My own Testimony as a Covetous Backslider!

Mike Jeshurun

The Master warned: Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a mans life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth. [Luke 12:15] Now it is one thing to know this and yet another thing to take it to heart and live by it. [Jn 13:17] I for one did not. Sometimes knowingly and yet at other times unknowingly I yielded to this deadly spirit of covetousness. Whatever result and effect this sin may have on the unsaved, with the saved the deadly result is that it takes away the heart from the Lord. Oh yes, I was still reading some, praying some, and even preaching some; but for the most part my heart was engaged in the thing that I was coveting. The Psalmist said-O how I love Thy law! It is my meditation all the day! And again, I remember Thee upon my bed, and meditate on Thee in the night watches. [Psa 119:97; 63:6]. I could never say this. Many a time I would get convicted and try to put a check on my covetousness, but since it was done in the flesh it would never last! What was I coveting? Just the harmless things of everyday life highly pedigree dogs, exotic birds, the latest electronic gadgets etc. Now please bear in mind, when I say that I was coveting these, I mean that I went after them with a passion! There was no If the Lord wills about all this. A Christian ought to say If

the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that. [James 4:15] But I had reached a point where I could care less what the Lord thought about my personal desires and decisions! I was determined to do that which was right in mine own eyes! Frightening! And like every covetous person, I would always justify myself. The dogs and the birds I reasoned I would breed and use the money for the Lord. And the laptops and ipads I contended I needed to study Gods Word and minister to others. There is nothing wrong with a pedigree dog or an exotic bird. But when it becomes your god and takes the place of the God who died for you, then God becomes exceeding jealous! For thou shalt worship no other God: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God! [Ex 34:14] But no matter what sin it is you are caught in, God is very longsuffering and slow to anger. In my case I was totally carried away by my covetousness for many years, and if the Lord had not intervened I should have perished in my covetousness! Let me briefly share how the Lord intervened. I had just purchased a beautiful Samsung Laptop for a huge price. But as with all covetous persons, it soon lost its charm on me when I saw the latest ipad. I badly wanted this ipad at any cost, so I advertised my new laptop for sale. [By this time the Lord was a stranger to me; He was not in all my thoughts at all (see Psa 10:4)]

In response to my advertisement, a gentleman came home. He was so polished and professional that when he offered to buy the laptop and pay by cheque I cheerfully consented. I am generally very vary of strangers, but there was something about this man that made me trust him and hand over my new laptop and take payment by cheque. Well, you guessed it. The next day the cheque bounced and my new laptop was gone. It was then that it suddenly hit me as to Who was behind this. It was my Lord! The Bible says- The tabernacles of robbers prosper, and they that provoke God are secure; into whose hand God bringeth abundantly. The deceived and the deceiver are His! [Job 12:6,16] Oh I got so mad! I went out and got myself drunk silly to drown my sorrows. But being a former alcoholic before my conversion, it was difficult for me to end with just one bottle. So I stayed strung-out for a whole week! When the week was over and I could not drink any longer, then it suddenly dawned on me. I saw how that what God had allowed, He had done so out of His love for me. He wanted to jolt me out of my covetous stupor, and this was the best way to do it. To the Lord, my salvation and love for Him was more important than my dumb idol (laptop). And even though I had gone away from following Him wholeheartedly (as He expects all His children to do), He was not done with me! He came after me! The realization of this broke my heart! I wept and prayed all night for the next three days. Now not only was my heart broken

for the Lord but I had something else to contend with. Having been a former occultist, I knew that following every alcoholic binge the nights would be nights of terror! Nightmares, Literal demonic attacks and sometimes frightening hallucinations all came to torment me! My seemingly innocent covetousness had brought me to my very ruin! I was so devastated! I wrote to the few mature brothers and sisters I knew to pray for me (which they did). But the demonic attacks continued, totally draining me out. And though through all of this I was weeping all night, confessing my sins and pleading with God; there was no answer! Only silence! The way of the transgressor is indeed very hard! [Prov 13:15] Only the transgressor knows how hard it is! I would be scared to put my head down on the pillow; for fear that if I fell asleep I would get severely and viciously attacked. On the fourth night I just collapsed being unable to sit up any longer. It was then that I had the strangest dream. I was in a Bible conference parking lot, where a lot of people had gathered for the conference. They were all well dressed for the occasion. It appeared that I was to be one of their main speakers. And I too was dressed well. And then suddenly I realized that though I had a beautiful shirt on, I was frantically trying to cover myself below the waist with only a very small piece of cloth. I was feeling so embarrassed because I was not able to do a good job of hiding my shame.

I immediately woke up, wondering what the dream could mean. Then the scripture suddenly came to me Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame. [Rev 16:15]. I was so afraid and shaken, because I knew that both the dream and the scripture were a warning to me! I tried to recollect if there was any other similar scripture in the book of Revelations. There was only one more! It was the Lords warning to the church of Laodicea. I tremblingly read the whole message [Rev 3:14-22] and the Lord directly spoke to me! He told me how that I was neither cold nor hot but lukewarm, something He could not stomach! It is indeed a truth that the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. [Heb 4:12] Though this prophecy to the Church of Laodicea was written 2000 years ago for the Laodiceans, I could clearly see that it was also written for me! But as I read through the whole prophecy, I noticed that it was not all gloom and despair! There was also a ray of hope in it. For though the Lord rebuked this Church for its lukewarmness, nevertheless He also challenged them to repent and get back on track!

He said- I counsel thee to buy of Me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent! Oh! I was so touched! I could hardly stop crying bitterly! I could clearly see that even though I had backslidden and played the hypocrite and the harlot for so many years, Jesus still loved me and had come after me! Anyone else would have written me off and left me to perish for the way I had treated them! But not my Lord! He is the faithful Shepherd and the True Witness! Now, all those things that I had coveted and had run after appeared in their true colors- as DUNG! On the contrast the Lord Jesus appeared so beautiful, so precious and so worthy that I was willing to die right then and there for HIM! I straightway determined that I was not going to play games anymore! I was going to heed His counsel which He spoke (in verse eighteen above) and follow Him wholeheartedly, singlemindedly and unreservedly! If He is worth serving at all, He is worth serving with everything I have got, especially my whole heart! So help me God! Since the time God opened my eyes to the truth of Sovereign Election, I have always earnestly contended for it and defended it! But now God was showing me, that though this was commendable, yet I had to first make my own calling and election sure! [see 2Pet 1:10]

Or else, having preached unto others, I myself could be a castaway! [1Cor 9:27]