Running head: Genogram Reflection

Genogram Reflection
Chaquana Izzard
University of South Carolina

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Abstract
This paper is a reflection of the genogram that I did for my family. I will be talking about
the difference in both sides of my family. I also talk about how the connections and lack of
connections with my family affect me and my life. I will also talking about the different things
that I know about my different family members. I also be talking about the interaction or the lack
of interaction between both sides affect them. Another thing I will be talking about are the
different addictions, generational cycles, and beliefs. The things that will be discussed in this
paper influence multiple lives. Although there were gaps I couldnt fill in there was a lot
uncovered personally that I hope to be able to fully express. There were also changes that took
place after the genogram was done that I plan on talking about in the paper, some that were
changed and some that were not because it was already done.

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Genogram Reflection
You never know how much your families presence or lack of a presence affects you until
you are forced to see it like I was when I faced the challenge of doing this genogram project.
There was a lot that I didnt know about my family that I did even realize that I didnt know nor
did I care that I did not know. But when I actually needed the information it was very apparent of
how much I did not know and how hurt that I was. I learned during this process that even though
I didnt have a close relationship with half of my family I was much bitterer about it than I could
ever realize. During the course of this project my life literally changed forever!
While doing this project the first thing I realized when it was time to do this
project was that I didnt know who my mothers father was. She had mentioned him before but
never really in detail. I knew she had a father and that she herself knew who he was. This alone
made me feel very confused. I went through 21 years of life and I didnt learn about an
important family member. I am very grateful that my mother made it possible for me to grow up
without missing him and feeling the need to fill a void in my life.
The next battle I had to overcome was the reality of losing my mother week by week and
day by day. When this class first started my mother had become sick in July and was still
struggling to get back to health. A couple of weeks into the class my family was given the news
that my mother had a very rare and terminal brain disease, Creutzfeldt - Jakob disease (CJD). We
were given a life expectancy of 4-5 months. My mother was literally the back bone of the

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family. She literally took care of everyone even her own siblings and other family members
when needed. So naturally this information was very painful. No one ever thought we would lose
her so soon especially not me. My mother was everything to me. Our 4-5 months came earlier
than we expected and on October 25, 2013 my mother passed away. The entire familys lifes
changed forever. Doing this genogram really became the last thing that I wanted to do. It became
too much to handle but I worked my way through it. I had a very close relationship with my
mother and I took it for granted that she was in my life. I would call her every day to talk about
everything. Although I enjoyed being away at school my first year was the hardest. I had never
been away from my family especially my mother for more than a week and college is way longer
than a week. As of right now I miss my mother terribly and it really hard for me to continue on
and grieving has been really hard on me.
I am the baby of my family. I have a total of four sisters and one brother. Though I have a
lot of siblings I am still an only child because I am the only child my parents have together.
There is also a big age difference between me and my siblings. My oldest sister Shanika, is thirty
seven and the youngest before me Erica, is thirty one. These are my siblings from my mother.
From them I have four nieces and three nephews. My sister Erica has four children. Three girls
Zabriel (15), Beyonc (13), and Makayla (11). She also has a son Zaland, who is 10 years old.
My oldest sister Shanika or Nika as we call her has three children. Two sons Trenton (7); who is
deceased, Quentin (6) and a daughter Kennadi(3). I am very close with these members of my
family I grew up with them and speak to them on a daily basis.

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The next challenge I faced was my fathers side of the family. I am not close with them
at all. My other three siblings come in from my father. My sisters Delricka and Constance and
my brother Tasike. From them I have eight nieces and nephews. Delricka or Ricka as I call her
has one son, Quadarious. Constance has three children, two daughters and a son. Her daughters
are Nia and Kia and her son is Christopher. My brother has five children, two sons and three
daughters. One of his daughters name is Heaven and one of his sons name is Lyric. Doing this
part of the project opened up a huge wound I did not even know I had. Although I know about all
of my nieces and nephews from my sisters and brother on my father it hurt really bad that I did
not know their full names or even ages. I do not want them to grow up and not know me as their
aunt. My other nieces and nephews know me very well and they call me all the time. It hurts for
me to say that there are some of my nieces and nephews on my fathers side that I have never
even seen. That is something that I want to change before the end of this year.
It also bothered me that I did not know the ages of my siblings. I could give someone my
other two siblings life story and not leave out the smallest detail. I used to be angry and hate my
fathers other children because they were older then I was and they never made an effort to get to
know me. I felt like I was their little sister and they should have been breaking their necks to get
to know me. It took me until recently to learn that if I want a relationship with them I am going
to have to start making the first steps. Otherwise I cannot be upset with them for not reaching out
to me when I am now more than able to connect with them now. I will say that when my mom
passed my two sisters came to visit us and they said that they wanted a closer relationship with

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me. It took my dad almost dying a day before my mothers funeral for them to realize that we
need to be closer. I was admitted into the ER while my father was in the ER because I had a very
bad panic attack. While my sister on my moms side was with my father my other two sisters
were with me. It really hit home that they could not give the doctor any information about me
because they do not actually know me. It was that night that I decided I would be the bigger
person of us all and reach out to them. I do not want to continue living my life not knowing such
valuable information about my siblings or not spending time with them while creating precious
memories with them.
Also working on my fathers side of the family it was very apparent that I did not know
his brothers or his mother very well. I know that he has five brothers but I only know about some
of their children. When I actually thought about this I found it very hard to believe. On my
moms side of the family I know all of my cousins from her siblings and we all are close. We go
out and have family functions and I trust them with my life. I cannot say the same thing about
my cousins on my fathers side. I feel like that is a huge problem. I want to learn to love my
fathers side of the family just as well as I know my mothers side. I do not want to have
children and they not know their whole family.
The next big hurdle was to document my fathers addition to alcohol and his mental
illnesses. My father has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. I have always seen him
drunk to the point of him passing out and urinating on himself. Ive had to go through
humiliation with friends who come over to spend the night at my house. They were able to

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witness the madness of my fathers addiction. As a child that is one of the worst things possible.
My father would pawn things out of the house to get money to buy alcohol. My mom worked
second shift a majority of my life. The entire time she was on second shift I was left in the care
of my father. I can remember coming home at times and there wasnt any food to eat because my
dad would eat all of it while he was drunk. I would be hungry and go into my room to watch
television. When I was hungry I would eat crackers, cereal or whatever I could find. There were
also times when I would go places with people and not be able to get in the house because my
father was passed out drunk in the house. I didnt have a key or a phone so I would have to beat
on the door until he would wake up. That happened very often even times when my mom and I
would go to the store it would happen. He would lock the door and put the chain on it so that it
couldnt be opened. Around the age of fourteen I did not like my father at all nor did I respect
him. I would barely speak to him and when I did speak it was always rude. I wanted him to hurt
the way that I sometimes would hurt because of his addiction. One day my mother told me that
no matter how much I disliked my fathers bad habits I still had to respect him because he is my
father.
My father also was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He has tried
numerous times to commit suicide and each time he tired was such a hard time for me. Even to
this day he worries me especially since my mother has passed away. My worst fear was to lose
one of my parents. My worst fear now is to lose the only parent that I have left. My life was
almost in complete shambles and I dont think I could handle that right now. My fathers

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addiction and mental illness is a big burden on my shoulders. I would love to lift that off of my
shoulders. I know that my father loves me but now more than ever I need him to show me by
overcoming his addiction and mental illness in any way possible.
I truly do love my family and the last thing I want to do right now is waste time not
getting to know them the proper way. Doing this project was a wakeup call to me and I plan to
make some definite changes with both sides of my family. Even though I did not want to do this
project it taught me some very valuable life lessons. I needed this project and paper to help me
with my grieving process. It made me think about my mother when all I have been doing since
she died was not to think about her. I know though that it will only hurt me in the long run if I
keep on running and bottling things up. I have to let them go so that one day I can think of my
mom and not have a total breakdown. Lifes realizations come to you in the weirdest ways.