Is Your Child Your Project?

Hey, 

We all want our kids to be successful and have everything in life. But at what cost? Are we listening to what our kids think success is? Are we missing out on their talents, clouded by our belief of what they should be doing in their lives? Do we truly know our children as individuals? Do we truly know ourselves as parents?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A simple question to start this week's editorial. 

Are you your child's parent or their boss? 

I know your intention is to be the former, but are your actions inadvertently leading you to be the latter? 

At times, in our mission to be the perfect parent, raising the perfect child, are we considering parenting as a project and ourselves as senior project managers running the whole show? Take a minute to think, and it might not be all untrue! 

I know I have. It’s easy to slip into the role of a project manager when it comes to our kids, constantly tracking their progress, setting goals, and pushing for results. We tell ourselves we’re just being responsible, nudging them in the right direction. But here’s a question I had to ask myself recently: Am I pushing my child forward, or am I pushing them over the edge?

Do you want them to be successful in everything or in things you have planned for them? In things you feel are "right" for them? In things you feel are safe for them and apt for them? 

The truth is, when we’re always managing, scheduling, and monitoring, we risk turning our children into projects we need to complete instead of unique individuals we want to see happy and thriving. It’s tempting to think we need to shape their personalities, guide them through every little challenge, and ensure they become the “best version” of themselves — the ones we envision.

This is the bane of my conscious parenting workshops and webinars. I recently travelled to Ranchi and Jaipur, where I conducted my Conscious Parenting workshops for 180+ parents overall. The main aim is that I wish to make parents aware of themselves as parents. What are their traumas, triggers and tribulations? We do role plays, solve case studies and through various activities, including my signature ‘The Bandage Theory’, parents get a glimpse of what it’s like to really understand a child’s brain, the adolescent brain. What are their feelings, expectations and perspectives?  And how our reaction vs response can help or worsen the situation.

It is to ask ourselves, what is our job as parents? What if our role is to take a step back and simply understand who they are, rather than who we want them to be? I’ve realised that I don’t need to build my child’s personality. Instead, I need to embrace their quirks, acknowledge their capabilities, and provide the space for them to grow into the person they’re meant to be. I need to be the shining light to help them when they fall, and not the one who bubble wraps them to prevent their fall. It’s a humbling thought, isn’t it? To let go of the control, and the constant nudging, and instead focus on supporting, listening, and being present. 

In my workshops and webinars, whether it's for schools, corporates, organisations, etc, it’s not a monologue where I go on and on and parents just listen to everything their doing wrong. It’s not about pointing fingers or laying the blame. It’s about meeting ourselves as parents. It’s about telling you my mistakes and takeaways from them.

I am reminded of Andre Agassi's hard-hitting statement when I interviewed him a couple of years back- the main goal of parenting is to raise children to not need us! How true! 

It is a hard pill to swallow that we ain't going to be around our kids at all times in their lives. There are going to be times when they are going to make their own decisions. The goal is to raise them to make the right ones and trust them they do it! 

So next time you feel the urge to take charge, ask yourself: Am I being the parent my child needs or just a boss with a checklist? Because at the end of the day, our kids aren’t projects; they’re the most precious people in our lives, and they deserve to grow in their own beautiful, unplanned way. 

And if you wish to get access to my latest Conscious Parenting Webinar, click here. Trust me, it’s not about being a better parent, it’s about learning yourself as a parent- there’s a difference. 

Let me know what you thought about this week's editorial. With that, it's a wrap on this week's editorial. Also, if you like our newsletter every Friday, drop me some replies or reach me on my Instagram handles - @mansi.zaveri and @kidsstoppress.

Ciao! 

Till then, Happy Parenting!  

Mansi Zaveri

Mom of 2 & Founder- Kidsstoppress.com