It's time to talk: my mental health story

#thisisme

Today is Time to Talk day and it feels appropriate for me to share my mental health story. There are many reasons why I want to share my story but the most important is to show people that it’s ok if they’re struggling. It’s normal and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also want to get people talking and start the conversation on mental health.

I consider myself to have a great life and for that I’m grateful. I’ve married to an amazing woman, we’ve got 2 wonderful children and I have the best family and friends I could ask for. Professionally my career is going from strength to strength and I’m growing as an individual.

I share all of this not to boast or gloat but because in 2002-2003, during my second year of University I considered taking my own life. I was experiencing anxiety and (I believe) undiagnosed depression which had built up over most of my life and I didn’t know how to cope with the difficult & frightening emotions I was feeling.

I’m so grateful for such a difficult experience as it’s made me who I am today. Those experiences have also shaped my newly found life purpose and mission, to reduce the stigma and raise awareness about mental health. I’m doing that by sharing my story on platforms like this and by chairing the newly formed Sainsbury’s Argos Mental Health and Wellbeing group.

I look back on those dark times now and struggle to recognise the person I once was. I’d had a normal upbringing with a loving family and no major traumas to speak of. However, I was fighting an internal battle with myself – I didn’t have an identity and had little to no self-worth. I felt unattractive and was anxious, introverted, insecure and self-doubting.

These struggles continued throughout school and so going to University was an unnerving experience. In my first year I ended up living with a group of strangers and spent more of the year studying than drinking. I did connect with one person on my course though (mainly through playing Pro Evolution Soccer on the PS1!) and he’s now one of my best friends.

By a stroke of luck, he had a space in his shared house for the second year, so I began that year living with a group, most of whom I didn’t know. I found it tough to begin with as I was battling my demons and pre-conceptions. Excessive alcohol consumption (itself a depressant), combined with a lifetime of feeling inadequate led me to consider ending my life.

Fortunately, I never took that drastic step and I thank myself and this group of “strangers” who were to become my best friends. As my second year at University progressed, they helped me to discover who I really was. They taught me the importance of self-deprecation and the importance of not taking myself too seriously. They accepted and embraced me for who I was, sowing the first grains of self-confidence.

It was like an awakening. I began to accept myself for who I was, good and bad. I started to understand that it was my individuality that made me unique and made me capable of adding value. I also started to understand that I had the power to change how I felt and how I perceived the world around me.

And I’ve been on a journey of recovery and self-discovery ever since 😊

My top 5 takeaways from my experience:

1. My mental health experience does not define me or limit me – it makes me stronger. It doesn’t define who I am, and it doesn’t limit how successful or happy I can be

2. It’s okay not to be okay. We all have struggles in life and there are proactive steps you can take and support that you can call on. If it’s getting too much, talk to someone other than yourself. Not talking to anyone during my dark times is still my single biggest regret

3. We can all look after our own wellbeing. You can make small changes which can make a life-changing difference to both your physical and emotional wellbeing. Meditation, exercise, healthy eating, playing sport to name a few – there’s something for everyone

4. You’re not alone! Your experiences are shared by millions – mental health affects most of us directly or indirectly

5. Be kind to yourself and put things in context. For many years I was my own worst enemy, which become very destructive. Be your own best friend and always take a step back to put situations into context – trust me, it really helps

#thisisme #timetotalk #mentalhealth