A word on “cargo cults”, coding, and a lost submarine
During your career in IT, or really any technical trade, you’re bound to stumble upon “cargo cultists”. Maybe you already had, and they left you puzzled: what the hell some people are thinking? Here’s a word of advice no programming school will ever give to you.
What is a cargo cult?
The term itself was coined, I think, in the 1960s, and originally had nothing to do with IT. Researchers described an amazing phenomenon occurring among island-dwelling tribes living on remote Pacific islands. These people used to live among Stone Age conditions, and most of them never met civilization or even other people until the Second World War. Their first encounter with them was the US military landing on their islands, and creating forward airbases and supply depots in their campaign against Japan. The “savages” were dumbfounded when they saw “gods” descending from the skies in huge, buzzing metal birds, erecting buildings, and going after their godly business in their mysterious ways. They seemed to be harmless, even friendly to the locals, and sometimes even gave them food or useful things, such as metal tools and building materials.
One day these mysterious gods suddenly packed up and left. The war was over, but the islanders knew nothing about them. They watched the last airplane disappearing on the horizon, and they were left to their own devices again, trying to figure out what the heck happened. But then, some of the islanders were thinking: “Wow, these gods were really amazing. Maybe we could try to become as awesome as they were? Maybe we should try to imitate their ways?”
When “civilized” people landed on the island the next time, they found amazing developments. The locals started building structures imitating military installations. There were airfields, with hangars constructed of twigs and palm leaves, complete with mock aircraft. Men were posted at the perimeter with sticks, mimicking patrols and guards. They were desperately trying to find out how all of this miracle worked, hoping they could one day take it into the skies like the khaki gods, or see huge crates of food delivered to them, without having to hunt or fish ever again. Of course, it never happened.
In fact, some cargo cults predated WW2, and some appeared later. People witnessing enormous technical miracles seem to instinctively try to mimic what they saw. However, in most cases, they fail to understand the underlying principles. Maybe you’ve seen videos on YouTube about African people trying to “engineer” airplanes that will never fly. This can happen to anyone. In the words of a lady I used to know:
“When I was five years old, I wanted to build a robot friend. I collected all sorts of parts and things around the house, and put it together into a robot. I was frustrated and cried when it didn’t come alive. Then I understood: a robot isn’t going to be a robot just because it looks like one.
It’s understandable — I built an airplane the same way, around the same age. Thus we are both living proof that a cargo cult isn’t something only “savage” people do. However, being five years old, or living on a secluded Pacific island may be an excuse for not understanding such things.
What’s this got to do with a submarine? (We’re getting to coding, be patient!)
At the time I’m writing this article, the headlines are all about a homebrew submarine that attempted to visit the wreck of the Titanic, but broke up underwater and killed its crew. Yes, I’m talking about the infamous Titan, a ridiculous example of irresponsibility, stupidity, and… cargo cults.
I’m sure OceanGate are going to win this year’s Darwin Award. Their kludgery of a vessel was not designed along sound engineering principles. In fact, the company CEO refused to employ “fifty year old white dudes”, former submariners, because he found them “uninspiring”. He employed woke young people instead, and designed the submarine along childish ideas, having no experience or discipline. Critical parts were obtained from a plumbing store, and most famously, it was controlled with a $20 video game controller. It also lacked backup systems, and had no manual controls. In fact, the only “instrument” was a simple button that turned the machine on or off. Of course, this insanity was not approved by any maritime authority for operation. They didn’t care.
These idiots, and I’m sorry, but that’s what they were, trusted their lives not on engineers, but their belief in political correctness. They seriously thought that kids barely out of high school, dedicated to “inclusion” and “diversity”, will produce the same, if not better quality than seasoned engineers who have been working on submersibles all of their lives. That being 22 year old, and regularly visiting drag shows makes up for the lack of proper knowledge. They even fired the only real engineer they had, after he called their attention to the dangers. This was seen as “bigotry”, as it did not align with the conviction that young daydreamers are better at engineering than, well, real engineers.
Have you yet recognized how this was a cargo cult? Let me help. They built something resembling a submersible, based on what they understood of submersibles (which wasn’t much), and expected it to work as a submersible, because it looked like one. Arguably, they got somewhat closer to the real thing than Pacific natives with their twig airplanes. Yet still, their product was a far cry from a proper sub, and they paid with their lives for their stubborn idiocy.
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
- Asleigh Brilliant
Everyday cargo cults in IT
While OceanGate’s venture ended in a tragical (or comical, if you’re into cynicism) outcome, you should realize that these kind of people are everywhere in most technical trades. IT is particularly attractive them, because there’s little that can kill you in a cool office. If you ever worked at a major company, you must’ve met them. Literally, because they’re the ones who call all the meetings.
These people have zero understanding of computers or programming in general. This is even more shocking, as they often have degrees in computer science. How did they obtain that? From other cargo cultists, of course. The same way how OceanGate got their “engineers”. These people don’t know how to write software, or how to run a development project, but they’re doing their damnedest to pretend. They rent and furnish a trendy office downtown. They put on suits. They place a cup of latte on their desk. They buy a laptop, and cover it with stickers, supposedly indicating their dedication. They talk techy, read nerdy news portals (written by other cargo cultists) and keep themselves updated on tech trends.
Yet they can’t put a “Hello World” together without burning down the kitchen. They’re woefully inept at actually building things. Their project is a twig aircraft, and their company is a Potemkin village. They put a robot together, and expect it to miraculously come alive. When it doesn’t, they start looking for excuses. The first question they will ask is always this: Did we follow the political guidelines strictly enough? Are we diverse and inclusive enough? Do we have enough women, people of color, homosexuals and disabled people on the team? Did we have enough meetings? Are we meeting carbon footprint quotas?
This is nothing new. The first ever cargo cult product in IT was Windows 95, way before wokeism was a thing. It was a very poorly made, terrible piece of software. You may have different memories, but believe me, I was already around when it came out. It was a disaster. It was the first proof that things don’t have to actually work to be marketable. Ignorant people will buy a twig aircraft, and believe it flies. Windows 95 was a twig aircraft. Well, one that could actually fly a little, just to fool people into believing in it. Who listened to experienced people? Nobody did. This became mainstream by now.
Beware of cargo cults. Beware of people who can’t code, but pretend they can. Beware of people who religiously believe in anything. Be a punk, be a hacker, deny and defy. The pink haired weirdo, who’s playing with her crayons all day and claims to be an IT expert, is not the one you should care. The guy who tinkers with React from 9 to 5, then shuts down the computer and goes home is not a programmer. The perpetually offended nonces are not a factor in your life.
And that actually goes to all fields of life, not only IT.
Happy coding!
