Become

Your Own Masterpiece 2

In the Name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful



We pray that this ebook will assist you in developing the best version of yourself and will
be a means toward becoming your own masterpiece.

BECOME
YOUR
OWN
MASTERPIECE

EMBRACE YOUR JOURNEY TO BECOME YOUR BEST SELF



SARAH SULTAN, LPC, LMHC





 Become Your Own Masterpiece 3

Be The Change…

We live in a time when we are constantly bombarded by images and messages about who
we should be and what we need in order to reach that point. This attack yields a conclusion
that who we are and what we have are never enough.

Anas bin Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If
the son of Adam had a valley full of gold, he would want to have two valleys. Nothing
fills his mouth but the dust of the grave, yet Allah will accept whoever repents to him.”1

Part of being human is to experience a sense of dissatisfaction. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
created us as imperfect beings. However, a sense of dissatisfaction with the status quo can
either be positive or negative. If we compare ourselves to others in terms of materialistic
goals or unrealistic societal standards, we set ourselves up for constant disappointment.
However, if we aim to constantly improve ourselves and use this as motivation to propel
ourselves forward, particularly in terms of gaining closeness to Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala), seeking healthy changes can enrich our lives tremendously.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says in Surah ar-Rad, “Indeed, Allah will not change the
condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”2

Use the ideas in this book to propel yourself toward the change you seek in your life,
relationships and connection with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Know that with every step
you take, Allah will help you as you seek this positive transformation.

1
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6075, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1048

2 (13:11)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 4

Table of Contents

Part I: Foundational Principles to Yield Your Best Self

1 Embrace Your Purpose 6
2 Reframe Your Struggles as Opportunities 8
3 The Power of Awareness 11
4 Making the Most of the Present Moment 13

Part II: Cultivating Qualities for Success

5 Assuming the Best of Others 16
6 Gratitude 18
7 Forgiveness 20
8 Healthy Friendships 22

Part III: Becoming Your Best Self as a Parent

9 7 Tips for the Angry Parent 26
10 Cultivating the Love of Allah in Your Child 30
11 Raising an Empathetic Child 34
12 Nurturing Intimacy and Communication 37
13 BONUS: Dear Mama: A Day in Your Child’s Eyes During Ramadan 40


 Become Your Own Masterpiece 5

PART I

FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES TO YIELD YOUR BEST SELF


 Become Your Own Masterpiece 6

CHAPTER 1
Embrace Your Purpose

As mothers, busy professionals, or those who simply have a lot on their plates, we often feel
crestfallen when we don't achieve as much as we want to on a daily basis. This is often
particularly true of our worship of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). While we may aim to read
more Qur'aan, pray more and fast more, a lot of us are unable to do this. Rather than allow
ourselves to become disheartened with a feeling of lack of progress, embrace the place you
are in and your current role in life.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us, “Do the people think that they will be left to say: We
believe, and they will not be tried? But we have certainly tried those before them, and
Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident
the liars.”3 We often focus on our shortcomings and feel as though our daily lives are
stagnant in an ever-repeating routine. This is a test from Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and a
means for us to strive to embrace our current circumstances and use them to strengthen
our relationship with Him. If Allah has given you the ability to be a mother or to help people
by putting in long hours at the hospital as a nurse or doctor or to be a means of helping
your elderly parents to take care of their daily tasks, embrace this. Make goals for your
spiritual development that surround these aspects of your life. How can you be a better
mother, professional, daughter, wife, father, husband, etc.? Being the best you can be where
you are right now in life is a means of worshipping Allah.

Islam is a comprehensive religion and so is striving to improve ourselves. Incorporate
character-building into your goals. Work on your relationships- with Allah, your family and
your community. Different roles in our lives require different types of training but working
on our character in how we behave towards Allah, others and ourselves is always essential.
The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “I have only been sent to perfect
righteous behavior.”4 Furthermore, consider the emphasis that has been placed on the
character of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) in the Qur’aan and in various
ahadith. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “And verily, you are on an exalted (standard
of) character.”5 We often neglect character-building goals but they are essential for our
Islamic development and can allow us to make ourselves the best we can possibly be.

Ask yourself who you want to be and, even more importantly, who you need to be at this
moment. As a mother or father, as a husband or wife, as a son or daughter, as an employee,
as a student- and first and foremost, as a servant of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)- ask
yourself, “What do I need to do right now to be the best person I can be?” Do only what is
yours to do at this moment and do not overburden yourself with comparing your
achievements to others. When you cook a healthy dinner for your children and recite
du’aas with them before they sleep at night, you are nurturing their bodies and souls. You
may be so drained by the end of the day that you can hardly imagine listening to an Islamic

3 (29:2-3)
4 (Ahmad)
5 (68:4)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 7

lecture or praying extra sunnah prayers. Realize that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) knows
what you do for His sake and you will be rewarded for it.

Find fulfillment in the mundane, everyday tasks you do. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says,
“So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me.” 6

! When you cram for finals, remember Allah.
! When you clean up the mess your children made, remember Allah.
! When your mother asks you to stop by the grocery store for her, remember Allah.
! When you put in extra hours at work to ensure your tasks are done right, remember Allah.
! When you cook your spouse’s favorite meal, remember Allah.

Do everyday tasks for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and embrace where you are
in life. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) put you there for a reason so allow yourself to flourish,
grow and prosper. Although your roles in life may change, one relationship will always be
there and that is your relationship with your Creator. Remember Him everyday and
suddenly that feeling of stagnation and failure will disappear and be replaced with a feeling
of fulfillment, contentment and joy insha’Allah.

6 (2:152)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 8

CHAPTER 2
Reframe Your Struggles as Opportunities

We all face challenges on a daily basis- some of us may be currently facing more difficult
ones than others. You may be the mother of several young children, feeling lost in the
seemingly never-ending daily struggles of caring for your family. You may be unhappy in
your marriage, feeling as though you and your spouse are on different wavelengths and
unable to fix it. You may be struggling with feeling attracted to the same gender and
unsure of what your future will look like without the possibility of having a partner to
spend your life with. Why are you going through this? What is the point of the challenges
we face? Why can’t we all just be happy all the time?

There is purpose & benefits to trials from both an Islamic perspective and a psychological
one.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us, “Do the people think that they will be left to say: We
believe, and they will not be tried? But we have certainly tried those before them, and
Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident
the liars.”7 This ayah shows us that there are some things we have no control over while
there are others that we do.

Here, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us a fact: We will all face struggles. Therefore, we
have no control over that. Another thing we know is that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
created each of us with strengths and weaknesses as He says, “And by the soul and He who
proportioned it, and inspired it (with discernment of) its wickedness and
righteousness. He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it (with
corruption).”8 But the key is how YOU choose to think about your struggle.

Our choices and how we choose to deal with situations also characterize us and shape our
personalities. Every second and every choice we have in life is a test from Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala). It is our choice which inclination, which part of our personality and
which characteristics we want to develop and hone, as well as which we want to limit. The
choices we make can positively or negatively impact us and our personalities. Some may
argue that our personalities are ingrained within us and cannot be changed. However, look
at the companions of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam): Their tribal associations
and disbelief were a core part of who they were, yet they then became from amongst those
who were defined by Islam. It is not easy to face struggles with patience but this was a
conscious choice.

Make the conscious choice to change the way you think about struggles. Ibn al-Qayyim
(rahimahullah) said: "Ward off passing thoughts, for if you do not, they will become ideas.
Ward off ideas, for if you do not, they will become desires. Fight them, for if you do not, they
will become resolve and determination, and if you do not ward them off, they will become

7 (29:2-3)
8 (91:7-10)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 9

actions. If you do not resist them with their opposite, they will become habits and it will be
difficult for you to get rid of them."9

It is very normal for people to tend to think negatively but the brain is like a muscle. When
you first start working out, it is so difficult; you can only exercise for a limited time and it
feels awkward and uncomfortable. However, as you continue to practice, the exercise gets
easier and more enjoyable. Right now, it may be natural for you to think negatively;
however, with time and practice, positive thinking will become your new norm insha’Allah.

Practical Tips to Change Your Thoughts

1. Be aware of what you are saying to yourself.

It’s impossible to change something if you don’t know where the issue is. Try to keep a
thought log as a record of your internal dialogue. Nothing impacts your sense of self worth
more than the things you say to yourself.

2. Be aware of the emotion behind your thoughts.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) created each of us with emotions. There are many narrations
from the Prophet (sala Allahu alayhi wa salam) wherein he speaks about emotions. In one
hadith, it was reported, “We were on a journey with the Apostle of God, and he left us for
a while. During his absence, we saw a bird called hummara with its two young and
took the young ones. The mother bird was circling above us in the air, beating her
wings in grief. When the Prophet returned, he said: "Who has hurt the feelings of this
bird by taking its young? Return them to her."10

Just as Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) created us with emotions, such as anger and sadness,
He also taught us ways to address these feelings. When dealing with difficult emotions, be
honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and make
du’aa to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). There are multiple studies that have shown the
benefits of prayer on one’s ability to cope, particularly during times of distress. Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) gives us a tool to help us cope as He says, "And We sent down in the
Quran that which is healing and a mercy to those who believe: to the unjust it causes
nothing but loss after loss.”11

3. Challenge your thoughts and consider a more helpful thought.

As you go through struggles and difficult situations in life, ask yourself, “What is the
wisdom behind this decree of Allah? What is the benefit of facing this challenge?” Here are
some positive and helpful thoughts you can consider as you go through this test. And as
you consider these, think about how these thoughts make you feel stronger and happier:

9 Al-Fawaa'id by Ibn al-Qayyim, p. 33
10 Sahih Muslim
11 (17:82)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 10

! Struggles are a means of raising your ranks in eyes of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
and a sign that He (subhanahu wa ta’ala) loves you: Concerning trials, the Prophet
(sala Allahu alayhi wa salam) said: “If Allah loves a people, He tries them, and
whoever has patience will have patience, and whoever is anxious will be
anxious.”12
! Rather than thinking of this struggle as a punishment from Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala), realize that it can actually be a mercy from Him: The Prophet (sala Allahu
alayhi wa salam) said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt,
nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn,
but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”13
! Realize that demanding times are opportunities: The Prophet (sala Allahu alayhi wa
salam) said, “The affair of the believer is amazing in that it is always good for
him, and this is true only for a believer. If something joyful comes to him he
gives thanks, and that is good for him. If something harmful comes to him, he is
patient, and that is good for him.”14
! Challenging times can be a means toward increasing your reliance on Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala): Through this struggle you can acquire both patience and
gratitude because you realize that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is the best of
planners despite any negative feelings you may be having about the struggle you’re
enduring. You can develop gratitude because you realize that being dependent on
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is such a weight off of your shoulders as Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “And whoever relies upon Allah- then He is sufficient
for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose.”15

Challenge yourself to rethink your struggles as opportunities for growth. As you flex your
“optimism muscles,” your days will become brighter and you will feel more confident,
capable and invigorated insha’Allah. May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) place barakah in
your efforts and place joy and positivity in your life- both during times of ease and times of
hardship. Ameen.

12 Ahmad
13 Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim
14 Sahih Muslim
15 (65:3)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 11

CHAPTER 3
The Power of Awareness

This morning, a bird flew right up to my bedroom window and rested on a branch for a few
minutes. I gasped in excitement when this happened. It made me feel like a kid again! It
made me realize why children are so filled with joy- they notice and appreciate the little
things in life. Whether it's the extra minute a child takes jumping on a squeaky step over
and over again or the joy they get from watching the garbage truck, every little thing
captivates their attention and grants them a sense of satisfaction.

Awareness is the ability to be conscious of events, objects, thoughts and emotions that
surround you. We always hear that the first step to solving anything is admitting that there
is a problem; the same goes for the opposite: The first step to appreciating anything is
recognizing that it is there. Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) categorized the station of
awareness as the first step in the journey to Allah. This first station, al-yaqadhah, means
“the awakening,” when one’s heart awakens from the slumber of negligence, heedlessness
and unawareness. In order to move forward in our lives, we have to gain awareness of
where we are presently as well as what we hope to change.

Moving forward allows us to reestablish and improve our relationship with Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala). When we read the Qur’aan, we are constantly reminded of the
importance of awareness. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “When your Lord asked all
the offspring of Adam (before their birth), ‘Am I not your Lord?’ All of them testified
and bore witness to their testimony so that on the Day of Judgment they would not say,
‘We were not aware of this (fact).’”16 Even more significant than the improvement of our
daily lives, increased awareness is something essential for our Hereafter. When we meet
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) on the Day of Judgment, imagine how amazing it will be to be
able to say that we did our utmost best to be aware of and appreciative of the blessings He
has bestowed on us everyday.

Once we start paying attention to what is happening around us, we begin to realize how
much there is to be grateful for. It was narrated from Ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (sala
Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “The son of Adam will not be dismissed from before his
Lord before he has been questioned about five things: his life and how he spent it, his
youth and how he used it, his wealth and how he earned it and how he disposed of it,
and how he acted upon what he acquired of knowledge.”17 Take a moment to reflect on
this hadith: each breath we take, our energy, our money and the knowledge that we have
are all things to be aware of, to appreciate and to utilize to the fullest.

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) also said, “There are two blessings which
many people do not make the most of: good health and free time.”18 When was the last
time you paid attention to the fact that you can go up and down the stairs without feeling

16 (7:172)
17 (Tirmidhi)
18 (al-Bukhari)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 12

an ache in your knees? That you could pick up your crying child with healthy arms to
comfort them? When was the last time you paid attention to the time you have to sit in
silence or read a book? One of the main reasons we do not take advantage of the blessings
of health and free time is because we do not pay attention to them until we no longer have
them. After I became a mother, one of the things I realized that I had been unaware of
beforehand was how much free time I used to have! It wasn’t until that privilege was no
longer there that I became aware of it.

Put forth effort to be more aware of your surroundings. What do you notice around you?
Is your first inclination to notice the socks that were left on the floor or the dirty coffee mug
that wasn’t put into the dishwasher? Or maybe you noticed the lovely feeling of cool air on
your face or the beauty of the sun streaming through your window?

We each have a choice in the aspects we choose to focus on. We do not need to turn a blind
eye to the negative things that surround us but try not to allow these things to completely
negate the beauty that is around you every moment of everyday. Let's take the time to "be
a kid again" and look around for something to appreciate that we may not normally notice.
That bird definitely brightened my morning so I wonder what I'll notice tomorrow that will
do the same insha'Allah.


 Become Your Own Masterpiece 13

CHAPTER 4
Making the Most of the Present Moment

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said: ”Take advantage of five matters
before five other matters: your youth before you become old; your health, before you
fall sick; your wealth, before you become poor; your free time before you become
preoccupied, and your life, before your death.”19

I was recently speaking with an old college friend of mine and we found ourselves
reminiscing about the good old days on campus. How often do we find ourselves wishing
we could turn back the hands of time? How often do we fondly recall our carefree college
days and wish we could go back? Yet, at the time, we could not wait to move onto the next
stage in life. We would spend hours wondering who we’d marry, what our future careers
would be like and what the future would hold for us. It is human nature to believe that the
“grass is always greener on the other side.”

A sure fire way to wake up each morning with heavy eyelids and an even heavier heart is to
focus on that which cannot be changed. We are often so preoccupied with feelings of
sadness and regret regarding what has passed and with anxieties surrounding what is yet
to come, that we completely devalue a piece of treasure that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
provides us every second of everyday: the present moment. Every matter that the
Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) mentions in the hadith above involves taking
advantage of the present moment. As Imam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah refers to it- “the
time between two times.” He states, “Your attention must be directed to your life in the
present – the time between two times. If you waste it, then you have wasted the
opportunity to be of the fortunate and saved ones. If you look after it, having rectified the
two times – what is before and after it – then you will be successful and achieve rest,
delight and ever-lasting.”20

So what is it about living in the present moment that promotes success and
happiness? Reaching the point of being content with our current state and what we have
can make all the difference in our perception of our lives. This reminds me of a quotation I
read in Mitch Albom’s novel, The Time Keeper, “We all yearn for what we have lost. But
sometimes, we forget what we have.” We also yearn for what we do not currently
have. One common denominator I’ve often noticed about my clients who have been
afflicted with anxiety and depressive disorders has been a tendency to ruminate, meaning
thinking constantly of negative incidents in the past, and a tendency to catastrophize,
meaning expecting something terrible to happen in the future. In doing so, not only have
we squandered a precious gift provided to us by Allah , but we have also underestimated
Him . The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) related to us Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala) says, “I am as My servant thinks of me.”21 The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa
salam) also said, “None of you should ever die except while assuming the best about

19 Tirmidhi
20 al-Fawaa’id, pp. 151-152
21 Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 14

Allah.”22 In ruminating continually on regrets from the past, we underestimate the Mercy
and Forgiveness of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). And by catastrophizing about the future,
we forget that the One who created us is, indeed, all-Powerful and Able to do all things.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s totally normal to worry about the future and to experience feelings
of sadness associated with the past at times. Particularly as new life milestones approach
(a new job, the birth of a child, marriage, graduation, etc.), we may experience a mixture of
apprehension and excitement- apprehension about leaving the comforts associated with
the status quo and excitement about the potential for positive change. However, although
humans have the capability of thinking outside of the present moment, this does not mean
that this is to our advantage. A study conducted by psychologists Matthew A. Killingsworth
and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University found that people spend 46.9 percent of their
waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing, and this results in
feelings of unhappiness.23 Focusing on the here and now can lead us to be increasingly
content with our current state- as well as increasingly accepting of the fact that the present
moment is all we are truly guaranteed.

With this realization comes the following benefits:

! Doing as many good deeds as possible without delaying due to not knowing how many
more “moments” we have left.
! Repenting for a sin and moving past it by replacing it with good deeds.
! Putting forth effort to make the most of the present rather than expecting things to
magically change in the future.
! Taking personal responsibility for situations rather than wasting our time and energy
shifting blame onto others.
! Realizing that no benefit arises from focusing on the past due to our inability to change it.
! Improving our time management skills.
! Savoring the beauty of the sights, sounds, tastes and feelings around us and thanking
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for the ability to experience them.

Challenge yourself to live in the present moment. As Omar Ibn al-Khattab said, “Hold
yourself accountable before you are held accountable and weigh your deeds before they are
weighed for you.” Hold yourself accountable for how you spend each second of this blessed
month. Use every moment to draw closer to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and actively seek
His pleasure. Show gratitude to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for each breath He grants you
during this blessed month by considering ways to positively use every moment of your
time, whether it is while you are driving, waiting for an elevator on your way to work,
cooking a meal for your family or as you fall asleep at night. Challenge yourself to live in
the here and now and reap the feelings of peace, tranquility and freedom that comes from
this achievement.

22 Sahih Muslim
23 Killingsworth, M.A., and D.T. Gilbert. 2010. “A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind.”

Science 330 (6006) (November 11): 932-932. doi: 10.1126/science.1192439.

 Become Your Own Masterpiece 15

Part II

Cultivating Qualities for Success

 Become Your Own Masterpiece 16

CHAPTER 5
Assuming the Best of Others

“You’re just doing that to spite me!”

“You’re trying to make me miserable! Why can’t you just let me have some fun?!”

Do these statements resonate with you? Do they sound familiar? Accusations like these
are often thrown around during family and marital arguments. People often lash out at
their loved ones when they feel angry, sad or offended. When our defenses come up, we
often think the worst of the person sitting across from us and view anything they say or do
through a negative lens. When parents don’t grant permission to their child to attend an
event due to worries about possible unsafe or inappropriate activities, a teen may see this
as an attempt to stifle his independence or as an indication that her parents don’t trust her.
When a husband leaves his dirty socks on the floor, his wife may view this as an attempt to
purposely give her more work or as a sign of disrespect.

Try to picture an alternative: What if we gave everyone in our lives the benefit of the
doubt? Hamdun al-Qassar, one of the great early Muslims said, “If a friend among your
friends errs, make seventy excuses for him. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know
that the shortcoming is in your own selves.”24 This statement gives us a great deal to
consider. Rather than assuming the worst intention of someone, try to do the opposite. If
you struggle with this exercise, realize that this is something to work on for the sake of
your relationships as well as your own happiness and satisfaction in life. It can be
incredibly tiring to think that people are “out to get you.” When you think about the
positive intentions of others, you suddenly feel more loved and supported rather than
targeted and disliked.

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “A believer is a mirror of the believer.”25
In the midst of a disagreement, when your spouse or parent says something, flip the tables
and ask yourself, “If I said something like that while feeling upset, what would I really mean
by it?” This exercise in empathy, or putting yourself into the other person’s shoes, can
work wonders in a relationship. When your husband leaves his socks on the floor, put
yourself in his shoes and give him an excuse. Tell yourself, “He’s probably exhausted and
had a long day at work and wasn’t paying attention to where he put his socks.” When your
parents don’t give you permission to attend an event or party, think about it from their
perspective. Tell yourself, “I know that everything they do is because they love me so they
must be really worried that something might happen to me at this party.” When you
attribute positive intentions to those you love, this also reflects positively on you and the
entire relationship.

24 Imam Bayhaqi
25 Abu Dawud
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 17

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us, “Believers! Leave much doubt, for most doubt is
sinful.”26 Doubt and thinking the worst of others is poisonous to relationships. Suddenly,
every little action and statement becomes a source of distress and anger. Instead, consider
the statement of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salaam), “None of you believes until
they wish for others as they wish for themselves.”27 We all hope to be given the benefit of
the doubt and we would like others to assume that we have the best intention in mind even
when we say or do inconsiderate things. Why, then, do we struggle to assume the best of
others? Take the time to reflect on the last argument you had with a loved one and how
changing your perspective about their intent can lead to a more fruitful, happier and more
positive relationship insha’Allah.

26 (49:12)
27 Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 18

CHAPTER 6
Gratitude

I recently read something profound: “There are people who would love to have your bad
days.” Consider the fact that for many, your worst day would be their best day. In Surah
ar-Rahman, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) asks us 31 times, “Then which of the favors of
your Lord will you deny?” This verse demands us to be continuously aware of and grateful
for the blessings we have been granted. Yet, it is so easy to lose sight of all the blessings
that surround us in our daily lives. Opening a refrigerator packed with food, walking into
an air-conditioned home on a hot day, or picking up your children from school are all daily
rituals that we often don’t give a second thought.

Ensuring that gratitude has a strong and constant place in our lives is essential for our
spiritual, mental and physical health. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “So remember Me;
I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me.”28 Here, a lack of
gratitude is equated with denying the favors of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), which is nearly
equivalent to denying Him (subhanahu wa ta’ala) as our Lord. How can we truly believe in
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) when we don’t acknowledge the fact that everything in our
lives has been bestowed upon us by Him?

Gratitude is such an essential and integral component to our faith that the best amongst us
have asked Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for this blessing. The Prophet Sulayman (‘alayhi
asalaam) asked Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for this when he said, “My Lord, enable me to
be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and
to do righteousness of which You approve. And admit me by Your mercy into [the ranks
of] Your righteous servants.”29 Being appreciative of the blessings that surround us is a
gift, in-and-of-itself. Among the benefits of being grateful to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is
that it brings us closer to Him as He (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us, “O son of Adam! If you
mention Me to yourself, I will mention you to Myself. If you mention Me in a gathering, I
will mention you in a better gathering. If you draw closer to Me by a hand span, I will
draw closer to you by forearm's length. If you draw closer to Me by a forearm's length, I
will draw closer to you by an arm's length. And if you come to Me walking, I will come
to you running.”30

When we think about thankfulness, we typically think about how it makes the other person
feel. However, in reality we are the ones who benefit the most, “This is from the favor of
my Lord to test me whether I will be grateful or ungrateful. And whoever is grateful –
his gratitude is only for [the benefit of] himself. And whoever is ungrateful – then
indeed, my Lord is Free of need and Generous.”31 Gratitude to Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala) will grant us reward in the Hereafter but it also enhances our quality of life through
mental, emotional and physical benefits. Studies have found that gratitude can help us to

28 (2:152)
29 (27:19)
30 Sahih al-Bukhari
31 (27:40)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 19

cope better with daily problems and manage stress, can boost the immune system and has
been found to improve cardiac health in people with heart failure. To give thanks for
blessings is itself a blessing in every possible way so never cease to give thanks.

We all may like to be more grateful to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) but what are some
practical ways we can strive toward that goal?

• Every morning, make it a point to consider three things you are grateful to wake up to each
day. This can be as simple as gratitude for the warmth of your comfortable bed or for the
laughter of your children. In doing this, we are following in the footsteps of the Prophet
(sala Allahu alayhi wa salam) who, upon rising in the morning, would say, “Praise be to
Allaah Who has brought us back to life after causing us to die, and unto Him is the
resurrection.”32 This starts your morning off on a bright note, which sets the tone for a
positive day.
• Every night, consider three things you appreciate that happened during the course of your
day before you go to sleep. This promotes relaxation and helps to alleviate any stress that
may have accumulated throughout the course of the day.
• On bad days, reflect on the things you are grateful for. Your mood will brighten
substantially when you focus on the good in your life rather than ruminating on the things
that are going wrong. Even the difficulties you are facing can be something to be grateful
for as the Prophet (sala Allahu alayhi wa salam) said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow,
nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives
from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”33
• Avoid envy by following the advice of the Prophet (sala Allahu alayhi wa salam), “Look at
those below you (less fortunate than you), and don't look at those above you, for this is
better.”34 Be thankful for all that you have rather than wishing for what others have. There
will always be people around you who have more but there are also people who have less.
In the end, the amount that we have does not determine our level of happiness so work
toward being grateful for what you have.

Honing a grateful mindset is something that can be learned and worked on. Take small
daily steps toward incorporating gratitude into your life and thought process. Make the
pleasure of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) your primary goal in this and you will be amazed at
the benefits that await you in this life and in the Hereafter insha’Allah.

32 Sahih al-Bukhari
33 Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim
34 Sahih Muslim
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 20

CHAPTER 7
Forgiveness

The simple fact that we, as human beings, are fallible dictates that you and I are going to
make mistakes. These mistakes can and often times hurt people around us, causing a rift in
relationships that lead up, sometimes, to unwanted consequences. And so, we have all been
there when someone does something that appears to be inconsiderate causing us to be hurt
and leaving us wondering how to pick up the pieces and move on.

When the people around us, for example our children, spouses, friends or parents, hurt us,
we may feel angry and unable to move past the incident. Such feelings, though natural and
somewhat justified, are dangerous and harmful for us as much as, if not more than, those
toward whom we are angry. That’s where forgiveness comes in.

Your mother just criticized your recent weight gain.

You were called “incompetent” due to an oversight at work.

Your family rejects you after converting to a different religion.

You found flirtatious texts on your husband’s phone.

Your best friend has been ignoring your calls.

Forgiveness can be a very important and empowering step on one’s journey toward
healing. But how can you forgive someone who has betrayed your trust and hurt you in
such a way? Forgiveness is not a privilege you are granting the person who hurt you. It’s
something you are doing for yourself. Any step we can take to move past an incident that
has hurt us moves us one step closer to healing that wound. Those of us who are unable to
forgive are often times more anxious and more easily angered. Their relationship with
others is negatively affected and their attitude and energy is often undesirable. More
importantly, those who cannot forgive are embodying the opposite characteristic of the
Most Forgiving, Allah.

Al-Ghafoor, the Most Forgiving, is one of the attributes of Allah that is mentioned over 70
times in the Qur’aan. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) describes the believers as, “those who
avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive.”35 He
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) also says, “The reward of the evil is the evil thereof, but
whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is due from Allah.”36

The importance of forgiving those who have wronged us is clearly emphasized throughout
our Islamic tradition. Just as it is important to seek Allah’s (subhanahu wa ta’ala)

35 (42:37)
36 (42:40)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 21

forgiveness constantly, it is also essential to base our relationships with the people in our
lives on mercy and forgiveness.

I will be the first to admit that forgiving somebody who has wronged us is difficult.
Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle trying to think positively about them. However,
consider this: a 2001 study37 examined the emotional and physiological impact that
thinking of hurtful memories versus considering empathic perspective-taking can have.
The study revealed that unforgiving thoughts resulted in negative emotions and
significantly higher heat rate and blood pressure. Forgiving thoughts prompted the
participant to feel more control and lower physiological stress responses. Forgiving
someone who hurt you is primarily for your own benefit and healing. It helps us to move
past the painful incident and diminishes our sense of anxiety and stress. Consider the
sense of relief and release you would feel.

My clients often fear that forgiving means excusing the behavior of the person at fault.
There can still be an understanding that what happened was not okay and that the person
is still accountable for what they did, both with you and with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “On the Day when every person will be confronted with
all the good he has done, and all the evil he has done, he will wish that there was a
great distance between him and his evil.”38 Forgiveness can happen simultaneously with
this thought-process. One thing to keep in mind is that forgiveness allows you to be freed
from the “control” of the person who hurt you. Once you acknowledge that what they did
was wrong but that it no longer dictates your view of yourself or others, you are freed from
these shackles.

You can see these benefits amplified in the example of our beloved Prophet (sala Allahu
‘alayhi wa salam) when he went to Ta'if to preach the message of Islam, they mocked and
humiliated him. They threw rocks at him until he bled and had children make fun of him.
No doubt they physically and emotionally abused him. Not too long after that incident,
within hours if not minutes, Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) was given the
option to destroy the people of that city but instead he responded by supplicating to Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) saying, “O Allah, guide these people, because they did not know
what they were doing.”39 Instead of letting anger get the best of him, he decided to forgive
them. Imagine how he felt after that supplication!

We know that there are people out there who would rather lose their lives than forgive
those who’ve wronged them. Yet, we will never reach our inner peace without such
forgiveness. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can
do that.” So, forgive others and live life for the present moment and an optimistic future,
rather than the pains of the past.

37 VanOyen, W.C., Ludwig, T.E., Vander Laan, K.L. (2001, March). Granting forgiveness or harboring

grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology and health. Psychol Sci 12 (2), 117-23.
38 (3:30)
39 Sahih al-Bukhari
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 22

CHAPTER 8
Healthy Friendships

Before you start reading this chapter, take out a piece of paper and fold it in half. Think of
your two closest friends, the friends you spend the most time with. Write their names on
top of the two separate columns. Under the name of the first friend, write 4 good qualities
and 3 not-so-good qualities about him/her and do the same with the other. Take a look at
those lists. Do you see any qualities there, good or bad that you also have? You probably
circled quite a few of the items on those lists. That is the effect the friends have on each
other. You are the product of your friends so who you spend time with is important- not
only because your time is valuable but because who you are as a person is largely
determined by the friends you spend time with.

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “The example of a good companion in
comparison with a bad one, is like that of the seller of musk and the one who blows the
blacksmith’s bellows. So as for the seller of musk, then either he will grant you some,
or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the
one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows, then either he will burn your clothes or you
will get an offensive smell from him.”40 This is what your friends do. You can’t spend time
with a person without them having some sort of effect on you- good or bad, small or huge.
You want to leave your friends feeling as though your relationship with them has brought
you closer to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), not the other way around.

Psychological research studies have given even further proof of the wisdom behind the
advice of the Prophet Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam). In many studies,
researchers discuss the effect that friendship has during adolescence. Many of us aren’t
adolescents but we are still in the process of developing our own self-identities and we
change a little everyday. We are never completely exempt from the impact that our
environment has on us, although we might be a little more susceptible during our younger
years. Keep in mind that when the Prophet gave advice regarding the friends we keep, he
wasn’t just addressing the youngsters of that era; he addressed everyone. We are never too
old or mature to be impacted by those who surround us. Berndt’s studies have shown that
friendships have a major influence on the development of personality, social skills and
social behavior. In a 10-year study of 5,100 people, researchers discovered that when one
person in a group begins to feel lonely, the negative emotion can spread to others,
increasing everybody’s risk or feelings of loneliness.41 Here, we see the impact that our
friends and we can have on one another- even feelings of loneliness are contagious.
Basically, the message that comes from these studies is: Friendship can have a positive or
negative effect on you, depending on who you choose to be friends with. Ultimately the choice
is up to you: the musk seller or the blacksmith’s bellows.

40 Sahih al-Bukhari
41 Cacioppo, J. T., Fowler, J. H., & Christakis, N. A. (2009). Alone in the crowd: The structure and
spread of loneliness in a large social network. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(6),
977-991.

 Become Your Own Masterpiece 23

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “A person is upon the way of his friend.
So let one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend.” 42Who your friends are can tell you a
lot about yourself. Look at that list you made again. Your friends impact who you are. The
Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) also said, “The believer is a mirror for the
believer.”43 This is really profound if you think about it. Your friend is the image of
yourself. If she behaves badly, it is as if you are the one who has behaved badly; if she
behaves well, it is as if you have done the same. This shows the incredible impact of
friendship: What your friend does is what you do. Isn’t that true? If your best friend, the
one you love to spend time with most, is going to a halaqa, wouldn’t you be more inclined
to go? If she is going to a dance at school, wouldn’t you beg your parents for permission to
go?

Don’t you love those flattering mirrors at the mall? The ones that make you look slim and
the lighting makes your skin look flawless? If your friend is your mirror, you want to look
good. Look at your closest friends and ask yourself: Do I want to be exactly like that?
Because you’re her mirror and she’s yours so you’re going to end up just like her. In Surah
al-Furqaan, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says about the one who has wronged himself, “Ah!
Woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray
from the reminder after it had come to me!”44 If we are truly concerned about our fate,
we must come to this realization: those who take us away from remembering Allah, from
obeying Him and His Prophet, are not truly our friends.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) also says, “Friends on that Day will be enemies to one
another, except al-Muttaqoon (those who have Taqwa).”45 Ibn Kathir comments on this
verse telling the story (on the authority of ‘Ali) that shows that any friendship for other
than Allah is turned into enmity but friendships for Allah reap beautiful bounties: Two who
are friends for Allah's sake; one of them dies and is given good news that he will be granted al-
Jannah, so he remembered his friend and he supplicated for him, saying: O Allah, my friend
used to command me to obey You and to obey Your Prophet (s.a.w.) and used to command me
to do good and to forbid me from doing evil. And he told me that I will meet You. O Allah, do
not let him go astray after me, until you show him what you have just shown me, until You are
satisfied with him, just like You are satisfied with me." So he is told: "Had you known what is
(written) for you friend, would you have laughed a lot and cried a little." Then his friend dies
and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to express their opinions about each other.
So each one of them says to his friend: you were the best brother, the best companion and the
best friend." And when on of the two disbelieving friends dies, and he is given tidings of
Hellfire, he remembered his friend and he said: O Allah, my friend used to order me to disobey
You and disobey Your Prophet, and commanded me to do evil, and forbade me from doing
good, and told me that I would not meet You. O Allah, do not guide him after me, until you
show him what you have just shown me and until you are dissatisfied with him just like You

42 Sahih al-Jami
43 Sahih al-Bukhari
44 (25:28-29)
45 (43:67)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 24

are dissatisfied with me." Then the other disbelieving friend dies, and their souls are gathered,
and both are asked to give their opinions about each other. So each one says to his friend: you
were the worst brother, the worst companion and the worst friend."

So you must be asking yourself, how do I know if my friend is someone that will be
beneficial to me? My personal rule of thumb is: When deciding whether you should take
someone as a close friend and devote spending time with her, ask yourself two simple
questions:

1) Can he/she be of benefit to me and impact me in a positive way?
! Yes: Great!
! No: Next question
2) Can I benefit him/her or impact him/her in a positive way?
! Yes: Great!
! No: This means that if you can’t benefit her, she will impact you negatively. For
example, if she backbites, and you find yourself getting swept into this pattern, it
is best not to take her as a friend.

When making the choice not to take someone as a friend, this does not mean shunning,
ignoring or being cruel to her. Continue to be nice to her, make du’aa for her and show her
kindness. Help her in any way that you can as long as you are also being cautious for your
own wellbeing. May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) grant us all righteous companions and
allow us to encourage one another toward goodness. Ameen.


 Become Your Own Masterpiece 25

PART III

BECOMING YOUR BEST SELF AS A PARENT


 Become Your Own Masterpiece 26

CHAPTER 9
7 Tips for The Angry Parent

She sees the little yellow bucket filled with water being dumped all over the bathroom
floor- again, for the third time that week. Her son laughs loudly as he watches the water
spread over every tile. It’s been a long day. She has three children under the age of 3. The
baby has been particularly clingy and her 2 year-old has a fever and has been vomiting all
day. When her eldest throws water all over the bathroom again, something snaps. She
suddenly feels a wave of anger that pushes past her exhaustion and she stomps toward the
bathroom. Her son is still laughing when she swats his hand yelling, “NO! I told you not to
do that! You’re a bad boy! A very bad boy!”

She watches the light leave her son’s eyes as laughter is replaced with shock and hurt. Does
she see fear in those little eyes too? He’s never looked at her that way. She immediately
regrets her words and actions.

As she goes through the normal bedtime routine with her son- story, milk, Qur’aan and
du’aas and a goodnight song- she takes an extra moment to hug him close. He gives her a
sleepy smile as she puts him down and tucks him in. As the house gets quiet, she replays
what happened in her mind and tries to put herself into her son’s shoes. She thinks, “I’m so
much bigger than him. No wonder he was afraid. And he depends on me for everything.
One minute, he gets hugs and kisses; the next, he gets yelled at and hit. That must be
confusing and scary. I’m going to do my best to make sure I don’t lose my cool again.”

This young mother immediately made an effort to repair her relationship with her son. We
all make mistakes and do things we later regret; it is how we deal with the aftermath that
determines whether our relationship is dealt a blow or gets stronger. Dealing with people,
particularly young children, can be trying and frustrating. So how can you deal with
feelings of anger and frustration directed toward your child?

Anger is a natural emotion. The Messenger of Allah (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) said, “Anger
is a burning coal. It burns in the heart.”46 Realize that although feelings of anger and
frustration often feel uncontrollable, we have the opportunity to either allow ourselves to
lose control or to gain control. Consider what the Prophet Muhammad (sala Allahu
‘alayhi salam) said when a man sought advice. He said, “Do not get angry.” The man
asked for advice repeatedly and the Prophet answered each time, “Do not get angry.”47
Experiencing anger is a human emotion; however, how we act when feeling this way is
something that we need to address. If reacting out of anger were something out of our
control, the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) would not have given this advice. Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) praises this attribute when He says, “Those who spend (in Allah’s
cause) in prosperity and adversity, who repress their anger, and who pardon men.
Verily, Allah loves the good-doers.”48

46 al-Tirmidhi and al-Bayhaqi
47 Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim
48 (3:134)
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 27

Here are some tips to control that surge of anger that naturally arises when your child
pushes your buttons:


1. Decide the parent you want to be and make a resolution not to direct your anger toward
your child.

The way we discipline and correct our children can have a significant impact on their
behavior and their sense of self. The Prophet Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) knew
this and had an incredible ability to bring out the best in the people who surrounded him
simply through the way he responded to them. The first step is to decide how you want to
parent your children and make a resolution to follow this positive approach. Ask yourself,
“Is the way I’m responding to my child going to help our relationship?” Consider the
example of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) when a Bedouin urinated in the
masjid. Instead of reacting in anger, he told his companions to allow the man to finish
urinating and then approached him. He calmly called him over and said to him, “Any
kind of urine or filth is not suitable for these masjids. Instead they are only
[appropriate] for the remembrance of Allah, prayer and the recitation of the
Qur’aan.”49 Imagine the impact this type of approach had on the Bedouin and, if addressed
angrily, how differently he would have reacted. Using positivity to direct and discipline
your child will help them to respond to you in a better way as well insha’Allah.

2. Realize that all that you do and feel is rooted in love for your child.

Parents love their children more than they love themselves. My father always told me, “No
one wants better for you than for themselves except for your parents.” I didn’t understand
this fully until I became a parent myself. This is one of the reasons it is so easy to become
angry; we have high hopes for our children and when they don’t meet our expectations, we
get frustrated, disappointed and question our parenting skills. Children bring out many
emotions in their parents. Yet, all of these emotions- even anger- arise due to our love for
our children.

3. Find the root of the anger.

When you get angry at your child, look internally to find out where that emotion is coming
from. Your child is jumping up and down on the kitchen table again. Are you angry
because he is not listening? Or is it because you’re afraid he might fall? Or because you are
questioning whether you’re disciplining him in the right way since he’s not listening to
your repeated attempts to keep him safe? Or maybe you simply didn’t get enough sleep
last night and your nerves are on edge. Figure out where the underlying thoughts and
emotions behind your anger in order to better address it.



49 Sahih Muslim
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 28

4. Prepare yourself that your children will push your buttons.

Preparing yourself for the fact that your children will do things that will frustrate you will
allow you to react in a calmer way. When you know that a challenge is coming, you can
formulate a plan to respond in a way that fits the kind of parent you want to be. Islam is a
preventative religion. The Messenger of Allah (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) said, “The strong
person is not he who has physical strength but the person is strong if he can control his
anger.”50 We have to work toward honing this skill before issues arise, which cause us to
become angry and frustrated. When your teen asks to hang out with friends you don’t feel
comfortable with, prepare yourself for the things she might say in response to your refusal.
Ask yourself, “How am I going to respond when she starts yelling?” Prepare yourself
saying, “This time I won’t get into an argument with her. I won’t get into a power struggle
no matter what she says.” Allow your responses to be guided by the parent you hope to be,
rather than your emotions in the moment.

5. Only take responsibility for what is yours.

One of the underlying factors that often leads to anger is feeling a lack of control over
something. When you tell your child to eat his dinner and he throws his full plate of food
all over your freshly cleaned floor, you feel angry because you could not control his
response. When we disapprove of our children’s behavior, frustration can arise because of
this. If you take one thing from this article, let it be this and apply it to every aspect in your
life: We have no control over the choices of others; we only have control over ourselves
and how we choose to respond to them. This even applies to our own children. We direct
them to make the best choices possible but if your child still throws his food on the floor,
you are not responsible for that act. You are responsible for how you react to him when he
does that. As much as we seek control, realize that anger usually leads us to lose control.
When you are directed by an emotion, you are not fully in control of what you do in the
moment. The Messenger of Allah (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) said, “He who is victorious
over his passion at the time of anger is the strongest among you. He who forgives
having the power to release (his anger and take revenge) is the most patient among
you.”51

6. Give yourself a time out. Do NOT react to the situation while you feel angry.

The Messenger of Allah (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “And when you get angry, keep
silent.”52 Anger is not a good state to act in. This is not the time to respond; rather, allow
yourself a time out to breathe, reaffirm the kind of parent you want to be, and let the anger
go. Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote to one of his governors and said, “Do not punish at the time
of anger. If you are angry with any man, keep him in detention. When your anger is
appeased punish him in proportion to his crime.” The same applies to our children. When
you feel angry, tell your child, “I’m feeling mad right now so I’m going to take a minute to

50 Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim
51 al-Baihaqi
52 Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 29

calm down. Then I’ll come back and talk to you about what just happened.” Your child will
realize the significance of what he just did, the fact that his actions have an impact on
others and that consequences will follow afterward.

7. Arm yourself with practical techniques and mantras to alleviate anger.

Along with being a preventative religion, Islam is also a very practical one. The Prophet
(sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) gave us several practical techniques to alleviate anger. I have
listed some below:
! Seeking refuge in Allah: The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) said, “I know a word,
the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: ‘I seek refuge
with Allah from Satan,’ then his anger will go away.”53
! Changing your posture: The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi salam) said, “When one of you
becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well
and good; otherwise he should lie down.”54
! Make wudoo’: “When anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution because
anger arises from fire.” 55
! Remain silent: The Messenger of Allah said, “And when you get angry, keep silent.”56
! Remind yourself to speak kindly to yourself and others: The Messenger of Allah said,
“Kind speech and feeding (the hungry) guarantee you Paradise.”57


Being a parent is one of the most wonderful and most difficult blessings bestowed on us by
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Along with being a blessing from Allah, our children are also a
test. We are all plagued by self-doubt at times when it comes to raising our children but
particularly when things happen that cause us to feel angry toward them. Instead of
asking, “What am I doing wrong?” ask yourself, “What would be most pleasing to Allah in
my response to this situation?” Renew your intentions that you are raising your children in
the best way possible for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Remind yourself of the
things you are doing right to engage with your children in a proactive and positive way.
Always remember what you seek to achieve in your relationship with your children in the
long run. And, as you gain control over the anger that seeks to sabotage this beautiful
relationship, allow yourself to feel more confident, liberated and more connected to your
children and to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) with each step you take in this direction.

53 Sahih al-Bukhari
54 Abu Dawud
55 Abu Dawud
56 Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi
57 al-Tabarani
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 30

CHAPTER 10
Cultivating a Love of Allah in Your Children

There is no relationship more important in our lives than our relationship with Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala). And like other relationships, it requires effort. We live in a time
when Islam is demonized and doing things to please Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is
considered strange. As our Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “Islam began as
something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to
the strangers.”58 Therefore, cultivating a love of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) in our
children is not simply a challenge but an essential component in building their resilience
during our time as well as granting them a constant place to turn during difficulties.


Love Allah Yourself

The first and most important step in cultivating a love of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) in our
children is to love Him (subhanahu wa ta’ala) ourselves. Our children’s priorities reflect
our own. When they see you making time to worship and connect with Allah (subhanahu
wa ta’ala), they will do the same. The first relationships our children are exposed to are
those that surround them everyday; therefore, ensure that those who surround them
cultivate their own individual relationships with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Make
remembrance of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) a part of your daily vocabulary. Do small,
consistent deeds while reminding your children that these things are pleasing to Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala). Allow your children to see our purpose through your daily actions
as Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tells us, “And I have not created jinn and mankind except
that they should worship Me.”59


Create a Home Environment Filled with Love

One of the most influential and fundamental ways we can expose our children to the love of
Allah is by creating a home environment encompassed in love. Our love of Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) should shine through in the way we lead our daily lives.
Look at the example of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) when Osama ibn Zayd
narrated, “Allah’s Messenger used to put me on (one of) his thighs and put Al-Hasan ibn
`Ali on his other thigh, and then embrace us and say, “O Allah! Please be merciful to
them, as I am merciful to them.”60 Take daily opportunities to show love to your children.
When they see that their personal representatives of Islam are able to show them so much
love, they will realize that a loving relationship with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is
possible.

58 Sahih Muslim
59 (51:56)
60 Sahih al-Bukhari
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 31

When your children make a mistake, forgive them and talk to them about Allah (subhanahu
wa ta’ala) being al-Ghafoor, the Most Forgiving. I remember when I was around 5 years-old
and we were praying together as a family. My father was the imam and forgot a verse
while reciting. After the prayer ended, I began to cry and said, “Baba, you made a mistake!
I’m afraid Allah will be mad at you!” My father gave me a hug and explained that we all
make mistakes and that Allah’s forgiveness is limitless. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says,
“Say, “O My Servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the
mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the
Merciful.”61 Take opportunities to show your children love and this will be an essential
step toward creating a loving relationship with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).


Always Associate Good with Allah

We naturally develop a sense of love for someone toward whom we always associate
goodness. When you give your children ice cream, remind them that Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala) is the One who provided you with money to give them this special treat. When they
jump in rain puddles, remind them Who created the rain. Show your gratitude for your
own children by thanking Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for blessing you with them. Say
things like, “I love Allah so much for giving me a wonderful daughter like you.” This not
only makes them feel special and strengthens their relationship with you but also creates a
positive association with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and strengthens their relationship
with Him.

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) said, ‘I am
as My servant expects Me to be. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me
to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention
him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near
to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”62 This
beautiful Hadith Qudsi shows us that if we think positively of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala),
He will be a positive force in our lives. The closer we move to Him, the closer He moves
toward us. Associate goodness with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and you will receive
goodness in return.


Help Your Child to Get to Know Allah

How can you love someone you don’t know? Teach your children about the names and
attributes of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to help them to get to know their Lord.
Emphasize different attributes of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) in your daily routines and
during incidents that arise.

61 (39:53)
62 Sahih al-Bukhari
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 32

When your child shares his favorite treat with a sibling, talk about how Allah (subhanahu
wa ta’ala) is al-Kareem, the Most Generous, and loves generosity.

If your child hits another child or is gentle with a younger sibling, talk about how Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) is ar-Rahman and ar-Raheem, the Most Compassionate and the
Most Merciful, and He loves mercy, kindness, and compassion.

Remind your children that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is al-Baseer and as-Sam’ee, the
All-Seeing and the All-Hearing, to ensure that they realize that He is always watching
over them and that they always have someone to turn to.

When you go grocery shopping, talk to your children about ar-Razzaq and al-Qayyum, the
Ever-Providing and the Sustainer of All, to emphasize that everything we have and all
our sustenance comes from Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).

Along the same vein, mention and recite the Qur’aan often with your children. Ensure that
they realize that these are the Words of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the way He talks
to us. Teach them the meanings of the ayaat and tell them the stories in the Qur’aan. Ask
them to share their favorite verses and surahs and how they apply to their personal lives.
This strengthens and personalizes their relationship with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).


Discover and Emphasize Your Child’s Individual Interests and Strengths

We often think of worship in cookie cutter form but we each have our own unique ways of
strengthening our relationship with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). The Prophet (sala
Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “Do that which is beneficial to you.” (Sahih Muslim)
Remember Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) throughout your daily activities and use these as
discussion opportunities with your children. Along the same vein, pay attention to the
strengths and interests of your children and use these as a means to help them to cultivate
a love of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).

If your child enjoys nature, use the outdoors to remind them of the power and mercy of
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Talk to them about the fact that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
created everything around us and that He sends the rain to provide for us, the animals and
the plants. If your child enjoys cooking, talk about the provision Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala) has given us. If your child enjoys physical activities, remind her that Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) has given her the legs she uses to run.


Make Worshipping Allah Exciting

Create a sense of excitement surrounding worshipping Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Make
prayers an exciting and special occasion. Involve your child in preparing for salah by
making wudoo’ together, laying down prayer mats and discussing how wonderful it is for
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to be pleased with us. Reiterate that this is one way to talk to
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 33

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Encourage your children to make du’aa to Allah (subhanahu
wa ta’ala) and to turn to Him for anything and everything. Use simple words like, “It’s time
for our special meeting with Allah! Yay!” and “Are you ready to tell Allah everything that
you want? Are you feeling happy or sad about something? Let’s talk to Allah about it!”

Set aside a special time to talk about stories from the lives of the Prophets, stories in the
Qur’aan and emphasize the lengths they went to in order to please Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala). This shows children the value of pleasing Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), which leads
them to love Him even more.

Find fun and exciting ways to encourage your child to give charity and contribute to the
community. Encourage them to set aside a little bit of money and excitedly build up to the
opportunity for them to go to a toy store to purchase a toy for a child in need using their
own money. Help your child make a card for an elderly neighbor or relative. Set aside
some family time to volunteer at a shelter, nursing home or soup kitchen and go out for a
treat later. There are countless ways to associate love and excitement in the worship of
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Through these experiences, you can also develop beautiful
memories with your children.



Every morning, consider ways to strengthen your relationship with Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala), ways to increase your love for Him and ways to allow that love to shine through in
your daily activities. Walk a path toward loving Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) in everything
you do and your children will see the joy that results from this and will naturally begin to do
the same insha’Allah. Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) said, "Truly in the heart there is
a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is
a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true
to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and
by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world
and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) allow us
and our children to be from amongst those who know Allah, love Him and are true to Him.
Ameen.


 Become Your Own Masterpiece 34

CHAPTER 11
Raising an Empathetic Child

As parents, we hope for the best for our children. When parents are asked to consider the
one quality they hope their children will embody, most say things like intelligence,
strength, happiness and confidence. We rarely think of a desire to raise an empathetic
child. Instilling empathy in our children is essential for their spiritual, social and personal
development.

Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand and engage in sharing the feelings of those
around us. Simply put- it is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Islamically,
empathy is a quality we are encouraged to hone. Consider the hadith of the Prophet
Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam), “The example of the believers in their
affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body. When any limb
aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness and fever.”63 Here, we see that empathy
is a characteristic inherent in Muslims in order to feel one another’s pain. In the same vein,
we should also be able to feel and appreciate one another’s joys.

There has been a surge in the emphasis of not only being sensitive to the feelings of our
children but also constantly monitoring them. Although it is essential to instill a sense of
self worth in our children and to encourage them to share their feelings, the emphasis that
has been placed on perpetually “checking in” on the emotional state of our children can
create a sense of individualism. This makes our own children the sole focus and causes
them to view themselves as such- usually at the expense of others around them. When we
overemphasize our children’s feelings without teaching empathy, they view their own
experiences and emotions as more important than those of their friends, family and the
community at large.

The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “Nothing is weightier on the scale of
deeds than one’s good manners.”64 Empathy is a part of being a well-mannered Muslim.
Furthermore, the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) also said, “Verily, Allah is kind
and He loves kindness.”65 The empathetic person is better able to interact socially with
others in a way that allows people to feel comforted, heard and respected. This is one of
qualities that the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) embodied and contributed to how
approachable, influential and beloved he was to those around him. Consider the empathy
the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) displayed when he said, “I enter into prayer
intending to prolong it, but when I hear a baby crying, I shorten it as I know how his
mother is anxious about his crying.”66 What better example for our children to have than
Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam)?

63 Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim
64 Sahih al-Bukhari
65 Sahih Muslim
66 Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 35

Understanding the importance of empathy and helping to instill this quality in our children
are two different things. What steps can a parent take to raise empathetic children?

First, instill in your children the confidence that empathy is a part of who they are and a
significant component of their character. In an experiment conducted by researchers Joan
E. Grusec and Erica Redler67, emphasis of a positive trait in a child’s character versus
emphasis on a good behavior was explored. They investigated what happens when
generous behavior versus generous character is commended in children. Grusec and
Redler discovered that children who had been praised for their character were much more
generous than those who had been praised for their actions. Try this with your child: The
next time you see your child being kind to someone, sharing their toys, or comforting
someone who is feeling sad, praise them. Say, “You’re a very kind person, masha’Allah.”

When we praise our children’s character, they are able to internalize these positive traits as
part of their identities. Therefore, when a child is empathetic toward someone, this action
becomes a reflection of their character and they can lean more toward instances where
they display kindness and understanding toward those around them. Over time, they will
increasingly view empathy as a part of themselves. We see this in the example of the
Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) with his companion, Abu Bakr (radi Allahu ‘anhu).
After the miracle of Israa and Mi’raaj, Abu Bakr (radi Allahu ‘anhu) was referred to as as-
Siddiq (the truthful) due to his unwavering belief in the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa
salam). We see here that Abu Bakr was identified by the positive trait of truthfulness and
that being a truthful person was something that was an inherent part of his character.

The second step in this two-step process is putting empathy into action. Many people
believe that one’s inherent qualities propel people toward action. However, consider the
example of Abu Bakr that was previously mentioned. He was characterized as as-Siddiq
after displaying truthfulness through his actions. When raising children, it is essential to
remember that action also shapes character. The more you do something and the more
time and brain power you devote to something, the more it becomes a part of who you are.
Psychologist Karl Weick said, “How can I know who I am until I see what I do?”

In order to encourage our children to be empathetic, we have to give them opportunities to
display empathy. They need to be given the chance to care for others and to show kindness
to those around them. Here are some action items to help our children to practice
empathy:

BEFORE:

! One of the most profound ways we can work to instill empathy in our children is by
displaying this trait ourselves. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “Most hateful it is

67 Grusec, J. E., & Redler, E. (1980). Attribution, reinforcement, and altruism: A developmental

analysis. Developmental Psychology, 16(5), 525-534.

 Become Your Own Masterpiece 36

with Allah that you say that which you do not do.”68 Ensure that when the
opportunity arises for you to be kind, respectful, helpful and understanding toward
someone, that you do so. This is particularly true of our interactions with our spouses
and other family. Take the time to say things like, “It sounds like you hit a road block at
work today. That must have been frustrating. What can I do to help you relax?” and “I
heard that you’ve been struggling with your schoolwork lately. Do you want to talk
about it?” When our children see positive interactions filled with empathy, they will
model this behavior insha’Allah.
! In order to allow our children to display empathy, we have to give them opportunities
to interact with a variety of people.
! Keep your eyes and ears open for times when your child can help someone to feel better
and to display kindness.

DURING:

! During these instances, come down to your child’s level and teach them how to put
themselves into someone else’s shoes. Ask questions like:
o “Do you remember when you fell down and hurt your knee? How did you feel?”
o “Do you think she feels sad too?”
o “What made you feel better afterward?”
o “Let’s try that and see if it makes your friend feel better too.”
! Help your child to label what they are feeling as well as what others may be feeling. Say
things like, “He’s crying so that made him feel sad. How can we make him smile so that
he feels happy again?”

AFTER:

! After your child displays empathy, encourage them by emphasizing the positive impact
this had on the other person in order to show how behaviors impact others.
! The same can be done when a child hurts another person so they realize that words and
behaviors can have both helpful and hurtful consequences on others.

Strive to emphasize the importance of empathy in your child’s life and character. This
quality is one that will, not only positively impact his relationships with every person in his
life, but will, most importantly, improve his relationship with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
since this is a characteristic that we, as Muslims, are encouraged to hone. Remember the
hadith of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam), “Be kind, for whenever kindness
becomes part of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is taken from something, it
leaves it tarnished.”69 Let’s strive to beautify all of our relationships and interactions with
empathy and encourage our children to do the same insha’Allah.

68 (61:3)
69 Sahih al-Bukhari
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 37

CHAPTER 12
Nurturing Intimacy and Communication with Your Children

Intimacy and communication are the building blocks of relationships. They connect us and
maintain our bonds through the ups and downs of daily life. We often hear about intimacy
and communication when we think of marriage; however, these components are just as
essential in other relationships in our lives- particularly relationships with our children.

Intimacy creates a sense of belonging for children. Home should be a place where children
can look forward to connecting with their family- a place where, no matter how much they
struggled that day, they can be sure to feel a sense of comfort surrounded by people who
love them. According to the “belongingness hypothesis” of psychologists Roy Baumeister
and Mark Leary70, people have a basic psychological need to belong, to feel closely
connected to others and these intimate bonds from close relationships are a major part of
human behavior.

Consider the example of the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) and his efforts to
establish connectedness and intimacy in his relationships with his family. He and his wife,
Aisha (radi Allahu ‘anha) used a code language to share their love for one another. She
asked the Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) how he would describe his love for
her. He answered saying, “Like a strong binding knot.” From time to time, Aisha would
ask, “How is the knot?” The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) would answer, “As
strong as the first day (you asked).” He also strove to establish meaningful connections
with children. Usamah ibn Zayd said, “Allah’s messenger used to put me on one of his
thighs and al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali on his other thigh. Then he would embrace us and say, ‘O
Allah! Please be merciful to them as I am merciful to them.”71

Baumeister and Leary’s research found that in order to develop a sense of belonging, we
require frequent, positive interactions with the same people as well as a framework of
long-term, stable care and concern. We see this in the example of the Prophet (sala Allahu
‘alayhi wa salam) in the caring and positive way he dealt with his family, which is
something we should try to emulate. Creating intimacy in relationships is as simple as the
small overtures we make and how our loved ones respond to them.

Practical Ways to Create a More Intimate Family

1. Pay attention when your children reach out to you and initiate a conversation.

It doesn’t matter what they are saying; the process of reaching out and receiving a response
is what establishes the tone of the relationship. When your child says, “He hit me!” or “I
have a test tomorrow…” use these as opportunities to strengthen your relationship. In
happy relationships, a conversation is initiated and responded to warmly. The next time

70 Baumeister R. F., & Leary M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal

attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497-529.

71 Sahih al-Bukhari
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 38

your children begins a conversation with you, pay attention to how you respond. A positive
response can increase the level of trust so that your children are more likely to reach out to
you again in a deeper way.

2. Tear your eyes away from that screen!

When your child reaches out to you, avoid the temptation to finish reading an email or
answering that text that you just received. When you choose a screen over responding to
your child in that moment, he/she may feel rejected and avoid opening up to you in the
future. Allow your children to realize that they are more important than anything on your
phone or computer and give them your undivided attention when they are with you.

3. If you try to reach out to your child, openly express your feelings about how they respond
to your attempt to connect with them.

When you ask your child about their day and they openly share the ups and downs, express
your gratitude to them and share that this made you feel happy, closer and better able to
understand your child. When you initiate a conversation the same way and your child
responds with, “Why do you care?” avoid getting angry and, instead, be open about how
this made you feel hurt. This allows your children to know that it is safe to express
vulnerability and allows them to realize the impact that their words have on others.

4. Develop family traditions that are enjoyable to everyone involved.

As often as possible, choose an activity to do as a family. This can be a trip to the park,
embarking on a new experience or a family movie night. Allow your children to play a role
in choosing these traditions to enable them to gain a sense of ownership over their place as
part of the family.

5. Eat dinner as a family.

In a time when members of families lead such separate lives, dinner is the most reliable
time for us to connect with one another. Knowing that you are going to sit in the same
place, at the same time, surrounded by the same people each day creates a sense of stability
and comfort for children. American teens say that they are most likely to talk with their
parents at the dinner table and research has found that children who eat dinner with their
parents experience less stress and have a better relationship with them.

6. Pray together.

Prayer is the heartbeat of a home and one of the best ways to help our families thrive.
Prayer, both the five obligatory salawaat and supplicating to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
with du’aa, teaches us how to be intimate with our Lord. When we stop what we’re doing
and pray, we exemplify the fact that there is nothing more important than our worship of
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). When we turn to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) with du’aa and
see these prayers answered, we experience gratitude and the love of Allah in our daily
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 39

lives. Not only does prayer strengthen each individual’s connection with Allah (subhanahu
wa ta’ala), it also deepens interpersonal relationships with the family. We’ve all heard the
saying, “The family that prays together stays together.” Shared experiences, particularly
something as personal as prayer, become a bonding opportunity that creates a sense of
cohesiveness throughout the family.

7. Spend a few moments with each of your children before they go to bed.

On those rough days when everything seems to go wrong and there are more spills and
tears than anything else, spending a few minutes before saying goodnight, whispering
quietly, praying together and hugging your children tightly can smooth over all the messes
and make it all worth it. Routines are helpful at transition times- particularly before bed.
Be consistent about making time for a brief chat each night as part of your evening quiet
time. Ask questions like, “What was great about your day?” and “Was there something that
wasn’t so great?” and “Do you want to talk about anything?” Along with this, be sure to
incorporate adhkaar into your nighttime routine. Recite Qur’aan soothingly together as
well as du’aas requesting Allah’s blessings and guidance. A routine like this creates a
warm, safe and soothing atmosphere, which is the best setting for creating further
intimacy, communication and connection with your child.


The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “The best among you are those who are
best to their families and I am the best of you to my family.”72 Intimacy can be deepened
or eroded by every interaction we have. It’s the small things that happen in our daily lives
that bring meaning to our relationships. Each interaction we have with our children is a
chance to improve our connection with them, so make the most of each opportunity.

72 at-Tirmidhi
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 40

CHAPTER 13
Dear Mama,
A Day Through Your Child’s Eyes This Ramadan

Dear Mama,

Thank you for making my day special. To you, it felt like another day when you failed to
take advantage of the blessings of this month but to me, it was magical.

You were trying so hard to be as quiet as possible when you woke up to prepare suhoor for
you and Baba but soon my little feet came running out of my room. Snack time at 4am! I
never get to be out of bed at nighttime so I could tell something was special today! You
looked so sleepy but you still gave me a hug and let me have a date.

Anas ibn Malik described the Prophet Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam): “I served
the Prophet for ten years, I lived with him for ten years and not once did he rebuke me. Not
once did the word “uff” come from his mouth.”

I pray that you get to have special snack time with the Prophet in Jennah, Mama.

You were trying so hard to pray ‘Asr with extra focus and khushoo’ today. I’m sorry you
worried when you saw me wander toward the stove where dinner was cooking and you
hurriedly said your salaams to end your prayer. I wanted to mix the pasta since you always
say I’m your big helper.

In Surah at-Tahrim, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says, “O you who have believed, protect
yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…”73

I pray that Allah protects you from even getting close to the Hell Fire in the same
way that you protected me from this fire.

You had finally finished cooking and sat down to read some Qur’aan thinking that you
would take advantage of the last couple of hours before Maghrib to get in touch with Allah’s
Book. But I was thirsty and wandered over to ask for some water. Thank you for taking my
hand and walking me to the kitchen to quench my thirst.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “On the Day of Judgment, Allah, the
Exalted, will say: “‘O son of Adam! I asked you to give water to Me, but you did not give
it to Me!’ The son of Adam will say: ‘O Allah, How come You ask me for water even
though You are the Lord of the Worlds?’ Allah will say: ‘My slave asked you for water
and you refused to give him. Don’t you know that if you had given him water, I would
have rewarded you?’”74


73 (66:6)
74 Sahih Muslim
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 41

I pray that Allah quenches your thirst on the Day of Judgment like you quenched my
thirst today, Mama.

As soon as you started listening to a Ramadan lecture on your laptop, my sister pulled my
hair so I pushed her. As the yelling and fighting escalated, you distracted us by suggesting
we take a walk to “shake our sillies out.” Thank you for showing us the leaves and the
acorns. Thank you for taking us to feed the ducks. You reminded us that we can get closer
to Allah by admiring His creations and thanking Him for our blessings.

In Surat Ibrahim, Allah says, “And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are
grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is
severe.' "75

You taught me to be grateful and so I pray that Allah will increase you in everything
good.

When I cried you came running. I scraped my knee while chasing the prettiest duck I could
find. Knowing you were there made me feel safe and I knew I would be ok.

The Prophet Muhammad (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) said, “The most beloved of the
people to Allah are the most beneficial for the people. The most beloved of actions to
Allah are to cause happiness to reach a Muslim, to relieve him from a hardship, to
settle a debt for a Muslim or to repel hunger from him. For me to walk with a brother in
order to assist him is more beloved to me than to make ‘Itikaf in this Masjid (Masjid al-
Madeenah) for a month.”76

You make me happy everyday, you relieve me from every difficulty and you feed me
when I’m hungry. I pray that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) makes you even more
beloved to Him than you are to me (although I don’t know how that’s possible since
I love you all the way to the sky, Mama).

When it was time to break your fast, you finally sat down with your plate of food and were
about to take your first bite when I asked you if I could have a piece. You moved your fork
away from your mouth and put it into mine with a smile on your face.

Anas ibn Malik said, "A woman came to 'A'isha and 'A'isha gave her three dates. She gave
each of her two children a date and kept one date for herself. The children ate the two dates
and then looked at their mother. She took her date and split it into two and gave each child a
half of it. The Prophet (sala Allahu ‘alayhi wa salam) came and 'A'isha told him about it. He
said, 'Are you surprised at that? Allah will show her mercy because of her mercy towards her
child.'” 77


75 (14:7)
76 Al-Asbahani and Ibn Abi Al-Dunia
77 al-Albani
 Become Your Own Masterpiece 42

I pray that Allah shows you mercy and fills your tummy with yummy goodness in
Jennah, Mama.

When you finally put my sister and me to sleep, your eyes struggled to stay open. You just
couldn’t stay awake for the taraweeh prayer you had hoped you would complete tonight.
You awoke for suhoor feeling guilty that you couldn’t do more- only to start the entire
process again as you heard the pitter patter of little feet excitedly drawn to the lights and
smells of your “4am snack time.”


Dear Mama, this Ramadan remember: "...My servant draws not near to Me with anything more
loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him/her, and My servant continues to
draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him/her."78

Do not doubt for one moment that wiping those runny noses, feeding those hungry mouths
and nurturing the minds and hearts of your children is a way to draw nearer to Allah. Make
your intention that you are embracing the role that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) granted
you as a mother and that every monotonous daily task can be your fulfillment of a religious
duty that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) has enjoined upon you. During Ramadan, and
throughout the year, we need to prioritize our obligatory acts of worship. Caring for our
children is, without a doubt, an obligation and an act of worship.

Remember that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) chose you to be the mother of your children
and there's no role that is more rewarding for you right now than this one because Allah
has decreed it for you and only you. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) acknowledges the
hardship mothers endure when He says, “And We have enjoined upon man, to his
parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him
with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows]
until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord,
enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon
my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous
for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims."79

Instead of viewing our children as the obstacle to worshipping Allah during this blessed
month, let us view them as the key to our salvation, forgiveness and success this Ramadan.
You are a gift to them and they are a gift to you. View your daily struggles as opportunities
and imagine your scale of good deeds overflowing with all that you achieve as you care for
your family during this blessed month.






78 Sahih al-Bukhari
79 (46:15)