door without asking, but Techno has bigger worries right now.
“He’s lost blood,” Techno says, “I’m not sure if it’s too much but he needs blood— and you
need to get cool with a bunch of stuff really quickly.”

“Huh?”

“I’m a human,” Techno says, dragging Tommy closer towards the counter. “And I don’t care
if you kick me out after this because Tommy needs help right now and I plan on helping
him.”

Phil stares at him, mouth slightly open. “What?”

“I’m a human,” Techno returns shortly, “But Tommy could die, so can we fix that first— then
you can do whatever you want, I don’t care—”

Phil hesitates for a moment.

Then he grabs Tommy’s other side.

Together they haul Tommy up onto the counter so he’s laying down, and he can hear the
ruckus of what is probably Wilbur running down the hallway, most likely followed by Niki
and Ranboo, none of whom have been bothered to hide their footsteps.

Techno takes a deep breath, before looking at Phil. “Give him my blood.”

“Huh?” Phil says, voice weak.

“I’m human,” Techno repeats, “I know natural blood is better than just plasma, you can say
it’s not but he needs nutrients as well, and— hook up an IV or something I am not watching
him die. Humans can lose—”
“Fourteen percent of their blood,” Phil mutters, eyes closed. “Thirty percent will have a
minimal change, I know the statistics Techno.”

Wilbur bursts into the room first, seeing Tommy laying on the island counter and his mouth
goes open, he straight away runs to Tommy’s side, trying to untangle some of the knots in his
hair.

Techno stares down Phil.

“Then find a fucking IV and hook me up to him,” Techno snaps, “Unless we’re going to force
plasma down his throat which seems much more appealing than the more ethical way.”

Niki and Ranboo join a moment later.

Niki gasps, grabbing one of Tommy’s hands and Ranboo stays at the door, hand over their
mouth as they stare with disbelief.

Techno keeps his eyes on Phil, and he knows Phil is uncomfortable with eye contact.

(He didn’t use to be.)

“Ranboo,” Techno barks, and Ranboo snaps to attention. “Find an IV connector, there should
be one in one of the storerooms, make sure it’s sealed— of course. Or just a tube with two
needles, not sure.”

Ranboo pauses for a few seconds, before stumbling over his own feet and running down the
hallway.

Techno turns to Wilbur and Niki, both fretting over Tommy. “I’m human,” Techno says.
“What?” Wilbur looks up, something dangerous flashing in his eyes. “No, you are not—”

“Notice all the times I talked about you guys, not me being able to do things. Or not able to
do things— I’m not a vampire, and you can do whatever the fuck you want afterwards,
because it seems that I’m the only one who can save Tommy.”

“Do we not have plasma?” Wilbur asks weakly.

“Not enough,” Phil says, “We’re getting more tomorrow— we used most of it on the
banquet.”

Wilbur’s eyes go wide with fear, and Techno takes a deep breath.

“I know I lied, and I know I kept the truth, I was going to come clean eventually— I just
needed to figure out that you wouldn’t tear out my throat, still not sure about that but Tommy
could die without it—”

Wilbur pauses for a moment, expression dark. He glances at Niki.

“Did you know?”

“He used Tommy’s phone,” Niki replies gently, “Vampires don’t… have the warmth for that,
they can’t use phones without styluses. So yes, I knew.”

“And you did not alert me?” Wilbur shrieks, “That someone dangerous was spending time
with us, becoming our friend?”

“Techno is no more dangerous than a vampire of the same name,” Niki responds, the
gentleness has left her voice, and she glares slightly at Wilbur. “You can not speak that way
about someone who is going to save your brother’s life.”
Wilbur looks at Techno, glaring again.

Techno doesn’t flinch away from his glare and instead meets it with his own stare.

Wilbur looks away first, looking back at Tommy and trying to tangle from some of the blood
that covered his hair, trying to fix the matted mess that had become.

Techno took a deep breath.

Ranboo comes running back a few moments, with something that looks medically sound
enough and throws it at Phil. Who catches it with no hesitation and rips the packaging open
like it’s nothing.

“Arm on the counter,” Phil says.

Techno takes his coat off and pulls the sleeve of his shirt up so his elbow is showing and
places his arm on the table, the paler side facing up, the side with all the veins and shit.
Techno closes his eyes.

He knows Phil struggles to find a vein, seemingly not having done it in a while. Techno can
feel two pricks in his skin before he gets something that seems to work, and Techno glances
at the needle in his arm.

Dope.

Phil doesn’t struggle nearly as much with Tommy, and Techno assumes it mutters much less
for a vampire where you stab it since Techno doesn’t really think they have particular points
they need blood from.
Techno doesn’t know jack-shit about vampires.

“Tell us if you start feeling dizzy,” Niki says, giving Phil a sharp look.

Techno nods.

He hates the way that the silence passes, he knows everyone is looking at him, and he knows
everyone is allowed to be upset with him.

“Why?” Wilbur eventually says, “Why— why lie?”

“It wasn’t my intention,” Techno mumbles, “I went to the first meeting and— I wasn’t going
to come back, really, God’s honest truth, but I read ‘A Man Called Ove’ and I just… fell in
love with it and I wanted more book recommendations from you.”

Wilbur’s mouth falls open.

“Hold your arm up,” Phil says, and Techno holds his arm up in the air so the blood can flow
better, he assumes.

Then Wilbur barks with laughter, “You potentially risked your life— to talk with vampires
about book recommendations.”

Something in the room lightens.

It’s not quite a forgiveness— Techno’s barely explained himself.

But it feels a lot nicer than the suffocating feeling that surrounded everything a few moments
ago, it’s nice.
Techno sighs and settles into easier silence.

Tommy’s okay.

Things will be okay.

And Techno can’t ask for much more, all circumstances considered.

“I’ve meant everything else I’ve said,” Techno keeps his voice as even as possible, “I do care
about you all— a lot, I haven’t lied apart from trying to… well keep up the one big lie. I’ve
meant everything else.”

More silence around the room.

“We know,” Ranboo says.

Techno nods.

The silence doesn’t seem to agree though.

Eventually, Tommy seems to have the slightest bit of colour in him, and Techno’s head is
spinning, so they take out the whole blood transfusion situation they have going on, and
Techno’s head spins a little bit.

Techno stands up to leave.

Tommy’s hand shoots out, to grab Techno by the arm, his eyes open, only a little, “Deo?”
Wilbur tenses.

Techno doesn’t know a Deo… but it’s not looking great.

“No,” Techno says quietly, “Not me.”

Tommy makes a noise in the back of his throat, “Stay— please.” He still has hold of Techno’s
arm and Techno can’t find it within himself to rip his arm away.

“Okay…” he says and sits back down on the chair Ranboo dragged back in.

And he does stay, for a bit, while things are still fine and good and no one is glaring at him.

Soon those looks change into glares, and Tommy’s own expression changes into something
angrier.

Techno leaves before anyone can say anyone to him before they can get into a fight because
Techno wants nothing less than to fight with the people he cares about the most. He knows
that he fucked up, and he knows that these guys don’t want to be around him for now.

He hopes that time changes that.

Still, the street feels a bit colder as he walks home.

Techno knows three things.

One. Phil is the only one who has checked in on him officially, as he’s the only one who has
Techno’s email because of… some reason Techno has since forgotten.

Two. He is a lot more productive when he’s on a kinda normal sleep schedule, sure two in the
morning isn’t the best time to go to bed, but it’s a lot better than when he used to go to bed at
about six in the morning.

Three. His head hurts, this is mostly unrelated to anything else, just a general note he has for
himself.

He doesn’t exactly enjoy the silence anymore, but he doesn’t hate it as much as he thought he
would, it’s not nice, but it’s not bad either. He’s always been a bit of a loner and he supposes
this isn’t much different.

It is a quiet night, it’s a bit later than Techno would like to be having dinner, but he got
engrossed in a new manuscript that was brought to him and he read the entire thing in a few
hours, unable to put it down.

There’s a knock at the door.

Techno raises an eyebrow. That’s… odd.

He isn’t expecting anyone.

Standing up, he heads towards the door, the chain lock thing is still on it, and Techno doesn’t
plan on taking it off until he knows who is outside his door.

He opens it slightly.
Nothing.

That’s… odd.

Techno looks down at the ground.

There’s something that looks like a pasta bake on the ground.

Techno looks around curiously.

There’s no one around.

Alright then.

He opens his door the full way, before reaching down and picking up the dish it’s in. He
recognises the dish, it’s one that they would never touch because they didn’t eat anything, so
Techno just had to look at this wonderful pasta bake dish.

On the ground is a note.

Keep the dish

-N

Niki.

Techno finds himself smiling a little at that.

And yeah, he sticks the note up on the fridge. With one of those shitty tourist magnets that
Techno got while in Paris for some writing thing he had to go to.

He smiles a bit brighter at that.

It’s not quite forgiveness, and Techno doesn’t expect forgiveness from them yet, he did lie
about a big thing. And— maybe they can understand why he did it, but they might not want
to forgive him yet.

Techno gets that.

He sighs, before looking at the pasta bake.

At least he doesn’t have to make dinner tonight.

It would be better with garlic though.

That makes Techno snort to himself.

Techno is late-night grocery shopping when he sees Ranboo.

He’s hanging about the ice cream aisle, wondering if he should really get the ice cream
because he’s already eaten a lot of ice cream and he’s not made of money and—

“Techno?”
Techno looks up from his debate with the ice cream.

It’s Ranboo.

He’s standing there, next to the kid from the banquet and also McDonald’s— what’s his
name? Tubbo.

Techno can also see a mop of blond hair basically dive out of the way of his line of view.

Okay.

He’s gonna pretend that Tommy didn’t just throw himself on the floor so he doesn’t have to
talk to Techno.

“What are you doing here?” Techno asks, glancing back at the ice cream.

“Figured we’d try more food,” Ranboo says, walking the short distance down the aisle and
standing in front of Techno. “Since we can disgust it, it just gets absorbed into our
bloodstream.”

“Have potatoes,” Techno says, nodding to himself, “Potatoes are always good, trust me on
that one. Also very good for you.”

“We’re not exactly worried about nutrition bossman,” Tubbo laughs next to Ranboo, before
holding out his hand, “Tubbo— I’m like— well them and Tommy I guess, in case you
couldn’t guess.”

“You were at the banquet,” Techno deadpans, “I assumed most of the people there were not
like me and were like Tommy and the rest of ‘em.”
Tubbo snorts, “Also good DnD lie, by the way, I believed you on that.”

“Thanks,” Techno says in his ever-monotone voice, something that makes Ranboo roll their
eyes, but Techno doesn’t mind. “How is everyone?” He looks at Ranboo for this bit.

Ranboo smiles, “Good— they’re good, Tubbo is our latest guest at Phil’s house.”

“Oh?” Techno says with a grin, “Is that right.”

“Not in the coven—” Tubbo says defensively, “Or replacing you—”

“Tubbo, trust me, I am not insecure about being replaced, I held a very specific role in that
house.”

“What was that?” Ranboo asks.

“Traitor.”

Tubbo howls with laughter and Ranboo looks a mixture of horrified and amused, but they
playfully hit Techno in the arm because of it and that makes Tubbo howl with laughter even
more.

Techno grabs the ice cream he was planning on getting, before holding it out to Ranboo who
screws up their face looking at it.

“Have that,” Techno says, “Cookies and cream ice cream, it’s very good.”

Ranboo takes it with a smile, “You gonna come around sometime?”

“Nah,” Techno says quietly, “Maybe someday.”

He pauses for a second, before deciding that he’s done with shopping anyway, and he can
physically see Tommy peering through the cereal boxes in the next aisle over, even the shitty
lighting in the refrigerator section lighting his face.

“See you around Ranboo, hope to see you around Tubbo.”

Tubbo nods.

And Techno is… well maybe a bit of a coward because he basically runs out of the store.

Dear Techno,

I hope this email finds you well.

Or whatever young people use to sign off emails, I will confess that living in the 1600s was
easier because I could just duel people instead of having to reply to emails, fake polite emails
are truly where we went wrong as a society.

Regardless, I hope you are well.

I think Wilbur misses you but he will not say he does, I miss you at least, you and Wilbur were
the only ones who could play the piano even slightly. Please consider visiting once or twice
again, Tommy and Wilbur would cope with it or leave because Niki, Ranboo and I miss
having your company and Tubbo thinks you’re delightful.
In other news, Wilbur broke another piano by trying to tap dance on it, Niki finally took up
cooking and I believe you will have more goodies coming your way (no salt or garlic for
reasons that are obvious), Ranboo has finally learnt how to beat the level on Cuphead that
Tommy always does and Tommy has learnt to sort of play guitar. I also tried to replicate
Mycenean pottery and that did not go well.

Hope you’re well,

Sincerely, Phil.

Phil,

Hi, I haven’t really been able to respond to any of these, just because I didn’t know what I
could say that you would want to listen to. But after hearing the utter random shit you
spouted, I’ve decided that I think you just wanted a response from me.

I would love to come over, but I think Wilbur and Tommy, in particular, need more time and I
want to respect that, they are justified in their feelings, after all, I would be pretty upset if the
situations were reversed.

But make sure Wilbur knows I called him an idiot for tap dancing on the piano again. Please
get the next one insured.

Hope the blood stealing is going well, still not sure about the ethics of that but I try to ignore
it the best I can. I mean… at least it’s gonna be thrown out either way? But now I’m curious
about the nutrition of having almost-off plasma.

I am thinking about getting a dog and meeting up with some friends I made at university
soon. This time we’re going to fight about the fact I won the potato war (very, very, very, very
long story, I’ll tell it sometime)
Apart from that, I’ve been well, same old here.

I am bad at sign-offs,

- Techno

Wilbur’s gesture is a bit more simple than the ones he’s gotten from the others. Or more
grand, depending on how someone looks at it.

Techno has had a rather calming day, a very nice one, he has all his work done, he’s recently
hung out with people who aren’t vampires and they had a nice time, ate some good food, had
one of the cookies that Niki made when she visited.

Oh yeah, Niki’s actively visiting now.

Techno’s glad, because Niki just seems to get him, and doesn’t have the level of judgement
he feared she would. She claims that she gets it, understands why he did it and doesn’t want
to hold the grudge against him.

He’s also glad about that.

The air gets colder, Techno has to wear more layers than he used to.

It’s an early morning in Late November, it hasn’t snowed because London doesn’t snow as
often as Techno would like. But at the same time he’s grateful he doesn’t need to figure out
how to shovel snow because that seems like a nightmare.
He checks his mailbox, an absent minded thing.

In it is a brown package, with a neatly written Techno on the front of it.

Techno knows that it’s Wilbur’s writing without needing to think about it, his journey to go
on a morning walk is abandoned, and he heads back inside, taking his coat off and throwing
the package onto his dining table.

Still, that is covered in papers.

He’ll change that habit about him… basically never.

He sits down.

Takes a deep breath.

Then unwraps the package slowly, carefully, like he expects it to explode or something,
which is something that it doesn’t do, thank fuck.

It’s a book.

Beartown it reads.

By Fredrik Backman.

Techno finds himself smiling at that, and he flicks the first page open.
A piece of paper falls out.

An American (Ranboo) told me that it is Thanksgiving, I still don’t get Thanksgiving at

all or the point of it, but I got told you are supposed to state the things you are grateful for.

I am grateful for you, and the fact you blindly read whatever novel I give you.

Come home once you have read it, if you want. Like all of Backman’s works it is really
good, I need to talk about it with someone and Tommy is a bore who doesn’t want to engage
with interesting affairs such as reading.

Techno smiles to himself.

That letter joins the one on the fridge with Niki’s.

Joins the sticky note that Tubbo stuck to his head when they passed each other in the
supermarket a week ago, it’s an empty sticky note, but Techno still found it incredibly
amusing, to say the least.

Techno smiles.

Things are good.

Techno knows that it’s Tommy at the door without even knowing that it’s him.

It is the hesitance in the knock that gives it away, the quieter one, like he almost regretted
this, followed by a louder few knocks and then a quiet one as the confidence drained away,
leaving a kid standing on the other side of the door.
Techno, honestly, hesitates before opening the door.

But he’s never really been able to say no to Tommy, and he knows Tommy used to take
advantage of that to get away with all sorts of random shit.

Techno opens the door.

Tommy smiles at him, an awkward thing on his face.

“I’m still mad at you,” Tommy says.

“I didn’t expect you wouldn’t hold a grudge.”

Tommy frowns at that before smiling slightly. “Oh, is that right Technoblade?”

“That’s still not my name.”

“But you respond to it,” Tommy returns, tilting his head slightly, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

A moment of silence that is beyond awkward and on another level.

And Tommy hesitates for a moment longer, before wrapping his arms around Techno, and
Techno only hesitates for a few moments before hugging Tommy back, hugging him around
the shoulders as Tommy relaxes into the hug.
“I’m still angry at you.”

“I know.”

“I missed you.”

“I know kid, I know.”

“I don’t care if you’re a human— you’re still alright and this means that you have to taste test
the biscuits I’ve been making and you need a better sleep schedule and so many things make
sense and I missed you so fucking much and I want you to come home, really, really badly,
please come home everyone misses you and I was being stubborn but—”

“Slow down, kid,” Techno laughs, letting go of Tommy. “I was just trying to give you some
space.”

“Well I’m sick of space, and I miss you. Come home.”

“Okay,” Techno says.

Tommy pauses, looking up at Techno with wide eyes. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“That easy?”

“Always,” Techno responds.

And Tommy smiles, a real smile that plays across his entire face, making his entire face feel
brighter and his eyes seem to shine with it. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too Tommy.”

“Now let’s go.”

So Techno follows after Tommy, grateful that he’s going back home,

He knows he’ll be welcomed with warmth despite the coldness of vampire’s skin, and he will
feel like he’s with a family, and he’ll feel alive and human and everything beautiful.

A vampire family is what finally made him feel human.

He tries not to smile at the irony of it all.

End Notes

Okay I have three people to thank for this fic eventually coming together!

First is Rozy, who when I was struggling with the ending went 'ayo, make them hug at the
end' and without knowing the context she was 100% right and based for that, and I am proud
of her for it.

Second of all is Twi Twilight Stormcat, who read it all for THE VIBES, my official vibe
checker, checked the vibes and fucking SLAYED while doing it, so thank you Twi, if you are
reading this for being the vibe checker, it seemed to pass the vibe check and for that I am
grateful.

Last, AND NOT LEAST, is TAYLOR TAYLOR_WRITES_SOMETIMES, who this fic is

dedicated to, Taylor is an amazing friend and REALLY fun to bully about being old AND
liking bedrock bros AND reacting to snippets and generally replying and BEAN PICTURES,
SO MANY BEAN PICTURES. I worked real hard on this for a couple of days straight, so I
hoped it was worth it! I hope you enjoyed my friend, and I hope you have had and are having
an excellent birthday so far, many wishes to you, make good choices, remember to feed Bean
in the morning. Take care. Peace love and also plants!

And for any of y'all strapped in for the Ellis Fics™ my next fic out will either be a
wilbur!healer au, or a space fic ft. goldenboys

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!