Is it impossible to thrive as a new parent AND still be a kick-ass consultant?

It seems only natural that there should be some follow-up to my first article – where I wrote about being pregnant and moving cities - while meeting the demands of consulting. First things first, I am now a new mum to a precocious 6.5 month old girl and this is my first week back into the full swing of things. It seems like this is the perfect time to pause and reflect on the chaos and joy that has engulfed me since stepping into parenthood. I don't have the perfect answer – nor do I think it will ever be a black-and-white yes/no – but I do hope that my reflections below will help others thinking about this very same question

Can new parents and consulting co-exist in the same sentence?

One observation I carried with me while pregnant, was that most new parents tend to leave consulting for industry. The primary reason is usually the lack of control / predictability of schedule, coupled with the need to be constantly away from home. Your partner will likely not be pleased if you are away 3 nights a week, while he/she handles sleep duties, pick-up, meal time, bath time etc. And, if both of you are consultants? Now that's the very definition of a power couple if there ever was one. And while it is difficult not to stereotype, it is usually the mother who bears the brunt of the mental load of parenting and consulting – I found this comic helpful to illustrate it

It is easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you can see instances where 'it has been done before'. Sadly, I think this is currently the exception vs. the rule. It was challenging to find role models among existing partners within consulting firms, as many of them are generally single income-career households (whereby one parent stays at home full/most of the time). In contrast, many of my peers are in dual income-career relationships – and both typically demand significant time and commitment at work. Some couples will choose to take turns in having a pause or slowdown in their career speed, while for others, it might mean one person choosing a different career track altogether

Is consulting still for me? Digging deep, and asking tough questions

During those quiet pockets of time while breastfeeding, I spent time responding (deftly, with one hand) to messages from recruiters and the like, which I had traditionally politely declined in the past. I was perfectly happy with consulting and QVARTZ, and yet, I felt that the sheer volume of consultant-parents before me could not be all wrong. I owe it to myself to explore other avenues – industry, start-up etc. I will preface by saying that the last time I went for an actual interview was in 2010 when I joined Pacific Strategy Partners – as such, going through the rigmarole of updating my CV and reading up on specific interview processes felt stiff and foreign. It probably did not help that I was scaling a steep learning curve with a newborn, while sweating bullets with an extensive analytical test with a time limit of 2 hours. In hindsight, I wished I had other new parents to spar with – people who are in a similar situation, who would enjoy discussing themes outside of an analysis of baby's poop. Here, I wish I had Mindr – a great initiative started by my friend, Sarah Lux-Lee in New York – a community of events, talks and workshops where crying babies are welcome. As an example, one of the events held was an advocacy hands-on workshop with Michelle King, gender innovation lead for the United Nations gender branch; or a discussion with author Lauren Smith Brody, author of the Fifth Trimester on being a working parent

I ended up having two dialogues (one with a global consumer goods company, and the other, with a mature tech start-up) – one of them went all the way to a compelling job offer. Through all of the interviews, analytical tests, personality tests, deep coffee conversations etc. – I asked myself a lot of tough questions and dug deep to understand what truly makes me tick. Do I enjoy making day-to-day operational decisions? Do I crave recognition – is power important to me? How do I feel about confrontation with superiors and/or juniors? Articulating my answers out loud was eye-opening and also affirmed to me, a lot of things which I liked and disliked about consulting. After a heart-to-heart with my partner, I decided to keep my ThinkCell subscription

Making it work

Now that we have decided that I will be sticking with consulting – Christoffer and I have made a few concessions to 'make it work'. No idea which one of these (if any) will prove to be the silver bullet – but they are tried and tested advice from some consultant-parents before us. As they say, preparation is half the battle won, right?

1.      Outsource non-essential tasks

Aside from the occasional dishwashing which I find quite meditative, we have outsourced all other cleaning, household and cooking tasks. Grocery shopping and dry cleaning are also easy tasks here in Singapore with apps like RedMart and HonestBee where someone else can shop and deliver straight to your doorstep

2.      Find childcare that suits your needs

We are fortunate enough to live in Singapore where help is readily available – be it, infant care, live-in help, nanny etc. All these different options have their own pros and cons, and will suit different families. We have decided to opt for a full-time helper where we do not have to worry about drop-offs and pick-ups for a while, and where we have support in case one of us needs to work late and the other is traveling. It also solves the issue of having to rush to the childcare center at a moment's notice because your child is sick

3.      Coordinating travel, sharing calendars

One of us will need to have a more 'predictable' travel schedule. We are lucky that Christoffer does not travel too often for work (once a month, 2-3 days at a time), and generally has enough notice that we are able to plan our movements in advance

4.      Find your 'village'

In the old days, children in Asia were raised by the community i.e. you could always count on your neighbor to help mind your child for a day – giving rise to the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child". Where is your village? We have shamelessly reached out to my family in Kuala Lumpur for support should my mother want to fly into Singapore for a week to spend time with her grandchild. We have also reached out to 1-2 trusted friends who are able to help babysit should the need arise

5.      Communicating with work

It also helps if the team knows what your non-negotiables are during this period of your life as you find your balance. Be it, being offline during 6-8pm while you tend to the family, or having to rush to a sick child at the last minute. They should also be prepared for some 'background noise' during conference calls – hopefully not too many incidents like this one

Enter the Lion City

Though I write at the start, that it seems improbable to be a consultant-parent; I think that this is now shifting. With many consulting firms recognizing the rise of dual income-career families, and the flexibility to work outside of the office, the prospect of being a successful consultant-parent is brighter – I see more and more role models emerging now. I have been very fortunate to be given the opportunity to pursue consulting here in Singapore – it is with great pride that I announce the good folks at QVARTZ have put their faith in me to start-up a small office right here in the Lion City to service the global needs of our customers. It is an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity which gives me a flying start in balancing my role as consultant-parent. Read more about it here