Another Way: Navigating Toward Positive Change

Chapter 1: Our Navigation System

We get accustomed to the way things are, regardless of whether we want or do not want anything different.  We may not even like the status quo, but we are inevitably habituated toward some aspects of it.  It may be the financial security it offers. The social stability it provides us. The emotional certainty it exerts upon us.  As a result we become paralyzed when we are faced with anything undesirable or unexpected.  We struggle, become frustrated, and start to feel lost.

Change is rarely a straightforward process and we are likely to face the undesirable and unexpected along the way.  We can navigate through change successfully if we make full use of our basic biology, which wires us to effectively navigate the world.  That biology is made up of our beliefs, emotions, senses, and thoughts.  These work in tandem so that we can acknowledge emerging conditions, evaluate them, and take responsive action. 

Our biological navigation systems are mostly out of practice because in our modern culture we do not utilize our senses effectively, we do not process our emotions fully, and because we are prone to intellectual denial.  What makes matters worse is that in adopting the norms of our modern society—along with its belief systems and modes of operating—we actively hijack our navigation system.  All of this prevents us from moving toward positive change—as individuals and as a society.   

This book will take you on a personal journey and tour of your internal navigation system.  You will get to delve deeply into the change you are facing or hoping to create.  Chapters 2-4 will explore the subject of what motivates you.  Chapters 5-6 will explain how you are intellectually vulnerable to getting lost in denial.  Chapters 7-9 will introduce you to some of the most underutilized aspects of your internal navigation system.  Chapters 10-15 will demonstrate how you can utilize that system properly to engage with whatever reality you are facing.  Chapters 16-17 will tackle two major cultural constructs that hijack your navigation system.  Finally, Chapters 18-20 will address how you can best interact with others.       

Take your time doing the journaling / meditation exercises at the end of each chapter.  They will help you develop the intellectual resiliency and strength to create change and successfully navigate through difficult situations.  I suggest that you write three pages journaling answers to each question and meditate upon your answers.  This may sound excessive to you, but it is not.  You might be halfway through page two or need to spend a few days thinking about or feeling into your answers before you gain clarity.  So give yourself the time and space to do so. 

Journaling / Meditation Questions

Think of a situation in which you initiated change.  Did your expectations of how things would unfold deviate from reality?

Think of a situation in which change came to you.  Who initiated the change?  How did it affect you?

Think of a situation where you avoided change.  What were you avoiding? What was the outcome? 

Chapter 2: Motivating Needs

We are tied to the status quo because it helps meet our needs. When enough of our needs are not being met, we will long for something different.  If our needs are being threatened by emerging circumstances, we will resist change.  Our needs are motivators and will determine whether we desire or resist movement. 

Human beings have a common set of needs.  They fall into seven categories, and all of them are about how we feel.  To various degrees, we want to feel that we are:

Safe and secure

Accomplishing our goals

In control of our lives

Understood, accepted, belonging

Autonomous individuals

Enjoying our lives

Making a positive impact on the world

We form priorities with respect to these seven categories based on our personal experiences and the experiences of others we identify with.  For example, we may have experienced a period of time when we lost flexibility in our work schedule (part of our autonomy); as a result, we may prioritize maintaining or regaining that flexibility going forward.  It is also possible that we got lucky at some point and our need for autonomy was fulfilled so well that the experience formed a clear impression in our mind that we want more of the same.  Alternatively, we may have witnessed other people experience certain positive or negative events with respect to getting their needs met, and this has left a strong impression on us about what we most value. 

We will also sometimes be put in a position where external constraints force us to make a decision to prioritize one of our needs above others.  For example, we may have to choose between having a sense of belonging with others and our sense of autonomy.  We will not be happy being forced to choose.  However, such decision points help us refine our understanding of what we most need at any given time, by getting us to focus our attention and energies on what is most important to us. 

We can learn a lot about ourselves by seeing what we choose to sacrifice when we are forced to make tough decisions.  Indeed, our priorities will reveal a tremendous amount of information about how we approach various types of change in our lives.

How we perceive any emerging situation—and the emotional response we have to it— depends upon whether we perceive that our needs, as prioritized, are being met or displaced by it.  Take, for example, two individuals with different priorities who interpreted the same changing circumstances at work very differently: both were told that their companies would move everyone to a work from home situation. 

The first person lived in the US, had a long driving commute, worked in a cubicle, and had little occasion to socialize with their colleagues.  They were thrilled to be working from home and overjoyed at their company’s decision.  It offered them more flexibility and free time.  Their conclusion was that the change created an opportunity for their company to realize that its employees were equally productive working remotely. 

The second person lived in Europe, walked to work, engaged with their teammates at the office, and it was custom for them to take social breaks and lunches with their colleagues.  They were mortified by their company’s decision to move to a work from home situation.  It would strip them of a large part of their connection to others.  Their conclusion was that their company was trying to isolate and control its workforce and that the change was just an excuse to do that. 

The difference between the two individuals and their interpretation of reality is that one lived within a context in which the change to working at home felt like something positive had been granted to them (flexibility and free time) based on their priorities.  The second person lived within a context in which the same change felt like something positive has been taken away from them (professional connection and social contact) based on a totally different set of priorities.  The example illustrates that the way in which we judge our reality is dependent on whether we feel that our needs, as currently prioritized,