EQ Applied

LEADERSHIP ETHICS AND CHANGE SUMMER 2019

GROUP MEMEBERS:
MUNEEB SALEEM (GROUP LEADER)
QUDSIA NASHMEEL
BUSHRA SABA AWAN
YOUMNA ATHER

DATE: 8/6/2019

CHAPTER#3: SUMMARY

Creatures of Habit
How Thoughts and Habits Affect Your Emotions

In this chapter, author share some of the details behind the brain’s emotional programming, explains how it relates to
the growth mindset, and explore the process of changing habits. He also delve into the perils of the “emotional hijack”
and teach you how to escape it. Finally, he examine the difference between proactive and reactive behavior—and show
how the former can shape and mold the latter. Through it all one discovers that although changing lifelong habits isn’t
necessarily easy, it is possible—and why doing so is worth the effort.

Rewire the brain:

The human brain is amazingly complex, and scientists are continuously striving to understand exactly how it works. But
recent research has shed light on a remarkable characteristic of the human brain: its ability to change. For decades,
neuroscientists assumed that the adult brain is essentially fixed in form and function but recent discoveries have proved,
instead, the brain has a property called neuroplasticity, the ability to change its structure and function in significant
ways. That change can come about in response to the experiences we have as well as to the thoughts we think.
Essentially, due to the brain’s “plasticity,” or ability to change, you actually have some authority over your own
“programming,” so to speak. Through concentrated thought and purposeful actions, you can influence the amount of
control you exhibit over your emotional reactions and tendencies.

Psychology professor and author of bestselling book, Mindset, Carol Dweck has studied the self-conceptions people use
to guide their behavior, to motivate themselves, and to build self-control. Through decades of experimentation, she has
demonstrated that while you may be born with certain innate talents or aptitudes, it is experience, training, and personal
effort that can help you become the person you want to become.
Escaping the emotional hijack
One of the reasons we react in a certain way is that we’re wired to respond habitually and emotionally to certain triggers.
This reaction has to do with the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s been referred to as our emotional processor.

Daniel Goleman calls an emotional hijacking (or hijack): a situation in which emotions overrule our typical thinking
processes. We might liken the amygdala’s action here to an emergency override of the mind, springing into action
whenever we feel anxious or threatened and activating our fight, flight, or freeze response. The father wants to complete
his task, and his children are suddenly trying to stop him from doing so. As the amygdala interprets this as a threat, it
provokes an immediate and aggressive reaction. The result? An unfinished email, two crying children, and severe
frustration for all parties.

Emotional hijacks can work to our advantage or disadvantage. In the case of a real emergency, the amygdala can give
you the courage to defend your loved ones against an attacker who’s bigger or stronger than you. But it can also move
you to engage in risky, irrational, and even dangerous behavior in everyday situations.

Simply understanding how the amygdala works is an important step in identifying and learning from your own personal
emotional hijacks, as well as developing strategies to deal with them. Of course, it would be great if you could identify
your triggers ahead of time, but usually it will happen the other way around: you react to some stimulus and say or do
something you later regret.

Now you’re faced with a choice: You can forget what happened, move on, and react the same way the next time you’re
faced with similar circumstances. Or, you can try to sort through your thoughts and feelings, like pieces of a puzzle.

As you begin to understand why you reacted the way you did, you can train your default reaction so you respond
differently next time. If you choose the second option, you can start the process by using these self-reflection questions
to contemplate your behavior:

1. Why did I react the way I did?

2. Did my reaction help me or harm me?

3. How does this situation fit into the big picture? That is, how will I feel about it in hour? A week? A year? 4. What may
I have misunderstood or be getting wrong, especially in the heat of the moment?

5. What would I change if I could do it again?

6. What could I say to myself next time that would help me think more clearly?

Let’s say that when driving a car, you have a tendency to get easily offended by fellow drivers. If another car comes too
close or gets in your space, you take it personally. Before you know it, you’re caught up in the moment, 31 tailgating or
looking for some other type of revenge so you can let the other driver know who’s boss.

Of course, because you’re in the middle of an emotional hijack, your last concern is the possibility you could cause an
accident or provoke a violent reaction. Sometime later, though, you have an opportunity to cool down. You’re thankful
things didn’t get out of hand, but you recognize that such behavior could get you into trouble in the future.

Using the questions on the discussed previously as a foundation, along with some of the tools from the previous chapter,
you think over the situation. You then ask yourself the following:

 How would my opinion of a fellow driver change if I found out they were dealing with extenuating circumstances,
like rushing a pregnant woman to the hospital or trying to get to an injured family member?
 What if the driver’s actions were unintentional? Don’t I make mistakes while driving? How would I want another
person to act if I mistakenly cut them off?

 If I continue to retaliate against fellow drivers, how might they respond? How would this affect my family and me?
Is it worth the risk? How does this incident fit into the big picture? Will I really care about a driver who cut me off
an hour, week, or year later?

With these questions, your goal is to change how your brain processes these situations. If you no longer interpret fellow
drivers’ behavior as a personal attack, you’ll engage the other parts of your brain when you get cut off, resulting in a
more thoughtful and rational decision-making process.

James feels guilty for yelling at his kids and wishes to make a change. Upon reflection, he recognizes that he gets easily
frustrated when trying to write emails while in the company of his children. Because of this, he decides to only respond
to such messages at specific times. He silences the message notifications on his phone (or turns them off completely)
so he’s not tempted to look at every alert. And when the time comes to check email, he prepares his children by telling
them: “Daddy needs a few minutes to take care of something for work.” He then makes sure the children are occupied
and supervised. Engaging in this type of contemplative thought increases James’s self-awareness and inspires further
insights. It’s a struggle to find balance and continue to see the big picture. But he feel more emotionally connected with
his wife and children than ever. He is more productive at work, and his focus has improved dramatically. Those simple
changes have made him a better husband, father, and worker.

Designing your habits: Becoming proactive instead of reactive

Habits emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to save effort.When our brains are more efficient, we
don’t have to constantly think about basic behaviors like walking or talking, which allow us to use our mental energy for
other tasks. (This is why, for example, we go on autopilot when we’re brushing our teeth or parallel parking.) When the
brain identifies that a particular behavioral routine leads to a reward, it often gives birth to a habit. The problem, though,
is the brain can’t tell the difference between good rewards and bad ones. For example, you enjoy staying up late
watching Netflix, but this leads to chronic sleep deprivation, which adversely affects your mood.

As challenging as it can be to break bad habits, the truth is that you don’t have to be at their mercy. Scientists have
discovered that habits won’t simply go away on their own, but they can be replaced. That means you’re not doomed to
mindlessly repeat your current routine just because it’s what you’ve done for years. Instead, you can rewire your brain
by designing your own habits. The way you respond when you become upset is a habit your mind has created to protect
itself, which it has already repeated thousands of times. The key to interrupting this cycle is to recondition the way you
respond in these situations.

To attempt to change your habitual responses, practice the following three-step method.

1. Motivate.

Anyone desiring to change their habits must be properly motivated. They must be convinced that their current
habits are in serious need of revision and really want to change them. So, find your motivation. Do you want to
live longer? Do better at work? Enjoy a better quality of life?
By taking time to see how your habits can help or hinder you from achieving those goals, you may be able to
muster up the motivation you need to make major change.
 2. Practice.

To master a new skill, you must practice it over and over until it is internalized .Next time you’re reading the news
or scrolling through social media, seek out comments or opinions you feel passionately about. Don’t respond to
these; instead, pay attention to your internal thoughts as you listen or read. Ask yourself the six self-reflection
questions and use your imagination to review and previsualize a situation in which you previously had trouble;
then, mentally rehearse how you plan to handle similar circumstances in the future

3. Apply.

Despite countless hours of practice, athletes gain invaluable experience from performing in real-world
competition. It’s there—in the arena or stadium—that contestants put their skills to work. You, too, will have
plenty of opportunities to apply what you’ve practiced. Every day presents multiple emotionally charged
moments—a discussion with an irate colleague or family member; an alluring temptation.

Don’t give up!

Make no mistake: attempting to change your emotional behavior is no easy task. Many times, you will be dealing with
neural connections you have taken a lifetime to develop. Even after moving forward, expect to take a few steps back.
At times, you may wonder if you’re really making any progress. The truth is, none of us can control our emotions
perfectly. We all make mistakes, and we’ll continue to do so. But if you treat those hijacks as case studies into your own
behavior, they become remarkable learning experiences. Strive to identify which events triggered your response and
which deeply ingrained habits may have contributed to it. Use your imagination to review and rehearse. Look for ways
to replace bad habits with good ones. Finally, practice, practice, practice. In doing so, you can gradually “reprogram”
your brain’s instinctive reactions—and cultivate the habits you need to successfully keep your emotions in balance.