Despicable Me

Screenplay by
Cinco Paul & Ken Daurio

Based on a Story by
Sergio Pablos
 1

EXT: EGYPTIAN DESERT - DAY

FADE IN on a hot, sunny day in the Egyptian desert. Sand

dunes as far as the eye can see. A GOAT HERDER and his HERD
OF GOATS walk through frame. He looks out, over the sand
dunes, and we SEE the GREAT PYRAMID OF GIZA. It’s an awe-
inspiring sight.

Suddenly VROOM! A TACKY TOUR BUS enters the frame and races
through the spot where the goat herder and his herd were just
standing.

GOAT HERDER
Whoa!
The goat herder is left coughing in the dust left by the bus.

EXT: TOUR BUS - SAME

A BRATTY KID squashes his face up against the window of the

bus and lowers his sunglasses to get a better view.

The bus screeches to a halt. The bulk of the tourists pile

out of the bus. Then the last TOURIST FAMILY piles out,
Bratty Kid leading the pack attached to a Kid Leash.

TOURIST MOM
Justin!
Egyptian guards stand behind a roped-off area that surrounds
the Pyramid of Giza. The Tourist Dad stands with the Pyramid
in the background, holding out his hand so it looks like he’s
holding it.

TOURIST DAD
Quick honey, take my picture! I
got the pyramid in my hand!

The Tourist Mom snaps a couple of pictures, when through her

viewfinder she sees JUSTIN running off into the distance.

TOURIST MOM
Justin you get back here, right
now!

The bratty kid has crawled under the roped-off area.

SECURITY GUARD #1
No stop!
SECURITY GUARD #1
No-- stop him! Do not cross the
line! No!
 2

SECURITY GUARD #2
Go back! Stop! Stop him!
The EGYPTIAN SECURITY GUARDS run after him as he is running
up some rickety looking maintenance scaffolding.

SECURITY GUARD #2
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold on,
easy little boy.

The kid obliviously keeps playing with his little toy

airplane.

SECURITY GUARD #1
Okay, stop child! Stop right there!
No!

The kid turns back to look at the guards. He YELLS as he

slips and falls off of the ridge, plummeting headfirst toward
the Pyramid.

SECURITY GUARD #2
Oh no, no, no, no, no! -- Oh...
there he goes.

Tourist Mom and Dad GASP.

Then--

KOOOSH! The kid hits the Pyramid with his head-- and bounces
off of it.

WHOOOSH! The kid goes flying over the guards. The tourists
raise their cameras and snap away. He heads straight for his
mother. She screams even louder.

TOURIST MOM
JUSTIIIIIIN!

The mom looks up in the sky, tracking the flying boy’s

trajectory.

TOURIST MOM
I’ve got him, I’ve got him!
SPLAT! The boy lands right on top of his father.

The pyramid deflates like a giant bounce house.

PTFPTFPTFPTFFFFFSSSSSSS!
 3

INT: TV NEWS REPORT - NIGHT

A NEWSCASTER reports on the night’s biggest story.

NEWSCASTER
Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was
discovered that the Great Pyramid
of Giza had been stolen and
replaced by a giant inflatable
replica.

FOOTAGE of EGYPTIAN POLICE attempting to re-inflate the

pyramid.

NEWSCASTER
There is panic throughout the globe
as countries and citizen try to
protect their beloved landmarks.

We see FOOTAGE of FRENCH POLICE guarding the EIFFEL TOWER, a

huge line of CHINESE POLICE guarding the GREAT WALL OF CHINA
and a REDNECK with a shotgun guarding the WORLD’S LARGEST
BEER CAN.

NEWSCASTER
Law enforcement still has no leads,
leaving everyone to wonder: which
of the world’s villains is
responsible for this heinous crime?
And where will he strike next?

EXT: PARK - DAY

7 Gru walks through the park and sees a CHILD. The child is
sad about a dropped ice cream cone. He stops and makes the
child a balloon animal. He gives the child the balloon
animal...and then promptly pops it.

Gru moves the child aside and continues on his way.

EXT: STARBUCKS

Gru walks down the street to his favorite coffee shop.

INT: STARBUCKS

Gru enters. The line is a mile long. With a groan, Gru

pulls out his FREEZE RAY. He aims and...ZAP!

GRU
Freeze Ray, Freeze Ray, Freeze Ray!
 4

Gru laughs and walks to the head of the line past the frozen
customers. He approaches the terrified barista before
daintily taking a cup of coffee from her and plopping a coin
into the tip jar.

EXT: CITY STREET

8 Cars drive down a busy city street. First a subcompact...

then an SUV...then an ENORMOUS metallic beast of a car, with
Gru at the wheel. He sips his coffee.

EXT: GRU’S HOUSE - MORNING

In the middle of a typical suburban street sits a black,

creepy-looking house. Gru pulls his car into the driveway.

EXT: GRU’S HOUSE - MORNING

Gru walks down from his car toward the fence.

MR. MCDADE (O.S.)

(laughs)
Morning, Gru! How you doing?
GRU
Hello, Fred. FYI-- your dog has
been leaving little bombs all over
my yard, and I don’t appreciate it.

MR. MCDADE
(laughs)
Sorry. You know dogs, they go
wherever they wanna go.

GRU
Unless they’re dead. Just joking,
of course. Although it is true.
Anyway, have a good one!
MR. MCDADE
Ah, okay. Ah, yeah, hmm.

INT: GRU'S LAIR - CONTINUOUS

Gru walks into the living room carrying his Starbucks and a
muffin. He goes to sit on the couch and sees his dog KYLE, a
cross between a piranha and a pit-bull, SNORING soundly while
lying in the middle of the sofa. Gru frowns.

Gru uses a foot to roll Kyle over. Gru sits down to enjoy
his coffee and muffin. He just turns on the TV when--
 5

DING-DONG! Gru grimaces and gets up from the table. He

walks to the front door to see who it is.

GRU
Oh, you've got to be pulling on my
leg!

INT: GRU’S LAIR - MOMENTS LATER

Gru arrives at the door, holding a club in his free hand. He

hears a little girl’s voice on the other side.

VOICE (O.S.)
Helloooooo? Cookies for sale!
Gru stops and looks through his front door peephole,
revealing--

MARGO, EDITH and AGNES. Three little girls carrying boxes of

MISS HATTIE’S COOKIES. Agnes holds a RAGGED STUFFED UNICORN.
She’s never without it.
GRU
Go away. I’m not home.
INTERCUT with Margo and the other girls on the doorstep.

MARGO
Yes you are, I heard you.
GRU
(like a recorded message)
No, you didn’t...this...is a
recording.

MARGO
No it isn’t.
GRU
Yes it is. Watch this-- “Leave a
message--BEEP.”

EXT: GRU’S HOUSE - SAME

Edith kicks the door. There’s a MUFFLED “OW” from the other
side of the door. The girls walk off. Agnes waves.

AGNES
Goodbye recorded message!
MARGO (O.S.)
Agnes, come on!
 6

INT: GRU'S LAIR - SAME

Gru walks back into the living room. Kyle is no where to be

found! He looks around and suddenly -- CHOMP! Kyle has
devoured half of Gru’s arm, along with his muffin.

GRU
Kyle! Bad dog! No, no, no! Sit!
My muffin!

He tries to shake the dog off when suddenly the TV flashes:

“INCOMING CALL.” It is Dr. Nefario on television. Gru stops

dead in his tracks, with Kyle attached to his arm.

DR. NEFARIO
Gru.
GRU
Ah, Dr. Nefario.
DR. NEFARIO
I know what you must be feeling. I
too have experienced great
disappointment. But in my eyes,
you will always be one of the
greats.

GRU
What? What happened?
DR. NEFARIO
It’s all over the news.Some fella
just stole a pyramid. They’re
saying he makes all other villains
look...lame.

Gru attempts to process this. Is this it? The end of his

career? Is his run on top over?

Gru somberly replies.

GRU
Assemble the minions.

Gru shakes Kyle off his arm and runs to his Rhino chair.
Then he presses a button and immediately the room converts
into an elevator. The cannon drops from the ceiling and
turns into a pod that drops Gru down a shaft.
 7

INT: GRU’S UNDERGROUND LAB - DAY

Gru rides a moving platform down to his underground lab. He

yells at a group of MINIONS, one-eyed creatures that are
working.

GRU
Minions assemble!
A minion who was about to hammer a nail being held by a
fellow minion stops in his tracks. He alerts the others and
we voyage downwards into the lab, peeking in on other rooms
populated by minions. In one room, a group of minions are
doing a form of Minion-aerobics.

As we continue to pan through the lab, we stop on two minions

who giggle as they watch the bubbles gurgle up in a water
cooler. They imitate the bubbles.

The minions stop what they are doing and race down to hear
what Gru has to say.

INT: GRU’S UNDERGROUND LAB - NIGHT

All of Gru’s minions are gathered together for a big

presentation. Gru takes the stage and they explode with
cheers and applause and whistles.

GRU
Looking good, Kevin!
Gru walks on stage.

GRU
How’s the family? Good? Alright.
That’s my Billy Boy! What up,
Larry?

The minions going even crazier, screaming like girls during

Beatlemania.

MINIONS
Gruooooo! Gruooooooo!!!
GRU
Hello, everybody. Alright!

Gru tries to get them to settle down.

GRU
Simmer down. Simmer down!
A minion screams.
 8

GRU
Thank you, okay.
The minions quiet down.

GRU
Now I realize that you guys have
probably heard about this other
villain who stole the pyramid.
Apparently it’s a big deal --
people are calling it the crime of
the century and stuff like that.

We cut back to the minions who take this in.

GRU
But am I upset? No! I am not. A
little. But, we have had a pretty
good year ourselves. And you guys
are alright in my book!

A minion eagerly raises his hand.

MINION
Ooh ooh ooh!
GRU
No, no raises! You’re not going to
get any raises.

The minion frowns.

GRU
What did we do? Well, we stole the
Times Square Jumbo Tron!

Gru gestures to the TIMES SQUARE JUMBO TRON.

GRU
Nice, huh? That’s how I roll!
Yeah, you all like watching
football on that, huh?!

The minions all cheer.

GRU
But that’s not all! We stole the
Statue of Liberty!

The minions cheer!

 9

GRU
The small one from Las Vegas. And
I won’t even mention the Eiffel
Tower!

A minion wheels in a tiny Eiffel Tower.

GRU
...also Vegas.
GRU
Okay, I wasn’t going to tell you
about this yet, but I have been
working on something very big.
Something that will blow this
pyramid thing out of the water!
And now, thanks to the efforts of
my good friend Dr. Nefario...

Gru gestures to DR. NEFARIO, an ancient Dr. Strangelove-like

scientist, in the crowd. He comes riding in on a motorized
rascal cart.

NEFARIO
Thank you, thank you.
GRU
Oh yeah, there he is. He’s
stylin’.

Gru presses a button on his remote.

GRU
We have located a shrink ray in a
secret lab. And once we take this
shrink ray, we will have the
capability to pull off the true
Crime of the Century! We are going
to steal...

The minions erupt into applause and cheers.

GRU
Wait...wait! I haven’t told you
what it is yet!

They quiet down. Except for one minion who shoots off a
small rocket. KABOOM!

GRU
Hey, Dave. Listen up, please!
 10

Dave quickly calms down. A minion who was caught in the

explosion walks up to Dave and punches him in the arm.

GRU
Next, we are going to steal-- pause
for effect-- the moon!

Gru presses a button, which causes the podium to rise. When

Gru is at the top, the ceiling opens revealing the moon.

GRU
And once the moon is mine, the
world will give me whatever I want
to get it back! And I will be the
greatest villain of all time.
That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!
Gru's CELL PHONE rings. It's DR. NEFARIO.

GRU
Yes.
DR. NEFARIO
Hello, Gru. I’ve been crunching
some numbers and I really don’t see
how we can afford this. It can’t
be done. I’m not a miracle worker.

GRU
Hey...chillax. I’ll just get
another loan from the bank. They
love me!

Gru raises his arms triumphantly. The crowd goes crazy.

PAN UP to the moon, then DISSOLVE TO:

EXT: STREET - NIGHT

The moon shines brightly in the sky. Margo, Edith, and Agnes
walk down the sidewalk, Edith leaping from puddle to puddle.
SPLASH! Edith gets water all over Margo.

MARGO
Oh, Edith! Stop it!
EDITH
What? I’m just walking.
The three girls enter the ORPHANAGE.
 11

INT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - SAME

The reception area features pink flowery wallpaper and pink

furniture and perfectly stacked displays of boxes of Miss
Hattie’s Cookies. Sitting at the reception desk is MISS
HATTIE.

DING! The girls enter the room and line up behind the yellow
line before they call out to Miss Hattie.

GIRLS
Hi, Miss Hattie. We’re back.
MISS HATTIE
Hello, girls.
AGNES
(hopeful)
Anybody come to adopt us while we
were out?

MISS HATTIE
Hmmm, let me think. No.
Edith happily places a BALL OF MUD on Miss Hattie’s desk.
Miss Hattie stares, losing it.

MISS HATTIE
Edith! What did you put on my
desk?

EDITH
(proudly)
A mud-pie.

Miss Hattie looks Edith right in the eyes.

MISS HATTIE
You’re never going to get adopted
Edith. You know that, don’t you?

Miss Hattie slides the mud-pie out of the way.

EDITH
(resigned)
Yeah, I know.

MISS HATTIE
Good.
(changing gears)
So how did it go, girls? Did we
meet our quotas?
 12

MARGO
Um, sorta. We sold 43 minty mints,
30 choco swirlies and 18
coconutties.

Miss Hattie stares back at the girls. This clearly isn’t

enough to her liking.

MISS HATTIE
Okay, well, you say that like it’s
a great sale day.
(losing it)
LOOK AT MY FACE! DO YOU STILL
THINK IT’S A GREAT SALE DAY???
(getting it back)
Eighteen coconutties...I think we
can do a little better than that,
don’t you? Yeah, we wouldn’t want
to spend the weekend in the Box of
Shame, would we? No.

GIRLS
No, Miss Hattie.
She CLAPS sending the girls off.

MISS HATTIE
Okay. Good. Off you go! Go clean
something of mine.

The girls pass by a cardboard box labeled “Box of Shame” with

a small hole cut out of one side, through which the face of a
small child can be made out.

GIRLS
Hi, Penny.
PENNY
Hi, guys.

INT: GRU’S CAR

Gru drives his enormous car down the street. His phone
rings.

GRU
Hello mom. Sorry, I meant to call,
but...

INT: DOJO

GRU’S MOM is dressed in a full karate costume.

 13

GRU’S MOM
I just wanted to congratulate you
on stealing the pyramid. That was
you, wasn’t it? Or was it a
villain who’s actually successful?

The lady of 105 cracks herself up.

INT: GRU’S CAR

Gru isn’t amused.

GRU
Just so you know mom, I am about to
do something very very big. Very
important. When you hear about it
you’re going to be very proud.

INT: DOJO

Gru’s mom isn’t swayed. She sarcastically baits Gru.

GRU’S MOM
Hah. Good luck with that. Okay,
I’m outta here.

With a swift kick, Gru’s mom knocks her trainer off screen.

EXT: CITY STREET - A LITTLE LATER

Gru pulls up in front of a bank. There is a small space in

between two cars. SMASH! He knocks one out of the way.
SMASH! He demolishes the other one. Then calmly gets out
and walks inside.

INT: BANK - CONTINUOUS

Gru walks in past the receptionist and into the restroom

carrying his briefcase.

INT: BANK OF EVIL RESTROOM - DAY

Gru enters the restroom. Lasers come out of Gru’s urinal,

reading his eyes. A secret door opens and he enters into the
Bank of Evil.
 14

INT: BANK OF EVIL - CONTINUOUS

Gru is now inside the secret underground Bank of Evil

(Formerly Lehman Brothers), which finances all of the world’s
villainy not already financed by a government. Gru takes a
DEEP BREATH. He walks down a hallway featuring a series of
statues of a man being progressively crushed by a pillar.

He then walks to the Loans Desk and addresses the

RECEPTIONIST.

GRU
Gru to see Mr. Perkins.
RECEPTIONIST
Yes, please have a seat.
Gru takes a seat on a red leather sofa. He unrolls a piece
of paper with his master plan on it. He stares at it.

INT: GRU’S CHILDHOOD HOME - FLASHBACK

LITTLE GRU sits in front of the TV watching the Apollo

landing.

NEIL ARMSTRONG (ON TV)

It’s one small step for man...one
giant leap for mankind.

LITTLE GRU
Mom, someday I’m going to go to the
moon!

Gru’s Mom works on a needlepoint.

GRU’S MOM
I’m afraid you’re too late, son.
NASA isn’t sending the monkeys
anymore.

Little Gru frowns. His dream crushed.

INT: BANK OF EVIL - DAY

Gru puts down the plan, revealing that sitting across from
him in a black leather chair is a nerdy villain in costume
with glasses, a prominent nose, sloped shoulders, and a pot
belly. His name is VECTOR, and he is cocky way beyond any
realistic assessment of his prowess.

VECTOR
Hey.
 15

Gru goes back to his studying his plan. Vector comes over
and sits next to him.

VECTOR
I’m applying for a new villain
loan. Go by the name of “Vector.”

Gru is irritated and slides down the couch.

VECTOR
(gives Gru a smile)
It's a mathematical term. A
quantity represented by an arrow
with both direction and magnitude!

He points to the arrow/equation on his chest. Gru attempts

to ignore the guy. He has now moved down to the end of the
couch. Vector slides down to sit right beside Gru.

VECTOR
Vector. That’s me. Cause I’m
committing crimes with both
direction and magnitude. Oh yeah!

Gru continues to ignore the guy. But he won’t stop. Vector

holds up a futuristic-looking gun with a PIRANHA inside the
barrel gasping for air.

VECTOR
Check out my new weapon. Piranha
gun! Oh yes! Fires live piranhas.
Ever seen one before? No you
haven’t-- I invented it. You want
a demonstration?

The piranha falls out of the barrel.

VECTOR
Oh...ah...shoot. So difficult
sometimes to get the piranha back
inside my...

Vector and the piranha tussle on the ground. Vector pulls

the piranha off of his nose.

Gru is dying. Get me out of here. Thankfully, the

Receptionist speaks up.

RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Gru? Mr. Perkins will see you
now.
 16

INT: MR. PERKINS’ OFFICE - DAY

Gru sits across from MR. PERKINS, the bank’s unforgiving loan
manager, a monster of a man with devil’s horn-like hair. Gru
is surrounded by charts and models showing how he’s going to
steal the moon.

GRU
...so all I need is money from the
bank to build a rocket, and then
the moon...is ours.

MR. PERKINS
Wow. Well, very nice presentation.
I'd like to see this shrink ray.

Gru squirms in his seat.

GRU
Absolutely. Will do. Soon as I
have it.

Mr. Perkins grimaces, disappointed.

MR. PERKINS
You don't have it? And yet you
have the audacity to ask the bank
for money.

GRU
Apparently.
MR. PERKINS
Do you have any idea of the capital
that this bank has invested in you,
Gru? With far too few of your
“sinister plots” actually turning a
profit?

Perkins walks around the room.

MR. PERKINS
How can I put it?
Mr. Perkins pulls an APPLE from his coat.

MR. PERKINS
Let’s say this apple is you. If we
don’t start getting our money
back...

Mr. Perkins squeezes the apple and it explodes.

 17

MR. PERKINS
Get the picture?
Gru gulps loudly. Mr. Perkins returns to his seat.

MR. PERKINS
Look, Gru, the point is there are a
lot of new villains out there.
Younger than you. Hungrier than
you. Younger than you. Like that
young fellow out there named
Vector. He just stole the pyramid.

Gru reacts to this. That loser he just met in the lobby

stole the pyramid?

GRU
I've got it, I've got it. Um,
so...as far as getting money for
the rocket.

MR. PERKINS
Get the shrink ray. Then we'll
talk.

Gru sighs, defeated.

INT: BANK OF EVIL - DAY

A beaten down Gru leaves Mr. Perkins’ office. He walks past

Vector, who is trying to stick the piranha back in his gun.
Looks around, then casually pulls out his Freeze Ray gun and
freezes his head. Vector moves his eyes to look at Gru
before his body hits the floor.

The piranha jumps into the air and on top of the now
defenseless Vector. He give out a SCREAM as he is bitten.

EXT: SHOT OF ASIA FROM SPACE

A satellite shot of a large land mass on Earth. A flashing

red square shrinks down over a river running through the
landscape. ZOOM IN to an overhead view of a massive
industrial complex located on the island.

EXT: SKY - DAY

GRU’S SHIP speeds through the sky.

 18

INT: GRU’S SHIP - SAME

Gru sits at the controls. A couple of minions are with him.

INT: SECRET LAB - DAY

A worker pushes a covered cart through the halls and into a

lab. Two other workers open a sliding door which allows an
ELEPHANT to walk into the room.

EXT: SKY - DAY

Gru’s plane continues to fly through the air toward the lab.

INT: SECRET LAB - SAME

The worker is pushing the SHRINK RAY, a futuristic-looking

weapon, down the hall. It now sits in the center of a large
room, aimed at the elephant on the other side of the room.

INT: SECRET LAB - SAME

The walls of the lab are lined with flashing lights and
monitors scrolling data. Through a window, two KOREAN
SCIENTISTS in white lab coats look in at the weapon. One of
them flips a switch.

The Shrink Ray begins to hum. Lights begin to flash. The

humming gets louder as it charges up.

INT: CONTROL ROOM - SAME

The men look excited. They check their computer monitors.

All systems are go.

The Shrink Ray hums louder. It begins to glow. The

scientists grab each other. This is it.

FZZZZZCHEEEW! A bolt of energy shoots out and hits the

elephant across the room. SHOOOM! The huge animal suddenly
shrinks down to the size of a mouse. Makes a tiny high-
pitched trumpet SOUND. The scientists look at the shrunken
elephant...then they notice what’s happening in the lab.
 19

INT: SECRET LAB - SAME

VZZHHHHT! A LASER cuts a large circle in the ceiling.

WOOOOOSH! A minion rides down on a giant claw that grabs the
Shrink Ray.The lab workers PANIC.

EXT: SKY - SAME

Gru’s MASSIVE AIRCRAFT hovers above the research facility

with the claw’s arm leading from the belly of the ship.

INT: SECRET LAB - SAME

A minion riding the claw arm plucks the Shrink Ray from its
stand. The minion “carefully” tries to ascend through the
freshly cut hole.

MINION
(laughs)
Suckers!

The minion bumps his head, OW! Then tries to exit again.

MINION
Suckers.
The minion bumps his head again, OW! Then finally exits.

EXT: SKY - DAY

The minion rides the arm up into Gru’s plane. The plane
takes off into the sky.

INT: GRU’S SHIP - SAME

Gru sits at the controls. A couple of minions are with him.

GRU
Aha, we got it!
The arm places the Shrink Ray in a glass case. Gru and
another minion revel in their success. Then--

VZZZZZZHT! A laser cuts a hole in the ceiling right above

the Shrink Ray. WOOSH! A giant claw enters Gru’s ship. The
claw grabs the case with the shrink ray. Gru and the minions
stare, stunned.

Gru stares out the front window, seeing--

 20

GRU
What? Hey, hey?! What? No, no, no!
A LARGER SHIP hovering above. It’s Vector. The wannabe
villain from the bank. He looks down at Gru.Yells down to
him.

GRU
You!

VECTOR
Ha-- Now maybe you’ll think twice
before you freeze someone’s head!
So long, Gru!

Vector blasts off, laughing. Gru and the minions watch him
fly off.

GRU
Quick! We can’t let him get away!
A CHASE ensues.

MINION
Wooo hooo!

GRU
Up ahead, up ahead. Fire! Fire it
now.

A minion fires a machine gun. All the bullets miss.

VECTOR
Oops you missed me.
GRU
Come to papa.
The mother-lode of rockets pop out and fire from Gru’s ship.
Vector easily avoids them all with heat decoys.

VECTOR
Take that. How adorable.
Gru carefully lines up another shot at Vector.

GRU
Got you in our sights. Like taking
candy from a...what?!

It's Vector. He’s standing on top of his ship and is aiming

the shrink ray directly at them.
 21

VECTOR
Ha! Hey Gru, try this on for size!
ZZZTTTT! Gru and the minions are in their ship as it starts
to shrink.

GRU
That’s weird. What is going on?
The seat belt shrinks so much that it breaks.

GRU
This is claustrophobic. Oh, no,
no.

The ship continues to get smaller and smaller.

Vector LAUGHS and disappears into his ship.

INT: GRU’S SHIP

GRU
Too small. This is too small for
me.

Gru and the minions are squeezed out the front of the cockpit
like toothpaste. Gru is holding on to the ship as the
minions grab his legs. They are able to right the ship but
struggle to keep their balance on top of the now tiny plane.

TCHOOOOOOOOM! Vector’s ship takes off.

GRU
Ugh, I hate that guy.

EXT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - NIGHT

Establishing.

INT: GIRLS’ ROOM - SAME

There are three beds in a tiny room. The three girls kneel
next to them saying their prayers.

MARGO
...and please watch over us and
bless that we’ll have a good
night’s sleep...
 22

EDITH
...and bless that while we’re
sleeping no bugs will crawl into
our ears and lay eggs in our
brains...

Margo shoots Edith a disapproving look.

MARGO
Great. Thanks for that image
Edith.

AGNES
...and please bless that someone
will adopt us soon...and that the
mommy and daddy will be nice...
and have a pet unicorn. Amen.

MARGO AND EDITH

Amen.
The girls climb into their beds. Margo turns out the light.
Agnes begins singing to her stuffed unicorn.

AGNES
Unicorns, I love them
Unicorns, I love them
Uni, Uni, Unicorns, I love them.
Edith GROANS as she puts her pillow over her head. Agnes
keeps singing.

AGNES
Uni, unicorns, I could pet one
If they were really real
And they are!
So I bought one so I could pet it
Now it loves me, now I love it
La ,la, la...

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - DAY

Vector’s fortress is a massive marble building with a huge

“V” on the front.
TITLE CARD: VECTOR’S FORTRESS

Gru, in a Rastafarian disguise, walks an artificial dog down

the street. A security camera atop one of Vector’s walls
rotates and tries to focus in on Gru. Gru leaps back and
pins his back to the wall.
 23

INT: VECTOR’S LAIR

A shark and a school of fish swim under the floor of the

house. Vector lounges on his couch playing video games.

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - DAY

Gru then activates his PUPPY PERISCOPE to spy over Vector’s

wall.

INT: VECTOR’S LAIR - SAME

Vector eats some snacks. Suddenly, a SECURITY ALERT sounds.

Vector clicks a remote and sees on his monitor Gru’s Puppy
Periscope peering over his wall.

Vector puts down the video game controller, and picks up a

large, intimidating remote. He pushes a button.

EXT: VECTOR’S LAIR - SAME

A large LASER GUN emerges from the dome atop Vector’s lair,
and FIRES! Gru’s Puppy Periscope is burnt to a crisp.

INT: VECTOR’S LAIR - SAME

He sips a soda while he continues to play his video game.

EXT: VECTOR’S LAIR - MONTAGE

In a quick series of beats, Gru is stymied at every turn in

his efforts to get inside Vector's fortress.

-- BAM! A mechanical boxing glove smashes him in the face.

INT: VECTOR’S LAIR - SAME

Vector lies on his couch as he pushes buttons on his remote.

EXT: VECTOR’S LAIR - MONTAGE

--Gru pole vaults into the wall and BAM! Mechanical boxing
gloves repeatedly hit him in the groin.

--He uses a jet pack to fly over the wall.

 24

INT: VECTOR’S LAIR - NIGHT

Vector plays the remote like a guitar.

EXT: VECTOR’S LAIR - MONTAGE

When WHOOSH! A Giant Catapult flings him off the roof.

--Gru aims a bazooka at the front gate. SMASH! The gate

slams down on him.

--CRUNCH! A Giant Shark pops out of a manhole and bites down

on him.

-- BZZZ! Giant saws slice through Gru's ropes as he scales

the wall.

INT: VECTOR’S LAIR - NIGHT

Vector rubs the keyboard on his butt.

EXT: VECTOR’S LAIR - SAME

Finally, ONE MILLION OTHER WEAPONS transform from the roof to

combine one last forceful deterrent at Gru --

GRU
(horrified)
Ohhhhh.

An ATOMIC BOMB-LIKE EXPLOSION. He’s done.

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - THE NEXT DAY

Gru, beaten and burnt and bruised, emerges from a crater of

rubble across from Vector’s Fortress, coughing.

Then Gru sees the girls approaching Vector’s front gate. He

laughs bitterly as security cameras are activated and the
girls ring Vector’s buzzer. Gru chuckles to himself.

GRU
Oh, Good luck, little girls.
Gru puts binoculars up to his face and reads Margo’s
clipboard: “Miss Hattie’s Delicious Orphan Cookies.”

The million guns emerge from Vector’s dome, aimed at the

front door.
 25

EDITH
Whoa. Cool.
Margo addresses the camera.

MARGO
Uh, hi. We’re orphans from Miss
Hattie’s Home for Girls...

VECTOR (O.S.)
I don't care. Beat it.
MARGO
Come on we’re selling cookies so,
you know, we can have a better
future!

VECTOR (O.S.)
Oh wait wait...Um, do you have
coconutties?

MARGO
Uh yeah.

EXT: VECTOR'S FORTRESS - SAME

There is a pause. Then-- VHHRRRT. The guns retract and the

gates open, allowing the girls to enter.

EXT: STREET - FANTASY

Gru can see the girls carrying out the Shrink Ray.

EXT: STREET - DAY

Back to reality. Gru's eyes light up.

GRU
Light bulb.
He flips open a cell phone and dials.

GRU
Dr. Nefario?
DR. NEFARIO
Huh?
 26

GRU
I’m going to need a dozen tiny
remote control robots that look
like cookies.

NEFARIO (O.S.)
What?
GRU
Cookie robots!
DR. NEFARIO
Who is this?
GRU
Cookie, oh forget it.

Gru laughs with new found hope.

INT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - DAY

Miss Hattie sits at her desk across from someone. She’s

checking her computer screen. Gru sits across from her
wearing an all white dentist’s outfit, complete with rubber
gloves and eye protection. He looks like he’s about to fix a
loose crown.

MISS HATTIE
Well, it appears you have cleared
our background check, Dr. Gru.

Miss Hattie types a few strokes.

MISS HATTIE
Oh, and I see you have made a list
of some of your personal
achievements. Thank you for that;
I love reading.

INT: GRU’S LAB - CONTINUOUS

A minion thinks and then types random information into a

computer.

INT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - CONTINUOUS

MISS HATTIE
And I see that you have been given
the medal of honor...and a
knighthood.
 27

INT: GRU’S LAB - CONTINUOUS

The minion now takes suggestions from other minions for

enhancements to Gru’s profile.

INT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - CONTINUOUS

MISS HATTIE
You had your own...cooking show and
can hold your breath for 30
seconds. That’s not that
impressive.

INT: GRU’S LAB - CONTINUOUS

Two minions are fighting each other to type information into

the computer. The rest of the minions gather around, egging
them on.

INT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - CONTINUOUS

Miss Hattie reacts to her screen going haywire.

MISS HATTIE
What in the name of...what?
GRU
Well, here's the dealio. Things
have been so lonely since my
wife...Debbie passed on.

Gru starts to get emotional.

GRU
It’s like my heart is a tooth, and
it’s got a cavity that can only be
filled with children. I’m sorry.

Gru tries to holds back his emotions. Gru sees that this
approach isn’t working, so he changes his tactics.

GRU
You are a beautiful woman. Do you
speak Spanish?

MISS HATTIE
Do I look like I speak Spanish?
GRU
You have a face como un burro.
 28

Miss Hattie giggles.

MISS HATTIE
Oh, well, thank you.
GRU
Anyway, can we proceed with this
adoption? So, so excited.

Miss Hattie pushes a button on her intercom.

MISS HATTIE
Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes
to come to the lobby.

INT: GIRLS’ BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

CLOSE ON the screaming mouths of Edith and Agnes.

EDITH & AGNES

Aaaaiiiiggghhhh!
The girls burst into their tiny room screaming. They
furiously put things in their little suitcases. Margo
removes a POSTER of a BALLERINA from the wall. Edith packs
her stick collection.

MARGO
I bet the momma’s beautiful!
EDITH
I bet the daddy’s eyes sparkle.
AGNES
I bet their house is made of gummy
bears!

The other two give Agnes a look.

AGNES
I’m just saying it’d be nice.
Agnes looks at something sitting in an empty dresser drawer.

AGNES
Aww. My caterpillar never turned
into a butterfly.

EDITH
(looking at it)
That’s a cheeto.
 29

AGNES
Oh.
She stares at it. Then pops it in her mouth.

INT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - SAME

Gru and Miss Hattie are in the middle of a conversation.

MISS HATTIE
Oh, well Debbie was a very lucky
woman.

GRU
Who's Debbie?
MISS HATTIE
Your wife! Oh, hi girls.
The girls enter the office, suitcases in hand.

MISS HATTIE
Girls, I want you to meet Mr. Gru.
He’s going to adopt you. And he's
a dentist!

Gru stands and turns to them. The girls stare at him. He

could not be further from their ideal image of adoptive
parents. Agnes runs to Gru, wrapping herself around his leg.
Edith turns to walk away.

MARGO
Uh, hi. I’m Margo. This is Edith.
Margo points to Agnes.

MARGO
That’s Agnes.
Gru attempts a smile. Shakes his leg, trying to get Agnes
off.

AGNES
I got your leg, I got your leg.
GRU
Okay, that’s enough, little girl.
Let go of my leg. Come on. You
can do it. Just release the grip.
Wow!
 30

AGNES
Higher! Higher!
(laughs)

GRU
(to Miss Hattie)
How do you remove them?
Is there a command? Some non-stick
spray? Crowbar? Okay, girls:
let’s go!

Gru shuffles out with Agnes still attached.

EXT: MISS HATTIE’S HOME FOR GIRLS - DAY

Gru’s car pulls away from the orphanage. The flames from his
exhaust causes a LITTLE KID’S balloon to pop. He cries.

Gru flips on the turbo and rockets down the street.

INT: VECTOR’S BATHROOM - NIGHT

A bottle of mouthwash sits in a CUP near a bathroom sink.

VECTOR
Pretty impressive. What are you
looking at? Boo-yah!

VZZZHTT! Suddenly, SHRINK RAY WAVES hit them and the bottle
shrinks.

VECTOR
You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash!
Vector blasts the sink.

VECTOR
Take that.
Vector laughs.

VECTOR
You done been shrunk!
Then his cell phone RINGS. He jumps, aiming the shrink ray.
Then realizes it’s his phone and answers it.

VECTOR
Yello? Oh, I got the shrink ray,
all right. No, I’m not playing
with it.Gru? Don’t make me
laugh. No.
(MORE)
 31

VECTOR (CONT'D)
PS, he is NOT getting the moon and
PPS, by the time I’m done with him,
he’s gonna be begging for mercy!

Vector fires the Shrink Ray at his toilet, shrinking it.

VECTOR
(abruptly changes tone)
Okay, bye.

He hangs up the phone. Then turns to the tiny toilet.

Frowns, uncomfortable.

VECTOR
Aw, look at you; a little tiny
toilet for a little tiny baby to --

Suddenly the pipes burst, spraying water everywhere!

VECTOR
Ahh! Curse you tiny toilet!

EXT: GRU’S LAIR - DAY

Gru and the girls get out of the car and walk to his front
door.

GRU
Okay. Here we are: Home sweet
home.

The girls look around. The large black house is very

intimidating. They huddle close together. Margo then
recognizes the place.

MARGO
So this is, like, your house? Wait
a second. You’re the guy who
pretended he was a recorded
message.

GRU
No, that was someone else.
Margo furrows her brow, not convinced. Gru opens the door,
and they enter.

INT: GRU’S LAIR - CONTINUOUS

The girls look around, taking in the scary looking interior.

Images of demons and Gothic evil are everywhere. Agnes turns
to Gru, nervous.
 32

AGNES
Can I hold your hand?
GRU
Ahhh no.
They go deeper into the lair. Edith pulls Margo aside.

EDITH
When we got adopted by a bald guy,
I thought this'd be more like
Annie.

Just then Kyle comes around the corner, his eyes lighting up
as he sees the girls. He licks his chops and is about to
chomp down on Agnes with a slobbery mouth full of teeth when
Gru stops him with a rolled-up newspaper.

GRU
No hey...!
Gru jumps behind the girls.

GRU
Kyle. These are not treats.
These are guests.
(to the girls)
Girls, this is Kyle, my...dog.
AGNES
Oooh, fluffy doggie!
Kyle runs off scared.

AGNES
Aww.
Margo turns to Gru, accusingly.

MARGO
What kind of dog is that?
GRU
He’s ahhh...I don’t know.
MARGO
Do you really think this is an
appropriate place for little kids?
Cause, uh, its not.

Gru shrugs, surrounded by all the inappropriate things in his

house. He turns and sees a curious Edith checking out an
open IRON MAIDEN.
 33

GRU
No, no! Stay away from there!
It’s fragile!

SNAP! The spiked door snaps shut with her inside. RED
LIQUID starts spilling out onto the floor. Gru stares at it.
Margo and Agnes GASP.

GRU
Well, I suppose the plan will work
with two.

EDITH (O.S.)
Hey! It’s dark in here!
Gru opens up the iron maiden, revealing Edith standing there
completely unharmed. So small she fit between the spikes.
She holds up something.
EDITH
It poked a hole in my juice box.
Red punch drips out of the juice box. Edith SPITS out the
straw.

INT: KITCHEN - DAY

Gru stands in front of the girls.

GRU
As you can see, I have provided
everything a child might need.

Gru points to a DOG DISH FILLED WITH CANDY, a DOG DISH FILLED
WITH WATER and NEWSPAPERS spread out on the floor. The girls
stare.

GRU
Now I've got--hey!
Edith has smashed a vase of toxic chemicals, which is now
sizzling on the tile floor.

EDITH
Somebody broke that.
GRU
Okay, okay, clearly we need to set
some rules. Rule number one: You
will not touch anything.

MARGO
What about the floor?
 34

GRU
(irritated)
Yes, you may touch the floor.
MARGO
What about the air?
GRU
(more irritated)
Yes, you may touch the air.
EDITH
What about this?
Edith holds a dangerous looking RAY GUN.

GRU
Ahhhhh! Where did you get that?
Gru shields himself with a frying pan.

EDITH
(shrugs)
Found it.

Gru grabs the gun from her, then continues.

GRU
Okay, rule number two: you will
not bother me while I’m working.
Rule number three: you will not
cry or whine or laugh or giggle or
sneeze or burp or fart. So no, no,
no annoying sounds. Alright?

AGNES
Does this count as annoying?
Agnes opens her mouth and drums on her cheeks.

GRU
Very.
(reaches for the door)
I will see you in six hours.

Gru slams the door. The girls stand there in silence.

Margo sees the somber faces on the other girls and tries to
cheer them (and herself) up.

MARGO
Okay don’t worry, everything’s
going to be fine. We’re going to
be really happy here. Right,
Agnes?
 35

Agnes is on all fours eating candy out of the dish like a

dog. She looks up.

AGNES
Mmmmm?

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Minions are walking on the catwalks throughout the lab on

their daily duties.

Gru stares at a bunch of MINIATURE ROBOTS standing on a

table. Dr. Nefario stands proudly next to them. Pushes a
button. "Boogie Fever” by the Sylvers begins playing, and
the little robots start to disco dance to the music. A
minion hops in and also dances.

GRU
Uh, question. What are these?
Dr. Nefario dances to the beat, too.

DR. NEFARIO
A dozen boogie robots. Boogieee!
Ha -- look at this! Watch me.

Gru grabs the remote from Nefario, and pushes the STOP
button.

GRU
Cookie robots! I said cookie
robots! Why -- are you so old?

DR.NEFARIO
Okay I’m on it.

INT: LIVING ROOM - SAME

There’s a muffled voice from behind the kitchen door.

The door opens, revealing the girls...a little nervous.

Agnes finds the TV remote perched high on Gru’s end table.

AGNES
TV!
Just then, Kyle sneaks up behind her...drooling and licking
his lips. He pounces!
 36

But not before Agnes steps on a button, activating the

elevator mechanism. Kyle gets caught up in the machinery and
gets smashed when the canon comes down.

The girls collect around the secret entrance.

MARGO
What is that?
EDITH
Whoa, that is cool. Come on!
The girls descend in the elevator, open-mouthed.

AGNES
I don’t think he’s a dentist.
Kyle lies on the floor dazed.

INT: GRU’S LAB - SAFE ROOM - NIGHT

A minion takes a sip of purple liquid from a beaker.

Suddenly he starts to float!

DR. NEFARIO
We’ve been working on this for a
while. It’s an anti-gravity serum.

At first its great...but then foof! The minion floats all

the way out of a skylight and disappears.

DR. NEFARIO
I meant to close that. He’ll be
alright, I’m sure.

We PAN down to Gru and Nefario.

GRU
Do the effects wear off?
DR. NEFARIO
Uh, so far...no. No they don’t.
84 We PAN back up to reveal dozens of minions hovering near the
ceiling.

DR. NEFARIO
And here of course is the new
weapon you ordered.
 37

Nefario pulls out an impressive looking ray gun. He pulls

the trigger. TBPBBBPPGGHGHH! A loud fart comes out of the
gun. The test minion passes out.

GRU
No, no, no. I said dart gun.
Not...ok.

DR. NEFARIO
Oh, yes. Because I was wondering,
under what circumstances would we
use this, but anyway--

Dr. Nefario and Gru look down on the tiny robotic cookies as
they scamper across a table. Gru smiles.

DR. NEFARIO
-- what I really wanted to show you
is this.

GRU
Now those are cookie robots!
Suddenly a toy unicorn appears from behind the table. A tiny
hand makes it hop along.

AGNES
La, la, la...I love unicorns. I
love unicorns. If they were real I
could pet one.

Gru grits his teeth as he sees the girls emerge from behind
the table.

GRU
What are you doing here? I told
you to stay in the kitchen!

MARGO
We got bored. What is this place?
GRU
Er...
Edith is examining Dr. Nefario’s collection of test tubes
filled with mysterious liquids. Holds up one.

EDITH
Can I drink this?
DR. NEFARIO
Do you want to explode?
 38

Dr. Nefario grabs the test tube. Edith kicks Nefario as hard
as she can in his shins.

DR. NEFARIO
Ahhh! Gru!
Gru turns to the girls.

GRU
Get back in the kitchen!
AGNES
Will you play with us?
GRU
No.
AGNES
Why?
GRU
Because, I am busy.
MARGO
Doing what?
GRU
Um...ok, ok, you got me. The
dentist thing is more of a hobby.
In real life, I am a spy, and it is
top secret and you may not tell
anybody because if you do...

EDITH
What does this do?
Edith pushes a button. A LASER shoots out, moving around the
room. VZZHHHHTTT! It connects with Agnes’ stuffed unicorn
which instantly turns it to ashes. Agnes gasps.

EDITH
Whoops.

AGNES
My unicorn! You have to fix it!
GRU
Fix it? Look, it has been
disintegrated! By definition, it
cannot be fixed.
 39

Agnes now takes a deep breath and holds it. Gru turns to
Margo.

GRU
That’s freaking me out. What is
she doing?

MARGO
She’s going to hold her breath
until she gets a new one.

Gru turns to Agnes, frustrated.

GRU
It’s just a toy. Now stop it!
Agnes is starting to turn blue -- and then she passes out.

GRU
Ok! Ok! I’ll fix it!
Gru panics and calls off-screen.

GRU
Tim, Mark, Phil!
The three minions slide down three individual pneumatic
tubes. Margo and Edith stare at them, mouths open. What the
heck? Gru bends down to address the minions.

GRU
This is very important! You have
to get the little girl a new
unicorn toy!

The minions confer with each other. They look unsure as to

what a toy is.

GRU
Hey hey hey! A toy! Go! And
hurry.

The three minions turn and take off.

MARGO
What are those?
GRU
They are my...cousins. Jerry,
Stuart!

Two more minions appear. Gru points to the girls.

 40

GRU
Watch them and keep them away from
me please.

They nod.

EXT: STREET - DAY

Dave and the other two minions drive a little car down the
street disguised as dad, mom, and child.

A little girl waves to them as they drive by.

EXT: MALL MART - CONTINUOUS

They pull into a handicapped parking space.

INT: MALL MART - DAY

The minions walk into the store amazed. It is filled with

amazing stuff.

The baby minion shakes up a 2 liter bottle of soda. He fills

with the bubbly liquid and begins to expand. Too much! The
bottle pops out of his mouth and flies across the store...
and returns like a boomerang, crashing into the baby minion!

Another minion hops up on a large vibrating recliner. The

baby minion flies across the screen in the background.

The mom minion catches a glimpse of herself in a bank of tv

monitors. She notices the karaoke machine and gets an idea.

Finally all the minions converge at the Karaoke and engage in

a rousing rendition of Copacabana.

INT: GRU’S LAIR - EVENING

Toilet paper is covering everything. The three girls and the

two minions celebrate.

And then Gru comes stomping into the room.

Edith points to the minions.

EDITH
It was your cousin’s idea.
MINION
Whaaaa?!
 41

GRU
Okay, bedtime!
MARGO, EDITH, AGNES
Awwwwwwwwww.
JERRY & STUART
Awwwwww.
GRU
(to Jerry and Stuart)
Not you two!

JERRY & STUART

Yay!

INT: GIRLS’ ROOM - NIGHT

Gru and the girls enter the room. The girls stare at their
beds: NUCLEAR WARHEAD CASINGS which have been turned into
bunk beds. PLOP-PLOP-PLOP. Gru drops them inside, anxious
to get them to sleep.

GRU
Okay-dokey, beddy-bye. All tucked
in. Sweet dreams.

Margo's the last one he puts in bed.

MARGO
Just so you know, you’re never
gonna be my dad.

GRU
I think I can live with that.
Margo reacts to Gru’s response--not what she was expecting.

EDITH
Are these beds made out of bombs?
GRU
Yes, but they are very old and
highly unlikely to blow up. But
try not to toss and turn.

Edith admires the bomb bed.

EDITH
Cool.
Agnes holds up a book.
 42

AGNES
Will you read us a bedtime story?
GRU
No.
AGNES
But we can’t go to sleep without a
bedtime story.

GRU
Well then it’s going to be a long
night for you, isn’t it?

Gru begins to leave the girls’ room.

GRU
So good night, sleep tight, don’t
let the bed bugs bite.
Because...there are literally
thousands of them.
(beat, then whispers)
Oh, and there’s probably something
in your closet.

He turns out the light and closes the door.

The girls hear the scary noise through the door. Agnes is
clearly a little nervous, and hides under the covers.

MARGO
He’s just kidding, Agnes.
Suddenly the door opens. It’s the three minions, still in
their disguises. The one dressed as a baby approaches Agnes.
Agnes covers her face in fear.

The baby minion gives Agnes the TOILET BRUSH that has now
been dressed as a unicorn.

AGNES
It’s beautiful.
She gives him a kiss. The minion blushes and runs out of the
room, followed by the other two minions. Agnes holds the
toilet brush tight and closes her eyes.

EXT: GRU’S HOUSE - MORNING

Gru looks in through the open front door.

 43

GRU
Girls! Let’s go! Time to deliver
the cookies!

The girls come through the front door wearing ballet tutus.

MARGO
Okay, but first we’re going to go
to dance class.

GRU
Actually, we’re going to have to
skip the dance class today.

MARGO
Actually, we can’t skip the dance
class today. We have a big recital
coming up. We're doing an excerpt
from Swan Lake.

AGNES
Yeah, Swan Lake.
GRU
That’s fantastic, wonderful. But
we’re going to deliver cookies.
(heads for the vehicle)
Come on.

Margo gives the other two girls a look.

MARGO
No.
GRU
(a bit shocked)
No?

MARGO
We’re not going to deliver cookies
until we do dance class.

GRU
Well, I am not driving you to dance
class, so if you want to go you are
going to have to walk yourselves.

The girls start walking.

GRU
What are you doing?
Without even looking back, Margo calls out.
 44

MARGO
Walking to dance class.
GRU
Yeah...ok, fine. You just keep
walking because I’m really not
driving you.

MARGO (O.S.)
Okay!
Gru is starting to lose it.

GRU
You are going to suffer the wrath
of Gru! Seriously I’m going to
count to three, and you had better
be in this car!

The girls keep walking.

GRU
Here we go! One...two...!

INT: DANCE STUDIO - SAME

We SMASH cut onto Gru just as the dance teacher speaks.

DANCE TEACHER
Three...and four...and five and
lift...and stretch.

Gru is directly in the center of a long row of moms, holding

all of the girls’ things.

We pull out on a long row of MOMS in the waiting room. And

there is Gru in the middle of it all, holding all of the
girls’ girly stuff: dolls, clothes, etc. He’s in hell.
Agnes runs up to him holding out a TICKET.
AGNES
Here you go.
GRU
What is this?
AGNES
Your ticket to the dance recital.
You are coming, right?
 45

GRU
(completely insincere)
Of course, of course. I have pins
and needles that I’m sitting on.

AGNES
Pinkie promise?
Agnes holds out a pinkie. Gru stares at it. Notices the
other girls are watching. Will do whatever it takes to get
these cookies delivered. Reluctantly holds out his pinkie.

GRU
Oh yes, my pinkie promises.
AGNES
Ah!
They pinkie promise. All of the moms sitting next to Gru bat
their eyelashes, completely taken by Gru’s parenting.

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - DAY

Gru’s surveillance van is parked down the street from

Vector’s place.

INT: GRU’S VAN - SAME

Gru addresses the girls, who are dressed in their uniforms,

and stand next to the wagon stacked with cookie boxes.

GRU
Alright, our first customer is a
man named Vector.

Margo looks at her order form.

MARGO
But he’s a “V”. You know, we’re
supposed to start with the A’s,
then we go to the B’s, then we go
to the --

GRU
Yes, yes, I went to kindergarten, I
know how the alphabet works!
(catching himself)
I, I was just thinking that it
might be nice to deliver Mr.
Vector’s first, that is all.
The girls nod.
 46

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - MOMENTS LATER

BAM! The van door slams shut, and Margo, Edith and Agnes
make their way down the sidewalk toward Vector’s place.

GRU
It’s almost over...it’s almost
over.

INT: GRU’S VAN - SAME

Gru watches the girls on the video screen. They enter the
gate and enter the house.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Vector greets them at the door.

VECTOR
Ah girls, welcome back to the
Fortress of Vectortude.
(laughs)
Do you have my cookies for me?
The girls bring their wagon into Vector’s place.

Gru is typing on a keyboard. Cookiebot Microsoft software

begins to run on Gru’s computer.

Margo consults her order form as the other two girls put
Vector’s boxes of cookies on the counter. Including the
coconutties box with the robotic cookies in it.

MARGO
Four boxes of minty mints, two
toffee totes, two caramel clumpies
and fifteen boxes of coconutties.

VECTOR
Exactly. I’d like to see somebody
else order that many cookies.

Vector throws his head back in a cocky swagger.

VECTOR
Not likely! Name one person who
ordered more cookies than me.

Margo glares back at Vector.

MARGO
That will be 52 dollars.
 47

VECTOR
Right.
The side of the coconutties box on Vector’s counter flips
open, and TWELVE ROBOTIC COOKIES scamper out. They quickly
run a scan and locate the device.

INT: GRU’S VAN - SAME

Gru sits in the back of the van, looking at a TV monitor,

controlling the robotic cookies.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Vector pulls out cash from his fanny pack.

VECTOR
...seven, eight, nine, oh Tic Tacs.
The robotic cookies leap off of the counter and run down the
hall.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Vector finishes counting his money. Agnes stares at his

outfit.

VECTOR
...eight, nine...
AGNES
Why are you wearing your pajamas?
VECTOR
These aren’t pajamas. This is a
warm-up suit.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - VAULT

The cookie robots form a ladder to reach the security panel

beside the vault. The robots shut down Vector’s security
system.

The vault door is slowly opened revealing-- the Shrink Ray.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

EDITH
What are you warming up for?
 48

VECTOR
Stuff.

AGNES
What sort of stuff?
VECTOR
Super cool stuff you wouldn’t
understand.

AGNES
Like sleeping?
VECTOR
They are not pajamas!

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - VAULT

The cookie robots run into the vault and onto the far wall.
They quickly burn a hole in the wall the size of the shrink
ray. Gru and two minions quickly jump in the vault making
karate SOUNDS.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Vector finally finds the money.

VECTOR
Ah! Here you go. Fifty-two big
ones.

Vector hands Margo the money.

INT: VECTOR'S FORTRESS - VAULT

Gru and the minions struggle to lift the heavy shrink-ray

case. While this is happening, the cookie robots seal up the
hole in the vault trapping Gru and the minions. One of the
minions SHRIEKS in panic.

EXT: VECTOR'S FORTRESS

VECTOR
Bye!
The girls leave his yard and head for the gate. Vector
finally takes a bite of the cookie. The cookie makes a funny
noise and he has a hard time chewing it-- it's a robot.
 49

INT: VECTOR'S FORTRESS - AIR DUCTS

Gru and the minions struggle to get the heavy Shrink Ray into
an air duct. One minion grabs the other minion and shakes
him till he glows -- like a glow-stick, it illuminates the
darkened vent.

112 They race through the air duct carrying the shrink ray.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - AIR VENTS

They continue on running through the vents until they see a

way out. Gru is carrying the shrink ray and a minion.

WHOOMP! Gru falls through a weak spot in the floor.

INT: VECTOR'S FORTRESS - LIVING ROOM

Gru dangles precariously above Vector, who is mindlessly

watching TV. Below Gru is Vector's PET SHARK which swims
freely through his fortress (under his very chic glass
floors). The shark notices the tender morsel that is Gru
hanging by a thread. He is STRAINING to hold the shrink ray.

The shark LUNGES striking the glass floor.

VECTOR
What the...? Quiet down, fish.
The shark continues to hit the glass floor.

VECTOR
Down, boy.
THUMP! A huge LUNGE knocks Gru and his minions from the
ceiling, but it also knocks Vector off his couch, lodging his
head into his bucket of snacks. Gru takes this opportunity
to make a break for it.

Vector looks around, not sure what just happened.

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS

Gru comes running out, waving his pants around in his arms.

GRU
(laughs)
We did it! C’mon girls, let’s go.
A split second later the minions come running out and smack
into the side of Gru’s car.
 50

INT: GRU’S CAR - DAY

Gru and the girls drive home. Gru is feeling very good.

MARGO
But what about the other people who
ordered cookies?

GRU
Life is full of disappointments.
For some people.

Agnes sees something out the window. She points.

AGNES
Aaaiighhh!
The vehicle swerves as Gru tries to figure out what is wrong.

GRU
Don’t do that.
Out the window is the MOST FUN AMUSEMENT PARK EVER! The
girls stare out the windows at it, instantly excited.

AGNES
Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go?
Please?

GRU
No.

EDITH
But we’ve never been! And it’s the
funnest place on earth!

GRU
Don’t care.
GIRLS
PLEASE? WE’LL NEVER ASK FOR
ANYTHING ELSE EVER AGAIN!
PLEASE???
Gru thinks to himself...

MINDFLASH:

Gru is standing at the base of a huge rocket-powered

rollercoaster frame. The girls are in the first cart. He
pulls a lever and the girls shoot off into the distance.

END MINDFLASH.
 51

Gru snaps back to reality, his plan cemented.

GRU
Liiiight bulb.

EXT: SUPER SILLY FUN LAND - DAY

Gru stands at the turnstile. He laughs as he checks out the

exit to the park.

Gru and the girls are in Super Silly Fun Land. The girls get
into a rollercoaster car.

EDITH
Come on.
GRU
Goodbye have fun.

Gru heads towards the exit.

The PARK WORKER turns to Gru.

PARK WORKER
Uh, Sorry dude-- they can't ride
without an adult.

Gru stares at the park worker.

GRU
What? Ugh.

EXT: ROLLERCOASTER - LATER

CLOSE ON Gru’s face. PULL BACK TO REVEAL that he is on the

rollercoaster as it slowly goes up an incredibly steep
incline. His knees stick out of the tiny car.

Then suddenly the car plummets down. The girls scream,

having the time of their lives. Gru screams, not having the
time of his.

EXT: ROLLERCOASTER - LATER

The rollercoaster goes through several loops and corkscrews

in a row. The girls are loving it. Gru is getting whipped
around mercilessly.
 52

EXT: SUPER SILLY FUN LAND - DAY

Several hours of rollercoaster riding later, the girls and a

beaten and battered Gru leave the ride, passing by a photo of
them on a video screen--the girls having the time of their
life. Gru about to throw up, frowns.

Suddenly Agnes sees something off-screen and points.

AGNES (O.S.)
Oh my gosh look at that fluffy
unicorn!

A FLUFFY UNICORN is the main prize at the shooting gallery.

AGNES
He’s so fluffy I’m gonna die!!!
MARGO
You gotta let us play for it.
GRU
No, no, no.
AGNES
Come on!
Gru sighs and addresses the slimy VENDOR.

GRU
How much for the fluffy unicorn?
VENDOR
(chuckles)
Well...it is not for sale. But all
you gotta do to win it is knock
down that little spaceship there.

The vendor points to the smallest of the spaceship targets.

VENDOR
It’s easy!
Gru nods. He slaps a dollar bill on the table. The vendor
slurps on his drink, and presses a button that opens the
curtains and readies the cork guns.

AGNES
Yay!
They take aim and open fire! POP! POP! POP! They all
miss.
 53

AGNES
Again!

MARGO
Wait!

EDITH
Ah come on. One more time.
AGNES
Just one more! I accidentally
closed my eyes!

Gru slaps down another bill.

POP! POP! POP! This time Agnes’s cork hits the target.

AGNES
I hit it, I hit it! Did you see
that? I hit it!

The video sign above the game reads: “YOU LOSE.” Gru reacts.

EDITH
Awww.
GRU
Whoa, whoa, whoa...What was that?
She hit that! I saw that with my
own eyes!

The Vendor gives Gru a smarmy smile. He flips through a

stack of dollar bills.

VENDOR
Hey, buddy. Let me explain
something to you.

The vendor points to the back of the range.

VENDOR
Ya see that little tin spaceship?
You see how it’s not knocked over?
Do you know what that means,
professor?

The vendor leans over the counter and gets right in Gru’s
face.

VENDOR
It means you DON’T GET THE UNICORN!
Someone’s got a frowny face.
Better luck next time!
 54

Gru stares at the vendor, his blood beginning to boil. He

remains calm and smiles at the vendor.

GRU
Okay, my turn.
Gru calmly reaches into his coat and pulls out a small gun
that transforms into an enormous RAY GUN.

BLAM! A bright blue RAY BLAST connects with the back of the
shooting range, leaving no sign of the targets just a giant
gaping hole. Gru turns to the vendor.

GRU
Knocked over.
The vendor trembles, silenced. Gru pockets his weapon and
grabs the unicorn. He hands it to Agnes. Margo and Edith
cheer and Agnes hugs the animal tightly.

AGNES
IT’S SO FLUFFY!

MARGO
That was awesome!
EDITH
You blew up the whole thing!
AGNES
Let’s go destroy another game!
And then it happens: actually connecting with the girls and
enjoying being with them, Gru allows a small smile to creep
across his face.

INT: GRU’S LAIR - NIGHT

Gru and the girls return to the lair later that night,
laughing and sharing in the excitement of the day. Gru’s
arms are full of goodies and souvenirs from Super Silly Fun
Land. Gru and the girl’s faces are painted.

Gru hears a THROAT CLEARING.

They all turn and see Dr. Nefario waiting for them. He
stares at Gru who turns to the girls.

DR. NEFARIO
Gru, do you mind if I had a quick
word?
 55

GRU
Okay, girls, go play.
The girls run off with their goodies. Gru turns back to Dr.
Nefario. Attempts a smile.

GRU
I got the Shrink Ray.
(holds out a treat)
Cotton candy?
DR. NEFARIO
We have twelve days until the moon
is in optimum position. We can’t
afford any distractions.

Gru nods.

GRU
Get me Perkins.

INT: CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT

Two minions carry a presentation stand to Gru.

A Large Screen TV turns on revealing Perkins at his desk.

GRU
Sorry to bother you Mr. Perkins,
but I figured that you would want
to see this.

MR. PERKINS
What?
Gru aims the Shrink Ray at a minion on his sofa and fires it.
The minion shrinks to a tiny size.

Another minion comes up from behind the couch and flicks the
shrunken minion through the air. Gru catches the SCREAMING
minion midair and squeezes it like a squeaky toy.

Mr. Perkins looks surprised.

MR. PERKINS
Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.
Gru smiles. Everything’s going his way. He reaches for a
set of slick art cards on an easel.

GRU
Now the rest of the plan is simple.
(first card)
(MORE)
 56

GRU (CONT'D)
I fly to the moon.
(second card)
I shrink the moon.
(third card)
I grab the moon.
(fourth card)
I sit on the toilet. What?
The fourth card is a child’s drawing of Gru sitting on the
toilet. It is crudely signed EDITH.

He shoots an angry look off to the side, then turns back to

the camera.

GRU
Sorry, sorry, would you excuse me
for just one second?

Gru smiles then slips out of frame. Mr. Perkins furrows his
brow. Gru storms over to the giggling girls, who stand in
the doorway. He whisper-yells.

GRU
I told you not to touch my things.
I told you, I told you, I told you
a thousand times!

MARGO
(not really paying
attention)
Can we order pizza?
GRU
Pizza? You just had lunch!
EDITH
Not now--for dinner.
GRU
(gritting his teeth)
Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine,
whatever! Just get back in there.
MARGO
Can we get stuffed crust?
EDITH AND AGNES AND MINION
(with wonderment)
Ooooh, stuffed crust!

Gru does his best to keep it together.

GRU
I’ll stuff you all in the crust!
 57

AGNES
(giggles)
You’re funny.

GRU
Just don’t come out of that room
again!

Gru shoves them back out of the room, shuts the door and
rushes back to the podium.

Gru races back to the video monitor and smiles.

GRU
Alright, sorry about that. Where
were we?

MR. PERKINS
(irritated)
You were sitting on the toilet.
GRU
No, no, no! No, I’m sorry. That
was a little attempt at humor. I
know how much you like to laugh...
(off Perkins’ grim face)
...inside. Now I was saying--
Suddenly a sound comes from offscreen. Gru glances over to
the door. It’s open again. Where are they?

MR. PERKINS
You don’t seem terribly focused,
Gru.

GRU
Believe me, I am completely
focused. I--

Just then, the girls’ faces pop up in the TV's frame.

EDITH
Hello? Woah! That guy is huge!
AGNES
Are we on TV?
MR. PERKINS
What are those? Children?!
Gru rushes after the girls. Shouting in hushed tones.
 58

GRU
(to girls)
What are you doing?? I told you to
stay out of here!

MR. PERKINS
Gru! Stop...
The girls enter with a freeze ray and ZAP Gru!

GRU
No, no...
EDITH
Freeze ray.

MR. PERKINS
Mr. Gru,

GRU
Yeehaha, ho!
Gru is frozen in a block of ice. He GRUNTS as he waddles
back to Mr. Perkins.

GRU
As I was saying...
MR. PERKINS
No need to continue. I’ve seen
quite enough.

GRU
But my plan was--
MR. PERKINS
Is a great plan. I love everything
about your plan. Except for one
thing: You.

Gru is stung by this. We ZOOM into his face.

EXT: BACKYARD - FLASHBACK

Little Gru approaches his mom, who is watering her flowers.
He holds out a picture.

LITTLE GRU
Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me
landing on the moon!

She looks at it. Unimpressed.

 59

GRU'S MOM
Eh.
Little Gru then produces a SCALE MODEL of the rocket in the
picture.

LITTLE GRU
Look mom! I made a prototype of
the rocket out of macaroni!

She looks at it. Still unimpressed.

GRU'S MOM
Eh.
Little Gru then points to an ACTUAL ROCKET he's built in his
backyard.

LITTLE GRU
Look mom! I made a real rocket
based on the macaroni prototype!

He presses a button and the rocket takes off into the sky.
Gru's Mom watches it go.

GRU'S MOM
Eh.
Little Gru is crushed.

END FLASHBACK.

INT.- CONFERENCE ROOM

He falls back breaking the block of ice that had encased him.
He gets up and stares at Mr. Perkins, confused.

GRU
I...don’t understand.
MR. PERKINS
Let’s face reality, Gru. You’ve
been at this for far too long, with
far too little success. We’re
gonna put our faith, our money,
into a...well, a younger villain.

GRU
But, I...
Mr. Perkins smirks.
 60

MR. PERKINS
It’s over. Goodbye, Gru.
He holds a APPLE in his hand and CRUSHES it. The screen goes
black. Gru just stands there.

INT: GRU’S UNDERGROUND LAB - NIGHT

Gru walks into the lab. Several minions are playing ping-
pong while others surround Dr. Nefario.

GRU
Now I know there have been some
rumors going around that the bank
is no longer funding us. Well, I
am here to put those rumors to
rest. They are true.

The crowd reacts. Oh no. It’s at this point we reveal

Margo, Edith and Agnes watching from just outside the door.
They exchange looks and then run off.

GRU
In terms of money...we have no
money. So how WILL we get to the
moon? The answer is clear...we
won't.

Gru drops defeated into an empty chair. The crowd is even

more depressed.

GRU
We are doomed. Now would probably
be a good time to look for other
employment options. I know, I have
fired up my resume, as I suggest
that all of you do as well.

The crowd sags even more. Gru stares back at everyone,

feeling horrible. Then he feels a tug on his jacket. Gru
looks down and sees Margo, Edith and Agnes. He frowns.

GRU
What is it? Can’t you see I am in
the middle of a pep talk?

Agnes produces a PIGGY BANK. Gru stares at it.

He takes the piggy bank, shakes it and it rattles. He opens

it and several coins fall out onto his hand. He stares at
them. Then looks at the girls. Feeling things he’s probably
never felt before.
 61

Then one by one the minions produce their own treasured

possessions: wallets, mounted fish, wads of money, a royal
crown.

The minions pile up whatever they’ve got in front of Gru.

The girls smile.Gru looks at all of them with their
contributions. A smile creeps across his face as he gets an
idea.

GRU
Yes. Yes! We will build our own
rocket! Using this and whatever
else we can find! Grab everything!
Hit the junkyards! Take apart the
cars! Who needs the bank!?

The crowd, including the girls, cheers. Gru smiles. MONTAGE

MUSIC KICKS IN.

INT: GRU’S LAB - NIGHT

The rocket is in its very beginning stage. Just an engine,

and a frame. They are lowering a recliner into the cockpit
as Gru and Dr. Nefario watch on. A minion who is napping on
the recliner is knocked off and falls.

INT: GRU’S LAIR - DAY

Margo, Edith and Agnes practice ballet in their tutus. A

couple of minions watch, curious. One of them attempts one
of the ballet moves. The other one punches him.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Dr. Nefario and Gru are working on one of the Rocket engines.
The status screen behind them flashes from STABLE to DANGER.

Gru hands Dr. Nefario a tool and he is able to fix it. Gru
continues to assist Dr. Nefario in building the engine.

INT: LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY

Gru opens up his dryer. The girls run and grab their PINK
TUTUS out of it. Gru then removes a pink sock. He next
pulls out his spacesuit. It has turned pink.
 62

INT: GRU’S LAIR - DAY

Gru enters the main room to find his mom sitting on the sofa
with the girls, looking through an old scrapbook. She points
to a picture.

GRU
Huh? Mom, what are you doing here?
GRU’S MOM
...and there he is in the bathtub.
Oh! Look at his little buns.

INSERT: picture of Naked Baby Gru in the bath on his stomach

with his buns sticking up.

The girls giggle. Gru is mortified.

GRU
Mom? Not cool.
She points to another picture in the scrapbook.

GRU’S MOM
And here he is all dressed up in
his Sunday best.

MARGO
He looks like a girl.
GRU’S MOM
Ha ha. Yes he does. An ugly girl.

INT: GRU’S LAIR - DAY

Margo, Edith and Agnes are again practicing ballet. Now the
two minions are practicing with them. They are both really
into it.

INT: GRU’S LAB

The rocket is much further along. They do test run of the

rockets as Dr. Nefario, Gru and a minion look on.

The girls have decided to use the rocket exhaust to roast a

few marshmallows.

Gru walks over and tries a few of the warm treats. He brings
back a few marshmallows for Dr. Nefario who swats them away.
 63

INT: GRU’S LAIR - DAY

Kyle sneaks up on the girls who are putting make-up on a

large doll head. Right before he is about to pounce, Agnes
turns and hugs him.

AGNES
You’re funny.

INT: GRU'S LAB - DAY

Gru crosses out another date on his wall calendar. The dance
ticket is paper clipped to the same day as the note STEAL THE
MOON.

The girls call to Gru. He turns and sees they have given
Kyle a makeover. He's as fluffy and prissy as a poodle.

INT: KITCHEN - DAY

Gru stands in front of a flaming stove. He serves them

pancakes in evil shapes: a body outline, a dagger, a time
bomb, etc.

EDITH
Yes! Mine’s shaped like a dead
guy!

INT: GRU’S LAB - SAME

Dr. Nefario is back working on one of the Rocket engines.

The status screen behind him flashes from STABLE to DANGER.

Dr. Nefario holds out his hand but Gru is not there to hand
him tools. Dr. Nefario looks up trying to locate Gru. The
status screen flashes from DANGER to a FLASHING SKULL AND
CROSSBONES.

INT: KITCHEN - SAME

Gru is showing off for the girls who are having the time of
their lives.

Dr. Nefario walks into the room just in time to have a

pancake fall on his head.

INT: PERKINS OFFICE - DAY

Mr. Perkins sits at his desk. The receptionist buzzes in.

 64

RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Perkins? Your son is here.
Mr. Perkins smiles.

MR. PERKINS
Send him in.
The Receptionist leaves. And then through the door steps--

Vector. Trying to act as if everything’s okay.

VECTOR
Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me?
MR. PERKINS
Yes I did, Victor.
VECTOR
I am not Victor anymore. Victor
was my nerd name. Now I am Vector.

MR. PERKINS
Sit down.
Vector sits down nervously.

MR. PERKINS
Do you know where the Shrink Ray
is?

VECTOR
Duh, back at my place.
MR. PERKINS
Oh is that right back at your
place? Oh that’s cool. I guess
Gru must just have one that LOOKS
EXACTLY LIKE IT!

Mr. Perkins flips open his laptop, which displays a freeze

frame from the video conference. It shows Gru holding the
shrink ray.And the girls in the background. Vector stares
in shock. Then points to the girls.

VECTOR
Hey! Those girls sold me cookies!
MR. PERKINS
Do you have any idea how lucrative
this moon heist could be? I give
you the opportunity of a lifetime
and you just blow it!
 65

Vector stares back at his dad. Trying to figure out a way to

save face.

VECTOR
No I didn’t.
MR. PERKINS
Oh really?
VECTOR
You just wait until Gru sees my
latest weapon: Squid Launcher. Oh
yeah!

He produces a SQUID LAUNCHER. He fires it over the balcony.

It connects with a BANK CUSTOMER off screen.

BANK CUSTOMER (O.S.)

(screams)
There’s a squid on my face!
Vector cocks the squid launcher as threateningly as you can
cock a fish weapon, causing a new squid to appear.

VECTOR
Don’t worry. The moon is as good
as ours.

INT: GIRLS’ ROOM - NIGHT

Gru tries to put the girls to bed, but they’re running all
over the place.

GRU
Come on, it’s bedtime! Did you
brush your teeth? Let me smell,
let me smell. You did not. Put on
your PJs! Hold still! Okay,
seriously, seriously! This is,
this is beddy bye time. Right now.
I am not kidding around. I mean
it!

EDITH
But we’re not tired.
GRU
Well I am tired!
Agnes holds up a copy of the book Sleepy Kittens.

AGNES
Will you read us a bedtime story?
 66

GRU
No.

AGNES
Pretty please?
GRU
The physical appearance of the
please makes no difference. It is
still no. So, go to sleep.

EDITH
But we can’t. We’re all hyper.
MARGO
And without a bedtime story we’ll
just keep getting up and bugging
you. All night long.

The girls look up at Gru. He sighs.

GRU
Ahh, fine.
The girls smile expectantly. Gru takes the book from Agnes
and sits down on the floor next to the girls’ beds.

GRU
Alright, alright. “Sleepy
Kittens.” Sleepy Kittens?

He opens the book, revealing that there are three KITTEN

FINGER PUPPETS attached to it.

GRU
What are these?
AGNES
Puppets. You use them when you
tell the story.

He sticks three of his fingers through the back of the book,

operating the finger puppets. Then begins reading.

GRU
Okay, let’s get this over with.
(reading)
Three little kittens love to play
They had fun in the sun all day
Then their mother came out and
said,
“Time for kittens to go to bed.”
Gru looks up from the book.
 67

GRU
Wow, this is garbage. You actually
like this?

AGNES
Keep reading!
EDITH
Come on!
Gru shakes his head, GROANS, and turns the page.

GRU
Okay, alright, alright, alright...
Three little kittens started to
bawl,
“Mommy, we’re not tired at all.”
Their Mother smiled and said with a
purr,
“Fine, but at least you should
brush your fur.”

EDITH
Now you brush the fur.
There is a little BRUSH attached to the page. Gru picks it
up and unenthusiastically brushes the puppet kittens’ fur.
The girls smile.

GRU
This is literature? A two year old
could have written this. Alright.

He turns the page and continues reading.

GRU
Three little kittens with fur all
brushed
Said, “We can’t sleep, we feel too
rushed.”
Their mother replied with a voice
like silk,
“Fine, but at least you should
drink your milk.”

AGNES
Now make them drink the milk.
He makes the puppets drink milk from the saucer depicted on
the page.
 68

GRU
(groaning)
I don’t like this book. This is
going on forever.

He turns the page. As he does Agnes snuggles up next to him.

GRU
Three little kittens with milk all
gone,
Rubbed their eyes and started to
yawn,

All three girls unconsciously yawn. As does Gru.

GRU
“We can’t sleep, can’t even try.”
Then their mother sang a lullaby.

Gru turns the page.

GRU
“Goodnight, kittens, close your
eyes
Sleep in peace until you rise.
Tho’ while you sleep we are apart,
(starts to get emotional)
“Your mommy...loves you with all
her heart.”

Tears well up in his eyes. The girls look up at him.

Realizing what’s happening, he immediately slams the book
closed.

GRU
The End! Okay, goodnight!
And he quickly runs for the door.

AGNES
Wait!
Gru stops.

GRU
What?

AGNES
What about goodnight kisses?
Gru tries to keep his emotions in check as he responds.
 69

GRU
No! No! No! There will be no
kissing or hugging or kissing.

He leaves. Margo turns to Agnes.

MARGO
He's not going to kiss us
goodnight, Agnes.

AGNES
I like him. He’s nice.
EDITH
But scary.
AGNES
Like Santa.

INT: HALLWAY - NIGHT

Gru walks down the hallway, past the framed “Gru Family Tree”
on the wall. Does a double-take, noticing that the girls
have drawn with crayons below it to make themselves part of
the family. Nefario walks up behind him.

DR. NEFARIO
Only forty-eight hours to the
launch. And all systems are go.

Gru is uncomfortable and begins picking up after the girls:

shoes, socks, toys, goldfish crackers, etc.

GRU
Um...about that. I was thinking
that maybe we could move the date
of the heist.

DR. NEFARIO
(ready to explode)
Please tell me that this not as a
result of the girls' dance recital?
Is it?

GRU
No-- the recital? Don’t...that’s
stupid. I just think it’s kinda
weird to do it on a Saturday. I
was thinking maybe a heist is a
Tuesday thing...right?
 70

DR. NEFARIO
(exploding)
Gru! You and I have been working
on this for years. It’s everything
we’ve dreamed of! Your chance to
make history: become “The Man Who
Stole the Moon!” But these girls
are becoming a major distraction.
They need to go.
(delivering the ultimatum)
If you don’t do something about it,
I will.

Nefario gives Gru a meaningful look. Gru is stunned by the

ultimatum. What’s he going to do?

GRU
I understand.
And he leaves. Dr. Nefario stands there, deep in thought.

DR. NEFARIO
Good.

INT: GRU’S GARAGE - DAY

We see Gru’s SHRUNKEN SHIP parked in the garage. Some

minions are hanging out by the Xerox machine, copying their
butts. They giggle each time a copy comes out.

MINION
(giggles)
Butt.

And then something happens. The ship begins rumbling.

And then expands back to its normal size. Uh-oh.

The minions don’t even notice and continue to copy their
butts.

INT: GRU'S LAIR - DAY

Gru sits on the floor having a tea party with the girls. He
pours a cup for the fluffy unicorn they won at Super Silly
Fun Land.

GRU
...Alright, now when we put our
cups together we will make the
clink sound with our mouths.
Ready? Edith?
 71

GRU AND EDITH

Clink.

GRU
There we go. And now we drink!
They all take a sip.

GRU
And Agnes?

GRU AND AGNES

Clink!

GRU
Very good.

The DOORBELL RINGS. Gru heads out.

GRU
Excuse me girls.
GIRLS
Aw. Come on.
GRU
Don’t worry I’ll be back. Keep
clinking.

INT: GRU’S LAIR - CONTINUOUS

Gru opens the front door. Revealing Miss Hattie. She

doesn’t look happy.

GRU
Oh, Miss Hattie. What are you
doing here?

MISS HATTIE
I’m here for the girls. I received
a call that you wanted to return
them.

This hits Gru like a ton of bricks.

MISS HATTIE
And, also I did purchase a Spanish
dictionary.

She SLAPS Gru across the face with the dictionary.

 72

MISS HATTIE
I didn’t like what you said.
GRU
But...I...
Gru hears a THROAT CLEARING. Turns and sees Dr. Nefario
watching from across the room.Realizing he has no choice,
he turns back to Miss Hattie.

GRU
Oh. I will get the girls ready.

EXT: GRU’S HOUSE - DAY

Gru carries their bags to the car as the girls line up next
to Miss Hattie’s car. Eyes welling up with tears.She’s
waiting impatiently for the goodbyes to be over. Standing
across from them is Gru. Determined not to let any feelings
show.

As Agnes is about to get into the car she turns and grabs
Gru’s leg.

AGNES
Don’t let her take us, Mr. Gru!
Tell her that you want to keep us!

Gru wants to respond. But can’t do it. The disappointment

in the girls’ eyes is devastating.

Miss Hattie snorts. She’s had enough of this.

MISS HATTIE
Alright girls. Come on, let’s go.
MARGO
Goodbye Mr. Gru. Thanks for
everything.

SLAM! Miss Hattie shuts the door. Then fixes Gru with a
stern, judgmental look, hops into the car and drives off.
Gru watches the car go, his heart breaking. Dr. Nefario
approaches him.

DR. NEFARIO
I did it for you own good. Come
on, let’s go get that moon.

Dr. Nefario smiles. Gru looks at Dr. Nefario. Somehow he’s

not feeling the same degree of excitement.
 73

GRU
Right.
Nefario watches as Gru heads back to the house, clearly
depressed. Dr. Nefario sighs. Watching the scene from the
window are a couple minions, sobbing uncontrollably.

INT: GRU'S LAIR - DAY

Gru sits alone at his table eating lunch.

INT: GRU'S LAIR - DAY

Gru sees the minions busy at work cleaning the wall where the
girls had extended his family tree to include them. He makes
a face.

INT.- HATTIE’S OFFICE

We see a CU of Margo’s face. We pull out and its revealed

she’s in the box of shame...along with the other girls, in
their own individual boxes.

INT: GRU'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gru lies in bed. He looks at his hand, reaches and pulls up

the covers to find the head (ala the horse’s head in the
Godfather) of a doll.

Gru SCREAMS.

EXT: GRU’S HOUSE

The peaceful serenity of Gru’s house is broken by his scream.

A flock of resting birds flap off into the distance.

INT: MISSION CONTROL

Minions are working around the rocket and on the computers at

mission control.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Gru walks through a tunnel in his PINK SPACE SUIT. He puts

on his helmet and looks at the rocket in all its glory.
 74

INT: FLASHBACK - DAY

We see Little Gru staring up at the moon, eyes filled with

hope and imagination.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Back to reality. Gru steps onto a lift and he and Dave ride
it to the top of the rocket. Dave produces the ticket to the
recital and hands it to Gru. Gru looks at it.

GRU
What is this for?
MINION
(gibberish)
GRU
The recital? I...I am the greatest
criminal mind of the century! I
don’t go to little girls’ dance
recitals!

Gru scoffs and turns back to the rocket, ready for his
mission.

Dave is barely able to catch the ticket without falling off

the platform. He sneaks up and sticks it in one of Gru’s
suit pockets. He whistles like nothing happened.

Gru steps into a hatch in the rocket.

INT: ROCKET - DAY

Gru fastens his safety belt and the hatch door slams shut.
He continues to ready the ship for takeoff when Dr. Nefario’s
face appears on a screen, giving an update.

DR. NEFARIO (O.S.)

(on monitor)
Opening launch bay doors.
KA-CHONG! Suddenly a slit of sunlight appears through the
cockpit window as massive hangar doors open overhead.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Dr. Nefario begins the countdown on the video monitor.

 75

DR. NEFARIO
Commencing launch sequence, and we
are good to go in t-minus ten
seconds. Ten...nine...eight...
seven...

The rocket begins to rumble and smoke begins to come from the
base.

Minions run from their posts for cover.

DR. NEFARIO
Six...

EXT: MR. MCDADE’S HOUSE.

Mr. McDade waxes his car, checking his reflection in the

hood. Suddenly the ground begins to rumble below his feet
and a shadow covers him. He looks up at the huge rocket
taking off from Gru’s backyard. His jaw drops.

Just then, Vector runs up beside McDade. McDade watches as

Vector pulls out his squid launcher and aims it at the rocket
and fires.

SPLAAAT! The squid connects with the rocket and sticks to

it. It’s attached to a line which is attached to Vector.
Vector hands the gun to Mr. McDade. The line quickly takes
up slack and--

THWOOSH! Vector is yanked into the sky, after the rocket.

EXT: SKY - SAME

SHOOOOOOOM! The rocket tears through the sky, toward the

heavens. Vector goes up with it, attached by the squid line.

VECTOR
Oh yeah!

EXT: ROCKET - SAME

Vector climbs up the rope to the rocket.

INT: ROCKET - SAME

Gru gets on the communicator.

GRU
Nice work, doctor. All systems go.
 76

And then, in the window--

Vector! An evil smile on his face.

VECTOR
Boo-yah!
Gru jumps in shock. Then pushes down the toaster button on
the control panel.

EXT: ROCKET - SAME

The whole of Gru’s rocket is now electrically charged.

Vector is zapped off the rocket when he is electrocuted.

VECTOR
Aaaaiiigghhhhhh!
He falls through the air, headed straight for the ground
below. Then he remembers.

VECTOR
My flight suit!
Vector pulls a ripcord and SAILS unfurl on either side of his
suit, making him look like a flying squirrel. The wind
catches the sails and Vector begins to soar across the sky.

VECTOR
Oh yeah. Once again, the mighty
Vector--

SPLAT! He smacks right into the side of an electric tower.

VECTOR
Aaaaiiigghhhhhh!

EXT: SKY - SAME

The rocket reaches the edge of earth’s atmosphere.

The same floating minion from earlier happens to be in orbit.

He sees the rocket and barely manages to get out of the way!

INT: ROCKET - SAME

Gru closes his eyes and holds on for dear life as the ship
violently shakes and rumbles. The view through the cockpit
goes from pale blue to deep purple to the blackness of space.
 77

GRU
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Suddenly the shaking stops and everything is still.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

The minions erupt in cheers.

INT: ROCKET - SAME

Gru looks out the window at the moon in the starry distance.
A smile comes across his face.

EXT: THE MOON - LATER

The massive pale sphere floats in space. Over the horizon,

Gru’s ship appears. The rockets power down and it silently
hovers above the lunar surface.

SSSSSSSST! Doors open and Gru emerges in a space suit. He

holds the Shrink Ray in his hands and faces the enormous
lunar body.

He stares up at moon. Its size is overwhelming. He feels

like a speck floating in front of it. He smiles and takes
aim at the pale yellow world in front of him. Breathes deep,
then--

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZCHEEEEEEEET! A BOLT OF ENERGY fires from the

gun and engulfs the moon. Then slowly, it begins to shrink.
Smaller and smaller. Gru’s eyes widen as the edges of the
moon come into view.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZCHEEEEET! The moon continues to shrink.

EXT: OCEAN - DAY

A group of SURFERS ride massive waves, loving it.

SURFER
(stoked)
Woooooo-hoooooo!

And then suddenly the waves collapse into nothing.

 78

EXT: FORREST - NIGHT

A werewolf howls at the moon but is changed back to a man

when the moon disappears. He darts back into the woods.

EXT: THE MOON -

Gru’s hand reaches out to the TINY MOON.

GRU
Ha! I’ve got it! I’ve got the
moon! I’ve got the moon!

Gru does a flip, unhindered by gravity and floats around and

around. He’s giddy as a school boy.

And then, subtly his mood changes. Somehow having the moon
isn’t as satisfying as he thought it would be.

Silently floating in the vastness of space, Gru looks small

and alone. And extremely unfulfilled.

Just then, something drifts out of his pocket. It’s the

ticket to the dance recital. Gru stares at it. Suddenly
wanting to be with the girls more than anything. He looks at
his watch.

GRU
I can make it.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Dr. Nefario and the shrunken minion manage the blinking,

flashing lights of ground control.

Suddenly the tiny minion begins to wobble. MRRRRUUUMPH! The

minion returns to its normal size!

DR. NEFARIO
Wait a minute. How...
MINION
Kevin!
The minion kisses Kevin repeatedly.

EXT: SPACE - DAY

SHOOOOOOOM! Gru’s rocket shoots through space like a bullet.

 79

INT: ROCKET - SAME

Gru steers the ship toward the earth, which grows larger in
the cockpit window. Pushing hard on the throttle.

GRU
Come on, come on!

INT: STAGE - SAME

The girls are behind the curtain. Agnes is peering out at

the audience. There is an empty chair in the front row. She
turns to Margo and Edith.

AGNES
He’s still not here.
MARGO
Why would he come? He gave us up.
AGNES
But he pinkie promised!
The DANCE TEACHER shows up.

DANCE TEACHER
Girls, girls-- places!
EDITH
No, we can’t start yet! We’re
still expecting someone!

Agnes looks up at the dance teacher with puppy dog eyes.

AGNES
Can we just wait a few more
minutes?

The dance teacher sighs.

DANCE TEACHER
Alright. But just a few more
minutes.

When she leaves, Margo turns to Edith and Agnes.

MARGO
He’s not coming, guys.
Edith and Agnes look shaken by this. Could it be true?
 80

EXT: SPACE - SAME

Gru’s ship approaches the edge of the Earth’s atmosphere.

In flames from the friction of re-entry.

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Dr. Nefario grabs the radio.

DR. NEFARIO
Gru, Gru can you hear me?

INT: ROCKET

Gru grits his teeth as he tries to hold the ship steady.

GRU
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

INT: GRU’S LAB - DAY

Dr. Nefario only gets back static from his call. He turns to
the minions.

DR. NEFARIO
Quick! We’ve got to warn him, and
fast!

Nefario hops on his old-person scooter...and shoots forward

at 2mph.

INT: ROCKET - SAME

Gru grits his teeth as he tries to hold the ship steady,

flames flickering in the windows. Sweat rolls down Gru’s
face as the heat becomes unbearable.

GRU
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

INT: DANCE STUDIO - SAME

The lights dim. Classical music begins to play and the

curtains slowly open. All of the girls come out and begin
dancing, big smiles on their faces. And at the end of the
row are Margo, Edith and Agnes looking sad.

Every parent in the crowd fires up a video camera in unison.

Except for one audience member.
 81

Vector.

INT: GRU’S SPACESHIP - SAME

Gru looks down at the city below, trying to locate the dance
studio.

GRU
(confused)
Okay, okay, there’s the library...
that’s Third Street, that’s the
dance studio, there, there, there
it is!

EXT: PLAYGROUND - EVENING

Children swing on swings, dig in the sand and play tag. Then
they all stop upon hearing a rumbling sound. They all look
up to the sky and...

TCHEEEWWWWWM! The spaceship roars through the sky, just

above the kids.

A rocket booster falls from the ship, landing on a merry-go-

round. It IGNITES, spinning the merry-go-round at a hundred
miles an hour.

They all cheer.

EXT: STREET - SAME

The spaceship touches down in the middle of the street. The

tires screech and smoke as cars and pedestrians dive out of
the way.

INT: ROCKET - SAME

Gru sees the dance studio up ahead and slams on the brakes.
SCREEEEEECH! The rocket speeds straight toward the dance
studio. THOOMPH! The brake parachute activates. Slowing
down, it gets closer...closer...and...stops right at the
building.

INT: DANCE STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

The door swings open and Gru rushes in.

Gru stops in his tracks upon seeing--

 82

The empty dance hall. A janitor is taking down the folding

chairs.

JANITOR
Sorry, buddy. Show’s over.

GRU
Over?
Gru can’t believe it. Then something catches his eye. He
makes his way over to a chair in the front row. Removes the
sign taped to it. Stares at it. Written in child’s
handwriting is--

“Margo, Edith and Agnes’ Dad.”

Crushed, he stares at the paper. He turns it over and

suddenly gets a concerned look on his face.

He throws the paper aside and tears out of the Dance Studio.
The paper flutters to the ground. It lands with the back-
side up. It reads: BRING THE MOON - V.

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - NIGHT

Gru runs up to the front gate and begins pounding on it.

GRU
Vector! Open up!
A huge TV monitor appears from over the gate. Appearing on
it is Vector.

VECTOR
First give me the moon. Then we’ll
talk.

AGNES (O.S.)
Mr. Gru!

VECTOR
Zip it, Happy Meal.
Gru produces the shrunken moon and holds it up to the
monitor.

Gru places the moon in a small tube, which sucks the moon up
into Vector’s fortress.

GRU
Now...the girls.
 83

VECTOR
Actually, I think I’ll hold onto
them a little while longer.

GRU
No!

Oh yeah! Unpredictable!

Gru watches helplessly as the monitor retracts back inside

the building and disappears.

GRU
No!
Gru grits his teeth. Spots a security camera. Looks
directly into the camera with fire in his eyes.

GRU
Listen close you little punk. You
have no idea who you are dealing
with. When I get in there, you are
in for a world of pain!

Gru stares into the camera, trying to contain his anger.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Vector stares at a the monitor displaying Gru. He laughs.

VECTOR
(feigning fear)
Oh, I’m really scared.

Gru pulls back a fist and punches at the monitor. CRACK!

The monitor goes to static and Vector jumps. The girls
smile.

AGNES
He is going to kick your butt.
Vector looks a little worried. He presses a button that
activates HEAT SEEKING MISSILES.

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

The missiles launch from the fortress. Gru watches as they

launch outwards, and begin their return towards him.
 84

He stands, determined and at the last possible second acts!

Moving like a maniac-ninja, he leaps through the missiles,
threading the delicate needle, flipping and dodging before
hopping off the last one. The missiles careen into Vector’s
fortress walls and explode!

Gru begins his unrelenting march to the girls. A shark jumps

out of Vector’s moat and dives at him. In one punch, Gru
knocks the beast back into the water.

INT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Vector watches this on a monitor. Beginning to panic.

VECTOR
What? He punched my shark!

EXT: VECTOR’S FORTRESS - SAME

Gru is about to kick down the front door when...TCHROOOOM!

The entire building begins to rumble and the entire room
lifts off, detaching itself from the rest of the building.
It’s an escape pod!

Gru sees the pyramid in Vector’s backyard. Climbs to the top

he leaps and grabs onto the side of the escape pod.

EXT: SKY - SAME

SHOOOM! The escape pod soars up into the air.

SHOOOOOM! Gru’s ship, piloted by Dr. Nefario streaks after

him.

INT: GRU’S SHIP

DR. NEFARIO
There he is!
Dr. Nefario zooms in on Vector’s escape pod and sees Gru
holding on for dear life.

EXT: SKY - SAME

Dr. Nefario speeds towards Gru.

 85

EXT: GRU’S SHIP

DR. NEFARIO
Hang on Gru!
Gru tries to open the hatch but the G-force is too great.
Gru loses his grip and starts to fall.

DR. NEFARIO
Oh no!
GRU
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Gru falls through the open roof-hatch and lands safely
inside. He turns and sees several minions in the back of his
ship. He sheepishly waves at them. They wave back.

GRU
Vector has the girls! Go!

EXT: SKY

Gru’s ship speeds through the air.

INT: GRU’S SHIP

GRU
What happened to the ship? It’s big
again!

DR. NEFARIO
Not as big as the moon’s going to
be.

GRU
What?!

DR. NEFARIO
The larger the mass of an object,
the quicker the effects of the
shrink ray wear off!I call it the
Nefario principle. I just came up
with it now, actually.

GRU
Oh no!
 86

INT: VECTOR’S ESCAPE POD - SAME

The moon begins to grow. It crushes the coffee mug that was
holding it.

The girls stare at the beach ball sized moon.

MARGO
Did you see that?
The girls pound on their glass enclosure.

GIRLS
Vector! Help! Over here! Help!
VECTOR
Hey, what are you girls doing back
there?

Vector struggles to keep control of his ship as the moon

rolls.

The girls continue to scream as the moon flattens Vector!

VECTOR
Ouch.
The moon rolls

EXT: GRU’S SHIP - SAME

Vector’s ship is flying erratically.

GRU
Get as close in as you can!
A GRAPPLING HOOK is shot from Gru’s ship. It connects with
Vector’s ship.

GRU
You got it!
Nefario holds the ship steady.

INT: VECTOR’S SHIP

The girls scream as they try to avoid the rapidly expanding

moon.

GIRLS
AAAHHHHIIIIIEEEEEE!
 87

Suddenly, behind them there is a GROAN from the hull of the

ship! SCCREEEEEUNNNGH.

The rear hatch opens! The girls walk to the edge of the
ship.

MARGO
Mr. Gru, up here!
AGNES & EDITH
Mr. Gru!
Gru stands on the wing of his ship and calls up to the girls.

GRU
Okay, girls, girls! You’re going
to have to jump!

The girls look nervous. It’s a big jump.

EDITH
Jump? Are you INSANE?!
GRU
Don’t worry! I will catch you!
Gru holds his arms out wide, ready to catch them. They
exchange looks. Then--

MARGO
You gave us back.
GRU
I know, I know and it is the worst
mistake I ever made. But you have
to jump now.

They girls know that Gru is going to be there for them.

MARGO
It will be okay.
GRU
Okay girls.
MARGO
Jump now!
Agnes and Edith jump. WHOOOOSH! They SCREAM as they fall.

Gru catches the girls and passes them down to Dr. Nefario.
Then looks up at Margo, who still seems unsure.
 88

GRU
Margo I will catch you and I will
never let you go again.

Margo takes her glasses off and begins to jump but Vector
grabs her and pulls her back into the ship.

VECTOR
Not so fast.
GRU
Margo!
MARGO
Let me go.

Vector laughs as he aims his squid launcher at Gru.

GRU
No!
Just when he is ready to fire, the rapidly expanding moon
knocks him over and pushes Margo out the door.

Margo screams as she falls but she is able to grab hold of

the cable that is connecting the two ships together.

MARGO
Woah!

EXT: VECTOR’S ESCAPE POD

Vector pulls himself back to safety.

EXT: GRU’S SHIP

GRU
I’m coming Margo. Hang on!
Gru stands on the wing of the plane while the two other girls
watch.

Margo is barely holding on.

INT: VECTOR’S ESCAPE POD - SAME

Vector is stuck to the moon after it rolls over him.

 89

EXT: GRU’S SHIP

Gru walks the cable between the two planes like a tightrope.
The shifting planes makes it difficult for him to keep his
balance.

INT: VECTOR’S ESCAPE POD - SAME

Vector is smashed into the side of his ship.

EXT: GRU’S SHIP

The cable is torn from Vector’s ship. Margo and Gru fall
through the air.

They both fall screaming when --

Miraculously a YELLOW HAND reaches down and grabs Gru’s

extended arm! A chain of minions extends up to Gru’s ship.

GRU
I got you!
Gru and Margo hang on for dear life swinging in the air.

INT: VECTOR’S ESCAPE POD - SAME

The moon grows quickly, crushing everything inside the escape

pod. Vector is about to be flattened. The moon expands into
the control panel where pushes a large button.

EXT: VECTOR’S ESCAPE POD - SAME

The escape pod’s engine fires up to maximum velocity.

EXT: GRU’S SHIP - NIGHT

Gru holds Margo close as Vector’s escape pod zooms higher.

The cable is slowly retracted back into his ship.

Just then, the moon expands, shattering the escape pod. KA-
BLAM!

VECTOR
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Noooooooooooo!
It hits him and he holds on for dear life as the moon
rockets into space.
 90

EXT: GRU’S SHIP - SAME

Gru, Nefario and the girls watch.

EXT: SPACE

The moon expands from a tiny dot in the sky to its normal
size.

EXT: MOON - SAME

Vector opens his eyes and looks around. Sees that he is

alone on the moon which is now full size. Scratching his
head.

VECTOR
Oh poop.

INT: TV STUDIO - NIGHT

Our favorite Newscaster is on TV.

NEWSCASTER
This time good triumphs and the
moon has been returned to its
rightful place in the sky. But
once again law enforcement is
baffled! Leaving everyone to
wonder: who is this mysterious
hero? And what will he do next?

INT: GIRLS' BEDROOM - LATER

Gru walks the girls into their room. They are now in their
pajamas and mellowed out.

GRU
Okay girls, time for bed.
EDITH
Aw come on! We want a story.
AGNES
Three Sleepy Kittens!
GRU
Oh no, sorry that book was
accidentally destroyed maliciously.
Tonight we are going to read a new
book.
 91

The girls react. Gru got a book? He reaches into his coat
and pulls out a homemade book called One Big Unicorn.

GRU
This one is called...One Big
Unicorn. By...who wrote this...
oh me! I wrote it!
Oh look -- it’s a puppet book!
He sticks his nose through a hole in the book, creating a
horn for the unicorn on the cover.

GRU
That’s the horn.

The girls laugh at this.

AGNES
This is going to be the best book
ever!

GRU
Not to pat myself on the back, but
yes it probably will be. Here we
go.

Gru opens it up and begins reading.

GRU
One big unicorn, strong and free,
Thought he was happy as he could
be,

The unicorn in Gru’s illustration somehow resembles Gru

himself. Gru turns the page.

GRU
Then three little kittens came
around,
And turned his whole life upside-
down.

The three kittens in Gru’s illustration look a lot like

Margo, Edith and Agnes. Edith points.

EDITH
Hey--that one looks like me.
GRU
What are you talking about? These
are kittens! Any relation to
persons living or dead is
completely coincidental.
 92

Margo smiles a knowing smile. Gru turns the page. The

unicorn and the kittens are riding in a roller-coaster.

GRU
They made him laugh. They made him
cry.
He never should have said good-bye.
He turns to the last page, an image of the unicorn and the
kittens inside a heart.

GRU
And now he knows he could never
part
From those three little kittens
that changed his heart.
(beat)
The End.

He closes the book. The girls look at him, clearly touched.

GRU
Okay, alright. Goodnight.
Gru gets up and heads for the door. Turns out the light.
Stands there for a bit.

Then walks back to Agnes and gives her a kiss goodnight.

Then he kisses Edith. Then he bends down to kiss Margo--who
gives him a big hug.

MARGO
(whispers)
I love you.

Gru smiles, trying to hold all his emotions inside.

GRU
I love you, too.

INT: HALL - CONTINUOUS

As he enters the hall, he sees the Minions assembled for good-

night kisses.

GRU
No! No!
The minions all sigh, disappointed.
 93

GRU
Oh all right.
He kisses them on the heads.

A familiar looking minion goes to the front of the line

again.

GRU
Didn’t I get you already?

The minion giggles and runs off.

INT: GRU’S UNDERGROUND LAB - NIGHT

Nefario struggles with a video camera. Close on a curtain.

Classical music begins to play and the curtain opens,
revealing Margo, Edith and Agnes dressed in their dance
outfits. They all move in unison and begin their routine.
Gru watches from the front row of the audience, beaming.

A minion plays the role of DJ, and dances a little ballet in

sync with the girls.

Gru is the ultimate proud parent.

GRU
They’re very good.
We now see Nefario is sitting next to Gru filming the
performance.

Gru’s Mom sits next to Gru.

GRU’S MOM
Oh, I’m so proud of you, son.
You’ve turned out to be a great
parent -- just like me. Maybe even
better.

Gru attempts a smile.

Suddenly another minion DJ gets an idea. He shoves the

ballet minion out of the way and slaps on some vinyl.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCIN’ by the BEEGEES fills our ears! The

girls switch into full-on funk mode.

Agnes smiles down at Gru and motions for him to come up on

stage with her.
 94

Gru smiles and waves her off. Then Margo and Edith join in.
Waving for him to join them. Gru smiles uncomfortably and
waves.

GRU
No, I’m fine! Go ahead!
Margo pulls him part way on stage. Gru resists and attempts
to sit back down, but a wave of minions carries him the rest
of the way.

GRU
No, no, no.
GRU
Hey! Agh.
There’s no getting out of this now. He takes the stage and
the crowd goes crazy.

Gru takes a deep breath and--

Breaks into a crazy dance routine!

The crowd goes crazy. Cheering and giving Gru a standing
ovation.

Dr. Nefario dances on stage with Gru’s Mom.

Up on stage, Gru looks down at the girls who are

simultaneously stunned and impressed. Gru leaps into the air
and prepares to do the splits, but instead lands awkwardly on
the stage.

VZZZZRRT! The stage begins to raise up into the air and the
“moon roof” opens revealing a huge full moon.

EXT: THE MOON

Vector is moon walking on the moon to the beat of the song.

The floating minion dances too.

BACK TO SCENE

The platform raises above the houses of the neighborhood, and

Gru and the girls stare out at the huge full moon.

THE END