From Roots to Reels: How Indian Parenting Lost Its Way

“Don’t waste food, study well, respect elders, and never let anyone complain about you.”

This one sentence sums up the parenting philosophy of Indian families in the 1980s and 1990s. Fast forward to 2020s, and parenting looks vastly different—filled with screen-time battles, helicopter monitoring, curated Instagram-worthy childhoods, and intense competition from kindergarten itself.

So, what changed? And more importantly, what did we lose in the process?

 Parenting in the 80s and 90s: A Simpler, Value-Driven Era

Unconditional Love with Boundaries

Parents of the 80s and 90s raised children with love, discipline, and a deep sense of responsibility. They didn’t have degrees in child psychology or access to parenting blogs, yet they instinctively knew how to raise grounded individuals.

• Discipline was non-negotiable. Whether you were rich or poor, you had to earn respect and behave well. If you misbehaved, neighbors had the right to scold you, and your parents would thank them for it!
• Freedom came with limits. You could roam the neighborhood, play for hours, even get a scraped knee or two—but you had to be home by sunset and finish your homework.
• Education meant more than marks. You were expected to be honest, hardworking, and respectful. Being the “topper” was not the only measure of success.

Life Lessons > Luxury

In most households:

• There were no branded shoes, but shoes that lasted.
• Birthdays meant homemade food and a prayer at the temple, not expensive party planners.
• Parents said “no” often—not because they couldn’t afford something, but because they believed “you must earn it first.”

We learned how to wait, how to lose, how to adjust, and most importantly—how to be grateful.

 Family > Facebook

Weekends meant visiting grandparents, doing chores together, and spending quality time—not screen time. There were no selfies with kids doing homework, no daily updates of what a child wore or ate. Parenting was private, sacred, and humble.

 Parenting Post-2010: The Age of Over-Parenting and Comparison

As technology, income levels, and social media took over, so did our expectations from children—and from ourselves as parents.

Showcasing Childhood

Today’s parenting is often driven by how it looks, not how it feels.

• We dress kids in designer clothes not for comfort, but for social media validation.
• Birthdays are grander than weddings.
• A child’s every milestone becomes content—likes, shares, reels.

In trying to give our children everything, we often forget to give them the right things—patience, values, emotional intelligence.

 Competition Starts at Kindergarten

From coding classes at 5 to IIT coaching at 12, modern parenting has become an unending race to "prepare" kids for a future we ourselves cannot predict.

• Kids are burning out, feeling anxious and directionless.
• We push them to be scientists, athletes, dancers—all at once.
• We forget to ask: What makes you happy, my child?

This relentless pressure is not helping create winners, but a generation struggling with self-worth.

Gadget Babysitting and Emotional Disconnect

While earlier parents told us stories at night, today many children fall asleep scrolling YouTube. Parents are busy, tired, or distracted—and technology fills the gap.

• Gadgets are reward systems and distractions, not tools for growth.
• Conversations are few. Emotions are buried.
• Many children now turn to the internet—not parents—for advice, comfort, or identity.

The result? Lonely kids in crowded homes.

What Have We Gained? What Have We Lost?

Gained:

• Awareness about mental health
• Access to better resources, education, and exposure
• Conversations around gender, consent, and inclusion

Lost:

• The joy of simple living
• Respect for elders and tradition
• The ability to handle failure, boredom, and discomfort
• The sacredness of family time and value-based discipline

Where Did We Go Wrong?

We mistook giving everything for giving love. We confused being friendly with removing all boundaries. We thought more exposure means better understanding, but didn’t realize that without values, exposure can mislead.

“In trying to make our children better than us, we forgot to make them stronger than us.”

 The Way Forward: Bringing Balance

It’s not about going back to the 80s. It’s about taking the best from the past and blending it with the wisdom of the present.

Teach Values Early

• Kindness, gratitude, resilience, honesty—these are not taught in schools.
• Let kids fail. Let them lose. Let them earn.

Limit Digital Exposure

• Set gadget boundaries—for kids and parents.
• Eat meals together. Talk. Hug. Listen.

Stop the Comparison Game

• Don’t compare your parenting to others on Instagram.
• Don’t compare your child to others at school.

Let your child grow into their authentic self—not your curated version of them.

 Don’t Over-Parent, Be Present

• Let them make choices and mistakes.
• Be their safe space—not their scoreboard.
• Remember: Your presence matters more than your perfection.

 Final Thought

The best thing you can do for your child is to be the parent they can come to when they are confused, scared, or broken.

Not to flaunt their grades on WhatsApp groups. Not to force them into IITs or Ivy Leagues.

They don’t need perfection. They need connection.

"In the 80s and 90s, children were taught how to live. Today, children are taught how to perform."

Let’s shift that. Let’s raise good humans, not just high achievers.