The Clarity Break: How to Lead When You’re Misunderstood
By Lynnecia S. Eley | The Confidence Doula™
You’re in the middle of a conversation, tension is rising, the tone shifts, and something unexpected happens.
Your mind slows down for just a second.
Your perspective shifts.
And without warning, you realize, “This isn’t about me. This situation is about what they’re holding onto… or hiding behind.”
This experience is what I am now calling a 'Clarity Break'. It’s not always in your face or dramatic. Sometimes it’s just a pause, a deep breath, or a quiet voice in your head saying, "This moment is asking more of me than the words being said."
The Clarity Break: A Leadership Test in Real Time
In a split second, everything in you might want to react and defend your intentions, correct the narrative, or wrap up the conversation to avoid the discomfort.
But here’s the truth: clarity breaks are emotional leadership pop quizzes. You didn’t study for them. You don’t get a do-over. And they show up when the stakes are high and feelings are louder than the facts. This is the moment when who you are as a leader outweighs what you say. Because clarity breaks aren’t about fixing the other person. They’re about managing you.
Your thoughts
Your tone
Your presence
Your decision to rise above the noise
Do you stay grounded, or do you match their energy? Do you listen to respond or pause to reflect? Do you lead with conviction or try to flip and control the outcome? How you move in that moment defines not just your emotional intelligence but also your influence.
My Personal Clarity Break: When my confidence was misread
I recently walked into a conversation with good intentions. I genuinely thought we were coming together to create clarity, to bridge gaps, clear the air, and dismantle any misconceptions or tension that may have been lingering. But instead, I was met with labels. Words like combative and confrontational. Even the implication that I somehow wanted to “be the boss” or that I could “do the job better.”
And listen… that stung.
Not because any of it was rooted in truth, but because I recognized what was actually happening. I was no longer in a conversation. I was inside someone’s projection. This wasn’t about how I said something or what I brought to the table, it was about my confidence, the way I sought out clarity, and how my presence made someone else feel. And that’s a heavy pill to swallow. Especially when you show up with self-awareness and heart.
As a Black woman who leads boldly and authentically, I’ve learned that my presence alone can be misread as a challenge, even when I’m coming in with collaboration and care. And in that moment, I had a choice:
I could shrink.
I could match energy, bar for bar. I could defend.
Or I could observe.
In full honesty, I matched a little energy (“not gonna lie”), attempted to clarify a few falsities, and ultimately chose to just observe. Not because I didn’t feel some sort of way, but because I knew that in that moment leading with emotional awareness would carry more weight than proving a point. That was my clarity break. It didn’t feel empowering in the moment, it felt humbling. But it reminded me that just because someone else is uncomfortable with how I lead doesn’t mean I’m leading wrong. It means my presence is challenging their narrative and that’s not mine to fix.
Here’s how the BIRTH Framework can guide you through this sort of situation:
Belief: Stand in what you know about your values, your intention, and your leadership. You don’t have to perform, overexplain, or shrink to keep the peace. “I believe in how I show up, even when others don’t fully see it.”
Inspiration: Tap into your inner model of inspired leadership. You’ve seen grace displayed under pressure before, and you’re capable of that too.
Resilience: This is the core of the moment. Staying steady when the conversation swerves. Choosing not to carry their discomfort while still holding space. “I can stay rooted, even if they feel rattled.”
Tenacity: Stay present. Stay consistent. This isn’t the moment to retreat or avoid. It’s the moment to show up with emotional integrity. “I don’t need to win the moment. I need to lead it.”
Habits: Reflect. Debrief with yourself. Take note of what helped you stay calm, what rattled you, and what you might do differently next time. Because clarity breaks don’t stop showing up, you just get stronger at navigating them when they do show up.
Every leader hits these moments. Yes, they’re awkward, humbling, and sometimes emotionally heavy. But if you let them, they become defining. So the next time your conversation turns into something deeper or personal, and your spirit says pause instead of push — listen. That’s a clarity break, and that’s where your leadership truly begins.
Clarity Break Challenge
Don’t just power through difficult conversations and move on like it didn’t shift something in you. Pause. Reflect. Honor your growth.
Write yourself a note right after your next clarity break. It can be a sticky note, a journal entry, a voice memo, or a digital post-it on your desktop.
Include these three things:
What you felt
What you observed
What you’re proud of (Yes, proud. Even if it was messy.)
Because clarity breaks reveal who you are when it’s uncomfortable, and that deserves to be documented.
Admissions Advisor at Georgetown University School of Continuing Studies
1wThanks for inviting me!
| Expert in Pensions Policy & Operational Process Design| Adept Program Management| Financial Inclusion & Payments Innovation Champion.
2wThis is a very powerful explanation for the energy I sometimes get in meetings!........"I was no longer in a conversation. I was inside someone’s projection. This wasn’t about how I said something or what I brought to the table, it was about my confidence, the way I sought out clarity, and how my presence made someone else feel". Thank you for this clarity.