FLIP

CHUCK PETERS
JANA MAGRUDER
STEPHANIE SALVATORE

SCRIPT the

DISRUPTING TRADITION FOR

THE SAKE OF THE NEXT GENERATION
 © 2022 Lifeway Christian Resources

Item 005842461
ISBN 978-1-0877-8520-2

Published by Lifeway Christian Resources

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Brentwood, TN 37027—7707

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All Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®
Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission.

All Scripture quotations noted (ESV) are taken from the Holy Bible,
English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by
Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
FOREWORD
Invite people into your life, not to a location.
A church planter once shared those words with me, and it
radically impacted the way I view evangelism. Upon reflection,
I’m not sure why the idea was eye-opening. After all, Jesus
clearly modeled the importance of building relationships every
time He said yes to eating with tax collectors and sinners. The
Master Teacher was first a Master Relationship-Builder.

How do we reach people today? It’s the right question, and it’s
answered carefully inside this book. In a secularized society,
relationships are the way forward, and no relationships are more
powerful than those forged in the kids and student ministries. I
urge you to listen carefully to Chuck Peters and his team as they
unpack the philosophy that informed Lifeway’s newest line of
curriculum, Hyfi. Flip the Script explains the simple shifts that we
must make in order to pass the baton to the next generation. I
could not be prouder of this team, who labored countless hours
to create this. I could not be more thrilled to offer these tools to
the next wave of church leaders.

Ben Mandrell

President & CEO

Lifeway Christian Resources

3
 ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Chuck, Jana, and Stephanie have worked together for almost
a decade. They share a deep love for the church and Kids
Ministry and are committed to finding creative and accessible
ways for leaders to share the gospel with the next generation.
Among their favorite projects together are concepting the ETCH
NextGen Ministry Conference, ideating annual VBS themes,
developing Explore The Bible: Kids, and creating The Gospel
Project story circle and timeline. A little more about them—

Chuck Peters is the Director of Lifeway Kids. He is a graduate of

Columbia Bible College. Before his role at Lifeway, Chuck had a
prolific career in television and video production; an adventure
that took him from his home state of New Jersey to Northern
California, Central Florida, and then Nashville. He is a 3-time
Emmy Award Winning producer, writer, and on-screen talent.
Chuck and his wife, Cris, have served in Student and Children’s
Ministry vocationally and as volunteers for many years. They
have four amazing children: Tally, Tristen, Tyson, and Tate.

Jana Magruder serves as the Strategic Initiatives Director of Lifeway

Kids. With a background in education, publishing, and ministry, she
loves championing the local church to help families disciple kids of
all ages. She is a Baylor graduate and the author of Nothing Less
and Kids Ministry that Nourishes. Jana and her husband, Michael, are
native Texans planted in Tennessee and love to explore both states
with their three kids: Morgan Grace, Jason, and Nicholas.

Stephanie Salvatore serves as the Creative Director for Lifeway

Kids and has a passion for finding out-of-the-box solutions to
any creative problem. She designed for a variety of publishing
mediums (from magazine design to app development) and ages
(from student ministry to senior adults) before discovering a
passion for kids ministry. Hailing originally from New York and
northern Indiana, Stephanie now lives in Tennessee with her
husband Joe and two teenagers, Ben and Chloe.

4
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
There are many amazing thought leaders who have spoken into
Flip the Script. Without them, this project would not have been
possible. We would like to thank:

Scott McConnell, Executive Director of Lifeway Research,

worked to get us the data that served as the anchor for
this story. We are grateful for his expertise and guidance in
incorporating strong research that supports the urgent calls for
action represented in each chapter. WE ARE GRATEFUL
The Publishing Team: Kayla Stevens, Publishing Team Leader, FOR EACH OF YOU
served as our content editor and helped weave and craft two
years’ worth of scribbles and notes gleaned from hundreds AND THE GIFTS
of hours we spent together working on models, frameworks, YOU BROUGHT TO
and writing. Jeremy Carroll, Publishing Manager, oversaw all of
the steps of the publishing process on an expedited schedule. THIS LABOR OF
Isaac Kierstead, digital content editor, contributed kids ministry
expertise from the local church. LOVE. TOGETHER,

Lifeway Students Team: Ben Trueblood, Director of Lifeway LET’S CONTINUE

Students, gave incredible insight into the world of today’s TO FLIP THE SCRIPT
teenagers, including his own valuable research in his book Within
Reach that is quoted multiple times in Flip the Script. John Paul FOR SUCH A TIME
Basham and Drew Dixon have been at the table with us from the
beginning, offering wisdom for working with students. AS THIS.

Team West: Crystal Mazzuca, Heidi Hensley, Johnny Rogers,

Kai Vilhelmsen, and Lauren Jackson taught us so much as our
subject matter experts who work tirelessly in NextGen ministry
in their local churches in the West.

Special thanks to Ben and Lynley Mandrell. This all began with
your encouragement to walk alongside churches as they seek to
live on mission and reach their neighbors in post-Christian areas.
Thank you for your vision, support, and encouragement!

5
 1
PAGE 8

3
WE’RE
READING
FROM PAGE 44
AN OLD
SCRIPT FLIP THE
SCRIPT:
FROM
THE PROBLEM:
SEEN TO
As church attendance and KNOWN
membership wanes, Judeo-Christian THIS MODEL
beliefs are becoming less and less MEETS THE CULTURAL
ingrained in American culture. Kids NEED FOR BELONGING:
and students are growing up with a Belonging means more than just
foundationally secular worldview that helping kids feel seen. Extravagant
tells them the meaning of life is to define welcome is needed to truly help them
themselves. The pressure to do this has feel known. We must have intentional
resulted in unprecedented levels of anxiety, strategies that move kids and students
loneliness, and a desperate need to from feeling like outsiders to a place of
belong. This secular framework safety and comfort, where they can begin
makes it harder and harder for to participate and learn. Relationships
kids to hear and relate to with friends, leaders, influencers,
biblical teaching.

2
and pastors help open ears to
the gospel and truly connect
A NEW
newcomers to the
MINISTRY MODEL IS
church.
PAGE 30 NEEDED:
The church hasn’t been effective
FLIP THE in answering this cultural crisis. We’ve
SCRIPT: mistakenly assumed kids and students
FROM are starting with a Christian framework.
“HEAR” TO A new ministry model is needed: one that
“HERE” doesn’t assume kids and students
arrive ready to learn; one that doesn’t
assume a church background; one
that meets the big cultural need
for belonging and answers the
big cultural question of
identity.

6
 4 5
PAGE 68
PAGE 96
FLIP THE SCRIPT:
FROM IDENTITY FLIP THE SCRIPT:

LOST TO IDENTITY A WHOLE-CHURCH

FOUND IN CHRIST STRATEGY
THIS MODEL
WORKS FOR THE
THIS MODEL WHOLE CHURCH:
ANSWERS THE CULTURAL The whole church should get behind
QUESTION OF IDENTITY: these strategies, not only because of
Teaching content focused on biblical the outcomes for kids and students,
identity answers the big cultural but also because they are transferable to
question “Who am I?” Twelve identity the whole church! Churches should be
statements (such as I am known, I am intentional about moving outsiders into
secure, I am here for a purpose) teach the church, helping all people build
kids and students they can know relationship networks, and making
who they are when they know relationship-rich environments the
who God is. Their identity is central hub of the church.
defined by who God is.

We need
to hold tightly to

6
Jesus alone, not our
PAGE 120 ministry models. As PAGE 116
times change, we must
POSTSCRIPT: Culture may be willing to allow our CONCLUSION
change over time,
WHAT WE TEACH but some things are
ministry strategies to
flex to meet people
MATTERS timeless. We must always where they are.
teach what matters. We must
always teach the Bible with
sound doctrine to reach
the heart of a child,
to both learn and
respond.

7
8
WE’RE READING
FROM AN OLD SCRIPT

9
 FLIPPING THE SCRIPT: A FRESH PERSPECTIVE
Imagine you’ve been asked to close your eyes and explain to
someone how to run. You think for a minute, then close your eyes
and call out, “First, take a deep breath. Then, lift your left knee.
OK, now propel your left foot forward and put it on the ground.”

You’re frustrated when your confused trainee argues with you.

“Take a deep breath? Lift my what? What are you talking about?
Why would I need this?” You open your eyes to discover you’ve
been explaining how to run ... to a fish. You’ve assumed you and
the fish have shared life experiences related to things you never
even think about—oxygen, gravity, and knees! Because of that, your
explanation has fallen on deaf ears. (Do fish even have ears?)

58% In this rapidly changing world, talking to kids and students about
57%
spiritual things can feel a little bit like explaining the mechanics
52%
of running to a fish. We assume a shared understanding of how
the world works, and they stare back at us with gills sucking
45% water, swish their fins, and swim on. We need to change our
40% viewpoint—to climb into the fishbowl alongside kids and
SILENT GENERATION

students and look out at the world from their perspective. The
BABY BOOMERS

view may feel warped to us, but it can help us learn how to reach
GENERATION X

GENERATION Z
MILLENNIALS

this generation in a way they understand.

It’s time to admit that we are reading from an old script. We

are communicating the timeless truth of the gospel with old
strategies that aren’t connecting with younger generations
anymore. We need to flip the script!
Fewer than half
of Millennials and
Gen Z attended
church weekly while CHURCH ATTENDANCE IS FALLING
growing up.
In 2021, The American National Family Life Survey analyzed
how often people attended religious services while growing up.
While Gen X, Baby Boomers, and the Silent Generation reported
weekly church attendance at more than 50%, the majority of
Millennials and Gen Z did not grow up attending church weekly.1

10
 You never really understand
a person until you consider
things from his point of view
... until you climb into his skin
and walk around in it.
—Atticus Finch
To Kill a Mockingbird

11
 While the American National Family Life Survey looked at
church attendance while growing up, a 2019 Pew study asked
SILENT GENERATION
BABY BOOMERS
GENERATION X
MILLENNIALS
each generation about their current church attendance, and
the numbers in younger generations were even more dismal.
Only 22% of Millennials reported weekly church attendance.
That number bumps up to just 35% if you add in the number
of Millennials who attend services once or twice per month.
Furthermore, the number of Millennials who never attend
services (22%) is the same as those who attend weekly. Church
attendance looked marginally better for Generation X, with 32%
reporting weekly attendance, and 46% reporting attendance at
once per month or more.2

22% Since most parents of teenagers and kids fall into these two
14% 15% generations, it is reasonable to conclude that less than 50% of
12%
NextGen kids are attending church once per month or more.

FEWER PEOPLE ARE IDENTIFYING AS CHRISTIAN

The number of
people who NEVER When it comes to identifying themselves as Christians, fewer
attend church and fewer people in each generation do so.
increases in each
generation. According to Pew Research, Christians are reporting church
attendance at the same rate as they did in 2009. They explain,
“The nation’s overall rate of religious attendance is declining
not because Christians are attending church less often, but
rather because there are now fewer Christians as a share of the
population.”3

While more than eight in ten in the Silent Generation identify

themselves as Christians, the numbers decline with each
successive generation. Millennials are the first generation
in America in which Christians are a minority, with just 49%
identifying as such. We can expect that if the parents of Gen Z
are not identifying as Christians, it is less likely their children and
grandchildren will.4

12
 IN EACH GENERATION,
84%
IDENTIFY
AND
AS A
CHRISTIAN
76%
IDENTIFY
IS DECREASING.
AS A

67%
CHRISTIAN

61%
ATTEND
IDENTIFY
AS A
CHRISTIAN
ONCE PER
MONTH OR
MORE
49% 49%
ATTEND
ONCE PER
46%
ATTEND
IDENTIFY
MONTH OR AS A
ONCE PER CHRISTIAN
MORE MONTH OR

35%
MORE

ATTEND
ONCE PER
MONTH OR
MORE

SILENT GENERATION BABY BOOMERS GENERATION X MILLENNIALS

(1928-1945) (1946-1964) (1965-1980) (1981-1996) 13
 1948–2009: CHURCH MEMBERSHIP DECLINED 15 PERCENTAGE POINTS
2009–2020: CHURCH MEMBERSHIP DECLINED 14 PERCENTAGE POINTS

76%

61%

47%

1950 1955 1960 1965 1970 1975 1980 1985 1990 1995 2000 2005 2010 2015 2020

14
CHURCH MEMBERSHIP IS DROPPING AT AN
ACCELERATED PACE
With the number of people who identify as Christians declining,
it’s no surprise that church membership in the U.S. is lower as well.
In 1948, 76% of Americans reported being a member of a church,
synagogue, or mosque. That number has now dipped below 50%.
Note that it took 61 years to drop 15 percentage points and just 11
years to drop another 14 percentage points. We recognize that 2020
was an anomaly of church statistics during the start of the COVID-19 (WE HAVE SHIFTED)
pandemic. But, even without taking 2020 into account, the
percentages of church membership are falling at an alarming pace.5 FROM A SOCIETY

These statistics paint a bleak picture for Christians and seem to IN WHICH IT WAS
point to a disconnect between the church and people they are
VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE
trying to reach. Certainly church attendance and membership
don’t guarantee saving faith in Jesus, but they can indicate to NOT TO BELIEVE IN
what degree religious values and ideas are shaping culture. Let’s
step back and look through the wider historical lens at church GOD, TO ONE IN WHICH
attendance and its effect on culture and worldview.
FAITH, EVEN FOR THE
At one time, church was the center of society. Churches were
STAUNCHEST BELIEVER,
built as the centerpiece of a city, and city life revolved around
them. Baptisms, marriages, funerals, and festivals provided the IS ONE HUMAN
foundation of community life. There was social benefit, and even
social pressure, to belong to a religious community. For some POSSIBILITY AMONG
people and communities this represented true saving faith, and
OTHERS.
for others it was merely institutional or cultural. Both believers
and non-believers had similar ideas about how the world worked —CHARLES TAYLOR
that were based on Judeo-Christian ideas. Most of society PHILOSOPHER,
agreed on things like the existence of God, good and evil, SECULARISM EXPERT
heaven and hell, and most issues of morality and social ethics.

As church attendance and membership have declined, the church

has moved to the periphery of public life. As its influence over public
discourse and policy has weakened, ideas that have no spiritual basis
have replaced religion as the key influencer of public life.

15
 SECULARISM’S INFLUENCE ON WORLDVIEW
The dominant worldview of any population is the aggregate of
the ideals of individuals. As increasing numbers of people turn
away from faith and faith communities, the result is an increasing
separation between religion and public life. In America today,
secularism (attitudes/activities that have no religious or spiritual
basis) has replaced the church in many contexts as the primary
driver of culture.

As society has become more secular, belief in God has moved

from being expected to being unchallenged to being just one
option among others.6 Every aspect of society is influenced by
ATHEISM AND AGNOSTICISM secular ideas. Education, literature, and entertainment answer
ARE ON THE RISE IN YOUNGER
questions like “What is the meaning of life? How does the
GENERATIONS
universe work? How do we know right from wrong?” in ways that
are no longer shaped primarily by religious beliefs.

4% 18%
Christian parents may try to shield their children from a secular
worldview, but it’s pervasive. It is in every facet of society, including
our churches. With access to the internet, kids today are global
citizens who encounter a myriad of belief systems at younger and
younger ages. In entertainment and online, belief systems aren’t
Silent Generation Z: presented in an organized way that might lead kids and students
Generation: Identify as
to consider whether or not they agree, but rather as an assumption
identify as atheist or
atheist or agnostic that everyone believes in moral relativism, new age, astrology, self
agnostic help, or nothing at all. Christian belief systems that are perceived by
some as restricting freedom in any way are (at best) undermined
with jokes couched as entertainment or (at worst) openly mocked.
Not only do 34% of
Generation Z identify as
religiously unaffiliated, How do we engage a generation of unchurched and
they are also more likely underchurched kids and students to whom truths and stories in
to identify as atheist or Scripture are unknown and the topics, people, and places seem
agnostic than any other
generation. foreign? Moreover, how do we engage a generation in which
the very fabric of what they believe to be true about how the
world works is counter to Christian teachings? Let’s begin by
understanding exactly what this generation DOES believe.

16
 The Christian family,
Christian church, and
Christian school must
not assume that the next
generations will accept
the conclusions that
seem so obvious to
older generations.
—Kevin DeYoung

17
 The highest good is

THESE SEVEN BELIEFS ARE AT THE individual freedom,

happiness, self-definition,

CORE OF EXPRESSIVE INDIVIDUALISM and self-expression.

The world will

4
The primary social ethic
Traditions, religions, is tolerance of everyone’s
received wisdom, inevitably improve self-defined quest for individual
regulations, and social as the scope of freedom and self-expression.
ties that restrict individual individual freedom Any deviation from this ethic of
freedom, happiness, grows. Technology—in tolerance is dangerous and must
self-definition, and particular the not be tolerated. Therefore social
self-expression must be internet—will motor justice is less about economic or
reshaped, deconstructed, this progression toward class inequality and more about
or destroyed. utopia. issues of equality relating to
individual identity, self-expression,
and personal autonomy.

Large-scale Forms of external

Humans are structures and authority
inherently institutions are are rejected
good. suspicious at and personal
best and evil at authenticity is
worst. lauded.

18
WHAT EXACTLY IS TODAY’S WORLDVIEW?
Today’s worldview is primarily shaped by expressive
individualism, a term coined by philosopher Robert Bellah.7 Yuval
Levin in The Fractured Republic describes it like this:

(Expressive individualism) suggests not only a desire to pursue

one’s own path but also a yearning for fulfillment through the
definition and articulation of one’s own identity. It is a drive
both to be more like whatever you already are and also to
live in society by fully asserting who you are. The capacity
of individuals to define the terms of their own existence by
defining their personal identities is increasingly equated with
liberty and with the meaning of some of our basic rights, and it
is given pride of place in our self-understanding.8

For the most part, expressive individualism rejects anything

external (values or duties defined by society, religion, or previous
generations). It encourages defining one’s “self” internally and
expressing that self-created identity to the world. It layers on
additional pressure that you don’t just have the right to do
this, but you have the responsibility to do this. Anything that
restricts your freedom must be eliminated. There is no external
definition of right and wrong. All definitions revolve around you
and your fulfillment. The ultimate goal of this worldview is not
to adhere or listen to outside standards but to be authentic to
the standards you’ve identified for yourself. Should you look
outside of yourself? Absolutely, but only to defend the rights
of those whose definitions of “self” have been marginalized.
You must defend their right to define themselves and express
that definition.

In The Disappearing Church, Mark Sayers offers a list of seven

core beliefs that reflect an expressive individualist society.9
Remember our fish analogy? As you read the seven beliefs,
remember that this is the world our kids and students see when
they are looking out through the lens of their secular fishbowl.

19
 HOW PERVASIVE IS EXPRESSIVE INDIVIDUALISM?
Your city and your church are influenced, to some degree, by
expressive individualism and post-Christian philosophy. This
SECULARISM HAS A thinking dominates the culture and public discourse in some
STRONG FOOTHOLD IN areas of the country and has a moderate influence in other areas.
AMERICAN CULTURE
In 2019, Barna research measured post-Christian beliefs across
the U.S. based on 16 measurements of belief, identity, and
practice. To qualify as “post-Christian,” individuals had to meet

60%
9 or more of the 16 measurements. The results are wide-ranging.
The highest ranking post-Christian cities are in Springfield and
Holyoke, MA scoring at 66%, while Charleston and Huntington,
WV scored only 32% as post-Christian.10

Regardless of where you live in the country, the kids and students
you serve live in a global world, and they are most certainly being
60% of Americans agree
that religious belief is
influenced by post-Christian thought. Are you seeing any of the
a matter of personal following viewpoints among kids and students?
opinion; it is not about • They feel that “Jesus is the only way” seems intolerant.
objective truth.
• They challenge that the biblical teaching about binary
gender is bigoted and unsafe.
• They talk about themselves as a “brand.”

66%
• They refer to “my truth” rather than “the truth.”
• They make decisions by “following their heart” or “tapping
into an inner power.”
• They celebrate others regardless of behavior.
• They struggle in situations where they are asked to give up
their own preferences/rights for the good of the group.
66% of American agree • They struggle with the idea that humans are sinful by nature.
that everyone sins a
little, but most people • They believe personal happiness and fulfillment are the
are good by nature. meaning of life.
• They view equality in terms of defending people’s freedom of
expression and self-definitions rather than in economic terms.

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 WHICH CITIES RANK AS THE MOST “POST-CHRISTIAN?”
1 Springfield-Holyoke, MA ������������������� 66% 36 Pittsburgh, PA ����������������������������������������47% 70 Dayton, OH ����������������������������������������������38%
2 Portland-Auburn, ME ��������������������������� 60% 37 Wilmington, NC ��������������������������������������47% 71 Cincinnati, OH ����������������������������������������38%
3 Providence, RI-New Bedford, MA ����59% 38 San Diego, CA ��������������������������������������� 46% 72 Atlanta, GA ����������������������������������������������38%
4 Burlington, VT ����������������������������������������59% 39 Las Vegas, NV ��������������������������������������� 46% 73 Norfolk-Portsmouth-
Newport News, VA ��������������������������������38%
5 Boston, MA-Manchester, NH ��������������57% 40 Cedar Rapids-Waterloo, IA ���������������� 46%
6 Albany-Schenectady-Troy, NY ����������56% 41 Syracuse, NY ����������������������������������������� 46% 74 Raleigh-Durham-Fayetteville, NC ������38%
7 Hartford-New Haven, CT ��������������������56% 42 Spokane, WA ����������������������������������������� 45% 75 Colorado Springs-Pueblo, CO ������������37%
8 Rochester, NY ����������������������������������������55% 43 Harlingen-Weslaco-Brownsville- 76 Ft. Wayne, IN ������������������������������������������37%
9 Santa Barbara-Santa Maria- McAllen, TX ������������������������������������������� 45% 77 San Antonio, TX ������������������������������������36%
San Luis Obispo, CA ��������������������������� 54% 44 Miami-Ft. Lauderdale, FL ������������������� 45% 78 Ft. Smith-Fayetteville-Springdale-
Rogers, AR ����������������������������������������������36%
10 Seattle-Tacoma, WA ����������������������������� 54% 45 Flint-Saginaw-Bay City, MI ����������������� 45%
11 Madison, WI ������������������������������������������� 54% 46 Baltimore, MD ��������������������������������������� 45% 79 Traverse City-Cadillac, MI ��������������������36%
12 Wilkes Barre-Scranton-Hazelton, PA ��� 54% 47 Phoenix-Prescott, AZ ��������������������������� 44% 80 Paducah, KY-Cape Girardeau, MO-
Harrisburg-Mt. Vernon, IL ��������������������36%
13 Buffalo, NY ����������������������������������������������53% 48 Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN ������������������� 44% 81 South Bend-Elkhart, IN ������������������������36%
14 Ft. Myers-Naples, FL ����������������������������52% 49 Orlando-Daytona Beach- 82 Oklahoma City, OK ��������������������������������35%
Melbourne, FL ��������������������������������������� 44%
15 Davenport-Rock Island-Moline, IL ����52% 83 Grand Rapids-Kalamazoo-
16 Tuscon-Sierra Vista, AZ �������������������������51% 50 Peoria-Bloomington, IL ����������������������� 44% Battle Creek, MI ��������������������������������������35%

17 San Francisco-Oakland-San Jose, CA ��� 50% 51 Waco-Temple-Bryan, TX ��������������������� 43% 84 Savannah, GA ����������������������������������������35%
18 Reno, NV ������������������������������������������������� 50% 52 Green Bay-Appleton, WI ��������������������� 43% 85 Jacksonville, FL ������������������������������������� 34%
19 Chico-Redding, CA ������������������������������� 50% 53 Johnstown-Altoona-St. College, PA � 43% 86 Lansing, MI ��������������������������������������������� 34%
20 New York, NY ����������������������������������������� 50% 54 Portland, OR �������������������������������������������42% 87 Indianapolis, IN ������������������������������������� 34%
21 Monterey-Salinas, CA �������������������������� 49% 55 Albuquerque-Santa Fe, NM ����������������42% 88 Columbia, SC ����������������������������������������� 34%
22 Philadelphia, PA ������������������������������������ 49% 56 West Palm Beach-Ft. Pierce, FL ��������42% 89 Charleston, SC ��������������������������������������� 34%
23 Sacramento-Stockton-Modesto, CA � 48% 57 Wausau-Rhinelander, WI ���������������������42% 90 Dallas-Ft. Worth, TX ������������������������������33%
24 Boise, ID ������������������������������������������������� 48% 58 Milwaukee, WI ����������������������������������������42% 91 Corpus Christi, TX ����������������������������������33%
25 Austin, TX ����������������������������������������������� 48% 59 Columbus, OH ����������������������������������������42% 92 Kansas City, KS-MO ������������������������������33%
26 Des Moines-Ames, IA ��������������������������� 48% 60 Yakima-Pasco-Richland-Kennewick, WA ���41% 93 Mobile, AL-Pensacola-
27 Chicago, IL ��������������������������������������������� 48% 61 Lincoln-Hastings-Kearney, NE �������������41% Ft. Walton Beach, FL ����������������������������33%

62 Tampa-St. Petersburg-Sarasota, FL ���41% 94 Richmond-Petersburg, VA ������������������33%

28 Detroit, MI ����������������������������������������������� 48% 95 Harrisburg-Lancaster-
29 Washington, DC-Haggerstown, MD ��� 48% 63 Youngstown-Warren, OH ���������������������41% Lebanon-York, PA ����������������������������������33%
30 Los Angeles, CA ������������������������������������47% 64 Eugene, OR ������������������������������������������� 40% 96 Salt Lake City, UT ����������������������������������32%
31 Fresno-Visalia, CA ���������������������������������47% 65 St. Louis, MO ����������������������������������������� 40% 97 Wichita-Hitchinson-Dodge City-
32 Denver, CO ����������������������������������������������47% 66 El Paso, TX ����������������������������������������������39% Salina-Manhattan, KS ����������������������������32%
67 Cleveland-Akron-Canton, OH ������������39% 98 Baton Rouge, LA ������������������������������������32%
33 Sioux Falls-Mitchell, SD ������������������������47%
68 Houston, TX ��������������������������������������������38% 99 Knoxville, TN ������������������������������������������32%
34 Omaha, NE ����������������������������������������������47%
69 Champaign-Springfield-Decatur, IL �� 38% 100 Charleston-Huntington, WV ��������������32%
35 Toledo, OH ����������������������������������������������47%

21
 WHO IS GEN Z?
(BORN 1997-2012)

Market Research firm,

McKinsey & Company, IDENTITY NOMADS COMMUNAHOLIC DIALOGUER
helps companies appeal Don’t define Feel radically Desire fewer
to specific target themselves in inclusive of confrontations,
audiences. Here are only one way people/groups more dialogue
several ways the search
for “truth” drives the They want They want to They want to
overall behavior of to express connect through understand
Generation Z: personal truth. different truths. different truths.

MENTAL HEALTH “MY MENTAL HEALTH IS FAIR TO POOR”

SNAPSHOTS
27%
53% 61% 7%
13% 15%
of Gen Z of Gen Z 5%
(ages 13-25) (ages 13-25)
reported that the say adults in
biggest challenge their lives don’t Silent Baby Gen X Millennials Gen Z
they faced during truly know the Generation Boomers (ages 15-21)
the pandemic was extent of their
their mental health. struggles.

GEN Z FEELS STRESS ABOUT THE NEWS

48% 21% Mass GEN Z (ages 15-21) 75%
of Gen Z of Gen Z
shootings ADULTS OVERALL 62%
(ages 13-25) (ages 13-25)
say they are say they are 62%
Rise in
moderately extremely 44%
suicide rates
or extremely lonely.
depressed. Climate change and 58%
global warming 51%

MORE THAN HALF Separation and

deportation 45%
57%

of Gen Z adults (ages 18-22)

identified with 10 out of 11 feelings Sexual harassment 53%
associated with loneliness. and assault 39%

22
THE PROBLEM OF EXPRESSIVE INDIVIDUALISM
The philosophy of expressive individualism puts tremendous
pressure on children. Imagine the pressure that comes with
defining “self,” rights, and ethics—on kids and students whose
brains are not yet fully developed. And that pressure doesn’t
end with defining themselves. Once they define themselves
by looking within themselves, there is additional pressure to
express, defend, find people who celebrate that definition, and
reject those who disagree. ... JUST

Even before the global pandemic of 2020 forced kids into social
TRY HARD
isolation, studies show that this generation experience the TO BE YOU.
highest rates of loneliness and depression. Two years into the
pandemic, 53% of Gen Z report that the biggest challenge they —ZENDAYA, ACTRESS
faced during this time was their mental health. In addition, 48%
say that they are moderately to extremely depressed. A separate
study concludes that Gen Z adults identified with 10 out of 11
feelings associated with loneliness.”11

Some might point to the rise in phone or screen use and

growing up in a hyper-connected world as the source of the
mental health crisis. Others may point to the effects of isolation
during the pandemic. Others point to things like the rise in
school shootings, political rancor, or economic stress. Certainly
these play a role. But the fact is, we weren’t created to define
ourselves or to be the center of all things. The impact of growing
up in a culture obsessed with “self” impacts mental health.

Creating self-definition ends ultimately in a performative

lifestyle. The millennial actress, Zendaya, exhorts young people
to “... just try hard to be you.”12 This statement seems ridiculous
to older generations who don’t consider “being you” to be a
performance that requires hard work. But it resonates deeply
with younger generations who live daily with the pressure to act
out the identity they’ve created.

23
 Whatever choice you make,
let it come from your heart.
—Queen Clarice in The rest of the world
Princess Diaries 2: may follow the rules, but
Royal Engagement I must follow my heart. Life doesn’t give us
—Ernesto de la Cruz purpose. We give
from Coco life purpose.
—The Flash (DC Comics)

If you feel like you

VOICES IN
really want to define
yourself, and you have It’s time to see what I can do
CULTURE the ability to articulate
those parameters and
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
that in itself defines I’m free. I’ve always been
you, then do it. — “Let It Go” lyrics from Frozen fascinated by the idea
—Kristen Stewart, that there’s no such
actress thing as evil; it’s all in
your point of view.
— Eli Roth,
film director

There is additional pressure to avoid getting caught accidentally

stepping outside of one’s created definition. Attackers are
always watchful to “out” a hypocrite who steps out of line. Kids
and students feel the pressure to hide behind the cover story
of what they’ve created. They sense this cover story is a fraud
because they sense they were made for something different.
And when your whole identity is a performance you’ve invented,
it leads to isolation, fear, fragility, and exhaustion.

An invented identity is fluid. What happens to the child who,

after time passes, questions that definition? If that definition
turns out to be wrong, she only has herself to blame. As they
grow, kids and students are confronted with a continual need
to define themselves over and over because they can’t find
fulfillment from their sense of “self.” When the thing they wanted
most isn’t fulfilling, what follows is loneliness and confusion
about an identity built on fluidity and feelings.

24
 Whatever path you Your self-worth is determined by you.
decide to take in this life, You don’t have to depend on someone
be true to yourself. You just be and you don’t let else telling you who you are.
—Yu Shu Lien in anyone tell you who you are. —Beyoncé Knowles, singer
Crouching Tiger You don’t need labels to make
Hidden Dragon yourself feel valuable, you’re
better than that.
—PewDiePie,
Swedish YouTuber

Fairy Tales can

come true. You
If [it] come[s] from just gotta make
inside you, [it’s] I believe everyone is looking them happen. It all
always [the] for the answers, but the depends on you.
right one. answers are within ourselves. —Tiana in The
—Mr. Miyagi in —Miranda Kerr, model Princess and
The Karate Kid the Frog

THE PROBLEM OF BEING HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD

The current framework of expressive individualism is incompatible
with Christian teachings, so we have an intellectual problem to
overcome when talking to kids and students about spiritual things.
But before we can even address the problem of understanding,
we have to deal with the fact that giving up your life to find it (see
Matthew 16:25) doesn’t sound like good news to students and kids
whose highest values are self-definition and self-expression. This
message sounds threatening to kids whose worldview tells them
happiness depends on self-fulfillment. If you reject or dismiss the
identity they’ve worked so hard to create, their worldview says your
words and beliefs must be unsafe; therefore, you must be unsafe.
External authority, and especially that given by an institution,
is viewed by many kids and students as coercive, intrusive,
and suspicious.

25
 D BOOMER
D BOOMER

AN

S4
AN

GENX
S4

-EVE
GENX

-EVE

R
WORLDVIEW THEN R WORLDVIEW NOW
Most peers identified as Christian, Most peers do NOT identify as Christian,
attended church regularly, and attend church regularly, or
shared values rooted in religious ideals. share values rooted in religious ideals.

In general, culture In general, culture now

believed the meaning of life was believes the meaning of life is
TO BE GOOD. TO DEFINE MYSELF.

Believed rights and ethics were Believe rights and ethics

defined by external sources— are defined internally, with
government, religion, society, family. no external authority. The
The world improved as people world improves as personal
behaved morally. Society should freedom grows. Society must
help the economically or socially defend those whose identity is
disadvantaged. marginalized.

Understanding Existing beliefs

the gospel was contradict the
a matter of gospel. We will
connecting the need to draw
dots of existing new dots.
beliefs.

26
The only way to overcome this suspicion is by awakening a
longing to connect. Kids are not going to be able to hear what
you have to say until they determine you are trustworthy. You
can’t assume their trust just by showing up—you’ll need to work
to earn the right to be heard. Kids and students will need to feel a
sense of belonging and psychological safety before you can move
forward to address the issue of understanding the gospel.

In terms of helping kids move toward an understanding of

gospel truths, the idea of sin sounds like nonsense to those who
believe people are inherently good. Eternal life is irrelevant to “IN MY LIFE, IT’S VERY
someone who doesn’t believe in heaven. Submission to Christ IMPORTANT TO HAVE ... ”
sounds dangerous to someone who worships the self as ultimate
authority. Tim Keller describes the problem like this:
74%
71%
For a thousand years … the culture created people who had the 66%
basic “furniture” for a Christian worldview. They usually believed in
a personal God, they often believed in an afterlife, heaven and hell. 55%
They believed they should be “good” and they weren’t perfect,
and that they therefore did need forgiveness. So you could call
those the “religious dots”—belief in God, belief in an afterlife, belief
in a moral law, belief in sin. The church could assume that people
would just show up in church. If they came they would have a
general respect for the Bible, and they would have some basic
understanding of these things, and evangelism was just waiting for
people to show up and then connecting the dots. 13

peace

hope

purpose and fulfillment

certainty I will go to heaven

But, what do you do if the dots don’t exist? How do you reach a
generation that is suspicious of the church? What happens when
you talk to a kid or a student about heaven, Jesus, or his need for
salvation—but he doesn’t believe in heaven, he’s never heard of
Jesus, and he disagrees that he is a sinner who needs this Jesus?

In 2021, Lifeway Research asked about issues important to

the American public. The categories of “peace,” “hope,” and
“purpose and fulfillment” all ranked higher than “certainty I
will go to heaven.” These findings reinforce the idea that the

27
 previous dots may not be there anymore. Only 55% of all those
surveyed ranked certainty of eternal life as “very important.”
That percentage dropped to 40% of 18-34 year olds.14 In a
separate study, 47% of non-religious people said they never
wonder if they will go to heaven when they die.15

The Campus Crusade style of initiative evangelism of the

1950s-1980s was successful because it clearly connected the
dots of pre-existing beliefs in moral law and eternal life. But if
today’s kids and students don’t have the same dots to connect,
we need new connection points.

Let’s look to the Bible’s solution in 1 Corinthians 1:18-25.

For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are

perishing, but it is the power of God to us who are being saved.
For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and I will
set aside the intelligence of the intelligent.”

Where is the one who is wise? Where is the teacher of the

law? Where is the debater of this age? Hasn’t God made the
world’s wisdom foolish? For since, in God’s wisdom, the world
did not know God through wisdom, God was pleased to save
those who believe through the foolishness of what is preached.
For the Jews ask for signs and the Greeks seek wisdom, but
we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to the Jews and
foolishness to the Gentiles. Yet to those who are called, both
Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of
God, because God’s foolishness is wiser than human wisdom,
and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength.

Paul started with the foundation of different cultural narratives

and connected each cultural belief to the message of Jesus.
He addressed the cultural idolatry of the Greeks (wisdom) and
of the Jews (power). He customized his explanation to each,
explaining that the cross is the true wisdom to the Greeks and
the true power to the Jews. Rather than assuming a shared

28
set of beliefs, Paul connected each unique cultural narrative to
the gospel.

Starting with sin and heaven makes sense to someone whose

cultural narrative is “the meaning of life is to be good.” But for
kids and students whose cultural narrative is “the meaning of
life is to create your identity,” we need different dots. We need
to identify different starting points that help kids and students
connect the felt needs they are experiencing as a result of their WE DON’T LIVE
secular worldview to the message of Jesus.
IN A MORALISTIC
Kids and students feel lonely and disconnected because their
lives feel like a performance in which as they act out each AGE WHERE WE
identity they create for themselves. But Jesus offers the only
identity that isn’t based on human whims or performance. Jesus NEED TO PROVE
offers an identity based on His character and His work on the PEOPLE TO BE
cross. When we recognize the waters kids and students are
swimming in and learn to meet them in the fishbowl, we create SINNERS, WE LIVE
opportunities for them to feel heard, understood, and receptive
to what we have to share. IN AN ANXIOUS

A starting point like this lays the foundation for kids and AGE, WHERE WE
students to be open to hear the gospel. When church becomes NEED TO PROVE
a place that understands the culture kids come from, it is more
likely to become a place where they feel seen and known, rather TO PEOPLE
than a place they can’t wait to leave. Over the course of time
they ask their parents to attend more frequently, listen more THEY’RE WORTH
attentively, and believe more readily. SOMETHING.

—SAM ALLBERRY

29
30
2
FLIP THE SCRIPT:
FROM “HEAR” TO “HERE”

31
 CHURCH SHOULD BE THE ANSWER TO THE
CULTURE CRISIS
SATISFACTION WITH As believers, we know that Jesus is the answer to both the
CHURCH IS WANING
cultural need for belonging and the cultural question of identity.
We want church to be the place people come to encounter
Jesus, discovering both belonging and a new identity.

52% To its credit, the church has recognized its waning impact on
society and has tried many strategies to appeal to the lost.
NON-CHRISTIANS: Unfortunately, research indicates that those strategies aren’t
“Church is no longer working. “Attractional” church strategies tried to appeal to
relevant in today’s world.” secular culture but may have over-focused on numerical growth
and over-valued entertainment. “Relevant” church strategies
concentrated efforts toward looking cool to outsiders but
may have over-focused on image and come off as lacking
32% authenticity. “Moral Therapeutic” approaches focused exclusively
on the goal of happiness, resulting in tepid cultural Christianity.
CHURCHED ADULTS: Despite these efforts to appeal to outsiders, Americans’
“I leave the worship service confidence in church has dropped to a record low. In 1973,
feeling disappointed by
the experience at least half the church was the most highly rated institution in Gallup’s
the time.” Confidence Ratings for Institutions, outranking the military,
the U.S. Supreme Court, banks, small businesses, and ten other
institutions. In 2022, fewer than 14% of adults said they have “a
great deal of confidence” in the church. Confidence within the
57% younger generation is even lower. Only 10% of 18-34 years olds
report having a great deal of confidence in the church.16

CHURCHED ADULTS: In 2020, Barna looked at Americans’ relationship to church.

“A growing number of Among non-Christians, 52% agreed that church is no longer
people I know are tired of relevant in today’s world. Among churchgoers, 32% say that they
the usual type of church leave the worship service feeling disappointed by the experience
experience.”
at least half the time, and 57% say that a growing number
of people they know are tired of the usual type of church
experience.17

32
 73

75
19
AMERICA’S CONFIDENCE IN THE

19
60
%
77
CHURCH HAS FALLEN STEADILY 50
19
19
79

OVER THE LAST 50 YEARS

%
81
19

3
40 198
%
4
198

1985
30
%
202 202 20
0 1 22
1986
2019
2018 1987
2017
1988
2016
1989
2015
4
201 1990

13 12
20 199
20 1
19
92
11 19
20 93
10
20 19
94 “I have a great
deal or quite a
07
08

2002

lot of confidence
09

20
20

19
20

in the church
95

or organized
19
6

2003

religion.”
19

96
200

97
5
2004
200

30-39%
199
199
200

40-49%
8
9

50-59%
2001

60-70%

33
 Lifeway Research looked at young adults who grew up attending
church then dropped out. This study found that among those
RELEVANCE MATTERS who stayed in church, 68% said they had found their youth
WHEN IT COMES leader’s sermons were relevant to their lives. Among those who
TO YOUNG ADULTS
dropped out of church, only 50% said they had found their youth
STAYING IN CHURCH
leader’s sermons relevant.18

50%
of young adults
If we consider kids and students growing up in a post-Christian
world that has no foundational belief in sin, moral law, eternity,
or heaven, is it surprising that they might find the church
who left church
found sermons
lacking in relevance? Is it surprising they long for a place where
to be irrelevant. legitimate doubt is permissible or even expected?

WE’VE ASSUMED INACCURATE STARTING POINTS

Let’s look through the lens of the fishbowl for a moment and
imagine what it might feel like for a kid or student who has
never been to church before. She doesn’t know any answers. The
songs aren’t familiar. Her teachers say weird things like “blood
of Jesus” and “Habakkuk.” She doesn’t know the memory verse
everyone else has been working on for weeks.
68%
of young adults
We’ve approached ministry assuming kids and students have
church experience as a starting point. Without meaning to, we’ve
who stayed in
church found built a culture that quietly says, “You don’t belong.” If we are
sermons to be going to love like Jesus loves, then we shouldn’t expect kids and
relevant. students to break into this church culture that’s alien to them.
Instead, we should remove our inaccurate assumptions and meet
them where they are.

34
Without meaning to,
we’ve built a culture
that quietly says,
“You don’t belong.”

35
 What other ministry habits reveal that we assume kids and
students have prior church experience?
WE CAN’T ASSUME THE • Talking to them as though they already know what the Bible
CHILDREN OF MILLENNIALS is, that the Bible is true, and how to find things in it
AND GEN X HAVE PRIOR • Asking knowledge-based Bible questions
CHURCH EXPERIENCE
• Assuming they already know each other and the teacher
• Expecting them to feel safe and included just by showing up
NEVER • Assuming they arrive ready to learn
NEVER
• Expecting they will trust and believe their teacher
SELDOM

SELDOM
• Reviewing previous weeks’ lessons or memory work
A FEW
TIMES A A FEW • Using “churchy” language
YEAR TIMES A
YEAR • Assuming they know where to go/what to do in your space

53%
of Generation X
64%
of Millennials
As Lifeway talks to Kids Ministers who are reaching unchurched
kids about their top unmet needs in curriculum, we hear answers
like “relevant to culture,” “works for both churched and unchurched
attend church a attend church
few times a year a few times a kids,” “relevant to unchurched or inner city.” These point toward a
or less. year or less. gap in our ability to talk to kids who lack church experience.19

As we saw in chapter 1, modern culture has indoctrinated kids

and students to crave freedom and self-definition, to reject
external authority, and to believe humans are inherently good.
Given that, we may be wrongly assuming they have the dots to
connect with what we are teaching. Traditional ministry teaching
models look something like this: HEAR—BELIEVE—SHARE.
Taking for granted that kids and students can hear the gospel,
move to believing in Christ, and begin sharing their faith
assumes the dots for understanding the gospel were already
there, waiting to be connected. This approach was successful
in the past when kids’ and students’ cultural understanding of
how the world works was compatible with Christian truths. This
method may still work to some degree in areas of the country
less influenced by post-Christian thought. But many of us need
to change our starting point.

36
 TRADITIONAL MINISTRY MODEL

HEAR BELIEVE SHARE

CHILD
PATHWAY I hear and understand I believe in Jesus I tell others
Bible stories and the and begin my about the
gospel message. faith journey. love of Jesus.

TEACH PRESENT ENCOURAGE

CHURCH
STRATEGY THE BIBLE THE GOSPEL EVANGELISM

Teach the Bible Present the gospel Remind kids often that
according to a at the end of each they should be telling
scope and sequence lesson or at regular their friends about the
with a wise intervals and offer love of Jesus. Hold events
discipleship plan. the opportunity to like VBS and encourage
repent and be saved. kids to invite friends.

37
 FLIP THE SCRIPT FROM HEAR TO HERE
We can’t assume hearing the gospel will be a sufficient first step
in a child’s faith journey. We must start from a new place. Rather
than defining HEAR as the first step in a child’s faith journey, let’s
flip that HEAR to HERE. We aren’t assuming readiness to learn.
We aren’t assuming prior knowledge. We are assuming only
presence—I AM HERE. That’s it.

HERE. When we flip the script from beginning with HEAR to

beginning with HERE, it changes how we approach a child.
Rather than a focus on disseminating information, we become
focused on making sure that a child feels welcome, included,
and wants to come back. If the church prioritizes breaking down
any barriers to belonging as first order, kids and students feel
more comfortable, known, wanted, included, and celebrated.
This breaks down barriers for them to hear. As ministry leaders,
we often feel like This might be my only opportunity to talk to
this child, so I need to make it count. We need to be careful that
doesn’t lead us to rush headlong into sharing information before
we’ve earned kids’ trust.

LISTENING. When a child feels included and connected, he can

engage with others and begin to listen. Strategies for kids and
students in the listening stage center around making sure they
stay engaged. It’s vital they keep coming back and listening
long enough to begin to understand—kids and students who don’t
enjoy the experience don’t want to return. We need to find ways to
create engaging experiences to help them integrate quickly and
fast-forward to feeling like a part of the group.

UNDERSTANDING. As a child continues to return and listen, she

will understand increasingly more. The best strategy for kids and
students in this stage is to teach foundational truths about who
God is and what He is like, with no prior knowledge necessary.
The strategy for the church is to focus on making every child an
insider, treating every session like the first week, and avoiding

38
practices that might alienate newcomers. The goal is to avoid
having any child feel dumb or embarrassed by what he does not
yet know. Every session should stand alone in terms of value and
impact, no matter how often someone attends.

Focusing on belonging and relationships is absolutely critical for

kids and students in these first three pre-faith stages. It keeps
them returning for more. It allows time to build a relationship
and trust between teacher and student. It creates the right
conditions for heart transformation.

BELIEVING. Having set the stage for heart transformation, we’re

praying that a child’s heart will then be prepared to believe in
Jesus. Gospel conversations should never just be tacked on
to the end of a session. The church should make sure kids and
students hear the gospel repeatedly but from a slightly different
context each time, according to what else they are learning
about, who they are, and who God is.

GROWING. Having believed in Jesus and begun their faith

journeys, we want kids and students to become more like Him
and display His character. The church should nurture an identity
based in God’s character. We want to help kids and students
understand they don’t need to invent their own identities; their
identities are defined by who God is and what He is like.

REACHING. As a child grows in his relationship with God, he

will grow in his desire to go, serve, and tell others about Jesus.
The church needs to create opportunities for kids to serve
their communities alongside volunteers and parents. Being
a welcomed person plants the seed for a child to become
someone who welcomes others.

Each child moves through these steps at his own pace, not on
our schedule. We expect to have kids and students in every one
of these stages every week, so the church should employ all the
strategies all the time to meet the needs of kids wherever they are in
their spiritual growth.

39
 NEXTGEN MINISTRY MODEL

CHILD
I AM HERE LISTENING UNDERSTANDING
PATHWAY
I feel welcome here, I am engaging with I understand
included, and want others, feel connected, increasingly more
to come back. and want to listen. about who God is and
what He is like.

CHURCH
STRATEGY BREAK DOWN ENGAGE LEVEL
BARRIERS TO KIDS WITH FUN THE PLAYING
BELONGING EXPERIENCES FIELD

Go the extra mile When kids and Foundational truths

to make sure every students cheer for a about who God is and
single child feels team, work together what He is like—with
comfortable, known, on a relay, or build no prior knowledge
wanted, included, something together, necessary—
celebrated, and they integrate quickly make everyone an
connected so he can and fast-forward to a insider. Every session
be ready to listen. sense of belonging. should be treated
Group games foster like the first week,
identity/belonging, avoiding anything
and open ears to hear that would alienate.
spiritual truths.

40
 BELIEVING GROWING REACHING
I believe in Jesus I become more like I serve my community
and begin my Jesus, and display and tell others about
faith journey. His character. the love of Jesus.

OFFER NURTURE GIVE

THE GOSPEL AN IDENTITY BASED OPPORTUNITIES TO
IN CONTEXT ON GOD’S CHARACTER GO, SERVE, AND TELL

The weekly gospel Helping kids and students Create opportunities

conversation should understand that one’s for kids and students to
never be arbitrarily identity is defined by who serve their community
tacked on to the God is and what He is like alongside volunteers and
end of a session but offers true understanding parents. Serving with
framed around content of identity and belonging. others builds a lifestyle of
kids are studying. Kids sharing their faith. Being
should hear the gospel a welcomed person plants
repeatedly but always the seed for a child to
with an on-ramp from become someone who
the session. welcomes others.

41
 THE CULTURAL NEED FOR BIBLICAL BELONGING AND
TRUE IDENTITY
As we’ve seen, the key emotional need of this generation is to
feel known and seen and to experience a sense of belonging.
The key question of this generation is “Who Am I?” If we build
GROWING an environment that meets their key emotional needs and teach
content that answers their key cultural questions, we have a
CHURCHES … WILL better hope of reaching this generation. These two ideas fuse
together to form one interconnected approach to ministry.
REALIZE THAT When kids and students feel safe and known by others, they
CONNECTION AND become open to learn about who God is. When they base their
identities in who God is, they break free of the cultural pressure
COMMUNITY WILL to get their identities right. Instead, they discover their identities
are already defined by the God who made them. This freedom
WIN OUT OVER compels kids and students to want others to know God too.
CONTENT IN THE Strategies for kids and students in the first three stages of the
END … NOBODY NextGen Model (Here, Listening, Understanding) are more
relational—leaning heavily toward building an environment of
SHOULD BE extravagant welcome and belonging (more about this in chapter
3). Strategies for kids and students in the second three stages
ABLE TO (Believing, Growing, Reaching) lean more heavily toward teaching
OUT-LOCAL OR timely content that equips them to follow Jesus in a culture that
bombards them with expressive individualism. Kids and students
OUT-COMMUNITY need to learn that their identity is defined by who God is, and that’s
where they’ll find true belonging (more about this in chapter 4).
THE LOCAL CHURCH.
Traditionally, it made sense to start with content first when kids
—CAREY NIEUWHOF and students had church experience as a starting point. As
the world becomes increasingly secular, we need to do more
relational work up front to earn the right to be heard and the
trust of our listeners. This allows us to challenge secular cultural
beliefs and connect kids’ and students’ cultural narratives to
Jesus. We need to flip the script from a traditional content-first
approach to a relationship-first approach.

42
 THE NEW NEXTGEN MINISTRY MODEL MEETS THE
CULTURAL NEED FOR BELONGING AND ANSWERS THE
CULTURAL QUESTION ABOUT IDENTITY.

“W
ho
am
.”

I?”
wn
NGING

IDE
is
en and kno

answ
IRONMENT)

(CONTENT)
I AM OPEN
TO KNOW GOD.

NTITY
ered by
I WANT TO HELP
O

OTHERS KNOW GOD.

(ENV

l se
L

“
E

W
e e
B

ho
f
“I

sG
i

od
?”

WHEN CHILDREN EXPERIENCE AN ENVIRONMENT OF BELONGING, THEY FEEL SEEN

AND KNOWN BY OTHERS AND BECOME OPEN TO LEARN ABOUT WHO GOD IS.
WHEN KIDS AND STUDENTS BASE THEIR IDENTITIES IN WHO GOD IS,
THEY LOVE GOD AND WANT OTHERS TO KNOW HIM.

43
44
3
FLIP THE SCRIPT:
FROM SEEN TO KNOWN

45
 INTENTIONAL STRATEGIES
In the first two chapters we have seen how students and kids
are trending away from the Christian faith and immersing
themselves in the cultural philosophy of expressive individualism.
In the next few chapters, we will turn our attention to some
intentional strategies to help students and kids recognize who
they are and where they belong within this cultural landscape.

THE BUZZ OF “BELONGING”

We want kids and students to know that they belong. Generally
speaking, belonging has a positive connotation in our culture.
But in some instances it can be polarizing—especially in the
church. Perhaps this stems from the popular saying that
you can “belong before you believe.” Many churches have
used this saying to convey a sense of welcomeness and
hospitality for newcomers who may not have a relationship
with God. However, there are some who interpret this phrase
to mean anyone can be part of the kingdom of God, including
those who have not trusted in Jesus for salvation. We define
belonging as a place where kids feel welcomed, seen, and
known. Belonging does not mean everyone is eligible for church
membership or the ordinances. For this book, belonging is about
generous friendship. Pursuing a relationship-first approach to
ministry involves helping kids and students feel seen and known
so that they are open to knowing God.

Belonging is a fundamental human need, right behind food,

water, and safety.20 For children, experiencing a sense of
belonging in school has strong, positive effects on both emotion
and cognition. Belonging in school is found to improve mental
health and emotional well-being, reduce feelings of alienation,
and reduce anxiety and depression.21 Why would we expect
belonging to have a different impact at church?

46
 We are driven by
five genetic needs:
survival, love and
belonging, power,
freedom, and fun.
—William Glasser

47
 The question is, are we—the church—doing this? Are we creating
a sense of belonging when kids and students walk in the door?
Are we showing a continued hospitality that engages kids and
ensures they not only feel seen but also known? Unfortunately,
the answer statistically is no.

WHY ARE WE LOSING GEN Z?

Numerous studies show that churches have not met the
relational needs of its younger generations. Sixty-six percent of
churched kids stop attending regularly between the ages of 18
and 22. Thirty-two percent of dropouts said they felt judged by
adults in their church. Twenty-nine percent of young adults who
dropped out said they didn’t feel connected to people in the
church.22 When you ask them why they stopped, over half the
reasons are because of relationships. Furthermore, adults are
missing the true blessing of passing on the faith to students and
kids. The numbers are chilling and convicting, pointing to the
underlying reason why the next generation is leaving the church.

These statistics seem to show that, while we have said relationships

are important to sharing the gospel, we can’t afford to merely
give lip service to the importance of relationships. Prioritizing
relationships within the church is vital. Relationships position
students and kids to be able to hear what we have to say.

BUT MY CHURCH IS GREAT AT HOSPITALITY!

Studies show that there is no shortage of creative ways to
welcome newcomers.23 On any given Sunday, there are parking
attendants helping new families find a close-up place to park,
smiling volunteers with name tags welcoming people at the
door, even church staff giving out gifts to show hospitality. Some
churches have dedicated staff positions and volunteer teams to
focus on first impressions and follow-up. Churches across the

48
 66% OF CHURCHED KIDS STOP ATTENDING CHURCH
REGULARLY BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18-22
RELATIONAL
REASONS
OTHER
CHURCH MEMBERS REASONS
SEEMED JUDGMENTAL
OR HYPOCRITICAL I NEVER FELT
I DISAGREED WITH THE
32% CONNECTED TO THE
STUDENTS IN MY YOUTH CHURCH’S STANCE
MINISTRY ON POLITICAL/SOCIAL
ISSUES
23%
I ONLY WENT TO 25%
CHURCH TO PLEASE
OTHERS I FELT DISCONNECTED MY WORK
FROM THE PEOPLE AT
22% MY CHURCH
RESPONSIBILITIES
PREVENTED ME FROM
I MOVED TO COLLEGE
AND STOPPED
29% ATTENDING ATTENDING CHURCH
24% 34%

49
 CHURCHES WELCOME country have adopted engaging practices to welcome others
GUESTS IN MANY WAYS, into their space. Rarely do you visit a church where there is not
BUT BUT DO GUESTS FEEL someone to lead you to the right place, introduce your family
SEEN AND KNOWN? to the children’s leader, or help you find a great seat in the
worship service.24

Churches are also usually strategic with follow-up—sending

postcards, making phone calls, even texting a word of
encouragement to newcomers. We make sure that people know
who we are, what to do, and when to come back. They can
hardly escape being seen when they walk in the door.

However, helping people feel seen is not enough. For the most
part, we are stopping short at going to the next step of helping
people feel known, which comes from deeper connections and
relationships. Friendly faces are a good start, but when people
Opportunity to meet the pastor after service 96%
Greeters at the entrances 95%
Cards guests are asked to complete 83%
Central location where guests can learn about the church 78%
Time during service to personally welcome guests 69%
Information session about the church 65%
Gifts for guests 42%
Greeters in the parking lot 24%

are not connected, they don’t want to return—especially our kids

and students. Many newcomers to our churches are disengaging
because of a lack of authentic relationship. They feel judged,
disconnected, or they are trying to please others.

How, then, do we create the kind of culture that makes our

students and kids not only want to walk in the door but also
excited to return again and again?

EXTRAVAGANT WELCOME AND RADICAL HOSPITALITY

It’s time for us to reevaluate our approach. We don’t need
another welcome team. Instead, we need to engage newcomers
in relationships, to connect with them and help them feel known
so we can introduce them to Jesus. Non-religious people often
crave Christian community long before they crave Christian faith.
This type of hospitality doesn’t live within a team, but within a
whole church culture of engagement and intentionality.

50
We need collectively to live our faith openly and publicly in our
communities so that when kids and students who don’t know
God see His presence in our lives, they will be drawn to know
Him themselves and honor Him (1 Peter 2:12). When we provide
a place for kids to experience the extravagant welcome of Jesus
through the radical hospitality of His people, we prepare their
hearts to hear and respond to the gospel.

Radical hospitality and extravagant welcome are personal. They

look people in the eye and call them by name. They connect
the disconnected into relationships. They let people know they
are seen, known, and valued here. They avoid using language
that makes newcomers feel excluded or confused. They go the
extra mile to create a culture that’s comfortable, accepting, and
approachable to everyone who walks through the door. They
create a compelling context of biblical belonging that connects
the disconnected in a Christ-centered community for the
purpose of inciting a transformational encounter with Jesus.

None of these things happen by accident. We must intentionally

go out of our way to engage kids, students, and their families
in ways that are meaningful and authentic so we can introduce
them to God.

EXPECT KIDS IN THE FIRST THREE STAGES

Look back at the pathway shown in chapter 2 on pages 40-41.
Notice the first three steps—Here, Listening, Understanding—are
pre-faith steps. Traditional ministry models often start with a
content-first step of believing. But as we’ve already uncovered,
many kids and students of this generation have a different
starting point. They don’t think in the same ways or hold to the
same values as many of the adults they encounter at church.
When we assume nothing but the fact that a child is present,
the number one goal should be making him feel like he belongs,
providing emotional safety and meeting his psychological need

51
 to be known. This all begins in step one when a kid walks in your
space for the first time.

Creating a culture of belonging motivates us to be intentional

about how we move a child toward an openness of listening,
understanding, and believing. When you bombard a kid with
information before he is ready to hear, you may alienate him
further. When you try to “sell” a student on a new belief system
before you’ve shown you care, he may sense manipulation.
When a child or student walks into your space for the first few
times, she probably feels like an outsider. Our goal should be
to help students and kids see themselves as insiders who feel
comfortable to not only participate but also contribute to the
group knowing they are in a place where they belong.

FROM OUTSIDERS TO INSIDE CONTRIBUTORS

We have assumed kids and students arrive at church comfortable
ACT WISELY and ready to greet friends and learn. Today, many of theses kids
and students are either first-time attendees or (even more likely)
TOWARD infrequent attendees who may arrive feeling like outsiders.
OUTSIDERS, Kids who feel like outsiders experience fear and insecurity
and don’t learn effectively. As kids increasingly assimilate into
MAKING THE
the group, their fear of being embarrassed or marginalized
MOST OF decreases and their ability to learn and contribute increases. We
aim to intentionally design the church experience to move each
THE TIME. child toward feeling like an insider and contributing to the group.
It’s important to visualize the experience newcomers have, being
—COLOSSIANS 4:5 mindful to design the content and flow of a church experience to
address each phase they might go through in the duration of a
typical one-hour session.

The model on the following pages show each phase from the
Outsider–In methodology. This diagram represents how to
design an experience that strategically moves kids and students

52
to a level of comfort when they arrive so that by the end of the
hour they feel confident enough to participate fully. When we
strategically implement radical hospitality, we help a child move
from fear and anxiety to belonging and safety.

When kids and students arrive at church and feel celebrated

and known by leaders and other peers, they feel psychologically
safe to engage and participate. As we engage them in games
and activities that are built around relationships, they begin to
feel included in the group. With our actions we are saying, “You
belong here. You are part of this team.” As they assimilate into
finding a place on the team, they further join in participation.

As kids and students reach the point of participation, they

feel more comfortable within the group to be ready to listen
and learn about God and the Bible. Then they become more
like insiders, engaging in questions and applying what they
learn. This Outsider–In methodology helps position leaders to
meet children where they are in the first three stages of the
NextGen Ministry model and create an environment of deeper
engagement, understanding, and relational trust.

Notice the value of relationships in this model. We can’t

expect kids and students to move toward inside contributors
without the relational trust we build as leaders. Start building
relational trust from the moment kids walk in. Begin by showing
extravagant welcome, celebrating them, getting to know them
as people. This helps them move toward the valuable moments
where they fully learn, contribute, and apply the biblical content
they are learning.

We must make relationship-first ministry strategies a priority.

Kids and students aren’t going to care what we know until they
know that we care. They are less likely to have open hearts
to hear the message of the gospel if they don’t feel like they
belong. It’s easy for people to walk away from a program, but it’s
much harder to walk away from rich relationships.

53
 OUTSIDER-IN METHODOLOGY

OUTSIDER

CHOLOGICAL SAFETY/COMFO
PSY RT
INCLUSION

PARTICIPATION

LEARNING

CONTRIBUTING,
QUESTIONING,
APPLYING
“I belong and
feel safe.”

.”
“I ’ m

ity
Ic .
“

an rn
”

l isten and lea nt

pa

e
ic
id
rt

ip up
”
at ro ls.
“I’

ing g
a
in nd experience
go

a
m

cl ed e.”
ud ar
ed h
“P

hs
m

op in g
roup activities wit t
e

le
b ra
kn le
ow
d ce
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nam
e h me, a
“I’ , interact wit
m .”
a fr o ut
aid f t
o f be r le
ing embarrassed o

54
 PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY/COMFORT—The Child/Student Experiences:
“People know my name, interact with me, and celebrate me.”
Our Response: Structure arrival time around making kids feel
celebrated and known by their group leader and known by other kids.
Examples might include playing open-entry games, doing get-to-
know-you activities, and greeting each kid with an extreme welcome!

INCLUSION—The Child/Student Experiences: “I’m included

in group activities with shared goals.” Our Response: Playing
OUTSIDER— group games and activities around a shared goal helps kids feel
included—even needed on a team or small group.
The Child/Student
Experiences:
“I’m afraid of being
embarrassed or left out.”
Our Response: Whether
PARTICIPATION—The Child/Student Experiences:
“I’m participating and experiencing group identity.”
a visitor, an infrequent
Our Response: Consider incorporating lighthearted
attendee, or someone
competition between small groups. Cheering for their team
who normally attends at
helps kids identify as a part of their group and further
a different time, many
assimilate. The “I” begins to feel like “we” during this stage.
kids arrive feeling like
an outsider. It’s critical
to move them toward
psychological safety and LEARNING—The Child/Student Experiences: “I can listen and
comfort as quickly as learn.” Our Response: By this point in the session, kids feel
possible. emotionally comfortable in their groups and are emotionally
ready to listen and learn. Tell the Bible story knowing you may be
talking to someone who has never heard of God or the Bible.

CONTRIBUTING, QUESTIONING, APPLYING—The Child/Student

Experiences: “I belong and feel safe to contribute and question without
fear of being embarrassed or marginalized.” Our Response: Reinforce
Bible content by providing opportunities for kids to ask questions and
enjoy sharing from their hearts.
55
 WHEN YOU LOOK AT CHILDHOOD PREDICTORS OF SPIRITUAL
HEALTH IN YOUNG ADULTS, SEVERAL ARE RELATIONAL
10%

9%

8%

7%

6%

5%

4%

3%

2%

1%

PARENTS ASKED FOR CHILD CONNECTED WITH CHILD HAD A CHILD REGULARLY
INCREASE IN FORGIVENESS WHEN SEVERAL ADULTS AT CHURCH BEST FRIEND WHO SERVED IN
SPIRITUAL THEY MESSED UP WHO INTENTIONALLY WAS AN INFLUENCE CHURCH WHILE
HEALTH INVESTED IN THEM TO FOLLOW CHRIST GROWING UP

56
FLIP RELATIONSHIPS:
KIDS AND STUDENTS NEED FRIENDS
Kids need four types of relationships to truly connect to the
church and experience belonging there. Those relationships can
be identified by the acronym FLIP.

F IS FOR FRIENDS

One of the best things we can do to encourage belonging is to

F FRIENDS
help kids and students develop lasting friendships with their
peers. Every kid needs to find friends at church. Friendships L LEADERS
connect us in belonging. We naturally want to belong and be
where our friends are.
I INFLUENCERS
In the Lifeway Research study Nothing Less, children and
students who had a best friend who influenced them to follow
Christ while growing up had a higher score of spiritual maturity
P PASTORS
as adults.25 This means that they did not leave the church,
beating the statistics that suggest that a majority of students do
leave the church while in college, many never to return. Instead,
the study says those who found friends in the church as kids are
more likely to thrive in their faith as adults.

As ministry leaders, we actively need to design experiences

that are specifically intended to help kids and students find,
form, and foster friendships. When kids are expected to sit still
and face forward quietly without interacting, they are not able
to form these important friendships. Informed leaders create
intentional times to fuel friendships. Kids and students who have
a friend, or multiple friends, at church are more likely to attend
with greater frequency and regularity than those who do not.

The following ideas are just a few ways to reframe thinking

about how to approach fostering friendships in your ministry.
As a result, the meaningful relationships at church could point
kids and students to a lifetime of lasting faith.

57
 1. Watch for ways to connect kids and students with one
another: As a ministry leader, you have a unique opportunity
to help kids and students make connections. You know names,
who goes to what school, and maybe even individual interests
such as favorite sports and hobbies. With this information, you
can be sure that students and kids find some common interests
A DAY WITHOUT with one another—and talk about those things!
2. Notice the introverts: Some kids don’t naturally gravitate to
A FRIEND IS LIKE socializing with others and may need help making friends.
A POT WITHOUT A Notice and involve introverts in appropriate ways, realizing
that the relational needs for introverts and extroverts are
SINGLE DROP OF different. Make it your goal for each child to have at least
one friend at church.
HONEY LEFT INSIDE.
3. Evaluate your programming: Does the church experience
—WINNIE THE POOH you are providing foster relationships or is your
programming creating barriers to developing relationships?
While they may be hard questions, we need to regularly
evaluate our spaces and programs for roadblocks that might
lead a child to feel alienated or marginalized. Changing the
focus to a relational emphasis vs. instructional guidance may
be the key to unlocking a world of potential friendships.
4. Assume every meeting is full of kids and students who feel
like outsiders: Look for intentional ways to connect them to
each other and to leaders. It is no longer adequate to simply
assume that every child wants to be there or that any child
has previous biblical knowledge. By changing our mindset,
we will be better able to look for intentional ways to connect
kids and students to each other and to leaders.
5. Plan intentional relationship-building time: Group games
are a great way to do this. When students cheer for their
team, run a relay, or solve a problem together, it fast-
forwards them into a sense of inclusion and belonging.

Church should be a place where friends are found! Create the

culture that fosters friendships and watch the kids and students
in your ministry thrive.

58
 RELATIONAL EVANGELISM AND RADICAL HOSPITALITY
Our communities are filled with lonely people who long for authentic connection
through caring friendships. Engaging a culture that does not know God, trust the
church, or believe the Bible requires us to take the message of the gospel outside the
walls of our buildings. In a post-Christian culture, effective evangelism is relational. Fewer
and fewer unchurched, under-churched, and de-churched people are willing to accept cold
invitations from strangers to visit unknown churches We need to enter into our neighbors’ lives
and welcome them into ours. Once we know our neighbors, we can bring them into our church
communities and introduce them to Jesus. The church must actively go out, seek out, search out, and
build up connections with our unbelieving neighbors.

Consider how your church can engage with neighbors in driveways and around backyard firepits. This
may mean evaluating the church calendar to make strategic decisions to have people in neighborhoods
more than on church campuses. Help those in your circles recognize the opportunities they have at
parks, at soccer games, and by taco trucks. We must seek to actively reach our non-believing neighbors
by building relational bridges that allow us to lead them to Christ in a context of true and caring
friendship. Our non-Christian friends need to know that an invitation to church is not based on a
religious agenda but is an extension of genuine friendship.

This kind of radical hospitality doesn’t passively wait; it actively watches. Guide leaders
to notice newcomers and speak value over them. Let’s make our churches places where
people who don’t yet know God can learn about Him in a warm and welcoming
environment that connects them with committed believers who show them Jesus.
We can better reach our neighbors by creating a church culture that is
oriented toward receiving and welcoming the uninitiated and goes to
radical lengths to connect them into our biblical communities
of faith before they come to belief.

59
 The influence of one
loving leader can be
immeasurably beneficial
in the faith journey
of a child.

60
FLIP RELATIONSHIPS:
KIDS AND STUDENTS NEED LEADERS
L IS FOR LEADERS

All children need to have adult leaders who care about them
and know their names, their needs, and their situations. Kids and
students need to know there is a leader who misses them when
they’re not there and celebrates them when they are. The influence
THE ONLY CAPITAL
of one leader can be incredibly powerful in the life of a child.
Research indicates that children who feels connected to several BETWEEN TEACHER
adults at church while growing up is more likely to become
spiritually healthy young adults. (See page 56.)26 Content is more AND STUDENT IN
readily accepted when children trust and respect their leader. Trust
THE TWENTY-FIRST
and respect must be earned over time by a leader who genuinely
cares. The influence of one loving leader can be immeasurably CENTURY IS THE
beneficial in the faith journey of a child. .
DEPTH OF THE

FLIP RELATIONSHIPS: RELATIONSHIP THAT

KIDS AND STUDENTS NEED INFLUENCERS IS ESTABLISHED.

I IS FOR INFLUENCERS —TIM ELMORE

While kids need to have one adult leader who knows and
cares about them personally, they also need the influence of a
broader faith community in the church. Children need to see
other invested adults and older kids who are involved in the
church, committed to their faith, and connected in relationships
within the church. These may be other group leaders, game
and recreation leaders, greeters, stage hosts, worship leaders,
parents of their friends, or older kids. The influence of older
kids and young adults can be especially impactful, as younger
children may aspire to be like them. When kids see these
influencers throughout the church loving Jesus and living for
God, they will be drawn to do so themselves.

61
 If I could relive my
life, I would devote
my entire ministry
to reaching
children for God.
—Dwight L. Moody

62
FLIP RELATIONSHIPS:
KIDS AND STUDENTS NEED PASTORS
P IS FOR PASTORS

Kids and students need to know that the pastor, or pastors, of

the church are more than personas on a platform. They need
to know that the pastor of the church is their pastor too. We,
kids and student leaders, need to welcome and invite pastors
to enter into the kids and student areas. Pastors need to know
and be known, see and be seen, and hear and be heard in
the kids and student ministry areas. It is important for kids to
have a personal connection with pastors and for pastors to be
personally invested in what’s happening in kids and student
ministry areas.

Invite your pastor to share a devotion or a word of

encouragement to kids or students during a group time or to
speak one night at camp. Encourage pastors to walk through the
kids ministry hallway and high-five the volunteers and kids. They
can sit down for 10 minutes and make a craft at a preschool
table. That 10-minute investment allows kids to see a friend up
front in a worship service as a friend rather than as a stranger.

DISCIPLESHIP IN RELATIONSHIP
These relationships—friends, leaders, influencers, and pastors—
help kids in their discipleship journey. Discipleship happens in
the context of relationship. It assumes a “walking together”
wherein the disciple is led, taught, and apprenticed by someone
who instructs and invests in him on a personal level.

Making disciples is more than teaching. It is more than an assent

to a philosophy. Making disciples is about more than service. It

63
 is more than social connection. Disciples are followers. Disciples
are apprentices. Disciples are imitators.

Discipleship includes two key aspects:

• Walking together. This is the context; one that requires
a personal relationship with a trusted, respected, and
influential leader.
• Talking together. This is the content; the transference of
spiritual truth, instruction, wisdom, and application.

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 frames these aspects of discipleship in the

context of the family:

“Listen, Israel, The Lord our God. The Lord is one. Love the
Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with
all your strength. These words that I am giving you today
are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk
about them when you sit in your house and when you walk
along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
(Emphasis added.)

Theses verses describe the training up of children in the faith

as a process of talking together while walking together so that
children become like their parents.

Likewise, Jesus modeled this relational side-by-side discipleship

model in the New Testament. Discipleship, for Jesus’ close
followers, was a beautiful blend of walking with, talking with,
and becoming like Jesus. If we are going to make disciples who
imitate the ways, works, and words of Jesus, we also need to
imitate how Jesus developed relationships with His followers.

For more than 100 years, traditional Western ministry has largely
been conducted in classroom settings that look and feel much like
the school environments where students are taught science, math,
or history. Even the term “Sunday School” hints at the educational
foundation that underlies the predominant approach to ministry.

64
 Making disciples is
more than teaching ...
Disciples are followers.
Disciples are apprentices.
Disciples are imitators.
65
 God has used the traditional Sunday School model to His
glory for many years, and it is still an effective approach in
many contexts. However, the best Sunday School teachers are
arguably not those who teach with the most authority, accuracy,
or oratory excellence, but rather those who take a personal
interest in the children or students they teach.

This is demonstrated time and again by spiritually mature adults

whose testimonies include the names of Sunday School teachers
who noticed them, coached them, and cared about them when
they were children. Few, if any, can remember the details of even
a single lesson. But they will never forget the influence of the
leaders who took personal interest in them.

IMITATE ME, As church leaders, we have a unique opportunity, if not an

obligation, to partner with families and volunteers in the spiritual
AS I ALSO formation and development of kids and students through
ministry relationships. We can increase our ministry impact by
IMITATE CHRIST. equipping our families and volunteers with skills that will enable
them to cultivate influential relational connections with the kids
—1 CORINTHIANS 11:1
and students in their circles of influence more effectively.

SCRIPT YOUR FLIP

Implementing ministry strategies that lead with relationships
before content does not happen by accident. The flip will
always be intentional, not accidental. We must script (plan) our
flip (strategy).

When we prioritize the fostering of relationships, we upend

the traditional method of ministry that begins with lessons and
studies. What we teach is extremely important, and we don’t
want to minimize this aspect. When we emphasize connection
in discipleship relationships, the inputs and outputs are both
impacted. Content that is conveyed in a context of trust and
respect always yields greater influence.

66
When we take on the model of relationship-first discipleship,
we model the development of relationships that Jesus
demonstrated with His followers and help kids and students
recognize their true identities in Christ. We guide leaders
and learners to walk and talk together so they can discuss
real issues of real life in real time. We guide them to observe
together what’s happening in the world and apply the wisdom of
God‘s Word to their lives.
+
This is not a short-term strategy. This is a long-term movement.
This flip the script methodology of leading with relationships is
not some new idea or the current trend. It’s going back to the =
way Jesus did ministry, where He approached ones who were far
and invited them to follow Him. Then He walked with them and
talked with them, teaching them to love the Lord their God with
all their hearts and all their soul and all their strength.

This is discipleship. The church doesn’t need a new model

for education. The church needs the original model for
making disciples.

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 FLIP THE SCRIPT:
FROM IDENTITY LOST TO
IDENTITY FOUND IN CHRIST
68
4 69
 A CRISIS OF IDENTITY
People long to know who they are, why they exist, and the meaning
of their lives. They have a deep desire for purpose, but they are
missing their true meaning because real meaning for humans can
only be found in relationship with God. A humanity that was made
in His image and likeness has lost its connection to the Creator
DEFINE YOURSELF and therefore has lost its frame of reference for understanding its
identity. People who don’t know God, or aren’t willing to look to
RADICALLY AS ONE
Him, search constantly for substitute identities in an attempt to fill
BELOVED BY GOD. the void they feel. These identities are often centered on self.

THIS IS THE TRUE SELF. Very few people know that God has something to say about
their identity, much less what He has said about who they are.
EVERY OTHER IDENTITY
The voice of the secular world is both pervasive and persuasive.
IS AN ILLUSION. The world inundates kids with messages telling them who
they should be or that they can/must choose an identity for
—BRENNAN MANNING themselves. For most kids and students, the voice of Truth is
missing entirely as they ponder their identities. This is the case
for kids and students both inside and outside the church. Many
kids and students from Christian families wrestle to reconcile the
onslaught of post-Christian messages anchored in the expressive
individualism they hear all week (at school, from friends, online,
on TV, and on social media) with the messages they hear at
church on Sundays. Often, kids and students translate the
messages they hear at church to equate Christianity with Bible
knowledge (what I know) and right/wrong behavior (what I do/
don’t do) rather than identity (who I am). Ultimately, they need
to know that knowledge and behavior are empty outside of
identity and that discovering their true identities is where the
Christian life really begins.

Once you’ve flipped the script on offering students and kids

a full pathway to creating extreme hospitality that leads to
relationships, the dynamic changes. Their eyes, ears, hearts, and
minds will be open to hear, understand, and believe the truth of

70
the gospel. Biblical content replaces the secular idea that “I need
to define myself from within” with the biblical understanding of
identity. I am who I am because of who God is.

To counter the attack on identity that we see in our culture, we

must have conversations in our churches to help kids discover
that one’s true identity has already been defined by God. As
Tim Keller said, “Identity is received, not achieved.”27 We are
made in His image. We bear His likeness. We are the Imago Dei.
We are defined by God. Our true identity can only be realized
when we find it in God through Jesus.

The Lifeway Kids and Lifeway Student teams have worked to

identify twelve key identity truths that all kids and students
should know about who they are because of who God is.

12 TRUTHS
The 12 truths break down into three categories—God’s passion
for me, my position before God, and God’s purpose for my life—
each of which contains four truths about our identity in relation
to God’s identity revealed in the Bible.

God’s PASSION for Me

God has demonstrated a great passion for people from creation

to salvation. It is seen in how people were created in His image
and likeness as the pinnacle of His “very good” creation. It
is supported by the promises that God makes throughout
Scripture to be with His people and for His people. And, it
is cemented in the expression of His great love and deep
compassion for people through the gift of His Son. God’s passion
is for all people collectively, but what’s more incredible is that
His passion is personal for everyone individually. True identity
is anchored in the knowledge that God uniquely designed me,
knows me, will never leave me, and loves me. Identity is framed,
first and foremost, by God’s great passion for us.

71
 My POSITION Before God

A person’s position before God is a bad news/good news

scenario. Although we were all designed in His image, Scripture
teaches that God is holy, perfect, and sinless; and we are not. In
our natural condition, we are legally guilty of sin that condemns
us. We are broken people living in a broken world. The good
news is that the condition of our position is changeable, not
permanent. We are broken but not beyond repair. Jesus took the
punishment that we deserve on Himself. He died and rose again
so that we can receive the complete forgiveness that God offers
to us through faith in Jesus. Students and kids need to know that
in Christ they are made new, declared innocent, and His holiness
is reassigned to them. When we are examined by God and found
to be “in Christ,” we are given a new life, a new start, and a new
identity. Without the forgiveness that comes through Jesus, we
are broken and separated from God, but in Christ, our identity is
made new. In Him we are forgiven, set apart, and kept safe. Our
identity is affected by our position before God.

God’s PLAN for My Life

God has designed you on purpose and for a purpose. Your life
was never meant to be lived in isolation. God’s plan is for us to
be in relationship with Him and part of a community of believers.
We are not meant to worship an unknown and unknowable
God. God has revealed who He is through His Word so that we
can know Him personally. Just as He knows us and loves us, He
wants us to know and love Him. Likewise, God has created us
to belong to a community of believers who care for, help, and
encourage each other. Our reason for living is only fully realized
when we discover and live out God’s purpose for our lives. Our
identity is realized in His plans for our lives: we are made for
community, meant to know God, designed to do good, and here
to share Jesus. True identity is driven by God’s plan for our lives.

Let’s take a closer look at each of the 12 truths.

72
 12 BIBLICAL TRUTHS
TO COUNTER
CULTURAL ATTACKS GOD’S PASSION FOR ME
ON IDENTITY I AM KNOWN

I AM UNIQUELY DESIGNED

I AM NEVER ALONE

I AM LOVED

MY POSITION BEFORE GOD

I AM BROKEN

I AM FORGIVEN

I AM SECURE

I AM SET APART

GOD’S PLAN FOR MY LIFE

I AM MADE FOR COMMUNITY

I AM MEANT TO KNOW GOD

I AM DESIGNED FOR A PURPOSE

I AM HERE TO SHARE JESUS

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 TRUTHS 1-4

GOD’S
PASSION
74
FOR ME
TRUTH #1—
I AM KNOWN
God knows you.

In a culture where kids and students feel invisible and

overlooked, they need to know that every part of them is
known by the God who made them. Nothing and no one is
hidden from Him. There are no secrets that can be kept from
Him. Hebrews 4:13 says that nothing in all of creation can hide
from God. There is no place kids and students can go that He
cannot see them. He knows their thoughts, their motives, and
1PSALM 139:1-2
Lord, you have searched me
and known me. You know
their intentions.
when I sit down and when
And here is the best part. I stand up; you understand
my thoughts from far away.
Even though God knows everything about us—all of our secrets,
the lies, the sins, and the mistakes—He still loves us. Kids may
feel like no one notices them, sees them, hears them, or maybe HEBREWS 4:13a
even that no one loves them. Students often feel invisible to
No creature is
those around them, but they are seen and known by God. In fact,
hidden from him.
they are never out of His sight. God hears every worry, every
fear, and every insecurity, and He cares about all of it.

By pointing students and kids to the true identity of who 1 CORINTHIANS 8:3
God is, we help them realize their true identities—known and But if anyone loves God,
extremely valuable. he is known by him.

You are known by God.

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 2
COLOSSIANS 1:16
Everything was created by him,
in heaven and on earth, the
visible and the invisible, whether
TRUTH #2—
I AM UNIQUELY DESIGNED

God designed you.

The Bible tells us that God made everything (Colossians 1:16)—

everything in heaven and on earth, the visible and the invisible.
All things were made by Him and for Him.

Think about the weight of that truth—the ultimate Designer;

the wise Creator; the Master Maker of the galaxies, the God
who imagined oceans—He designed every student and kid who
thrones or dominions or rulers or comes into your mind right now.
authorities—all things have been
The Bible teaches that God, the ultimate Designer, is intentional
created through him and for him. (Revelation 4:11). He is wise and purposeful (Psalm 104:24).
Nothing exists outside of His control, His plans, or His ultimate
purposes (Colossians 1:16).
REVELATION 4:11
Why does this matter? Because every detail about the kids and
Our Lord and God, you are
students you teach was determined by God and crafted by His
worthy to receive glory and honor
hand. Their height, eye color, the width of their shoulders, the
and power, because you have color of their skin, the texture of their hair, the size of their feet,
created all things, and by your their smiles, the way they think, their voices, the talents they
will they exist and were created. have, their gender—no child is accidental. They were made on
purpose and for a purpose.

PSALM 139:13-14 Voices in culture may tell our kids that they are random, a
product of chance, or even a mistake, but God says differently.
For it was you who created God says they are unique, wonderful, special creations because
my inward parts; you knit me they are designed by Him. He made all people who they are
together in my mother’s womb. and how they are. God does not make mistakes. He makes
I will praise you because I have masterpieces (Ephesians 2:10).
been remarkably and wondrously
made. Your works are wondrous, You are designed by God.
and I know this very well.

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TRUTH #3—
I AM NEVER ALONE

God is always with you.

At a time when kids and students feel like they are all alone,
distant, or in isolation from others, they need to know the
identity of the One true God—the One who will never abandon
them. The writer of Psalm 139 asked:

“Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from

your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my
3
DEUTERONOMY 31:8
The Lord is the one who will
go before you. He will be
bed in Sheol, you are there. If I fly on the wings of the dawn and with you; he will not leave
settle down on the western horizon, even there your hand will you or abandon you. Do not
lead me; your right hand will hold on to me. If I say, ‘Surely be afraid or discouraged.
the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will be
night’—even the darkness is not dark to you. The night shines like
the day; darkness and light are alike to you.” (Psalm 139:7-12) ISAIAH 41:10
God promises to always be with us no matter what happens Do not fear, for I am with
because that is who He is. He is the God of fierce loyalty. When you; do not be afraid,
we walk through dark valleys, God is there. When we face the for I am your God. I will
unknown, God is there. When we try to run, hide, rebel, and strengthen you; I will help
fight against Him, God is still there. His steadfast faithfulness you; I will hold on to you with
never diminishes, no matter what. He is always faithful, and He is my righteous right hand.
ever-present.

We see the identity of this promise reflected in the identity of

Jesus. The prophet Isaiah foretold of the coming Messiah who PSALM 23:4a
would be called Immanuel (Isaiah 7:14). Immanuel—God with Even when I go through
us—came to make a way for us to be with God forever. the darkest valley, I fear no
danger, for you are with me.
God is not distant. He is near. He sees, He hears, and He loves.

You are never alone.

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 4
EPHESIANS 2:4-5
TRUTH #4—
I AM LOVED

God loves you.

God designed kids and students to be exactly who they are,

and He loves them just as they are. In a world where love is
conditional, kids and students need to know that God’s love is
unconditional. The Bible describes God’s love as deep, wide,
long, and vast (Ephesians 3:18). Unlike other relationships, God’s
love is not based on what they do, but on who they are—His
special creation.
But God, who is rich in
mercy, because of his great Love isn’t just something that God does, it’s who He is. God
love that he had for us, made is love (1 John 4:8). God gives His love freely and generously.
us alive with Christ even Like our identity, God’s love is something that is received,
though we were dead not achieved.
in trespasses.
God did not wait for us to love Him. In fact, the very opposite is
true. “But God proves his own love for us in that while we were
still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) It was because of
1 JOHN 3:1a
the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead
See what great love the in our sin, that God made a way to make us alive together with
Father has given us that Christ. Ephesians 1:5 tells us that He has adopted us as sons
we should be called God’s and daughters.
children—and we are!
God is good. He is steadfast and unchanging. He is faithful,
trustworthy, and loving.

JOHN 15:12 You are loved by God.

This is my command:
Love one another as I
have loved you.

78
 In a world where love
is conditional, kids
and students need to
know that God’s love is
unconditional.
79
 TRUTHS 5-8

MY
POSITION
BEFORE
80
GOD
TRUTH #5—
I AM BROKEN

You are broken.

The reality of this truth hits deeply, and it should. We saw in

chapter 1 that most kids and students in this generation do not
believe in absolutes. The notions that people are sinful by nature
and deserve sin’s punishment are antithetical to their worldview.
However, this generation is very aware of brokenness. We see
the brokenness in our world and in our lives. Our thoughts are
broken, our relationships are broken, our motives are broken,
5
ISAIAH 53:6
We all went astray like
and our perceptions are broken. sheep; we all have turned to
our own way; and the Lord
We can help students recognize that without Jesus, everyone
has punished him for the
has a positional identity of brokenness before God. When Adam
iniquity of us all.
and Eve chose to disobey God, they broke their relationship with
Him. Sin is not just the wrong things we do. Sin is woven into
our very nature. We are sinners from birth. As we teach kids, we
must communicate that the natural default condition of our lives ROMANS 5:12
is brokenness. Therefore, just as sin entered
the world through one man,
Fortunately, we are not broken beyond repair, and kids and
and death through sin, in
students need to know where to look to find repair for this
brokenness. It is not within. It is not through defining your this way death spread to all
own identity or trying again and again to reinvent or redefine people, because all sinned.
yourself. This only leads to anxiety, futility, and hopelessness. The
answer to brokenness can only come from above. We cannot
change our identity of brokenness, but God can. He made a way 1 JOHN 1:8
for us to be fully forgiven. The good news of the gospel begins If we say, “We have no sin,”
with bad news. we are deceiving ourselves,
You are broken. and the truth is not in us.

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 6PSALM 86:5
For you, Lord, are kind and
ready to forgive, abounding
TRUTH #6—
I AM FORGIVEN

God provided forgiveness for you.

Although we are all broken by sin, God does not leave us in our
brokenness. God is good and just to judge the evil in our world,
beginning with us, and He is merciful to provide forgiveness for
our rebellion.

In His mercy and kindness toward us, God provided a solution to

our sin problem. Rather than automatically punishing people for
in faithful love to all their sins, He made a way to reconcile us to Himself by placing
who call on you. our punishment on His perfect Son. Jesus stood in our place. He
took our punishment, died on the cross, and rose again so that
we can receive a new identity— completely forgiven.
ROMANS 8:1-2
God alone has the power and authority to change our
Therefore, there is now no identities. It isn’t something we can earn or achieve. It can only
condemnation for those in be received. This change only comes through faith in Jesus.
Christ Jesus, because the Second Corinthians 5:21 tells us that God made Jesus (the One
law of the Spirit of life in who never sinned) to be sin for us, so that in Him we could be
Christ Jesus has set you forgiven and free.
free from the law of sin
When we teach about forgiveness in Jesus, we can communicate
and death.
new identity in a way kids and students understand. God
removes our identity of brokenness and gives us an identity of
forgiven son or daughter. In Him we are set free from the law of
1 JOHN 1:9 sin and death.
If we confess our sins, he
When you put your trust in Jesus, you are completely forgiven.
is faithful and righteous
to forgive us our sins and
to cleanse us from all
unrighteousness.

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TRUTH #7—
I AM SET APART

Because of God, you are different now.

How does following Jesus change someone’s position before

God? As leaders, we can champion the truth that when we
belong to God because we have trusted in Jesus, we are set
apart. To a student who wants to fit into the culture, to swim
in the fishbowl, it is essential to understand that this new
identity in Christ is costly. But, disciples of Jesus are not just
called to be set apart from something. They are called to be set
7
DEUTERONOMY 7:6a
For you are a holy people
belonging to the Lord your God.
apart to Someone.

We can help kids recognize that to be set apart means that COLOSSIANS 3:1-2
each person is a special possession with a special purpose.
So if you have been raised with
The biblical word for set apart is holy. Something that is holy
Christ, seek the things above,
is “dedicated; something sacred.” Holy things are reserved for
where Christ is, seated at the
special uses. This is part of true identity in Jesus.
right hand of God. Set your
Being set apart means living in ways that glorify God instead of minds on things above,
being shaped by the patterns of behavior of the broken world not on earthly things.
that doesn’t know or acknowledge Him. It means choosing to
live life shaped by the words, ways, and actions of Jesus.
1 PETER 2:9
We are set apart from our old self-centered lives for new lives
in Christ. When you are found in Christ, you receive the true But you are a chosen race, a
identity that God has prepared for you! royal priesthood, a holy nation,
a people for his possession,
You are special. You are valuable. You are set apart. so that you may proclaim the
praises of the one who called
you out of darkness into his
marvelous light.

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 8
2 SAMUEL 22:2-3a
TRUTH #8—
I AM SECURE

God is steadfast and trustworthy, even in danger.

One of God’s great promises is to hold us fast even in times of

danger or uncertainty. He is with us in times of disaster. He is our
shelter and our safe place. He can be trusted when the reality of
our situation is crumbling around us.

This generation is bombarded with content about how unsafe

their world is, and with good reason. Terrorism, racial unrest,
recession, global competition, complexity, uncertainty—these
The Lord is my rock, my
are just a few of the realities that shape the lives of students and
fortress, and my deliverer,
children in our ministries. They do not know a world where these
my God, my rock where dangers don’t exist.
I seek refuge.
Their world is broken, unsafe, and scary. And, they need to know
where they can turn in the midst of frightening circumstances.
ROMANS 8:31 They need to know the true identity of the God they follow. He is
trustworthy. He is steadfast. He is enough. He holds them secure
What, then, are we to say
even when their world is uncertain.
about these things? If God is
for us, who is against us? Because God is omnipresent, He is always with us. Because He
is all-knowing (omniscient), He is always aware of our situations.
Psalm 111:7 says, “The works of his hands are truth and justice;
HEBREWS 13:6 all his instructions are trustworthy.” God knows exactly what
students and kids need, and He is able to hold them fast in the
Therefore, we may boldly
midst of very hard situations.
say, The Lord is my helper;
I will not be afraid. In the midst of trouble, we have hope. We have an anchor for our
What can man do to me? soul (Hebrews 6:19). We have an unchanging God who will hold
us fast. When every circumstance is alarming, our God is steady.

You are secure.

84
 This
generation is
bombarded
with content
about how unsafe
their world is, and with
good reason.
85
 TRUTHS 9-12

GOD’S
PLAN FOR
86
MY LIFE
TRUTH #9—
I AM MADE FOR COMMUNITY

God never intended for you to be lonely, alone, or isolated.

God is a relational God. He exists as God the Father, God

the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Before the world began,
community existed. Kids and students need to know that we
are made for relationship because the Maker Himself exists in
relationship. We are made to be connected to God and to other
people in relationships: in friendships, in partnerships, in groups,
on teams, in families, in communities, and in cultures.
9
ROMANS 15:7 (ESV)
Therefore welcome one another
as Christ has welcomed you,
for the glory of God.

God designed the church to be the center of biblical community. HEBREWS 10:24-25
The church is meant to be a place where people find belonging.
We need to help each child connect to his or her true identity And let us consider one another to
as a forgiven son or daughter of God. We need to lead kids and provoke love and good works, not
students to realize that following Jesus means they have been neglecting to gather together, as
adopted into God’s family and knit into biblical community for some are in the habit of doing, but
an important purpose. encouraging each other, and all the
more as you see the day approaching.
We are meant to encourage one another and build each other
up. We’re to love one another, care for one another, pray for
one another, serve one another, cry with one another, carry MATTHEW 22:37-40
one another’s burdens, and celebrate with one another. We are
meant to do life together with other people who love and follow He said to him, “Love the Lord your
Jesus. You are not meant to be alone. God with all your heart, with all your
soul, and with all your mind. This
You are made for community. is the greatest and most important
command. The second is like it:
Love your neighbor as yourself. All
the Law and the Prophets depend
on these two commands.”

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 10 JOHN 17:3
TRUTH #10—
I AM MEANT TO KNOW GOD

God is knowable, and He wants you to know Him.

God is not unknowable, impersonal, or mysterious. All people,

including the kids and students you serve, have been designed
to know God and be in a personal relationship with Him. He has
placed inside each of them a need to know Him.

God has revealed Himself to us through His written Word, the

Bible, and through the Living Word—Jesus. Through the Bible,
we discover God’s character, His attributes, His personality,
This is eternal life: that they and His heart. Jesus shows us God’s power, His holiness, His
may know you, the only true faithfulness, and His loving-kindness through His life, ministry,
God, and the one you have and testimony. Both the written Word and the Living Word
sent—Jesus Christ. testify to the goodness of God—the kindness of God to His
people in the past and the promises of God that are for us today.

Kids and students need to root their identities in God Himself—

PROVERBS 8:17b
to know He doesn’t just know them, but He wants to be known
... those who search for by them. God is living and active. He is involved in our lives
me find me. and in the world today. He is working out His will in history and
humanity for His glory. He has not taken a hands-off approach
to the world we live in. God is with your kids and students today,
2 PETER 3:18 and He is involved in the here-and-now of life.

But grow in the grace and Just like the people of the Bible knew God, we can know Him
knowledge of our Lord and too. He is not far away. He has revealed Himself through His
Savior Jesus Christ. To him Word, and He wants us to know Him.
be the glory both now and to
the day of eternity. You are meant to know God.

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TRUTH #11—
I AM DESIGNED FOR A PURPOSE

You were designed to do good things for God’s kingdom.

God is just and faithful. He sees the brokenness in His world and
promises to make all things new one day. Until that time, He is
working in His world through His people to further His plan and
kingdom. The kids you reach are part of that plan. They are not
random. They are not insignificant. They are designed for an
important purpose.
11 ISAIAH 1:17
Learn to do what is good.
Pursue justice. Correct the
Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are “created in Christ Jesus for oppressor. Defend the rights
good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.” of the fatherless. Plead the
Kids need to know that their identities are created by God and widow’s cause.
their purpose on this planet was predetermined by God—to do
good things in the world for His kingdom. He made students and
kids exactly who they are and placed them exactly where they MICAH 6:8
are to be His representatives for good in the broken world.
Mankind, he has told each
Their existence was planned by God. Students are not useless, of you what is good and
meaningless, or purposeless. God has a divine and inspired plan what it is the Lord requires
for their lives. of you: to act justly, to love
faithfulness, and to walk
God calls us His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20). When we live humbly with your God.
our lives for Him, He promises to work in and through us. We
are to live like Jesus lived: serving, loving, instructing, helping,
healing, and ministering to people in their broken condition in
EPHESIANS 2:10
our broken world.
For we are his workmanship,
You were designed by God for a purpose. created in Christ Jesus for
good works, which God
prepared ahead of time
for us to do.

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 12 MATTHEW 5:15-16
No one lights a lamp and puts it
under a basket, but rather on a
TRUTH #12—
I AM HERE TO SHARE JESUS

You are here to tell others about Jesus.

God designed the purpose and plan for each person’s core
identity to be part of a movement of extravagant welcome
and pointing others to the unending joy of knowing Jesus. The
purpose of our lives as Christians is not to achieve success,
attain fame, or gain riches, status, or power. There is one single
overriding, all-consuming purpose for God’s people—the
reason they were created—that is at the heart of who we are as
lampstand, and it gives light for followers of Jesus­—to share Jesus with other broken people who
all who are in the house. In the need to know Him.
same way, let your light shine
before others, so that they may Before He ascended into heaven Jesus gave His disciples the
see your good works and give Great Commission. God’s plan and passion of this commission
glory to your Father in heaven. was for these men to live into their identities to be disciples who
made even more disciples, passing on the mission to generation
after generation. The call of God is to come and see, then go and
show. Come and hear, then go and tell. Come and get, then go
MARK 16:15
and give. The joyful mandate of every believer—including kids
Then he said to them, “Go into and students—is to share Jesus with people who don’t know Him
all the world and preach the so that they too can find their true identities in Christ.
gospel to all creation.”
The kids and students in your ministry are uniquely equipped
to share Jesus with the people they know in the places they go.
This is what we are made for. This is rooted in our identities as
1 PETER 3:15
children of God.
But in your hearts regard Christ
the Lord as holy, ready at any You are here to share Jesus.
time to give a defense to anyone
who asks you for a reason for the
hope that is in you.

90
 The joyful mandate of every
believer—including kids and
students—is to share Jesus
with people who don’t know
Him so that they too can find
their true identities in Christ.

91
 IDENTITY FOUND
These 12 truths speak to the heart of our identity in Christ.
Identity is not something that we determine or discover for
ourselves; it’s something that has already been authored by God.
Because He made us who we are, He shows us who He intended
for us to be in Jesus. As the church, we must be cautious to
present these 12 truths in a way that makes them approachable
and accessible to those who are new and uninitiated in the
church. We must level the playing field for those who are not
accustomed to Christian language and lingo, so they can easily
understand that the message of the Bible is for them.

An added benefit is that when we present these rich truths

in the language that’s approachable to newcomers, kids and
students who are already in the church will understand them
as well.

This heart for the ones who are far from God is clear in the
parables of Luke 15. As Jesus spoke of the lost sheep, the lost
coin, and the lost son, He illustrated in each story a heart that is
oriented to seek out, search out, and bring in the ones who are
far and need to be found.

In the parable of the lost sheep we see the owner leaving behind
the 99 who are safe to actively pursue the one who is far away
from the fold. The sheep owner searches far and wide, tirelessly,
to find his lost sheep. When he finds the lost lamb, he lifts it up,
puts it on his shoulders, and carries it home.

It is noteworthy that the coin had been lost inside the house.
This is a poignant reminder that there are many who may be
inside our churches, attending on a regular basis, who are
physically close in proximity to the gospel, but who may in fact
be far from God spiritually. As with the sheep owner, the woman
searched tenaciously for the one that was missing but inside
the house. She swept, she shone a light, she did not rest until

92
 God ... wants to give us a new
identity. He wants to give us
a new self, which is greater
than a new reputation. A new
identity that God gives us is
not something we achieve but
something that we freely receive.

—Derwin Gray

93
 the one has been located and brought back to the place where
it belonged.

In the story of the lost son, the heart of the father is evident.
Jesus tells us that when the son was still a long way off, the
father saw him. He had eyes to look up and look out for his son
to return. He did not wait for the son to get all the way to the
house, but when he saw him at a great distance, the father ran
to him and embraced him. Although the son had prepared his
response to the father, that he was no longer worthy to be a son
but would like to be welcomed as a servant, the father had a
different idea.

The response of the father is profound in light of the notion of

our identity. Instead of offering his returning son a job, the father
restored his true identity. The father told his servants to be
quick, to bring the best robe, the ring, and sandals to put on his
son’s feet. These installments represent the placing of identity.
And in placing them on him, the father, through a beautiful act of
mercy and grace, declared him not a slave but his son. It wasn’t
his assessment of his own identity that mattered. It was the true
identity that was given to him by his father.

In his mind, the son was not worthy of an identity in the family
because of his past attitudes and actions. The son believed his
identity had been lost. But the heart of the father saw the true
value of the person before him, not because of what he had
done, but because of who he was—his son. A son who was lost
and had been found—a son who was dead but was alive again.

In every case, the response is the same: the search party

turned into an actual party. In each situation, the searchers
called together their friends and neighbors to celebrate. Jesus
explained that likewise there is great rejoicing in heaven over
everyone who comes to repentance. The church party should
be a search party, and the search party should result in a
church party!

94
The church has the opportunity and responsibility to teach
people who God says they are, so each person can come to
find his identity in Christ, where it is intended to be. It is not
the identity that we choose for ourselves that matters. It is the
identity that has been reserved for us by God that determines
our true purpose and value in Him, to Him, and through Him.

Some of these truths are true for everyone—I am known, I am

designed, and I am loved, for instance. Still others are fulfilled
at the time of redemption and are only realized after a child or
student trusts in Jesus for salvation—I am forgiven, I am secure,
I am here to tell others about Jesus.

Wherever kids or students are on their spiritual journeys, we

must remember that the truths we declare are only true for
us because they are rooted in the truth of who God is. God is
Designer and Creator. He is all-knowing, loving, forgiving, and
desiring that all would come to salvation. This is what makes
people valuable. Our value does not come from our culture, our
status, or our abilities. Our value comes from who God says we
are because of who He is. People can only know who they truly
are when they know who God is.

95
96
 5
FLIP THE SCRIPT:
A WHOLE-CHURCH STRATEGY
97
 THIS MINISTRY PHILOSOPHY ISN’T JUST FOR KIDS!
We’ve looked at several strategies that can impact NextGen
Ministries including radical hospitality, psychological safety, and
building FLIP relationships. These strategies are pivotal toward
creating a NextGen movement where kids and students see and
know who they are because of who God is. But we as leaders
cannot do this alone. The whole church needs to get behind
these strategies to maximize the benefits for kids and students.
As a church family, we need to circle around kids, students, and
families through relationships.

While the majority of our focus thus far has been on strategies
for kids and student ministries, these strategies can move
beyond the bounds of NextGen Ministry to impact the whole
church. The entire church benefits when it invests in building a
church-wide culture of belonging.

STARTING POINTS
In chapter 2, we encouraged ministry leaders to stop assuming
kids and students enter their ministry with a Christian worldview.
We should challenge our assumptions on starting points with
adults as well. While kids and students have been influenced
by expressive individualism since birth, adults (especially in
regions where secular thought has a deeper foothold) have been
impacted as well. Churches need to assume that adults visiting
church may not enter ready to hear the teaching.

We need to build an environment of radical hospitality, break

down barriers to belonging, and help people engage with others
before engaging them with teaching. This strategy creates the
right environment for hearing and learning. The key to opening
hearts to hear the gospel is relationships. The key to building
strong, long-lasting volunteer teams is relationships. The key to
discipling kids, students, families, and adults in your church is ...
you guessed it ... relationships.

98
The entire church benefits
when it invests in building
a church-wide culture
of belonging.

99
 OUTSIDER-IN METHODOLOGY FOR THE CHURCH
PASTORS SEE THE
NEED TO CONNECT Based on the falling church attendance statistics we saw in
WITH UNCHURCHED chapter 1, we can no longer assume that if we build it they will
PEOPLE come. The post-Christian culture has lost confidence in the church
as an institution, or worse, views the church with suspicion.
Despite this, research from Lifeway Research for the Billy Graham
Center for Evangelism shows that people are willing to come to
all types of church-sponsored events, especially those that seem
76% low-risk to a non-believer.

Unchurched Americans are more likely to accept an invitation

to a church-sponsored neighborhood safety event, community
service project, sports or exercise program, concert, or
“Fostering community meet-up.28 These casual encounters allow people to
connections with build trust with the church as an institution and form relationships
unchurched people” with church members who attend.
is one of the top
five issues pastors
recognize as a Remember the Outsider-In methodology recommended in
ministry/personal chapter 3? (See pages 54-55.) The same can be applied to your
need. community. People who have no connection to your church feel
like outsiders. They need to feel a sense of psychological safety
before they can move toward feeling included, then toward
participation. Creating spaces for community events that feel
low-risk (festivals, sports, neighborhood safety seminars, etc.)
helps move people in your community toward inclusion. Once
they begin to feel a level of connection, they are more likely to
respond to a personal invitation to a holiday service, or small
group cookout.

100
 61%
NEIGHBORHOOD
51% SAFETY EVENT
COMMUNITY
SERVICE PROJECT

46%
SPORTS OR EXERCISE
PROGRAM CHURCH-SPONSORED EVENTS
THAT UNCHURCHED AMERICANS
45% WOULD ATTEND, IF INVITED
CONCERT

46% 24% SEMINAR ON A

SPIRITUAL LIFE TOPIC
OPPORTUNITY TO MEET
PEOPLE IN THE AREA
25% RECOVERY GROUP
34%
WORSHIP
25%
SERVICE
26% SEMINAR ON A
PRACTICAL LIFE TOPIC

SMALL GROUP FOR PEOPLE

CURIOUS ABOUT GOD
101
 T H I N K C I R C LES, NOT ROWS
The ways that we arrange our chairs within the spaces we meet can enhance or
impede the effectiveness of relational connections. As we try to build ministries that are
founded on relationships, we find that circles are better than rows.

When chairs are organized in rows, everyone faces the same direction in a setting that is like
a classroom at school. This seating arrangement is not conducive to personal interaction and
connection. People in rows tend to spread out, leaving empty chairs between them and other people.
This creates space that serves as a relational buffer. It limits eye contact and restricts opportunities to
connect, engage, and interact with others. In row settings, content is typically communicated from the
front of the room by a single leader. While there may be some opportunity for questions and discussion
in this setting, they tend to be more formal in style. Listeners talk to the leader, not to one another, and
participation requires people to be more bold and confident. It can be intimidating to speak up in front
of a large group.

Rows are meant for listening to lectures.

Circles are more suited for relational ministry.

Circles are more conducive to engagement, interaction, communication, and

participation in discussion. Circles keep people in closer proximity to one another.
By their shape, circles discourage spreading out, so we come together. Circles
make participants feel seen and included and cause people to feel more
comfortable sharing their thoughts and observations.

Circles foster interactive discussion.

102
RELATIONSHIPS IN ROWS
How do people get plugged in and build relationships? In most
churches, it looks something like this: kids are dropped off in
kids ministry, while students head off to the student ministry
KID KID KID KID
wing. They may make a few friends and get to know their
leader, to some extent. Often, that’s the entire scope of their
relationship network—a row of fairly lateral peer relationships—
because some churches can be more focused on teaching
people instead of connecting people. But research shows that
newcomers aren’t going to stick around to learn if they don’t go
STUDENT STUDENT STUDENT STUDENT
deeper and wider in their relationships. In chapter 3, we saw that
70% of church kids stop attending regularly between ages 18–22,
and most of the reasons given were relational.29

Adults and volunteers attending weekend services primarily have

relationships with other adults. Volunteers are too busy serving
on Sunday to get to know the other volunteers. They may be LEADER ADULT LEADER ADULT
connected to the church enough to have some relationships
with a few influencers in the church, but most of these adult
relationships are fairly lateral as well.

Every church has influencers. These might be longstanding

members, church founders, influential families, or people who INFLUENCER INFLUENCER INFLUENCER INFLUENCER
serve in multiple ministry areas. These influencers tend to have
mostly lateral relationships with other influencers from serving
on committees together.

Pastors tend to have strong relationships with each other and

some key influencers, but they can’t invest in every single person, PASTOR PASTOR PASTOR PASTOR
right? There may be a few personal connections, but they are
often weak. Even pastors’ connections are mostly lateral.

Are these lateral relationships enough to really connect people

to one another? Gallup research shows that friendships with
other church members is a key reason adults stay connected and
grow at a church.30 An environment of relationships in rows isn’t
enough to connect people to each other.

103
 FLIP THE ROWS INSIDE OUT: MESSY AND BEAUTIFUL
We need to flip these rows inside out. Every person, regardless
of age, longs to be known, seen, and wanted. Congregations
thrive within cultures of connection. Kids, students,
adults, volunteers, influencers, and pastors need a web of
interconnected relationships with each other, not static rows of
relationships with people in the same life stage or church role.

People in every stage of life struggle with loneliness and

isolation. We are more “connected” than ever before, but
evidence shows that virtual relationships through social media
are not fulfilling or satisfying. They cannot meet the deep
need that humans have for relational connection. While many
people have hundreds (or thousands) of online “friends” and
“followers,” research shows that people are more emotionally
isolated and feel lonelier than ever. However, social media does
excel at fostering a network of interconnectivity with a diverse
set of people, and we can learn from that. Replicating a diverse
network with real connections with fellow believers in the local
church knits congregations together. Discipleship happens in
the context of relationships. Churches who focus on fostering
interpersonal connections produce connections that nurture
faith and encourage faithfulness.

Kids and students benefit from being known by parents other

than their own. Influencers benefit from knowing students in the
church. Pastors benefit from deep friendships with volunteers.
These networks of relationships link us together. Flipping these
relational rows inside out looks messier than straight rows
of lateral relationships. Relationship-based ministry is messy
because relationships are messy. But they are also beautiful, rich,
and more reflective of our triune God. We discussed in chapter 3
the need for kids and students to experience relationships with
friends, leaders, influencers, and pastors. But everyone in the
church needs these FLIP relationships.

104
LATERAL RELATIONSHIPS: THE STATUS QUO LEADER
INFLUENCER
PASTOR

KID
KID KID KID KID KID KID KID KID
LEADER

LEADER PASTOR
KID

ADULT
STUDENT STUDENT STUDENT STUDENT STUDENT STUDENT
PASTOR
STUDENT
INFLUENCER INFLUENCER LEADER

KID
STUDENT STUDENT
ADULT KID
ADULT INFLUENCE
LEADER ADULT LEADER ADULT LEADER
PASTOR
INFLUENCER PASTOR
STUDENT INFLUENCER
STUDENT
ADULT
INFLUENCER
KID STUDENT
PASTOR
INFLUENCER INFLUENCER INFLUENCER INFLUENCER
KID
KID LEADER
PASTOR INFLUENCER
KID KID
PASTOR
LEADER
INFLUENCER LEADER
PASTOR LEADER PASTOR INFLUENCER
PASTOR PASTOR PASTOR
KID KID LEADER
STUDENT KID INFLU
ADULT LEADER
LEADER STUDENT KID
RELATIONSHIP-BASED MINISTRY:
KID
INFLUENCER
LEADER PASTOR LEADER
LEADER
LEADER
PASTOR
INFLUENCER PASTOR MESSY BUT BEAUTIFUL
ADULT STUDENT
STUDE
KID INFLUENCER PASTOR
STUDENT
ADULT INFLUENCER LEADER INFLUENCER
PASTOR KID STUDENT KID ADULT
LEADER 105 P
PASTOR
STUDENT KID LEADER
INFLUENCER
 HAVING A BEST FRIEND IN THE SAME BEST FRIEND
CONGREGATION HAS A SIGNIFICANT IN SAME
CONGREGATION
IMPACT ON SPIRITUAL LIFE BEST FRIEND
NOT IN SAME
CONGREGATION

84% 82% 82%

72% 74%
71% 69%
67% 64%
51% 54% 51%

MY FAITH
I ATTEND CHURCH AT I FEEL LIKE MY LEADERS CARE I AM SPIRITUALLY INVOLVES EVERY I WORSHIP/PRAY
LEAST ONCE A WEEK. I BELONG. FOR ME AS A PERSON. COMMITTED. ASPECT OF MY LIFE. EVERY DAY.

106
 F RIENDS NEED FLIP RELATIONSHIPS

Kids and students aren’t the only ones who benefit from finding FRIENDSHIPS AT CHURCH
friends at church. Friend relationships are vital to everyone. ARE VITAL, BUT MANY
ARE MISSING OUT
Leaders, influencers, and pastors need friend connections of
their own. God created us to live in relationship. Relationships
enrich our lives and create a platform for the hard work of
sanctification. Research shows that adults who have a best
friend in the same congregation attend church more often, feel
a greater sense of belonging, are more spiritually committed,
and worship/pray daily at a higher rate than those who do not.31
Relationship-building ministry cannot be confined to kids and 35%
students. As a whole congregation, we have the opportunity to
create on-ramps for kids, students, adults, families, leaders, and
pastors to connect with each other. Here are a few ideas to get
you started.
35% of churchgoers do not
• Provide opportunities for families to interact. The parents in attend a class or small group.
your church have at least one big thing in common—raising
children. They are in similar seasons of life, depending on
the age of each kid. Don’t miss the opportunity to connect
families with each other during this shared experience. When
parents are friends, their kids are usually friends, which helps
develop lasting relationships that make a difference.
• Get more adults and students involved in kids ministry. This
is a challenge if every job requires expert teaching skills, so
68%
create volunteer roles that focus on relationship-building,
encouragement, or game-leading. Help these leaders
recognize that their role is to see, know, and love kids, and to
be known by kids as a safe and trusted leader.
• Make NextGen ministry the hub for planning family events. Of those who are not in a
Focus on having fun together and building friendships. small group 68% are open to
attending one, but are not
Families who have ties to each other will become more actively looking.
strongly connected to the church. As those relationships
grow, kids and students will begin to have “influencer”
relationships with other parents, older kids, and students.

107
 If there is one thing parents need, it’s the friendship of other
parents in different seasons of parenting.
• Find ways for students to serve. Research shows that
serving in church is one of the top predictors that a student
YOU CAN’T LIVE will become a spiritually healthy young adult, so find
places for students to serve on ministry teams. They can be
THE CHRISTIAN influencers and leaders in kids ministry, VBS, or kids camp.
They can serve on parking/hospitality teams where they will
LIFE WITHOUT A
build relationships with influencers and leaders.
BAND OF CHRISTIAN
FRIENDS, WITHOUT
L EADERS NEED FLIP RELATIONSHIPS
A FAMILY OF
All people in the church benefit when they have a leader who
BELIEVERS WITH invests in them. Adult Bible study, Sunday School, and small
group leaders are excellent connectors for the entire church.
WHICH YOU FIND
Leaders need to be connected in meaningful relationships
A PLACE. for their own benefit. They need to feel valued by friends,
influencers, and pastors who are building relationships with
—TIM KELLER
them. Being a church leader can be relationally challenging.
Who has time to build friendships at weekend services when
you are busy volunteering? Leaders also richly profit from the
relationships they build with kids. How often do you hear, “I
learned more from the kids than they learned from me”? Leaders
must be open to think differently, to move beyond a passion
for the area in which they serve toward a passion for relational
engagement. Here are some practical ideas for building a
network of friends for leaders:
• Prioritize creating community within your volunteer team.
Hold regular social events where they can build relationships
with each other and as a team.
• Encourage adult groups to serve on ministry teams together.
• Be intentional in finding ways to engage with kids and
students in adult small groups, such as sharing a group

108
 meal or party at regular intervals. Doing this makes kids and
students feel included and known.
• Plan community service days where everyone in the church
can serve alongside one another: cleaning local schools,
serving food to those in need, or volunteering for any
service your community needs. This creates an environment
for all age groups to go, serve, and tell others about Jesus
alongside each other.

I NFLUENCERS NEED FLIP RELATIONSHIPS

Influencers are relational connectors who tend to inspire or

guide the actions of others. It may be easy for them to feel
content with the relationships they’ve already established. It’s
more challenging to make time to meet the relational needs
of others when your personal need in that area is already
met. Pursuing new relationships that extend influence outside
of current circles is a way to serve others that will enrich
kids and students as well. Influencers of all ages may be the
key to helping the ministry of biblical belonging become a
church-wide movement.

The church can never have too many people who inspire others
to look to Jesus. Everyone in the church can connect with other
people as an influencer in some way; people just need to be
encouraged to think of themselves as someone who can point
others towards spiritual growth. Here are some practical ideas
for helping add new influencers and growing the relational
networks of current influencers:
• Seek out potential influencers church-wide and challenge
them to invest in others. These may be kids, students,
or adults. Encourage them to lead the charge in seeking
out newcomers/infrequent attendees and extending an
extravagant welcome.

109
 • Establish ministry teams and committees not only to
get work done but also as a way to build another layer of
community. Offer servant leaders ways to connect and build
relationships outside of the current responsibilities they do
for the church. It’s easy to drop out of serving when you are
just there to do a job. But when people feel truly connected
to those they are serving with—when those people become
“their people”—they will stay for the long haul.

PASTORS RECOGNIZE
THE NEED FOR
FRIENDSHIP
P ASTORS NEED FLIP RELATIONSHIPS

Leading the church can be relationally lonely. Pastors might

struggle to build relationships with congregants because
relationships require vulnerability and being known can be a
risk. But pastors will find that relationships with kids, students,
69% leaders, and influencers can both feed them and feed the
congregation. Pastors can lead FLIP thinking from the pulpit.
What can your pastors do to foster this kind of culture? Here are
some practical ideas for encouraging your pastors to embrace
the FLIP mindset and foster relationships outside of rows:
“Friendship and
fellowship with • The pastor is the one person who has the power to rally the
others” is one of whole church behind events like VBS, camp, and community
the top five issues
pastors recognize as
service days, where all ages come together to build
a ministry/personal relationships and grow together.
need. • Pastors can thank the influencers in the church who do
unnoticed jobs.
• Pastors can encourage staff and volunteers to prioritize
relationship-building events.

People in all these groups need relationships with friends,

leaders, influencers, and pastors to be truly connected to your
church. The more cross-pollination you can create so that people
can interact and get to know one another, the stronger these ties
will be.

110
 EVERY KID KNOWN BY NAME: A CHURCH-WIDE CHALLENGE
How do we rally the whole church around making kids and students feel known?
What’s a practical way the entire church can begin to create networks of relationships
that include kids and students? We start by knowing their names. It may sound obvious,
but the reality is that while most adults would say they care about the next generation, they
don’t actually know their names.

“Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any
language.” —Dale Carnegie, author

When children hear their names, they feel wanted. They feel like they belong. They feel known.
Ultimately, we want kids to know they are known by God. He knows their names and as a church, we
should know their names too.

What would it look like if every adult at church knew every kid and student by name? If we can rally
around building campaigns, recruiting volunteers, and starting new programs, then we should be able
to rally around this one simple mission: Every Kid Known by Name.

Here are some ideas for implementing: Make banners that hang in high-traffic areas. Announce
the challenge from the stage/pulpit. Make social media posts. Provide name tags to wear
each week. Pair adult small groups with small groups in the kids and student ministries.
Have all church staff model how to do this.

“Every Kid Known by Name” can be scalable regardless of the church size.
The point is not to start and finish a campaign. The point is to build
a culture that normalizes calling one another by name
and to intentionally know the next generation of
preschoolers, kids, and students.

111
 A SIGNIFICANT PORTION
OF THE CONGREGATION
CONNECTS TO NEXTGEN
MINISTRY IN SOME WAY.

THE PARTICIPANTS:
preschoolers, children,
teenagers

THE FAMILIES:
parents, grandparents,
caregivers

THE VOLUNTEERS:
those serving in
NextGen Ministry

112
MAKE RELATIONSHIP-RICH ENVIRONMENTS THE
CENTRAL HUB OF YOUR CHURCH
Why are our church relationships stuck in lateral rows? For
most churches, the weekly worship service serves as the central
focus of the church, and all other ministries are secondary.
But the weekend service is one of the least relationship-rich
environments in the church. We sit in rows with little interaction.
God created us to worship Him individually and in community. It
is important to worship with your local church gathered around
God’s Word and praising Him together. But we are not truly FRIENDSHIP IS BORN
doing so in community if we don’t know the people around us.
AT THAT MOMENT
What if we flipped the paradigm to first invite people to WHEN ONE PERSON
any place where people interact—places like kids or student
ministries, small groups, or ministry teams? These are the places SAYS TO ANOTHER:
where people will become truly connected to each other and to
the church. The stronger these connections are, the more likely “WHAT? YOU TOO?
people are to make faith a part of every aspect of their lives.
I THOUGHT I WAS
What would it look like for NextGen ministries to be at the THE ONLY ONE!”
center of belonging at church? People with ties to NextGen
ministry make up a significant portion of the entire church —C.S. LEWIS
congregation! There are three big groups of people represented
in a typical kids or student ministry.
• The Participants: preschoolers, children, teenagers
• The Families: parents, grandparents, caregivers
• The Volunteers: those serving in NextGen ministry

How do we make sure that these groups feel like they are known
and that they belong? No pressure, but it begins with you—the
ministry leader! While most churches strive to promote the value
of biblical community through Sunday School classes and small
groups, many are missing the opportunity to leverage the power
of a common denominator. That common denominator could be
our NextGen ministries.

113
 Families need to feel connected to the ministries their children
are attending. Too many times, parents drop off their kids and
pick them up without ever knowing their kids’ leaders, their
friends, or the other parents. This is a missed opportunity for
building belonging at church. The number one thing families
have in common is the season of life they find themselves in
while parenting children of the same age group. Ministry leaders
have the ability to connect these families during a time where
conversations can naturally occur and connections can easily
be made. The church has an opportunity, if not an obligation,
to come alongside parents and walk together with them as
partners in the spiritual formation and development of their
children through kids and student ministries.

Volunteers need to be connected to one another. Volunteers

who feel a sense of belonging to the group and a real
connection with kids will discover how much they love
volunteering and stay for the long haul. Create volunteer roles
that can focus on relationship-building with kids. Plan events
that connect volunteers to each other so they become a linked
community. Volunteers who feel connected to each other have a
stronger connection to the church.

When we make relationship-based groups the central hub of

the church, the weekend service can become the tie that binds
these relationship-rich environments together. We can leverage
the weekly service to help the whole church family connect.
Thinking like this starts us on the path to helping people grow
the number of their connections.

THE CHURCH IS MADE FOR COMMUNITY

Relationship-focused ministry is messy and difficult to execute,
but if we can make the FLIP, then we will see more kids and
students stay and more families plug into the life of the church.
We can’t continue along the path of 66% of kids and students

114
leaving the church when they become young adults. Kids and
students are 100% of the future of the church!

The early church lived in close relational proximity. They cared

for those in need and gave generously to one another. They
ABOVE ALL, MAINTAIN
walked together, ate together, studied the Scriptures together,
and reasoned together. Teaching took place in the context of CONSTANT LOVE
relationships. They met in their homes and experienced life
together. Following Jesus didn’t just mean believing in the FOR ONE ANOTHER,
person of Jesus or studying His teachings, it included joining
SINCE LOVE COVERS
a community of faith. The early church found their identity in
Jesus and lived out that identity with other believers. A MULTITUDE
Many churches today have largely lost their sense of communal OF SINS. BE
identity. The church is more likely to reflect the individualism of
culture than the value of community found in the Bible.32 Many HOSPITABLE TO ONE
church attenders do not feel a true sense of belonging in their
ANOTHER WITHOUT
churches. That’s not how the church was intended to function.
COMPLAINING. JUST
What if we cast a different vision for our churches? What if our
churches were places that were built on a foundation of biblical AS EACH ONE HAS
belonging in Christ-centered community? What if our churches
were devoted to the demonstration of extreme welcome and RECEIVED A GIFT, USE
radical hospitality, where everyone who entered felt seen,
IT TO SERVE OTHERS,
noticed, and known? Imagine a church where every member was
trained to have eyes that see and recognize newcomers; where AS GOOD STEWARDS
people know that they are missed when they’re away and that
they’re celebrated when they return. How might this kind of OF THE VARIED
culture change our churches?
GRACE OF GOD.
The strategy of belonging could be a game changer for
—1 PETER 4:8-10
the church, but for the strategy to succeed, it needs to be
championed at our highest levels of leadership. When pastors
and church leaders champion a culture of belonging for the
whole church, the whole church will benefit—and the overflow
will impact our neighborhoods, communities, and cities for the
sake of the gospel.

115
116
6
CONCLUSION

117
 WE MUST HELP KIDS AND STUDENTS FIND THEIR
TRUE IDENTITIES IN CHRIST
Heart transformation, identity change, and redemption come
only through the person and work of Jesus, so Jesus, must be
clear and present in our ministries. Everything we do should
serve to point to Jesus and help kids and students know Him
personally. Bold conversations about the gospel should be a
regular part of our ministries. It should not be difficult to see
Jesus in our ministries.

We should always seek to celebrate and elevate the name of

Jesus Christ, God’s Son, our Savior, the Messiah, and the hope of
salvation He offers. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith.
He is Immanuel, God with us. He became the sacrifice for our
sins. In Him we find forgiveness for sins. There is no longer any
condemnation for those who are found in Christ Jesus. He sets
us free from the laws of sin and death. He has removed our sin
“(as) far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12).

Jesus is the one and only mediator between God and man.
(See 1 Timothy 2:5.) He is the way, the truth, and the life; no one
can come to the Father except through Jesus. (See John 14:6.)
Acts 4:12 declares, “There is salvation in no one else, for there is
no other name under heaven given to people by which we must
be saved.”

Everything that exists was created through Him and for Him.
(See Colossians 1:16.) Every breath we breathe is given by Him.
(See Acts 17:25.) Every good thing we have is provided by
Him. (See James 1:17.) One day, every knee will bow, and “every
tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God
the Father” (Philippians 2:10-11).

He is the solution to our sin problem. He is the spotless lamb, the

promised Messiah, the Good Shepherd, our Savior, Redeemer

118
and King. Jesus is the head of the church and the reason for the
church. The Bible is one big story that is all about Him. He should
be the reason for everything we do. It’s all about Jesus.

HOLD TIGHTLY TO JESUS, NOT MINISTRY MODELS

We should always cling tightly to the timeless things that
matter: biblical teaching that points to Jesus, sound doctrine,
life application, and heart transformation. And we should
discipline ourselves to hold our teaching methods with a loose
grip. As leaders and teachers, we must be willing to meet
the needs of those we teach with flexibility in our ministry
models. Each generation will respond to different methods and
ministry models, depending on the cultural influences of the
day. Understanding those influences can help us build the right
environment that will serve kids and students to develop an
openness to hear and respond to the good news of Jesus. It can
be challenging for long-time teachers and leaders to adjust our
methods to meet the needs of new generations, but it will pay
great dividends!

We can’t keep standing on the outside of the fishbowl

instructing fish how to walk. Kids and students today aren’t
going to trust anyone speaking at them through a warped
fishbowl glass. Dive in! Plunge into relationships! Ask questions
about their starting points, what they believe, and why. Never
water down the message of Christ, but first make sure kids and
students know you care for them deeply so you earn the right
to be heard. Assume all kids and students arrive feeling like
outsiders, and do everything you can to make them feel like they
belong. Help kids and students form FLIP relationships so they
have many voices pointing them to Jesus! Counter their fishbowl
worldview by soaking them in biblical truth—that who they are is
defined by who God is.

119
 POSTSCRIPT:
WHAT WE TEACH MATTERS

120
WHAT WE TEACH MATTERS
As we evaluate the effectiveness of our ministry strategies and
consider the adaptation of new methods to reach those who
are far from God, we must be careful not to make the mistake of
believing that the method we use is all that matters. Yes, there is
merit in thinking that we might multiply the impact and influence
of our ministries by creating a culture of relational connection
that builds a sense of biblical belonging, but in doing so we
must not lose sight of the truth that what we teach remains
extremely important.

Scripture is clear that those who teach God’s Word to others,

even those who teach children, will be held accountable for the
content and concepts they convey.

James 3:1 and Matthew 18:6 are warnings that we must take
seriously as spiritual leaders.

“Not many should become teachers, my brothers, because you

know that we will receive a stricter judgment.” James 3:1

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in

me to fall away—it would be better for him if a heavy millstone
were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths
of the sea.” Matthew 18:6

Considering these warnings, we as leaders need to take great

care in evaluating what we are teaching inside our churches. This
includes, but is not limited to, the content of the curriculum we
use. We cannot shirk or neglect this responsibility considering
our future accountability. Let’s be assured that the content
we teach is not just fun but is also biblically sound, doctrinally
trustworthy, and age appropriate.

121
 WE MUST TEACH THE BIBLE
Research that the Lifeway Kids team published in the 2019
book Nothing Less by Jana Magruder identified childhood Bible
reading as the #1 indicator of spiritual maturity in adulthood.33
This means that if we can run a session in our ministry without
opening a Bible, we are doing it wrong. If we want our ministries
to produce kids and students who become spiritually mature
adults, we must teach them to open, read, and study their Bibles.

The content we teach in our kids and student ministries must be

built and based on the Bible. Examine your curriculum to make
sure that it is actually and accurately based on biblical truth.
Kids, students, leaders, and parents need to know that the things
taught in our churches actually come from the Bible. While this
may seem obvious, we cannot assume that it is the case.

Kids and students need to see that God’s words come from
God’s book. We can demonstrate this by using a physical Bible
when we teach or lead groups. Why? Because students and kids
need to learn that God’s book is the place to look to find God’s
truth, now and when they are older.

Let’s be leaders who celebrate and elevate God’s Word.

WE MUST TEACH SOUND DOCTRINE

We need to use care to make sure we are teaching doctrines
that are solid and sound. It is sometimes necessary to simplify
complex concepts when teaching young children, but we need
to be cautious not to oversimplify to the point that what we
teach is no longer biblical. Or that in simplifying we water-down
the Word in ways that inadvertently introduce harmful heresies
that can undermine a life of faith.

122
It can be easy for a well-meaning leader to inadvertently
introduce heretical ideas when attempting to simplify
complex biblical concepts to make them more understandable
to children.

Too many people who work with kids brush off or reject
concerns like this because they are “only teaching children.”
This is a dangerous response. It is extremely important that we
teach foundational doctrines correctly. Considering the warnings
in James 3:1 and Matthew 18:6, we cannot take lightly our
responsibility to teach the Bible accurately, regardless of the age
of our pupils. We must use care to ensure that we are not doing
harm as we seek to do good.

In truth, there are many things about God that we simply cannot
understand easily. For example, it is better to tell children that
God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit existing as a Trinity is a
mystery that is hard for humans to understand than to give a
simplistic answer that is incorrect.

We must teach sound doctrine.

WE MUST TEACH HEARING AND DOING

The work you do in preschool, kids, and student ministries lays a
foundation for the current and future faith of each child in your
church. Is the foundation being built soft or strong? We must be
faithful to lay foundations that are solid so that, on them, kids
can build secure, mature faith that will last and hold strong.

The parable of the two foundations in Matthew 7 isn’t really

about building houses. Jesus used wise and foolish builders as
examples of the two ways that people might respond to His
teaching: those who acted on what they heard Him teach would
be like the wise builder, and those who chose to ignore what
they had heard would be like the foolish man.

123
 This parable is about those who hear God’s Word and do what
it says. We need to teach the children under our instruction to
both listen and act on God’s Word. (James 1:22)

We must not teach things that cause kids and students to

wrongly believe that discipleship is merely hearing. We must
likewise not teach them that being a Christian is only doing.
Therefore, we must teach them what the Bible says and instruct
them in how they are to respond.

True discipleship requires both hearing and doing ... and more.

Our kids and students need to know that being a Christian isn’t
merely about:
• what you know (the head)
• what you do or don’t do (the hands)
• the right words to say (the tongue)

Being a Christian is about:

• transformation (your heart)
• becoming like Jesus (your likeness)
• who you are (your identity in Christ)

Kids and students need to know that being a Christian isn’t

about increasing their understanding, changing their thinking,
or altering their habits. At its core, being a Christian is merely
about becoming a whole new person; it’s about receiving an
entirely new identity—one that is given by God and found in His
Son, Jesus.

124
WE MUST REACH THE HEART
God has a lot to say about our hearts. Your heart reveals who
you truly are; your authentic self. Everything you do flows from
your heart. (Proverbs 4:23) The things you treasure reveal where
your heart is. (Matthew 6:21) You can see into the character of a
person’s heart by how he lives. Isaiah 29:13 tells us that God sees
through our lip service and heartless actions. God isn’t satisfied
with empty words or empty actions; He wants our hearts.

When asked what the Greatest Commandment was, Jesus

echoed the words of the Shema from Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love
the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all
your mind, and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30). His answer is
recorded in Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; and Luke 10:27. In every
recorded instance, Jesus always mentioned the heart first. Our
heart matters to God. (See also 1 Samuel 16:7.)

Ezekiel tells us that God is in the business of giving His people

new hearts. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in
you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a
heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26).

As we train up our children in the ways of the Lord (see

Ephesians 6:4), we must not merely teach them Bible facts and
coach them to perform righteous acts. We need to disciple them
to love God from the very depths of their inner beings, that they
may be transformed into the image and likeness of Jesus.

125
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 Endnotes: 12. Taryn Finley and Zeba Blay, “9 Quotes from 23. Aaron Earls, “Greeters and Gifts: How
Zendaya That Remind Us Just How Awesome Churches Welcome Guests,” Lifeway
1. Aaron Earls, “Reaching the Unchurched She Is,” HuffPost (HuffPost, September Research, March 14, 2018, https://news.lifeway.
Generations,” Lifeway Research, April 1, 2022, 1, 2015), https://www.huffpost.com/ com/2018/03/14/greeters-and-gifts-how-
https://research.lifeway.com/2022/04/01/ entry/9-quotes-from-zendaya-that-remind- churches-welcome-guests/.
reaching-the-unchurched-generations/. us-just-how-awesome-she-is_n_55e5c1eee4b-
0b7a9633a3c9c. 24. Aaron Earls, “Greeters and Gifts: How
2. Pew Research Center, “In U.S., Decline Churches Welcome Guests,” Lifeway
of Christianity Continues at Rapid Pace,” 13. Carey Nieuwhof, “Tim Keller on How to Research, March 14, 2018, https://news.lifeway.
Pew Research Center’s Religion & Public Bring the Gospel to Post-Christian America,” com/2018/03/14/greeters-and-gifts-how-
Life Project (Pew Research Center, June YouTube (YouTube, May 11, 2020), https:// churches-welcome-guests/.
9, 2020), https://www.pewresearch.org/ www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNve3Hex-
religion/2019/10/17/in-u-s-decline-of-christian- h28&ab_channel=CareyNieuwhof. 25. Jana Magruder, Nothing Less. (Nashville,
ity-continues-at-rapid-pace/. TN: Lifeway Christian Resources, 2017), p. 50.
14. Lifeway Research. “Evangelism Explosion
3. Ibid. Study of Americans’ Openness to Talking 26. Jana Magruder, Nothing Less. (Nashville,
about Faith.” PowerPoint Presentation, TN: Lifeway Christian Resources, 2017), p. 50.
4. Ibid. Lifeway Christian Resources, Brentwood, TN,
2021. 27. Faith Driven Team, “Episode 81 - Who
5. Jeffrey M. Jones, “U.S. Church Membership Do You Think You Are with Tim Keller,”
Falls below Majority for First Time,” Gallup. 15. Aaron Earls, “Americans’ Views of Life’s Faith Driven Investor (Faith Driven
com (Gallup, November 20, 2021), https:// Meaning and Purpose Are Changing,” Lifeway Investor, September 13, 2021), https://www.
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