End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
End of Chapter Activities
GUFFEY/LOEWY, ESSENTIALS OF BUSINESS COMMUNICATION, 12E
CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter Review..............................................................................................................................................1
Critical Thinking............................................................................................................................................1
Writing Improvement Exercises....................................................................................................................2
Radical Rewrites............................................................................................................................................7
Grammar/Mechanics Checkup - 4.................................................................................................................8
Adjectives and Adverbs.............................................................................................................................8
Editing Challenge - 4.....................................................................................................................................9
Communication Workshop..........................................................................................................................11
CHAPTER REVIEW
1. What’s involved in the revision process? Is revision still feasible and necessary in the 24/7 digital era when
workplace messages fly back and forth in a split second? (L.O. 1)
2. What’s wrong with expressions such as collaborate together and fewer in number? (L.O. 1)
3. What’s wrong with a message that begins, I am writing this announcement to let everyone know that . . . ?
(L.O. 1)
4. Why should writers avoid expressions such as first and foremost, last but not least, and think outside the
box? (L.O. 2)
5. What are buried verbs and zombie nouns? Give an original example. Why should writers avoid buried
verbs? (L.O. 2)
6. Why are bulleted and numbered lists useful? (L.O. 3)
7. What is white space, and why is it important for readability? (L.O. 3)
White space is empty space on a page.
Since a page crammed full of text or graphics appears busy, cluttered, and unreadable, using it significantly
increases page legibility and readability. Besides, short sentences (20 or fewer words) and short paragraphs (8
or fewer printed lines) improve comprehension and make the screen more reader-friendly
8. What are five items to check in proofreading? Be ready to discuss methods you find useful in spotting
errors. (L.O. 4)
- Spelling: Consult the dictionary and use spell-checker if necessary
- Grammar: Locate sentence subjects or review the principles in the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook if
necessary. Be aware of using a grammar-checker
- Punctuation: Make sure that introductory clauses are followed by commas. In compound sentences put
commas before coordinating conjunctions (and, or, but, nor). Double-check your use of semicolons and colons.
- Names and numbers: Compare all names and numbers with their sources because inaccuracies are not always
visible. Especially verify the spelling of the names of individuals receiving the message.
- Format: Be sure that your document looks balanced on the page. Compare its parts and format with those of
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
the standard documents shown in Appendix A. Be certain that all are indented and that their spacing is
consistent when indenting paragraphs
9. List four or more effective techniques for proofreading complex documents. (L.O. 4)
10. How can you overcome defensiveness when your writing is criticized constructively? (L.O. 5)
CRITICAL THINKING
11. Consider the case of Taylor, who is serving as interim editor of the company newsletter. She receives an
article written by the company president describing, in abstract and pompous language, the company’s
goals for the coming year. Taylor believes the article will need considerable revising to be readable.
Attached to the president’s article are complimentary comments by two of the company vice presidents.
What action should Taylor take? (L.O. 1–5)
12. You have just submitted a beautifully researched report. But your supervisor focused on the two or three
little errors that you missed and gave none of the praise you expected. Was this fair of your supervisor?
(L.O. 4, 5)
13. In this digital era of rapid-fire communication, how can you justify the time it takes to stop and revise a
message? (L.O. 1–5)
14. Because business messages should have high skim value, why not write everything in bulleted or numbered
lists? (L.O. 3)
15. Conciseness is valued in business, but can messages be too short? (L.O. 1)
WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES
Wordy Expressions (L.O. 1)
Your Task. Revise the following sentences to eliminate wordy phrases.
16. We cannot complete the report at this point in time due to the fact that we encountered difficulties in our
research and lost a collaborator to serious illness.
17. In the normal course of events, we would probably buy a larger building; however, in view of the fact that
the economic outlook has dimmed, we cannot.
18. In very few cases do the new names of merged corporations signal clearly what the companies actually do.
19. Inasmuch as our tax and regulatory policies hamper a return of manufacturing to the United States, they
should be reformed.
20. Despite the fact that forced shutdowns during the COVID-19 pandemic caused huge job losses in
manufacturing, 63 percent of executives polled by Deloitte are optimistic about the future.
Long Lead-Ins (L.O. 1)
Your Task. Revise the following to eliminate long lead-ins.
21. This is an announcement to inform the public that the New York Stock Exchange reversed its decision to
delist China’s three largest telecommunications companies.
22. We are sending this message to notify all staff that anyone who wants to work from home may apply
immediately.
23. I am writing this e-mail to inform you that your new account executive is Aubrey Lee.
24. This is to let all our staff members know that hackers exploit weak employee passwords to enter IT
systems.
There is/are and It is/was Fillers (L.O. 1)
Your Task. Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there is/are and it is/was fillers.
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
25. There are hackers who distribute malware that blocks access to a target’s systems and then demand ransom
payment to release the digital hostages.
26. It is large corporations and local governments that struggle to devote the resources and expertise necessary
to establish basic defenses against ransomware attacks.
27. There are phishing attempts that many e-mail users don’t recognize even if it is obvious how crude they
are.
28. If there are any questions that you have about computer safety, please call us.
Redundancies (L.O. 1)
Your Task. Revise the following to avoid redundancies.
29. Because her smartphone was bright red in color, she could always find it in the clutter of her home office.
30. The basic fundamentals of computer safety are to avoid using the names of pets, one’s birth date, the
number sequence 1234567, and the word password to log into accounts.
31. The IT manager repeated again and again that we must use strong passwords and change them frequently.
32. Although the two reports look exactly identical, we need to proofread each and every page.
Redundancies (L.O. 1)
Your Task. Revise the following sentences to eliminate trite business phrases.
33. Pursuant to your inquiry, I will e-mail you the buyer’s residential preference sheet immediately.
34. Enclosed please find the directory of our most recent corporate clients.
35. As per your request, our payables staff is sending the check under separate cover.
36. Every effort will be made by our collections staff to extract payment from customers with overdue
invoices.
Jargon, Slang, Clichés, Wordiness (L.O. 2)
Your Task. Revise the following sentences to avoid confusing jargon, slang, clichés, and wordiness.
37. To pull ourselves up by our bootstraps from this recession, we must think outside the box.
38. Although we made a bundle whenever our response was quick as a flash, we can’t keep shooting from the
hip.
39. In comparison with our lousy competitors, we have passed with flying colors and will ignore their snarky
claims.
40. Please circle back to me about the proposal and we will be good to go.
Buried Verbs and Zombie Nouns (L.O. 2)
Your Task. Revise the following to recover buried verbs and convert zombie nouns.
41. After conducting an investigation, the legal department reached the conclusion that fraud had been
committed.
42. Our board promised to give consideration to the proposed acquisition at its next meeting.
43. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau issued a warning to borrowers that an important provision will
face expiration effective January 1.
44. One of the lending provisions under the Dodd-Frank Act extends liability protection to borrowers who have
a higher debt load but meet standards set by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
45. Under the current legislation, lenders are provided incentives to issue loans to borrowers who may not meet
the strictest standards but are a relatively safe credit risk.
46. In order to receive an adequate assessment of the home insurance amount, homeowners must make a
determination of the total value of their furnishings.
Precise, Direct Words (L.O. 2)
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
Your Task. Revise the following sentences to improve clarity and precision. Use your imagination to add
appropriate words.
Example They said it was a long way off.
Revision The executives announced that the HQ relocation would not take place for two years.
47. One of the employees told me that it would be available soon.
48. Please get in touch with the company in the near term.
49. An employee from that organization announced the change in date for the event.
50. She said that the film she worked on was not very good.
Microblogging: Replying to Tweets (L.O. 1)
Your Task. Read the following authentic Twitter messages and write a reply of no more than 280 characters to
each. Be selective in what you include. Your instructor may show you the actual responses that the company
wrote.
51. @HTWilson94 asks whether grocer Whole Foods stocks Whole Trade certified flowers all year long.
Prepare a response (preferably 140 or fewer characters) based on the following information: Yes, at Whole
Foods stores we are happy to offer Whole Trade certified flowers the entire year. We strongly advocate and
support the Whole Trade movement, which strives to promote quality, premium price to the producer,
better wages and working conditions, and the environment. However, we can’t tell you exactly which
certified flowers will be available at our stores and when. You would have to check with your local store
for its specific selection.
52. @AmyJean64 sent Bank of America a tweet saying she was frustrated with a real estate short sale.
“Have a contract on a house and cannot get them to return calls to finalize.” Prepare a response based
on the following information: You work for Bank of America, and you would very much like to help her,
but you can’t without certain information. You need her to send you the property address along with her
name and phone number so that you can call to see how you can help. She should probably DM (direct
message) you with this crucial information.
53. @VickiK wrote to JetBlue: “I have booked a flt in July, CA-VT. Wondering about flying my
wedding dress w/me. Is there a safe place to hang it on the plane?” Prepare a response based on the
following information: We congratulate you on your coming wedding! We bet your wedding dress is
beautiful. We don’t have special closets on our planes and certainly nothing big enough for a wedding
dress. But here’s a suggestion. Have you considered having it shipped ahead of time? All the best wishes
on your upcoming happy event!
54. @ChrisC sent a message to Southwest Airlines saying, “This is extremely frustrating, how is it
possible for your website to be down the entire day?” Prepare a response based on the following
information: Southwest is very, very sorry! It’s extremely frustrating to us also. We realize that you are
accustomed to using this site to book flights. Our IT people tell us that the website functionality is getting
better. We are not sure exactly what that means in terms of availability, but we are very hopeful that
customers will be able to book their flights soon.
55. @JamesR. sent a message to the delivery service UPS complaining, “Holy XXX. It’s after 6 pm and
UPS still hasn’t delivered my pkg yet.” Prepare a response based on the following information: UPS
makes every effort to deliver all packages promptly. For packages destined for offices, we must deliver by
3 p.m. However, for packages going to residences, our goal is to deliver by 7 p.m. But we can’t always
make it, so our drivers can sometimes run later. We’re sorry about the wait.
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
Lists, Bullets, and Headings (L.O. 3)
Your Task. Revise the following sentences and paragraphs using lists, bullets, and category headings, if
appropriate. Improve parallel construction and readability while reducing wordiness.
56. Revise the following paragraph about three Twitter best practices by using a bulleted list.
There are three simple ways you can build an online following, drive your reputation, and develop
customers’ trust by using these uncomplicated and simple Twitter practices. First off, share some of your
photos and information about your business from behind the scenes. Sharing is so important! Next, listen.
That is, you should regularly monitor the comments about your company, what’s being said about your
brand, and any chatter about your products. And, of course, you should respond. In real time it is necessary
to respond to statements that are compliments as well as just general feedback.
57. Revise the following by incorporating a numbered list.
Computer passwords are a way of life at this point in time. In the creation of a strong password, you should
remember a few things. First, you should come up with an eight-word phrase that is easy to remember, such
as my favorite uncle was a firefighter in Cleveland. Then take each of those words and the first letter
should be selected, such as mfuwafic. The last step for creating a really strong password is to exchange—
that is, swap out—some of those letters for characters and capital letters, such as Mf@w&%iC.
58. Revise the following by incorporating a bulleted list with category headings.
Auto accidents account for a high number of accidental deaths. The most common causes of these accidents
are due to the following causes. In all probability, the most common cause is distracted drivers. Talking on
smartphones, applying makeup, texting, eating food, and reading the morning newspaper are all common
ways that drivers are being distracted. Another cause is most assuredly impaired driving. Alcohol and drugs
impair judgment and reaction times. This obviously results in accidents. Another cause has got to be
aggressive drivers. Being an aggressive driver instead of a defensive driver puts you at risk for getting
involved in an accident. Finally, road rage is a significant cause. Drivers who get angry easily and then take
it out on other drivers are one of the leading causes of accidents.
59. Revise the following by incorporating a bulleted list with category headings.
There are many people today who want to improve their credit scores. Some simple tips for bumping up
your score are obvious. For one thing, you should immediately fix mistakes. If you check your credit report
(you should do this at least once a year) and there are errors, you can dispute these and have them
investigated. Another way to improve your credit score is to pay on time. At least 35 percent of your score
is a direct result of your payment history. Next, you should make an effort to lower and reduce your
balances. It may be difficult, but you should keep your personal credit balances as low as possible. The less
you’re using, the better for your score. Finally, making a habit of keeping older accounts will improve your
score. This means that you should keep your older cards so that you have a longer history to share. It also
shows stability.
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
RADICAL REWRITES
4.1 Radical Rewrite: Manager’s Wordy Malware Warning (L.O. 1–5)
Your Task. Study the following ineffective message from a manager to employees and staff. It suffers from
numerous wordy constructions covered in this chapter. Study the message and list at least five weaknesses.
Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition.
To: Employees and Staff
From: Zach Brogdon <zbrogdon@fisher.com>
Subject: Computer Attacks
I am sending this message because hackers using malware spread by e-mail are targeting many
organizations, I think it’s a good time to give consideration to five incredibly important tips that are
really helpful in preventing infection on your machine. Following are the tips:
Tip 1: Before opening an incoming e-mail, check the address of the person who sent the message.
This is usually in the header. If it looks suspicious, don’t open.
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website, in whole or in part.
End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
Tip 2. Look carefully at the subject line. Does it claim your account will be suspended or your
account suffered an unauthorized login attempt? Attempts at urgency often are clues to malicious e-
mail.
Tip 3. Do you see that the sender doesn’t seem to know your name and that you are addressed
anonymously as “Valued Customer”? Senders who are legitimate in all probability know your name.
Tip 4. In the matter of attachments, click only on those from senders that you know. There is danger
in attachments because that’s where viruses may hide or lurk.
Tip 5. Don’t believe everything you see in an e-mail. Scammers are spectacularly clever at spoofing
brands that we all know.
As a final note, if an incoming e-mail looks fishy, please use Shift Delete, which will permanently
delete the e-mail. Don’t just delete, which does not remove it permanently. I hope these tips are
useful!!
Zach B.
[Full contact information]
GRAMMAR/MECHANICS CHECKUP - 4
ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS
Review Sections 1.16 and 1.17 of the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook. Then select the correct form to complete
each of the following statements. Record the appropriate Grammar/Mechanics section to illustrate the principle
involved. When you finish, compare your responses with those at the bottom of the page. If your answers differ,
study carefully the principles in parentheses.
EXAMPLE
Shockingly, 40 percent of the Air Force’s active fleet is at least 25 years old; corrosion and fatigue are
reducing the (a) quarter century old, (b) quarter-century-old aircrafts’ availability.
Answer: b (1.17e)
1. After the (a) end of life, (b) end-of-life military aircraft have been stripped of all components, the
Department of Defense auctions them off as scrap metal.
2. The CH-47F Chinook helicopter’s twin rotors were running (a) smooth, (b) smoothly after they had been
rebuilt.
3. Offshore wind farms prefer the more (a) cost-effective, (b) cost effective larger wind turbines to offset their
high installation costs.
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
4. I hope I won’t regret my (a) spur of the moment, (b) spur-of-the-moment decision to move overseas for a
new job.
5. Of the two health plans, which is (a) more, (b) most expensive?
6. Throughout the pandemic the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) required employers
to record confirmed (a) work-related, (b) work related cases of COVID-19.
7. Many business students go to college because they want to open (a) there, (b) their own business.
8. When they called to offer me a job overseas, I decided on the (a) spur of the moment, (b) spur-of-the-
moment to accept.
9. How is the Shazam app able to identify a song so (a) quick, (b) quickly?
10. The credit union had to abandon its (a) well-thought-out, (b) well thought out plan to revamp its home
banking application.
11. To sign up for mail forwarding, a business must complete a (a) change of address, (b) change-of-address
form when it moves.
12. Our sales figures may get (a) worse, (b) worst before they pick up again.
13. I could be more productive if my printer were (a) more closer, (b) closer to my computer.
14. If you reject his offer to help, Jack will feel (a) bad, (b) badly.
15. Although purchased 30 years ago, the polished fire engine still looked (a) brightly, (b) bright.
EDITING CHALLENGE - 4
The following message from a district manager to her boss submits recommendations for launching an employee
suggestion plan. However, her enthusiastic message suffers from excessive exuberance, wordiness, lack of
parallelism in its list, poor proofreading, a dangling modifier, and other writing faults that require correction.
Your Task. Edit the following by (a) inserting corrections in your textbook or on a photocopy using the
proofreading marks in Appendix C or (b) downloading the message from www.cengage.com and correcting at your
computer. Hint: You should make about 30 edits. Your instructor may ask you to use Track Changes in MS Word as
you edit. See the Communication Workshop in Chapter 4 for more information about using Track Changes.
To: Kenzie Fitzgerald <kfitzgerald@peterson.com>
From: Corinne Yu <cyu@peterson.com>
Subject: Launching an Incredibly Successful Employee Suggestion Program!
Kenzie,
Due to the fact that you recently asked me to provide ideas for encouraging employees to make
suggestions, I am absolutely delighted to submit the following. You noted that a high level of employee
engagement is linked to increased profitability, productivity, and employees are retained longer. I agree
totally and completely! After conducting research and interviews, the following ideas came to me on how
to make a start for such a program:
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website, in whole or in part.
End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
Obtain senior management buy-in. To make any suggestion program successful, we must first gain
the support of the CEO and all upper management. They must get behind the program and help
communicate why it is important to employees as well as to the business.
A promotion plan must be developed. Next we must give the program a name and create initial
buzz with a fun launch. Perhaps including a party.
Agree on incentive. A basic fundamental of any suggestion program is the right mix of incentives to
encourage employees to share there ideas. Some employees respond to cash prizes, others like perks
such as a month of free parking near the front door. One company found that a hand written thank
you message from a manger or a mention on the intranet provided sufficient reward for ideas that
were good.
Educate employees. The program will never be successful if we are not able to train employees
about what types of ideas are sought. A pilot program would be a good idea.
A suggestion review team must be set up. All key departments need to be represented with
members to review those ideas and evaluate them as well.
I have many more incredible ideas for launching a suggestion program because I feel that such a program
could be very, very successful for our organization. May I make an appointment to discuss these ideas
with you farther? I suggest that we actually give serious consideration to taking initial steps to launching a
suggestion program.
Best,
Corinne Yu
District Manager
COMMUNICATION WORKSHOP
Communication Workshop: Technology
Collaborate, Revise, and Edit With Google Docs
Collaborative writing and editing projects are challenging. Fortunately, several cloud-based productivity
applications are available that enable teams to draft and edit documents in real time. Students will probably be most
familiar with the free service Google Docs. This Google platform allows users to import or create, share, revise, and
comment on an evolving document—from any device. More useful than file-hosting sites such as Dropbox, Google
Docs lets writers not only privately share cloud-based documents, but also edit them. Moreover, team members can
message via e-mail from within the program.
At present, Google Docs works seamlessly with MS Word documents that can be imported. Also, files created in
Google Docs can be downloaded as Word documents. Edits are recorded in different colors—one for each reviewer.
Content to be deleted appears as strikethrough text; new edits match the editor’s assigned color, as you can see in
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End of Chapter Activities: CHAPTER 04: REVIVING BUSINESS MESSAGES
Figure 4.6. The collaborators can subsequently accept or reject proposed changes. Clicking on a marginal comment
or the corresponding crossed-out text activates horizontal brackets in the editor’s color to call attention to the phrase
or word under review. In the Suggesting mode, team members can point out problematic passages or errors, ask or
answer Suggesting questions, and share ideas without changing or adding text. The original writer may accept or
reject these changes. The multicolored comments are identified by the individual writers’ names and date/time
stamps.
One of the notable features is See revision history, which enables users not only to view a log of earlier versions of
the document, but also to return to and work with those earlier versions. Google Docs automatically saves all
changes. Collaborators can choose free storage space on Google Drive.
Career Application. On the job, you will likely be working with others on projects that require written documents.
During employment interviews, employers may ask whether you have participated in team projects using
collaboration tools. To be able to answer that question favorably, take advantage of this opportunity to work
collaboratively on a document using the revising and commenting features provided in the Editing and Suggesting
modes in Google Docs.
Your Task. In pairs, practice collaborative editing. Use Google Docs to revise the Radical Rewrite or Editing
Challenge document in this chapter. One team member imports the document into Google Docs, makes the first
edits in Editing or Suggesting mode, and notifies the other team member with the convenient Share (or Email
collaborators) feature that the file is ready for further editing. The team then submits the final document to the
instructor—with or without edits showing, depending on the instructor’s preference.
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