HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Honesty & Open Minimization Intimidation

Responsibility Communication & Blame Yelling or screaming • Using
Not making excuses for your Being able to express your Not accepting responsibility for a threatening tone • Talking
partner’s or your own actions feelings or opinions • Knowing your actions • Making a joke down • Threatening to hurt
• Admitting when you are it’s okay to disagree • Saying when you hurt your partner • yourself or your partner •
wrong • Keeping your word • what you mean and meaning Telling your partner everything Making your partner feel
Not canceling plans what you say is his/her fault • Acting like afraid • Tearing up pic-
abuse is okay in the tures • Smashing gifts •
Trust & relationship Destroying objects
Support Possessiveness Sexual Abuse
Being supportive • Wanting Using jealousy as a sign of love
Intimacy Bragging about your sexual relation-
the best for your partner • • Accusing your partner of cheat-
Respecting your partner’s bound- ship • Comparing your partner to past
Knowing your partner likes you • ing on you • Not letting your partner
aries • Respecting each other’s partners • Flirting to make your partner
Offering encouragement when have other friends • Telling your partner
privacy • Not pressuring your jealous • Using drugs/alcohol to get sex
necessary • Being okay with your how to think, dress, and act
partner • Being faithful POWER • Pressuring your partner • Rape
partner having different friends
EQUALITY &
WHEEL CONTROL
Physical Affection Humiliation Physical Abuse
Respect WHEEL Holding your partner so he/she can’t leave
Holding hands • Hugging • Kissing • Putting down your partner • Calling your
Paying attention to your partner • Slamming him/her into a wall or locker •
Sitting or standing with your arm on partner names • Constant criticism •
even when your friends are around Hurting your partner where bruises don’t
your partner’s shoulder • Respecting Making your partner feel like he/she
• Valuing your partner’s opinion show • Grabbing • Slapping • Hitting
each other’s right to say no • Asking is crazy • Humiliating your
even if it differs from yours • Shoving • Punching • Kicking
before acting partner in front of people •
Listening to what your part-
Shared Fairness & Making your partner feel Domination Threats
ner has to say
Responsibility Negotiation guilty • Embarrassing Treating your partner Saying you can’t live
Making decisions together Accepting change • Being your partner like a baby, property, or without your partner •
• Splitting or alternating the willing to compromise • servant • Making all the of Telling your partner you will
costs on dates • Doing things Working to find solutions that decisions • Having expecta- leave him/her somewhere if
for each other • Going places are agreeable to both people • tions that no one can meet • they don’t do what you say •
you both enjoy • Giving as Agreeing to disagree sometimes Controlling who your partner Constantly threatening to find
much as you receive sees or spends time with • someone else • Saying you will
Setting all of the rules in the commit suicide if you break up
relationship

A healthy dating relationship is based on EQUALITY and RESPECT, not power and control. Think about how you treat — and want to
be treated — by someone you care about. Compare the examples of the Equality Wheel with those on the Power & Control Wheel.