Princ John T.

Guhiling BSA-3

TEN RULES TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

Marriage is one of the most essential partnerships that God has provided to us as
humans. On a practical level, the marriage bond serves as the base of the family, which
serves as the basic unit for the entire society. On a spiritual level, the marriage bond
represents God and his relationships. We discussed this last week when we discussed the
Biblical underpinnings of marriage. Marriage, we saw, is an ordered, covenant relationship
that represents God's ordered relationships within the trinity as well as God's covenant
relationship with his people. We examined the second of these in depth, namely, that
marriage is a covenant relationship of lifetime faithfulness, and how this symbolizes God's
unwavering commitment to his people. However, we just briefly discussed marriage as an
organized relationship that represents God's ties within the trinity.

According to Stephen Arterburn, the 10 Rules for a Happy Marriage (Biblical Rules) are the
followings:

1. Never bring up mistakes of the past.

Stop criticizing others or it will come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven
(Luke 6:37).

Some people struggle to forgive for past indiscretions. Whether it was a major
infraction like an affair, or a more minor one like forgetting your mother’s birthday, carrying
around anger about the past is not healthy. This anger often tends to resurface whenever the
person feels angry again. If you have difficulty letting go of the past, perhaps you aren’t able
to forgive. It might mean accepting that you can’t trust your partner. If that is the case, then
it’s important to ask if you want to live that way. If you want to try to move past something
but don’t know how, consider therapy. It may be able to help you deal with your hurt in a
productive way.

2. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process?
(Mark 8:36).
 Make your marriage a priority. This is perhaps one of my favorite marriage principles.
This is a subtle one, but it will become apparent via your behaviors. It is critical to prioritize
your marriage. It does not simply imply making time for your marriage. It entails
appreciating the wonder and uniqueness of your marriage. It entails making a concerted effort
to develop and sustain the relationship. It entails prioritizing your spouse. And it may entail
giving up some other things for the sake of your marriage. But here's a little secret: making
your marriage a top priority in your life pays dividends. When you're constantly paying
attention to and aware of what's going on in your marriage (and attempting to improve it),
things tend to run much more smoothly and calmly. In other words, giving your marriage
frequent "tune-ups" increases the likelihood of avoiding a catastrophic and unexpected crash.

3. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

And don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you are
still angry (Ephesians 4:26).

Never go to bed with an unresolved disagreement. This is one of the most damaging
things that may happen in a marriage and should be avoided at all costs. This prolongs the
lingering of upset feelings and thoughts and, in general, exacerbates the problem. What if
your husband does not wake up the next morning?

4. At least once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse.

Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4).

Love isn't the only thing that keeps the globe turning—and a marriage thriving.
Gratitude and gratitude are incredibly significant as well. You don't have to go out of your
way to show your lover how much you appreciate them. This may be simpler than you think.
A simple "thank you" or a complimentary remark can go a long way. If your partner
appreciates receiving cards and messages, this is a considerate way to show them how much
you care. Even a thank you or romantic text can be effective. All of these actions help to
cement your romantic bond as well as your friendship. What is most important is the thinking
and motive behind it. Remind yourself to express thanks for the things your spouse does and
contributes to you on a frequent basis. If you're like me, your marriage provides you so many
blessings and delights. You can never show this too many times. You can also do good things
for your spouse quietly, such as pray for them. Acting compassionately does not have to be
visible or recognized in order to be desirable and beneficial.

5. Never meet without an affectionate welcome.

Kiss me again and again, your love is sweeter than wine (Song of Solomon 1:2).
 To develop a healthy, love-charged marriage, you must make it a priority to
demonstrate and express that love on a daily basis. This is much easier for certain people (and
some couples) who find it quite natural to express "I love you" or display physical affection.
However, this does not apply to all couples, and it certainly does not apply to all individuals.
In truth, every one of us has our own love language. The technique through which you best
experience feeling loved is referred to as your love language. Learning your partner's love
language as well as your own can help you learn how to communicate love every day. Putting
your love out there, in whatever form it takes, may be a test of willpower. Being loving might
be difficult at times. It's healthy to realize this and recognize that our emotions fluctuate. We
may not always feel love toward our partner. We might not be into it right now.

6. "For richer or poorer" - rejoice in every moment that God has given you together.

A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate (Proverbs
15:17).

For Richer...For Poorer - Coping with Finances and Marriage, but keep in mind that
you're both in financial trouble. It's not the greatest time to point fingers. Once the matter has
been resolved, you can both reflect on it and debrief. But, for the time being, avoid wasting
your time and energy pointing fingers. Sit down and think about how to cope with it.
Stubbornness and disagreement on both sides will only increase financial stress and, as a
result, reduce your ability to deal with the situation.

7. If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your
mate.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them
(Proverbs 3:27).

Making your spouse or partner a priority implies that his or her emotional needs are as
important as your own. You create your partnership a place where everyone feels completely
at home. Putting your partner first involves prioritizing his or her wants, feelings, and well-
being before other people or things. As you keep this priority on purpose every day, a
"feeling of we" emerges. You keep your connection from being ruined or harmed. You take
care of your relationship so that it feels wonderful for both of you.

8. If they're breathing, your mate will eventually offend you. Learn to forgive.

I am warning you, if another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him. Even
if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive
him (Luke 17:3, 4).
 Forgiveness is definitely necessary in marriage in order to begin the healing process.
However, it is frequently misconstrued. Many of the folks we work with are terrified of being
hurt again. When we develop intimate and trusting relationships, we expose ourselves to the
danger of being injured. However, refusing to forgive does not protect us from more harm. In
reality, it prepares us for further pain.

9. Don't use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer.

God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it (John 3:17).

Before responding, consider your words wisely. Continue to give a soft answer when
conflict arises. Practice this principle continually throughout your marriage. Respond with a
soft answer that’s seasoned with Grace and Wisdom. Allow your words to minister peace and
not division, strife, confusion and chaos. Your soft words can heal and minister to your
spouse’s heart and position your conversation to gain understanding. An answer that’s given
out of emotion can stir up and ignite discord within the walls of your marriage. It’s your
choice to handle your words with care. Or you can choose to mishandle the heart of your
spouse through self sabotaging words that stir up division and discord.

10. Let love be your guidepost.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not
demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged
(1 Corinthians 13:4, 5).

The purest and highest of all God's gifts of the Spirit is the grace of divine love. All
the other gifts of the Spirit that Christians may exercise lack value and meaning if they aren't
motivated by love. The Bible teaches that faith, hope, and love come together in a triune and
eternal formation of heavenly gifts, "but the greatest of these is love." Spiritual gifts are
appropriate for a time and a season, but love lasts forever. Therefore, married couple should
be reminded with love because love is everything that makes a couple unbreakable.