Can we talk about the myth of “having it all”?

By Lynnecia S. Eley | The Confidence Doula™

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I asked a question on LinkedIn recently: “What do you think is the primary reason for the underrepresentation of women in leadership roles?”

The answers didn’t surprise me, but they did validate what many of us already feel:

• 45% of respondents said it’s work-life balance

• 36% named organizational biases

That’s over 80% pointing directly to the weight women carry, internally and externally. Women aren’t stepping back or hesitating to jump into leadership roles because they aren’t capable. It’s because they are expected to lead teams, raise families, pour into communities, build legacies, be emotionally stable and available, and still show up like they’ve enjoyed eight hours of sleep and a nutritious breakfast smoothie.

The myth of “having it all” is rather exhausting to even think about—while too many bold, purpose-driven women are burning out trying to meet a standard that wasn’t established with us in mind.

Have we all been set up? Somewhere along the way, balance became a badge of honor. We were told that if we got the planner, the gym membership, the promotion, and the partnership and had the perfect routine, we’d unlock a life full of happiness and power. HA! Most of us have learned this truth the hard way: having it all is not the same as being well.

Over the last few years, what I’ve learned instead:

• You can love your work and still crave rest.

• You can be confident and still desire clarity.

• You can “have it all” on paper and in frames on your wall and still feel like something’s missing.

It’s not about if you are capable. You’ve proven that already. The question then is, what does “ALL” really mean to you? More importantly, who or what experience has given you that definition?

Let’s reframe the attachment of having it all. For some, having it all means running a business or conducting meetings in a nice corner office with a view of the city. For others, it means soft boundaries and slow mornings. But for many of us, it’s peace. It’s flexibility. It’s autonomy. It’s no longer being the default for everyone else. Having it all is not doing all the things. It’s really about doing what matters most to you and on your terms. 

Here’s your permission slip (signed by The Confidence Doula):

1. You don’t have to perform a balance for anyone.

2. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for shifting your boundaries.

3. You are allowed to grow and harvest what success looks like as your life grows and adapts too.

Work-life balance isn’t a perfect split of priorities. It’s alignment, and it’s also intentional. AND, it’s knowing when to show up and when to rest—without guilt.

Now, it’s your turn. What can you identify and redefine this year to protect your peace and purpose?

Drop a comment, share your story, and pass this along to a woman who needs to be reminded that her value is in her vision