A.

Family & Relationship Problems

All relationships and families go through difficult times and experiencing occasional problems and conflict in
personal relationships is normal. However, sometimes these problems can become overwhelming.
 
SIGNS OF FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

 Frequent arguing
 Disagreements
 Breakdown in communication
 Angry outbursts
 Avoidance
 Physical conflict
 
TRIGGERS FOR FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

 Difference in opinions, personalities, beliefs, values or goals

 Change in family circumstances e.g. new baby, divorce/separation, blending families
 Financial problems
 Stress
 Issues relating to sexuality
 Alcohol or drug use
 Gambling problems
 The onset of mental health problems
 Bullying/harassment
 Natural disasters
 Lack of trust/respect in a relationship
 
THE IMPACT OF FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

 
Often family are the most important people to you so relationship problems can be considerably distressing
and can lead to:

 Negative emotions – anger, sadness, anxiety

 Stress
 Exhaustion
 Confusion
 Feeling isolated, alone or withdrawn
 Lack of concentration
 Difficulty eating or sleeping
 Problems with friends, colleagues or your children
 Using alcohol or drugs to cope or escape
 
THINGS YOU CAN DO IF YOU ARE HAVING FAMILY/RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

1. Talk - communication is the key and often the first step to finding solutions. Be calm and honest
about your concerns when discussing your problems with a loved one.
 
2. Accept your differences - it can help avoid unnecessary conflict if you can recognise that people
have different ideas, opinions and beliefs and you may not always be in agreement.
 
3. Have fun together - even when things are tough, it's important to find the time to have fun with your
loved ones.
 
4. Make a plan - it can help reduce stress and give common goals to work towards. For example if you
are having financial problems it can help to create a budget.
 
5. Get help - you may not always be able to solve your problems yourself so you may need some
external help.
 
WHERE TO GO FOR HELP

 Talk to friends/family
 Get relationship counselling or mediation
 Check out online information and resources through Relationships Australia
 Attend courses/workshops in communication, parenting, budgeting and positive communication
skills
 See your GP if you are concerned about mental health problems in yourself or others
 Call a helpline like Lifeline or Kids Helpline

B. Eliminate Negativity and Be Positive

Getting aware of your negative thought patterns and then actually changing them is the key to get
negativity out of your head. Awareness is always the first step. The second step is change.

Sometimes things just don’t go as you’d wish them to go. One adversity after another sweeps into your life
like waves on a shore coming against you. Everything seems to have come together in a little conspiracy.
Life sucks.

If such a series of adversities happens, your life can get really overwhelming and questions like “Why is this
happening to me?” or “What I have done to deserve this?” pop up in the mind. But those questions are not
really helping, especially not in that state of overwhelm, anger, frustration or even depression…
So what can you do inside and out to cope?
This is another post that was inspired by the feedback of my latest newsletter (thanks Mike!)
1. Stop

The first thing you need to do is to break your current state of emotional pain and negative thinking. This is
necessary because you probably need to make some changes and for that being effective you have to get
away a bit from the “life sucks” attitude.

So the first step is always awareness: You need to recognize when you’re getting sucked in into in some kind
of downward spiral and you need to stop and then break that pattern that is producing it… by doing the
following…

2. You Are Not Your Situation

Avoid to create an identity out of your situation. You are no “Failure” or “Loser”, it is just a situation, which is
neutral in itself. The judgement and meaning comes from you (and yes, others too, but first and
foremost you are responsible for yourself) giving it a certain meaning.
What is happening is either a) as a result of what you did or how you are, or b) it came from circumstances
completely out of your control.

You can change. Everybody can.

And it starts with changing your mindset. Take a step back, know that you are not the situation and take a
fresh look at what you see and especially where you want to go from here…

3. Analyze. Do Not Overanalyze.

Have you understood your situation? What were the causes? What do you want instead? How can you get
out? What’s the first step? Asking those kind of questions will create clarity about how things are.
Do you already have a good understanding of what happened? Or at least of what is relevant for yourself
now? If so, avoid overanalyzing. The trap of overanalyzing can lead to paralysis by analysis or in the worst
case to thinking loops (a cause for developing depression). So while understanding is important, on the
other hand don’t overdo it.

4. Accept

Sometimes you have to accept a situation. Acceptance of “what is” can be very powerful because it can
clear your way, make room for something new to emerge and end an inner fight that is futile by nature.
Still accepting doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t change the situation, it is merely an alignment with
the truth of your situation. When you accept you stop struggling with what has already happened, what is
reality. Only then you are open and completely ready for effective change and new positive results to enter.

5. Refocus

In order to get out of this downward spiral, after stopping the negative patterns, you need to focus your
mind new. You need take away your focus from what you don’t want: negative thoughts, pessimism,
overwhelm, hopelessness and put it on what you want.
Focus on solutions, your goals, your ideal life and how to get there. What is the next step in that direction?
What action can you do to resolve the situation? That’s what needs to fill up your mind.
Developing a plan gives you something to hold on to. It’s not only a roadmap but also something stable that
can give you safety when things fall apart.

One of the challenging tasks during difficult times is to manage your emotions: Not giving up hope, staying
calm enough to not to let anger, hatred or frustration influence your action.
Seeing these positive outcomes will a) help you to create uplifting emotions and b) bring you to take action
towards these results.

6. Take One Action

Taking the first step and doing something into the right direction again can be the key. We all are learning
by small successes, we repeat what works (and stop what doesn’t work). So starting and doing one thing
has the power to build positive momentum again.
But you need to use your new won focus and do something.
Ask yourself: What would help the most now?
Then start there.

7. Get Help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Tough times can show you who your real friends are. And helping each
other out will deepen relationships and has the power to create stronger bonding.

When I suffered from clinical depression in my late teens, I remember clearly who helped me out (and who
did not). Yes, you are responsible for your life, but that includes asking for help.
Talk with friends, ask people who have similar situations, ask for professional help. Do your part. And ask
for what you need. You are not alone.

C. Find and Live Your Passion

For fulfillment in your professional life there is nothing much more important than finding and following
your passion. But be warned, it is important to not do this blindly. If you plan to make a living from your
passion, you have to make sure that you have the potential to be the best in your field and that you are
providing value for the needs of people.

D. Increase Self Esteem / Self-Confidence

Everybody wants you to be self-confident: your wife, your boss, your followers, your parents and your kids.
Self-Confidence is an evergreen in the personal development field. Nothing can make or break your own
ability to create the life your want as your self-confidence. It is also closely linked to your self-image: how
you see yourself in the world.
Everybody wants to have self-confidence. Companies want self-confident people. Women want self-
confident men and vice versa. Self-Confidence gives you the ability to show your full potential and to be
what you want to be. It is a core part of personal development.

I would even say it’s like a little framework for personal growth since everything we think and do influences
our self-confidence. Then, like a feedback loop, self-confidence influences our actions, actions lead to
results which again influence our self-confidence.

What is Self-Confidence?

Self-Confidence is a state of mind. It is our own attitude towards ourselves, our belief in what we are capable of. It is
our perceived certainty that we have what it takes. We express it in our body-language, in what we say, in how we
say it and how we handle any given situation. Self-Confidence is also closely linked to Self-Esteem, which is our
self-image and determines how much we value ourselves. Improving self-confidence usually improves our self-image
as well, which is true for personal development in general.
But how can we build up our own self-confidence?
Especially if there is this feeling of being inferior or “not enough”, which can really hinder us from bringing the best
to the table. Is it something we are born with or can we learn it, even when adult? How can we build up self-confident
states, so that we are full of confidence, radiating it with every cell of our body?

Long-Term Self-Confidence vs. “Tricks”

With self-confidence I mean mostly long-term confidence in yourself. The knowing that you are more than enough,
for yourself and for others, no matter what happens. The idea that you are capable of achieving what you set your
mind to. When something goes wrong or despite your best efforts you make a mistake, you know that this is part of
the game-plan. You will learn from that and make it better next time. It is something that sustains over time, not a
temporal push-up that could be reached with several tricks.

Those tricks, like wearing the right clothes, walking tall or using a lot of affirmations (“I’m a self-confidence in
person”) have their place. This  “Fake it till you make it” approach can help, especially when we start out building
self-confidence.
But those are not enough and essentially not what I would call “real” self-confidence, the general confidence in your
abilities and possibilities, regardless of a certain situation.

Real Self-Confidence

You develop real self-confidence by knowing and applying yourself. It comes from making you do difficult things.
That means accumulating meaningful Accomplishments. And from following your heart and being 100% true to your
inner self. That means having Integrity as one of your highest values and never compromise on it.
Here are my best advices to build real and lasting self-confidence:

1. Get Competent

Get competent at something you like, anything you have a real passion for. It helps if it’s also interesting for other
people, since then you could get their appreciation on top. Essentially you will be self-confident when you are
competent in your field and subsequently  have successes. Those accomplishments are one of the main sources to
naturally build up self-confidence. So one of the best ways to build self-confidence is to put your mind into a topic
that you really like and get good at it. You will have fun while doing it and you will be proud of yourself. Feeling
really proud of yourself  is the best indicator that you are on the right track. Because only you know your own
standards and when you fulfill them, you get this feeling of sincere proud. That gives you self-confidence.
Of course this self-confidence will first be attached to the topic and not yet on a general level. Don’t make the mistake
of becoming a geek who thinks this one topic he mastered is all there is. But use this good feeling that comes from
being competent as a model to broaden your self-confidence to other areas of your life.

2. Challenge Yourself

To be really proud of yourself and build self-confidence you need to challenge yourself from time to time. That means
to get out of the comfort-zone. The comfort-zone is a dangerous thing. It’s the big enemy of any accomplishment
and eventually leads to underachievement and failure. The comfort-zone starts feeling easy and comforting, and
usually when we are somewhat satisfied with the status-quo. But it doesn’t last long and soon complacency creeps in.
Then follows boredom and then frustration and unhappiness with yourself, which lowers self-confidence. Avoid the
comfort-zone by challenging yourself to higher standards. Don’t live by standards of other people, you are the only
one that knows what is good enough for you. Take the risks involved to get to the next level by trusting that if you
give all you can only something good can be the result. Again, if you are really proud of yourself you know you are on
the right track.To challenge yourself, start by setting goals for what you really would like to have.
3. Confront Your Fears

Fear is the great enemy of self-confidence. It is the main reason why we are undermining and sabotaging our very best
intentions. Confronting fears means also having and developing courage. Taking courage to look at your fears builds
that courage-muscle. Fear is showing in different manifestations, not necessarily in a dramatic way. Often it we see it
in our own rationalizations, when we talk us out of what is good for us. Another way fear shows its ugly face is
by procrastination. “I do it later” or “I have no time” or “I just have to finish watching this funny Video first”…
instead doing what is best for us. Confronting fears has a tremendous power to build up self-confidence. For me it
often helps to produce more clarity, especially to break phases of procrastination. Setting a clear goal for myself and
then setting focus on that task alone breaks the habit of procrastination out of fear of failure.

4. Train Your Mind

Being good at something makes us self-confident. What could be better than being good with your own mind. Being
intelligent, being knowledgeable, being able to understand things easily all improves self-confidence regarding your
own mind. Needless to say, a strong mind is a great requisite for success.
How to do it? Read! Read books or hear audiobooks about topics you are interested, good literature or blogs about
Personal Development ;-) Corny but it’s true: play games like chess or learn the guitar. Learn meditation. Above all,
follow your purpose and your heart, this will challenge your mind for sure.

5. Use Your Physical Body

The way you use your body speaks loud and clear. Body language is a strong communicator of your state of self-
confidence. Is your posture straight and tall? Are you holding you head up? Are you using the space around you? Are
you smiling? Are you comfortable?
But it also works the other way around. If you want to feel more self-confidence use your physical body to influence
your mind! Set up a friendly smile. Stand tall. Be energetic. Make eye contact. Speak clearly.

6. Focus on What’s Right

Focus on what you do good and on what you want. Mostly unconsciously it happens that we have negative thoughts
about ourself or the situation we find ourselves in. Instead focus on your past successes, your personal strengths, focus
on what is right, instead of the negative in your life and then build on that. It shows what you can do, instead of
what you can’t. Focus on opportunities instead of problems. It’s encouraging and creates a path for your self-
confidence to thrive. One way is again to have clear written goals which will focus your attention on that what you
want.

7.  Know Yourself: Build Self-Awareness

To know yourself means building your self-awareness and creating more inner space. The very best way to know
yourself is self-reflection. Give yourself time to discover your motives, fears, change limiting beliefs. Start a
personal journal. It helps you to get competence in a very important area: yourself. In other words, you feel more
in control of yourself: more conscious of what is happening inside you and you can choose consciously how to
respond in any given situation. You know you can trust yourself, you are in control, and that is part of being self-
confident. Knowing yourself, in the way I see it, includes staying 100% true to yourself. You do not compromise on
your inner values. You will stay true to what you know to be right. This is building character and having  integrity. 
To have Self-Confidence on the outside, we need integrity on the inside. Remain true to yourself.
 

 
 E. Improve Your Money Situation

The answers in this category ranged from “Getting out of debt” over “Help me to eliminate my limiting
beliefs towards financial abundance” to “Achieving financial freedom”.

I was a bit surprised to find it the number one topic on a community that is geared towards personal
development. And it may have something to do with the fact that I chunked everything related to money
and finances into this category, but it was a huge gap between money on position 1 and self-esteem on 2.
And if you think about it, money is just a huge topic for everyone.

I also haven’t written too much specifically about money and developing the right mindset for financial
abundance. Although I know that doing personal development is a great investment in yourself and to do
better with your finances. That will be something I want to focus on more as well in the coming posts.
IN RE: DETERMINATON OF SUCCESSOR BENEFICIARY AND DETERMINATION OF
THE RIGHTS OF THE OTHER LEGAL HEIRS OF THE DECEASED CARIDAD
ULLEGE,

DOLORES ULLEGE LACRE,

Petitioner,

OTHER HEIRS OF CARIDAD ULLEGE

Respondents,

MANIFESTATION AND MOTION FOR

ISSUANCE OF THE WRIT OF EXECUTION

COMES NOW, the Respondents, unto this Honorable Office most respectfully avers:
1. That on October 23, 2012, an Order was rendered in the above-mentioned case by
the Regional Director Fidel B. Morales, which the dispositive portion states:

“WHEREFORE, all of the foregoing disquisitions considered, Order is hereby issued:

a) DENYING petitioner, the right to succeed the entire lot awarded to Caridad Ullege,
described as Lot 80, Psd-11-057458 (AR), containing an area of 3.2859 hectares,
more or less and with in the land covered by Transfer Certificate of Title No. C-
294:
b) Reallocating one-half hectare of the land to petitioner and remaining portions of
the area of Lot 80, Psd-11-057458 (AR) in favor of all the heirs of Caridad Ullege.”

2. That the above-mentioned Order was final and executory on April 25, 2013
as per certification issued by this Honorable Office copy of which attached
herein;

3. That the said Order already annotated in the title as Entry no.201300901
dated September 25, 2015 copy of which are attached herein;

4. That however, up to present, the said Order have not yet fully executed or
implemented by this Honorable Office.

5. That sometime on September 12, 2016, the respondents by their own

volition with assistance of Geodetic Engineer Jocyl N. Tanong, conducted a
reallocation survey on the subject area. But unfortunately, they were
harassed and denied entry by the petitioner. Thus, the survey was not
successfully conducted.

6. That the respondents are in query of who will conduct the subdivision survey
or reallocation survey of one half hectare to the petitioner and remaining
portions of the area of Lot 80, Psd-11-057458 in favor of all the heirs of
Caridad Ullege as it is stated in the Order;
7. That respondents seek assistance before the Municipal Agrarian Reform
Office of Carmen, Davao del Norte and Provincial Agrarian Reform Officer of
Davao del Norte wherein their opinion that there is no Implementing Order
that direct/order the both offices to conduct or assist the private respondents
in conducting the subdivision survey;

PRAYER
WHREFORE, foregoing premises considered, in the interest of justice and
equity, it is most respectfully prayed of this Honorable Office that an Order
be issued to execute the Order dated September 15, 2015,in so far as to
conduct subdivision survey of the subject landholding and directing the
Municipal Agrarian Reform Office of Carmen, Davao del Norte and
Provincial Agrarian Reform Office of Davao del Norte to conduct or assist
the respondents in the conduct of the survey.

Other relief and/or remedy consistent with justice and equity are likewise
prayed for.

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
Tagum City, Davao del Norte, August 10, 2021
A