Interpersonal Systems Theory
Interpersonal Systems Theory
Part I: Introduction
When people join together for any purpose, the resulting relationship or group
becomes a living, breathing, growing entity. Whether this joining is for a romantic
between its members become channels that provide flows of energy that each individual
and relationship entity feeds off of and contributes back into, like blood vessels.
Relationships and groups are also living in that they breathe, eat, excrete and change –
Once one is able to see relationships and groups as living beings, many of their
idiosyncrasies make more sense. People generally understand that individuals have
needs, feelings and boundaries, but many become confused when relationships have
needs and paths that are in competition with individual needs and goals. Most people
also accept that that individuals change in various ways over time, but are not able to
accept that relationships change, grow and decline in their own ways as well.
individual needs. Unfortunately, many people do not see the forces and elements
The tool that helps us see the elements and dynamics of relationships between
people and groups is Systems Theory, which has been reconceptualized here as
theories and family systems theory). Interpersonal Systems Theory reveals the
commonalities and connections between relationships and groups with all life forms.
Learning to see interpersonal relationships as systems will radically change the way one
looks at them.
One of the most astonishing things about Systems Theory is how it finds
commonalities between individual beings, parts of beings (organs, cells, nerves, etc.),
and groups of beings (ecosystems, families, groups, organizations, etc.). This paper will
address the latter; the application of systems properties and forces to groups of human
relationships and groups through systems thinking. Systems Theory sees the universe
as composed completely of living systems which connect, work together and evolve
over time. Since everything living is a system, this includes all groupings of beings
including relationships, groups, organizations and states. Once one understands the
basic elements, flows and balances of systems, one has a key to understanding all
Interpersonal systems have human elements, dynamics, and patterns that are
constantly interacting and changing both within and between themselves. While
relationship and group boundaries provide stability, these boundaries are open to the
groups, primarily by pointing out that relationships are having to cope with a stormy sea
of changes inside and outside themselves. Systems processes and concepts help us to
see that there is an ebb and flow of different forces that push for these changes, or work
to repress them. The systems concepts of growth cycles and life cycles help us to
understand the pain, chaos, awkwardness and risk that are inevitable and necessary for
Seeing groups and relationships as systems means seeing their living dynamics.
This means seeing how these interpersonal systems connect with their environments in
order to breathe, eat, and take in energy, as well as to expel carbon dioxide and waste.
These exchanges may be on the physical level (food, water) or the energetic level
and to monitor how they are changing. The internal and external environments of
relationship systems change constantly, so the resources they exchange will also vary.
Connors, Interpersonal Systems 4
that fit with systems thinking quite seamlessly. Presented here is a list of systems
systems:
Property Description
As humans, we need social bonds and relationships for our emotional well-being.
Most people have strong bonds with a number of formal and informal groups such as
couples, families, circles of friends, work groups, church groups and communities. Each
relationship taken on changes and challenges us. When positive, relationships provide
Connors, Interpersonal Systems 5
support and make us stronger to face the stresses of life. When negative, relationships
When people come together for any purpose for a period of time, a psychological
boundary develops around them and separates them from other people. This boundary
has a unifying force, which makes those within it act to some degree as a unit, a whole.
When people form a relationship or join a group, they gradually become more
dependent on each other and must move, interact and change together because their
outcomes become connected. Capra thinks that holism is the most crucial aspect of
understanding systems, because when anything is dissected, the processes which keep
it alive are destroyed. The same is true for relationships – focusing on the people within
One way to see this is to pay attention to how group behavior is often quite
different from individual behavior. Groups of nice children can become cruel to a weaker
empower one another and become a winning team. Alcoholics and addicts can find the
strength to change in a support group when alone they are unable to give up their
addictions.
depending on the group milieu around them. Family experts have learned that the
health of the whole family must be improved in order to help individual family members
become healthier. This interpersonal climate phenomenon in families also holds true for
the interpersonal climate affects the well-being of the individuals within it. We can take a
Connors, Interpersonal Systems 6
more powerful role in shaping the climate of the relationships and groups we belong to
To monitor and understand our relationships and groups, we need to shift our
awareness to see beyond our own needs to be able to see relational and/or group
needs, because this give us information about relationship or group health. Married
couples have to give a lot of attention to their marriages, while family members often
talk about the demands and stresses of the family. Most people pay attention to their
communities through reading the paper or listening to the news about the events which
affect them.
a beneficial contribution of energy and ideas which are not available otherwise. Each
member is needed and when we work together well, we produce the optimal balance of
forces for survival and health. So, no individual member of a relationship or group is
communication and energy flow between them that they are strongly affected by each
outside of it, especially those nearby and those it is a member of (church, job,
ecologically.
Connors, Interpersonal Systems 7
Flow between people is like a magnetic and dynamic energy force that binds
them together and impacts them so they feel each others dramas. Belonging to a
relationship or group makes one subject to the influences of other members and of the
relationship unit through the impact of their psychological, social and physical flow. The
strength and emotional quality of that magnetic-energetic force varies greatly from
relationship to relationship and each develops their own relationship climate based on
gives and receives resources (energy, information, nutrients, and waste) within
themselves and with other groups. As numerous channels of flow move through each
individual, this stresses and impacts their energy core, causing vibrations (known in
systems as perturbations).
to the degree of dissonance between the individual’s structure and the new information.
The greater the amplitude and discord which result from these fluctuations, the more
likely this will provoke change in the in the whole or in part of the relationship system.
relationships and groups to adapt to the sea of changes within and around them.
Systems also experience tremendous changes as they move through the life
cycle. Although the life span of interpersonal systems is not always biologically limited
(as in organizations and nations), there are still forces which shape them in similar
Connors, Interpersonal Systems 8
ways. The interpersonal system life cycle includes a vulnerable early stage, early
growth period, a mature stage, and eventually rigidity and dysfunction leading to
inviability.
challenges their stability and their survival. The kinds of changes they experience fall
into two general categories: a. the change cycle, and b. the life cycle.
With every moment, systems are considering change; avoiding it, approaching it,
in change, in recovery from change, or moving on after changing. The systems change
cycle starts with receiving feedback about changes occurring somewhere (e.g. in a
member or outside system) that challenges or perturbs its present structure. This
challenging change feedback continues to impact relationship systems with every wave
of flow and leading to a period of increased flux and chaos as they struggle with the
suppresses that perturbing flux and chaos, or takes the risk to change.
With change there may come growth, expansion and evolution to greater
capacity, strength, durability and adaptability to the demands of life and the
Feedback which tells a relationship system that the inner or outer environment is
changing will cause vibrations, or perturbations in the system or in one or more of its
and do. That information dissonance causes our energy field to become disturbed and it
makes us frown with the energy of trying to figure out what it means.
Perturbations cause energy waves, and they create charges of energy, excitation
or movement, like stirring the pot. Perturbations are inherently disturbing, and while the
system will bring its self-stabilizing drive to dampen the vibrations, perturbations in any
direction will attract other perturbations towards the same goal, and together they push
2. Chaos
Chaos is a state where traditional order starts to break down, and it is usually a
difficult and stimulating time. Chaos is created by the system receiving enough change
feedback and perturbations to disrupt its boundaries and other structural elements, so
that they no longer are able to maintain control of system dynamics. Some chaos is
necessary in all life because growth requires that old structures let go and new
structures (or parts of structures) take their place. Chaos takes over in the gap between
the disruption of the old and the establishment of balance in the new structure.
The bifurcation point is the moment in time when perturbations, chaos and other
pressures push the system boundary, rules and structures to let go to some degree. It is
the point where the system is at the edge, the existential moment of turning back from
change and or choosing change while not knowing what is to come next. The system is
then at a turning point, with the crucial choice being whether to return to the old stability
Transitions are usually very difficult times because the system lacks the safety
provided by the old structure and the safety available under the new structure is yet
unknown. Also, during times of transition, flow dynamics tend to be both chaotic and
intense in speed and energy charge, and that intensity can be difficult and exhausting.
4. Readjustment
Generally, there is a time of great vulnerability right after changes occur. Some
relationships or groups collapse after changing, or find they must retreat from the
growth level they intended to achieve. So it takes a period of time before the system
returns to homeostasis.
B. Lifespan Stages
Each relationship system travels through a life cycle that may be physically
limited or based on psychological and social factors. Systems begin with a burst of
energy and are very vulnerable at first since their needs outweigh their protections. As
they mature, systems channel their energy more productively and become more
independent. Maturity is reached when they are autonomous and can manage their
pattern oriented, which leads to greater stability and efficiency in handling energy
dynamics, but also leads to rigidity and lowered adaptability over time. The system’s
growing rigidity in its patterns tends to make it unable to discern subtle messages or
demands, thus decreasing its sensitivity and creativity. Throughout nature, one can see
the principle of flexibility associated with youth while rigidity is associated with aging,
1. Birth & Infancy; the decision to come together and define 2 or more people
as a relationship or group.
2. Early Development; the time spent developing trust, establishing norms and
learning basic survival tasks.
3. Adolescence; the stage of boundary testing and power struggles.
4. Maturity; the time when norms and boundaries are established and members
accept responsibility to work towards goals.
5. Aging; the period after boundaries and patterns have started to prevent
change and innovation, decreasing adaptability.
6. Disintegration; the final phase when the relationship or group is no longer
viable (able to continue).
Group scholars such as Tuckman and Caple have elaborated stage theories for the
development of therapy groups which are quite consistent with these Systems Theory
notions of development.
To cope with the stormy array of changes they have to cope with, interpersonal
systems have a self-organizing nature which works to maintain stability and minimize
threats from internal and external sources. The way that relationships and groups
stabilize themselves and cope with the pressure of all these changes, is to create
patterns – patterns to meet needs, cope with stress and conflict, and to deal with
demands from the outside. This drive to form and follow patterns is the most common
patterns, until over time they grow more and more pattern dependent. This is
exacerbated by the natural bias against change unless there is great pressure from the
into fixed patterns and lose their willingness to change, leading to marital ruts, lifeless
external pressure for change, and the pressure for patterns and stability. Systems need
both stability and change to survive and to move towards goals. The way that systems
balance these two diverse drives is to alternate them, through a kind of breathing which
So, relationships and groups also breathe, open and close, expand and contract.
At the same time that a relationship or group is laboring to avoid change, they need to
change to adapt to everything inside and outside it which is changing in big and small
ways, so the pressure to change is almost constantly in competition with that stability
seeking nature. But when these two forces are able to work together, a balance occurs
Marriage and family therapists often deal with conflicts over the balance between
spending time at home with each other and spending time away to socialize. This can
remain a major source of relationship conflict unless they can find a way to harmonize
the relationship’s rhythm for opening and closing. Both classrooms and therapy group
members benefit much more when the influence of experts is balanced with internal
discussion time.
The most aspect of Interpersonal Systems Theory is Flow. Flow on the first level
is a powerful, energetic and magnetic life force that moves between and within
Connors, Interpersonal Systems13
relationships and groups and has major effects on their functioning and well-being. The
next level of flow has four major dynamics that underlie the functioning of relationships
and groups; control, flow, support, change feedback, and stability feedback.
1. Control & Are Systems maintain boundaries & structures to channel &
Controlled regulate energy & information.
2. Support & Are Systems nurture & give energy to young entities, other
Supported systems & those that are ailing.
3. Give & Receive Systems communicate with each other about needs, about
Change Feedback how they impact each other, & request adjustments.
4. Give & Receive Systems pressure each other not to change - to maintain
Stability Feedback structures and patterns as they are.
Flow
akin to the movement of body fluids. This concept of flow was developed 20 years ago
(Durkin, 1981).
though this has limits. Flow that is too fast could create instability and lead to exhaustion
and collapse. Flow that is consistently too slow and sluggish would signal dysfunction or
soft (gentle, quiet) for periods of time, but a preponderance of either extreme would be
Connors, Interpersonal Systems14
overwhelming and/or lead to inflexibility. The optimum flow between people would
average out to moderate intensity, but include a variety of intensities, with periods of
There are other properties of system flow that need to be observed for signs of
inside and outside the system boundaries, so that giving and taking should be relatively
balanced within relationships and groups, and between an interpersonal system and
other systems. Balanced flow pressure keeps system boundaries healthy and intact.
Flow also needs to be balanced in the push for change versus the push for stability.
or indirect. Work and resource distribution (especially feeding and eating) are also forms
Flow Dynamics
Flow is made up of at least four dynamics; control, support, change feedback and
stability feedback. These four dynamics represent needs that should be met and forces
that need to be in balance for optimal health in interpersonal systems. These four
dimensions can be used to analyze interpersonal functioning, and then will give
guidance to those who want to intervene to help relationships and groups work better or
to overcome difficulties
Connors, Interpersonal Systems15
either supporting current system structure and dynamics or challenging the system to
negative, the systems concepts of positive and negative feedback are confusing for
many people. To maintain clarity, Interpersonal Systems Theory will use the terms
suppress change in the way the system maintains its balance. There is information
about the need for change and stability in every interaction, whether direct, indirect,
verbal, or nonverbal. Every exchange within a system or between a system and its
environment gives it information about the need to adjust its course or to maintain
stability or homeostasis.
not covered by this theory) also has control functions and nurturing functions. Research
on many mammals, such as wolves, finds nurturing, and limit setting to be common
goals of their interactions. Family scholars have also identified nurturing, support,
1. Control
interpersonal relationships and group dynamics. Control is exerted primarily through the
rules and roles (leader, boss), which provide direction, guidance and safety for the
interpersonal system and for its members. There are many negative associations with
the dynamic of control because of its association with over-control, but the dynamic is
motivated by protection. Control is concerned with safety and managing of that sea of
varies from extreme under-control to extreme over-control, with both extremes being
unhealthy. At one end of the continuum, there are numerous interpersonal conditions
and contexts that become out of balance from lack of control, making them vulnerable
to fall into chaos and inertia. At the other extreme are those conditions and contexts
which suffer from over-control, commonly resulting in abuse, stifled creativity and anger
Parents use control to provide limits and guidance for their children and keep
them safe, but they also must teach their children to develop their own self-control. To
younger members. The healthiest groups also seem to have mechanisms of control
and boundaries that evolve over time in response to feedback from inside and outside
of the group, because the only way to maintain balance is to consider changes that
may be needed.
strive for some form of equality and democracy, because it is clear that access to
interpersonal systems. This style of control management would mean ensuring that all
Connors, Interpersonal Systems17
members have certain basic rights (e.g. free speech, freedom from abuse) and
responsibilities (doing one’s part). This would mean allocating as much control to each
system member as they can handle, even to the point of stretching their capacity for
responsibility, in order to spur their growth and maturity and to keep the whole system
healthy.
define and separate group and relationship systems, but must be flexible and
permeable. Boundaries define system limitations and keep relationship needs protected
but are open to allow connections to other systems and to the environment.
Structure. Structure means the physical and psychological constraints and guides of
flow patterns within, through and outside of systems. Structures include physical
infrastructure, and power roles and rules, especially those for managing boundaries.
these and the system boundary eventually shape the flow of system dynamics into
patterns.
2. Support
Support means providing positive energy, support and safety to others. Support
was introduced to systems theory through the work of the American Group
Psychotherapy Association’s General System Theory Committee, who came up with the
process” that is demonstrated by “being caring and actively injecting positive concern”
health. Nurturing, social support and love are known to be necessary factors in the
healthy raising of children, and they help human beings survive during times of stress
and trauma. Support is the major ingredient in group cohesion, which is the factor found
3. Change Feedback
external environment about the changes that are occurring there and how those
changes relate to the system’s current status. This information eventually triggers
change because systems realize that adjustments are needed for adapting to those
changes. Change and adaptation are necessary for systems to survive and to move
towards goals, and this change will help them to function in balance with their internal
Change feedback gives interpersonal systems information about what they need
to change to reduce discord and produce harmony in relation to what is happening with
their own members, or relative to external relationships and groups. Some system
system in balance so that it can survive and move towards its goals. This is definitely
true of relationships, which stagnate or become abusive when the need to change is not
Healthy relationships and groups are able to take in dissonant information from
within and without and use it as information for growth. No relationship or group
Connors, Interpersonal Systems19
structure is perfect and ‘the way things are’ should not be fixed in time. As individuals
and environments change, relationships change, and the interaction between these
should be a flow instead of a damn that has to explode now and then from the pressure.
4. Stability Feedback
structural continuity that a system can exist. Too much change could threaten the
integrity of systemic elements and the system could be swept away. So, feedback about
Stability feedback for relationships and groups would notify them when their
stability is threatened by too much change. Even when an interpersonal system is going
strong, too much change or change that is too dissonant with its goals could cause
some damage. For example, a strong marriage of a wealthy couple could fall apart if
they experienced a trauma that was serious enough, such as financial ruin or severe
illness.
from all but the most minimum and necessary changes. Businesses are usually advised
not to move locations when they are still struggling to survive, as the stress is often too
overwhelming. Newly committed couples are much less likely than older couples to
weather common relationship stressors such as changing jobs or ugly behavior from in-
laws.
Summary
understand how they change, grow, and get sick. Flow and its four dimensions hold the
Connors, Interpersonal Systems20
groups sustain themselves, move and cope as living systems. By understanding how
these flow dimensions move within and between relationships and groups large and
small, we can understand how relationships and groups get out of balance and become
unhealthy. This will help us understand what is needed to bring healthy functioning and
psychological thought about relationships and the world of systems theory. While
interpersonal psychology is finally gaining its place in scholarly circles, adding systems
them and make them more useful. Perhaps research can clarify the true nature of how
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