How to tell if someone
likes you: 31
surprising signs
they’re into you
DID YOU KNOW THE TIPS TO FALL SOMEONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Finding it hard to figure out if someone likes you?
We‘ve all been through it: that agonizing period between meeting someone
you find attractive and figuring out whether they like you or not.
For the lucky few, this period lasts just a few days or weeks; for others, it can
last for years.
And staying in this for years is definitely not recommended for your personal
anxiety and mental health.
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So how do you tell if someone likes you?
In this article, we discuss everything you need to know to help crack the case:
from why exactly this can be so hard, to the common (and not so common)
signs of attraction, to the steps you can take after you find out.
Before we get into the exact signs to know if someone likes you, let‘s first talk
about the subtle differences between flirty and friendly that could save you
embarrassment.
Flirty VS Friendly – The subtle differences that can save
you the embarrassment
The age-old question that all of us have dealt with at one point or another – is
someone you like reciprocating your attraction by being flirty, or are they
simply being friendly?
The hints and clues differentiating flirtiness and friendliness can be extremely
subtle, and knowing these differences can save you the embarrassment of
professing your love to someone who doesn‘t actually feel the same way.
Some people are just really great at making us feel good about ourselves
simply through their social behavior, and that can sometimes come off as if
they‘re flirting.
It‘s up to you to know whether they‘re flirting because they like you or just
being nice. Let‘s go through these behaviors one by one and see their
differences:
1. Eye Contact
Friendly: They look you in the eyes and keep eye contact during the
conversation. They may look away from time to time but they will give you the
respect and courtesy to stay attentive while you are talking.
Flirty: They look longer and with greater intensity as if they are really trying to
speak to you telepathically with just their gaze. There is an unironic intensity in
the eye contact – instead of a nod, the person might lean towards you instead.
2. Their Questions
Friendly: They don‘t really care about any specific thing, but they want to be
friendly by engaging with you and making you lead the conversation. They
can ask casual questions – what brings you here, how are you, what are you
into, and more.
Flirty: The main difference in flirty questions is the agenda. There seems to
be a direction to the conversation, and they‘ve been dictating the direction
with each question. They eventually get into more personal questions such as
your love life and sex life.
3. Teasing
Friendly: Friendly banter is just part of everyday life, especially if you‘re a girl
with guy friends. Friends turn each other into the butts of their jokes all the
time, so a few light (and sometimes heavy) jokes don‘t necessarily mean that
they like you.
Flirty: They seem to go overboard with their teasing, and even your friends or
the other people in your friend group get that feeling. You are the target of
their jokes much more often than anyone else, but they don‘t like it when other
people start to tease you.
4. Attention
Friendly: It‘s normal for friends to pay attention to each other, and this
includes giving each other eye contact during conversations, replying to each
other‘s messages, and asking each other about their days and how things are
doing.
Flirty: Attention can go from friendly to flirty if they simply up the ante, and
they start becoming attentive in a way that may seem unnatural.
For example, if they remember special dates that you might have mentioned
to them, or they surprise you with something you like such as food or movie
tickets. If they like you, they make more of an effort to impress you with their
attention.
Now that you understand the differences between flirty behavior showing that
someone likes you and friendly behavior, let‘s go over 31 surefire signs that
someone does indeed like you.
QUIZ: ―Does he like me?‖ Every woman has asked this question at least once
about a guy. I‘ve put together a fun quiz to help you figure out whether he
likes you. Take my quiz here.
31 signs that someone likes you
1. Exchange eye contact
Shar e
If your glances are met with their glances and your eyes lock on a regular
basis, two things could be true: you‘ve got something on your face and they
don‘t know how to tell you or, and this is probably more likely, they like you.
If you‘ve got low self-esteem or you‘ve been burned before, it might be hard to
imagine that someone is interested in you.
But if you find yourself making eye contact on the regular, smiling, exchanging
glances, and even getting a little embarrassed by how many times you‘ve
looked at one another, they are probably into you as much as you are into
them.
Of course, you don‘t want to stare at them to see if they look back.
According to behavior analyst Jack Schafer, there‘s a technique you can use
to see if they are really looking at you because they like you:
“You can increase mutual gaze by maintaining eye contact as
you turn your head to break the gaze; the other person does
not perceive your extended gaze as staring because your head
is turning. If the person you are with maintains eye contact,
they like you.”
2. Casual touches
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Sitting near one another or passing in the hallway, you‘ll experience casual
touches. You might find that they place their hand on your shoulder or gently
touch your hand.
People don‘t do that for just any reason, they do that so they don‘t have to say
that they like you.
If they are making an effort to come into contact with you, chances are that
they are excited to be around you and want to be closer to you.
Here‘s a great example of touching that someone might do if they if someone
likes you:
“If you walk near each other, he’ll place his hand near the small
of your back to guide you through a noisy party or bar. Plus, he
wants to show all the other men that he’s got this. Plus, it’s a
reason to touch you and seem like a gentleman all at the same
time.”
3. They’re acting weird
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Are they acting weirdly around you?
Maybe they stumble over their words, become tense or nervous, or even pull
away suddenly and unexpectedly. They‘ll probably tell some awkward jokes.
These are actually counter-intuitive signs that someone likes you.
Weird behavior like this when you like someone is actually more common in
men than women.
This is because male and female brains are biologically different. For
instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and
it‘s much larger in the female brain than in a man‘s.
That‘s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can
struggle to process and understand their feelings. The result can be some
pretty weird behavior (in your eyes).
It should be no surprise then that according to the science journal, ―Archives
of Sexual Behavior‖, men don‘t choose women for ―logical reasons‖.
As dating and relationship coach Clayton Max says, “It‟s not about checking
all the boxes on a man‟s list of what makes his „perfect girl‟. A woman can‟t
“convince” a man to want to be with her”.
Instead, men choose women who they are infatuated with. These women stir
up a sense of excitement and desire to chase them.
Want a few simple tips to be this woman?
Then watch Clayton Max‘s quick video here where he shows you how to make
a man infatuated with you (it‘s easier than you probably think).
Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep within the male brain. And
although it sounds crazy, there are a combination of words you can say to
generate feelings of red-hot passion for you.
To learn exactly what these phrases are, watch Clayton‘s excellent video now.
4. They are using the same body language and words as
you
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If it suddenly feels like you are looking in a mirror when you are talking to
someone, there‘s a good chance they are not doing that on purpose.
When people like and connect with one another, they subconsciously start to
act like them. Sitting in the same position, taking on the same posture, and
even quickly adopting the same language and word usage.
All of these mirroring acts mean that the person you are talking to likes you –
it doesn‘t always mean they like you romantically of course, but it could be,
especially if they are too afraid of rejection to admit it.
If they ―see themselves‖ in your actions, it could be for real.
This is actually rooted in the brain‘s Mirror Neuron System.
This network of the brain is the social glue that binds people together.
A greater level of activation of the Mirror Neuron System is associated with
liking and cooperation.
5. What does Freud think?
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To work out whether someone likes you or is just playing games, you need
real and honest advice.
Having studied relationships and psychology most of my adult life, I know a
thing or two about it.
But why not turn to the most famous psychologist of all?
Yes, Dr. Sigmund Freud can tell you whether someone likes you or not.
Simply take this brilliant quiz from my friends at Ideapod. Answer a few
personal questions and Freud himself will dredge through all the
subconscious issues motivating your man to give you the most accurate (and
downright fun) answer of all.
Sigmund Freud was the grand master at understanding sex and attraction.
This quiz is the next best thing to setting down one-on-one with the famous
psychoanalyst.
I took it myself a few weeks ago and was amazed at the unique insights I
received.
Check out this ridiculously fun quiz here.
6. Leaning in
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When someone is interested in what you have to say, they‘ll move closer and
lean in. This is another subconscious action that tells the onlooker (you) that
the person likes you.
They may lower their head, lean in while you talk, and even move their body
closer to yours – all without even realizing they are doing it.
People are funny like that.
It‘s interesting to watch people who aren‘t together, but whom like one
another, interact: they do a lot of the same things and are leaning in so much
it looks like they might fall over.
“DOES HE LIKE ME” QUIZ: If you don‘t know whether a guy likes you, you
need real and honest advice. My new quiz will help you figure it out. Take the
quiz here.
7. Remove things that get in the way
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When we feel stand-offish and don‘t want to be around someone, we‘ll put up
physical barriers in their way.
For example, you may cross your arms when talking to your cranky boss. It‘s
a subconscious way of telling your boss to back off and stay out of your
space.
But when you like someone, you are more likely to spread your body wide and
make sure that they feel welcome in your space.
If someone is uncrossing their arms around you, it‘s almost like you‘ve
disarmed them and they are welcoming you into the conversation.
It also means they like you. When they don‘t feel like they have to protect
themselves around you, that‘s a good thing.
So when evaluating body language, here‘s what to look for:
o Crossed arms might indicate that a person feels closed off or defensive. Open
body language indicates the opposite.
o Hands behind their back may indicate that they are feeling bored, or angry.
o Fidgeting can also indicate that they are bored.
o Open posture involves keeping the trunk of the body open and exposed. This
can indicate opennesses and friendliness.
8. They point their feet toward yours
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One of the strangest ways to tell someone likes you is if you look at their feet
and they are pointed in your direction.
Even if they are turned to talk to someone else and their attention is occupied,
if their feet are in your direction, you might have a crush on your hands.
Again, our bodies like to give us subtle ways of letting us know that we like
someone.
You might feel anxious or uptight about something and later realize that it‘s
because you find yourself attracted to someone and didn‘t know what to do
with that information in your body.
(What if you knew the secret to what goes on inside a man‟s mind, and what
secretly turns him on? Learn more about it here).
9. Your soulmates
If you knew for sure they were ‗the one‘, this would be a pretty compelling
sign, right?
Let‘s be honest:
We can waste a lot of time and energy with people who ultimately we‘re not
meant to be with. Although things can start off great, all too often they fizzle
out and you‘re back to being single.
That‘s why I was so excited when I stumbled across a professional psychic
artist who drew a sketch for me of what my soulmate looks like.
I was a little skeptical at first, but my friend convinced me to give it a try.
Now I know exactly what my soulmate looks like. And the crazy part is that I
recognized them right away.
If you want to find out whether this guy really is your soulmate, get your own
sketch drawn here.
10. They laugh at everything you say
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Someone who likes you is going to think you are the funniest person on the
planet…even if you are not.
So if you are wondering if your crush likes you back, just tell a lame joke and
see how they react.
Our sense of trying to make people feel important and acknowledged when
we like them is so high that we will go out of our way to make ourselves look
silly (aka laughing when we shouldn‘t be) so that the other person is raised
up. Love is a tricky thing, isn‘t it?
11. They are obviously trying to stand next to you
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Whether the room is crowded or you are the only two at the bar, they make a
point of standing next to you or sitting next to you.
It might be obvious that they want to be near you, especially if they actually
push someone or try to move someone quickly so they can snag the seat next
to yours.
We see this in romantic comedy movies when the man is enamoured with a
woman and can‘t seem to find his footing as he tries to squeeze into the last
seat on that side of the table.
12. They remember the weirdest things
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If they show up with a present or a token of appreciation to commemorate a
particular time or date or event, you better believe you are important to this
person.
When someone likes you, they can‘t help but absorb all of the things that
might seem unimportant to you.
If you mentioned your dog‘s birthday is next week, your crush might show up
with a treat for your dog.
Or at least, text you to say happy birthday to your dog.
Weird, no? Perhaps. But it‘s a surefire way to tell if someone is into you.
13. They blush
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If you enter a room and find your crush blushing or trying to turn away so that
you can‘t see them blushing, you can go ahead and count your chickens on
that one.
They are into you for sure if their body is having a physiological reaction to
your entrance. You might even find that you are having the same reaction.
Men and women blush and it‘s something we can‘t really control.
When we receive an unexpected compliment, we can‘t help but get a pink
tinge on our face from embarrassment.
So if you find that they blush around you, it‘s a great sign that they like you.
However, it‘s important to figure out if they blush easily around other people
as well.
Isn‘t love grand?
14. They’re chatting to you constantly on social media
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When we‘re on social media, it‘s our free time, so we can literally do whatever
we want.
So if they‘re using that time to respond to you and properly chat with you, it‘s a
sign that they want to spend that time with you.
However, what you need to keep in mind is whether they are just giving you
one word answers, or they‘re taking they‘re time to respond to you.
Perhaps they‘re just being polite by responding.
But if their responses are thoughtful, that‘s a good sign that they like you.
15. They stand taller, pull their shoulders back and suck
their stomach in
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This is a great sign that someone likes you.
Why?
Because subconsciously they want to impress you and that means that their
body will react accordingly.
A great way to check out their posture is when they walk past you. If they like
you, they‘ll be very conscious that you‘re looking, which means they‘ll push
their shoulders back, puff their chest out and suck their stomach in.
16. They’re drunk dialing you
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You‘ve probably heard the saying: ―A drunk person‘s words are a sober
person‘s thoughts.‖
Alcohol makes you honest with your emotions.
So if they‘re calling you or texting you when they‘re drunk, it‘s a great sign that
they like you. If it becomes common, then they are definitely into you and you
might want to ask them out.
17. Friends make an effort to leave you two alone
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This is a big one and a fairly obvious one at that.
If their friends leave when you come around or make it obvious that they want
to leave you two alone, there‘s a fair chance that they know how their friend
feels about you.
Leaving you two alone is a way to help out their friend.
18. They’re asking personal questions
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These aren‘t the normal ―getting to know you‖ questions.
These are questions that really try to get to know you for who you are. The
questions might even have an emotional bent to them.
For example, instead of asking what your job is, they‘ll ask you what motivates
you to do what you do. It will be questions that you‘re not really used to.
After all, they want to get to know deeply because they‘re intrigued about you
and they like you.
19. They are up in your grill. In a good way
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Sounds nasty, but it‘s not. If they are doing everything they can to be near you
but crawl onto your lap, they‘re into you. And if you are crushing on them and
they‘re hanging around like they want to be your lapdog, you‘re good.
It can be intimidating to have someone hanging around you like that all the
time, but watch for the subtle ways they want to be near you. If they‘re being
creepy about it, move on. But if they‘re sweet about it and they want to be
closer to talk to you, they might be a keeper instead of a creeper.
[Independence is a key attribute of strong women. In our latest eBook, we
outline why men love strong women and how you can become one yourself.
Check it out here.]
20. They smile at you
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Everyone is so busy these days that if someone takes the time to smile at
you, you might want to sit up and pay attention – especially if it‘s someone
you are crushing on.
Just look at how many other people in the bar didn‘t smile at you!?
If they‘re laughing at your jokes and making lots of eye contact and flashing
their pearly whites at you from across the room or even from across the table,
they‘re hooked.
21. They are present and accounted for
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When someone is into you the way you are into them, they‘ll let you know by
leaving their phone in their pocket.
We‘re on call 24/7 these days and if they‘ve been gazing into your eyes all
night long and hasn‘t picked up their phone once in the last ten minutes,
they‘re setting a new world record.
We‘re so distracted by our phones these days. People who are worth liking
are the ones who look up from their phone and talk to you for real.
Questions, concerns, compliments: they are there and they are checking all
the right boxes.
22. Their friends are into you
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If you aren‘t sure if they‘re into you, look at what their friends are all about.
Are they paying attention to you? Are they making eyes at them and pointing
in your direction?
Do they like you as a friend and invite you to things? Are you just ―one of the
friends‖ to them? It could be that they‘re into you.
People don‘t easily let people into their circle. If you‘ve broken the fence and
gotten in with their friends, you might be in luck.
Plus, hanging around their friends is a great way to get them to spill the beans
on how they really feel.
23. They say the right things
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When their close and paying attention to you, reading the menu aloud sounds
sexy.
Pay attention to how they express themselves and how they talk to you. If
they are saying all the right things, it could be a match made in heaven.
If not, at least you‘ll have fun finding out! You might find that shy people –
don‘t discount the shy people! – also, say all the right things, but it takes a
little longer for them to feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and
feelings.
Be patient. If your crush is known for keeping to themselves but they are
inching their way across the bar one foot at a time, you might be in for a
relationship after all.
24. They’re preening themselves
Preening refers to the act of ―fixing oneself‖ in different ways.
It could be adjusting their clothes, running fingers through their hair, or
touching their face.
After all, if they like you they want to look better around you. And of course,
people are naturally fidgety when they‘re anxious and nervous.
And if they like you, it‘s likely that they‘ll be experiencing nervous tension.
Preening is a subconscious way to advertise one‘s interest and encourage
you to escalate the seduction.
Here‘s an example of a female preening yourself:
25. Their pupils dilate
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This is a great sign to look for as it‘s something we can‘t control.
Research from the University of Kent found that eye dilation happens when
you‘re looking at someone or something you‘re attracted to.
Our eyes dilate to take in more of the pleasing surroundings.
Interestingly, the research found that you need a lower level of arousal for
your pupils to dilate than you would for other physiology measures. So the
eyes really can give them away.
Make sure you check their pupils in constant, standard level light to work out if
they‘re bigger than average.
26. They’re using open body language
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If they‘re comfortable around you and there‘s strong rapport, they‘ll most likely
be loose with their body language.
Are they spreading their arms and legs? That‘s a great sign that they‘re
comfortable and warm.
While feeling comfortable is a good sign that there‘s a strong rapport between
the two of you, it doesn‘t necessarily mean that they‘re attracted to you. This
will probably depend on context. If you haven‘t known each other for very long
and they‘re feeling comfortable, then that means that things are going pretty
smoothly and they might be attracted to you.
But if you‘ve known each other for a long time, then feeling comfortable is
obviously to be expected.
27. They’re visibly shy or nervous
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If they like you, and they don‘t really know you, then they‘re likely to get
nervous around you.
After all, they‘re feeling the pressure of making a good impression.
According to Business Insider, there are six signs to look for to tell if someone
is nervous: –
1) They touch their face: This can include rubbing their forehead, pushing
their cheek and squeezing their face.
2) They compress their lips.
3) They play with their hair: This is a stress-reducing behavior.
4) They blink more frequently: Eye-blink rate increases when someone is
nervous.
5) They contort and rub their hands together.
6) They yawn excessively: Yawning helps regulate our body temperature
(the brain gets warmer when we‘re stressed).
So if they are showing these signs around you, they might be nervous
because they like you. You‘ll also want to get a baseline of how they act
around other people, too.
28. They’re trying to figure out whether you have a
partner
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This can slide past a lot of people‘s heads. And I‘m not talking about if they
ask you: Are you single? That‘s an obvious sign that they‘re into you.
Instead, they‘re probably going to be a little more subtle. They might mention
that they‘re single in the hope that you reveal your status.
Maybe they‘ll talk about how they went to a wedding by themselves on the
weekend.
Keep on the lookout for little signs likes this.
If they‘re trying to figure out if you‘re single or not, there‘s a good chance they
like you and want to see if this can lead anywhere.
29. They start to reveal their quirky side
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When someone becomes more comfortable around you, they‘ll reveal more of
who they truly are.
First impressions are important to most people and they tend to hide their
weird side.
So if they are revealing their quirky or geeky side, they‘re confident that you‘ll
accept them for who they are.
Now, this by itself doesn‘t mean they like you. A friend can feel comfortable
with you. But if you‘re not friends yet, this is a good sign that they are picking
up what you‘re putting down.
30. They’re telling you personal details about their life
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In the same vein, when they‘re comfortable around you, they‘re willing to
reveal more of themselves.
This is an excellent sign that they see you as someone they can trust. They
also may be more willing to talk about their plans for the future to see if you
will fit in those plans.
Keep in mind that if you‘ve been friends for a while, then they‘ll undoubtedly
reveal more about themselves as time goes on.
But if you aren‘t particularly good friends, then this is a great sign that they‘re
letting you into their world because they might see a future with you.
31. Conversations between you two seem effortless
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If the conversation just flows, this is an excellent sign that there is genuine
chemistry and rapport between the two of you.
And with chemistry and rapport, there‘s a high chance that feelings are
developing. After all, if you both like each other, then you‘ll both be motivated
to keep the conversation going.
You should both be talkative and asking questions. This makes the
conversation work and flow nicely.
Questions to Ask Yourself If You’re Still Not Sure if
Someone Likes You
Still not sure if someone likes you?
Men and women act differently when they are attracted to a person, and
lumping these two together and their respective signs can be a recipe for
error. So here are specific questions you should ask if you want to know if
someone likes you, guy or girl.
We want to make it as easy as possible to figure this out, so here are 10
important questions to ask yourself that will help you find your answer:
If It’s a Guy
1) Does he get shy or slightly awkward when you are around your friends?
2) Does he show up to places where they know you are going to be?
3) Does he look away when you meet his eyes? Do his eyes wander to your
lips?
4) Does he compliment you when he gets the chance, if you‘re wearing
something new or if you have a new haircut?
5) Does he playfully pinch you, punch your arm, touch your face?
6) Does he lean in towards you, more so than other people?
7) Does he perform any alpha body language without realizing it (standing
taller, shoulders back, pulling his stomach in)?
8) Does he get quiet when you talk to another guy friend?
9) Does he help you with any problems you might have or talk about?
10) Does he look at you after he makes a joke while you‘re together in a
crowd, looking for your reaction?
If It’s a Girl
1) Does she pout or lick her lips more often when you‘re around, and gaze
upwards at you?
2) Does she ever sit down and look at you while putting her hand on her chin?
3) Does she seem to make more of an effort with the way she dresses and
grooms herself around you?
4) Does she uncover her wrists by raising her sleeves (this can signal
attraction and trust)?
5) Does she have trouble keeping prolonged eye contact with you?
6) Does she shoot short glances your way, but darts her eyes away when you
meet her eyes?
7) Does she subconsciously expose her neck towards you while you talk?
8) Does she subconsciously caress an object like a phone or a pen in her
hands while you talk?
9) Does she play with her hair when you‘re around her?
10) Does she introduce you to her friends?
Putting These Signs Into Context: Learning How to
Read the Signs
It‘s important to remember that no single sign is a sure-fire indication that a
person likes you. Figuring out if someone likes you is all about measuring the
odds, and trying to see as many of the signs as possible.
The more often you might say ―yes‖ to the questions above, the more likely
that person is to like you.
But there are still cases where you might experience every sign that a person
likes you but they don‘t actually have those feelings.
These cues can be subtle and complex, and it‘s important that you always
view them within your individual context.
A mistake that many people make is that they view actions and behaviors
outside of the context of their situation, meaning you might be interpreting
them the way you want to interpret them rather than the way they actually are.
The last thing you want to do is start chasing signs wherever you might see
them.
For example, if a waitress or a bank teller smiles at you and gives you great
eye contact, she‘s simply doing that because it‘s her job. In certain situations,
signs aren‘t enough to indicate that a person may like you, and in these
cases, you have to look out for anomalies of behaviors, such as excessive
flirting or hair touching.
They like you, what now?
These 31 signs will help you understand whether someone likes you.
However, there‘s one crucial ingredient to relationship success I think many
women overlook:
Understanding how men think.
Let‘s face it: Men see the world differently to women and we want different
things from a relationship.
And this can make a deep passionate romantic relationship — something that
men actually want deep down as well — difficult to achieve.
While getting your guy to open up and tell you what he‘s thinking can feel like
an impossible task… there‘s a new way to understand what‘s driving him.
Men want this one thing
James Bauer is one of the world‘s leading relationship experts.
In his new video, he reveals a new concept which brilliantly explains what
really drives men. He calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept
above.
Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like
Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life and be
appreciated for his efforts.
The hero instinct is probably the best kept secret in relationship psychology.
And I think it holds the key to a man‘s love and devotion for life.
You can watch the video here.
My friend and Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash was the person who first
introduced the hero instinct to me. Since then I‘ve written extensively about
the concept on Hack Spirit.
For many women, learning about the hero instinct was their ―aha moment‖. It
was for Pearl Nash. You can read her personal story here about how
triggering the hero instinct helped her turn around a lifetime of relationship
failure.