HOW TO

RE FRAME
ALL YOUR

NEGATIVE
THOUGHTS
6 EFFECTIVE STARTEGI ES

LEARN MORE AT
DEVELOPGOODHABITS.COM/DVM
The Only Guide You’ll Need for Reframing Your Thoughts
Using NLP
blog.iqmatrix.com/reframing-thoughts

Adam Sicinski September 16,

2013

Never solve a problem from its original perspective. – Charles Thompson

What is Framing and How Does it Work?

Framing is a mental structure that is built upon the beliefs you have about yourself, your
roles, your circumstances, and about other people. It is a structure you use to ascribe
meaning to given circumstances. In other words, the meaning you ascribe to any event is
dependent upon how you frame it in your mind. As such, your frames shape how you
see the world, how you see yourself, how you view others, and how you interpret your
life.

Frames can be of a positive or of a negative nature; they can also be within your control
or out of your control. As such, they are either helpful within the context you are using
them, or they are unhelpful. They either expand your opportunities and the possibilities
of the situation, or they limit your options moving forward. They are therefore
appropriate or inappropriate, good or bad depending on the objectives you have in
mind.

When you decide to work on a project you set a scope or frame for that project so that
everyone knows what is included and excluded. Everyone understands what is required
to get the job done successfully and what they, therefore, need to focus on in order to
get their part of the project completed. In the same way, the frames you use on a daily
basis provide a context for your thoughts, decisions, attitudes, and actions. They help
guide the direction of your thoughts to help you accomplish your desired outcomes.
Thusly, your actions are guided by how you frame events and circumstances; and how
you frame things is dependent upon your preferences, attitudes, and biases.

You will for instance use frames to handle feedback and criticism. You will use them to
solve problems, to get a better understanding of the long-term consequences of your
decisions and actions, to connect unrelated events and circumstances, and to make
more sense of the world you live in. These frames allow you to gather unique
understandings of your life experiences. And it is these understandings that shape what
you will do and how you will do things moving forward.

The frames of reference you use collaborate with your beliefs and values. You will,
therefore, frame things in a certain way that corresponds with what you believe and
value most in life — irrelevant of whether your beliefs are helpful or unhelpful. This
basically means that every frame you make is linked to an underlying belief and/or
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assumption that is implied by your thoughts. In this way, your frames provide you with a
context in which you can assess your progress. This is helpful, but at the same time can
be unhelpful. It is helpful because it allows you to unlock new opportunities and explore
other possibilities that might be advantageous. However, it is unhelpful if your frames
are built upon your limiting belief systems. In such instances — and without much
objective thought — you might unconsciously be setting boundaries and putting
limitations on yourself regarding what you can or can’t do; and this, therefore, limits your
perspective, opportunities and the possibilities that lay before you.

There is, however, a positive intention behind all your thoughts. Therefore all the frames
of reference you use are there to help you in some way, or at least in some specific
context. This, of course, doesn’t mean that these thoughts are right or that they are
acceptable, however, it does mean that they have some value, and therefore can be used
in a positive way. But more about that later.

Given all this, it makes perfect sense that your frames of reference would provide you
with a “focus” on your day-to-day activities. These activities will either support your goals,
or they will hinder your progress. It will all depend on the belief systems that are
influencing your behaviors, thoughts, decisions, perceptions, and emotions. If these
beliefs are helpful, then you have nothing to worry about. However, if they are unhelpful
then you will struggle to realize your desired outcomes.

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Types of Frames
You might typically use several unhelpful frames of reference throughout the day. These
frames of reference come in the form of your limiting beliefs and unhelpful thoughts.
Have a read through these articles for further insights into the framing process.

Within this section, we are going to focus on helpful frames of reference you might
choose to use during specific situations. These frames of reference are accompanied by
a set of questions that you can ask yourself that will help you to frame events and

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circumstances in a very specific way.

When you typically have an empowering set of beliefs that are congruent with the goals
and objectives you desire to achieve, then these frames of reference will seem rather
natural and familiar. You might actually use these frames without consciously thinking
about them. If that’s the case, then you’re certainly on your way. However, if after going
through these frames you acknowledge that this isn’t typically how you think in specific
situations, then there very well could be a set of limiting beliefs and unhelpful thoughts
that are influencing your daily choices and decisions. Hence, you must first work through
these areas of your psyche before “frames” such as these begin feeling natural and
comfortable.

Let’s now take a look at five helpful frames of reference you might typically use
throughout the day.

Outcome Frame
When using this frame you are giving yourself a focus for what you want to achieve,
while also taking into account the resources you might need. This is important because
every activity you choose to focus on must have a set outcome that will help direct your
thoughts, decisions and actions. This is all about purposeful living. When you live with a
sense of purpose, you set outcomes for each day and every area of your life. As such,
you are unlikely to get sidetracked by other matters, commitments, responsibilities or
requests.

Using an Outcome frame in the most optimal way means that you are living
purposefully; that you are clear about the outcomes you would like to achieve; that you
understand fully what is expected of you; and that you are decisive in your actions and
interactions.

When you use the Outcome frame, you would typically ask yourself:

What am I trying to achieve here?

What do I want? What am I pursuing?

What resources might I need to get there?

What specifically do I want from this outcome?

Is this decision getting me closer to my outcome? Or is it pulling me away?

What’s a more optimal decision I could make? Why is this better?

How will I know when I have achieved my desired outcome? What will I see, hear, feel or
experience?

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Clearly defined outcomes are very helpful because they provide you with a context for
making decisions and for assessing your behavior. With outcomes in place, you know
what to do and you understand where you’re going. Without these outcomes, in place,
you end up frustrated, overwhelmed and confused. When you have no specific focus for
your actions you can’t build the momentum that is required to move you in the direction
of your choosing.

“As If” Frame

When using this frame you are pretending that an outcome you would like to achieve is
already true. You are acting “as if” your desired state or goal is already in your
possession. In reality it’s not true, however when you put yourself into a frame-of-mind
where this is true for you, then you begin thinking differently about things. And as you
think differently you start making more optimal choices and decisions that might very
well help you to bring your desired states and/or outcomes into reality.

You might, for instance, pretend that you are competent and confident doing something
that normally makes you feel nervous. This will instantly put you in a different frame-of-
mind, and therefore allow you to deal with your nerves far more effectively. This is
advantageous because all of a sudden you are now opening yourself up to new
possibilities and perspectives, instead of giving in to your limiting beliefs. It’s as though
you’re stepping out of your current limitations and into a more optimal state-of-mind
where you have the appropriate resources in place to feel competent and confident.

When using the “As If” frame, you would typically ask yourself:

What would it be like if this happened…?

What would it feel like if I was…?

Let’s pretend as if there is a solution to this problem. Where could I search for answers?

Let’s pretend as if I can make this work. What ideas now come to mind?

Let’s think as if I’ve already achieved this goal. Now I’ll work backwards to identify the
steps I took to get there.

Use this frame anytime you are uncertain about something in the future. It will unlock
new possibilities to help you gather deeper insights about the states or outcomes you
would like to achieve.

Ecology Frame
When using this frame, you are searching for long-term effects and consequences of
your daily choices and decisions on different aspects of your life such as family, work,
self, environment, community, etc.

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Some typical decisions you make may very well be beneficial and help improve specific
areas of your life. However, at the same time, they could have negative consequences on
other areas of your life. And as a result, the decisions you make will not be optimal and
may have unfortunate outcomes in the long-run.

Choosing to go on a juice fast might help you detox your body and improve your health
and vitality, however, you are also likely to lose a lot of weight, which could weaken your
immune system. And because it is the middle of winter you might be more susceptible to
falling ill. Therefore is it worth juice fasting? Or, is there a more optimal time to undertake
your juice fast?

When you take the ecology frame in mind, you are looking at the consequences of your
choices, decisions, and actions from all possible angles and perspectives. You are
looking at them from a short-term as well as a long-term view. And you are taking into
consideration how these decisions feel, how they affect you, how they affect others, and
whether or not they serve the greater good of everything and everyone concerned.

Often there will be no perfect decision. Some negative consequences will always be
there. As such, your job is to minimize these negative consequences wherever possible
to help you optimize the choices and decisions you make.

When using the Ecology frame, you would typically ask yourself:

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 What are the consequences of making this decision? Of taking this action? Of indulging in
this behavior?

How will this affect other areas of my life? Physically? Spiritually? Emotionally?
Socially? Financially?

How will this affect me in the short-term? What about in the long-term?

What are the wider consequences of all this on other people in my life?

What are the consequences of this on my goals? On my responsibilities? On my life roles?

How will doing this make me feel?

Is doing this good for me? Does it serve me?

Is doing this good for others? Does it serve them?

Does doing this serve the greater good of all concerned?

What else is affected by this? How?

Could I possibly mitigate any of the negative effects I identified here? How?

Do the positives outweigh the negatives?

Could I accept the negatives given the value I’m getting from the positives?

If after going through this questioning process you feel that the decision you are about
to make or the action you are about to take has passed the ecology check, then, by all
means, follow through with your intentions. However, if the negatives outweigh the
positives, then you might need to choose a different path moving forward.

This is not about creating confusion. It’s rather about making sensible, balanced and
intelligent decisions that you are unlikely to regret in the future that will serve the greater
good of all concerned.

Problem Solving Frame

When using a problem-solving frame, you are focusing on what is wrong or needs fixing.
Here you are not overwhelmed by your problem, you are rather looking for effective
ways to better understand your problem from a variety of angles and perspectives. As
your understanding of the problem grows, so do your insights. And the more insights
you gather, the greater your chances of finding an appropriate solution to the problem
at hand.

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Many people typically get overwhelmed by unexpected problems. As such they switch on
the “panic button” or end up procrastinating and ignoring their problems altogether.
Problems that are ignored are not likely to vanish. They will most certainly come back to
haunt you sooner or later. As such, it’s always helpful to work through your problems
using a variant of this problem-solving frame.

When using the Problem Solving frame, you would typically ask yourself:

What assumptions am I potentially making about people and/or circumstances related to

this problem?

What has to be true for this to be a problem?

How has the problem been maintained?

How have certain factors contributed to this problem? In what specific ways?

Where am I now? Where do I want to go from here? What is the next step?

How can this be solved most effectively?

Where does the solution lie? What possibilities exist?

What have I learned from all this? What will I now do differently?

The final two questions encourage you to learn from your experience. As you learn you
grow, and as you grow you have a wider understanding of the problems confronting
your reality. This thusly helps improve the choices and decisions you make moving
forward. Therefore, the next time you are confronted with a similar problem, you will
already have the necessary know-how and experience to tackle this problem in the most
effective way.

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Systematic Frame
When using this frame you are effectively making sense of your life and the world
around you through the observation of patterns. These patterns often come in the form
of seemingly random cause-effect relationships that provide you with valuable insights
into your life and circumstances, including the effects of your choices and decisions.

Inventors and scientists are often exceptional systematic thinkers. They have an uncanny
ability to pinpoint how certain things influence other things within a whole system. This
is very helpful while solving problems because it allows them to view the problem as
part of an overall system, and not as an isolated component. As such, they are able to
make unexpected and surprising connections between different parts that help them
understand the entire scope of the problem from a wide variety of angles and
perspectives.

Too many times, we get caught up focusing on one part of a problem without fully
understanding how the problem connects to other things. And it’s this narrow-minded
thinking that limits our perspective of the situation, and as such we are unable to solve
the problem because we don’t fully understand how this problem fits into the overall
system.

When you use the Systematic frame, you would typically ask yourself:

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 How does this fit with what I already know?

How does this connect to a wider system?

What is the relationship between these events?

How did this affect that? Why is this relevant?

How is what I am doing keeping things as they are?

Your main purpose for asking yourself these questions is to unlock subtle patterns that
will help you to gain a better understanding of how the problem interacts with the
whole. In this way, you will gather the necessary insights to help you solve your problem
far more effectively.

What is Reframing and How Does it Work?

Reframing is a linguistic tool used to consciously change your limiting frames to help
support your desired goals, beliefs and behaviors. Reframing does this by interrupting
your old unhelpful thought patterns with new interpretations and perspectives of reality
that are more helpful and supportive of your desired objectives. In other words,
reframing helps you put events and circumstances into a different context that is more
favorable. It’s as if you’re changing the meaning of an event or experience in order to put
yourself into a more positive and resourceful state-of-mind. Therefore instead of
sabotaging yourself, you are adopting more useful ways of thinking and doing things
that will help you to potentially overcome your personal limitations, boundaries, phobias,
fears and even trauma.

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Reframing is very much like changing a picture in a picture frame. The frame hasn’t
changed, however, the picture within the frame is now different. In other words, the
situation hasn’t changed, however, your view of the situation is now different then what
it was before. You are therefore not changing the situation, but rather changing your
view of the situation in a more helpful and optimal way.

What all this implies is that events and circumstances do not have inherent meaning. You
rather assign meaning to events and circumstances based on your interpretations and
perspectives. Therefore, no matter what horrible things might happen to you, they are
only horrible because you interpret them that way. Interpreting things another way will
assign a different meaning to these events and circumstances. And as you assign a
different meaning to something, you perceive the situation in a different light, and as a
result, you feel differently about it. Therefore a negative event can be interpreted in a
positive way, and instead of feeling bad about it, you end up feeling excited and inspired.

When you change the frame of your experience, this influences how you tend to
perceive, interpret and react to events and circumstances. In other words, reframing
helps you experience your actions and the impact of your attitudes and beliefs in a
different way. It helps you experience things from a different perspective or frame of
reference that can be more advantageous and helpful. As such, you become more
resourceful and can, therefore, make better and more optimal decisions moving
forward.

Reframing isn’t a new way of thinking, however, it can promote a better way of thinking
in various circumstances where you need a different frame of reference to help you
overcome your problems in creative ways. As a matter a fact, reframing is a significant
part of life. Whether you unconsciously reframe things, or you hear other people reframe
things, it is undoubtedly something that affects you on a daily basis. For instance, you
might hear a journalist put a negative spin on something positive in order to get the
story on the front page of a newspaper. Or you hear a comedian take you from one
frame of reference to another frame of reference while telling a joke. Or an inventor
takes something ordinary and turns it into something useful. These “reframes” are all
around us; they are all around you.

Even though many reframes often put a positive spin on things, it’s important to note
that reframing isn’t about pretending that everything is wonderful, perfect and positive.
It’s rather about providing you with more varied ways of interpreting your problems to
help you expand the possibilities to find better solutions and paths moving forward.

Types of Reframes
There are two types of reframes that we can typically make. One of them is called a
content reframe, and the other a context reframe. Let’s look at both of them in a little
detail:

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Content Reframe
A content reframe shifts the meaning of the behavior. In other words, it’s dependent on
what you choose to focus on, which therefore means that the same situation can have
positive, negative or different meanings. You might, for instance, leave work later than
expected and unfortunately, you get caught up in peak hour traffic. This would normally
frustrate you, however, you take this extra time to listen to an educational audiobook.
You, therefore, choose to focus on doing something productive and educational rather
than frustrating yourself with the peak hour traffic.

Whenever you take a situation and give it a specific meaning, that is when you are using
a content reframe. You might, for instance, acknowledge that you feel agitated when
your friend constantly interrupts you while you watch a movie together. Here you have
taken the situation and given it a specific meaning, which of course may or may not be
true. However, whether or not it is true, it has now limited your resourcefulness and
possible courses of actions moving forward. To reframe this situation you must ask
yourself:

What is the positive intention here?

What could this behavior really mean?

For what purpose do they do this?

What would I like it to mean?

The first question acknowledges that every behavior has a positive intention. The second
and third question helps you search for alternate meanings that might also be possible
and relevant in this situation. And the fourth question provides you with the freedom to
choose the meaning you would like to associate to this particular situation.

The positive intention your friend might have is the fact that they enjoy interacting with
you, and would, therefore, prefer to talk rather than to just sit and watch a movie. As
such, maybe watching a movie isn’t the best use of the time you guys spend together. It
might instead be better to play a board game or video game where you can chat and
play at the same time. This, therefore, highlights that their intention isn’t to annoy you,
but rather to “get to know you” better. And that’s exactly what the behavior could really
mean. However, ultimately it’s up to you what you would like this behavior to mean. And
whatever perspective you take will ultimately influence how you feel about the situation
and the choices and decisions you make moving forward.

In another example, you might make a generalization that:

Making a mistake while giving a speech means that I am a hopeless public speaker…

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Here you are implying that one mistake seals your fate. You have ascribed a “meaning”
to your mistake by indicating that because of this mistake you are going to be forever
defined as a “hopeless public speaker”. In such instances it is helpful to ask yourself:

What might be useful about this experience?

How else could I interpret the meaning of this mistake?

What could I potentially learn from the mistakes I made?

What did I do well? What’s positive about this situation?

This questioning process encourages you to consider the positive aspects of your
behavior to help encourage you to change the way you view the meaning you have
ascribed to this particular experience.

Context Reframe
A context reframe shifts the interpretation and/or the perception of the behavior. This is
helpful because almost all behaviors are useful or appropriate in some context. A
behavior that might not be acceptable or helpful in one context may very well be quite
acceptable and helpful in another context. For instance, talking loudly might not be
appropriate at church, however, it is more than appropriate at a sports game. Or eating
with your hands might not be appropriate at a five-star restaurant, however, it is more
than appropriate at McDonald’s.

Let’s say that you make the assumption that some of the behaviors you indulge in are
not appropriate. Say for instance that you consider yourself too pushy. You tend to be
quite assertive and direct with other people in order to ensure that you get what you
want. Now, in a certain context, this behavior might be inappropriate, however in
another context being assertive can be rather acceptable and very helpful. When faced
with such a dilemma you must ask yourself:

In what context could this behavior be appropriate?

In what context could this behavior be useful?

In what context could this behavior potentially serve me?

In what way could this be viewed as resourceful?

How has this behavior helped me in the past?

Being assertive and pushy may not be appropriate while working with kids. However,
being assertive can be very helpful and appropriate when dealing with a telemarketer.

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The biggest takeaway from this is the fact that there are no “right” or “wrongs”. This is not
about all-or-nothing thinking. What is unhelpful and hurtful in one context can very well
be useful and helpful in another context. However, you will need to reframe things in
order to take all possibilities into consideration. Therefore, don’t discount a seemingly
negative or limiting behavior. This behavior might not work for you in one particular
context, however, this doesn’t mean that it won’t work for you in another situation or at
a future time.

10 Reframes You Can Use to Solve Your Problems

Let’s now look at some common ways you can potentially reframe your problems or
perspectives using elements taken from the content and context reframes discussed
above. As you go over these reframes, keep in mind that changing the frame of your
experience will have a major impact on how you perceive and respond to the events and
circumstances of your life.

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When faced with a problem or an unhelpful state-of-mind you might, for instance,
choose to use the following reframes to help shift how you think about things:

Time-frames
When you use time frames you are using your perspective of “time” as a means of
shifting how you think about things. You could, for example, create a false sense of
urgency by reframing the amount of time you have to solve a problem. You might, for
instance, have a couple of weeks before the deadline. However, to create urgency you
reframe the time-frame and instead convince yourself that you only have a day to solve
this problem, and therefore must begin immediately. This helps you avoid
procrastination while encouraging decisive action.

Redefining Experience Reframes

When you redefine your experience you are re-interpreting what the experience means
to you. This goes back to the content reframe where you change the meaning of the
behavior or situation in order to see it in a new and different light. Therefore when faced
with a difficult problem, shift how you define the experience. You might for instance
search for what’s useful about this problem that you could potentially use to your
advantage.

Metaphorical Reframes
Using metaphors or analogies will help you to experience the problem or situation in a
different way. You’re no longer bound by the boundaries of the physical world. Instead,
you can work on solving the problem by playing around with the metaphor in your
imagination. And once you have solved the problem using the metaphor, you can then
bring this solution into the real world. It’s an effective method that will encourage you to
think outside the box.

Counter Example Reframes

Let’s say that you are struggling to overcome a problem. In fact, this problem seems
impossible to solve. However, what if you looked for counterexamples that might throw
doubt on your perceptions of this problem? You could, for instance, chat with other
people who have faced and overcome a similar problem. Or you could look to your own
experience and find examples where you overcame a problem successfully. These
experiences might very well allow you to see your struggles in a new light.

Positive Intention Reframes

If the problem you are experiencing is an unhelpful behavior or state-of-mind, then
search for the positive intention. Every behavior has a positive intention. Understanding
this positive intention can help you to see this behavior in a new light. Who knows? You

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might even be able to use this behavior in an advantageous way.

Importance Reframes
When faced with a problem it’s easy to become overwhelmed with all the details. This
can leave you feeling frustrated and disheartened. To break free from this cycle,
consider what’s most important right now that you can control and/or influence.
Focusing on this one “most important” thing will immediately shift your perspective of
the situation, and as a result, you will no longer feel overwhelmed or frustrated.

Alternate Choice Reframes

Here you’ve locked yourself-in to looking at a problem in one specific way. You are stuck
in all-or-nothing thinking. It’s either this way or it’s that way. However, there are often
many more choices available. Explore these alternate choices by questioning what else
might be here, what could be missing, or what other options might there be? This will
force you to expand your horizons — allowing you to extinguish a stuck-state.

Perspective Reframes
Here you are shifting how you think about the problem by taking on another perspective
of the situation. You might, for instance, take the perspective of another person involved
in the problem. Or you could take a third person’s perspective and view the problem
from the perspective of someone looking in from the outside who is not involved in the
problem. And then, of course, you have your own perspective to consider. All three
perspectives will provide you with a different viewpoint that will potentially allow you to
gather unique insights to help you solve the problem.

Learning Reframes
Sometimes you might not be able to solve a problem successfully. This can be quite
difficult to deal with, and it’s therefore easy to feel miserable about your life and
circumstances. However, you don’t necessarily have to feel this way. You can choose to
feel another way that is more optimal and helpful. No matter how bad things might have
ended up, you can choose to learn from the experience and take these lessons to do
better the next time around.

Humor Reframes
At times problems are difficult to overcome because we take them too seriously. We are
so “worked-up” by the problem that we find it difficult to take into account the solutions
and opportunities that are presented to us. In such instances, it can be helpful to
reframe your circumstances by making fun of them or by making fun of yourself. This will
help you to relax and mentally step back from the problem. And it’s in this “relaxed state”
where ideas and solutions will begin to come more freely.

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All of these reframing examples provide you with a different way of looking at the same
thing. This is advantageous because as your perspective of the situation shifts, you begin
making different choices and decisions, and as a result, you will experience vastly
different outcomes in your life.

Reframing Using Representational Systems

Representational systems are the means by which we use to represent our experience of
reality using our senses. These representational systems can be described as being
visual, auditory and kinesthetic.

Whenever you make interpretations about the world or about your circumstances, you
represent those interpretations to yourself in a very specific way. The way you represent
things depends on how you visualize it, hear it, and/or feel it in your imagination. As
such, the experience becomes very unique based on how you have chosen to represent
it in your own mind using your senses.

Reframing can be used to help shift these representational systems in empowering ways
that can help you to effectively associate or disassociate yourself emotionally from the
problem or experience. This is helpful because oftentimes your emotions might be
getting the better of you (e.g. overwhelm, frustration, anger, stress, etc.), and as a result,
it’s difficult to think through your problem in an effective way. In such instances, you can
make adjustments to your representational systems in order to reframe your emotions
to successfully disassociate yourself from the problem. Then once you’re no longer
emotionally attached to your problem, you will be in a better position to think more
clearly about your circumstances.

When you are posed with a problem you automatically create all these mental pictures
in your imagination about this problem. These pictures are a certain color, intensity,
shape, etc. Likewise, you tend to talk to yourself in a very specific way about your
problem. And as a result, you end up feeling a certain way about the problem.
Sometimes this feeling is good and positive, while other times you might feel rather
overwhelmed, angry or frustrated. You are feeling this way because of how you have
chosen to picture things in your imagination along with how you have chosen to talk to
yourself (self-talk).

Because you have consciously or unconsciously chosen to feel this way, you can now
consciously choose to feel another way by making adjustments to your visual cues and
by reframing your internal dialogue.

Let’s say that you’re rather upset and frustrated with a specific problem. It’s obviously
not helpful to feel this way if you desire to find a solution. As such, you might choose to
emotionally disassociate yourself from the problem by adjusting the way you picture the
problem in your imagination. You might do this by:

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 Changing the colors.
Adjusting the contrast.
Slowing down or speeding up the movements.
Making the picture smaller and dimmer.
Making the visuals more humorous.

Having made some adjustments to your visuals, it’s now time to adjust/reframe your
internal dialogue. You can do this by:

Turning the volume down.

Adding funny voices or humorous music.
Adjusting the tone or pace of the voice.
Turning a negative voice into a positive voice.
Using milder words when describing your experience (less emotional intensity).

Once you have finished making these adjustments, put the new visual and auditory cues
you created into practice by thinking about your problem in the way you just imagined. If
done correctly, you should now feel rather differently about your problem. You should
no longer feel upset or frustrated. You might instead feel more relaxed, more curious
and maybe even excited about this problem. And because you no longer have negative
emotional attachments to this problem, you should now be in a better emotional place
to find an appropriate solution.

There is much more to this process, however, I hope that this has provided you with
some insight as to how representational systems can be used to help you reframe your
life experiences and problems in more optimal ways.

How to Reframe Your Thoughts

When confronted with a limiting state-of-mind, a behavior, or a problem, use the
following process to help you reframe your circumstances, thereby putting yourself in a
more resourceful, empowering and helpful frame-of-mind.

Step 1: Identify the Problem

Your first step is to identify the problem, state or limiting behavior that you are having
difficulty with. Ask yourself:

What problem am I facing?

What unhelpful behavior am I indulging in?

What limiting state-of-mind am I experiencing?

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As you ask yourself these questions, keep in mind all the negative thoughts that are
currently occupying the space between your ears. These thoughts can come in the form
of limiting questions you ask yourself, pessimistic self-talk, and might even manifest as
uncomfortable feelings.

Your thoughts will provide you with insights as to how you tend to frame your
circumstances. These frames are the things that are limiting your perspective of the
situation, the behavior, or the state-of-mind. These are the frames that must be
successfully “reframed” in more optimal and helpful ways that support the goals and
objectives you are wanting to achieve.

Step 2: Challenge Your Assumptions

When you frame things a certain way, you are at that moment making assumptions
about things. And as you know, assumptions are only your personal opinions and
perspectives. However, they can also most certainly be linked to your limiting beliefs.
Either way they have no basis in reality, otherwise, they would be called “facts”.

Your next step is therefore to challenge the assumptions you are making. You must pose
questions that will help disprove these assumptions and beliefs. You can do this by
asking yourself:

What is valuable and useful about this assumption I am making?

What is useful about how I’m currently framing things?

What is unhelpful about the assumption I am making?

What is unhelpful about the way I’m framing things?

Is there any evidence that goes against this assumption?

Am I using any rules that could be challenged?

How else could I interpret this experience?

What else could this possibly mean? How could that be helpful?

At the conclusion of this questioning process, you should have built up enough of a case
against the assumptions and frames you are making. As such, you are now ready to
begin reframing things in ways that will help you to overcome this problem successfully.

Step 3: Reframe Your Circumstances

Your objective here is to focus on different methods of thinking about the problem. And
this basically comes down to your ability to reframe things in certain ways that will help
you achieve your desired outcomes.
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Here are some reframing questions you might like to ask yourself:

Is this really a problem, or is it a problem because of the way I feel about this situation?

How would I deal with this situation if I were a scientist? Lawyer? Child? Man? Woman?
Harry Potter?

What would someone I admire do in this situation?

What if this problem was part of a cartoon? How would the cartoon characters solve this
problem?

How would I approach this situation if I only had a day to solve it? How about an hour?
How about a minute?

What is the opposite to this problem? How is this of value?

What would other people do in my situation to help resolve this problem?

What advice would I give someone else who is experiencing this problem?

What would I do right now if I knew I couldn’t fail?

What is funny about this problem that I hadn’t noticed before?

What if I knew what to do right now? What would I do? What’s the best way to
accomplish this?

These are all typical questions you can ask yourself that will help you to reframe the
situation you are working through. Some of these questions will be more applicable to
some situations and may not be relevant in other situations. You must, therefore, pick
and choose which questions are most helpful to help you shift your perspective about
the problem you are facing.

Step 4: Test the Reframe

Now, have a think about your new behavior/approach/perspective and complete the
following statements:

[new perspective] allows me to…

[new perspective] provides me…

[new perspective] helps me to…

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If the reframing process worked, then you shouldn’t have any trouble completing these
statements. Moreover, these statements should provide you with the impetus you need
to make positive changes in your life and circumstances.

This process can work well if you make it a part of your life. It might, of course, take
some practice and a little effort at first, but eventually reframing will hopefully become a
habit that you use unconsciously throughout the day. However, if at any time you do end
up struggling with this process, then try and remind yourself that…

It’s not what happens to me that matters, it’s rather how I interpret things and how I
decide to act on those interpretations that makes all the difference in the end.

Time to Assimilate these Concepts

Did you gain value from this article? Is it important that you know and understand
this topic? Would you like to optimize how you think about this topic? Would you
like a method for applying these ideas to your life?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I’m confident you will gain
tremendous value from using the accompanying IQ Matrix for coaching or self-coaching
purposes. This mind map provides you with a quick visual overview of the article you just
read. The branches, interlinking ideas, and images model how the brain thinks and
processes information. It’s kind of like implanting a thought into your brain – an upgrade
of sorts that optimizes how you think about these concepts and ideas.
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Recommended IQ Matrix Bundles

The Problem Solver 10 Map Bundle includes a selection of

hand picked maps that are designed to help you effectively
solve the array of problems that life often throws our way.

The Decision Maker 10 Map Bundle includes a selection of

hand picked maps that are designed to help you make more
effective and optimal decisions as you work toward your goals.

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 The Mind Reprogramming 10 Map Bundle includes a selection
of hand picked maps that are designed to help you reprogram
your habits, beliefs, thoughts, and values to achieve your
goals.

If you’re intrigued by the idea of using mind maps for self-improvement then I
would like to invite you to become an IQ Matrix Member.

If you’re new to mind mapping or just want to check things out, then register for the Free
12 Month Membership Program. There you will gain access to over 90 mind maps,
visual tools, and resources valued at over $500.

If, on the other hand, you want access to an ever-growing library of 100s of visual
tools and resources, then check out our Premium Membership Packages. These
packages provide you with the ultimate visual reference library for all your personal
development needs.

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Gain More Knowledge…
Here are some additional links and resources that will help you learn more about this
topic:

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5 Ways to Reframe Negative Thoughts
confidentcounselors.com/2018/03/19/reframe-negative-thoughts

March 19,
2018

March 19, 2018

by The Counseling Teacher

Empower students to escape negative thinking traps by guiding them to reframe

negative thoughts. Once students identify these cognitive distortions, real change can
begin. These thoughts hold them back and keep them from their full potential. In
cognitive behavioral therapy, there are dozens of thinking errors that cause the mind to
believe things that are just not true. Let’s look at five of the most common distortions
and how to reframe them.

5 Negative Thought Patterns and How to Change Them

Stewing
Dwelling on thoughts is a common distortion. When you repeat negative thoughts or a
bad experience over and over in your mind, you begin to lose sight of the positive things
around you.

Reframe: Recognize when an intrusive thought is taking over. Become intentional about
stopping the thought. Replace the thought with happy thoughts. Come up with a list of
things that make you happy. Start a journal of blessings and refer to it often.

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Magnifying
When you draw conclusions that are not justified, based on limited information, you are
overgeneralizing. Like the old saying goes, you are “making a mountain out of a molehill.”
Overreacting to a minor issue is common. Example: I failed a quiz, so I will always fail.

Reframe: To reframe this negative thought pattern, focus on the big picture in life. Goal
setting is one way to do this. Move on and realize that you have the power to change and
do better. Be able to make mistakes and forgive yourself.

All or Nothing
This distortion means that you see things in black and white with no gray areas. You
believe that everything is exactly right or dead wrong. You think of things as a complete
success or a total failure. This type of thinking sets you up for failure because it is
impossible to achieve.

Reframe: Give yourself some slack. You are only human. Nobody is perfect. Learn to be
okay with navigating the gray areas of life. Remember to be flexible. Try a growth
mindset activity to expand your mind.

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Fortune Telling
When you assume that you know the outcome before it happens or when you think you
know what somebody else is thinking, you are attempting to predict the future and read
minds. The problem with this type of thinking is that the assumptions are usually wrong.

Reframe: Start assuming positive outcomes. If you imagine yourself being successful or
imagine that others are thinking positively about you, you are more likely to have a good
outcome. When you picture a negative outcome, it will often keep you from trying. Since
you cannot possibly predict the future, try being positive and brave.

Personalization

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When you think that everything that happens around you is related to you somehow,
you are taking things too personally. This is the feeling that people around you are
behaving the way they are because they are reacting to something that you did. This is
unhealthy thinking because these thoughts cause you to blame yourself for things that
have nothing to do with you.

Reframe: Realize that just because something happened near you, doesn’t mean that it
had anything to do with you. You are not the center of the universe. Not everything is
related to you. Consider that you may have nothing to do with other people’s reactions.

Try this fun flipbook to practice these skills with students.

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The Counseling Teacher
Creating resources for teachers and school counselors to empower
students to become their best versions.

www.thecounselingteacher.com
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How To Reframe Your Negative Thoughts
revolutionarylifestyledesign.com/reframe-negative-thoughts

October 18,
2017

Like everyone on this planet, you want to be as happy as possible, as much of the time as
possible. But like most people, you probably don’t have happiness as your primary
priority. Or maybe you think you do, but in reality, you find yourself consistently
sabotaging yourself by slipping into sadness, despair, regret and other unproductive
negative thoughts.

Without happiness as a priority, its very easy to slip into negativity, and suffer much more
than you need to in this life. That’s why, if you want to learn how to level up the quality of
your life, it’s so crucial that you embrace the pursuit happiness as your primary priority,
and not just as a concept that sounds nice.

Once you truly embrace the pursuit of happiness, you’ll have the right mindset for being
able to recognize and reframe negativity. And the right mindset is crucial because you
have thousands if not tens of thousands of negative thoughts a day.

You need to wake up every day to do battle with demons. The demons of doubt, despair
and depression. There’s no other way. It’s spiritual warfare and you have to be ready to
wake up and win every day.

The good thing is with the right mindset, and the right reframes, you can start feeling
better instantly.

And even better, anyone can use this technology. Because it’s not “objective reality”
dependent. Reframing negativity isn’t dependent on your income, or your IQ or your
looks or anything besides you WILL to make it work. With the right will and application of
your creativity, you can make a massive difference in the quality of your life starting
today.

How To Reframe Negative Thoughts

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Watch Video At: https://youtu.be/jvjib6t2trM

Awareness
The first thing you need to focus on is your awareness. In other words, being mindful of
negative thoughts. If happiness if your primary priority, you need to take awareness of
negativity very seriously, like gun to your head seriously.

You need to stay aware because you’re going to have thousands of negative thoughts a
day, at least. It’s just a matter of catching them, recognizing you’re unhappy, and asking
the right questions.

Asking The Right Questions

The right questions are all variations of:

Why am I unhappy?
What do I have to do to feel better?

You are the questions you ask yourself, so it’s very important you know how to ask the
right questions.

Once you ask the right questions, you prime yourself for the right reframe.

Reframing
The right reframe is the best reframe of your negative thoughts at the time. You might
not be able to get to happy, but you can always get out of doubt, despair and depression
– even if its just to neutral.
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Reframing, or state management, is the most important skill there is.

And in practice, is much more effective then any type of therapy. Because therapy deals
with the past, yet the past no longer exists. The present is all that’s real, and state
management is control of the present.

The past is not the way forward, the present and the future is. Staying stuck in the past is
why you suffer.

It’s like with physical pain, it doesn’t matter how bad that pain is, from fever to cancer,
once the pain is gone, it’s gone, you can’t remember physical pain if you tried. Mental
pain however, can be relived, rehashed and remembered ad infinitum. And many types
of therapies encourage this!

Compare the mind to the body:

Therapy is like taking a physical scar or injury that’s causing you pain, and picking at it,
and opening it up, and digging into it, thereby amplifying the pain so you can remember
the pain and somehow “process it”.

Reframing, is taking the same physical scar or injury that’s causing you pain, and taking
the right medicine, or doing the right stretches to remove the pain and feel good, in the
present moment.

The game changing revelation comes when you recognize that you choose how you
feel.

YOU CHOOSE HOW YOU FEEL AT ALL TIMES

YOU CHOOSE HOW YOU FEEL AT ALL TIMES

YOU CHOOSE HOW YOU FEEL AT ALL TIMES

Negative thoughts only have the power to hurt you if you let them.

It doesn’t matter how bad the thought is or what happened to you, you always have
control over how you feel.

You have the choice to choose positive or negative and when you’re being negative you
are actually CHOOSING to be.

Types of Reframes
There are two types of reframes you need to master.

1. Unproductive negative thoughts, which are negative thoughts that serve no

purpose.

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 2. Negative thoughts that need action. These types of negative thoughts are not
necessarily your enemy. Instead they’re either alerting you to mindset shifts you
need to make, or behaviors you need to change.

Reframing Unproductive Negative Thoughts

1) Ignore

For low level negative thoughts, the best reframe is often just ignoring it. Thoughts like
you’re a loser, or you’re tired and should stop working – you just talk to them like an
annoying guy at the bar. No or I’m a busy or f*ck off.

2) Focus Change

Changing focus is an excellent way to reframe negativity. The best focus change is going
back to work. When I catch myself in negative thoughts during the day, my go to reframe
is just going back to my mission. Within minutes I’ll have forgotten about the thought
completely. A great way to signal focus change is to label the thought as unproductive
and move on.

Reframing Negative Thoughts That Need Action

1) Positive Reframe

For thoughts that need a mindset shift, your best move is a positive reframe. When I
used to work in sales, I hated every minute of it, from my bosses to dealing with rude
clients to cold calling to coworkers. That was until I reframed every action, and every cold
call as a step towards making more money. And putting that money into savings. And
using that savings to fund my businesses and my permanent escape from wage slavery.

When I made this mindset shift, not only was I able to excel but I turned a major negative
into a positive. Eventually I was able to make my escape and I even ended up being able
to monetize that knowledge through writing a book on how to sell.

One important thing to remember when doing positive reframing is reality testing your
reframes. Some guys who teach NLP based pickup teach men to imagine themselves as
Superman, or 10 feet tall when approaching women. This is not a useful frame, because
your subconscious mind will never buy into it.

Other guys teach the frame of approaching women with the intention of making them
feel desired. This is a good thing, and being able to express your intent honestly is a
good thing, but going o for 2000 in approaches is a problem. Yet I’ve seen some guys on
pickup boards talk about being happy to have expressed intent and make 2000 women
feel desired.This is not a productive reframe.

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When you approach a woman, your end game should be to get that woman and focus
on results that will get you there. In those types of situations you need to look into doing
things to increase your sexual market value, as well making major behavioral changes.

Lastly, it’s a good to sit down and think of your most persistent negative patterns. Be it
about sickness, or fear of dying, or low self esteem and look at creating positive reframe
stacks. Ones that you can go back to time and time again when those major negative
feedback loops rear they’re ugly heads, which they will.

2) Behavioral Change:

The behavioral change is the best reframe for a negative thought about things you need
to change in your life. Be it addictions, or negative people, or lifestyle choices, or a job
you hate. These types of negative thoughts are your friends, and should be listened to
and acted on. The bulk of your progress in personal development will come from
listening to these types of thoughts and applying solutions.

When it comes to negative behaviors, one thing you might find useful is sitting down and
listing your 10 worst recurring problems. From a job you don’t like, to a toxic relationship
to whatever your 10 biggest problems are and figuring out action-based solutions. I’ve
done this myself and it was a massive step forward. In fact I took it to the extreme
created a system, using the Wunderlist task management app to solve those problems
through setting my mission, goals, routines and projects. You can see exactly how to do
that in my book How To Get Organized.

Vigilance
So the above sounds pretty simple right?

That’s because reframing is simple.

It’s also easy.

You’ve probably already reframed a negative thought in the course of reading this article.

What’s not easy is consistency – or doing it every single day forever.

Reframing 300, 400 or even 4000 thoughts a day forever. No matter what happens.

Yet that’s exactly what you have to do, because that’s life.

The secret to success in anything is vigilance, vigilance, vigilance.

It’s one thing to just read the content here and just passively absorb it.

It’s another thing to start applying it every day – that’s where vigilance is key.

Conclusion
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Reframing thoughts is both an art and a science.

It’s an art in the sense of applying your creativity to create positive reframes and
behavioral changes. Those reframes and solutions might not come right away. Some
large problems might take years to solve, but with enough focus and enough creativity,
the answers do come. And the more you practice the art of positivity, the better you get
at it.

The science comes from following the method and being vigilant as a motherf*cker. I
can’t stress how important vigilance is. Most people never grow because they’re not
vigilant about they’re personal development. They do it for a few hours or a few days and
then start to slack.

In summary it comes down to:

1. Consistent awareness
2. Asking the right questions
3. Using the right reframes
4. Being vigiliant as hell
5. Following the gameplan

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How Reframing Your Self-Critical Thoughts Can Help Ease
Anxiety
tinybuddha.com/blog/reframing-self-critical-thoughts-can-help-ease-anxiety

By Lauren Madden March 28,

2017

“Don’t let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness
of your present.” ~Unknown

I know what it feels like to be scared.

I know what it feels like to question your sanity, your worth, your place in this world.

Sometimes, all I can do is repeat the words it’s okay over and over and over again in my
head, until I kind of, somewhat, maybe start to believe it’s true.

Anxiety sucks. Depression does too. They’re not my favorites of the emotions we humans
get to experience. But, truthfully, they have a purpose.

I’ve been having panic attacks for a little over six months now. They’re still new to me,
and every one is so different.

The physical symptoms change, I’m still learning what my “triggers” are, and the ups and
downs between my moods vary in time and extremity. But there’s one thing that has
been consistent since the beginning, which is that every time I start to feel anxiety or
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depression creep in, I instantly hate myself.

I sense the pit of worry in my stomach, and I hate myself. I wake up feeling sad,
and I hate myself. I have to transfer money from my savings account, and I hate
myself. I mess up at work, and I hate myself. I feel the uncertainty of my future,
and I hate myself.

As soon as I begin to enter that state, it’s the start of the freaking pity party of the
century. Pretty soon all of my thoughts sound something along the lines of…

I’m so messed up.

No one else feels this way.

I’m broken beyond repair.

I shouldn’t feel this way.

Why can’t I just be happy?

I’m not good enough to be happy.

There’s no way I’m going to get through this.

I thought I had come so far.

There’s just no point.

I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, or excited, or tired, or bored, and thought
anything close to these dark, nasty thoughts. So why do I instantly start abusing myself
with such hateful thinking when these specific emotions of anxiety and depression
appear?

But wait! There’s good news here. This isn’t just a pity party, after all.

I realized that there’s a way to pull myself out of the cyclical trap of feel sad or anxious,
then hating myself for feeling sad or anxious, and then hating myself for hating myself
for feeling sad or anxious.

It’s a vicious cycle, but there is a simple solution: compassion, self-love, and
reframing.

For example, today I had a series of mini breakdowns, which included locking myself in
my car so I could cry in (semi) privacy, throwing up in the bathroom at work because my
stomach was so full of acidic worry it made me sick, leaving work early because of how I
felt, and sobbing in my shower for about twenty minutes while wasting precious hot
water. (#BestDayEver)

So what did I do to turn it around?

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I treated myself with compassion and self-love, and reframed my negative thoughts.

I showered, put on comfy clothes, made a cup of tea, and lit my favorite candle. I turned
on Girls in the background because Hannah always makes me feel better. I read a few
pages from one of my favorite books. I did some deep breathing. I told myself “I’m going
to be okay” at least one hundred thousand times (slight exaggeration, maybe).

Then, I started to pay attention to my thoughts as an outside observer. I was able to look
at some of the terrible things I say to myself like “I’m so messed up” and “I shouldn’t feel
this way,” and was able to crack them open for analysis.

I was able to look at it from an objective point of view and question: Are these thoughts
really true? And if not, can I replace these thoughts with ones that are actually true?

Some examples…

I’m so messed up became I’m going through a tough time right now, like everyone else in the
world has, but it doesn’t reflect my worthiness or importance as an individual.

I shouldn’t feel this way became It’s okay to feel down or nervous sometimes, because it’s
temporary and it doesn’t define who I am.

I’m broken beyond repair became I’m just figuring the craziness of this life out, as we all are,
and I’ll feel better soon.

There’s just no point became I have an infinite number of resources and people in my life who
love and support me, and I’m worthy of that love and support.

The stories that we tell ourselves are just that: stories. What we say to ourselves in
our heads can hugely impact the way we perceive our lives and our self-worth.

As the Buddha said, “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When
the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”

By becoming more mindful of the stories running through your mind, you’re able to take
an objective view on how those stories makes you feel, and then decide if they’re worth
keeping around or not. If they’re not, choose to let them go.

Reframing, self-love, and compassion are the three tools I use to help guide me through
anxiety and depression. It’s all a learning process, but I can confidently say that this has
helped me so much more than self-medicating or trying to ignore the problem.

By observing our thoughts and the way we speak to ourselves in times of struggle, we
can get a picture of how much we actually love ourselves, and then ramp up the love and
positivity until we can’t help but feel better

If you’re going through anxiety, depression, or any other tough time, I encourage you to:

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 Slow down; hit pause

Remember that you’re worthy of love and happiness

Take a few deep breaths, and tune into that inner dialogue you have going on

See if there are any negative thoughts or stories running through your mind that
you can challenge

Replace them with positive, love-based truths

Try to remember that we’re all just living, breathing, crazy little human beings, floating
around on this planet through a limitless universe for a microscopic moment of time.
None of us really know what the heck is going on here.

We’re all just trying to get by, and have a little fun while doing it. Remember that you’re
worthy of love from others, but most importantly, from yourself. And try to ease up on
yourself. It’s okay to feel bad. It’s also okay to feel good. They’re two sides of the same
coin, and that’s what this life is all about… our depth of human experiences and our
connection to something more.

I’m thankful for anxiety and depression because those emotions present me with an
opportunity. It’s a chance for me to fall victim to my fear-based, negative stories, or for
me to choose to see things from a place of love instead. The next time you feel those
emotions creeping in, I challenge you to ask yourself, what do you choose?

About Lauren Madden

Lauren is a life coach, blogger, and yoga teacher in Phoenix, AZ. She’s actively creating a
life that lights her up from the inside out, and helping her clients to do the same! She
also has a serious coffee addiction. Check out her blog at laurenmaddencoaching.com.

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