Pipe Dreams Pilot
Pipe Dreams Pilot
written by
Gamze Alden
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EXT. NEW ORLEANS - DAY
We see various streets of New Orleans. A drunkard stumbles
out of a bar in the middle of the day. A hearse is followed
by a marching jazz band. A red convertible is being
frantically chased by police cars. Finally, we see the
outside of our protagonists' home.
THE SMITH
Must you be desperate to appreciate
the world's bounties?
The Smith plops down next to Seba and pulls out a bag of hot
chips as Sandy makes her way across the room. Sirens can be
faintly heard in the background which nobody pays any mind.
SANDY
I can't believe you two. I'm sure
Rusty would back me up.
THE SMITH
Where is Rusty anyhow?
Immediately after asking that, a red convertible bursts in
through the window as the siren noises amplify.
Sandy pauses by the kitchen door.
SANDY
Well... there's Rusty's car.
As they all look at the car in shock and confusion, a police
officer walks in.
POLICE OFFICER
Is this the residence of Jaime
"Rusty" Sedgwick?
They all look to each other nervously and quietly nod.
POLICE OFFICER
So you've observed this behavior
from your roommates before?
THE SMITH
Nope.
SANDY
First I'm hearing of it.
SEBA
Clearly not a career criminal with
that level of shoddy execution.
The police officer gets an inaudible message from his walkie
talkie and steps back towards the door.
POLICE OFFICER
I have to go aid in processing, but
you'll be getting calls about full
statements soon.
He pauses just before shutting the door.
POLICE OFFICER (CONT'D)
You three stay out of trouble now.
As the door shuts behind him, Sandy and The Smith breathe a
sigh of relief.
SANDY
Really thought our ass was grass
there.
THE SMITH
How'd he know our names?
SANDY
Don't know about y'all, but maybe
he remembers me from those
commercials and indie films I've
been in?
SEBA
Could also be from that time we got
arrested last week.
THE SMITH
Right. That would do it.
SANDY
Do we have enough to cover rent
without Rusty?
4.
THE SMITH
We need a new roommate. You down?
SANDY
Come on, you can't just ask anyone!
THE SMITH
What? She looks alright.
MARLO
Excuse me?
SANDY
We're not about to write you a love
letter! Can you help us pay rent
for a place to stay or not?
MARLO
I'm fine, thank you very much.
Marlo turns away from them towards the pawn shop.
MARLO (CONT'D)
(under her breath)
Bunch of riffraff roommates,
that'll be the day...
Marlo steps into the shop, fumbling with the bags behind her.
SANDY
Probably dodged a bullet there.
THE SMITH
I think I know where we might find
someone cooler.
SANDY
Whatever works at this point.
THE SMITH
I wonder how Seba is doing with the
wall patch-up.
The girls continue on down the road with The Smith in the
lead.
Marlo scowls and slowly slips the bag back into her suitcase
before zipping it up and attempting to walk off dramatically,
only for her clumsy handling of the suitcases to ruin her
exit.
The Smith nods and accepts the bottle, takes a swig, then
offers it to the other two girls. Sandy recoils, and Seba
accepts, taking a sip herself before passing it to the man.
THE SMITH
Say, you wouldn't happen to know
anyone who'd want to room with us,
would you? We're pretty short on
rent at the moment.
HOMELESS MAN
Well, the rent bit might be an
issue there. Don't think any of us
even have enough for a night at the
hostel.
SEBA
The rent bit may unfortunately be a
dealbreaker.
THE SMITH
Right, kinda forgot about that.
Sorry, man.
HOMELESS MAN
Is what it is.
THE SMITH
You're more than welcome to join
the next hurricane party though.
Free of charge, bring your own
booze and drugs, you know the deal.
As the homeless man nods in agreement, Sandy takes The Smith
by the arm.
SANDY
We should really keep looking.
As they walk off, Seba and The Smith give a friendly wave.
SEBA
Nice meeting you!
As they turn a corner, The Smith speaks up.
THE SMITH
So, where to now?
SANDY
Maybe keep an eye out for
squabbling lovers?
10.
SEBA
Could work.
The Smith spots a pile of boards on the ground and points
them out to Sandy.
THE SMITH
Maybe you could go reinforce the
wall a little while Seba and I look
around?
Sandy grabs the boards and walks off.
SANDY
On it.
SEBA
Didn't you say something about
someone looking to move out of a
hostel soon?
RYAN
Nah, Danny moved in with that band
he joined up with. Not far from
y'all, actually. Just moved the
last of his stuff from the hostel
today.
SEBA
A hostel, you say...
RYAN
I do say. That's where he used to
live.
THE SMITH
I think I'm picking up what you're
putting down... shall we?
SANDY
I just got this drink.
SEBA
We don't have to leave right away-
Before Seba can finish, Sandy has already downed her drink.
Seba sighs and speeds up her own drinking.
RECEPTIONIST
That's actually what I'm doing
right now.
MARLO
Perfect! Do I need to fill out any
forms or can I just go right ahead.
RECEPTIONIST
Um... I'm pretty sure we're fully
booked right now. Haven't heard
anything about needing more staff
either.
Marlo leans forward, fully turning on the charm.
MARLO
Well, why don't I speak with your
supervisor and see if we can't
arrange something, maybe give her a
chance to see how diligent and
attentive I am?
RECEPTIONIST
You saying I'm not diligent and
attentive?
MARLO
Of course not! I'm sure it's been a
long day and you're not normally so
quick to make knee-jerk accusations
and project your insecurities onto
your guests, right?
The receptionist's eyes narrow.
RECEPTIONIST
Go on.
MARLO
You sure? I've been taking so much
care to refrain from mention of
your mediocre countenance. Not to
mention-
CUT TO:
MARLO
Well, thank you for helping with
the bags, at least.
The receptionist slams the door behind her without saying
anything.
Just outside the gate, Sandy, Seba and The Smith approach.
Sandy seems less than enthusiastic.
SANDY
Now, how is someone staying at a
hostel going to help us with the
rent? Just the bridge all over...
As they spot Marlo, all three girls' faces light up.
MARLO
I do hope you haven't paid a
deposit yet. Deplorable service,
really! I'd take my business
elsewhere if I were you.
The girls approach Marlo.
SEBA
Would you describe yourself as
recently transient?
MARLO
Recently transient? Didn't we speak
earlier?
THE SMITH
Oh, yeah! How've you been?
MARLO
Been better. How about yourself?
SEBA
Need a place to stay?
MARLO
I wouldn't say I need anything, but
a place to stay would be nice.
SANDY
And you can afford it?
As they're speaking, The Smith finds an orange on the ground
and pockets it.
17.
MARLO
Well, unfortunately I only have a
couple hundred or so to my name at
the moment due to recent
misfortune-
THE SMITH
A couple hundred? What are you, a
Rockefeller?
MARLO
No, but I did babysit John VI once
or twice.
SANDY
For real?
MARLO
That was a joke.
THE SMITH
Yeah, same here.
MARLO
I only ran into them once or twice
at family functions. Nothing crazy.
The girls look at each other, then back at Marlo with eager
excitement.
THE SMITH
How soon can you move in?
Marlo throws a few stray items which fell out of her duffel
bag back in before responding.
MARLO
Immediately would be nice.
SANDY
Let's go, then!
The four girls all begin walking out from the hostel.
SEBA
Need any help with the bags?
MARLO
I've made it this far carrying them
myself. A lot easier than paying a
sweat-soaked goliath to tell me how
to lift even heavier objects
repeatedly.
18.
SEBA
Alright, then. Just one more thing
I need to ask.
MARLO
What's that?
SEBA
Do you mind telling me the exact
date, time and location of your
birth?
THE SMITH
Can it not wait?
MARLO
No worries. It's the twenty seventh
of August, two thousand and-
SANDY
1998.
Marlo turns to Sandy abruptly, who is now holding Marlo's
wallet and inspecting her ID.
MARLO
How'd you get that?
SANDY
How'd you not see? I wasn't even
trying.
The Smith pulls out her phone in excitement.
THE SMITH
Oh, shit! You must be that clueless
rich tourist who's been dropping
designer shit all over the city
today!
MARLO
Excuse me?
THE SMITH
I'm just playing. I'm sure you take
good care of your stuff.
Marlo shrugs it off and quietly takes her wallet back.
MARLO
I suppose I should introduce myself
if we'll be living together. I'm
Marlo.
19.
SEBA
Of course! I'm Seba. The blonde is
Sandy, and that's The Smith.
MARLO
The Smith?
THE SMITH
Yeah, my family takes our surname
very seriously. Everyone's named
after a different type of Smith,
like my uncle Gun Smith, my cousin
Coin Smith...
Behind them, Seba scoops up a cat and catches up. The cat
doesn't seem to mind.
THE SMITH (CONT'D)
There's Copper Smith, Silver
Smith...
MARLO
Guess I'd better check it out,
then.
As Marlo drags her bags into the kitchen, The Smith attempts
to peel the orange, only for Nyarlathotep to swat it away.
In the kitchen, Sandy lounges on her bed while sipping
another drink and going through her phone. There's an Asian-
style divider left half open between her bed and the rest of
the kitchen.
SANDY
We just stocked up on groceries if
you're hungry.
Marlo sets her bags by the ladder to the attic before giving
a small nod and stepping towards the counter.
MARLO
Let's have a look.
Aside from several more cheap alcohol bottles, the grocery
bags contents compose mainly of packaged sweets, chips,
cereals, a pack of hot dogs, boxed mac & cheese, and several
other ready meals. Marlo recoils at the sight.
SANDY
You mind putting the hot dogs away
once you're done?
Sandy's speech is still somewhat slurred, but she seems
otherwise lucid.
MARLO
Do you... do you have anything
fresh? Some fruit, maybe?
SANDY
I knew I forgot something! There's
always the ground fruit, if you're
into that sort of thing.
MARLO
The what?
SANDY
Don't ask.
(Beat)
I get what you mean though.
Probably the only thing I miss
about my fuckass Bible-thumping
family is the fresh food.
23.
MARLO
Maybe we'll get some tomorrow.
SANDY
Totally! Been too long since I
cooked something from scratch.
MARLO
Maybe I'll look around for some
nice vegan places as well.
Sandy's expression drops, and she shuts the divider all the
way.
SANDY
(curtly)
Good night!
Marlo shrugs off her reaction, and makes her way up the
ladder to take a look at her new room.
The attic is half finished, with a frameless unmade bed, a
mess of clothes, weird old dolls, and various crime
paraphernalia including a pistol and a beaten up looking
safe.
Marlo's eyes widen, and she nearly falls out into the kitchen
as she steps back in in shock. She pulls her phone out and
begins typing a text to her mother reading "I'll head back up
tomorrow. I'm sorry about everyth"
Before she can finish typing, The Smith calls out from
downstairs.
THE SMITH
Hope Rusty didn't leave too much of
a mess.
MARLO
Well...
SEBA
It's all good. We'll help you fix
it up. Want to join us for a smoke?
Marlo gives a shrug and begins climbing down before The Smith
interrupts her and points to the open window by the ladder.
THE SMITH
It's actually right there.
MARLO
Oh. Alright.
24.