Social Skills: The Perfect Guide on How to Improve Your Conversation for Effective Speaking, Manage Shyness, Stress Tolerance and Increase Your Self-Esteem

Introduction

Social skills are a valuable asset in life, as they provide a means to communicate, solve problems, and navigate through difficult and challenging situations. At first glance, most people appear to socialize similarly, though some people are more engaging in conversation and eager to chat, others are more withdrawn and hesitant to connect. There are natural conversation starters and those of us who may feel awkward or even frightened at the prospect of talking to someone, especially initializing the start of a discussion or small talk.

The way we communicate and how we interact with others plays an important role early in life, beginning in childhood when we play with other kids at the local playground, or learn to speak with parents, teachers and other people in our community. Building social skills is vital to the development and growth of our mental and emotional health and well being (Lawson, 2003). Some people are exposed to more opportunities and develop stronger skills than others, with a natural talent for listening and speaking well. There are hurdles many people face, such as language barriers, attention span limitations, and challenges with cognitive ability when socializing. Some people are shy, and experience fear when overcoming social situations, or struggle with expressing themselves, whether it be their feelings, opinions on a subject or general conversation. 

The purpose of this book is to help you develop skills to communicate well so that you are adequately understood and able to respond and correspond well with others.  There are tools and scenarios here that provide a framework to build a solid foundation for conversation, better listening skills, and empathy towards others. Developing these and other characteristics are key in improving your ability to productively communicate with people and succeed in life as a result.

Social Skills: What They Are and Why They Are Important

Every aspect of our life involves developing and using social skills on one level or another. Imagine going to a job interview while looking for employment. It may be your first or tenth interview, and you may have an idea of the types of questions the interviewer may have or at least a general understanding of what they’re looking for in an employee. When you arrive at the interview, your appearance and greeting are professional, and you’re invited into a room with a panel of people. They start with casual yet business appropriate conversation. How do you respond? You might know in advance how to answer basic interview questions and feel confident in your abilities for the job, but how do you engage on a personal level, and why is it important?

When you arrive at a friend’s party, you may know a few people or no one at all. How do you introduce yourself and begin a conversation? Do you wait for someone else to approach you, or do you take the initiative and speak first? Knowing how to converse casually and comfortably with people in every situation, whether it’s the occasional party or networking event, can make a significant impact on how well you success in life and how other people interact with you. This book will provide you with the tools and skills you can apply in a variety of scenarios to improve your social skills and confidence while developing active listening, non-verbal cues, and using empathy to connect with people.

Chapter 1:

How to Develop Social Skills

The Basics of Good Communication

Social skills are vital to success in every aspect of life, from networking for employment, making friends, and new connections to enjoying new experiences and improving how you understand and communicate with others. Developing conversational skills is a necessary foundation for how we express ourselves and understand how to effectively communicate. Some people possess a natural ability to engage in conversation with anyone, while some of us may struggle with the initial steps of approaching someone without feeling shy, awkward, or uncomfortable. To start a conversation, you don’t have to be an expert on a given subject or make a big impression. It takes an eager and willing attitude to connect with someone, either because you’re interested in meeting them, you want to ask a question, or merely like starting conversations. For many people, the communication itself is easy, but getting started is more of a challenge.

Keeping It Simple: Topics to Start the Conversation

It’s natural to connect with other people, whether it’s online or in person.  We all want to be understood, liked, and recognized in one way or another. Starting a conversation is one way in which we can reach out to someone, perhaps a new person we would like to meet for the first time, or a familiar face, such as a colleague or acquaintance. We initiate contact non-verbally at first, with a nod or smile, or an offer to shake hands with an introduction. After the first interaction, it’s good to follow up with a conversation starter that will hold the other person’s attention.  The topic chosen should be light, fun, and easy to follow. The setting and occasion are both important factors to consider when deciding on a subject to open with.

What other factors should you consider when starting a conversation with someone, especially for the first time? Here are a few ideas to keep in mind:

Consider the atmosphere and location: is it in a work environment or around people who may likely contact you for employment-related opportunities?  Is the event professional or more business-like? If so, it’s best to avoid openers that are too personal or invasive. While some people are comfortable asking what you’ve got planned for the weekend or discussing current news, others may not want to reveal any aspect of their personal life or views (at least not right away). In a more informal setting, where you may be familiar with some of the attendees and guests, it may be more appropriate to engage on a more personal level. 

Knowing your audience and when to speak is also important. If you’re attending a party with people who are discussing film and art as the main topic, opening a conversation about politics or sports may not be suitable. If you’re unfamiliar with the topic or genre of an ongoing discussion, it doesn’t hurt to ask questions and show an interest. This is one way to start a conversation, and will often result in learning about other people’s ideas and possibly more about a particular subject. 

Research ahead. If you know about an event that will center around a specific theme or interest, it’s always a good idea to learn more about it before attending.  This will allow you to learn about the subject matter and become more confident in approaching others about it for discussion. 

Don’t be afraid to begin a conversation with a simple question. This is a good idea if you’re not too familiar with a specific venue or people outside your circle, and want to become acquainted with a new interest. More often than not, people are delighted to explain and share information about a topic they are passionate and excited about. Some of the best experiences in life are unexpected and opportunities to learn something new, whether it’s the arts, theater, or a new sport or hobby.

What topics are best to start a conversation with? One of the most common ways to engage with people is to ask or comment about the weather. It’s a non-contentious subject that will always receive a response, and a good segway into more conversation.  For some people, talking about the chance of rain or the likelihood of a storm is not compelling enough, and they would rather be more creative. If