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Sophie: , [00:00:00] her best friend who happens to be white and male.
Alice: It's fine. I understand and I am an ally and I totally get how it looks that
way. And, um,
Jordan: Jordan, oh my god, you are obsessed with playing the victim. Excuse me? I
had to ride in the ambulance with you three times thinking you were
Sophie: dead. I needed help and I got
Jordan: it and I'm You got help?
You mean we had to narc on you to your friends? Your fucking dad so he'd cut you
off and ship you off to rehab, while you were quite literally
Alice: kicking and
Jordan: screaming. Yeah. And then you just fell off the face of the earth, because
that's what you do, so if that's what you do when things get tough, you run.
You ran away to go write your fucking memoirs. It's
Sophie: creative non fiction, which is a valid response to life in an attention
Jordan: economy. Oh, fuck off and die. You write little essays about [00:01:00]
your mommy, and her vodka, and your pussy, and your feelings, and your fucking
feelings. Oh my god, we are all dead. Drowning in your fucking feelings!
Feelings are facts! No! No they're not! Facts are facts! Why did you ghost us,
Sophie? Like,
Alice: why? Because you fucking trigger me. You enable me.
Unclear: Does she know?
Alice: Does she know what? That you begged me
Sophie: to stop at your apartment on my way up here. And I did. And we fucked.
She's fucking lying. She's lying through her fucking teeth. She's trying to get in
your head. Don't listen to her, okay? Check her texts.
Alice: You are unhinged, Orton. You
Sophie: are devoid of empathy. You have no feelings. Do you want to know why I
could never, ever be with you? Because you schedule everything in your fucking
Google Calendar, including sex, because [00:02:00] you have
Alice: no
Jordan: soul. Fuck you. You're emotionally abusive. I had to go to therapy for
PTSD. You can fucking ask Alice.
Yeah,
Alice: she did. For a long time.
You hate Alice. No, I don't.
Jordan: Yeah, you
Sophie: despise her. You complain constantly about how vapid and annoying she is.
You hate her. It's pitiful how you won't stop making fun of her stupid little
podcast. Let her have the podcast. I don't know what you're talking about. You hate
listen to her podcast.
Alice: Wait, what?
Sophie: And you made a swear on our lives not to tell anyone. Jordan, is
Alice: that true? I like your podcast,
Sophie: Alice. What is your podcast about?
Alice: Hanging out with your
Jordan: smartest
Alice: and funniest friend. Did you just groan? No. When I said
Jordan: hanging out with your
Alice: smartest and funniest [00:03:00] friend. Like that. Like that. You just did
it again.
No, I didn't! First of all, a podcast takes a lot of work, okay? You have to
organize the guests, you have to do a Google Calendar, and then you build a thing.
It takes a long fucking time working on it for a while, okay? And then, let me say,
that nobody likes you! Ok, nobody likes you. Nobody likes you. Do you know
Jordan: when you're drunk and you
Alice: cry to me, Oh, I'm afraid nobody likes me, cause I'm mean and a bitch and I
suck.
Well you do, ok? You fucking suck. And I only hang out with you out of pity and the
suffocating weight of our shared history and that. You're just so in love with your
rags
Jordan: to riches narrative, like you're the only fucking person in the world who
didn't
Alice: come from money. You know what? Your parents are upper middle class.
Unclear: No, they're not. [00:04:00]
Alice: Jordan, they are. They teach at a university. It's public. Oh my god. Oh my
god. I mean, no wonder Sophie OD'd. Who could date a fucking spreadsheet with a
superiority complex? It's like, it's such a bitch!
What the fuck? Fuck, Jordan. Oh my god. Are you serious? Did you just fucking shoot
me? No.
Unclear: You fucking shot me! The
Alice: gun! No, I didn't shoot you. You fucking murdered them, you freak! You're
the murderer, bitch! You're such a fucking bitch! I didn't murder anybody. Jordan,
you did! Put the gun down. I've never been shot before!
It really fucking hurts! Put the fucking gun down, please! You did this. You made
me do this. Why did you make me do that? What are you doing? Put the gun [00:05:00]
down. Why? Why did you shoot me? I did not shoot you. Yes you did! Stop! Stop!
Stop! Stop weeping it around. I'm not weeping! Hit me, you already shot me! Stop
it!
Touch me! No! I'm not! No! No! No! You're on my leg! You're on my leg! Stop! Oh!
Stop it! Let go! Stop!
Unclear: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Alice: Oh! Oh! Oh! Get off me! Get off! Get off me! Get off me! You Get the fuck
off me! Get off! Get off! My fucking leg! Where
Unclear: is it? [00:06:00] Ow!
