Oxymorons: Quotes & Sayings • My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.

--
Ashleigh Brilliant
Arts • No matter where you go, there you are!
• My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure. • On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.
• Samuel Goldwyn, when told a script was full of old clichés: • The only certainty is that nothing is certain. -- Pliny the Elder
Let's have some new clichés. -- Samuel Goldwyn • The only thing I don't Procrastinate about is Procrastination.
• Samuel Goldwyn: What kind of dancing does Martha Graham
do? Associate: Modern dancing. Samuel Goldwyn: I don't want Education
her then; modern dancing is so old fashioned. -- Samuel • I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being
Goldwyn taught. -- Winston Churchill
• I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. --
Business Mark Twain
• A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. -- Samuel
Goldwyn Family
• Bookkeeper: Mr. Goldwyn, our files are bulging with paperwork • You got your momma's taste but you got my mouth. -- Ben
we no longer need. May I have your permission to destroy all Folds, in his song 'Gracie'
records before 1945? Goldwyn: Certainly. Just be sure to keep
a copy of everything. -- Samuel Goldwyn Fashion
• Free advice is worth what you paid for it. • A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one
• I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it. -- Samuel Goldwyn shoe. 'Just lost a shoe?' she asked. He answered, 'Nope, just
• Minimum wage for a maximum loser. -- (from The Hot Chick found one'.
movie) • I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five
• We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. -- Samuel Goldwyn years. -- Samuel Goldwyn
• You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. --
Dolly Parton Food
• I never eat before breakfast. -- W.C. Fields, referring to his
Change drinking habit
• Change is the only constant. • She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands
• Have you lived in this village all your life? 'No, not yet'. on. -- Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist
• I always wanted to be a procrastinator.
General
• I disagree with unanimity.
• Always be on the lookout for the obvious.
• I have a twin brother; he's identical, but I'm not.
• Always remember you're unique... just like everyone else!
• I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
• Anyone who isn't confused here doesn't really know what's
• My identity lies in not knowing who I am.
going on.
• Australia is a pretty big continent.
• Be here now, when you can. -- Ron McIntosh • The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. -- George
• Drive slowly, we're in a hurry. -- Winston Churchill to his Bernard Shaw
chauffeur • The good oxymoron, to define it by a self-illustration, must be a
• Everything is so random there must be a pattern. planned inadvertency. -- Wilson Follett
• Excuse me? I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and • The Right way is the Wrong way and the Left way is the Right
deeply shallow. -- Fiyero Tiggular, Wicked musical way. (Driving directions)
• Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true. -- Sir • The saddest moment in a person's life comes but once.
Boyle Roche • The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used
• I am a deeply superficial person. -- Andy Warhol to be. -- Paul Valery
• I am easily satisfied with the very best. -- Winston Churchill • The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.
• I can give you a definite perhaps. -- Samuel Goldwyn • There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am
• I can resist everything but temptation. -- Mark Twain not mad. -- Salvador Dali
• I can't remember having a more memorable time. • There's no such thing as non-existence.
• I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again. • They say it's not as bad as they say it is.
• If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. • This page intentionally left blank. -- (Non-blank with the
comment)
• I'm proud of my humility.
• I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
• It's eight o'clock, sir! - Why the devil didn't you tell me that
• Walking up stairs gets me down.
before? -- Overheard in hotel • We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -- Isaac B.
Singer
• It's wrong to be always right.
• Life is full of uncertainties ... or I could be wrong about that?
• You always find something in the last place you look.
• No one goes to that place anymore - it's always too crowded. --
• You're the dumbest smart person I've ever met. -- from the
movie 'I, Robot'
Yogi Berra
• Nobody goes to Miami in the Winter. It's too crowded. -- Yogi
• You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and
how little I deserve it. -- W.S. Gilbert
Berra
• Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
Government & Politics
• Prejudiced people are all alike.
• A person who doesn't vote votes for the winner!
• Remember the future. -- Tagline for the movie "Paycheck"
• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen
• Reporter: You say you've never made a picture before? tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have
Samuel Goldwyn: Yes, but that's our strongest weak point. -- the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. --
Samuel Goldwyn Winston Churchill
• Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the • A unified, neutral Germany? Given that nation's heritage, such
surface. a phrase may prove to be the oxymoron of the decade. --
• The clock is two minutes ahead and one hour behind. Kevin M. Matarese, Fulda, West Germany; as seen in 'Letters',
Time magazine, March 5, 1990, page 5
 • An abstention is a vote for the winner! • After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found
• As famous as the unknown soldier. undamaged a few blocks away; he said, 'Nothing was stolen. I
• Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting. -- had an honest thief.' -- International Herald Tribune, March 2,
Samuel Goldwyn 1992, page 3
• If Roosevelt was alive, he'd turn over in his grave. -- Samuel
Mathematics
Goldwyn
• It has been said that democracy is the worst form of • The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of
government except all the others that have been tried. -- getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it
wrong.
Winston Churchill
• The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of • The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they
are.
blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing
of miseries. -- Winston Churchill • There are only three kinds of people; people who can count
and people who can't.
• The only new thing in this world is the history you did not know.
-- Harry Truman • Why don't you pair ‘em up in threes? -- Yogi Berra

Health Recreation
• A hospital is no place to be sick. -- Samuel Goldwyn • A joke is a very serious thing. -- Winston Churchill
• A little pain never hurt anyone. • Staying awake to chase a dream. -- Muse (UK rock band) in
their song 'Falling Away With You'
• Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head
examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn • We take fun seriously.
• He lived his life to the end.
Relationships
• Hypochondria is the one disease I have not got.
• Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. -- Irene Peter
• I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
• As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty
• If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. --
into question.
Samuel Goldwyn
• Every time I see her, it just eats me inside out.
• Often it is fatal to live too long. -- Racine
• Gentlemen, for your information, I have a question to ask you.
• Rehab is for quitters!
-- Samuel Goldwyn
• The first condition of immortality is death. -- Stanislaw Lec
• He doesn't have much of a reputation or so I've heard.
• The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying. --
• He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I
Samuel Goldwyn
admire. -- Winston Churchill
• Who is the oldest inhabitant of this village? 'We haven't got
• I always advise people never to give advice. -- P. G.
one; we had one, but he died three weeks ago'.
Wodehouse
Legal • I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. -- Jules Renard
• I deserve respect for the things I did not do.
• I hate you as much as I love you.
 • I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me • I die every day; I mean that brothers, just as surely as I glory
paranoid. over you in Christ Jesus our Lord. -- 1 Corinthians 15:31
• I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not • Thank God I'm an Atheist.
sure if I believe it.
• I never liked you, and I always will. -- Samuel Goldwyn Science
• I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me. • For NASA, space is still a high priority.
• If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me. -- • In the city today the temperature rose to 180 degrees. This
Samuel Goldwyn sudden rise of temperature was responsible for the intolerable
• I'm not going to say, 'I told you so'. heat.
• Maybe the bitterness will make you a bit sweeter. -- R.M. • It isn't an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
• Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad. -- Victor Hugo • Most bacteria have the decency to be microscopic.
• 'No comment' is a splendid expression. I am using it again and Epulopiscium fishelsoni is not among them. The newly
identified one-celled macro-microorganism is a full .5 mm long,
again. -- Winston Churchill
large enough to be seen with the naked eye. -- Described in
• Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that
the current Nature, 'It is a million times as massive as a typical
can't keep them. -- Anthony Haden-Guest
bacterium.' - Time, March 29, 1993, page 25
• Our comedies are not to be laughed at. -- Samuel Goldwyn
• The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -- W.C.
• Our similarities are different. -- Dale Berra, son of Yogi Fields
• Parting is such sweet sorrow. -- William Shakespeare
• People have one thing in common: they are all different. Skills
• Samuel Goldwyn, when told his son was getting married: • Always and never are two words you should always remember
Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man. -- never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
Samuel Goldwyn • Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. -- Ambrose
• Seriously, you need to lighten up. Bierce
• Some bachelors want a meaningful overnight relationship. • Chronoscopy is the observation and exact estimation of time. --
• Too bad Sponge Bob is not here to celebrate Sponge Bob not Exact estimation
being here! -- Squidward • Common sense is not so common.
• Treat me like an angel and I'll be your little devil. • Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is
• You Win, I Win, We Lose. -- Lyrics, Kenny Chesney also what it takes to sit down and listen. -- Winston Churchill
• You're on my list of people that will never make any list of • Do not put statements in the negative form. And don't start
mine. sentences with a conjunction. It is incumbent on one to avoid
archaisms. If you reread your work, you will find on rereading
Religion that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by re-reading and
• Christ was born in year 4 B.C. editing. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
• Evil isn't all bad. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. De-accession
euphemisms. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence,
a linking verb is. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
 Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Also, avoid awkward • We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not
or affected alliteration. Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the occur.
plague. -- Great Rules for writing from William Safire in the • You win big when you lose right.
New York Times
• Everyone writes on the walls except me. -- Said to be graffiti Society & Culture
seen in Pompeii • An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting.
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. • Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that
• He talks right and runs left. -- Bob Dole, on Clinton's changing- man can never learn anything from history. -- George Bernard
political positions Shaw
• I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is much • You non-conformists are all the same. -- Muse (UK rock band)
better to prophesy after the event has already taken place. -- in their song
Winston Churchill
• I distinctly remember forgetting that. -- Clara Barton Technology
• I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after • Click the 'Start' button to Shut Down the computer.
they're dead. -- Samuel Goldwyn • Why don't they make the whole airplane out of that black box
• I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of stuff? -- Steven Wright
claiming I never made one. -- James G. Bennet
• I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. --
Winston Churchill
• I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? -- Benjamin
Disraeli
• It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech. -- Mark Twain
• I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exaggerating.
• May I ask a question?
• Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use
more words than necessary.
• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
• Spontaneity is good as long as it is controlled.
• Stop stabbing yourself in the back. -- Judith Briles
• Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of
enthusiasm. -- Winston Churchill
• This report is filled with omissions.
• To lead the people, walk behind them. -- Lao-Tzu
• We are not anticipating any emergencies.