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Creating Attraction Through Your Body Language
Even though you spent your whole educational life (infancy through
college) studying verbal language (i.e., the spoken and written word),
communication researchers have found that the vast majority of communication
happens on a NONVERBAL level.
So, while 99% of the time we spent in school memorizing definitions of
words was waste. The best estimates are that…
Our nonverbal signals (facial expressions,
vocal tonality, and body movements) account for
anywhere from 66% to 93% of our communication.
Often we are not conscious of what we're doing with our bodies. If you feel
nervous for instance, you may not notice that you're constantly looking
downward, clearing your throat, saying "um" and "ah" a lot, and tugging your
ears.
But others around you, particularly women, will pick up on those signals.
Why do women pick them up so easily? Because they've been trained to.
You see, the typical hot woman has been hit on for so long that she has
developed a keen sense for reading a guy's signals.
Imagine what it's like to be a hot girl. Through childhood, men act normal
toward her and around her.
And then all of a sudden, at age 13, people get all weird. Occasionally a
man who's a complete stranger will say "excuse me" and then beg for her phone
number. Then she notices that she can walk into a reception room and every
male head will turn, even when it means the men are ignoring their dates.
She notices that guys act different when all she's trying to do is have a
normal conversation with them.
Basically, the typical hot girl moves through life assuming that just about
every guy is attracted to her.1
But she can't give just any guy a chance. With a dozen guys throwing
themselves at her at any given moment, how can she choose among them?
1And by the way, you should act the same way when it comes to girls. See the
chapter of How to Become an Alpha Male entitled, "Why You Should Assume
Attraction."
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And even if she did decide to date one of them, she'd get stuck with some
beta male who'd stifle her and take all the fun out of her life.
You see…
A woman would rather be with
a man who's exciting
and has things happening in his life.
So because of this, the typical hot woman has had to learn how attractive
men move.
Or as one world-class woman put it to me, "I can tell if a guy is going to
get laid simply by how he acts."
This is an important point… guys who are getting laid act like it. This
makes these alpha males attractive to chicks.
This is just like that old truism that banks only want to loan money to
people who don't need it. Well, that truism applies to women as well. They find
guys sexually attractive who are already having sex.
! There's good news though. You can short circuit a woman's mind by
acting, through your body language, like a guy who has lots of sex. These are
key, specific techniques (and a few to avoid) that attract the best women…
without ever speaking to them!
In a nutshell, the difference boils down to this… Men who get laid are
relaxed and confident. Those who are sexually frustrated act in a manner that
practically screams desperation.
Have you ever noticed the way a guy acts when he's desperate? Probably
you've done some or all of these following behaviors yourself (I know I have!)…
1) Leaning in towards the woman right after meeting her.
This is what most "creepy guys" who hit on women do. They do
this because they're way too interested for having just met the woman.
A woman finds this to be creepy when she has done nothing to
earn such attention from a guy. Obviously he just "wants something" from
her.
Instead, use your body language to reward the woman. If she says
something interesting, then (and only then) lean towards her.
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2) Folding your arms.
This is a protective gesture people do when feeling nervous. If a
woman detects that you feel nervous, it will instantly damage the attraction
she feels for you.
3) Holding your feet close together.
Beta males do this as a self-comforting gesture when they feel
tense. It sends out a signal saying, "I'm not a threat!"
But the bottom line is that an alpha male is not afraid to take up
space. So spread your feet when you stand, if you want women to spread
their legs when they're lying down with you!
4) Asking a woman questions in rapid fire.
The last 500 guys who hit on her did this too. Normal conversations
involve people getting to know each other gradually, not through games of
20 Questions.
You also reveal too much of your interest in the woman when you
do the 20 Questions thing. It's far better to simply make neutral
statements rather than ask rapport-seeking questions.
5) Clearing your throat constantly and using vocalized pauses such
as "um" and "ah."
Ever felt anxious as you began giving a public speech? I bet you
engaged in those behaviors then! Avoid making any of the noises that you
emit when you feel nervous.
6) Trying to do all the talking. Not waiting for the woman to speak.
This communicates to her that you're afraid she'll walk away. And if
you don't let her get a word in edgewise, she will.
An alpha male has so many girls in his life that he couldn't care less
if one of them walked away. And even if you don't have so many girls, you
can to at least act like you do.
7) Getting drunk before talking to girls.
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Most guys seem to need "liquid courage" because they're afraid of
rejection. So merely by not being like them, you'll separate yourself above
the pack.
8) Smiling too often.
This is done in social situations when you're trying too hard to fit in.
Also, as I explain in the chapter entitled, "24 Nonverbal Cues That
Scream, 'I'm Non-Dominant," smiling is what beta primates do to show
alphas that they're not a threat. So don't smile unless there's something to
smile about.
One of the most educational activities you can engage in is people
watching. Find the guys with the most confidence and success, and then model
what they do.
Who are these guys? They are the CEOs and celebrities, the leaders and
men of high status in society.
They stay calm under pressure and have strong self-esteem, an attitude
about themselves that is superhuman.
Watch their body language… how they move, how they stand, and how
they use their voice. They radiate massive confidence with ever motion they
make because they carry themselves in a controlled, relaxed manner. Here is a
list of things that alpha males do:
1) Keep their movements and voice entirely consistent.
If the mood of the conversation is low energy, then they sit back
and spread out in their seat and speak calmly.
If anything's out of sync… like say you move and talk like George
Clooney but fidget by bouncing your knee up and down when sitting…
then people will think you're just trying too hard to look cool.
But if you stay consistent and congruent, then people will think you
are cool.
2) Spread out.
Alpha males aren't afraid to keep their arms comfortably spread out
while sitting or standing.
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Nor are they ever afraid to be comfortable. For example, CEOs are
apt to sit leaned back in their chairs, with their hands clasped behind their
head and feet up on the desk.
3) Speak with open hands.
Watch children when they're super pleased and want to tell you
about something they've achieved. They'll show their hands openly,
displaying their palms. Adult alpha males, who are free of feelings of
defensiveness and fear, do the same thing.
4) Take up territory, even when it encroaches into others' territory.
They'll touch someone's arm to emphasize a point. They'll spread
out their legs and/or arms when standing in a crowd. They'll put their arm
around the shoulders of a man of lower status. They'll spread around their
possessions--e.g., newspaper and cellphone--when sitting in a cafe.
5) Stand proudly, with arms at their sides and shoulders in a
comfortable position.
Try this exercise: Close your eyes, and wiggle your shoulders
around and around. Then suddenly let your arms relax. See where they
are at that point?
That's right… they're by your side. And your shoulders are down
rather than in a "shrugging" position.
6) Make frequent eye contact.
You don't have to focus in on their eyeballs… just sort of let your
eyes blur and gaze into their eyes rather than staring.
7) Blink less, since they feel relaxed.
8) Occasionally, when making a point, hold their hands with
fingertips together in a "church steeple" shape, at face level.
Research on business executives has shown that the more
important a man thinks he his (i.e., the higher his self-esteem), the higher
he will hold his hands when doing this gesture.
9) Are rarely, if ever, truly in a hurry.
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Usually alpha males walk and talk smoothly, as if they were
completely in control of the world. They are the calm in the center of the
storm.
10) Let others lean toward them in conversations, not the other way
around.
11) Have a relaxed face.
Not frowning. Not laughing unless there's something that's truly
funny. Not wrinkling their brows unless they hear something that
genuinely fascinates them.
The following attributes are what a woman finds attractive in a man, all of
which are prototypical alpha male traits. As you work on your body language to
be more spread out, slow, take up space, and so on, you can non-verbally
convey these traits:
1) Being comfortable with yourself.
2) Being spontaneous rather than carefully controlled.
3) Not taking yourself too seriously.
4) Being interesting.
5) Being trustworthy. Do this by being congruent with your body language,
rather than, for example, having a relaxed upper body and face but
bouncing your knee up and down.
6) Making women feel safe.
7) Being non-needy, so she's the one chasing him (not the other way
around).
8) Feeling sexual.
9) Having good looks because you've worked on your appearance.
10) Having high self-esteem. Being sure of yourself.
11) Being exciting.
12) Being a leader.
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! Good body language can come from one of two things… either your inner
state is solid or you've got such great muscle memory that you're always
projecting the body language of an alpha male.
On the other hand, as well, the two feed off of each other… the more
alpha you are on the outside, the more alpha you are on the inside. And vice
versa.
But having said that, the more important of the two is having a solid inner
state. The reason is that if you feel confident, happy, relaxed and in control, then
your body language will reflect that without you even having to think about it.
If you're thinking consciously about how tense your shoulders are and how
you need to relax them, then you'll distract yourself from focusing on your
conversation.
But if you get yourself to the point where you are always the most relaxed
person in any social situation, then your shoulders will naturally be loose.
However, as the old saying in the self-improvement industry goes, you can
"fake it till you make it."
The next time you're in a conversation with somebody, catch yourself if
you're smiling for no good reason. Instead relax your face. Catch yourself if you
lean forward without the person having earned your interest. Instead lean back.
After awhile, more alpha body language will become a natural impulse for
you.
It's kind of like the way you become good at typing. At first, the correct
way to type can be awkward and difficult because you're so used to "hunting and
pecking" with your pointer finger on the keyboard.
But as you develop more muscle memory, you develop the instincts that
allow you to naturally move in the best possible way.
So work on both areas. Have solid inner game, with the power mindset of
"I am confident, relaxed, happy, and in control. I am the most laid-back person in
any social situation." At the same time, retrain your muscles so that you always
have the appropriate movements.
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What If She Has a Boyfriend?
A reader asked me a particularly interesting question, which I'd like to
share: "What if she has a boyfriend who's bad for her, and I'd like her to go with
me instead?"
I felt his pain. Particularly for a guy without a lot of experience with
women (and believe me, I've been there before), it can break your heart when
you've found your dream girl – but she's already someone else's dream girl.
My answer was that first, don't be like the typical chump who says clichés
like, "He's not right for you." The girl has probably heard this a thousand times
from a thousand guys, so you will need to be more subtle.
You need to get under her radar.
To do this, think of how a radar works in military terms - it scans an area to
see if there are any airplane-sized objects flying in a particular altitude. Why?
Because that's where planes commonly fly!
If a radar scans the sky at too low of an altitude, then there's too much
interference from other "false positives" (like tall trees) to get an accurate
reading. So radars don't bother with the low altitudes. And that's why the smart
pilots wanting to infiltrate territory will fly just above the tree tops.
Similarly, a woman's radar detects the ranges which guys use to try to get
into her panties. And saying "You should dump that guy because he's bad for
you" is one of those triggers!
So how do you get under her radar and prevent an accurate reading of
your intentions, you ask?
You do it by… defending the boyfriend. You read that right. The key is in
the manner with which you "defend" him.
Do it in a way that makes him look like a needy loser. Tell her…
"You know what? It sounds like he's acting that way because he's afraid to
show his vulnerability to you. He's scared he'll lose you entirely. He knows he
can't get another girl like you."
To put it another way, no matter how good his tactics are, reframe them to
be those of a beta male. Talk about how he's really nice and really needy…
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"It's good that he didn't call you. Have you ever thought that he didn't call
you because he's afraid of losing you?"
From there, you've planted the special seed in her mind, so you can go on
with displaying attractive traits and getting her attracted to you.
Then watch as she almost unconsciously breaks her attachment to
What's-His-Name… while becoming irresistibly drawn to you.
So that's how you get a woman to start having amnesia about her
boyfriend and start liking you instead.
But what about when she's massively into her boyfriend, yet you still
detect she wants to have some "no strings attached" sex with you (which is a lot
more common that you might suspect)? There's no reason to try to break the two
of them up if all you want is sex rather than a relationship.
For such situations, there are five magic words you can tell her. These
five ultra-powerful words are elegant in their simplicity and power and have
worked wonders for me on many occasions to make the woman instantly
obsessed about having sex with me. And they'll work for you too!
You see, women enjoy sex when they can engage in it without fear of
having their reputations being damaged.
I've had sex with plenty of women who have been stuck in relationships
with boring men, and the road to the lay has always been paved by guarantees
of discretion and secrecy.
Unfortunately, society has conditioned women to fear the label of "slut."
Although it's horrible that so many women go through life being a slave to what
other people think, there's nothing you can do to change that fact. Instead you
must work around it.
So key words for you to tell her are…
"No one will ever know."
Then quickly change the subject to something more interesting.
Telling her that the two of you will maintain discretion and keep everything
under wraps will soothe that portion of her mind that says, "What if I get caught
cheating? What if my friends and colleagues think I'm a whore?"
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Quickly changing the subject prevents her from dwelling on the subject too
much.
In the seduction process, the last thing you want is for a woman to think.
Instead you want her to feel. In other words, the way into a woman's panties is
through emotions, not logic.
Another important point about women that you need to understand is that
they are situational, state-dependent creatures.
By this I mean that if a woman meets a guy who has been engaging her
and making her feel amazing for the past hour, then she'll conveniently forget
about her boyfriend, because for the past hour, her boyfriend has NOT been the
one making her feel so good.
That has been one of the most mind-blowing truths I've learned since
becoming good with women. Time and time again, I've seen firsthand how a girl
can be in love with her boyfriend one moment, and then 8 hours later she's
practically forgotten about him.
It's also instructive to have a lot of female friends. You'll learn how often
seemingly "wholesome" women cheat on their boyfriends… and husbands…
without the men ever catching on.
So if a woman is dating some asshole who mistreats her, you can take
advantage of that fact.
By the way, female promiscuity is not something that you should feel upset
about. It's a natural part of life. Women are promiscuous and love sex, just as
we men do. It's just that women have to keep it a secret for the sake of their
reputation.
If you want to have sex with a woman who's dating some guy who's not
right for her, not only should you assure her that no one will ever know about it,
but also you shouldn't try to replace her boyfriend.
A lot of men make that mistake. They'll try to show this chick who's been
in an 11-month relationship that she can dump that other guy and have an instant
replacement.
Unfortunately, women don't think that way about the men they date. For a
woman, a relationship is something to be eased into, so you need to make her
feel comfortable with you, not like you're putting pressure on her.
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The idea of you being the replacement for her boyfriend also
communicates neediness on your part. An alpha male is sexual and lets women
be the ones who worry about the relationship aspects.
It took me awhile to crack that code, but once I did, I bedded many new
girls over the years by not putting any sort of relationship pressure on them.
Every time, the women had a reaction of, "I love that we can just have sex and
you won't try to date me and call me 10 times a day like the other guys."
Look, the last thing a woman who's getting over a bad relationship needs
is yet another guy who's going to give her bullshit and become a potential stalker!
So just focus on the sex, and let the "relationship chips" fall where they may.
So, to sum up, when you're trying to get a chick who's stuck in a
relationship with some loser who's not right for her, remember that the main thing
you need to do is make her feel comfortable. Make sure she knows that anything
the two of you do will be in the strictly confidential. Finally, make sure she knows
that sex with you doesn't have to mean anything other than the act of fucking.
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Getting Over Your Fear of Talking to Strangers
You don't need prescription drugs, alcohol or therapy to get over your fear
of social situations. I have an exercise for you to do for the next two weeks,
which involves saying just one word, which will help you get over your fears of
talking to people.
And the more you do it, the more natural it will feel to chat people up.
The exercise is to simply say "hi" to everyone you run across. It doesn't
matter who… whether it's an elderly man, a kid, a fat woman, the mailman, or a
hot chick.
When you walk down the sidewalk and pass by someone, say "hi." When
you're at work walking down a hallway, say "hi" to people. When you're at the
grocery store, say "hi" to your fellow shoppers as you pass them.
Here's the key though: don't wait for them to say "hi" back to you. Don't
even care whether they reply to you.
Some people--especially hot women who get hit on constantly--may
ignore you when you greet them. But who gives a shit?
Look at it as if it is only a game. It is no big deal. The point of the exercise
is to take the first baby step of getting over your fear of talking to strangers.
Remember, there is no need for you to care one bit what people think of
you when you greet them.
Adopt the mindset that you're pretending the person is familiar to you. In
other words, pretend you're an actor playing the part of someone saying "hi" to
someone they recognize.
This will prevent you from being too self-analyzing when you're running
this exercise. Analysis causes doubt, and when you doubt, you sabotage
yourself.
The only way to confront your fears is to face them head on. In order to
quickly and consistently meet women and get laid, you're going to have to
develop the ability to comfortably talk to strangers. Period.
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So, to sum up, go out there and say "hi" to everyone you meet for the next
couple weeks. And don't put one thought into what they think of you, nor whether
they even say "hi" back.
Finally, don't put pressure on yourself to have any sort of conversation
after your greeting. Just say "hi" and keep walking.
Good luck and have fun!
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How to Detach Yourself From Desperation
Animals smell fear, women smell desperation.
If you're desperate to get laid, two things will happen:
1. Nothing. The Woman will turn her back on you.
2. A woman
What is the main cause of desperation, this emotion that women have an
almost supernatural sense of detection for? It is, simply, being ATTACHED TO
AN OUTCOME with them.
By getting rid of your attachment to outcomes, you'll immediately remove
"the smell of desperation" from yourself. And what's more, owning this simple
secret can can get you laid more often than a great haircut, a killer body, a fat
bank account and a new BMW… combined.
You see, if you go out wanting to get laid, you drastically decrease your
chances of success. It's one of the supreme ironies of life.
However, the good news is that there is a simple secret to detaching
yourself from outcomes.
The answer comes from a new-agey book called A Course in Miracles…
"Those who are certain of the outcome
can afford to wait, and without anxiety."
Re-read that statement and ponder it for a second.
While I'm not saying you should start eating sprouts and singing
"Kumbaya," make that quote a mainstay of your life's philosophy and your
success with women will propel to the stratosphere. The key to being patient is
BEING CERTAIN.
You should feel totally certain that, given enough time, your ever-
improving personality, confidence, appearance and exciting and interesting life
will make success with women inevitable.
Because you know this, you can turn your thoughts away from any desired
outcomes.
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No need to constantly think, "Will I ever get a girlfriend" because you know
that you definitely will. This then eases your feelings of anxiety, anger, or
depression, and sets your mind at ease.
It allows you to focus on whatever you're occupied with during the present
moment--whether you're in conversation with a woman, doing something fun that
you enjoy (e.g., painting, extreme sports, etc.), or working at a vocation that
you're passionate about.
You will practice all the things that will make you attractive to women, and
then you'll allow the events to simply unfold.
So your inner feeling is that what you want from women is practically
already here. As a consequence, you can feel good knowing that you have
already "gotten the girl," i.e., obtained the success that you seek.
When you become impatient, you literally devalue yourself. Impatience
means you don't trust in yourself.
So the bottom line is, feel CERTAIN about the outcome, but set yourself
free from the need to care about the HOW and WHEN your success will come.
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Workplace Romances?
Are you dying to hook up with that perfect girl from the Accounting
Department… but terrified over office rumors, the humiliation, of being rejected,
or even sexual harassment complaints?
The basic bottom line of any situation with a woman is that you really can't
be sure with her unless you make some kind of move (and it's almost always up
to the man to make that move), but with chicks from your workplace, you have a
big problem: that she's from your work!
If you make a move and screw it up, you'll still need to see that woman
everyday, subjecting you to potential sexual harassment problems, issues of
office politics, and so on.
Well, put your fears to rest. You can eliminate all of your risk… and finally
know what it feels like to move your hand deeply up her skirt, as you share a
warm slippery kiss… on company time.… by doing this:
Sit back and let her make all the moves.
Women like a guy who's a challenge, and by letting her do all the work,
you both provide that challenge for her and reduce your risk to zero.
And also, the way you get that perfect girl is by…
No longer considering her your "perfect girl"
You see, that's the wrong attitude to have! One of the biggest mistakes a
man can make is to put all his romance eggs in one basket.
By that I mean that women perceive a man as unattractive if there's only
one woman who he really wants and will work to win over.
Though that's the Hollywood ideal of the romantic man, why does that
reek of beta male loser status? Because it comes from a frame (or mindset) of
scarcity.
An alpha male has a frame of abundance with women. As a
consequence, it doesn't matter that much what happens with any particular chick.
So with that "perfect girl" at your work, you wouldn't worry about it one way
or the other.
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Meanwhile you should be talking to/dating/fucking as many other women
as you can. Because believe me, name any quality of that "perfect girl" at your
workplace, and there are tons of other women out there with the same quality.
So take the opportunity to meet new women outside of your workplace,
and let the women you work with make the moves. For example, if she wants
you she'll probably think of an excuse to have you go to lunch with her, such as "I
need advice about how I can do my job better."
Ironically, by letting women at your work make all the moves and by being
the guy who talks with lots of chicks outside of work, that will increase your
chances with that "perfect girl."
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