SELF-ESTEEM
IMPROVING
YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how we see ourselves and value ourselves as
people. Most people’s ideas about themselves come from
their life experiences and from messages they have received
from others about the kind of person they are. If these are
mostly negative, people can often develop negative beliefs
about themselves. These negative beliefs can lead to low self-
esteem.
How low self-esteem can affect you
Low self-esteem can affect your:
thoughts, for example, blaming yourself, being hard on
yourself
feelings, for example, sadness, worry, anger
body, for example, sleep problems, feeling tired, tense
muscles
behaviour, for example, avoiding going out, trying to
please everyone
Thoughts
‘I am useless’
Behaviour Feelings
work too hard, sad, worried,
avoid going out angry
Body
tense, tired,
sleep problems
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It can have an impact on many areas of life:
relationships with others
self-care
work or school
leisure or recreational activities
It may also be a consequence of other problems:
stress
relationship problems
panic
pain or illness
How to break the vicious cycle
Challenging your thoughts
Some beliefs that maintain low self-esteem:
a human being must be perfect
people should always help each other
others are always right
I’m not good enough or skilled enough or wise enough, etc
men should never cry
if I don’t do extremely well, I’m no good at all
if I make a mistake I’ll never forgive myself
when they see how bad I am they will reject me
never burden other people with your problems
you can’t help yourself, it’s the way you are
Sometimes if you hold to these beliefs you can have negative
thoughts about yourself. In order to challenge negative
thoughts you must learn to question them. Don't just accept
them as fact. Try recording your thoughts.
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Some of the following questions could help you to find an
alternative point of view:
what is the evidence to support this thought?
what is the evidence against this thought?
what would someone close to me say?
what is the worst that could happen?
what is the best that could happen?
what is realistically most likely to happen?
how else can I view this situation?
It is also important to learn to accept and value your good
qualities. When we have low self-esteem we tend to focus on
negative aspects of ourselves and things that happen.
Ignoring the positives will keep your low self-esteem going. It
will stop you having a balanced view which takes account of
your strengths and weaknesses.
You can start with creating a ‘positives’ notebook.
think of all your positive qualities and write them down. Note
your skills, talents, achievements and experiences, no matter
how small. These could be, for example: funny, good cook,
friendly, helpful. If you find this difficult ask a friend to help
you.
keep a daily record of any situation that shows off your good
qualities:
Example: Monday
Helpful - took Grandma shopping
read your notebook at the end of each day to review what
you have recorded.
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Your aim is to become aware of the positive things that you do
without needing to record them.
Relaxation & Reward
When we are stressed, our muscles tense up and our body
system speeds up. Relaxation helps us to slow down.
If we can learn to turn on the bodily feelings of relaxation we
can turn off the symptoms of tension. You can’t experience
relaxation and tension at the same time. Slowing down can be
done in a number of ways:
everyday relaxation (try to set aside at least 30 minutes per
day) – for example listening to music, having a bath, going
for a walk
exercising – helps reduce the stress hormones that build up
in the body. This in turn helps to reduce tension and you
feel better
relaxation exercises – see booklet ‘A guide to relaxation’
When things go right or you have tried something new, reward
yourself. You could watch TV, read your favourite book or have
a relaxing bath. Remember how important it is to look after
yourself. Be sure to get enough sleep, eat well, plan fun
activities and make time for things you enjoy.
Overcoming avoidance
You may feel it’s easier in the short term to avoid doing things
or seeing people. But in the long term it’s better not to. If you
avoid things you will never know whether you could have:
coped, done them well, or even enjoyed them.
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Avoidance may feel like a solution because it makes you feel
better. But it can be unproductive for the following reasons:
it can make the problem worse
it creates new problems
it interferes with your life
For these reasons it is better to face difficulties rather than avoid
them. Try breaking difficult tasks or situations into small steps, for
example:
Task: do a presentation at work (seems overwhelming)
Step 1: write notes about what you would like to say
Step 2: draw up presentation slides
Step 3: practise making a presentation to one person
Step 4: practise making a presentation to friends/family
Step 5: carry out a presentation at work
This leaflet may not help everyone with low self-esteem. You
may find that your beliefs about yourself are so strong that you
cannot begin to use the skills detailed here. If this is the case,
you may be suffering from depression.
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Symptoms of depression can include:
feeling sad, low in mood or empty most of the day, nearly
every day
little interest or pleasure in things you previously liked to do
appetite is much greater or much less than usual and you
have lost or gained weight
having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
so agitated, restless or slowed down that others have begun
to notice
feeling tired and lacking energy
feeling worthless or excessively guilty about things you have
done or not done
difficulty in concentrating and making decisions
a desire to harm yourself or feeling that you might be better
off dead
If you have had 5 or more of these symptoms for 2 weeks or
more, you should contact your GP for further help.
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The following organisations and helplines may also be
useful:
CRUSE Bereavement Care – for bereaved people and those
caring for bereaved people.
(Mon-Thurs: 10am-8pm,Fri: 10am-4pm) Tel: 0845 600 2227
E-mail support support@crusescotland.org.uk
www.crusescotland.org.uk
This website lists a large number of books and leaflets that
might be helpful.
Relationships Scotland – counselling, mediation and family
support across Scotland (Mon–Fri: 9.30am-4.30pm)
Tel: 0345 119 2020
Relationship Scotland Borders
(Mon-Fri: 9am-3pm) Tel: 01721 724170
Samaritans – confidential support for anyone in a crisis
National Helpline (24 hours a day) Tel: 116 123
Borders Tel: 01750 20000 (local rate)
E-mail Helpline jo@samaritans.org (answer within 24 hours)
Local Branch 21 West Port, Selkirk, TD7 4DG
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Websites
www.bluepages.anu.edu.au
A good site for someone who already knows quite a bit about
depression and is interested in finding out more about the way
professionals diagnose and treat the condition. (Australian)
www.llttf.com
A general self-help site offering advice on a wide range of
issues. It helps you to understand your behaviour and thoughts
and offers help on healthy living, better sleep and relaxation.
Books
Fennell, Melanie (2016) Overcoming Low Self Esteem: A self-
help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques, Second
Edition Robinson Publishing ISBN: 978-1472119292
Lindenfield, Gael (2014) Self Esteem Harper
ISBN: 978-0007557462
Butler, G, Grey, N,and Hope, T (2018) Manage Your Mind, Third
Edition Oxford
ISBN: 978-0198747277
An excellent self-help textbook with chapters on all major
problem areas and a good Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
andproblem solving approach. (Section 6 (25) is particularly
relevant)
Gilbert, Paul Overcoming Depression (2009) Robinson
Publishing
ISBN: 978-1849010665 (every chapter lists key points at the end,
step-by-step process makes it easy to follow).
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Apps for mobile phone and tablets
A range of self-help apps are available for your mobile phone
and tablet. Some of these apps are free of charge, whilst
others have a cost attached depending on the developer.
Please use the link below to view some suggested self-help
apps for different mental health problems:
https://www.nhs.uk/apps-library/category/mental-health/
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Notes
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Booklets/leaflets available on the following:
Agoraphobia
Anger
Anxiety
Bereavement
Depression
Hyperventilation
Loss
OCD
Panic (short version and long version)
Phobia
How to solve problems: a simple DIY technique
Relaxation
Self-Harm
Self-Help websites
Sleep
Stress
Trauma
Worry
Copies of any of the above booklets are available to
download/print at:
nhsborders.scot.nhs.uk/wellbeing
L Stewart & R Donald, 2011
NHS Borders
Revised Jan 2020
Review Jan 2021
SH16.6
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