THE UNIVERSITY OF AUCKLAND STUDENT MAGAZINE ISSUE 23, 18 OCTOBER 2021

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FOR
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CRACCUM 1
 FAREWELL

From the 2021 Craccum Editorial team

2 CRACCUM
 Contents.

achlan Mitchell, Sophie Sun, Chloe Bettina, Tai Nimo, Kiki Hall, Helen Peng, Rebekah
ontributors: Eda Tang, Karanama Ruru, Jessica Hopkins, Simon Percival,
aomii Seah, Madeleine Crutchley, Thomas Giblin, Jay Alexander, Flora Xie,
abbie De Baron, Sanchita Vyas, Nancy Guo, Talia Parker, Shivani Kershaw,
4 Editorial
5 News
8 A Very Important and SERIOUS Petition
10 The Cult of Toxic Production
12 Evidence-Based Sex Tips
16 Storyo: Redefining Success
18 Poetry
24 Reviews
28 How to Get Into... Farewell Films
30 21 Lessions from 2021
32 Psychology and Me
37 Puzzles
38 Horoscopes

The People to Blame

EDITORS IN CHIEF EDA TANG (SHE/HER) COVER TAI NIMO
& BRIAN GU (HE/HIM)
[email protected] DESIGNER NICK WITHERS (HE/THEY)
[email protected]
NEWS EDITOR JESSICA HOPKINS (SHE/HER)
[email protected] ADVERTISING AARON HAUGH (HE/HIM)
[email protected]
CHIEF REPORTER KARANAMA RURU (HE/HIM)
[email protected] EDITORIAL OFFICE
TOP LEVEL
STUDENT UNION BUILDING
TE AO MĀORI EDITOR MAIRĀTEA MOHI (SHE/THEY)
34 PRINCES STREET
[email protected]
 /CraccumMagazine
FEATURES EDITOR NAOMII SEAH (SHE/HER)  @craccum
[email protected]
 @craccum_mag
ARTS EDITOR MADELEINE CRUTCHLEY (SHE/HER)
[email protected]

LIFESTYLE EDITOR LACHLAN MITCHELL (ANY)

CONTRIBUTOR OF THE WEEK
[email protected]
TAI NIMO
PAGE 1 & 34
VISUAL ARTS EDITOR SOPHIE SUN (THEY/THEM) WINNER OF $50 SHADS VOUCHER
regonning

[email protected] TE AO MĀORI EDITOR

SPONSORED BY
SUBEDITOR FLORA XIE (SHE/HER)
[email protected]

The articles and opinions contained within this magazine are not necessarily those of the staff, AUSA, Stuff, or the printers.
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 editorial.
editorial.

PHOTO: NATHANIEL PEACOCK

Hard Conversations at the
Christmas Table
This week, Brian and Eda mask the sadness of farewell with other serious conversations

Yes, it’s only October, but the However, that’s still a percentage of people we have managed to do it part-time. In a
last issue of Craccum does indicate we are who haven’t taken that step yet. For you, that week, we help guide a team of hard-working
nearing the end of the year. For some this conversation may be across the dinner table, paid section editors towards putting content
means job seeking, flat hunting, moving or with someone you haven’t talked to in together, communicate with contributors
out of town, or fiddling your thumbs around years, who is a friend on Facebook. So, if it’s and put together the magazine. Publication
what you should do during summer. There’s within your means, take the time to facilitate weeks are fast-paced, and some weeks can
no doubt someone’s going to ask you when or engage with positive and open discussion be more intense than others. If you have any
you’re graduating, or what you’re going to do about the benefits of being vaccinated. You questions about the job, or how to apply, see
after you graduate or if you’ve got your eye on never know how close that conversation the bottom of this editorial.
a romantic suitor. It’s that jolly time of year for might be. Effective communication,
all the difficult conversations, and we’re going which involves a lot of listening and And with everything else ticked off, the final
to deal with them all in one editorial. acknowledgement. is what will push us over item of conversation for our figurative dinner
the 90% target. table is goodbye. It has been a pleasure
With that, there’s no better place to start serving as your Craccum editors for 2021. It
than the pressing issue of vaccines. It can Speaking of seeking effective communicators, has been a turbulent year, but a highlight for
be disappointing to hear when people see another difficult decision you might have us has been delivering stories to you, by you,
vaccines as an attack on individual rights and to make is whether you want to apply for every week of semester. From us, kia kaha,
freedoms. Perhaps it may not be surprising, Craccum editor. We’ve had a fantastic year at kia maia, kia manawanui.
given Western medicine is weighed down the helm of a community of talented creatives,
by disparities in cultural outcomes, and and this really is a job like no other. However, Yours faithfully,
institutional distrust. However, as with any life moves forward, and while this experience
branch of medicine, there are solutions for us ends, we will always be grateful for the Brian Gu (he/him) & Eda Tang (she/her)
backed with evidence, and the evidence is opportunities we’ve been given and people Co-editors of Craccum 2021
that vaccination is critical to restoring our who have supported us. We have done 23
collective freedoms. issues that we are so proud of, and that we Link for the Craccum editor application form
hope you enjoyed reading. can be accessed here.
Chances are (and that’s 84% at the time of
writing) you’ve already had your vaccine. Editing Craccum is a near full-time job, For any questions, please email editor@
Congratulations for making that decision. however, by splitting it between ourselves, craccum.co.nz

r
You on 100% student owned

to r e
k s ubiq.co.nz

boo p u s!
cam
4 CRACCUM
 news.

Calls to Increase PhD Stipend

Rejected by UoA
JESSICA HOPKINS

FMHS PGSA has expressed concerns However, in an email to the association, HRC has stated they support raising their
about the currently offered UoA Doctoral Metson noted that increasing the stipend funded stipends and are opening a review
Scholarship PhD stipend amount, as it is wouldn't be their priority. The University into the current stipend level. "We respect
below minimum wage. Board Member Joseph also does not accept that the argument that HRC actually bothered to recognise this
Chen argues we shouldn’t normalise PhD scholarships pay below minimum wage. "The as a problem, and say they are going to do
students being underpaid and undervalued. University of Auckland PhD stipend is already something about it", says Chen. The Ministry
the highest in the country, as is appropriate of Business Innovation and Entrepreneurship,
The Faculty of Medical and Health Sciences given living costs in Auckland". Ministry Foreign Affairs and Trade, Education
Post Graduate Student Association (FMHS Minister Chris Hipkins, and Minister of
PGSA) launched a petition in July, arguing In the email, Metson stated that the Research Science and Innovation, Dr Megan
that the University of Auckland's Doctoral University has a difficult balance between the Woods, were also contacted about the
Scholarship stipend amount should be value of the scholarship and the number we issue but stated that it was not their direct
increased to the minimum wage. The petition can offer. "This is an important equity issue responsibility.
garnered 733 signatures from 456 doctoral as it dictates the number of students who
students, 190 staff, 69 pre-doctoral students, can benefit from pursuing a PhD." Metson did The recent announcement that $7 million
13 alumni, and five external signatories. say that the University would consider how in bonuses will be paid to UoA staff has also
they can recognise the financial pressures led many to question why there is not more
FMHS PGSA says that PhD students are of PhD students and their role in meeting student support funding. Chen says that PhD
currently earning well below the minimum the Universities research objectives. Joseph students have continuously been neglected.
wage, let alone a living wage. "This wage Chen told Craccum that this response was "PhD students are often considered honorary
disparity between the minimum wage and incredibly disappointing." As James Mensen staff but don't get the same amount of
the PhD stipend has been growing larger pointed out, the cost of living has increased privileges like a raise. It makes it appear that
and at an accelerated pace since 2016." much faster than stipend wages." He says the University does not care about its PhD
The scholarship available to high achieving that while UoA does pay the highest stipend students." Going forward, FMHS PGSA says
doctoral students currently pays a stipend amount of all New Zealand universities, it still they will monitor UoA's internal scholarships
of $28,500 per annum. According to the isn't enough for PhD students. "I know too strategy review and continue to give input.
association, this remuneration equates to many PhD students that are struggling to get Chen thinks we should not be normalising
$13.70 per hour take-home pay, assuming a by. Just reaching minimum wage would be PhD students being underpaid and
40-hour work week, with 52 weeks in a year. a lifesaver for many students who are barely undervalued and says a stipend that reflects
making ends meet." at least the minimum wage is the first step to
In their open letter, the student association addressing these inequities.
states that the current stipend fee presents The student association also requested
serious financial, ethical, and health concerns for national funding agencies to raise their
for PhD students. They argue that rising stipend to the minimum wage. As well as the
living costs in Auckland force students University, the student association contacted
to pursue additional work, pushing PhD
students to work 50 hours a week. "These
six other entities, including the Health
Research Council of New Zealand (HRC) and
Going forward,
financial and time pressures contribute to the Royal Society Te Apārangi (RSTA). The FMHS PGSA says
they will monitor
problems of stress, mental health problems, letter argues universities set a standard for
and burnout." FMHS PGSA Board Member, other funding agencies to value PhD students
Joseph Chen, says that the stipend also
doesn't adequately reflect the worth of PhD
below minimum wage, listing the Marsden
Grants current stipend at $27,500 per annum
UoA’s internal
students. The association's letter cited that as an example. "We believe by asking the scholarships
Summer Research Scholars, who are typically
undergraduate students with no research
national agencies to match minimum wage,
and hopefully along with other Universities,
strategy review
experience, are afforded a higher hourly this will provide the future groundwork to and continue to
wage than PhD students. argue for the more tenable living wage."
give input.
In response to these concerns, Deputy Vice- RSTA, who administer the Marsden Grants,
Chancellor Research, James Metson, stated has told the association that they will review
that the scholarships strategy is under review their scholarships, with the outcomes of
by the Universities Research Committee. this review being announced later this year.

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 news.

When Woodstock Meets Activism

EDA TANG

The annual Ōtaki Summer Camp is set to Ben, who at the time was studying Education Earlybird tickets are on sale for $100 per
take place early next year. It aims to provide at UoA, appreciated the kotahitanga that the person (or $130 after 20th December),
an energising and inspiring environment camp offered to people wanting to make covering all food and accommodation
for rangatahi to connect, share ideas and a difference in the world. “When we’re all over the four days. There are scholarships
experiences, and be re-empowered from spread out around the country, it can feel available for those who require financial
political disenfranchisement. very alienating and hopeless, but by coming assistance, or to help others attend,
together it was really inspiring to know there anyone can sponsor a ticket. In the case
Held on Te Puawai o te Aroha, an organic are heaps of other cool people out there with that COVID-19 prevents participants from
farm located an hour north of Wellington, similar ideals to you”. attending, tickets will be fully refunded.
Ōtaki Summer Camp is an annual event Register online at otakisummercamp.com.
which attracts many who are interested in
fostering progressive changes towards the
future. Next year, it is taking place between
the 21st-24th of January in 2022.

The camp has been around for several years

and welcomed many guests from around the
country to speak on issues such as housing,
environment, youth activism, disability rights,
human rights, mana motuhake, peace, and
communication. Previous guest speakers
have included journalist and presenter,
John Campbell; Wellington City Councillor,
Tamatha Paul; indigenous human rights
advocate, Tina Ngata; lawyer and activist,
Pania Newton; and journalist and Manus
Island refugee, Behrouz Boochani.

What remains consistent about Ōtaki

Summer Camp is the manākitanga that
the hosts show towards their guests, the
colourful and nutritious organic food
prepared by a specialist physician, the safe,
accessible and open environment that is
embedded in the kaupapa of the camp,
and the appreciation of nature and local
music. Between the talks, campers enjoy
walks and tramps in the local bushes and
rivers, and finish the day with dessert and
local performances, which in the past have
included The Eastern and WAI.TAI.

Nat, a Creative Technologies student at AUT

who attended Ōtaki Summer Camp, says,
“it’s a nice place to be for so many reasons”,
citing the kai, whenua, live music, and tramps
as the highlights. Nat returned for a second
year recognising the value of the camp. “It’s
a good experience to see the bigger picture
and connect with different people and
realise what’s properly important before the
corporate hamster wheel of the year begins
to spin.”

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 news.

Staff Receive Cash Tip For Winning

Undervalued Group of the Year
JESSICA HOPKINS

The University of Auckland has announced that balcony of her former Parnell Mansion. Association agreed staff deserve recognition
$7 million in bonuses will be paid to staff. This and compensation. “We have heard some
comes after the University discovered a surplus In a statement to staff, Freshwater said the incredible stories of academic staff within
in their 2021 financial forecast, and happened payments will replace individual performance faculties who have gone above and beyond
to be feeling a little bit generous that day. reviews, and was the fairest and most to support students during this lockdown.”
Tertiary Education Union president, Tina Smith, equitable way to recognise the hard work of But Harirajh stated that AUSA is frustrated
reported that UoA’s revenue acquired through their staff. However, Auckland Central MP, and that no additional support will be put in place
student numbers and research had increased Gen Z spokesperson, Chlöe Swarbrick has for students from this surplus. “We share the
and its profit was $73.5 million. questioned on social media why there hasn’t disappointment our students are undoubtedly
been increased funding for student support. feeling following this decision.” The University
Stuff has reported that a one-off recognition “University staff deserve compensation, has also faced some criticism for its response
payment will be made to around 5000 eligible especially for such a challenging year. They to AUSA’s about the feedback from students
staff in December of this year. The amount should not be pitted against students. But calling for a Universal Garde Bump, and other
will range from $1500 for staff who earn up to news of a surplus rightfully raises eyebrows academic support measures.
$59,999 per annum, to $1250 for those earning when students have been told there’s no
$100,000 or more. An unreliable source told resource for fee waivers or extra support.” AUSA encourages students to continue to
Craccum that it has been suggested that seek support if they need it through AUSA
the cash could be distributed to staff by In a post to Facebook, Anamika Harirajh, Hardship Grants, and UOA’s COVID-19
Dawn Freshwater with money guns, from the President of Auckland University Students' Hardship Support Fund.

UoA Plan to Add Closed Captions and

Subtitles to all Lecture Recordings
KARANAMA RURU NGĀTI RAUKAWA/NGĀTI MANIAPOTO

The University is looking to apply subtitles significant piece of this form asks participants below the level of accessibility needed. The
and searchable closed captioning to all to rate, out of ten, how effective subtitles and institute states that transcript editing is needed
lecture recordings on the Canvas platform. closed captioning would be on an individual's to ensure learning equality for all students,
learning if they were 100%, 90%, 75% and 50% particularly those who are hard-of-hearing.
Close Captions and Subtitles are currently accurate. In order for subtitles and closed
available via lecture recordings created via captioning to be completely accurate, lecturers Youtube had a community-captions feature
Zoom in the current climate of online learning. or staff would need to proof and edit each implemented since its creation in 2005, but
However, subtitles and closed captioning is sentence spoken in a lecture to ensure it is as removed it in 2020, relying instead on auto-
not currently available for in-person lecture accurate as possible. generated captions. This move was made to
recordings on Canvas. According to the the dismay of many creators and members
Universities accessibility website, students Proofing is the main issue that was raised to of the hard-of hearing community, who saw
can currently access closed captions for AUSA by the survey respondents, as auto- the ability as a way to better connect with the
recordings in English through Google generated subtitles and closed captioning hard-of-hearing community, as well as translate
Chrome's live-caption function, released are notorious for inaccuracies. The University captions into other languages. The backlash
last year. This feature aims to auto-generate of Minnesota states that Youtube's auto- was so great that a petition was launched,
closed captions live as the video plays. Now, generated subtitles and closed captions are which managed to gather nearly 50,000
the University is aiming to work around this, up to 60-70% accurate at best, with one in signatures calling for the feature to return.
by directly applying subtitles and closed every three words potentially being wrong. In
captioning directly to Canvas. an educational context, particularly with non- Ultimately, if the University wishes to add
english and/or complex words in the sciences, closed captioning, editing of transcripts will
The new measure is currently undergoing classical studies and politics spheres, incorrect be needed. A reliance on auto-captioning
feedback through AUSA, who recently launched words are also common. According to Rice results in inaccuracies and incorrect words,
a survey asking students how the feature would University in Houston, auto-generated captions which would push back on the accessibility
impact students' learning, and how much so. A on Zoom are 80% accurate at its best, well that the University is attempting to increase.

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 te ao taketake.

A Very Important and SERIOUS

Petition
Why we must succumb to irrational outrage

SIMON PERCIVAL

While many people in Aotearoa title of a recent media release, the campaign word used from a place of utmost respect
gladly engaged with Mahuru Māori, the is “a petition to ‘eradicate’ Aotearoa from for Māori culture. And besides, if a word
ever-resilient supporters of Hobson’s Pledge official use”, and Hobson’s Pledge have apparently threatens to DESTROY democratic
again protested against the use of words that prepared a delectable assortment of logical processes and the public coffers with it, it
they don’t like. For those that aren’t familiar, fallacies for the campaign. Such compelling only makes sense to destroy that word back,
Hobson’s Pledge is a lobby group that has a arguments clearly warrant a completely right?
bit of a penchant for peddling outrage. A few genuine exploration, void of any sarcasm.
years ago, some unsightly pamphlets started Why you should care
popping up in the letterboxes of affluent What you ‘need’ to know
suburbs. Ever since then, the group has Now, while we may have established that
continuously fired off articles, press releases, Before I say anything, I need to relay an Hobson’s Pledge is NOT RACIST, you might
and petitions targeted at their audience’s important message from Hobson’s Pledge: still be wondering why public usage of a
bogeymen. This has included criticism of country’s official language is such a big
Treaty settlements, the orthodox rulings of Hobson’s Pledge is NOT racist!!! problem. Hobson’s Pledge have provided
top judges, and the unavoidable reality of the some interesting reasons why:
past. Now, I understand that you may raise
an eyebrow and doubt that claim when “The six syllable Aotearoa is cumbersome
Recently, Hobson’s Pledge has again taken Hobson’s Pledge proclaims that they want and difficult for non-Maori speakers to
part in this time-honoured tradition with a to ERADICATE Aotearoa from official use, pronounce – this cannot easily be overcome.”
campaign on their website, entitled New but before you judge, please understand
Zealand NOT Aotearoa. As described in the that ERADICATE is simply a cool-sounding Apparently, poor Māori pronunciation is a

8 CRACCUM
 feature.

major obstacle and rather than attempting

to address this, we should just refrain from
reach for the often forgotten etymology of
‘New Zealand’ while ignoring the well-known
They haven’t just
using Te Reo! I can only imagine that they meaning of ‘Aotearoa’. got history written
by people with no
argue this point because they care greatly
about the correct pronunciation of Te Reo Besides all this, however, Hobson’s Pledge
Maori. Also, according to the linguistics
experts at Hobson’s Pledge, ‘Aotearoa’ has six
has one very important reason for objecting
to the use of Aotearoa: it presents a
authority in the
syllables. Ao-te-a-ro-a. That’s six syllables, SERIOUS democratic issue! It’s basically a field of history,
right, Mr. Brash? well-established legal principle. Clearly,
rather than simply accepting the use of our
but also ‘history
“Renaming our nation as Aotearoa…would country’s official language, another vital and written by a person
be damaging to our international reputation
and extremely expensive…[it] would baffle
costly referendum is NECESSARY to protect
democracy! As Hobson’s Pledge suggests, who majored in
non-New Zealanders who would have no
idea of what or where this new place is … our
the government’s continued use of Aotearoa
is going against what ‘the majority’ wants!
maths and physics’.
New Zealand brand … would be destroyed if What majority, you ask? Well, some majority
we became Aotearoa…” of some amorphous group of people, that’s on their side. They haven’t just got history
for sure. And going against ‘the majority’ is written by people with no authority in the
It also seems that our efforts to brand undemocratic, so Hobson’s Pledge are taking field of history, but also ‘history written by a
ourselves as a country are so fragile that a stand! person who majored in maths and physics’.
the acknowledgment of Aotearoa as a While New Zealand’s politically correct,
name will single-handedly undermine all What else you need to know shill historians might ask mundane questions
of it. Something like the Mandela Effect about what people actually thought or did,
would cause everyone to spontaneously Of course, Hobson’s Pledge does much more Hobson’s Pledge has real experts that ask
forget about our country, and even more than stand up for their right to refrain from real questions. Why learn about the history
cartographers would forget to draw it on their reading, hearing, or seeing Te Reo Māori. The of tikanga from Māori people who actually
darn maps. group has been active for several years now, practised it or know about it, when you can
and they’ve made valuable contributions instead learn about it from a mathematician
“New Zealand, translated from the to some intense debates around history, who has asked whether tikanga law will
Dutch ‘new sea-land’, is a beautiful and policy, and law. In pamphlets such as, “To ALL include cannibalism?
appropriate name for our islands.” New Zealanders – Are we being conned by
the Treaty Industry?”, Hobson’s Pledge have What you can do
Of course, another thing to note is that traded blows with some of New Zealand’s
‘New Zealand’ is just a beautiful name. most respected historians and suggested I hope this article has helped you understand
It’s certainly not lacking in originality, and that actually, colonisation was a pretty good a few things about Hobson’s Pledge. I
something about its old European flair is just deal for Māori people. What sort of evidence hope it’s helped you understand that they
so charming to the folks at Hobson’s Pledge. did they use to support this ambitious are absolutely NOT racist, that they care
NOT in a racist way, of course! I assure you, conclusion? about vital matters of CONSTITUTIONAL
Hobson’s Pledge is NOT RACIST so they are importance, and that they are very good at
able to fairly judge between the merits of “For a society that had not even invented the justifying and proving their points. Safe in this
‘New Zealand’ and ‘Aotearoa’. This is why they wheel or writing, colonisation brought all new knowledge, I hope you can see that it
advanced inventions, comforts and modern is only logical and equitable to ERADICATE
medicine of the Western world. In 1840 the public recognition of our country’s cultural
Something like average life expectancy of a Maori was less heritage.
than 30 years. In 2013 it was 73 years for men
the Mandela and 77.1 years for women.” Our place on world maps, our tourism

Effect would industry, and poor, English-oriented vocal

cords are on the line here. So sign up today!
cause everyone Yup, that’s right. Amongst their other Gish

to spontaneously gallop fallacies, the peerless historians and

rhetoricians at Hobson’s Pledge seriously
forget about our decided to compare life expectancy in

country, and even

1840 with life expectancy in 2013 — and
with no citations, at that. This might seem

more cartographers dubious to you, but need I remind you that

Hobson’s Pledge has a mathematician
would forget to among their ranks? Indeed, in an online

draw it on their ‘update’ entitled “Mathematician Tears Apart

He Puapua”, Hobson’s Pledge prove that
darn maps. they have some real authority and expertise

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 feature.

The Cult of Toxic Production

NANCY GUO

Consecutive all-nighters. Relying means that “if you aren’t studying, you’re The pressure to constantly be busy or
on caffeine to stay awake. A kaleidoscope of failing or falling behind.” preoccupied with work is reflected in Law
coloured cells on Google Calendar. Replacing and Arts student, Tameka’s, perspective,
meals with instant ramen. Chronically Yasmin, a Design and Arts conjoint student, who states that “I know from my university
teetering on the edge of burnout... feels “this [pressure] all the time. There’s an friends and myself that if we are not working/
endless cycle of assignments and work to studying for something we don’t feel
*finger gun on chin, smirkingly bites lip* do. I don’t ever really get a break… I feel like productive. It’s a strange feeling when you
ahahaha... just student culture am I right? it’s expected that I do more work during get a week ‘assignment free.’”
lockdown as I am home all the time as well.”
Toxic productivity, or the normalisation To meet the rising expectations of student
and glamorisation of constantly working
oneself harder, faster, and more efficiently,
permeates every aspect of university life.
Hustle culture screams in its obnoxious black
and white Bebas Neue font that if you’re not
constantly riSiNg aND gRINdInG away your
wellbeing and sanity, then you must be a
complete failure. It guilts us into treating
well-deserved study breaks as periods of
“procrastination” or signs of inadequacy. It
pressures us into taking on the maximum
amount of extracurriculars our plate can hold
as a temporary illusion of control and healthy
self-esteem... In short, hustle culture is so
unhealthy, its anthem might as well be “Toxic”
by Britney Spears.

The biggest gripe I have personally with

toxic productivity (aside from upping my
general levels of anxiety) is that I am unable
to separate external pressures from the
internal expectations I have set for myself to
do well. The blurred line between the two
overwhelming forces makes it difficult to
determine whether certain goals are to fulfil
desires for external validation or actually
an autonomous decision that aligns with
my passions. It also renders the recognition
and celebration of achievements virtually
non-existent. I’m constantly preoccupied
with doing “more” or being “better” to fill up
this unsatisfiable void of insecurity. It’s pretty
sad. Even more so when I fall into the trap of
overworking as a band-aid solution, grasping
onto some feeling of adequacy for a fleeting
moment.

Luckily, I am not alone in these struggles. The

overwhelming expectation to constantly be
productive is an undercurrent experienced
by many students. For social work student,
Hayley, toxic productivity in simple terms

10 CRACCUM
 feature.

life, many of us have resorted to drastic “unproductive and [makes her] start to doubt impacted her mental health, overall. She
methods to complete work. Yasmin reports herself.” states that “although there are definitely
pulling “so many all-nighters… I have done times when I beat myself up over not
things like being on a video call with a friend These behaviours are not only normalised, studying enough,” to combat these feelings,
and screen-share so that they make sure I but are also celebrated and encouraged. Tameka makes sure “to get back on track the
stay on task. I have eaten breakfast, lunch, Unhealthy sleeping patterns, the sacrificing of next day or the next week.”
and dinner while doing uni work in order to leisure and socialisation are seen as shining
get more work done. At my [part time job], I badges of honour. We’ve all been surrounded It seems that while students have different
have done work during my breaks—whether by peers who view being overworked as responses to dealing with the rising
it be doing the readings on my phone or some kind of sick competition—which only expectations to do well, evidently, hustle
assessment planning.” works to legitimise toxic productivity’s culture is arguably a universal experience
stubborn grip over student culture. for most students. Even though this is
Tameka, on the other hand, has resorted to clearly a collective issue that operates
cutting down leisure time to increase her Not only is our value as human beings on an institutional level, as individuals we
levels of productivity including “book bans,” reduced to our productive capacity, but can still reach out to friends who may be
despite being a “lover of reading.” During hustle culture also propagates general struggling in stressful times to offer our
exam season, she also “stops hanging out feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. support. The only way we can break toxic
with friends,” as meeting up makes her feel Lockdown conditions have only exacerbated productivity’s relentless cycle is through the
these qualities, often taking a tremendous active prioritisation of our own wellbeing and
toll on the wellbeing and mental health of encouraging others to do the same.
students. Yasmin feels that “it’s really hard to
keep motivated when there is this constant
pressure to stay productive… sitting at home
in front of my computer screen for hours on
end is so so draining.”

The response of university staff to the

struggles of remote learning have also been
a polarising experience for many. Yasmin,
unfortunately, went through an unexpected Hustle culture
family event, some of her lecturers “were
really empathetic and understanding” screams in
while others were not, with the “lack of
sympathy and clarity” over obtaining an
its obnoxious
extension on assignments “was a cause black and white
of stress,” something she did not “need
during an already stressful time.” This lack of
Bebas Neue font
compassion from some academic staff only that if you’re
reflects how little student wellbeing is valued
when it comes to coursework expectations.
not constantly
riSiNg aND
gRINdInG away
Learning in a competitive environment can
also result in students drawing unhealthy
comparisons between their progress and
others within the same cohort. Hayley feels
your wellbeing
that “comparing to others is a detrimental and sanity, then
part of university life, however, I don’t think it
will leave anytime soon, even when we know
you must be a
people learn differently. Toxic productivity complete failure.
expectations have significantly impacted
my own mental health… my own identity
as a student has changed as I continue
throughout my degree and it feels [dis]
ingenuine [the] majority of the time. It’s
getting pretty hard to live, laugh, love in these
conditions.”

However, Tameka offers an alternative

perspective. She feels that increased
expectations of productivity have not

ILLUSTRATION BY CHLOE BETTINA CRACCUM 11

 feature.

Evidence-Based Sex Tips

DR. JACK-OFF AND MR. HYMEN(AEUS)

Remember how sex first looked in the with their sex also do other things like other, lighting candles, playing music (just not
movies? All sensual and sweaty. Maybe giving each other mini massages, wearing Eminem for the love of God), and laughing
there are some candles lit, or some rose- sexy lingerie, showering together, going “with” (not “at”! No matter how tempting)
petals lying around. The lovers ~caress~ and on date nights before sex, using sex toys, them. It could even be as simple as sexting
the camera glides over tasteful snippets of experimenting with anal stimulation, and your partner during a lecture for later—go on,
~conjugal embrace~ while ~classical music~ talking about sexual fantasies.1 we won’t tell.
swells at the moment of orgasm… yeah.
3. *Jason Derulo voice*: Talk 4. ~Communication~
Pretty different from the last time you fucked
dirty to me
in the stale-weed-smell-backseat of Brad’s As much as I love making fun of sub-par
2009 Toyota Corolla to the soothing sounds In case you hadn’t figured it out by now, the twenty-something dudes that don’t know
of Kendrick Lamar rapping over the shitty public toilets of your local beach aren't the where my clit is, if I don’t tell them it’s there,
suspension, isn’t it? If only Macky Gee’s bass most ~romantic~ of locations. But with a little they won’t know. Eventually I just got my
drop in Tour could make you cum like Celine imagination, and maybe a couple scented pussy pierced, so there’d be a fucking
Dion’s My Heart Will Go On seems to do it for candles, you can still have a good time. permanent sign.
Rose in Titanic.
The key is setting the mood, like telling your But if you’re not willing to go to extreme
Sadly, not everyone’s partner is Jack—but partner you love them, talking dirty to each measures, you’re going to need to tell your
never fear, we have the next best thing. Dr.
Jack-Off and Mr. Hymen are here to show
you the secret to a spicier sex life by using
the latest in sex and wellbeing research,
originally compiled for a post-graduate
Psychology course. Maybe next time Brad
will even find your clit!

1. Amount of Boinking
We’re not saying you should do it every
minute of the day, but studies suggest that
having more sex makes you happier. Is that
why Ronald McDonald is always smiling?
Who knows, but I bet he gets pussy.

Jokes aside, research actually shows that

if you’re having sex at least once a week,
having more sex probably won’t cure your

depression—so, let’s not force it, hey?2,3 Have

as much or as little sex as makes you and
your partner(s) happy. We don’t care.

2. Don’t be a one trick cow-

person
Look, it’s fine if you’re not flexible enough to
do the double-pretzel-oyster twist, or the
triple-somersault-backflip dragonfly, and you
don’t need to have superhuman strength so
you can do the backwards-helix scissor. It’s
not about the positions, and if your favourite
flavour is vanilla, then happy licking.

But research says couples that are happy

12 CRACCUM
 feature.

partner what you want. This can look like But research has definitely reported that a That’s all, folks.
checking in with them after trying something partner's skills are important for helping vulva
new, or complimenting them when they owners reach orgasm. Factors listed include: Sex isn’t always perfect.7 It involves two or
do something you like, or just having a being good at eating-out, lasting longer than more fleshy-meat sacks along with all the
conversation about what you both/all want. 15 minutes, and not being “too fast,” whatever accompanied juices, noises and odors that
that means (they didn’t state it in the study).4 come with them. It’s also awkward a lot of the
5. The Last Hurrah time. No, I won’t call you “Daddy,” Josh, you’re
“Shockingly,” straight women report having a year younger than me.
While 95% of men frequently orgasm during the least amount of pleasure and orgasms
sex, only 46- 66% of women do.1,4 If you from sex compared to any other group.5 It’s important to have realistic expectations.
want a job done right, do it yourself, reported Lesbians also enjoy oral sex more and Sex is hard work, and sometimes it takes
almost half the women. And only 6% said have more multiple-orgasms. This may be a bit of creativity and trying to make it as
they could orgasm vaginally, despite what because wlw relationships report having sex passionate as it was in the sweet beginning
Bridgerton says.4 So, let’s sort it out, shall we? for longer, even if it’s less frequent.6 Research of the relationship. So, if that works for you,
on factors like communication, anatomical try to have sex at least once a week, change
Firstly, research suggests learning to accept knowledge and skills are still lacking, things up in the bedroom, take the time to set
yourself and your body is one of the most however. the mood, and have a chat with your partner
important factors to having an enjoyable about their likes and dislikes. Also, you can
sex life. Secondly, concentrating on sex Importantly, women show more variation try working on some self-love and accepting
is important. No more thinking about the in ability to achieve orgasms and sex your body, being mindful during sex, learning
laundry while trying to bone down, okay? drive when compared to men, and this new skills, slowing things down, being more
Finally, women report orgasming more when is completely normal—this ties back into active, and focusing more on the clitoris
they’re more active during the act, like riding knowing your own needs and wants as well (if there is one in your relationship). Most
cowgirl. Yeehaw. as your partners.4 importantly, however, do what works for both
of you and have fun!

References

Frederick, D. A., Lever, J., Gillespie, B. J., &

Garcia, J. R. (2017). What Keeps Passion Alive?
Sexual Satisfaction Is Associated With Sexual
Communication, Mood Setting, Sexual Variety,
Oral Sex, Orgasm, and Sex Frequency in a National
U.S. Study. Journal of Sex Research, 54(2), 186–201.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2015.1137854

Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E. A. (2016).

Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being,
But More is Not Always Better. Social Psychological
and Personality Science, 7(4), 295–302. https://doi.
org/10.1177/1948550615616462

Loewenstein, G., Krishnamurti, T., Kopsic, J., &

McDonald, D. (2015). Does Increased Sexual
Frequency Enhance Happiness? Journal of
Economic Behavior and Organization, 116, 206–218.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jebo.2015.04.021

Kontula, O., & Miettinen, A. (2016). Determinants of

female sexual orgasms. Socioaffective Neuroscience
& Psychology, 6(1), 31624. https://doi.org/10.3402/
snp.v6.31624

Blair, K. L., Cappell, J., & Pukall, C. F. (2018). Not

All Orgasms Were Created Equal: Differences in
Frequency and Satisfaction of Orgasm Experiences
by Sexual Activity in Same-Sex Versus Mixed-
Sex Relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 55(6),
719–733. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1
303437

Blair, K. L., & Pukall, C. F. (2014). Can less be

more? Comparing duration vs. frequency of
sexual encounters in same-sex and mixed-sex
relationships. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality,
23(2), 123–136. https://doi.org/10.3138/cjhs.2393

Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2007). The “Good-

Enough Sex” model for couple sexual satisfaction.
Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 22(3), 351–362.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14681990601013492

ILLUSTRATION BY HELEN PENG CRACCUM 13

 feature.

Why Your First Threesome Sucked

and Why Your Next Doesn’t Have to.
Conversations about consensual non-monogamy
with Dr. Jessica Maxwell and PhD student Gina Broom.

ANONYMOUS

Two first years and a postgrad, who about your motives. When talking to your
are having the worst week of their life, walk partner make sure you’re sensitive and
into Shads. After a while, one of the first years be direct—don't avoid the issue. When
turns to the postgrad and says, “hey, my you open up your relationship, do it
partner and I saw you from across the bar and to achieve something good, rather
were really digging your vibe! Can we get you than to avoid something bad. If one
a drink?” partner is only going along with
the other to avoid a breakup, things
Whether this is your worst nightmare, or won't end well.
a dream come true, I'm sure you’ve heard
some opinions about it. After dipping my Gina: The idea that someone brings up
toes into this world earlier in the year, I’ve CNM and the other person just goes
talked to Dr. Jessica Maxwell from the school along with it is a bit of a myth I think.
of Psychology, and PhD candidate Gina I also think it's quite a harmful
Broom, who is currently researching people myth, it makes out the person
in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) who wants CNM as a bully who
relationships. wants power. Someone wanting
CNM is going against societal
I wanted to get their take on how couples norms and will usually have
should approach consensual non- less power. Society will always
monogamy, and what society might not be be happy to support someone
telling you. who doesn't want CNM, but the
opposite isn't always true.
It often feels like one partner
starts opening up the Thinking about CNM as
something people are forced into
relationship and the other takes away people's agency. If one
partner just goes along with partner can push the other into
it. How can someone ensure something they don't want, that's
they are being equal when an entirely separate problem

bringing up CNM? from non-monogamy. Having

kids is a bigger decision than
Jessica: Focusing on equality isn't always engaging in CNM, but we have
going to be realistic. You’re not always those conversations all the
going to be in a situation where you and time. If you have a supportive
your partner want the same thing, and the relationship, the ‘social suicide’ of
power dynamic between you and your engaging in CNM is going to be much harder
partner is not always going to be completely than the interpersonal aspsects.
balanced. Sometimes you just have to have that can be really hard to manage without
the conversation and have it respectfully. What should couples discuss someone feeling restricted or feeling like
Be careful that you’re not coercing your
before they open their they’re ruining others' fun. Talk about how
partner and that you’re trying to open your often you’re going to get STI tested. Do you
relationship for the right reasons.
relationship for the first time? want to know about your partner's dates? Do
Jessica: People always talk about rules. you want to know before or after? Make sure
These kinds of conversations are very similar Don't call them rules, think about them as you plan to talk about your boundaries again.
to the conversations you will have when comfort levels and boundaries. Setting a People change and so do their boundaries so
talking about any other big change. Think lot of hard rules can be gatekeeping and it's really important to make plans to regularly

14 CRACCUM
 feature.

review what you and your partner are idea to have both you and your partner In short, no.
comfortable with. Sometimes you don't know discuss how you both visualise CNM working.
what you need to talk about before you start If you both have different visions it's better to Non-monogamy definitely isn't for everyone,
CNM and keeping lines of communication come to an understanding now, rather than and both Jessica and Gina agree that your
open is essential to get ahead of any issues when someone gets hurt. own personal experience should reign
before they arise. supreme. Just don't let pop culture scare
How do you deal with you from trying something new. When
Gina: Avoid gatekeeping, talk about how
jealousy in an open things go wrong in CNM, people are very
you feel instead, i.e: “when I think about this, fast to assign blame to the structure of the
it makes me feel like this.” In a relationship
relationship? relationship, but Gina points out that it would
where you care about each other, talking Jessica: People worry a lot about jealousy in be silly to question monogamy just because
CNM but baseline jealousy in monogamous cheating happens. People's experiences
relationships is high. The things that cause are valid but don't make your friend having
jealousy are not unique to non-monogamous a bad threesome a dealbreaker. People like
relationships and there's even evidence to talk about extremes so we only end up
that people in CNM relationships are hearing about open relationships when they
more equipped to deal with jealousy. In go catastrophically wrong or when they go
an open relationship, you can even end flawlessly.
up in a situation where you have positive
feelings when your partner is engaging with If your experience doesn't line up with what
other people. Over time, people find their you’ve heard, it doesn't mean that you’re
jealousy decreases when they're in a CNM doing anything wrong. Ultimately, as long as
relationship. you feel loved and respected by your partner
and they feel loved and respected by you
Gina: Cultural norms are the biggest that's all that matters.
difference between CNM and monogamous
relationships. In our current culture, jealousy Based on my own personal experience I think
is often portrayed as something that only that what Jessica and Gina have said makes
happens when something is wrong. Either a lot of sense. I feel closer to my partner
someone is doing something to make their since we started experimenting with CNM,
partner jealous, or they’re being insecure. In and I think it made me challenge a lot of
both of these cases, someone is made out as the assumptions that society gives us about
wrong or bad. People think of jealousy as a relationships.
massive alarm bell and they should probably
treat it just like any other emotion. It's okay. Instead of focusing on if my partner fits
into a neat little box like society says they
Jealousy is focused on this idea of an should, I'm thinking about my connection
outside invader replacing you and you to them and how we support each other
don't have to think of it that way—you’re better. This definitely feels a lot healthier
not interchangeable. Monogamy and I think has improved our relationship
teaches us that we have one partner beyond my wildest dreams. You don't need
slot that we just swap people in and to cast out monogamy. But, it might be
out of it until we're happy. But it's time to stop thinking about the structure of
not really like that; if a parent died you your relationship and start focusing on the
couldn't just sub another parent in. You can connection you share. Even if you stay strictly
have someone that fills that role but you monogamous, I think you and your partner
can never replace that person completely. will feel closer than ever before.
Instead of focusing on the outsider when
you’re feeling jealous, talk to your partner, If you've just started experimenting with
about your feelings will encourage good say “Hey I'm feeling squiggly, can we go on a CNM or thinking about trying something new
discussion and help you set boundaries in a date?”. If you reconfirm or rebuild that strong over the summer, Gina is running a study
way that everyone can be happy with. connection you have with your partner, then next year and is looking for people to talk
where is the threat? Just trying to eliminate to. If you're interested email gbro379@
Make your decisions together and make all outsiders isn't a long-term solution. aucklanduni.ac.nz
them based on talking about how you both
feel. Don't necessarily avoid something Conclusions
because you’re unsure about it. All feelings
are okay and valid. But, take some time to So does all this mean you should start opening
step back and make your decisions after your relationship immediately for fear of
you’ve had time to think. It's a really good missing out?

ILLUSTRATION BY KIKI HALL CRACCUM 15

 feature.

Storyo: Redefining Success

Storyo was founded in 2019 as a digital platform to present unheard stories. Craccum sits down
with co-founder Elina Ashimbayeva to discuss the real meaning of ‘success.’

NAOMII SEAH

Success. What is it? came to New Zealand [so] I remember could all afford a house after three years, just
going to all the student events—whether work harder! Too much avocado toast, I tell
If you’re like me, those four words just sent those were organised by the faculty or by ya!”
you into a complete spin. I sat here for a full other students—[where] you have panels of
five minutes, staring just above my laptop speakers or invite one industry specialist, or E: *laughter*, yeah, exactly, exactly!
screen at the blank wall, having an existential professional.
crisis. If you’re also like me in that you’re: 1. It’s like, I appreciated their stories still, but
Non-male, 2. Non-white, 3. Non-heterosexual, A lot of the people invited, I felt, [represented] it just felt like I couldn’t see myself in those
or 4. Not a Boomer named Mark with 8K very capitalist ideas of success, so people. I couldn’t relate. When you’re that
connections on LinkedIn, then it’s likely you executives, board members, CEO of blah age and you’re at uni, and you’re trying to
haven’t seen very many “success” stories you blah blah, or the CFO of Fonterra, or whatever. figure out what to do afterwards, it’s like: what
can relate to, either. Traditional narratives go I just don’t relate to that idea of success. is life?! And [you’re] constantly being told by
like this: we’re born; we’re educated; we “work First of all, you’re 19, you’re studying your society that you’ll succeed if you become
hard” in a “meritocracy”; and then we reach degree. And then people come in who are a CEO of something. It felt like, ‘Cool. I'll
some final, unknowable marker of success. like, [around] 50, and they talk about their graduate and work really hard to be useful
But it’s becoming clearer that many of us path. I remember someone said ‘back in my and be valuable and worthy.
don’t want a picket fence, or 2.5 kids, or to be day, I did my PhD and my medical degree
Jeff Bezos. It’s also becoming clearer that this in, like, five years.’ That just doesn’t relate to But once I graduated, and all this existential
version of success isn’t available to most of experiences now! crisis started, after a few years I looked
us. So, what does success look like for, well, around and [saw] my friends who were
everyone else? N: Ha, yeah, or it’s like, ‘back in my day we social workers or teachers or work in tech

That’s the question for Elina Ashimbayeva,

who’s recently finished her post-graduate
Diploma in Human Rights at UoA. For two and
a half years, Elina has been building Storyo, a
digital platform that aims to “contribute to a
culture shift that improves societal attitudes,
behaviours, narratives of success and values
of representations.”

Elina and her team of volunteers have

achieved an impressive list of interviewees
in their short time, spanning all genders,
ethnicities and professions, including people
in tech, arts, activism and social work—the list
continues.

Craccum sat down with co-founder Elina

to have a crack at the question many of us
grapple with: what is success, and what can
it look like?

N: Hi Elina! Thanks for speaking with me today.

E: Hi Naomii!

N: Firstly, could you tell me a little about the

sorts of “success” stories you saw at University?

E: I was an international student when I

16 CRACCUM
 feature.

or whatever. They might not be founders, or or I’m saving up for this car. There’s infinite [me] I wouldn’t have realised that most places
board members or execs or whatever, but comparison. So, how do we define success, [he] exists in are also very white, very male.
they’re amazing. or value, or worth on a personal level? [I He suggested just interviewing the people
believe] I have value just because I am. around us. We tried interviewing a few of our
I wish [there were] more people saying they friends. I just got so into it because I would
don’t know what they’re doing… like maybe [One of my interviewees]... said, [on being love to ask everyone about their values,
they’re fifty but they’re still a bit lost. That’s marginalised as a Pasifika, Māori woman] “just about their contribution.
the reality for most people! Or they may be a existing is proof that I’m worthy.” It’s such a
CEO, but they’re struggling because it’s hard. beautiful thing, easier said than believed. We wanted to focus on gender diversity first.
The stories that are a bit more real. We started, and I told myself I was going
With Storyo, I’m learning. I say all these things to give myself six months before I even
N: So, what do you see as problematic about and then before bed I’ll think ugh I’m a piece think about: is this impactful? What are the
traditional “success” stories? of shit, I haven’t saved lives today or whatever. numbers? What are the metrics?—I didn’t want
And then I think wait, the whole thing you’re to get bogged down with it. I gave myself six
E: I hadn’t questioned what I’d absorbed trying to do—listening to stories—that’s how months, and it was wonderful. I reached out
passively about success until last year. The everyone feels. We absorb these ideas of to friends and friends of friends and we did
idea that you’re only successful if you do success from society. Screw them, we don’t written questions.
this, you’re worthy if you do that. Those ideas need them anymore.
didn’t serve me anymore. Most people said in the beginning that
N: How did Storyo start? they didn’t think they were worth being
[For example], it’s really easy to measure interviewed. For me, it was funny but sad. It’s
numbers, and I get caught in them myself. It’s E: I studied biomedical sciences. I love deeply funny because it’s like: I’m just your
easy to look at the numbers and say [we’ve science, but I realised [things about the] team friend, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just
gone] from there to here. I went from earning dynamics, the culture, the representation, writing this blog thing. But sad because like,
40K to 450K, or, I went from volunteering at the very white male academic privilege and wow, how many people have been asked
an NGO to being on five NGO boards. That power, all of that stuff, and I realised there who were CEO, or a white male, or on a
model of linear progression, as if you have were more things at play. So, I worked with panel—they wouldn't even blink twice.
to get somewhere to then be successful, I government and tech sectors, everywhere, to
think doesn’t serve us as humans. I believe see how we can show up better. After six months, I said okay, six more months.
that even people who do very much follow It’s been a thing for me, when you’re building
that idea of capitalist progression aren’t really My partner, [Steven], was doing interviews something it’s really hard to plan. I’m strong
fulfilled. You know, oh I want a bigger house, for his business, and he said if it weren’t for on my values and vision, but I’m just kind
of trusting that the next step will come.
Whatever happens happens, which is kind of
scary sometimes, but it’s nice.

There was no particular plan. Sometimes

you’ll see like a 12 year old Tiktoker who
blogs about, I don’t know, gaming, that is like
frigging massive and makes a million dollars
from merch—I thought, I just won’t compare.
I’m going to post and do this. When I hear the
stories, they change me inside. I think if at
least one other person feels the same, what
an amazing thing.

N: Finally, what do you want to see Storyo do?

E: For me, it’s about: how do we listen when

it comes to equity, diversity and inclusion? It’s
a hard topic. Very divisive. If you’ve never
thought about [the topic], it may be hard
to step into that space. So, I think: let’s all
be courageous together. You know? The
work was needed yesterday. So, how do we
courageously take a step forward to learn
about others’ experiences? That’s how I see
Storyo.

CRACCUM 17
 poetry.

The UoA Poetry Club recently held their THREADS

annual competition for highlighting original
youth poetry, which was supported by One day I’ll pick up how to sew
Phantom Billsticks in commemoration of and tie loose threads to make things whole
National Poetry Day. The competition was But I know “One day” will never show–
open to all university students and adults
above 18 who lived in Auckland, and So,
these are the three winners! Craccum has I roll the ball and wait;
partnered with the UoA Poetry Club once Watch, as the unfurling tail wraps
again to highlight these winners, and we around and around my lucky home.
hope you enjoy their works. 1ST PLACE
THREADS BY TONY SHAW
Yet I’m stuck in bed, with shutters cold.
Daylight’s slits still sitting on my unready skin.

But no matter, for we’ll try the same

tomorrow. Or
Tomorrow. Or
TOMORROW. Or maybe
just the day after?
For each tomorrow, when we try to rise
and time’s thread further frays
There could be something for every one of us:
On a sinking island
Or perhaps a flooded gulley by the banks.

I know I’m still waiting for the severed string,

To tack on different colours,
and tape some new direction;
To step back for a second,
Seeking armistice in that briefest pause–
So that even when the world is burning
We can look up
and see the stars.

2ND PLACE

WEAVING TOMORROW
WEAVING TOMORROW
BY VICTORIA MURPHY

1. 2. How could I carry the wide world?

I close my eyes.
Do no harm. At home cloud sweeps by Swill it back down the keyhole.
Sounds like a low bar Tomorrow condenses for now.
But most days we are barely clearing it. Here I draw close to myself 3.

Go home young doctor - The gold string winds in my brain, "Wake up!"
Good, I'm afraid of needles anyway Branches past a thousand veins, Red-gold trumpets brightly ring.
And tired of faces I don’t know. Into rooms long locked away. Can't you see I'm dreaming?

Tomorrow. Somewhere yesterday, my mother Here is my guardian angel

That is the thread that hangs suspended Walks a dirt track past mangosteen trees With that incandescent sword.
The sword that will soon fall Carrying a satchel as dusk climbs in. Papaya-yellow light cuts through the vapour.

On a world in crisis. Flung across the ocean "Keep one eye on your whenua.
Wildfires lash showers of burning sand, I see me - a half-caste Keep one eye on the world ahead."
Viruses sweep and slither through the brush, Lying on the earth on her stomach, My love hands me a key.

The sulphurous seas rise, Her face in a book. Tomorrow's thread transforms
The suffering written by one kind upon another I hear my sister's laughter Skilfully weaving together
Brings ruin to countless generations, We pick berries by Parekawa Creek. A cord, a tightrope.

And now I sense that death Repulsive and selfish me - Tomorrow.

Is starting in Now I am hiding my face That is the golden key
Like a dream. In the deepest blue-dark gorge. And I am looking for what it will open.

18 CRACCUM
 poetry.

SPOILED POMEGRANATE
Dishes clanked in a melancholic violin concerto
A lone madrasa screeched of feminine hunger
And men’s laughter roared from the living room
But so long as the plates were clean.

No overfull ashtray could veil the odour of chronic neglect

The female soul deserted its temple’s eyes in infancy
And no sufi’s prayers could vindicate their exorcism
But so long as the cigarettes were lit.

Tea served in pretty glass cups by pretty women

Women who floated through rooms and only spoke—
“Who asked you to speak?”
The stairs to the glass ceiling were never taken
But so long as the tea was served.

Raised children and baked bread embellished their display cabinets

The only callouses permitted were on their hands
From sewing carpets, rolling grape leaves, and speaking in pulsating ellipses
But so long as the bread was baked. 3RD PLACE
SPOILED POMEGRANATE
BY SARAH AFSHARPUR
Hanar has learned the chaotic cadenza of an outsider pelted in their own home
So she has learned to love the unloved things
The shape of figs, sunflower seed shells, and plummeting hail
But so long as her repertoire is enchanted alone.

She refuses to be plucked by window shopping suitors

But to be deemed as disobedient sounds like scraping ashes off a frying pan
Her heartbeat looks like a loaded gun that can be seen through her teeth and her
emerald eyes
curly, black hair
perked lips
scrunched nose
cheap hands
hesitant heels
shackled ankles
fertile ground—

The room is now suffocated in smoke.

With carpets woven and dates pitted before night envelopes the village
The spoiled pomegranate is disposed in atonement
She is sacrificial and foolishly romantic
And she does not dare
disturb the patriarchal orbit
of the universe.

Before the sun and the moon are no more,

While the walls of her tomb cry for her remaining colour,
She desperately tries to sew a refuge from the world she only visited
So long as she is the queen of no deck,
So long as their failures are doused in her name,
The praying orchestra resigns, and
The village sleeps without woe.

ILLUSTRATION BY KIKI HALL CRACCUM 19

“They mean a lot to me because
this whole day was an unplanned
adventure that me and my best
friend and my older sister went on
and each turning just led to a more
exciting and lovely memory. It was
a few weeks before lockdown hit
and we now haven’t seen each
other for a few months so when I
got these developed it was a nice
reminder of the fun we have had
together!”

PHOTO BY REBEKAH TREGONNING

INNOVATE AT UNIVERSITY TODAY,
DISRUPT THE WORLD TOMORROW
WHAT IS RED BULL BASEMENT? WHAT DO WE WIN IF OUR IDEA IS SELECTED?

Red Bull Basement empowers student The team selected will enter a week long incubator
programme with Flume Agency, where they’ll refine
innovators to kickstart their tech
and commercialise your idea, develop your brand
ideas. Submit your 60 second idea at: and create digital prototypes.
redbullbasement.com Plus you’ll win an insane line up of prizes:

WHAT TYPES OF IDEAS? • Return trip to Turkey to attend the Red Bull
Basement Global Workshop*

• Investment meeting with Icehouse Ventures &

network introductions

• Mentorship from Peter Gray, Senior Vice President,

Advanced Technology - Sport for NTT Ltd

• Intel Laptop

• A Logitech Ultimate Productivity Pack

• Access to a shared space to work on your idea, or

if you’ve already got a space, we’ll upgrade it

• Free website design from Rocketspark

• Access to a global network of mentors

*TC’s apply

APPLY BY OCT 24TH

#redbullbasement
redbullbasement.com
 HOW I T WO R K S
TIMELINE:
SEP 1ST – OCT 24TH Brainstorm your idea and describe it in a max. 60-second video. Then upload
the video on the website. A team can consist of one or two people. Make
A PPLICA T I O N sure that everyone is at least 18, an enrolled student and able to speak
& COMMUNITY English. The public can then give your idea a shout-out, so make sure to
SHOUT-OUTS show that the world needs this idea, and get support from your friends,
family and others around you.

OCT 26TH – NOV 1ST A panel of local judges will select the finalists based on the criteria of
SELECTION feasibility, impact, creativity and community shout-outs.

NOV 2ND – DEC 9TH This phase is all about bringing your idea to life! Each Finalist team,
DEVELOPMENT one from each participating country, will get access to a workspace,
1on1 sessions with international mentors in relevant fields, and a global
network of innovators.

DEC 13TH – DEC 15TH This is it: three immersive days in Istanbul, Turkey with workshops,
GLOBAL FINAL mentorship sessions and much more, culminating in the big Final Pitch.
One idea will be declared Global Winner 2021, but everyone goes home with
sharpened skills, fresh insights and an expanded network. Where will their
ideas take them next?

MEET LAST YEAR’S WINNERS

LAVA AQUA X FROM THE UK

The UK team with the top idea of 2020 created

a revolutionary clothes-washing machine
that recycles shower water: Lava Aqua X.
The product uses a third of the water a
regular washing machine uses and is faster.
As reference, if every student in London
were to use the Aqua X, we could save enough
water to fill 700 Olympic-sized swimming
pools a year!
Reviews.

TELEVISION TELEVISION FILM

SQUID GAME WHAT IF…? PRISONERS OF THE
DIR. HWANG DONG-HYUK DIR. A.C. BRADLEY GHOSTLAND
DIR. SION SONO
SOPHIE SUN FLORA XIE JAY ALEXANDER

With lockdown in full swing and a bleak Marvel’s animated series What If…? is a Being me, I have to make sure to cover
summer ahead of us (RIP Bay Dreams), Netflix change of pace to the usual live-action everything Nicolas Cage has done in any
has become the procrastinating student’s productions of the studio. The show explores subsequent year. With films like Willy’s and
solace now more than ever. When so many alternate realities of the pivotal moments Pig, the Cage man has had a swing of highs
of us are doom scrolling our social media, in the Marvel Cinematic Universe with The and lows this year. And this film isn’t out to
it’s hard to avoid or even ignore the hype Watcher, voiced by Jeffrey Wright, narrating change the status quo: it’s a shame that
and attention that Hwang Dong-Hyuk’s the events as they unfold. Gorgeously Prisoners of the Ghostland is a plummeting
Squid Game has garnered. The Korean series animated and wonderfully cinematic, low. The potential this movie had is
presents a modern nostalgic twist on the some of the scenes mimic their live-action excruciating to think of, with all-star director
classic death game genre with contestants counterparts frame-by-frame. The voice Sion Sono running on auto-pilot here. The
participating in six rounds inspired by acting is also well done, with most of the story, characters and especially the dialogue
traditional Korean childhood games. With actors from the live-action films reprising are kind of thrown about with no rhyme or
a hefty prize of nearly $55 million (NZD), it’s their roles. reason, nor a level of charming craziness. Half
hard to imagine what any of us would do ­— the time it’s just noise and none of it comes
other than buy a house in Auckland. My initial assumption was that the series together well to make any sort of sense. The
would be an anthology, where each episode action is unfortunately lacking in style and
When I first watched the series, it was is a different story, and they would all be gore, making it so unfun, and it’s weird to
obvious that Squid Game was a victim of unrelated. However, to my (pleasant) surprise, see the same sets over and over. Cage is…
its genre. The betrayal, the mentoring, the that wasn’t the case. So, to those of you who trying his best here. Sadly, Sofia Boutella’s
slow loss of humanity are all things that have were thinking you’d just pick and choose talents are completely wasted. The movie
been explored from Lord of the Flies to Battle between episodes, my advice is that for is a real cluster of ideas and creates a world
Royale. However, that is not to say Squid the best experience, watch it in order—and that has nothing going for it. So much build
Game is boring. At its very core, Squid Game specifically leave the last two episodes last up is given to empty spaces of dead air and
is entertaining. For those with an interest in on your watchlist. missed opportunities. The random crazy shit
the death game genre, it can even be an that happens is arranged in a way that doesn’t
immersive viewing experience. The folly of My personal favourites were What If… Doctor flow or come together well. By the end of it
Squid Game being on Netflix is that any film Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands? you’re scratching your head as to why any of
guy you meet is bound to compare it to the (I’m a sap for a heart-wrenching romance), it mattered. Simply put, if a movie with major
only other Korean media they know, Parasite. and What If… Ultron Won? Both episodes had potential to be fantastic utterly fails, it’s simply
As if they deserve a trophy for reading events and endings that left me in such a worse than just bad.
subtitles. Much gets lost in translation shock at their bleakness and the implications
(literally). they had for the rest of the MCU. What I “One out of ten, Cage screaming “testicle!”
thoroughly enjoyed about this series, and what is the only saving grace.”
"Hoyeon Jung could end me." I think sets it apart from a lot of Marvel’s other
live-action work, is that it’s clear the writers are
having fun with the stories, and they’re a lot
looser with dishing out fatal consequences to
the actions of our favourite heroes.

“What If… Marvel continued to be bold with

their story choices?”

24 CRACCUM
 reviews.

MUSIC MUSIC
STRANGER DAYS FRIENDS THAT BREAK
MAKO ROAD YOUR HEART
JAMES BLAKE
GABBIE DE BARON SANCHITA VYAS
WEEKLY TOP TEN
I’ve probably been clumped for all my music Friends That Break Your Heart is an album
reviews for Craccum, and based on all of that, submerged in grief and gentle retrospection,
it’s obvious that I’ve never listened to Mako breathing renewed life into moments you 1. SHE'S STRONG
Road. My flatmate was raving about them may have forgotten to truly mourn. James The Biscuits
having a new album, so I thought I’d give it a Blake has always had the power to make
go. Stranger Days, an 8-track album released me feel and understand emotions in a way 2. SIX-OUT-OF-TEN
in late July 2021. So, it’s relatively new I guess. I’ve never fully experienced. This time, his FRIEND
Locally born, Mako Road got their name reflections left me mulling over the deep Lunavela
when they all moved in a flat together and sense of loss I’d feel if the friends who
saw the sign “Mako Rd”, and personally, surround me today were to disappear. 3. IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY
shapes a lot of their songs. Vera Ellen
The album begins with “Famous Last Words”,
Being a fan of Sticky Fingers, it’s so easy to an entrancing, synthy track with its pain lying 4. NEW MADONNAS
compare the two groups, but Mako Road in its finality, as it clings to the final breaths
Moody.v and the Menstrual Cycle
has their own sound. When I listened to of a friendship which has withered away.
the album, the beats just take you on a “Funeral” is also one of the most gloomiest 5. WHO WOULD WANT TO
trip, specifically, that summer escapism ballads featured, which dwells in a visceral
BE LONELY?
that everybody just yearns for. It helps one feeling of unwantedness. In all its fragility, I
reimagine themself in a summer without still feel comforted, especially when hearing
Luke Buda
Covid, where you could walk freely abouts
anywhere. They also have this charm
slowthai’s contribution, who undoubtedly
helps to make this one of the most exquisite
6. ORBIT
that’s perfect for a cheeky Whammy! tracks on the album. “Foot Forward” is a song
christoph el' truento
Backroom closed gig. Stranger Days, in
comparison to their other singles (“The Green
that reminds me of the initial thrill of having
an immediate bond with someone — an
7. WET DREAM
Superintendent” and “The Sun Comes Up”), intense closeness that I’ve gradually learnt Wet Leg
creates an album version of these hits. In to grow suspicious of as Blake sings: “It was
other words, each song in the album acts built in a day, so it fell in a day. What do you
8. SPRING BB FEAT. HANS.
as a particle of a conclusive song. I can’t expect?” bb gurl
identify if this effect is good or bad, but it’s
enjoyable. When you start it’s just fun. From The vulnerability of Friends That Break Your
9. LOVE WE'LL NEVER
“Go To Bed” to “Anywhere You’d Like To Go”, it Heart is tangible and reachable, giving you KNOW
is proven as a healing vitamin for any mood. the space to wander among feelings that Who Shot Scott
I’ve personally tried it both when crying and naturally emerge from any kind of genuine
going up an arc. connection. Amidst its sadness, I still felt a 10. WORKING FOR THE
strange warmth. Each and every track stands KNIFE
“Definitely, some cinematic resolution shit alone, worthy of your full attention. Mitski
I’m here for.”
“Evocative and soothing – some of James
Blake’s best work.”

ILLUSTRATION BY NIRVANA HALDAR

CRACCUM 25
 arts.

Podcasts to Keep Your Brain

Whirring
MADELEINE CRUTCHLEY

CW: DISCUSSIONS OF NABOKOV’S LOLITA

In the final weeks of the semester, it can feel There’s been an explosion in the field of first being He Kākano Ahau: Urban and Māori
like your brain is being boiled inside your podcasting in the last few years. If you’re and the second being He Kākano Ahau:
head and dripping out of your ears. Exams, looking for some ramblings on literally any Wawatatia. The show is hosted by writer
final essays, theses, and, you know, the subject, a simple flick through Spotify, Apple and activist Kahu Kutia of Ngāi Tūhoe, who
general state of things, is more than enough Podcasts, or Podbean will make you an grew up in Waimana, before moving Te
to make it feel like you’re floundering in a ‘expert’ on some niche, annoying topic. To Whanganui-ā-Tara for uni. He Kākano Ahau
pressure cooker. It can also be enough to reboot your post-deadline brain, and keep is explained to explore “stories that are firmly
make you feel less than enthused about the you sharp over Summer, here are some of the rooted in our past to magically dream about
general concept of ‘learning.’ You’re taking in best podcasts to remind you why learning is the futures we want to create for ourselves.”
so much information, often for a really short fun. There’s also some that are dumb as shit, The show travels into the history of Aotearoa
period of time, and falling a little bit out of for, you know, healthy balance (bimbos unite across both seasons, with the second season
love with the subject matter of your degree. <3). including two episodes in te reo. There’s also
After taking a well-deserved break, it’s one short documentary in the first season,
important to get your thought juices flowing, He Kākano Ahau with episode three “Decolonising Gender
and remind yourself that you’re not simply an & Sexuality In Wellington City”. In the doco,
academic goldfish. There are now two wonderful seasons of Kutia goes out to talk to Takatāpui in Te
this RNZ podcast available to listen to, the Whanganui-ā-Tara, about what it means to
be Takatāpui in the city. This episode serves
as an excellent introduction to the series and
pulls you into the audio version of the show.
The kōrero that Kutia shares is really intimate
and the kaupapa is explored in an interview
with Michelle Rahurahu on The Pantograph
Punch.

(Read on here: https://pantograph-punch.

com/posts/maori-way-to-listen)

Not Past It

Hosted by self-proclaimed All-American-

Girl-Next-Door-Maxim-Hometown-Hottie
Type, Simone Polanen, Not Past It is the
perfect show for budding history enthusiasts
and history buffs alike. With each release,
the show takes listeners back to a moment
from that week in history and explores how
that event has influenced the world we live
in now. It’s often funny and strange, and
Polanen does an excellent job of situating
the events in relation to our lives now. It’s a
great exercise in teaching basic cause and
consequence, and reminds the audience
that looking to our past is vital in constructing
our futures. Since it’s currently the spooky
season, Polanen is investigating all that
is witchy and spooky, debunking certain
myths and recontextualising sensationalised
stories. The show is intensely bingeable,

26 CRACCUM
 arts.

made it borderline impossible to watch a

scene without committing to a close reading
analysis (ahhh, I see, the gun IS phallic in this
context). Black Men Can’t Jump [in Hollywood]
is the perfect show to remind you of why
you fell in love with film in the first place. It’s
hosted by Jonathan Braylock, Jerah Milligan,
and James III, and is a comedic podcast that
reviews films with leading actors of colour,
and discusses them with the context of
Hollywood’s issues with race and diversity.
The three hosts exhibit such a passionate
love for film, and consistently engage with
the wider context, instead of coming too
close to the picture (like some of the worst
film podcasts do). It’s really funny, and fills
that void you might be feeling for spirited,
non-pretentious film based debate.

and probably best saved until after exams simply feel heard. While listening, you can
(it’s likely that you’ll prefer to learn about the try to manifest those trips to Tauranga and
genesis of the sexy green M&M, rather than Taupō… it might work?
Foucault). The sound design is also worthy
of a mention, as it’s utilised in such creative Lolita Podcast
ways and keeps you hooked in and moving
along with the narrative that Polanen weaves. The weeks during uni semester move very
If you’re a little newer to podcasts, this is a quickly, which can suck some of the intense
great one to get started on, as it’s a quick half focus out of the more specific case studies
hour, packed with all the good stuff. you do in certain degrees. Lolita Podcast is
the perfect show to reinvigorate this focus
Generation COVID and restart your critical thinking skills. With
a total of 11 hours, comedian, TV writer, and
While we’re all working through the apologetic podcaster, Jamie Loftus (who
restrictions of a post-Delta NZ, it can be also hosts The Bechdel Cast and MY YEAR
difficult to displace that feeling that our IN MENSA) traces the long path that has led
late teens or early twenties are somehow us to the warped cultural identity of Vladimir
being taken from us. While it’s maybe a little Nabokov’s Lolita. Loftus explores the various
bit self-indulgent and dramatic (at least readings of Lolita, the early days of the book’s
that's how I’m prefacing my long rants on release, the tragic and misrepresentative
FaceTime), it’s natural to lament the way stage and screen adaptations that followed,
Covid has disrupted our ambitious plans for the influence of Hollywood imagery on
early adulthood. Generation Covid, an RNZ platforms like Tumblr, the receptions
show released earlier this year, explores this from survivors, and ultimately, sets out to
upset amongst young adults within Aotearoa, understand who Dolores Haze is and what
looking at the schedules that were disrupted, she represents. The show is incredibly
the difficulties and losses that occurred thorough, and Loftus interweaves interviews
after the virus hit our shores, and the career and close readings to inform her discussions.
pathways that shifted with the unexpected Of course, there’s some really heavy themes
restrictions. It’s a short, easy, and therapeutic and subject matter explored throughout the
listen, and an extremely safe place to long episodes, so proceed with caution!
ruminate in your anxieties and complaints. No
more bugging your friends with complaints Black Men Can’t Jump [in
about summer festies (just kidding, the
Hollywood]
Craccum group chat will continue to blow
up with our grumbles). There are also a Film jocks everywhere, I send you my love.
couple of episodes that revel in the surprising The theatres are closed, and we are left to
decisions and lessons that Generation Covid weep during Netflix watches on our phones.
have taken from the difficult period, so it’s not Counting down the moment to hit play on
always doom and gloom. This podcast may a FaceTime call doesn’t quite hit the same
one day serve as an important sociological as sharing popcorn and Malteasers across
record, but for now, it’s a great space to red leather seats. Exam season has also

CRACCUM 27
arts.

How to Get Into…

FAREWELL
Films
THOMAS GIBLIN

You’re at university now—no more Avengers,

no more fun explosions. It’s time to become a
real adult, with refined taste and an interesting
indie sensibility. Resident film expert, Thomas
Giblin, provides you with a pathway to a more
nuanced understanding of film. You’re going to
be so much fun at parties!

These past few years have been like no

other—that is an undisputed truth. We are
near the end of this semester where many
of us are saying goodbye to a university
experience that was not what we expected,
nor wanted it to be. Now is the time though to
take a breather from the pains of assignments
and exam preparation, and reflect on what
came before and what comes after.

This list looks at the films that best describe

that feeling of saying goodbye to someone
or something, whether that is the cusp of
adulthood or a loved one. In my case, it’s
Craccum [Arts Editor Note: we’ll miss you
Thomas!] and the University of Auckland. It's
only fitting to feature some of my favourite
films on this list as a final hurrah.

Lady Bird For AUSA President

Look no further for a film to earnestly depict
the trial and tribulations of being an angsty
teenager. Lady Bird, for many (rightly so), is
the coming-of-age film that resonates most.
Actor turned writer-director, Greta Gerwig,
paints a series of universal truths about being
a teenager on the cusp of adulthood that
 arts.

experiences the kaleidoscope of emotions “You just gotta keep livin’ On an aesthetic level, each shot is magically
that we all go through as we wonder what man, L-I-V-I-N.” composed, akin to a photograph, as each
comes next in life. Her observations never For me, this is the coming-of-age film that frame reveals a new layer peeling back
feel fake or cringe, as many other coming- I adore most. Dazed and Confused is sheer the aura of indifference surrounding those
of-age films do (looking at you Booksmart). perfection and is considered by many to be spaces we live in. You’re invited to trace and
They feel lived as if Gerwig is chasing the a masterpiece of American cinema. It has no explore the lines of a rooftop to see where it
ephemerality of first love. grand narrative but yet is profoundly cosmic, takes you, often it leads you to peer into your
as is the magic of writer-director Richard own soul which is a beautiful thing. Columbus,
The titular Lady Bird, played by the force of Linklater who is responsible for so many to use a cliche, is a masterpiece.
nature that is Saoirse Ronan, is astonishing classics such as the Before Trilogy, Boyhood,
as a character that we can all see a bit of and School of Rock. Nothing happens, yet
ourselves in, whether we like it or not. I see everything does. They get high, drink beer,
On the Beach at Night Alone
myself most in her angst as she longs to drive around, try to get laid, play pool, and The famed Korean auteur, Hong Sangsoo, is
attend a prestigious college in "a city with do some more driving. It feels aimless, yet an inaccessible director for many. His style
culture,” whilst ignoring the reality of the there is a clear purpose from Linklater, whose can be described as erratic and, at times,
opportunities afforded to those who come evocation of the American high school makes plain confusing. But if you love one of his
from a lower-class family. It is also impossible me nostalgic for a time and place I never films, you’ll love all of them. This isn’t giving
to ignore Laurie Metcalf’s performance lived in. you much of a reason to watch On the Beach
as Lady Bird’s mother, Marion, who is the at Night Alone, but take a chance with this
film's real heart. Yes, it is Lady Bird’s story There are so many great quotable film and you’ll be shocked at its raw honesty
as the titular character, but it is in Marion’s performances, a highlight being Matthew surrounding the pains of love.
interaction with her daughter that will shatter McConaughey as David Wooderson, the
your heart then slowly piece it back together. creepy alumni who still hangs around with Kim Min-hee, Sangsoo’s muse and lover,
high schoolers. The line “Alright, Alright, which was widely publicised in Korean
I laughed and I wept, and I’m sure you will Alright" has infiltrated pop culture, as has tabloids, plays Young-hee, an actress
too. If you need an extra reason to see the the title to this write-up. Let’s not forget the wandering around a seaside town, pondering
film, dare I mention the name Timothée soundtrack though. It rocks and is set to her relationship with a married man. This
Chalamet? Don’t let his perfect cheekbones be the soundtrack of my summer (if Covid blurring of reality, a common trait in his films,
and luscious locks distract you from this film, permits us one). spins a Lacanian labyrinth of self-reflection
which is a gift to anyone who was ever a that plays out rather simply (for once) as
teenager. I wish I could keep singing its praises but Sangsoo’s style of reductive minimalism
it’s clear that Dazed and Confused is one of focuses on long takes with little camera
my favourite films of all time. If you sit down movement. Often it is just two characters
“Based on an Actual Lie.” to watch it, I’m sure it’ll become one of your talking over food or soju that provides sharp
Yes, The Farewell is a true story, which is a favourites too. insights about what it means to love and be
shock to many (the quote above prefaces this loved. “Do I deserve love?” Young-hee asks
fact). Billi, played by a whirlwind Awkwafina, herself. Yes, we all do, but this film reminds
comes to find out that keeping a grandparent
Kogonda. Remember The us that it is the most complex of emotions.
in the dark about their own illness is a Name. This makes On the Beach at Night Alone a
common cultural practice. Written and Speaking of American classics, let me hit beguiling watch.
directed by Lulu Wang, this film didn’t move you with another one. Kogonada’s debut
me, but instead gently swayed me. It left me feature, the aptly named Columbus, is a
infatuated with Zhao Shuzhen as Nai Nai, heart-achingly beautiful film that will remind
the grandmother I never had. For just over an you to find the beauty in all that’s around you. I laughed and I
hour and a half Nai Nai is the grandmother
who spoiled you with love and home-cooked
Spaces once old become new, as buildings
that were lifeless become painfully human.
wept, and I’m
food. Her screen presence radiates warmth Each arch or hallway has a story to tell. This sure you will too.
and life, which is a testament to her as an
actor, and to Wang as a writer. For a film that
is the beauty of connection as a chance
encounter between two strangers in the If you need an
is so concerned with death, it never feels
depressing (an impressive feat). Supported by
form of Jin (John Cho) and Casey (Haley Lu
Richardson) blossoms into the most beautiful
extra reason to
Anna Franquesa Solano’s sumptuous digital of friendships. Together they encourage see the film, dare
cinematography, The Farewell is a deeply
personal story that might just resonate with
each other to adopt new perspectives of
the world and to seek out new beginnings
I mention the
you. If it does, make sure to have some which is something we all need right now. name Timothée
tissues on hand. They rekindle each other's passions for life
which many of us need now as university can
Chalamet?
turn our interests into dislikes (I speak from
experience).

CRACCUM 29
 lifestyle.

21 Lessons from 2021

Don’t listen to this writer, skipping classes is great.

NANCY GUO

The closest thing I can compare 7) Once you skip a class it is VERY creepily dystopian, but maybe I’m
my 2021 to is a really long episode VERY hard to stop: It only takes just being dramatic lol.
of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Absurd and one “can’t be fucked” moment
fever-dream-like in places, but mostly to snowball into missing a full 16) You will NOT need to jump off a
wholesome and fun. All around chaotic semester! cliff if you speak to someone in a
good vibes!!! To wrap off the year, here are lecture: But no guarantees if they
21 lessons I’ve learnt thus far in 2021… 8) Invest in (and actually remember ghost you or move a seat away...
to bring) a good umbrella: Walking
1) Being on campus is great (but also into class looking like a drowned rat 17) Complaining is always a good
really expensive): $40 a week on AT off Flushed Away is not a good look. convo starter: Man, why is it so hot
Hop (thanks to living in the middle of Neither is smelling like wet dog. in here? Why was this week’s reading
nowhere, aka East Auckland), 4pm so long? Could we get a more boring
Munchy Mart runs, a couple coffees 9) Early quarter-life crises are going lecturer?
later and your wallet’s drafting up to become a fortnightly thing:
a restraining order. Thank god for Watching trash reality TV may help 18) Writing’s not that easy, but
$5 vegan lunches and Hollywood alleviate some symptoms. Grammarly can help: An actual
Bakery pies… godsend for people who never
10) STOP CONVINCING YOURSELF learned to touch-type properly.
2) ALWAYS bags the window seat THAT YOU’RE NOT A LIGHTWEIGHT: Reading the weekly insights email
on the bus: This is so when you fall Drunkenly disabling your own phone Grammarly sends is also a much-
asleep you don’t tumble out into the for 45 minutes on a night-out is kinda welcomed ego boost.
aisle or worse, onto a stranger’s lap. dangerous… Let's not do that again,
The reel of embarrassing moments please. 19) There’s a huge difference between
you replay at 2am has enough feeling like shit and feeling like
footage. 11) Take advantage of office hours: It a piece of shit: The latter is much
always pays off to kiss up to your worse. Glad you worked on this one :)
3) Using your passport as a form of prof for a cheeky grade bump or
ID is socially unacceptable at age that one-on-one advice you’d never 20) The best bathrooms at Uni are in
20: To be fair, so is carrying your get otherwise because of budget the Clocktower East Wing: Was
learners, but let’s not get too ahead slashes in Arts! tempted to gate keep this secret
of ourselves. but I think the world has enough
12) Networking is a strange form of girlbosses.
4) STUDYLINK… *sigh*: Having to socialisation: But at least there
explain and justify your trauma just are free fancy sandwiches you can 21) DO NOT UNDER ANY
for your AT Hop fees to be paid is a munch on to fill the awkward silence! CIRCUMSTANCES ASK A COUPLE
traumatic event in itself, especially IF THEY ARE “SIBLINGS”: Perhaps
after being put on hold for 90 mins 13) REMEMBER TO ACTUALLY CANCEL the most important lesson of the
listening to the same five songs on YOUR FREE TRIALS: That “free” year. I do not care that you thought
loop. Have fun reapplying next year!!! Audible trial quickly turned into three they looked identical or had the
monthly payments of $14.95 you’ll “same smile,” the poor COUPLE did
5) Deleting Tik Tok was a wise never get back… not deserve your unsolicited “cute
decision: You still mindlessly scroll siblings” compliment. This memory
on your phone but at least the 14) Mid-sem break? More like mid-sem will (rightfully) haunt you for many
algorithm on Instagram Reels is scam: Throw all major plans out the nights to come.
so shit you eventually get bored window, you’re going to be spending
enough to do work. the break desperately catching up
on skipped lectures and readings.
6) So was cutting bangs: Sadly still don’t
look like Zooey Deschanel, but being 15) LinkedIn is actually a black hole
an AliExpress version ain’t so bad. for self-pity: The platform also feels

30 CRACCUM ILLUSTRATION BY SOPHIE SUN

 column.

Psychology and Me
Loving the Chase or the Person?

FLORA XIE

Here’s a scenario: imagine you, A, various dimensions of attachment, but I’ll going to leave.
are in a relationship with someone, B. You’ve only be focusing on the anxious and avoidant
been dating for a little while now and all you attachment styles in this column. Unfortunately, people such as A actually like
want to do is just to get closer to B and be ‘the chase.’ Playing ‘hard to get’ heightens
more intimate—you want to know more about People who score highly on attachment their need for closeness and security, which
B and spend more time with them. Except, anxiety are extremely invested in their means they’ll continue pursuing closeness
the trouble is that B always seems to get a relationships and they have a greater desire in the relationship. And when they finally
bit distant when you try to get closer, there’s to experience closeness and security with get that closeness, it’s extremely rewarding,
seemingly always an emotional wall that’s in their partners, but they worry that their which makes this problematic because
the way, and they’re a bit reluctant to open up partners don’t love them or that they’d scare it’s misconstrued as a ‘high’ and so it can
and be more vulnerable with you. their partners away with how close they become an addictive pattern to fall into. This
want to get. On the other hand, people who is similar to a point that I made in an earlier
Sounds familiar? It’s a pretty popular trope score highly on attachment avoidance say column, where I mentioned that if you’re
in movies and television shows—take Carrie they’re less invested in their relationships, and someone who needs strong assurances that
Bradshaw and Mr. Big as an example. We’ve prefer to be independent because they’re your partner is deeply committed to you and
probably all at some point experienced some uncomfortable with depending on people they won’t leave, you should ideally be after
kind of relationship like that, where A wears or letting people get too close as they find it people who would give that to you and not
their heart on their sleeves and is wanting hard to trust others. the opposite. Obviously, that’s easier said than
deeper emotional intimacy, and B wants done—old habits die hard after all.
more space and is reluctant to get too close. You probably already get the gist of the
This is the tumultuous relationship between relationship dynamic. It’s a turbulent one If you’ve been reading this and thinking that
someone who is high in anxious attachment because A and B have completely opposite some of that sounds a lot like you, don’t worry
and someone who is high in avoidant outlooks on relationships. So, the question (and don’t be too eager to self-diagnose!).
attachment. But firstly, what are attachment you might have right now is why do they get Attachment styles are malleable and they
styles? into relationships together? Well, the thing is shift depending on what your current partner
A and B might enjoy each other’s company is like with you. So, if you think you’re stuck
The essence of attachment theory is that at first precisely because of their differences. being someone who’s always worrying if
everyone has a system that keeps us close B doesn’t have to share or disclose much your partner loves you as much as you love
to our caregivers, partners, or close others, because A is doing the talking and self- them, that can change when you’re in the
when coming across threats. Through our disclosing. A likes this because B is listening right company. Similarly though, if you’re with
interactions with these people, we develop a and giving them attention, and they will put in someone right now who’s making you feel
guide to how to behave and what to expect in more effort to keep this interest going so they more anxious or avoidant than normal when
our relationships in different contexts—these don’t lose B. But the issue is that the amount you’re in the relationship, it’s a good idea to
guides are different for everyone depending of effort B puts into the relationship isn’t re-evaluate and reconsider your relationship
on our own individual experiences. What’s the same as A, and if A were to want more with them.
important is that these expectations and closeness to B, B may end up withdrawing.
behaviours are rooted in past experiences of The only way to get B to come back is for A
intimate relationships, so they’re only really to dial it back a notch, but A can only do this
activated in relationship contexts. There are with the reassurance from B that they’re not

32 CRACCUM ILLUSTRATION BY SOPHIE SUN

 wellbeing.

Period Poverty on Campus

THE WHAI HAUORA | STUDENT WELLBEING TEAM

Period Poverty, meaning an individual Library basement, where the click and collect as questions about menstrual cups, the
is unable to afford menstrual items for their service is. You don’t need to pre-book, just aforementioned study or any other issue
period, is known to be an issue amongst show up with your student ID card! that crosses your mind) or have any pātai,
young people in Aotearoa. The lack of please email the Student Wellbeing Team on
equitable and easily available access to Periods should not be an uphill battle of [email protected].
menstrual products is one that has only been negativity, contempt, or embarrassment.
a growing part of public discussion in recent We’re here to help put an end to that
years, but the effects of Period Poverty are stigma, and to provide a helpful and calm
already known to those going through it. It environment for you to access the wellbeing
can have a big impact on their life, leading you need. If you’d like more details (such
them to miss school or work, health problems
such as infections, and embarrassment
or shame. This has been an issue long
ignored by those with the means to change
things, but in recent times, there have been
concerted efforts to remedy this problem of
access.

Recently, the New Zealand government

announced free period products would
be provided to all schools that opted in.
At present, this funding does not extend
to University students, many of whom are
school leavers likely to be facing continued
difficulty affording period products (or new
challenges resulting from recent financial

Got your period?

independence).

Earlier in the semester, The Whai Hauora

undertook a survey to get a better
understanding of the scale of the issue and
the effectiveness of current period product
We’ve got you.
distribution across Campus. From a sample
size of 146 students, 13% reported that they
regularly struggled to afford period products,
and 36.3% occasionally struggled to afford Collect a FREE menstrual cup
products. This is at a higher rate than the
reported national average, indicating the from the General Library
issue has a high level of impact on students
within our University community. Click and Collect team.
Of those surveyed, almost 94% would
consider using a menstrual cup, a sustainable Scan the code for more information.
period product that would provide a longer
term solution to period poverty than single
use products such as tampons and pads. So,
we are taking action!

The Student Wellbeing Team have free

menstrual cups that are available for
collection, now (from Lockdown Level 3).
Students who would like a free menstrual
cup can come to the City Campus General

CRACCUM 33
34 CRACCUM
So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen,
Good Night! (Third Year Running)
This has to be the last time I write something like this, surely.

LACHLAN MITCHELL

Craccum puts out a lot of horseshit violently explosive to the idea of art and anything of boredom, years of stumbling over my own
to meet deadlines. As a section editor for that resonates to the curious human spirit. In a neurotics and being unable to get past my
a few years, I am a pioneer in that field, truly God-fearing universe, the sun would have own hangups. It’s not a family, in that generic
for many of my listicles have been utterly hyper-focused its rays on the three remaining ‘let me abuse you’ corporate speak, it does
unreadable, but they have filled a page. And structures that haven’t been torn down to make not wish to be anything like that. But it has
I have collected my minimum wage payslip room for hostile architecture and bloated sports allowed me to go see many great events,
every two weeks, AUSA accounting delays centres, and hordes of rats would consider the talk to wonderful and interesting people and
notwithstanding! But this is different. scorched remains their veritable Metropolis. It write about whatever the fuck I wanted, and
doesn’t care about you, and it never will. most importantly, it taught me so much about
With this being the last issue of the year, how to relate to people and actually make
and my last after four years of writing here, The point being that while UoA (minus the some friends. There isn’t a better place for it
I feel like I should start this off with a few lovely lecturers I respect!!) should be cast back at the Uni. I’ve found so many sick cunts that
confessions. Just really getting some heavy in Tartarus with the rest of the traitorous Titans, I care about, and amazingly, people that care
feelings on my chest. Craccum is important and I don’t know what I about me. And I really want the same for you.
would have done without it. I dropped out of Uni If you actually want something to contribute
1. I did see your email, but I didn’t want to in 2014 after I, rather frankly, went a bit insane. I to, something that will actually feel valued,
reply, and faked ditziness to get out of it was extremely depressed, isolated from human please, pick up this toilet magazine and give
when you confronted me later on. connection to the point of not talking to anyone it a go. Even as we shift to different life paths,
for days. I would go to exams and not write a my old Craccum groups still get together to
2. I have not, will not and cannot learn single word. Real ‘put up the barriers on the drink and eat and talk shit. What else can you
how to use an en-dash and em-dash General Library’s windows’ shit. When I threw want? Craccum is a fantastic place to hone your
correctly. up at the thought of stepping foot on a bus to talent, an environment that actually gives a
get within 50k of the campus, I knew I couldn’t shit about you. It is run out of a fucking broom
3. Gary Francis Poste is a charlatan and a return for a long time. And so I didn’t. I worked cupboard above the food court, so there’s even
fraud, who has stolen the valour for my on myself, got (mostly) back to normal, and something for the remaining Harry Potter stans
acts. I am the Zodiac Killer. only returned in 2017, when I knew I would be on campus.
able to get my degree without falling prey to
With that all out of the way, I wanna reflect and #mentalillness and the metaphorical obsidian The Covid era will fuck us over. We have spent
perhaps evangelise a little. Craccum means tentacles of the campus. But it wasn’t working. I much of this year online, and yet we still have
a lot to me. I’m very sad to be going, and I’m had reached the end of 2017, and while I could successfully published many interesting,
going to miss all of what it means to me. It has continue on, I just didn’t have anything to show impactful, funny and relevant works from
been my main way of making friends here, for it outside of normal grades and a few kisses students. It was horrendously stressful, but
and oftentimes, it has been the only reason with a guy who would become my boyfriend. we did it. Our success will be to our detriment,
I bothered to turn up at Uni. The office is one because we survived without needing to tap
of the few spots on campus that truly allows And then I picked up the final issue of 2017’s into the finances much. Like the fate facing
any sense of self-expression. It’s a bright light, Craccum, cast aside in a toilet, the honourable many associations around the campus,
one of the few sparkling points of joy in UoA’s fate of many a Craccum magazine. (You still the budget hawks will be breaking sound
black hole. This Uni sucks! It’s a vampiric beast, read us! So even if our page is covered in your barriers to cut our funding in the next couple
it seeks out nothing but to leech your nutrients piss, we still won.) I read it. I remember thinking of years. But let that challenge be something
and watch you slump against a wall. UoA sucks to myself that I could write like that. I could you overcome, as I promise it will be worth it.
the marrow out of you and drops you into the write something stupid, or be funny, or care Craccum needs people who actually give a
ground, waiting for your remaining lifeforce to about something. I wanted something regular shit about the students here, who are willing to
exit your body, so it may then latch onto your to contribute to, I wanted something at this write what is needed.
soul with its ashened grip and suck out what University that I could remotely connect to. The
remaining life still persists in your being. next year, I sweated immensely while plopping This little prom night dumpster baby has been
a rushed draft of two shitty columns on the desk something precious to me for a long time, and
The UoA concrete sprawl is but a breeding of the new editors, and got hired. It was one of I hope you find the same joy in it that I do. I
colony for the Lich, a festering hive of endless the best decisions I have ever made. need to get a career, and I’m too tall to fit in that
construction and bureaucratic corpse demons broom cupboard now. But I’m gonna miss this
that subsist solely on geckos and your tuition Craccum is not irreplaceable, but it was magazine, even if it does have the single worst
fees. This University is neoliberal anti-matter, irreplaceable to me. It saved me from years name for a written publication ever.

CRACCUM 35
ILLUSTRATION BY TAI NIMO
 agony aunt.

Welcome to Craccum, where we put the

“agony” in “agony aunt.” We’re not qualified to
deal with your problems, but neither are you.

What do I get my 22 year old brother for Christmas? CRACCUM’S CRACKIN’ TIP:

How the hell are you planning for Christmas already? It’s fucking Exams are coming up, which means we’re all about to descend into
October! What are you, some sort of time-traveller with a scheduling the tenth circle of Dante’s inferno (the one where the lecturer bases
problem? It was July three minutes ago, slow the hell down. I haven’t an entire essay question around a concept they didn’t teach you).
even come to terms with the fact that it’s Semester Two, and you’re
out here trying to make me plan for the end of the year. While you’re struggling to get through this time of pestilence and
dread, I (as the supreme authority of everyone on earth) hereby
(When the time does come, just give him cash. Nothing will give an provide you a list of things you are legally, morally, spiritually, and
adult man more joy than knowing you put absolutely no thought into financially allowed to do during the exam period. Consider it your own
their gift—displays of emotion give them hives). person Craccum’s Declassified Exam Survival Guide.

Why did my parents have to give birth to me? I didn’t consent to this. • Eat fast food. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Oh, you had
McDonalds for lunch? Guess it’s Burger King for dinner.
That one guy who sued his parents for creating him had the right idea. Sensational Chicken with a Zinger Burger for dessert. Forget
We really need a #MeToo movement for all the people who never that “fill your body with nutrients” horsefuckery, you know what
asked to be thrown into this hellscape we call earth. makes classic cars run? GREASE.

My advice would be to kill your parents.* You didn’t consent to being • Complain. Whine to everyone you can get your hands on. Tell
alive, so they don’t get to consent to being dead. An eye for an eye. the barista how hard it is to memorise quotes from Hamlet. Make
your Fine Arts friend look over your impossible Med notes. Insist
What are your favourite TikToks and why? that your suffering is unmatched in the modern era. Make your
parents listen to you whinge for three hours a night. Let it all out.
• Those ones that are like “me at the start vs end of different
movies” • Pet dogs. Every time someone walks past you with a dog, take
• Anything to do with Squid Game the lead out of the owner’s hand, sit on the pavement, and
• Anything Michael Buble posts pat the shit out of that fluffy angel. If the owner questions you,
• That one of that girl doing hip thrusts dancing to River by Bishop respond “exam season.” They’ll know.
Briggs and just fucking railing the air (Mommy? Sorry. Mommy?
Sorry.) • Read Who Asked You. Go through the past issues on Craccum’s
website and have a good chuckle. Refrain from calling me out
*My editor says I’m not legally allowed to suggest that you kill your on this shameless self-promotion.
parents, but I refuse to be censored by the woke brigade. Cancel me
now, anti-patricide cucks.

36 CRACCUM ILLUSTRATION BY KIKI HALL

 Click here to access a printable version
of the puzzles page.

ILLUSTRATION BY SOPHIE SUN (THEY/THEM) CRACCUM 37

 Summer is coming, and so come the lazy times. Even lazier than you’re already being. Yeah,
Delma Vinkley knows you. Who better to embodiment the laziness for this year’s last horoscopes
than Garfield? Take care.
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)
Skater Garfield Cowboy Garfield Funko Pop Garfield
Always so cool, you skate Your decisions are For all the dumping on
around any attempt to impetuous, your emotions Geminis that I’ve done this
know you. It’s not that you are tempestuous, and your year, there’s one thing I’ve
are afraid of intimacy itself, behaviour can be outright never really given you credit
but if you could just strap egregious. And yet… under for: you are smart. Extremely
on those wheels and skate into someone’s it all, you have an inner calm we all admire, annoying, omnipresent, utterly lacking in taste,
heart… you’re not sure whether the results your core serenity is something we all want. but very smart. How else could you keep
would be worth all the opening up required. Lucky numbers are 45 and 78. going, when the world is stacked against you?
Lucky numbers are 12 and 80. Lucky numbers are 16 and 19.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22) Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22) Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Cubist Garfield Muscular Garfield Nurse Garfield
The gains are your goal Hellooooooooooo, nurse!
You’re feeling boxed in
in life. Always looking While Garfield is famously
lately. Can’t imagine why.
for a new high, a new selfish, he secretly does
But have you taken the
achievement to flex over harbour a little love for
time to keep an eye on
the great unwashed. But is the providers in his life.
those you are boxed in
this satisfying? Do you really feel rewarded Your selfishness is well-known, but you are
with? It’s 50/50 with you. Do it today or risk
at the end of the day? Oh, you do? Carry on the same: you reserve a core of love for
them ignoring you for a long time. You don’t
then. the people who keep you going. And those
need me to remind you. Lucky numbers are
who feed you warm pans of lasagna. Lucky
27 and 29.
numbers are 23 and 42.

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 23) Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 21) Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Sailor Moon Garfield Odie Original 1970s Garfield
During the year, you have You just have to be It’s hard these days, but
gone under many trials and different, don’t you? But once, it was even harder.
tribulations. And yet your while people always The original Garfield was
dedication to friendship stereotype you as even larger, had more folds
has unwatered, despite all aggressive, I see the of fat, and stolen Jon’s food
odds. Like the Garf, you can be rather grumpy dopey, goodhearted dumbass underneath. to lug around in his mass. But these times
rather openly, but even now, you still draw all You just want friends, even if the ones you passed. And so too shall your troubles pass,
your power from your besties. And we love call friends want to kick you off the table. and you’ll be better for it. Lucky numbers are
that. Lucky numbers are 10 & 20. Lucky numbers are 34 and 61. 7 and 8.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Studio Ghibfield Maid Garfield 2006 Emo Garfield
Your life is a fantasy, and You always feel so You really hate Mondays.
for once, that’s the right obligated to clean up other And that’s okay. But do
thing for you. Be lost in the people’s business for them. you gotta let everyone
delirium, eat the endless It is endearing, but sweetie, know every time? Learn to
lasagna. Keep yourself sometimes people just moderate your feelings. No
warm in the dream world. It’s a hard world have to suffer through their messes. Don’t one wants to be plunged into your depths
out there, and there’s no harm in your self- soften the blow all the time. We all have like clockwork, we’ve got our Mondays to
delusions. Lucky numbers are 77 and 88. to learn lessons, and that’s yours. Lucky hate too. Lucky numbers are 90 and 91.
numbers are 33 and 40.
38 CRACCUM
ILLUSTRATIONS BY GABBIE DE BARON
Kia ora, e hoa!
Looking for
a job?
We can help
with that.
Full-time jobs, internships
and graduate roles,
available to you, up to
two years after you
graduate.

Find yours at sjs.co.nz

40 CRACCUM