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The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissistic individuals to control others and avoid responsibility. It involves completely ignoring the other person, sometimes for minor perceived slights, in order to punish them and get a reaction. The target often feels confused and works hard to resolve the misunderstanding, but is met with continued silence from the narcissist. This immature behavior resembles a young child refusing to share toys. It leaves the target feeling insignificant. Therapists advise that those experiencing the silent treatment should end toxic relationships with narcissists and understand they do not deserve emotional abuse.

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426 views2 pages

The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissistic individuals to control others and avoid responsibility. It involves completely ignoring the other person, sometimes for minor perceived slights, in order to punish them and get a reaction. The target often feels confused and works hard to resolve the misunderstanding, but is met with continued silence from the narcissist. This immature behavior resembles a young child refusing to share toys. It leaves the target feeling insignificant. Therapists advise that those experiencing the silent treatment should end toxic relationships with narcissists and understand they do not deserve emotional abuse.

Uploaded by

Ashu
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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➢ The silent treatment:

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people


with narcissistic tendencies. It is designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control;
(2) silence the target’s attempts at assertion; (3) avoid conflict resolution/person al
responsibility/compromise; or (4) punish the target for a perceived ego slight. Often, the
result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create:
a reaction from the target and a sense of control.
The target, who may possess high emotional intelligence, empathy, conflict-resolution
skills, and the ability to compromise, may work diligently to respond to the deafening
silence. He or she may frequently reach out to the narcissistic person via email, phone, or
text to resolve greatly inflated misunderstandings, and is typically met with continued
disdain, contempt, and silence. Essentially, the narcissistic person’s message is one of
extreme disapproval to the degree that the silence renders the target so insignificant that
he or she is ignored and becomes more or less non-existent in the eyes of the narcissistic
person.
The emotional maturity of a typical narcissistic person is akin to a 5-year-old child who
pouts and refuses to play with a friend in the sandbox because the friend wants to share
the pail and shovel. The 5-year-old refuses to talk with the friend and angrily storms off
to play on the jungle gym with someone else. The bewildered child with the pail and shovel
may feel confused, rejected, and may not understand why they can’t share. He or she just
wanted to build a sand castle together.
Because no further communication can ensue unless and until the narcissistic person
decides to give the target another chance, a false sense of control is nurtured. Often, the
narcissistic person will demand that the target apologize for whatever inflated
transgression the target may have committed (the target may have set a limit or asserted a
boundary against emotional abuse, for example). Sometimes, a person with narcissistic
qualities will decide to abandon and discard the relationship when his or her partner
presents an ultimatum or attempts resolution requiring compromise. The person with
narcissism may prefer to end the relationship and start over rather than be in a position of
potential abandonment. The 5-year-old storms off and plays with a new, innocent target
on the swing set. It is too much work to share the pail and shovel.
So how does one deal with the silent treatment from a person with narcissism? For those
leaving a toxic relationship with such an individual, many therapists suggest that the
survivor understand that the person with narcissism has not developed the ability to
express a high level of empathy, reciprocity, and compromise. The silent treatment is a
form of emotional abuse that no one deserves nor should tolerate. If an individual
experiences this absence of communication, it is a sure sign that he or she needs to move
on and heal.
The healing process can feel like mourning the loss of a relationship that did not really
exist and was one-way in favour of the ego-massaging person with narcissism. The minute
the partner disagrees with the narcissistic person or asserts his or her healthy boundaries,
the narcissistic person deploys an arsenal of abuse tactics. The silent treatment is
a favourite weapon.
Do not accept emotional abuse. Know that you are worthy of a healthy relationship with
someone who can communicate in a mature, emotionally healthy manner. Play with
someone who has the ability to share the shovel and pail. You deserve no less.

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