BDSM Relationship Negotiation Sheet &

Contract Outline
1. PARTIES
Who are the parties to the relationship?
Dominant/Master/Mistress/Owner:
submissive/slave/pet etc.:
Examples: “Sir Peter”, “Mistress Rita”, “kitty”, “it”.

2. DURATION
How long will this arrangement last? (You can always renew the agreement)
Commencement date:
Duration:
Examples: two weeks, a month, a year, for life.

3. GOALS AND PURPOSE OF THE CONTRACT

What do each of the parties wish to achieve? Is this a training phase only?
Dominant’s goals:
submissive’s goals:
Combined goals:

4. DOMINANT’S RESPONSIBILITIES
What does the Dominant agree to provide?
Dominant’s responsibilities:
Examples: a safe environment for play, all equipment, food, accommodation, emotional support,
training.

5. AVAILABILITY OF SUB TO DOMINANT

When does the arrangement apply?
Times:
Examples: 24/7, only on weekends.

6. SUBMISSIVE’S BEHAVIOR
How may/must the sub act toward the Dominant and others?
Etiquette & Protocols:
Not allowed:
Examples: kneeling, eye contact, posture, opening doors for dominant, public vs private
behavior?

7. COMMUNICATION
Methods of communicating with the Dominant and others?
Communication rules:
Examples: discussing the relationship and the rules is always permitted, only with permission,
email only, though a journal.
 8. SUB’S RESPONSIBILITIES
What does the sub agree to provide?
sub’s responsibilities:
Examples: domestic servitude, sexual servitude, foot massages, daily chores, chauffeuring.

9. SCOPE OF ARRANGEMENT
What is the sub willing to give control over? Is the submission sexual/servitude or both? Is it a
total power exchange?
Areas sub is giving control over:
Areas free of control:
Examples: genitals, sexual slavery, clothing & dress, hair style & length, domestic chores, diet &
exercise, work.

10. SUBMISSIVE’S VETO

Does the submissive have a right to say ‘no’ to commands? If so, when?
Circumstances of Veto power:
Examples: when the sub is concerned for her/his safety, when in public.

11. EXCLUSIVITY
How exclusive is the arrangement?
May others be involved?
If yes, how?
Examples: monogamous relationship only, open relationship, threesomes only, Dom may/may
not have other lovers/subs, open to polyamory. Introduction of any new person must be
discussed beforehand.

12. ACTIVITIES & LIMITS

What are your respective likes, areas of interest and soft and hard limits? What do these mean to
you?
A soft limit means: Example: an activity that I may consider after more
research/discussion/negotiation.
A hard limit means: Example: an activity that is never permitted.

Dominant’s areas of interest/likes:

Dominant’s soft limits:
Dominant’s hard limits:

sub’s areas of interest/likes:

sub’s soft limits:
sub’s hard limits:
Examples: spanking, restraint, electricity, role play, humiliation, everything is off limits unless
stated here.

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 13. SAFE WORDS
What are your safe words and signals? Explain what is to happen once a safe word or signal is
called.
Safe word for slow down: Example: “Yellow”
Safe word for stop: Example: “Red”
Safe signal for slow down: Example: “squishing a squeaky toy”
Safe signal for stop: Example: “Dropping object held in hand”

Example: If I use a slow down safe word/signal, please check in with me. If I use a stop safe
word/signal, all activity must stop immediately.

14. PUNISHMENT
How may the Dominant punish the sub for misbehaving?
Allowed:
Not allowed:
Examples: flogging, corner time, loss of privileges, additional chores, figging.

15. COLLAR
Will the sub have a collar? What kind? When must the collar be worn?
Collar rules:
Example: the submissive will have a training collar only. At the end of this training, the
Dominant may award the submissive with a permanent collar.

16. NAMES/TITLES
How must the parties refer to each other?
Dominant’s name/title in public:
In private:

Sub’s name/title in public:

In private:
Examples: “Sir”, “Mistress”, "Baby Girl", “Peter”, “alex”.

17. CONFIDENTIALITY
Are the parties required to keep this arrangement confidential at all times? What about photos,
videos of the parties?
Rules of confidentiality:
Example: the parties must never disclose anything related to this arrangement to others.

18. ALTERATION
What are the rules about making changes to the arrangement?
Rules of alteration:
Example: any change must be agreed to in writing and signed by both parties.

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this publication is covered by our Disclaimer, available at BDSMContracts.org/disclaimer.
 19. SWITCHING
Is switching allowed and if so, what are the rules?
Rules of switching:
Example: the Dominant may require a switch of roles during any scene.

20. TERMINATION
Who may terminate? What happens once the arrangement comes to an end?
Rules of termination:
Example: either party may terminate the arrangement at any time. The parties may reenter the
arrangement if they so desire.

21. PLANNING/NEGOTIATING SCENES

Who is responsible for planning scenes? How will the parties negotiate scenes?
Rules for scene negotiation:
Example: safety, location, roles, equipment, areas of the body, pain, aftercare.

22. DISCLOSURE
Is there anything the other party should know?
Disclosures:
Examples: sexually transmissible diseases, medical conditions, phobias, physical impairments.

23. ADDITIONAL RULES

Any other rules, terms or conditions not mentioned above?
Additional rules:
Examples: list of daily chores/activities, maintaining a journal, process for resolving conflicst.

Need help negotiating?

Get our free BDSM Relationship Negotiation video series here.

Also, as part of your negotiations, you may wish to consider writing a formal contract to
formalize your dynamic. This will help guide your relationship and enable you to review your
dynamic on a regular basis.

Get your detailed Contract template here.

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© BDSMContracts.org All rights reserved. You acknowledge this document is not legally enforceable and that
this publication is covered by our Disclaimer, available at BDSMContracts.org/disclaimer.